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21. Lessons Learned in 2023 + How to Reframe Guilt Around Not Accomplishing Enough
34 Plays2 years ago
Welcome babes!
This week I am sharing some lessons learned this year around Purpose, relationships, output, trusting myself, etc.
I offer a helpful reframe to instantly feel better if you've been experiencing any guilt or shame around not accomplishing your dreams this year.
Let's connect, say hi on Instagram: www.instagram.com/iamellisamae
Book a Human Design or Gene Keys Reading: https://calendly.com/byellisamccoy
DM on Instagram if you'd like to learn more about my long term Gene Keys coaching/mentorship offer.
Love you so much, see you next year! ;)
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast and Personal Journey
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, my friend. Welcome to the It's Happening For Me podcast. If you are obsessed with all things spirituality, personal growth and development, and living as your highest self, you are in the right place. I am your host, Alyssa, and I spent the majority of my teenage years and young 20s living totally out of climate. As I started to question my patterns and behaviors and actually got to know myself at the soul level, I realized that everything was happening for me.
00:00:30
Speaker
Now, as a spiritual life coach and human design guide, I am here to share my voice, personal stories, human design wisdom, and learn from incredible individuals living their purpose. Join me each week as we walk the spiral path of purpose together. I cannot wait to dive in.
Reflections on 2023 and Lessons Learned
00:00:56
Speaker
Hello, my babes. Welcome back to another episode of the It's Happening For Me podcast. I'm so happy you're here and I am super excited for this episode. So you guys, this is the last day of 2023.
00:01:10
Speaker
Yes, we are on New Year's Eve, December 31st, 2023. We are going into the new year and this is just freaking wild. I'm just so excited for this episode because I'm going to be talking all about the lessons that I learned in 2023 and these are going to be financial lessons, relationship lessons,
00:01:33
Speaker
physical and health wellness lessons, business lessons, all of the lessons. And then I'm going to be talking about how to really reframe how you're feeling right now if you are someone who is feeling any sort of shame, guilt, or fear, or
00:01:54
Speaker
like beating yourself up for not accomplishing things that you want to accomplish. So I'm really going to talk about how to reframe that. And then I'm also going to talk about the importance of reflecting. So let's just get into it. So let's start with the importance of reflecting. It is so important that we take moments with ourselves to really look back and reflect on all of the things that you've accomplished in 2023.
00:02:18
Speaker
I don't mean accomplished in the terms of only achievements. There are so many different things that you've accomplished on an energetic level, on a spiritual level, emotional level, in relationships, finances, work, overcoming people pleasing. There are so many different things that you have grown over the year. If we don't take the time to reflect and look back, what tends to happen is our mind
00:02:47
Speaker
which it always does this, it's programmed to look and scan for what's going wrong. I'll use me for example. Before I did this year-back reflection of looking back at what I've done over the year, I was feeling a lot of guilt around my health and wellness journey.
00:03:04
Speaker
because I haven't been working out for the past couple of months. I have not been meal prepping. I have been going on my walks and like hydrating, but I haven't been doing all of the things that I know makes me feel really good. And so I, my mind just assumed that I have not been on a health and fitness routine. And I just thought that this whole year I haven't been doing anything for myself. But then
00:03:27
Speaker
I looked back through my photo album and this is what I recommend to look back on your photos. Start it like go to your phone or Instagram wherever you keep your pictures most likely it's in your camera roll on your phone and just start at just January 2023 and go through each month to just see what you've done over the year because honestly it's very easy to forget what we've done
00:03:52
Speaker
It's very easy to forget what we've done or what we've been through, because we're living day to day. So like me not working out for like three plus months makes it feel like
00:04:03
Speaker
I've never worked out this whole year, even, you know, because like every day just stacks on top of each other. And it's like, we're just in that negative bias. So go through your phone, start at January and look through each month and see what, what is the cool shit that you've done? Like what have you done with your friends? What have you done in your relationships? What have you done for yourself?
00:04:24
Speaker
financially. What have you done for yourself in growth? And again, there are going to be things that we haven't done or that we haven't accomplished. Maybe there's dreams or desires you've had on your heart for years and you always tell yourself like, this is going to be the year that I'm going to do it. This is the year. And then you don't, and then you feel worse about yourself. So the point of this is to focus on the positive things that you've done. There has to be so many different things that you've done for yourself over this year. So
00:04:51
Speaker
do that reflection through each month and then you're going to see like, holy shit, I've actually been really up leveling, upgrading, and I've had so many mind shift shifts over this freaking year that it's insane.
Gratitude and Shifting Focus
00:05:05
Speaker
Like that is what I did when I looked through my phone. So do that for yourself and just also go through a list of gratitude.
00:05:14
Speaker
So yesterday George and I went on a really pretty walk and he started talking about the different things that he's grateful for in our relationship, in our life, together, where we live. And so we just started listing all of these things.
00:05:31
Speaker
And it's crazy how it literally shifts you from a place of lack of feeling like, oh, I didn't do enough. Like I'm not making enough money to being like, oh my God, like I actually have everything that I need. Like 100%. If you really looked at your life right now and started making a list of gratitude, you would be so blown away by how blessed you really are that it makes all of these
00:06:00
Speaker
like lack yucky sticky web like shit that is just like we're inundated from other people and and other things projecting onto us to make us feel like we're not good enough though we're like oh my god actually i'm like super good like
00:06:15
Speaker
It's crazy. So I recommend doing the recap through your phone, photos, and then also do a gratitude list and let me know. Like I want to know what are you so grateful for this year? I also always say this too, but I just want you guys to know that I am so thankful for you. I am so grateful for you for listening to this every single week. Like it is,
00:06:39
Speaker
It has been such a journey to put myself out there to share myself with literally this black hole of not knowing who's on the other side. But I just trust and know that this is helping you, that this makes you feel, I hope it makes you feel somewhat connected, less alone. I hope that you can see yourself in parts of my story and know that we're all on this journey together. So with that being said,
00:07:07
Speaker
going into the new year. I also want to like start creating deeper relationships with you. So if there's any part of this episode that you really like, not just this episode, but any episode like ever, I would love for you to reach out to me on Instagram. Send me a DM. I am Alyssa May and just let me know like, Hey girl, I listened to episode 21. Just want to say
00:07:30
Speaker
Like, I loved it. Or I just want to say, I have a question on this. Or you talked about this, I'm wondering about that. Like, I would love that so much because
00:07:39
Speaker
like I've said this in the past too, it does really feel like I'm speaking to a black hole that no one else is receiving, but I know that other people are listening to it. I know that you're listening to it and you guys don't know how much it means to me when people reach out to me and tell me things that they've liked from the episode or ways that I've helped them or aha moments or you're literally going through the exact same thing that I've been going through. Those messages mean so much to me.
