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Poisoning Yourself by Not Forgiving Others
406 Plays1 year ago
In this episode, I talk about how failing to forgive others is more harmful to your own mental, emotional, and even your PHYSICAL health., than it is to anyone else. I talk about the scientific/medical indications of self-damage, and a few ways to help you forgive others.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast & Holistic Health
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Full Spectrum Holistic Health Podcast. Now, this podcast obviously is all about holistic health, what it is, various holistic and alternative health therapies, and how those may help you to be a healthier person. I want to thank you for choosing to listen today because quite frankly, I know there are a lot of podcasts out there for you to choose from and I'm glad you're here. I'm the host of the podcast, Dr. Anthony Burton.
00:00:29
Speaker
I'm a Reiki master, EFT therapist, meditation teacher, sound therapist, shamanic practitioner, and do a lot of things. But my goal is to help people to be healthier in body, mind, and spirit. And that's why I'm here. A large part of what I do really is educational in nature because so many people are unaware of the power and efficacy of various holistic and alternative therapies.
00:00:57
Speaker
in these podcasts who will hear stuff that will inform you, enlighten you, and help energize and balance you. Of course, it wouldn't always be just my opinions and ideas because occasionally I will be interviewing knowledgeable and interesting guests from a variety of areas of holistic and complementary health practices, as well as people with a background in conventional allopathic medicine. So kick back and relax, open your mind, and listen.
00:01:26
Speaker
By the way, Spectrum Holistic Health is a complementary health and wellness business located in northwest Georgia, USA, and you can check out the website at www.spectrum-holistic.com for more information.
00:01:54
Speaker
If you've listened to a few of my podcasts, you know that I, well, I don't often shy away from saying things that some people might find, uh, you know, offensive or like I'm meddling and sticking my nose in their business.
The Importance of Forgiveness in Health
00:02:08
Speaker
Um, I try to be kind, but sometimes what we need to hear the medicine, so to speak, can be bitter. And this may be one of those times.
00:02:22
Speaker
I read very often on various social media platforms or hear from people in conversations like, oh, I will never forgive him or her for what was done. They don't deserve forgiveness. And honestly, I'll admit that I've said things like that in the past about people. But I've learned through bitter experience and from my mentors that failing to forgive someone is only going to harm me in the long run.
00:02:53
Speaker
Oh yeah, sure, we might treat people badly and hurt their feelings with our lack of forgiveness, but that is, that's a lot less than the damage we do to ourselves if we choose to hold a grudge. In 1711, a philosopher named Alexander Pope wrote these famous words, to err is human, to forgive divine.
00:03:21
Speaker
Perhaps nothing we can do expresses our own connection to divinity, like the power to forgive those who have hurt us, betrayed us, offended us, or left us. Now this is not just my own opinion, nor Alexander Pope's, both modern medicine and traditional medicine, non-allopathic medicine.
00:03:47
Speaker
speak of the healing power of forgiveness and of being forgiven. And I'm not simply being all touchy-feely about this. It's not just your feelings that are being hurt. It's your physical health too. Of course, if you look at the title of this podcast, you'll see that it is holistic health. And holistic health includes the emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health of the individual.
00:04:18
Speaker
And none of those, not one of them, is totally disconnected from the others. They all interlock and intertwine. The physical, mental, and emotional burdens of carrying a grudge are some of the most devastating and destructive things a person can do to himself or herself.
Health Risks of Holding Onto Anger
00:04:43
Speaker
Dr. Karen Swartz of Johns Hopkins University says it this way,
00:04:48
Speaker
If someone is stuck in an angry state, what they're essentially doing is constantly being in a state of adrenaline. And some of the negative health consequences of not forgiving or being stuck there in that angry state are high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, and not having a good immune response.
00:05:14
Speaker
Now adrenaline is necessary at times, you know, when you need to fight physically or if you have to run or respond in a great hurry. But continual adrenaline production produces a lot of negative consequences because the human body is not designed to be in a constant state of stress and heightened response.
