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Art Is Cool (and Powerful) w/ Collin Veenstra
37 Plays5 days ago
In this episode, I'm joined by artist, educator, anarchist weirdo Collin Veenstra (they/them). The first ten minutes we chat about their sticker philosophy that every perfectionist needs to hear. Collin then shares about their experience with anxiety and OCD and getting back to the art that they love making. We discuss how art can be an avenue for healing mental health struggles, especially when we allow it to unfold imperfectly and when we can call out our "Intrudy Judies" (TM Collin Veenstra) so that we don't get stuck in the negativity vortex.
Follow Collin on Instagram @artbycollz and check out their website artbycollz.com to learn more about them and check out their amazing art and events! DM them on IG to get your copy of All Cats Are Beautiful coloring book with proceeds that go to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund.
References:
Clueless (1995)
Crime Thinc Gender Poster
Horror Scoops
Recommended
Transcript
Intro
Introduction to the Ugly Podcast
00:00:39
Lore Alexander
Hello and welcome back everybody or welcome if this is your first time listening. This is the ugly podcast. I am your host Lore Alexander. i use they them pronouns and today i am ah well as as always I'm still your short-haired curly head weirdo. I've got big glasses and today i'm wearing my my frog and my mushroom shirt and an over over shirt green button-up thing um and I've got a great guest for you today.
Meet Colin Veenstra - The Sticker Philosophy
00:01:09
Lore Alexander
My guest today is Tacoma artist, educator, anarchist weirdo, and is it has a particularly juicy ah philosophy on stickers, which I think that all perfectionists need to hear.
00:01:21
Lore Alexander
um it is a public service announcement for all perfectionists who enjoy stickers and cannot place them anywhere. Please introduce yourself with your name and your pronouns and a brief ah physical description, if you would.
00:01:32
Collin!
I totally forgot.
00:01:36
Collin!
um Amazing. um I totally forgot I'd written that. um Hi, I'm Colin Veenstra. My business, business, I don't know I go by calls for my art and art related projects because I got tired of trying to write my whole signature on paintings and different things. So calls is how I sign stuff.
00:01:57
Collin!
um I use they them pronouns when you're talking about me and I am mid-30s white person with a beanie on all the time because it's either trucker hat season or beanie season in my life right now.
00:02:11
Collin!
um glasses, and I'm rocking kind of like a Jim Halpert from the office kind of look. And I know this because a middle schooler yesterday at my work told me that.
00:02:22
Collin!
I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt and a really cool funky tie that my friend's dad gave to her to give to her public defender lawyer husband, and he isn't wearing because it's got cool spaceships on it.
00:02:36
Collin!
So I'm borrowing it today.
00:02:40
Lore Alexander
I love the backstory on that. That was great. Also, I'm very surprised that a middle schooler had a Jim Halpert reference at the ready. That's surprising to me.
00:02:49
Collin!
You know, they're really obsessed with early 2000s culture right now. So it's sadly my time to thrive and shine and also be re-traumatized by, you know, my years in early 2000s culture.
00:03:03
Collin!
It's great.
00:03:04
Lore Alexander
Yes, yes. Oh, dear. Yeah.
Embracing Creativity and Imperfection
00:03:07
Lore Alexander
um All right, please, before we dive in tell us the sticker philosophy.
00:03:12
Collin!
Okay, I don't even remember what question I answered this related to, but um i think one of I think it was like, what advice do you have for artists or what's something important you want to share with the world?
00:03:24
Collin!
um And yeah, this is something I talk with. So in my day job, I run a youth arts after school program on Vashon Island. work with middle and high schoolers, mostly queer or allied, mostly neurodivergent. We're a fun, weird time.
00:03:41
Collin!
Many of the youth, myself included, many of us have like a favorite fork or spoon at the youth center. And so we have conversations about things like that. But we were talking about stickers.
00:03:52
Collin!
And ah yeah, I think when you asked what my what my big advice for others was or encouragement was, Really just putting putting your stickers on things.
00:04:03
Collin!
There's no perfect place to put a sticker, to place a sticker. Even if it's like your favorite sticker, even if you're concerned you're never going to find it again, it's okay to put the stickers on the things.
00:04:15
Collin!
um That is something that I have been in recovery from for the last, I'd say, four to five years, really since I started taking anxiety meds. And, you know,
00:04:26
Lore Alexander
ha
00:04:27
Collin!
here we are. But yeah, that's that's my big life advice to the world is it's okay to put your stickers on things. You'll get more. And there's no perfect place.
00:04:37
Lore Alexander
I think that's just a beautiful message. And i like i also I like so much anxiety in my life as well. And I spent so long just like I didn't i didn't even bother with stickers because i was just like, I can't put them on anything. I can't commit to that. That's such a big...
00:04:53
Lore Alexander
a big commitment. It's like, it's not. It's a sticker. It doesn't matter. And like, yes, there's some really beautiful stickers. I have like, I i do have a little container because I have got a little sticker wild, which now that I'm like holding it up, I should just put the stickers on the sticker container. But it's just a little black box at the moment. um But I've got some like great stuff in here that I just haven't placed yet, mostly because I've run out of room.
00:05:17
Lore Alexander
This one says, sure, today, Satan. with a little goat on it.
00:05:20
Collin!
I made that!
00:05:21
Lore Alexander
Is that yours?
00:05:21
Collin!
Literally, I made that!
00:05:22
Lore Alexander
okay
00:05:25
Lore Alexander
It's one of my favorites, and i i I'm mostly waiting. um So right now, I like to put stickers on the inside of my car on the dashboard and like all around on the um on the doors and stuff. But right now, I'm currently pretty out of room. But I have some that are starting to peel and come off. So more room and more real estate will open up shortly, and that's where this is going.
00:05:45
Collin!
