Transcript
Speaker: I did crazy things when my heart was broken. I've shared with my husband what I did as a crazy ex -girlfriend, and I'm like, oh wow. I feel like I'm talking about a different human, because that's a crazy one. My relationship. I'm like, although she is. That's like Jessica, not Caitlin.
Speaker: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to Unprofessional Opinion. I'm Heather, and I'm joined with Caitlin again. Hello. For our next episode of for season two. Thanks for having me back. So happy. In reality, Caitlin just changed sweatshirts, and we're recording two episodes in one day. Secrets revealed. I know. I just couldn't hold it in. I had to say it the first time I introduced her. That is the most Heather thing ever. She tries to do anything. She's like, I have to tell myself.
Speaker: That is you in a nutshell. I know. You steal a french fry. I ate a fry. I'm so sorry, I ate it. Yes, I changed my shirt. That was pickleball. Shout out. I couldn't stop hanging out, so I wanted to keep hanging out with you. Yes, this is so fun. But definitely a different topic. Yes, different topic today. Okay. But it's been a good day though.
Speaker: Before we dive into today, this episode will be aired after the fact, but we're about to have a winter storm that's coming. Are y 'all ready? Yeah. We don't need another Snowpocalypse because you guys had a big 2021.
Speaker: Oh, yes. I think it was. In Dallas, there was a massive ice storm. Snowmageddon. Snowmageddon. You and Austin's, your house. Seven busted pipes. Yeah. So we were, my friend had already lost power and she came over to stay with us. And so we were working remote.
Speaker: in the dining room and I think I was running in. This is pre -kids. He comes running in and he goes, a pipe busted. And I just went, oh, okay. And we just go back to working. So it busted while y 'all were there. Yeah. My friend was like, look at me. And she was like,
Speaker: kind of like, why aren't you moving? Like, why aren't you moving? And I just thought that a busted pipe meant outside, like some water was sprinkling into the air, like no big deal. And that can be what it looks like, but no, this busted pipe was in the ceiling of our bedroom. And so Austin's like writing back and forth. And I'm like, maybe I should go help him now. Like I've been, I've had my relaxed response for a few seconds too long. That's true. Sometimes when you get information,
Speaker: It just depends on how you react to it. Yeah, and I'm like a very chill reactor. Sometimes I question like, are you well? Yeah. Because I'm under reacting. So then I go to my bedroom where he's running back and forth and it's just raining gallons of water from the ceiling. And I'm like, oh my goodness. Okay, should we get started now? And then I'm like running and getting out.
Speaker: I told my friend Kara's help, and so we were getting towels and oh my gosh, it was crazy. And then six other pipes busted from the pressure. I mean, it was just water everywhere. And it's freezing cold outside.
Speaker: So that was last year. Two years ago. And people think that it's going to be the same. I think it's tomorrow. But I feel like it's like PTSD. Everyone's freaking out. I know. But we're prepared for the worst. So we went to Lowe's today and got stuff to cover our vents. Oh my gosh, wait, what is this? Keep us a towel over our outside spigots and then a bucket over the towel. That way the towel doesn't get wet. You guys are ready. What do you do? Nothing. You need to do something. I'm just going to drip my pipes.
Speaker: You need to, you need to do your pipes. I mean, your spigots outside. Oh, so you just, there was a noodle and I just got some duct tape and there's a little noodle out there. The noodle is great. And I have some like gift wrap paper or gift wrap tape.
Speaker: cheap tape, just to tape it around it was falling off. I'm fine, everything's fine. Everything's fine. As I hit the rag on my face, everything's fine. We just do a towel and a bucket or you can do a Walmart bag. I think the pipe is out there. Anyway, after this, I'll get fixed up. Stay tuned.
