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Two Years Later
40 Plays9 months ago
The POS boys reconnected two years ago in Denver Colorado. They discuss what's changed since then. It turns out almost nothing has changed. Counting Crows once said, "Change, change change!" The "Pieces" didn't listen.
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Transcript
Introduction and Playful Banter
00:00:04
Speaker
Why don't you go get me one of them P's boy?
00:00:10
Speaker
I want one of them
00:00:15
Speaker
Now go get one of them S's What's that spell? POS It doesn't stand for anything
00:00:37
Speaker
You feel me, motherfucker? P to the O to the S, you know. P to the O to the S, you know. P to the O to the S, you know. You stupid motherfuckers ought to know.
Two-Year Anniversary Celebration
00:00:57
Speaker
All the shitty episodes, you start. So go ahead, you start this one Well, that's funny because that means I've started 96 episodes. Dude, happy anniversary, bro. Yeah, dude. Thanks.
00:01:09
Speaker
i'm not I'm not exactly sure what the date was, but roughly two years ago, I i came to Denver and we got back to it. We actually got sort of reunited with a couple other high school friends.
00:01:19
Speaker
But you were like, we should we should do a podcast. And so so we're like about two years out on the project when we started trying to formulate a show,
Evolution and Impact of 'POS'
00:01:29
Speaker
Seniors 94. And then... and then That the wild kind of industry busting change of changing seniors 94 to POS.
00:01:39
Speaker
Yeah. I can tell you're itching to do it again. ah it's been fun, man. Uh, the podcast has been fun. It's been a nice, it's been a good source of continuity. And, uh, I'd say it's the primary thing I think about.
00:01:52
Speaker
I'm not gonna say it gives me purpose because it would make me feel silly to say that, but deep down it kind of gives me purpose. Hmm. I feel some responsibility to to the show.
00:02:06
Speaker
Like, ah like I'm like, I gotta, I gotta do it this week.
Continuity and Balance through Podcasting
00:02:10
Speaker
Like right now, I feel like it's like a responsibility to show up. It, it, it does feel that way. For a while when I was getting into like, Oh, I'm going start a business and got a little too like,
00:02:21
Speaker
I don't know, what I would call khaki wearing entrepreneur. Like the show was like my balance. Like stand up used to be in my life where it'd be like, I'm still a fucking rebel talking shit. And I like these other idiots going home, mowing their grass and doing nothing. Like that that that was this for me for a while.
00:02:37
Speaker
was like I think now it's just more like a break in the action that I that i enjoy. Probably comes off that way. Yeah, you've... I don't feel like a rebel because I'm doing a podcast.
00:02:50
Speaker
No. Well, you've drifted from thinking about the show, I think, because you are caught up in you know starting a new business, which makes sense.
Life Transitions and Reconnection
00:03:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:01
Speaker
and And because of that, i'm like going back I'm going back to the US, to the States and St. Louis area and reconnecting with old friends and and actually like reconnecting with life as a gringo, as we say, life in the United States, as an American, no offense to the other Americas, but...
00:03:20
Speaker
It's in our name, the United States of America. So we do say that we're Americans. I've been down here so long. I think people think I'm just think I'm hot shit like Mr. Traveler. But you I mean, after 11 years, I'm like not that in touch with what's going on up there.
00:03:37
Speaker
Oh, I think the listeners know that, buddy. I know. Well, not like my lot how I'm lost on politics and and entertainment and everything. i I love that. I was like that when I was up there. but I mean, if I look at like, ah you know, the show prep for this was like, what are we going to do Maybe let's check in and we think about where we're at when we started this idea.
00:03:55
Speaker
Right about this time, two years ago, it was a very hard time. That was the time I decided that we decided I'd be leaving my house. And then I hadn't lost my job yet, but there were rumors coming that it was coming.
Happiness and Lessons Learned
00:04:08
Speaker
It was still kind of like, well, fuck them. I'm tired of this place anyways. But then back your head, you're like, oh, family. So I can't be too cool. But I look at where I was at this this time, 2023 to now, and I'm i'm pretty happy about about where I'm at right now.
00:04:24
Speaker
And this show is part of it. But all of it is just like like, for me, what the show is, is something that we just go, you you got you just keep doing it and and good things will happen.
00:04:36
Speaker
And just getting the show off the ground, it sounds ridiculous because really all you have to do to make a podcast is hit record. But it's you'll talk to someone when you're like, you should do a podcast, and they just go I could never do that.
00:04:50
Speaker
Right. They just couldn't do it. like to Even to get this recording device. And so what it taught me, like, well, just do it. It's like, all right, I'm going to figure out how to record a show, which I didn't. You did.
00:05:02
Speaker
But did have to get the microphone. But it did it did help me in the grand picture of figuring out what I'm going to do with myself and how I'm going to. how what I'm going to do and like how I'm going to deal with the any obstacles.
Personal Growth and Emotional Release
00:05:14
Speaker
It was like, well, you kind of keep, you know, all the cliches about putting one foot in front of the next one and all that stuff. It's all true, like it or not. And this show kind of laid the groundwork for that. Thank you.
