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Chatting With Candice - Candice Horbacz (Eva Lovia)
301 Plays3 years ago
Candice Horbacz most commonly known as Eva Lovia, a former adult entertainment star and multi-hyphenate entreprenuer within the pyschedelic & wellness space.
Candice is also a Mom of two boys, a wife, and the podcast host of Chatting With Candice!
We discuss in this interview:
- Her childhood and upbringing
- What was the catalyst that got her into Adult Entertainment
- Being a Mom
- The Psychedelic space
- Spirituality
- Thinking Independently
- Entrepreneurship
Follow her @CandiceHorbacz!
chattingwithcandice.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Candice's Mission
00:00:04
Speaker
Bigger Talks, Bigger Talks.
00:00:06
Speaker
We're back again with another episode and I have the amazing Candice Horvath, a wife, entrepreneur, mother, and podcast host of Chatting with Candice.
00:00:18
Speaker
Candice, how are you?
00:00:20
Speaker
How's it going?
00:00:21
Speaker
Welcome to Bigger Talks.
00:00:22
Speaker
I'm doing fantastic.
00:00:24
Speaker
Thank you so much for having me on.
00:00:25
Speaker
I'm really excited to do this.
00:00:28
Speaker
Yeah, I think, you know, I think it's important for people to get to know who the real Candace is, as opposed to what people think she is from what they see or what they think they know.
00:00:37
Speaker
So, you know, I want to start off with your mission.
00:00:41
Speaker
And we can kind of start from that.
00:00:43
Speaker
Your mission is, you stated, to inspire people to expand their curiosity and
00:00:48
Speaker
think independently and not be afraid of your messiness.
Navigating Life's Complexity
00:00:52
Speaker
Can you kind of like unpack that and elaborate on what that means?
00:00:55
Speaker
I love that.
00:00:56
Speaker
Oh, oh, thank you.
00:00:58
Speaker
It means so many things.
00:01:00
Speaker
So I think a lot of times when it comes to very, especially taboo topics, polarizing topics, we tend to want to put ourself in a camp because we all want to belong to something.
00:01:12
Speaker
Our minds are also a little bit lazy, so we don't want to have a lot of nuanced thinking.
00:01:16
Speaker
We just kind of,
00:01:17
Speaker
we have shit to do.
00:01:18
Speaker
So we, you know, we put everything in these buckets or these camps and then we identify with those things.
00:01:24
Speaker
And I'm no different than everyone else.
00:01:25
Speaker
I've, you know, I've drifted into that way of thinking before, and then luckily try to catch myself and constantly recalibrate.
00:01:34
Speaker
When I say life is messy, it's,
00:01:37
Speaker
We all have done things that are complicated.
00:01:39
Speaker
We've all done things that are shades of gray.
00:01:42
Speaker
There's so much depth to everybody and to just kind of cast someone away as deplorable or a decision away as as deplorable.
00:01:52
Speaker
It's again, it goes to lazy thinking and it's not really understanding the complexity
Influence of Childhood Experiences
00:01:56
Speaker
of us.
00:01:56
Speaker
And, you know, all these all these little decisions that
00:02:01
Speaker
and impacts throughout our life that kind of make us who we are and then drive us to do what we do.
00:02:07
Speaker
Now, that's not to say we need to be filled with shame or regret or anything like that, but it's just to say life is a complicated process.
00:02:15
Speaker
And I think one of my main missions and especially launching the podcast was just to bring humanity to a lot of topics and personas and ideas that are kind of
00:02:28
Speaker
off the table like we're not allowed to talk about anymore or just certain people that we write off immediately so i've had really polarizing people on even people i disagree with because i want to be an example and it's like at the end of the day we're all humans and if we want to you know leave the world a better place than where we came into it we have to have compassion we have to have empathy and we have to have conversation
00:02:51
Speaker
Yeah, and I think it's important to have authentic conversations, right?
00:02:54
Speaker
To be transparent, to kind of be open to understanding, not to be so consumed in our way of thinking, our way of being, or our ideologies based on our paradigm or what we believe.
00:03:05
Speaker
And I think for you, you know, I think anybody in a space of that's attractive, that has influence, that has success, you're automatically put in a box based on what the masses are.
00:03:19
Speaker
how people see you or view you, but they don't know the real you.
00:03:22
Speaker
I always tell people nothing is what it seems.
00:03:25
Speaker
Nothing at all.
00:03:26
Speaker
From being successful to having a title to being in relationships.
Career Choices and Motherhood
00:03:31
Speaker
It's not what it seems.
00:03:34
Speaker
Take me to the beginning of Candice.
00:03:37
Speaker
Like when you was a young girl, what was your aspirations?
00:03:40
Speaker
What did you grow up on?
00:03:43
Speaker
Who was your role models and who did you believe in the most?
00:03:45
Speaker
Like what was your upbringing like growing up?
00:03:48
Speaker
And where you from originally?
00:03:49
Speaker
So I never know how to answer that.
00:03:51
Speaker
Where am I?
00:03:52
Speaker
Where am I from question, which sounds really silly, but I was born in L.A.
00:03:56
Speaker
and I spent a good amount of time there.
00:03:57
Speaker
My parents split.
00:03:59
Speaker
So then I moved with my mom and my siblings to upstate New York.
00:04:02
Speaker
And then we did the back and forth because custody battles are great with children.
00:04:07
Speaker
And then after I graduated high school, I moved down to South Carolina for university.
00:04:12
Speaker
And now I'm in North Carolina and North Carolina is like where I put roots down my family as my children were born and I've been the longest.
00:04:19
Speaker
So I say North Carolina now because that was my conscious decision to live here and make this home.
00:04:25
Speaker
So none of the other ones really resonate with that's where I'm from.
00:04:28
Speaker
So I say North Carolina, but I feel like I have to give the whole context.
00:04:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:34
Speaker
As far as my upbringing goes, this is where it gets it's I'm an open book and I tell my story because I think it's important to lead by example and be transparent like you just said.
00:04:46
Speaker
So to preface that.
00:04:49
Speaker
People will say, well, of course she had a rough childhood because of the career she chose, but they have done study after study after study.
00:04:56
Speaker
So this is purely coincidental.
00:04:59
Speaker
But yeah, there was a lot of abuse in the house.
00:05:02
Speaker
My parents split when I was really young, like around five years old.
00:05:07
Speaker
Unfortunately, a lot of the men that my mom decided to date after were also very abusive.
00:05:13
Speaker
And I love my mom.
00:05:15
Speaker
I really do.
Transition from Adult Industry to Podcasting
00:05:17
Speaker
But it was a very difficult childhood and she had her own wounds that she was dealing with that didn't allow her to show up as the mom I needed her to be growing up.
00:05:26
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So I, as the oldest, was kind of taking on a lot more responsibility than I probably should have and, you know, kind of taking care of my siblings a lot more than I should have.
00:05:38
Speaker
And I'm very blessed for that, especially with the industry that I decided to get in because it did make me establish hard boundaries and be able to stand up for myself and be able to say no and become like very self-reliant.
00:05:51
Speaker
So all of
00:05:52
Speaker
the things that came out of that are beneficial.
00:05:56
Speaker
As far as role models go, I mean, again, it's like written in the stars.
00:06:01
Speaker
I loved Tara Patrick and Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra.
00:06:05
Speaker
I found those women to be so
00:06:08
Speaker
powerful, just totally stepping into their feminine energy and owning their sexuality.
00:06:14
Speaker
And I know that gets used and used and used and used, but for those women, it just seemed like they were expressing themselves to be who they truly were.
00:06:22
Speaker
It wasn't, I'm doing this for fame.
00:06:25
Speaker
I'm doing this for money.
00:06:25
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It was like, no, like these were goddesses on earth and they were just owning it.
00:06:30
Speaker
And I was like, there's something so powerful about these women and they,
00:06:34
Speaker
you know, people can make the daddy issues, jokes.
00:06:36
Speaker
I'm sure there's a little bit of that there, right?
00:06:38
Speaker
Because I obviously didn't, I wasn't modeled like what unconditional love is from a male figure.
00:06:45
Speaker
So of course, I'm going to go into an industry that's, you know, seeking and trying to take that male validation.
00:06:51
Speaker
So I'm absolutely sure there's a little bit of that thrown in there.
