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Planning for Your Future: Financial Insights with Tom Alessi and Craig Richardson
37 Plays5 months ago
Tune into a crucial episode of the Engaging Aging podcast, hosted by Lauren Watts. This session features financial experts Tom Alessi and Craig Richardson from the Aries Foundation, offering their insights into financial planning and preparing for the future. Aimed specifically at older adults, this discussion covers essential topics such as retirement planning, estate management, and securing financial health. Join us as Tom and Craig provide valuable advice and strategies to help you navigate the complexities of your financial journey, ensuring a secure and thriving future.
https://www.ariesfoundation.org/
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Transcript
Introduction to Tom, Craig, and Financial Planning
00:00:15
Speaker
So Tom and Craig, welcome to the studio. It's been a long time for us to get here and we are just so excited to launch into the conversation around financial planning. As you know, Erin and I specialize in working with older adults and helping them plan for their futures.
00:00:35
Speaker
And not only does that bring in the emotional and the physical aspects, but certainly the financial aspects.
Concerns About Retirement and Healthcare Costs
00:00:42
Speaker
And I think one of the biggest things for our clients and for us is realizing that they've spent so much time of their lives increasing their wealth. Then they decide to retire. And then they're looking at, Oh my, now my wealth is going to potentially start to decrease because of fixed incomes and increasing healthcare care costs, and it can become incredibly overwhelming for them.
Finding the Right Financial Advisor
00:01:13
Speaker
So I'm just excited to have you here today because I think that understanding that financial planning is so important, if you find the right professional, it also doesn't have to be overwhelming or daunting.
00:01:29
Speaker
correct So many of us don't want to talk about our financial situation, not at all and especially with our families or anybody that may be doing better or different than us.
Discussing Money and Financial Education
00:01:40
Speaker
I like to say for all of our listeners out there, we're all different. We all come from different backgrounds.
00:01:47
Speaker
We all have to very different financial situations, but the good news is, and hopefully you can validate this for us today, there are solutions for everyone out there. Would you say that that is correct? Yeah, I would say absolutely. and And it's a great point that you brought up at the start there. You know, it's something that Craig and I talked to everyone about, which is that whole concept of, let's call it the taboo around money, right?
Sources of Financial Knowledge
00:02:14
Speaker
that that We've never been comfortable talking about money. And so as we get older and now it comes more of this conversation, like even against amongst family members, we're not having that conversation. So there isn't that, they would call it intergenerational layering or understanding of that because we end up in this, well, I've always done it
00:02:41
Speaker
One of the big problems is, you know, you can go to college with a degree in lots of different things, but you don't usually get a degree in personal finance, right? I mean, I have an accounting degree, I have a financial background, and there's no courses that were around personal finance. I mean, you get a whole neck. You're saying, well, it's a checkbook.
Trust in Financial Advisors
00:03:00
Speaker
So where are people getting their financial knowledge from? Well, they watch their parents, or they talk to their friends.
00:03:06
Speaker
um They're not working with professionals, not getting the education they need. And that's why a lot of people don't want to talk about it because they're afraid, I made a mistake or I'm going to look silly at all I'm talking about. And so they just stumble along and try to do what everyone tells them they should do. Or I see two of them working with clients where they had really poor experience with a financial advisor. And now they're not doing any of that. And their money is still between mattress or somewhere else and so they can't then comprehend or wrap their arms around bringing in another professional. It's a very vulnerable moment to say here's where I'm at in my life.
00:03:49
Speaker
And I think just like any professional, you have some ones that really work well and some ones that don't. And there's a different fit. And like you mentioned earlier, it's about finding the fit of a professional that you are comfortable with, that you can trust their advice, that you feel good when they talk to them, they make you feel better about your situation.
Transactional vs. Holistic Advisors
00:04:08
Speaker
And that doesn't mean you want a yes man or a yes woman. You want somebody to be honest with you as well. Lots of clients, maybe they are doing some missteps and they need some redirection in their budgeting or priorities and those types of things.
00:04:19
Speaker
So our job isn't to, as an advisor, you're not your job isn't to tell people what to do, it's to give them options so they can get themselves to a better place. Like I said, a lot of advisors out there are transactional. They're money motivated. but That's where the problem comes in is because you end up in those situations where somebody feels like Oh wait, I got taken advantage of, or this really wasn't in my best interest as they as they did whatever they did or suggestions that happened. And we do get that. And so a lot of times we will ask people, you know, what was your prior experience? How did it feel? You know, what can we do that's a little bit different? bre
00:05:00
Speaker
from what you had dealt with or had been experiencing prior, you know, because you just have to make sure that they are able to have that conversation voice that, like, I've got a concern, you know, or this was an issue for me, or had this happened to me in the past.
