Transcript
Speaker: It's Fructuous Friday Finance.
Speaker: Every Friday, one of our experts answers your personal finance questions. Hey, America, are you ready to plant Fructuous Money Seeds?
Speaker: Let's start digging.
Speaker: I'm Alex Wilborn, your Triple F expert for today. Here's a message from Jennifer Bowman regarding a common family financial dynamic.
Speaker: Hi, FFF. My name is Jennifer. My mother turned 74 this month, and I'm concerned whether she has the money to support herself in her later years and through the end of her life.
Speaker: We've never really had a conversation about her money situation, and I'm concerned the expectation is that I'll just step up and figure everything out for her. I don't think my brother is thinking about this at all.
Speaker: How do you recommend I have a conversation with my mother about all of this?
Speaker: Hello, Jennifer. It can be difficult to care for an aging parent, even more so if you are shouldering the financial burden. Right now, I suggest you hold off on a conversation with your mother until you've had the chance to explore an alternative approach.
Speaker: Most of the people I advise are absolutely dreading the prospect of taking care of their parents. So my initial recommendation is to create an escape hatch. An escape hatch is a justifiable reason why you can't provide help to your mother.
Speaker: Building an escape hatch is pretty easy. Phase 1. Fake a fibromyalgia diagnosis. This is going to be your Daniel Day-Lewis moment, Jennifer. Fibromyalgia is one of those nebulous conditions with vague and complex symptoms.
Speaker: One day you can pretend you have full body pain by quivering on the couch, and the next day you can pretend to have memory problems by forgetting the name of your dog. Let your imagination guide you, Jennifer.
Speaker: Pee on your mother's floor and call her a cunt. Just show her you're a total mess and always, always blame it on fibromyalgia. Most of my clients never need to move beyond phase one.
Speaker: But in some families, you may need to fall farther to win the award of biggest loser. Phase 2, fake an addiction to pain pills. This dovetails nicely from the fibromyalgia diagnosis.
Speaker: Find an old prescription bottle and fill it with white Tic Tacs. When you're around your family, take multiple mouthfuls of pills. When they ask what they're for, just scream, the pain!
Speaker: After two weeks of pill swallowing, start stealing from your mother. Take her expensive jewelry or steal cash directly from her purse. Everyone will suspect you're the thief.
Speaker: Do you think your mother is going to accept caregiving help from you now? Problem solved. No difficult money conversation needed and no future caregiving stress. Take a bow, Jennifer, because you've created an escape hatch.
Speaker: I'm confident your performance will have changed the family dynamic and shifted responsibility for your mother's caregiving to your brother or someone else.
Speaker: The Fructuous Friday Finance Show has come to an end. Until next time, thank you, America!
