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171. Sports Are a Tool… Don't Be a Tool
54 Plays14 days ago
A viral 9U baseball video has parents everywhere talking.
After a young player hits what should have been the biggest home run of his life, an opposing coach appeals a technicality that erases the moment. Was it within the rules? Yes. Was it the right thing to do?
In this episode, Shad Martin and Dustin Smith discuss what youth sports are really supposed to accomplish. Are we trying to win youth games—or raise resilient adults?
If you're a parent, coach, or athlete, this conversation will challenge the way you think about competition, teaching, and long-term success.
Remember: Sports are a tool to shape young people into who they're meant to become.
Eyes Up. Do the Work.
Timestamps:
- 00:32:17 - Introduction
- 00:33:02 - The Quote: "Always Have the End in Mind"
- 00:34:32 - The Viral 9U Baseball Video Explained
- 00:37:37 - The Controversial Appeal That Erased the Home Run
- 00:40:32 - Why Adults Lose Perspective in Youth Sports
- 00:45:12 - Coaching Is Teaching, Not Just Winning
- 00:47:22 - The 10-Year-Old Tennis Story
- 00:50:17 - Learning to Lose with Character
- 00:52:42 - What Sports Are Really Supposed to Teach
- 00:55:52 - Advice for Parents and Coaches
- 00:59:22 - Final Takeaway: Sports Are a Tool... Don't Be a Tool
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Credits: Hosted by Dustin Smith
Produced by E4A and IMAGINATE STUDIO
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast Mission
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to the Especially for Athletes podcast where we explore essential principles that empower athletes to learn life's most valuable lessons through sports.
00:00:17
Speaker
What's up? Welcome everybody. Dustin and I are so glad to be
Challenges of Youth Sports Parenting
00:00:20
Speaker
with you today. We're going to talk about a really important principle today and that is Not being an idiot parent. Is that a good a good topic, Dustin or coach? and I don't know. What would be a good topic for this discussion we're going to have? I think we're at a point in some of these and particularly what we're going to watch today, which you'd think is pretty uncommon, but it's not actually. to Idiot is probably an appropriate word. Let me put it that way.
00:00:49
Speaker
but Well, I think that we just get so worried about all the wrong things. I was thinking, Dustin, about when I saw this clip that we're going to show today, and we'll describe it for everybody, but I was thinking about something that we show in our presentation. I'll put it up here on the screen.
00:01:04
Speaker
One of our longtime athletes, Ella Ballstead, said at the end of a podcast that she filmed with us, this quote, always have the end in mind. And by the way, she was talking about her parents and complimenting her parents. And we we have had interactions with her parents. You know her parents well, but she was complimenting her parents. She said they always had the end in mind and realized that sports are a tool to shape your children into the individuals that they are meant to become.
Purpose of Youth Sports
00:01:35
Speaker
So I love it because it's this idea that it's not about wins or losses. It's not about some of these things that parents seem to worry about. You know, it's a before we drive to another tournament, before we question another tournament.
00:01:53
Speaker
umpire or referee or whatever that's doing their best before we argue another call we just have to ask ourselves the question like what are we actually doing here what what are sports about what are we trying to produce are we trying to raise kids who win youth games or are we trying to raise resilient adults and and because those two things are not the same things like winning games being able as you've said in the past Dustin to post an Instagram post about your child winning, um it's it doesn't lead to resilience just because you think a win might build
Controversial Baseball Game Incident
00:02:33
Speaker
their confidence. And so we came across a video recently. I've showed this to you, Dustin. There's just so much wrong in this video.
00:02:42
Speaker
And I want to share the video and then I want to read what a guy, Jake Savicki, said in a post about it. The reason why I'm reading it is I cut out a few choice words. um But let me let me ah set the scene here. so Well, and for and for those that aren't watching this, um Chad, yeah, set it. Describe what happens so that people who aren't watching can and and understand that whatever you say, it's not nearly as descriptive as the video is. Like if you watch the video, you'd be like, holy smokes.
00:03:17
Speaker
yeah Yeah, so this guy, Jake Savicki, he starts out by this by saying this. You're going to be hard pressed to find a video that accurately sums up how adults are ruining youth sports. Buckle up, here we go. Okay, so I'll set the scene and then I'll describe it as we play it.