00:06:54
Speaker
So thanks, dad.
00:06:56
Speaker
But but yeah, so I think, you know, again, our decisions are a constellation of events that kind of create create that.
00:07:04
Speaker
But those were the women I looked up to.
00:07:06
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And to me, I didn't see that as shameful or wrong.
00:07:09
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I was like, no, this is a really powerful woman that can stand in her own right.
00:07:13
Speaker
And then I think that probably brought some peace to me like I can be I can take care of me.
00:07:20
Speaker
And that kind of set the trajectory for me to figure out how I can emulate those women.
00:07:26
Speaker
Yeah, and I think it's important to, you know, not only to give your mom the respect and honor that she deserves, no matter what the outcomes were, right?
00:07:35
Speaker
You love her, you appreciate her, but she did the best she could from what she had available.
00:07:40
Speaker
Like, I was emotionally abandoned as a child, so I had mom issues, right?
00:07:44
Speaker
But I don't hold my mom to that standard because she had me at 21, you know, and...
00:07:52
Speaker
She had my sister a year before.
00:07:54
Speaker
And so now as I'm older, I can have more compassion and grace and say, oh, wait on, you were a kid when you had me.
00:08:00
Speaker
And I think for you, you said something about the career you chose, but do you think
00:08:07
Speaker
things choose you, you don't choose it, to get you to a space to unpack or to kind of break down where you're at to get where you're going.
00:08:14
Speaker
Because now you're a mom and how do you see motherhood and do you have more sympathy for your mom when she had you because of your experience being a mom and being in that position?
00:08:24
Speaker
So I believe in like this really delicate dance between fate and free will.
00:08:31
Speaker
So I think both exist.
00:08:33
Speaker
And I think when you're in kind of an imperfect alignment, that's when everything's happening for you.
00:08:38
Speaker
And, you know, life is just amazing and you're almost manifesting things into your life.
00:08:44
Speaker
So I do think no matter what, I was going to end up somehow doing like nude modeling or, you know, something in the adult industry that was written in the stars for me.
00:08:56
Speaker
And then my free will is kind of what took me into that industry.
00:09:00
Speaker
So total accountability.
00:09:02
Speaker
But also there was some kind of underlying driving force that was, you know, kind of pushing and leading me there.
00:09:09
Speaker
I truly believe that.
00:09:11
Speaker
So I do think that was my path.
00:09:13
Speaker
As far as becoming a mom now and understanding my mom more, I don't know if that's true for me because there are times where I almost don't understand her more now that I'm a mom because –
00:09:29
Speaker
We're just in such different places.
00:09:31
Speaker
And I had a lot more tools at my disposal to kind of get me to where I am and like the woman that I am, the wife that I am, the mom that I am that she just didn't have.
00:09:41
Speaker
So I want to lay that out.
00:09:43
Speaker
But with all of those tools, we are very different women and we're very different mothers.
00:09:48
Speaker
We're very different wives.
00:09:50
Speaker
So when I look at my boys, I'm like,
00:09:53
Speaker
I can't imagine letting someone put hands on them.
00:09:55
Speaker
I can't imagine leaving them for a week with, you know, no food in the house, like all of these things.
00:10:03
Speaker
And again, I'm not blaming her.
00:10:04
Speaker
I love my mom to death and I'm very grateful for the life that I have, but it's not a childhood that I would want to give to my kids.
00:10:11
Speaker
So when I think back sometimes I'm like, man, I'm, I'm left a little bit more confused than before.
00:10:17
Speaker
I mean, that's a great, you know, response because you know how sometimes sometimes
00:10:22
Speaker
the listener or the viewer, you know, they can probably anticipate what the answer is going to be like, oh yeah, like, yeah, I think I get it now.
00:10:29
Speaker
I understand.
00:10:30
Speaker
He's like, no, I don't get it.
00:10:31
Speaker
I don't understand.
00:10:32
Speaker
It doesn't make sense.
00:10:34
Speaker
And I think that's fine because I think that's being transparent about where you are.
00:10:38
Speaker
And I think it's important for people to know
00:10:41
Speaker
First of all, like going into the adult industry, like you said, with your free will.
00:10:46
Speaker
But I also think, you know, maybe parts of you own that sexuality.
00:10:50
Speaker
Right.
00:10:51
Speaker
Because I do know that there are women who want to embrace that side of themselves, but they just don't know how to.
00:10:57
Speaker
And I don't have to go into an industry or do it, but it's a part of life.
00:11:02
Speaker
Right.
00:11:02
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:11:03
Speaker
You know, you know, there's a friend who was talking bad about a former client they had.
00:11:09
Speaker
And I was like, but you took their money.
00:11:11
Speaker
You know, you still took their money.
00:11:13
Speaker
So whether you had this negative, you know, perception of you took their money, you know, everybody goes to the bathroom and
00:11:20
Speaker
That's a number two.
00:11:22
Speaker
So I'm more about like, let's be real, people.
00:11:24
Speaker
No one's perfect.
00:11:26
Speaker
Everyone is hiding behind their profession or their job.
00:11:29
Speaker
I think for you, I think it's powerful that you can own that side of you to talk about it, to help people understand what it was for you, to now be on the other side of it, to say, look, this is my life.
00:11:41
Speaker
This is what I've been through.
00:11:42
Speaker
This is how I overcame it.
00:11:43
Speaker
And this is who I am, unapologetic.
00:11:46
Speaker
Take it or leave it, it's okay.
00:11:48
Speaker
because I know, right?
00:11:50
Speaker
Because of the world you lived in or you're aware of, you know who's clicking on the link or watching the video, appearing to be this perfect person, all this.
00:11:59
Speaker
It's like, come on, man, cut it.
00:12:02
Speaker
But I think, like I said before, I'm just thinking for people like you because you can share your story, not only to help people heal, but understand what it is that got you to where you're at today.
00:12:13
Speaker
My next question is,
00:12:15
Speaker
when you got into the adult industry, was it like a traumatic moment that got you in total?
00:12:22
Speaker
Or is it something that just led you into that space?
00:12:24
Speaker
And you just was like, I'm in it.
00:12:26
Speaker
Was it a survival thing?
00:12:27
Speaker
Like what was the turning point to move you into that?
00:12:31
Speaker
So I think that it was a few things.
00:12:34
Speaker
I was in a pretty bad relationship.
00:12:38
Speaker
It wasn't abusive or anything.
00:12:39
Speaker
It was just not nurturing and just not a healthy one.
00:12:42
Speaker
It was one that was kind of on power dynamics and a lot of
00:12:46
Speaker
fear and you know just open-ended threats that kind of a thing and that was the most stability I had ever had in my whole life so it was really hard to walk away from that like I had never had just had someone there for me all of the time so as bad as it was like that security is what kept me there for a long time for better for worse
00:13:07
Speaker
And I had some health issues that came up.
00:13:09
Speaker
So I was diagnosed with endometriosis and it was really bad.
00:13:14
Speaker
Like I had to actually have surgery because it was the pain was debilitating.
00:13:18
Speaker
And they put me on this medication called Lupron, which if you know anything about it, is a horrible drug.
00:13:23
Speaker
They use it as like chemotherapy for men and actually for castration from chemical castration for men.
00:13:30
Speaker
It's like no joke.
00:13:31
Speaker
So that actually made my symptoms worse.
00:13:35
Speaker
And he just didn't show up for me and made it about him.
00:13:38
Speaker
And, well, I wanted kids and the doctors are saying you can't have kids and just all of this stuff.
00:13:43
Speaker
So it really forced me to be like, this person's not for me.
00:13:47
Speaker
And how can I leave?
00:13:50
Speaker
I didn't have any money.
00:13:52
Speaker
I had always wanted to kind of get into that industry.
00:13:55
Speaker
He was very conservative, so that wasn't going to happen while I was with him.
00:13:58
Speaker
And I was like, you know what?
00:13:59
Speaker
I'm going to make a decision for me, the one that's best for me and true to who I am.
00:14:04
Speaker
And I really want to explore this side of me because I hadn't in any healthy way whatsoever.
00:14:10
Speaker
At that time, I had only been with two men ever.
00:14:15
Speaker
And I just like, again, like felt a pull and the timing was just right.
