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Finding the Spark: Holistic Approaches to Dementia Care with Ember Holistic
26 Plays1 month ago
If dementia has touched your life—whether through a recent diagnosis, a loved one’s changing needs, or your work in elder care—this episode is for you.
Erin sits down with Shari Flight of Ember Holistic to explore how a holistic approach can transform dementia care for both the person living with cognitive impairment and those who support them. From recognizing the earliest signs and navigating the moment of diagnosis, to adapting the home environment, fostering engagement, and sustaining caregiver well-being, Shari shares practical tools and heartfelt wisdom.
We discuss why seeing the person beyond the diagnosis matters, how to preserve independence through “doing with” instead of “doing for,” and why planning ahead can ease the emotional, logistical, and financial toll of the dementia journey.
Whether you’re an older adult, a family caregiver, or a professional in aging services, you’ll walk away with hope, clarity, and tangible steps to help keep the spark alive—no matter where you are in the journey.
Connect with Ember Holistic:
🌐 Website: www.emberholistic.com
📧 Email: info@emberholistic.com
📱 Social Media: @EmberHolisticCareLLC on all platforms
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
If cognitive impairment has impacted you or someone you love, today's episode is for you. I had the pleasure of sitting down with longtime friend and professional colleague, Shari Flight from Ember Holistic.
00:00:15
Speaker
Her and her business partner, Katie Fournier, created an amazing, holistic education, advocacy, and training program for not just the person living with cognitive impairment, but those who serve them.
00:00:30
Speaker
personal family
Holistic Approaches to Cognitive Care
00:00:31
Speaker
caregivers, friends, but also professionals that work in elder care. We dive into all the things from managing a recent diagnosis to adapting your home and environment to successfully live with your prognosis and diagnosis and how to live well, even with cognitive impairment. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we did creating it.
00:00:54
Speaker
Enjoy. Welcome to Engaging Aging. I'm Erin DeCarlo. And I'm Lauren Watts. We believe life gets richer with age and we're here to prove it. We bring you real conversations about aging well, living fully and navigating this journey with confidence.
00:01:10
Speaker
So let's dive in because aging isn't something to endure. It's something to embrace.
00:01:18
Speaker
Shari, it is so good to have you on our Engaging Aging podcast. Finally. i know. i was excited to be on it. It's been a long time coming. We are both blessed enough to have our kind of senior soul sister partners by our side. They're not with us today, but I know that Katie Fortier is with you in spirit, as is Lauren Watts with me.
00:01:41
Speaker
Katie is a road warrior. She's out doing the amazing geriatric nursing that she does so well. um So Katie, you're with us in spirit, but I have Sherry Flight with me today from Ember Holistic.
00:01:55
Speaker
dementia care experts, extraordinaires, advocates, educators. Shari, before we dive in today, tell us a little bit about Ember, the name, how you became to be. Tell me all the things.
00:02:09
Speaker
Absolutely. So Katie and I met in a memory care assisted living almost 10 years ago now actually which is crazy um and she was the resident care director i was in charge of activity activity excuse me and we both just realized quickly that we had the same passion for supporting the caregiver just as much as the person with dementia but also focusing on switching up how we approach the person with dementia um and that's kind of where the idea started of there might be something more here than just the blanket dementia care that happens in most communities.
00:02:41
Speaker
um So we were commuting in into work one day, we were talking more about it, how we can support everyone. And we came up with thought of the word Ember. And then by definition, Ember is that spark that remains within. And she and I are both very passionate about making sure that we are not forgetting that that person still has a piece of them there. We just need to figure out how to find it as a caregiver.
00:03:03
Speaker
And kind of just from there, like all the ideas of the different offerings that we could have kind of just came immediately after that.
Challenges and Critiques of Current Models
00:03:09
Speaker
I love that. So tell us a little bit about what is Ember Holistic? What offerings do you have in place? what What makes you different than kind of the traditional dementia support programs that already exist?
00:03:21
Speaker
Yeah. So in regards to caring for the person with dementia, we really try and focus on that holistic approach. We try and see what can we as the caregivers change first, either from our approach to the environment, to offering something holistic like meditation, Reiki, aromatherapy,
00:03:37
Speaker
Trying to figure out all of those pieces first. And then if none of that's working or it's working, but we still need something more, that's where Katie comes into play as well, because she's an LPN and she can make some suggestions for medication. So we really try and wholeheartedly focus on that holistic approach.