00:05:25
Speaker
Yeah. All right. It was like a baby step to a Wildwood empire. Now you were two years ago, you were struggling, man. No doubt.
00:05:36
Speaker
Did you see it when I was there? or when Or just after you started talking to me on a regular basis? Because I don't know if I was public about the separate. but Did I tell you that we might be getting separated when i was up there? i don't I don't know. Yeah, you did. You did, man. But i you can tell kind of tell when somebody's like fishing for whether someone can handle some news.
00:05:53
Speaker
So, I mean, I knew something was up and then you laid it on me and I was like, damn. You come up there like a couple times just with your kids. People are like, that's interesting. Yeah. Not with. And then, yeah, so we got this going, dude. And during, though, I think the first six months of this was was a struggle.
00:06:08
Speaker
I mean, it was like a place for you to like laugh, continue laughing, but like a place to unleash. probably cried a few times back then, too. Well, of course. I mean, I would, too. I ate it like a man, dude. I held it in.
00:06:22
Speaker
Didn't cry like a puss, but... Sucked it in. Cut, cut. Every time I'd shed a tear, cut. That was tough times, dude. Maybe that's why I'm kind of euphoric right now, because because it was it was hard.
00:06:34
Speaker
Right. And you got some momentum. The problem is, it's like, just that as satisfying as, is like... the motivation for the show.
00:06:46
Speaker
Like I don't have the other motivation because it's very satisfying in its current state. It's like, I just show up. I was like, all have to text you and be like, when are we going? And then I show up and then I'm like, Hey, I did a podcast.
00:06:58
Speaker
I talked, talked to you. Right. And like, that's good enough. But it isn't, Matt. And that's what we're here to talk about. No, I don't think it matters, man. You know, we we're doing what we're doing. I just think the journey you've been on in two years has been a pretty dramatic cycle there.
00:07:14
Speaker
Yeah. some Some ups and downs and some total uncertainty, highs and lows. right Right. Still in them too. Of course. But like, at least you've got, it's sort of like you you've you' strapped into the skis and you know you're skiing now. Snowboard. You know what I'm saying?
00:07:30
Speaker
Snowboard, whatever you want to do. Whatever you like to do. yeah You're on the trail, moving at least. And before you were like standing on the edge of the slope, let's just keep this going. You were standing on the edge of the slope, wondering if you could handle the moguls and figuring out which way to go.
Career Changes and New Ventures
00:07:46
Speaker
Should you go down Skulamarm or should you go down Devil's Tits? did i Did I take the, I don't think I took Devil's Tits. If if we're laying out, Skulamarm I assume would be some easy ski run.
00:07:59
Speaker
Devil's tits would be. So I would say devil's tits might have been the weed. Like maybe maybe I took the easier route, it's but it's not easy, of course. If anyone has listened the whole time, they know that I lost my job. Then I started thinking about a cannabis cultivation operation and and got pretty far down that path as far as getting people on board in the industry and figuring out how to do it down here legally and everything and wait don't wait wait wait don't forget of teaching english and all the jokes about a fictional client named yoshi oh the teaching the japanese dude that was like the best times of my life teaching english ah to the japanese the only issue there was it was like eight bucks an hour
00:08:41
Speaker
no exaggeration, best times of your life. The best dude. And no, and no, uh, and that wasn't it. That wasn't a fictional character. Yoshi is ah a pretty common name. And I have plenty of students called Yoshi, bro.
00:08:53
Speaker
Okay. I kind of forgot about that. i glad that you brought it up. There's a silver lining in that is that I, I told my dad he could do it. And and speaking of purpose, you know, when you're your seventy s and you're retired, something like that is great.
00:09:04
Speaker
So he teaches English to Japanese people. And i mean, he talks about it. Like, he'll be like, I got to go to work. Talk to you later. Like, it's it's a good thing for him. We haven't dropped a bomb like that on Japan.
00:09:18
Speaker
Since. You're working that joke. Hey, dad. that would That was another thing, which is kind of silly, but i did it and it's like, I'm not still teaching English, but there was a good outcome out of it. It was one of those things like, if you do something, something good will come out of it.
00:09:32
Speaker
That was a life lesson, bro. Yeah, for sure. What were you doing with eight bucks that you were getting? I mean, i was I was doing it around the clock, so I but i could get it i'd get through like I might do hours and two weeks and and pay rent you know, 800 bucks pay rent with that. And then the other 800, you know how life is, would miraculously just go away to like fixing in a car or the kids something or whatever.
00:09:58
Speaker
So I mean, probably make 1500 to 1600 a month, but I also, I still had my severance coming in or actually like they told us we're going to get fired. And then we, and then we were employed for, can't remember, was four months after that or three months. So it's a little, a little bit of balance there.
00:10:14
Speaker
I was thinking at the time, if I could find ah an online school that that paid more money, I was like, this is this is great. i would i i could i could live pretty comfortably if I could find one that paid $20 or $30 an hour.
