Transcript
The Big Dog: for me
David Isaacs: welcome everyone it is august 12th time of recording. joined by our friend. Brian.
The Big Dog: How's it going, everybody? Um, David how's it going for you?
David Isaacs: Not the best. Um... Probably... Something that... unfortunately a lot of people have to deal with but i don't find them Out someone close to me passed a couple days ago so Yeah, just... still I don't. really know where I'm at.
David Isaacs: Reef process necessarily but Um, Just... you Overall. Sad. I think. The...
David Isaacs: loss of any kind. between... Trying to...
David Isaacs: Trying to... remember and the memories you had with the person. experiences.
David Isaacs: how good a friend they were. father, brother. you know all that kind of Now as you're going through life, I think you have a...
David Isaacs: you know, your people. And it's hard to find those. type of people that
David Isaacs: Do no wrong. Try to help others when they can. you know they're uh and that benefit to society. And. To lose them and come to the realization while...
David Isaacs: You have.
David Isaacs: don't have the opportunity to be able to call them up on the phone or hang out or do something anymore. You just have...
David Isaacs: those memories and Now the other side of it, like trying to... Think and feel like they Would want you to... Live your life to the fullest.
David Isaacs: End. try to honor their memory by... doing so. So I think... In a lot of cases. like you know No one that's...
David Isaacs: been with us and left us untimely. would you know want us to Wanted to affect us negatively for too long. So...
David Isaacs: That's kind of how I feel. unfortunately Like life doesn't stop. So. I still have. stuff to do. Try to allow myself that time to...
David Isaacs: process more, to grieve more, to to feel more. uh of the loss But on the other side... Yeah, just. Trying to...
David Isaacs: honor their memory to the best of my ability. books
The Big Dog: Yeah. um Yeah, there's it sounds like so you're somewhere in between. ah Denial. and maybe anger or something. Um, you know, there's,
The Big Dog: like i the only reason i know these is because i just you know i've gone through A lot of loss, you know Awesome. Cup. Both my... uncle so I was close with a couple years ago and about the cancer. I was losing my dad.
The Big Dog: um last year, plus... um you know, just classmates who i was really close with when i was growing up and so um There's there's like five main stages. There's acceptance, denial, anger, bargaining, and and depression. so Um, you know just what i'm hearing it's kind of just none of these are linear you know it's not like one comes before the other it's kind of just sometimes
The Big Dog: some hit differently some go away some come back um you know there's denial anger bargaining depression acceptance i think uh Again, yeah, I think you're somewhere between denial and anger. You know, it's like...
The Big Dog: It's shocking, you know, especially as somebody who... I i assume is, you know, young and, you know, so still had a lot to offer and was like you said. Um,
The Big Dog: Already had gave a lot. Um... and I don't know the circumstances around it, but... you know it sounds like it's kind of a Completely unexpected, so yeah I'm sorry to hear that. and Sorry that you're having to go through that, but. Um,
The Big Dog: you know. Ahem. Yeah, I feel like um sometimes it makes you really question your own mortality and what you've done in the time that um you've...
The Big Dog: you know been on this earth like i do you have Do you think you've... given as much as um you know without that person or comparing yourself to them. and Um,
The Big Dog: you know, everyone's. different, but... Um, You know, it's. Just... For me, it was always focusing on the good times of that person you know that I had and good good memories. but Um,
The Big Dog: You know, my Uncle and I always used to drive around um on the weekends to like different Um, Like flea markets and... And Chops is kind of looking for collectibles, kind of always gotten that. and His favorite thing actually coming up this weekend is Woodward Dream Cruise. He'd wear Woodward Dream Cruise shirts to his funeral. you know And every time... I go I always think of him um You know, sitting up on Woodward, watching all the cars, pointing out his favorites and. you know? So.
The Big Dog: Um, Yeah, I mean I can't really offer any advice other than you know it's it sucks what you're going through it sucks that sucks for his that person's family and um you know.
The Big Dog: I wish him nothing but. Peace, you know. um I have a coworker whose grandma just also kind of just suddenly passed. She had a aneurysm last week and was gone.
The Big Dog: like that so she's been working remotely from texas um for the last like week or so and you know it's like Man, I... Can't help but i feel heartbreak.
The Big Dog: um you know it's especially if you're close. and you know? Right now, I'm just kind of stumbling on my words because I don't really know what to say, and I don't want to... like i don't want to press on anything or you know anything because it's like you know I don't everyone's different everyone always reacts to anything and Again, like.
