Transcript
Speaker: previous life. A previous life. Yeah. And it is greener. Yeah. Let me tell you. There are flowers blossoming. There's a beautiful river. It's luscious.
Speaker: Hey, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Unprofessional Opinion. I'm Heather. And I'm Jill. Oh my gosh. I'm so happy to have you back. I love that you just did that. That was so great. I wanted to be the full podcast opening. That was amazing. I know. Thank you. Oh my gosh. You're here to stay. Am I auditioned?
Speaker: I'm so happy you're back. Thanks for having me. Yes. This last time was so much fun. Yeah. I felt like that was a great conversation. Not as very racking as you thought. No. No. I love that. It really wasn't because it felt very natural.
Speaker: We've had so many conversations on this couch about these topics. Oh yeah. And now it's just recording it. Yeah. So it's just like, and you know, girls talk about things 20 million times and we'd talk about it again after. I love it. I love talking about the same thing over and over again. Only thing we're missing is like wine and food. Where is the champagne? And what? Food. Ooh. You know, like a little nosh. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Nosh. Nosh. Nosh. Nosh. Speaking of cemented drink,
Speaker: We've got all that alcohol in your car. Oh, we need to get that out. Oh my gosh. One of our friends is moving, which I cried three times. Yep. And when she cries, I cry. Well, also our friend's husband was crying. Oh my gosh. And if you, I cannot see a grown man cry.
Speaker: Oh my gosh. And he was holding his baby too. Oh my gosh. And the baby's beanie was a little bit below his eyes and it was just so precious. Texas will never be the same without the Campbells. Oh my gosh. I'm just putting that out there right now. We love you, Kate and Austin. Love you. I don't know where it was going with that.
Speaker: That's what we've been doing today. Yep. It just went down and read. It's been an emotional roller coaster. Yeah. Oh, the alcohol. Oh, the alcohol. Okay, circle back. Yeah, they're just getting rid of their moving and... She got all the alcohol. Oh my gosh. All of it. Yeah. We're having a house party next weekend, so everybody's welcome. Do not be YOB. Just be Y -O -B -F. Bring your friends. Bring your own food. Food. Because you'll have the alcohol. Oh, I will.
Speaker: Except I've got like five bottles of whiskey that your girl doesn't drink whiskey. Give them just five bottles of whiskey. Just like put them all together in one and say like, here you go. I made a concoction for you. Just reminds me when you're a kid and you're like, I'm going to mix this Dr. Pepper with a Gatorade and put a little.
Speaker: Pickle juice. Pickle juice. Whoa. Because you wanted to try suicide. That'd be spicy. You know what I'm talking about? The suicide on fountain drinks. Oh, it's exactly that. Yeah. Was that what it was called? I don't know. It sounds like that. Yeah. I don't know. It sounded aggressive. I'm sorry. It was aggressive. It was a little aggressive. OK. Well, anyway, that's been our day. Yes. And then you're driving back to Houston today. Yes. Your drive's four hours? Five? Four hours. OK. That's not awful. I feel like Houston sometimes it could take even longer because it's such a big city.
Speaker: Yeah. Depending on where you live. And traffic. You never know with Houston. Probably Sunday you'll have traffic. No? I'm going to listen to some more unprofessional opinion episodes. Let's go. Shout out. Yes. Oh my gosh. You're awesome.
Speaker: So what are we talking about today? Oh my gosh. It's like, you should just be a co -host. It's just like, you know, you know, you're kind of speechless. I just paused. That was what our church today was about being speechless. Yes, blown away. It was just speechless. I was blown away.
Speaker: by your just professionalism just now on the Unprofessional Opinion Podcast. There you go. Amazing. My corporate mindset, I'm sorry. Oh, you're good. It's the corporate mindset. It is. It is. Just get on track so you didn't move forward. The agenda is, thank you all for being here today. The agenda is this, do we still have 30 minutes scheduled for this meeting? Great. Let's get started.
Speaker: I do it like three times every day throughout the week Monday through Friday. This is not what this is. This episode today is a lot more fun. Yes. Oh my gosh. We're talking about really fun, but also we'll be touching some soft spots about thinking that you have these plans for your life, you're making plans for your life.