That's amazing. As you were talking, I was like, oh, I should get them a Shredda Day Satan sticker. that The best. Yes, I too have a box of stickers. I've started gifting some out to people and that's kind of fun of like, oh, if I'm not sure what to do with them, maybe I send them back out into the world, you know?
00:05:58
Lore Alexander
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
00:06:02
Collin!
But I too, i have a minivan that is kind of a utility van because it serves so many purposes and I painted the ceiling ah of the inside.
00:06:13
Collin!
So it's like painted it like a sky, like it's inside Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas.
00:06:14
Lore Alexander
Ooh.
00:06:20
Lore Alexander
Yeah. oh that's great.
00:06:20
Collin!
the Most of the rest is covered in stickers as well, but mine are like Ninja Turtle stickers because that felt like ah ah an easier commitment to make than like cool ones I collect from other artists, you know?
00:06:33
Lore Alexander
Yeah, yeah. That's that's spectacular. Yeah, i I really appreciate this outlook on life because, yeah, putting like once I started putting stickers on things, it was like I feel like my life got more joyful as soon as I started putting stickers on things.
00:06:48
Lore Alexander
It was really nice.
00:06:49
Collin!
yeah. Do you have like a particular sticker right now where you're like, I don't know where I'm going to put this one or like one that you have like reverence for?
00:07:00
Lore Alexander
Um, not reverence. Now I have to look through it.
00:07:03
Collin!
she
00:07:04
Lore Alexander
I mean, I think the Sure Today statement is the one I'm most excited about placing somewhere. Some of the ones I have are like really pretty and just like nice. Like I have a really nice like butterfly one with like flowers on half of the butterfly.
00:07:17
Lore Alexander
um They're just like very pretty. And I'm just like, I don't know. know where you'll go yet um but uh i did recently ah have a water bottle that was my most sticker bombed and beloved water bottle uh break and so that that uh that masterpiece r.i.p is gone so now i have uh You know, I'll need another water bottle to cover in stickers. I do still have my like this one. This one also has stickers, but um it's kind of from another era in my life. And so all the stickers are old, but I guess I can just cover them up with new ones. I don't know. Anyway.
00:07:55
Lore Alexander
it's
00:07:56
Collin!
It's hard. I think that, yeah, there's so many types of grief and sticker, sticker grief is a weird one. Yeah. Yeah. because you feel silly, but also some stickers are real fucking cool.
00:08:02
Lore Alexander
Yeah. Oh, I.
00:08:06
Collin!
Can I say that? Oops.
00:08:08
Lore Alexander
Yeah, yeah it's it's fine.
00:08:08
Collin!
Can't. Can't. Okay, great.
00:08:09
Lore Alexander
Yeah, I do.
00:08:10
Collin!
he
00:08:10
Lore Alexander
ah I do have to go in and ah bleep stuff ah for the radio edit because this podcast also airs on the radio here in Tacoma. So I have to go through and just like bleep stuff.
00:08:22
Lore Alexander
But I found a cool little blue. That sounds like a Mario jumping. And so I replace all of the swear words for the radio edits. Great.
00:08:31
Collin!
Amazing. That's great. Perfect.
Creativity, Art, and Mental Health
00:08:33
Collin!
Okay. Cool.
00:08:34
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:08:34
Collin!
Cool.
00:08:35
Lore Alexander
um Okay, really quick.
00:08:35
Collin!
Can I... Yeah.
00:08:36
Lore Alexander
We are going to talk about other things. But but first, you mentioned sticker grief specifically. And like like I mentioned, I like, so I have like my car all sticker bombed on the inside. But um some of them are peeling off because like the inside of the car isn't a great material to hold the stickers. I don't know what exactly type of material vinyl or I don't know what the material is, but it doesn't really like stickers that much. And so there are stickers that are like peeling off. They're going away. And my favorite one is, ah which actually kind of answers your previous question about stickers that I hold in reverence, is this um ah like zombie, zombified, so ah zombified unicorn.
00:09:22
Lore Alexander
that's just like, you know, ripped flesh and just like this badass looking unicorn. And I love it. And it is ah just cur curling away. It's going away. And I'm just like, oh, my poor unicorn. But I decided that kind of as a a way of like saying goodbye and processing that sticker grief, um I will like put it in a page in my like collage journal, ah like and collage it out and have that be its like final resting place.
00:09:49
Lore Alexander
Um, but that's, that's, I still haven't been able to throw that funeral yet though.
00:09:50
Collin!
I love that.
00:09:54
Collin!
Yeah, yeah, no, I love that. Take take art embedded into other art when its first journey is done. heck yeah.
00:10:03
Lore Alexander
ah
00:10:04
Collin!
Mario sound. this is
00:10:08
Lore Alexander
um okay we'll talk about we'll talk about other things now. Hi, ko Colin. how I would love to have the audience like know more about you, ah nor know more about like your relationship to creativity. Have you always been a super creative person? um has it been like a journey to find your way to creativity? um I like to kind of phrase this question as if...
00:10:31
Lore Alexander
Your relationship to creativity had like a story arc. What would that look like? um Yeah. Tell us more about you.
00:10:39
Collin!
Nice. Yeah, okay, more about me. ah you may have You may have gathered this, but I have ADHD. This is me medicated. But yeah, you know, it's a little ping pong game with multiple balls in the air. um I'm originally, I'm from Boise originally, and then moved out here to Tacoma to go to school because I got a scholarship at UPS, which I don't think they call it that anymore, but they should because it's more fun.
00:11:08
Collin!
um Yeah, I was always kind of an artsy kid, but I think had a lot of anxiety, had a lot of perfectionism. And so it was also then, you know, that kid who was like, oh, I'm going to be in charge of all of the clubs. I'm going to be running all the different things and I'm going to be stressing myself in all these different ways. And so I feel like that's a way of using your creativity your creativity for sure. But I think it really...