The Big Dog: grief hits people differently so it It's a it's always a tricky situation, but you know if like one in one in time i you know, I know you're, you're still in therapy, but obviously, um,
The Big Dog: you know. practice what you've been taught from your therapist and what you've kind of learned and you know. um
The Big Dog: navigate it on your own time, you know. um That you know, that's that's the best I give a second Kind of generic advice I guess I can give you. I'm sorry you're going through that
David Isaacs: yeah Thank you. Um... Yeah. And especially, you know. Like you were talking about his family. You know, part of our friend group. And, uh... growing up.
David Isaacs: Kind of with the same friend group for so long somewhere. know We're neighbors growing up. I grew closer with him. and you know it's just kind of they've been
David Isaacs: you know, phone calls back and forth between them. everybody. and you know check it in making sure we're All doing okay. Um... But yeah, unfortunately, it's...
David Isaacs: that's part of life. That. A lot of us. have to experience it. At least for me, it's like, yeah, if I... wondering if I've given myself enough.
David Isaacs: time to really feel it. Or... What have you, but... Yeah. I think it's... Yeah, just tough. No. Everyone kind of deals with it in their own way, in their own ways. and It comes with time.
David Isaacs: to be able to process it. and what have you, but... Yeah, kind of just in the... in the middle of that. the But.
David Isaacs: Yeah I know.
David Isaacs: How do we deal with it? Sorry I keep pausing on you.
The Big Dog: Oh no, you're good man.
David Isaacs: like kind of having to deal with it in the past and Like I had already. I might have already touched on. Maybe it was before we got on, or maybe it's... while we were recording but um Yeah. Thank you.
David Isaacs: kind of learn how to
David Isaacs: Deal with it. I don't think it's a good phrase, but
David Isaacs: unexpected. But. You learn to accept it. Dad. No longer. here with us. and You gotta...
David Isaacs: really allow yourself to. the violin. reach out and
David Isaacs: Try to help out where you can with all the arrangements. and and whatnot. um But yeah, it's just... for lack of a better term, just sucks, man.
The Big Dog: Yeah, yeah, for sure. and actually uh,
The Big Dog: Completely forgot about my my cousin who passed, and just before Christmas, he was... Fire Chief in and Hawaii. and Um, I think I actually touched on this in an early episode. I think, you know, I, I think I'm kind of finally You know, I haven't thought about him in... a minute, so kind of.
The Big Dog: It feels embarrassing. and from a standpoint but you know you know Also kind of along the same lines, just a great man, you know, just always. He always would remember people when he saw them. You know, he was... um working A lot.
The Big Dog: he always because he was a battalion chief so he was in charge of i think like eight or nine different departments. Um, And he would try to make it actually more than that. Um, He was in charge of the entire Big Island, so...
The Big Dog: you know, is me. make it a point to make it around to all of his stations each day or each month so um you know I wouldn't remember a small little fact about every person who...
The Big Dog: He talked to and, you know, the governor of... ah Hawaii was spoke at his funeral and he had a, you know, just Just a great person. and um Great.
The Big Dog: Great loss for... our civilization, really. Um... you know, and I Couldn't afford it, but I flew it. flew out there and you know, made sure it was.
The Big Dog: there for my aunt who Even now is still... um you know going through all the motions. She actually came out of retirement and volunteered to work back in for the the state of Hawaii. So she was just... impacted that much and you know just I guess maybe she felt she the state had suffered, so she just was trying to give back. so Um, you know, I guess.
The Big Dog: In her own way, maybe it's her own way of grieving. still to kind of process it. so you know it It takes time. um for everyone to heal. ah All wounds will eventually be healed. but And... you know Even if you don't think that you're processing it.
The Big Dog: you know At the forefront, I think you know maybe your brain is in in some ways, but... um Yeah, I mean... i Reach out to if there's anybody coordinating with the family, see if they, you know, maybe if they need. help with anything or just you know just even if it's just a simple text of hey you know i heard sir Sorry for your loss. Please let me know if there's anything that you need. you know um I think that carries a lot of weight, even if everyone's saying it. you know Um,
The Big Dog: sometimes just uh even making someone laugh at a funeral goes a long way but um that's you really got another person to do that so Um, you know.
The Big Dog: situation The situations are always different. Um... But... The only real connection that we have is that it sucks and that... Someone young is no longer with us. and Um...
The Big Dog: You know, I don't know if he had kids or, you know, or a family, but. Hello? values. Um... But yeah, losing somebody, especially you grew up with many, you thought.
