Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 171: The Most Important Skill for High Performers
1.5k Plays2 years ago
Find It Quickly (in the episode):
0:00 Intro
2:45 Pursue Whole clients
3:30 Transitioning your professional life to focus on your personal life
6:25 Key differences and common themes among clients
7:00 Common theme is for clients ability to say no
10:01 Leaders fear disappointing other people so they say yes
12:30 For every yes, you're saying no to something else
14:41 How do you set yourself up to say yes in a healthy way?
16:52 When you say yes, without follow through, you are breaking trust
20:00 Relationships are repaired by closing doors and making amends
21:35: 2 types of responses for repairing after breaking trust
24:40 How do you move from saying yes to saying no?
25:24 Define who is in your inner circle
26:06 Delay gratification
28:28 Hold onto your values
36:51 Resource for defining your values and saying no in your email
For show notes and resources go to: https://daveyandkrista.com/the-most-important-skill-for-high-performers/
Recommended
Transcript
The Power of Saying No
00:00:05
Speaker
When we say no to something or we have to wait for something, when we get it, man, it means so much more. There are things that I've wanted in my life that I've had to wait on for a year or two years or even just two months and I appreciate them so much more. They mean so much more to me versus just those things that I just go out and buy all the time. So part of this is also saying no to things brings a lot of
00:00:34
Speaker
Joy and gratitude to life. Putting restrictions in your life and barriers is not going to hold you up in life. It's actually going to bring you greater joy and purpose and meaning.
Meet Andy Maurer
00:00:48
Speaker
Welcome to the Brands That Book Show, where we help creative service-based businesses build their brands and find more clients. I'm your host, Davy Jones.
00:00:58
Speaker
Executive coach Andy Maurer of Pursue Hole joins me on the podcast to discuss the most important word a high performer needs to learn how to say, and that word is no.
Entrepreneurial Wisdom: When to Say No
00:01:08
Speaker
There is a part of the episode where Andy provides three practical and powerful tips for discerning whether you should say no to an opportunity. And I want to say just at the outset of the introduction here that I think it's something that every entrepreneur needs to hear.
00:01:21
Speaker
So if you listen to nothing else in this episode, fast forward to that. You won't regret it. Even note in the written description of the episode exactly where that part of the conversation begins so you can go straight to that part if you're short on time. But I think the whole episode is, of course, worth listening to.
00:01:37
Speaker
Learning how to say no is such a critical skill for any high performer. It gives someone space to focus on the best opportunities for them or their business. It helps build trust because people know that whatever you do end up committing to, you're going to actually follow through on. And it allows you to create boundaries so that your work-life balance doesn't suffer.
00:01:54
Speaker
Andy knows high performers. Not only does he work with C-level executives, but he also works with professional athletes and people in the entertainment industries as well. The skill to say no, he says, is one of the most important for someone to learn. Check out the show notes because Andy has even put together free email templates that you can download that will help you say no in a thoughtful way that preserves relationships.
00:02:17
Speaker
There's even templates for situations where maybe you have to back out of something because you're over-committed. As always, check out the show notes for any resource that we mentioned during the episode, and we want to hear from you. Let us know what kind of content you'd like to see on the Brands of Book podcast as we move forward.
Life Skills Beyond Careers
00:02:32
Speaker
To leave your feedback, just send us a DM on a scram at Davian Cristo. Now, on to the episode.
00:02:43
Speaker
I'm really interested in hearing about some of your different types of clients. Like I know you work with executives, you work with people in the entertainment industry, and you also work with professional athletes. And I'm so curious about professional athletes in particular. I wonder, is it like the movies, you know, where like a baseball player walks in and, you know, he's a great hitter, but he can't hit a baseball and then all of a sudden he has like some big breakthrough with you and then he's hitting home runs again?
00:03:09
Speaker
You know, we're really working on with a professional athlete. I'm not really coaching them on their craft. They have so many people that are speaking into them on how to hit better, how to have more mental skills and kind of what they do. They have a whole team around them for that. But what they don't have is a team around them that helps them integrate both on the field and off the field.
00:03:30
Speaker
life and that transition can be really difficult for professional athletes because what makes them so great on the field doesn't make them great in marriage. It doesn't make them great in family life and that transition and that shift is really hard for them and I think one thing that I love about working with professional athletes especially the ones who want to pursue wholeness and be leaders is that they're thinking bigger than just their performance on the
Addressing Emotional Blocks in Athletes
00:03:57
Speaker
field.
00:03:57
Speaker
They're really thinking through how do i win in all areas of life and that includes my family that includes my children that includes with how i find a rest and how i find play and how i find you know how i impact the team through my leadership and my communication so that's really fun to be able to work with them especially when they have a bigger picture of how they want to perform not just in their sport but in all of life.
