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Bonus Zone Watch Along: Undertaker vs. Goldberg At Super Showdown
48 Plays6 years ago
Come join us for a bonus hang this week! We sit down to watch Undertaker vs Bill Goldberg at Super Showdown for the first time! Come play Mystery Science Theater 3000 with us!
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Transcript
Introduction to Pro Wrestling Hangout
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey everybody, welcome to a bonus zone edition of Predetermined, a Pro Wrestling Hangout. I'm your host, Garrett Callender, and with me, as always, didn't prepare anything. Derek, it's 10 a.m. Derek Halpin. Hey, it's not even a dark match. We're doing our very first audio commentary for a Pro Wrestling match, and we picked a hell of a one to do it for.
00:00:21
Speaker
Yeah, what are we calling these? Are we just doing audio commentary? Are we calling it a pre-determined watch along? I don't know, we outsourced for the witty name for our award show that we did when we called it the Sophie's. So basically, we're asking you, do some work for us.
00:00:42
Speaker
We have no idea what we're going to call this. I don't know. I don't know if we're going to call it the sofa sit down. I don't know. Fuck. I don't know. What do you think? Submit your ideas. Next time we do this, we're more prepared.
Controversial Match Discussion
00:00:55
Speaker
Either way. On tap today. Bill Goldberg versus Mark the Undertaker Callaway.
00:01:05
Speaker
from Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. I think by now everyone's heard what a shit show this was. By all accounts, it was a hot, hot show. And this is a hot, hot match. I think, yeah, the gifts and the pictures have been circulating on social media. There's been rumors about how upset the performers were after this match. And it makes sense that if we were gonna do an audio commentary,
00:01:33
Speaker
that we would do one for a match that has a reputation of being dogshit? Oh, you guys know that we love a good dogshit
How to Sync Commentary
00:01:40
Speaker
match. Nothing is more fun for us to watch. And actually us getting to watch this together, neither of us have seen this. This is such a treat for me. I cannot wait to just hear your reaction to everything from him walking down that ramp to getting dumped on his head.
00:01:58
Speaker
So I guess we should let them know the marker at which they need to set their time on so that they can follow along with us when they put this on for Goldberg and Undertaker.
00:02:09
Speaker
Yeah, so it looks like the apps are a little off. Mine right now, I have it at 326.03. There should be a kid holding a sign that says, Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, you're next with Goldberg pointing. No clue. Great sign. No clue what's in store for him over the next 20 minutes.
00:02:32
Speaker
His friend next to him looks enthralled, hoping that Goldberg gets his whole shtick when he comes out. So I'm set at 326.02. I think if you're somewhere between 326.02 and 326.03, you'll be fine. This should be fun. Garrett, hit our goddamn music.
Live Commentary Concerns
00:03:26
Speaker
I hope this works out. What if we're terrible on the fly? I can't edit this. Once they hit play, there's nothing for me to edit. If there's pauses, they're gonna know. I think this is right up our alley, man. I think this is gonna either be entertaining because of how good we are at it, or it's gonna be entertaining because of how not good we are at it. I just love that I no joke woke up 15 minutes ago.
00:03:54
Speaker
I was surprised. I was up late last night and I got up and I thought for sure you would be up right now. But no, Garrett's just now waking up and we're going to get the best of Garrett this morning. I'm going to find a way to milk it out of him. Oh, let's please milk me, Derek. All right. Are you guys to let the milk in begin? All right. Count it down, dude.
Crowd Excitement and Logistical Challenges
00:04:17
Speaker
All right.
00:04:19
Speaker
Predetermined listeners, you're hanging out with us. We're on the couch. Your picture, what are you eating? You got something good? All right, let's do this. We're counting down. Three, two, one, go. We're gonna go on go. Right. Three, two. Two. One. One. Go. Go. Man, it will never cease to enrage me every time I see a crowd come to their feet in excitement for Bill Goldberg.
00:04:50
Speaker
They're pumped. Oh my god, they're doing the chance already. Like these people did like, oh no. Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it was to carry those balloons around all night?
