Transcript
Speaker: Sometimes the thing you're most afraid to do becomes the very thing that heals you. Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy that you're here.
Speaker: Today is the 100th episode of Wandering the Wild Mess, and I am so glad you found yourself here. And the reason I started this episode 100 podcast episodes ago, I honestly was so terrified to start this podcast. I was afraid to share my story, i was afraid of being seen, and I was afraid of what people might think.
Speaker: But I pressed record anyways. And looking back, it's been one of the greatest blessings of my entire life and so healing for my soul. So if you're sitting on the fence about something that's been in your heart, a dream, an idea, a conversation, a new beginning, I hope today's episode reminds you that while the journey won't always be easy, it might just change your life.
Speaker: So today we're doing something a little different. um I have someone who has been part of my journey almost from the very beginning before wandering the wild mess was even a real thought and one of my dear friends, Sydney Smith.
Speaker: Welcome to the show, Sydney. Well, first of all, Heather, congratulations on 100 episodes. I've watched you the whole time and it's been such a cool story. And to watch you, um you know, everybody knows your story, but not everybody knows, you know, what goes into the podcast or what started the podcast.
Speaker: So do you remember one of our dear friends? I remember i was sitting in the backseat. We had one of our wild nuts. And do you remember him giving you tough love? Yes, it was the lecture of a lifetime, Sid. That night was wild in itself. I kind of forgot we talked about it the other night. like Why we were doing all these... ran We were at random events and our buddy Tommy was like driving us around. And I remember, you're in the backseat, I'm in the front, and I'm just like, my podcast is going to change lives. and i didn't even have my podcast. And he just straight up looks at me and was like... And I've said this before, but it was such a pivotal piece of my... you know And you were there. he was like...
Speaker: I'm sick of hearing you talk about the podcast. Don't bring it up again until you actually start it And then that night, and I was like, whoa. You were probably like, what is happening?
Speaker: And then after that night, when Tommy gave me the tough love, we went into your, where you were staying then, like in 12th South or whatever, we go into the house and we're, you know, we had both been drinking. And I just go on GoDaddy and like get the web website that night. It's like three in the morning.
Speaker: And buy the domain right there. Right then and there. it was like six dollars well spent. All it took was a little tough love from Tommy. yeah That's true. And ah shortly after that, I was like, now I have to do it.
Speaker: So did you have any idea that 100 episodes later, this is what it would be? Honestly, Sydney, I didn't even like have any thought of what it would be. like When I think back when I started it, I like didn't, I knew I was supposed to, I really did feel pulled to help people.
Speaker: Because in that time I felt so alone. And you and I related over this, like we were both so lost and messy. um Not to err Sidney's life too, but she had also been divorced and it was like similar timelines, similar situations with just being married to great men, but weren't the men for us. And, but it's even if, you know, you don't have all this like hatred towards the person, i mean, your life still changes and you're just like so lost and I just felt like, gosh, every time I connected with somebody that knew a similar story like you and i it was like, gee, I really feel like more people need people to to talk about this. And I will say, as a listener myself, you can feel how authentic you are.
Speaker: You don't have to feel like you have to skip through the episodes every 15 seconds. Like you are just so engaged and your story is so authentic. And I think that speaks volumes. And that's who you are as a person too, is just a genuinely kind soul.
Speaker: Thanks, and I appreciate that. Yeah, I do think that is important, like to, to and that's what I wanted it to be is like, this is just like me being your friend. And I understand like divorce feels hard, you know, the the whole time. and And regardless of the situation, we're all just trying to figure it out, literally wandering the wild mess. So when you started the podcast, were you afraid of anything? Was it what stopped you from starting it or what made you hesitate?
Speaker: I remember the first episodes, I wish I would have had more video. I was really afraid to be on camera. I was like afraid of what people would like say, because you gotta think about the person I was before the podcast. Like I was full on married with a private social media account. Like I wasn't putting myself out there. I wasn't like creating TikToks or being seen or whatever. I had a whole different life.
Speaker: So I feel like to jump from like private social media and a wife just living in Utah with the same group of friends that she'd had for so long to like putting herself on camera for anyone to say comment,
Speaker: say like that was hard yeah like the the vulnerability it's hard because like for me you know i come from a small town you don't know like it's just like it's just uncomfortable it can feel yeah just vulnerable and you don't know what people are going say but at the end of the day you can't really worry about that because ah i feel like you have helped so many people Thanks. and And I'm glad that you're here because I know we talked about you having you on the podcast before. So it's like a big, this is like huge for me even having you on because not only have you been part of the journey and part of the story, but you also have been working on just allowing yourself to be more visible yeah and stepping into your new. And I think that's like the whole purpose of us being here is like, how can we do things that help other people shine and move to through life the way in the direction they want to move? You know what I mean? And so I'm really proud of you. thank you.
Speaker: Yes, I feel like we can all just kind of use our experiences. And i feel like that's what you do just to know that everybody's not alone and how you feel is very valid. And yeah, I just feel like just putting your story out there, somebody's going to relate to probably what you've gone through more than they're going to relate to like your wins, you know, so. 100%. Kind of what you've done too is just let people know they're not alone. And I totally agree with that because I think a lot of times like wins are great and I think share them, celebrate them. Like this is the 100th episode. I'm celebrating because I'm really proud of myself for being consistent that long. But at the end of the day, like how I was able to be so consistent was like not easy. You know, i had a lot of stories to tell about the hard things that I went through the last 100 episodes. um And so I think being honest about like the messy part,
Speaker: not the finalized, oh, now here I am in in the shining star. you know like Everything's worked out for me. A lot of people just see the highlight reels or see the end result and don't get to take the journey with you yeah down the the mess. And that kind of reminds me, like one of my listeners even wrote, when I had one of the episodes that talked about the mess, because there was a lot of messes, Sid. We might have to get into that. But... I we actually do need to. Yeah, we're going But I remember he was like, I kind of I had brought up an episode like about the messes and and he was like, I kind of forgot you did that because he'd been listening from the beginning. And he was like, you have evolved so much. So for any like new listeners, if you like there's a journey that had to happen for me to get here. 100% I was about to say that. You have to go through those rough patches. i'm so I look back and I'm so thankful now. I mean, you know, just i'm on such a I'm just doing really, really well right now. And I feel like you have to go through those times to appreciate being where you are. I'm so grateful, even though that was tough to go through. And I didn't realize what was on the other side.