Researching Advisors with BrokerCheck
00:05:15
Speaker
So you just want to be able to say, okay, well, make sure we address that, as we're having this conversation, because for us, that's what it's all about. It's a conversation.
00:05:24
Speaker
You know, we just want to know what's going on and what is a concern for you. We are an understanding that the conversation is two-sided, right? The older adult or their family member is interviewing you just as much as you're vetting them out to make sure that you are the appropriate professional to support them. What would be maybe two pieces of advice that you would give to someone that's listening to the podcast today?
00:05:52
Speaker
if they're thinking about making a change with their financial planner and interviewing someone else in terms of finding that right fit. Well, I'll give you this. I tell everybody that we sit down because the first thing I'm going to tell you is to look the person up on what is known as BrokerCheck. You can just Google it. If you Google BrokerCheck,
Involving Family in Financial Planning
00:06:11
Speaker
it'll come up. It's FINRA um and.org. That's the regulatory agency for us.
00:06:16
Speaker
that that's going to show, it's going to give you the person and it's going to tell you how long they've been doing it. It's going to tell you how they're licensed. And then most importantly, it's going to tell you, have there been any financial improprieties, you know, any filings against any customer complaints, anything like that, broker check will uncover and have all of that. So you can literally see the person and understand who they are and what they do. okay Because there's different levels in terms of everybody you know in our industry and what they're able to do. slight out I would say the second tip I would bring up is, like you were saying, you know sometimes people get a little bit older, they want other people involved in those decisions, not just themselves. And I always say, you know you the advisors should be an open platform. So if they want to bring in their attorney, they want to bring in their accountant, they want to bring in their kids, have a conversation, oh, you'd wish to be so open that anybody can hear what you're telling
Client-Centric Financial Advice
00:07:13
Speaker
them.
00:07:13
Speaker
and debate or dispute or talk about what's the right way to go forward. Because if someone's trying to do something in a little bit of a veil, then you should be a little bit red flag. Yes. How do you, as though someone can sit in a financial planner and understand if they have a transactional approach or a conservative approach that they're going to be the right person? Not everybody is about so right so planning versus another right well So I think that will come fairly quickly as you have conversations. It's really all about you.
00:07:55
Speaker
and your concerns, your goals, which we're trying to get to. And it's not so much about, hey, here's a strategy for you, or here's an option, or oh, you have that thing, let me show you this thing, you that that type of approach.
Retirement Vision and Lifestyle Testing
00:08:10
Speaker
That's really where, as Craig mentioned, that a lot of times what happens is you have people who are like, well We can do better than that or whatever you have, instead of thinking like, why did you get into it? You know, what is it? It can be changed about it that can maybe continue to be good for you if you're having any issues or concerns about it. But I think that's what's going to come from it, is you're going to have that conversation about what it is you're looking to do, what your concerns are. Yeah, yeah I'd say the same thing as Tom. I would say, you know, who's doing most of the talking? Is it you or is it the advisor?
00:08:44
Speaker
If the advisor is doing most of the talking, that means you can't listen and talk at the same time. At least I can't. So, you know, are they taking, are they listening to what you're saying? Are they communicating with you in a way that you feel comfortable, well, back? Sometimes advisors will talk in our vernacular and you're just lost. so I'm going to mention an annuity. Okay. I don't even know what that is. i um Exactly. Right. Exactly. Even for us, right? So it's, um, it's really, you know, it's not, it doesn't matter how smart the advisor it is, it only matters what they convey and relate to the client and making sure they're giving them the right advice and they feel comfortable in the advice that they're getting.
Cash Flow and Retirement Misconceptions
00:09:21
Speaker
Um, and like as Tom said earlier, if the first thing you're talking about is transaction in the first meeting, you know, usually they're just, they're transaction driven. So that's a great point. Thank you. So at the beginning of this, I talked about accumulation versus later in life distributions and kind of, um,
00:09:38
Speaker
spending down right on your wealth, right? Is there, is it ever too late to start the financial planning process? Because as I mentioned, people are coming to this at vastly different points in their life. Right. Right. So the the answer there is no, it's it's never too late to start. I will tell you the part of the issue is our industry is terrible. They suck at telling people about retirement is what the issue is. Retirement is all about cashflow.
