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0411/042: Zubat & Golbat
18 Plays1 month ago
Meet Zubat and Golbat, the only reason we use repel in the games. There eye-conic guys will make you brush up on your bat facts... but give you more questions than answers. Where are your feet, Zubat? Not those useless flapping things you got going on.
Join Katherine and Claudia as they stumble through the Pokédex and figure out which of these Pokemon might be semi-edible in a podcast full of stupidity and laughs.
New episodes every Saturday Morning!
Unown Radio is brought to you by Mugstain Productions.
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-Links: https://linktr.ee/unownradio
- Pokemon are licensed to Nintendo
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Transcript
Introduction to Unknown Radio
00:00:01
Speaker
This is a Muckstain Productions podcast.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, homies and trainers, and welcome back to Unknown Radio, your Mugstain production Pokemon talk show, where we take a peek at every single Pokemon the Pokedex. As always, I'm Claudia, and I'm here with my partner in crime, Catherine.
00:00:37
Speaker
Hello, I'm Catherine. I bring the facts. No, I don't bring the facts. I bring the pizazz, and Claudia brings the facts. And ah together we create unknown radio. Today we're off to a banging start today. We
Zubat: Design and Critique
00:00:51
Speaker
are failing so badly.
00:00:53
Speaker
I'm distracted by the birds. I won't lie. On that note, not quite a bird, but today we're going to be doing number 41 and number 42 in the Pokedex. And this is Zubat.
00:01:05
Speaker
I'm not looking forward to this. He's so shit. He's just not good. I just don't think... You're going to change my mind. I don't see it. He might be shit, but he is a bit iconic.
00:01:18
Speaker
He doesn't have any eyes to be iconic. Does he not have eyes? No. not at all. Oh, man. right.
00:01:28
Speaker
um can get on board with that. A wild Zubat appeared. wild Zubat. Fuck off, Zubat. No one likes you. so Anyway, he's... right. What's his tagline? Oh, what's his tagline?
00:01:41
Speaker
The useless bat. ah Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much bang on the bat Pokemon. The bat Pokemon. But obviously useless you useless has to be in parentheses.
00:01:53
Speaker
Yeah. Either side. Yeah. What does he look like? He's purple but blue and he's got big old ears and tooth. He's got four tooths. Purple but blue?
00:02:05
Speaker
Because he's got a blue body with purple wings. Yeah. So isn't that blue but purple? um so I said what I said, actually. I'm sticking with it.
00:02:19
Speaker
ah Okay. You're right. He is a blue bat with purple bits, four tooth, big mouth, blue eye, no eyes. Why did I say blue eyes? No eyes. um The shiny version is kind of cute because it's green.
00:02:33
Speaker
It's green but yellow. Or yellow but green. Oh, I can get board with that. I like the sound of him. He kind of looks like a ah fruit. An unripe lemon. He does.
00:02:45
Speaker
It's like a citrus blend. Citrus
Zubat: Attributes and Misconceptions
00:02:48
Speaker
blend. So he is is a poison flying type. he is His wingspan, I'm assuming, is two foot seven inches.
00:02:59
Speaker
And he weighs 16.5 pounds, which 7.5 kgs. pounds which is seven point five kgs He's quite a big boy. two foot Two foot seven is large.
00:03:10
Speaker
That's quite a big boy. Quite a big boy for a bat. I wouldn't want to meet him in a cave. Yeah. No, because, you know, a wild Zubat appeared. oh fucking wild Zubat.
00:03:22
Speaker
So that's the only time I ever used Repel on the games. The only time. I'm like, nope. Oh, 100%.
00:03:30
Speaker
Yeah. It's always in the caves. And then because you don't have the vision, so you have you have to just go around in the little space that you can see. So you have to hug all the walls. Yeah.
00:03:42
Speaker
The new game, the Let's Go Eevee, Let's Go Pikachu, they don't know how easy they got it, right? Because you can light up that whole screen. You don't have to deal with that really small little circle.
00:03:55
Speaker
And then you can see most of the stuff in the overworld. So like there isn't a chance that every space is going to have a fucking Zubat on it. Exactly. like you yeah They don't know how good they got it. That's all I'm saying.