Speaker: And maybe it's just not turning out as you had expected for maybe the worse for the better. I mean, as being an optimist for the better because there's a reason. So yeah, so I think the question today and you may have been asked this or I have or definitely have asked people.
Speaker: Is it normal to feel loss or maybe discouragement when you're not where you thought you would be and insert the blank, whether that's career, family. I thought I have kids by now. I'm not able to have kids. Me and my husband can't, whatever it is. It's normal to not follow through with the plans that you had.
Speaker: So thankfully you and I are very similar in this aspect because as you all know, we were the token single girls. Now I'm the only token single girl. But we talked about this. You're a gym token. Gym token. You're a shiny token. And we like Spud. Spud, Spud solid. So it's okay that you have relinquished that title for the time being.
Speaker: You know. Okay. Yeah. No. Not for the time being. Okay. Keep going now. I know what you're saying. You guys know what I'm talking about. But we like Spud and I like being single. I just wanted to recap that real quick. Okay. Yeah. Okay. You feel that way? I do. To answer your question. I'm like, this has what to do with the question. Where I was going with this was
Speaker: Absolutely not at almost, I'm turning 32 this year, which is crazy to think. But you look 25. Thank you. Thank you. It's the sun finally coming out. I definitely did not think I would be where I am at right now.
Speaker: Is that a good thing? Oh, go ahead. Like if you asked me at 21, like still in college. Okay. So yeah, this question. So you're graduating college. Let's even say you're like mid -college. Mid -college, sophomore year, whatever. Where did you think you would be at 30? At 30 years old, I was convinced I would be with the boyfriend that I was with, with kids.
Speaker: probably back in San Antonio. I don't know necessarily what job I would be doing, but I've always been like the driven corporate type. So some type of corporate job in like advertising or marketing.
Speaker: That's right. You used to want to work at Disney. Yes, I still do. Still do. But, you know, San Antonio is where I want to end up to be, especially with family. So it was, that was like the mindset and that's, and I was fine with it. I was excited about it. That is the complete opposite of what I'm doing today. And it's funny. For the better. For the better. Oh, dodge the bullet.
Speaker: But I always, and I don't know if this is cheesy to say, but God laughs when you make plans. So I made the plan that that was going to happen. And I was so firm that that was going to happen. I think it's good to have goals and aspirations, but, you know, married at this age, kids at this age. Oh, yeah. Like it's not that it's laughable. Oh, I get that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So
Speaker: No, I definitely, but now what I'm doing is I've traveled a bunch. I like to think that I've accomplished a lot in my new job and I'm very excited about my new job and I've had so many amazing opportunities. I've met so many incredible people along the way. I would not be where I am today if I didn't go off the path. And I'm very thankful.
Speaker: with how it all turned out in the grand scheme of things. Let me turn it back on you though. Before you know, get too mushy about the whole. Did you ever think you would be living in Dallas, putting on this incredible podcast, but doing things that at 20 years old,
Speaker: did you think you were going to be here in this moment? I mean, the big fat answer is no, you know, like, and I honestly, I feel like majority of the population probably thinks that way too. Maybe it's left never plant. It turns out as you planned, it's better. And I always, what was the vision? Yeah. It probably came from a little bit of movies, a little bit of just the Hollywood romance with, you know, shows, whatever. Also, and then my sister and seeing her
Speaker: with her husband, the timeline that she had to get married and have kids. So a lot of it was that as well. So I, so the actual timeline was, I told my mom, I joked about it too, which like I got laughed in my face basically at this point, but I was like, if I don't leave college with a boyfriend that I'm going to marry, I'm going to be depressed.
Speaker: This is what I said. How dramatic of me at a 19 -year -old going into college. My mom was probably like, okay, relax, you know? Bless her heart. Bless her heart. Bless 19 -year -old Heather's heart. That's what I thought. I thought I would meet my husband in college, which I look back now, and I probably was not.
Speaker: wife material. I was having a fun time and I just really wasn't thinking about long -term sort of thing, you know? And even though we kind of talked about this, even though you think that you're maybe ready, you're not, maybe you're not, you know, and it's hard to know, right? But so I thought I would be leaving college with my boyfriend. We would get engaged soon afterwards. And then I would get married mid twenties, like 24, 25, which looking back, if I need 24, 25,
Speaker: I was, you know, I don't know, it was so not where I thought I would be. And then, yeah, I thought I would have kids before 30. Yep. Be done with kids? Like done having kids by 30? No, just start having kids. Okay. Because that's when my sister started having kids. Right. So that's why I thought this was normal. Yeah. And so attainable. Because I mean, at that point, I'm 19 years old. It's been 10 years since. Yeah. Wow. I feel aged. Yeah.
