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Feeling Out of Alignment?
31 Plays2 years ago
The first step to thriving later in life is to identify what areas of your life are holding you back, where you want to go and what action items must be taken to get you there. Many people feel that “something” isn’t working but aren’t always able to identify what it is. In this episode, Erin and Lauren highlight how aligning your actions with your ultimate goals allows you to shift your mind-set and create real change in your life.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Engaging Aging'
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to Engaging Aging with Erin and Lauren. Join us as we share laughter, tears, and demystify the realities and silver linings that occur later in life.
00:00:15
Speaker
Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. How are you? How are you? How are you, Miss Watts? I'm good. How are you?
The Concept of Alignment
00:00:24
Speaker
Living my best life here. I would love to hear that. I would love to if you're up for our talk about alignment today.
00:00:33
Speaker
Namaste, being in alignment. As I sit here, very uncomfortable because I recently... It's easier said than done. I recently started exercising. Oh, good for you. Yeah, it's been a long time.
00:00:51
Speaker
Just I have been in denial. I know that I feel better energetically, emotionally, hormonally, all of it when I have a physical outlet and physical exercise, but it's not easy to do when you're exhausted and I don't know, it feels counterproductive.
00:01:08
Speaker
have 65 other things on your to-do list and going through your mind. And the best word I could explain for my funk for the last six to nine months is I just felt like out of alignment. I think about a spine, right? And if the top of your vertebrae, if your top vertebrae in your spine is out of alignment, you have a bulging disc or you're out of alignment, that impacts the rest of your spine. Literally your shoulder could be hurting or your knees ought to whack or you have
00:01:37
Speaker
neuropathy in your foot. I have it all. Yeah. Well, but we're not talking about like, physical alignment. I guess we are physical and emotional alignment, right? All of it where I'm going with this, if one aspect of your life is out of alignment,
00:01:53
Speaker
The rest follows. It just, you can't, I always, we talk about this, for a working mother, there's no such thing as balance. You cannot balance at all or do it all. It's just like saying one area of my life is perfectly in alignment and the rest is out of. If one thing, like your spine, is out of alignment, the rest follows suit. We, I think, I see this a lot in all of our human lives because we're human and it's ebb and flow and we,
00:02:22
Speaker
one day we're feeling good and then one little thing happens you know you're feeling in alignment and you stub your toe and then you can't put weight on your right foot so now you're overcompensating on your left. For our clients and for humans in general
00:02:36
Speaker
I like to look at it.
Evaluating Daily Alignments
00:02:38
Speaker
Are your current actions what you're doing day to day in alignment with what you want for yourself or who you say to the world that you are? Do your actions align with those statements?
00:02:52
Speaker
So I joke about the here I am saying I like to be physically active. I know that I need that for myself. And yet I sat around for nine months not taking action on what I know to be true that I need. Well, to put this into perspective for our listeners today, too, because we talk about aging all the time, right? Like, you're my senior soul sister, we're going to talk about aging.
00:03:16
Speaker
I will never forget one time we were presenting to a community and you were in front of a room full of people. And we had this beautiful picture up on our PowerPoint slides, and it was this woman dancing. And you said to them, them being the entire audience,
00:03:39
Speaker
If you want to be dancing at 90, you better well be dancing at 60. Meaning, if that's what you want for your future, you better be in alignment taking action on dancing and doing what you need to be doing now. Exactly.
00:03:55
Speaker
I want everyone listening, especially our engaged agers who may be an older adult listening today, look at your life, get a piece of paper and just like map it out. Maybe do four squares and like four different sections on your paper and create separate areas for your life and start to write down
00:04:15
Speaker
tasks or things that you're doing within each area. So let's say you make the statement that friends and family are most important to me. Like that's my number one priority or my friends and my family. Okay, in that box, write down all of the activities and things that you are doing to spend time with friends and family.
00:04:37
Speaker
Oh, well, you know, sitting at home doing my situation all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Like, are you feeling bad for myself that everybody's out and about? And I'm at home because my family's still really worried about COVID.