The Big Dog: Yeah. even if you had just had a text from him a couple of weeks ago, you know, you start kind of questioning yourself or this idea of, um You know, did I... We'll see. the rail.
The Big Dog: Tch. Leave this person I... be with a good impression. Like, did I, you know, was I. Did I say goodbye? Did I say something? Did I say the right words? that i Was I...
The Big Dog: you know i've always kind of just i'm still kind of questioning that with My cousin Kazuo, it's like... you know I hadn't talked to him in over 10 years. and I like. at least face to face. Cause I was last time I was in Hawaii and. Um, You know, he's...
The Big Dog: You were... distant you know, but we were cordial always. And, um, but we were, I, I was always proud of him. and Mike. and My cousin's on that side of the family. They're all civil civil servants. and Um,
The Big Dog: yeah I mean
The Big Dog: You try to do it your best and you try to honor their their memory in some way. And sometimes it always just doesn't feel. like it's enough, you know, but. um
The Big Dog: Eventually it gets... better I mean, I know that's kind of shitty advice, but... No. you know again Everyone is is different in their process. so
David Isaacs: Yeah. No, I... i don't know it's uh Yeah. with the
David Isaacs: And it's the... a little different like yeah i mean we just all got together and I watched the World Cup final a few weeks ago. yeah We would go bowling on occasion.
David Isaacs: over the last year. ah See ya. Definitely got it. an opportunity to see him more over the last couple of years, which. is has been nice.
The Big Dog: Yeah.
David Isaacs: oh but to... To your point, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of... people that or in my life, or maybe not currently in my life. That was kind of fall.
David Isaacs: fell out of touch with. You he still... root for him. you wish the best for them. But yeah, maybe not. Not an...
David Isaacs: contact as much as she would like. i think That's kind of the... part of life, right? And it goes on. and
The Big Dog: Yeah.
David Isaacs: We get busy. and People come in, people leave. but I think. What? trips us up a lot of times it's like thinking there's always an opportunity to...
David Isaacs: see them again or talk to them again. and one day there just isn't. So. It's the... Hard thing that's always been for me to kind of accept with Losing my brother at a young age. um you know, you get older. and some bigger families.
David Isaacs: some uncles that I have uncles and grandparents or what have you that have some health problems. and they holding on as long as they can. but
David Isaacs: Eventually as you get older and People around you get older. Stuff just happens. So. It's kind of a part of growing up. but One of the.
David Isaacs: shittier parts of it. of Now I've been to... A lot of weddings I've had. an opportunity to stay in touch with a large group of friends I'm very grateful for.
David Isaacs: the opportunity to do that.
David Isaacs: any loss regardless of
David Isaacs: how much time he spent with them. and or how little time you were able to spend with them. It always hurts and affects you in different ways. That's what I'm...
David Isaacs: holding on to. Right. Just. honoring his memory and knowing that He wouldn't want. any of us sulking around for for too long.
David Isaacs: over it.
The Big Dog: yeah for For sure. um you know, and Um,
The Big Dog: I just remember like... I mean, I was freshly unemployed. I think it was two weeks and then, you know, two weeks. ah In April 2024, it was... and you know, Jackson are Boot camp classmate. um you Him and I would...
The Big Dog: Chat. Just like whatever on occasion. A couple of times a week, um you know, it weren't exactly. close but I think we... You know, he was...
The Big Dog: Kind of like our I was talking about him before, he's like our annoying little brother, but... he always had good intentions and i think he was generally trying to turn his life around and you know he He passed suddenly and...
The Big Dog: in April and that. I think just with everything that i' had already gone on, it really affected me you know personally, even though I didn't really know him. Know him, know him, right? But um I knew him well enough to...
The Big Dog: Know that he... was well loved by his family and you know he's a good family man who's really close with his nieces and nephews and his his brother. So. Um,
The Big Dog: You know, and you... even like that where we're at chat every day you know i just feel like um
The Big Dog: My... At that time, my motivation was just to... So get a job. you know obviously to survive and pay my bills but also just kind of in his honor so Um,
The Big Dog: Yeah, I mean Haven't thought about him in a while, but yeah, it's sometimes Life just... goes on and um you know you Sometimes.
The Big Dog: You do forget about the people who have passed and then, you know, some... suddenly you're walking down the street and you see something like you know i don't know what car that maybe he would you talked about and you go oh yeah my friend you know, X, Y, and Z. so Really love this car like, you know um or like going up to Woodward and seeing some classic cars even now, you know, it's like, oh, my uncle really loved that. So, you know, there's...