00:04:20
Speaker
Sure. So they're not necessarily coming to you because they have some sort of mental block that's not allowing them to perform at their craft. Like they really just want to live a more integrated life.
00:04:29
Speaker
Sometimes they do. And then what I often do to them is I pitch to them the reality that that's not going to solve their problem because the problem is usually around a performance anxiety that comes from them feeling like they are not enough or they have to be better or they have to prove themselves. So oftentimes that mental block, it can be a technical skill, which I wouldn't work with them on. But more oftentimes it's an emotional block around this pressure of how they feel like they have to show up.
00:04:59
Speaker
And when we can kinda release that pressure one thing that I've seen with my athletes is it gives them a lot of freedom to go back into a game and just play the game because they love it and because they feel confident about knowing that they're good at what they do.
00:05:16
Speaker
Cause they have, I mean, hundreds of people speak into the life, whether it's a football player or a baseball player or a hockey player, every single person is telling them what they need to do better. And sometimes we talk through that and we just say, you know, what do you want? What do you need? Not what everybody else wants you
The Chiropractic Analogy
00:05:34
Speaker
to be. And them getting centered on that really allows them to go out and have fun, make an impact and feel proud about, you know, walking off the field because they gave it their all.
00:05:45
Speaker
Yeah. You know, this really interesting. It kind of reminds me of like, I was at the chiropractor recently and I had this pain in my tricep. He was like, yeah, the problem's not with your tricep. It's with, you know, somewhere in your back, you know? And it's so interesting how professionals like yourself can kind of figure that out or point us to the place where, you know, the problem actually maybe is, you know, that we're just, and we're just unaware of it. Yeah, absolutely.
00:06:05
Speaker
So how does it compare with some of the other high performers that you
High Performers' Common Struggles
00:06:09
Speaker
work with? I mean, you're working with high performers in a number of different areas. So how does that compare with working with high performers in the entertainment industry or in business? A lot of what you do is working with CEOs and executives. Do you find that there's some common thread there or there's some key differences between those groups?
00:06:27
Speaker
There's absolutely some key differences and there's technical differences, there's cultural differences, there is kind of image management differences in those different perspectives and roles. But there are a lot of very common themes across the board for anyone who carries a level of leadership or influence or image with a lot of eyeballs on them.
00:06:50
Speaker
And I think one of the themes that I see pretty consistently across the board that they struggle with is their ability to say no. And one unique thing that I've learned and that I've heard from a lot of leaders is that the more successful you become in life, whether in business or professional sports, no is more of an important word than yes.
00:07:16
Speaker
and no is gonna get you a lot further than yes is and i think oftentimes we're starting business or entrepreneurs and we're kind of hustling to make it happen yes is that magic word because we're just taking in everything we possibly can to make things happen to get momentum moving but when you have that success and you have that momentum it's really hard to change from a yes to a no lifestyle now.
The Yes Addiction
00:07:42
Speaker
And the reason why no becomes so important is because it allows these leaders to prioritize what's most important in their life. Do you feel like that is what leads to, you know, sometimes this disintegrated life that, you know, people have? And I kind of have a follow up question there too. You know, I think to a certain extent, like I like saying yes.
00:08:02
Speaker
I'm addicted to it to a certain extent, not even because of the external pressure, right? I mean, I think there's maybe some of that sometimes where it's like you just you want to be able to say yes to somebody. I feel like it's less of that for me than it is like, oh, I just get excited about an idea or like about something, you know?
00:08:18
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yes, it's exciting because it opens up opportunity and thrill and excitement. No, it puts a block on that momentum. It puts it's kind of a Debbie Downer. It pops the balloon and it's hard, especially for more excitable personalities or personalities who are ultra driven, who want to move the needle forward. No feels like it just stops that needle, just stops that momentum. But what it actually does is it slows them down enough to to make sure that they're going in the right direction of prioritizing.
00:08:48
Speaker
what's most important in their life like i said before so one thing that i think is really true for leaders at least the leaders that i work with when they say yes they have every intention and desire to follow through with what they're saying.
00:09:04
Speaker
I really do believe that. For a lot of my leaders, they have high quality, high ethics, they have high values. They really want to serve and love and make an impact in the world. And when they say yes, when they say, let me connect you a so-and-so, or let me send this over to you, or let me do this for you, or we should get coffee, or we should do that. It's not that they're lying. Their intention is to be that kind of person. But I think one of the problems here is that they don't have either the systems or the people
00:09:33
Speaker
To make that yes become a reality so this gets into a whole nother issue we can export kinda later on in the podcast but when your yes doesn't have people or systems attached to it it will not be completed.