00:04:53
Speaker
Yes, or I had a I talked to this woman the other day client meeting. She's a jewelry maker. She loves making jewelry. She's done it her whole life. So I said, Oh, show me what you're working on. I'm not I'm not making jewelry. Why? I just kind of got out of it. I thought it was for arthritis or another reason. I just stopped doing it haven't gotten back into it.
00:05:15
Speaker
What? You love making jewelry. Make jewelry. Show me where you're making. Yeah. So sometimes I think we just need a little, you know, get it going. Um, but really looking should have ordered a piece of jewelry from her.
00:05:29
Speaker
Oh, maybe I won't call her back. But just look at the areas of your life. What is out of alignment?
Living Spaces and Aging in Place
00:05:35
Speaker
And then take just a little step towards shifting that. So we have, you know, a lot of our clients, they've lived in their homes for many, many, many years. And they say they can, you know, there could be a lot of belongings, a lot of clutter are coming in around them. And they'll make statements like I want to successfully stay in my home.
00:05:59
Speaker
Okay, well, what are some of the actions that we're taking to create that reality for you as we look at the future? Is your home conducive to that goal? No. Okay, so what are some small action steps that we can take to make that a reality? And do you have all the information
00:06:21
Speaker
to make that informed decision. Is that really an alignment? I we had a meeting with a gentleman a couple of weeks ago, super social guy was in the political scene for a long time, always around a lot of people. And his statement was, I want to age in place here at home until I pass away. But his biggest pain point of being at home, especially through the pandemic these last few years is I hate being home alone and isolated.
00:06:47
Speaker
Those two statements are completely out of alignment with each other. If you're going to stay home successfully, what areas of your life are you bringing in that socialization and engagement?
00:06:59
Speaker
Are you attending activities in the community? Do you have friends scheduling to come visit you at your home? If you can't get into the community, you need to find the resources to make those two things fall into alignment. Have you considered the socialization of a senior living community? Well, no. Before maybe you make the statement that I'm never leaving my home, maybe get that information, have that experience, learn more about it.
00:07:24
Speaker
And that may change for you. So really looking at the different areas of your life from relationships to your health, that dancing example, what are you doing now to ultimately get you to your goal? And is it all in alignment? And your social emotional too. I was with a client the other day and
00:07:44
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He was explaining to me that he's just so socially isolated. And when I said to him, what did you used to do? And he said, I would spend a lot of time with my family, but they're all so busy. I said, okay, well, tell me a little bit about what they do, what their life is. They go to work. Well, how about your grandchildren? Well, my grandson plays baseball. Okay, do you love going to his baseball games? Yes, but I don't drive.
00:08:13
Speaker
Do you have any friends that don't have family members around here that do drive, that would love to take you? Yes. I'm like, so then call up that friend. He called up that friend, they went to his grandson's baseball game, had a great time. But it doesn't always have to be the answer of my family so busy. Maybe they are, because they're running from one thing to the next. But there are simple things that you can do for yourself to still give that back to you in your life in that moment.
00:08:41
Speaker
But how beautiful for your grandson to look over and see his grandfather at his baseball game. And for your friend.
Stories of Personal Realignment
00:08:47
Speaker
You just gave your friend a great activity. Exactly, because her grandchildren aren't here. Yes. So you both got out in that day. You both did something really special and just enjoyed it together. So it's small little shifts that, yeah, it can make such a big difference.
00:09:03
Speaker
similar scenario, you just made me think of I had a client who faith was like her top thing that her religion and her faith practice was really important to her. She had not been to her church since the pandemic. And when I asked why she said because I don't drive, I said you there's a whole
00:09:21
Speaker
volunteer ministry within the church of people who want to drive you. It fills their bucket to come and pick you up. She had no idea. So not only to your point is taking the action of getting back into her faith-based practices, but also giving that person who wants to be helpful the opportunity to have purpose and reason in their day to pick her up and bring her to and from.