Speaker: So, and I feel like that's kind of for you too, but you know, as an outsider, um you were saying that you, like you said that you were messy, but I feel like you handled it with so much grace. Like, you're like, I was so messy. And I'm like, but you were so like kind and like still had it all together from my perspective while you were wondering the mess. I know you always say that when I'm like, oh, I was so messy. And you're like, girl, you handle that way better than me I handled mine very terribly, I feel like. But, hey, that's okay. We're our own worst qui critic though, right? And we talked about this a little. Sometimes it comes based on just like your upbringing and your experiences and different things. that's Like there's a lot into play. So I i feel like it's that's why we can't really compare our journey and our things to anybody else because we all had different experiences. And I think that's like a key piece of even...
Speaker: I mean, even divorce, like looking back about things I talked about with my ex-husband, that's why I gave him so much grace because he's figuring out life for the first time too. So that's why like, I just think everyone you meet had just has their own journey.
Speaker: Yeah. And you can't define them by their mistakes. I mean, we've all made mistakes and just be understanding. I know. And Celeste just said that on the last episode of 99. She was like, you you know, you can't let your past define you.
Speaker: Literally, or they're just reliving it the rest of your life. Yeah. And I feel like people always have the opportunity to change. So it's important to not, you know, define them by things that we remember. Like, you know, people will be like, oh, remember her from high school? It's like, yeah, she's like a totally different person at this point. So. Well, is speaking of messy, we'll we'll have to bring this up because I told someone this and they were like, did you ever say that on the podcast? And you were the one there. So speaking of not defining someone by their mistakes, one of the last really messy times, because I feel like there's been a lot of evolution in my journey, was me and you at the rudder in Hendersonville.
Speaker: And somehow we got ourself on a boat. How? We did not sit out that night with the plan of getting on a boat. No, because I think it was like 8 p.m. we go, we're at the rudder. We end up talking, to you know, the night was young in our mind. and We end up talking to some people and they're like, do you want to get on our boat?
Speaker: And we're like, sure. Like, yeah, that's a great idea to go and get in the middle of a lake on a boat with people we don't even know. wait Great idea. So we get on this boat and it's kind of like it was a really nice boat. It was. It was a great time. Until there was like this this woman that was also on the boat. And we were all just having a time.
Speaker: And nothing's even happening. We're just all talking. And the woman like slaps me across the face. Like it was out of nowhere. It was literally out of nowhere. wow the I was like, did that just happen? Like I didn't believe it. Like her friend was like, well, and I was in shock. I was like, what?
Speaker: And then like her friends like, you need to apologize. And she's like, okay. Like she kind of I don't want to call someone on a gremlin, but I don't mean she looked like a gremlin But it was like this gremlin energy kind of can't explain it and she like she was like I'm sorry and then she started twisting my hand Oh, I forgot that part of it yeah And I remember I was just like I didn't even know what to do and then I like went to the back of the boat and I was like can we go back and And you're like, i can't believe you didn't like yell at that moment.
Speaker: Yes. And like funny part about that is, though I feel like we still laugh about this to that this day. um They asked for like our numbers. They're like, yeah, sure. We'll do this again.
Speaker: And he asked, I only shared my email on accident. So he sends me an email the next day apologizing for that girl. but Email. But we don't even know why this girl did that. I think that maybe she just saw a light in you that maybe she didn't see in herself.
Speaker: Yeah. I think that's what it was. Because like, I think that like your brightness, like, yeah you know, like sometimes like if you're, I don't know, it can just irritate other people that maybe don't have that. Yeah, I think she, I don't know, you know, but I think that was enough after that night that we were like,
Speaker: Maybe let's calm it down. Yeah. But that, yeah. Like that our- I mean, didn't calm it down the rest the night. I think we like had a bonfire. Like it was- It was fine. But like, that was our last like messy, like- Yes. Okay. It's not- I was like, can't do this anymore. I'm going to get slapped by strangers. Like on a boat that we don't, we get emailed about on the next day.
Speaker: So if somebody binged or listened to your podcast, what do you What do you think they would notice is changing in you? Ooh. So I feel like at the beginning, I obviously... It's crazy when I like have listened to earlier episodes. I definitely didn't start it like I would think typical podcast start, even though I guess I don't really know. But I would literally felt like I was just like recording like a long voice note to anybody that wanted to listen. Because it's not really um' like, oh, this is what you're going to get from this podcast. like If you listen to the first episode, it's kind of like...
Speaker: People ask me why I moved to Nashville and no one really knew. I left 30 days after I got divorced. a lot of people i never talked about my divorce with people that weren't in my close circle. So a lot of people were like, why'd you move to Nashville? Like what's happening? And a lot of people thought me and my ex-husband were like a really ideal couple.
Speaker: You know, like it's not like we were like, oh that couple that a lot of people know that you're like, yeah, that doesn't surprise me that they got divorced. And we were definitely the couple that I remember a girl texting me saying like, you, I finally found the love you and your husband have. And that's why we were like going through our separation. So we were definitely like, I think I wanted to like tell the story to all of the people that were wondering like,
Speaker: how could Heather and end? and and so I think if you start listening from the beginning, it's not just about me. You'll see like there's a point in your life where the life that you are living just no longer feels like you anymore. And it's the journey of like, but that's all I've ever known. What do I do now?