00:03:54
Speaker
And then also with the caregiver, we try to create essentially a care plan for the caregiver. So try to figure out what's working, what's not working. What is something in your life that you're maybe no longer doing anymore because you are now the caregiver that you'd like to get back to, whether it's like weekend trips to a house that you have in New Hampshire or the Cape or something that you have not done, you've put to the side. How can we help you get that back by providing support and education? I'd love to do a deeper dive into the caregiver in a moment. Let's get back for a second to what already exists for listeners listening. Um,
00:04:27
Speaker
We have a really medical model of older adult support programs. So in probably you can say this too, in any clinical setting I've been in as a professional supporting my clients, it is addressing the clinical care needs or the diagnosis first and not who are you at the core as a human. like yeah And it's really missing the mark because as we know, all of that other stuff is part of the diagnosis. Like, I don't know if you know this, Lauren and I um recently became certified neurosomatic intelligence practitioners, which is the mind body connection, but knowing that um disease lives in our body, but oftentimes is created over time from emotions and physical environments and trauma and abuse. And we know that that has an impact on the brain as well.
00:05:18
Speaker
The reason I go there is it is, um, um a new thought to not approach the clinical needs first and to start with the whole person. And I say that to the listeners because people may just assume like, that's obvious that you need to get to know and address all of the other aspects, but it's not being practiced in our, in our business. And I want to go there. Second, I have a first question for any listeners.
00:05:45
Speaker
Can we talk a little bit about like, what is dementia and why that word itself is confusing for people. Like, let's just give a little baseline description for listeners. Like what is cognitive impairment? Why do we blanket the word dementia and what are some of the nuances here? Yeah. So I,
00:06:07
Speaker
Everyone's confused by that. Everyone's always like, what's the difference between dementia Alzheimer's? Aren't they the same thing? Are they different? And unfortunately, a lot of people when they're diagnosed, it's usually by the primary physician and they will give you the diagnosis of dementia.
00:06:22
Speaker
But dementia is just the symptoms. My favorite way that I've ever heard it described that I feel like helps kind of make it makes sense is if you go to the doctors because you have a fever, they're not going to diagnose you with the fever and send you on your way. There's something causing that fever, like ah COVID flu.
00:06:38
Speaker
Those are the diagnoses causing the fever. So dementia is like the fever. When you're getting a diagnosis of Alzheimer's, Lewy body, frontal temporal, those are the diseases and the diagnosis is causing the dementia. So dementia is the symptoms of like that the memory impairment, which everyone knows the confusion of time and place.
00:06:57
Speaker
ah um loss of initiative, forgetting how to follow steps from beginning to end. It's the symptoms. So it's kind of like that blanket statement to describe what is going on with the disease like Alzheimer's. so and do your lot people are not yeah And do you agree? I often tell adult children or spouses or the person with the quote unquote dementia diagnosis, it is important to have a formal diagnosis because it allows us to have plan and a trajectory because many of these diseases have have a course, a somewhat predictable course of decline and what's coming down the pike. I once heard, this is a long time ago, I heard this analogy, which I love.
00:07:37
Speaker
We could all decide to go whitewater rafting today and go up to the top of those rapids, hop in a raft, and we'll probably get down alive, but it's going to be a really bumpy ride and we're going to be holding on for your life, white knuckled the entire way down.
00:07:53
Speaker
Or we could go whitewater rafting and choose to enlist a rafting guide. Someone who's on the back of the raft saying, okay, ready, hold on around this corner.
00:08:04
Speaker
It's going to be turbulent, but then we'll have a moment of still water. And then around this turn, and for many of these types of disease diagnoses, there is a somewhat predictable pattern. And with that information, we can better support them for this journey. Do you agree with that?
00:08:24
Speaker
thousand percent. If someone has either not been referred to a neurologist and specifically a neurologist that specializes in dementia or has just seen a neurologist, but just doesn't know what type of dementia, we always push pending the person, but we always push for them to try and get a further diagnosis. And I say pending because if it's someone who's end stage, you don't want to be putting them through an um MRI. There's really no benefit in finding out what type of dementia they have at that point.
00:08:49
Speaker
um But for someone who's kind of early to mid stages, definitely benefit to your point, like someone who has Alzheimer's versus Lewy body, they're similar symptoms, but there's very different symptoms. And that journey is going to look a little different. So you can properly
Timing and Financial Barriers in Support Services
00:09:01
Speaker
plan for yourself and the person with dementia, if you know exactly kind of what's in store.
00:09:06
Speaker
And I love that you said, um not just a general practitioner, like neurologist, what we have found, and I'm sure this is the same for you, when you go to even Even some of the well-known cognitive impairment specific technologists, they don't all offer this added layer of holistic support, but some do. So some will just give people a diagnosis and say, okay, I'll see you in six months.