00:14:18
Speaker
So I started with webcamming because that just was something I could do on my laptop right away.
00:14:23
Speaker
No experience needed and just kind of get my feet wet and see if it was something I wanted to do.
00:14:28
Speaker
And then through that process, I ended up finding a all-girl site that I really liked.
00:14:34
Speaker
It was really high production.
00:14:36
Speaker
I thought the women were beautiful in it and it was always in these tropical houses.
00:14:40
Speaker
And I was like, this just seems...
00:14:42
Speaker
want to be a part of this this looks so fun and exciting to me so i reached out to them and they sent me um just like an email saying we just need your id and your photos and we'll let you know and they were like yeah we'll fly you out to miami i ended up shooting for like three days in a row my scenes went to number one on the site immediately did very well again not experienced it just happened so luck and timing i'm sure
00:15:09
Speaker
And probably because I looked scared shitless and that was probably really authentic so people liked that.
00:15:15
Speaker
And I don't know when I was on that set and in makeup and in wardrobe and you know acting and performing was this is where I'm supposed to be.
00:15:24
Speaker
So I just felt like it was the right decision for me and then the rest is history.
00:15:29
Speaker
And that's the thing.
00:15:29
Speaker
And I think I always go back to the, you know, when I said earlier, I was like, some things choose you, right?
00:15:35
Speaker
For whatever reason.
00:15:37
Speaker
And we might not understand what we might do.
00:15:39
Speaker
Like you said, you embraced it, you loved it, you felt aligned at the time.
00:15:43
Speaker
And there was something you fell into that you embraced and you were successful in it.
00:15:49
Speaker
So I just think that's a that's a win for you in your life and your story, because it worked for you.
00:15:54
Speaker
It might not work for everybody.
00:15:55
Speaker
So, you know, more power to you and all the women who might be in that space.
00:16:01
Speaker
It's OK.
00:16:01
Speaker
Like, I don't want people to have this negative connotation because the world makes it so negative.
00:16:07
Speaker
Right.
00:16:07
Speaker
And it's like it don't have to be that way, because when the person is married or in a relationship, what are they doing?
00:16:13
Speaker
They're intimate, they're having sex, they're fornicating.
00:16:16
Speaker
So it's part of life.
00:16:19
Speaker
So now that we got that out the way, what was the pivot from the adult industry to doing what you're doing now?
00:16:26
Speaker
Like you have the podcast, chatting with Candace, you know, you're an entrepreneur, you're a wife, you're a mom, like what was that pivot like?
00:16:34
Speaker
I mean, we know the beginning, like, what was that like?
00:16:37
Speaker
I mean, you're just doing so many amazing things now.
00:16:40
Speaker
So I met my now husband at the very beginning of my career.
00:16:44
Speaker
So he was there before my first official shoot.
00:16:48
Speaker
So he every decision was a conversation with him.
00:16:53
Speaker
I guess the depth of it depended on how deep we were in the relationship.
00:16:56
Speaker
So in the very beginning, I was like, hey, I'm going to go do this thing.
00:16:58
Speaker
And he was like, oh, cool.
00:16:59
Speaker
That sounds hot.
00:17:00
Speaker
Like, go have fun.
00:17:02
Speaker
But when I started making the decision to do more hardcore scenes, that was literally a conversation for two years between him and I just back and forth, always reinvestigating.
00:17:12
Speaker
There was a time where he was not on board whatsoever.
00:17:15
Speaker
And then towards
00:17:17
Speaker
the end where I made that decision to do it, he was like, I don't want, I don't want there to be any resentment down the road.
00:17:25
Speaker
And I don't want to tell you what to do if this is where, where you feel like you belong.
00:17:30
Speaker
So I'm going to try to be here for you on the other side.
00:17:32
Speaker
I can't promise because this is, I've never done this before.
00:17:35
Speaker
I have no idea how I'm going to react, but I love you.
00:17:38
Speaker
And no matter what, like, I hope like the best for you.
00:17:41
Speaker
So just an incredible man and very supportive, just like unconditional love.
00:17:47
Speaker
Right?
00:17:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:48
Speaker
Unconditional love.
00:17:50
Speaker
And it wasn't easy.
00:17:51
Speaker
I mean, that was super hard.
00:17:52
Speaker
We had a ton of fights, lots of tears, really navigating jealousy.
00:17:57
Speaker
What does that mean?
00:17:58
Speaker
Where does that come from?
00:17:59
Speaker
What do I want in a relationship?
00:18:01
Speaker
What is unconditional love?
00:18:03
Speaker
Is it as soon as you sleep with someone else that we like that love goes away?
00:18:07
Speaker
We're like really getting down to first principles and like unpacking a lot of what other people just kind of shove on to us as just a universal truth.
00:18:16
Speaker
And I think the most empowering part of that was like realizing you get to design your life and you get to design your relationship however you want.
00:18:25
Speaker
And it doesn't mean you have to be open or polyamorous, like you can be monogamous and do all of this, but it's to choose that consciously, to really unpack that and have it be like your decision fully.
00:18:38
Speaker
And that's a really great gift that the industry gave me.
00:18:41
Speaker
So throughout that shooting towards the end, I would kind of bounce from contract to contract to contract, which was really rare when I was shooting.
00:18:50
Speaker
Like most people didn't have contracts.
00:18:52
Speaker
It was just freelance work, but that made me feel comfortable.
00:18:55
Speaker
I knew exactly who I was working with, how many scenes I was doing.
00:18:58
Speaker
It just provided that security that I never had, you know, growing up.
00:19:03
Speaker
So I ended up unfortunately having a lot of bad things.
00:19:09
Speaker
I just guess just bad actors, bad directors, bad people that were like, quote, managing me and pushing my boundaries, not respecting my autonomy or what I was okay with, just constantly really pushing that envelope.
00:19:25
Speaker
And finally, I was like, if they're doing this to me, they're definitely doing it to a small name girl that has no outlet.
00:19:32
Speaker
And this is fucked up.
00:19:34
Speaker
So I went to Twitter and was totally transparent.
00:19:37
Speaker
This is what the company is doing.
00:19:39
Speaker
I showed up to a set and they tried to get me to do X, Y, Z. That's not on my yes list.
00:19:44
Speaker
Haven't even discussed within my boundaries or price or anything like that.
00:19:48
Speaker
And I ended up getting fired 48 hours after.
00:19:52
Speaker
So I was fired and blacklisted.
00:19:55
Speaker
And the industry is basically one big monopoly.
00:19:57
Speaker
There's a couple small, successful production studios, but it's pretty much one company.
00:20:02
Speaker
And I couldn't work.
00:20:04
Speaker
So I was on everyone's untouchable list because no one wanted to be on bad terms with this company.
00:20:11
Speaker
So I was like, well...
00:20:13
Speaker
i don't know like i've had my panic how my i was the main breadwinner how am i going to support you know the house all of the our bills all of these things and um my husband's like why don't you just do it yourself like start your own production company and i was terrified so he's like a natural entrepreneur loves risk loves a challenge loves to build i surprisingly am very risk averse
00:20:37
Speaker
So which sounds counterintuitive given my career choice, but I just like a certain thing and predictability.
00:20:46
Speaker
And I took his lead and I started a production company.
00:20:50
Speaker
It was really successful.
00:20:51
Speaker
I ended up making way more than while I was in the industry and it just showed me I had no idea what my value was.
00:20:57
Speaker
And your production company was within a space of the adult entertainment?
00:21:00
Speaker
Adult, yeah.
00:21:01
Speaker
Oh, okay.
00:21:01
Speaker
Got it.
00:21:02
Speaker
yeah and it was crushing it like i was so happy with the scenes i liked the control it was i was like why haven't i not been doing this this whole time and even with that success i feel i still feel like i didn't have that sense of fulfillment like something was missing and i felt the longer i was in that industry the more i was fighting that narrative that i was there by default that i was there because i was broke or because i had been on drugs or because my dad left or
00:21:30
Speaker
all of these stereotypes and it was constant and I still am constantly fighting stereotypes.
00:21:36
Speaker
And I was like, I don't know how I can really combat this.
00:21:42
Speaker
COVID happened.
00:21:43
Speaker
So no one was working.
00:21:45
Speaker
And my husband again, I mean, he's my biggest supporters like you need to do podcasts.