Speaker: that was reasonable 10 years from now. Yeah, that could happen. Totally. And that's what society normalized at the time. And we're in the South, right? People get married younger just naturally. And I just wanted that. I want to find my person who doesn't. And so I was excited. No, that didn't happen. Did not leave college with a boyfriend that I was going to marry, dated a couple guys for a couple years during college, and then
Speaker: in Dallas, but it was not marriage material and it wasn't to that point. Anyway, it's just really funny that it was just kind of thrown in my face. It didn't turn out how it was planned, but that is okay. It is okay and so normal that life just
Speaker: life is taking you on a journey and it's not how you had planned. And I kind of think it's better. I don't want to know what's around the corner or what's in door number three or two, maybe one. But it's nice to see, I mean, I like that. It's what makes it just life enjoyable. But yes, what's not enjoyable is having a plan and not getting the plan. So it can be frustrating at times and definitely discouraging.
Speaker: And until I started to realize that my life is not in my own hands, that is when I kind of realized that it's not my timeline. There's a story written and I'm leaving it out. Yes. I think there's something to be said that it is a feeling, and I don't know if I necessarily would title it as like a lonely feeling or a discouraging feeling, but it's a feeling that
Speaker: I'm not doing what I set out to accomplish at set age, right? Like you have these thoughts that this is what you're going to accomplish at this age and you don't. It's just something better and it's something different. Um, cause I think that's where I had my time of reflection when I hit 30 and I wasn't married or I'm not married.
Speaker: Not to say that's a past tense. I'm not married. I don't have kids. I was moving to a new city, so I was starting fresh with a new job. So it was like all these new things, but I'm having a dang good time, right? That's right. Like just seeing new things. I don't have obligations. I don't have
Speaker: as many responsibilities. Now I'm an adult and I have bills in. Bills suck. It sucks. taxes? We won't go down that road. Sorry. Yeah, I used to work in the tax work. But you have to have a different spin on life then. If you were not supposed to have a family by 30 and that's not what your life is supposed to be like,
Speaker: There's a different amazing life that you can also lead. And you have to come to terms with it. And I had to. Yeah. You just don't want to force something to happen. Right. Because then that's when it goes down a really bad rabbit hole. And you're doing things that you're like, crap, why did I force that? I get that. I've, at least from the dating lens, set lower expectations for myself because I was trying to make something work. Yeah.
Speaker: Can I say that? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes. You want so badly to start a family because all your other friends have. Don't get me started on the social media stuff. Yeah. So comparison's a real thing. I want to get you...
Speaker: a little bit on it because for real, you've been off social media for four years. Four years, 2019. This is a day and age where people post their life on social media, you keep up with people through social media, even maybe your best friends. It's just a natural part of communication, but it's such a pro, but it's such a con at the same time.
Speaker: And I'm glad you brought that up because it definitely goes into this feeling of I'm not where I thought I would be at. If you are surrounding yourself with people that, I don't know, are all single and maybe then you're like looking on Instagram, you saw these married couples going on fun vacations, you're naturally going to feel...
Speaker: I had that. That kind of sucks. I'm left out. What the heck, girl? You got all these cool friends and you're just worried about this? So anyway, so yeah, share that. Well, so in 2019, I made the decision to get off of social media. And I was inspired by this one friend of mine that I grew up with. He had gotten off for a year and I was like, what a concept. An entire year. And back then, 2019 you said? Yeah. Pre -COVID? Pre -COVID. He was like, this was so reflecting. I have realized that
Speaker: I can just enjoy things more, I'm more present. I kind of set my sights on that. Like, okay, just give it up for six months because a year seems - Six months is still a lot. Right. I have a two hour time limit on my apps. Oh yeah.