00:05:04
Speaker
Do you know how alarming it is that they're in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia and security gave them no hassle over those? You try bringing that into a fucking Ring of Honor show in bum fuck Michigan and definitely you're going to get your tank grabbed and they're going to confiscate your big letter G. Oh, yeah. If that was PWG, you know, when, uh, when captain grabby hands was in charge of security. There he is.
00:05:32
Speaker
He's already got the little fucking mark on his head from where he bashed his fucking skull into a locker or something. So did they say that he got a concussion before the match started from hitting his head in the locker room? I haven't heard that, but that would totally make sense. I would highly encourage you, if you haven't already, hop on fucking YouTube and look up shoot interviews with other wrestlers talking about Goldberg. It's entertainment and it makes you angry. Oh, cut back to that, please. I want more of that.
00:06:03
Speaker
Oh yeah, she's not entertained. Okay, so the big thing that you keep hearing about in this match is that he knocks himself the fuck out in this match. It's important to understand that's not the first time this has happened for him. He did this against DDP at Halloween Havoc in WCW. The guy has like, what, four fucking moves?
00:06:31
Speaker
If you only have four fucking moves, you should probably be good at the ones you do. Which is the one that trips them up? What do you fucking think? The jackhammer? The fucking tackle?
00:06:46
Speaker
Oh my god, they got they got him new graphics and everything for the show. So you're telling me that when he does the spear like he shoot hits that ring post a lot on accident. Yes. Fucking yes.
Goldberg's Rumors and Incidents
00:06:57
Speaker
See, and this is where I'm willing to fight. Like, first of all, if you don't know by now, hey, he got pyro. It's one of the luxuries of going to Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. Suddenly Vince will splurge for fucking pyro.
00:07:08
Speaker
They're not taking away that Goldberg pyro. Get out of here. Yeah, you want to know why? Because if you take away the Goldberg pyro, he has all the flavor of a fucking snow cone with no syrup. He's a he's a he's the fucking he's the 90s version of Bobby Roode. I wish to God we could watch this with Matt Riddle.
00:07:34
Speaker
Oh my god, he- Matt Riddle endeared himself so much to me. You know he has the biggest smile on his face throughout this whole match. Yeah, let's tag Matt Riddle in this episode when we release it because I think he got in trouble for his shit-talking of this man right here. There's my favorite, or second favorite, ref Mike Quiota. I bet he's excited to be reffing this fucking five-star classic coming up. Like, think about, for real, how much money went into producing this match.
00:08:05
Speaker
I really wish I knew the exact dollar figure that each of these guys was making for doing this.
Undertaker's Entrance and Legacy
00:08:11
Speaker
But the thing is, once again, like the movie Hurricane Heist, I think it was worth it.
00:08:19
Speaker
From what we... Yeah, but yeah. Sometimes the thing that you aim for, you miss and you hit something better. And what's funny is at this point, Rock and Roll Express can just give two middle fingers to Bill Goldberg and be like, still fucking nailing it. What did you do, bitch?
00:08:44
Speaker
I will like to say I was going to comment on this a minute ago, but as you watch this guy awkwardly strolled around the ring, trying to find the intensity that he had 20 years ago. That was his version of the ultimate warrior shake was that little tug like, yeah, like this is going to suck. Sorry, what were you going to say? I was going to say. I'm like. There are times when we do this podcast. Oh, great. An undertaker entrance.
00:09:13
Speaker
I, I'm, I'm sorry, man. Like I'm over. You burn out on it. I'm, I'm so burnt. Thank you. Thank you. Like going to those Wrestle manias and seeing this, like it's cool once. I agree. I completely agree. I know two or three years ago I saw somebody tweet out on Twitter. Oh, undertaker's entrance gets me every time. And I'm like,
00:09:41
Speaker
Like, it's longer than... Fuck, his entrance is longer than most matches Bill Goldberg has ever had in his career. That's impressive. I mean, put it this way, it mania in New Orleans, for whatever reason, I ate a hot dog. That was stupid. And so my body rejected that pretty quick. And luckily, my body started rejecting it during the Undertaker match.
