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Learning to Balance Self Care with Building a Mission-Driven Nonprofit: Reflections on Year One of Let the Light In - with Kami Wernimont
44 Plays2 months ago
Content warning: miscarriage and pregnancy loss
October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, and Kami Wernimont, Founder and President of Let the Light In (LTLI), returns to share the latest updates on her non-profit organization, which she founded and launched in Summer 2023. LTLI supports and provides resources for women who have experienced miscarriage and pregnancy loss. One year ago, Kami visited the podcast and opened up about her personal journey, and in today’s episode, she reflects on the past year of leading and growing the organization. As the need for Let the Light In's services continues to grow, Kami discusses the lessons she's learned about supporting others while maintaining her own self-care and quality time with her children.
Full transcript available here.
Re-visit episode 17 to hear Kami’s story.
If you’re moved to support the important work of Let the Light In, please donate here.
Connect with Kami and learn more about Let the Light In here.
Connect with Leanna here.
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast and Host
00:00:08
Speaker
Welcome to the Executive Coach for Moms podcast, where we support women who are attempting to find balance and joy while simultaneously leading people at work and at home. I'm your host, Leanne Alaska McGrath, former tech exec turned full-time mom, recovering perfectionist and workaholic and certified executive coach.
Guest Introduction: Kami Wernimont
00:00:29
Speaker
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the show. Thank you so much for joining me. I am sharing an episode today with Kami Wernimont, who you might remember joined us last October for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Kami is the founder and president of Let the Light In.
00:00:49
Speaker
Let the Lighten is a nonprofit organization supporting women affected by miscarriage and pregnancy loss by providing resources and a compassionate community at no cost to the woman. And she was just starting this nonprofit when we spoke last year.
00:01:08
Speaker
And if you haven't had a chance to listen to that episode, I would highly recommend going back and listening episode 17 called Let the Light In, where Kami shares her own personal story about her pregnancy losses and what brought her to this work.
Building Let the Light In: Journey and Challenges
00:01:25
Speaker
So I wanted to invite her back to talk with us again and hear about how it's been going, building this nonprofit and kind of living her life's passion and work in the world, creating this thing from scratch and what's been going on in her world. Because I think it's so important to bring more awareness to this topic. I know that so many of the women in our community are likely impacted by pregnancy loss, miscarriage, infant loss. And so I want to make sure we create a space for that.
00:02:02
Speaker
And also for Cammie's organization, because they're doing this amazing, amazing work and I want to bring more awareness about it and just to hopefully see more and more organizations like this.
00:02:15
Speaker
around our country and around our world because it's so, so needed. We will be talking today about pregnancy loss and miscarriage. So if that is something that is a fresh trauma for you, it just want to give you that kind of content heads up. We also are talking about how doing this work and balancing one's own needs is so important. One of the things that Kami says is that If you don't take care of yourself, it's a very fast track to burnout, trying to both support women through these difficult times and then walk alongside of them through the companion support that Kami's organization offers while also running the day-to-day of the nonprofit and fundraising and planning events while also raising children.
Emotional Balance: Joy and Sorrow
00:03:12
Speaker
of course she's a year in, so she's learning how to balance all of that. And I just love this conversation. So I hope that you enjoy it as well, remembering that joy, sorrow, grief, sadness, all these feelings can exist at the same time. So, enjoy.
00:03:35
Speaker
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the show. We have a very special episode for you today. I have Kami Wernemann here, founder and president of Let The Light In, a nonprofit helping women through pregnancy loss. And she was here back in October of 2023.
00:03:59
Speaker
for a very special episode called Let the Light In. And that was episode 17. I would highly recommend if you haven't listened to it yet, go back and give it a listen so you can hear more about Kami's story. And we're gonna pick up where we left off and talk about what it's been like for her in this past year of building this nonprofit and about all kinds of things that she's learned and that that we're feeling like talking about today. So welcome, Kami.
00:04:25
Speaker
Hey, thank you for having me, Liana. Yeah, thanks so much for coming back on the podcast. I'm so excited. I think you're my, might be one of my first return guests. so Hey, exciting. There's a lot to say one year later. Yeah, yeah. Well, I can't wait to hear about it because I think It's, of course, work that is so near and dear to probably many of our listeners' hearts of either having experienced pregnancy or loss at some point in their own personal journeys or knowing someone who has gone through it and walked alongside of them and also just hearing about how you are managing to run a nonprofit with three small children and all of your other.
00:05:07
Speaker
responsibilities of things. So tell me, how has it been?
Nonprofit Growth and Community Impact
00:05:11
Speaker
You last we talked, you were kind of just getting this new nonprofit off the ground and you had just incorporated and now it's a year later. So how's it been going? One year later, it's been going at a rapid pace. So at the time that our episode went live, it was the start of October, which is when we kicked off. So we became incorporated in July of 23, kicked off with October's pregnancy and infant loss awareness month.
00:05:38
Speaker
And we have been going at a rapid pace ever since. Oh, we kicked off with our wave of light event, which is a candlelight vigil. Wave of light is a international wave of light, which is very beautiful. You start on the first time zone starting at 7PM lights, a candle for an hour. And then the next time zone takes over. So that 24 hours of candlelight spreading awareness and love and light through the world. So we kicked off with that. And then we went right into year end giving.
