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Presence Over Perfection: Danielle LaPorte on Real Growth
124 Plays2 days ago
In this deeply honest and spiritually potent episode, Scott Schwenk sits down with bestselling author and thought leader Danielle LaPorte to explore what it really means to grow. Together, they unpack radical compassion, heart-centered living, and the surprising cost of hustle culture. Danielle shares her journey through burnout, ego death, spiritual surrender, and how she found her way back to peace—not by fixing herself, but by loving every fragment. This is an episode to feel, not just hear.
Transcript
Introduction and Breathing Exercise
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to The Choice to Grow. I'm Scott Schwenk. Through these dialogues, we'll explore fresh perspectives and discover practical tools for navigating a thriving life that adds value wherever we are.
00:00:14
Speaker
I'll introduce you to innovators and creators from across our world who embody what it means to cultivate growing as a way of life. Let's prepare together.
00:00:24
Speaker
Take a deep breath in.
00:00:28
Speaker
Hold the breath briefly as you soften your shoulders and soften the soles of your feet and palms of your hands. Then exhale like you're releasing tension and setting down a heavy burden from every cell.
00:00:41
Speaker
Ah. Now let's dive in.
Introducing Danielle Laporte
00:00:47
Speaker
Welcome everybody to The Choice to Grow. My name is Scott Schwenk, and this is a series of dialogues, emergent dialogues with artists, movers, thinkers, shakers, people just like you and me who continue to choose to grow.
00:01:02
Speaker
And I couldn't be more delighted to welcome Danielle Laporte. Danielle is not only a friend, she's a member of Oprah's Super Soul 100. And this is a group who in Oprah Winfrey's words is uniquely connecting the world together with spiritual energy that matters.
00:01:19
Speaker
That's interesting right there. What is spiritual energy that matters? She's the former executive director of a think tank in Washington, D.C., where she managed 20 plus futurists, creating scenario plans for the likes of the Pentagon, the World Bank, analyzing how global trends might converge or in some cases collide.
00:01:39
Speaker
She's the author of How to Be Loving,
00:01:43
Speaker
and a number of other books such as White Hot Truth, The Desire Map, The Firestarter Sessions. She's got a glowing podcast with over 2 million downloads called With Love, Danielle. I mean, I could go on and on and on. She's a mother of an extraordinary young adult and so many other things. So without further ado, welcome, Danielle.
00:02:05
Speaker
It's so great to see you. And who knows where this is gonna go, but it's gonna be juice. That's right. That's right. So let's just dive right in I love things that I come across in your book. I sometimes use it like an oracle, just open to a page.
00:02:21
Speaker
So this one jumped out today. Compassion sees its reflection. Compassion sees its reflection.
Compassion and Self-Mercy Tools
00:02:27
Speaker
What does that evoke for you today?
00:02:32
Speaker
oh Oneness awareness. I mean, my definition of compassion is mercy. plus oneness awareness equals compassion.
00:02:42
Speaker
So seeing your reflection is you and i come from the same source, might be struggling with similar things. You're gonna be my teacher today. Maybe I'd be your teacher tomorrow.
00:02:55
Speaker
And then like the bow I would put on that is mercy is if you and i committed the same crime, let's say, I would hope that you get off the hook I would hope that you get lesser time because I know how hard it is.
00:03:14
Speaker
You know, it's like, you know, those like scenes and classic movies where like, may God have mercy on your soul. Yeah. I think it's really like, may you have mercy on yourself and may your soul have mercy you. Yeah.
00:03:27
Speaker
Yeah. What, what are your key tools for self-mercy? Hmm. Something, well, I actually have an actual tool I created, Scott. Thank you for asking $4.99.
00:03:41
Speaker
you It's free. It's free for the universe. um I call it heart-centering. And this is really based on the ideology, the premise that i I, create all my thoughts.
00:03:56
Speaker
I vastly create my reality. I create my fear. I create my victories, give or take, and that trying to overcome my fear and trying to, um, you know, all the things I'm struggling with, trying to get them to shut up, trying to get them in the back seat, trying to get them to be like Trying to get my fear to be confidence is just such an energy drain.
00:04:22
Speaker
Just love as is, is like, okay, you're scared. So the heavy stuff, I just heart
Healing Pain and Accepting Experiences
00:04:29
Speaker
center it. So the the short practice is, then this can be a 17 second micro practice.
00:04:37
Speaker
It could be an hour is you think a positive thought. So you get the mind to relax, just, Monkey mind, just relax. You can still be a monkey, but just be relaxed monkey.
00:04:51
Speaker
And then you bring the pain thought, the pain energy into the center of your heart, the vastness, the sky, as the Buddhists would say. And then you just pour healing light frequencies onto it, specifically really kind of pastel, transparent rainbow color. So you get every color of the spectrum.