00:09:31
Speaker
No. That's very challenging for families because this is a huge emotional and logistical and financial and educational kind of blow for families to digest alone. But there are providers here in this market, but also across the country that have social work.
00:09:49
Speaker
counseling services, supportive resources. So you're not just getting the diagnosis, you're getting the diagnosis with support to consume this information so that it lands well. um Because people don't always know that like Alzheimer's is a terminal diagnosis, terminal disease. And it's like being told you have a malignant brain tumor. I'll see you in six months. Don't do that. And we shouldn't do that for people diagnosis. I'm sure you see that all the time as well.
00:10:17
Speaker
Yeah, no, I entirely agree. So is that the best time for your supportive services to be brought in like at the moment of diagnosis? Ideally, yes, because then they're never left to try and figure out what the rest of this journey is going to look like.
00:10:31
Speaker
Even if it's someone who wants to kind of connect with us, get a bit more education on what's this going to look like? What should we plan and prepare? In a perfect world, that's what would happen. The doctor's office could send send them our information or provide them our information and say, just give them a call. They can help you outside of here.
00:10:48
Speaker
um But we can come along anywhere within the journey. if it's someone who is end stage in a family is just really struggling with maybe deciding about hospice or understanding what and and end stage looks like. Um, we can come in at any point in time.
00:11:01
Speaker
Got it. I love that because, and we'll talk more about caregivers. I know that information is powerful. And when we can make informed decisions, we can help people avoid burnout like way before it happens. And we know that the care outcomes, the physical and cognitive outcomes for the person who's being cared for are so much better when their caregiver is better. Right. Yeah.
00:11:25
Speaker
Yeah, um let, I just wanna pivot for a moment because you and i both, all four of us, Lauren, myself, you, Katie, we all come from the senior living industry. We all worked in memory care assisted living.
00:11:38
Speaker
And although for some people that's a great option, for many it's not. And Lauren and I have a little bee in our bonnet as of late about really calling out some of the practices we see across the board in our industry.
00:11:51
Speaker
Not to put them down, but to help elevate the entire industry across the board because, and I'd love to just have an open conversation with you. What are some of the, I'm trying to be gentle here, opportunities in memory care assisted living to meet the needs of older adults with cognitive impairment that are living in their communities?
00:12:17
Speaker
I really, and i'm we're dealing with this right now with a client who's trying to find a placement for her mom. I really wish that there was an option or opportunity for someone who,
00:12:30
Speaker
financially maybe can't quite afford assisted living, can't stay at home for safety reasons, and their only option is nursing home because maybe they're on MassHealth or something.
00:12:40
Speaker
I feel like that's a huge missed area. I feel like if we could figure out a way to have like a couple affordable rooms per community, per town, whatever it may be, that in particular, because I can't tell you I have toured so many people who are early on,
00:12:52
Speaker
or mid stage and they do not need to be in a nursing home. And that's their only option. Cause that's the only thing that can afford because of it. Let's sidebar this conversation and
Practical Strategies for Caregivers and Patients
00:13:00
Speaker
anyone listening, if you have interest in joining us in this fight, I believe that there's an opportunity for us to create that subsidized memory care, because I know that the mass health, we're in Massachusetts on this podcast and the mass health program is reimbursing nursing homes,
00:13:16
Speaker
more than it would cost for them to reimburse quality care, memory care, assisted living. Because as you're saying, a lot of the need is not clinical nursing, it's custodial and engagement oversight and the reimbursements could be different. So yes,
00:13:34
Speaker
And i love that. Let's talk about that. But let's talk even further. Okay. How about the private pay communities that are receiving $14,000 to $18,000 a month per resident? Do you believe that the engagement and care is at par with what potentially could be with a different approach, a more holistic approach?
00:13:56
Speaker
I think it's building specific. There are some buildings anytime we visit, like they're on point, there is always stuff happening. There are some buildings that are really good at that parallel programming, which is you have that main program going on. But if you have someone who's maybe more progressed and can't sit in on the trivia or the word games,
00:14:14
Speaker
they have something separate going on. That's actually something Katie and I worked really well with together when we were in a building is our staff knew these core group of people cannot sit in that main program. They will not get engaged.
00:14:26
Speaker
They're just way too far along, but here's what they can do. We would set them up for success with that. Some buildings are really good at that. And then we see some buildings, unfortunately, who when someone progresses, they have no idea how to engage them anymore. So they just kind of get plopped in a room.