Speaker: Yeah. You know? And I can you know definitely relate to that. I mean, I was married and everybody thought that you know we were very ideal. And kind of it was like, I feel like it was definitely a shock whenever like it was like known that I was getting a divorce. Because yeah, like it was everything was you know? yeah, like,
Speaker: fine you know so um but yeah it's it's like I don't know. And then I decided on a Wednesday, i was like, you know what? Which I always wanted to live in a city. So I feel like that's that might have been kind of where we didn't align is in that area. But um I decided on a Wednesday, packed up my car, and I was living in Nashville. So, like, we both just packed up our old lives and moved to a city we had never lived in. And I'll say, like, I love it.
Speaker: And all the messy times, I'm like, i it makes it worth it They were fun. Like when I look back, we've talked about this before, but like, I don't know how we were doing that. Cause even that night I got the, I started the podcast and got the ah GoDaddy, wanderingthewildmess.com. Like, I'm kind of like, did I like sleep? Like, where did I sleep? yeah I don't even know.
Speaker: And I'm just, we're just like, I would never do that now. We were like, we need our bed. Like I need to take my magnesium and go to bed. yeah um So like, it just like, it's such a different era, but I feel like that's kind of what,
Speaker: the identity of death and like that shake up the divorce brings in your life is that you're like, I don't know who I am anymore. And so I just do things I don't normally do. Yeah.
Speaker: You know, it just doesn't even appeal to you anymore. I mean, same. Like you just, I'm like, how did I do that? But I'm like, I don't know. I did it. Yeah. Just trying to grasp for straws. But I did want to read um this review a guy had wrote you because it kind of like,
Speaker: Like, I feel like, you know, we as women think that we only, or that only, like, women listen to this, but it's not true. One of your best reviews was from a man.
Speaker: So i want to read it and just get your...
Speaker: Okay, it says, episode 58 nailed exactly what and why I'm going through the identity crisis that divorce creates. I've read many self-help books over the past two years, but none have provided such perspective.
Speaker: Your podcast has given me peace during this during one of the hardest seasons of my life. it helped It helped me understand my grief and how to truly move forward with an open heart full of forgiveness. I think she was built for podcasting as her mission in life. It certainly feels like it, and it has course-corrected my own path and mission.
Speaker: That was pretty powerful. Like, how did that make you feel, though? Like, to read that. Like, I feel like that has to feel like you have almost give a sense of purpose. Oh, I was like crying when I read that. yeah I still remember I was in the salon chair in Utah and I had pulled up the reviews and I think I'd been there for a minute. And I remember that right before that I had said like, do you think I need a niche? Like, should I just gear it towards, you know, just women or, you know, it' was just a thought.
Speaker: And then i read that review and I was like, now Like this is, i i was where my direction and my heart that is is for everyone. And like, you know, if you've listened on the podcast, like my dad meant so much to me and um and i I care about all people.
Speaker: um And so it just, that was like, that's like the whole.
Speaker: dang
Speaker: I think that like just you know it's like that just speaks to your podcast. You've helped people in the darkest times. And you know what it's like because you've been there.
Speaker: And I think that's why it's so easy to relate to you. Yeah, that was like really big because I really i want people to like get better and to grow and to not feel alone. So to hear like that just by talking to Mike, you could course correct someone's path.
Speaker: I don't think there's like a greater gift than that. um So that was like huge yeah for me. um I think that was like, you know, if nothing else ever came in the podcast and it helped one person and changed their life, like when I started it, that's like literally the was the mission.
Speaker: Like if it just helps one person, then it's enough. And so that was like, and I know there'd been other great reviews and I appreciate all of them. Truly, if you've ever taken the time to write me review, that means so much to me. But I think like the the length and intention and specific specificity of that review just was like, wow, this man is really like truly um touched by my podcast. and And that's all I ever wanted it to do is help people.
Speaker: Yeah. And like I said, like, like I was just kind of shocked. It was like um a man because, you know, I think a lot of times people think, oh, it's a woman podcast. No, it's like for everybody.
Speaker: Yeah. Going through a hard time. Yeah. And that that's important to me. Like, but you know, about my dad and just I think a lot of men think they can't have feelings. And I think I think there's a place for like I know I love women. I'm always like supporting women, you know, but I think it's not men against women. It's like we're all just figuring out life for the first time. And and I think it's important that that unity, you know, that's how we grow.
Speaker: Yeah. um I think that you do focus on a lot of like grace and mercy a lot of times. It's like you, you know, you like forgive people in the same way, you know, that you would want to be forgiven or, you know, I feel like, so I feel like you definitely get that out of your podcast. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. I think that. um So was there a moment that you ever thought about quitting the podcast? Yeah. Every time I've been like, should I keep doing this? I'll get like someone to like reach out and be like that last episode. Like that's what I needed to hear. So it's like every single time I think because it's a lot. I mean, i ah during all the mess and then like ka now I'm balancing a corporate job again. And like it's it's a lot. But it's like I i think when something's like your purpose, it's like, no, you just keep going.
Speaker: You know what i mean? Like you're like, i I'll keep doing it until I feel the nudge that it's not where I need to be anymore. But i I get prompted every time that I think about like this is a lot or is this reaching people? Is this helping enough people or whatever? Then someone reaches out and I'm like, OK, it's doing what it needs to do.
Speaker: It's like God is like saying like, no, this is still your purpose. Like keep going. Like you're going you're touching the people I needed to touch. Yeah. So that's awesome. Yeah. um What was there a podcast or yeah an episode that was the hardest for you?