00:21:49
Speaker
I'm like, I'm not ready.
00:21:50
Speaker
I'm not terrified.
00:21:52
Speaker
Everyone is going to think I'm stupid.
00:21:55
Speaker
what value do I have that someone else isn't bringing to the table?
00:21:59
Speaker
So for the first few episodes, he actually sat next to me and would talk to me and I'd have a guest on.
00:22:04
Speaker
He would help me gain my confidence.
00:22:06
Speaker
And then by the end of it, he's like, spread your wings, little bird.
00:22:09
Speaker
I'm out of here.
00:22:11
Speaker
But yeah, I think it started as a pet project just to showcase that I'm a real person, to introduce Candace and not Eva and to say, this is a character, right?
Exploring Free Thinking and Authenticity
00:22:20
Speaker
She only exists in one very specific space.
00:22:23
Speaker
And then Candace is the one that
00:22:25
Speaker
You know, she works out.
00:22:26
Speaker
She has a husband.
00:22:27
Speaker
She has a family.
00:22:28
Speaker
She has thoughts and dreams and aspirations.
00:22:30
Speaker
And she contributes back to her community.
00:22:33
Speaker
All of these things just to showcase the humanity and hopefully having a trickle down effect of that.
00:22:39
Speaker
Shouts out to your husband, you know, big ups.
00:22:42
Speaker
No, seriously, I think, you know, relationships.
00:22:47
Speaker
You know, there's a cliche relationships around the world, but the relationship you have within your world determines your world, right?
00:22:54
Speaker
Good, bad, or indifferent, he supported you unconditionally.
00:22:57
Speaker
He was willing to stand the test of time to be with the person he loves and care about.
00:23:03
Speaker
And you guys have been successful.
00:23:05
Speaker
Congratulations.
00:23:06
Speaker
Doesn't matter what the connotation of the space you guys were in.
00:23:10
Speaker
You guys were in a committed, you know, relationship that you guys had agreements and you helped each other.
00:23:16
Speaker
That's what it's about.
00:23:18
Speaker
I was telling a friend, you know, not too long ago, I said, listen, in the world, everybody has opinions.
00:23:24
Speaker
Everybody has something to say.
00:23:25
Speaker
People are going to always think and feel.
00:23:27
Speaker
But no one's in the situation you're in.
00:23:30
Speaker
you get to decide what that relationship is.
00:23:32
Speaker
You get to decide what the perspective is and the boundaries are.
00:23:35
Speaker
So don't allow the outside forces to determine what's going on inside of your world.
00:23:40
Speaker
You know, I can be in an adult entertainment.
00:23:42
Speaker
I can have my own production company and I can do travel candidates and I can be into spirituality and be a mom and be a wife.
00:23:48
Speaker
I can do it all.
00:23:49
Speaker
The thing that's coming up for me right now for you is, you know how when you see those videos when people get older, I woulda, coulda, shoulda, I feel like you're gonna be the person
00:23:58
Speaker
This is like, man, I'm really happy that I did everything that I wanted to do or I felt compelled to do.
00:24:04
Speaker
And I have no regrets because I've learned, I've grown and I discovered a different person every time.
00:24:10
Speaker
And you can teach your kids, you know, you can have those conversations with them and people that's coming up behind you.
00:24:17
Speaker
And I think that's what life is about.
00:24:19
Speaker
Life is not about doing what the crowd wants you to do or what your family wants to do.
00:24:24
Speaker
It's really about living out your passion that's in your heart, that's in your core
00:24:28
Speaker
Doesn't matter what the circumstances, you did everything you were supposed to do to get where you're at.
00:24:32
Speaker
And I think that's a success.
00:24:34
Speaker
That's amazing.
00:24:35
Speaker
That's phenomenal.
00:24:35
Speaker
And I think people in your shoes need to be celebrated and need to be acknowledged for who you are, not for what you do.
00:24:41
Speaker
Because what you do is not who you are.
00:24:44
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:24:44
Speaker
And that's what it's about here at Bigger Talks.
00:24:46
Speaker
It's like we want to have a bigger conversation around not what we see, but what's the truth, right?
00:24:52
Speaker
The truth was you had your upbringing, you had some adversity, you had some challenges.
00:24:56
Speaker
Those challenges change you to be better and to be in a space that you are today.
00:25:00
Speaker
And you have the podcast, Chattanooga Candace, and you're a free thinker.
00:25:04
Speaker
I love that.
00:25:05
Speaker
You know, free thinking.
00:25:06
Speaker
Let's really think.
00:25:08
Speaker
What does that really mean from your perspective?
00:25:11
Speaker
I know what it means from my paradigm, but what is a free thinker and how does that person think?
00:25:17
Speaker
So for me, the way that I interpret free thinking is that you've really sat down with a lot of the cornerstone ideas that you were raised with, ones that you just think are inherently true and really peel it back and peel it back and peel it back and understand what
00:25:35
Speaker
where that first got placed in your mind.
00:25:38
Speaker
Do you align with it?
00:25:39
Speaker
Because you might a lot of it.
00:25:40
Speaker
You might once you get down there, you're like, yeah, that makes sense for me.
00:25:43
Speaker
That makes sense for me.
00:25:44
Speaker
But the beautiful thing is you can be like, well, actually, that one does it and remove it and replace it with something that's more authentic to you.
00:25:51
Speaker
So it's not just a mass adoption of ideas, I guess, you know, to simplify it.
00:25:56
Speaker
And it's not to do things that are easy.
00:25:58
Speaker
It's to do things that you know are right and to stand up, to use your voice, to think of things with nuance, not to accept narratives from one side or the other, but to see that there's probably a lot to unpack in the middle.
00:26:11
Speaker
And to, I guess, not let your emotions get the better of you to be able to separate the emotions from the logical thinking.
00:26:18
Speaker
What's your interpretation?
00:26:19
Speaker
Yeah, so I mean, I was just on a, I did an interview yesterday here in LA and I'm at a point
00:26:26
Speaker
in my life where I'm evolving, I had an ego death like last weekend, right?
00:26:29
Speaker
I was crying, I was just shedding, I was just letting go a lot of old stuff.
00:26:32
Speaker
I'm in this whole new space.
00:26:34
Speaker
And I said, you know, everybody picks a side, right?
00:26:38
Speaker
You know, growing up in inner city of Baltimore, that's a side.
00:26:40
Speaker
Living in LA for 12 years, that's a side.
00:26:43
Speaker
You know, training and coaching wealthy people, that's a side.
00:26:45
Speaker
Being on TV, that's a side.
00:26:47
Speaker
So in all these worlds that I'm in, I'm playing all sides, but I try to protect everybody, right?
00:26:53
Speaker
So I have perception, perspectives, ideology from all these sides.
00:26:57
Speaker
And I realized like, hold on, what does Eric want?
00:27:01
Speaker
What matters to me?
00:27:03
Speaker
And as a kid, you know, a lot of people like, oh, you're just too positive.
00:27:07
Speaker
How are you so positive?
00:27:07
Speaker
You're just not real.
00:27:08
Speaker
I say, listen, that's your perspective.
00:27:11
Speaker
I don't live in that paradigm.
00:27:12
Speaker
I don't have to believe that.
00:27:14
Speaker
And I
00:27:16
Speaker
The free thinking is being your most authentic self no matter what side of it.
00:27:19
Speaker
This could be the classiest high profile person and the person that's from, I'm gonna be me through in and throughout.
00:27:28
Speaker
Take it or leave it.
00:27:29
Speaker
And for people to stand on what they believe.
00:27:32
Speaker
I believe in doing what you feel in your soul and your gut.
00:27:36
Speaker
It doesn't matter what people think because at the end of the day, when we go home and we go to sleep, we go to sleep with thyself.
00:27:43
Speaker
We go to sleep with ourselves and whoever is in our space.
00:27:47
Speaker
But I can't be you, you can't be me and no one can be you more than you.
00:27:51
Speaker
So I tell people, try your best to be your best, to know who you are so you can live your best life.
00:27:57
Speaker
Not that it's gonna be easy, not that you're not gonna have challenges, but we gotta live from a loving space, from the heart chakra, right?
00:28:05
Speaker
From what's deep in your heart.
00:28:07
Speaker
And I have three sisters and I'm always about understanding like women
00:28:14
Speaker
deserve to be empowered.