00:10:09
Speaker
Cash flow equals certainty. Certainty takes the pressure off of money. For those in the audience, if you remember anything else about what we talked about today, just take that away from me. Retirement is all about cash flow, right? So, cash flow is just depending on where you are, what you're trying to achieve. And it doesn't matter if we're 55 or 65 or 70. Like, you've got a cash flow need. How are you solving for that?
00:10:35
Speaker
then you have the rest of it that goes into it. The other issue you have is
Life Expectancy and Healthcare Costs
00:10:40
Speaker
longevity. yeah Right. I mean, used to be, you know, we talked about the social security came back in the thirties. People retired at 65 and they died at 68. I mean, they weren't living that long. Social security could work for them. But now they're retiring early. I mean, people are retiring, you know, early sixties, late fifties now, and they may spend 30 to 40 years in retirement. Now the issue is, once again, is, you know, I've accumulated these assets. How do I make them last in cashflow for the rest of my life? So I have more money than life. Um, and then as you've
00:11:11
Speaker
pointed out earlier as you get older sometimes it costs more money to stay alive. Oh it's crazy I mean the amount of what it costs for your care needs stays. It's interesting we just came from the community where on average people are spending anywhere between 15 and 20 thousand dollars a month. Now that's a high end community with a lot of amenities, right? But even for the very affluent person looking at something like that, or, you know, a community that's anywhere between 3,000 and 5,000, it's still a lot when you're considering, I've been living in my long time home for 50 plus years. I know what my expenses are. Now things are starting to shift for me. I think the magic here is we'd never want aging to be a doom and gloom.
Proactive Aging and Financial Planning
00:11:59
Speaker
Right.
00:12:00
Speaker
We always want you to understand, yes, this is part of the process. This is part of life. We need to plan for it. We don't need to be scared by it. um And certainly there are different options out there, but how does your money work for you as long as possible? And one thing that we practice and really is our secret sauce is sell later approach for people as well, because the physical aspects, the emotional aspects and the logistical aspects of making that major life transition is incredibly overwhelming. There's a lot of factors to take into consideration and we don't have a crystal ball to understand what's going to happen in the short term and the long term. So how do you from a financial planning perspective really understand what someone wants for
00:12:51
Speaker
their later chapters of their years and how to effectively plan for that so that you are taking some of that burden off of their shoulders knowing it's okay to make these transitions.
Testing Retirement Plans
00:13:03
Speaker
Well, it's interesting because a lot of times we'll have conversations with clients just about that exact thing.
00:13:08
Speaker
You know, what do you see? What's the vision that you have for it? And a lot of times, most people, while they've thought of it, they haven't really envisioned it, right? They haven't really seen it. And so Greg and I will always talk to people about when practice runs. Doing travel, you think you want to go to Florida? Well, go live in Florida, but don't vacation in Florida. Just go live. Just stay, okay? Just go live in there for a week. Like, you're there every day. Like, you know, where are you going to get a cup of coffee from? Where are you going to get, you know,
00:13:38
Speaker
an ice cream cone, that type of thing. Like like just say, okay, this really wasn't what I thought it was going to be. And so that becomes part of that conversation. Like you had this whole idea that you were always going to do that. And then the reality is, right?
00:13:54
Speaker
We don't really want to live here 24-7 for the rest of my life, ultimately. So there is some process to that of, hey, we got, you know, what's the reality here? I think the other is like people with the ah RVs can go out on the road. you know That's another one. Like how many times have you really spent with the two of you in this little tiny yeah a world and are
Planning for Unexpected Life Events
00:14:18
Speaker
you really going to be able to, you know,
00:14:21
Speaker
coexist like 24-7 in that world if you're doing it. So I think sometimes there's i don't know what you want to call like the ultimate goal in my retirement, this is what I am in, but the reality is more of a day-to-day thing and and how are you going to make that happen. I think the other thing you've got to take into consideration is especially when you're dealing with a couple you a husband and wife, there ever is that one may have one envelope and one may have another, right? So how do you melt a few outlooks together? And one of the things is it's really great that you're going on the biggest vacation you're ever going to take because you've done work, right? And so you're going to do things, you're going to spend money and all that kind of stuff. But I think the bigger thing you try to alleviate, you know, that is what is the biggest fear.