00:08:05
Speaker
Yeah, I just want to say hi, I would love to form a deeper connection with you. But yeah, so anyway, so do those two things. Okay, so going through your phone, doing a reflection and then writing a list of gratitude.
Starting Projects and Trusting Intuition
00:08:19
Speaker
Okay, so now I'm going to talk about some lessons that I've learned in 2023, and I want to see if you can relate to them. Or they might also be helpful for you. And then I'll talk about the reframing any guilt or shame around like not accomplishing what we've wanted to accomplish. So number one lesson that I've learned from 2023 is just start now.
00:08:43
Speaker
OK, like any dream, any desire that you have, just start now because it is going to take time. It is going to take reiteration. It's going to take adjusting changes. It's going to transform into something that you couldn't even have imagined. And so when we're waiting forever to start something because we want it to be perfect, we want everything to like we want to be fully healed. We want to be.
00:09:11
Speaker
an expert you know it's like by the time you wait for that you will never start because that's literally like the whole point of it is growth and like seeing the growth journey so this is one really cool way to reframe it when i started on my fitness journey i did not want to take the before pictures i was like oh my god i was dreading it i didn't even want to put my true weight um like in the app because we were like we when i was on the fitness journey as you guys know and um
00:09:39
Speaker
working with a personal trainer, we would meet each week and each week we would do like a biofeedback forum. So I would put in my weight, I would put in like how many steps I averaged, how much water I drank, my photo, my progress photos. And the first time I ever did it, I actually lied on my pounds because I was embarrassed by how much I weighed. So I think I went down like
00:10:01
Speaker
I think I said I was like three or four to five pounds less than I really was. Okay. Because I was just so embarrassed and I didn't want to take the progress photos, but I just did it anyways. And I just like did not look at them again. You guys, it is so important to own and start where you're at.
00:10:19
Speaker
because it's so freaking rewarding to see the transformation. So over the year and a half that I was on my fitness journey, seeing the transformation from those before photos, thank God I actually took them to where I was after that is like night and day. And I would have never seen that transformation if I didn't just take those first photos. So even though it was really cringy in the moment,
00:10:44
Speaker
Now looking back, I'm like, oh my God, I wish I put my real weight because it would have been even more impressive to have lost those extra three to five pounds that I really lost. But really in the app, it looks like I didn't lose as many pounds because I wasn't honest with like my starting weight, if that makes sense. And it doesn't matter to anybody about me, like nobody is looking at this but me. But it's just so cool for yourself for
00:11:08
Speaker
your growth to see how far you've come. And if we lie about it or if we put off starting because we're so embarrassed about where we're at now, we will never do it. So the more cringier, the more not good that you are at something, the more
00:11:23
Speaker
uh like on the fence you are the better because with practice the only way that you get better is literally with practice and experience so as you keep putting yourself out there as you keep putting in the work with whatever goal or manifestation this is you are going to see this beautiful transformation that you're documenting and if you don't document it or if you don't have any of this like before then the after is not going to be that exciting and maybe that's just like a Capricorn thing I love growth and like evolution but
00:11:53
Speaker
I love seeing the transformation the before and after. So this is what I'm proposing to you. If you have a weight loss goal journey that you want to get onto this year, I would recommend taking your progress photos, put your real weight in and start weekly checking in with yourself to have these metrics that you're, you know, measuring over time, because you're going to see this beautiful growth. Let's say you want to start a podcast, do the first episode.
00:12:21
Speaker
Okay. I know that it's cringy to listen to your own voice. I know that you might not know exactly what you want to say. You might stumble over your words. You might be afraid that nobody cares what you have to say. You're not an expert. You don't have an opinion that matters. Nobody wants to listen to your voice. Trust me, they do. And the sooner that you start now at this, let's just say day one is going to be, yeah, it's going to be a shitty iteration of it. It's not going to be good because it's day one.
00:12:48
Speaker
you're putting it out there and then every freaking week you're putting out another one or whatever your schedule is. I'm not like telling you what schedule to do for your podcast, but let's say you did weekly. So every week, another one, every week, another one, every week, another one. Then when we get to this point next year and we're doing this 2024 New Year's Eve recap,
00:13:09
Speaker
you're gonna have 52 freaking episodes out, okay? And you wouldn't have if you didn't just start with that one that was cringy, shitty, and embarrassing, okay? Because the other truth is that no one is even really gonna listen to the first ones.
00:13:25
Speaker
Yeah, you're going to have some people listen, but I think so many people think like, oh, it's not worth it if I don't have a huge audience of thousands of listeners. You're not going to have thousands of listeners in your first 50 episodes. So if you can just shoot to get to that 100 mark, so say, okay, so my goal is two years of consistent podcasting every single week. That's going to give me 104 episodes. By then, maybe I'll be good. And by then,
00:13:55
Speaker
maybe I'll have the engagement and interest in it. You know what I mean? But we can't expect all of that to come from day one. The other really good thing about this, you guys, is that it takes a lot of pressure off of you because you're allowing yourself time and space to move, to put in the reps, to practice, to sound embarrassing, to change your mind all of the time, to stumble over yourself, to have embarrassing, um,
00:14:24
Speaker
I mean, I don't even really know what's embarrassing about it, but do you know what I mean? Like you're allowing yourself to have that like kind of like, Oh, like this isn't that good. And then when you get two years into your 104th episode, you start interviewing people who are like your dream interviews.