00:05:14
Speaker
Every, what you could say, every personality of healing frequency gets covered because you go through that full prism of color and the pain, the agony, the conversation, the insecurity, whatever it is, just gets to bask in that light.
00:05:33
Speaker
You're really identifying as I'm the healer. I'm not the wound. I'm not the pain thing. I'm the creator of the pain thing. Therefore, I'm the healer of the pain thing. And I'm not asking the pain thing to change. i think this is really important.
00:05:45
Speaker
It's an important part of my practice is I don't ask it to change. I don't even talk to it. There's no, when I bring the situation into my heart chakra, I'm not saying what's going on. Where are you from? Is this a family of origin thing?
00:06:00
Speaker
is this, how can you be better? i just, just let it be. It's like, i look at that as ah friend comes into distress. You just let them sit on your couch.
00:06:12
Speaker
That's it. Just let it sit on your couch and it will do what it needs to do. It'll fall asleep. It'll cry some more, but then you get on your day with your day with it, with the pain, no abolishing pain. You take it to work with you.
00:06:26
Speaker
Yeah. I love this. I love this. And there's so many varieties that you listeners and and we who are all walking the path may encounter over a lifetime of practice about how to work with what seems like a difficult experience in the body.
00:06:42
Speaker
um The best advice I've gotten is echoed in what you just said. Don't try and make the thing change, but like let me look at what is the energy state I'm in that this is what's arising without judgment. And then can I fully accept it as it is?
Energy Awareness and Alignment
00:07:00
Speaker
And if when i when I can fully accept it, it changes very quickly because I'm no longer fighting it. Like coherency is the nature of the universe as far as I can tell.
00:07:15
Speaker
That's love. It's actually such a loving act to have, let's just keep using fear as an example, have your fear come up and to not ask it to change.
00:07:26
Speaker
Nobody, none of us wants to be asked to change. um We all want to be loved as is. And when we get that capital A acceptance, then we're like, oh, I can see all these great things about you and myself and okay, I'm going to evolve now. I'm going to step up. I'm gonna i'm gonna um'm going to dive, whatever it is.
00:07:45
Speaker
But you know you bring up an interesting layer, which is you ask yourself, can you repeat it? What is the energy that I'm in? that What's the energy state that I'm in that I'm seeing something this way or experiencing something in this particular way? I know that if there's pain for me, it's not bad.
00:08:05
Speaker
It's an alert that I'm somewhere out of alignment with the flow of the greater biosphere or the greater flow of reality. Somewhere I'm just a little bit out of alignment or a lot.
00:08:16
Speaker
And if I just can relax enough, creation's codes will guide me and my attention. Oh, that's really, that's beautiful. Yes.
00:08:29
Speaker
Yes. Yes. yes Are you, I mean, if we would just want to go a little course in miracles for two seconds, are you in love or are you in fear? Yeah. I know only one of those is real. Yeah.
00:08:40
Speaker
And I recognize, you know, as a student of of stages of psychological development, ego development, all the way on up until like really late meta aware stuff that we can only see what we can see from our stage.
00:08:53
Speaker
So if I expect a part of my psyche that's been walled off for decades to be able to do advanced trigonometry when it's struggling to do multiplication or basic adding and subtracting, that's not kind. Like I wouldn't do that to a child.
00:09:12
Speaker
So can I recognize the developmental presence? Like where is this this voice, this feeling like how old does it feel and where is it in my body?
00:09:23
Speaker
Without getting into what you didn't quite say it this way, but like the analysis like the the all these words like what is it, where is it how you know it that, for me, is just Matt Bolian, and delaying freedom.
00:09:38
Speaker
This is another great layer of what you're saying. and it wouldn't be kind to myself to have these expectations. So for me to be somewhere that I'm not, this reminds me of like a basic, but unheard of Buddhist teaching where um the Buddha knew his audience.
00:09:59
Speaker
Like he didn't go teach over people's heads in different communities. And that is an act of love and it's also great marketing, right? You know, and and I can see the times I would love to put this in past tense where I just wanted to be like this really evolved influencer.
00:10:18
Speaker
And i was just going to show you how smart I was and how many hours I had logged meditating, all those things.
Teaching and Understanding the Audience
00:10:24
Speaker
And there were often times where I knew I was teaching over someone's head. I i didn't, it wasn't even about reading the room. It was just like, I'm the center of the room.
00:10:33
Speaker
um You know, that's egocentric teaching. And now i feel that I know I'm in a much more expanded place.