00:15:05
Speaker
is the biggest fear of running out of money? Is it if I need care who's going to take care of me? What is their biggest fear? Do you want to try to tackle that biggest fear to make sure that they feel comfortable going into retirement knowing the biggest fear has been dealt with and then come up with contingencies to deal with the other things? It is another one. That's very funny that he mentioned that. See our industry has always told people that the the ah number one fear for retirees or people going into retirement is that running out of money, not having enough money for the rest of their life. And that is not the fear. Yours, well the top fear, as we do were sort of talking about, it's it's
00:15:41
Speaker
actually dementia.
Cognitive Impairment and Care Planning
00:15:43
Speaker
It's Alzheimer's. It's to worry about having some sort of cognitive impairment. And the the second fear is then having to pay for it, right? Those are the two top fears for most retirees today. That's where the top concern is. That whole worry about cognitive impairment mean for that care, because as you mentioned, those those are communities which are terrific, but they're 10,000, 15,000 a month right for that kind of care. Well, on the other hand, you could look at home care, right? That could be upwards of an amount of money too, depending on how much you know hands-on assistance you need in your home, or is it just basic?
00:16:25
Speaker
So real quick, just a slight plug for everybody. If you ever get a chance, go to our YouTube channel at Aries Foundation. You will see, yes, we had the wonderful ladies from Dovetail Law doing a whole presentation about should I stay or should I go? And do I age in place or do I not age in place? Which is really important because I don't think that everybody looks at it from a holistic standpoint to say,
00:16:47
Speaker
What is going to be the best thing for me? Let's face it. Most people that we meet with have planned to live and stay in their homes until they're going out that front door two feet first. But not all scenarios in life allow us to do that. And so we do have to effectively kind of plan.
Financial Choices in Care Planning
00:17:05
Speaker
I always say our job as financial advisors isn't to make people wealthy, but to make sure they have enough money for everything. But it really is about making sure you get to certain points in your life, you have choices. And that's the biggest status thing I see when people come to us and say,
00:17:19
Speaker
My mother is sick and there's no financial situation and we didn't do any planning and now we have no choice, right? And so, you know, while Medicare is there as a background, it shouldn't be your main plan, right? Because then you don't have a choice of facilities or your care or any those types of those such things.
00:17:36
Speaker
And I think that's the biggest thing when people get older, especially because as people that age, you inherently get a little nervous, you know, more anxious about things and they lose control over certain faculties, and then it just becomes a ah more nerve wracking experience. So to have the choice to be able to stay home, like you just saw a care at home, or if you have to go to a facility, you'll be able to choose that facility, of who your caregiver is going to be. And at the same time, when the kids, you know, worry about the purse, not be the nurse,
00:18:01
Speaker
right? It's also important as well. So it's really the planning is important because you want to make sure regardless of whether you actually have to go into the facility or not, because I know it'll never happen to me, right? If they do have to go in, I have a choice in who's giving me a care and how where it's going to be.
00:18:17
Speaker
So Craig, you brought up a very interesting scenario and I have seen it a couple of times being in this field supporting older adults is where you have a couple and they have very different opinions on what life is, how to invest, how to manage their money.
00:18:34
Speaker
you're a financial planner. I'm sure you also wear the hat of a therapist in many situations too. There are so many people that are navigating this and they have a fear of bringing that up because they've been a couple together for so long, right? But things are changing or you have a scenario where The husband managed all the investments.
Spousal Involvement in Financial Discussions
00:18:57
Speaker
Things are declining for him very rapidly. The wife has never really been involved, and now she is tasked with being involved. How do you manage that for someone, one, to be comfortable, and two, I guess my other question is, how often should someone be meeting with their financial planner as these shifts and things kind of take place?
00:19:18
Speaker
Well, I think for us, the first thing is that we always, and so you try to do it as much as you can, is have both spouses together. Whether we're on Zoom, whether we're in the office, whatever it is, that we have both parties together. Because as Craig said, sometimes these can be, you know, and they can be conversations even for those who are later in life that they've never really voiced.