Speaker: Hopefully everything's fine. No buster pipes. We don't need that. No. Oh my gosh. I don't think it's gonna be as bad. I don't think so either. But it's supposed to, it's sexy right now. It's supposed to be like under 20 tomorrow. Yeah, it's supposed to drop. That's crazy. Us girls, us people in Dallas just cannot handle cold weather. I hate being cold. No. It wasn't cold in Arkansas, right? Growing up? We got like the full seasons. We got rain, snow, I mean everything. It was so, it was nice. We got snow most every year.
Speaker: Wow. I'm from Florida. First time I saw snow fall off in the sky like a magical winter wonderland. I think I've not even been with you. I was with you when you said one time. It was our first time. Yes. Yes. And I just remember. And it went outside. Because it was flurries. It wasn't even sticking to the ground. I went to the window. It was just staring. I was like, what is happening? What is this outside? This is North Pole. I have transported. We're here.
Speaker: I was like, this is magic. How can anyone work the rest of the day? I went outside and ate my lunch outside and I walked on the sidewalk and I FaceTimed my mom. And I said, this is annoying. I was just FaceTiming. And then I slipped and busted my back. I fell on my back. No. Yeah, I fell. That was all that day. It was magical. Story I've never heard before until now. Yeah, I busted my butt in front of that gas station. So it was, yeah, thanks. I heard talking about it. Yeah.
Speaker: So it must've been slippery if it was sticking on the ground. It was doing snowing all day. Wow. And I slipped. It is one of the slips where you catch air. Yeah. Yeah, it hurts.
Speaker: Like the ones in cartoons. But I got up like fully clothed heels like, I was like, I'm fine. Yeah. Back when I was in a dress business professional. So yeah. Ready for the snowstorm yet? Yeah. Okay. Well, anyway. Well, we can wait for the snowstorm, but now we need to talk about wrap your pipes later. Oh yeah. If I'm in on the road, we can, we can. What's the question of today? Yeah. So I'm really excited to have you on because one, it was advice that I actually asked you.
Speaker: So in terms of, obviously, if you've been following along, all of the questions that we have, the questions that we ask each other on each episode are based upon questions that we have asked friends. In this case, it's actually true. Or friends have asked us. And so that's where getting DMs and getting good ideas, that's where it comes into play because we want this to be a community where you can ask people embarrassing questions about losing friendships or whatever it is. It's a place you can come. We can answer it.
Speaker: and we'll try to give our best unprofessional opinion. Take it with a grain of salt. But today, the question is really around dating. And obviously, you have not in the dating field anymore. You're married to Austin. Austin's awesome. But I had asked you this advice when I was dating. And early on when I was dating my boyfriend, we introduced him in episode one. His name is Fred. I thought you said your boyfriend. I'm not either.
Speaker: I love it. Spud is his name for now. I love it.
Speaker: And the question was, and again, this was early on to Spud and I dating. I don't know if I'll get used to saying Spud. I think it's so funny. But so why do I feel myself pulling back if there's no red flags and everything's great? Yeah, I remember this. This conversation was so special. It was life -giving. I was on this couch. I was sitting where you are. And it was so long. Everything stopped. And it was like a moment. I should have been taking notes. Yes. We should have recorded it. That's why you're here. I thought I should have been taking notes. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: I'm trying to rewind. We're here to record it. But it's true. It's so funny because so that we had that conversation, it was so helpful. It honestly was the light bulb that I needed and the clarity that I needed to just understand my own feelings, kind of. But I was having dinner with one of my friends in Dallas and she was talking to me about this guy that she was dating.
Speaker: And it was exactly the question that I had asked you. It was this. It was, I like him. We've gone on a couple of dates. It was two dates or something. And there's no red flags. He seems really great. And when I think of this question, I want to get your professional, unprofessional opinion. But when I thought of this question, what I immediately thought about was what you told me.
Speaker: But I think about it twofold. So if you're dating a guy and there's no red flags, everything seems great. Yeah. Maybe you're just not that into him. Yeah. Maybe you just... He's just not the one. He's not the one. Move on. You know? But then there's other side of, okay, he's so great. No red flags. I'm pulling back. There's something missing. Or I feel like there's something missing. Why is that?