00:06:04
Speaker
From there, we started to get our name out there. Honestly, we did a direct mail piece with holiday cards, New Year cards, saying that we it's a new year, we have new hope. And we just ah networked and networked and networked and putting our faces in front of others. And surprisingly, we those New Year cards went out. And on January 3rd, I was getting my first request to come in and speak to doctor's offices.
00:06:30
Speaker
which I never would have imagined, but it speaks volumes to the need of the support that's out there. you know And it also brought to light a little bit of the capacity that these physicians have after loss. And they're feeling like, OK, we can do so much, but it'd be great to have a local resource or a resource that we can say, here is Let the Light End. They're here for you to talk one-on-one, answer questions, point you to additional resources, and things like that.
00:06:57
Speaker
So once that started to happen, we got a slow start to our our major program, which is companion care. So we offer one-on-one companion support. And similar to the world of coaching, it's, a you know, grief coaching, I have a background as a life coach, but I've also taken courses to become a certified miscarriage doula to hold space for pregnancy loss, perinatal mood and anxiety disorder screening, and many, many more to make sure that I feel like I have the background and the knowledge to help these women. But coming in for one-on-one support, it's a place for people to pour out. It's a place for people to say what they wish they could say in a room full of people or in a quiet space where there's no one listening to be seen and heard. So that is our number one program that we have. And right now, we have grown so much that we're getting multiple submissions a week requesting one-on-one care.
00:07:52
Speaker
So I feel like I'm just giving you a timeline of the whole year, but I have to have to share with you this beautiful event that we had. So back in May, we hosted a bereaved Mother's Day brunch. So Mother's Day is the second Sunday of every May, but there is a international bereaved Mother's Day, the first Sunday in May. And early on, I knew that this was an event we wanted to have. And how do you,
00:08:19
Speaker
walk that fine line of joy and sadness and grief and gratitude and we invited women to come together and we had I want to say 40 to 50 people in a room for brunch, and we just held that space for them, and we loved on them, and we had a speaker that talked about grief and gratitude, and it was just beautiful, and it still takes my breath away to think about it. Building community, we watched it unfold, and friendships emerged from that group, and just community, compassionate community, is at the heart of what we do. And being able to see that unfold organically with this crowd, it was just took my breath away.
00:09:03
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So that's kind of where we are now. And then we're diving into October where we're planning fundraising events and our next Wave of Light event coming up on October 15th. Yeah. And if you have not listened to the last episode, you shared about your losses and maybe just it might be helpful just for you to talk a little bit more about like, what does Let the Light In do when you talk about companion support? What does that look like? What's the vision for Let the Light In?
00:09:32
Speaker
So starting with our mission is that we provide support for women that have experienced miscarriage and pregnancy loss. Infant loss, we sometimes see a little bit of that as well and work with women there. But if it's beyond our scope, we can help them get to the resources that they do need. But we support women affected by miscarriage and pregnancy loss by providing resources and compassionate community.
00:09:53
Speaker
We have a list of resources on our website, but we also have a backend list of resources on um in our office where somebody comes to us with a specific need, we are able to say, okay, this is what we can provide for you. There have been women that have reached out looking for a counselor and give us the XYZ criteria and okay, let me take that off your plate and do that for you.
00:10:13
Speaker
Let me help you find make a list of people that maybe accept your insurance, you know, whatever we can do there. We've had people ask us for financial resources, which we do not provide, but we can connect them with who we do know. And every time somebody asks for resources, it's a learning experience for us too, because we get to add more people to our resource list for the next person that comes through.
00:10:33
Speaker
So a lot of what we do is paving the way for the next person ahead, but also being present with who's in front of us. So providing those resources. And then I say compassionate community as part of building that community network, building that resource list, knowing that if I don't know the answer, I have five people in my back pocket that I can say, Hey, I'm looking for this type of person.
00:10:53
Speaker
Can you help me out? So building that and then the community events that we do, such as our wave of light event and our brief Mother's Day branch, bringing those people together to let them know that they're not alone. That is primary goal. But our companion support program is really about providing people the space to unload and up heave all of it. Right.
Addressing Emotional Health Post-Miscarriage
00:11:15
Speaker
And so there have been people that have said, you know, before I even made it into my appointment, just scheduling the appointment, I felt lighter.
00:11:22
Speaker
knowing that I had somebody that got it, somebody that understands what I'm going through and isn't just saying, I'm sorry, this is hard. yeah But really being able to listen and part of ah being a companion support person is not listening to give advice or to respond, but listening to see them and hear them and bear witness to their story. What many of these women have been through is trauma and being able to have a place to where they can openly share that they're angry at this pregnant woman that gets in their way every single day. It's a safe place to say that because you're we're not judging them, right? yeah It's a safe place to say, you know, my husband isn't getting it or my partner isn't getting it or my best friend is pregnant. I don't know what to do. Or this would have been our due date.