Speaker: Yeah, i well, I feel like number one, just starting it. It was like just hitting record the first time and not cringing at like, is this good enough? Because I had no idea what I was doing. Like I literally was doing it by myself on the couch and I just never even knew. But I will say that there was a time when, um and I think it's episode 13,
Speaker: 65 when lives hit you hard this is for if life hit you hard this is for you I was going through a really hard season which is literally like a year ago now so it's crazy to see the trans like transformation from then to now and I literally was like I don't want to show up but I already had the studio booked and I already had that and it was like so hard to, because a lot of episodes are kind of positive and I'm like trying to be like, I'm motivating, I'm trying to help you with your perspective. And I was just like at such a low point. I'm like, am I just a fraud? Because I like don't have it figured out. And here I am like preaching, like everything always works out. And then i
Speaker: didn't feel like everything was working out for me in that moment. And so, um yeah, that was really hard. But I think most of the times it's kind of healing. I think the other one was when I did a poem about dear ex-husband. think it's like, and don't know, 27.
Speaker: And I kind of like read a poem that I wrote to my ex-husband. I think that one was a little hard because I think I was processing the change guilt that I felt for leaving the marriage.
Speaker: And so that one was kind of hard to get out. Yeah, that's definitely hard to carry is the guilt of just a divorce, you know, so um what do you think?
Speaker: um
Speaker: What changed in your story over the past 100 episodes? Oh my gosh, I feel like what hasn't changed, honestly. Like, if I think about it, Sid, like, think... Okay, because I met you because you were, like... hung ah You went on a date with my buddy, Billy. yeah And then we're, like... Just thinking about that time, it's like, I show up, Billy and Tommy have dates, I'm fifth-willing it, I meet you for the first time, like, I'm just there, like...
Speaker: Whatever. I'm like, dude, no one said that like we could bring like we're bringing somebody in there. Like, would you have brought something? I like, actually, no, we know my dating life. That's was non-existent. But I was like, OK, so we're rolling with it. Me and you, me. It's a heck of a night.
Speaker: yeah For Tommy's birthday. Like we were both like, oh, you were like, I got divorced here this time. And I was like, oh, I got divorced this time. We were like, oh, cheers. Like because it was like the same day. Tate. I know. we was like Our story's like perfectly aligned, so it was crazy when I met you like from that. And i then I remembered, I literally saw like an old, this is embarrassing, and the only reason I still keep Snapchat for sure is to see the old memories. But there was like a Snapchat that I had. This is must be this was like almost three years ago. um And it's like,
Speaker: oh, you know, half a bottle of wine, I'm going to Garth Brooks' new bar. like And I was meeting you. like i had only met you that once. And then you were like, on Instagram, you hit me up. You're like, come to the like Garth Brooks' new bar. like It was just when friends opened. yeah you know And then like I'm jumping in an Uber like i'm on a I don't even know, Thursday. Like it was just such a different time, you know? And I i think I said this before, but I literally, i like posted something that said me like in Nashville on five hours of sleep just to run away from the fact that I was a wife in bed by 10 p.m. That's literally like what I was doing is like we were just running away from our life. Yeah.
Speaker: And now I'm like, I'm actually like living my life and processing in it in real time and like finding the joy in not distracting. And so I think that's like the biggest thing is that when I started the podcast, I didn't know where my life was going. And I so i guess I still don't, but I am actually in a whole different mindset, you know, and I think like my faith has become important to me too, which is something that I've always kind of like not known um and in the ways that I do now. So I think that's, you know, changed a little bit of my heart posture.
Speaker: Yeah, I can definitely see it in you. um You know, just God shining through. You've always been like a really bright light, but like and now it's like you're like an LED light. like You're like shining really bright now. He like turns it up. Yeah. Like only God can do. Yeah. And I think the crazy thing, too, is like I feel like our lives have always aligned in some way, somehow. Like and we I feel like both have full circle, like we're back to like living in our life for Jesus.
Speaker: And I know for me, the past three to four years was extremely messy. And, you know, I was doing the best that with what I knew. And I think that just like God just like came in and just like changed it. And and I've changed one thing in my life.
Speaker: And it's like he is just like, if you would just listen to what I told you the first time, like. We could have been here a lot a lot faster. Like the fact that you had to take all these detours is your own fault, which I know. Yeah. But um anyway, it it again, it just ah makes me appreciate where I'm at now.
Speaker: And i the crazy thing is that like when we met, like you were i mean you were married to a pastor's son. So like that's a totally different experience than me. And I bring that up only because you were always more like strong in your faith or at least talking about it. I mean, I'm just there kind of listening because I accept everybody's beliefs. all you know Everyone has their own journey. um But I wasn't like there yet. I feel like it was more. And so now as it's kind of circled but back, it's been cool that we've like came back to it together. yeah um Because I definitely feel like you had that more in the back of your mind. And like to your point about, I do think you hear the nudges and you know the right things to do, but not you're not always ready to be the person that does those things. yeah
Speaker: You know, and and sometimes it's like, I think that's why we, until you kind of, and I have episodes like my, one of my most listened to is the one on ah identity, right? Like so why self-concept changes everything. And that's true because you, you do the things that you do and the actions and the decisions from the person that you believe to be.
Speaker: Right. And so like when you feel like you're worthy of those things and you have that relationship With God, you just move different, I think. Yeah, I remember. Like, I'll never forget that comment that you made to me because, like it like, it really meant a lot to me. When you were, like, when I moved to Nashville, you were one of the only people that ever mentioned God. And I'm like, and I was that messy? And that still stuck with you? I'm like, because i I heard our pastor say one day, like, you don't have to be, like,
Speaker: perfect like if I tell you that all those chickens good you might go try it just because I told you you know so even though i wasn't fit for that that just really stuck to with me that you saw that in me yeah thank you for that Heather so um also too I what do you what has surprised you about your listeners I feel like for me like i want to go first yeah I feel like that's kind of cool but I was kind of shocked when you said you had listeners on every like 50 states now I think Yeah, remember how I got Alaska? I literally like posted the picture of all the states that download the podcast and I was like, and Alaska was the only one. And I was like, does anyone live in Alaska and want to listen to my podcast?