00:14:41
Speaker
throw something in their lap like a fidget blanket just to keep them busy and make them look occupied, but they're not truly being engaged. And there's so many ways around it. It's just, think the education ah for staff, making sure staff feels lifted up to be able to say like, yes, you can do this. They can be successful in this, but also you can too. And I feel like too, communities need to pull the CNAs in more of like asking them, like, what do you like to do? That's something also that Katie and I did in our community. We'd be like, okay, I understand that you don't like to sit in front of the room and leave the trivia. Totally.
00:15:14
Speaker
totally fine. What's something you like to do for a fund that we can make into a choir at my church. I like to sing. Exactly. Exactly. Because that's caring for the caregiver. That is a caregiver. The professional caregivers are caregivers too.
00:15:29
Speaker
and Exactly. i love that. Yeah. Can you talk further about engagement? Because that, that's the reason that that's like, i always say that, aha, like, why are we making a change in our life? Because people need to be engaged.
00:15:43
Speaker
Why is engagement so important for people with cognitive impairment? One, it's been proven to slow the process. So you're going to slow down that progression of the brain. So the more active and engaged they are,
00:15:55
Speaker
the slower the progression will be. Two, a lot of caregivers, both professionally and family, I don't think realize that if you are keeping your loved one engaged, it actually makes it easier for you because now they're not wandering.
00:16:06
Speaker
They're not sitting in silence and going through their thoughts and maybe recognizing that things are changing within themselves, but that in which then increases agitation and anxiety. um Engaging even during care as well, that can maybe distract them from the care that you're providing them, whether it's a shower, changing, whatever that might be.
00:16:22
Speaker
So then they're not focused on, wow, someone's helping me right now or someone's addressing me. They're focused on whatever the conversation is that you're having. and So you're gauging them in that sense, too. There's so many different benefits to it. And also at the end of the night, it's less likely that they're going to be up and wandering around because they had a full day of engagement, whether it's physical, emotional, spiritual, whatever type of engagement it is, more likely for them to have a better night's sleep as well.
00:16:47
Speaker
which is a perfect transition on circadian rhythm and the the need and the benefit for quality sleep. Why is it? And what can we do about it? That people with cognitive impairment are napping at different times or having increased confusion around sundowning.
00:17:04
Speaker
Talk to us a little bit about that because I know it's a big challenge for a lot of folks. Yeah. It's hard to, because for some dementias, the brains, the neurons are just constantly firing. So they can't help, but be awake.
00:17:14
Speaker
Um, you also see the opposite where they're just sleeping a lot more because the brain is progressing and they can't stay awake. Um, as they were awake and couldn't sleep now they're sleeping in the day because they're exhausted. Exactly. So there's a few different factors. One, what was their routine prior to this? Like just because they're,
00:17:31
Speaker
aging or maybe not getting good night's sleep. What was the routine prior? Did they always sleep at one o'clock? Stick to that routine. Did they always wake up at seven, go to bed at eight? Stick to that routine. Trying to keep them in a routine as much as possible. Routine's huge for someone with dementia.
00:17:46
Speaker
um And just, i you kind of have to play day by day too, like trying to go based on them and where they are in that day. If they had, maybe they did have a rough night's sleep, that's okay. And maybe let them sleep a little bit later that day, but don't let them sleep all day because then you're slowly going to flip that sleep cycle they're going to be confused about what's daytime, what's nighttime.
00:18:04
Speaker
um Routine again is just huge, especially for someone um with their job. Is it, was it a nurse who did like the graveyard shifts? Were they up all night? Maybe that's their norm and that's fine. So it's like trying to know them as a person as much as possible is so powerful.
00:18:17
Speaker
And then in their bedroom where they sleep, What can we change about the environment? Is there too much noise going on? Could we maybe add a sound machine? Katie and I are huge on like that blue light therapy, adding a blue light to their room. We've seen so much success with that.
00:18:33
Speaker
adding aromatherapy and putting some lavender in their room and starting to kind of prep the room before they go to bed. So it's a nice, calm and peaceful environment. And then just making sure that there's, of course, lighting for safety if it's someone that's still independent with getting up for the bathroom. But there's a bunch of different things that we could change. It's kind of like going back to when you have a baby of making it a nice...
00:18:51
Speaker
Quiet room, but having, having stuff in the room, similar to a sound machine. So it's comforting. Yeah. Lauren and I also became essential emotions coaches. So we work with essential oils based on whatever the emotional need is for the client.
00:19:05
Speaker
So I love that you're working with essential oils and using lavender as an example. We also have citrus scents for folks that need a little, that are a little sleepy and need help with kind of alertness to stay engaged in those moments. So I love that.
00:19:19
Speaker
Um, How does that benefit the caregiver? You know, so often we see, like, I love that you started this company because you saw that the caregiver needs as much and sometimes if not more resources and attention than the person they're caring for.