00:10:09
Speaker
And so I ran to the bathroom and was able to evacuate my bowels and get back into my seat before he got to the bottom of the ramp. And that's fucking impressive in a football stadium. Yeah, there's a long way.
00:10:25
Speaker
Yeah, I think I think the entrance. I mean, it's it's obviously the most iconic entrance in the history of pro wrestling, right? Like we acknowledge that, like you give it its award, but it's kind of time. It's time to go home. Like the Druids and the torches and the lightning balls right on cue the lightning.
00:10:45
Speaker
The Gong. Yeah. See, here's the thing. I was going to say this and it's a critique of the guy standing in the ring, not the
Critique of Goldberg's Skills
00:10:53
Speaker
guy coming down the ramp here in a minute. These caskets are pretty badass. I mean, Garrett's going to start slowly turning and be like, ah, they got me. They got me. I'm back in. If OK, there's times when we do this podcast where I feel uncomfortable
00:11:12
Speaker
in the critiquing process of how guys work in the ring. Oh, cause we know nothing. Right. But here's what I will say. I would be shocked if we had any independent worker or any seasoned veteran on here. And I said to them, if, if we had a conversation about Goldberg and I said, look, if you knew like four or five moves, if that was your move set, number one,
00:11:40
Speaker
it seems like it would be a necessity like it would be adamant that you knew how to do those four or five moves well like that like you like you need to know not only how to do them not only how to do them safely but you also if those are your four or five moves you need to be prepared for the guy that you're working with to know how he's going to reverse your four or five moves for a dramatic moment in the match like
00:12:08
Speaker
If your move is the tackle, I'm calling it the tackle, you can call it a spear, it's a fucking tackle. You need to be really fucking good at when you go for your tackle, like knowing how when they move, you don't fucking kill yourself. I think our listeners would pay good money to see you say all of this to Bill Goldberg's face. What's he gonna do?
00:12:36
Speaker
What are they gonna do? He's not gonna murder me. You're next. How many am I... Oh my god. Lamest fucking catchphrase in the history of pro wrestling. Yes. So you didn't even like him when you were a kid. Not even a little bit. No! It's been... Okay. It's been 20 plus years of me not liking this guy for various reasons. First of all, before we get to Bill Goldberg, because I've got plenty of Goldberg material for the rest of this,
00:13:05
Speaker
Are you an Undertaker fan? I will always respect Undertaker. I mean, Guy's a legend. Was there a Captain Howdy face? If there was, I missed it. I swear to god, it looked like there were faces, but maybe that was just...
00:13:23
Speaker
under any other circumstance we could rewind this and go back and try to find it but because we're doing an audio recording i don't think we can i think i'm just hallucinating is it just me or over the like the last three or four years undertakers like fucking onesie that he wears like with the pants
00:13:41
Speaker
Has his chest gotten more and more exposed over the years? I feel like I can see more of his sternum than I used to. I mean, dude's still in good shape. Show it off. Oh, fuck. I was just pointing it out. It's a weird thing to notice. It's like when I noticed that Shane McMahon's got a hairy chest.
00:14:01
Speaker
Also impressive he never wears a deep V. You think you'd want to show that. You know it'd be really impressive if he did like a shoot interview and then he said you know the business is a work but me lifting the lights up like that. That's real. That's 100 percent real baby. I'm a magic and it's kind of boring magic but you know if you got it use it. Yeah I.
00:14:29
Speaker
I don't know, man. There was a time period in my life where I would have told you straight up. Yeah, I'm a fan of The Undertaker.
Goldberg's Ring Post Accident
00:14:36
Speaker
And I want to say it was like 2004, 2005. There was a one year period where you're like a big fan of Taker. I had an Undertaker shirt.
00:14:50
Speaker
What, what era Undertaker was that? When he came back at WrestleMania 20, I thought that was fucking awesome. His return as the dead man at WrestleMania 20 in 2004 was fucking awesome.