00:19:43
Speaker
So they're voicing it to us like the first time. Like it is a therapy session because that's what happens. is I mean, it's the reality, right? Right. And they'll be like, more wait, you know, and like we said that sometimes it's that whole taboo about talking about money. It becomes that like, well, okay, we've got somebody here. Now I can tell you this is what I want to see happen. Like that type of thing. Or as you said, there are a lot of those situations and Craig and I have dealt with them on many, many different occasions where One person, one spouse handled everything. And the other spouse was sort of, okay, you know, that's that's their area. How many times we get that? Oh yeah, no, my husband deals with it. My wife deals with it. You know, just talking to her. And I'm like, well, that's great, but what if she's not capable? You need to understand it. Right. You've got to have a handle on all this stuff flows. And I think that's one of the biggest things for us in terms of dealing with
00:20:36
Speaker
with couples and trying to get them both there and the pay. I think there's always, whenever someone's reaching out to financial advice, there's always one initiator.
Communication in Financial Outlooks
00:20:44
Speaker
It's a husband or their wife. And usually it's because they have a fear, right? We're going to be transitioning, we're buying a new home, or we're having a child, or we're retiring, or whatever the next phase is. And so, they may have had some conversations with a significant other, but maybe not in depth. And as Tom pointed out, most couples don't talk about this stuff all the He says, go on a date on Friday night and start talking about, so what are we going to do when we retire, right? right um So the nice part of having a good advisor, like I said, the important thing is, are they listening? Listening is key and you got to listen to both parties. What do you feel and what do you feel and with a judgment-free zone? Because you're not there to judge what they want. You're there to try to make, can you melt
00:21:24
Speaker
what they're doing and alleviate each person's fears. Now, one person may be, I'm really nervous about running out of money, right? The other person may be, well, I'm really worried about being bored or not having having things in retirement, or I want to travel, I want to return home estate. So there's things you've got to, and so how do you compromise their values, you know, so that they both have a positive outcome? And as a public one, I think, you know, at least once a year, you want to be really evaluating, just being where you are. um But a good advisor would allow you to contact him at any point if you have a question.
00:21:54
Speaker
That's great. So let's get into the family dynamics part of this conversation, um because this is real too. And I think a lot of our clients are navigating this as well. They have put so much of their investments into working for them later in life. Their number one goal is to pass that money along to their adult children or to their heirs. What is your biggest piece of advice for someone when they're sort of thinking about everything, but also they have increased care needs. Right.
Income, Liquidity, and Legacy
00:22:30
Speaker
So again, it goes back to the whole retirement conversation and where haven't really been very good at explaining how retirement works to everybody. So the number one goal of money in retirement is income, right? So that's the first thing it's there for. And it's also there for liquidity.
00:22:50
Speaker
And then if somebody wants to, legacy. And as you pointed out, the conversations that Craig and I wind up with with, where it's like legacy is trying to become this most important thing, but income and liquidity are more important. Yes, you want to have that legacy and we understand the concept of it, but you've really got to be thinking of this as, all right, I've got to have my incomes all.
00:23:16
Speaker
I got to have liquidity for when stuff happens, stuff is going to happen. Then I can have the workers left can go, right? Or I've got to plan for that money to be there. Those are two different avenues of how we're moving. And like you said, for us, but we've always sort of dealt with it nowadays. And most certainly over the last, you know, 10 to 15 years, focus has been, well, wait, I've got to be planning for care needs as well. Right. So this becomes an added, you know, we're bucket guys. We do everything as buckets. So you get three different, you know, so now it's four buckets that I'm dealing with. I got to have my income bucket. I got to have a pretty bucket. I have a bucket that's going to pay for care. And then, oh, by the way, I want to leave money to the kids.
00:24:00
Speaker
or whoever, and you know charities, whatever it is. And actually, there's this really cool stuff um today, hybrid products that never existed before, that'll allow you to kind of take care of both.
Life Insurance Hybrids for Long-Term Care
00:24:11
Speaker
Because not to put a plug in for life insurance, but life insurance is a great way to try that to to move an estate, because the money goes to your inheritance to do children tax-free.
00:24:22
Speaker
right and also you know so It's a great way to transfer wealth and then you can use all your other assets because you know what's going to be passing in life insurance. Now, there's also life for insurance hybrids who incorporate long-term care in with life insurance. So as Tom points out, if you need if you have a care issue, well, the money's there for your care. If you don't need it for the care, well, it transfers to the children as a legacy.
00:24:44
Speaker
right So it's no longer a it's use or lose it type scenario. Someone's getting the benefit no matter what. um And so it's really about, you know, can you do that? Can you so do the foresight and foreplanning to make sure you can put those types of things in place? Yeah, it's interesting because as Craig said, one of the things for us that we really do, you know, try to talk to, especially older, right? Because as we get older, like you said, there's all that concern and, and I don't, it's almost, I don't spend my money. I can't spend it, right? so
00:25:15
Speaker
So, it's it is that way to say, no, no, no, no. You now have permission to spend your money that you saved for your entire life for this purpose because you designated this company's going to be there for your heirs when you pass.