00:12:14
Speaker
How do I process this? How do I go on with all the plans that we made? And so the reason all of this came about is because when I i had two losses in 2018 and I didn't know how to process those, I didn't know what was going on with my mind and body and the disconnect there.
00:12:30
Speaker
And I didn't know who to talk to about it. And so building that community and helping people realize that they're not alone. And and part of what i but I didn't mention is with those community support sessions, we do bring in that perinatal mood and anxiety disorder screening. So PMATs.
00:12:48
Speaker
If you have a child and you go in afterwards you have that six week appointment like how are you doing how are you eating how are you sleeping how are you you know testing for all of those postpartum mood and anxiety disorders depression all of that but people often forget that miscarriage and pregnancy loss was still a pregnancy.
00:13:05
Speaker
and there's still a postpartum period there. They are still having a child and no matter what stage. yeah And so it gets really complex when you're thinking about the immense grief that they they have on top of all these hormonal balance ah imbalances and challenges and coming back down and getting their body back to your body doesn't forget that you were pregnant now and navigating some of those changes. The biggest thing that comes across is the mind-body disconnect. My mind knows that i am no longer pregnant or that i have had a miscarriage pregnancy loss but my body did not get the memo and for some women they're even lactating right how dramatic to be to know to go through all of this and then it's say a week later or when you thought it was all done it's like no now what it's another reminder.
00:13:52
Speaker
So we just like to take that extra step and like, you're not medical care. But we're here to look out for you as if you're our very best friend, our sister, our cousin, our aunt, our daughters, right? We're doing this for them. They get better care and support than we ever did. Yeah, I remember you talking about that in your experience about that mind body disconnect and wondering if you could Trust that again of that, you know, knowing what was going on in your body whenever your brain was telling you one thing and your body was telling you something different. I remember with my first, because I had two successful pregnancies, full term pregnant babies at home. um I had two toddlers at home when I had my losses. And I remember thinking with those two pregnancies, I could almost tell right away that I was pregnant.
00:14:42
Speaker
I could feel it. It was that intuition. I knew what was going on. I was so connected, right, with my body. And then the first loss happened and I was like, okay, well, I'm not pregnant anymore, but I still feel pregnant. What's going on? And then going back to that trying again, it's like, okay, well, maybe I am this month.
00:15:02
Speaker
And I thought for sure that I was, and nope, I wasn't. And so I lost that intuition, if you will, that connection with my body. And it took me a long time to trust her again, that she could do what I needed her to do. And really, and in reality, my body was taking care of me, but I was mad at her.
00:15:23
Speaker
ah of yeah so it took a lot of It took a lot of work to get to the point where I could say, okay, I forgive you. Let me nurture you back to where you need to be. Yeah.
Self-Care in Supporting Roles
00:15:35
Speaker
I'm wondering how is it for you as you are walking alongside all these women, especially having had those experiences yourself and probably seeing your story show up in you know some of their stories. What is that experience like for you? It's like digging up dirt.
00:15:54
Speaker
um in this way of where I've done a lot of work to process my losses, but it's like, oh, I thought that was buried. It's not buried. It's still there. So like these layers are coming undone, if you will. I actually had an instance where someone came in and spoke with me and it was like their story was identical to mine. Two small ones at home. and care um It was one or two losses and it was the same. like nine weeks, no heartbeat. What do I do? How do I manage this with my kids at home? And it just kind of pulled the rug out from under me. It was like, you can't prepare yourself for every circumstance that's going to come through and that's going to come in. And so on one hand, it had me very much more connected with her because I could, I was there, right? I was in that same similar path.
00:16:43
Speaker
And on the other hand, I had to kind of step back from my own personal experience and say, her experience is not mine. My experience is mine and hers is hers. And I need to take myself out of it because this is not about me. This is not about me, especially when I'm sitting in that room with her and she's there for support. I have to sort of remove myself and be present to her.
00:17:04
Speaker
But I could tell it hit me emotionally afterwards. I just had to kind of, I drove home in silence that day. It was like, okay, I gotta, a I gotta work through this. Like, how can I show it better for her? How can I help myself? And that was really a big window into me realizing that I needed to make my self care, if you will, my mental health and mind and body, I need to make that a priority. If I'm going to do this work, I need to take care of me. And I need to, you know, make sure that I am,
00:17:33
Speaker
eating right and moving my body and getting this trauma that I hold for everybody else and this heartache and hurt, I need to get it out of my own body and move and process it. Otherwise, it's going to show up and bring me knock me to my knees just like it did years ago. Yeah. It's kind of like you're doing this work both on a macro scale and a micro scale, right? Because you're like doing it you're you're setting up this nonprofit to help multiple women who need support and also on a micro level like you're individually meeting with people one on one and doing this companion care and so it's like a need for like finding a balance between making sure you're in a headspace where you can support the community but also where you can like
00:18:21
Speaker
support that one person in front of you and then not carry it and let it trauma, you know, and the burden to kind of like weigh you down to keep you from doing the work that you need to do for the whole community. So I guess I'm just curious like how it's been navigating that.