00:14:39
Speaker
who are like your biggest inspirations, you know, like if it gets to that point, then you'll be so good at it because you had 104 episodes to practice on. We can't just expect to be so good at something when we first start. So allow yourself to start now. Okay, start today on whatever dream you have.
00:14:56
Speaker
and put in the reps and the practice and know that it's going to freaking suck, but it's only going to get better. Okay. So some other examples would be like, maybe you want to start showing up on social media and maybe you want to start a business account and you want to start offering advice or coaching, or maybe you're really excited about something.
00:15:13
Speaker
Maybe you're passionate about baking and you want to start sharing your recipes. And so you want to start a blog. It's like all of the things that you want to start, just start now because they're going to be really crappy until you get the reps in and get the practice in.
00:15:27
Speaker
Um, and then it's like really fun too, because the more that you do it and you keep building off of it, you have this body of work that you're creating, right? And so same thing with working out. If you go to the gym day one, you're not going to have muscles after lifting weights for one day. But if you look at it as a body of work and if you look at like your physique and the things that you want to accomplish,
00:15:49
Speaker
with your body or just getting very healthy with eating nutritious foods. Day one, you're not going to resolve your gut issues and your bloating issues, right? Day five, you're not. Whatever. Day 20, probably not. But once you do it for a consistent time and look at your body as a consistent body of work, over time, doing those practices and exercises,
00:16:09
Speaker
you will remove that bloating, you will remove the gut issues, you will have the muscle, you will have this beautiful physique that you're creating because you're looking at it over a long period of time. Okay, so that's number lesson one, just start now.
00:16:24
Speaker
The next lesson that I learned in 2023 was how to trust myself. So I have spent years and a lot of money, a lot of effort, time in coaching and taking different certifications and yeah, like becoming a certified meditation teacher, going through Dharma Coaching Institute for my spiritual life coaching certification, getting coached from a personal and fitness trainer to learn how to take care of my body, how to count macros, like all of these things.
00:16:55
Speaker
I've been like business coach for a year. All of these things I have been continuously always having a coach and mentor and investing money and time with learning from somebody else. Okay. So we can say from like consistently from 2020, the end of 2020 through the end of 2023, which is like now since
00:17:19
Speaker
Yeah, since now, I still am in programs. I have been under the guidance and wing of other people and learning from them, which is super important. That's a super important part of learning. It's necessary to have mentors and to have coaches. But then there also comes a time, and this is what I've learned mid this year, where
00:17:42
Speaker
I've learned what I needed to learn from a certain coach or a mentor, and I was so afraid to go off on my own and to start actually applying and inviting the information that I stayed on longer than I needed to because I kind of felt like a crutch. It was kind of like,
00:17:57
Speaker
Oh, I need this person to help me. I need this person to guide me. I need this person just to even be in their vicinity. Like I need them to like for my growth and I'm not able to just do this on my own. And so I've learned that I'm now in the stage where it's like.
00:18:13
Speaker
I'm good. I have the information that I need from certain people, from certain mentors, and now it's time for me to fly on my own to use my own inner guidance, my own inner intuition, and start using it to help other people.
00:18:29
Speaker
Because there can be a trap that we fall into when we're on this spiritual and personal growth and development path. And it's this idea that we always need to be healing ourselves. And at some point, we've done enough healing in certain areas. Yeah, it's not like something that we just stopped doing and then we're healed for our whole life. Obviously, I know that we're always growing, we're always learning, we're always healing.
00:18:51
Speaker
But there does come a time where we need to start trusting in ourselves and start making moves for ourselves. Because if you're only receiving coaching and mentoring and guidance, and you're only putting money out, and you're not now taking everything that you learned and
00:19:06
Speaker
trusting yourself. If you're a coach, if you got a certification in coaching, but you're not coaching anybody and you're only receiving coaching, it's like you need to learn how to trust in yourself now and start spreading the knowledge in that way, if that makes sense. So that's what I've really learned, especially like the half part of this year is like, okay, I got everything I need to know from certain people, mentors, and now I'm using this as my own information.
00:19:33
Speaker
this is the other side of that is that I started, I think I've talked about this in another episode, but I really started despising meditation and different things that I was given as homework or like assignments and programs that I was in to do because someone else was telling me to do it. It was like this outside authority was telling me like, Oh, this is really good for you. Like you should do this. And so I was doing it because someone else was telling me to do it. I was doing it because I was being held accountable from somebody else. And then,
00:20:03
Speaker
I took this huge massive break off from everything for the past like, I know I keep saying like two, three, four months. I don't even know how many months it was, but I'm pretty sure it was from like August until now of like not working out, not really meal prepping.
00:20:20
Speaker
I still go on my walks, but like daily, I always go on my walks. I'm still hydrating, but haven't been working out, wasn't meditating. And I would go through little like here and there times of like, okay, I'm picking up this habit again, but it wasn't truly coming from a place of my soul wanted to do it because I know how good it makes me feel. It was coming from a place of sheds. And as a generator, that is literally like
00:20:45
Speaker
The number one way to frustration is doing something because I think I should. Doing something to check off the box, doing something to be quote unquote spiritual, to be quote unquote healthy. And so I completely stopped doing all of that.
00:20:57
Speaker
And what did I do? I watched a shitload of Netflix. I did a shitload of like lounging, not really doing anything. Spending more time with George, but just like I didn't have any of the pressures of like needing to cook. I was eating out a lot. I had a lot of fun eating out. I had a lot of fun eating like all the foods I wanted to eat. But then something started to happen.