The Big Dog: Even if you think that you may have forgotten the person, I think there's always going to be some memory of them that lives within you. um You know, like... A couple of classmates, like one. who died most recently it was a couple years ago as well and i think he had a drug overdose but he was always kind of a problem child but You know, and him and I had...
The Big Dog: I always had... so spats but you know, um you want to think the best of people and you know eventually our relationship always got better so Um,
The Big Dog: you know It's focusing on the good times and the good memories that we have. of these folks and I'm kind of carrying on, you know. um
The Big Dog: I still have memories of you know people ah playing with kids and like elementary school and you know it was like some of my fondest memories and then You know, flash forward now to when I'm 37, you know, that was when I was like eight or nine years old. um And, you know, some of them aren't with us, so. Um,
The Big Dog: As the saying goes, from Jurassic Park, like you know, life finds a way. um Even if it's... i don't know i guess i'm not trying to say that people are going to be cloned and we're gonna like they did like dinosaurs like we're not gonna be able to find some uh mosquito that has their dna or whatever but um I think it's.
The Big Dog: our responsibility to carry on their memory and and in some way. and Um, Try to be the best person that we can be. Um, you know,
The Big Dog: and We shouldn't I don't think In time, we shouldn't measure ourselves to these these folks because... You know, look at someone like Heath Ledger, you know, um someone would argue that he.
The Big Dog: you know. died in the prime so he never was able to make a bad movie that's why so many of his uh He's remembered fondly, but um you know maybe somebody who had died older and had kind of... um
The Big Dog: moved out But. It's still focusing on all of their their good movies. So I think it's just focusing on their good their good memories. and Um, you know, Making sure that we...
The Big Dog: Honor them by being the best person that we can be.
David Isaacs: Yeah. Well... All set.
David Isaacs: God be with you. Anyone that we've lost. anyone that's around. memories, experiences. grow. very social creatures. and who we are today.
David Isaacs: the friend of mine we're talking about i can definitely say. Um, shaped who I am today. I think that's... another takeaway that I have for.
David Isaacs: Any loss. albeit me or for anyone else. how they uh made your life better. Kind of. helps you along the way. which is great to think about. look back on.
David Isaacs: It doesn't. you know, necessarily take away the The pain. you know feeling Having lost them. and um Yeah, still knowing you got a...
David Isaacs: that life goes on. and Take away from me like I had mentioned of Just... Yeah. honoring their memory. and what they taught you. good experiences and things that you have.
David Isaacs: I had had. have had.
David Isaacs: Yeah, and I know. it Sounds like a lot of... Psychobabble, I mean I've never really been too much of a... spiritual or you know positive thinking type person.
David Isaacs: but I do think if you... kind of put those things into perspective and allow yourself to feel. and
David Isaacs: Like it really is. some of this really just kind of comes down to you know that perspective and
David Isaacs: thinking about things through that lens. of...
David Isaacs: Now, this is a...
David Isaacs: Hmm. this is What they'd want you to do
The Big Dog: Yeah.
David Isaacs: Don't eat it. good people in our lives that have... left us. There it was. I don't know if you could ever consider anything. timely. but whether if it was timely or untimely.
David Isaacs: Like, yeah, they wouldn't want you.
David Isaacs: salt in for too long. and to have you live your life. To the fullest.
The Big Dog: Yeah, it's... um ah Kind of from your... What's your point from my root? earlier about You know, it's like. being a positive thinking person I'm kind of a the same way and i kind of even like my work styles kind of just passed on like what you know it's kind of given to me and kind of just slowly think it out, but...
The Big Dog: um Also, I think... Not a very... present person, unless something... like this happens you know like where i'm kind of focused on that i'm always you know like with my so my son or my wife or just kind of in general i'm always thinking like ahead of you know financially like or things that we could do to like clean up our house but it's really like moments like this of Kind of clarity, I guess. Um,
The Big Dog: I think we kind of focus on that. the president and what President, what can I do to... you know, help or, improve someone's life. um You know, If it's to honor someone who has passed or just... um you know, whether if it's like my dad, you know, so I was...
The Big Dog: I couldn't really spend the night with. My mom. you know to help her take care of i just you know i i had a family so i was just you know go over there and clean and cut the lawn or I would cook dinner or whatever meal that they needed. So,
The Big Dog: Um,
The Big Dog: Fortunately, it's for me, it's that's you know it's a type of event that... kind of takes me to to focus on what's going on now rather than you know. focus on being elsewhere. Um,
The Big Dog: so you know, I guess My emotion is attached to my focus. So. Um, Which I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, but I think... um you know it is what it is and it forces me to kind of step up in a way and um You know?
