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Episode 238 - Tips for Fighting Discouragement
396 Plays2 months ago
I’m excited about today’s episode with artist Valerie McKeehan. We’re diving into overcoming discouragement. I used to think discouragement was something only new business owners faced but, I can very specifically say, that after 14 years of business owner life, it’s not just for the newbies.
Links and resources can be found in the show notes. Check ’em out at https://daveyandkrista.com/tips-fighting-discouragement-btb238/. And if you enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving a review over at Apple Podcasts.
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Transcript
Introduction and Hosts
00:00:00
Speaker
the lows are never ever wasted. We sometimes get so down, but that low, you don't know what that is going to spark, what that is going to teach you that you can then take into something else.
00:00:16
Speaker
You're listening to The Brands That Book Show, a podcast for creative entrepreneurs who want practical tips and strategies to build engaging brands and craft high converting websites. We're your hosts, Davey and Krista, co-founders of a brand and website design agency specializing in visual brand design and show it websites. You're listening to The Brands That Book Show.
Guest Introduction: Valerie McKeon
00:00:38
Speaker
I'm excited about today's episode with artist Valerie McKeon. We're diving into overcoming discouragement. I used to think that discouragement was something that only new business owners faced, but I can very safely say that after 14 years of business owner life, it's not just for the newbies. It's something that Davey and I have battled at various points in our careers, and I don't think that we can really do anything to fully escape it.
00:00:58
Speaker
But I do think that we can learn healthy ways to manage doubts and fears. That's why I'm so excited about this episode with Valerie.
Valerie's Creative Journey
00:01:04
Speaker
Valerie is an artist, educator, and unapologetic flower lover. She lives just outside of Nashville, Tennessee with her husband and two daughters, playing with flowers, pastel dust, and dreams of living and painting in the French countryside. She's always playing with beauty, and it is her passion to help you bring your own beauty to this world too, even if you've never really believed that you could.
00:01:24
Speaker
And I really recently listened to an episode of Valerie's on her own podcast, all about overcoming discouragement. And I asked her to come onto this podcast to talk with you about discouragement and how to overcome it or how to manage it. So now onto the episode.
The Struggle with Discouragement
00:01:40
Speaker
Valerie, thank you so much for being here with me today. I i told you this before that we I listened to one of your episodes recently on your own podcast about overcoming discouragement. And I think that that is something that so many creatives struggle with. I hear that a lot from people that we're working with and I face discouragement. And so I'm excited for you to chat a little bit more about how you manage your own discouragement and share some tips for overcoming discouragement.
00:02:04
Speaker
Great. I'm so glad to be here. Thank you so much for having me. Definitely. I feel like the life of a creative is so fraught with kind of minefields. The vulnerability that it takes. It can feel lonely. I mean, there are so many of these issues that creatives face and definitely discouragement is one of them. So I'm really excited to have this conversation.
00:02:29
Speaker
Yeah, me too. Okay, so I'd love for you to lead with your stories so people can kind of know ah a little bit more about you. I know that you're an artist, but your art is super unique. And so I love to hear more about how you ended up being, how do you describe a pastel artist? Is that the best phrase? You can correct me.
00:02:48
Speaker
Yes, yes, soft pastel artists. I paint mainly landscapes, but I actually got started in 2012 is when I sort of became a full-time artist and it was a very different business. I did mainly hand lettering and illustration. It was very much mass retail. I had a brick and mortar store at one point. I've been in the world of art licensing.
00:03:13
Speaker
And I wrote a book on lettering. So that really is how I started in in that world. And then, of course, COVID happened. And as so many people re-evaluated a lot of things, I was very, very burnt out in that business. Like I said, it was mass retail. It was fast paced. It was built on a lot of trends and keeping up.
Creativity as Healing
00:03:36
Speaker
just felt very burnt out and I wanted a way to be able to just get some emotion out and that's when I found Soft Pastel and I just feel like it's such a tactile medium and then that combined with painting landscapes it just helped me connect to nature a little bit more and that is really what I would say opened me up. It opened up my creativity to what it could be So I just continued following that path and that led to teaching others, have opening up education, but it's teaching others to paint, but it's also really getting to the heart of these creative issues and that creativity can be, it can be medicine.
Success and Its Pressures
00:04:26
Speaker
It doesn't have to feel bad. Yeah.