Purpose through Work and Humor
00:10:26
Speaker
That would be. all right. I know third world listeners. it's fuck It sounds ridiculous when I say it like that. $30 an hour, you fucking asshole. But ah yeah, but that that was good. Yeah.
00:10:39
Speaker
It seemed like you're having fun with that. but so tell me why you're happy now, man. I don't get it.
00:10:45
Speaker
I'm kidding. I'm um just trying to make it controversial. I said it last week. if you If you look at the stats, I should not be happy. I should be in a panic. But I don't know. It's so sad. But the the idea of what work and and trying to create something, the idea that that that gives us purpose, whether we want to rebel against it or not, is true.
00:11:06
Speaker
So that might be as simple as that. I'm sort of so but subconsciously arrogant, like, hey, actually created something here. It actually might work. yeah so And then you have to do it too. So that helps you.
00:11:19
Speaker
yeah You don't have time to question. You don't have time to think. Yeah. I mean, like the businesses, I was up there for like two or three weeks and I was just doing stuff that I might've been like scared to do when I was younger.
00:11:30
Speaker
it was just walking in the stores and being like, what's up? You guys want to some furniture? And just like fucking, I'd like literally in my clothes, my surf shirt, sometimes my, my Adidas slides and just being like,
00:11:42
Speaker
And like making – like doing a lot of self-deprecating humor. Because people would be like, you make this wood? And I'd be like, I have no skills. I have nothing to offer. I just happen to live in a place with nice wood. ah You know, like, yeah, doing all that shit. But really, like, it's something about maybe what I've gone through for the last two years where I really don't give a fuck. And that turns out to be like a great sales tactic.
00:12:04
Speaker
You know? Yeah. Not the asshole walking in there like, no, what we're going to do is – I'm just saying. Well, you're you're not stiff. Any any boner jokes? and Did you ever, you take it real far?
00:12:16
Speaker
have an Instagram post right now that's related it it's related to the size of our slabs and and there's the messages we have big wood, but nothing like. Nothing. I did not, at most a lot of these furniture stores are women, so i didn't want to just roll in there and be like, just firing off dick jokes to close the sale.
00:12:35
Speaker
But ah there's a lot of different things I've been doing where I'm like, I don't know if I would have done that. and And so it's like opened up a side of me that um i might have been i I might have been a little more like shy, reserved or even critical of somebody doing what I'm doing.
00:12:50
Speaker
It's fucking, yeah you know? Are you growing as a person? No, not really. I just think it's like that that thing about nothing to lose or hitting, or I don't know if it's rock bottom or what it is or or age. It's a combination everything where you're just like, yeah, I'll go do that. I don't care.
00:13:10
Speaker
It's fine. You know, and like everything's a little better that way. Yeah. Well, you're doing something cool. So kudos, as they say in the corporate world, Matt.
00:13:20
Speaker
Yeah.
Risks, Contentment, and Business Lessons
00:13:21
Speaker
I'd say um if nothing else, I'm but a little better off with some ah relationships I've developed, from how how my my kids handled the separation. the business might work, might not, but at least I took a shot.
00:13:35
Speaker
um This thing's evolved. It's what's the opposite of evolved. devolved is that a word yeah it's gone forward it's gone backwards but still here still has a purpose in my life so that's nice and uh now next thing would be uh make make some money unfortunately that's what's gonna screw everything up it's like the business doesn't make any money i don't make any money by this little little time my life where i feel pretty pretty content maybe maybe it'll turn into panic but right now i haven't hit that yet so it's good So that's me. fit Minute 15. This is Matt two years out of the original concept. Feels good.
00:14:12
Speaker
I feel like we probably should just stop being so fucking we don't care about anything and promote it a little bit. Maybe over the next two months as I learn how to promote the business, ah like people have been nice enough to kind of tell me how to do that. I feel like maybe we should promote the show a little bit and we can define it.
00:14:27
Speaker
All right, buddy. If one of our fucking listeners would step up and like tell maybe tell one other person in their life, that would be nice. But it seems like it's a one it's like it goes to one person. it doesn't It's not a branch for me. It's not like, oh you're going to tell your friend or your wife. it's just like, I listen to it.
00:14:42
Speaker
Have you told anybody about it? No. and but They want to keep it to themselves. Thanks, listeners. You've heard of that, right? You don't want it to get too popular because then you'll have to hate it.
00:14:53
Speaker
I agree with them in the fact that like, have you ever heard somebody promoting, like talking too much about a podcast? Oh God. It's kind of annoying. I get that. It's like, are yeah you know what i heard on ah whatever? It's like, I don't care.
00:15:07
Speaker
Yeah. and And there's so many. So yeah I think we'll figure
Creative Freedom and Financial Worries
00:15:12
Speaker
that part out, dude. But I'm glad to hear your ah you're on the path to a great life. you um Do you feel good about where you're at
00:15:24
Speaker
Yeah, you mentioned it when we were talking that I come across like I don't. And I think every episode I have a tinge of ah just dissatisfaction with everything in the world.
00:15:36
Speaker
and just Part of that just my voice, I think, and my style. But I don't think I've ever been more connected to... who I was before the corporate world sucked all the life out of me.
