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Holiday Romance Novella Roundtable #2 | S4Ep15
334 Plays13 days ago
Our Holiday Romance Novella roundtable is back! We each read a holiday novella to share with one another and take turns recapping our books in extreme detail. They all are equal parts festive, spicy, and weird.
Major spoilers for the following:
Elf'd by Ginger Kane
Working The North Pole by J.M. Thyme
Frisky The Snowman by Lauren Biel
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Follow Brandi @Brandos.Books
Follow Kendra @Kendra.Readz
Follow Kayla @Kaylas.Bookshelf
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Transcript
Introduction to Unconventional Holiday Novellas
00:00:12
Speaker
Welcome to Bring Your Own at Catch All Bookishness of Time podcast. I'm Brandi. I'm Kendra. Kayla. And today we are back again with another holiday novella roundtable. If you listened to last year's, you probably know we're not choosing cute, wholesome, you know, typical holiday novellas for these roundtables.
00:00:33
Speaker
We are picking some weird ones that we found in the depths of KU. So we're very excited about this.
Texas Weather and Current Reads
00:00:40
Speaker
But before i we jump in, what are we reading? What are we drinking? I'll go first. iy Well, it's gone now. I had a hot oat milk vanilla latte. It's so cold here in Texas this morning. If you guys could see Kayla's face and even Brandi's, oh my God, these cold weather bitches, like we get it, we get it.
00:01:02
Speaker
It's cold here. I had to wear gloves. I went on a walk this morning and I had to wear gloves. It was cold. Everyone was in like their little winter gear. like It's our only excuse to wear it. hu So yeah, I just needed something warm to like warm me up. I had to cut my heat on when I got home.
00:01:18
Speaker
Take a nice hot shot, which is like defrost my body. I like was numb, you know? Wait, you guys get it. Yeah. you Yeah. I've never heard that. Never. I just don't think I've ever hear it that often. Somebody say I cut my heat on. I just say I turn my heat on. You get on me, but Kayla gets on me for this all the time. I say just different colloquialisms. Yeah, I know. I think. Listen, no, no, no. I was up at five o'clock this morning. yeah I was up at five. I was up at five. What was the weather at five?
00:01:46
Speaker
It was probably still in the fifties. No, it was still in the fifties. No, I think it was like in the fort, guys. I promise you, it's cold. It's cold. But yeah, like I say like cut the light on, like cut the grass, like. The light on. I've never heard cut the light on. Yeah. That's interesting. Cut the light off, cut the light on. I don't know, like Texas education, like sue me. Cut the grass, cut the grass. I can understand. But cut like if you're turning something on to cut it on.
00:02:15
Speaker
That's. Can you say like cut it out and you know that means like stop. Cut it. you Did you not watch Full House as a kid? No, of course. I know what cut it out means, but like I just never heard that referred to as to turn something on like. Anyway, i we' cut it on. o stuff So I was drinking because it was just so chilly and like I was just so cold like oh my gosh, I'm even wearing a sweater right now. You wear sweaters around.
00:02:46
Speaker
I have not worn, I'm gonna wear it out. I wear it in my house all the time. I'm gonna wear it out. right Yeah, yeah. um I'm reading two books. Yeah.
Debating Fantasy Reading Preferences
00:02:58
Speaker
I'm reading two books today. The first one I'm listening to on Spotify is called Defend the Dawn by Bridget Kimmerer. I was surprised when I saw you pick those up on Storygraph. They're so much fun. Like the first one I've been wanting to read for a while because our friend Pauline at the Books I've Loved, she read it when they first came out and like raved about it. So it's always kind of just been like and the back of my mind and then I just put the request in on Libby and I finally got it. The audio was pretty decent and it's fun. It's I'm on book two. It's a three book series. It's fantasy but like like so fantasy light because they don't have powers. There's no magic. Like there's no magic, no nothing. It's literally they just live in like a kingdom and
00:03:47
Speaker
they have a king and a lot of people are sick and dying so they need like a cure that is what's kind of happening right now that's a very bad description but it's really good and there's like a little romance in it and it was pretty action-packed um i'm not recommending that to either of you because i'm done recommending you guys books i will not be this is I just know Kayla's like seething inside because you've said so many times, I'm just not a fantasy girl Kayla, I'm just not a fantasy girl. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. Kayla and I literally have this debate again this week. I'm not. Respectfully. I was like, to be a fantasy girl, I just feel like the majority of the books you read or so or seek have to be fantasy, right? The majority of books I read, like if we're talking majority, they're not fantasy.
00:04:31
Speaker
But Kayla, you actively seek fantasy books out. You are so more willing to give an unknown fantasy book a chance than I feel like Brandi and I. Brandi, maybe you too sometimes, but like I feel like Kayla most definitely, you read shit. I'm like, how did you hear about that? Really? Bro, yes, there are certain fantasy books. I'm like, where'd you get that? I'm honestly shook you haven't done Brandon Sanderson or any of those big dogs yet. That's next. Do you read non-romantic fantasy?
00:05:01
Speaker
Yeah. Um, yeah, like Ember in the Ashes is not a romance fantasy series at all. Okay. Um, so yeah, I do. Then why haven't you read Fonda Lee? I do want to read that. I'll put a hold on right now. A book. also you find my soul i I actually just bought Ember in the Ashes and a torch against the night. And with that Audible sale, it's going really nice. Kayla just so no hesitation. I'll put a hold on it.
00:05:30
Speaker
Why can't you do that for something else? Anyways, not to fight. I'm also reading, I Restarted a False Start by Elsie Silver. I did it ah started like a few months ago when I first moved. Life is too chaotic. Last night, I can't sleep. I'm like, I need a new book. and i was Guys, I was in the trenches with KU. Nothing was hitting. And then I was like, wait, just just pick this back up, finally. So I'm gonna do that. I started it from the beginning. Guys, a little perverted, but it's okay.
00:05:59
Speaker
ah he you littletle bit yeah like the book this is not a spoiler The book starts with them making out in a men's bathroom in some seedy bar. That's a little perverted. and she's She is, too. Yeah, she's so young, which again, Kayla, a little hypocritical of you. She's not a little age. Lou isn't either. Lou isn't yeah exactly exactly. And they're both in Canada. Anyway, that's what I'm listening to and reading. She could have been in high school and it would have been legal.
00:06:29
Speaker
I mean, didn't they meet when she was in high school, technically? ah We meet her when she was in high school. Yeah, they hadn't met before that. I don't like it if I think too hard about it. What, that they hadn't met before? There's a time jump. No, no, it's just like when you meet, like it's like when I think too hard about the Like Us series, I'm like, I knew you guys as children. Now you're getting raw ducked in a car. Yeah, I don't know. That's like always like a tough thing with like second gen series. You're like, you were a baby. What are you doing?
00:07:00
Speaker
That's hard. Oh my gosh. How is that for like KBR, like Krista and Mecha Ritchie? How did they write that? Because they wrote them as like babies. who From conception through the birth now. Everybody was a baby at once. I know. At one point, yeah. You've seen that meme of Detective Sabler and he's like, she was 15, you sick fuck.
00:07:28
Speaker
It's really funny, I think of that. but is so Sorry. I'll go next. I just have a water today. I so i know. But listen, Jared and I have this ah couple that we're friends with. We've gone on vacations with them before. Are you trying to tell us you swing?
00:07:52
Speaker
No. Negative no pineapples involved here none none no um what that on your shelf that a pineapple in the back it's not um just making shit up i know it's just so easy i know No, but they they like love to like go out to cocktail bars have fun like, you know, we do to Jared and I enjoy that but they like to stay out and We do not. You guys got last and me specifically. I didn't get lit because I drove home, but I, I think I'm just, I'm just so tired and I'm like not used to staying out past midnight anymore. oh Like I'm just any more. Yeah.
00:08:31
Speaker
ah I know that's crazy. We were there till they closed. And I was like, all right, you close the place down. They closed at midnight. And so we left at midnight. But I was just like, you guys, I'm too old for this. They're all wild. But even still, I'm like, this is too much. But I mean, we had fun. We have we always have fun. But like, it's still just like.