00:10:46
Speaker
So i can, A, I can sense if someone's going to get it or not. And B, i can just pull out the little bit of, and just pull out just a one-liner out of total compassion.
00:10:59
Speaker
This is what I have today. yeah You don't even need to think it's good. Just this is my nugget. And then sometimes you just got to be, you know, you got to be the philosophical baller because someone is just like, give it to me.
00:11:13
Speaker
I've been looking for accuracy. And you're just like, oh And you have to love everybody who comes, you know, like I was at a, at a go pay in the back office with Beckwith and team.
00:11:27
Speaker
And, um, one of the staff was kind of just given some shade to, you know, one of the members and just like, ah, you know, they're off their rocker kind of thing. And Michael just whizzed by and just said, gotta remember we're a spiritual hospital and people come.
00:11:45
Speaker
People come all different levels, injuries, wisdom capacities, and you got to do your work so you know what they might need. Yeah.
00:11:56
Speaker
That's a big, it's an economy of words. You got to do your work so that you know what they need. It's an economy of words, but it's a huge territory. You know, as I listened to the things you've been saying so far,
00:12:12
Speaker
What I hear in the background is a growing, ever-growing decade by decade, day by day recognition of the feeling of of what knowing feels like, different from hoping or worrying or twisting or cogitating, the recognition of the feeling of knowing.
00:12:30
Speaker
And I mean knowing like knowing the right way forward for everyone involved because it's intuitively obvious. And that for most of us doesn't seem to just be there at five years old or even 13 years old or even 33 years old without having encountered situations that were really, really challenging at best.
00:12:51
Speaker
and downright painful at worst, to be able to see the difference between my body's natural responses to fight, flight, or freeze, and the access to greater wisdom, ideally at the same time.
00:13:06
Speaker
Yes. Yes, almost. Do
Transparency and Truth in Interactions
00:13:11
Speaker
you want know how I think you do that? Sure. The visual I always have is that when I love the fragments of myself.
00:13:24
Speaker
Usually the stuff I'm embarrassed about or I've been trying to make more enlightened, right? So it's like, when I love you know my inner Joan Jett, when I love my arrogant self, when I love my needy clingy self, which i mean, you know romantic relationship is is the crock pot for all of us.
00:13:42
Speaker
Yes. Freshly dating over here, so freshly in it. Let's talk, freshly married over here. just got through the tunnel of first year of marriage. Oh my God, what a precipice.
00:13:56
Speaker
um I literally see all those little personalities of myself, those characters and sometimes caricatures. And I see myself bringing them into my heart, my vast,
00:14:10
Speaker
cosmically woven, all that, you know, just bring it in. And as I, with every little being I bring in, I expand because I have to expand. have to expand to include them.
00:14:22
Speaker
Oh, there's this and there's that and there's that And my arms just get bigger and bigger and bigger. And I become like this open tripod, unshakable, less shakable. I become more vast. I become the divine mother of my own stuff.
00:14:36
Speaker
And that makes me more capable of being more divinely motherly to other people who need some assistance that day. Yeah.
00:14:49
Speaker
And that's playing a role as opposed to being played by one. you know One of the things I love about you is your willingness to tell on yourself, your willingness to say, you know what?
00:15:00
Speaker
I just passed a really big pocket of nasty smelling gas and I'm not sorry about it. I'm sorry if it upsets you, but I'm not sorry about being human and having a body. Or, you know, I said that thing in a really shitty way and here's where I was coming from about it or whatever, like the realness.
00:15:18
Speaker
Scott is not pulling from any social prior engagement. we've I've never admitted to farting. do not fart in public. I have never farted in my entire life. And if I did someday, wouldn't be admitting it. But yes, i i love being transparent because it lightens it's lighter. and um And it's fucking helpful to tell the truth.
00:15:45
Speaker
It's so efficient. Yeah. yeah Yeah. If you're really telling the truth, sometimes think we are. Yeah. Well, and that's a whole other matter. You know, I'm curious. I've found that I keep coming back to the victim triangle over and over again for clarity about am I coming from a mask or am I coming from something real?
00:16:06
Speaker
Like, am i playing am I playing the role of the hero, which I heard you describing in your early days as a teacher, for sure that was me, like, I need to look good, feel, you know, be seen a certain way.
00:16:18
Speaker
It was all unconscious to me, and it was a lot of achieve, achieve, achieve, achieve and look for credit. Yes. to shift into going, you know what, I don't need to have the answer for this person.
00:16:33
Speaker
And even if I do have it it doesn't necessarily need to be said by me. So that's just one little corner. Well, another corner in that same room is you start to realize you do not want the karma of giving advice. Bam, bam.