00:18:39
Speaker
um It's a lot like juggling and compartmentalizing and being, okay, I need to take this off the shelf and put it over here. But you can only do that for so long before you have to really work through it. And so what I try to do, and I'm no expert at this point, I'm still learning what boundaries I need to set in order to and ensure that I'm showing up as the best version of me. But um I've learned, I've taken a lot from these one-on-one sessions and found some common themes and I'm able to share those things With the community so many ah of these women are having a hard time with that mind body disconnect with walking into. The doctor's office doors where they they they don't want to go back on that same building and to that same ultrasound room but they have another pregnancy and finding those commonalities to share with the world and.
00:19:31
Speaker
turning it into something bigger. so It is just taking it from that but one-on-one level and sort of sharing that message with the bigger picture, all while also keeping it confidential. right so Every session that we have with somebody is confidential. We don't share that we're working with this person over here or what exactly that we talked about, but it is we do let them know that we're going to pull out some themes and some things that you're struggling with.
00:19:56
Speaker
But being able to share that I think is the biggest thing. Well, I think it's like goes back to what we were talking about before we started recording about how do you hold that space for other people without them kind of like carrying it everywhere that you go.
00:20:09
Speaker
I have to set healthy boundaries for myself and for others. I find on the days where I schedule more than two people for a session, like that is my capacity. Typically what I do after somebody leaves is I take some notes and work through it. Writing is my go-to for many things, but it's also a way for me to keep this person's story alive in our Our documents making sure that we i can go back and look and see it okay we talked about this this and this but and the days that i can really sit and do that and process what we've done without saying oh i gotta go i gotta like play my laptop shut or. Get out the door and rush to wear up whatever's next on those days it's much harder.
00:20:53
Speaker
But if I take the time to sort of really process and think of think through what happened, knowing that i they left with resources or knowing that there are next steps, that's when I can feel like, okay, they're okay. It's okay.
00:21:07
Speaker
And then I can move on. Otherwise, I tend to carry it with me. And it shows up as distraction and agitation, but if you will. Because i my mind is like, you haven't worked through this yet. you haven't I know that I cannot fix the situation for these women. and I can't put a band-aid on it and say, oh, you're OK now. You're OK. And I know I just said that you know they're OK, but OK in the most OK sense, right? They're they're here.
00:21:34
Speaker
and We can't really be responsible for taking them higher or lower than that. But being able to say that I gave them what they needed in this moment, that I can walk away feeling like, okay, I did the work, now it's time to go over here. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah there's like some closure, it sounds like. Yeah. And some time to process after the fact. This is not work where you can just go from one meeting to the next. No. not at all. Otherwise it builds like a volcano and I get like a little bit more full and more full and more full and it's like okay I am emotionally drained I cannot do one more thing. And so I think what's and important with this first year is we're we're figuring all of that out right and so
00:22:20
Speaker
Figuring out like what is my true capacity? How many people can I see in a day? How can I combine this seeing people on these couple days a week because we do have dedicated office space for those two for two days a week so we can see them in person. But then how do I jump from that to planning a silent auction fundraiser?
00:22:42
Speaker
yeah How do I do those things? and so This first year is about figuring it out and be like and learning from it as we go. like okay I need to have this much time to be able to come down from this. It's learning about myself too. Before I can dive into something else, there was a ah situation that somebody was in a while back and we were smacked right into the middle of a big fundraiser. We had a big resale fundraiser going on.
00:23:08
Speaker
and because I wasn't getting that person what I felt like I could get them. The support that I because they were asking for some outside resources, I was just kind of struggling to get what they needed, which is a whole other topic. But that was in my head here while I was trying to do other things. And it's just we can't multitasking is not effective.
00:23:29
Speaker
Yeah, it's like that person needs your full presence and attention in that moment. Are you solely doing the companion support or do you have a team of people or how does that work?
Training and Team Development in Nonprofit
00:23:40
Speaker
So, reminder that we're one year in and it's steamrolling ahead. I am currently the only person that's providing companion support, but myself and another one of our board members have been working on our training.
00:23:53
Speaker
to train more people to provide companion support and so we're taking from all the courses that I took and she took them as well and building this framework of compassion and education and how to hold space and how to listen without trying to fix making sure that people are informed and it's one of those things I hold very close to my heart I sometimes need to step away and let her take that part. and She's doing a fine job of that. but ah so We're working on that training and hope to get that finalized before the end of the year. I had an earlier deadline and it just didn't happen, so we're hoping like by the end of the year. But we would love to have a team. and I think one of the things that has come up in these sessions more often than not is wanting to connect with somebody that gets it, right somebody that's been there.
00:24:41
Speaker
And so as we grow, finding these people that have had the different experiences, the different types of pregnancy loss, second trimester loss or sober, somebody that has gone through ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy, ah even having somebody like that, because having those personal experiences that are very different and being able to connect over those is incredibly important for somebody to say, I see you, I've been there. Let's do this together.
00:25:10
Speaker
I wonder if a large part of your training includes that thing you were just talking about, like the self-care and the self-regulation and like knowing, yeah being able to support and hold space while also being able to know what you need to be able to do that, right? I'm pouring out. Yeah.
