Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to Blind Love Skeptics, where we dissect the highs, the lows, and the downright jaw-dropping moments of Love is Blind.
Speaker: I'm your host, Leah.
Speaker: I'm Dr. Greg.
Speaker: Buckle up, because we're about to dive deep into the roller coaster of emotions of Love is Blind Season 6.
Speaker: All right, Greg, it's time.
Speaker: It's time to dive into this.
Speaker: Dr. Greg.
Speaker: dumpster fire of a show and also super entertaining.
Speaker: I was drawn in from the very beginning and I'm not necessarily a reality TV show addict.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think it's worth saying I got, I wanted you to do a podcast with me.
Speaker: So I requested that you watch the show because I wanted a male perspective and a therapist perspective.
Speaker: Yes, absolutely.
Speaker: Which all of these people need therapists a hundred percent.
Speaker: I think that's like from the very beginning, something's going on and yeah.
Speaker: Oh, go ahead.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Well, I mean, I just, the amount of dysfunction and the way that particularly Matthew, but other folks in the beginning of this show is relatively high.
Speaker: I'd say everybody would benefit from seeing one of us.
Speaker: Relatively high dysfunction.
Speaker: Well, the thing is too, is you know, like similar to The Bachelor and all these other shows, there's probably a casting, they want to cast some of these characters for the sake of television, which makes sense.
Speaker: But then you hope nobody falls for them.
Speaker: Like then you hope nobody goes for these highly dysfunctional people who are not yet, who have not yet probably been seen by a therapist or even intend to go to therapy ever.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But my real question is what happened to the other, all these other people who were in the pods with, that was like 15 people, but we only actually ever see these folks, the folks we're going to talk about today.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: Were the other people just boring?
Speaker: Is that basically what happened?
Speaker: I think that's part of it.
Speaker: And I think they include like one quote, boring couple for the sake of just having like a successful show.
Speaker: But then they, cause they've had other couples in different, cause again, you're new to this, but they've had different couples that have essentially been,
Speaker: left out completely who got married and to, we just don't know about them.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: And wouldn't that be nice?
Speaker: Wouldn't it be nice to have an example of a healthy functioning relationship on reality TV?
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: And so I, I,
Speaker: I think we should start with the most dysfunctional human being because this is, I'm sure, what most people were thinking was, how did this person get on?
Speaker: Of course, it's because of probably production, like you said.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But Mr. Matthew.
Speaker: Who's that we're talking about?
Speaker: Matthew.
Speaker: Mr. Matthew.
Speaker: Mr. Matthew.
Speaker: He's a Matthew manipulator.
Speaker: I wrote that down.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I think I might have a completely different outlook on Matthew, to be honest with you.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But I'm interested to hear the master manipulator sitch that you think is going on.
Speaker: What is it?
Speaker: I think he's probably antisocial a little bit.
Speaker: I use the term narcissist on social media because he has narcissistic qualities, but I think he's a full-blown person.
Speaker: Unless he's playing it up, but either way, that's still antisocial in a lot of ways.
Speaker: I guess so.
Speaker: Also, I just want to like to say we cannot, we're, we're scapulating and we cannot diagnose anyone.
Speaker: No, no, no, no, nothing.
Speaker: No, this is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: So I, so I guess we should, I mean, everyone's probably who's listening watched it, but Matthew, I think a few things.
Speaker: He comes in with this list of questions, these 15 questions.
Speaker: That's what I wrote down.
Speaker: 15 questions that he's making women just choose one from.
Speaker: And then sometimes they choose the wrong one.
Speaker: He says, I've heard that before.
Speaker: Get like, be original.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: When I heard that, I thought to myself like, wow, he really doesn't give a fuck.
Speaker: No fucks.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No fucks.
Speaker: He also, so again, he references, this is where like his, he references Superman.
Speaker: What's the Superman reference?
Speaker: He said like Superman was also cool to begin with or something like that.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: Oh no.
Speaker: He compared himself to Superman?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: How did I miss that?
Speaker: I wrote, I have a whole Matthew page.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: If you're not, if you don't see that.
Speaker: And was he completely expressionless when he said that?
Speaker: I don't remember, but- Because that's the thing, yeah.
Speaker: That's the thing that struck me about him.
Speaker: But don't you think that's kind of antisocial?
Speaker: It could be.
Speaker: A little bit.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: He's a little-
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: Like it's not on the spectrum.
Speaker: It was very, cause it was very calculated.
Speaker: Oh, this is what you think.
Speaker: Well, I don't know.
Speaker: I'm also, well, because I'm not only a psychologist, but I am, you know, non-clinically obsessed with love, love on the spectrum.
Speaker: Oh, we should recap that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I, yeah, that's definitely recap that.
Speaker: Love on a spectrum.
Speaker: So now I've just been more interested in that in general.
Speaker: And I thought to myself, is does he have this list?
Speaker: Because it's like this set of rules that he understands, like he's already predefined.
Speaker: Like it's it's the system that's, you know, that he's beholden to.
Speaker: No, that's not clicking for you.
Speaker: I don't think so.
Speaker: I think he wanted to come off as original and prepared.