00:04:09
Speaker
that little That cave honestly took me like so long today. ah still think I'm slightly traumatised by it. i will I refuse to go back to those games just because of that.
00:04:21
Speaker
Yeah, no, I'm um'm with you actually. um If I could just skip that part... I'll play it again every day. the The one part you cheat on is just to go through the walls. Yeah. Just one side to the other.
00:04:33
Speaker
Fuck this. Or that little ice bit. You know, what was that in the first game as Where you slide everywhere. That's either in the second or third games. Maybe Silver Gold Crystal. I hated that.
00:04:48
Speaker
Either or Either way. Terrible. back The games now are far much easier. That's all I'm saying. Mm-hmm. too easy on kids nowadays. They are. Kids just don't understand the struggle of a tiny little dot.
00:05:04
Speaker
They've got no resilience. No resilience, no stick-to-itiveness. Everything is handed to them. But to be fair, this is why we're in therapy now. ah This is why we have got trust issues.
00:05:16
Speaker
So ah the name Zubat comes from bat and Zubato. Yeah, Zubato, which is a Japanese onomatopoeia for a piercing sound.
00:05:29
Speaker
Oh, I like that, actually. Yeah. Yeah. So like echolocation. Zubato does just sound like the Spanish version of Zubat. So you ready to learn a little bit about the Zubat?
00:05:40
Speaker
Absolutely. So Zubat is based on vampire bats. It's poison typing likely comes from poison bats, poison bats, from vampire bats secreting anticoag, scientific word, anticoag, coagulants.
00:05:59
Speaker
You know what that is, right? but it's Yeah, I I know talking about. Okay. It secretes that in their saliva to keep blood flowing when they bite their prey. Okay. So interesting fact about Zubat.
00:06:12
Speaker
Its lack of eyes may be a reference to how bats rely prelimin- I can't read today. Old word. That bats rely prior primarily on echo, primarily, on echolocation to navigate their surroundings, as well as the common misconception that bats are blind.
00:06:31
Speaker
I thought they were, so I am also commonly misconceived. Yeah, are they not blind? Apparently not. It's a common misconception. Well, I've learned something today. Right. And then that's ah where the old saying, blind as a bat came from.
00:06:45
Speaker
Oh yeah, of course. We've been live too. We have all these years. Are moles blind? I don't know. and Maybe we'll find out when we get to Diglett.
00:06:57
Speaker
Oh, I'm buzzing. I can't wait for the Diglett episode. So the Zubat Pokedex entries state that they dislike sunlight and that's a reference of how ah the tales of vampires get harmed when they come into contact with sunlight.
00:07:12
Speaker
That checks out. All right. To the facts of our actual boy Zuba. And I know you're super excited about this. Can you tell? Is it all in my voice? My voice sounds full of joy.
00:07:24
Speaker
Right. We're going to make this exciting. You ready? I'm pumped. Okay. One of the most common cases worldwide. The enthusiasm.
00:07:35
Speaker
Zubac can be found in every known region. We know this because we always see them. They're every fucking where. They form huge colonies in caverns numbering up to thousands of individuals.
00:07:50
Speaker
Yeah, I think I found every single one in FireRed. Every one of those thousand soup bats. ah Imagine for a second that you're in a cave, right?
00:08:01
Speaker
Yeah. You look up and you see 1,002 foot 7 bats. two foot seven bat Yeah. Is that horrible? Yeah. i The thing is, right, I think I'd freeze.
00:08:14
Speaker
yeah I don't think I'd be able to do anything. Right. Because a thousand bats, like, bats are the size of your hand. Normal bats are small. A thousand of them expected. Yeah. Two foot seven is like the size of a corgi.
00:08:29
Speaker
And there's also like a lot of tith to look at. Yeah, and those weird sticks that come out of their butt. I assume they were legs. Are they not legs?
00:08:41
Speaker
Where are the feet? I don't know. I just always assumed they were legs. Okay, yeah, now now I have questions. um How do they hang upside down if they don't have feet?