00:15:03
Speaker
Did your mom ever tell you your eyes would stay like that if you did that? She never did, but I also, anytime I try to do the thing with the eyes, it hurts. Oh, like I can't roll them back that far. Like, I don't know how people do that. Just like I respected Chara for playing the playoffs with that broken jaw. I respect Undertaker for doing that eye roll, because we all know it sucks a little bit, and he does it for longer than you can.
00:15:30
Speaker
We're not doing this audio track to talk shit about The Undertaker, though. I like The Undertaker. I do, too. I'm here to talk shit about the guy on the right. I just definitely not talking shit about Mike Yoda. Oh, look at this fucking goon. I haven't seen that shtick before. We are looking at two men past their prime about to knock each other unconscious.
00:15:55
Speaker
They're about to get paid a lot of money to almost kill each other. This is like watching the movie Grizzly, man, but already knowing how it ends. So it's like kind of fucked up. I think what's upsetting is this we were a lot of people were already mad about this pay-per-view and then this match came along. Crowds losing it, man. This is this is the main event.
00:16:21
Speaker
God, we're about to see this. You know what's fucked up? We're getting to see this shitty Bill Goldberg Undertaker match. Just a few years ago, Sting versus Undertaker was a possibility, but Vince said nah. Yeah, we were super showdown then when we needed it.
00:16:38
Speaker
That's WrestleMania 31, motherfucker. They did Triple H versus Sting, and they decided to put Triple H over, and they did Undertaker versus Bray Wyatt, and they decided to put Undertaker over. All I'm saying is, this prince knows his booking. He would have gotten a Sting versus Undertaker. Oh, God. Cut the throat. Yell at his face. Undertaker is on face. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. He did 50% of his arsenal.
00:17:08
Speaker
We're going to get it twice. Oh, this is how he beat Lesnar. I don't have, I can't hear the, um, I can't hear commentary, but I assume they said he doesn't get paid by the minute. Uh, you asked me earlier, you're like, so I've never liked Goldberg. No, I have not. Like, God damn it. This is weak. He's sitting up already. We're doing the situp stick, like 30 seconds into the match. Don't you think Goldberg looks a little cooler with his white beard though?
00:17:38
Speaker
I don't think he looks cooler. I think he does. Why? He looks like he's learned something. Yeah, I... You just immediately adhere to the idea of if he's got some gray hairs, he's got wisdom. He's got some wisdom. He learned some shit over the years. I mean, it wasn't about wrestling, but he learned something. I love the... Oh, God. He's attempting to do this and I'm definitely not buying a second of it. You're watching two 50-year-old man's scissor.
00:18:13
Speaker
People say that scissoring is a myth, but Goldberg and Undertaker proven right now that it's alive and well. I don't... You see, I think there's been maybe two, maybe three moments where I almost got excited for Goldberg. So far in the match or in life? No, in life. Period. Ever.
00:18:41
Speaker
I think at SummerSlam, one year when he looked like he was about to- See, there it is. There the fuck it is. He turns around and is bleeding like Eddie Guerrero. He's gonna be gushing blood here in two seconds because his dumb fucking ass- What the fuck? Oh, it really did happen. Yes! Holy shit. What the fuck? He has three fucking moves, one of which is a tackle.
00:19:06
Speaker
And he's fucking bad at it. And he knocked himself the fuck out on the ring post. I was fucking around earlier, I didn't know that actually happened. Yes! I didn't see that. Do you see why I hate this piece of shit? That's where he knocked himself out? Yes.
00:19:25
Speaker
I, holy shit, when I said the Eddie thing, I was joking, but he's actually bleeding a bunch now. Do you feel bad? No, I think it's fucking funny.
00:19:40
Speaker
This is the professional. And again, this is another moment where I want to know how much he got paid to be here to smash his fucking head off that turnpost. Just because I want to say something positive when it gets around Christmas time. What? You want to say something positive? Yeah, just put your spin around. I'm in a good mood, man.
00:20:03
Speaker
If they're entertaining me, aren't they doing their job? I guess. Well, how let's see how much worse this gets because I have a feeling it's coming. Actually, it's impressive that Taker can still do this, you know. Yeah, man, I mean, like, honestly, it's like they got some comedy pointers from Chuck Taylor. Undertakers out there killing the fucking business.