00:16:49
Speaker
bam Now let's unpack that a little bit. I just sat with my teacher Parvati in a series of sessions about the karmic exchange that happens for those who give energy practices, mantras, and or advice that we literally hook ourselves into another's experience energetically and become somewhat responsible by giving advice. Have you noticed that with your students and clients? Oh yeah.
00:17:15
Speaker
I mean, sometimes i'll I'll feel not so much recently, but in the past, like, I've definitely felt this was speaking gigs. And sometimes I feel that after um a membership call, a class, my spleen, like my third chakra is like, lu I want to go take a salty bath.
00:17:34
Speaker
I want to sage.
Listening and Coherent Energy
00:17:36
Speaker
um And that's not because someone's energy jumped on me. It's because i got entangled.
00:17:45
Speaker
I got in a little, I said too much. I got a little, savior-esque just maybe just like a little dialed up to salvation a little bit and yeah one tool i use or one way is um i will often say in my experience or i will say i have a story for you
00:18:17
Speaker
take what you want, leave the rest. I mean, just really simple things. And often just try and just be in a state of inquiry and just listening. I mean, really, I know, you know, this, I'm sure everybody listening knows this, but really we will come back. I mean, the ego has to flare up as the teacher and then you get a but little bit canceled and then you get embarrassed. Like, you know, I have some speaking gigs I did four or five years ago and they still they still haunt me some things I said on stage I have to heart center those mothers a lot and they're up now because I'm actually ready I'm just like I haven't been on stage for a while and I'm just like I'm back is a Phoenix chapter and so stuff is coming up to be just like oh yeah that one time I said that thing as I was great shoes but wrong one-liner
00:19:10
Speaker
um See, I got distracted by my own ego right there. ah Great shoes. Great shoes will do it every time. i love those shoes. Oh, back we get back to listening.
00:19:21
Speaker
Yeah. We get back to listening and just, and it's isn't it it's such a beautiful thing to witness someone getting smart and wise, the wise is really the better word, um as they're in the field of just being loved and listened to and they You know, a little thing fires and and they come up with a story and you can watch their breathing change and you did nothing.
00:19:46
Speaker
Yeah. And you did everything. You held space. What a noble, beautiful thing. And they get it yeah My vernacular is my only job is to make my energy as coherent as possible.
00:19:59
Speaker
And then everything else will happen based on people's readiness and capacity. But if I start to try and make anything happen energetically or otherwise, I can feel it right away. I can feel the tension in my body that it's like it's like it's got grasping on it.
00:20:15
Speaker
And it's a part that in your words needs to be heart centered right then and there, not later. How is it that you make your energy as coherent as possible? so how it is today is different than what how it was say even five years ago so i just want to be fair to wherever people might be in the beginning it was more concrete obvious things like i need to do x amount of practice before i'm going to speak or before i'm going to work with a client and it needs to look like this and i need to have eaten these things and drank that smoothie and had those supplements so basic health or maybe advanced health and well-being care
00:20:55
Speaker
and how i gave myself enough silence and preparation at this point it's a lot of shortcuts that are just naturally wired in because i've carved the neural pathways predominantly through making out a habit of softening my body radically and slowing my exhales especially when things are going well
00:21:16
Speaker
and then now i can literally just have the awareness of what is my spinal position elongate it bring my neck back lose the curve because i'm in a male body, lose the curve the overt curve in my lower back.
00:21:32
Speaker
And then there's like a whole different energy that starts to show up and I see people responding differently. So that also helps me to trust and carve those pathways with more practice.
00:21:43
Speaker
And then breathing. For me, it all comes back to breathing with the softening. Then when I'm resourced energetically because I know I'm connected to everything, I don't have to tell you anything. We're already connected.
00:21:58
Speaker
I just have to be it yeah within whatever my capacity and then not grasp beyond my capacity.
00:22:10
Speaker
Like um one of my great mentors, this fellow Donny Epstein, colorful character, creator of network spinal, used to be called network chiropractic when I started 30 years ago.
00:22:23
Speaker
It's really, really simple um the way he expresses coherency.
00:22:31
Speaker
It starts with spinal position, like spinal position determines hierarchy among primates. So if I'm all crunched over, my satellite dish ain't going to work. It's just gonna get me more of what I don't want.
00:22:42
Speaker
So elongating my spine, having my breath flow, that already is me focusing on two things. When I'm in the fight, flight, freeze of the old brain, I'm thinking probably of one thing and I'm looking at it through a distorted memory.
00:23:00
Speaker
yeah When I think about breath and softening, I'm thinking about two things. Then if I bring in, which he says, the hunger to serve, while being open.
00:23:11
Speaker
The real hunger to serve without trying to make anything happen. Universal energy is what does everything. I'm just the thing it's moving through the sock puppet it's moving through at the moment it could move through somebody else.