Speaker: even though you want to keep the relationship going, that's another thing. That's what I had initially called you about. The first version that you just said could be like right person, wrong time kind of thing. The second one is like, no. I think this is the person, but I'm like reserved and I don't know why. I don't know why. You feel like there's something missing.
Speaker: Yeah, it could be your last toxic relationship or last relationship where you had high highs and low lows and you feel like this should be the highest high for this next one or maybe you just watched A Walk to Remember or the Titanic and you just feel like this is what it should feel like.
Speaker: it should be fireworks. And you like were feeling that like the expectation that you had. It's like should anybody feel this massive just overwhelming? Yeah. Oh my gosh type feeling. So anyway, this question, how would you what would you say to anybody who feels like
Speaker: they found a really great guy or really great girl and they feel themselves pulling back. They don't wanna know why. It could have been just a defensive mechanism, whatever it is. But yeah, what would you, what's your initial thoughts? Yeah. Well, first I would say I would ask a ton of questions. So I feel like that conversation, it wasn't like you said that and then I knew the answer or anything. And it was something I asked you a ton of questions of like, well, why do you feel this way? And I just remember,
Speaker: we were sharing both how even when I found Austin and we started dating, he was obviously the right person that would end up with us both choosing each other. But I remember that gut feeling. That's what you were describing to me is the same thing that I had felt before. And that's how I knew what to say because it was what I needed to hear. So it was just crazy that we both had felt similar things.
Speaker: But basically what I had been feeling, which is what you had been feeling was just this guard, this kind of fear or like guard of in like two things, one of like being really
Speaker: scared almost that everything you've been praying for and like looking for seem to be like right in front of you and it's kind of this freak out moment that I think we both had of like, oh gosh, like I'm never going to be single again. Like what? Yeah. Or some people maybe feel like they don't deserve it. Yeah. There's no way that this guy is like serious. The ball is about to drop. Something's going to happen. In my case, that's not what it felt like.
Speaker: But in some cases, maybe it is. Maybe someone's been hurt before and they've been maybe cheated on and they're just waiting really. I remember when we were dating and I mean, he was just perfect, like doing everything right. And it was just so over the top sweet. And I'm like, this is just crazy. So in my heart, before I like give them all my heart, like I had done before and got my heart broken, I was like, hmm.
Speaker: He's probably going to break up with me at some point. Something's going to be too much for him. You put your best foot forward when you meet someone new, when you date someone new. You're not showing your crazy. I don't think I've showed my crazy until a little bit later. For sure. You're just revealing slowly. You're letting them see more and more of you the more you get to know them. Just like you do with a friend, honestly, or a coworker, or anybody.
Speaker: some onions are harder to peel, but you're kind of an onion, like letting yourself be revealed. I mean, even as something is like you dress your best around them at first and then you start to see them without makeup or like, and you're like lounge clothes or like a little stinky or like whatever hair not washed. And so in that extent, you also do that like emotionally.
Speaker: I remember our first, I got fired from my job. My mom had a stroke and I was like, boo, crying. I'm so scared for my mom and trying to figure out what to do. She had to fly home. Then I lost my job, so I didn't know where my money was going to come from.
Speaker: and God totally provided and I got a job the same week with that I ended up loving. But in that day, I didn't know what I was going to do. So he came over and my sister actually texted him to make sure he was with me before she told me about my mom, which was so sweet. And so he was with me and it was just this crazy day. And I remember looking at him like, I know he married this girl who was like,
Speaker: Very emotionally put together and like had an amazing job and like all this stuff and I was like Austin like like you can leave like you didn't sign up for this like you
Speaker: you can leave, like I don't care, like I won't be mad at you, like just, you can just slowly exit the relationship, like I'm fine, because it was just kind of my gut reaction, like protective mode, I guess, to, like this is your chance to break up with me, you know, like this is too much. And he was like, what, I'm not with you for like the job you have, or like on the easy days, like I'm with you for all of it, like, no, I'm, this, what? Like he was almost like baffled I didn't even say that, and that's when I knew I actually loved him.