00:28:15
Speaker
Women deserve to have a voice.
00:28:17
Speaker
They deserve to be heard and be seen and felt.
00:28:20
Speaker
But because of history, a lot of that has been suppressed, you know, as I've gotten older and got more information, like, oh no, we're not doing that.
00:28:28
Speaker
You're not gonna talk to her like that.
00:28:29
Speaker
No, she can do that.
00:28:31
Speaker
Who are you to say that?
00:28:33
Speaker
And I think a free thinking is being free of what anyone thinks about what you believe in and coming from that perspective.
00:28:42
Speaker
Because when lose a draw, you've got to love you and you've got to be on your team.
00:28:48
Speaker
And my picking sides and because I'm the only one in this space.
00:28:52
Speaker
Right.
00:28:53
Speaker
There is no blueprint.
00:28:55
Speaker
I'm creating the first blueprint for myself and the people behind me.
00:28:58
Speaker
So I tell people, there's a book, Think and Grow Rich, and it says, a chapter says, follow your own counsel.
00:29:05
Speaker
Follow that and see where it gets you.
00:29:07
Speaker
Listen to your intuition.
00:29:09
Speaker
And I just really appreciate people who think outside the box because I like to think about the thinking.
00:29:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:17
Speaker
You know?
00:29:18
Speaker
100%.
00:29:19
Speaker
That book's Napoleon Hill, right?
00:29:21
Speaker
Yes, Napoleon Hill.
00:29:22
Speaker
Have you read or listened to Outwitting the Devil?
00:29:26
Speaker
I haven't, but I hear great.
00:29:28
Speaker
So I need to get the audio book.
00:29:29
Speaker
Get the audio book.
00:29:30
Speaker
It's one of the ones that you have to do the audio book because they narrate the devil's voice and it is incredibly convincing.
00:29:39
Speaker
I think it's the number one book everyone should read.
00:29:40
Speaker
By the way, what sign are you?
00:29:43
Speaker
gemini oh wow yeah thinkers witty curious are you into like um numerology human design oh my gosh love numerology i don't know if you know who andrew gablick is but he owns uh teledipity this is not a sponsor or anything i just truly believe in this man and i think he's the best in the game so if you or your listeners are into it it's teledipity.com you will never get a more accurate reading you just won't
00:30:11
Speaker
It's insane.
00:30:12
Speaker
I've been studying it for years.
00:30:14
Speaker
I know my soul desire number.
00:30:15
Speaker
I know my expression number, my maturity number, my pinnacle number.
00:30:21
Speaker
You know, I know my moon, my rising, my Mars, my Venus.
00:30:25
Speaker
Like literally I'm probably the most curious person there is because I want to get to the root.
00:30:30
Speaker
of the tree i don't want to look at the tree like oh that's a nice tree like no who are you let's take the fame away let's take the money let's take all these things off who are you because i think that's what a real power is that's what a real love that's what a real person is and numerology has really in astrology has really changed my outlook not only on life but like who i'm in this world and why i have a podcast and why i'm
00:30:54
Speaker
It was to talk to people like you and this happening.
00:30:57
Speaker
Because like I said, I feel like my life has been a movie.
00:31:00
Speaker
I feel like my life chose me.
00:31:01
Speaker
I never came to LA like, oh, I want to be on TV.
00:31:03
Speaker
I want to do these.
00:31:04
Speaker
It's like,
00:31:05
Speaker
I just wanna be great.
00:31:06
Speaker
I thought I was gonna be a basketball player, you know, like that didn't work.
00:31:10
Speaker
So I had to go pro in life.
00:31:12
Speaker
And you know, I've read so many books and I think information, people listening changes situations.
00:31:18
Speaker
And I think it's important for people to get knowledge and educate themselves.
00:31:22
Speaker
But that's how I got far.
00:31:23
Speaker
I mean, I went to college before and graduated, but it didn't mean anything.
00:31:26
Speaker
It didn't prepare me for the real world.
00:31:28
Speaker
I just happened to like Think and Grow Rich, As a Man Think Of, and you know, Seat of the Soul, all these books.
00:31:35
Speaker
Are you currently reading anything right now?
00:31:38
Speaker
Do you meditate?
00:31:40
Speaker
Do you do cold showers, cold plunges?
00:31:43
Speaker
What is Candace outside of the businesswoman, the wife, the entrepreneur?
00:31:48
Speaker
What is some life hacks or some things you do to stimulate your mind or heal or enhance your vibration?
00:31:55
Speaker
I think you always need to be learning.
00:31:58
Speaker
So however, that whatever that modality is for you, some people readings very difficult.
00:32:03
Speaker
So they do audio books or they do podcasts or educational YouTube videos.
00:32:07
Speaker
You know, there is no judgment.
00:32:09
Speaker
Just find something that's feeding your mind.
00:32:11
Speaker
I love books.
00:32:12
Speaker
So right now I'm reading The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate and his son Daniel Mate.
00:32:18
Speaker
And I'm finishing Becoming Superhuman by Joe Dispenza.
00:32:22
Speaker
So I'm kind of toggling.
00:32:24
Speaker
I love Joe Dispenza.
00:32:24
Speaker
So I'm toggling between those two.
00:32:28
Speaker
And then so I can't do cold therapy right now because I'm breastfeeding and then that can kind of ruin your milk supply.
00:32:34
Speaker
But I do have an infrared sauna, so I try to do that a couple times a week.
00:32:39
Speaker
Huge, huge fan of infrared.
00:32:41
Speaker
I think there's something so healing.
00:32:43
Speaker
It's amazing.
00:32:46
Speaker
Obviously, making sure that you're trying to eat as clean as you can.
00:32:49
Speaker
So I have like my athletic greens that I take and then my multivitamins.
00:32:53
Speaker
I like Thorn is a really good brand.
00:32:56
Speaker
There was something I was going to add.
00:32:58
Speaker
You asked about meditation.
00:32:59
Speaker
I'm actually horrible at it, but I've been doing Tai Chi in the morning, which I love.
00:33:04
Speaker
And then there's this app called Othership and it's all breathing exercises and they're amazing.
00:33:11
Speaker
So for people like me who want to move and they're like, I can't sit still.
00:33:14
Speaker
They have walking meditations.
00:33:16
Speaker
They have ones that help you stretch.
00:33:17
Speaker
They've got stuff for couples, stuff for manifestation.
00:33:20
Speaker
It gets really, really cool and kind of esoteric in there.
00:33:23
Speaker
So I really appreciate that.
00:33:27
Speaker
Oh, there was something I wanted to add to that.
00:33:29
Speaker
Maybe it'll come to me later.
00:33:31
Speaker
Yeah, we said meditation, cold showers, cold plunges.
00:33:36
Speaker
We talked about human design.
00:33:37
Speaker
What's your life path number, by the way?
00:33:39
Speaker
Oh my gosh, I should know this.
00:33:40
Speaker
So I actually just have it all integrated into my phone.
00:33:44
Speaker
So he makes custom calendars for you.
00:33:46
Speaker
And it's just in my calendar.
00:33:48
Speaker
I think I'm a five.
00:33:49
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:51
Speaker
Or I'm on.
00:33:51
Speaker
No, I'm on my year five right now.
00:33:53
Speaker
When's your birthday?
00:33:56
Speaker
May 29th, 89.
00:33:57
Speaker
So five is five to nine.
00:34:00
Speaker
So two and nine is 11.
00:34:01
Speaker
One and two, two and five is seven and seven.
00:34:04
Speaker
So one and nine is 10.
00:34:05
Speaker
Ten and eight is 18.
00:34:07
Speaker
18 and 10 is 28 take away one is 27 to 27 is not so nine and seven 10 11 12 15 15 16.
00:34:11
Speaker
You might be a life past seven.
00:34:13
Speaker
Maybe they can in a, uh,
00:34:20
Speaker
I can pull it up really quick, actually.
00:34:21
Speaker
Because Life Path 7s, because I've studied this, they're very deep.
00:34:26
Speaker
They seek the truth.
00:34:27
Speaker
They're all about proof seekers.
00:34:30
Speaker
And actually, 2023 is a seven year.
00:34:33
Speaker
So if you've noticed, you watch social media, you watch- I'm a seven.