00:08:53
Speaker
I'm not used to that. So anyway, so
Listening Experience of 'PS I Hate You'
00:08:56
Speaker
yeah, I just have water today. I was just feeling a little dehydrated. So I needed some. And I'm listening to a book called PS I Hate You by Lauren Connelly, who I don't know if this is a debut. It might be. No, I don't know. But I saw it on PRH Audio. Thank you so much PRH Audio. Oh, my God. It's definitely not a debut. I so i selected her name on Storycraft and she's got so much stuff. Anyway.
00:09:23
Speaker
But I'm listening to it because it was narrated. Yeah. No, it doesn't. It's actually very good. Yeah. No, no, it doesn't. It's actually quite good. It's narrated by Chris Abacker, which is the entire reason I selected it on PRH. And I'm really having a good time so far. I'm not far in. I'm only like 25 percent in, but it's really keeping me interested. The girls really funny and interesting. So I'm having a good time. I'm not physically reading anything at the moment, but that's what I'm reading.
00:09:52
Speaker
I love it. I can't stop saying it like that because of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I love it. Lisa Barlow. I love that. I love that. That's so funny. And when you guys watch that show, I'll know you really love me. um But i am I am currently drinking a hot caramel latte back to my roots. It's delicious.
00:10:19
Speaker
I am listening to Is She Really Going Out With Him by Sophie Cousins, which is a Kayla and Kendra wreck. I'm having a good time so far. I when you said sometimes you love a romance book that you just know exactly how it's going to go. That's exactly that's such a good description for this book, because the minute a certain character is introduced, I was like, Oh,
00:10:40
Speaker
Yup. That's locked in. Yeah. I'm really enjoying it though. It's like, a it's a great, it's just like a solid romance book. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I'm having fun. I'm having a good time. There's some very like, I like laughed out loud a couple of times. The narration's well done. Thank you PRH audio. I love you. Uh, and then I am debating which physical book I want to start. I'm either starting Say You'll Remember Me by Abby Jimenez or Destructively Mine by Kristen Becker-Ritchie for my trip home. i I don't know, you guys, I'm just so nervous for Say You'll Remember Me because I have not heard a single friend of mine who's finished it rave about it. I haven't heard anybody drag it, but I also haven't heard anybody rave about it. Yeah. i
00:11:31
Speaker
Oh, I haven't. Both these girlies have read it. Yeah. Yes. I think you should start destructively mine. Oh, I was going to do opposite. Were you going to say say you'll remember me? Yeah, just knock it out. And you know, you have, you know, like something to look forward to.
00:11:47
Speaker
after. che I think more that I'm gonna like have a really hard time. That's what I was gonna say. Remember me feels like a chore at all. It's like, Brandy, it reads so fast. It's it's still a good book. They're just like, they're just things in it where I would love to know your take on them.
00:12:06
Speaker
how you would view them. Because I think I have seen people rave about it, actually. And so you honestly like could in either way. I feel like you should just do say or remember me. And then it it reads so fast. Like you're guaranteed to just like fly straight through it. I don't actually know if this is true. I have no idea what the page count was, but it felt shorter to me than her other books.
00:12:30
Speaker
It's probably not true, but i at least to me when I read it. I don't know if it's because of how quick I read it, which I don't even think I read it that fast, but still. I don't know. Maybe it's the main way it was paced. Like the things that happened felt, I don't know. That's just how it felt to me.
00:12:46
Speaker
There are certain authors, though, like my brain just like locks in toward like everything just goes by fast. Like I would say Abby Jimenez, Jessa Hastings, Emily Henry care about something like no matter the length, I'm going to read it fast. So yeah, I think it was kind of a mixture of maybe it that's kind of how I am, too. Yeah. Yeah, I think. OK. again other way I still don't know. I don't know. I'm really excited for destructive. I like it. OK. OK. You can hold on to that excitement, you know. OK.
00:13:15
Speaker
My last Berkeley widget. oh Um, just kidding. I got that one from not got late, but anyways, yeah, that's where I'm at. Can't wait to talk about this train wreck that I just finished last night. Really? Okay. How long was each of you guys's books? 52 pages.
00:13:39
Speaker
Mine was, what? On Storygraph, it says it's 28 pages, but I feel like that's not true. It it was at least like, oh, it's 52, excuse me, it's 52 pages. Mine was 21 pages, and that was intentional. I wanted something short and sweet. um Yeah, it wasn't your elf one last year, nine. It sure was. Nine is crazy. so
00:14:08
Speaker
Listen, it's the holiday season. You're at home, surrounded by family or not. I don't know your situation. Maybe you just wanna get horny, but you don't wanna spend that much time. Maybe Twitter is down or you're in a public place. Twitter is down. And you just need something to get you going. You need something short. You forgot your AirPods. Yeah, you forgot your AirPods. So that's what you're suggesting?
00:14:31
Speaker
youre i know i'm ah Well, not but I just feel like these books that are like 20 pages and less are necessary. You need to get to the point sometimes that exactly they exist for, or they I'm not saying they're good, but the smut, if you even that's not, it's questionable, but it'll get you thinking and it'll lead you in the right direction. Instead of like 50 pages, that's like over an hour. like Your pie is burning in the oven and you're... And you're bricked up about this snowman. But with the 20 page, your pie still has 30 minutes left and you can do... Oh my God. Plenty of time. Kayla's like, please end this.
00:15:19
Speaker
Well, I'll go ahead and start us off. okay I picked this book because I, I kind of like vaguely remember seeing it
Review of 'Elfed' by Ginger Kane
00:15:30
Speaker
around. I can't remember if it was Instagram or TikTok a couple of years ago. And it's called Elfed by Ginger Kane. And she's got like an entire series. If you see the cover, I'll describe the cover for ah the listeners, but it's just a black background. And then it's got a phallic shaped
00:15:51
Speaker
candy cane striped object on there with some like. Imagine like. Sounds so gross. Imagine like ah like just cream ah falling over the candy cane phallic shaped object. That's what it looks like. That's what that's the entire. Is cream what it is? I'll explain. I'll explain. I'll show us, please. OK. Yeah. show choice Well, post these on our Instagram at yeahing your own pod, by the way.
00:16:21
Speaker
Oh, you know, you know like yeah I thought it was gonna be more penis like the shape, but not really. Yeah, I still like that sticking up from the bottom. Yeah. Yeah. But okay, so I will say this book. So last year for Christmas, if you remember, I read a her favorite book of the year. and then f everybody Yeah, my favorite book of the year, an MMF book where one of the guys was like an octopus, or had and tentacles rather. Sorry, he wasn't an octopus, he just had tentacles. My bad, my bad.
00:16:56
Speaker
Um, and I was like, wait, this is actually not that bad. Uh, cause for, no, no. Cause for Halloween, the one that I read, it was so ridiculous. There was absolutely zero way that like, you know, I was kind of, kind of would always be like, Oh my gosh, you turned on. I was like, absolutely not. This is ridiculous. Um, same thing with Bigfoot's bride that we just read for Halloween. These Christmas ones though, I don't know what the deal is. but It's the birth of Christ that just like really gets you going. Anyway, okay. No, but I'll, I'll just start, start in with this synopsis here. So we're following Holly who just got back from a Christmas party with her friends. Okay. She gets into her apartment. She's, she's frustrated right now. Oh, oh no. This is going to be fun for you. Yeah.
00:17:47
Speaker
um she's really frustrated because she is currently single and she keeps getting like a lot of unsolicited advice about how to not be single you know at a party like you know a lot of people deal with at holidays so she's exhausted she's tired of hearing it so as she enters her apartment she you know does a typical thing where she like you know whips off her coat throws her boots away and she throws her keys on the counter and and they fall off the side of the counter and she says oh elf me like oh like oh fuck me I guess typistic I don't know why she said it but anyway she said that okay
00:18:23
Speaker
um They had a secret Santa exchange at this party and someone got her because again, she's single and they, you know, wanted to be funny. ah They got her this very festive 12 inch dildo that has a little Christmas elf like hanging off the side of it.