00:05:38
Speaker
Along with adrenaline, that same state of heightened tension and response causes the production of excess cortisol. That's a chemical that causes weight gain, it messes up glucose regulation, it interferes with the body's ability to heal, as well as causing mood swings and depression. Of course, returning to the emotional side of things, one very painful thing for the person who doesn't forgive
00:06:07
Speaker
It's the likelihood of carrying that resentment and pain over into another relationship. I know I have, and probably many of you have probably heard someone say, Oh, I can't trust men or women anymore. I just can't because they've been hurt or betrayed or the person left them. Of course, by saying that and doing that, I think in that way,
00:06:36
Speaker
the person denies themselves the opportunity to form a good relationship with someone. There's other evidence as well.
Benefits & Process of Forgiveness
00:06:46
Speaker
Some studies published by Johns Hopkins have shown that people who do forgive those who have wronged them have lower mortality rates, they have lower blood pressure, lower cholesterol, and even better sleep. So,
00:07:04
Speaker
From all that, you can see that forgiveness is not something we do just for the other person. Rather, it is something we do for ourselves as well. What is forgiveness anyway though?
00:07:18
Speaker
You know, if you're speaking with someone who has a deeply religious feeling about forgiveness, maybe someone who is, you know, a really dedicated, you know, Christian or whatever, they may say the forgiveness means that the sin or offense against you has been washed away and should never again be remembered or thought about. But the reality is different from that. Human forgiveness. Now, not divine forgiveness, but human forgiveness.
00:07:47
Speaker
It means that you intentionally, that means you do it on purpose. Release that resentment, anger, and yes, even the hurt. Of course, I want to make something clear. Forgiveness is not a simple, single act for most people. It's not, just isn't. It's a process. And that means that you can say you forgive someone.
00:08:15
Speaker
But there probably will be times when the anger or resentment comes back. Maybe it will seep in insidiously, like through a crack made by some totally separate event, like seeing someone else treat their child the way you were treated by a parent, or by hearing a hurtful statement made that was not directed at you at all, but it reminded you of something that was said to you.
00:08:43
Speaker
Or it may come rushing back in like, like a tidal wave on the anniversary of the event, which is a very common thing. Or when you see something like it depicted in a movie, say a rape or a horrific car accident, or maybe when you just happened to be walking through a town or mall and you see the person who originally hurt you.
00:09:12
Speaker
Now at those points you have a choice to make. Do you let the anger seep in and mess up your day like a leaky sewer pipe? Or if it's a really strong recollection, do you let it just wash away your peace with yourself? And understand it is a conscious choice. It may not seem like it, but it is. We are not slaves to our emotions.
00:09:38
Speaker
Yes, honestly, we know they can control some parts of our lives, but only, only if we allow them to do so.
Techniques to Facilitate Forgiveness
00:09:49
Speaker
Now, how do you forgive someone? Well, there are lots of strategies to use. I want to mention three of them. First one is meditation. And if you've been listening to this podcast, you know, I'm big on meditation.
00:10:09
Speaker
If you were in a place at a time where it's appropriate and that feeling starts to come in, take five minutes, maybe 10 if it takes it, and center yourself. Take some deep breaths and absorb the peace that comes from knowing you have conquered that emotion for the moment. I used to be a drug and alcohol counselor. One of the things that alcoholics anonymous
00:10:39
Speaker
uh, says about drinking is that, you know, I'm not going to have a drink today. I might have a drink tomorrow, but today I am not going to have a drink. So take a lesson from AA. I won't let the anger in today. Tomorrow will take care of itself, but right now I will not let the resentment conquer me.
00:11:12
Speaker
Another technique is called neuro-linguistic programming or NLP. That's a technique I sometimes teach to my clients that involves connecting a physical sensation such as gently tapping a spot on your inside of your wrist or maybe lightly stroking a spot on the side of your neck with a place and a situation that brings you a feeling of peace. In other words, it's kind of like that old saying about finding your happy place
00:11:43
Speaker
but this is finding your peaceful place. That may be relaxing beside a calm lake. It might be sitting in a cathedral and absorbing that silence, the calm. It might be kicked back into recliner and listening to your favorite music, or it may be something else, totally different, but wherever,
00:12:09
Speaker
And whatever it is that brings you a feeling of calm and peace, you mentally and physically and emotionally tie those together with that physical action like tapping the inside of your wrist or stroking the side of your neck.