00:19:36
Speaker
So tell us a little bit about those services and your approach with starting to work with a family, working with the caregiver. I would just love to go into the caregiver conversation from here. Like, what do you notice is a common need?
00:19:50
Speaker
um And let's just dive into caregiving. Yeah. So common need is just the resources. Oftentimes when the person's diagnosed, they're kind of left to their own devices to figure out the rest on their ownm lot of people don't realize you can just call the local senior center or council on aging and they have pretty much all those resources right there.
00:20:09
Speaker
Some people don't even know what's out there or what they can afford or what may or may not be covered by insurance. So, That's, I think, the hardest part for caregivers, because then you have to do the legwork of all that now on top of also trying to care for the person with dementia. So I think just knowing where to go, i always push the Council on Agents because they're wealth of knowledge. They have so many of the resources there. It's a one-stop shop.
00:20:30
Speaker
Some places have just a list that they can give you. um So that piece in particular. And then for Katie and I, when we start that first connection, We learn everything about the person with dementia, but then we also try and ask like, what's important for you. said in the beginning, like, what do you want to start doing again? And what have you put to the wayside?
00:20:47
Speaker
So that. And though that most care, what I find, I should say what I have found over the years, um we have a caregiving with ease workshop. And similar to your point, we kind of really get to know what are the needs of the caregiver.
00:20:59
Speaker
So many caregivers can't even answer that question. They're like,
Early Support Systems and Legal Preparations
00:21:02
Speaker
joy. There's been no time for joy. and it's amazing how many caregivers we have to go way back in time. Like yeah before you were the nurse, the mom, the now caregiver to your mom, like what were the things it's amazing how disconnected we are as humans and how we think we just like have to be on and in the doing all the time.
00:21:23
Speaker
Do you notice that sometimes when you ask people like, what are the things that bring you happiness? they i Yeah. Yeah. What is happiness? I've taken that word off my plate. No, we do. We see that. So we work towards it. It's not like from the very beginning of like, all right, taking care of mom. And now you're going to plan a vacation. we try and work towards it. We try to get to know the person with dementia so that we know them as best as we can. so then we can see, okay, this is what they truly need for care and assistance.
00:21:50
Speaker
Let's start taking baby steps towards you getting back to your Cape house. Who is someone that you can call to sit with your mom maybe for a night so you can start with the one night stay down at the Cape house so like we start with those baby steps.
00:22:01
Speaker
um Even something I would say like it when you think of taking care of yourself I feel like people think of like ah big vacation or. going for a couple hours to go shopping. Like it can literally start as small as giving yourself five minutes to go outside and take a deep breath.
00:22:15
Speaker
Like it doesn't need to be this big thing. Work on those small things first to build up to the bigger stuff that you can eventually go away and do things to and have that comfort and the support system of the person being cared for.
00:22:25
Speaker
I love that. um I love that so much. Do you ever recommend professional support to caregivers? Like, should they be talking to someone or, you know, outlets for their own mental health or resources?
00:22:39
Speaker
Yeah, if it's to the point where they're expressing or it's very vivid that there could be some depression or something going on, then absolutely. um We do support also if they would benefit in a support group, we'll kind of look up and see any local ones for them, whether they prefer virtual or in person. We'll try and assist with stuff like that too.
00:22:56
Speaker
um Just to build that support system of people that kind of are in your shoes and know what you're going through. um But yeah, we do assist with a lot of stuff like that. i think support groups are not talked about enough. We know being in the industry, there's so many and they're very nuanced, like, so you know, spouses, ah people who are living with a recent diagnosis.
00:23:16
Speaker
Adult children, i there's a wonderful, um, for young onset adult children. So like people were in their late teens, early twenties that have a parent with Alzheimer's. Um, what do you think is one of the biggest challenges that you see consistent with caregivers that you meet with?
00:23:32
Speaker
i feel like people don't build two things. Don't build their support system soon enough. So when someone's diagnosed, they just like, Oh, it's fine. I'll do it. I can figure it out. But like, who are your go-to people that you can call and say, I need to go to the store. Can you sit with my mom? All right.
00:23:44
Speaker
I need to to step out for, like you need to build that system so you know who you can lean on. Also of seeing who who can do what, because some people, it may be hard for them to sit with the person because they can't, it's hard for them to accept and and and acknowledge that that person is progressing, but maybe they can go to the shopping for you and that's still helpful.