00:18:40
Speaker
and o h r Yeah. And it reads, uh, go elf yourself on the, on the little elf guy. So yeah, so that's what they get her. She still doesn't know who gave it to her, by the way. Cause nobody would fess up to the fact that they got her a dildo, but that's what they gave her.
00:18:57
Speaker
So she's like, oh, whatever. she leaves the She leaves it on the counter. And she goes, she settles in to watch this cutie little Christmas movie. She watches her favorite one, a stop animation movie about elves. And she says, like, whoever got me that gift got got that or the gift with the elf on it got that part right, because she has like, I guess, like collections of elves just like all over her house, like little figurines of elves. So she loves elves, I guess.
00:19:25
Speaker
All right, so then she gets up after the movie is done, she notices that the box is gone, or excuse me, that the dildo is gone from the box. It's empty. The elf is also gone. She's like, Oh, my gosh. She's like, Oh, my gosh, is there and an intruder in my house? She starts to get really worried. She picks up a cast iron pan like, you know, like Rapunzel did.
00:19:48
Speaker
She's like going around her house with this cast iron pan in her hand thinking she's got like an intruder um She turns again to towards the counter where the box is and the elf is there again Just sitting nicely on the counter this little elf She's like, oh my gosh, thank goodness, you know, nothing happened. I was just crazy But then she still realizes the dildo is still gone. So she's like what's going on? She puts the cast iron pan back down turns back around and And then now the elf is sitting on the couch with his like little legs crossed, just sitting nicely on the couch with the dildo right next to him. So. not the little big girls el like like Right now the elf is very small. It's like a little figurine. Yeah, because when abortion because yeah, because when they gave her the elf, like there was like a little like.
00:20:38
Speaker
It was like a little like um extra bit, I don't know what you want to call it. like and It was hanging off the side of the dildo. like It was like holding onto the dildo. It was just a little decoration, if you will. um She's like, oh my gosh, did the eggnog I had earlier? like Is it expired? Am I going crazy? you know And then she all of a sudden hears a voice talking to her. And he says, don't be so hard on yourself, darling. The holidays tend to make everyone a little crazy.
00:21:08
Speaker
And of course, it's the elf sitting on the couch. And now he is like a normal sized human. Actually, he's a lot larger than that now. But the el this elf that was you know this little figurine is now talking to her next to this dildo that she's got on the couch. okay And she says, this is the first thing that she like thinks when she sees him. She said, he was the strangest, sexiest thing she had ever seen.
00:21:38
Speaker
She's like she's always so I know she's instantly like oh I need that she says there was some kind of otherness that clung to him like the smoke of a campfire shrouding him in a shimmering veil that was almost painful to look at but she had to look at him because he was exquisite that's what she says okay beautiful So she's just like, yeah, she's admiring this man or this elf thing or whatever that is just sitting there like talking to her. um She said whatever he was, he wasn't human. She didn't need a user guide to figure that out. And much to her surprise, that knowledge excited her. So she's like really excited about this. Okay. But again, as she's looking over his body, this is the part
00:22:27
Speaker
where she's like, oh my God, she says, but more shocking than all of that, more telling that this creature was something of another world, another place, was the enormous red and white striped cock bobbing between his legs, spiraled like a dildo had been, but clearly part of him, clearly hot and alive and eager as it pulsed and throbbed. this is This part actually is gross. Thick white liquid seeping from its tip and running down its impossible girth in spiraling rivulets. Ew.
00:22:56
Speaker
Anyway, but I know he's already like. Why isn't he wearing my hands? No, he is, I think. Well, actually, that's a good no, I guess he's not. You're right. I don't know. It's very odd. What is the color of the rest of his body? If his. um I don't remember. I'll be honest with you. I don't know. I don't remember. But get this, get this. So she's like, what are you like? What? What are you? Who are you?
00:23:25
Speaker
He says, well, I'm technically a fae, but I'm actually an erect link, link, look at the tenchis fae. I don't know how you say that. Or an elf for short. Get that and your friends are fae. No, erect the conscious fae elf. Oh, yeah. Oh, acronym acronym. Yeah. So acronym kind of I would believe it. They're like, yeah, like.
00:23:54
Speaker
Elves are fey of the ears. How do you say that? Licentious? Licentious, excuse me, an erect licentious fey. That's how you say it. What does licentious mean? According to my Kindle, promiscuous and unprincipled and sexual matters. So that makes a lot of sense. Oh. Mind you, elves build toys for children.
00:24:20
Speaker
The red, like, you know the. When Kendrick Lamar dropped Not Like Us, Boo, Loser. Anyways, when he dropped it, okay the art for the single is Drake's, I'm so sorry, King, is Drake's house with the sexual affinity. Dot. that yes That is the North Pole. Oh my God. I'm so sorry, Drake.
00:24:45
Speaker
Anyway, so suddenly he's like, he can move super quick. Okay. So suddenly he's like towering in front of her. And he says that she brought him to life by saying the magic words, which were elf me. If you remember, she said that in the very beginning of the story when she like threw her keys across the counter. Okay. Um, she's like, so turned on. Okay. She can't help but looking at, at, at him at his massive spiral dick. And he sorry he's like, okay.
00:25:16
Speaker
If you ever want me to disappear or to stop, it's just say elf off. That's like the safe word. Okay. But once she says it, he can't come back. Okay. So she's got to be like really careful. Okay. and So she's like basically kind of begging for it at this point. Um, so the elf grabs her and suddenly they're like in her bedroom. Cause again, he can like move really fast. It's basically like in a blink and he's like, um, he tears off her sweater with his claws. By the way, he's got claws, I guess. Of course. Yeah. He's seeing her and sucking her everywhere.
00:25:46
Speaker
Yeah. Sucking her everywhere is an insane description. That's what's happening. That's what's going on. OK. Meanwhile, it it seems like his dick has like a life of its own and it's like literally like moving on its own and like stroking her. OK. And then suddenly she realizes that there are she's being gripped in more places than somebody should have hands. And it turns out No, he grew four more hands for more art. Wow. So he's got six hands. Grabbing her in different places like her hair, her hips, her waist, her butt, you know, like he's everywhere. All right. So as.
00:26:43
Speaker
Mind you, Kayla said that this one was pretty good. No, I did. The reason that I say it's actually pretty good is because actually this was even though like me describing it, I like me saying this now, I'm like, oh, this is so gross. It's actually really well written. Like I really don't like to say it like, but it's true. Like this Ginger King gal has a talent. I'll tell you that. Like she is good at writing. OK.
00:27:09
Speaker
um Anyway, he eats her out and he's got all six arms holding her down. And then she says, now it feels, I don't actually, this wasn't confirmed, but she says as she's being eaten out, that now it feels like he grew six tongues as well. So there you go. um She comes so hard that she immediately falls asleep, um but she wakes you.
00:27:35
Speaker
But when she wakes up, she is being pinned down by these like layers of like frost and like gossamer. like She feels like she's like wrapped like a present. So she's pinned down. um He's pinning her down like that. Also, her bedroom is now like it's completely dark, except it's just twinkling lights.
00:27:56
Speaker
in stars, I guess, in her bedroom, okay? And so he's standing at the foot of her bed and then suddenly two candy canes, this is so stupid, two candy cane striped horns sprout from his temples. So he looks like a ram now. So he's got these like candy cane horns on the side of his head.
00:28:16
Speaker
Um, yeah, he snaps his fingers and suddenly she's on all fours right in front of him. She's still wrapped in this gossamer. Okay. And so she's like right in front of his candy cane dick that he's stroking. And he says he hasn't released in over a hundred years because nobody has ever like, um,
00:28:40
Speaker
Kendra's tired. She's so tired. um Believe it or not, I'm almost done. um Because like nobody has ever like you know said the magic words. Nobody's ever you know wanted to do it with him. um Can't imagine why. So he starts to you know starts to fuck her face. And of course, he tastes like, who who wants to guess? What's he taste like? Peppermint cream. Did you say pepper did you both say peppermint? yeah Yeah. Unfortunately, you're incorrect. It's vanilla. Quote, the vanilla.
