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Episode 127: 5 Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself Today
447 Plays3 years ago
Life coach Joe Malizia joins me on this episode to discuss five powerful questions that you can ask yourself today to move beyond where you're at. Joe specializes in helping people shift their perspectives to open up new possibilities, maximize their full potential, and reach their desired outcomes in their relationships, careers, and lives. I've been excited about recording this episode because Joe's a good friend and I've certainly benefited from having someone like Joe speak into my life. if you're interested in working with Joe be sure to check out his website at joemalizia.com and you can find the link in the show notes.
For show notes visit...https://daveyandkrista.com/btb-episode-127-joe-malizia/
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Transcript
Joe's Unfulfilled Sales Journey
00:00:06
Speaker
in these different sales roles, I was constantly with the mindset of, I'm gonna take care of people, period. And basically, I found myself not being fulfilled in these different sales roles. I was wanting more. There was a gap. There was something else missing. And looking back on it, it was very easy. I was craving to see growth in people's lives.
Introduction to Joe Melizia, Life Coach
00:00:38
Speaker
Welcome to the Brands at Book Show, where we help creative, service-based businesses build their brands and find more clients. I'm your host, Davy Jones.
00:00:50
Speaker
Life Coach Joe Melizia joins me on this episode discuss five powerful questions that you can ask yourself today to move beyond where you're at. Joe specializes in helping people shift their perspectives to open up new possibilities, maximize their full potential, and reach their desired outcomes in their relationships, careers, and lives.
00:01:08
Speaker
I've been excited about recording this episode because Joe's a good friend and I've certainly benefited as I've joked numerous times in this episode of having someone like Joe speak into my
Feedback and Connections
00:01:18
Speaker
life. If you're interested in working with Joe, be sure to check out his website at joemilesia.com and you can find a link in the show notes.
00:01:26
Speaker
Be sure to check out the show notes at davianchrista.com for the resources that we mentioned during the episode and we want to hear from you. Let us know what kind of content you'd like to see on the Brands that Book podcast as we move forward. To leave your feedback, just send us a DM on Instagram at davianchrista. Now, on to the episode.
Friendship and Impact
00:01:54
Speaker
I'm here with my friend Joe Melizia, also coach Joe Melizia. And if you don't know Joe, Joe is just about the easiest person to get to know, I think that I've ever met. You actually, you and my dad are two people who could walk into any room.
00:02:11
Speaker
and then walk out having just become best friends with whoever it was that you're talking to. It's just amazing. I feel like since the moment I met you, fast friends, and since then, I've been fortunate enough to get to know you, a great person to call and catch up. Afterwards, I typically hang up and I turn to Chris and I'm like, man, you should be billing me for this. Anyways, waiting for your friendship. Excited you're here.
00:02:38
Speaker
Likewise. Thanks for having me here, man. I really am thankful for the opportunity. It's such a blessing to spend time with you, spend time with your audience, the people that you run with. So to be here is such an honor. Thank you.
00:02:47
Speaker
Yeah, well, thanks for taking the time. It's been a long time coming and I told you, you know, it's like one of those things where we chat all the time. I had it in my head like, you know, I need to send him an email. Like, I need to send him an email and invite him on the podcast. And finally, I just broke down and in our group text message, I was just like, hey, Joe, you need to come on the podcast. It was like one in the morning when I sent you this text, you know?
00:03:08
Speaker
So finally, I'm just glad that we finally made it happen.
Breaking Free from Feeling Stuck
00:03:12
Speaker
Today, we are chatting about five powerful questions that you can ask yourself really to move yourself beyond where you are right now. And I think that I was actually just telling Joe before this podcast earlier this year, you know, I think coming out of winter, coming out of 2020, feeling like just maybe a little bit stuck.
00:03:28
Speaker
you know, if you felt like that before and if you've been in business for any time at all, you've probably felt like that at some point. Hopefully, these are questions that you can apply today to move beyond where you're at. That's where we're going with this conversation.
Coaching vs Courses
00:03:42
Speaker
Something else I want to mention about coaching in general, I think that if I'm looking back at the times in our business that where we've, you know, basically made the biggest jumps or the biggest leaps,
00:03:53
Speaker
it's all come around like a coaching mentoring relationship. And that's not to say like you hire a coach and they do all this stuff for you. And I'm sure we'll get into that. So maybe you could speak to a little bit what you think the power of coaching is.
00:04:08
Speaker
But just looking back at our business, I can attest that some of our biggest jumps in business have come around kind of coaching mentoring relationships. And I just believe so heavily in them even beyond, you know, or way beyond courses. I think there's this concept like I'm gonna buy a course and it's gonna fix my business. Do you find people going to the coaching relationship with the same mentality?