00:23:26
Speaker
So that's kind of how I'm holding it at the moment and it continues to like refine and evolve. And it's not so recipe book is the way I'm describing and I'm trying to break it down so it's visible.
00:23:36
Speaker
But it's really just as simple as i I'll see hear a voice or feel like elongate your spine.
00:23:45
Speaker
And then I noticed there's a shift in the flow between us.
00:23:53
Speaker
Mine is, you know, one, ah a few I caught a few things, you know, you're in a male body. So immediately I'm thinking, well, in a female body, what should my spine do? Should have that curvature?
00:24:04
Speaker
And the voice i most often hear is just smile.
Presence and Relationships
00:24:10
Speaker
Just, yeah. And not even, doesn't have to be like, I don't even need to show you, just smile.
00:24:16
Speaker
You know, and I love giving that instruction and meditation. just Just a little Mona Lisa, just bring the curves up because I'm like so intense and I'm really trying to get it. And then also vanity cucks, you know, you see yourself in interviews like you that this and you're like, wow, you look pissed off the whole time, but you're really just trying to take in information.
00:24:35
Speaker
But it's like, no, really just try and have a moon face. Open, just open. And when I do that, I'll hear that voice, the moon phase, I can feel myself become more spacious.
00:24:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Moon phase. I love that. I really, really love that. You know, there's a quote that I bring in to ask every guest a certain question. And it's one of my favorite quotes that I've ever heard. I've shared it with students so many times.
00:25:06
Speaker
And I share it with myself so many times as a check-in. And I first heard it from our shared friend Adyushanti. The quote is from Suzuki Roshi, Shinryo Suzuki Roshi, who opened the Zen Center of San Francisco in the 60s.
00:25:21
Speaker
Very realized being, and if you ever get a chance to read his biography, Crooked Cucumber, about his upbringing and learning his craft and how difficult it was to train at that time in Japan and that culture as a young boy.
00:25:36
Speaker
Suzuki says, death is certain, the time is not. What is the most important thing?
00:25:48
Speaker
So I'll offer that to see what what is there for you. What is the most important thing? Death is certain, time is not.
00:25:58
Speaker
oh
00:26:01
Speaker
Well, I have two answers. one's One's really making me a bit emotional. um One answer is now. Like, I just have to be really present now. If I'm not present, what a bummer, what a missed opportunity.
00:26:17
Speaker
Everything could catch fire now and I just have to be present now, really. And the other thing is, um I would say my man, my husband and my son. And the reason I get a bit teary is because my son is leaving in a few days.
00:26:34
Speaker
Like he's moving, he's moving out, you know? a Yeah. And and it's it's such a mech's fucking bag. I tell you, because, um you know, one minute's like, don't go. You really should just, you know, live next door. And um and the next one, I'm just like, when are you leaving? My God, yeah I want my space. You know, he's getting his own place and I'm getting my own place, too. It's amazing.
00:27:01
Speaker
um But I think about that often in terms of like what's important and people. It's funny. i I wish I knew where this came from, but like if, if God were testing me and I had to choose between God and the humans that I love in my life, like, you know, some, I often think about a punitive spiritual ultimatum.
00:27:26
Speaker
It's this thing I've got. I know it's in my, it's totally in my energy body. And um would I give up contact with my partner and my son for some spiritual vow?
00:27:40
Speaker
And the answer is no. No, I'll live another lifetime if that's my punishment. You can burn me at this mistake if that's my punishment. Whatever it is, no.
00:27:53
Speaker
This is what's in front of me. And I'm not going to damage or abandon the people i am committed to for something that says they're a higher God, like no.
00:28:06
Speaker
And maybe maybe i fail, or maybe that's the winning number, I don't know. Listeners, I just want us to pause for a moment and just see what you're noticing in your body.
00:28:17
Speaker
Maybe you didn't notice anything, maybe you did notice um something when Danielle just shared, no, I would choose my my family. I would choose my man and I would choose my son. I felt you may have your own experience of huge expansion of energy and like a yes that you pass the test.
00:28:34
Speaker
Not that I'm deciding that as an ego, but like it's a of course you pass the test. In the work that I do I articulate it using a name that Ken Wilber picked up from our friend Dustin DeParna waking up growing up cleaning up showing up showing ups conduct.
00:28:50
Speaker
And for me, that's really important having come from different mentors or situations or scenes or communities where there was a charismatic leader who had a lot of power to transmit and did so, but also had unbaked character issues, conduct issues, whether they were sexual issues, whether they were money issues or whatever.
00:29:09
Speaker
And it's like, there's an old, it's another, have lots of old sayings. ah You want to find out how enlightened the master is, go ask his wife.