00:03:35
Speaker
This is a 9U game. So these kids are nine years old in Texas. The kid hit a home run late in the game to put his team up four to three It was a two-run homer. They were down 3-2. An amazing moment for the kid and his teammates. Now I'm going to play the clip, and I'll describe it the best I can. If I leave anything out, just just chime in. okay So here we go.
00:04:03
Speaker
boom crushes the ball, home run, now his team is up, 4-3, teammates running the home base, there's another guy with the home base, and he's going to run, and he stands off to the front without touching the home base, now teammates are going to touch home, touch home, he does, obviously, but then they just totally maw the kid, they hit the home run.
00:04:31
Speaker
So, just to pause it for a second, The kid on base comes, stands next to home base, doesn't touch it.
00:04:42
Speaker
And his teammates notice that. The umpire's staring right at it. And his teammates like tap him like, hey, touch home base, touch home base, touch home base. And you see him move his foot over to touch home base.
00:04:56
Speaker
He does. And then... And then, you know, you got the guy coming around third and then they mauled the guy who hit this home run. Okay. And that's where this situation starts to devolve. Step on the plate, Bryce. Which runner? The first runner. The first runner. The coach is appealing and says, throw it home, touch the base. The umpire says, which runner, which runner? And he says, the first runner.
00:05:23
Speaker
And I don't know why this bugs me so bad, Dustin, but it's the coach's reaction. So the opposing team has just hit this home run. This guy will remember the rest of his life.
00:05:35
Speaker
And they throw it home. You can see the catcher right now, if you're watching this, holding up his hand. Like, the catcher doesn't even know what's going on. Touches home base. He's holding up his hands like this.
00:05:47
Speaker
Like, I don't know. And the coach says, the first runner. The first runner didn't touch home base. And then the umpire signals that he's out. And the coach. so Yes! Let's go! The coach pumps his fists. Right? Touch and fist. I'm going to go back to that. Here it is. First runner.
00:06:07
Speaker
so Yes! we go! That's not the line that bugged me so bad. Now they're meeting. Let's go. The other coach. There's the slow-mo of the kid touching home plate when his teammate was out with you. And then they mauled. First runner's out.
00:06:27
Speaker
That's a throw down. The umpire said, first runner's out, that's the third down. The other coach comes in. He's seriously going to do it? He went to the side.
00:06:40
Speaker
He went to the side. And then your teammates. I do. You know what? You. Now he's going to throw everyone out. yeah now he's gonna throw everyone out yeah
The Role of Coaches and Parents
00:06:52
Speaker
I mean, so much wrong with this, Besta. Before I get your reaction to let you decide what swear words you're not going to say, here here's what here's what this guy, one of my favorite guys, Jake Savicki, he's the one who does the balls and strikes. like he'll show He'll show a pitch that's obviously a ball, and he'll go, ball, with sunglasses. and This is what he says.
00:07:15
Speaker
The umpire somehow agreed that he never touched home plate, called the runner out, which was the third out of the inning. The home run doesn't count. So this is this Jake guy.
00:07:26
Speaker
Now, I don't know the guy. i don't know his coaches. I don't know any of those three guys, but I hope he sees this and I hope he knows that I think he made a terrible decision. That's me changing his words, by the way.
00:07:41
Speaker
Because you don't have to be a baseball expert or a great coach to realize these are nine-year-olds. Is it worth taking this moment away?
00:07:52
Speaker
My kids now get to deal with the adversity of giving up a late home run. My pitcher gets to learn to deal with it. My whole team gets to learn from it. Or do I just bail them out on some technicality?
00:08:05
Speaker
where the kids stepped on home plate anyway and take the moment away from everybody, including the kids on the other side. That kid might now just be so excited about baseball because he hit a big home run. The kid running home, who did end up touching home plate, but they said he didn't, is now going to be disappointed and feel like he costed his team the game.
00:08:27
Speaker
It's probably going to ruin his whole weekend. So what? so that you could win a game? You sit there thinking about getting your team a win off a technicality that didn't even matter?
00:08:39
Speaker
So much so that as a grown adult, you're willing to ruin this moment for a nine-year-old. All right, Dustin.