Speaker: I like... And there's a random guy like right back later, like not random. I what i can't remember his name, so I wish I could. And thank you, sir. Shout out to I think I don't remember what he like said the city like I would know it because I've never been to Alaska. So I don't remember what it was because it wasn't Anchorage. And that's like all I know. But he was like, I just listened your last episode. And he was like, the squirrel's not worried about its five year plan. Like he quoted the podcast. And I was like, he did listen because that was like mid episode.
Speaker: Yeah. So, um yeah, like that's cool that all over the country is like listening um to the podcast. I think it's just goes to show that everybody's wandering the wild mess like of life, you know. yeahp and that's really cool for me um to have people find it, you know, all over and like relate.
Speaker: That's huge. I think that's where we all feel the most connected is when someone's like, oh my gosh, are we the same person? Like, that's exactly how I feel. Like I had a girl listen to number 90 about when I said when I knew I had to leave my marriage.
Speaker: And she's like, it felt like looking in the mirror. And I think sometimes that's so healing when you're like, it's not just me. And that's kind of how we bonded. Yeah. It's because it's like, oh, it's not just me that felt the guilt about leaving, that felt this, that wants to be a better person, that wants to do the right things, but is still doing the wrong things. Yep.
Speaker: You know, because I feel like that was a lot and you know, you have to give yourself grace. You probably still are going to make mistakes, but um yeah, I think that's been cool.
Speaker: Just my listeners kind of like finding something in the episode that they needed to hear. Yeah, I think one of my favorite things that I've heard you say on the podcast is um either way, time will pass. And that stuck with me. i think that was one of your like, I mean, that was probably like an episode for like two years ago. Like it's been a long time ago, but it's just like i am kind of a risk averse person. So when I think about changing something in my life, I kind of hear that in my head of you saying that either way, time will pass. So you can change your situation or you cannot, but either way, time will pass.
Speaker: And everything always works out. Everything always works out. And that's the biggest thing. I love it when people are like, oh, I was thinking of you and I think everything always works out. Because that, I mean, regardless, and I want people to see that on my journey, I guess, now that you're saying looking back, is like, look, has it been this perfect path?
Speaker: Absolutely not. Have I been perfect? Have I, you know, absolutely not. But it's always worked out. Yeah. You know, and I think that belief is a big piece of it. Like you have to just be like,
Speaker: You know, no matter what comes your way, no matter how low you can feel, like there is a purpose in it. You can take a lesson. you can The experience is always good. I mean, it always works out. Even the episodes I've listened to after and I'm like, I don't like that that much. It worked out. No one's like, oh, I've never listened to the podcast again. Episode 55 was horrible. Like, you know, like we I think we just make things a bigger deal sometimes and no one cares. And I recently heard someone say this and I know this. They were like, we often are so worried about other people's perception and what they're going to think. And it's like, dude, someone may think about you and what you're doing for five seconds. And then they're thinking about paying their rent yeah or like the date they're going on or like the situation with their parents or whatever. Like no one's.
Speaker: focusing on your life that much. So why are we so like worried about perception when it's it's just, you know, we're trying to protect o ourselves for what someone might think, which we'll never have any idea. It's not any of our business. And they're probably not even thinking of us much longer than a moment. It's ah a thought, a fleeting thought.
Speaker: And I think that comes down to like, you know, your intentions are never like, you know, you think trying to wonder what people think as long as your intentions are good. And it's like, that's all you can do. You can't control their people's thoughts or how they think of things. 100%. Intentions are key. I think that all the time, even as i I know that I'll, you know, as I talk about things on the podcast, like, well, everyone like it, what I say. And it's like, well, it's probably not for everyone.
Speaker: yeah You know, and that'll it'll connect with the right people and it won't with the others. And that has to be OK, you know, because that's who I am. And if something I say comes across some way to someone, it's like,
Speaker: I can't control that. And the people that really, truly know my heart and know my intentions will will take it the way that it's meant. They'll just know me. And the ones that don't, it's like I still wish them well, you know, but like I'm probably not for you.
Speaker: Yes, I agree with that 100%. So if the Heather who bought Wondering the Wild Miss could see sitting here recording episode 100, what do you think she would say?
Speaker: I'm so glad we're not drinking. Yes. That has been like the most life-changing thing. Like Heather, we, like, I say that as we, for me anyways, it's like all these blessings, like if as soon as I stopped, it's like the floodgates open, like everything fell into place. And I know that might not be everybody's case again. Like, I don't know, but for me, it's like everything just worked out. And what was falling apart was actually truly like, I mean this with everything in me was falling together.
Speaker: 100%. It's helpful to like make just different decisions. I just realized that a lot of that was about escaping. And I know that's not for everyone. And that wasn't really my thing until I got divorced and then I'm moving to Nashville. I mean, it's such a, it's a drink in town.
Speaker: you're going out, that's like the lifestyle here. And again, I'm not shaming it. I had some of the best. We had some of the best times. i have some great memories. If you listen to the episodes, there are really cool things that I did. And I haven't even talked about all of them because I was just buzzed enough to jump in an Uber with guys I didn't even know. And the next, to you know, like there was a lot of cool times like.
Speaker: Thank you for the protection, literally, because I made some poor decisions, you know, and way late nights at Red Door. And, you know, we i mean, literally half a bottle of wine. I'm going to Garth's new bar for the opening on a Thursday. Like, I don't even know how I was like surviving that. But I'm just in such a different season. And it's like...
Speaker: Right now, it just feels so nice to be like so much more clear minded and have processed all the emotions that I was trying to suppress by distracting myself.
Speaker: And it wasn't just with drinking. It was just with things to do. I couldn't really like sit with myself that long. um I needed like plans. I needed like things to be on my calendar because I didn't want to just be like, this is my life now and it's boring.