00:29:11
Speaker
uh spice chai spice and the holidays girl that's your drink ah a vanilla high spice maybe maybe the book at me holiday is crazy like i don't know that's just what she said that's honestly the most ridiculous thing in this book the holiday
00:29:31
Speaker
Um, she notices, although of course he's like totally massive, like, you know, he's like 12 inch dick, huge, girthy, blah, blah. Um, she notices that there's like some type of magic that doesn't, uh, make it hurt at all. Okay. She's like, he's literally like making her throat bulge. And she says that she doesn't hurt at all from it. She says it defies the laws of anatomy and physics. Okay. So some type of magic going on there. Yeah.
00:29:59
Speaker
Oh, I forgot that he's like also throughout this entire thing. Um, he is calling her darling. So he's like, Oh my gosh, are you oh you like that? Didn't you oh no no so dont you? Yeah, that's your nickname. bra um and no no no no no yeah got got earth
00:30:22
Speaker
He's like, are you enjoying this holiday cheer? Darling? Um, there you go. And so then suddenly, no, no, don't you dare, don't you dare. Oh my God. Um, so suddenly this like gossamer collar that she's got slides down her body and it goes where? Her pussy. There you go. And, um,
00:30:50
Speaker
OK, there you go. Yep, there you go. And while that's happening, he like pulls a stick out of her face or of her mouth rather um because he says he's not allowed to come yet because he can only come once a year. And so once he does, he disappears for a year until Christmas. Yes, it's like a reward. So. Earlier, though, you said that he hadn't come in 100 years. Correct. So hot but but once he does, he can only do it once a year.
00:31:20
Speaker
So he's just okay. Keep going. Does that make sense? Are you following? Okay. Are you following? It makes perfect sense to me. i honest I get it. Thank you, Randy. He hasn't done it in a hundred years because nobody's like been with him to, for him to be able to release. But once he does release, he's only allowed to do it once a year. He's been stuck in that dildo box. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
00:31:46
Speaker
um So then she goes back to lie on her back while these threads are controlling her like in like, you know um Fucking her in her and she orgasms at orgasms again um They fall off her body and they like like move up onto his body and then they like disappear They like melt into his body. Okay Yeah. And somehow once that happens, he gets larger. Like he suddenly is bigger. I don't know. um So then they finally like ah um fuck. And of course, like, you know, he it's the best thing ever, et cetera. So I need to get into all those details.
00:32:21
Speaker
But then he tells her like, while this is happening, he's like, don't forget to like, fuck yourself with me when I'm gone because he will quote, feel it in a way. So hes obviously he's talking about the dildo. Um, yeah, of course it's everything as they, as they both come. She says that not only can she like feel it on there, she can like taste it in her mouth and the back of the throat. She says she is overwhelmed by the warm, comforting sense of cookies fresh from the oven. So there you go.
00:32:52
Speaker
And then suddenly he's gone, but Holly turns her head and there is the small elf again on her, on her nightstand. Um, with the Christmas still though. And that was the end. That was it. Beautiful. Okay,
Ranking Holiday Novellas
00:33:09
Speaker
Kayla. if What, what did you rate? What would you rate this book? Oh, I can't rate these books. I don't know. Okay. Okay. I just like, but they're just so,
00:33:20
Speaker
ridiculous I can't rate them. like I just feel silly rating it on the same scale that I would rate a book I love. Is that mean? I don't know. but Let's do a um ah novella nonsense rating. Out of all of the novellas you've read for the pod, boom where would this rank?
00:33:41
Speaker
ah Second. Wow. Trust me, you guys. It was actually very well-written. If it would have had some tentacles in there, it would have been first. Oh my gosh. I wouldn't have been shocked if he suddenly saw it. I think the six hands and the darling really got her though. Oh my gosh. Her pie is like bigger. In that chai. Yeah.
00:34:04
Speaker
but tonight yeah i Obviously, like as I'm talking, as I'm telling you out loud about it, I'm like, wow, this is gross. But again, when I was reading it, I was like, this is well written. Yeah.
00:34:19
Speaker
Anyway, that was Elfed by Ginger Caine. She has another book in the same series called Court. Yeah, that's there's a lot of like really visceral things in that book, like there. Yeah, there was it something. Great way. Well, I'll go next.
Review of 'Frisky the Snowman'
00:34:40
Speaker
OK, because ours actually have some similar themes, not a ton. OK.
00:34:45
Speaker
I read Frisky the Snowman. Is that a carrot? this is the Yes, I'm showing them the cover right now. It is a carrot that has um maybe snow on it, you might think. No, no I thought it was cum. This book is by Lauren Beal. It is 52 pages long. And we start off really strong. The dedication is, the story is for my readers who fantasize about sleeping with snowmen. To the rest of you, enjoy unlocking a new cake.
00:35:16
Speaker
Are there actually people that do that? and So every so she's talking to the everyone is the the you know, what let me know judge and i mean if you are listening and you fantasize about that they but queen Yeah, yeah Um, so my main character's name is also Holly, which as previously stated is my mother's name. So I will not be using that name again through the rest of this description. And thankfully it was only said twice in the book. So I was able to kind of disassociate that my mother's birthday is on Christmas. My grandparents were not very creative.
00:35:48
Speaker
Yeah, not very creative with the naming her Holly. So we are going to be having this girl does not have a name. My mom would be clutching her pearls. She can't even handle ah Chestnut Springs. um So i have we've been dipping toes. I've been suggesting some books to her. I'm like, this one's spicy. Be careful. And she's like, it is so fun.
00:36:08
Speaker
I love my mom, but we're going to pretend that this character's name in this book has nothing to do with that. All right. So our FMC is first page, making a snowman. um She's in a knee length skirt and I'm like, wow, that's really weird. Why? Right? Like she's talking about what she's wearing. She's wearing snow boots, snow gloves, a big jacket and a knee length skirt and that's just kind of thrown in there.
00:36:31
Speaker
So initially, I highlighted that and I was like, that's so weird. But we quickly learn um because once she makes the first snowball, the bottom one, the biggest one, and she makes a second one, but before I put it but where it belongs, I stop to straddle the first mound of snow. The hard packed ice freezes my slit as I rub it along the friction filled surface. Page one. What? So that is the reason that she's wearing the skirt. Oh my God.
00:37:00
Speaker
Where is she building this snowman? Is she in public? She's in her backyard. No, she's in her backyard. And it's said multiple times that it's like she lives on like a backcountry road. Like nobody's probably going to show up. OK, good. So she's in the backyard of her house. Yes, alone. You can have anything you want in your backyard.
00:37:15
Speaker
Okay. That's insane. Sure. So she goes about making the rest of the snowman after she does that little like first initial tease. And then when she's finished, she takes out what she calls the piece de resistance, which is the biggest carrot that she could find at the grocery store. She makes sure to say like, it's huge. It's massive. And she makes a dick out of it. So she shows it in the bottom of the snowman and she dubs him frisky. She decides to name him frisky the snowman.
00:37:42
Speaker
So she starts making out with this snowman's cold mouth, literally getting cold in her mouth, all while talking dirty to the snowman. She's like, you like that? You like my cold tits? She like takes his branch hands and is like rubbing them on herself.
00:38:03
Speaker
But she's so excited to get to the main event. She says, I fucked myself with carrots the other nine months out of the year, but it's not the same. I've tried. With what? Carrots. Oh my god. So you kind of think this book is about a snowman kink. I personally think it's about a carrot kink, but we'll get to more on that later.
00:38:27
Speaker
So she backs herself up onto the snowman dick. Um, once she's finished, she decides to suck the carrot off and then becomes weirdly possessive of it. She says, I contemplate hiding his cock because it's mine, but I leave it attached. Mind you, it's in her backyard. So that doesn't get moldy in two weeks. Yeah. Well,
00:38:51
Speaker
Thankfully, a lot happens before then. um So that is chapter one. Chapters two starts from Frisky's point of view, the snowman. is The very first sentence is like, what am I?