00:04:29
Speaker
Yeah, honestly, Davey, a lot of one of the things that I get pretty often, especially in the beginning stages of a coaching relationship is how do I do this? Which is basically a course. They're asking for a course, you know, a step by step guide, which I mean, hey, there's coaches that are out there that do that and they do that really well. And I'm not here to knock on those methodologies, those modalities, they work. I would just argue, are you really owning the process? Are you owning your own steps? Do you have skin in the game?
00:04:58
Speaker
whenever you're the one coming up with a solution and coming up with those steps because what ends up happening, I mean, you've probably seen this with certain courses that you guys have launched is not all the variables are the same. You know, I mean, the surprising amount of people and this is true across courses, you know, that do that go into it and then purchase it and never complete it.
00:05:18
Speaker
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Value of Participation in Coaching
00:05:21
Speaker
And I've done that too. I mean, I bought these stupid things that's like for 30 bucks and it's only $30. So already the price is low risk. Yeah. So right off the bat, I have a mindset that I might do this if it's
00:05:39
Speaker
worth it. But I've already predetermined that it's not because it's only $30. Now, for some people, $30 is a lot. And I've been those seasons with business and with family worth 30 bucks, Em and I had to talk about it because it didn't have much. And so $30 was a lot of money. And so it's really just that mindset of
00:05:58
Speaker
what's the value to this and being able to apply these lessons, what's the pain points that's really motivating me to use this stuff because some of those courses are fantastic and such great tidbits and can really transform things. I mean, you guys are a walking testimony of that. Your audience is a walking testimony of that and I've seen a lot of other people in the creative space
00:06:20
Speaker
be such powerful resources because of those guides and those step-by-step instructions to so many business people and man, there's a place for them. But it is a matter of do I find – am I standing for that value? Do I believe in myself to implement this thing? Because if not –
00:06:39
Speaker
$30 gone. Yeah, absolutely. I think just you know, it's a good way to start just just by reiterating the importance of to your point standing in and you know kind of behind whatever it is that you're investing your time in like you actually have to take ownership of that whether it's a course course isn't gonna come in to fix your business coach isn't gonna come in your face with business. What I would argue though about a coach is one typically higher investment. All right, so you have a little bit more skin in the gas right off the bat and then beyond that you have someone audibly saying like a good coach at least will challenge you and be like
00:07:09
Speaker
Are you doing what we're talking about? So there is that aspect to it
Joe's Transition to Coaching
00:07:13
Speaker
too. First, let's back up a little bit. What drew you to coaching? How'd you get into it? What's that journey look like for you? It's been such a fun journey, sometimes not as fun. But in this whole season of growth, whenever I graduated from college, I knew that I wanted to serve people. I knew that that was why I was here on this earth. That was why God put me here, to serve people.
00:07:37
Speaker
And I did that through a non-profit world and really enjoyed that and was fortunate enough to get some really good training in how to serve people in like a mentorship relationship. And that was very, very powerful. I would say that was the foundational of my growth because I saw how much impact in my own personal growth.
00:07:54
Speaker
You know, other men and women coming alongside of me, investing into me, having the hard conversations, walking with me through all the topics of life from relationships to business to anything, right? Insecurities, fears, all these things and that was really just a wonderful training ground.
00:08:12
Speaker
And then from that, I got married to my beautiful wife, Emily. We made that decision then to say, okay, how can we do this in a place where we're reaching the financial goals for our family? We have aspirations and dreams and I'll talk a little bit about that here as the conversation goes, but I describe them as napkin dreams.
00:08:32
Speaker
where this is what we want to see happen, this is what we want to see possible and how we gonna do that. I got into sales, got into real estate, did other sales roles and was fortunate enough to always have that heart of just taking care of people. So honestly, Davey, in these different sales roles, I was constantly with the mindset of I'm gonna take care of people, period. And basically, I found like myself
00:08:56
Speaker
not being fulfilled in these different sales roles. I was wanting more. There was like a gap. There was something else missing. And looking back on it, it was very easy. I was craving to see growth in people's lives compared to what I was seeing whenever I was in the nonprofit world, really. Did you like sales though? Like, did you at least like that? Yes. Yeah. There are parts of it that's because I could see you being really good at it. Yeah. Like I could just see, again, fast friends with everybody you meet.