Speaker: But before then, I kind of had that feeling of like the ball is going to drop a little bit, you know. So I definitely think some people can have that even when it's.
Speaker: Oh, great. You know. Yeah. I mean, you just have to ask yourself questions before maybe you go to a friend or maybe it could be before or after, but why, why do I feel this way? Just try to figure it out. Yeah. Am I not physically attracted to them? Maybe you're not, you're not physically attracted to everybody. So figure that out. Yeah. But if you really don't know, ask a friend, ask us. That's why we're having this podcast. Yes. But there's so many things that could be. Yeah. I mean, it could be.
Speaker: If everyone thinks truly healthy, he's amazing. There really is nothing wrong. You can see a true future with him. Then it comes into, well, you were telling me, losing your singleness could be it. You subconsciously don't realize, but maybe if it's just the right guy, you're not going to be single again.
Speaker: And those wild times and the being single girl as much as you want to go to a workout class and like, Oh, he's cute. Or like DMing a random guy by a church, like all these things. Yeah. And like, I feel like a lot of single girls had so much fun. We were single. So fun. I think that was
Speaker: We maximized it. We really lived it up. Not that we were dating everyone and doing crazy things, but we just were like, I always said it like this. I want a story to tell my husband. When I get married and find him one day, I want to have a book of things I didn't experience and places I went to just share with him. That's my favorite thing to do with Austin.
Speaker: You did what? What happened? What did you do? It's just this fun, all these stories. You did that and inspired me so much to go and do something. You made a husband to accomplish things. Isn't that funny that when you are single, that you just want to be married? You just want to be dating? It's so funny. Maybe for this question specific, if it is, you just feel like you're losing your singleness and that's where you're pulling back.
Speaker: Oh, well then now you miss being single. What do you want? It's like this jerk reaction of like, oh, I'm never going to be single again. Yeah. And I don't think everyone feels that. No, no, no. Yeah. I shouldn't have been surprised, but when you were sharing that of like, oh my gosh, I'm like, if it does work out, like, I'm never going to go on a date again. And I was like, oh my gosh, I feel like that too, because I felt crazy with something new. Like the first date feeling and all the nerves is like getting ready or like, does he like me? Which sometimes people hate first dates. I don't know if anyone,
Speaker: i mean it's it i actually kind of like this i was like did i i was gonna say i think i did i didn't like it i know a lot of people don't like it because it's crazy you're just i yeah i do i think it's fun you gotta be someone new it's free food from our perspective yes it's free food so why not yeah but yeah then you've got to put on you don't know this person yeah you gotta ask all the basics
Speaker: Yeah. How about your family? What's your favorite color? You put forth energy. Yeah. So I think, yeah, we did. And there has to be other people like that who like are going to miss it. And so is this piece of like - So that could be a component. Yeah. But they're worth it to keep going. Like I don't want to, if they're the one I get to date,
Speaker: maybe forever or for a long time, then it's weird that not going on a first date because oftentimes first dates do suck and they don't go any further. But also if you are feeling like you're losing your singleness, maybe you need to reevaluate whether or not you are ready to be in a relationship or you're ready to date. Maybe you just are wanting to stay single and that's absolutely fine. But that could be just another angle.
Speaker: But for us, it was like we were ready to move forward and we did like the person and there were no red flags. And so we had to have that little moment of, I remember crying. Well, it wasn't, it was later on when we were like, okay, we're engaged. And I cried at the fact that I was never gonna like live with a girl again.