00:08:53
Speaker
Are they like tentacles?
00:08:58
Speaker
Maybe their feet are just really small. Well, maybe it's not feet, it's like possum tails. so like just around the bread just like parcel surely they can't hang upside down how do they sleep that's how they hang up yeah so they have to do it and they have to use those but there's no feet there's no claws they look like sticks but what if what if they're like tails and they like monkey tails I don't know.
00:09:25
Speaker
I just thought they were legs. research. I can't. You've gone too far. Like, now you've confused me. See, I research the Pokemon. I look through all the Pokedex entries, but there's always one thing i don't notice until I talk to you about it.
00:09:40
Speaker
Why is it this? ah Why? I don't know. i'm good um guys thanks on you again How Zubats hang upside down? You tell me the next fact.
00:09:52
Speaker
Okay. So without eyes or noses, Zubat navigate the winding dark caves using echolocation. They admit ultrasonic cries to fly safely using their keen hearing to detect potential dangers.
00:10:05
Speaker
It's a bat. They have got big ears, so that makes sense. Right. And they've got big mouths, so they can go, eh-eh! Oh, the better to eat you with.
00:10:18
Speaker
My dear. So at night, the Zubat may leave their caves in large groups with as many as 10,000 individuals having been documented leaving from caverns where they are more abundant, such as Mount Moon.
00:10:33
Speaker
So 10,000 flying corgi-sized monkey bats leave Mount Moon in the dead of night. Mm-hmm. but ah I don't know.
00:10:43
Speaker
I don't know. ah i don't even know what to say to that. That's terrifying. I wonder when they fly if their little tail legs flap in the wind. Right. Okay. According to Reddit, the best source for all our facts that we need. Yep.
00:10:59
Speaker
Somebody says, i imagine them to be tails. Okay. Right. And another person has said, I've never seen a Zubat sat down. And that's a very good point.
00:11:10
Speaker
How do we know that they hang upside down? that Yeah, that's a fair point. And another one says, I assume they have a secretion on their underside that allows them to cling to cave ceilings.
00:11:21
Speaker
Now, why do they have to secrete things? Why can't they just use their tails? i They have no feet, is all I've learnt. And they secrete from their belly.
00:11:33
Speaker
they How do they sleep? No, I've never Maybe they just lay on ground. yeah oh Maybe they dig like a little hole.
00:11:44
Speaker
ah You know what I mean? Like them burrowing snakes. Got no feet. It's got no foot. So as they search for food on these night flights, which contrary to popular belief and unlike the diets of their evolutions, their ah diet consists mostly of nectar, fruits and your favorite.
00:12:08
Speaker
Berries. Berries. I'm sad though, because now when you ask me the question, what do they eat? We already know. We already know. It's already in the Pokemon. were really clutching at Stroulter, your facts, if you have to add in one of those, didn't you?
00:12:20
Speaker
Right, I really have. Look, it might be in every Pokemon game, but everybody hates this bitch, so there's not going to be an abundance of information. So as daylight
Introducing Golbat: Evolution and Characteristics
00:12:31
Speaker
approaches, Zubat must return to their caves or other dark places as the light of the sun can burn their fairy delicate skin.
00:12:38
Speaker
Same. Aww. So they're like, yeah, not gingers. Yeah. Zubats and gingers, the thing they have in common. So to stay warm on cold nights, Zubat will huddle together in groups as they sleep.
00:12:52
Speaker
See? Huddle together. maybe they'd like lay a little dog pile on the ground.
00:12:59
Speaker
I was thinking more like penguins. So they, yeah, they fold up their little, oh yeah, they can wrap each other in the wings and then they take turns being in the middle. So how do they move around? See, I assume it's more like penguins.
00:13:11
Speaker
It's changed our whole perceptive of this. Who's the little spoon tonight? Or maybe they can use, like they can use their um wings to kind of push themselves up.
00:13:22
Speaker
You know what I mean? Like when people don't have legs, they move around. I thought they had legs.
00:13:29
Speaker
It's now even worse. You know what I mean.