00:11:34
Collin!
wasn't until like really getting, digging into my twenties and now my thirties that I'm really just like hitting my stride with living the creative life I want to live and, you know, just being, being kinder to myself. And I think that was the biggest part of like throughout my whole life I've been making art. You know, when I was in elementary, through high school, through college, i was, I was always doing art, but you know, the ability to to actually finish a piece through or like, you know, there's no such thing as a finished art piece in my mind, but to really, you know, just be, be good with like, all right, this, this will do this.
00:12:10
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:12:16
Collin!
I'm going to put this out there into the world.
00:12:17
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:12:19
Collin!
um That's taken a long time and really recognizing like the amount of like time and space I need to actually create in the ways I want to, that's taken a long time to kind of figure out as well.
00:12:19
Lore Alexander
yeah
00:12:31
Collin!
And honestly, anxiety meds. That's a big part of the the arc of my um my journey was i was burning myself out trying to do all these projects, trying to do full-time day jobs.
00:12:36
Lore Alexander
ah
00:12:45
Collin!
I had a youth program on top of my day job and on top of making art that I did for most of my late 20s. And, you know, really like the with the like shutdown and all of that, that really forced me to like pause and realize like, oh, maybe need to be investing more in my mental health.
00:13:06
Collin!
Maybe I need to be slowing things down more. And, you know, the world's on fire. But, you know, as far as the things in my control, i think I found I'm i'm finding a good balance of still working with youth, still being active and like doing things in community and being with people, um but also giving myself space for art.
00:13:28
Collin!
So, yeah. You don't get shingles at age 29 for no reason. so
00:13:35
Lore Alexander
Whoo! Yeah!
00:13:38
Collin!
there's a small club of people that I get way too excited when I find another person who, like, got shingles way too young.
00:13:46
Lore Alexander
Oh, yeah, that's rough.
00:13:47
Collin!
Yeah. Yeah. Not a good club to be in, but, you know, it tells you a lot about yourself, right? So...
00:13:54
Lore Alexander
Yeah, i bet it does. Oh, yeah. I... um I mean, I'm so glad that you you found your way back. I like I very much resonate with the just like having having too much anxiety. What is ah i like what you said about the um like there's not you don't think that there is like a quote unquote finished piece. Can you say more on that?
00:14:18
Collin!
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I talk with, so in my day job these days, i I run this youth art space. And then I also get to bop around to King County and Pierce County libraries.
00:14:31
Collin!
And I do, i call them arty times, because it's like a party, but it's arty, because why not be embarrassing all the time?
00:14:37
Lore Alexander
ah hu
00:14:40
Lore Alexander
Do it. do just Yeah, do it.
00:14:41
Collin!
You know, it's we fun, honestly.
00:14:42
Lore Alexander
Lean into it. That's fun.
00:14:44
Collin!
i um So I'm often telling like youth or like people who are participating of like, yeah, like you're never going to feel like this piece is done. You know, a two hour time frame to be doing a, you know, a a painting at a library.
00:14:58
Collin!
That's not enough time. I like to tell them that toward the end.
00:15:00
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:15:03
Collin!
Hold off on that. See how far they get and be like, you were never going to finish in the way you wanted. It's okay.
00:15:08
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:15:08
Collin!
um But yeah, I think it's one of those like, there's that inner critic where it's like, there even some of my favorite pieces I've ever made. Like, there's things where i'm like, oh, look at that. Oh, look at that.
00:15:19
Collin!
You know, you see all these things up close that other people never will. And so I think it's, for me, it's about finding a place where i'm like, all right, here is a self-imposed deadline. Or here is a place where I feel good enough with other people seeing this with their eyeballs or experiencing this in however they are going to.
00:15:41
Collin!
And, you know, that's that's a tough place to get to. And sometimes I lie to myself. Sometimes I'm like, well, I'm still working on it. Like I have pieces things that are like up in my house that I've, you know, the last time I painted on them was maybe in college, but it's not done yet.
00:15:49
Lore Alexander
I
00:15:58
Lore Alexander
think
00:16:01
Collin!
And that's okay.
00:16:03
Lore Alexander
that's a pretty clever way to like get your art on the wall though of like I'm gonna hang it but it's not done yet yeah
00:16:10
Collin!
Yeah, it's it's not done. It's not done. Yeah. Yeah. So that's been helpful for me. um Something I like to tell ah people when i'm when I'm teaching art classes and pretending to be Bob Ross or whatever, like, is really that like, the you know, we're so when you're working on anything creative, you're like right up on it.
00:16:32
Collin!
And it reminds me of Inclueless. You've seen Clueless, right?
00:16:37
Lore Alexander
Yes, I actually recently rewatched that, yeah.
00:16:37
Collin!
Okay.
00:16:39
Collin!
Fantastic. As you should, as you should. um Such a good film, such a good film. But there's that scene where like Cher is talking about the redhead Amber and she's like, oh, she's a total Monet from far away.
00:16:52
Lore Alexander
The total Monet.
00:16:53
Collin!
like her fashion and her outfits are great. But like when you get up close, like nothing's actually designer. It looks, looks awful. And that's painting for me, you know, like, yeah, Monet is a painter. So obviously, but no one's looking at it as close as we are, you know, everyone else is experiencing it a little further away. So I like to, I quote Clueless a lot in my life.
00:17:18
Lore Alexander
Incredible. I love it. Yeah. I i love that um that perspective and that um just leaning into the incomplete and letting the incomplete be
00:17:33
Lore Alexander
complete in a way. like Just allowing that to to to be what it is. Sorry, I'm ah <unk>m changing out my...
00:17:41
Lore Alexander
Headphones, is it charged? Is working? You'll have to talk to find out.
00:17:45
Collin!
Hello, hello, do you have two working headphones?
00:17:47
Lore Alexander
Yes. It's working.