Speaker: I loved having roommates, especially my last two roommates were so much fun. Y 'all's tree house? That was the coolest. They lived in this nice neighborhood and they lived at the top floor. It was her and another girl. It's like a wall window. It was a fairy tree house. We always go to the tree house. Yes, a fairy tree house. It was just so
Speaker: sweet. And I've never lived with a guy because I grew up with a sister. And so it was just my, it was like a girl's house. Like we wrote the house. Like if you want to watch football, you watch it in the other room and I have two boys. So that's just hilarious. But he did. And so like living with a boy, I was like very kind of nervous. And
Speaker: I definitely like literally cried and I felt silly in the moment but I like cried at the fact I'm never gonna like live with my bestie that's a girl again obviously my husband like has become a bestie and all the things but yeah I think it's okay to mourn that and be sad of like I'm never gonna go to I'm like mourning this season that I I think you should mourn every season because that means you made fruit in it and you like made the most of it lived to the fullest and so I think it's a good thing yeah
Speaker: You know? Oh, for sure. Yeah, so it could be the singleness piece. And then another piece that kind of goes along with that is mystery.
Speaker: Yes. So talk to us about thinking like you're losing the mystery or just that component when it comes to dating someone early on. Yeah. So this was really big for me. I remember, I mean, high school and college and you felt the same thing, which I kind of lit up when you were sharing this because I was like, oh my gosh, I felt that too, of just like,
Speaker: I remember I worded it of like, I was sharing with a friend in college at some point, I just felt like I was gonna have to choose one day of like, between the magic and the fun and like the fireworks and the roller coaster and like, I love this person. And the highs and lows and the chemistry. Making out the rain and yeah, like I feel like I was gonna have to choose between that. Sweet Home Alabama. Yes, and like, just the fire. I can kiss you anytime I want.
Speaker: So epic. That's really epic. I feel like I'm going to have to choose between that and then like.
Speaker: the husband I saw that was committed and steady. And in my case, I wanted them to love the Lord and be serving at church. And a lot of guys that I met in church were super dorky and, I don't know, easy. I dated this guy in college. It was probably after I dated this guy. Precious. I still call him my husband to my husband. I call him, I'm like, he was like, Prince Charming.
Speaker: walked in, looked perfect, did everything perfect, agreed with me all the time. Loved Jesus, was so sweet. And I was just like, crickets. I was like...
Speaker: Gosh, I have nothing to say back. Still to this day, him and his wife are so precious. That would be, would you call that, then the boring side, the too steady. Yes. It was totally me. I wasn't ready. Oh, it's a two -way street for sure. He wasn't boring by any means, but I just felt like I was going to have to choose.
Speaker: And I remember someone telling me like, you're not gonna have to choose, but that like fiery like roller coaster, like all the feelings that happen when you are like in a relationship that is they break up with you or like, I like you. Oh, I don't like you. Oh, I'm like actually like this other person and like just all these feelings. And we've been in those where it was like heartbreak and then, oh, I love you. I want you back.
Speaker: It's just like it makes you feel a different level of like desperation and love which is actually not like a healthy No, it's feels like it's fleeting. Yes, you know you feel but it just gives you so many highs and so many lows and And then because like a truck like you're like, yeah
Speaker: I need more, but I can't have it. And it's this game. Regardless if you're going to get your heart broken and get that low, you're still going to want that high again. Yeah. And it actually makes you crave this fear. You're fearful of losing it. So you're desperate. And you lower your standards. You lower your standards. You start to do things. I did crazy things when my heart was broken. I've shared with my husband what I did as a crazy ex -girlfriend and I'm like,
Speaker: Oh, wow. I feel like I'm talking about a different human. Yeah. We're different people. I mean, even like... Because that's okay. ...my relationship. And like all up she is. That's like Jessica, not Caitlyn. Jessica has left the room. Jessica is crazy. My husband's like, I could never do it. I could never make you my ex or do anything crazy because I know where I came up.
Speaker: He's heard the stories. He's heard the stories. It's just a different, and we attach that to love because it was like who we love. And so we talked all about this that day of like, we thought that was love. And so then when we start to experience a love and a deep care for a man, that's like, they're not boring at all.