00:09:26
Speaker
Honestly, man, it's a little bit of both worlds. I definitely enjoy the people part and I think it took some training to really learn how to do the sales part because just because you can do people skills and have high communication and a comfortability and building the rapport doesn't mean that you have the authority to make the sale or the confidence to make the sale because there are some tactics to that that I know I had to get trained
00:09:52
Speaker
I had to invest into training for. So yes and no. And that's something I wrestled through today. A small business owner is the reality that you and I are in sales. We're serving people, no doubt. We're constantly bringing value, showing value.
00:10:07
Speaker
to make a sale, to provide for our family. And so, doing that day in and day out, it's sure, it's absolutely exciting and yet it has its days where you're like, I don't care, I'm tired. I've been rejected again because in my world, it's person to person sales. I'm not
00:10:26
Speaker
doing a digital sale right now and so it's very much a relationship journey process of demonstrating the value, showing the return on investment and all that being through real time conversations. And so doing that day in and day out, I love it because I believe in the work that I'm doing, yes. And I have no problem charging for it and I know that my clients have no problem paying for it.
00:10:48
Speaker
because they too experience the value and at the same time, I'm human and I know that's true of me that I hate being rejected, man. It's staying still because it's so personal, man. I'd duck off water's back. No, uh-uh. I feel it. I do and I use it to grow and I use it also just to
00:11:06
Speaker
be reminded that, okay, there's some things I still need to work through. And that's okay. So yes, I do. And I'm human. Yeah. Well, I gotta assume that at least the background in sales has helped at least a little bit, you know, in starting.
00:11:24
Speaker
Not, I mean, it's not a new business, but you know, this business in the last couple of years.
Traits of Successful Clients
00:11:28
Speaker
So one thing I do want to turn the conversation back to coaching a little bit and just talk about some common characteristics among, I guess maybe to a certain extent, your highest performing clients, you know, and maybe that's not the best way to put it. So feel free to reframe the conversation however you'd like, but
00:11:43
Speaker
Again, going back to just kind of the coaching relationship and similar to somebody who buys a course and then expects the course to do itself and implement itself, right? Coaching, if anybody's hired a good coach before they know, you can't just show up. That's part of it. But could you just speak to that a little bit? What makes a good coaching client? What kind of attitude do you need to approach it with?
00:12:03
Speaker
Yeah, I would say I always tell people the value is equal to the participation. So if I participate, if I truly engage in the conversation, engage in the action steps, engage in my commitment, there will be a radical, beautiful transformation in value to the person that's in that conversation. It's true. That is what
Common Client Obstacles
00:12:25
Speaker
the people that I've worked with, those that have truly – not the ones that have stuck with me the longest even, but yeah, some of those, absolutely. Even some of those that just participated at a high, high level in a short sprint saw a compounding effect of sorts because what they did was they just showed up. They knew that
00:12:45
Speaker
For one hour, they were in a conversation to do work, not just get a pat on the back and oh, it's okay or they showed up with their emotions, they showed up with their beliefs, they showed up with their realities.
00:13:00
Speaker
And they also came to the table with a realization that there is a gap between where they want to be going, right? They stated a clear vision, this is who I'm standing for, this is who I'm calling forth into the world and yet here is the current reality.
00:13:17
Speaker
Here's where life stands today. Here's how my business stands today. Here's where my employees stayed today. Here's where my spouse is with me today. Here's where my kids are, whatever. They let themselves be open to the feedback in that gap because the best clients are the ones that are going to own their own contributions to the reality, which sometimes it's 100% their fault.
00:13:41
Speaker
And then other times, it's like 0.001% their fault. You can't control the weather, you and I can't control the government, we just can't. So okay, cool. Yet they are capable of some level of how they showed up to responding to said uncontrollables, right? That's where the gift is. And so the ideal client, the one that really sees the value is the one that participates the most. And by participating the most, there's generally a level of vulnerability
00:14:07
Speaker
And openness and openness to feedback, openness to reflection and also just the willingness to get clear on the next step. Yeah, not the next steps. Like, I'm not looking for steps one through five because you and I both know that may not be clear. Yeah, until you do simply the next step. That's why you have to get clear on the vision. And the really, Dave, one thing that I always stand for is that vision is our North Star.
00:14:35
Speaker
And if we can get clear on the call of what's the next step, chances are you're gonna see a very real compounding effect because you're then training your brain to, on your own time, do the next step, right? So that you're not waiting for the next call with Joe or your next mentor to then tell you, okay, now do the next one. I'm doing my job whenever you're capable of firing me.
00:14:58
Speaker
Yeah, that's cool. I feel like, yeah, I don't want to experience that because we're friends and I get to call all the time. So, but anyways, one of the reasons I bring that up is because even going through these questions, you know, I mean, like, I think that maybe there's a tendency to look at some of these reflective type questions and think that they're silly or think that you don't need them or, you know, whatever their basic. It's so true that, you know, like focusing on the next step I find is like one of those principles that it really doesn't matter what you're talking about.