00:17:49
Collin!
Hello, great, i'm amazing.
00:17:49
Lore Alexander
Excellent, thank you.
Intrusive Thoughts and Humor
00:17:53
Lore Alexander
um
00:17:53
Collin!
For some reason, i don't know how many microphones you have to test. Sometimes at my youth space, we do karaoke and for some reason it's always, hello, hello, or just like breaking into, I want it that way.
00:18:04
Collin!
Those are the only things need to do on command, yeah.
00:18:07
Lore Alexander
Only two options. You are my fire.
00:18:11
Collin!
Bye.
00:18:15
Lore Alexander
Okay. Yes. Sorry. Distractions abound. Yeah.
00:18:20
Lore Alexander
yeah Oh, okay. So then you also mentioned... ah in what you were saying, ah just like imposter syndrome or inner critic, I think you were talking about. And ah in one of our communications as we were getting ready for this podcast, you called them Intrudy Judies.
00:18:38
Collin!
Yeah.
00:18:38
Lore Alexander
And I think that name is so excellent.
00:18:40
Lore Alexander
And I would love to know like when you started referring to them as this, like if you came up with this, if you heard it somewhere. i just, I think it's delightful.
00:18:49
Collin!
Thank you. I think I came up with Intrudi Judy. So TM, TM, TM. um But yeah, I think that, so I have, I feel like my my connection with art and making art is just, it's so, it's so just overlapped with my mental health ah and just the journey I've had with that over my life.
00:19:13
Collin!
And so I have i have OCD um and I think it's been cool to see over the last few years, I think there's starting to be better understanding of, it's not like the Monica Geller from Friends thing necessarily of, you know, being super clean or, you know, there are like those obsessive actions, but for a lot of people with OCD it's really like obsessive compulsive thinking where you just get caught in these mental loops and just go and go and go trying to solve unsolvable situations or, you know, anything like that.
00:19:26
Lore Alexander
Mm-hmm.
00:19:48
Collin!
So I think it was part of my, I have done yeah ERP, which is kind of considered like the gold standard for OCD therapy, exposure response prevention. And it's basically like you're putting yourself in situations where your OCD is like, oh no, I don't want this.
00:20:06
Collin!
And you're trying to just kind of sit in it and let the thoughts happen and not engage with them as long as possible. And over time, you know, that that fun mental torture can help you really like just kind of reset or like reconnect some of your your brain brain ditches. There we go.
00:20:31
Collin!
ah To, you know, to just connect in different ways and not see certain things as, you know, this this is scary or this is something bad that I need to ruminate on. So I think that is kind of where Intrudy Judy's came from.
00:20:45
Collin!
um i love I love a bad pun. i love dad jokes. That's really important to, i think, me as a person, ah to the work I do with youth. It shows up in my art a lot, too. And so...
00:20:59
Collin!
I don't quite know where Intrudy Judy came from, but you know, I've met some nice Judys. I've met some not nice Judy and it just made me laugh. So it's kind of, it's kind of stuck with me.
00:21:11
Collin!
Um, I want to make an art piece about it. So again, TM, TM, i in but, you know, like also like it's been fun in my work with youth to, you know, it's been a helpful tool of taking like, especially working with, uh,
00:21:15
Lore Alexander
ah It's mine. Don't steal it.
00:21:29
Collin!
with teens who are dealing with so much, being able to like hear those intrusive thoughts that they're saying to themselves as fact and be like, hey, let's, you know, watch those intrudy Judys. she's She's a liar, you know, and like getting a laugh out of them or getting them to kind of pause and step out of whatever whatever they're dealing with in the moment.
00:21:50
Collin!
um So yeah, it's been beneficial for me, for others. I don't know where Judy came from though. She just, I think she just appeared. ah
00:21:59
Lore Alexander
As Judys do.
00:22:01
Collin!
Yeah, you know?
00:22:01
Lore Alexander
ah
00:22:04
Collin!
Shout out to all the Judys out there.
00:22:06
Lore Alexander
Shout out to all the Judys, especially the head, Judys, Judge Judys. Long may she reign.
00:22:11
Collin!
yes. Oh, those doily collars. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
00:22:20
Lore Alexander
Yeah, that ah that like exposure ah kind of exposure therapy type
Art as Therapy
00:22:26
Lore Alexander
thing. I feel like that's kind of what I had to do with my like in order to get myself to create was to like intentionally go in and I'm like, I'm going to make it ugly on purpose. And I'm going force myself to just like flood myself with this exposure to bad art and like...
00:22:41
Lore Alexander
exposure to my terrible skill and like get so used to it and so like intentional about it that eventually it was just like, okay, this is just me.
00:22:54
Lore Alexander
I'm really just like getting okay with me. um How do you, ah how do you find yourself talking to Judy these days? Like, do you talk back or do you just kind of like hear Judy,
00:23:06
Lore Alexander
And be like, that's a Judy, like not going to listen. Or do you like, do you engage with your duties? i'm like ah like, kind of in like a, um like an internal family systems type way of like talking to a different part of you.
00:23:17
Collin!
Mm-hmm.
00:23:19
Lore Alexander
i don't know. i'm curious.
00:23:20
Collin!
Totally. I just love the question, do you engage with your Judys? ah That, amazing. Like I said, I had therapy this morning, so this feels like a really great continuation of, ooh, do i Do I engage with my Judys?
00:23:32
Lore Alexander
Oh yeah.
00:23:34
Collin!
think, you know, unfortunately...
00:23:34
Lore Alexander
Well, it's like, is there a sign that says like, do not feed the Judy?
00:23:36
Collin!
I think, oof, yeah.
00:23:37
Lore Alexander
so like
00:23:40
Collin!
I think, unfortunately, Judys' voice and my voice sound real, real similar, like eerily similar.
00:23:46
Lore Alexander
Mm-hmm.