Speaker: but they're everything good that we hope to find, but we're not feeling this frantic, it's just out of my reach, love, but it's very steady, very reassuring. It's not going anywhere. You're not worried if they're going to ask you on another date.
Speaker: You're not worried if they're gonna text you. You're not feeling like you need to impress them. You know they like you. You know they're attracted to you. Like all these things you're usually questioning. And it really it could be like kind of insecurities. Or it's just from past experiences as how this comes to be. I don't think if you're... You're not like broken or like nothing's wrong with you for feeling these things. Right. And we both felt that and I had to definitely
Speaker: I don't know, leave the fact that it had to be this questioning of if the person likes me or if we're moving forward. That doesn't equal love, but it also doesn't mean boring. I feel like that word - You don't have to choose between boring and this crazy high and low. No, it can be both. I think we're both experiencing that now. I had to share with you in that moment because you were like, is it going to be boring?
Speaker: Like because I I know what to expect like I know he likes me I know Like I mean you're one or two or three dates in you're trying to figure out. No, and I thought the same thing a lot of women just
Speaker: I mean like myself, you can literally think 10 steps down the road. I think I talked to my mom and she's like, just relax. Chill out. And boring is not a word you even said. No, no. Someone else said that to you about like,
Speaker: Yeah. And so you weren't describing anything about him or anyone as boring and neither was I, but we just felt like, even before we found these people, like, oh, we're going to have to choose between that. Yeah. Between steady, stable, comfortable, you feel comfortable and confident and this crazy drug, high level of love.
Speaker: And you explained it to me that, I think what helped too is you explained on what you were looking for in a partner too, what you were looking for in Austin. And then that helped you maybe come to the conclusion of, okay, I don't have to pick. The core is there, which you can share that too, and that the mystery is still there even when you date longer, which is what I've realized now. Yeah. They're like the fun. Yeah. It should always be fun. The surprise. Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know if I said the center of that, but that's something you have to bring to the relationship. And oh my goodness, endless couples that I look up to and our pastors, I just am a student of them. Literally any time, and this I think anyone can do, and I didn't grow up knowing that this was normal. I think our church and friends are just always trying to grow, which I'm so grateful for. But any couple I'm around, I ask them,
Speaker: And that's something you have to...
Speaker: their advice. I asked them what keeps you guys still in the honeymoon phase? How do you pursue each other? What's your favorite date night? What do you do to build each other up? We just recently asked people because when you're with them, the couple is just so kind to each other and you almost feel like they're just flirting with each other nonstop in not an awkward way. It's so cute.
Speaker: And you just know there's something different about that couple when you're a complete stranger around them. And so we're like, how did you do that? And it wasn't like they said they were intentional about it. They didn't want to just say kind things to each other behind closed doors. They wanted to say kind things to each other. Oh my gosh, I heard it said one time, if you
Speaker: It's like three layers of saying something kind of about your partner's spouse. Like if you say something to them, like a compliment, if you compliment them in public. Oh wait, what is it? It's like, okay. In front of people, if you compliment.
Speaker: In public, if your spouse or partner is not there and you compliment your spouse or partner to someone, it does something in your heart. Then if they are there and you're complimenting them, it does something in their heart. I just thought it was so sweet because it's not like you need that. Obviously, I know Austin loves me.
Speaker: But when he compliments me in front of people, I just feel like I am like sparkling. Even if he's saying that to other people. Even if I knew it and he said it, but then if he is saying it at work and I'm not there, it does something in his heart. That's so sweet. Yeah, I was talking to Spud.
Speaker: And I was telling him, when talking to my family about him, I would refer to him. I'm like, he's just awesome. He's just so awesome. And it just made me feel really good because I don't know if I've ever felt that way or felt this best friend feeling. Yeah, I just feel very, very proud.