00:13:34
Speaker
so they, yeah, they fold up their little, oh yeah, they can wrap each other in the wings and then they take turns being in the middle. Who's the little spoon tonight? So how do they move around on the floor? Do they bounce?
00:13:47
Speaker
but Do the worm? Maybe that, yeah, maybe they just kind of shuffle. I don't know because up till now I thought they had legs. It's changed our whole perceptive of this Pokemon.
00:14:00
Speaker
It's now even worse. Or maybe they can use like they can use their um wings to kind of push themselves up.
00:14:10
Speaker
You know what I mean? Like when people don't have legs and they move around.
00:14:18
Speaker
You know what I mean. know what you mean. like But the image is just stunning.
00:14:27
Speaker
oh So moving on, Zubat defend themselves with moves like the disorienting supersonic and attacks such as leech life, which they may use on unwary, intruding travelers or us when we try and go through Mount Moon without Flash.
00:14:44
Speaker
Oh, honestly. And it's the way that sometimes you can't escape. Why not? It's going to leech life me and then it's going to piss off. You should just get through Mount Moon taking one leech life from every Zubat.
00:14:58
Speaker
They don't need to use leech life if they haven't lost health. Exactly. Why are you using it? I just want to run away from you so don't have to keep pressing A. didn't realize this was such a trigger for me. Apparently it is.
00:15:14
Speaker
You never grow out of some triggers.
00:15:18
Speaker
So scientists have recently discovered that Zubat colonies each use slightly different frequencies to echolocate. So they have different languages, different accents. That was me attempting to a Zubat noise, but it sounded more like a pigeon.
00:15:35
Speaker
Then you have like ones that have a slight French accent and then it's like, oh, oh, well um
00:15:44
Speaker
Yeah, no, I see. That's all. Yeah, that works. Checks out for me, actually. All right. Well, we're done with Zubat. So we can go ahead and evolve him to dead dead number 42 in the Pokedex.
00:16:01
Speaker
Equally worse. Yeah, worse. ah Golbat, also the bat Pokemon. What does this one look like? um It's purple.
00:16:13
Speaker
With blue wings. Opposite? blue with purple wings. Yep. And it has got... think it's only got two tooths. It's got tooths. No, it's got four tooths and eyes.
00:16:27
Speaker
It has eyes and a massive, fuck-off, big mouth. And the one thing you will enjoy... It's Yeah, was going say you'd enjoy that most of all. It has feet. Oh, thank God. It's got feet. Also, are you going to put in that mouth?
00:16:43
Speaker
what that mouth do
00:16:46
Speaker
yeah so you walk into a bar it's like the forbidden glory hall oh god yeah and then the ah the shiny version is ah green with pink bits I can get on board with pink and green. it's a Yeah. I like a pink and green combo.
00:17:07
Speaker
it Yeah, it looks quite ah poisonous and I enjoy that. Is he a poison type? waitin Yeah, he is a poison flying type like his predecessor. That a big word for you. i know. Thank you. And I said it right.
00:17:22
Speaker
You did. I'm proud of you. This big boy is five foot three inches, which is that bigger than a Charizard? Or is that the same size? No, Charizard's five seven. Five seven. Okay. Almost as big as a Charizard.
00:17:35
Speaker
He weighs 121.3 pounds, which is 55 kgs. So he's actually not that heavy for something so big. I guess, because you got is his bones hollow?
00:17:47
Speaker
Well, yeah, because there's got to be because he can fly. So also like its predecessor, Golbat is based on vampire bats. And the name Golbat comes from bat and goliath, which is like a term for big.
00:18:03
Speaker
Well, that makes sense because he's flipping huge. Yeah. And me as a kid thought it was like gold bat. Me too. So I never knew what gold. So this one actually surprised me.
00:18:17
Speaker
Yeah, but then I also didn't put that much effort into enjoying Golbat. I think I had one once, just because I could. Yeah, it's like one of the easiest like poison types that were kind of decent to use, and it was a good HM slave.
00:18:33
Speaker
Yeah. if If you didn't have a Pidgeot, you'd have this. That's your choice. Oh, Pidgeot. Still the best, I'm sorry. Still the OG. Yeah.