00:15:47
Speaker
I think I've got a lot of freedom and redefining sort of what life could be and what is productive and what's meaningful. So like I, to be honest, I can spend a whole day like fucking around with my American hero ideas. I can spend a whole day.
00:16:05
Speaker
Critically acclaimed. Right. i Back when I was doing the political rants or the societal rants, like I could sit there and write one of those and just really enjoy the process. And not it's great to not think about monetization or making money. it's It's a real privilege to just ask yourself, what do you like to do?
00:16:24
Speaker
And I've always liked doing this stuff. Like sit songwriting for me was and unbelievably addictive for so many years. And that's what I like doing. I mean, I could care less if it got popular. I just loved the craft of it.
00:16:36
Speaker
I just don't care if I'm successful. So I think that this is forming as ah as a venue to like do some different things. So that I like a lot. ah There's also just some stuff in the world, dude, that I just can't.
00:16:49
Speaker
There's something about not working where you have time to worry about shit that you probably wouldn't have worried about. So you're you'll you'll come to the table often and be like, dude, I haven't thought about that, bro. And I'm sitting here like tripping about how AI robots are going to kill us all.
00:17:04
Speaker
There's that piece of it that I'm not loving. Like yesterday, I was sweating, changing some investments because I've been reading about different things that might be risky. And I'm just like, what? Come on, man.
00:17:16
Speaker
You're here again. You're fucking here again. What happened yesterday, dude? Am I fucked? It's just more of what I consumed to worry me and I was in a state because I have a family member that's not doing well health-wise. andm like i just It's a place where I'll go. And i don't like that piece of it.
00:17:32
Speaker
you know In the working world, I might have controlled a project that we were doing and or used a project we were doing to kind of control my my emotions and feelings. Do you know this is separate. So this is kind of separate all the way you're wrestling with. What you're finding is like this is separate from the retirement. It's kind of like who you are.
00:17:49
Speaker
But did you think that retirement might like chill out some of those anxieties and like you wouldn't be fucking around your investment account? And so and you were going to be more relaxed about it and you find it just who you are. These are like two separate things.
00:18:01
Speaker
I think the finance piece is not going to go away. And I think that's just wired into me, dude. I'm going to tweak that shit. and And I always do it on the margins, by the way. So if anybody thinks that they should wholesale liquidate or do crazy stuff, please don't.
00:18:14
Speaker
But I always do stuff on the margin. And a lot of it I know is just to make myself feel better ah taking action. I don't think retire, or retire. And I did some more crazy shit when I was working, you know.
00:18:24
Speaker
To get the fuck out? Like thinking about how do i get the fuck out of here? Just... Wild swings of asset allocation and different savings goals and just wild swings, dude. I wouldn't do that now. um But i don't I don't think I'm going to get away from it. I'm always going to fucking check CNBC and Yahoo Finance, bro, and look what's going on there. It's just an interest.
00:18:46
Speaker
I hate that it is, though, to be honest. I wish I could move past that.
00:18:53
Speaker
So like even doing this, there's like some weird pool where you're like, I'm going to, I got to do something. Even though you're like, I want to stop doing something. It's like, ah how do you get out? When you think about retirement, it's like, I want to stop doing something. And then you're like, I i want to do something, you know?
00:19:07
Speaker
Yeah. I guess the earning of money, what percentage of people say they like what they're doing to make money, but actually don't? Yeah.
00:19:20
Speaker
Well, I bet you they do, but it's it's not, it's like what came first, they've sort of talked themselves into it, you know, where they've been like, I like, they jet they've found, because we all do this, you find a way to justify it in your head, something.
00:19:35
Speaker
you And so you start to build the story in your head, why it's okay, what you're doing. and you kind of have to, otherwise life would be so miserable. Like if if you, if you're just completely like, I hate this, I hate this. site Well, you know, right?
00:19:48
Speaker
Yeah. You've been there. So I think, I think. Every day of my life. Yeah. Well, like where you're starting to think about this, this life, this, what I'm doing is not for me. for There were probably some tough times you're like, God, this sucks.
00:20:01
Speaker
You know? Right. And that sucks if you do it over 40 years, it's like miserable. i will tell you this. Yeah, in 2008, I was pretty close being done with my MBA, and I got a job based on the MBA.
00:20:15
Speaker
So it was a well-paying job relative to anything I had before. And I got there, and I just was like two, three months in, was like, this is it dude?
00:20:27
Speaker
Because I thought I was going to climb out of sort of the gutter of terrible entry level jobs that I had been working in and out of trying to be in a band. None of them were enjoyable. I thought somehow I was going to escape that, get an MBA and move.
00:20:42
Speaker
And it just didn't happen. Well, did you, but you didn't like the what it was? You did escape it, but it wasn't any better for you? it I don't know, dude. I don't know how to explain. like There were aspects of the work. like There were projects when I got higher up and I had control. There were things I liked ah doing, conversations I enjoyed having or things that I was good at.