Speaker: And it made me feel good though, saying that to my family and friends. And I told him that and he lit up. And I was like, I didn't even think anything of it. It's just true. So anyway, that's a real life example. I've never thought of it that way though. Yeah. And so, I don't know what we were talking about before that. The mystery piece. Oh yeah. So I definitely,
Speaker: was when we were talking about having to choose between the roller coaster and then the steady, and you know they're gonna still talk to you the next day, how you don't have to choose. And part of that is just past toxic relationships that have influenced your view of love. But then another part of it is
Speaker: Like you want the steady, you want to know someone's going to be there tomorrow. You want to know their pattern. That's the one thing I tell single girls all the time. Like you can't know exactly what you're getting yourself into. I was talking to someone yesterday. Like she's single and she's newly dating someone.
Speaker: I was like, you can't know what life throws your way because there were things awesome and I even after we got married surfaced about our past or our life that we just didn't know or we get to have babies and maybe some other insecurities or weaknesses show up. They're like, oh, I don't really know that.
Speaker: Deep in there, but hey, babe, you know and so you don't really you can't know what life's gonna throw your way Like I mean sickness and in health like you don't know what health things are gonna come up. You just can't picture Everything that is gonna come up in this human that's multifaceted that is gonna go through different seasons But you're signing up to be with them and to partner with them. Yeah, but you can see their patterns and so
Speaker: That the patterns of like I'm gonna still be here and the patterns of that security and they're still choosing you You actually would rather choose that and then just make it your choice to like I'm gonna bring in the fun and the fireworks and it doesn't need to be a roller coaster But I think we just get in our head so much. So yeah, that's a good point where yes Yeah, no, I was just gonna say they're like choosing to bring the magic like I
Speaker: that's what you just can't stop because then any relationship can get boring and start to feel like roommates and that's what you have to choose like Austin and I literally in the past month we're like we're going on two magical dates this month and like I don't care what we have to do to get babysitter whatever else yeah it was amazing okay but it was so cute so I planned that one cuz us girls I know I know that was a day of driving around yes
Speaker: Because I truly fall into the princess category of like, you need to pursue me and show the flowers that I still feel like that. I'm also in that category. And I'm like, and I think even too now having sons, I'm like, no, they're human too. Like, he needs to be pursued. Like, I need to plan things for him. Like, I can do that. The only thing I won't do is take out the trash. I refuse. I refuse.
Speaker: But I do, I planned a date for him basically. And I planned the babysitter everything. He didn't know what to do except for show up. And we like drove around Dallas because we were about to move and I gave him a hint. And then we like went to that place. And it was so fun. And you could just tell he was actually really sleepy that day. And you saw us and you're like, oh, this is kind of funny.
Speaker: He was so sleepy, so I took him to coffee first. So he could wake up, enjoy this date. And you could tell you just started to light up throughout the hints and the surprises. Because there was so much thought into the dating. You just have to do that. Pursue each other and bring the magic. Make it fun. It doesn't have to be boring. And all of that was free. Y 'all were just driving around. Literally. Well, gas. Gas. Gas has gone down a little bit. I don't check gas prices.
Speaker: But I mean, really, basically free. Yeah. And if you find someone whose patterns are that, and they're going to be creative, and doesn't want to be over the top, just like I thought of you. You said the dishes were stressing you out, and I did them. Like Spud got me. I'm not going to get used to saying Spud. I told him that I've got this clear hair cloth that I love. And sometimes my hair is kind of thick, so I'll
Speaker: tried to crunch it and I broke it. I broke off two prongs of my favorite hair clip. And I told him that I came to the house, I came to his apartment and there was a little pink box. He put it in a box. Well, it was like 10 of them from Amazon that he bought and they were all just pink or all white. I'm sorry, all clear.