00:08:51
Speaker
Why do we do that stuff, man? Like why coaches, i know you've had some experiences like you're gonna, was a home run, right? And you're gonna take away a kid's great moment over a technicality so that you and a bunch of other nine-year-olds can win a game. Like, yeah tell me what you, what your thoughts are on that whole thing.
00:09:15
Speaker
Well, I've, I've, I've coached over 300 football games, um, youth level and, and high school as an assistant and high school as a head coach, but the youth level, I've, I've coached several teams, um,
00:09:29
Speaker
including one or two that weren't even, my sons weren't on the team years ago. um And I've seen some some weird stuff happen in basketball, baseball, and football, all three of them.
00:09:41
Speaker
where, and I understand that coaches get into the game and they get caught up in the wanting to to compete and and wanting to win. So I understand that. And there's things that coaches do and may react to that yeah afterwards you may feel embarrassed about or wish you'd handled a little bit differently. However, in situations like this, I've never understood how a coach doesn't have the awareness or how a parent doesn't have the awareness to understand the big picture. That,
00:10:11
Speaker
you know you're you're you're even in this particular case, so you win the game. You still had the home run hit off you. Like that pitcher, he gave up a home run. He knows that. He's going to look back at that moment and know that I lost the game. like Or we lost the game.
00:10:26
Speaker
you know I gave up. But but the the the guy gets the out and the video shows him start walking to the pitcher with his hand up to high five him like, You know, I mean, it was, it's just, it's stuff like this that the kids were not, the kids would have gotten over the loss like it happens. But the coaches, you can see just how eager they, they want us so badly to be the winning coach. to i don't know if it's to go to work on Monday and say we won the championship if, you know, if, if. But when the parent when the coach starts wanting it more than the kids, which we do sometimes as coaches, like we do, it's not and it's not necessarily always a bad thing because you want to teach the kids how to compete, but you have to understand that you're teaching.
00:11:10
Speaker
And it's not what you say, it's what you emphasize that the kids remember. And if you emphasize that winning is the only thing that matters and a technicality like remembers,
00:11:21
Speaker
barely or not. Maybe he just touched the corner of the plate or something. He clearly was trying to touch the plate after his teammate told him to, even if his teammates didn't tell him. Right. I would think the coach would say, Hey,
00:11:34
Speaker
a coach on the third base, he didn't touch it. Just, you may want to tell him that after we're not going to appeal it. Like what a play. Great. We're not going to appeal it, but just let him know. Cause later in life that another coach might, you know, appeal. Let's just handle it like an adult, make it a learning session, a lesson instead of, I'm sure those coaches feel justified in saying, well, you know, they got to learn how to play the game. Right. And that's in the rule. And, and, you know, and I'm just following the rules and, not at 9U, right? and And not even and as they get older. Like, if a kid makes a mistake...
00:12:07
Speaker
And something like that. It's not in the action of the game. The game had stopped. They're just running the bases, right? it's It just let it go and use it as a learning lesson. And, you know, it' if anyway, i I don't get it.
00:12:21
Speaker
I wish parents and coaches would be a little bit more aware of how they're acting and and just ask themselves because they all see these clips. Everybody sees these videos online and and and probably has the thought like we do of, oh, man, that's that parent's nuts or that coach is crazy.
00:12:37
Speaker
Well, I just encourage parents and coaches to say, well, are you that guy? Like I've told you, I wanted, I've wanted to give t-shirts out to parents that say, I'm that mom or I'm that dad. Just congratulate them and say, Hey, you, you, you've made such a fool yourself that congratulations. You're that mom. Here's your t-shirt,
Teaching Over Winning: Personal Experiences
00:12:56
Speaker
wear it around. Right? Like you're the one that everybody talks about. Cause I don't think they, they realize it. And Clearly in this moment, I think a mistake was made. And then the umpire makes it worse by the dramatic, you know, throwing the other guy out instead of just let, he knows the other guy's going to be upset. He's going to be emotional. Let it go. Let everybody calm down. But you make it worse. I'm sure the video even got worse after that because now you just threw a coach out. And you know what's going to happen in five, 10 years from now, every one of those kids, they're not going remember
00:13:28
Speaker
much about that season, they're going to remember that play from that game and the way that it was handled by the coach and the ref. and And probably I'll laugh at it and be like, I can't believe our coach did that. And I can't believe the umpire did that. and ah But in the meantime, yeah, you just ruined a kid's experience.