00:25:31
Speaker
It's a fast track to burnout if you don't take care of yourself. yeah it's It would be easy to just say, no, I'm done. My hope and my vision is that we have a team and that team can lean on one another and perhaps an outside source, whether that be a counselor or a therapist or someone on our advisory board, that they can lean in and say, look, I need to just unload and process this. Can you help me? Can we have this like debrief here so that I can let some of this out. And I think that's going to be a key component of what we do. It has to be. Yeah. And also I think having that community of people who are the caregiver support kind of thing, right? Like network. Yeah. To lean on each other. Yeah. I love that. So what else has been going on?
00:26:16
Speaker
You mean that's not enough? No. It has been interesting balancing like my my passion is the is the heart work, right? It's the companion support and we do that for free. We provide the support to women for free so there are no barrier barriers for anyone to come in. and But we do that with sponsorships and donations and fundraising and so there's this whole other side of the nonprofit where you're asking for funds and trying to build a fun event that's not super heavy so to get awareness for what we do. And so we're attempting all of that. We have a silent auction coming up in October to be our first one. And it's built on, you know let's make this a little softer, a little lighter and spread awareness about what we do while also giving these everybody this opportunity to to purchase these wonderful items so they can go have fun.
00:27:12
Speaker
That must be a really interesting balance of like trying to walk that line and dealing with like super heavy stuff and then trying to make it light for people and get donations and things like that. Yeah, you know, you can only bring the that heavy layer to it so much before people are like, I don't want to look at this.
00:27:33
Speaker
It's too heavy too much. Yeah, but if we can bring in a little bit of the joyful part, which is that we're building this incredible community and allowing people to speak the terms miscarriage and pregnancy loss and an infant loss, even.
00:27:48
Speaker
We're allowing them to speak. there' The joyful part is that we're building this wonderful community so that people don't have to do it alone. So if we can celebrate, like lift toward joy towards for that, for some of these events that we're doing so that we can provide the heavy support to these people. I think that's been the fine line. It's remembering that joy and sorrow and grief and sadness and I don't want to say happiness, but All of that, like there's a pendulum here, right? And at the same time, both can exist. There's an and, joy and sadness and grief and yeah, it's been a delicate line for sure. Yeah.
Balancing Nonprofit Leadership and Family
00:28:27
Speaker
Yeah. And then you've also got your kids and your family. You've got three the kids at home. So how is it like not carrying the heavy home with you as well? And just being a president of a nonprofit while raising three children, like how's it going?
00:28:44
Speaker
So it's much busier this time yeah this year than it was last year. So last year we were just getting started. I was in the office two days a week. I could have some flexibility with my days home. And even over the summer last, this past summer, the summer before, it was like my two oldest were home all summer. And it was like, oh, I can do this. I can do this and this. And this year it's like, no.
00:29:08
Speaker
I can't, I can't do all the things. So my schedule is much more full than it used to be. And it is that sort of making sure that I decompress by the end of the day, so I don't carry it home. And knowing that, okay, when this time hits, you know, three o'clock hits, and I pick up my two oldest, it's like, okay, now it's them.
00:29:28
Speaker
right So i have to kind of put that pocket on like okay now it's them they get this evening occasionally i'll throw in a little bit of work if they don't have an after school activity but let me just tell you what we are and two different sports for the two big kids and gymnastics for the little kid and it's crazy over here.
00:29:45
Speaker
I have leaned in on my village like no other, and I'm just blessed that I have one. I know there's many moms out there that don't, but I could not do it without them. And just trying to meet my kids where they are and watch them grow in baseball and soccer and gymnastics and all those things, it's a season, right? And so this too shall pass, trying to stay present there, which, you know, I'm guilty of, you know, at a soccer practice or a baseball practice.
00:30:13
Speaker
getting some of my social media posts out, trying to do the things where I can kind of focus on some of the more lighthearted stuff or crossing off some things from my to do list, but it's been jam packed for sure.
00:30:27
Speaker
Yeah, sometimes I wish I could have a picture of the person like where they're writing the post from because I write ah so many social media posts from the sidelines of gymnastics or ninja camp or whatever. Yeah, because that's the stuff that I do at those two because it's like, you know, you're sitting there for an hour or two and You get the gist of it. You want to watch, of course, and always try and like watch some of it. Also thinking about all the to-do list things that you've got to do. You get this great idea and you're like, yes, I need to put this down. I need to write this down. It is. So don't judge the moms on their phones, guys. I know.
00:31:07
Speaker
I totally agree with that because the way I think about it is when we're done here, I wanna be present with her. I wanna be engaged with her and not thinking about that idea or not thinking about all the things I wanna do. hey If I can like do that here, then we're done. Then we can recap that amazing move that she did and she can tell me all about it and we can be really excited about it. And I'm not like, yeah, okay, honey, like just distracted because I still have a bunch of stuff to do.
00:31:36
Speaker
Yeah, it's like yeah I got to get this stuff out of my brain. And on the paper or on to the screen, however it is, I got to get it out. And then when I get it out, I can focus, right? It's yeah like, let me just do this over here. And I also think too, like when they write a practice like that, they're in someone else's hands that's loving on them too, right? and And I mean that in the most genuine way, like their coach is out there working with them, yeah or their teacher or whoever it is.