The Fear of Disappointment
00:09:49
Speaker
You'll inevitably disappoint people. You'll inevitably let people down. So I think that's one big reason where problems arise. The other big problem where I think it arises why leaders can't say no is because they fear disappointing other people.
00:10:06
Speaker
You know, when we look at these athletes or we look at these celebrities or we look at high level business leaders who have 500 billion dollar companies, 500 million billion dollar companies, we just think, oh, they're superhuman. They manage their life well, they're talented. Listen, these people are like everyone else. They struggle with insecurity. They struggle with fear. They struggle with the reality of that they might let people down.
00:10:33
Speaker
And that's actually what drives their ability to want to perform at such a high level because they know they won't let themselves down and they won't let others down so you know they struggle with the fear of abandonment to the struggle with fear of if i don't perform for someone you know will they want me around.
00:10:49
Speaker
And when that fear becomes kind of reality for them, they're working so hard to keep people around through their performance in a way that they do that as they keep saying yes. And the other thing I'll say on that is leaders are really looking to manage their emotional resources. So all leaders have a certain level of energy in a day that they can expel.
00:11:12
Speaker
What's really hard about being a leader is that everybody taps those resources. Employees, spouses, kids, stress in the business, investors, board members, everybody's pulling out those resources. When that leader sits down with a friend or an employee and they have to say no, that no is going to be a lot more of an emotional cost than simply saying yes.
00:11:36
Speaker
In the short term, saying yes is easy, there's no conflict, there's no tension, it's smooth, it's simple. Saying no requires a certain measure of emotional capacity and when they're stressed and when life is full and when life is busy, they don't have
00:11:52
Speaker
the emotional resources, they don't have those stores, emotional stores to say no because it's going to cost them too much.
Work vs Personal Life
00:11:59
Speaker
So once again, I do believe their heart and their passion and their desire to say to serve people is good. I just think that they struggle with energy management boundaries and this fear of disappointing people and what are they going to think if I say I can't do that or no.
00:12:17
Speaker
Yeah, and there's so much to explore here. I guess one question too, just from your experience is the fear of saying no and disappointing people are not being able to, you know, actually follow through on your yes. I guess the concern too would be even beyond work, right? For every yes that you say in a work capacity, whatever that is that you're doing, you're saying no to something else, I guess maybe with family or with, you know, personal care or something like that. Is that right?
00:12:43
Speaker
I think that's absolutely right and one of the fallacies that I hear or the head trash that I hear from a lot of leaders is they say I just you know we hear it all the time I say it where I say I don't have time for that and you know it's this
00:12:59
Speaker
Basically, life is happening to me. I have no control and my calendar rules my life. And one huge shift that leaders have to face is that your time is a representation of your priorities and your intentions in your life. Your calendar reflects your priorities and your intentions in life.
00:13:20
Speaker
Now, sometimes leaders just don't know how to manage that time. And that's a different struggle. But a lot of leaders have enough resources. They just don't utilize those resources. So I think part of the issue, Davey, that you're describing is yes, when they say yes to all these different things in their calendars so full, the most important things in life often fall off its relationship with spouse, its relationship with kids. It's a sense of purpose and meaning. Why am I waking up every morning?
Energy Management Techniques
00:13:48
Speaker
Why am I doing this job? What do I need? What do I want out of life? We forget to explore those areas of life and save emotional kind of resources for that. So yeah, every time we say yes, we have to think, where do I have to say no in my life than because of this?
00:14:05
Speaker
And it's a mismanagement of priorities. It's a mismanagement of intentions. I want to dig into energy management as well. And you know, what techniques and tips you have for doing that. And you know, one of the things that you mentioned was that saying no is draining to a certain extent. You know, I mean, when you say no to somebody, there is that fear of disappointment, you know, and just the potential that you might let somebody down or you might have damaged your relationship in some way. I guess how do you put yourself in a position where that's not so draining?
00:14:34
Speaker
Yeah, there's some functional things that you can do and then there's some deeper issues that you can do. So, let me start with the functional. One thing that I try to do is just slow down my pace of communication. So, as soon as someone asks me a question of, hey, can you send this over to me or we should hang out or can you get together for coffee? I will just try to take at least one breath.
00:14:59
Speaker
Okay, and that two to three seconds allows my subconscious brain that wants to say yes to everything. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It puts a roadblock and a barrier. It puts a speed bomb for me to go, hold on a second. Instead of just instantly saying yes, or I will, maybe in that moment, I want to say, tell me a little bit more about what that would look like so that I can assess how much energy that's going to require me. Or you might say, you know, let me think about that. I might have an idea on how to help you.