00:21:24
Speaker
I started to gain a lot of weight back because obviously if I'm not exercising, I'm not eating or somehow watching what I'm eating, it's obvious that I'm going to gain weight back based on what I was eating. And I wasn't really being active even though I was going on walks. And then also I realized I had so much anxiety, so much of this mental pressure of like, oh my God, I need to figure out what my purpose is.
00:21:50
Speaker
I was comparing myself to like everyone else who's in my industry, like other coaches, other peers who are like always constantly doing things and like having their programs launching. And I was like, wow, I feel so behind. Like I feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel like I'm not doing anything. And what does that come from? Undefined heart center, right? The undefined heart center of feeling not worthy enough because I'm not doing enough. It comes from my undefined
00:22:19
Speaker
root center of pressure, pressure to hurry up, pressure to have things figured out. Undefined head, undefined Ajna, having all these ideas of people around me and this idea of like, oh, I need to be further along in my business, I need to be making more money, I need to be doing this, I need to be doing that, blah, blah, blah, need, need, should, should. And then when I completely stopped everything, everything that was good for me,
00:22:44
Speaker
Yes, it was fun in terms of instant gratification. There's a lot of dopamine that I received from watching Netflix, binging all my shows, eating all the yummy foods I wanted to eat, and specifically unhealthy, yummy foods. And I realized that I was riddled with all of that anxiety and pressure. And I was like, where is this coming from? Doom scrolling, scrolling all the time on social media. It's just scrolling, wasting so much time. And I was like, wow.
00:23:14
Speaker
I'm inundated with the collective's idea of the people that I'm with in this little echo chamber of coaches and peers, because not everybody in the world is on the spiritual and personal growth and development path. Not everyone wants to be a coach. It's actually a very small percentage, but in our Instagrams and our social medias, we're in these echo chambers where we think everybody is like us. And so I felt so much pressure, so much competition. And I was like, wait, who the fuck am I even competing against? Nobody. And so then I started hating everything.
00:23:44
Speaker
And I was questioning myself, questioning my purpose. Like, am I even supposed to be like a teacher? Am I even supposed to be a guide? Am I even supposed to help people with human design and gene keys? Because there's so many people out there doing it and I'm just not keeping up with them. And so, you know what I did, you guys?
00:24:02
Speaker
I started turning back to the things that made me feel good. I've taken a break off social media. I haven't been on there. I have not been posting for the past couple of weeks. I said I was taking a break through Christmas and then through the beginning of January.
00:24:19
Speaker
I've been scrolling a lot less. Like I have been going on there sometimes throughout the day, but it's been way minimized. I've been reading. I've been reading books that I freaking love. I've been studying jean keys. I've been obsessively studying jean keys, contemplating like the universe. You guys, if you listen to the last week's episode is speaking to me through signs. I've been like having all of these signs. I've been tuning into the, um, my oracle decks. I've been opening my caustic records. Like I've been tuning back into myself. I've been meditating. I've been doing my acupuncture mat.
00:24:49
Speaker
I've been taking salt baths, Epson salt baths. All of these things have been tuning me back into myself and it's removing all of the outside noise. And I've realized that I have been inundated with everyone else's pressures and shit and not self themes that it has been making me think that this journey is not for me, but it absolutely is. And when I quiet myself down, when I tune into myself,
00:25:13
Speaker
I am so on fire with my mission and what I want to do and I realized which is leading us to the next lesson is that there is no time frame.
Managing Stress and Personal Routines
00:25:23
Speaker
Like time and space does not exist. You are not fucking behind on your goals, on your manifestations, on your dreams. You're just not. If you were supposed to have something right now or be somewhere right now, you would
00:25:40
Speaker
I'll say that again. If you are supposed to have something right now, be somewhere right now.
00:25:45
Speaker
be further along, quote unquote, you would, because you just would. But you're not. So obviously, you're not meant to. So there's still lessons. There's still things that we are integrating and learning. And there is no way that we can rush our purpose. There is no way that we can rush this process. And it's funny, because I look back at all the episodes I've ever done, and it's the theme. I'm always like, keep coming back to this. I'm like, I feel like there's so much pressure to hurry up. And then I come back to this like, oh, there is no timeline.
00:26:15
Speaker
There's not. So if you're on the purpose path, if you are freaking out stressed out, that is not you.
00:26:24
Speaker
We need to manage our stress, which is the next lesson, stress management. I've learned to 100% prioritize my stress management, which means getting out of the frickin' auric field of everyone around us. And energy is energy. It doesn't know time and space. So I really believe that when we're scrolling, we're in that person's aura. Even though physically we're not, I think energetically we are. And so if you're feeling like other people are feeling pressure, or if you can just read through their
00:26:54
Speaker
messages their posts and see through what they're saying and feel this like yucky energy, it is contagious. And so I recommend social media detoxing. I have been doing dopamine detoxing, so I haven't been watching as much Netflix. I have not been scrolling as much. I've been prioritizing all of my self-care in the mornings and it feels really good. This is another thing, another lesson.
00:27:20
Speaker
Do you create routines that suit you, not based on what everyone else is doing, not based on what is cool or what social media says. If you don't have time for a morning practice, I personally believe the stress that you're causing yourself from not doing the morning practice and beating yourself up is worse than just not doing it. On the weekends,
00:27:43
Speaker
I have so much time in the world, so you know what I do? I get out my red light therapy that I got for Christmas. I get out my ice roller. I meditate, okay? I'm spending time with myself. On weekdays, I don't have time for that shit. I have a long commute. I have to be at work at 7.30 AM. Sleep is important to me.
00:28:02
Speaker
So you know what? I don't wake up early and meditate on weekdays. I don't wake up and do this like five hour, I'm exaggerating, but like 30 minutes to an hour morning routine because I tried that in the past from the shoulds and it caused me way more stress. So I sleep in, I get my sleep, I wake up, I'm not rushed. I do my makeup, get dressed, listen to a really juicy bomb podcast that's for like growth and
00:28:27
Speaker
that's somewhere that's positive, taking me somewhere positive on the way to work. I make my lemon water at work, make my coffee.