00:29:19
Speaker
Oh, I love it. Right? Like, if it's not right here right now, then it's nowhere. I mean, if the Hermetic teachings are right, as above, so below, then then this ultimatum of do i I choose between my spiritual evolution, my spiritual evolution, and my family, it's like, oh, that's a basic split ego state that probably is mirroring something from earlier in life You know, like when we move as little kids from first person perspective, like toddler into later toddler, first person given choice between a toy and a friend will always choose the toy.
00:29:58
Speaker
When they hit second person perspective, they choose the friend, but they still want the toy. It's the first split ego state. And we encounter these at different stages of our evolution that as we move into later growth, that part of the growth is knitting them back together from a wider view.
Ego, Growth, and Spiritual Balance
00:30:17
Speaker
So when we're younger, when we're in like a mature second person perspective, man, fitting in is it has to happen because we're associated with the our ancestors, where if you didn't fit in, you didn't have food and you died.
00:30:30
Speaker
The wagon train left you behind. So this fear that that we need at that age to actually learn right relationship with others is important, but we then we carry it on and may not realize it Those were a lot of words.
00:30:46
Speaker
i But i got them all. The knitting is so key. I have a great one-liner, if I do say so. In the recent um How to Be Loving, where I talk about egoing versus loving, which is actually borrow. I fully give credit to Adyashanti.
00:31:07
Speaker
um So instead of saying, that was my ego that took over and I need to quell it and contain it. It's just like, no, I was egoing. in that moment, instead of being loving. And I think the ultimate journey, and I see this with teachers I really respect, and I'm starting to see it in myself now, where you just eventually go, oh yeah, I have an ego.
00:31:28
Speaker
So what? Yeah. It's like no big. And I need to work with it. Like if we take that framework, Ken's framework of, well, waking up is what a lot of teachers have gotten fond of and good at, kind of this up and out mentality.
00:31:45
Speaker
But like, I may go upstairs and to the roof of my building, but it doesn't negate that my apartment still needs cleaning. Yeah. So I have a lovely view when I'm on the roof, but I'm going to come back home sometime and if I don't clear the clutter, there's nowhere to lay down when it's time to sleep.
00:32:01
Speaker
I don't crave those experiences as much as I used to. Like, you know, I've had, I could say I could probably count them on one hand. my awakening experiences, which, you know, I can't even put them into words and all of that.
00:32:15
Speaker
And of course I see, you know, after an experience like that, yeah I just want to go back, just want to go back. And now i'm just like, I'm good.
00:32:26
Speaker
You know, I work with a really powerful metaphysical practitioner and i would love for her some days I would love for to give me some more codes And i'm okay if I don't get the codes.
00:32:43
Speaker
I'm okay. i'm i I am living for truth. I'm really, you know, really at the time of this, having having this conversation, we're just post a really massive astrological shift.
00:32:56
Speaker
and And it's so mega. And, you know, as I mentioned earlier, I'm now and i'm in a Phoenix rising phase of my life. It's been a lot of ash. And i just want the truth.
00:33:09
Speaker
And the truth is I'm good. I'm good in my little apartment. I'm good with my heart-centered collective.
00:33:20
Speaker
And I hunger for truth at the same time. It's both. I see and feel like a bonfire in my heart when you say that. Like that's just the natural response.
00:33:34
Speaker
That's because I've burnt down so fucking much, Scott. Like I just, I put the high heels in the fire. I put the house in the fire. I put the car and the identity and the 10 X-ing the revenue.
00:33:49
Speaker
It's all been in the fire. I even put the marriage in the fire and I haven't even been married for a year and we are on the other side and it's a wonderful. Amazing. It's beyond it's,
00:34:00
Speaker
really fantastic but um i've questioned everything yeah yeah and by the way in case anybody's wondering you don't need to physically set fire to your beloveds or your stuff and that's not what she's talking about case you're getting really concrete and it also you know there are people who have different orientations danielle has a particular orientation i have a particular orientation some people can have you know, a very robust relational life with lots of partners and be very awake. There are people who can do that. Some people need to be focused on being single and solitary for a little while.
00:34:38
Speaker
to So we all have different entry points. It's like, well, what's yours? Where are yours in your life right now? um Our lives are not prescriptions, they're descriptions.
00:34:49
Speaker
That's beautiful. The same example would be You can have five houses and five cars. Yeah. you Yeah. It doesn't, for me, my life is very, it's much more Zen now and it works for me and it doesn't matter. it doesn't mean that next year I don't go by 50 acres, you know, or 10 X or all those things. But right now this feels so calming to my nervous system.