00:15:29
Speaker
I need more time to show on that you should say you could say
Building Trust Through No
00:15:33
Speaker
i encourage you to look into x y and see if you know what i'm gonna do it for you i encourage you to it can be language like i can't promise this but if i have time i will dot dot dot so there's a lot of different things you can say that simply yes i give you a little bit more of a window to step back and go.
00:15:53
Speaker
You know, do I really want to do this? Is this a priority? And those are really hard decisions to make in the moment. So taking a breath, taking a pause, and then instead of saying yes, say something like, let me think on that and get back to you. Something as simple as that is a very functional way to conserve energy.
00:16:11
Speaker
But then once again, you got to get back to them. So that's that's the other hard thing about that is the no is a closed door. The let me get back to you is an open door and the yes is an open door. So sometimes you just you have to close those doors and there's ways to say it that are less intense. You can simply say, man, there's I would love to do this for you. Unfortunately, I have so many other commitments in life right now that I have to be consistent on that. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to say no right now.
00:16:40
Speaker
No can actually be a very bonding, healing, pleasurable experience between human connection. It can actually build trust. It doesn't always lead to disappointment.
00:16:50
Speaker
I think just hearing you say that too, because what ruins more trust is saying yes to something that you then can't follow through on. And of course, perhaps in saying yes, maybe there's a tiny bit of trust built there, but if you can't follow through on that commitment, then for sure you're going to lose more trust than you've built. And so I think being a person where somebody asks you whether you can do something or not, them knowing that whatever you say is the case, I think there's a lot of value in that.
00:17:20
Speaker
Absolutely. And, you know, if you're prone to saying yes to people and then you don't follow through, you will be remembered in their mind as that person. Okay. We all have those people on our mind who make commitments to everybody. I'm going to send you this and I'm going to connect you with this. And in that moment when you're with them, it's very exciting.
Healing Through Admitting Mistakes
00:17:41
Speaker
It's very bonding that yes is very connecting but when you step away from that and that yes doesn't become reality it can really fracture that trust a lot of leaders who committed to things to me and have not followed through my perspective of them changes.
00:17:58
Speaker
And I try to have positive intentions. I try to think, oh, they must have just got hung up in something else. But the reality is you are not managing your relationship as well because people look at you not as a leader, but as someone who can't follow through and who they can't trust. And here's the other really difficult thing, Davey, is there have been times when I've made commitments to people.
00:18:19
Speaker
That seemed like the best decision in the moment with the information that i had and that's really important is don't make decisions based on what's right or wrong make decisions with what is best. In that moment with the information that you currently have on your plate now a week goes by and my information changes and i go shoot yes made sense then but now that i have more information i have more contacts recognize what's gonna be required of me.
00:18:47
Speaker
I've had to go back to those relationships and say you know i apologize i know i initially committed to this and i know that this is disappointing but i'm gonna have to pull out and i apologize for the inconvenience that this might cause you.
00:19:02
Speaker
I've had to cancel meetings, I've had to cancel commitments. But here's what that does for me, Davey, when I go back and I say, I'm sorry, I originally committed to this. What that does is it closes a door in my mind. So when we talk about emotional or energy management, closing that door is extremely freeing. The worst energy management is having so many doors open that you forget
00:19:28
Speaker
What's open it's horrible it's you're seeing people's faces and you go oh gosh i was supposed to send them something i didn't send them that it's anxiety provoking it's stressful it takes so much energy instead of going back to those people and say i need to close the door i need to close the door i need to close the door and that has to do with a leader's ability to acknowledge that they made a mistake.
00:19:50
Speaker
that they were wrong and that is so hard for leaders to say sometimes but it is extremely healing and that's how you actually repair relationships. Yeah I mean maybe we could explore that a little bit more too just because I think that's like a really hard you know sort of sub aspect of what we're talking about where you said yes with the best intentions you know you said yes and you know maybe certain context was there and then like you said that context changes.
00:20:18
Speaker
So how do you go about, I guess, saying no in a way that's thoughtful and doesn't make you sound like you're just a flake or unreliable and helps, you know, maybe takes a step towards starting to repair that relationship.
00:20:31
Speaker
Absolutely. That's a really good question. And I think a lot of leaders don't go back and close those doors because they just they don't know how they don't know how they don't have the language for. And the first thing that I would say more philosophically is that good relationships are not those that don't have disruptions or fractures.
00:20:49
Speaker
Me and my wife have a very solid, very secure, very connected relationship. We have made a ton of fractures in that relationship. Like, I don't think anyone's hurt her probably more than I have. I don't think anyone's hurt me more than she has in different ways or frustrated me more at times. But what we commit to is repairing the fracture by saying we're sorry, by coming back together, by recognizing that we're on the same team. So we don't fear in our marriage making fractures.