00:09:47
Speaker
Asking for help, you've talked about this before, it's not something to be ashamed or embarrassed. It's not only helping you live your best life, but you're helping other people step into what's important to them. And I'm sure if you ask your children what's most important to them, they're also out of alignment. They would probably say, my father, who's isolated at home, is my biggest concern right now. And then we would ask them, because we do this work with caregivers and adult children often,
00:10:16
Speaker
Tell us how much support are you giving or how much are you seeing him? Well, not enough. I feel bad. I'm working. The kids have baseball. Well, what if you picked dad up on the way to baseball? Right. Oh, I didn't think of that to be simple. It doesn't have to be this big elaborate dinner or something that's planned.
00:10:33
Speaker
Yes, yes. So forgive them for they not know. And you, as the older adult, by doing this work and getting into alignment with your actions and your goals, you're setting an example for your children. So call them out and say, I'm doing this interesting exercise. Here are the four areas of my life.
00:10:52
Speaker
do it for yourself you seem burnt out adult daughter you know what are you doing you say that you know physical health is so important to you are you scheduling time for tennis which is so important to you actually that reminds me of our team member do you want to share that story of the team member who plays tennis who hadn't been playing yeah was putting all our energy into our client situation
00:11:13
Speaker
Yeah, I would actually love to. So we have a project manager on our team and she called me one day and said, you know, Lauren, I really need your help and advice because I'm working with a client that
00:11:26
Speaker
is just really emotionally draining, right? She is going through her own journey, her own path, and making a transition that she never thought that she was going to be making, really no family support, and leaving her home of all of these belongings that she had accumulated over years and having to say goodbye to them.
00:11:46
Speaker
And in that moment, she had moved her, and the client wanted her there. And she was doing a lot of other things and trying to help clients. And I just said to her, I need you to pause for a second, because I can feel your energy just getting drained, right? And I can feel that you're completely out of alignment. And I know that you're going to say to me tomorrow, I didn't show up in the best version of myself. So I need you to tell me right now, close your eyes.
00:12:15
Speaker
What absolutely brings you joy? And she's like playing tennis. She goes, but I haven't been able to because I sprained my ankle a couple of weeks ago and I'm just starting to feel better. She goes, I actually have plans to play tennis for the first time in the last couple of weeks tonight, but I don't think that I'm going to be able to because I'm with this client and it's an hour and a half drive to the tennis.
00:12:44
Speaker
court court thank you we don't play tennis and I said to her Sue I need you to shut your day down at 330 and I need you to be there and I need you to show up on that tennis court for your 530 match and you need to give that back to yourself because you're not
00:13:06
Speaker
in alignment that's going to bring you back. You need to fill your bucket and give yourself some joy and she did and I was so proud of her in that moment. We need those simple reminders sometimes from ourselves but other people to be able to do that and I think that completely turned just her energy level, her psyche, everything around to be able to move forward with a little bit more ease or that kick in the butt or pep in her step whatever you want to
00:13:35
Speaker
call it, but yes, she needed that moment to get in alignment with herself. What brings her joy? We have in our culture this notion or in our families, depending on how you were raised.
00:13:47
Speaker
like just grit and berry, get it done, work it out, wow, life should be difficult and hard and challenging and just, you know, get through it. To our listeners, if you do or don't use chiropractic services or believe in it or not, follow me for just my explanation here.
00:14:05
Speaker
If that top vertebrae is out of alignment, right, and everything else flows from there, and you don't reinsert it back into alignment, you can try and treat all of your other ailments. You can put band-aids on everything else. You can stretch the other muscles that are impacted by that. You can grit and bear it. But until you actually put that vertebrae back in alignment, you're going to be trying to find remedies for all the other ailments that are causing the rest of your spine to be out of alignment.
00:14:35
Speaker
So what you don't fix that in that moment showing up, it's going to keep showing up, but then everything else is going to get worse. Yes. So what you did in that moment with our team member is you allowed her to go to the chiropractor, push that vertebrae back in so the rest can flow smoothly. If she didn't take that minute to do that for herself, the pain would continue and continue and continue with that client because she wasn't in alignment and that ripple effect.
