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Are You Stuck in a Victim Mentality?
101 Plays2 months ago
In today’s episode I’m approaching the topic of wellness from a different angle: your mind. What does it mean to have a victim mentality, how is it affecting your health, and how can you change it? My goal this week is not to make you feel shame or guilt, but lovingly point out something you might not have considered before. Tune in to see if this simple mindset change can take you from just surviving to THRIVING in your journey!
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Eat Like a Mother'
00:00:14
Speaker
Welcome to the eat like a mother podcast where we take complicated topics surrounding hormones and metabolism and make them simple and applicable to your daily life as a woman. I'm your host, Kasti Welfell.
00:00:25
Speaker
My hope is that you walk away feeling empowered to start taking radical responsibility for your health and lean into this body God created for you. Are you ready to eat like a mother? This podcast is meant for educational purposes only and is not meant to be taken as medical advice.
00:00:43
Speaker
Please consult your physician before making any dietary or lifestyle changes.
Victim Mentality and Growth
00:00:48
Speaker
I feel like today's podcast is going to ruffle some feathers, but this topic that we're going to discuss today is so important that I ask that you have an open mind to hear everything that I have to say before you close out and move on.
00:01:02
Speaker
This topic is so ridiculously important, especially when we're talking about physical bodily healing, because I think it's something that is so easily overlooked by people, and that's this victim mentality that is so prominent, not just in our culture, but I think specifically in women.
00:01:23
Speaker
Very basically what I mean when I'm talking about the victim mentality is this idea or this subconscious philosophy or worldview ah that a lot of people don't, might not even realize that they have.
00:01:39
Speaker
But it's this idea that life just happens to you and we aren't active participants in the world around us.
00:01:49
Speaker
So what this can look like for women, specifically women on a health and wellness journey, is let me paint you a picture. Let's say you're a mom and you have a few kids.
00:02:00
Speaker
And as soon as you get up in the morning, all of your kids are needy and they have things going. And it's just go, go, go. Your life never stops. Everything feels fast moving. And you get in this mental space that says, oh, well, I have so many kids. i don't have time to eat breakfast. i don't have time to on walk, even though I know it's good for my body. I don't have time to go outside.
00:02:25
Speaker
And some of those things might actually be true. You might actually have a really busy life and have a lot going on. But if you're not careful, you will take those things that happen around your life and you will put yourself in the back seat.
00:02:39
Speaker
And in the back seat is where bitterness grows. When you view yourself as someone that is just from the outside looking in, who doesn't have an active role, who doesn't play an active role in your life, then that is the breeding ground for you to be able to look at other people and say, oh well, they just, they must have a lot of help, or they can do that because they have this, that, and the other, or they can get all those things because they have more money. And, you know, we just, we have it so hard and whatever, you know, fill in again, the victim,
00:03:18
Speaker
Mindset that comes with this. I think for women specifically, in a especially women in the Christian community, and it's very easy to fall into this mindset because it looks like selfless service.
00:03:33
Speaker
it looks like you are laying down all of your needs for other people.
Selflessness and Underlying Stress
00:03:39
Speaker
You're putting everyone first and you're probably being praised by other people for this quote unquote selfless service.
00:03:49
Speaker
But what other people are probably not seeing and what you have to get very honest with yourself about is, yeah, it might look like selfless service from other people looking into your life.
00:04:02
Speaker
But on the inside of your home, what happens behind closed doors? Are you yelling at your kids? Are you so on edge all the time that are walking around like a nuclear reactor and everybody has to walk on eggshells?
00:04:17
Speaker
so as to not set you off? Are you exhausted all the time? you have little to no emotional capability or capacity to truly care for your children?
00:04:27
Speaker
Are you snippy with your husband? Do you have no sex drive? How is that impacting your marriage? All of these things happen behind closed doors and you know in your heart of hearts that something is wrong, but it's really easy to hide behind this mindset of Well, I just can't because fill in the blank.
00:04:51
Speaker
And there's so much grace if you fall into this category, because I truly believe that most women are just not aware that they are operating from this mindset, from this mentality of the victim or the martyr in their own lives, where we have this idea that we aren't actually in control of our
Thoughts, Brain, and Health
00:05:12
Speaker
lives.
00:05:12
Speaker
We're and that's just not the case so a good litmus test to see if maybe this might be a subconscious mentality that is driving your actions because if if you've ever studied the brain if you've ever studied neuroscience if you've ever studied just how our thoughts impact our emotions how they impact our actions you'll know that our thoughts literally physically shape our body they drive our actions and if we are not aware of our thoughts then we're going to be doing a lot of useless actions that don't actually get us to where we want to go especially in our health and wellness this is not some woo-woo manifestation mindset mindfulness blah blah blah whatever
00:06:02
Speaker
that I'm talking about, i'm I'm talking about the actual physical science is our thoughts physically shape the anatomy of our brain.
00:06:14
Speaker
And our brain drives every function of the body, it tells everything what to do, if your brain is not working, then every other part of your body is not working. Okay.
00:06:27
Speaker
So just on a on a scientific biological level, Your thoughts physically shape the anatomy, the structure of your brain.