00:15:26
Speaker
Right? I mean, yeah, that's something I talk about in terms of marketing all the time is just focusing on whatever that next step is. And you can see very clearly like how that would help somebody who feels a little bit stuck. I think I experienced this certainly more than Krista who is, you know, I joke she's like a robot, you know, she can just I mean, I miss to ask that seems super overwhelming, and then break it down and just focus on whatever the next thing is. And so
00:15:49
Speaker
I benefit from that because when I'm sitting, I'm so overwhelmed that I can't move forward. She's just like, hey, listen, let's look at this. And all of a sudden it's like, you know, you just take one step and you get momentum with that one step. And then all of a sudden you have two steps done and you're checking things off your duty list and it just kind of snowballs into this thing. So I think that's
00:16:07
Speaker
Super valuable wanted to cover that before we get to these questions also wanted to just talk about the reverse a little bit as well do you find that there's certain obstacles that are common just kind of among your clients regardless of the specifics of life.
00:16:22
Speaker
Communication is probably the biggest. There's a breakdown in communication. I mean, I can't tell you the number of intake forms, discovery calls, coaching calls, even just side conversations, not even with clients. I wish we could just connect. I wish we can, you know, find some overlap in our life and
00:16:40
Speaker
That's probably number one. It really is. And it varies at different levels. Obviously, whenever we talk to a business owner who's been in their game for 10 plus years, their communication issues, whenever you're talking about multiple layers of organizational authority is far different than say a husband and
00:17:04
Speaker
you know, his wife or whatever, or a parent and their child. It just looks a little different. But that's always a biggie. Communication breakdown. Another thing is just a level of pride is probably like another thing like, oh, I think it should be this way. Or somebody's coming to the table with that mindset of they may not say it's pride, but they definitely have an opinion on how other people should be like,
00:17:32
Speaker
were either acting or they're not acting and whatever else or how their opinion is maybe the superior one. You can even say a superiority is part of it too. I tell you what man, the communication breakdown is really an apex piece that I see often. The other – I'm trying to think of the – if there's – yeah, I think – let's stick with communication because you can run a bunch of miles with that conversation really.
00:17:56
Speaker
I just think, you know, sometimes I think I fall in the trap of just thinking that certain exercises are silly or, you know, whatnot. And I find that when I open myself up to them really and give them a shot that I often find that there's a lot more power to them than I initially gave them credit for. So we should get into these questions. So we're just going to go through them one by one. And Joe was kind enough to send me some of these questions in advance.
Unlocking Growth through Identifying Fears
00:18:18
Speaker
So I'll start with the first one here. What am I afraid of? Can you talk us through that question? Why is it a good question to start with?
00:18:25
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's probably the hardest question to start with, honestly. Because a lot of times, people don't even realize that they're afraid of anything. Sure. Most often than not, they're just feeling overwhelmed, they're just feeling stressed out, they're just feeling angry or whatever, fill in the blank. And so to think, what am I afraid of? It's kind of silly. My spouse isn't listening to me or my kid's not listening to me or the business isn't performing. Like, I'm pissed.
00:18:48
Speaker
And that's what is on the surface and I get it and part of the job is my stance and my commitment is to peel back a little bit of layers to discover what's going on at the heart level. And generally speaking, there's a something there. There's a root cause and surprise, surprise, fear is one of them. Fear of something.
00:19:06
Speaker
Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of loss, fear of whatever. And so that's why I kind of open up that can of worms because look where you're at. Look what reality is. It kind of sucks. What do you have to lose? It goes back to what you said earlier. Like whenever I start opening myself up to what's really going on, I start discovering what's really there. Then possibilities start opening up.
00:19:29
Speaker
That's where I'm going with all of these is all these questions are discovery questions to discover what possibilities lie before me and the question of if I was afraid, would I want to know? That's very eye-opening because it's very revealing. It's dominating the conversation. It can be dominating the conversation. It's based off the results it is. If it is truly fear and it may not be fear, I just like to shake it up a little bit and start there because more often than not, I'm afraid of
00:19:55
Speaker
I'm afraid of Micah, my oldest, he's four not loving me because he's acting out. What's the world gonna label him as if he acts like this in the world? How will that reflect me? How will that reflect on him? I'm making this more about me than I am about Micah. Am I really teaching him or am I just trying to protect myself and cover my own ass?