00:21:19
Speaker
We actually welcome them because we know that we can repair. We have confidence of that. And that's actually what makes a relationship great is not disrupting it and having fractures. It's actually learning how to repair through saying, I'm sorry, or through making amends. So there's two types of kind of responses for repairing after you've made a fracture.
00:21:38
Speaker
Sometimes we simply just forget there are emails in my inbox that i want to get back to and yet the person emails me two weeks later and said hey you committed to this past the deadline where is it on my i am so sorry i totally forgot it's based my brain i had every intention to doing it.
00:21:57
Speaker
So an email response back to something like that might be hey i recognize that i originally committed to doing x okay so you name the thing that you said i i committed to sending over those documents and then you just say this season has been really busy for me there's lots of moving pieces i take full responsibility for not following through on this and i apologize.
00:22:17
Speaker
My intention is to get it to you acts okay either now or today or tomorrow but you have to tell them a time that you're gonna get it to them so acknowledge that you missed the deadline. Take ownership and then communicate when you will get that over to them.
00:22:34
Speaker
Now please follow through on this one okay set the deadline get it over okay so this is a great response for if you had ever free intention to doing something you just simply forgot and that happens all the time for me okay now the other one is when you originally said yes to something and you recognize
Evaluating Decisions Effectively
00:22:54
Speaker
This doesn't make sense anymore for me to commit to this. And in those types of scenarios, I would just say, hey, thank you for following back up with me. I apologize that I have not followed through on this as I step back and look at, you know, my responsibilities and what's currently on my plate. I recognize that this no longer fits within what I have capacity to do.
00:23:17
Speaker
And i apologize because i know i originally committed to this and i know that this is disappointing for you to have a no on this but unfortunately i'm gonna have to decline okay i'm doing a couple things there i'm defining what it is that i was committed to i'm taking for responsibility that i know i said i committed to this and i apologize for changing my mind.
00:23:37
Speaker
And then I'm empathizing with them and saying, I recognize that this is disappointing to you. OK, they will be disappointed. They might be frustrated. They might be agitated. So just name that. I recognize that this is frustrating or disappointing to you. I take full responsibility. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to decline. OK, so those are two different ways that you can basically say no after you've said yes without trashing the relationship. It actually builds more trust in the relationship when you do it that way.
00:24:07
Speaker
Sure, sure. So one of the things I want to explore as well is like discerning. No, and just maybe decision making in general, especially, you know, you probably meet, I would assume with people who are alike, but I just can't. It seems like if I don't do this, like what's the alternative, you know, or maybe you hear phrases like that.
00:24:27
Speaker
You're smiling, so I'm assuming you do in conversations with high performers. And so I'd love to hear just a little bit more about maybe that discernment process. And I think it is sort of a slow burn, as you alluded to in the beginning of the podcast, where you go from that hustle phase in entrepreneurship or whatever it is that you're doing, where saying yes is just a matter of
00:24:47
Speaker
getting work and figuring things out and just the hustle associated with building a business. But at some point, and I think this is a lesson I'm still learning, being able to effectively say no, at some point you realize, okay, well I don't have to say yes to this and if I do, my business is still gonna survive and it's probably good for my family life because I don't have to sacrifice whatever it is in order to do it.
00:25:13
Speaker
So I guess how do you coach somebody through that process and how do you get them to start seeing like, okay, this is really how you should be evaluating any given decision now moving forward? The first thing is to define who's in your inner circle and who gets the most amount of your time and resources as a person. So for me, my wife and my kids are in my inner circle and then I have a group of kind of best friends or community that I spend time with.
00:25:39
Speaker
they get my energy first and then when some random person hits me up on LinkedIn and they're like, hey, I want to sell you this or I want to meet with this and I don't have any personal connection to them. It's not a warm introduction. I will probably 100% of the time decline those unless it really aligns with kind of something I'm working on in that season of my life. So I really focus on who are the people in my life who deserve to have the most energy from me and I prioritize those relationships first.
00:26:06
Speaker
The other thing that you can do is to just work on delaying gratification and that initial impulse from idea to desire to doing that idea and then you have the desire to complete it and then you just do it. So this is where I have
00:26:23
Speaker
We use the software called ClickUp, which is kind of a management system that we use for ideas and processes. And in that document and as well as 50 different notes on my phone, I have Andy's ideas. Okay. I might have this grand idea that I think is just the hottest new thing and I'll put it in there and I'll type it in.