00:28:34
Speaker
don't go on social media for the first couple of hours and that's my morning routine and it feels so good. It doesn't have to be complicated. When you try to make things so complicated or you're doing things because you think you should, it causes your not self signature to come out. So for generators, that's going to be frustration. You're going to be frustrated as hell with yourself. Like, God, why can't I get my morning routine like everyone else? Why can't I be consistent? Maybe you don't need to.
00:29:01
Speaker
Did you ever think about that? Like maybe if you really wanted to, you would. The people who want to do and they love it. That's great, but maybe you just don't want to. So stopping yourself up over it and instead do simple things like not looking at your phone. Okay. Not, not scrolling on social media, not looking at the news, uh, listening to a podcast or music that is calming, that gets you in the right head space, drinking water.
00:29:28
Speaker
going for a walk, whatever it is, but it doesn't have to be this long drawn out thing. Then on the weekends, when you feel really good, you can take more time to do that. So generators, when you feel frustrated, that's your not self theme, you're probably trying to do the shits. Projectors, when you feel... Sorry, when you feel bitterness, I'm like looking at my head, I see successful. And then I'm like, what's the opposite of successful projector? So yeah, so...
00:29:56
Speaker
Projectors, when you feel bitter or resentful, you're probably doing something you don't want to do.
00:30:01
Speaker
uh, manifestors when you feel angry. Like if you're a manifestor and you're trying to wake up and you're just so goddamn angry because you want peace and quiet in your house to meditate, but like everyone's annoying you and then like you're driving to work and like you're so angry because of traffic and because you spent an extra 20 minutes doing a cold plunge in your bathtub, now you're late to work. It's like, is that really setting you up for success or is that making things worse? Like maybe it's making things worse. Um, and if you are a reflector, then like disappointment, if you're feeling disappointment.
00:30:31
Speaker
So all I'm saying is do you choose routines that make you feel good that are sustainable, logical, and that's good enough. How about we make that good enough? Then what I like to do, because I have more time in my nighttime, is I do a heavy ass nighttime routine. So I'm still meditating every day on the weekdays, but I'm doing it at night. So when I come home, I like to take a shower and then I meditate. Maybe I go on another walk.
00:30:59
Speaker
I'm doing salt baths. I've been doing that daily. It's been making me feel so good. And then whatever. I do whatever else I do at night. When it's time to go to sleep, to wind down, I wash my face. I do my full skincare practice.
00:31:14
Speaker
I lay on my acupuncture mat for 25 to 30 minutes. Usually I just fall asleep on it, and then I wake up past that time and remove it. I've been doing my dream journaling. I do this mantra before I go to sleep to remember my dreams. And that feels really good. And that feels like a lot of spaciousness. I'm not feeling rushed. I have time. Again, I don't have kids or have a nighttime job, so I'm able to do that. But I'm just saying,
00:31:43
Speaker
Yes, meditation, salt baths, breath work, all of that stuff is so good for us, but we need to fit it in where it makes sense for us. Otherwise, it's going to lead to us feeling worse about ourselves and then it's not doing its job. Any of these things that you're doing, if you're doing them to just check off the box, stop doing it because it's not doing anything for you. When I decided that I wasn't going to work out for the past three months, I stopped saying, oh, tomorrow I'm going to go to the gym.
00:32:12
Speaker
And then, oh, guess what? Tomorrow comes, I don't go. And now I'm self abandoning myself. I'm not keeping promises to myself. I'm lying to myself. It makes things worse. So instead, I'm just, I'm not working out in the season of my life. I don't, I'm not going to the gym. My mom would ask me like, oh, like, did it go to the gym this week? No. Oh, really? Why? Mom, I haven't been working on three months. Cause I don't fucking want to. It's just like, I just don't want to.
00:32:37
Speaker
Now, going into the new year, I've had this rest, I've seen where my body goes, where my mind goes, when I don't work out, when I don't meditate. And now it's like, giving myself that time to just say, like, f all of this, I don't give a shit about this anymore.
00:32:54
Speaker
seeing where my state gets and then realizing, oh, it's all on me. Like no one's telling me to do this. I'm not being held accountable anywhere. I genuinely want to meditate. I genuinely want to work out. And I'm excited, you know, going into the new year to create another system that works for me like three times a day working out. That sounds good to me. And continuing to do the practices that make me feel good. So I hope that gives you some relief because
00:33:21
Speaker
It's like, when we're in this personal growth and development sphere, it first starts off really good of like wanting to make ourselves feel better. And like, there's all these practices we can do. And it makes us feel better. But then the thing is like, when we don't do them anymore, or when we fall off the guilt and shame that we do to ourselves, the negative self talk, it is almost worse than
00:33:47
Speaker
It is worse than if we're just not doing the things that make us feel good. So if you're not in the season of life where you have time to do these things and you're just choosing not to prioritize them because we have time for anything, it's what is your priorities, then just say instead of lying to yourself and not going to the gym when you say you are, just say, oh, in this season of life, I'm prioritizing X, Y, and Z.
00:34:11
Speaker
the next couple of months, that will be a season where I prioritize working out. And I think that's really going to shift your life. I honestly believe that because if you're just not in this space to do this right now, just don't do it. And then you'll start to see like when you feel so bad, like when you feel so tired, so low energy, so yucky in your body, so stressed out, so much anxiety, so much mental chatter,
00:34:36
Speaker
you'll be at a point where like I'm willing to do whatever it takes to change this and feel better and that's when you start doing the practices again. That's what I've realized in my experience and it's it works really good. Um so yeah and so I'm really excited to like be back on the things that make me feel good not because someone's telling me to do them but because I just really want to do them. Another lesson that I've learned in 2023 is that
00:35:06
Speaker
Like what? I've learned to ask myself.