00:34:36
Speaker
Right, you're a seven.
00:34:37
Speaker
So you're all about knowledge.
00:34:39
Speaker
You're all about information.
00:34:40
Speaker
And sevens, their life can be challenging internally.
00:34:43
Speaker
They go through a lot of different things.
00:34:45
Speaker
But like this year, 2023 equals seven.
00:34:48
Speaker
Anything that's been hidden in the dark comes to the light.
00:34:51
Speaker
If you see what a lot of celebrities, a lot of things are coming up, people being exposed.
00:34:56
Speaker
So everybody's going through some type of like internal battle and I'm big on like spiritual currency because I've been realizing living in LA with all types of people and just people in general.
00:35:06
Speaker
I've been spiritual my entire life that
00:35:09
Speaker
People have money, people have fame, they have success, but they're lacking a depth of their spiritual bank account.
00:35:14
Speaker
And it's not like, oh, religious, godly, just about understanding thyself, higher self, being attuned to their spirit, their emotions, their gut instinct, having information like numerology, astrology.
Psychedelics and Personal Healing
00:35:26
Speaker
Because you need information to kind of understand what you're feeling.
00:35:30
Speaker
And I think you said something earlier about I'm big on EQ, emotional intelligence.
00:35:35
Speaker
Because that's a strong suit to have as a trait in awareness to kind of scale or get through some of your toughest moments.
00:35:43
Speaker
But sevens are, they're truth seekers, so.
00:35:47
Speaker
I remembered my last thing that I thought was really crucial.
00:35:50
Speaker
So, and it goes into spirituality.
00:35:52
Speaker
I think everyone needs some kind of mentor.
00:35:55
Speaker
So whether it's a business coach right now, I'm working with, he's kind of my spiritual teacher.
00:36:02
Speaker
So his name is Carlos Waters and he,
00:36:06
Speaker
I mean, he's amazing.
00:36:06
Speaker
He's just this incredible mystic.
00:36:08
Speaker
And I've only just begun and I'm already blown away.
00:36:12
Speaker
So I think it's really important to have somebody not necessarily that becomes your guru or your God, right?
00:36:18
Speaker
Everyone's human.
00:36:19
Speaker
So to make sure that you always keep that in mind, but just someone to kind of challenge you and bring that nuance and kind of shepherd you into certain paths.
00:36:28
Speaker
Yeah, and I think life is perspective.
00:36:30
Speaker
You know, being in so many different rooms and so many different entities, energies, being in all types of worlds myself, I realize it's all perspective.
00:36:39
Speaker
Because, you know, Dr. Wayne Dyer says,
00:36:42
Speaker
If we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
00:36:45
Speaker
But that's a matter of perspective.
00:36:47
Speaker
If I only grow up in South Carolina, North Carolina, and I stay there my entire life, it's only so much I know about myself and the world at large.
00:36:55
Speaker
So I always tell people, be curious and to tap into their inner being.
00:37:01
Speaker
Let's talk about psychedelics.
00:37:04
Speaker
What is that all about?
00:37:05
Speaker
Like, what is that?
00:37:06
Speaker
Like, because people have asked me over time, like, are you an asshole?
00:37:08
Speaker
Are you a mushrooms?
00:37:09
Speaker
And I didn't know what they were asking.
00:37:10
Speaker
I'm like, huh?
00:37:11
Speaker
And I was like, no, never mind.
00:37:13
Speaker
What are they talking about?
00:37:16
Speaker
So I know a little bit, but I don't know enough to share with the audience.
00:37:19
Speaker
So can you kind of like elaborate on psychedelics and what it means to you and how did you get into it?
00:37:25
Speaker
Sure.
00:37:27
Speaker
So I think right now a lot of people are focused on healing, like healing trauma, healing old wounds, trying to kind of crack that outer shell that's hiding who we truly are.
00:37:40
Speaker
And I think a lot of that is a defense mechanism, you know, just the way we were parented in general.
00:37:46
Speaker
Our parents did not have nearly as much empathy and compassion as the generation following.
00:37:51
Speaker
And I'm sure that's going to kind of always kind of cascade down, right?
00:37:54
Speaker
Hopefully our kids are always doing better than we are.
00:37:57
Speaker
But we do have a lot of healing to do.
00:37:59
Speaker
I mean, especially millennials, we've been through a ton in our life.
00:38:04
Speaker
9-11, a pandemic, parents that kind of had us be feral children and raise ourselves.
00:38:09
Speaker
There's just been a lot.
00:38:11
Speaker
We've had to deal with social media when we didn't have it before.
00:38:13
Speaker
And kind of that challenges a lot of our identity and how our self-worth is portrayed.
00:38:19
Speaker
So I think psychedelics, we're understanding the healing modality of it.
00:38:24
Speaker
And it's not like a drug that we've been told our whole life.
00:38:28
Speaker
We had these campaigns that were paid for by big alcohol, ironically, that were like, this is your brain on drugs.
00:38:35
Speaker
And it would be a frying egg or a girl melting into a recliner.
00:38:38
Speaker
And you're like, I'm never doing that.
00:38:40
Speaker
That's horrible.
00:38:41
Speaker
Or this idea that only people that are homeless are doing drugs.
00:38:46
Speaker
It's always the failures.
00:38:47
Speaker
And you're like, no, we're now learning that this was paid for by Harvard and they were researching it there.
00:38:53
Speaker
The maps now at Johns Hopkins is showing insanely promising work when it comes to depression, PTSD, addiction, all sorts of ailments.
00:39:03
Speaker
And they're doing it obviously in a very tight container.
00:39:06
Speaker
But these modalities have been used by ancient tribes forever.
00:39:11
Speaker
and now we're just kind of commercializing and modernizing them so i think we're rediscovering ancient knowledge i think it's very careful you have to be very careful as to who is facilitating who's leading and holding the space who's with you while you do it why are you doing it what's your intention behind it
00:39:30
Speaker
I'm not a fan of just doing it recreationally and going to a party.
00:39:33
Speaker
I think that that's not really exactly how it's meant to be used.
00:39:36
Speaker
I think that these are very powerful tools and you don't want to misuse them just like anything else.
00:39:43
Speaker
It's a technology.
00:39:44
Speaker
So depending on how you use it, it could be healing or it could be hurtful.
00:39:47
Speaker
So for me, again, this is like husband led because I am super risk averse and he loves anything that's new and challenges him.
00:39:57
Speaker
I have never done.
00:39:59
Speaker
He's an Aries.
00:40:00
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:40:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:02
Speaker
We're like soul soulmates on pretty much every.
00:40:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:06
Speaker
He's.
00:40:07
Speaker
And then if you go into Easter and I'm a snake and he's a rat and it's just like we just match.
00:40:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:13
Speaker
I'm a dragon.
00:40:13
Speaker
That makes sense.
00:40:14
Speaker
Okay, my mom, my mom's actually a dragon.
00:40:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:19
Speaker
But yeah, so he he started down that path a little bit before me.
00:40:24
Speaker
And I was super nervous.
00:40:25
Speaker
I had never done drugs, you know, quote, drugs or plant medicine.
00:40:29
Speaker
My dad was a cop.
00:40:30
Speaker
So the little that he was in my life, it was very much instilled that drugs are terrible and only criminals do them and you can die.
00:40:37
Speaker
That's pretty much my that was my truth.
00:40:40
Speaker
So, I saw what it did for my husband and he had done a couple psilocybin journeys and how profound they were for him.
00:40:49
Speaker
And I just trust him more thoroughly than anything else in this world.
00:40:53
Speaker
So, I was having trouble getting pregnant and as I mentioned earlier in the podcast, I'd been told I was infertile.
00:41:01
Speaker
Being a mom just felt like that was the thing I was supposed to do on this earth.
00:41:06
Speaker
I was going to do everything I could to try to to get pregnant.
00:41:10
Speaker
And I was kind of leaning into spirituality and reading and Joe Dispenza and understanding that certain things can really can store in your body.
00:41:19
Speaker
Traumas can store in your body.
00:41:21
Speaker
And psilocybin is a great tool to release those traumas.
00:41:25
Speaker
So, um, we did, I did a mushroom journey all by myself with my, with our shaman.
00:41:30
Speaker
So we have a shaman.