Spending Savings and Future Planning
00:25:33
Speaker
That's the idea and the concept of it.
00:25:35
Speaker
That's what happens. We get that a lot with people like, oh, I don't want to spend money. I'm going to leave that to the kids. Or you probably get it with the houses. We'll leave the house for it. We need the house to move to the next place, to use that as in go, go, go along. So it is different. Specifically, how are we going to do? And that's what old planning gets into. As Craig said, what's important for you? What do you want to have?
00:26:01
Speaker
What's the most important thing for you? And if it's legacy planning, well, then we've got to set it up and make sure because you definitely need it um in retirement and you better have the money to decide that other stuff that's going to come up because the car is going to break down. The pet's going to get sick. Something's going to happen. And this is a tip and trick for the wealthy. They don't want everybody else to know. I mean, most wealth is in your generation.
00:26:25
Speaker
right? It's transferring from one generation to another. And if you don't think the wealthy are leveraging life insurance to pass huge sums of money to the next generation, you're crazy. They do because leverage. Um, and that's what people don't realize is why they think it's a no, it's about transferring wealth from one generation to the next. Um, so use the tips and tricks that are wealthy. If you want to, is that something that you can only set up at a point in your life? Like, is there a,
00:26:51
Speaker
particular age or something that's happening with you physically or cognitively, that you would not be able to tap into something like that? Well, it's a little bit like, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, no, no. So so we the one of the issues there, and as Craig said, you know, if you think of this from the aspect of a tool or a strategy,
00:27:10
Speaker
that you have to qualify for
Early Long-Term Care Planning
00:27:12
Speaker
it. Okay. Right. So if we get to a situation that the other person is, you know, not healthy or has cognitive decline, more than likely, they're not going to qualify. And so, you know, a lot of times these conversations are better served when we're in our, you know, 50s, 60s, if we're talking about I'm trying to do legacy planning, then when we're in our 70s, because who knows what You know, it's all based on Legion Health at that point. Yeah, I've actually had clients, this one client in particular, he had quite a bit of real estate. He was probably worth a little over $8 million. And we did have a lot of cash in here. One of his kids is to get the legacy of the property and all that. And I talked to him about the fact he was, I think he was in his late 60s at the time. And we talked about, you know, you want to put long term care in place for yourself that would protect your other assets. So you don't have to look at anything, but that type
00:28:07
Speaker
He's no, no, no, no. I'm good with that. Fine. The years go by, calls me back. Craig, can you come over to the house? Oh, I'm like, god absolutely. I don't have lunch. He starts talking to their long-term care stuff. You're talking about. Yeah. I really like to get that now. Well, fantastic. what i What's going on with you? Yeah. I just got diagnosed with early Alzheimer's. oh I said, I'm sorry, but I can't help you now.
00:28:30
Speaker
it It was a very sad moment. So I don't care what it costs. I'll pay whatever it is. It's not the case. can just pray for it yeah You the car. I can't even share it now. right So it's really important to try. If these are things on your mind, get ahead of it. Don't take the ostrich and approach. um Really face and you can get ahead of it.
00:28:48
Speaker
I think sometimes as professionals, it's hard because you're trying to think about what could potentially be happening and not all of our clients are so forthcoming. What is happening in a personal situation for you to be able to step in and say,
00:29:05
Speaker
Okay, maybe things are changing for you before it gets to that point to get things in place for them. So really, it's more of advocate for yourself.
Challenges with Age Differences in Caregiving
00:29:15
Speaker
It's a vulnerable moment to share what's happening in your life, but it's so important in the grand scheme of your thinking about your planning process that you are sharing.
00:29:25
Speaker
information on a yearly, if not more frequent basis with your professionals. Right, or as stuff comes up. Yeah, no, and it'ss it's particularly true when we're looking at an age difference with spouses. Like, you know, when we're talking about some eight, ten-year, you know, age difference, that younger spouse, more than likely, is going to be on their own for a much longer period of time, and depending on the you know, the kids and in dealing with it, you know, a lot of times everybody's like, well, my kids are just going to take care of me.