Speaker: Still ignoring it. I'm like, just give me 10 more minutes. Right. Just give me 10 more minutes. But what I found was I don't want to say depressed, but I was not feeling confident in myself. I did not like myself. I did not feel good about myself in social media. And I know these people, all of my friends, I love all their happiness and everything that has brought them so much joy, but I started getting resentful. And there's this one time in
Speaker: not to go down a rabbit hole, but one of my friends was getting engaged and I was not present for it because the devil took over my emotions because I was not happy with myself because I was going through a breakup. She had happiness coming her way and I
Speaker: I still regret that to this day for not being present because it was social media. It was truly like their pictures of what they were experiencing and I just wasn't a part of it. You're comparing yourself. I was comparing because I couldn't get that and that's selfish. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to get off and let me see how I feel. So six months went and I was like, let's try a gear because I feel good. And I'm talking about Snapchat, Instagram,
Speaker: Twitter, Facebook, all of it, gone from my phone. I had the addict feeling of picking up your phone and checking. I had that for the six stats that say, how many times did you pick up your phone a day? Oh, no. It is shocking because your phone will show your activity on any app. It'll also show how many times you pick it up. I mean, it's every five minutes. That's two minutes for some people, which when you put it down to
Speaker: macro level, I guess, you can really see that it is such a
Speaker: Addiction. Yeah, it is. It truly is. All to say, and this is almost over, basically, I'm now at four years and I'm about to hit five years in September. So four and a half years, I should say. It's like your social media sobriety. That's what it feels like. Truly, because, and I have never felt so much better about myself because this is the thought process here. If my best friends want to know what's going on in their life,
Speaker: I'm going to get pictures from them. I love that you've told me this because it is, you do. Yes. Our friend texted you yesterday. Yes. She's had some pregnancy photos and she sends you all the photos because she knew you didn't have social media. And intentionally shout out to that friend. Love you. Yes. Excited for your baby. We can't wait. March 5th. But that's just like my thoughts, right?
Speaker: You don't have to have social media. Everyone else that I care about, I'm already contacting every single day. If not every day, every other day. My biggest question for you, and I was putting myself in your shoes when you got off of it, was what do you do with your time? I mean, let's say I hit my two hour limit on my apps. I mean, what am I doing with that time? At least now I'm doing Audible and trying to read more and all that, but is that what you're doing? I feel like you can fill your time.
Speaker: It's very easy to fill your time. You, you, I feel like there's an excuse of like, there's just not enough time in the day. Yeah. Well, like 20 % of it is because you were on your phone. Right. So now I'm like, I'm going outside. I'm reading books. Like what a concept, right? I'm reading books. I'm listening to podcasts. Um, I'm actually checking in on my friends and like talking with them on the phone or texting or actually growing my career, you know, like.
Speaker: There's just so many things that I've been able to get more of a robust
Speaker: outcome versus it just kind of like sprinkling into each of them. Have you ever considered getting off of social media? I did. I think I told you about that. It was last night last year, but the one before because I had a theory that... I feel like I'm really upset. I've got a theory. I've got a theory. No, but I do have a theory that... I mean, around the holidays, at least for me, I had so much downtime. Thanksgiving and to Christmas, I'm just...
Speaker: You know, maybe I'm at home or it's just like a slower time and I'm just scrolling mindlessly. And I just felt like, especially when I'm home, I don't need to be doing that. I'm not being present. So I, and this was before dad passed away. So it was a couple of years ago, but
Speaker: Uh, it was probably maybe the year before, but I did, I think it was like right when Thanksgiving started. That's when I started it and it went all the way to the end of the year. And I really was off of it. I did not check any social media and I loved it. As we got closer to new year's, I was just like finding myself on it, but it was a good break. And I did that and I had never had any sort of break before.
Speaker: I did it a little bit. We did a little fasting through our church here, but it's hard. Do you think it affected your mental state getting back onto it? Or do you think it was just to where you've adjusted your life? I'm not going to let it affect, so I'm going to get off of it. Yeah, good question. I think it's the latter. I don't let it affect. I have not looked at social media at least as
Speaker: Yes, it's a little bit of a comparison, but I don't let it influence my happiness. At least I try not to let it do that. For me, I like to see what my friends are doing.