00:26:45
Speaker
And then when we come together as a team, sometimes I'll bring up those ideas, but sometimes I won't because I will wait. Sometimes a week has passed when I originally put that in and a week goes by and I'm like, Oh, that's not that great of an idea anymore. Or I'm kind of bored with that idea. Okay. We do this with money all the time. So we run a budget, me and my wife work on a budget where we have certain amounts associated with different things. And that really is a form of discipline and,
00:27:10
Speaker
accountability for us. And what that does is we have a section where we list all the things that we would like to have. They're not absolute things that we need to have. It's just likes, it's clothes, it's fun things, it's experiences. And whenever we want something, we have a little section where we can jot it down. And I can't tell you how many times I've wrote something down where I'm like, I want that so bad. I wanna buy it. I wanna go on Amazon right now and I wanna order it.
00:27:38
Speaker
And when I just simply write it down, days go past and then I look at that item again and I go, I don't know if I really need that right now anymore. So part of this is just delaying that process or putting speed bumps between ideas and doing and put it in a list, put it in a file and come back to it a week from them and say, is this still important?
Aligning Actions with Values
00:28:02
Speaker
And do I still want to do this? And if it is, then take action on it.
00:28:06
Speaker
But that's just a really simple process where, you know, if you're prone to committing to things or saying yes or you have big ideas, just write them down. They might be great or they might be the dumbest idea in the world. But write them down and then come back to them later and if they're still relevant, then take action on them.
00:28:25
Speaker
And then the last thing, the third thing that I would say is we have clearly defined our brand values that we exhibit externally to our clients. And then we have our team values, which we exhibit internally to our team. Everything that we do in business is filtered through those brand values. So if something does not fit within that core mission or that core value that we have set as a team,
00:28:49
Speaker
It's not relevant so it might be a really great idea or might be a great process but if it doesn't fit the categories of what we've defined our big goals are for the month or the quarter or align with our overall vision of where we're headed. We just won't grab it because it's outside of that window so we have we have gating procedures i call gating procedures getting procedures for.
00:29:12
Speaker
all these ideas and trust me i need so much help in this area i have like ideas all the time of things that i think are the best and i want to implement them and i think we should move on them and part of this is i have three people who gave me i have my wife who's our co-founder and our chief strategy officer so i go really high level vision
00:29:32
Speaker
She cuts that vision up into smaller pieces and decides what's most essential and what aligns with a brand. I have a head of operations. He is really someone who can look at things from a more detailed perspective and say, does this align? Does this make sense? How does this actually get implemented? And then I have an executive assistant, and she really knows my priorities. And she asked me questions. Should this go on your calendar? You told me that you were going to block this time for personal vision time, or you're going to go get a massage. Why are you scheduling a meeting here?
00:30:02
Speaker
So there are three different people that i brought onto my team who. Basically kill my ideas and restrict me from just going into my impulses all the time and it's extremely helpful for me.
The Role of Integrators
00:30:17
Speaker
Yeah, you know, I feel like it's so good even just hearing you say those, because I feel like right now in this moment, just like a lot of light bulb moments, I mean, one, in your very first point, I think oftentimes for a lot of high achievers, family is, you know, kind of who gets the extra time, you know, who gets the left over time, left over, it's done, it's like, now I have time for this, you know, and it really should be the other way around. And so I think that's it's a small mindset shift that probably makes a huge difference, or could make a huge difference in somebody's day.
00:30:44
Speaker
So, love that. And in your third point here, you know, I think it's just so important, I guess, or going in order in the second point of that delayed gratification. I've had the exact same experience. Recently, it's funny, you know, Krista and I have been talking about I want to get a tattoo, and the rule has been that I have to want the same thing for a year, you know?
00:31:07
Speaker
And you might, you know, people might be listening to me like, David, what does this have to do with business? I mean, like, trust me, the same thing is true for business too, where I'll come up with an idea and Crystal be like, Hey, well, maybe we'll talk about that next week. And I'll be like, what do you mean next week? We can't wait till next week. It has to do it now. Exactly. You know, and like, you know, we'll get to the next week and Crystal just be like, so you still want to talk about and be like, no,
00:31:29
Speaker
I thought about it and this is why it's actually a terrible idea. Even though in that minute I thought, oh man, this is the best idea ever. We have to do it and we have to be, it has to be done now. And I think the longer I've been in business, the more I've realized is like most things it's not a, I mean, I know we watch movies where maybe like somebody has to be first to market and there's this crazy whatever.
00:31:49
Speaker
I'm thinking about that movie, about the light bulb. I forget what the name of the movie is. I'll post in the show notes if I can think it, but most times it's not that, right? Most times it's like we have the space to sit on an idea for a month before deciding whether it's something that we want to pursue and maybe to discern whether it's a good idea or not. And I am so bad at that. I am just so terrible at that.