00:32:03
Speaker
And like they have them in that moment. And that is a beautiful thing in and of itself to have somebody else loving it on and teaching your kids. They're just as much a part of my village as the next door neighbor.
00:32:16
Speaker
For sure. Yeah, it's a great time to do a few emails and things like that. you know But I agree. I think there is a bit of like judgment of, oh, why aren't you watching your kid? Well, I'm going to spend the next few hours, and I spent the few hours before this with them, and like that's where I'm going to show up for my kid when there isn't somebody else there. taking care of them. Right, right. You know, we're we're all just doing the best that we can in the moments that we have and trying to do it all. And there's this being a mom is no easy feat. And add on top of that, the additional responsibilities that we take on, we do what we can the best that we know how. Yeah.
00:32:54
Speaker
I mean, especially I think when you're trying to balance that with doing this very important work in the world that is so important for the community and also the very important work of raising great kids into into you know adults. And it's a lot on our shoulders for sure to try and balance all of it. And i I agree. I think we are all out there doing our best. And I think a lot of times there's like you know kind of assumption of like well you see this like little snapshot of someone's day and you're like oh they're not acting the way I expect them to act and it's like yeah but you don't know how they acted the rest of the day and also right really not your place you know like what their circumstances are and what's going on in their world and what's going on in their kids worlds but I think our minds like tend to go to that like kind of judgy place of
00:33:49
Speaker
Oh, that's not how a mom is supposed to act in this situation. and Right. You know what? In this era, if you will, of motherhood, I mean, how are we supposed to act? Really? Like, how are we? Like, is there really a right or a true wrong? like Yeah. But I will say this. I will say that um as I do this work, and I have events on the weekends sometimes, or my my boys have come with me to help with our resale to sort through stuff or move tables or whatever it was. The first time that my oldest, who is almost 10, saw one of my business cards, because my business card has my photo on it. And he said, mommy, you're the president. What? That is so cool. And I was like, oh, this, this is so good. Yeah. seeing Having them bear witness to the work that we do and the good that it's providing other people really takes some of that heavy weight off.
00:34:45
Speaker
and knowing that they can do good and help other people too. Do they understand the depths of everything that I do? Not really, but they do understand that I helped parents and moms who have lost their babies. And they know that it's sad. And usually that's about all that interest that they have. And then they're like, but you're the president. I wonder how many like friends at school they've shared that with. No, I wonder that would be yeah, I should ask them.
00:35:17
Speaker
My mom's president. Yeah, I love that. And I think that's really cool for our kids to see. And I'm wondering before you started this, were you working outside the home? Were you or you had taken a bit of time away from career? Yeah, I took a little pause. So I have always been one to do all the things all at once. Full speed ahead. And so up through 2019, I was working part-time as a marketing director. I was also building my coaching business and taking some online courses while I had two kids at home. Don't recommend it. But it was what I was doing at the time and you know it got me here. yeah but um and Then we moved out west to Washington State for two and a half years. and At that time, it was almost like a i one I left my job because it didn't make sense for me to keep it. and The plan was to
00:36:12
Speaker
focus on my coaching work, but then the pandemic happens and I ended up staying being a stay-at-home mom. So it was like I did all the things and then I dropped all the things and focused on motherhood. And that was when we were pregnant with our third, depending on how you say that, but yeah, that our our baby girl. So who is now almost four. Oh gosh.
00:36:34
Speaker
Yeah. And so when we came back from Washington, this work has been on my heart. And even while I was out there, I was kind of doing the research like, what would this take?
Founding Let the Light In: Motivation and Transition
00:36:44
Speaker
What do I want this community to have? So when I got back, I took on that that miscarriage tool, of course, and went to a few of my close friends and a couple of people that I had just met, honestly, and said, hey, I'm thinking about this. What do you think?
00:37:00
Speaker
And they were all in like, yes, let's do it. So I know it was almost like I needed to let go of all those other things in order to truly focus on what I needed to do. Yeah. And I'm curious, like, how has that transition been both for you and for your kids of before you were like solely focused on them. And then now you're kind of doing this important work as well. Yeah. What's that like?
00:37:26
Speaker
So for the first year of the pandemic, we homeschooled because our daughter was born in September. And so it was just one of those, in the moment, chaos choices. I am not a homeschool parent. I adore all the people that can do it. It's just not for me. i can't and It's not my strong point, my strength. After that, we got them into school and my middle was like, but I want you to be my teacher. And I'm like, buddy, you don't want me to teach you.
00:37:51
Speaker
you don't want to do the work. That's why you want me to teach you. yeah And so there was a little bit of transition from that point. And I think part of that was me being able to focus all my attention on them and to them being home because we weren't going anywhere. um So there was some attachment that we had to work through with, with, okay, let's go to school and let's, um, and especially when we moved back here, it was kind of nice because we were back with family and friends again.