00:18:44
Speaker
yeah All right, you ready to dive into his info? I am, but I'm not ready to be surprised because I just don't think I will be. Well, let's make it exciting. That's what we have to do with these boyfriends. like Zubat, Golbat are found in caves and dark areas worldwide. But unlike Zubat, Golbat are hemotov...
00:19:11
Speaker
They drink blood. They drink blood of Pokemon and humans alike. That's terrifying. ah Like, imagine, you're just walking around the corner, and there he is, drinking the blood of a Pidgey.
00:19:25
Speaker
With that big-ass mouth. With that massive mouth! It drinks from humans, too. Oh, fucking hell. It's human-sized. It would just swoop out of the sky and just... yeah This could actually eat a child. It could.
00:19:41
Speaker
Definitely a baby. That's why that mouth's so big. Put babies in there. What that big mouth do? It babies. It eats babies. Oh my god, it could eat my cat. It could. It could eat all the cats.
00:19:53
Speaker
Like a pill. So it would be good for pest control. um But we'll get there. ah So they use their sharp, hollow fangs to puncture the skin of their victims and siphon blood like straws.
00:20:06
Speaker
Vampire. Vampire. Their saliva contains a substance that poisons and immobilises their prey, allowing them to drink blood at their leisure. Right, so this is the thing, right? Surely if this was actually a skill they could use, why could you not use it in battle?
00:20:23
Speaker
Ha. Ha. Right? Like... Go, Golbat. Drink his blood. All right. Have like blood sucking ability where they bite and then the other Pokemon is unable to use their next turn because they're paralyzed.
00:20:39
Speaker
And then they can suck health that second turn. So an attack and then a health suck. Yeah. Huh. Maybe that's what leech life is. Yeah, maybe. But leech life, other Pokemon can learn leech life.
00:20:53
Speaker
Yeah. they And they need to have like a paralyzing... Yeah, it needs to be vampire suck. Maybe not those words, but... Use vampire suck.
00:21:06
Speaker
okay ah Blood suck. yeah that make the Yeah, that sounds a bit better. would Would that make Golbat OP? p Potentially.
00:21:17
Speaker
But I would want one then. i I would want one. Because that's pretty sick. Yeah. That might actually make them semi-exciting instead of just being this big-mouthed hillbilly. I say hillbilly. He's not hillbilly. Big-mouthed hillbilly.
00:21:37
Speaker
I feel you, though. I feel you.
00:21:42
Speaker
So girl back can drink up to 10 ounces of blood in one sitting, which is possibly fatal for smaller victims, like babies. After doing so, however, their flight often becomes clumsy and erratic due to their heavy weights after large meals.
00:21:58
Speaker
I like to say they're just drunk. They're just drunk on love, drunk on blood. yeah And then they may become so heavy that they fall to the ground and easily become prey themselves.
00:22:10
Speaker
no gutted so they get drunk like when babies get milk drunk yeah they get blood drunk and then get eaten by yeah and then fall down yeah listen I would like to think an onyx would eat it oh I wonder what onyx eats I can't wait to find out yeah So luckily this feasting keeps them satisfied for a while and they only search for food during moonless nights when darkness completely conceals them.
00:22:44
Speaker
And when Clefairy's not out singing. Yes. So you never ever want to go out on a total eclipse. No, because the Golbat will eat you yeah and your children.
00:22:57
Speaker
So people in the Pokemon universe must have to keep like a very specific calendar.
00:23:04
Speaker
Full moon, yes. No moon, no. Stay inside. Lock your doors. Hide wife. Hide your nan. No one go outside. It's Golbat feasting time.
00:23:17
Speaker
That's horrifying. It is, but it's also kind of like the purge. You know, like you just lock out your enemies. ah Suck on that, Golbat. So they have up there's a monthly purge in Pokemon Land.
00:23:30
Speaker
I don't know. I think they're secretly... don't even think it's that secret. I think that there's something sinister about Pokemon Land. Oh, just a little bit. Yeah. but Just a little bit fucked up.