Speaker: And that includes these questions that would help him get to know people.
Speaker: But he does the opposite because he then tells them their questions are wrong.
Speaker: They pick the wrong number or he leaves.
Speaker: And I guess that could be maybe seen as spectrum, right?
Speaker: If they're the social cues.
Speaker: But he...
Speaker: He, I mean, he looks overtly annoyed and unimpressed by their responses.
Speaker: It's not like he looks bored or like he's like trying to figure out like in love on the spectrum.
Speaker: You know, they're always like searching for words and like they're like trying so hard.
Speaker: They want to engage.
Speaker: He doesn't want to engage.
Speaker: He's like.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: He's annoyed.
Speaker: Well, I mean, the fact that you, I mean, you point this out and, and, and, you know, if you've watched the show, then, you know, you've seen in the first couple episodes, which by the way, we're just covering the first couple episodes today on, on this episode.
Speaker: Just one and two.
Speaker: One and two.
Speaker: And you saw him walk out, as you mentioned, in one of these rooms.
Speaker: So I, I get that.
Speaker: Now I'm getting that sense.
Speaker: He was a little irritated.
Speaker: My question too is, and I love AD, love her.
Speaker: She's one of these characters they have in every season who's like very insightful, self-reflective, but also then continues to be drawn to these characters.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: So Dr. Greg has watched a little past me, so I'm not going to have him give away what happens because I do have thoughts on Clayton too.
Speaker: I don't dislike him like I dislike Matthew, but I'm like, this girl, I'm just worried for her and I really love her.
Speaker: And I identify with her in a lot of ways too, I think.
Speaker: So maybe that's okay.
Speaker: That's like, I feel like my 20 something year old self, she's 32, but I would like felt very similar to her where there's like a lot of reflect, like you do a lot of reflection and you know, there's a pattern and then you, but you keep just like being drawn to these, these, these assholes.
Speaker: But I was wondering why did Matthew pick her?
Speaker: Cause her response, well, I guess he didn't even get to the list.
Speaker: I wrote that into my notes.
Speaker: He didn't even get to the list before she started talking.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What was it about her that maybe clicked for his, you know, sort of pathological tendencies in terms of relationships?
Speaker: Because I, from the very beginning, when I watched them talk to one another, it was very difficult to, well, Matthew was Matthew, obviously, but yeah.
Speaker: But it was very difficult to feel.
Speaker: And this is, I mean, I'm guessing other people are experiencing this when they're watching this.
Speaker: Do we feel like an emotional romantic connection spark on the screen?
Speaker: And I never saw that really between the two.
Speaker: And then, and I did write down when she said that,
Speaker: and I really hope this falls in the first couple of episodes, but AD said when she was meeting with Clay that he was like a pistachio to crack.
Speaker: Like, ooh, it's like a game or it's like to crack the pistachio, to crack the nut.
Speaker: So to your point about like, oh, there's work, I'm gonna like help this guy grow up or whatever, which bleh.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Like this is what I've been saying for hours.
Speaker: It's like, no, no, no.
Speaker: Yo, the standard is high.
Speaker: Let's keep the standard there.
Speaker: Let them do the work outside of relationships.
Speaker: Look for work, yo.
Speaker: Love is hard enough.
Speaker: Pistachios take a lot of work.
Speaker: I love pistachios, but it is a lot of effort.
Speaker: And for what's the reward?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: And we didn't even know, because we don't even know, how could we know what the reward is when we're just meeting someone for the first or second time?
Speaker: Well, okay.
Speaker: And then I wrote this down too, because she says to him at the end of their first date, I say this in quotes, the beginning was a little strange.
Speaker: So there was something in her that saw something, felt something was off.
Speaker: And I wanted to be like, yes, something was strange because he is strange.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I would like to say though, I fell for him, not fell for him.
Speaker: I saw him and obviously I think all the viewers, how he was walking away from women, asking these questions, being an asshole.
Speaker: And then they start developing this relationship.
Speaker: And I was like,
Speaker: wow, Leah, like maybe you should be more open-minded.
Speaker: Like, cause I feel like I go into, because the work that I do is based on a lot of abusive dynamics and like narcissistic abuse and people that are manipulative.
Speaker: And I help people work through that.
Speaker: So I was like,
Speaker: I was then doubting myself.
Speaker: He did this to me.
Speaker: He wasn't even trying.
Speaker: He did it to me.
Speaker: I started second guessing myself.
Speaker: And I was like, wow, look at me being all judgmental and, you know, like putting him in a box where he could be like this pistachio.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: And so then then when it came around an episode, the end of episode one and like two, when he tried to like not even backpedal, he wasn't even backpedaling.
Speaker: He was not denying anything.
Speaker: I was like, he is an asshole.
Speaker: He is like narcissistic or something is not cool about this guy.
Speaker: And I was fooled.
Speaker: And I didn't like that I was fooled for like a second.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Well, I mean, I can't say, listen, it makes sense when she started to respond to him, that's probably what got you thinking, oh, maybe there's actually something happening here.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: But she was just responding to some like,
Speaker: straw man, some kind of like, cause there was never any closeness or intimacy actually developing and so quickly.