00:38:17
Speaker
We had a a small very small village, very tiny. There weren't a lot of people that we could lean on on a day-to-day basis. But once we got back out here and it's like, okay, well grandparents are here, uncles and cousins and friends and and all of that, we kind of just picked up and started moving. I feel like it was a slow roll because, like I said, when the the first summer, when back in July of 23, it was a slow build. right We became incorporated. We were doing all the back end paperwork. We were getting all the stuff done and the layout and making the plans. and so I was able to be present with them in that time.
00:38:51
Speaker
And you know i again, with ah doing the work while they're playing, they were at the pool and I would be working on our bylaws. So it was like that finding that balance in between. I think it's just been a slow evolution, to be honest, of me getting back to this. and yeah but Really, the evenings, for the most part, unless we have an event, the evenings are theirs. If I have work to do, it's usually right when they get home after they've gotten settled, I do a couple more things and then get into all their stuff. I used to work after they went to bed and even now it's like, no I don't really think I can, I've hit my
00:39:28
Speaker
my done point. Yeah, I'm done. I'll tackle it again in the morning. So I think it's a um long story short, it's just been a slow evolution of doing all the things, dropping all the things and slowly picking back up to what works.
00:39:42
Speaker
it's been good Yeah, I asked because I worked full time until my daughter was two. And of course she doesn't remember that, but then I took a two year career pause and she remembers that. But of course as I've been building my business over the past,
00:40:00
Speaker
year and a half I guess 20 months or so if I need to do something or if I'm on my computer while she is a gymnastics and wants to show me you know her her tricks and things like that I try to explain to her like I'm gonna work when you're at school sometimes when you're at your activities and I try as much as I can to like not bring this to our time, you know, or whenever we can spend time together. So I can be done with work during those times. And I really try to explain that to her. And also, it's such for me, like such a fine balance, because I try to explain it as like, I'm helping other mamas.
00:40:34
Speaker
who And so she can relate to that. She wants to be a mama when she grows up and she's like, you know, very into the mamas. and kind i love it and So she gets that and I try to explain it in a way of like, I'm doing this work because I want to and because I feel really strongly about it and I'm helping people and I want to do it. Not so much like I have to do this job and it being kind of like burden and an obligation to take me away from her because i I don't want her to see work that way. I want her to see that work can be something that you feel is important and that you're doing to make a difference and to help people, but also trying to balance with, hey, I know this is our time, but there's a call that somebody else scheduled that I didn't schedule.
00:41:21
Speaker
that has a lot of people on it that I need to do. yeah It's interesting kind of like as we go from that being full-time with our kids to then scaling, and I plan to scale this business kind of like with her, you know like how much she's in school and that kind of thing, but you know explaining that to them and just kind of figuring that out together as we go. so I love hearing from others who are doing kind of similar things right of of going from that transition and what that's like for you.
00:41:51
Speaker
I feel like we are we're part of the lucky ones where we get to choose. Yes. Right? I have not always had the opportunity where I can say, well, I'm going to do this and just make it my own because there are financial obligations to the world, right? like There are a lot of people that, I mean, for the longest time, we were a dual income family and we have to make that work for us. And I often think about you know Yes, I'm giving up some of my time with them, but I'm also lucky in the sense where I can say my day ends at two because at two I go and pick up my kids and actually like drive to pick them up and sit in the car line and do all the things, but I digress. So I'm able to end my day.
00:42:37
Speaker
for the most part at that time and put my work into that nine to two timeframe and be able to be present for them. But I know that there's others that can't necessarily do that. yeah It's all a big transition in what we can do and if we can do it, let's make it work for us. Why not? Yeah, I agree.
00:42:55
Speaker
Well, I love talking with you. We feel like we could talk for hours. Is there anything else that you feel like you want to talk about or share or that's kind of been a learning for you over the last year? We talked a lot about you know the the balance of motherhood and doing the heart work. We talked about how to sort of build those boundaries around the work that we do. and I think the more that I dive into this work and the more that I meet with people, the more I am made aware of the systems against us,
Systemic Challenges and Advocacy for Change
00:43:27
Speaker
right? And the challenges that these women and families face, how hard it is for them to get care that they need.
00:43:35
Speaker
whether that be physical care or emotional care even looking at insurance coverages for mental health you know and how many things are out of pocket now and you know all the things from medical coding to just being able to have a proper burial for the baby that you lost you know there's there's a lot of hurdles for these families and knowing where to begin to start jumping some of those it's been a learning curve and we're still figuring that out.
00:44:04
Speaker
So we can connect people or we can know where our resources best spent advocating for people and also who is already getting started on that work. So one of the things that we're doing is building a collaborative community of people that are serving parents that have experienced miscarriage, pregnancy, loss and loss and infant loss.
00:44:20
Speaker
who might be doing the work that we need to jump in and be a part of or support them or just say, OK, great, you're doing this, so we're going to focus on this. But part of that is bereavement care in hospitals. And they're just now starting to have in some of the hospitals here in Ohio bereavement suites for people that are delivering stillbirth.
00:44:40
Speaker
and previously and even sometimes still in labor and delivery right next to somebody with a healthy pregnancy that's celebrating right but they're over here and just here like yeah so change changes upon us there are people out there advocating for that and having a bereavement suite.