00:41:31
Speaker
Um, it was incredible.
00:41:33
Speaker
I had a lot, so my experience wasn't really visual.
00:41:38
Speaker
It was more physical.
00:41:39
Speaker
So I had a lot of tremors.
00:41:41
Speaker
So a lot of physical release that way.
00:41:44
Speaker
And I was pregnant two weeks later.
00:41:46
Speaker
So, and my doctor was like, I don't understand how I don't understand your hormones.
00:41:50
Speaker
Aren't there, aren't there to support a pregnancy.
00:41:53
Speaker
I don't understand how you're pregnant.
00:41:56
Speaker
On fertility.
00:41:57
Speaker
Cause I feel like that's still probably falls into the mystical space.
00:42:01
Speaker
I don't like that's, I mean, that's even a brand that can reach out that you can support or endorse and maybe create your own, but that's a win.
00:42:07
Speaker
I mean, think if certain women are told, they can't have kids and they,
00:42:11
Speaker
have a great shaman lead them and they take a few mushrooms and then they have kids.
00:42:15
Speaker
So not that that's
00:42:17
Speaker
recommend it but I'm just saying that's a breakthrough that's a story that's a I've never heard that it's anecdotal for sure so I mean for me for me I don't believe that was a coincidence and I legitimately had my doctor saying I don't know how you're pregnant right now but congratulations and that was the only thing that I had really done you know that's a miracle right there that's yeah so I mean and then you have people that are you know hosting these events in their house in San Francisco and they're doing it every other week and they've done 13 ayahuasca trips in two years and
00:42:46
Speaker
That's not good.
00:42:48
Speaker
I think that that's someone who's trying to find a way to be unique or someone who wants to perpetually be in a state of healing and not actually heal.
00:42:56
Speaker
So again, it comes down to the user and comes down to why and intention.
Future Aspirations and Personal Growth
00:43:00
Speaker
But I think if you do your own research, Michael Pollan's How to Change Your Mind is an incredible...
00:43:05
Speaker
Yeah, like get into that, watch the series, read the book and do your own research and see if it's for you.
00:43:10
Speaker
Look at the work that MAPS is doing.
00:43:11
Speaker
You'll see that it's not this thing that we've stigmatized and there's actually, it's just crazy to me that we take something like psilocybin and say that you're a horrible person if you do it and you're a druggie, but then opioids are illegal and totally ruin people's lives.
00:43:27
Speaker
So you just have to like look at the facts and take your emotion.
00:43:30
Speaker
And all of that propaganda that's kind of been put on us since we were little and make your decision for yourself.
00:43:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:36
Speaker
And it's powerful that you say that because I've always been curious.
00:43:40
Speaker
I'm a person like, what's the intentions behind something?
00:43:43
Speaker
What's the purpose?
00:43:45
Speaker
What's the outcome?
00:43:45
Speaker
What's the big picture?
00:43:46
Speaker
Like, why are we doing this?
00:43:47
Speaker
And for what reason?
00:43:49
Speaker
Even times in life, I feel like life can be assimilations.
00:43:52
Speaker
Things reoccurring.
00:43:53
Speaker
What are we here to do?
00:43:54
Speaker
I know what I want to do, but what's the big picture?
00:43:59
Speaker
I was talking to a friend.
00:44:01
Speaker
I'm like, how's it all these people have these ceremonies, but they're having these experiences and supposedly they're healing, but their life is not changing.
00:44:09
Speaker
Like if your life is not, I'm not saying maybe it's not supposed to change, but I'm into like, if I'm going to do something, it's for evolution of my soul of who I am in this lifetime, I would think.
00:44:19
Speaker
But I just seem like people doing it, but I don't really see no change in their life.
00:44:23
Speaker
So I'm glad you kind of like made that, you know, certain on like to do it for the right reason, to kind of understand it.
00:44:31
Speaker
There's a thing they say, we know things we don't understand.
00:44:34
Speaker
And all out getting, you know, Proverbs 4, 7 says, and all you're getting, get understanding.
00:44:38
Speaker
So I'm always trying to understand things I know or don't know.
00:44:42
Speaker
But I just think it's powerful for someone to, you know, share that information like yourself and moving forward for like in your life and in your career, like what's your intentions and what is the big picture for Candace and how does she see herself three to five years from now?
00:44:57
Speaker
Like, do you, I see you on panels.
00:44:59
Speaker
I see you writing a bestseller book.
00:45:01
Speaker
I don't know if you have one, but I just see the evolution of, you know, you like, what do you like?
00:45:07
Speaker
What does that look like for you?
00:45:09
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much.
00:45:10
Speaker
That's very kind.
00:45:12
Speaker
No book as of now.
00:45:14
Speaker
I love writing, so maybe one day.
00:45:16
Speaker
It's funny you say panel.
00:45:17
Speaker
I'm doing my very first one the first week of March in Miami.
00:45:22
Speaker
So thank you.
00:45:23
Speaker
I'm super nervous.
00:45:25
Speaker
It's a pretty big audience, but the whole theme of the panel is actually the evolution of a person.
00:45:31
Speaker
So you're tapped into something right now because you just said all of that.
00:45:35
Speaker
So maybe I do have a book and I don't know it yet.
00:45:38
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I pick up on people's, you know, spirits.
00:45:41
Speaker
So I was like, it's some things just come through me.
00:45:43
Speaker
But that's what I see.
00:45:45
Speaker
Yeah, that's so interesting.
00:45:46
Speaker
So I, I'm very nervous to do live public speaking.
00:45:51
Speaker
So hopefully I do well.
00:45:52
Speaker
And
00:45:54
Speaker
I could definitely see panels for sure because it intrigues me.
00:45:58
Speaker
And I think talking about complex topics like sexuality and spirituality really get me going.
00:46:04
Speaker
I love that because it challenges so many of our core beliefs.
00:46:08
Speaker
Hopefully the podcast does really well and then that can kind of stem off into other things like really creating a community I think is really important to me.
00:46:17
Speaker
What is the synopsis of your podcast?
00:46:21
Speaker
I know it's chatting with Candice.
00:46:22
Speaker
What is it?
00:46:23
Speaker
Wide open?
00:46:24
Speaker
Is it intentional?
00:46:25
Speaker
Is it a niche?
00:46:26
Speaker
Like, what is it?
00:46:27
Speaker
it's following my curiosity so i'll find a topic or a person and dive super deep into that so pretty much all of february is on the divine feminine healing root chakra it's i got super mystical out of nowhere but i'm just diving and all of these people are kind of coming onto the podcast that i didn't think i was going to get so it's very serendipitous so i just try to lead with that intuition um and again it's like challenging conversations like i had
00:46:56
Speaker
Violana Marcus on recently.
00:46:57
Speaker
It's not out yet, but we just recorded.
00:46:59
Speaker
So we are talking about really owning that sexual goddess energy, polyamory, how you can be married and married, but still have an atypical commitment.
00:47:10
Speaker
It just it challenges a lot and people are going to probably get a little bit flustered.
00:47:15
Speaker
We talk about women and their
00:47:17
Speaker
the allocation of sexuality, like you're allowed to own your pleasure and that that's still a hot button top topic.
00:47:25
Speaker
So yeah, it's just it will see where it goes.
00:47:28
Speaker
I feel like the podcast kind of has a life of its own.
00:47:30
Speaker
So hopefully that just continues to grow.
00:47:33
Speaker
And like I said, creates a community behind it where it can kind of constantly evolve with me.
00:47:37
Speaker
But yeah, that's that's where I'm at right now.
00:47:40
Speaker
Just just growing and learning.
00:47:43
Speaker
And I think it's beautiful because I feel that you're in total alignment of what you're supposed to be doing.
00:47:48
Speaker
And I just want to give you some acknowledgement for, you know, congratulations on everything you're embracing that is uncomfortable.
00:47:54
Speaker
When it comes to speaking, the trick is, because I've spoken on a few panels in front of people, is when you're nervous, the best way to kind of like master, not master, kind of like conquer the fears, is to tell yourself you're excited before.
00:48:09
Speaker
I got that from Mel Robbins, but what I learned myself is really...