00:23:41
Speaker
Yeah. so recently it has been discovered that Golbat broods will share blood with one another during times of scarcity. However, selfish Golbat do not share blood when asked and will find the that other blood other blue brood members will refuse to share with them in the future.
00:24:01
Speaker
good Fair play. They hold a grudge and I like that. Yeah. And it's like, no, you know what, Larry? You did not share your blood last month. So you're not getting on any of ours this month.
00:24:13
Speaker
Fuck you. Go hungry. That's what you get for being selfish. My cat's called Larry and he did not enjoy that. You hear that, Larry? Don't be selfish.
00:24:23
Speaker
Fuck you, Larry.
00:24:27
Speaker
So their fangs are hollow and consequent consequently fragile. no Notably, Golbat avoid light metal, perhaps due to their poison being ineffective against still types or something.
00:24:42
Speaker
And oddly enough, during Durin berries, which is like a type of berry in the Pokemon universe. They don't eat berries? Yeah, well, that particular berry.
00:24:53
Speaker
ah While no one is sure why they steer clear of these, despite experiencing no ill effects upon consuming them. How bizarre.
00:25:03
Speaker
Yeah, how bizarre. Maybe they just don't like the taste. Yeah, what? Like how metal, no, how wooden stakes can kill vampires?
00:25:14
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. well maybe it's like the whole coriander thing and they've got like a gene that makes those berries taste rank. Yeah, maybe. Or they're just very, because their fangs are hollow and brittle, maybe it's just a really tough berry.
00:25:30
Speaker
Yeah, maybe. There's many a reason. Yeah, many a reason. So bizarre. Pokemon did not tell us why. Always keep us guessing. They do. That's what they like to do.
00:25:42
Speaker
So ah surprisingly, Golbat are quite nimble on their oddly shaped feet that they now have, ah which are adapted to create silent footsteps as they sneak up behind their prey when their prey is sleeping.
00:25:56
Speaker
So they're actually just cowards then, aren't They won't even put up a fight. Go for the sleeping. Go for the sneaky sleeping ones. Sleeping, sneaking.
00:26:07
Speaker
The old sleep and sneak. ah That's it for our goal, Bert. Absolutely horrifying. But are you ready to move on to our question section? Our question section? All right. irow
Zubat and Golbat: Uses and Speculations
00:26:22
Speaker
i oh I regret to inform you that you are in Mount Moon.
00:26:29
Speaker
ah And you're ah hugging that wall because you have not yet found the HM Flash. ah you're just walking along and all of a sudden some subtitles pop up and they say a wild Zubat has appeared and the two foot tall Zubat appears. What would you do?
00:26:47
Speaker
I'd like to think I'd kick it in the face and just walk off. Oh no. What if you can't escape? um Hopefully i got some Pokemon on me and I'm going to defeat it.
00:27:00
Speaker
So you have no interest in keeping this? No, none at all. I don't even think I'd take a photo or to show you. you know what I mean? Like at this point, I've sent you photos of every other Pokemon. If I sent you picture a picture of a Zubat, you'd be like, don't care. It's like your childhood ah trauma just popping up.
00:27:17
Speaker
You're like, no! Yeah, exactly. Like, I'm out. I'm done. My Mount Moon is over. Oh, God. i I would do the same thing. It would just be such like a deja vu of the worst type.
00:27:31
Speaker
I don't want to experience that in real life. Like experienced it enough as a child. I don't need to do it again as an adult. So ah you kick that one in the face and you ah continue around the corner and then ah silently creeping towards you is go bat with a huge ass mouth.
00:27:49
Speaker
What would you do then? I'd try and kick that one in the face too.
00:27:54
Speaker
Or if I put some metal on me, I'd fucking throw metal at it. Yeah. yeah or Or a durinberry. Exactly. And I'd put my middle finger up and walk away.
00:28:05
Speaker
Or if you had, they don't like light. Neither of them like light. light I mean, this this should be in the fight. We should save that for the fight. Just just bring a flashlight. ah So ah what function other than battling do you think a zoobat would have?