00:21:06
Speaker
But never was I like, ah, this is where I belong or this is this is the type of stuff I should be doing. um It always felt foreign to me. I always felt separate from it.
00:21:17
Speaker
You did that for 15 years. I did for 20 years. but say oh wait ah wait Well, was You did it for longer. yeah Yeah, I did it for longer, but 08 was sort of Change point. Income change, right? Yeah. Income change. The finance the retireed early retired thing, had I not found something about it, i don't I just don't know what would have happened to me. I mean, i might I could be an alcoholic or I could be something divorced or something that doesn't.
00:21:46
Speaker
A loser. I can't even fathom at this point. We're idiots, dude. No, it'd be nice we could of just justified it. We talked about this a lot. If you could have just justified in your head, taking that paycheck for right out to the end, but instead of being like, thank a God, and there's something better than Like the people that justify, like you said, people how many people like what they're doing? A lot of people will be wrap their head around it and justify it.
00:22:09
Speaker
I know, why wasn't that me? or why i don't I don't know how you were thinking about it. I don't know that you were miserable. You're a much more easygoing person. I must have thought about it. I went to therapy to think about it, dude. It was sad.
00:22:21
Speaker
I'm just like, oh, if i you know why can't I? find something that connects with me and i'm like dude you're making you're making six figures well into you know you're you're doing fine you just almost want to take my head like at a lunch table in high school and just slam it on the fucking table like three times it's like what's the problem and there are certain people that struggle with that i'm clearly one of them and i think a life of just creating potentially useless works might've been a better fit or performing even at a a local theater or something that nobody really gives a shit shit about. And and i don't know I don't know what the answer is. I guess I'm thankful that I have the resources now, but I guess they're just some tortured people when it comes to work. And I think I'm one of those pathetic idiots.
00:23:19
Speaker
I'm annoyed by that. Pathetic idiots. Well, you know, just tortured all the time by- then other people would be thrilled to to get to, right? Yeah, they would be absolutely to the moon to get to.
00:23:35
Speaker
And I just couldn't find ah connection to it. And I read all the books, like I read all the anti-corporate books. I read- Porn, kerosene on the fire. Yep.
00:23:46
Speaker
And I just began to embody this identity of of somebody who didn't belong. And yet I did, dude. I was, okay. I never had a and never had anything but like a kick-ass review ever.
00:24:00
Speaker
So I'm that guy too. like So it's just like, would you just stop? And you probably had developed all the time and flexibility you needed to do whatever you wanted to because everyone got to know who you were and shit and were cool with you being me. Oh, my God. I could have stayed where I was over the years, maybe have worked for different people and done not so much and continue to make money. Anyway, it's pathetic.
00:24:29
Speaker
It's pathetic. I've always felt sort of guilty about all that. Like, why are you such a bitch or dude? Well, yeah, I just wonder, like, I mean, it could just be who you are. Like, are you finding things to bitch about now in your retirement? Was that the silver bullet now where you're just walking around like, everything's fucking great. Woo-hoo.
00:24:45
Speaker
Because I don't get that vibe. but No, it's not a silver bullet, but it's definitely. It's a lot better. Oh, God, yeah. It's a lot better. Yeah. mean, how much of this, like, i do think maybe what I'm doing is is a, it's almost become a bit of a performance art.
00:25:03
Speaker
Cause I'm just talking to a lot of people at time and talking shit and, and just, and maybe, maybe it's a bit of like, Oh, kind of happy now. Cause I'm ah like, it's like, I'm performing again. i mean, I wonder how much of our silly bullshit pain is that the thing I like not chasing that dream as far as we wanted to. And and then it wasn't the corporate world. It was this other void.
00:25:26
Speaker
that we that we left for ourselves. Like, yeah I mean, there had to be a little, when you let, when you're like, I can't fucking do music like this and have a family and I can't do stand up and live in Costa Rica. Like there was definitely a piece of me that was like, ah, it's over.
00:25:41
Speaker
But I just pushed it down and was like, it quit hard and and cut all contacts with people that I knew with the industry and just pushed it aside like a hundred percent, told myself it's fine. I got really far and and that was it.
00:25:54
Speaker
it was crushing. was crushing stock. just shot hard. But yeah, I guess you can't really shut off music. and so You can play, but like there's difference. Well, mean, like you still listen to music and stuff.
00:26:06
Speaker
Well, sure. And you can play and you can appreciate it. And I was never a tech head or never a guitar guy or... It was truly the creating and presenting what I created to an audience that I enjoyed the most. And and we were such beginners and hacks anyway. I mean, I was a total beginner in my 20s.
00:26:24
Speaker
I think I could have gotten decent and had a successful band, but it would require not having the wife I have, who's just way better than me, dude. So, like, I think I did fine.
00:26:36
Speaker
I think you you were met you're a good front man, you know, so like something that. Average singer, now a little buff. Come That's right. Come off. Give yourself them props.
00:26:51
Speaker
Actually, yeah, you have. i don't know if it's the same as you were, but you have, when you're making these silly songs, you got a lot of range.