00:23:47
Collin!
And so it's really more of kind of I'll start I'll start kind of falling down into that that brain ditch and be like, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:23:48
Lore Alexander
Mm-hmm.
00:23:55
Collin!
No, no. I I see that. That's a Judy. um And luckily, you know, like I know some people. ah really feel like with OCD you can be in recovery. And I've had different feelings about that throughout time because it's always going to be something that I have. It's how my brain, you know, just exists in this world. And, you know, with meds and with ERP and all this stuff, I've found a lot of coping strategies. But I think i've been it's been easier to see the Judys coming up before they get too, too far down the line.
00:24:31
Collin!
to where it's not even like she's like fully shouting anything at me, you know, it's, I'm noticing, oh, I'm starting to check the stove, or I'm i'm really like ruminating on this like work thing that doesn't actually matter in the large like scheme of things. I'm able to pull myself back a little faster.
00:24:50
Collin!
And so I think she probably had more of a, more of a personality at the start. um And now it's more of a, just kind of a fun, a fun term where I'm, And a good a good sense of like, oh, no, I need to up those therapy sessions right now, you know?
00:25:07
Lore Alexander
yeah yeah nice that's really cool
00:25:10
Collin!
Ew.
00:25:12
Lore Alexander
I mean, it is it is like cool how we're able to start to recognize our own patterns. I think like I'm just I'm I'm in kind of a ah new branch of my own like mental health recovery. um And especially when it comes to like relating to people like relational. I did a lot of like healing by myself and stuff and a lot of like individual therapy. And nowadays I'm like finding a lot of like most of my difficulties are in relation to people. And I'm finding like, oh, some of my like tendencies to just make myself small or to like, uh, really like blend in and become kind of like ah a chameleon of a person. and to the point of like losing my own identity. Right. And so then like, uh,
00:25:57
Lore Alexander
i don't know where I was going with this, but I think what I'll bring it back around of just like the way that we're able to recognize our brain patterns and decide we can't change them all at once, but we can at least decide, like, i need to do something about this.
00:26:12
Lore Alexander
like I just I'm really i really value just the human spirit of being able to notice our harmful patterns, our disruptive patterns, our maladaptive patterns, and then like, be like, I think I'm going to make a change.
00:26:13
Collin!
Absolutely.
00:26:24
Lore Alexander
And then we might like back out of that change all the time, every day. It's another decision to keep keep going and keep going with recovery or healing or whatever you want to call it. And ah yeah, I just, I think humans are cool that way.
00:26:37
Collin!
Me too. And like art is such a good A good way to like go about that practice because it it feels more playful than like, oh, I'm gonna, you know, sit down and do this intensive, you know, type of therapy or or this or that. Like, I love what you were saying about like, yeah, I'm going to make intentionally ugly art or like...
00:26:57
Collin!
I think that can be a much easier way to start a journey with that kind of stuff. um like I remember when I first started my anxiety meds, like I was trying to kind of, I was suddenly feeling like, oh okay, I want to actually make art. um I feel a little less worked up about, you know well, am I going to finish it? Or do I know what it's going look like at the end? Or what's the point even?
00:27:22
Collin!
And I was trying to like, like I did a painting of my anxiety meds. I did a painting of my head with like pop rocks where I was trying to pop rocks to like, I couldn't figure out like a good way to do it, but i was trying to like,
00:27:32
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:27:38
Collin!
meltdown pop rocks to like use on the canvas and then shockingly they're made of sugar so it was sticky and not great but in a way I used to describe you know like all this anxiety and stuff just kind of like pop rocks going off in your brain and it was a fun way you know not successful art project but like fun way to start to think through like okay how does this look visually right um I don't know art's cool
00:27:46
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:27:55
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:28:07
Lore Alexander
Oh, it's really cool. Like that's, I, yeah, I love, that's how I like to make I love that you made that connection ah because, yeah, that's like that's exactly how I feel as well. And like using art when you're like not even sure how you feel or you're not sure. like you know you you and then you just kind of get into the art. And then you can even if it's like abstract, you'll start to notice, like oh, this is reminding me. like This is making me draw this connection. Or like this looks like this really overwhelming cloud. And like it it just puts into context a lot of the
00:28:42
Lore Alexander
unexplainable things that we experience internally and then brings it out into the world. And then what's even cooler is then we can share it with other people and be like, do you also feel like you have pop rocks in your brain? And and someone someone somewhere is going to be like, absolutely yes. Thank you so much. like Thank you for phrasing it that way.
00:28:59
Collin!
Or they're like, oh, yeah. Or then like, well, not quite Pop Rocks, but like maybe like popcorn, you know, or like just, and then you can move forward the, oh, like just kind of, yeah, just that connection of how similar we all are and also unique.
00:29:07
Lore Alexander
yeah
00:29:16
Collin!
And I don't know, it's just, it's cool. Art, cool, big fan.
00:29:21
Lore Alexander
Art. Art equals cool. Title of the episode.
00:29:25
Collin!
I'm sorry.
00:29:27
Lore Alexander
Art cool.
00:29:31
Lore Alexander
ah I think that's, ah yeah. all ah All of it is also why art is like dangerous, right? Because it reminds us of how similar we all are and brings us together as the mushy skin-cooted meat sacks.
00:29:46
Lore Alexander
Skin-cooted? Skin-coated meat sacks that we are. Yeah.
00:29:49
Collin!
I mean, there's two days involved, you know. So yeah, fair.
Challenges in Personal Art Projects
00:29:52
Collin!
sort but so
00:29:59
Lore Alexander
Excellent. um Would you like to make some art together?
00:30:05
Collin!
I would love to. Yes. Yes.
00:30:07
Lore Alexander
Excellent.
00:30:09
Collin!
my This meat sack is great.
00:30:09
Lore Alexander
um Yeah, let's make some ugly art. What was that?