00:28:21
Speaker
ah don' I don't know. I guess they could deliver things. Oh, like a DoorDash. Yeah, like they could work for DoorDash. They could hold plenty of things in those tails.
00:28:34
Speaker
don Those... I don't...
00:28:39
Speaker
I just don't think even has a use. Like, at least Golbat has a use. um I guess you can use them for, like, search and rescue in caverns and caves. Yeah.
00:28:50
Speaker
with the echo location. Yeah, right, fair enough. That's a nice thing for them to do, actually. That gives them a purpose. You could ah tie some lights on them, like LED lights, and do some of those cool drone shows like they have at Disney.
00:29:08
Speaker
You know what I mean? Yeah, I do. Yeah, perfect. They are now their drone shows. Yeah, that's about it. That's all they have. Yeah. ah What about Golbat? What a function other than battling.
00:29:20
Speaker
We said it earlier. um Pest control. Pest control. Also LED lights. Make that. It's bad boy.
00:29:33
Speaker
yeah um You could have a bunch of them because that when they suck blood, they do have like a paralytic in there. You could use them for like blood banks could use them for harvesting as long as they can get the blood back out of them.
00:29:48
Speaker
I suppose in a pinch, we could use them for, like, surgeries. So, like, we harvest their saliva and use it as a paralytic and, like, you know, no more epidural. We're just going to get a goal bat to lick you.
00:30:05
Speaker
Yeah, or if someone needed, like, a blood transfusion, you know, they could suck the blood out while you put blood in. Yeah. Like a glorified leech. Um...
00:30:18
Speaker
ah This one would be better at the ah delivery because they have feet. Yeah, that's true. ah You could tie things onto their feet like an owl. Aw, yeah, you could do that.
00:30:29
Speaker
um Glory hole. I just don't want to put my penis on this for a tooth. I mean, it's got a parallel look. Would it be gummy?
00:30:42
Speaker
You'd have to take the teeth out. Maybe the old Zubats or the ones that have been biting too much metal. Don't even have a penis and that sounds gross. So um what do you think they eat?
00:30:54
Speaker
We already know. Berries! And blood. And nectar. Berries and blood. Berries and blood. the lad who likes berries and blood.
00:31:05
Speaker
Also I reckon they try and eat caterpillars.
00:31:12
Speaker
they probably could. o Just throw a whole canopy in there. Yeah, but like only at night time. They'd have to like catch them when they're sleeping. Oh, oh they they could definitely get a get like a ah a metapod because they could suck the insides out.
00:31:26
Speaker
oh and I'd forgotten about every time you bring it up, I literally get goosebumps. It's so gross. I'm just squishing. ah Sloshing around in there.
00:31:37
Speaker
And it's warm. ah Why is it warm? So could we eat these guys? Yeah. Poison. Poison, no. We can't eat poison.
00:31:48
Speaker
yeah That's our number one rule in eating in the Pokemon universe. who If it's a poison, it's a no. All right. So you're wandering around Mount Moon ah and ah you are just feeling around the wall and your fingertips come in contact with what feels like a secret button. So you press that little button, the door opens and you found the Mount Moon speakeasy run by Clefairy's.
00:32:16
Speaker
It is a bar in the middle of Mount Moon. No, because this sounds like a dream bar. Like, don't ruin it now by me having to fight a Zubat. And there's a little caffleri at the bar, you know, with a little towel over his arm and he's fixing you drink.
00:32:33
Speaker
And you turn around and on the floor, huddled, is a little Zubat because he can't sit on a chair because he hasn't got any legs. And you've pissed him the fuck off. He's just trying to enjoy his little nectar and berry cocktail.
00:32:46
Speaker
yeah ah He flies up. He starts screeching. ah Who would win in that fight? I'm going to give it my best shot. I'm kicking him.
00:32:57
Speaker
um I'll open that door, kick him out the door, shut the door. Yeah, I reckon you got this one. Yeah, I think I can take a little Zubat. Just hold him by the wings. What's he going to do?
00:33:08
Speaker
Yeah. ah I'd pick him up by his weird tail thing and swing him round like um Miss Trunchbull does. And just throw him. Yeah. Full on Miss Trunchbull the Zubat.