00:35:16
Speaker
I feel so in love. I feel so capable of meeting challenges. um i I feel fear.
00:35:29
Speaker
I still feel a lot of fear about the future, but I meet the fear differently. I use it as fuel instead of, doesn't become residue. Yeah. What I hear in everything you're saying is different phraseologies of what's happening right now.
00:35:47
Speaker
What's true in this moment? What do I really have in front of me? Where are my feet now? And then i'm and and I hear you you're resourced in that way, but like when you describe getting the mind way out into 10X 10 years from now, it's like there's anxiety
00:36:05
Speaker
or could be. Yeah. and Do you want to talk about the 10X mentality? Yeah, let's unpack that a little bit because this hustle culture, at least down here in Los Angeles, is very robust. yeah Yeah, it's robust if you're in the whole self-help. If you have an Instagram account,
00:36:22
Speaker
a yeah So I am really into, i am into the 10X paradigm of 10X your value of what you're giving, ten x your client's experience, 10X your joy, your spaciousness, your time off, and your net profit, fo shoah.
00:36:40
Speaker
And do it in 18 months to three years, five years, whatever your timeline is. um But you can't 10X all the material things until you ten x the interior things.
00:36:54
Speaker
And um I just figured that out. I mean, it's what I've been preaching about for a long time, but the rubber really had to hit the road. It's like I've rebuilt my business in the last 18 months.
00:37:07
Speaker
I really have this really grown up, mature team. I'm clear about what I have to offer now. um I'm clear it's less about entrepreneurship. It's all about spiritual direction.
00:37:18
Speaker
you have to happen to be an entrepreneur, great. Living a heart-centered life will help you make more money, all those things. um but it's i was finding it way too stressful when profit was the metric and it's really really difficult to let go of profit as a metric like it's excruciating as an entrepreneur it's like we're like well we can make x amount this year if we do this this and this Or we could just have what I what i call a be well number or a be well business, which is, but what do we need to make to more than
Business Well-being and Personal Vision
00:37:57
Speaker
keep the lights on? But everybody's well paid and we have a beautiful team retreat and we take a bunch of time off and we have some money in the bank. What's that number?
00:38:08
Speaker
And everybody just relaxed. And their minds opened up and I have been so creative and funny and fucking sexy since I decided to not 10X financially, just 10X in terms of value.
00:38:28
Speaker
And the money will come. I have no, I have, I also have no doubt, and but um I'd rather,
00:38:38
Speaker
I'd rather be relaxed. Amen. I'd rather be relaxed. when I'm relaxed I can see more have more resources when I can see more and have more resources i can make fresh choices that are better for me and everybody yeah I mean I will be the first one to say as a six foot two man who's all leg flying beyond a certain number of hours with a lay flat seat is essential and that does not come cheaply that does not come cheaply the ease of of being able to travel to teach or even just to vacate
00:39:12
Speaker
with having the ease of getting on the plane first, being able to have no I have dedicated space, those not so little, little things having lounge space to go to, then when I land, I'm good for something.
00:39:24
Speaker
And for me, my metric, I definitely notice the dollars that are coming in because the lights have to stay on and the food you know needs to be in the fridge for me to survive and thrive.
00:39:36
Speaker
I noticed that my quick shift is when I go into that dollar amount, I go, wait a minute. No. How many people are being served? We can serve. How many more people can we serve?
00:39:50
Speaker
Oh, wow. A lot more. This program. Oh, we can definitely triple, quadruple this. And I still have the energy for it. Great. Okay, fine. So what I come back to again and again is my vision just for me in this moment then the universe is not gonna give me very much energy. it doesn't need to if it's just for me.
00:40:09
Speaker
Is my vision much bigger than for myself with without me trying to be a hero? Then I notice so much energy and resource comes in because I'm being obedient to the flow of life rather than to historical distorted ego view.
00:40:26
Speaker
Amen. I think the ultimately the universe does not recognize self-centered desires.
00:40:35
Speaker
So you can use the technology of manifestation. You see the thing and you give it the color and you feel it and you smell and all those things. And you see it over and over again, over again. You replay it in your mind.
00:40:47
Speaker
That works. That works. And you can get what you want. You can get your six, seven figures and you can get the. But at what cost? At what cost? At what cost? At what cost? I think when.
00:40:59
Speaker
you align with the universe, which is ever generative. The mother is always loving. There's always more where that came from. And you want to be that, and you want to be that for everything around you, then doors open. Then the universe is like, ah, you just locked in Let's just pour it into you.
00:41:19
Speaker
And sometimes it'll come in cash and sometimes it'll come in great intimate connections and conversations and Or 100 roses that can show up at your door unexpected yesterday from a client who you gave some some pro bono work to and owns a flower shop and sends you 100 of the most beautiful roses in one setting.