00:06:39
Speaker
And so if your thoughts are not, to quote scripture, taken captive, then you're probably going to stay stuck in whatever cycle of chronic pain, obesity, yeah disease, whatever it is that you are walking through right now, you're probably going to stay stuck there if we don't first look at what your mind is
Limiting Beliefs and Problem Solving
00:07:01
Speaker
doing.
00:07:01
Speaker
So a good litmus test to see if maybe you fall into this category of victimhood again and there's no shame i hope you don't hear any shame from my voice because i truly believe that most women just don't know that they are operating from this mentality so a good test would be if you see someone or hear someone give suggestions about how you can improve let's say your metabolism because that's why most of you are probably listening to my podcast
00:07:32
Speaker
I talk about metabolism, hormone healing, all of those things. So let's say you hear me give you a piece of advice online to better improve your metabolism or better improve your hormones.
00:07:49
Speaker
If your initial reaction, if your first initial thought is something I can't do this because fill in the blank.
00:07:59
Speaker
You are probably playing the victim in your life. And the reason why this is such a problem is, let's go back to, let's talk about neuroscience. As soon as you say the words, I can't,
00:08:12
Speaker
Your brain physically shuts down the areas of your brain, the regions of your brain that are responsible for creative problem solving. So when you have this mentality of, oh, I can't do this, when you have these thoughts of, oh, I don't have enough money or enough time or the ability to do that, that would be so great, but I can't do it because this, that, or the other, as soon as you start talking like that, your brain will not give you avenues of creative problem solving.
00:08:46
Speaker
And that alone will keep you stuck in the same cycle of being sick, tired, and whatever else it is that you're feeling, because your brain literally cannot come up with different solutions to whatever problem you're having.
Changing Mindsets for Better Health
00:09:03
Speaker
So one of the most important things that you can actually do when you are starting your healing journey, and maybe today is day one for you. Maybe you think today is day 365. Maybe you feel like you've been doing this for forever and nothing is working. Again, little, little clue for y'all, but if you feel like you've been doing everything and nothing is working, I highly recommend you look at your thought life.
00:09:31
Speaker
because you might be sneakily playing the victim. And I say this with all the love of my heart, because again, I truly believe that most people just don't know. I have been working with women long enough. I have served hundreds of women in the metabolism and hormone space, and i have seen it over and over and over again.
00:09:52
Speaker
This sneaky victim mentality that is totally subconscious that is likely rooted in years of trauma and relationships and all of these things. There's a lot of nuance to it. And I'm not not here to talk about that. There are other experts that are really great.
00:10:10
Speaker
and talking about that. And you might you might know that you have this struggle. And so my encouragement to you is, if you know this about yourself, let today be the day that you actively make a change.
00:10:29
Speaker
Because I feel like so many people, so much of my generation, us millennials, will look at how we were raised and trauma and just ah waste so much time talking about why we are the way that we are instead of just recognizing that we we are active participants in our lives.
00:10:52
Speaker
We have control over our choices. And so, yeah, it's great to understand why you behave a certain way, but at some point you have to see that, recognize why you behave a certain way, and then decide to make a change.
00:11:07
Speaker
And when you make that decision, again, back to neuroanatomy, when you make that decision, Your brain is physically cleared up to make creative solutions, to come up with creative solutions. What I teach in the metabolic sphere of health is actually really simple stuff.
00:11:29
Speaker
The methods that I put into practice, the things that I have my clients do are really simple things. And I've i've said the same things on repeat for years on social media, in my courses, with my coaching clients.
00:11:42
Speaker
And some of the foundational things like getting sunshine as soon as you wake up on your naked eyes, eating within 30 minutes of waking, eating enough calories, getting enough carbs, getting enough protein, eating just enough food, moving your body regularly, things like that.
00:11:59
Speaker
Even though those things are true and I talk about them for free online and I give the same type of guidance to my coaching clients, that part's the easy part.
00:12:13
Speaker
The what is the easy part. It's very simple. The hardest part is your mindset. The hardest part is overcoming years of neural pathways that have been formed in your brain that tell you you can't do something.
00:12:28
Speaker
The good news is now that you know, and if you're listening to today's podcast, you know, okay, because I've just told you, I've just told you that this is a thing that your brain does these things. So you can't ever say again that you don't know because now you do know.
00:12:42
Speaker
And we all know the adage now, know better, do better. I wish I knew where that came from. i for some reason, my brain says Maya Angelou, but I think that is so totally wrong.
00:12:56
Speaker
So don't quote me on that. But You know better, you do better. Okay? If you didn't know till now, there's no shame. There's no condemnation.
00:13:07
Speaker
But from today forward, now you know. You know that your brain is playing an active role in your habits, in the choices that you make, and how you build your lifestyle.
00:13:18
Speaker
You know that you are in control of the choices that you have.
Creative Questions for Lifestyle Improvement
00:13:23
Speaker
And if you're stuck in an I can't loop, then you have to start asking yourself creative questions. When you start asking questions, that opens your brain up for creative problem solving. Instead of, I can't get sunshine in the morning because, and then your brain will constantly be looking for reasons to prove itself right, right? It's looking for the path of least resistance.