00:20:31
Speaker
58 year old men aren't supposed to be able to do that on the top rope. Oh my god. Spoiler alert, wouldn't it be lame as fuck if this match ended with an Undertaker Chokeslam? I don't know if I've ever seen Taker beat anybody with a Chokeslam. It's like a secondary move for him. Yeah, you don't need, you can do that in the video games without having to get all charged up.
00:20:58
Speaker
Yeah. But this isn't the video game, man. We're watching this for fucking real. Does Goldberg take a last ride? No. And this match? Oh, does Taker can't do that anymore, can he? Maybe he can, but he can't do it with this fucking... Okay, this should be fun. Uh-oh. Is this where he spikes him? All right, watch him. Watch Bill's head. No. Watch it. No. Oh! Oh! Fuck!
00:21:31
Speaker
That's a professional. He let go of takers waste too soon as the problem. And now he is just knocked out on his feet.
Match Analysis and Physical Toll
00:21:42
Speaker
For some reason he's up first. Why is he on his feet first? Yeah. Throw those. I hope those are work or not work shots. I want those to be shoot punches to the head. What the fuck man? Like we could have just watched him die.
00:21:58
Speaker
We could have, can you imagine how, like, imagine the PR disaster that these Saudi Arabia shows have been already, and then with the headline, professional wrestler Bill Goldberg dies in the middle of the ring, courtesy of The Undertaker. Oh no, they didn't look like old men when they did that. He looks older than when the match started, and I know that he literally is, but like.
00:22:24
Speaker
Yes, he is literally older. But he looks like he's aged seven years since this match started. Like his beard is thicker and grayer.
00:22:35
Speaker
Like again, I think the only times I've ever enjoyed Goldberg is when I thought he was going to kick the shit out of Triple H at SummerSlam in like 2003, I want to say. SummerSlam 2003 at the Elimination Chamber. I got really excited that he was going to kick Triple H's ass. And then, of course, Triple H hits him in the head with a sledgehammer and breaks my fucking heart. So Triple H is on my list, too. And I think the only other time I will say I'll give him credit when he did his match against Lesnar at Survivor Series a few years ago.
00:23:05
Speaker
I enjoyed that for the simple fact it really did feel like a WCW 1997, 98 moment. Like they captured that nostalgia pretty well. This is actually going on way longer than I expected. We gotta milk this guys. Do you think throughout this match Bill Goldberg is thinking this is my Okada Omega?
00:23:33
Speaker
I'm working double time. What'd you do? We did an eight minute Broadway. This is my magnum opus. This is going on my best of DVD. This guy in the gap shirt up front is loving this more than any match I've ever loved in my life. There's a guy in the second row. Oh my god.
00:24:01
Speaker
God, I wish they were mic'd.
00:24:07
Speaker
Mark, fuck. He did not cover him as much as he rolled into the fetal position on top of Undertaker.
Underwhelming Finish and Reflections
00:24:17
Speaker
I'm pretty sure Ed used to use that move. It was called the, the education or something. This is like a lifting DDT, but I don't think that's what he was trying to do. Look at the look. Goldberg looks so sad. He just gave Undertaker the death rider. Right. Now he's trying to be tough again.
00:24:35
Speaker
oh my god yes oh my oh my god was goldberg gonna go for the tombstone yeah he was going for that yeah please let's take her says go home you're done count it mike
00:24:54
Speaker
No way. That was the finish. Yep. That was the finish. Look at the face. Can I tell you this, Derek? I rewatched David Arquette versus Nick Gage the other day, and that looked like the exact same ending.
00:25:11
Speaker
One guy was like I'm done Goldberg just as well of thought about leaving and going to the back and then think like well I am getting paid for this Somebody should definitely put hello darkness my old friend Over top of this video because you could just see takers like yeah, I think I think we're done. I think this is the end of the line Bill's almost dead. He almost killed me and
00:25:40
Speaker
Does the crowd look confused or are they just excited? It's hard to say. I mean, throughout this show, I feel like the crowd got really silent a lot because they watched a lot of bullshit. I mean, if they have access to the Internet, they've also seen AEW. Well, that's what I. I don't know.