00:30:01
Speaker
And it's like, well, have you told them that? Have you had that conversation with them? Because that happens. And so a lot of times it's not so much about, hey, we're going to try to do something for the older spouse, because more than likely you the younger spouse will be around to help take care of, you know, do those type of things. It's the younger spouse that's more than likely going to be on possibly be on their own for like a 20 year time period. And who's helping them out in that situation.
00:30:29
Speaker
yeah And that's really where you've got to start thinking about it. it would Even in a situation where you are married, you say, well, I'll take care of my spouse. He'll take care of me. You're 75 years old trying to take care of somebody a few years old than you. know Trying to lift them, trying to care for them is to caregiver them. All of a sudden, their health deteriorates rapidly. And sometimes they don't don't live the person they're caring for because their health deteriorates.
Unpreparedness in Financial Caregiving
00:30:50
Speaker
So these are really things that you want to, while you're young enough to think about it, while you're young enough to have some options before you get into that position.
00:30:59
Speaker
think about and have conversations about. It's interesting that you bring up like ah an age gap difference, right? We were just having this conversation. My aunt married a significantly older man and, you know, always managed all of the finances and he loved to buy and sell stocks all the time and watch it and do those things on his own. And he had a financial advisor that helps. So they had sort of like a hybrid relationship, if you will. Um, and he loved doing that, but he got very sick very quickly. She was tasked with taking care of him throughout no part of that process. Did she have time to sit down with him and say, what is it that you've been doing from a financial perspective? What do I need to know? She just went right into the caregiver role.
00:31:46
Speaker
And then he passed and then it's really like you're going through the grieving process and none of life stops in terms of what you have to pay for or plan for. And so it hits you really hard. Unfortunately, she didn't have that education behind that. And I don't think equally she had the right professional helping her really understands that because the lifestyle she wanted to live was a little bit different than what he was living.
Organizing Financial Records
00:32:13
Speaker
and you know just sort of that knowledge base so it's really too late either to evaluate are you working with the right professional for yourself you know what is sort of your thing and also finding the right person that can put it into layman's terms for you if you're not very educated.
00:32:29
Speaker
The other thing I think you want to take into consideration, especially in today's world, is a lot of times, you know, finances seem like a man's thing. yeah Just like math, right? And women just aren't up to the challenge. um However, women are the ones that survive the men most of the time. um And they're the ones who stuck with having to deal with this kind of stuff. So you really want an advisor who's going to value the women's input see them as an equal in the kind in the relationship and make sure they know understanding to deal with these issues, even if it's just with your guidance, the advice of guidance, but don't belay a little their understanding of what's going on. yeah
00:33:10
Speaker
Another thing in in your answer is that comes up, we talked about it, where one spouse was everything, the other spouse wasn't able to handle it. ah One of the things we talked to to families about for this purpose is the idea of having ah some sort of a place, a book, what I call the family big book, but it's where everything is. So all those accounts passwords all those contacts, everybody there. So if something does happen, I know where to go.
Communication to Alleviate Financial Fears
00:33:41
Speaker
In my house, it's a weird thing, like I handle half of my wife handles the other half, right? You know, so it's like, she's always saying, like, you gotta tell me, like, I don't have any idea how to get this thing happening or what's happening.
00:33:55
Speaker
I'm like, okay, I'm putting it together for you. Here's where it is. We've all laid out. And it's one of the things that Craig and I are putting together. It's our thing for the year that we're going to have. All of our companies can do that same thing with their stuff because we think it's very, very important because even if it's, all right, we're both you hear both cognizant bull still will still involve, something could happen to both of us.
00:34:20
Speaker
Then it's going to fall on to the next generation to have to pick up those pieces. And we've both seen that situation occur where we're finding stuff a year, two years later, like, wait, it was this account. What is this? yeah yeah you know And it's it's like, wait a minute, now what are we doing? So it's it's very important to get all of that together, but that brings that back to the whole, we're having a conversation about money.
00:34:46
Speaker
And how do we have this so that everybody understands? The one spouse can still handle everything. They just got to make it so that, listen, if something ever happened, here's where you go, or here's who you call, or here's the contact, or the password, whatever the case may be.