00:39:05
Speaker
ah like this snowman becoming sentient and she's like, he's like, why do I feel warm and tingly down there? I'm obsessed with that beautiful woman. And he's like a snowman. He can't move. He can't look around. He's like staring at the woods behind her house and he's just like obsessed with her. He's sentient. Um, so while she like comes out to do him again, but he can't like talk or move, but he's like talking to her in his head. He's like talking dirty to her. um And then something so weird is put in here that I was like, um, he's like, thankfully I want it because I can't say anything otherwise. I was like, Oh, that feels like a weird. and I was like, i I don't like that. She's like, I'm gonna go out there and do it. And then he can't speak.
00:39:48
Speaker
Well, she doesn't know he's alive. So that's like part of it. But like if that is included, I was just like. you So maybe like there our author, Lauren Biel was feeling the same way you were, Kendra. So we say we get him saying like, thankfully, I want it.
00:40:05
Speaker
It really sets the tone for some more weirdness that's to come later on. But as she goes in for the night after doing him again, she puts a stocking cap on him because she totally forgot it yesterday. She's like, I can't believe I forgot your hat. She puts it on. She goes inside. Later that night, Frisky wakes up.
00:40:22
Speaker
And he's like, takes a step back. And he's like, I took a step back. And he's a completely nude human, except for the hat. So he's so confused. But he is like, oh, my God, I have to find my maker. So he breaks into her house.
00:40:37
Speaker
completely nude with just the hat and she's sleeping in her bed and then all of a sudden though he gets like really self-conscious because he's like about to be like oh my god i want to go fuck her again but he's like she liked me when i was big round lumps of snow she won't like me like this like a human but the great news is he still has a carrot cock um so what does he do he decides to jack himself onto her bed while she's sleeping Any guesses onto what his spend is? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Carrot juice? Ew. Really? No. No. No, it's a good guess though. Is it like something sweet?
00:41:19
Speaker
It's yeah, I think holidays, chocolate chip cookies. No, it's peppermint cream. Peppermint cream. So he starts like freaking out. He's like getting overly heated. Mind you. Yeah. Out of a carrot. So yeah, he comes onto her bed next to her while she's sleeping and then he's like freaking out. He like runs outside. He's like overheating. Yeah. Right. Oh, hate that. that right no uh he's panicking he doesn't know what to do in his defense a little bit he like doesn't he like just became sentient so he's like i just know this feels good and he's like looking at her and scared to wake her up he can go kill himself that's crazy so he walks outside he like is overheating so he rips his hat off and then everything goes dark
00:42:10
Speaker
So our FMC wakes up and she's like, oh, I need to wash my sheets, which is disgusting.
00:42:20
Speaker
ah But then she goes outside um and she, because she sees that the hat fell off the snowman, it's stuck in his twig arms. So she goes outside to fix his hat.
00:42:32
Speaker
And she decides it's too early in the day to do her snowman again. She wants to like hold off until the evening. So she goes back inside, just grabs a carrot. and Exactly, exactly. Having some respect. um So she decides to just go back inside and grab a carrot out of her vegetable drawer. No, no, no. um no So she sits down on her counter and starts jerking herself off with just a carrot from the vegetable drawer. Somebody needs to get her one of those elk. So disgusting.
00:43:01
Speaker
Yeah, so she looks outside and sees that the snowman in snowman form is staring in her window with his twig arm wrapped around his carrot dick. Oh, so she thinks that she has like a stalker who's moved the snowman into like looking in her window. um And they were like making fun of her because they saw her fucking her snowman. I mean, I went to Lilly works. That's crazy. Yeah. home what you're insane So she's like looking around the house. She realizes that there's nobody there. She's just like, what the fuck ever. I have a date. I can't worry about this right now.
00:43:41
Speaker
so She has a date? She sure does. So she leaves to go on to this date. We're back to Frisky, and we realize that the hat is the reason that he's able to change. So he knows if he takes the hat off, he's going to turn back into a snowman. We don't know why this hat is magical. That is quite literally never even slightly addressed. So he's starting to get a hold of the change. So he's starting to be able to switch back and forth. But he just got so overwhelmed watching her jerk herself with a carrot that he like turned back to the snowman.
00:44:10
Speaker
So she leaves to go out on her date and he's like, he forces himself back into human form and he's decided he's going to wait for her. He's just like so obsessed with her. He needs to tell her that he's in love with her. So he's waiting for her to come back from her date. So the date comes inside and he's outside and he's so jealous, like watching them, like they're flirting and they're grabbing a drink and then the date starts getting like handsy.
00:44:31
Speaker
And she's like, no. And then he like is kind of like forcing himself on her, which is an insane thing to just throw into an umbrella like this. So she's like, stop, stop, no, no, no. So Frisky barges in, fully nude, except for the hat, and grabs this guy. His name is Chad. And it's like, of course pulls him off of her. Anybody want to guess what happens next? Did you guess that he kills him? You guessed right. So he kills the date.
00:45:00
Speaker
chokes him, carries him by his throat, blood gurgling out of his mouth, outside, and throws him in the snow. His first words when this is happening, his first words that he's spoken in this whole book is, when a woman says no, you listen. So then he kills Chad. Didn't he just come on her bed without? Okay, okay, okay. I mean, yes, he is right, but wow.
00:45:27
Speaker
How does he know that? Great question. Cause he's barely, he like, he doesn't, it's said multiple times. All he knows is how obsessed he is with his maker. So like how did that, the social context of that is in his brain. Yeah. So he throws down Chad in the snow, his lifeless body. And it says his flaccid cock falls from his unzipped jeans and this sudden insecurity overwhelms me. It looks nothing like what I have between my legs.
00:45:54
Speaker
yeah but my This is what he's thinking after he just kills this guy. he gonna Is he gonna rip his cock off? That would be insane, but no. So he leaves him out there. That's never addressed again. The fact that there's a dead body in your yard. But our FMC is obviously freaking out because Frisky is a completely nude man that just burst into her house. But he's also like nervous about her seeing his dick, but he's completely nude. So she has seen it, but he hasn't plot holes. Anyways,
00:46:24
Speaker
She's freaking out. She's literally yelling like, get out, get off of me. Mind you, he just killed somebody because he's like, when a woman says no, but he goes back into her house nude and she's like, go away, leave me alone. He decides the best course of action is to tie her up until she calms down enough to listen to him.
00:46:41
Speaker
oh So yeah he's got her tied up on her bed. Mind you, she's horny about all of this, obviously. um And he's explaining it to her, like, I only want to bring you pleasure. And she's like this stalker. She's like thinking that this is the guy that was like that moved to the snowman. Right. So he's she's like, all right, I guess if I'm tied up, like I'd rather go down with a few orgasms under my belt. So she's like, show me. And he starts to go down on her and she's no longer scared.
00:47:11
Speaker
she's begging him to fuck her and he's like, no, no, I can't. I can't. She's like, why? And he like carries her downstairs and he's like, I want you to fuck yourself at this carrot from the fridge instead. And she's like, why would you fuck me? Yeah. So she does. He's watching and he's like sticking I don't, ah maybe he put pants on at some point. I can't really remember, but he's like touching himself or whatever. And she's like, why can't you please? And he's like, you're never going to believe me. And she's like, try me. And he's like, I'm frisky. And she like laughs and thinks that he's making fun of her because he saw her.
00:47:44
Speaker
So he's like, do you want me to prove it to you? And she's like, yeah. So he like pulls the hat off and turns to a snowman in her kitchen. And she's like giggling. She's like, at least you'll let me see your cock now. Because he was like saying, like no, no, no, I'm not going to fuck you. So she like drops onto her knees and like starts to suck his snowman dick.