Speaker: hair clips. That is so sweet. And it's I mean I've got other hair clips. Isn't that so sweet? That is so thoughtful. It was just I mean I put that in the fun category of just so thoughtful. It just shows me more about his character. Yes and like that you don't see right away. He's not showing up first date with clear hair clips you know but so you you keep stepping in the direction of like steady and then the magic and
Speaker: Fireworks start to happen as they get to know you and like learn how to love you And I feel like sorry to just know what I was thinking fireworks and butterflies to me are different Okay, just wanted to mention that so I think of fireworks like the high and low craziness. Yes to be considered toxic Yeah, butterflies is giddiness. And yeah, that is that I felt like I see that I felt that the whole time but I maybe I don't know that's at least kind of what I think about I see. Yeah. Yeah, I
Speaker: So just to be said that if you don't have butterflies, maybe that's okay. But also it could be like, maybe you just don't like them that much. I don't know. But anyway, I was just thinking about it. Well, that's something you have to be like.
Speaker: You have to be like you have to that connection and yes intimacy just being around them of like I just I like being with you like and you even fill that with a friend of like I just like we Get along like I leave and I feel filled up Yeah, you know and I just want I feel like that's all you need to ask for date one to two to three do I want to spend more time with them and the answer is yes, then like I
Speaker: There might be something to that, you know? True. So I can see that, but can I be the name of the episode fireworks versus butterflies? Oh my gosh, yes! And fireworks and butterflies are different. Here's why. Fireworks and butterflies, yep. But see, I still feel fireworks, like a honeymoon wedding night fireworks.
Speaker: You know? Girl, yeah. I can see that. But the butterflies are like the sweet moment. Yes. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. It's what made me think of butterflies with the hair claws. And like when we got our house and like crazy, like those feel like firework moment. Yes. But it's more like something outside of us that like we're experiencing together. Yeah. I guess you can mountaintop same thing. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like roller coaster is what I imagine like unhealthy. Yeah. Because I'm stuck on it.
Speaker: And it's taking me up and down and up and down. I like that. So it's kind of like butterflies. Can I get off this ride please? Yeah. Cause fireworks feel fun to me. Yes. I don't know. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. So that's what I'm thinking of is that, cause I was thinking fireworks and roller coasters were the same. The same. So I think if we were to write it down, pen and paper done would be like the butterflies and the fireworks fireworks and roller coasters. There you go. There we go. I like that.
Speaker: Well, if we were to kind of sum this up, so I feel like answering the question, it's, you know, if you feel yourself pulling back, one, it's maybe you don't like them and you need to probably do your own thing, go on some more dates. But if you need any advice on that, ask Heather. She is like a plus student at Indie. Am I?
Speaker: that was something I always looked up to you I always still do like when you're like no he's just not it oh I didn't you were so sure and I think I probably let things go on too long sometimes and you're like no I just know he's not the one like
Speaker: And I think that's so healthy to recognize that and to not let it go on and just end it. Like there is another, he's not a golden nugget that you'll never come across another golden nugget. And that's okay. He just made me not for you. He's somebody else's golden nugget. Exactly. Well, appreciate that. Okay, so that's for one. So that could be one. And then the other side of it is what we were talking about in terms of the roller coasters, you're stuck on, you're ready to get off this ride, you're done. And the fireworks and the butterflies and all of the great things and feeling like you,
Speaker: have to choose between two of these worlds. But really in reality, you can have both and you should have both and there's different ways to have both and
Speaker: You are, you are both equal parties to make it fun. It can be steady and fun. You deserve to have someone who is going to show up the next day. Absolutely. And someone who is your cheerleader and also is planning fun dates and all that stuff. But like you're not fighting and then making it happen. It doesn't need to be hard. It can be steady and very, very rich. Yeah.
Speaker: I love that. Oh, such a good episode. I'm so glad you were here to talk about this. Oh my gosh. That doesn't make sense. Absolutely. I mean, it makes sense to me. I think so. It makes sense to me. I just, you know, if we can just talk about butterflies and roller coasters every... All the time. Every podcast, that'd be great. I love a good butterfly. But thanks for having me. That's awesome. Of course. And I'm so excited about Spud. Ah, big things to come. Big fans.
Speaker: Well, thank you guys so much for joining. We'll definitely have Kate back on for sure. It's been so fun. But we'll catch you all next time. See you Tuesday. Bye.