00:35:03
Speaker
This has been such a good conversation. And I just want to say, I think throughout the last half hour of our discussion, brought up the word here a few times, right? Because there's so much fear around what's happening, our money, our money completing quicker than, you know, we pass away. How can we normalize the conversations around money? Having them being open to it. Do you have one piece of advice to make it feel a little bit less overwhelming. I don't know if I have a piece of advice for it. I think I might have a motivator. I don't know if you'd call it a piece of advice. The motivator would be as as we all naturally get a little bit older, we see things happen to some of our family, our friends, people we know at work, and then we start telling the story like we're telling today about this person in XYZ happened to. The motivator I would say is don't be the story.
00:35:57
Speaker
and love that Don't be the story. Don't be the people one people are talking about. They didn't take care of the life insurance. They didn't know what to do about their care. didn't you know Something happened to the spouse and they had no idea what to do. um So if any type of motivator to talk about these things is there, but you don't want to be that
Understanding Financial Situations
00:36:13
Speaker
person. I love that so much.
00:36:15
Speaker
The other thing I would say is, as I guess, for or it is to um you talk about fear, but with more of that, don't be afraid to ask questions. You know, somebody will always say to us, you know, this is probably sounds like a dumb question. And you know, our thing is like, no, there is no.
00:36:32
Speaker
There is never a dumb question when it comes to your money. You should know exactly what's happening. You should be aware of what your money is, where it is, what it's doing. And if you don't, you know, the second piece, the first one I told you about was cash flow. The second one to take from this is that ask the question.
00:36:49
Speaker
reach out, ask somebody, why what is this doing? Why is it there? What does this mean for me? And what else could I might do instead? Right? So sort of take that proactive approach with it. Like don't think, like you said, like, okay, it's doing its thing. You know, no, I have an understanding of what that means. You don't have to get technical. It doesn't have to get deep into the jargon. But you can just make general sense of, oh, now, a lot of times we You know, they come back every year. like We meet with them every, and they ask the same questions. And they're going to be like, I think this is, you know, I just want to make sure. And we're like, no, no, no, no, that's okay. We're going to bring you all the way back. And you know, why we started this conversation. We did and why we did it until you get this right. Right. And they're like, Oh yeah, now I remember I get it. You know, that type of thing. But that's sort of with us, what we've sort of put
Role of Advisors in Relatable Planning
00:37:42
Speaker
into them. Like, don't be afraid to ask questions.
00:37:45
Speaker
Well, and I think that's the magic piece or the communication on the other side of fear, right? Like, yes, your money is going to be in retirement and with the care that you may need. However, if you're doing this right, you're hopefully making some money too, along the way. So that ideally is the importance. Well, then you plan for it, right? wow Well, fear is usually the result of the unknown. Correct. And if you can make an unknown known, then sometimes the fear just alleviates itself.
00:38:14
Speaker
And I always just may be curious, right? So to your point, ask the questions, be curious. And I want to give both of you a selfish plug and a moment of gratitude because there's not a lot of professionals out there that Erin and I can call and say, here's our client situation. They really just have a 30-minute conversation to either validate what's happening, know that there's a solution in place for them, because they do have that fear that they do not properly planned or they've properly planned but something has shifted drastically. And so thank you just for taking that time to answer those questions in just and just being out there providing this education. It's so important because hopefully we can change the narrative around talking about money and planning for the future. It does not have to
00:39:05
Speaker
It does not. and we so oh Absolutely. And we appreciate the kind words and kind thoughts, you know, absolutely. I mean, for anybody out there, I mean, that's kind of what we try to do. Our conversations are all meant to be that
Contacting Aries Foundation for Help
00:39:18
Speaker
way. They're meant to be more casual, more relatable, more down to earth, if you will, in terms of trying to take all of that terminology and jargon out of the conversation. And dumb it down.
00:39:33
Speaker
Maybe on my end, not on his end. I love it. No, it's always great talking to you. um How do our listeners, we're going to include this in the show notes, how do our listeners contact you, get more education, kind of give your contact information? Absolutely. So it is the Aries Foundation for Financial Education. You can find us on the web. It's www.AriesFoundation.org. We are a 501c3 nonprofit. um You can Check us out. On there is is contact information. There's our YouTube channel, which has all the content on it. But it also, are our email is info at ariesation.org. And we're always happy to answer any questions or contact from today. I've got a situation or whatever will come up.
00:40:22
Speaker
And hopefully we can find a way to link our show that we did with you guys about should I say or should I go, so that if you want some more information on really kind of thinking about that for yourself, you can certainly will include that in the show notes as well. Craig and Tom, thank you for being here with us. We really appreciate it. Of course, in many, many conversations. Well, we appreciate it. Thanks.