00:13:47
Speaker
So if you say, i can't get sunshine in the morning because i have kids and they need this, that, and the other, and i have to do breakfast, and you know my kid needs to take their vitamins and all of these things, whatever whatever excuses you can come up with.
00:14:02
Speaker
That might be true, but if you could reframe the way you think to say, okay, how can I make one to three minutes of morning sunshine happen in the morning? That question alone opens the door up for dozens, if not hundreds of different possibilities.
00:14:18
Speaker
Do you need to feed your kids outside? and Do you need to wake up and go straight to the backyard? What do you need to do to make that happen? Because you know that it's important. You know that these methods, these principles, these foundations are important.
00:14:34
Speaker
They're not hard to do. What's hard is to get your mind in the right place to where you could actually do those things. There's another great saying that's something like, whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.
00:14:47
Speaker
If you think you can't do something, you're right. You probably can't. But if you think you can do something, then your brain will come up with the creative solutions to make that thing happen.
00:15:01
Speaker
So if we walk around with open hands and we have this posture of, reception where we can actually look for the possibilities, look to make the things happen that we need to happen. So we're talking about specifically metabolic health, physical healing.
00:15:19
Speaker
How can we make it happen to 2000 calories two thousand calories a day to eat every few hours, to move our bodies, get sunshine. There's a lot of variables that come into making those things happen.
00:15:33
Speaker
And so when you can start asking those questions, then you can say, okay, do I need to cut some things in the budget so that I can buy more food? Do I need to shift my lifestyle so that I'm able to get sunshine so that I'm able to sit down for a meal am I doing too much if I'm if y'all if you're not able to sit down for a meal you absolutely are doing too much and something needs to change.
00:15:58
Speaker
This is a lifestyle. This is not just a diet that you can take in order to get to a specific outcome. Healing comes with a full lifestyle shift.
00:16:11
Speaker
You cannot heal in the same environment that you got sick in. So start asking yourself questions so that those doors can be open to creative solutions. I know I've said creative solutions over and over again. And I know my clients are probably giggling if they're listening to this because I use that phrasing so often, but it's just so poignant and important. If we don't have that ability, if we are constantly walking in this victim mentality of I can't and here's why,
00:16:41
Speaker
then that's what's keeping you stuck. Period. End of story. The reason this is, and I'll end on this note, is when we are not recognizing what our thoughts are doing, when we are not taking every thought captive, as Paul says in scripture, when we are not aware of what is driving our actions, then it is very easy to say, oh well, I'm doing everything right. Nothing is working.
00:17:06
Speaker
And that's the sneaky lie. That is where you will keep yourself stuck in a cycle forever and ever and ever. Because you don't realize that you're lying to yourself. You don't realize that maybe you aren't actually doing everything right. Maybe you aren't actually eating enough food. Maybe you aren't actually getting enough protein or getting enough carbs.
00:17:28
Speaker
Maybe you aren't actually getting enough sunshine. And if you're able to take a step back, and ask yourself the questions, okay, am I thinking this way? Am i truly doing the things that I know I need to do?
00:17:44
Speaker
If you can't ask yourself those questions, that's a problem. You need to be able to sit down and be completely brutally honest with yourself because that's the only way that you're going to heal. That's the only way that you're going to start seeing changes in your body, in your health, in your metabolism.
00:18:00
Speaker
So I didn't mean for this to be a little kick in the butt, but I absolutely meant for it to be a little kick in the butt. So take that with all of the love and affection and know that I want you to be able to see the results that you desire. I want you to have perfect cycles. I want you to have ample libido. I want you to have thriving fertility.
00:18:20
Speaker
I want you to have clear skin. I want you to be a healthy weight. I want you to have energy enough to play with your kids and your husband and be silly and have fun and live a life that is vibrant and full of joy and laughter and all of those things.
00:18:34
Speaker
And I know you desire those things too. And sometimes it just takes someone and who is a third party with what's the, what's the, she's the man quote as a third party with absolutely no bias in this situation.
00:18:49
Speaker
The real ones will know the quote. As a completely unbiased third party, you just need someone to be able to say, hey, you might not actually be being as honest with yourself as you think you are.
00:19:01
Speaker
So sit down, ask yourself the question, am I operating from this sneaky mentality? Am I operating as a martyr? Am I playing the victim in my life?
00:19:14
Speaker
And how is that impacting every single decision that I'm making? Anyways, that is my encouragement for you today. Go and get honest with yourself.
Listener Engagement and Sharing
00:19:23
Speaker
Being aware of your thoughts, being self-aware of your metabolic markers.
00:19:28
Speaker
These tools are your secret weapon to unlocking health and vitality, vibrancy and longevity. I love you guys.
00:19:38
Speaker
I'll see you next week.
00:19:44
Speaker
If you found this podcast helpful or encouraging, would you mind leaving us a rating or review? I love hearing from you. So be sure to shout us out on Instagram and tag me at Cassidy dot wealth bell.
00:19:55
Speaker
And we'll be sure to shout you right back out. Let's get this message to as many women as possible until next time, friend.