Speaker: And I've learned in this this recent really lonely or season of my life right now of how many times I've just been alone and I've had to just be like, all right, God, I mean – I'm in my, I'm isolated. Like everything, a lot's been ripped out of my life. a lot of relationships have been pulled away. a lot of things have been gone and I'm just, I'm just growing, you know? I think that's one of the harder parts is, I don't know, I just like really love like just connection with people. And I think for me, it was the connections with people, like people, you know, that he has taken out of my life. That's probably been the hard part for me.
Speaker: You know, just having to let those people that were in my season for what they were supposed to be there for. And then now they're gone for me. That was like really tough to like have to let that go.
Speaker: I think that's hard for everyone and like at some point where you lose friendships. Because in the episode I talked about, i I didn't know I'd have to start over this many times. I think it's 98.
Speaker: That was literally like losing my old best friend even before the divorce was just the first thing that got ripped out of my life. you know um And then all of those things like created who I am. but you have to learn to adapt to like losing people and that nothing's permanent. And that was, I mean, I learned that at 26 when my dad died.
Speaker: I mean, I learned that like, that was a wake up call of a lifetime of like, not everyone's going to be in your life as long as you want them to. I think that, yeah, that is so hard for me because I just like love so hard.
Speaker: And I mean, I grieve my dad every day of my life and that's never going to change, you know, and um and I've talked about it before. Like i then I grieved him again after, you know, I lost my ex-husband or divorced or my ex-husband because then it was the first time I was alone without either of them.
Speaker: um And so it's like I i think, though, You just, you do get to build a better relationship um with whatever, you know, obviously, like now I'm in my faith, but um that's helpful because that's kind of you have, I talk about in the episodes, like all you have is yourself. Thankfully, I've been able to take that burden off and it's not just me anymore, but...
Speaker: yeah I think that's why I think it's so important. I wish more people could have that in their life because it is heavy trying to carry it all alone. And that's what I was doing. um And there was many nights where I literally like cried on the floor. Like you took my dad away and now I'm just here by myself.
Speaker: Yeah. um And that was really hard. But you know what i mean? But I mean, I can still be positive because it's like everyone, not everyone is in your life all forever. And most people aren't.
Speaker: Yeah, I feel like after, and i'm I'm, you know, dealing with this right now is just when you are growing as a person, which I feel like we can all grow. We all have some area we can grow in pretty often. But um when you don't align anymore, it's just it's tough because you can't really keep them in your life because you don't really have anything like you.
Speaker: Your mindset's so different. You can't relate to them. And it's not that you don't love them and wish them the best. But you're like, I'm going here and we can't stay here to get to here. you know Yeah. And that was the divorce side for me. I think we just... It's like you can either grow together or grow apart, right? And that's like the... Those are the two paths. And you can't stunt your own growth to stay back for someone else. i just don't... I don't think that you can. And so the hope...
Speaker: with anyone that you keep have in your life is that they, you know, you guys can learn to grow together. I think that's why it's so important to like really be, you know, intentional about the people that you bring into your life or especially the people that you think about marrying because it's like, I need to know this person's willing to grow with me. It's one thing if we're compatible at this point in time of my life, but is this person willing to grow and continue to progress together?
Speaker: or are they going to want to stay stagnant in the life that they know? And those are two different types of people. Some people are more growth minded and some people aren't. And it's okay if you're not, but if you're a growth minded person with someone that wants to stay in their same routine,
Speaker: It's not going work. It's not going to work. Like one person's not going to be happy that this person's going to pretend they're growing and they're not going to want to and they're going to be screaming in the whole way through or this person's going to hold themselves back and resent the person that they never got the life they wanted.
Speaker: And that was one of the biggest things I learned in my divorce. um And that's why i think we all just need to like think about um the people in our life as, you know, if we want them for the long haul, we have to think about the type of character they have, not just the point in time.
Speaker: Yeah. And I um obviously, you know, I got married really young and I went to college, graduated, got married. And then i was like, OK, well, let me go back to school. So I got my master's degree and then I was like, OK, now I have my master's degree. And I knew my hometown. There wasn't really anything that probably I could do with that. And I always knew that I wanted to be.
Speaker: in like a big city and so um i think that like whenever i really look back i'm like had i had known i feel like i went from a like i grew i was growing like i was getting my degrees i was growing i was ready to go to a bigger city and it was just like not that he wasn't trying to grow at all that's not what i'm saying but it's just like you just start to grow and evolve and you just have to like i don't know just really figure that out before you yeah choose your partner so But when people hear Wondering the Wild Miss, what do you hope they feel?
Speaker: Loved. I love that. I feel like that is very accurate. Yeah. Because you do love. um I've seen people, like, you know, do some hurtful things. and I mean, I feel like we both are, like, just love them. Like, just love them.
Speaker: Yeah. Like, we don't know what they're going through. I was that person that needed to be loved at one point, so. I think I think everyone, you know, everyone deserves love. Everyone anytime that someone's like really sad or angry, it's like I just know that they're hurting and they don't feel seen because that's it's almost like a little kid when you like see a little kid throwing a tantrum. It's like I think I talked about this in that episode about if men are feeling like they're carrying their emotions. It's too heavy. I'm trying to remember what.
Speaker: episode, but it's a good one. And I do feel like sometimes if we don't share our emotions and we can't talk about it, we don't feel anyone cares or anyone sees us, then it comes out in like anger and frustration and negativity and hate and all those kinds of emotions. And so that's why I think it's just important to like try to just find love in people. Like I, you know, not be quick to anger because I just, yeah, that's just really important to me. I'm hoping, I mean, I know, and it probably sounds like, I'm for sure for some people that it's like, don't know me or like, it's so cheesy. Like I told you about that one boyfriend I had, he was like, you just, I think I've said this before, but I always sticks with me because I realized that people that don't know me are probably like, but they're like, he was like, it's just like, you're so nice. It's like fake. Like it kind of might be fake, like sounds fake. And I'm like,
Speaker: my family's like even nicer than me. So like you haven't. just hadn't experienced that kind of like. And realized that it does kind of seem weird if you've never like experienced it, you know? And i just hope that people can see that there are really good people, you know what I mean? And like,
Speaker: I don't know, inspires them to be a little bit kinder, you know? Yeah, I feel like definitely like people you just never know what they're like going through has nothing to do with you. Because I remember one day, like i'll something you said and I like read into it and then you like explained later and I was like, so I like went down this whole rabbit hole of like overthinking and it had nothing to do with me at all. So yeah, I think that just giving people like just looking at it from more than one view is so important. Yes. Most things that have nothing really to do with us and everything to do with how, you know, that person feels about themselves.