00:48:03
Speaker
And he puts that, like the hack it's put back on, he turns back into human. And he's like, so nervous. And he's like, are you sure you want me? And she's like, she he's like, but, but, but she's like, but nothing. You have my fucking dream dick attached to you. It's like I created my perfect man, strong, sexy, chiseled, but with a carrot cock. So, yeah, she's thrilled the fact that he has a carrot cock. I don't even know what to say.
00:48:32
Speaker
Yeah, so she's going down on him and she he finishes in her mouth. She says, yup, it's peppermint. She says when she licks her lips, you never have to worry about me spitting. So they're just like having an all night freak fest right now. And hes the lingering question for him is a question nags in my mind, what happens when the snow melts?
00:48:56
Speaker
So the next morning, um they wake up, she's like looking at his carrot dick. It's almost over, I promise. She's looking at his carrot dick. I feel bad that you had to read this. i know thank you um Thank you. They wake up in bed. She looks at his carrot dick. This is when we find out that his carrot dick can be flaccid because she said the minute he's hard again, I'm riding him into the moonlight. So What is a flaccid carrot dick look like? Use your imagination everybody. So. A moldy carrot. Ew. Like how it gets white on the outside of it and like crusty. That's disgusting.
00:49:36
Speaker
So the author did decide that it was important for her to sneak a carrot DP seam in there. So frisky sticks one up her butt. Oh my god.
00:49:47
Speaker
And then does her, so two carrots. He said, do you like being stuffed full of two carrots like this? And she's like, yes. So in the end, we find out that he has gathered enough control of the change that he can take the hat off and stay human. How? We have no idea. It's literally never explained. He's just like, and he tears it off and he can stay human. And he's like, Oh my God, I'm human.
00:50:12
Speaker
So then the epilogue is a year later. The FMC is like sad that she can't fuck snowmen anymore. Um, so he spent that year gaining enough control that he can toggle back and forth between being a human and a snowman so that she can still, she can still like have sex with snowmen. Um, again, how? No clue. The end 1.5 stars. Oh my God. I gave it that extra 0.5 because There were some moments in there where I was like, OK, this is this is a story. This is a story. But overall, yeah, awful. Wow. I i don't know what i expect I felt, but it wasn't that so uncomfortable listening to you describe. Almost everything. Yeah. Even if I was someone that fantasized about fucking a snowman.
00:51:09
Speaker
I don't think that would ever be no my fantasy. Really, really not what I was expecting um when I read like a snowman romance, you know? I think the thing that was like so awful for me about it was the fact that like the his only purpose was basically to like, sir I don't know, like he had zero motivations outside of like pleasing her. So I don't know.
00:51:37
Speaker
Yeah, when she would fuck the snowman. Mm hmm. How did that work if the snowman like you build a snowman up vertically? Uh huh. How did she do that? So she would like stick the carrot and sometimes she's on all fours backing up onto it. And then other times she would like straddle the bottom lump.
00:52:02
Speaker
And i'm like hold it was said a couple of times, yeah yeah, that she was going so hard that it pumped off. The character paid that. shouldn't have eat it yeah Wow. Yeah. I'm so sorry, Brandy. Oh, my God. It felt like so chaotic while I was explaining it to you, because that is how chaotic it read. Like there was no like exposition, middle, you know, conclusion like there was no structure to that story at all.
00:52:31
Speaker
Yeah, I just like, him I don't know, that added plot in there about her date and then him like tying her up after. i Literally my face was like this the whole time I was reading it. o This is the first one on where I've read where it hasn't even, it hasn't been like a little fun. and I was just like, oh. Yeah. you You put that book down and you immediately get back in the kitchen. You said no. Yeah. ah You're going to know.
00:52:59
Speaker
I finished that book before my pie. I started skimming and my pie was like still cooking. Like, actually, I'm going to make two pies. I have the time now. Yeah, I have the time. That is So, yeah, sorry I had to put you guys through that, but if I had to suffer, so did all of you. Yeah, we suffer together. Yeah. So I'll go next.
Introduction to 'Working the North Pole'
00:53:20
Speaker
um My book was called Working the North Pole by J.M. Time. Oh, yes, Brandy. No. and Why? Oh, that's such a name. Working the North Pole. Working the North Pole. Somebody like um the cover. You know, you'll see. OK. The cover is of a woman. She looks like an anime character. You don't really see like the top of her face, but she is kind of like. OK. Mm hmm. I like the negligee. Yeah. um
00:53:59
Speaker
So I thought a man wrote this, and I'll tell you why, when I get to it. But spoiler alert, a woman did write this, a little crazy to me, but I thought a man wrote it. Especially given that photo, that's what a man thinks a woman looks like. That's an incel version of like- Yeah, on AI, perfect woman, make tits. Make tits, skinny waist, big ass. You know, like, she'll fuck it. Anyways, so my main character's name,
00:54:26
Speaker
is not Holly, her name is Jane. Her name is Jane. It is the night of Christmas Eve, and Jane wakes up in the middle of the night because she thinks someone is breaking into her house. So another commonality, I guess, with all of us, they all thought someone's breaking into her house. And deep down though, she's like, oh, I kind of wish it was Santa. Because- It was ridiculous. I was in my mid 20s and dealing with everything that came with adulthood. I still stood firm, though, holding on to this hope of a little magic left in the world. Remember last week how I made fun of you guys for not hearing the bell from um Polar Express? Jane still hears the bell.
00:55:10
Speaker
so um anyways she like grabs a bat and she goes to see like who's in her apartment it's dark she can't really see she swings and she like hits something and like kind of hurts herself and then she realizes the person she sees a pair of boots and the person who she hit was santa wow her wish came true right and ah
00:55:40
Speaker
shio She describes him as, he was not a huge, he was a huge man, not fat. Like I imagined Santa. Okay. ah He was muscular and thick, definitely a burglar in a Santa costume. I don't know why that sentence was included because it is Santa. So why she was like definitely a burglar in Santa costume. It's literally Santa. Like ah that was just so odd. And Santa's like, oh my God, Merry Christmas, Jane. And she's like, she's so excited.
00:56:09
Speaker
And we learned that she even set out milk and cookies in her mid twenties setting up. I hear the, I don't hear the bell that loud. that oh So she's like, so excited at Santa's there. And he goes, Jane, we need to talk. I have a proposition for you. Your file here shows a mixed review of naughty and nice. Overall, you seem to be a good girl, but you have a naughty promiscuous side.
00:56:37
Speaker
who sinnna why there is yeah and
00:56:47
Speaker
um So she's like, oh my God, like I'm either going to get a spanking or he's going to give me coal. Which one do I want? Which one do I want? Oh my God.
00:57:04
Speaker
and So she's like sitting there nervously and then he tells her like, You know, um the combination of you being so naughty and so nice is perfect for a job that I have in North Pole. My elves spend all year surrounded by childish things. And while they are while they are a happy group, their production has suffered lately. I believe this is because they need some adult fun. Purbs, perverts. yeah um
00:57:35
Speaker
And then we get this like description of what she's wearing because like suddenly she's like aware that like she's standing in like front of Santa. This is why I thought this was written by a man. It says, oh um i hadn't she says, I hadn't put any clothes on and was sitting there in a red thong and a white tank top you could easily see through. I moved my arms attempting to cover up my hard nipples discreetly. who What woman is sleeping in a thong?
00:58:01
Speaker
that is a part like of me and my fucking boy shorts with a giant yeah shirt bomb I was like oh that's crazy it's like a hundred yeah like because they just don't know but no a woman wrote this like yeah and also in it no no at least I don't you don't I feel like no women with like chest and big boobs or normal size boobs. Yeah. Like would sleep in a tank top. Why? No, they're flying out left and right. Yep. Literally the top out the arm holes like every direction. Hell no. Yeah. No way. So already a crazy thing that she would like the thong really threw me like your ass. Yeah. Give it a break. Apologies to anyone listening that sleeps in a thong. I promise you give it one night, one night without it.