00:24:03
Speaker
So trying to figure and understand that piece. The other piece, which I think is the most important is having the hard conversations in the beginning of, the healthcare care proxy, the power of attorney, what are your wishes for your MOLST, your DNR form, having those conversations early. a lot of people don't want to talk about it because that's acknowledging that that day is going to come, that they're going to pass, but they will thank themselves when the day comes and you now have nothing in place and you need to make those decisions on their but behalf.
00:24:29
Speaker
So the two things that Shari just mentioned, the DNR is a do not resuscitate order and the MOLST form is a medical order for life-sustaining treatment. while you are cognitively able, it is imperative that you tell your loved ones what your wishes are, because we can't say this clearly enough. This is typically a terminal diagnosis. You will eventually pass from the progression of this disease if another comorbidity doesn't take you first, like cardiac issue or something else.
00:25:00
Speaker
And so these conversations have to be had because what we see to your point, the caregiver guilt, Did I make the right decision? Is this what my mom would want? You can get ahead of all of that. And to your point, it allows the person with the recent diagnosis some autonomy of decision-making. When you may feel like these you know you're not in control over your diagnosis or what's happening, you can still remain in control of what will happen towards the end. And I think that I'm so glad you brought that up because I think that is...
00:25:32
Speaker
such a gift. And then it motivates the caregiver to also do their planning. Yep. If mom's doing this, I should be doing it too. Exactly. How, how can caregivers, um, maybe set some boundaries? I think, um, the caregiver creep is real. I heard this analogy once that I loved.
00:25:52
Speaker
If you took a cold pot of water and put it on the stove and threw a frog in it, and slowly turned up the heat, the frog would just keep swimming in that pot of water until it died because the water got so hot it killed it.
00:26:08
Speaker
But if you took a boiling pot of water and tried to throw a frog in it, it would know to try and get out. it this caregiver creep that we see with cognitive impairment, it may start with just doing the grocery shopping for mom, right? Or taking her to the doctors.
00:26:22
Speaker
And then a year or two in, you know, that adult daughter's doing bathing, dressing, you know, wandering, um trying to keep mom safe at home. How can people set some boundaries within the caregiving scope so that we're not getting to that point?
00:26:41
Speaker
Again, I think planning is everything. I think starting from the get go of that's great that you can still help her stay independent and you only have to do a few things here and there to help her. But I always say like tour all the communities in the beginning. so you know which ones that she likes, which ones you like, you know, the pricing, get your name in there. Same thing with home care agencies with the knowledge that if your goal is to keep the loved one home as long as possible, same thing, kind of shop around and get your information. So planning as much as possible from the beginning.
00:27:12
Speaker
So that as that water starts to boil, you've already done all that legwork you're not going to be trying to get out of there as quick as you can. You've done everything. You just, you know, you like this community, call them up and say, you think it may be time for an assessment and go from there. I just planning, I just think it's the most important piece for all of and Using think these communities for engagement, like oftentimes I'm telling my clients, you may not go here for a long time, but they would love to have you for programs and opportunities because someday if you move there, if it's familiar, you've been, you've anticipated, but to your point, then the adult child or the spouse is meeting other adult children, other spouses. I would love to see more memory care communities offering programs.
00:27:54
Speaker
Consistent community programs and like day stay programs to help people acclimate to the environment far before a transition. Absolutely.
00:28:07
Speaker
Obviously, we specialize in transitioning people into these communities and we have kind of like a very specific way that we recommend the process should go. But it starts with at least five visits for the older adult in that building to establish trust and rapport and some safety.
00:28:22
Speaker
So their nervous system at least feels safe coming into new environment. But you can speak to this a little bit working in memory care. That's not the typical situation. process. Usually memory care move-ins are the fastest and most chaotic. And yet they are the people who need the most support and planning for a quality foundation. Why do you think that is, is it back to the education point that people just don't know in advance what the options I think it's education. And I also think it's that grieving process and they're still the denial piece of, they don't want to go in tour and they don't want to move them early
00:28:59
Speaker
Because of the guilt piece of I promise I take care of her or she that she's not going to want go there. a lot of that has a huge factor in it. Unfortunately, usually takes something happening like a fall and they can't safely go home and that's when they move in and then it's just this high stress situation.
00:29:13
Speaker
But think. More education from the front end of all of the benefits of moving earlier, all the benefits of the engagement piece and being in a community for both the person with dementia and the caregiver.
Engagement and Personal Interests in Dementia Care
00:29:25
Speaker
I think trying to educate as much as possible on why these communities are actually so amazing and how much they can benefit everybody involved needs to happen a lot more from the beginning stages. Especially the engagement. That's the one piece that's really hard on a caregiver to replicate at home and the education that's needed in home care environments for quality engagement. Have you had any, I'm just, this is a curiosity question, any success being hired to train home care company caregivers?