Speaker: Right. Yep. Um, I don't know, Sydney. I mean, we're getting close to the end. I mean, this is episode 100, so I'm just like taking it all in. It's just kind of like crazy to even think about. And having Sydney on too, like I said, I wanted you to be able to share part of your story. And I was was telling Celeste, who was on the last episode this earlier, like how much it means to me to like,
Speaker: bring you on because I know i've seen so much great growth in you. So it's like very important to me to be able to like it. This isn't really just about me. Like wandering a wild mess is never about me. It's about letting other people feel important to feel like love, to feel like they shine, to feel like they matter. And and I want that to feel that way for you. yeah And that's why I was so happy that you would be here because I knew it was something you wanted to do, but you were a little bit hesitant of. And I know that feeling of not being ready to show up and be seen can be like overwhelming and so it just means a lot it's kind of like two birds you know I don't like that term but like you know to be able to like have you on full circle and then have it like you get to kind of share a little and do something you are like a little bit afraid to do you know Yeah, I think just because like, it's just when I look back, I'm like so embarrassed about how I acted like for the past three years about some things. But I'm like, you know what, like, I feel like I heard a lot of people I did made a lot of choices that were like really poor. And now I'm looking at it clearly. And I remember you saying when like i I was like, Heather, I've complained about this to you so many times. And I was like, I'm surprised you haven't told me to stop. And you were like, well, I knew you would in your own time. And I was like, so you just like literally loved me through it. And that meant so much because I think that, you know, a lot of people would probably be like, okay, she's complained about this, but she's not doing anything. But you listened, you sat, you talked to me, you were like just so kind about it. And you just still showed up for me, even whenever I probably didn't deserve it.
Speaker: You always deserved it, Sid. Thank you. But ah no, I mean, I've learned that very much to be true, that people just have to find the answer on their own. Yeah. Like you can kind of guide them, but like people don't change until they're ready. 100%.
Speaker: hundred percent And i think that's I mean, and i'm i knew I think I knew in your heart that you would because I could always see that you wanted to. i could always see that you took accountability. And I want to say something to said, like when you were saying, like, for the last three years, like you did a lot of things that were wrong, like in the people that I've talked to about the podcast, that have been divorced. I don't think anyone has been completely proud of their post divorce journey. I think anyone that can relate to post-divorce makes decisions they never would have made, says things they never would have said, does things they never would have did. Like they don't act like themselves. I remember when Brad was on, um I think it was 97, and he was like, yeah, I heard a lot of people in the process.
Speaker: sure I've heard that from a lot of people. And so I i mean, I hope you can kind of release that shame of, you know, because it's just I get it Some people might not forgive and that's their prerogative. Right.
Speaker: But I think at the end of the day, like you were doing the best you could with who you were at that point in time. And now you just have to let it go and not let it define you, you know? Yeah. And and that took me a long time.
Speaker: Like the guilt thing was a long time. But now I feel like I'm finally at the place where I just feel i mean, you have moments, but I just I think the divorce is behind me. And that's kind of what I wanted to say really quick. Like, obviously, I'm always going to want to help people with this experience because I've gone through it. But in this next one hundred episodes, I'd be crazy to think about like, Here's the 200th episode. um And I have my friend Emma Shepard in the studio watching. And I love that because she started a podcast after us meeting. And so I wast i was saying my 200th episode. I can't even wait to see where she's at with her podcast and all the things she's doing by the time that happens. But um like I definitely I know starting over is just like that's the thing. You know, this podcast, I think, is starting over or trusting your path. I think there's going to be a number of times in your life that we start over, whether it's a new job, new relationship, new city, new partner, new friendships. Like we're always forever feeling like we're starting over in some way.
Speaker: And i think that will be like kind of the next gen. I don't know if that's like what the kids are saying these days, but like um of the podcast is like helping people through um that forever starting over. Yeah.
Speaker: You know? One of my favorite sayings I heard somebody say last week was people aren't gonna people aren't going to just go around bragging about their skeletons in their closet. And really that really hit me because I do beat myself up about the things and the choices that I've made, but I'm like, that was good. i was like, they don't because we all have skeletons in our closet. 100%, and I honestly feel like that's where why I kind of have the pull to share like my honesty about all of the things that I've done is because i feel like You know when you're like, I'm a big sister, so I'm the oldest. So I think sometimes you're like, I'll do something so my little sister isn't afraid.
Speaker: And so I feel like when I'm the person that's like sharing my truth and then someone else is like, oh, I can do it. I won't be afraid. It's like you just need to see someone else doing it.
Speaker: And then you're like, oh, it's not that scary. Yeah. Like she admitted that. She said, you know what I mean? And so I feel like that's why it's important sometimes to just be like vulnerable with our emotions so other people can be like, oh, well, this girl like seems like she has her life together and she also has all this mess that she did. And and like she's still confident and happy and whatever. I always say have low moments. Like obviously I...
Speaker: watch my YouTube back and I'm like, please, Charles, like random from North Dakota, don't write something rude, please. You know, like I think about that. But like, I'm also like, if he does, he's probably just having a bad day, you know. um But, you know, but at the end of the day, like I know that this is my purpose. And so none of the rest really matters, you know, like The mistakes I made were probably for me to share them at some point in my life um so that other people can be like, oh, she survived it. Yeah.