00:35:10
Speaker
what do I really want in this now moment? Um, I think I talked about this another episode, but I had a really great, um, human design business call with Keely who really helped me see that I am not someone who is able to visualize or plan. Like I don't have inner vision in my human design. I don't have gate two. I'm not someone who like is able to see so far ahead. I'm a fricking generator. I'm here to respond to the present moment. And, um,
00:35:41
Speaker
So it's very important for me to just think, what do I want to do right now? What feels good to me right now?
00:35:49
Speaker
And so that has taken a lot of pressure off of me to plan for my business. And I'm not saying that like goals and intentions aren't good. Like I have rough goals and outlines for myself of what I want to accomplish, but I'm no longer holding myself to these like weird forecasted, like I need to have this done by this time. Otherwise I'm a failure because I've never had any of those goals and it always made me feel really shitty. And so I'm going to respond to what I want to do in my business and do what feels good, do what lights me up.
00:36:19
Speaker
And that's it. And so I hope that gives you some permission to do the same. Now, if you are someone like my really bestie, Carla, who has inner vision, she has a lot of things in her, she's a projector. She has a lot of things in her human design where she is good at visualizing things. Like that's one of her gifts. Then that's good for her. That's good for her to plan things out to visualize.
00:36:38
Speaker
But for me, who's just like different, I don't really thrive that way. And so just learning that about myself has been super beneficial. So if you want to learn more about yourself in these sort of like ways of like, what would be beneficial for you of how to live your life, whether that's like personal life or business.
Exploring Human Design and Gene Keys
00:36:56
Speaker
Definitely, if you're excited and interested, you can sign up for a human design reading or a Jean Keys reading. Both will be super helpful. And I can walk you through some of these things because until I really saw someone else, like, you know, you guys know I love human design. But until Keely pointed that out to me and I had my own reading done from her around certain things I was wondering about, it's like, oh, my God, you're so right. I just didn't see that. So even if you know about human design, it's so helpful to have a reading done because you can just
00:37:24
Speaker
have more insights reflected back to you. And okay, another thing that I learned another lesson is that in relationships, it is super important to prioritize our relationships, prioritize quality time, prioritize
00:37:46
Speaker
seeing the other person and hearing them out as opposed to being right. And so I have a lot of things in my human design where like, and jinkies where I'm very, um, what's the word? Stubborn. Like if my mom would tell you this, I'm very stubborn. I have a fixed way of thinking sometimes.
00:38:03
Speaker
But I've really learned to, in relationships, especially with George, to be more open to seeing the other side and to seeing like, okay, I see where you're coming from, as opposed to just trying to prove my point. That has helped so much. And then also just prioritizing quality time together. If you've been with the same partner for many years, it's very easy just to get comfortable and to not prioritize time with each other. But it's like, we have really been focusing this year on getting to know each other more
00:38:33
Speaker
dating each other, like giving each other that time, intimacy. And that's what really helps grow the relationship so strong. And so if you are someone who feels like you're kind of like coasting in your relationship, I would look at your gene keys, like literally looking at my shadows, especially in the Venus sequence and seeing like
00:38:51
Speaker
why do I react in certain ways? Like why am I triggered in these? Whenever I'm triggered or like a little argument ensues, obviously in the moment it's hard to do this, but afterwards in hindsight, you can go through and be like, wow, I was triggered because of that. And then I see this and my jean keys and like, this is my biggest core wound and this is how it's showing up. Holy shit. And then the refractory time between being upset and getting over it and like forgiving yourself, forgiving your partner, it gets so shortened that
00:39:20
Speaker
you just get over shit way faster and it helps the relationship to move on. So you're not like, um, like holding a grudge or ruminating on stuff because that just creates a really gross energy. So look at your freaking gene keys, look at your core wounds, get to know why are you having these triggers, especially the Venus sequence, because we go through age like zero.
00:39:42
Speaker
to 21, the seven year cycle, so zero to seven, eight years to 14 years, and then 15 years to 21. We look at your mental, emotional, and spiritual development and see what is the patterns? What patterns did you develop in utero that are creating these to show up in your relationships? How are you attracting people? Are you attracting people from your
00:40:03
Speaker
shadows or you're attracting people from your gift stage. That's going to create a very different dynamic in the people that you're attracting. So if you keep attracting the same shitty relationships, we can look at your attraction sphere and see why and then we can change it. So I highly recommend, oh my God, like going into the new year,
00:40:21
Speaker
get a freaking Jean Keys reading. I'm going to be changing the structure of the way that I do readings, and it's not going to be this all-the-car, one-off readings. Even though I love doing them, it actually, for me, makes more sense to work with people long-term. I think I've been saying this too for a long time, but working with someone long-term to go over their full golden path sequence,
00:40:43
Speaker
makes so much more sense. We can go way more deep. We can spend way more time in a session on one or two spheres instead of having to fit everything in and just lightly touching the surface, we'll be able to go deep and really see like, whoa, what the heck are these patterns? And then we get to be together long-term. So it's like, as you're having these epiphanies come up, which I always get responses back from
00:41:08
Speaker
the women I've done readings for. I haven't done readings for any men. So if you're a man and you're listening to this podcast, I don't see how you're really my target audience, but if you are, I love you. If you want a reading, book it. But the women that I have done jinkies readings for, I still get messages to this day from their reading about insights, aha moments they've had, um, realizations, fricking genetic upgrades that they've had because they're like, Oh my God, like
00:41:31
Speaker
this is coming to me now and this makes so much more sense and it's just crazy. It's something that we contemplate over our whole life but obviously you need to have a really in-depth reading to understand like what your shadows and gifts and enlightened states are so you can start noticing these patterns in your life. So highly recommend.