00:30:14
Collin!
Oh, I said, my this meat sack is ready to make some art. I'm ready.
00:30:17
Lore Alexander
Excellent. ah love it. Cool. i Yeah, if you want to just grab some paper and some markers, if anybody's listening along and they want to spend the next five minutes or you know through the end of this episode just scribbling along with us, please do. um like to, one, ask, like do you want like some kind of prompt or would you like to just kind of go based off of like the stuff that we've already been talking about? Yeah.
00:30:46
Lore Alexander
yeah
00:30:47
Collin!
How about maybe like around i'm still focusing on skin cooties i'm gonna move on from that what about uh maybe like what does your intrudy judy look like don't know is that it feels really deep i'm kind of proud of myself wow let's try and judy do judy judy's
00:31:06
Lore Alexander
Oh, yes, that's perfect.
00:31:11
Lore Alexander
I love that. Let's draw our intrudy Judies um
00:31:17
Lore Alexander
Intrudy, why is that hard? Drawing intrudy Judies and Say that 10 times fast.
00:31:27
Collin!
I'm trying to think through if Judy... I think there's different versions. She's like a Barbie doll. You know?
00:31:34
Lore Alexander
Oh, yeah.
00:31:36
Collin!
Because like, is Judy... Does Judy have, like, the bob? um or like, a judgmental, like, athleisure mom ponytail? No offense, athleisure moms.
00:31:50
Lore Alexander
That's an excellent question.
00:31:51
Collin!
I don't know. I think it depends on the day.
00:31:55
Lore Alexander
Absolutely. i feel like my... Oh, I'm usually thinking a lot more abstract. So I'm just thinking of my intrudy duty as like mostly just like a big mouth that's yelling at me.
00:32:07
Lore Alexander
think that's kind of where I'm going to go at the moment.
00:32:08
Collin!
that's yeah absolutely i think mine is yeah big mouth with a scrunchie so we're gonna go ponytail
00:32:17
Lore Alexander
Oh, yeah, that's great.
00:32:19
Lore Alexander
um What are some of your favorite projects that you're working on right now?
00:32:23
Collin!
Oh, I like I say looking around. So this is I'm in my basement, ah which is like my little art studio slash hangout space. And I'm surrounded by like half finished projects. um I think...
00:32:41
Collin!
Lately, like I think I've gotten through most of this winter by just making a little little patches and little like felt art gifts for people because that felt like an easier lift than starting back on any of these paintings I'm surrounded by
00:32:52
Lore Alexander
Cool.
00:32:59
Collin!
But i look forward to getting back to some of the paintings because I've got a lot of kind of collage pieces where I've held on to like scraps of old zines or old journals.
00:33:15
Collin!
And what I've been starting to do in some of my paintings is like for the first layer, just like mod podging all of those onto the canvas and then kind of incorporating it into the art where sometimes you can see like words or letters or drawings, other times you can't, but um Yeah, so there's a few pieces where some of them have themes, some of them are more just like, here's random stuff I've held on to that, ah kind of like what you were saying with ah with the sticker that you, that's peeling off, ah wanting to just like give it give it a good, you know, next stage in its life.
00:33:49
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:33:56
Lore Alexander
yeah
00:33:58
Collin!
So yeah, I've got a few pieces. I've got some flowers going on right here, over here. I've got, yeah Like a gender piece I'm working on with like little scraps from an old Crime Think ah poster that anyone probably under the age of 30 or over the age of 30 knows what I'm talking about.
00:34:19
Collin!
of
00:34:21
Collin!
no pressure.
00:34:21
Lore Alexander
wait, the wait, sorry. i may I may have missed the word you said before poster. what Crime poster?
00:34:25
Collin!
Oh, the Crime Think. So there's ah this little Crime Think poster that, you know, it's it's gender, it has gender conversations, right, have expanded since since then, right? And kind of always more expansive. But it was this poster that this anarchist collective Crime Think put together ah well, maybe in the 90s. I don't know exactly the time frame, but it's like for every um boy who is like a strong leader, there's also little boys who like cry and like openly express their feelings. For every girl who does this stereotype, there's girls who do this.
00:35:04
Collin!
And it's just kind of, it's a really sweet poster. I think for me, for a fair amount of folks of my generation and kind of ah leftist leanings and all that, seeing that poster, especially as a kid from Boise, was like a big, a big ah first moment of like reflecting on what gender even is and why gender and how and who and all those big questions.
00:35:31
Collin!
So I think it's that's the piece I think that I, I'm nervous to get back to that piece, but that's the one I'm like the most excited to return back to.
00:35:31
Lore Alexander
Yeah, yeah.
00:35:41
Collin!
because I just don't know where to go with it yet. But I've been staring at it literally right above the screen for o maybe two years now.
00:35:49
Lore Alexander
Yeah, wow.
00:35:51
Collin!
you know Do you have any?
00:35:53
Lore Alexander
Is there a ah has it been like time and whatnot that's kept you from that piece or has it been like
00:35:54
Collin!
Oh, yeah. go sorry
00:36:00
Lore Alexander
the nerves around it because you're so excited about it.
00:36:05
Collin!
I think life definitely have had some just big changes in my life these last few years. um And I think that with this piece, the more personal a piece feels, the more that those second-guessings can kind of come back into my art, I found, you know? like One of my favorite pieces I've ever done is behind me.
00:36:29
Collin!
And it's a piece that originally there was like a call for art around Roe v. Wade, an artist's response to roe v. Wade. And so i was like, oh I'll make a piece about that.
00:36:40
Collin!
It turned personal, but it didn't feel as personal when I was starting it. And so it was easier to just kind of like dive into it. But this one, you know, that little Crime Think poster. And when I think back on little baby, like 19 year old Colin,
00:36:54
Collin!
ah And when I think back on just when I think about my current, you know, experiences, figuring out gender and just living in this this flesh sack, you know, like, it's the more personal they are the harder I think it it can be to to to really dive Yeah.