00:58:50
Speaker
You're at back. Well, thank you. Chafed. Well, thank you. Oh, my gosh. So anyway, Santa goes on to describe the job and he wants her to be like a bartender and go hang out in the lounge um where the elves go to like take their breaks and just like make drinks with them. And, you know, they could use some female conversation. um And she's like, oh, my God, like, this is like the opportunity of a lifetime, like,
00:59:18
Speaker
I can go to the North Pole. I can be around magical elves and Santa. like She's like, yes, like I'll go. So he gives her a snow globe. And he goes, this will transport you to the North Pole. When you have free time and want to work the lounge, shake the globe, time works differently at the pole. And the globe will make sure you show up when they are on breaks. When you come back, you will only have lost a few seconds here for every hour there. And I was like, OK, way to like Cause I definitely would have been like, the world how long has she gone? You know, okay, yeah, world building a point. Again, she's like, this is amazing. Even if I'm dreaming, I'm like, this is perfect. And Santa goes, okay, well I'm not done yet. And he has a little box and he's like, you get a present and you need a firm hand to correct your naughty behavior. Most people get cold, but you're going to get something else.
01:00:12
Speaker
So he like positions her body no um over like his laps and how it gets a little confusing. It's about plug. and That's my guess. Sorry, keep going. That's crazy. Yes, that's exactly what it is. Yes, he gets her about plug. But we're not there yet. But good guess. Honestly, good guess. ah you Did you read this? I didn't get it ready. That's my pen name. I wrote it. You speak it from experience? That's crazy. Anyways.
01:00:39
Speaker
um He like, positions her to get. ah spanking and he like starts spanking her and it's like that clip from American dad that goes viral on Twitter like every like two months of Stan spanking his wife to show her how he like had to like spank someone at work and he's like taking it very seriously he's like yeah like I hit him like this and she's like can you do it again just like a little harder and he's like sure he's she's like yeah and then she can take really into it that's how I pictured like this girl getting spanked and he goes you can have your present now which it is about plug and
01:01:14
Speaker
he puts it in her ah first He puts it in her mouth. He tells her, like you know relax, chill out. nine And then he um he puts it in her ass and then she goes down on him. And it's not his cum that tastes like peppermint, it's just his shaft. We don't know what his cum tastes like. It's just the shaft.
01:01:38
Speaker
So thank you so much for clarifying because I was wondering. So he comes. It comes in her mouth. like he comes in her mouth She tries to not swallow it. It's so much that like, you know, it's running out of her mouth. oh ah And he goes ah Merry Christmas. And he burst into a sparkling glitter that floated around the room and disappeared.
01:02:05
Speaker
not hurt him getting off and leaving her unsatisfied. That's crazy. I mean, she like she got off. She got off. She got off by like hitting, you know, the spanking. a Yeah. So then she's like, oh, my God, like, am I crazy? And she just goes to bed. She wakes up the next morning. Mind you, this book is 20 pages, right? Oh, yeah, that was only dropped away. Got it.
01:02:25
Speaker
She ah wakes up the next morning and she makes herself some coffee and she's still like, am I crazy? And when she goes to make the coffee, she tastes it and says it was a rich and bitter with what seemed like just a hint of peppermint undertone.
01:02:43
Speaker
Oh, he dipped his dick in her coffee. You're telling me. No, she still has a taste in her mouth. You're telling me you just sucked Santa's dick before bed and you didn't brush your teeth? Yeah, ew. You didn't brush your teeth? You have all this gum in your mouth. Ew, ew, ew. I'm just going to go to bed.
01:03:06
Speaker
Oh. Disgusting. So offensive. Count number one, sleeping in a thong. Guilty. Guilty. Count number two, not brushing your teeth after second dick. Guilty. you Do you think she even washed her face? Bro, why not? She's disgusting.
01:03:24
Speaker
well So she realizes, you know, she's not crazy. She sees the snow globe that he gave her to transport her to the North Pole. And she, it's like, I need to start work immediately. Like she's so excited. So she shakes it and she began, she transfers magically to the North Pole. This is Christmas morning, right? This is Christmas morning. Time is so odd. So definitely yes for her, it's Christmas morning. And then it works differently.
01:03:49
Speaker
right Okay, so she gets to the North Pole and she meets this elf named Clyde, and he's so happy that she's there. And she he gives her the rundown of the job, similar to Santa. And he says, all you are required to do is hang out and be available. You can talk with them, flirt with them, whatever. They are a friendly bunch and just need a morale boost. okay So then I start to question Santa. I'm like, why are your elves so down? like Why do they need this, truly? You know? yeah and We never really get the answer, but I was just like weirdo and so then she realizes that um She's wearing a different outfit, which is the outfit that she has on on the cover. So like the green Christmas dress She's like just go play checkers with them her tents yeah like as a so like yeah just like car kind like yeah And she takes advantage yeah, oh
01:04:42
Speaker
And Clyde's like, I hope you like the outfit. I designed i designed it and Frank made it. um And Frank is this like elf that is kind of shy and like standoffish. And Frank is like sitting in the corner of like the bar that she's like at. She says that he's handsome and appeared older than Clyde. And she goes to like say hello. And he's just like still being standoffish, not even like looking her in the eye.
01:05:12
Speaker
But then she like, you know, puts on her flirty smile and is like giving him attention and he finally like gives in. It's like she forgot all about her magical night with Santa. And did.
01:05:24
Speaker
So she's like flirting with him a lot and she goes and he's just like, yeah, like I'm just like so bored. Like every day is like the same. Like she's like, I know something that can break up the monotony before the other workers come in. And he's like, okay, like probably like 20 minutes. So they go to a bathroom. I'm sorry guys. It's just like crazy.
01:05:50
Speaker
It's like taking a drag of cigarettes. like oh
01:05:55
Speaker
So they go to the bathroom and she describes Frank as seeming like a fish out of water. If he had ever been with a female, it had been a long time and he didn't seem to know what to do. I wasn't opposed to taking control when necessary, impressed him against the sink, locking my lips on his and then pressing my tongue into his mouth.
01:06:18
Speaker
Oh, like girl. this opha is herself you know So she breaks her kiss and then she breaks her kiss and then bends over the sink and like her skirt slits up and he like goes down on her and is like licking at like the crotch of her thong. So she's wearing another she just doesn't take the thong off. Is she bad? it Is he bad at this? No, like like he seems to be really enjoying herself. So like that's like good for her.
01:06:45
Speaker
Okay, and he like pulls the thong to the side and like buries his tongue into her pussy And then he licks up to her asshole teasing it with his tongue So maybe he has been with someone before to know She goes oh oh my you are a naughty elf she's really eating this up So ah they finish and She goes how's your day going now?
01:07:10
Speaker
He goes, it's going wonderfully. What do we do now? She goes, well now you introduced me to the other guys. Ew! Ew, so she's like, oh. So she's just like so happy. She's so happy that she was able to bring Frank all of this enjoyment. And then it jumps. So you learn that she, in chapter three, she's been going to the North Pole a lot. She loves spending time up there.
01:07:39
Speaker
But she says, I was surprised by how few of the elves actually showed sexual interest in me. I learned that most didn't think like that. Just a few of them were, as they stated, cursed with the craving. The average elf just enjoyed visiting and hearing about life outside the pole. The cursed ones were easily spotted. They were the least jolly ones when I first started coming.
01:08:06
Speaker
So the horny elves are just miserable. They're working in the North Pole. And she's like, she's making it better for them. Which I don't think it a occurs. right I think that details go into like, yeah, if they're elves, like they build toys, like I guess I wouldn't want them to be horny.
01:08:24
Speaker
but like
01:08:26
Speaker
but just a few, just a few. Just imagine them screwing in that etch a sketch like. ah yeah fuck so they'll talk about that love Yeah, so then show we learned too that like, it's been a lot of ah been a ah while since she's been doing this and she still hasn't seen Santa since like that first night in her apartment, which was Christmas Eve. damn um So now it's been a year. It literally jumped a year because we're getting ready for a Christmas Eve party.
01:08:56
Speaker
I can't believe this is 21 pages. Yeah, I know. I'm like, wow. The party goes great. And she whispers to all of her special elves, the ones that are cursed with the horniness to like stay extra. Like when the party dies, like you stay. Are they her height? It's never really said. I kind of picture them like regular elves, to be honest. Got it.