00:41:49
Speaker
But yeah, I'm going to be going to like a more long term coaching situation so that we can be together longer. And really, in my human design, being a two four profile, I am a very like, I'm like your bestie, like,
00:42:04
Speaker
that for I love deep relationships. I like getting to know each other. I like becoming like little best friends because I feel like it just opens up so much more room for the heart to open and for like more realizations to come through. Like, I don't know. I've been in really like coaching relationships with other people who are just like very professional. You don't really get to know them a lot.
00:42:27
Speaker
Not that like you would be, not like I would be sharing things with you about myself. It's going to be all about you. But do you know what I mean? It's a little more personal. It's a little more like, I really care about you. I'm not just like professional and like, that's it. And like, it's cold, like a cold note with me. It's very warm, very inviting. And I think that's like the best way for growth. So people who like that, you're going to be attracted to me. Um, but yeah. Um, so yeah, so that's another lesson learned and
00:42:56
Speaker
Another lesson learned is that we don't really always know what we want. We don't. I think we think we can know what we want. We can make these goals and set out our dreams and aspirations for an idea of what we want, but we don't know until we start doing the thing to realize if it's a thing or not. So if you have been like,
00:43:17
Speaker
If you have been someone who's been trying new things and you're like, wow, I actually realized I did not like that. And then you feel bad for trying something new or exploring a new topic. It's like, you wouldn't know unless you tried it. So who cares? Don't let anyone in your life make you feel like you're not sticking to one thing or whatever. We're multi-passionate people. So try new things. Try things out. Don't be so tied to what you're doing.
00:43:43
Speaker
with me, it's like, I've evolved from what I want to teach people so many times. And it's like, I'm the common denominator, you know, like, I can continue to grow and evolve. And right now, I'm really excited about human design, more gene keys, because it's like, just so frickin juicy and revolutionary. But
00:44:02
Speaker
If there's something that you're interested in, don't be afraid to try it because you're not going to know if you like it until you actually start doing it. So try it. Okay. Um, and yeah, I think those are like the main lessons that I've learned. I've realized that I really learned how to take care of my body this year. I've learned what it takes. I've learned what happens when I let it go and like fall off track.
00:44:27
Speaker
I've learned how to have grace, compassion, just come back, start it again. I'm going to start all of the habits again that I know how to do. We're cyclical beings. So if you're someone who struggles with consistency, I freaking hate the word consistency because it's confusing. We think consistency means showing up every single day. If you're trying to grow an Instagram account and you think you need to show up every single day, but you don't want to show up every single day and you're forcing yourself to show up every single day,
00:44:52
Speaker
and your energy is yucky, people are going to read that and they're not going to like your content. It's just not going to hit. But if you show up when you're excited and when you have something to actually talk about, that's still considered consistent. Even though it's not every single day, your stuff is going to be, it's going to hit people. It's going to feel transformational. It's going to feel good. So just keep that in mind. Same thing with like
00:45:17
Speaker
working out. If you want to work out consistently and see other people doing five times a week, even if you just went to the gym one time a week and you went every single week one time a week for months, that's considered consistent. So I think we need to change our relationship to the word consistency. It doesn't mean
00:45:37
Speaker
often. It just means consistent. Someone can have a podcast and post once a month, but if they post every single month, that's consistent. So let's change our relationship with consistency and just go after the goals and dreams that we want to do. Let's be our biggest, brightest, most expansive self this year and do the things you want to do. Just start now.
00:45:59
Speaker
I feel so free having started this podcast. I wanted to start it for years. I never did. And guess what? I did. Yeah, I didn't know what I was doing. Sometimes the episodes probably suck, but I still feel like I'm just talking and like even me, I have these thoughts on the back of my head of like, wow, these lessons are like stupid as hell. Like they don't even make sense and you're just making them up as you go.
00:46:23
Speaker
I think they're still going to be helpful, at least to someone. And if they're not, at least they're helpful for me because I get to say what's on my heart. I get to speak my truth. I get to use my throat chakra. My heart chakra is wide open. I feel like I'm giving, I feel like I'm giving a part of myself to you, my energetic self. I'm being open and honest and expressing. And so it feels really good.
00:46:44
Speaker
So like just start whatever you want to do. Just start it. Don't wait. Remember start it now when it's like cringy and like kind of stupid feeling like you feel stupid. It's not going to be stupid. Like it's not going to suck, but it might suck a little bit, but you don't suck. It's just that you haven't practiced it.
00:47:02
Speaker
So start now, start day one, keep going. Okay. Now I want to reframe really quick. If you feel, if you're someone who feels any guilt, shame, frustration, disappointment, bitterness, anger for not being farther along on your goals, journeys.
00:47:18
Speaker
When you think about this, and I already said this a little bit, but if you are supposed to be somewhere right now that you're not, you would be there. So you're not supposed to be there. So there's something that you still are learning. There's something that you still need to master to get to where you need to go.
00:47:35
Speaker
you have come a very long way. There is no time and space. So you're not behind on anything. There's no imaginary person standing over you and being like, oh my God, you wanted to start a podcast. It's already been three years now and you're taking forever. You're a freaking loser and you're never going to start it. There's no one doing that except your own internal negative thoughts. So
00:48:01
Speaker
everything is in perfect timing. If you're supposed to do something, if you're supposed to, I know I always talk about health and wellness, fitness, starting the podcast, purpose, but those are just my examples because that's what I'm going through. But if there's something that you wanted to do and you just are beating yourself up for not doing it, release that now and start having
00:48:23
Speaker
Compassionate for yourself and do that reflection process look back through your photos see all of the beautiful things that you've done and just know that like Your higher self your spirit teams your guides. They're all there right behind you like So excited for you to just start something. They're not mad at you. No one is upset That you're not in competition to anyone except like yourself and all you need to do is just be better than you were yesterday That's all you have to do and so
00:48:52
Speaker
It's okay. Let's just start new. And remember, if you don't have the energy to start something right now, that's because we are still energetically in winter. And if you want to start something astrologically, the new year is in March. I think it's the end of March. But don't stop now. Start getting on track. Start setting your goals. Start setting your intentions.