00:37:15
Collin!
yeah
00:37:16
Lore Alexander
Yeah. No, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, i've been I've been also getting into like trying to actually follow through on projects that feel really personal and deep to me.
00:37:30
Lore Alexander
And man, is it hard to... like, especially because like with art, like you'll often do like first, second, third drafts of things like of, but like when you can barely make yourself do the one and then you're just like, no, it's never gonna look how I'm like imagining it. Like it could be so impactful and it's like, well, I don't know. I think I'm i'm trying to explore like how i can make the process maybe impactful for me.
00:38:02
Lore Alexander
ah
00:38:03
Collin!
Yeah. Yep.
00:38:04
Lore Alexander
Because, yeah, it's it feels like it's really big and needs to be a certain way in order to go out in the world.
00:38:13
Collin!
yep
00:38:14
Lore Alexander
But maybe that's the ego talking. I don't know.
00:38:18
Collin!
Yeah, it's it's hard. It's hard because then there's also like, I feel like when people ask you about about art, like, you know, oh, what does this piece mean? Sometimes when people ask me about art, I'm like, I don' i i wanted to draw, like, I love surrealism, right? So like, I love drawing people with like long giraffe necks or you know, this or that. And so sometimes there there are these like layered like, oh, well, you know, here's all these journal pages from my mental health breakdown at age 20.
00:38:47
Collin!
they're, you know, under all of the the paint and people are like, ooh, ah.
00:38:48
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:38:51
Collin!
And other times it's like, I just wanted to draw a weird little guy. um
00:38:55
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:38:57
Collin!
and that feels, that's easier. Sometimes it feels like that's disappointing to people. And that, again, might be my interpretation, right?
00:39:07
Collin!
That's probably just me getting in my own way, but I don't know. Yeah, like it feels like you want it to be really personal. um But then the act of actually getting it to that point where it feels right for you can be really hard, or at least for me, you know.
00:39:24
Lore Alexander
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think so. I had... a I met somebody, i'm i'm also an an editor as my day job,
Valuing Art and Letting Go
00:39:34
Lore Alexander
so I edit books. And I've had ah had an interaction recently with somebody who was talking about their book as if it was just like their their meaning for life. And like they just, they needed to get it out in the world, but they were so scared about doing it.
00:39:51
Lore Alexander
And as they were talking about it, I just like, my My heart felt very, so I was just like, oh buddy, like, oh friend, you're never gonna get your book out there if you're like holding it this preciously. It's just never gonna happen.
00:40:08
Collin!
Yeah.
00:40:09
Lore Alexander
like you're If you're holding your art like it's the, I don't know, like the the seed of the next generation or like the the savior of humanity
00:40:09
Collin!
Yeah.
00:40:22
Lore Alexander
It's not. Oh, it's just not.
00:40:25
Collin!
um Yeah.
00:40:26
Lore Alexander
It might be very impactful. it might be great. It might be really good. It also might be a fart in the wind, as Heather Buchanan would say. like just
00:40:36
Collin!
Who says that? That's amazing.
00:40:38
Lore Alexander
um Heather Buchanan is another ah as a fellow artist. I've had her on the podcast a couple times. ah She does these very silly watercolors of like noseless faces and she does Horror Scoops which are, you know, these just very weird horoscopes.
00:40:56
Lore Alexander
Yeah. She's delightful.
00:40:57
Collin!
Amazing.
00:40:58
Lore Alexander
I love her. But when I had her on and she was talking about like, you know, being willing to share your art and she was just like, yeah, sometimes you'll just build it up so much in your head and then you put it out there and it's just a fart in the wind.
00:41:10
Lore Alexander
Nobody cares.
00:41:12
Collin!
I love that. Yeah. Yeah. i feel like i'm sara I feel like I'm surrounded by farts, you know? And then it's like a surprise when others are like, oh no I see something in this.
00:41:25
Collin!
um But yeah, yeah, it's hard because you you want you want some of that impact, but you can't you can't make it your precious baby bird or else, you know, it's there's so many ways that that will disappoint.
00:41:40
Lore Alexander
It'll disappoint. It'll slap you in the face. It'll let you down.
00:41:44
Collin!
ah who
00:41:44
Lore Alexander
ah you know.
00:41:48
Collin!
absolutely absolutely it's like looking for a black posca in this giant bin of poscas you know someday maybe but i don't know yeah i keep finding
00:41:50
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:41:59
Lore Alexander
It's always good to have that like hope and belief in yourself. And you gotta you gotta keep that ego in check just a little bit. Just remember that we're tiny specks of nothing in the universe.
00:42:12
Collin!
Absolutely. And even if you think you found the right Posca marker, it might actually be a gold or a silver.
00:42:13
Lore Alexander
It's a good reminder.
00:42:19
Collin!
Like I thought I found one. Nope, that's the silver. Here we are.
00:42:26
Lore Alexander
Well, before you dig too much longer, ah we'll want to wrap up here pretty soon. um if you would like to ah yeah put some finishing touches on your intrudy. Wow, why can't I say it? Your intrudy Judy. there we go.
00:42:45
Lore Alexander
Should have done some ah some tongue twisters and vocal warmups before I started.
00:42:54
Collin!
Okay, I'm putting some heels on her. a gonna call it a day. Boom.
00:43:01
Lore Alexander
Excellent.
00:43:03
Collin!
All right, I think, nope, she needs eyelashes, I think.
00:43:10
Collin!
Okay, I'm good.
00:43:12
Lore Alexander
All right. I would love to see what yours looks like, and I'll share mine.
00:43:18
Collin!
This is mine.
00:43:18
Lore Alexander
yes.