00:26:58
Speaker
You're welcome, bro. You're welcome. Come off. home Why some people don't feel like their life is going well and why others do.
00:27:10
Speaker
and just how that comes to play. And I have to believe a lot of it's genetics. some circumstant Some circumstantial shit. I don't know though, because I would, it's like, ah is it genetics?
00:27:24
Speaker
Well, but you'd think I was a silver spoon kid based on my whining. What do you mean, no one in your family, like your parents, your grandparents, I would never think you'd describe them as whiners.
00:27:37
Speaker
It's not whining, it's just a disposition to question and sit there and be critical of whatever situation you're in. And there's some usefulness to that, right? It does help me challenge status quo. It does help me find things like early retirement. It also helps me be periodically miserable, even when my life is justifiably good.
00:27:58
Speaker
Fantastic. So there is something there that's unavoidable, I think, genetically. Well, do you worry about be passing that on then if if you think it's genetics? I do.
00:28:09
Speaker
you know I hope that it manifests differently. But like there I also have a huge curiosity. like My wife, she says we we can walk around through different neighborhoods and I'm asking 100 questions. I wonder how that got there.
00:28:21
Speaker
She has none of those. think remember you saying that. What's a better way to go through life? That's the question. Right. uh you know you just sit here try to figure yourself out so i guess the overarching message for me is two years later i am no closer to knowing who i am and i don't think religion will help or i don't think a podcast will help or coming up with some mission-based existence will help this is what life is dude this is just what it is bro
00:28:53
Speaker
What about, you said you you said you had an ambitions of, I don't know, community service type stuff. or Is that still on the list? Are you kind of like, yeah, that's just... I was listening to something today where someone was saying like a lot of people are doing shit like that and it ends up just being for themselves. with It's like like people that just going and giving people shit is seems like the right thing to do, but it's not. It's like, oh, you're just ah making me feel like more of a piece of shit because I can't get it myself. you know It's like the things that work are these sort of like upward movement type things where you're like giving somebody...
00:29:24
Speaker
work like met mentoring or time or yeah stuff like that yeah do you have you know so it's like if you yeah you gotta you almost have not you don't have to be careful but it's like right if you went out and you're just like well i am retired i do have a debt to say i'm gonna go out and start helping people you probably just you're probably doing it just like check your own box right like so you're like all right i'm um'm good i'm still good i'm doing something i'm a good person And that's like, it's almost an act of selfishness in a way too, but it's true it's a good thing.
00:29:53
Speaker
I look at people who work and they don't need to like question their life because they they need to earn the the check. I have to sit here because I stopped working and questioned my life.
00:30:04
Speaker
and try to validate or try to fill it with something meaningful in order to be relatable. I'll tell you right now, I'm not relatable. And I know anyone listening to this is just like, shut the fuck up.
00:30:17
Speaker
But I know having had tried to have multiple conversations with people that nothing about this is relatable. And when we first came out, we we kind of were told our listeners on Seniors 94 like,
00:30:28
Speaker
This is what is what who we are right now and what we're doing. Everyone's just like, oh, that's great. Yeah, I'll just fucking quit too. how about that? Yeah, good for him. Everyone just immediately discounts it as as maybe Silver Spoon or maybe some other person. Yeah, i which I thought was great. i loved it. I would feed into it.
00:30:45
Speaker
Well, then sometimes I'll get defensive and be like, no, fuck. We lived off of one income for, for 12 years. Yep. We lived off of one income for 12 years there. Does that make sense to you? Yeah. Could you do it?
00:30:57
Speaker
Do you need, or you need your car and your trips and your Starbucks every day and your fro-yo at night? ah Yeah.
00:31:08
Speaker
This is funny. You got to get defensive. Yeah. It's a, I think you're in a pretty good place, though. I mean, you also have, like, life happen. So, like you said, there's someone your family is sick or whatever whatever we have. like I mean, I was just actually, as a matter of fact, while we're doing this right now, I could see my son was trying to call me.
00:31:27
Speaker
And I'm immediately like, oh, I wonder if something happened. ah He's actually calling me to, like, be nice. I'm like, how are you, Dad? No, because his mom texted me. He's like, oh, he just wanted to talk to you.
00:31:39
Speaker
and ah but ah But my immediate thing was like, wow, something's fucked up where it's just my son's trying to be nice. But anyways, all this shit we're talking about purpose and place and and then it's all great until like something kind of rocks your world, you know, either way. And then you're like, all right, like in a way, those things are there, like probably to give us some purpose.
00:32:01
Speaker
Someone on your family is sick or something and you help them. Like it's, it's not an act of selfishness, but it feels good in a way, you know, or or whatever. So, Yeah, 112 bucks last night. 112 bucks at the Greek place to feed my family.
00:32:18
Speaker
Eros? Chicken shawarma plates. Oh yeah, probably. Yeah, boy. Super dope though, huh? It was really good, yeah. Chicken wasn't too dry?