Speaker: easily. I don't know. And, um, maybe even people that I don't really keep in touch with anymore and just to see what's going on. It's just like keeping tabs on people, which is so funny. It's keeping tabs on somebody that I don't know you were in high school with and it's not even, it's just like you're just friends, you know, all that. But, um, yeah, I don't know. I like it, but I, what I do need to do is limit the amount of time I'm on it because I feel like I've, I'm not looking at it in a negative way. It's not impacting me personally, but in my happiness, but I do need to limit the amount of time
Speaker: to stay in the present each day. Yeah. But I do think it's beneficial to go off of it. There was definitely some other girls, two of the girls I am thinking of now that got off of it for all of January and they love it. Yeah. And it's probably would be hard to come back on. I think, I mean, everyone keeps asking like, when are you going to come back? When's your debut? Yes. When's the debut? Jill 2 .0. I don't have a date. You know, Spud's off of social. Same thing. That's what he said.
Speaker: And I love that. And for the same reason, he just - Another check mark. He just thinks, wow. Cocks the net. Yeah, I mean, same reason. He just thinks that his friends will reach out to him, vice versa. Right. And there's other things he could be doing with his time. Yeah. Not to speak for him, but that's what he's told me. Yeah. I have all of the memories and photos on my phone.
Speaker: and who sees them don't care about. If I want someone to see my photo, I am the person that's going to text the group and be like, is this a good photo? I love it. I'm going to print it. And that gives me happiness. At the end of the day, as long as you're happy and you're keeping your mental state sane, I think that's what's just going to keep
Speaker: getting you to move forward. And I think you're just going to be a lot happier of a human than just doom scrolling and looking at, I mean, buying things. I probably have saved some money by not being on social media. That's true. I wonder, we need to do a stat on that. Those Instagram ads were getting me every time. Oh my gosh. I was buying the most random things. Oh yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. And then the places to travel. I'm a single girl. I'd have a great job, but it's not like I can just jump on a plane and go to Dubai. And then when I see people getting to go to Dubai and have a great weekend, dang it. And then that's the devil taking that happiness away from your life. And I just don't like that. I don't like that it's just something that you have a control over. I'll just say, I just don't think I'm going to get back on.
Speaker: I don't think you should. It doesn't sound like you want to. I don't think so. I'm not here to convince you. I know. Don't worry. But if anyone does need some support, I will be that cheerleader to say, get off of it. No need to. So to circle back around the feeling of I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Social media plays a massive part, could play a massive part in you feeling like you should be somewhere that you're currently not.
Speaker: And it's so interesting to not to go into a tangent. I was on a walk with one of my friends one time and she was like, my therapist told me that, um, don't use the word should because you're already lacking. The word should is like a past tense. It should be, I could have done this now. I should have done this. You could have gone on a date with this guy and maybe he turns out to be your husband.
Speaker: Instead of like, you know, I should have done this. Dang it. I should have done this. It's just a different mindset shift. It's a negative. And she just told me that. And it was one of those things where, you know, those people will never remember, but it just stuck like glue in my head that you shouldn't be anywhere that you currently are. You are where you're at in life for a reason. And it's just that. That's good. Yeah. That's good. Did you think you were what you're doing right now?
Speaker: like with your job, where you're living, owning a house. I mean, the accomplishments, you have to speak to that. There's some big accomplishments that you were able to achieve, and you probably didn't think at almost 30 years old you were going to. Single, too. That's true. I mean, like I said, I thought I would be married by now, but in terms of a house and having a dog, I think that would have just naturally come along. No, I didn't plan to be single.
Speaker: I will say, at least from the dating lens, what helps me think about like, okay, life is not where I thought it would be. The best, just like, I don't know, just reference that I have that makes me still think so positive from dating, from the dating lens is my mom and her story. And you just heard about this, but she did not, her first marriage was with my dad when she met him at 42.
Speaker: had me at 43, turned out normal so far. Still to be determined.
Speaker: But at least for now, you're pretty normal. For now, we're showing signs that are in the positive direction of normal. But no, so I was like, my life didn't turn out as I had planned that I thought I should be married by now instead of could be married by now. But she was probably thinking the same thing. And she waited 42 years to find the right guy. And best believe my dad said that all the time to his friends. She waited 42 years to meet the right man.