00:44:55
Speaker
and in their labor a section and their labor and delivery and making sure that communication is clear between doctors and nurses when the shift changes and you know you have a laboring mom that's birthing a child without a heartbeat. How do you treat her as opposed to the woman next door or the birthing person next door that is going to take home a healthy baby?
00:45:16
Speaker
Yeah. And so it sounds like there's starting to be more awareness about this in education. Yeah. Yeah. There are some other groups out there that are doing some of this work and and going into hospitals and speaking to and the powers that be to change some of this policy and bring awareness to. Unfortunately, they had to go through this this experience in order to be able to create change, which happens so often. But yeah, there's some great organizations that are out there, at least here in central Ohio that are working on some Yeah, I love to hear that. I mean, obviously I wish there wasn't a need for it. I wish that you didn't have people, you know, coming in multiple times a week, of course, but it is so common. Last time you shared, it I think it was one in four, right? Women experience pregnancy loss in their lifetime. ye So it's such a common experience and so important that we have resources to support these women and these families.
00:46:09
Speaker
Yes, give them space to process their experience and to get the the most out of it that they can. I had a conversation with somebody not too long ago. They just found out that their ultrasound, that their baby no longer had a heartbeat.
00:46:20
Speaker
And they were trying to figure out the next steps, what to do. The doctor had given them options. And it's like, OK, I don't know what to do here. And naturally, I cannot tell her what to do. And I'm not going to tell her what to do. But what I can do is educate her on some of the things that we know. And I can also offer to her one of the things I always say is, how can you experience this unapologetically?
00:46:42
Speaker
meaning that you're not going to look back and regret that you didn't do something, that you didn't say something. And most often, at that point, what it turns into is her going back and having an appointment with her OBGYN and saying, I need you to do an ultrasound and explain to me what's going on in my body. I need you to confirm this as my doctor looking at me. Because you know we go in for those first ultrasound or second or whatever stage you're at.
00:47:08
Speaker
And it's the technician that's telling you that you see that's the person that you're typically working with, not your primary OBGYN. And so for some, that's okay. I need to go in for my piece of mind. And that's actually what I needed. I did as well as I, they offered me an opportunity to meet with my doctor and I was like, yes, please. And when I got in there, I said, I need you to do another ultrasound because this isn't making sense.
00:47:29
Speaker
So being able to unapologetically experience what they're going through so that when they look back, yes, it's awful, it's unimaginable, but you did everything that you can to experience it as a whole. And for some, if it's a second trimester loss, sometimes that means photos. Having somebody come in and take photos of their baby, their footprints, their tiny, tiny little feat, you know, having that so that they can always go back and like this baby existed part of our family. And so making meaning and having those ah rituals of celebration of life and remembering, navigating all of those things. Yeah.
Accessibility and Support Beyond Central Ohio
00:48:09
Speaker
Well, I love what you're doing, Kami. I'm so grateful for your work in the community. And how can people reach out to you and find you, find light let the light in and and get support? And also, is it just the Central Ohio community that you're serving? Are you serving beyond that? like Who would reach out to you and how would they? So naturally, the Central Ohio community is the they're the ones that can come meet with us in person.
00:48:36
Speaker
unless you want to book a trip, which is fine. Let's come on in. So we we do in-person sessions, but we also do virtual. So really anyone anywhere can contact us. okay Usually what happens, you reach out on our website, which I'll give you that here in just a moment. You reach out, there's a contact form there. Usually we have a quick conversation or through email and let you know more about what we are what we do, who we are, schedule a time to talk. Sometimes I reach out over text if they leave me their phone number and just say, hey, I saw your submission. Let's schedule a time to talk. I never like calling people right out off the bat because I don't want to catch them at a time that could be, you know, there's just no good time agreed. So I'd rather give them a heads up that I'm calling to to talk about it in case they want to step away from whatever it is they're doing.
00:49:21
Speaker
so yes so We can schedule virtual sessions or in person. and Sometimes it's just a call to talk about resources and what you need and how i we can help you out. It takes a little bit of research and then getting back to you. but yeah so Anyone anywhere can contact us. If we don't have the answer or if it's out of our scope, we're going to find somebody that can help you. We don't shut our doors on anyone. and All of our information is at w www.ltli.org. so Let the light in, but it's just the letters, ltli.org.
00:49:51
Speaker
And we're on Instagram and Facebook and all those links are on our website too. so Awesome. well Well, and we'll link in the show notes as well so people can find you right away directly from here. Thanks. Wonderful. Well, thank you so, so much for being here, Kami. I am so grateful for you and for your work and I just appreciate you. So thank you so much.
00:50:10
Speaker
thank you Thank you for having me and thank you for sharing this our mission with everyone and really just helping people know that they don't have to do this alone. now That's the biggest thing. We're here for you no matter what. Thank you. Well, thank you so much everybody for tuning in and we will see you all next week. Bye.
00:50:31
Speaker
Thanks so much for tuning in to the Executive Coach for Moms podcast. Please like, subscribe, or follow the show so you'll be notified when the next episode is available. I hope you'll join me again next time. Take care.