00:20:14
Speaker
Well, yeah, let's be honest. I'm trying to cover my own self. I'm trying to save face because I want people to think I'm a good dad. And so people don't like talking about that, but that's why I asked that question of if you're afraid. Do you find as you go through that with people that maybe they don't identify, you know, kind of correctly what it is the first time around? Do you find that people have to, you know, kind of sit with it a little bit? Yes, yes. Sometimes I literally, I don't even,
00:20:41
Speaker
I don't even make them come up with a response right away. I let them sit on it and no bad. Great. Could you sit on it for 24 hours? And if something comes up, would you just write down? It's really interesting just hearing even talk about the example with Micah. It's like having that, like identifying that.
00:20:58
Speaker
and realizing how much of that kind of externally is causing you to behave a certain way. And I guess, you know, kind of to your point when I'm feeling stressed, overwhelmed, I'm not necessarily thinking about, okay, what is that I'm really scared of right now? You know, what am I afraid of? So that's interesting. And it's also interesting because I think maybe the first thing that comes to mind potentially wouldn't be, you know, actually what it is that I'm scared of, or I might respond to kind of like, maybe you suggested, which is, I'm not scared of anything, I'm just,
00:21:27
Speaker
ticked because you know, whatever just happened and part of the coaching experience with me is I'm going to push you into a direction where you have to do work. I'm not going to finish the sentence for you. It's up to you to really stake a claim and if it really wasn't fear, great. But it's after you've kind of wrestled with it because there may be more. My hope is that the question like that would jolt you too.
00:21:52
Speaker
discovering something else, maybe it's more than fear, maybe it's something else, maybe it's lament, maybe there's sadness. I don't know, right? But there's something going on that's controlling the machine and there's a gift in and seeing what's really going
Concept of True Freedom
00:22:07
Speaker
on there. So, that's why I always say, hey, what are you afraid of and getting ahead of it? If you knew what you're afraid of, then you get to then have freedom because then you have choice. Do I choose that or am I gonna choose what I'm really standing for?
00:22:17
Speaker
That is the epitome of freedom is having a gift of choice in this world. Whenever we don't, we have bondage and that sucks and we've all been there. We've all been in that place and to get out of it, take some work. It really does. I believe it's possible but until you connect with it, you really can't.
00:22:36
Speaker
You can't really live – we can't walk in that freedom that you really long for, that we're created for in my opinion. Sure. So as far as the other questions go, where does it make sense to go from here? Do you have those in front of you? I don't want to get them out of order because I feel like, you know, you're probably like – Yeah, absolutely. So what do you think the next best one is to talk about?
00:22:56
Speaker
Yeah. I think even if you wanted to, let's say you didn't want to do like, what am I afraid of?
Understanding Situations Differently
00:23:00
Speaker
The question of, okay, if there's a situation, let's say I have a client and we talked about a sales opportunity. So now they're a potential client. We had a really good introduction call. We did discovery call and they said, hey, I will get back to you
00:23:20
Speaker
this afternoon. This afternoon comes and goes, nobody's showed up. So then, what the heck? They didn't get back to me. What's going on? Oh my gosh, I lost the sale. I can't believe they're not. What jerks? They said that they would get back to me, right? That question of what else could be true other than they don't want to work with me. Like, what else could be true?
00:23:40
Speaker
It forces me to slow down because I'm thinking about me and my relationship to the meaning that I'm putting on to that moment and to that person. So, what else could be true allows me to get out of that box to put myself into a box where I can see what's really going on, maybe even where they are at and what opportunities there may be to show up in my concern.
00:24:04
Speaker
I also have to imagine too, it requires you to think maybe the best of that person, you know, because you have that space now, because instead of sitting there and being like, well, they don't want to work with me because, you know, XYZ and worst or whatever, I guess, you know, even I guess the flip side of that's true, not only thinking the best of that person, but maybe thinking better of yourself to not exactly replaying that sales call. I'm thinking, oh, you know, I really messed it up here and I should have done this, you know, whatever. Yes. Just slowing the moment down, I guess, as you put it.
00:24:32
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Because imagine if I could just slow down that place and in the call, maybe this has happened to me. They've shared a little bit of their story and what their role looks like right now. They have young kids at home. They're running a business that has been affected by COVID stuff and craziness. And so, I then am able to have that empathy that you're sharing. Oh, okay. They're tied up. They're really tied up.
00:24:58
Speaker
Cool. So now I can go to my commitment is to take care of them. I know that's true for me. And if my commitment is to truly take care of them, I can reach out to them.