00:13:49
Speaker
Yeah, I've seen it. And I wonder about the psychology of it. Like I was telling you before, just in our pre-show that i I saw it happen at a 10-year-old girl tennis match, you know, this time of year, many years ago, when there's a city league tennis tournament at the end of the year here in Utah Valley. And there was one team that was beating another team pretty good.
00:14:16
Speaker
And then this dad realized that when these two girls were serving, it was a doubles match. that they were most of the time stepping on the line, like every other 10-year-old girl tennis player yeah at the city level.
00:14:34
Speaker
And so in his mind, he got this moment that, oh my gosh, if my daughter starts calling a foot fault every single time these girls serve, then...
00:14:48
Speaker
it's going to be a great advantage to that. But then I watched these two girls trying to worry about their feet because there's this 45 year old guy yelling football every time they serve, you know, and they're starting to have to deal with all this stuff. and I'm sitting there thinking like, what is the objective here? What do you think is happening here?
00:15:09
Speaker
That if your daughter wins this tennis match, at age 10 that it's going to change the trajectory of her life enough to belittle 10 year old little girls and make them feel stupid as they're serving. So that's my question, I guess, Dustin. is just Would you think about the psychology?
00:15:31
Speaker
Because we all like to think we're not that parent until we get in the moment. What makes a parent think? that winning that baseball game is so...
00:15:45
Speaker
winning that nine new baseball game is so critical to do something like that. What do you think happens in the heart or mind of that? I'm that parent, that parent.
00:15:57
Speaker
Yeah. I just think we're not, you know, in those moments, I don't think anybody is really thinking. And I say this in full transparency that I think every one of us, including you and me in moments of passion for a ah team, I don't really have any teams I i cheer for. i don't, but as a coach in the moment you're wrapped up in it,
00:16:18
Speaker
You may react and say or do certain things that, you know, a couple hours later you look back on or you see yourself on a video and be like, oh, man, that wasn't my best moment. um I don't understand it at the kid level ah because I just i I at least I felt like I had a bigger picture rather than just that moment in. in I could see past that hour that realized that they were that age and that this was for fun. And you're right. and and And it's a teaching opportunity. No one's going to remember this game.
00:16:48
Speaker
um So I don't, I think honestly, it's it's parents reliving through their kids. and And I think anybody who says I don't do that is also lying. I think we all relive a little bit through our kids. I think that's a we We enjoy it brings back a little bit of the love that we have for competing and playing and when our kids are successful. We feel like we want to like we can deny that that's the case. But I think we're lying to ourselves that we all get a little bit of a thrill out of watching our kids.
00:17:17
Speaker
We'd much rather see them win than lose. But. but At that young age level, I just think sometimes parents are so – the first-time coaching, I'm sure, for those dads, they're the big coach now, and they're they're taking that role so seriously that they turn into you know a major league baseball coach in that moment instead of realizing he's a 9U coach and understanding that his goal – he's not going to lose his job if he loses that game like – you know, a major league baseball coach might, if he didn't appeal that, if he, right. Like you don't do that in the pros, you'd have, you'd appeal it, right. The guy should have known, but at this level, you're not going lose your job.
00:17:54
Speaker
What you are going to do though, be able to pull your kids aside, talk about what happened. You could even say the kid didn't touch the plate guys, but you know what? The kid had a great hit. We're not going to appeal that guys. Cause we got to learn how to close games better and get out of those moments. What are we going to do to be better next game?
00:18:10
Speaker
Talk to your pitcher about it. Let him learn. You know, there's so much that could have been done. i remember my dad and yeah I pitched and you know i was a pretty good pitcher growing up.
00:18:22
Speaker
And. And, you know, and you and I played and in college and and i I used to pride myself at not giving up a lot of home runs. And i gave, i don't get me wrong, I gave some up. And in college, I gave up a couple of big ones. But I remember in a big game that we had, my dad my dad told me, when you give up a home run, I want you to go over.