00:04:28
Speaker
I love that. And your style is so unique. It's very like impressionist and it looks a little bit like Degas or Monet. We'll make sure that we include a link to it. I actually started painting when my oldest child was born. I have an art degree, but we didn't have to paint at all in school. But I felt like I just needed a way to get myself out of the house and like forced rest that wasn't like cleaning. And I didn't want to just like sit around and watch movies. So I sign up for an art class at a no local art center. And so That is like one of the ways that I stay inspired and find rest. Even though I don't sell my artwork, it's just like purely for me and my friends. So I think that's really cool that you help so many people with that aspect of creativity.
00:05:09
Speaker
I love that. I love that it's just for you, and i I feel like it's almost the same for people that love gardening, which I also do love gardening, but there's something about that mind-body connection of creating that isn't just, that can be very relaxing, but yet you're still productive in the way that sort of gardening is, and you're using your hands, and I love that. Gardening is one of my other hobbies, so I feel like we're so alike in that.
00:05:37
Speaker
Kindred spirits, yes. So dude was it, when I know you've talked about like despair, was it when you switched paths in 2020 that that's when despair hit you? Or have you experienced it like later? Can you share a little bit more about that journey too?
00:05:52
Speaker
I think it was over the course of my creative business and I think there's a lot of people, maybe you can relate to this, that you get started and you have all of this fire and it's exciting and everything's new and you're following those sparks.
00:06:07
Speaker
But then as time goes on, I feel like there's pressure then that gets heaped on. It's almost, it's this thing where it's almost not the failure sometimes, I think that causes that. It's the success.
00:06:23
Speaker
Because then it feels like there's pressure. There's expectation. You have to perform in some way. The stakes just go really, really high. And so for me, that's where the switch happened, where I was just following what I wanted to create, and I was loving it, and then started to see that success. And then all of a sudden, there's other voices that come in. You have a lot to lose in that case.
00:06:51
Speaker
And I think that's when you really do start to despair because it just feels like you are so tied to it in you know maybe financial ways. But even more than that, I think identity. then When your identity starts to get wrapped in it, then you can really easily fall into that despair.
00:07:13
Speaker
I think it's so true. Like it's so easy to think that your business success is your success. And if there's a little failure in your business, that it's also your personal failure.
Navigating Comparison and Discouragement
00:07:22
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And even after being in business, this was like my 14th year as a business owner, I still struggle with this. And I have to remind myself that like, if a product didn't sell, that doesn't mean that I'm not a talented designer. Like maybe it was just not the right fit.
00:07:36
Speaker
I think that in your podcast, you shared a few tips for overcoming the despair. So can you share a few of these strategies and just like ways that people could not feel so discouraged? Yeah. Well, I think the first thing is something that people say so much easier said than done, but it really is so much in the comparison.
00:07:59
Speaker
I find when I'm feeling bad about how something turned out or like you said, maybe it didn't get the best response that I wanted. Often, is it really that isolated thing that is making me feel that way or is it because I see everybody else? you know doing the thing and everybody else is successful or having successful launches. It's often that more so than it is if you sort of put the blinders on and then just turn into yourself. It's like, okay, I tried something new. There's something to be learned here. There's something to be found here. There's always
00:08:38
Speaker
little crumbs on that journey that you can take from and move to the next part in that path. But you sort of get off that path when you're looking at what everybody else is doing and then comparing how you're measuring up. But if you're really just going inward and comparing to yourself and what's feeling good,
00:08:59
Speaker
more of the measuring sticks of how much fun are you having? Are you enjoying what you're doing? Maybe if you get really honest with yourself, maybe that product that went out there, you weren't feeling that great about it, or it was feeling really hard and really stressful. And this was sort of a blessing in disguise. So there's so much that we can find when we go within.
Inspiration Beyond Social Media
00:09:23
Speaker
But it's really, really hard to do that and have that ah objectivity when we see that everybody else looks like they're doing amazing. And that's what social media tells us, of course.
00:09:34
Speaker
I know it's so hard. I feel like I really have to limit my time on social media and also not. I don't really follow a lot of other designers just because I do want to protect my heart and I want to find inspiration outside of my competition. And so I tell people that too. Do you feel like it's similar for you? Like you try not to look at other artists and you try to find inspiration elsewhere. Oh my goodness. Yes. Yes. Exactly what you said. There are definitely those people who you can admire what they're doing but sometimes like you said it's just not good for your heart to have that input coming in i think the other thing with social media for artists for designers that's really interesting if you ask somebody why are you on it and i do the same thing i'll say to be inspired to get inspiration but
00:10:21
Speaker
It's in the times that I'm away from it that I feel more inspired. and So sometimes that's a little bit of a crutch that we use, but you don't need that to be inspired. That just operating in the world, doing something that you love and that lights you up, that is going to give you more inspiration and more little just glimmers that you can follow than being on social media. So you don't need that. If there's somebody that you're looking at that's making you feel bad, you don't need it. Yeah. When I am riding, I have a Peloton bike and when I am on my bike, I turn everybody else off and I just want to see myself and I just try to compete against myself. And they always say this in Peloton too, like not better than anyone else, just better than yesterday. And so I think that applies to business as well.