00:12:27
Speaker
So you can call it up when you need it. And it takes practice. You've got to do this, you know, it's like a muscle memory thing. But after you've done it a few times, just doing that physical action can involve your entire muscular and nervous system. And it can bring back that sense of peace. Another technique that I teach and use with my clients is called emotional freedom technique or tapping.
00:12:58
Speaker
It's too involved to go into the process right here. It needs a whole podcast episode to itself. But essentially what you are doing is rewiring your brain by tapping on specific acupressure points while making statements that change how your mind and your body and your emotions react to situations.
00:13:22
Speaker
Now, it's not just some woo woo stuff. The VA uses tapping to help returning veterans deal with PTSD. VA, and it's not the only one. I mean, other hospitals use it too. Therapists use tapping to help people break bad habits and addictions, to get rid of phobias, and to help athletes and executives and others break through performance barriers.
00:13:53
Speaker
That's a very useful technique. Now understand, I am not saying that you must forgive and forget. Certainly it'd be great to forget the hurt or pain, but sometimes it simply isn't possible. Sometimes the wound is so deep, the scarring is so immense that you can't forget it.
00:14:18
Speaker
but it doesn't mean you have to carry around hate or resentment in your soul. Now I'm also not saying, oh, forgive them and invite them over for Thanksgiving dinner. No, it's not about rationalizing or justifying someone else's actions to hurt you. Oh, they didn't really mean to do it. He's just that way. No, no, that's not what it's about. It's not about erasing the past as though it never happened.
00:14:49
Speaker
It is about releasing and getting rid of that negative energy and negative emotions and effects that the grudge is having on your body, your mind, your emotions, and your life. It's about putting down that burden of anger, resentment, and desire for revenge.
Powerful Stories of Forgiveness
00:15:15
Speaker
You know, I'm sure you remember June of 2015. You might not remember the date, but you remember that event. Dylan Roof entered a black church in South Carolina, asked if he could be part of their Bible study, and he sat down. An hour later, he stood up and with a .45 caliber handgun, he murdered nine church members in cold blood. His stated desire, what he really wanted to accomplish,
00:15:45
Speaker
was to ignite a race war, and that could have happened. But something that was much more beautiful and remarkable happened. Forgiveness. Within three days after that shooting at that church, family members and relatives of those murdered stood up and publicly forgave Ruth for his actions.
00:16:13
Speaker
Calling upon him to repent when he had done, yes, but not calling for revenge in any way. The cooling waters of forgiveness were poured out upon the smoldering coals of racial conflict. And Ruth's stated goal, a dining and race war, was averted.
00:16:35
Speaker
Now that doesn't mean, however, that roof got away with his crime. He was tried and sentenced to death, which was later commuted to nine consecutive life sentences. So I'm assuming he will never get out of prison. Those who forgave him at least freed themselves from the burden of carrying the grudge and by forgiving him so publicly helped to avert further bloodshed in a racial conflict.
00:17:08
Speaker
Nelson Mandela, famous politician and activist, was unjustly imprisoned by the South African government for 27 years for his work fighting apartheid. But he emerged from prison without hatred for his captors. He said, and I quote, as I walked out the door toward my freedom, I knew
00:17:36
Speaker
that if I did not leave all the anger, hatred, and bitterness behind, I would still be in prison. You know, someone once said, holding your grudge is like taking poison into your own body to make the other person die. This is quite true in the emotional sense, but as medical science is proving in the physical sense as well,
00:18:07
Speaker
Don't poison yourself by holding back on forgiveness for those who have wronged you. Forgive them, even if you cannot bring yourself to condone what was done, because by failing to forgive, you only hurt yourself. Namaste.
Conclusion & Audience Engagement
00:18:55
Speaker
I want to thank you for being here and listening to the podcast today. I hope it's been interesting and informative and thought provoking. If you did find it interesting, please be sure to return for another episode and tell your friends about it too. I appreciate if you do that because it really helps me out. You can share directly from most podcast platforms and subscribing to the podcast would be great. If you want to tell me you liked the show,
00:19:24
Speaker
or that you hated it, that you agree or disagree with me or anything else, really, go for it. Just leave a message for me on your podcast platform. Until next time, stay safe, stay healthy, keep an open mind. Namaste.