00:29:55
Speaker
We are trying to, the biggest challenge with that is they typically can't get the caregivers in the office because everyone's all over the place and on the road. So it's hard to really get them, I'm sorry, to get them, um, in the office and engage and involved in some type of training. We've offered to do Zooms and stuff too, but at that point, it's after hours and people obviously have lives. That's a lot of work. So, yeah, I mean, that's the part, like like when I talk to a client who says, you know, we have a home caregiver coming three days a week for four hours, but it's a waste of money. She's just sitting here. I'm like, this is where we can build out a schedule. The caregiver can be bringing mom to the council on aging for an event or going out to lunch with girlfriends. being there to support, but allowing her independence, like utilizing the time of that professional to bring mom to do the things.
00:30:40
Speaker
Yep. Um, Or engage at home, right? Let's make a meal together. Let's make, let's write your children's birthday cards out in advance or whatever the things are. Yeah.
00:30:51
Speaker
Katie and are a huge one too. Trying to build like ah an activity basket as well. Like fill up a basket. This could be in a community too. Like if you're visiting your loved one and you just don't know how to engage with them anymore because of the progression,
00:31:04
Speaker
Build up a basket of stuff that you can just pull out when you're engaging with them, whether it's like a book of photos or activity books, something, a basket full of things that they enjoy that they can be successful at that will also help you with your engagement or whoever's visiting with the person too.
00:31:19
Speaker
Yes. Yes. I love that. How to have a quality visit. I loved the beach. Are you bringing seashells or, you know, sometimes the smell of sunscreen and being like I love the beach. Let's know. And you can put on some music of oceans lapping or whatever.
00:31:35
Speaker
And if someone's nonverbal or they have aphasia, it's hard for them to find words. They can just sit and relax with you and you feel like you're doing something helpful. Exactly. I love that.
00:31:46
Speaker
Can you tell me a little bit about um your thoughts on elder care professionals in general, taking a kind of ah ah a holistic approach to this?
00:31:56
Speaker
I think i you so I know you see this too. Everyone's kind of in their own silo and just focus on like, I work for a visiting nurse. So I'm just going to talk about like the next six weeks of your hypertension. And then I can leave.
00:32:10
Speaker
versus like the holistic approach and maybe some long-term. I just love your thoughts on other elder care professionals and how they can maybe help in this realm too. Yeah, I feel like, again, everything comes back to knowing whoever the patient or client, whatever you call them, who they are person, because that's going to add to that visit too. So it doesn't feel to your point, like, I'm just going to come in, check your blood pressure, fix up your wound, and I'm on my way. Like, know them as a person, have start that visit out with a conversation with them of like, oh my gosh, I see all these beautiful pictures of cars. Did you like cars? Did you drive cars? Did you make cars? Like, tell me about the cars.
00:32:45
Speaker
I feel like getting to know... that personal piece of them and adding that into whatever the profession is, is just so beneficial because then that builds trust too with the person that you're caring for. You're not just this visiting nurse coming in to take care of me. Like, no, you're creating a bond with this person.
00:33:00
Speaker
it makes them feel good about themselves. They were able to talk about cars. Exactly. Focus on the wound. Exactly. And then they recognize and trust you more because now you're getting to know them as a person.
Habilitation and Independence in Elder Care
00:33:13
Speaker
I would trust somebody more if they're coming in here and trying to talk to me and get to know me versus someone who's just like ripping off a band and putting a new one on. Yeah. Yeah. It seems so obvious, but I think, um and you know, we recognize we come from the industry. We're in the industry. There's a ton of professional burnout.
00:33:29
Speaker
Because we have huge hearts and we have to see so many patients or clients in a day. We take it all on. It's exhausting. But I think when we take those moments to really get to know the human, that's what fills our bucket, too. That's why we came into this work.
00:33:44
Speaker
And so it forces us to slow down. But it also, I think, fills our bucket a little bit as well. and to your point, we all have to ask ourselves, what are we doing today? to come to work fully and wholly. What joy are we adding back into our life? Where are we finding our happiness so that we also can bring the best quality um to the clients?
00:34:06
Speaker
What is one thing that you wish more people knew about either living with dementia or supporting someone with dementia? Like, is there one thing you're like, oh, I just wish.
00:34:19
Speaker
Yep. I, wish that more people upon getting that diagnosis I feel like caregivers again both professional and personal quickly go to the mindset of like already need to start doing xyz for them and we focus on doing things for them versus doing things with them so trying to really focus on okay maybe she cannot make this meal by herself anymore because she can't remember the directions or she's unsafe but she can cut up the vegetables for me so let's let her prep everything and I'll cook everything It's just so common that we made it like, right, caregiver hats on. It's time for me to do everything for this person. and then you're taking so much away from them.