Speaker: You know? um So I don't really want to make any more real big mistakes because I feel like I've had enough. But, you know. i think I've asked you this before. Have you ever – like, because I feel like you're – Wondering the Wild Mess kind of meant something different at the beginning. I think I asked you, but I don't remember what you said. Would you ever consider changing the name or do you think – So I've thought about that because it's like, is this still a wild mess? Yeah, because feel like it's like a very confined, like it's not ah it's not a wild mess anymore. it's I don't know. But I do think, you know, I do. i recently like made a reel and I wrote like just about my real emotions about, I think I said, if someone asked, how's your life? um How's life? I can't necessarily say that last night I cried in the shower asking God, why is this the way it is?
Speaker: And then the very next moment I pull into my driveway and I say, thank God for everything that I have. And then the very next moment I'm sitting at my own kitchen table thinking, am I going to be sitting here alone for the rest of my life? And then I also think, oh, like I'm so grateful for all the blessings in my life, like the all the the opportunity to build a life I love even by myself. It's beautiful.
Speaker: And there's just so many human emotions that that I think it it will always be like wild a wild mess. Because each season that you navigate something new, it feels uncomfortable.
Speaker: It kind of feels like this is wild. Like the thought of, and we're so far from this that I should probably, because we're about to wrap it up, but like ah like I'll honestly think, am i I'm not going to be alone forever, but then I'm like, okay, if I like had a boyfriend, which sounds crazy to even say that word after being a wife, but like that would be a wild. like you know what I mean? like I've been single for so long. We've talked about that. I like i went on one date in like almost two years. So to actually have someone enter my life again, that will be like a whole other starting over season because I don't even know what that will feel like again.
Speaker: And so i that's what I thought of when I thought about the name. I'm like, I do think that as this is just an isolating, more quiet season of my life, but I have no doubt that the road ahead for me is going to be filled with lots of times where to be like, this is a wild mess. Yeah.
Speaker: You know, as the podcast grows, as I, you know, God willing, meet im an amazing partner to like navigate life with as I meet new friends through just, you know, as my friends start doing cool stuff, Emma takes me on a private jet like we don't know. And so like all of these things are going to happen and they're going to feel wild and they might be messy, you know, and so different way it's just a different way. Yeah. It started out like, you know, um Broadway and too many, you know, tequila soda waters. And now it's like, yeah.
Speaker: And now it's like, hey, are you meeting me at church on Sunday? Yeah, I was thinking like we went to the sounds game Friday night and I had a Diet Coke and you had um a water and i was like, my, how did this change? did the times have turned? Six dollars for an Aquafina. That's not even good.
Speaker: But Heather, honestly, I know that you said we're running out of time, but it's just been an honor to sit here and thank you for letting me be part of the 100th. It's been awesome. And I'm so thankful to have you as a friend.
Speaker: I am so thankful for you, Sydney. I think it's just, um yeah, it's been, it's full circle. Like from that night in the car with Tommy literally dropping us off. And before we wrap up, I just, we, that night was like wild. We like, remember we went to this hotel and you're like,
Speaker: no, we cannot go in there. gave out like the SWAT to you. I was like, no, no, no, go, go, go. So I don't even want to know. We're not going to get into whatever. But I was like, we were like, all right. And then we end up going to this other house party. Don't even ask me. um We're like grown women. We're like, we're going to this house party. And our buddy Tommy's just driving us. um Shout out to Tommy. He's like our sober driver.
Speaker: And we go into this house party and I feel like Tommy thought he had to be like our protection. Like it was like definitely an interesting house party. um And like to think that was the night and that was the person that I was when I like got wandering the wild mess and to now just how much has changed. it's It's just, I just want anyone that if they're in like the early stages of like starting over a divorce, like they're just feeling so messy, so lost. Like what am I doing with my life? Who am I? Like give yourself grace and let you,
Speaker: process the moments that you need to process because so many of those things that happened my life like I know they were intentionally part of my journey. yeah I don't think I could go into this next season had I not had the opportunity to be a little wild and messy. I think it was good for my soul. They're not all good decisions but I think it was good for my soul. It was good for my growth. It was something I never really experienced and i think when I look back at you know when I'm 110 And I look back at my life and I'm like, gosh, you know, it was only a couple of wild years in Nashville, but those were the best times, you know, just because I got to do things, you know, that a lot of cool people too. Yeah. So many cool people. And I don't regret any of that. So yeah, if you're feeling messy and you're feeling lost, like it will like trust your path, no matter how messy it looks, that will always be the the theme for the podcast because
Speaker: There's going to be moments it's just going to look messy, but it's going to work out. It always works out for you. so It always works out. I feel like sometimes I'll just be looking up for a parking spot, and be like, it always works out for me. And it comes from you just saying that all the time, which is so funny. It's just in my brain now. so Yes, yes. All right, so we'll wrap this up, Sydney. And I just want to thank, first and foremost, well, ah this is not first and foremost. This is at the end. But I just want to thank every single last person that's listened to the podcast. It truly means so much to me, um especially like if you share the episode, you reach out to me, you tell me how it's helped you. Like that matters to me. I'm not saying you have to do it, but I love it. I love it even more. Like if you write a review and I'm not trying to, I'm just saying like, because I want more people to find the show. And I know that there's so much more to come in this next season. But um if there's anyone in your life that you feel like needs this message,
Speaker: send it to them because we're all just here navigating things. And i just love you so much for listening to the end of this episode. I know that sounds so cheesy, but um I'm so very grateful. So again, I'll end it by telling you that even when you don't know how it's going to work out, you don't know if you should do it. If your heart is telling you to hit record, do that thing, move to that city, leave that thing that you know is no good for you behind, trust it.
Speaker: and let it all work out for you. This was Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.