01:09:26
Speaker
I think it makes it a little bit more fun if they're like These tiny little she's like basically is she like basically the they're like dominatrix essentially She's something she's something she maybe not quite that extreme, but she's all she's like telling all of them you stay after Yeah, all of our FMC's need a lot of psychological you yeah ah Lock them up Yeah, so she is like had fun at the party and we learned that she was wearing her butt plug and was doing it to push them to their breaking points before giving them all what they want at the end of the night. So I'm assuming she's wearing something that's like me low cut. Yeah, so like anytime she's like bending down, they can see it. Oh yeah, she goes, I had bent over in front of their table, making sure the skirt rode up all the way so they could see my soaked thong tight with a cunt and the thin string running over the butt plug. A thong and a butt plug.
01:10:28
Speaker
give it a bur being girl
01:10:33
Speaker
so
01:10:35
Speaker
so
01:10:38
Speaker
like her pany oh She's not just wet she is soaked So her little crew stays it's Frank and for other guys
01:10:52
Speaker
goes, are you boys ready for your present? And they're like, yes. like They're so excited and eager. So she pulls her thong to the side. And she sits on the table and spreads her legs and pulls her thong to the side and says to one of the elves, you know you've been dying for a taste of this, Jim.
01:11:16
Speaker
So Jim, why is she giving them the grossest names ever? I don't know. He starts eating her out and she like spreads herself open for him. um this morning loudly And all the other guys are just like jerking it while he's doing that. And ah they all just sort of like take turns with her. let me So there's Frank, Jim, Dawn,
01:11:45
Speaker
And those are really the only ones, oh, there's a Henry. No, no, but I hate it. And so she's just like, she has dick in her mouth, one's going down, and she says to Jim, you gonna fuck me or just eat my pussy all night? And he then starts to fuck her. And she's like,
01:12:12
Speaker
ah double double to mean the other one i she's getting fucked oh um and yeah so hold on i got a little i got a little lost there's a lot of sex positions
01:12:26
Speaker
How is this 21 pages? Oh, OK, it's just it's a lot. It's ah it's a it was packed, Kayla. It was a lot, Robin.
01:12:37
Speaker
um So like someone like comes on her tits, they're all coming and then she pulls out her butt plug and she turns to one of them and she goes, I know, I know what you want. And she slams her asshole down on one of the elves as cock.
01:12:53
Speaker
And he just fucks her ass. So they finish, but then she looks up and Santa's there. he doesn't but
01:13:04
Speaker
like you she sees she sees santa there while the while frank the guy who fucked her ass like his his cock is still in her ass and santa doesn't look happy and he goes when you return tomorrow we will have a yearly review and see if you are on the naughty or nice list so then she's back at her house and she's a little nervous I'm nervous to go back. like yeah like friend I'm nervous.
01:13:36
Speaker
So she like shakes the snow globe goes back but like goes to a different part and like somehow ends up like tied up and has like red ropes around her body that were wrapped tightly around her large tits causing them to stick out.
01:13:55
Speaker
And they were already becoming red and sensitive. So she's like bound and gagged. And like her bottom half is bare. I hate the chopper. Yeah,
Santa's Punishment Dilemma
01:14:08
Speaker
then Santa goes. Santa has like a paddle. And he goes, you have to make a decision. You can either take your punishment and continue your work with the elves, or you can leave now and never return. And she's like, return like I don't want to not return. So she's going to take the punishment.
01:14:26
Speaker
And so she goes, punish me. And he goes, okay, you're safe where it is. And he gets, um, Merry Christmas. You'll take greetings. No, it's Ken. It's candy cane. Yeah. lame So, uh, yeah, wait, then he, he likes, he, it's a lot of media. It's a, it gets a little BDSM me, which I'm not a big fan of. And yeah, they just, they fuck.
01:14:53
Speaker
And of course, you learn that his dick is just so big, which we kind of already knew from the beginning. And again, her pussy is just soaked. It's soaked.
01:15:10
Speaker
Kayla is so done with this. And it ends with him fucking her so hard and he explodes inside of her. Ew.
01:15:23
Speaker
and he removes all of like her like ties and the gag that she had and goes, do you think you can be a good girl for me now? And she smirks at him and she goes, I'll try my best. He gives her a warm smile and a kiss on the forehead and then everything fades away and then she's back in her apartment at the end.
Reflections on Erotic Novellas
01:15:40
Speaker
Oh, so when I said if you want it to bake a pie, I think that to but think you could get off in those 21 pages. I obviously cannot read that sensually. I had to read it like a joke. But I think if you were alone and you liked that type of stuff, you you could you could find something from that. So again, work in the North Pole by J.M. time, who is a woman.
01:16:08
Speaker
I, while you were talking, I've been, I like went to the Kindle store and I looked this up. First of all, that covers definitely AI. Second, the like, I went to like her other stuff and yeah, it's literally all, I think these are, these aren't AI. These are real pictures, but it's all just like pictures of really hot model girls like with their tits completely like out. One of them girls even completely naked and she's just covered. Oh, let me go look. you
01:16:34
Speaker
Anyway. OK, you guys, comparing this to last year's holiday novella roundtable over, under, Kayla already answered that. She likes last year's butter, right? Yes. Yes. I definitely liked last year's butter, even though last year's was bad. It was like a holiday vampire hunter romance. Not great, but definitely better than whatever the fuck frisky this one was. Yeah, that was pretty bad. Kendra? You know, I did.
01:17:06
Speaker
There was more to work with, with this one, than the last one. Last one was nine pages. This one was 21. It was so much longer. It's double. Longer. Yeah. Three times as much, honestly. Yeah. Almost. No. Almost. Not quite. Three times. Yeah. Guys, I didn't. Math is not my strong suit. 27. I said the wrong number anyways. Yeah, anyways. And this one was a little bit less ridiculous, and I think the random elf fucking that took place. My goal for next year is to find something that does not involve elves.
Future Novella Preferences
01:17:39
Speaker
I thought that was gonna be Santa. Two for two with the elves. i don't I don't want to read about them anymore. yeah has I don't like seeing them as these little perverted freaks. I don't want that. They should be wholesome making toys. Thank you. And there were some in this one. you know like Some of them and didn't want to do it. They were like, eh. No. Yeah.
01:18:01
Speaker
Some of them were like, please let us do our jobs. Yeah, let you leave us alone. But yeah, I enjoyed this one more. My favorite novella that we've ever done has still been the moth one that I read for Halloween last year. So I need to see him in Acosta to write like the holiday a holiday one yeah anyway yeah that was fun you know what i think we should do next time is we should pick for each other oh that was fun when we did it with maya she picked for us so then if we pick for each other it's kind of like i think that'll be fun
01:18:39
Speaker
Happy holidays from our family to yours. Oh, you know what I want to read? Sierra Simone has like a holiday short that's inspired by that incestuous Folgers commercial from a few years ago. And she's like, you're my present this year. And she's speaking to her brother, like giving him the eyes. Yeah, she wrote a short a story about that. It's in some collection. It might be online now,
01:19:07
Speaker
But oh, that's crazy.
Wholesome Holiday Recommendations
01:19:10
Speaker
Yeah. Anyways, read these novellas if you want something or don't. There are so many other wholesome Christmas novellas. Yeah. Lauren Ashley just came out with one. I was going to say. So cute. Yeah. I know people really like the Tessa Bailey one that just came out. And Ally Hazelwood just came out with one. Like, yeah unless you're going for a shock factor, definitely don't recommend these
Conclusion and Social Media Call-to-Action
01:19:34
Speaker
ones. And even if you are going for shock factor,
01:19:37
Speaker
I still don't recommend. Yeah. Kendra, you rated yours one star, right? I sure did. I sure did. ah Well, if you enjoyed this episode, we'd really appreciate rating and reviewing the podcast and go over to bring your own pod on Instagram. Give us a follow and keep up with everything that's going on over there. Bye.