00:49:14
Speaker
If you're someone who that's counterproductive, don't just respond to what feels good in the moment and just know that.
00:49:23
Speaker
We're all here on this freaking earth. No one knows what the hell they're doing. What are we doing? I don't know. We're all going to die, literally. We're all going to die. Any day we could die. But you might as well just start putting yourself out there and just start doing things now. If you think of life as a game, how can you gamify this? How can you do what's fun? How can you start competing with yourself? How can you document what you're doing so that a year from now, you can be like, holy shit, look where I started and look where I'm at now.
00:49:51
Speaker
That's what I think I want to do for everything is just like documenting because it's so fun to see the difference. You can even start a new Instagram right now for something that you've been wanting to do and just start documenting day one and show up every day or every week, every month sharing that transformation and that's going to be very inspiring and helpful to other people.
00:50:12
Speaker
So yay, that was it. I hope this was helpful. I hope you had a beautiful new year. Happy freaking new year. I'm so proud of you. So proud of all of the things you've accomplished. I'm so proud of myself. I'm so proud of all the things I've accomplished. We're freaking killing it. And if you would love
00:50:34
Speaker
to do a human design reading, to get your energy right for the new year, to really understand how your energy works. Let me know, send me a DM. I'll put the link in the show notes below so you can just go directly to my calendar and sign up. If you're someone who's really down to learn more about gene keys, even if you don't know what the heck they are and I haven't done a great job of explaining what they are, it is a sacred typology system that
00:51:01
Speaker
It incorporates the Chinese I Ching, Western astrology, human design. It puts it all together and it creates a path, a golden path that your soul is here to go through on this lifetime. And there's three parts of it. There's the activation sequence, which is all about your four prime gifts. So you learn about what your four prime gifts are, what your main challenges, what your purpose is.
00:51:25
Speaker
And then the second part of that is love and relationships, which is called the Venus Sequence. And so we go through how do you attract people into your life, like through the shadow, gift, and city frequency. We go through, like I said, the patterns, your emotional, mental, and spiritual patterns that you developed from ages 0 to 21.
00:51:45
Speaker
and in utero, and we go through each of those shadows so that you can start seeing in real time what your shadows are, because we all have them, literally. We all have them. They're what triggers us. And then the final sequence is called the pearl sequence. And it's like, oh, wow, now that you've gone through these transformations, you've learned how to heal your biggest core wound, now you're ready to share your gifts with the world and be financially prosperous and to make money from this.
00:52:14
Speaker
So it shows you literally how to do that. And again, this is all based off of ancient practices. This is based off your astrology. Your human design is unique to you. And it is a really beautiful way that we can learn about ourselves and learn about our evolution and growth and just become our most highest potential selves.
00:52:39
Speaker
It's the biggest growth and healing I've done in my relationships and all myself. It's freaking incredible. Every single reading I've ever done, people are like, holy shit. It's insane. It's insane how specific. It's so specific to your unique struggles, your unique gifts. It hits, it resonates. It's like someone is reading your soul.
00:53:01
Speaker
We're really here to learn how to evolve spiritually through relationships and through our normal everyday life. There's nothing you need to do with the gene keys. Nothing. All you do is you take in the information that's presented to you and you sometimes contemplate it in your life and you just use your everyday life, your everyday situations
00:53:22
Speaker
the challenges you have at work, the challenges you have with your coworkers, your partners, the things that trigger you with your mom, your in-laws. We just use those as everyday like real life examples of how to start working with the gene keys to be better in those relationships. That's literally it. It's really freaking cool. Like so many times on the spiritual path, people want to ascend. They want to like astral travel and like,
00:53:51
Speaker
go on a mountain and meditate and like never be with like the general public and it's like that's not how we really grow. We're here to, our souls came into this lifetime to live a human experience, to feel all the range of emotions, to feel heartbreak, to feel loss, to feel failure, to feel resentment, to feel bitterness, to feel all of it and to also feel really good freaking gifts.
00:54:13
Speaker
and enlightened states. The way that we can do that is through our everyday life. That's it. So simple. If you're someone who's interested in that, send me a DM on Instagram and just let me know that, hey, what you're talking about on the episode sounded so good. Tell me more about the jean keys. I'll tell you about how we can work together in a longer container to go through all of yours. It's like a mentorship slash I'll just be guiding you through your keys because it is a confusing
00:54:42
Speaker
system to just look at. So I personally think it's really cool to have a guide. I'm obsessed with this. I read about them every single day.
00:54:54
Speaker
Okay. Every single day I read the jinkies. I contemplate mine. I'm having major breakthroughs. Like I'm embodying this. It feels so good to me and I know that it can help you. Okay. So wow. I love you guys so much. I hope you have a great week. I cannot wait to see you in the next new year. I'll be talking to you next year, girl. Next year, next week, next Sunday. Thank you so much for being a part of my journey for sticking through listening.
00:55:22
Speaker
It feels so good to be supportive energetically, even though we don't speak. Maybe we have sent me messages. Maybe you haven't. If you haven't, let me know. Reach out. I would love to hear from you. And let's kill. I don't want to say let's kill.
00:55:37
Speaker
vocabulary is important. But let's have an amazing freaking 2024. Let's make all of our dreams come true. This is the year. This is also the number eight year in numerology. So this is all about achievement, action, wealth, growth. Okay. I just saw 55 on the clock. Now it's 5505. Okay. I love you guys so much. Have a great day. Happy new year. Be safe out there. Love you guys.
00:56:08
Speaker
Thank you so much for being here and listening beauty. If you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to leave a review and share the episode with a friend who you know will love it. We can connect further on Instagram at I am Alyssa Mae. So come say hello, leave a comment of your favorite takeaway on my most recent post and I cannot wait to connect. Thank you so much and I will see you next time.