00:32:16
Speaker
And a lot of visionary leaders, it's not their gift to close those ideas, it's to open up those ideas, okay? So unless they have an integrator, they have a head of ops, or they have someone kind of gating those visions, they're basically unruled. And here's the other really hard thing. When you're highly successful, let's just take money, for example. When you have a lot of resources,
00:32:38
Speaker
You don't have to say no. You can say yes to everything. And there's basically no boundaries on experiences that you can have, things that you can buy. So here's the hard thing for leaders is they have to create those restraints on themselves because they don't have those for the traditional person who has to think, you know, we only have X amount of money. So should we really do that? It's like, oh, yeah, let's do this and this and this. And I see a lot of leaders who have a ton of resources economically and financially.
00:33:08
Speaker
They're very unhappy, like they just are. They have everything their hearts desires, there's no restrictions and yet they feel unhappy and part of that is I think there's a natural law that restriction makes us more grateful. It really does.
Joy in Restrictions
00:33:25
Speaker
When we say no to something or we have to wait for something, when we get it, man, it means so much more. There are things that I've wanted
00:33:35
Speaker
in my life that I've had to wait on for a year or two years or even just two months and I appreciate them so much more. They mean so much more to me versus just those things that I just go out and buy all the time. So, part of this is also saying no to things brings a lot of joy and gratitude to life. Putting restrictions in your life
00:33:59
Speaker
and barriers is not going to hold you up in life. It's actually going to bring you greater joy and purpose and meaning. And I think that's just counterintuitive for people who have the ability like celebrities or athletes or high level business leaders who can just have whatever they want whenever they want. And I think it's a real problem.
00:34:19
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's why your third point is so important, coming up with that vision statement or brand values. One thing Chris and I have been working on recently, which has been a fun project, is coming up with a family role. Basically, you could call it like a mission statement for the family or certain ways we want to live our life and thinking through the reasons why.
00:34:43
Speaker
And it really has been an eye-opening experience and made me think about just some of the commitments that I have in my life right now. And maybe some of those things I'm committed to that I just, they may be good things, but they don't fit within this rule of life. And I think, I don't know if it's my personality type or just me, but even in business, like I like the idea of those things, but it's really hard for me to stay on track and to revisit those things. And so it's really important to your point to have people in your life who are like, yeah, but
00:35:12
Speaker
going back to like, this is what we have hanging on our wall. Like, how does this decision fit into that? And I think that's just so important. But I love those points. I think they're just super practical too, for people.
00:35:24
Speaker
Yeah, and it's ironic because a lot of these leaders don't have executive assistants. They don't have integrators or COOs who are their right-hand person to offload or to do this where they don't have those gating procedures. So that's one of the first kind of conversations I have with a lot of these leaders is what can we get off your plate that is not within your unique ability? Like no leader
00:35:51
Speaker
needs to schedule their meetings. No leader needs to sit in the morning and go through all their emails. Like when you think about the amount of money that they make per hour and you go, why are you checking your emails? Or why are you doing your own lawn? Or why are you like there's certain behaviors and things. And now if you love it, that's a totally different thing. But if you feel like you have to do it just because you don't trust someone else to do it,
00:36:20
Speaker
When you look at how much you make per hour and how much time you're spending on those behaviors, it's ridiculous. I think part of that is they struggle to find out what is their unique ability.
Time and Resource Management
00:36:30
Speaker
What are they really good at? When we're confused about that, when we're confused about why we're built and what we're built to do, we just start grabbing at random things. We start grabbing at way too much to try to find that. That's never going to resolve that hole on the inside of trying to figure out who you are and your identity.
00:36:47
Speaker
Yeah. I wonder too, you know, you have this great resource that I want to talk about before we wrap up here, because my guess is that there's people listening to this podcast who are maybe they just need to even make the space in their life and business right now to even think through something like brand values and sort of a mission statement and the direction they want to go.
00:37:07
Speaker
And so they're gonna have to maybe even without having gone through that process yet to make space start saying no to some people or maybe back out of some commitments that they've made. And you put together this great resource for that. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Yeah, this is essentially a template.
00:37:24
Speaker
that you can upload into your email that basically communicates to people in a very clear, direct, but respectful way that you need to decline basically whatever's coming your way. So the way that I wrote this was really for me to hand off to my executive assistant. So when she manages my email, she knows who I want to connect with, who I don't want to connect with, and she will basically drop this template into those emails and send it off.
00:37:53
Speaker
Now, a couple of things within this template that I think are really important. I start out this template by first connecting with the person and then I say two of our brand values, a pursue whole, are excellence and essentialism. It's very important that I follow through on the commitments that I currently have made.
00:38:13
Speaker
And unfortunately, in this season of life, what that means is that I'm having to say no to a lot more in my life than I'm naturally comfortable with. And what that means is that, unfortunately, I'm going to have to decline this offer, but I appreciate it.
Saying No with Templates
00:38:25
Speaker
Thank you so much. So what it does is a couple of different things. Is it defines what your values are.