00:11:12
Speaker
It's still good. Yes, because we can't possibly know somebody else's journey either. We don't often see what came before that success that we're seeing, what heartache or struggle that came before it so it's so hard it's again some of these things get so cliche to say you can't what is it you can't compare your middle to somebody else's ending or beginning or whatever it is but it's so true because each journey is so individual and unique.
Embracing the Creative Process
00:11:46
Speaker
Do you have any other tips like are there mental exercises you go through or what are some other ways that you get out of this like feeling of discouragement?
00:11:55
Speaker
Yeah, I think I remind myself that It truly is, another cliche, but it truly is all about the journey. I remind myself that actually, if somebody could wave a magic wand, and I tell this to the artists that I work with as well, who are just beginning with painting, and they're feeling frustrated about the artwork, because they see it in their minds, what they want to create, but their hands just, it's not there yet. So they get really frustrated and down with themselves. And I tell them, if I could wave a magic wand,
00:12:29
Speaker
and skip you through all of that yucky part skip you through the ick skip you through this middle part of learning and tell you okay it's going to be a hit everybody is going to love it every time you go to paint it's going to be perfect it's going to be the way that you want it If I could do that, you would actually hate that. You would feel so hollow and empty, it would be boring. Immediately, you would be like, okay, what's next? Because as humans, we want the challenge. Our brain makes us think that we don't want the challenge because it wants to protect you, but we love solving puzzles. We love doing escape rooms and these things that just challenge our brains. It's in the figuring it out.
00:13:16
Speaker
And there's so much good there. And so I remind myself of that, that my brain is telling me right now that it wants to be really discouraged, that I'm not where I think I should be. But if I just plopped myself right there in this moment, it would be empty and hollow. We want the journey of who we're going to become in that process.
00:13:38
Speaker
So I always like I love that with the with the peloton bike bike. It's like just no come back to who am I versus who I was yesterday and just continue to do that. And then the other thing I would say is while you are in that place of maybe you aren't where you want to be or you know where you want to go and there is just that gap there's that disconnect it's how good can you make it feel for yourself in that gap instead of crushing yourself down and beating yourself up and saying well i'm not there yet and
Tools for Overcoming Discouragement
00:14:16
Speaker
How do I get there? And I have to hustle and I have to work toward it. No, maybe change the narrative and say, how much fun can I make this for myself? I'm solving a puzzle right now. This is a game. This is a puzzle. I'm working through an escape room or whatever imagery speaks to you and say, how much fun can I make this right now? And that's really, really helped me. Yeah, I love that. Have you read the book, The Gain and the Gap?
00:14:43
Speaker
No, I haven't. So it's by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Ben Hardy, but they talk a lot about that. The whole book is on how so often we're more focused on what we don't have than you can't see where you actually are or where you're heading. And so it's that same principle. And I love what you say about making it fun and enjoying the journey.
00:15:04
Speaker
I mean, if you think about like any great story, any great movie, they're so boring. If the hero just like got to the end and won every single battle. And so the same is true in business. Like it's more interesting. We enjoy it more when there are those highs and then like there are lows. And I think that one thing that we all need your mind ourselves, I need to remind myself that this is a business owner is that there are going to be lows. You're not always going to win every single challenge that you put out there.
00:15:31
Speaker
Totally, yes, I love that, and I'm looking at that book. And I also feel like something to remember is that the lows are never ever wasted. We sometimes get so down, but that low, you don't know what that is going to spark, what that is going to teach you that you can then take into something else. And like you said, I love that with heroes in the story, often it was their greatest pain that gave them what they needed to become the hero. So it's none of it is wasted. It's all just little parts of of the journey, even though it's hard when you're in the moment to to see it for that. Do you have like a way that you break down those discouragements or those like feelings of failure to learn from them? yeah I don't know if you have an answer to that. like I don't know that I would have an answer to that, but ah just like I thought of that as we were chatting.
00:16:27
Speaker
Yeah, in the moment, it is really hard like you know to say, how can I see the good in this? But something that's really helped me is a journaling.