00:48:13
Speaker
saying that like listen guys this is my first panel discussion i'm so nervous i'm so afraid because when you acknowledge the emotion or the energy or the feelings it doesn't take over you you just kind of like release it into the ether and then maybe you can say i'm here you know and then you move from there because you're that's your authentic self look i'm nervous i'm i'm very but thank you guys for showing up
00:48:37
Speaker
Let's talk.
00:48:38
Speaker
So I just think, you know, you're a trendsetter for a lot of different things.
00:48:43
Speaker
And like I said, I just see you scaling and some for women more so to empower them to be their best self in whatever capacity you choose.
00:48:53
Speaker
But you should, I just think you should be proud of yourself on the life you're living.
00:48:58
Speaker
And I think it's important for you to be celebrated and for people to know about you outside of adult entertainment, because that's something you did, but that's not who you are.
00:49:06
Speaker
Mm hmm.
00:49:07
Speaker
No, I appreciate you.
00:49:08
Speaker
Thank you.
00:49:09
Speaker
I think it's important.
00:49:11
Speaker
So I always have a question, you know, towards the end.
00:49:14
Speaker
That's my guess sometimes if we get to it.
00:49:17
Speaker
So there's two questions.
00:49:18
Speaker
The one question is what's working for you.
00:49:21
Speaker
And number two is, what's your greatest challenge right now?
00:49:26
Speaker
So what's working for me is really tapping into what's going on in my body.
00:49:33
Speaker
I feel like that's what's led me to that specific topic that I've been tackling for February.
00:49:38
Speaker
And that has aligned me with incredible guests that I don't think necessarily would have come to me because they came to me.
00:49:46
Speaker
It wasn't like I sought them out.
00:49:47
Speaker
They were like, no, I want to be a guest on the podcast.
00:49:49
Speaker
I'm like, holy shit, I didn't
00:49:50
Speaker
How do you know about my podcast?
00:49:53
Speaker
So I just had my second baby and there's still some residual like flight or fight that's going on, especially in my root chakra, especially in like inside of my vagina, honestly.
00:50:07
Speaker
So a lot of women, you'll go to like pelvic floor rehab just to make sure how everything's healing after you have a baby.
00:50:14
Speaker
This happened the first time around, too, where it's just constantly contracting.
00:50:19
Speaker
So it's not ever in a state where I'm relaxed and open.
00:50:23
Speaker
And, you know, if you believe in like the divine feminine and the divine masculine, if you're constantly contracted, like that's not the feminine.
00:50:29
Speaker
Like you're in your masculine.
00:50:30
Speaker
You're ready to go.
00:50:31
Speaker
You're ready.
00:50:32
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:50:32
Speaker
To conquer or fight or whatever you have to do.
00:50:35
Speaker
like you perceive a threat.
00:50:36
Speaker
So I've been really tapping into how do I learn to soften, to open, to trust, to let my husband be in the space, to really trust that he's going to protect me and I don't have to protect myself because for so long I had to protect myself.
00:50:51
Speaker
So what's working for me is just being radically honest with where I'm at and it's not where I thought I was as far as trust and security goes.
00:51:00
Speaker
And then what's challenging for me is having two babies and having a husband and also having these ambitions of growing a podcast and constantly learning and bettering myself and creating a community and having really tight rules that I put on myself for work because I don't have a boss is creating that balance.
00:51:21
Speaker
So that is something I'm navigating as well as understanding
00:51:26
Speaker
Like why do I put so much pressure on myself and what am I running away from?
00:51:31
Speaker
Is there something maybe I think I'm going to not show up as a mom and is that why I'm jumping so heavily into scheduling because, you know, avoidance is a huge pattern for a lot of people and just, you know, trying to figure that out and be honest with myself so I can show up and be the best wife, mom, person to myself and still not let that individuality die but also
00:51:56
Speaker
respect my my commitments to my family yeah and I think you know getting back to the self space and you know relaxing and regulating the nervous system but I think the word that comes up for me is trust right to trust is more the feminine side right the feminine energy uh they say the masculine is the giver and the feminine is the receiver so when you're trusting you're you're you're trusting that whatever you're supposed to receive is going to come
00:52:21
Speaker
to pass, like it's going to manifest.
00:52:24
Speaker
And coming from, you know, difficult upbringing, but having challenging moments as a child, all you know is how to survive or how to protect yourself, which I can relate to.
00:52:34
Speaker
And then you get to a space where you're like, okay, it's great to be in my masculine.
00:52:39
Speaker
How do I allow the feminine to kind of have space in life, in my life, so I can have some balance?
00:52:45
Speaker
Because as you know, you can overdo, overgive, overbe, and then you burn out.
00:52:50
Speaker
And you don't have anything for anyone.
00:52:52
Speaker
So I just think the fact that you're honest about it and you're aware of it is that growth, right?
00:52:58
Speaker
And I think everyone listening should know that.
00:53:01
Speaker
And I think for men, especially men, because, you know, women are, they're, they're, they're,
00:53:07
Speaker
getting all the power and they're developing and they're in leadership roles as they should because they deserve it.
00:53:13
Speaker
But I think the men, we got to step up and help the women in that space, right?
00:53:17
Speaker
By filling up our spiritual cup, right?
00:53:20
Speaker
You know, the feminine side of a man, you know, being vulnerable, being able to articulate our emotions and our feelings, you know, praying and meditating and
00:53:30
Speaker
building up our spiritual strength.
00:53:31
Speaker
So when we are with our women or our sisters or friends, family, moms, whoever, they feel that safety, right?
00:53:37
Speaker
Within our spirit, within our aura layer, within our vibration, they don't need to need physical matter to kind of make it make sense.
00:53:45
Speaker
They just, it's a knowing.
00:53:47
Speaker
And so I think, you know, it's,
00:53:50
Speaker
It's important for all people to kind of like regulate our emotions because it's easy to be triggered now because of social media.
00:53:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:56
Speaker
And everybody has an opinion.
00:53:59
Speaker
And sometimes their opinion doesn't matter.
00:54:03
Speaker
And sometimes we give people more power over our lives than they deserve because they don't even know us.
00:54:09
Speaker
So that's big to you for knowing that and understanding that.
00:54:13
Speaker
Is there anything else you want to share?
00:54:15
Speaker
You said you had a speech coming up.
00:54:18
Speaker
Where can we find you?
00:54:19
Speaker
Can we follow you?
00:54:21
Speaker
How do we engage with Candice?
00:54:23
Speaker
And how do we get to, you know, build with you and be part of your community?
00:54:27
Speaker
Well, thank you so much.
00:54:28
Speaker
This was incredible and you are so kind and I really, really enjoyed talking with you.
00:54:35
Speaker
You can find my podcast at chattingwithcandice.com and that has all of my Candice socials.
00:54:41
Speaker
And then my Twitter account that I'm the most active on is Fallenlovia, but you have to type it in because as of now it's shadow banned, so that one's tricky.
00:54:50
Speaker
But that's that's pretty much where you can find me this the panel is March 4 at the Miami Convention Center and that's with Pomp and he's kind of hosting it and the panel is the evolution of a person.
00:55:01
Speaker
Oh wow that's amazing congratulations and social media you said Twitter Instagram is it the same as well?
00:55:10
Speaker
So yeah, so the Instagram there's Eva Lovian, that's my alter ego.
00:55:15
Speaker
And then there's Candace Horbach.
00:55:16
Speaker
And then that's a lot of podcast stuff, some family stuff, some cooking stuff, some more of my day to day activities.
00:55:23
Speaker
And then the Eva one is more just pretty pictures.
00:55:25
Speaker
And then I try to throw in something philosophical or spiritual just to like add to it.
00:55:30
Speaker
I'm like, I know the picture is why you're here, but maybe you can read the caption and take something away or, you know, check out a book I'm reading and then inspire you to pick up a book as well.
00:55:40
Speaker
Get some wisdom.
00:55:41
Speaker
Chatting with Candice.
00:55:41
Speaker
Candice, this has been beautiful.
00:55:43
Speaker
Thank you for your time, your energy, your awareness, and the wisdom you shared today on Bigger Talks.
00:55:48
Speaker
I'm pretty sure people will appreciate this interview and follow you and get to know about you, the mom, entrepreneur, and everything else that you have in the life.
00:55:57
Speaker
So thank you once again.
00:55:58
Speaker
This was beautiful.
00:56:00
Speaker
Thank you.