00:38:31
Speaker
and how saying no aligns with those values. So the exercise that we have that leaders can download is it helps them write in their own values. It could be personal values or it could be company values. And to basically switch that out in this document is to say, hey, two of my life values or two of my company values are dot, dot.
00:38:52
Speaker
and therefore here's why have to say no and what that does people really respect that because you have an opportunity to communicate to them what matters most in life you have an opportunity to communicate what you value and that's inspiring for people you know it's interesting.
00:39:07
Speaker
You're saying no to them and yet they're inspired by your email that says no. It makes them think about, wow, like, he's really good at saying no. He's really essential. You know, he's practicing excellence. He wants to follow through on what he currently has on his plate because guess what? People want to be around those types of people. They want to be around the doers. They want to be around the people who follow through. They want to be around the people who know where they're headed and why.
00:39:32
Speaker
So you can craft an email and really basically image management in a way to say I want to really model my image of who I want to be and how I want to be represented as a leader while I still say no and we created that document for leaders to basically switch out a couple things make it their own language but then after that you got to hand it off.
00:39:53
Speaker
Hand it off to an executive assistant, put it into an email template. The reason why I created this document also, Davey, was because when I said no, I had to use all this emotional energy to think up, how am I going to say no to this person? What are the right words to say? And then I'd never say no because it was just too much emotional way to have to craft up something new
Connecting with Andy Maurer
00:40:14
Speaker
every time.
00:40:14
Speaker
You don't need a new model every time, just use the same model and then you won't have to use that emotional energy and that emotional burn to implement this. So it's a really easy resource for leaders to start implementing now.
00:40:27
Speaker
All right. Awesome. And as always, if you're listening to this, you're running, you're in the car driving, always you can go to the show notes and I'll make sure there's a direct link to pursue holes website where you can download this template. Highly recommend it. And Andy, maybe you could give us an idea to just where people can follow along and how they can learn more from you because I've had the pleasure of actually being able to work with you for a little over six months.
00:40:50
Speaker
And honestly, the best coaching counseling experience that I've ever had. And people who know me, they've known that I've, I've had a counseling background, you know, so I, not as a counselor, but as someone being counseled. Totally, totally. And I think like just huge breakthroughs working with you after a year, you know, in a season of burnout for me and really being more grounded with understanding how I feel and being able to express that to the people around me.
00:41:20
Speaker
without letting it all come out at once after I've kind of shoved it down. And so I think like, you know, true to your company name, really helping me, I don't know, just kind of understand my whole self, if that makes sense, you know? And I know you can only take on a limited amount of clients, but you have a great podcast. So maybe you could speak to just the ways that people can connect with you.
00:41:41
Speaker
Yeah. Well, first I really appreciate your words, Davey. It was a pleasure to help support you. I really look up to you. You're a very gifted leader and
00:41:50
Speaker
One of the things that I admire most about you is that what we're talking about today is you do follow through. You commit to what you say you're going to do and that's very important for you and I've always really admired you to create disciplines in your life to follow through on what you say you're going to do. So, thank you for leading in that way. A couple of ways that listeners can get in touch with me is they can email me at andyatpursuhole.com.
00:42:16
Speaker
You can also check out our podcast. It's called the pursue whole podcast. And we do two things on our podcast. We interview high level leaders who either share their story or their expertise and how they are pursuing wholeness in their own life. Or I will jump on and do 10 to 15 minute episodes for some quick tips and tactics and strategies on answering questions that I often hear leaders ask me in my room and I'll dig into some of the tactics and
00:42:43
Speaker
rhythms and routines about how to make change in your life around wholeness. The third thing that you can do is you can just go to our website at pursuehole.com. You can explore our coaching. You can explore some of our resources there. We have a video, a brand video that I would love for people to watch that really just, I think, connects with the heart of what our leaders are struggling with and going through.
Podcast Reflections
00:43:04
Speaker
We worked with a videographer who's extremely gifted to visually represent kind of the journey and story of people who are struggling and pursuing wholeness in their own life. And I take a lot of pride in that. And I think it's a great way to just connect with our brand.
00:43:20
Speaker
Yeah, it is a powerful video. So I'll make sure I link directly to that, although I think you can access it straight from the homepage of your website. Andy, I really appreciate your time and you sharing with us your expertise. And if you want more practical tips like those three points that Andy just shared, definitely check out his podcast. We were talking about a couple of guests he has coming up and I'm already excited to listen to a few of them. So thanks again, Andy. I really appreciate it. Thanks for having me.
00:43:49
Speaker
Thanks for tuning into the Brands That Book Show. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider subscribing and leaving a review in iTunes. For show notes and other resources, head on over to dvandchrista.com.