Speaker: But I'm like, well, okay, it didn't work out now. Maybe at 42, then I'll just reconsider and maybe be a little sad then. But I mean, I still know people that, I mean, my mom's friends now, they are dating each other and they just, they date. And it's the funniest story, just a side tangent about older people's relationships. I think it's the funniest thing.
Speaker: Um, I love you all family and I love the stories that you tell me, so please keep sharing them. They're great. Um, no, but like it's your life's not over. You know, if you didn't accomplish what you wanted to do, if you didn't get to where you wanted to be in your career, it's not over. It's just, everyone's on their own journey and you can't compare somebody's relationship with yours. You can't compare somebody's career with yours. Um, and yeah, again, from like the dating thing, it, I just think that my mom just had such a positive attitude about it and
Speaker: She didn't get married until 42. That's an aspiration right there. Yeah. So just because I didn't get married, like I had planned before, you know, around 25. So what? Right. Right. You can also go down a rabbit hole and we won't, but we're at this age. Could we? We shouldn't. But we're at the age to where people are starting to get divorced, unfortunately. And that's a whole different realm that we probably should cover it in different episodes.
Speaker: That is not where your life would be for your life. Yeah, that you're getting a divorce and it's not the right person because you thought it was the right person. Man, I am here to say and I am a perfect advocate of it, of if I would have moved forward.
Speaker: with what I planned to be, I would probably be divorced at this point. And I probably would be living a completely different life. And I probably wouldn't be sitting here next to you because I wouldn't have stayed at that job and pursued those relationships because I probably would have some kids. I probably would be living at home. I feel like different.
Speaker: life would be so, so different. I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned from out of that, but where you think your life would have gone probably wasn't the right one because your life right now, even though you think it's bad, it's probably the best case scenario because it would have been bad if you went down the path you were supposed to. Does that make sense? Yeah.
Speaker: That's just me speaking from experience that I easily could have gone down a rabbit hole on a totally different life than I am sitting here right now. Grass is not always greener. I like that saying because I was told that in my previous life. A previous life. Yeah. It is greener. Let me tell you.
Speaker: There are flowers, blossoming, there's a beautiful river, it's luscious. Always a sunset. But honestly, it's just like going back to the initial question, just to wrap it up. It's normal to feel lost and feel discouraged and all the above when you have not executed on this plan that you've had for your life.
Speaker: It's all about, I feel like a positive mindset. I mean, and looking for the good in your day to day and literally living in the season that you're in. You know, my brother always, were you about to say something? No. Okay. It's so funny. My brother, I feel like he's kind of holistic at times and he was telling me one day, he just gets into tangents and I honestly love it. Shout out Justin, love you. And he's like, Heather, sometimes she's got to take off your shoes and just put your feet in the dirt and just feel the earth.
Speaker: And honestly, he's not totally wrong. He's talking about grounding. You need to ground yourself. What did Arkansas say if I've ever heard one? Honestly, yeah. I just showed my Arkansas. That is totally right. But no, I mean... But that's so true. Ground yourself. Live in the season that you're in. If you are so anticipating
Speaker: you should have done this or you should be in this current state with your career or JD and whatever, you are, I can guarantee you, you're not looking at what you have now and being grateful for that and thankful for that and content and you're just waiting for the next thing. I think that's perfect way as a takeaway. Love this. Anything else to share? Thank you for having me.
Speaker: Thank you for being on here, truly. I did appreciate this conversation because I think I easily go down that rabbit hole quite often, actually. It's good to just pull yourself out, go on a walk, go outside, listen to some unprofessional opinion episodes because it'll lift you up. That's my shout out. That was two shout outs in one, wasn't it? Thank you. I was like, listen to the episodes that I'm on.
Speaker: Just kidding. Or call your best friend. Yeah. If you're feeling discouraged, call your best friend. Call your sister. Talk about it. Sometimes people don't know what you're going through unless you talk about it. Exactly. Exactly. We had that conversation today at brunch. Yeah. Didn't reveal, but you have the support system. Lean into it. That's great. I don't know how else to end it. Well, thank you for being on. Thanks for having me. This won't be the last time. I hope not. No, of course not. This was audition B. Yeah. This is actually a test the whole time.
Speaker: I think you've passed. I'll keep talking to you all. Bye. Jill's like, I'm going to stay on here. Well, thanks so much for listening guys and watching. We'll catch you next time. See ya.