The Big Dog: Be a person so I guess in a way I'm honoring that person if they've past or, you know, just... Trying to help. my mom you know rather than i probably should be doing a lot of this in general i mean my my mom's turned 71 my dad turned just turned 79 so it's you know they're I know that... Yeah.
The Big Dog: Matter of course. Um, Like medicine has brought us that. you know 40s a new 20 or 40s a new 30 yada yada yada and 70s a new 60 or whatever and My parents are...
The Big Dog: In very good shape for their age like my mom still works out boot at like a fit body boot camp. and Up until my dad had us. brain injury was you know he still has an athletic heartbeat but he was he was biking every day so Thank you all for that. but you know they've ah you know,
The Big Dog: and just kind of talking it out now i should Now I should really... do more for them but you know financially i can't like i was like uh, pay for someone to cut their lawn so they don't have to do it but And I i just don't have the time to cut it. So, i you know, but...
The Big Dog: There's a lot of what ifs and I just... For now, I'm just focusing on what I can do, what I can control. so um you know i And I think the grieving process can...
The Big Dog: be similar to that and that, you know, there's a lot of thinking and a lot of what if, but... um You know, it's like. control what you can control help the you know, help out, send a Um,
The Big Dog: yeah Look on there the obituary site and you know send a... thing of flowers or you know Show up for the funeral, you know Be there, be intentional, right? like be present for this they're for this family, this this grieving. ones and you know, because I Ultimately, I think we'll come back in a way to make you feel better, but also...
The Big Dog: um you know, help you. work on being present and
The Big Dog: you know just I guess being like... You know,
The Big Dog: I don't want to say a better person, but you know, it just. Makes me more focused on being present I guess as well My point point I'm trying to make.
David Isaacs: yeah know i get it Yeah, it definitely kind of puts things back into a perspective. and
David Isaacs: Just kind of a reminder of the...
David Isaacs: not really enough time
The Big Dog: Yeah. For sure.
David Isaacs: Sorry for the downer episode.
David Isaacs: so a lot of people. i think most if not all people have had.
David Isaacs: have had to deal with it.
David Isaacs: find a way to process. and to get through it. Yeah, I know it's tough. and deals with it. there so
The Big Dog: Yeah, I mean, I think... um you know, we're always being real on our podcast and sometimes it gets a little too real like this where it's really close to home um you know like Where I was talking about losing weight, being being better humans, and... Um,
The Big Dog: being kind to ourselves and to each other but you know sometimes Life really just does happen, and we lose a loved one. or um you know, unexpectedly. So.
The Big Dog: This is a good reminder for everyone to...
The Big Dog: you know take care of your loved ones and Um, you know make sure that they you know you're intentional with your words to them and make sure that if you love them that you do you tell them that because you know i don't want to be a cliche but you know You never know what but next time they're going to see him. And I don't say it as a mindset, sounding kind of like um my mom, because my mom always says that to me.
The Big Dog: I think almost like weaponized, but... I think just... being intentional with your the people around you Um,
The Big Dog: is you know the focus for this episode so um whether it's saying I love you or doing something nice for them. or you know, everything. Because, again, life just happens. and somebody could be gone tomorrow so um just be present and you know Oof.
The Big Dog: this does happen, you know, um, recognize how you're feeling or even if you're don't think you're feeling you probably are and just um You know?
The Big Dog: document it and Um, you know, Talk it out with your loved one with a metal medical mental health professional um and You know? kind of go from there it's one step at a time and then you know you're not Even if you think you're you're not alone.
David Isaacs: right to leave everyone with.
David Isaacs: on a sad note
David Isaacs: Life goes on.
David Isaacs: and shouldn't however many times. That's it. brain not working very well today
The Big Dog: Nah, it's all good, man. Um, but... Rest in peace to your friend. I hope his family is... I hope it gets better for them. and That they're um you know,
The Big Dog: Eventually, they'll eventually they'll they'll find peace with their their loss, you know, and their in their own time. Um, And... Yeah, let me know if there's anything that I can do. we'll be happy More than happy to help.
The Big Dog: Bye. That's all that I had.
David Isaacs: appreciate it
David Isaacs: yeah I don't think I have anything else. so Believe me. that.
The Big Dog: All right. Yeah. All right. Thanks for listening everybody.
David Isaacs: Thanks for listening. way