00:18:43
Speaker
I'm not exaggerating this because it was hard as that. Freaking heck to do. And I'll never forget. I was 12. I gave up a grand slam in a really big game to their best player, who was a kid I knew. Like, it was kind of a rivalry game.
00:18:57
Speaker
And I'd gone swimming earlier in the day, which I shouldn't have done. You know, we all know you don't do that on Gager. And big game that afternoon. And I was all, couldn't throw a strike. This kid hits a grand slam. First inning. Number four hitter. I It's awful start.
00:19:12
Speaker
My dad told me when I gave up a home run, I had to walk over to third base, shake the kid's hand and tell him good job. And sure enough, he hits the home run. I looked up thinking maybe he'd forgotten about that.
00:19:24
Speaker
My dad pointed to third base and I walked over and shook the kid's hand. And, you know, and maybe my dad was doing that. So people could tell him what a great son you have, what great sportsmanship. Maybe it was selfish. I don't know. but Or maybe he was teaching me to compete without contempt and to be humble and to or to teach me how embarrassing that was to do that, to get to not go swimming in the morning, take my games more serious so I didn't have to do that again because that's what the lesson turned out
Lessons in Humility and Sportsmanship
00:19:52
Speaker
to be. I didn't want to have to do that. you know that was it was It was tough to go do that.
00:19:56
Speaker
But I want to read something real quick here, Shad, because I just saw this the other day. It's from ah William Rudolph or Wilma Rudolph. And she was a famous track star.
00:20:07
Speaker
um about 50, 60 years ago ah for the for the US Olympic team. And she said, winning is great, sure. But if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time.
00:20:22
Speaker
If you can pick up after a crushing defeat and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday. That was the chance that that coach had right there to pick his team up and say, all right, we lost today.
00:20:35
Speaker
How are going to learn from this and win? Instead, i assume if they won the game, those kids are going to go home. All the parents are going to go home. And we won the game because the kids was missed home plate by ah a centimeter, a quarter of an inch or or did touch it and the ref didn't see it. Like we feel good about going out to get pizza today and celebrating this.
00:20:57
Speaker
um A missed moment, missed teaching moment. Coaching is teaching. It's not, it's you're you're a teacher first. That's the job of coaches at all levels, but especially at the youth level. You're teaching so much to these kids and there's so many opportunities if you're looking for them. We'd say if your eyes are up.
00:21:15
Speaker
It's teaching them how to win the right way, how to compete, how to lose the right way, and blown opportunity for those coaches and parents. Hopefully parents talk to their kids after, and but blown opportunity by that coach.
00:21:29
Speaker
and the other but That's what this Jake guy, you know part of his little diatribe there that he recorded he He asked a few questions. He said, is it worth taking this moment away?
00:21:43
Speaker
My kids now get to, speaking from the point of the coach that that protested, my kids now get to deal with the adversity of giving up a late home run. My pitcher gets to learn to deal with it.
00:21:56
Speaker
My whole team gets to learn from it. Or do I just bail them out on some technicality? And I like you, Dustin, I know that some might listen to this be like, well, they got to learn at some point that kid's going to step on home base every single time. Now I keep calling it home base like I've never played baseball before. It's home. But but it's like, ah you know what I'm saying?
00:22:21
Speaker
I get that part of it. However, You stole that moment, like you were just saying, to learn how to lose. Or it's as late in the game this happened.
00:22:33
Speaker
Like, let's go after it. Let's not take those two runs off the board. Let's go get our own two runs. And let's win this game. And so it just goes back to that. I know this is a short podcast today, but it just goes back to what Ella said. This this young lady who had accomplished so much in soccer had gone on, played at BYU, and is now this wonderful adult that's doing different things other than sports, but applying every day the lessons she learned from sports in her life.
00:23:03
Speaker
When she looked back at her parents, she to say, i appreciate that my parents viewed, to put this quote back up, that my parents always had the end in mind and realized that sports were a tool to shape their children into the individuals they were meant to become. if I think it would stop so much of this stuff that we just witnessed, those moments, if instead of thinking about the objective of sports being winning games,
00:23:34
Speaker
that we start to view it as a tool to shape children and to teach. And win or lose, there's teaching
Final Thoughts on Shaping Sports Experiences
00:23:44
Speaker
moments. That young man could have, you know, the coach could have said, hey, you got to, even when you're excited,
00:23:51
Speaker
You got to make sure that you stay focused, you touch home plate, that you finish off the play every single day without stealing that moment from that kid. And I just thought it was a good example.