00:33:19
Speaker
See you later, shit mold. Yeah, you
Fictional Encounter and Strategies
00:33:22
Speaker
that's easy. That's like It's like trying to wrestle a snake. If they can't get you with the mouth, they're not going to get you. Exactly. la Easy peasy.
00:33:31
Speaker
So ah you beat the ever-loving shit out of the Zubat. And then you sit back down at the bar. You're just enjoying. You're getting a little bit, you know... little bit rowdy. A little bit rowdy. You've had a lot of drinks at this point.
00:33:44
Speaker
And, ah you know, some Pokemon don't eat or drink normal things. Some Pokemon drink blood. So the only way they can get drunk is if they drink the blood of someone who's drunk.
00:33:55
Speaker
ah And, you know, you're not hearing anything, but you get this weird kind of sinking feeling in your stomach. You turn around. There's a gold bat on his little weird fucked up looking legs creeping towards you like, I don't know, a vampire in a cartoon in Scooby-Doo.
00:34:10
Speaker
ah And you've seen him. He knows you've seen him full on. Let's go brawling. Who wins in this fight? I want to say I can take him, but I don't know if I could because five foot three is actually quite big.
00:34:25
Speaker
Yeah. Like, that's a fully grown human. a That's got quite a wingspan. That is quite the wingspan.
00:34:36
Speaker
If I had coins, I'd throw them at him. Just the medal? Yeah. If you've got a flashlight... I really clung on to that metal fact.
00:34:47
Speaker
Yeah. You know, you've got coins. You've got probably a flashlight if you're in Mount Moon. I'll flashlight and then I'll stun him, him on the head, throw him out bar.
00:34:58
Speaker
Right. and And again, if he can't get his mouth on you, what's he going to do? You whack me with a wing like a swan. Oh. I mean, just duct tape his mouth shut and hold him by the wings.
00:35:11
Speaker
Get him by them weird little feet. And swing around like Miss Transform. All right. yeah Yeah, I reckon you got it. He's a tricky one, but I don't think it's impossible. He doesn't weigh much.
00:35:22
Speaker
No, i don't think it's impossible, but I don't think it'd be as easy as Subat. Yeah, yeah. There's definitely a level up between those two. All right, so that's it for our Batty Boys. ah What do you think? Did you just call them Batty Boys?
00:35:40
Speaker
Batty Boys.
00:35:43
Speaker
well What's your opinion? don't even know what Batty Boy is.
00:35:51
Speaker
ah You can't have forgotten what that means in England. do.
00:35:58
Speaker
was purposeful. Anyway, ah still hate them. You don't you don't like them anymore? no No. No.
00:36:09
Speaker
I think they're interesting. um ah i Okay, are they better than Spearow? Yes. yeah Okay. Golbat is significantly better now I know he drinks blood.
00:36:23
Speaker
Yeah, that's cool. But that's it. That's the only thing I can really think of that's improved them. I i think Zubat has improved for me because of the tails.
00:36:37
Speaker
That's just angered me more. Because i thought they were legs. And then you were like, but he's got no feet. I'm like, fuck. Now he's straight up just like something from Alien vs. Predator.
00:36:49
Speaker
Just time and a bow. they're not flapping around. Yeah, yeah so not great, but better than Spiro.
00:36:59
Speaker
Better than Spiro. that Official. Maybe just, only just better than Spiro. ah Yeah, literally just. If I had to pick Golbat or Spearow, I'll pick Golbat.
00:37:12
Speaker
What about Golbat or Fearow? Golbat. Golbat, yeah.
00:37:19
Speaker
That's all for this week. ah Check us
Teaser for Next Episode
00:37:21
Speaker
out next week where we're going to be moving on to the Oddish family, which is quite cute. That's an iconic Pokemon.
00:37:30
Speaker
He is. i agree. And they're going to be quite beefy. And you know the best part about Oddish? He's purple. He's the weed Pokemon brother. oh yeah, 420. Yes.
00:37:42
Speaker
ah but On that note, bye! Goodbye, Batty boys and Batty... I had to. I had to.