00:32:30
Speaker
No, I actually like how they do chicken at those Greek places. how'd you Yeah, that's great. But how did you get there? Was that the only thing in town? you guys are just that hip or no one's thinking Chipotle? You're like, let's go ahead ah hit a Greek mom and popper. It's more about people need to eat healthy. So was trying to get something that was healthy and tasty. Did you lecture everyone while they're eating it?
00:32:51
Speaker
No, I mean, there the person I was primarily getting it for... is mandated eat healthy. I thought you were talking about like you're running around and you had to feed your kid and family and everything. you' you You were actually, yeah, okay. don't need to get into that, but I got it.
00:33:08
Speaker
But I have a question for you, dude. I have a question. have this question that was back to what you were talking about. Your son called. Do you think when you're traveling, I have this um intuition that you traveling away will strengthen relationships with your kids.
00:33:26
Speaker
that you that there's a new appreciation, as long as it's like within reason. It's not like you're disappearing for forever. What do you think about that? Well, they told me over and over again yesterday.
00:33:41
Speaker
Was it Monday? whenever Yeah, Monday I got home. Well, whenever it was, and I was hanging out Well, was Monday night, yeah, just like. They're really happy to see me. They were both talking to me so much. had to be like, i one at a time, dudes. They were just firing. I was like, all right, dudes, I can't answer.
00:33:57
Speaker
and They're like, we're sorry, Dad. We're just really excited to see you. There's a soon-to-be 12-year-old and a soon-to-be 14-year-old that also have the range of normal teenagers. They're just like, okay, Dad.
00:34:08
Speaker
and so They were clearly affected by it you know in like a positive way. and they and they were It was very sweet. They were like, we're just so excited to see you. It's been a long time. So I don't know if that's positive or negative or if I'm creating some other void by these you know these. I mean, um'm like you said, I'm not going off for six months, but trips are three weeks, something like that. it was actually little longer because they had they went somewhere with their mom and then they were traveling too.
00:34:32
Speaker
But it it may it does make them, at least in and for the short term, cherish the time a little more. and And me too. But but the separation you know caused that a little bit, because now we see them, we all, like they see their mom, they see me a little less. And so there is that sort of stress of like, we got to make every moment count and that that can be good.
00:34:55
Speaker
But it's not realistic. you know like you can't like you you're like you can't Financially, it's not realistic to be like, we got we're going to do this today and go there and do that. And we got to go out to eat. We got to make memories and all this crap. It's not realistic. But no it's also like there is an urgency like, hey, why don't we just why don't we spend some time together? where After a while, you're with a teenager. It just doesn't happen.
00:35:16
Speaker
yeah But there is that, that that does force that those moments a little more, I would say, at least. I don't know how how this manifests when they're adults, but this is like, you know, they're going to start dating fucking losers because I was ah gone for three weeks at a time.
00:35:30
Speaker
Probably. It'll be on you. How are you looking at your ex now? Like how, like when you, I don't know if you want to put this on the show, dude, but when you see her. The recent one you're talking about?
00:35:42
Speaker
No, you're, yeah, yeah. How are you? um i read My ex from college. I think you had different feelings of it that were well articulated in the original show. By the way, I need to post some old senior shows.
00:35:56
Speaker
Maybe I'll do that Tuesdays. It doesn't exist for some our listeners. Yeah, but how are you feeling like when you look at it, what goes through your head now? like It's gotta be different. Man, dude, it's, well, ah first thing is, like I said this before the show,
00:36:12
Speaker
But i see i talk to people all the time, like in the co-parenting thing, and I see people that are just like, he fucking sucks. And and i and in it's like, ah, why are you doing that?
00:36:29
Speaker
You know, like there's a kid. and ah And you can tell the tension and sort of the fighting, and the and the kid might be subconsciously being used as a leverage. And it's just like,
00:36:40
Speaker
this person sucks and this person sucks. We don't have any of that. The co-parenting thing is going great. And so through that, I've been like, you know, even in a breakup, our marriage actually is pretty good because we at least have the respect and love for each other to like,
00:36:55
Speaker
yeah to to to know that the our family is very important to us and we created these great kids. and like So I look at her that way. i' look at her and I think in Costa Rica, to be honest with you, the mom actually has all the power.
00:37:10
Speaker
like they can They can pretty easily like take custody of the kids and and and manipulate the system. And as far as I can see, she'd never do that. And for that, and I a respect her for that. she's not She's smart enough to realize how important a dad is in the kid's life.
00:37:24
Speaker
Yeah, but how are you, yeah let me ask some more probing questions. I think that's good. The first part of it is like, okay i yeah, the first part is like just sort of logistics. And i mean, you'd think, oh, well, this, this person might first thing is like, man, you're fucking breaking up our family. And that that was like my first reaction a little bit. So like, yeah. And, and so there still is that, but now i'm like, this, this kid, this can work. you know, my kids aren't crazy and I see them all the time. And like,
00:37:52
Speaker
you know So that's the first answer. Now, what else you want to know? Well, was just like, do you ever look at her and go, ah, goddamn, she looks good today. I remember what that was like. I remember hitting that.
00:38:03
Speaker
I remember, you know, I shouldn't have said that, but I remember having a good time with that. yeah It has to come back here and there. Like- the That's a hard one to answer publicly.