00:24:03
Speaker
i guess the the inverse of what Ella said her parents realized about sports is that they were a tool. They weren't a tool for parents to work out their own dreams and accomplishments. They're a tool to shape kids. And if we just had that in our mind,
00:24:20
Speaker
In our pre-show, you were talking about, you know, we're going to have a bunch of youth football coaches out there that are going to be standing behind their quarterback that see things that the defense are doing, that if they want to cheat a little bit and say some things, you know, they could they can win some games if they're the coach that's willing to do that.
00:24:38
Speaker
Yeah. or they could let their kids experience stuff and and then teach, win or lose, teach. Yeah. So any closing thoughts, Dustin, on this? No, just that, you know, parents, if you if you're listening and and find yourself in those situations, you know, as a coach or as a As a parent, know you're going to be emotional. It's okay, but you got to control it. As a parent, we're all going be a little bit more uptight or emotional when it's our kids out there playing. And we have to go into an understanding that.
00:25:09
Speaker
If you're a coach, you're going to have an extra level. You do feel a little bit of responsibility and embarrassment when you don't do well and you lose. And so sometimes that, you know, you fight a little bit more and maybe overreact to things a little bit more. Because as much as you say it, it's about the kids and I don't care. As a coach,
00:25:27
Speaker
You do care. I think all good coaches you know take pride in in putting a good product out there and and they want to win. But at the end of the day, like I said, you're a teacher. What are you teaching by the the complaining that you do, the excuses that you make and the the methods that you might take to win if they're shallow like this particular situation?
00:25:49
Speaker
you know What reputation are you really making not only for yourself, But then for the boys and and the girls, and what are you teaching them? And so just be careful. And then to the kids, you know, this is what we've got to teach them. I wish we could do training in school to kids to help them understand, hey, when you're a parent, here's what not to do. And here's what to be careful of so that we don't repeat the same issues with the kids.
00:26:14
Speaker
You know, the the parents that are they're going to have kids and be in the same situation that kids were in front of that are going to be parents someday and coaches someday. And hopefully the ones we work with will check themselves in this moment and be a little bit
Conclusion and Resources
00:26:27
Speaker
better. But, yeah, we just got to stay after it.
00:26:30
Speaker
Keep talking about it. Your words remind me of a cool video I saw. it was a dad at a softball game. sitting in left field 30 feet behind the home run fence in a grove of trees. And it's a daughter laughing, saying, this is what my dad does to control himself during softball games. You know, maybe for some, it takes something like that. Just I'm going to go sit up in the corner of the bleachers.
00:26:57
Speaker
And I'm not going to say a word. And I'm going to learn to control those. That's what I would do. I would at all my, so at all my older son's baseball games, I would sit down the line, not so much because I thought I was going to say, or I just wanted him to, I didn't want to be a around. i didn't to say much. um I didn't want him to hear me or or hear my voice. I didn't want the coach to ever feel like I was looking over his shoulder. And I wanted to be away from some of the other parents. And even and i'd do it in basketball too. I'd sit up at the top and,
00:27:27
Speaker
and just not say much. Um, and you know, i I, I just, I'm so aware of that dad and not wanting to be that dad at a game as a coach. I hope I haven't been that. I hope I'm not hypocritical and saying, i don't feel like I don't yell at refs. Um, I don't, uh, so I don't, I don't think, but if I have, I, you know, I, would, I'm embarrassed, but, um,
00:27:53
Speaker
But i you know we need to just have self-awareness. So that's that's my final my final thought on it. Awesome. Okay. Sports are a tool. Don't be a tool. Does that sum this up pretty good?
00:28:05
Speaker
Yeah, that's good. That's good. I like that. Thank you, everyone, for joining the Especially for Athletics podcast. Eyes up. Do the work. Thank you for joining the Especially for Athletes podcast.
00:28:15
Speaker
To learn more about Especially for Athletes organization, get a copy of our book, The Sport Light, or to bring our program to your team, school, business, or organization, visit us at especiallyforathletes.org.