00:25:07
Speaker
without any judgment or any bitterness and really say, hey, you mentioned getting back to me yesterday. Just wanted to follow up on my end. If you have any questions, please let me know. We'll love the opportunity to work with you. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Makes so much sense. And again, I think just putting some distance between you and whatever is going on in that moment right now is never a bad thing. So we have what am I afraid of? What else could be true? Where do we go from here?
00:25:34
Speaker
The next question is really an underlying question to all of these is really what's available to me
Dealing with Overwhelm
00:25:40
Speaker
right now? What resources are around me that I could truly use at my disposal? A lot of times business owners, you've seen this baby is with your clients, they come to you and I'm overwhelmed, I'm stressed, I'm tired, I have a thousand things to do and I can't keep up with it. I'll look at my client and go, what's around you to be a resource?
00:26:01
Speaker
And then I go back to that question of, why are you afraid to ask for help? Like what's going on? Because generally speaking, this sounds like the possibility of me and Krista, I feel like a little bit expensive. I promise, man.
00:26:16
Speaker
She and her and I were texting before this call. It's all part of our scheme. Can you spend some time on this question with Davey? Can you talk through this with him? He's like really busy. He's not finishing his list that I made for him yet. I literally gave him 10 new boxes, day one. Okay, so tell him to move the ball forward. But it's really like what's available, like what are the resources around me that can stand for me, that can love me, that can serve me, not in a selfish way, but really in a way that
00:26:45
Speaker
that lets people join you in life, lets people join you in business. That's a gift to the person that's on the receiving end of that more so than it is to you. You and I have both been on the receiving end of phone calls from people that we love and we care about deeply who just need somebody to spur them on or need a resource of ours that you and I are more than happy to give.
00:27:09
Speaker
The car needs to be lent out, the bedroom needs to be, you know, bed needs to be crashed in for the night and somebody's passing through, right? Like some business advice and business encouragement. You and I love those opportunities, not because we're saving them, but because we know that the other person's hurting and we want to care for the people that we love. And so that like what is available to me, even I've seen guys reach out to business competitors and ask for like pieces of equipment because their machinery is down.
00:27:38
Speaker
Which is crazy. I mean, it makes zero sense. It makes zero, zero sense. Why the competition? I'm not saying this is gonna happen for you. I can't promise that. It worked out in this case, but the guy's stressing out and worried about meeting quotas, and he wasn't gonna meet quotas. And there's a consequence to that. He's breaking promises. And so, what do you usually say to somebody? Because I can see, you know, maybe it's not, for somebody to say, like, you know, no, there's no resources available to me. Like, do you ever hear that? Does anybody ever put it back and be like, there's nothing I can do right now?
Consequences of Inaction
00:28:07
Speaker
Yeah. And then typically, what's your response? Well, if there was, would you want to know? And that kind of shuts them up a little bit because then to think that they're the know it all.
00:28:18
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It's gotten them to that position where they're at and so and then you can even say to the this is another question that I have on the list which is if this keeps on going then like if nothing changes, if you truly believe that there's no resources available to you, what will happen? That is a reality. If this keeps on going, what reality am I going to be seeing? Yeah. If I don't invest into the marriage that I truly want, if I don't invest into the employees that I want to retain,
00:28:45
Speaker
And I see these patterns happening over and over again. What will my future look like? Sure. And that jolts you a little bit because then you're like, I won't be the parent.
00:28:55
Speaker
that my kids love or want to visit, I won't have talented employees because I'm going to be having, you know, a revolving door by my shop because nobody will want to stick around. That's financially scary and emotionally draining. And so, that question of like, if nothing changes, if you say there's nothing available to me, great. Let's just connect with reality then because then you start seeing, oh, it motivates me to
00:29:23
Speaker
to start getting out of the box, out of the way a little bit, you know. And I want to speak to, you know, what is available to me right now.
Harnessing Excitement for Motivation
00:29:32
Speaker
I think like one of the devil's, you know, slyest tricks is in the midst of like overwhelm or stressful situation is also separating you from others, you know, and that lie that
00:29:46
Speaker
no one cares about me, there's no one I can talk to right now, there's nothing I can do to move beyond. Because the reality is, I mean, I think too, something that we talked about earlier was focusing on the next step. Really, just by taking one step, you'll realize that usually, and again, I'm not trying to minimize,
00:30:05
Speaker
serious, serious things out there. But a lot of times by taking that one step, you'll realize that situation is maybe not quite as dire as you thought, not quite as hopeless as maybe you thought it would be. And again, obviously, you know, I don't want to minimize, I don't want to say that as a blanket statement towards everything, but I do think that's one of the most, that's one of the devil's slice tricks is just especially when you're in it, when you're in that pit, making you believe that there's no one you could possibly reach out to.