00:34:55
Speaker
Exactly. They're losing ability. They're losing independence much more rapidly than they were going to anyways with the aging process with some of that independence going away. So trying to just focus on what can they still do and then tailoring that to where they are with their dimension. That's going to change. Maybe she no longer can cut the vegetables, but she can clean them or she can sort them or she can fold the napkins for you for dinner time. So
Connecting through Music and Conclusion
00:35:18
Speaker
trying to just meet them where they're at throughout that entire dimension journey and still make them a part of it.
00:35:23
Speaker
I think it's important for people to understand habilitation versus rehabilitation. We not may not be able to gain back the um abilities we've lost, but we can continue to do what we can do. And I think it's so ah poignant, the statement that you just had, and it's the small things.
00:35:40
Speaker
um Even if mom can't do it successfully, let her and praise her for setting the table. Not like mom, you put the forks on the wrong side or spoons tonight. No, just great job, mom. How do we help her keep her confidence and her independence? I love that.
00:35:56
Speaker
Do you have any stories, any hopeful stories for people? It can be kind of a doom and gloom topic when people are like, oh, my God, my mom has Alzheimer's or this is so hard. Like any just hopeful, positive stories that give people insight that the human is still there.
00:36:13
Speaker
They're not just the disease and the prognosis. Yeah, so my favorite story. We had a woman who was actively passing. She was in hospice, pretty much sleeping at this point, not responding to anyone's voices or the hand holding, not really responding to anything.
00:36:28
Speaker
um And then music, as we know. so music, rhythm the rhythmic part of the brain is the last piece to go. So anything from like music to prayer, anything that's a rhythm rhythmic thing, it stays till the very end.
00:36:41
Speaker
ah In particular, if you use headphones, because they're not hearing all the background noises and getting distracted. So we had a woman who, like I said, she was actively passing, not responding, not opening her eyes anymore. So we put some headphones on and she had she was a nun.
00:36:55
Speaker
So we put some of her Christian music on from church that she used to love to sing to and listen to. And she started tapping her feet and she eventually she opened her eyes and she looked over at her sister and smiled and closed her eyes again.
00:37:07
Speaker
And her sister was like, oh my gosh, she hasn't said anything in days or she hasn't responded to anything in days. i said Well, perfect example of what we were just saying. We met her where she was at Music is something easy. Just put it right on her head.
00:37:19
Speaker
And you have to see that little glimpse of her again. So again, although she's in bed and she is actively passing, she's still there. Going back to the piece of ember, like she's still there. There's still that spark and inside. We just need to find it.
00:37:31
Speaker
That's beautiful. I think music, um to your point, because it's stored in a totally different part of the brain, it's easy to tap into a tool um to help people connect to that deepest part of them. It's also, this is a, um you know this, but it's an interesting, you said a nun.
00:37:49
Speaker
We had a nun living in one of our memory cares years ago when I worked in that setting and she would constantly use foul language. And people are like, I can't believe the nun is swearing. And I had over and over explain the science behind that. So at a young age, when we use um a word that's not appropriate and we're told like, don't say that it's a bad word, we store it in a totally different part of our brain.
00:38:14
Speaker
And so with advanced cognitive impairment, that area may be the only area that they can still access formal words. And so you may hear someone repetitive, repetitively use that word. It's because it's the only language that they have left.
00:38:28
Speaker
So you made me think of that when you told your nun story. um So tell us, how can our listeners connect with you to learn more? Yeah. So we are on all social media platforms for Ember Holistic Care LLC.
00:38:41
Speaker
yeah c m b e r Ember yes yeah Holistic Care LLC. And then you could email us as well. It's info at emberholistic.com.
00:38:52
Speaker
And then our website is emberholistic.com as well. We do have a contact us section that goes right to our email as well. Fantastic. Shari, it is always great to see you and connect with you. And thank you for bringing your advocacy, education, and just light into the world for those who need it most. So keep up the good work.
00:39:10
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you for having me. Pleasure. Thank you for joining us today. We love having these conversations and we hope they sparked something for you too. If you enjoyed this episode, please like comment and share it with your community because together we can change the way the world sees aging.
00:39:28
Speaker
You can find us at dovetailcompanies.com or on any of our social media channels at dovetail companies. And just a quick note, the opinions shared in this podcast are those of our guests and do not necessarily reflect the views of Engaging Aging dovetail companies or our team.
00:39:45
Speaker
So until we see you next time, keep engaging with aging.