00:16:38
Speaker
practice. This is something that I recently read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, which is amazing. I've heard that book so long and I finally read it and something that she's really big on is doing what's called morning pages and it's really just a meeting with yourself to just, she says, be petty, say all the things that you want to say, get it out of your head so if you're feeling like a failure, if you're feeling really down,
00:17:04
Speaker
Sometimes just moving that energy through your brain to your hand onto the page say all the things that you want to get out there and then just sort of let that voice go and you don't know what's going to come up in that process and I found that it's really really helpful to just move through it instead of letting it get really stuck in your head.
The Ongoing Creative Journey
00:17:28
Speaker
I love that point. I haven't read that book, but I've heard it recommended a few times, so I'm going to have to add it to my list. It's so good. Do you feel like discouragement is something that ever leaves business owners? I mean, I feel like you've had so much success at this point. Your work is beautiful. You have such a unique style. Do you still struggle with this or do you think it's something that you've work kind of worked through? I absolutely think that it becomes just a part of a creatives journey because we're constantly changing.
00:17:55
Speaker
And once we hit a certain milestone, then there's a new bar of what's normal. And then we're always reaching again. And especially when you're a creative that is high achieving and you're driven, we're never going to stay stagnant. Again, you you may have hit a point that the you of a year ago or five years ago would be so enamored by and feel like that's amazing. You've arrived, but you are now a different person.
00:18:24
Speaker
and you are continuing to evolve and continuing to grow and expand yourself. So I think that it's it is a matter of getting comfortable in that gap because you're going to spend so much of your creative life in that gap, regardless of sort of where you are on the rungs of the goals that you set out for yourself. There's always another hill to climb. So I think that's why it's so important to just recognize this and sort of like get comfortable yeah in that gap because it's just going to cycle through constantly. There's never a point of, I think there no creative is ever going to say, okay, I made it. I've arrived. I don't ever have to try again. I don't ever have to push myself. It doesn't happen. And because of that, there's always going to be the gap and then there's always going to be room for that discouragement.
00:19:20
Speaker
Yeah, I think we would be so bored too if we're like, okay, I've made it. I have everything that I need. I'm done. And then it's like, okay, now what? I think that's why you see people who retire picking up so many hobbies, all of a sudden they're gardening or they're playing pickleball or they're painting. And it's cause they, our bodies just need another challenge.
00:19:41
Speaker
Totally. Yes. And i I like to think about the even celebrities too that do all kinds of different things. I use Snoop Dogg as an ex example all the time, which is so funny to me, but I just feel like it's so random. He's a rapper, but then he's like hanging out with Martha Stewart and he's writing a cookbook and making motivational tapes for children. But I think it's because of that. It's it's because we have so much within us that the more that you Open up and you're on this journey and you're on this creative path. We want to challenge ourselves. We want to just yeah, keep going. There's never a point that you're just like, okay, I'm good with that. I'm just gonna sit around and Yeah, that Snoop Dogg I didn't like I know I've heard of that. I didn't know he was becoming a children's motivational speaker or to encourage her. That's absolutely hilarious
00:20:36
Speaker
Isn't it? Yeah, I think he has like some album or something that's for kids and yeah. That's amazing though. Go him. Well, thank you for being here with me today. Do you have any other like final thoughts about overcoming discouragement? I feel like you shared so much wisdom. um And while you're definitely going to link to that book that you recommended too, because it sounds like it'd be a good fit for so many people who listen to our podcasts.
00:21:00
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Thank you, Krista. I think it was so great to have this conversation. I think having conversations like this make you feel less alone. I think that's another thing about being down, being in despair, being discouraged. It does feel like you look all around you and you're like, how does everybody else have this figured out? And I'm somehow so behind And I think it's just so good to talk to you and and just to be like, no, this is how we all feel at various times. And it's going to ebb and flow and you're going to be on a high of of success. But then the more you challenge yourself, you're going to go right back down there into it. And it just feels really good, I think, to know this is normal. like You aren't doing anything wrong. It's part of it. It's normal. so
00:21:49
Speaker
Thank you for having this conversation and and having me because I i love talking about this. Oh, thank you. Yeah. It's fun to talk to somebody else and know that like different types of creatives like feel the same thing. So thank you for being here. I'd love for you to share where people can learn more about you. Yeah. I'm on Instagram at Valerie McKeon and my website is just ValerieMcKeon.com. Yeah. And we'll make sure that we share links to those too. So thank you, Valerie. Thank you. This was so much fun.
00:22:23
Speaker
Thanks for tuning in to the Brands of Book Show. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider subscribing, leaving a review on Apple Podcasts, and sharing this episode with others. For show notes and other resources, head on over to DavianChrista.com.