00:30:30
Speaker
Yes, you know, whatever it might be. Yes. I couldn't agree more with you, especially if there's one thing that COVID really amplified. What we already knew is true. Silence and isolation are perfect recipes for disaster. They are. I mean, how do you punish a prisoner? You separate them from the pack and you don't let them talk to anybody, rob them of their voice. I mean, that's like the epitome of punishment. And yet, how often do we live our day-to-day lives believing that I'm alone?
00:30:59
Speaker
I can't speak up or I will not speak up or I'm afraid to speak up, whatever. Gosh, I've been there. I don't say that to shame anybody or guilt anyone in that. I truly, I say it from a place of relatability and truly knowing what it's like to be quiet and to feel like you're by yourself even though you're in a room full of people that know you or even love you and yet you still feel like you're the only person that really understands you or
00:31:26
Speaker
Those yourself, frankly. So yeah, it's huge, man. So for those keeping track at home, we have what am I afraid of? What else could be true? What is available to me right now? If nothing changes, what will happen? And the last question, what am I excited about?
00:31:45
Speaker
I like that ending. See how I did that? Yeah, that's right. Maybe it's better that we started there. Yeah. What am I excited about? This is a really fun question because it helps once we get connected with reality to get the motivation to implement the next step.
00:32:02
Speaker
to really get clear on, okay, now we can start beating the drum to really forge ahead and move up the hill. And we're going up a hill. It's okay. Yes, you are going up a hill. Raising Kids is an uphill, beautiful, beautiful experience. Running a business, uphill, beautiful, beautiful experience, right? And it feels like that, I think it's a Greek myth, the guys just rolling the rock up over and over again. That's what it feels like sometimes.
00:32:30
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Well, and part of what I tell people is in that Greek myth that you're rolling the ball up, really, the thing that people want to work towards is at the bottom of the cliff. And the only way to get to that bottom is by walking backwards.
00:32:45
Speaker
right? If you fall, you're gonna die. But if you really wanna get there, you have to be willing to retrace your steps, really understand what's been going on this whole time. What have I been up to that's gotten me to this point to really walk the way back down to a place where I'm actually seeing the growth and connecting with the end point that I've been fighting for. So, it's- It sounds like somebody else has also relayed that to you. You know, like- Yes. Yeah. Somebody else like me has been like, but Joe, it feels like just pushing a rock up the hill. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, I've heard that one before.
00:33:14
Speaker
I have, I have. Yeah. And I like that question of what am I excited about because I was telling you this a little bit before we jumped on, we have a new work project and I feel like that's kind of invigorated me a little bit and just feeling like coming out of 2020 for sure. I mean, it changed a lot. I mean, obviously, I don't have to go into it all, but there's just – I feel like it's just a – a rut is probably a good way to put it for a lot of people.
00:33:38
Speaker
regardless of how busy you were or whatever, even kind of heading back to what seems like a little bit more normal, it's all sorts of things going on. So it's been helpful to focus on some things that we're excited about. Yeah, and I think that spurs us on, right? It's the seasons, right? Our bodies were made for seasons. We were created to go through chapters of life and break rhythms of routine, get into routine and all that.
00:34:07
Speaker
Let's make no mistake, COVID really jolted that routine, that rhythm, that cyclicalness that I think a lot of us had going on. Like you said, some people found it to be extremely difficult. I think we're going to see more of that in my opinion as time goes on. I think, you know, a year, I think as we see the next two years happen, we'll see some severe flash backing going on. Some, oh my goodness, this reminds me of when this all happened or started. And that's why I'm truly standing for people right now more than ever because
00:34:35
Speaker
we don't know until we get there that it's hitting us in the face a little bit. And so, to really grow the muscles of who am I? Who am I standing for? Where am I going? So that whenever it hits the fan or a COVID-like thing happens in my world, I'm able to show up. I'm able to... This is what I've been training for. This is what I've been working for. The muscles are there. I can take the next step.
00:35:01
Speaker
Right. That's why you do coaching really. It's truly ready yourself. Not to be living in fear, but to show up. Yeah. COVID too just like magnified things for a lot of people. Yeah. Issues that have always been there that you can have to deal with because of the environment. Yeah. But not to stay too much on that. You know, as we wrap up here, so again, just to cover this again, what am I afraid of? What am I excited about? What else could be true? What is available to me right now? If nothing changes, what will happen?