Living Authentically and Future Aspirations
00:41:40
Speaker
Oh, that is love. Could have knocked me over with a feather. I didn't ask. I didn't do what I did to get something. I did it because of this person is connected to so many people who could be served when his energy is thriving.
00:41:54
Speaker
And that's why I'm doing it
00:41:57
Speaker
not to get something and then boom, just like life shows up. It's so remarkable when I stay in the seat of a student. You know, I think lots of us can't even conceive of it.
00:42:11
Speaker
Yeah. You know, this, a life of flow. um When I'm happiest, I realize, wow, my life is really flowing today. Like I went from this and I went from that and I didn't need to get anything and I got so much and Yeah. And I've had to, and the reason I burned so much down was so I could get to this, you know, you know, who is Is it Roshi?
00:42:34
Speaker
Now that the barn is burned down, i can see the moon. Yes. yeah Oh, I'm so glad that is such a, Oh, I'm going to write that down. I've, I've been searching for that without realizing it.
00:42:46
Speaker
Now that the barn is burnt down, I can see the moon. Yeah. You see what matters. Yeah. What I love about. moving in the direction of I'm not going to claim elder, but moving in the direction of eldering with a lot of life experience. And I'm not saying you don't look a day older than 23, but as another pure elder, I love the noticing of the difference between personality grasping at something and then and what i what's this feeling of natural flow of life
00:43:24
Speaker
And knowing with enough experience of choosing that, it brings me better stuff than my personality could have brought in through the law of attraction or whatever. it's It's so much less exhausting.
00:43:37
Speaker
I mean, it's actually, you get more prana and ka and chi, all the things, whatever you want to call it. You actually get vibrant. Instead of it's so taxing to like to get on Instagram.
00:43:54
Speaker
It's just, yeah, there's there's so many ways where we look to fit in and get stroked and win the thing. And it just burns a lot of valuable energy that you could be putting towards actual fulfillment.
00:44:10
Speaker
And I'm all for material fulfillment. I mean, but yeah, I'm into it. um But fulfilling things, less therapy bills. I mean, therapy is great. um yeah All the things.
00:44:22
Speaker
Yeah. Or maybe less less emergency bills, maybe we mean. like Yeah. Yes. I don't know about you. I choose to go do these things, whether it's my network chiropractic entrainments or my sitting with the person i call my therapist.
00:44:36
Speaker
Now it's not about getting out of pain. It's about how can I grow so that i so more can be given through me.
00:44:44
Speaker
and i And I really know that that's possible for lots of us to see that shift, to to engage with that possibility, and to progressively live from, man, when I show up for what can be given through me, whether I'm acknowledged or not, that seems a lot easier and more fun for everybody.
00:45:07
Speaker
Yeah, it is. And sometimes I fall down. And sometimes we we fall down and sometimes there's a huge stress hump to that of like, yeah I got all these things to do. I got to meet the bottom line. I gotta i got to mess with the algorithm.
00:45:24
Speaker
And you get there, you get there. Those things become less of a priority. Yeah. We're rounding out towards our final moments here. and
00:45:35
Speaker
let's just say you're scanned out way out into the future. future Danielle, and you're with her and she's kind of like beaming it back to you.
00:45:47
Speaker
What wants to happen next in your expression in life?
00:45:56
Speaker
Well, what I hear is keep writing. Yeah, keep writing and sit under trees more. And I feel a bit of a resurgence of things I used to do say five, 10 years ago.
00:46:13
Speaker
and you know, as my work in the world and i backed off for a while and now I'm wiser I'm more resourced and I'm going to go back to some of my original talents and really we're i'm going to 10x that communication.
00:46:30
Speaker
And it's like, I know how to talk on stage. I know how to hit the notes. I can work a room. But now I'm I have different content and I have a pure heart about it and just
00:46:50
Speaker
just watch. Yeah. I'm excited to watch and I'm excited to collaborate down the road however that manifests because you're a really wonderful collaborator.
00:47:03
Speaker
It's always great talking to Yeah, I just feel the drop in, as you would say, is immediate. And yeah, it always feels really expansive. Thank you. Thank you.
00:47:15
Speaker
Have a beautiful whatever's next for you today. And thank you for being here. And I look forward to many more dialogues down the road.
00:47:25
Speaker
Loving the episode? Click to follow, like, and share it as widely as possible. Want to go deeper with the choice to grow? Explore the show notes. You'll find links there for going deeper with our guests, as well as how to work with me in the work of waking up, growing up, cleaning up, and showing up.
00:47:45
Speaker
Thanks for listening. Can't wait to join you in the next episode.