Seeking Professional Help
00:15:03
Speaker
When one is out of alignment, it has a domino effect. And we all have pain and trauma, but when we take a minute to get it back into flow, it's amazing what comes from that. I want to mention this too because I was talking to an adult daughter this week and
00:15:23
Speaker
She was actually in law, and we had moved her father in law, and she was sitting there, and she said, I wish that you had your services in Connecticut. And I said, well, we'd be happy to help provide any assistance where we can. She goes, well, the problem is that my parents want to stay in their home. They've planned to live in their home. And you and I respect that all of the time. If someone wants to live in their home, we have a whole age in place program where we can help them do that.
00:15:50
Speaker
But what's interesting about this is she said to me, they have a two story home. Their kitchen living room, there's a half bathroom on the first floor. All of their bedrooms are upstairs. But my dad doesn't want to get a stair lift.
00:16:06
Speaker
to help him get up and down because that demotivates him and makes him older, right? But he doesn't want to leave his home. I said, well, can I make a really simple recommendation? Do they have a dining room? She's like, yeah. I said, well, why wouldn't you move the dining room furniture out and create a first floor bedroom so that they can have first floor living and still stay comfortably? Something as small as that is not something that they even looked at as an option.
00:16:36
Speaker
Don't put in the staircase if you don't need the, not the staircase, the stair lift. If you don't need that, there's things that you can align better in your own environment to help you live more successfully that are going to make you happier so that you're not doing those stairs all of the time or feeling like, you know,
00:16:56
Speaker
I'm getting old and this just sucks and life is miserable and who wants to be aging. We age every single day of our lives. But there are small things that you can do in your own environment to make you a little bit more aligned too. But what came out of that is our parents want to be socially active.
00:17:17
Speaker
So how can we sit down and have those conversations to make sure you're in alignment with what you want for your future and get you everything that you possibly can? If we take that moment to put ourselves in alignment, to your point,
00:17:31
Speaker
then we have the world at our fingertips. Yes, things are gonna happen. We can pivot at times, but it doesn't mean that you can't have it all or try and have it all. And to your point, if you don't know, like you just know you're out of alignment. You don't know why or where or how, you're just... How to freaking start. Yeah, you're feeling like aging sucks and this is doom and gloom.
00:17:51
Speaker
Align yourself with the professionals who can help you move forward. I mean, I think that's the most exciting thing about being an age well expert and advocate is that we are in alignment with some amazing peers that have the information and resources to support you through your aging journey. If you are feeling out of alignment and don't know what to do about it, reach out.
00:18:13
Speaker
We're happy to be a resource to you and get the professionals to support you or give advice on who in your friends and family can help you. It just doesn't have to be so hard. And there are some beautiful techniques that you can use too. We've used the breathing method before of just taking that deep breath in, deep breath out to
Setting and Aligning Personal Goals
00:18:32
Speaker
in that moment, get yourself back into alignment. And write down your goals. You can do some tapping. There are a lot of different things that you can do to just kind of shift your brain energy to just put you back where you need to be so that you can then gain the clarity that you need to kind of make some differences in your life.
00:18:51
Speaker
I'd love to empower everyone who's listening, regardless of your age or circumstance, write down three things, three things that you want for yourself, three goals, they can be lofty, they can be small, whatever it is. And then next to those three goals, what are three action items that you can be taking now?
00:19:09
Speaker
that are in alignment with those goals. You will amaze yourself at the progress you can make by stepping into your power and your knowing of what you need to achieve those goals. And you can always change, add to those goals, change your goals. It's really exciting and it's empowering. And regardless of your diagnosis or your abilities, it's important to do goal setting and take
Living in the Moment
00:19:35
Speaker
action towards those goals. And to live in the present moment
00:19:37
Speaker
Give gratitude for that day. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Change is in the air. But it's just all going to help you kind of get into alignment and shift and just feel better and elevate. Elevate. Elevate. It's great to see you today as always, Lauren. You as well. Until next time.
00:19:59
Speaker
Thank you for joining us today. To continue the conversation, follow us on social media at Dovetail Companies or visit us online at dovetailcompanies.com. And remember, change can be difficult if aging doesn't have to be.