00:26:02
Speaker
I don't know. Yeah, throw up some graphics that'll distract from the way that match ended. Like, I saw Adam Colbebe shirts throughout this crowd. They know who the young bucks are. They are aware of Chris Jericho. They know how this show just ended.
Reflection on Undertaker's Career
00:26:21
Speaker
Like, honest to God, this is gonna be remembered like a late, like a early 2000s WCW pay-per-view.
00:26:30
Speaker
Yeah. Do you feel bad? I sense some remorse and regret in your voice. Well, I feel bad for Taker because he always seemed like the kind of guy that wouldn't want this, you know, that would want to go out on top.
00:26:48
Speaker
And he had that opportunity so many times to just call it quits. The Roman thing, if he had never come back that night, no one would end in perfect ending. I mean, yeah, as perfect as it could be. Like in that situation, like it's weird that we're saying like him job into Roman Reigns and just leaving forever. But yeah, in retrospect, nobody was going to remember that part. They were going to remember the exit. Right. That's the thing.
00:27:19
Speaker
you pretty epic fireworks display that think about how much see what I mean this is the fireworks display that followed eight minutes of dog shit yeah
00:27:34
Speaker
That was bad. I'm so sorry, Mark. Go find somebody better to work with. Bill ain't your guy. Or stop working, man. You've earned it. You definitely made enough money from that that you don't have to do this anymore. I think you gotta let him have one more to go out on a better note with somebody who can actually carry him to a good man. Like, would you be excited for Undertaker AJ Styles? I was getting ready to say the same thing. Honest to God,
00:28:00
Speaker
that he could make Undertaker look good and still beat him and everybody'd be like, a top guy beat you. You went out on your back that way. So now that's what we're taking out of this. That's what we're pulling for. I'm trying to, unless they just have ricochet go out there and flip all over the place and... Oh my god. This has been fun, man. This was fun. I enjoyed this quite a bit. This was fun. This was easy. We should do this more often.
00:28:25
Speaker
Yeah, this was, I like this. I like waking up, this being the first thing I see. It's a good start to my day. This was my cup of coffee. We gotta get suggestions from our listeners on what to call these episodes, whether it's Mystery Sofa Theater 3000 or whatever.
Show Wrap-up and Listener Feedback
00:28:41
Speaker
Ooh.
00:28:54
Speaker
It was everything I wanted and more. I know for sure because of some of these things they did to each other.
00:29:02
Speaker
I'm gonna have to go in and really adjust the volume levels on this because I screamed way too much into the microphone. But, I mean, you know, this looked like a Suzuki match. It was hard-hitting. These two guys look like... These two guys look like they went out there and really tried to kill each other. That's a nice spin. That's a really nice spin on this match. God, Goldberg sucks. Goldberg fucking sucks, man.
00:29:28
Speaker
This was god for real like I could honestly remember the first time you and I watched the Jason Statham movie transporter together and right when it ended We just started it over. Yeah, and Seriously right now if you guys want to listen to us do this for a full hour. I would start this
00:29:53
Speaker
We hope you got some laughs with us. If this ends up sucking and this is not entertaining, we apologize. We'll get better. But in the meantime, I thought that went well. That was fun. Oh, I don't care if they had fun like that. You're like, this is free for you. This is this is bonus content. When you see bonus zone, know that it means extra content, not quality content.
00:30:19
Speaker
Man take us the fuck out of here Yeah, give us a follow on the social media. We're at predetermined podcast on Instagram at wrestle hangout on Facebook and Twitter I'm at guard Ted on social media Derek is at Halloween helping Give us a five-star review on iTunes right now if we get seven more reviews in the next month Derek will get the Kota Obushi haircut and that will be all of the background of our phones Cuz and there's a preview of what that would look like floating around on social media right now
00:30:49
Speaker
But yes, thank you so much for tuning into this bonus zone. Like always, we'll be back on Thursday. Hit our goddamn music.