00:35:30
Speaker
I would recommend anybody who's in business really wants to, again, I guess grow, just to put it frankly. I think that one of the things that has been powerful for us in business is really having people come alongside us and help us navigate things. Sometimes pointing out things that we let be obstacles that shouldn't be obstacles that we just told ourselves maybe we couldn't change or that's just the way it is. I think we've had a lot of powerful experiences over the course of our business in different coaching relationships.
00:36:00
Speaker
However, the reality is maybe not everybody's in a position where they can hire a coach or maybe there's people listening and they're just kind of skeptical. They're like, you know what, I'm going to listen to this podcast and maybe just in a sense for what kind of stuff somebody like Joe is going to talk about. What's one thing that people could do today to start moving themselves out of stuck?
Addressing Complaints for Growth
00:36:22
Speaker
Yeah, one thing is no doubt, what is the problem at hand? What's irking me right now? What's bothering me? What's my – what's that tick that I'm constantly thinking about when I go to bed at night, bringing into conversations like, ask people, what am I – what do you hear me complaining about? It's a really good start.
00:36:40
Speaker
People that love you will tell you exactly what you're complaining about because they know you and you can't hide from them. It comes up in your conversations with the neighbors. It comes up in your conversations with the employees, around you, your staff. What are you complaining about? What's the pain point?
00:36:55
Speaker
Cause if you know the pain point, I tell everybody, everybody do whatever it takes to find and stand for the resources that could bring them to the breakthrough. Like if that pain is just enough and I've seen people pay a lot of money for coaching that they cannot afford on paper, but they've come up with the money, not in stupid ways, not borrowing and you know, leveraging the house, but they know they see the resource. They see that if they know the pain and they're very clear on it,
00:37:23
Speaker
and they want to fight for it. Money is not going to get in the way. Time is not going to get in the way because you and I both know that's the biggest complaint for business owners. It's the biggest complaint for anybody really. Like, I don't have enough time. I don't have enough money. Well, then you don't have enough pain. You just don't. Like, no bad. There's no shame in that. Until you reach that point that there is pain, you will then find a way.
Exploring Coaching Opportunities
00:37:42
Speaker
You will wake up early. You will stay up late. You will do whatever it takes for your family, for your business, for your heart, for your own self. Like, you'll do it. And I would say, you know, too about that question is like,
00:37:52
Speaker
you might get some surprising answers. It might reveal some stuff like that. Maybe it doesn't even, it reveals a problem that you didn't even know existed just by answering that question. So anyways, I would hope.
00:38:07
Speaker
David, can I ask you can I add another step? I would use add another step to that would be reach out to a coach. I'm not saying this for people to reach out to me. I'm saying reach out to people that you know who are being coached and have a have a like a usually most coaches have a complimentary call like just see what they're about and see if it's because coaching may not be for you. You may find yourself being somebody who's like this is not for me. Great.
00:38:31
Speaker
But you don't know until you go. So if it's free and it's low hanging fruit and it gives you the opportunity to see what's available, I would absolutely take somebody up on it. Especially people that you trust, people that you respect, you know, not just some schmo on TikTok. I'm not even on TikTok, but I've heard that there's influences on there. And so just reach out, like see, go after people who are growing.
00:38:51
Speaker
you see that are around you that are growing, ask them who they're learning from and go to that resource. Really? I mean, that's it may be a coach. I wouldn't be surprised if it's a coach actually and then reach out to that person because if you're impressed with your person that you're connected to, it's really results. Yeah, the fruits. Yep. That's available to you as well.
00:39:08
Speaker
Yeah. And I would agree. And I would highly recommend people to reach out to you. Like I say, you know, my running joke with Krista getting off the phone with you is, oh man, he really should be billing me for that. So I've actually been billing you. I just haven't invoiced Krista's pain. Exactly. Right. Exactly. I just think you're my friend, but apparently. Anyways, you know, I appreciate you. I appreciate you taking the time to join us today. And for people who want to reach out to you or just want to follow along, where can they find you?
00:39:35
Speaker
The easiest would be my website joemelizia.com. J-O-E-M-A-L-I-Z-I-A.com. And there you'll find everything that will connect you with me via email, scheduling a discovery call. I do free 30-minute phone calls to see if people like what they see and see if I can be a resource to them. And so that would be the easiest way. And like I said, it's available for you to connect with me through the website. Awesome. And all those, that and other links will be available in the share notes.
00:40:04
Speaker
If you're driving, if you're running, you know, wherever you are right now, you can go to the show notes. You can find links to Joe's website. Thanks, Joe. Thank you so much, brother. Appreciate it. Thanks for tuning in to the Brands That Book Show. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider subscribing and leaving a review in iTunes. For show notes and other resources, head on over to devianchrista.com.
00:40:34
Speaker
you