00:43:18
Collin!
this is my Judy.
00:43:19
Lore Alexander
oh yes
00:43:21
Collin!
um yeah yeah, I think other days she would be, she'd be different, right? Like, yeah, I think that kind of a, a Bob ah kind of, you know,
00:43:34
Collin!
middle-aged Mormon mom from early 2000s Idaho. That's one of the forms she might take. But today she's this little nugget with a little high ponytail and some performative femininity and just big ol' eyeballs.
00:43:40
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:43:50
Collin!
Yeah. Just what if?
00:43:51
Lore Alexander
Yeah, those are some crazed eyeballs.
00:43:52
Collin!
What if?
00:43:55
Collin!
Yeah. Yeah. That's my guy.
00:43:56
Lore Alexander
Oh, that's so good.
00:43:58
Collin!
Yeah.
00:44:00
Lore Alexander
Incredible. ah Mine ah was quite simple. Just do better with some giant mouth and giant scary pointy teeth ah just yelling at me to to do better. i your Your art did inspire me. i do want I do want to kind of do this again after our call just to give it a full full body and face and personify it a bit more. um But yes, that's my my honest first draft.
00:44:32
Collin!
I feel like it could be really fun to do like ah a week of Judy's or a year of Judy's where like, you know, just in various different moods or modes like, oh, what is Judy moving like to me right now?
00:44:41
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:44:44
Collin!
That could be.
00:44:44
Lore Alexander
Yeah, totally. That would be really fun. Or like that could also be like a like a grounding exercise of like starting starting each of your day, just kind of being like, and here's Judy.
00:44:55
Lore Alexander
Just like, here's a little Judy to start your day. like Any any like of the thoughts that pop up, you can just kind of look at her and be like, there she is.
00:44:59
Collin!
a little Judy.
00:45:04
Collin!
Oh, I love that. That's so good. Okay, great.
00:45:07
Lore Alexander
That'd be pretty fun.
00:45:09
Collin!
Great. My therapist would be really proud of you for that right now. yeah Incredible. Perfect.
00:45:16
Lore Alexander
ah that's ah Having a therapist be proud of me is just a wonderful feeling. ah One that I strive for and one that you know they don't tend to distribute. ah that's
00:45:29
Collin!
Uh-huh.
00:45:30
Lore Alexander
It's my desire to please teacher and therapist is teacher.
00:45:32
Collin!
o the humble Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Very relatable Yup, yup, yup, yup.
00:45:42
Lore Alexander
Any last minute thoughts on this conversation before we wrap up?
00:45:49
Collin!
Um, not really. I mean, yeah, this was really, this was really fun. I, yeah, well, I often tell people like, I think there's so many layers of imposter syndrome to like,
00:46:02
Collin!
being an artsy person and like even if it's like like I've had a residency, I've you know been in some shows, I've done some things, but it never really feels like am I a real artist? You know? And so this is another thing I can add to that now. Like, well, I'm a person who did this stuff, um so it's really fun.
00:46:22
Collin!
And other than that the world is really rough and i hope that we all just keep finding creativity and each other and embracing like weird whimsy and absurdity while we're still like working together make stuff better so i don't know yeah yeah let's
00:46:42
Lore Alexander
Yeah, absolutely. ah Leaning into the weird, whimsy, absurdist, all of it. Yes, 100% all the way. um
00:46:51
Collin!
wait
00:46:52
Lore Alexander
Any projects that you would like to ah promote?
All Cats Are Beautiful - A Coloring Book Project
00:46:55
Lore Alexander
i know you have a ah ah fund or a project that's ah ah sending money for, ah is it the Palestinian children' Children's Fund or i forget the
00:47:07
Collin!
Yeah. Yeah. I have a coloring book that i first made. Well, i I started it years ago. Finally finished it last year. um And yeah, it's a fundraiser where all of the proceeds pass like printing costs I send to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund, which is one of many great different funds you can choose from like specific, like there's like amputee projects, there's specific surgical projects, or they have like a general fund as well. And also lots of GoFundMes that,
00:47:42
Collin!
are a great way to connect to specific like Palestinian families and people who need need support. um But yeah, I've got these coloring books called All Cats Are Beautiful, ACAB, and they are anti-fascist cats who are, you know, they're imparting life lessons.
00:47:57
Lore Alexander
uh
00:48:04
Collin!
There's some fun quotes from different activists and just some fun, some fun different cats being silly. One of my favorites is ah No Gods, No Alphas with a little, little anarchist cat potentially licking its bum hole in the same way.
00:48:24
Lore Alexander
Yeah.
00:48:26
Collin!
That's the sort of vibe ah for that coloring book that you might expect. There's also like cats, roaming through flowers and with nice quotes from from awesome people.
00:48:38
Collin!
So yeah, ah if you're interested in that you can hit me up on Instagram at artbycalls which is c-o-l-l-z or on my website.
00:48:49
Collin!
I have an Etsy, I haven't touched it in years, I should probably do something about that. Not today, so.
00:48:57
Lore Alexander
That's fair. um Amazing. Are you doing any more art markets or anything coming up?
00:49:04
Collin!
Not right now. I'm kind of, I'm in, I'm in day job and I've got a bunch of arty times coming up with the King County libraries.
00:49:15
Collin!
So ah we're going to be doing like a 90s rewind ah retro paint and zip with mocktails.
00:49:16
Lore Alexander
Nice.
00:49:22
Collin!
So should be fun.
00:49:24
Lore Alexander
Oh, fun.
00:49:25
Collin!
That's the main thing coming up this spring.
00:49:28
Lore Alexander
Nice. Excellent. Well, I will have all of your information down in the show notes. Everybody definitely go check Colin out. That's great. They've got a lot of great art. And yeah, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here, Colin. And everybody go make some art today and be sure to keep it ugly.
00:49:49
Collin!
Yay!