00:38:18
Speaker
Okay. Don't answer it. ah But do you ever go, well, I miss a certain type of conversation we used to have or a certain type of connection we had? ah Because that that only comes after 20 years. you know I think that might just be starting to happen.
00:38:36
Speaker
Because for a while, you just have this such negative memory. You're like, how that like you almost for a while, you're like, how do we even survive that long? I have these negative things in my head.
00:38:49
Speaker
and then i mean i i went i went because i my one of my friends bought my old house and I went back to my old house. and so Things like that will trigger good or bad memories where my kids were born.
00:39:01
Speaker
I was inside the house and I actually sent her some videos. you know And so all that's like a good, a good thing to make me, to get me to like, think of some of the positive, the positive sign stuff.
00:39:12
Speaker
But I mean, i don't know. Every I'm just like, I actually have ran into some old friends and stuff that, that like I hadn't talked to in years. And I remember I was standing there talking to other friend who went through a divorce and, and I said something like, I don't,
00:39:27
Speaker
all I thought we had a pretty good marriage. I don didn't even know what happened. Cause was like someone I haven't talked to for like seven years who remembered us probably as like happy going out, party and having babies. And like, maybe it seemed like we had life figured out cause we were like going to Costa Rica and I was doing standup and we had this cute baby that was bilingual when she was two and like, and we would still go out. We were we were like adamant that we were gonna still gonna take our kids out to restaurants and shit and not be like locked down pussies.
00:39:53
Speaker
So all that shit is true. and we were like good times. We had a creative, cool house. Like we always had cool shit that we scored from like an antique shop or fucking all that bullshit. We lived in the hood, but but slowly emerging hood, like we're doing it right. And all that came back to me.
00:40:11
Speaker
and And so i I think I want to remember all that shit is good. Like, I don't i don't know if if there's a point, but I want to remember some good stuff. I don't know if I want to reminisce about it too much or or dwell on it that much, though, because it's like it's just I just want to go.
00:40:30
Speaker
There were some good things about that relationship. Number one is the kids we produced and and we had some good times together. And then after that, I don't know what I don't know what else to to think about. Like, I'm not I'm not I'm not good i'm not like, yeah it's hard for me to be like, let me think about.
00:40:50
Speaker
okay remember when I did doggy on you. Yeah. I remember we was dogging at the hotel near the cabana next to the, any yeah, dude, you don't have to say all that. I'll say it. No, I'm just saying, I mean, it's a it's a good thought because I mean, even if you move, you if you move on to another relationship, you have, ah you have this history. And so you've got to be with somebody who's very open and understanding and maybe not the jealous type, but also comfortable enough to be like, I'm,
00:41:19
Speaker
I'm your person now and I realized that you you did some pretty heavy shit with this other person. Like have children, people die and you moved and all this shit. And like, so there's all that, you know?
00:41:31
Speaker
then So it is something to think about. Actually, it's interesting because I don't want to, it's 25 years. It's like, I think all in like, yeah, whatever, 26 years of when we have, 26, 27 years from when we met to today.
00:41:44
Speaker
And I don't want it just be this horrible piece of my life. Cause I mean, you hung out with us. Seemed like a happy couple, right? ah You guys were great. She's great. So, so, well, I don't know, but I do, I do think about a little bit when, when something triggers it, when some asshole asked me about it or, or, like you, or when I, you know, these trips back to us are there's, there's like moments in time or sites where triggers a thing. And like, I drove by, you know, every fucking day I was doing these sales calls. was driving by the hospitals where kids were born.
00:42:17
Speaker
And that's some heavy shit to go through with somebody, you know? Like, yeah. And it's, it's just weird to be like, but at the same time, it's, it's kind of like, who gives a fuck, you know? Like not in a bad way, but like in a good way.
00:42:29
Speaker
It's like, it happened. It's cool. We're still alive. We're moving on. Defense mechanism. No, no, I'm kidding. I think it's good that you're thinking about it. I can't sit there and just be like, the only thing I can think about right now is how,
00:42:41
Speaker
we we had children together and I just got to focus on that forever. So that when I say who gives a fuck, it's just like, all right, You can't, you cant like it i mean you can't i can't be I can't be like I was in October 2023 forever where I was just like kind of punched in the face.
00:42:58
Speaker
Yeah, no, and it sounds like you're not, which I think is a good place to end, dude. But I'm not immune to to reminiscing a little bit. Right. There's an evolution, an evolution of Matt, a stagnation of Lance, and here we are two years later.
00:43:15
Speaker
Woo-wee! I remember when we was... Anyhow, later guy.
00:43:24
Speaker
Why don't you go get me one of them P's, boy?
00:43:31
Speaker
I want one of them
00:43:36
Speaker
Now go get one of them S's. What's that spell? POS. It doesn't stand for anything.
00:43:58
Speaker
You feel me, motherfucker? P to the O to the S, you know. to the to the S, you know. P to the O to the S, you know. You stupid motherfuckers ought to know.