Speaker: And I think this happened in,
Speaker: Episode two, but it so quickly started to become this like meta, all this meta conversation is the way I talk about meta conversation about the relationship.
Speaker: And you're the one because I want to protect you.
Speaker: He would say and all that.
Speaker: And like, what?
Speaker: He said, I would love to give you that moment.
Speaker: I would love to give you that moment of being proposed to a national television.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: He's a national television, but that's right.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: No, I feel like he said in front of America like multiple times, which, by the way, if you're like they're looking to fall in love with somebody like that's probably unless you're histrionic and whatever, like that's probably the last you're not you're trying not to think about the cameras on you.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Well, that was one of his defense.
Speaker: He's like, how could I be doing the same thing with Amber that I could with you?
Speaker: Because the cameras are recording this.
Speaker: Amber, Amber.
Speaker: Is Amber right?
Speaker: I think so.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The same spiel about him.
Speaker: Like, I'll leave with you.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And that's what I was saying.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: He kept telling both of them.
Speaker: I'll let you today.
Speaker: Like, he was also feeding them lines.
Speaker: Like, so again, Superman was what put, like, my spidey senses when he compared himself to Superman.
Speaker: And just using this language, like, I'm just a small town guy.
Speaker: Like, did you read a romantic novel before you came here?
Speaker: Like, where did you get, where did you get these lines?
Speaker: Who's feeding you these lines?
Speaker: It was wild.
Speaker: But it's just funny.
Speaker: So when Aidy confronts him, so right, so Aidy finds out that she's essentially received the same lines from him than Amber did.
Speaker: He's like,
Speaker: What I wrote down, he said, some of the things I said to you were much more deep.
Speaker: So he doesn't even deny it.
Speaker: He's just like, I didn't say the thing about calling my mom to her.
Speaker: And I'm like, that doesn't make things any better, bro.
Speaker: What the hell?
Speaker: You're just like digging yourself further down into this pit.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: And I put an LOL because I was like, basically said there was some variation of the same thing.
Speaker: Like he basically doesn't deny it.
Speaker: And that's like- No remorse.
Speaker: No remorse.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Not one.
Speaker: No fucks.
Speaker: He basically said, I think you want me to tell you this.
Speaker: I think you like you wanted me to give you this moment.
Speaker: He flips it around and she even said he's talking.
Speaker: She said this like it's like talking you into a loop like he just keeps saying things.
Speaker: And she yes, you could tell she's like she's catching on to the bullshit, but she's still like, I do want to have a nice moment, but not like, you know, not for the sake of America, but he's switching it on her.
Speaker: Yeah, well, and she says at one point when she's at the house or whatever and they're all together, that basically he got at her core needs and wants and values.
Speaker: Like he was plugging into that versus actually talking about them, like their actual unique connection, their actual sense of like loving on each other and being hopeful and whatever.
Speaker: It was just all about this like the manipulator.
Speaker: Yeah, master manipulator.
Speaker: You got it.
Speaker: matthew manipulator is what i called him matthew manipulator right i like that i was like thinking as i'm like being you know in this space like what can i use as our first episode title but anyways he's i also and i just wrote these down on my matthew page
Speaker: Yellow flags.
Speaker: I wrote down for yellow flags because I like to talk to people about yellow flags versus red flags.
Speaker: Because yellow flags are like something maybe doesn't like, I don't resonate with this or something seems off, but I need to like maybe explore further.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So Superman, I thought like just again, referencing himself as Superman, some grandiosity, right?
Speaker: Small town guy, again, another like
Speaker: romantic novel reference that I feel like he literally was like, what do women like to hear?
Speaker: They like to hear that you're from a small town and you played on dirt bikes as a kid.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: It's like chat AI or whatever.
Speaker: Right, right, right.
Speaker: He wrote it for him.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I literally think the entire thing he asked AI to write for him.
Speaker: Maybe on his list of questions, he had these lines too.
Speaker: He's like, these are the lines I use.
Speaker: I think that's possible actually.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: He's also a loner and that's a sign too, right?
Speaker: Like he wasn't
Speaker: getting comfortable with any of the other guys.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Like, you could tell he did not want anything to do with any of them.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And he looked just better.
Speaker: You could tell that there was like a feeling of superiority to these guys.
Speaker: Like there was a disdain for their normalcy.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: For their non-superhuman, you know, masculine, whatever it is that he thinks he is.
Speaker: I don't actually know.
Speaker: It didn't seem to me that he had a fully fleshed out concept of himself, to be honest, but who knows?
Speaker: I don't think he does either.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, another thing he said, again, these are my yellow flags.
Speaker: The other yellow flag was a 15 question list.
Speaker: The only reason I said it was yellow flag because it felt, it could be spectrum-y, I agree.
Speaker: The scripts, yeah.
Speaker: The scripts, exactly.
Speaker: Because you do that with coaching and changing your behaviors and trying to learn social cues.
Speaker: But it's when he would want to dictate the conversations and it felt very...
Speaker: authoritative versus like trying super hard to like get like to, it felt different than spectrum.
Speaker: Well, yeah.
Speaker: And there was no, I mean, the, the hallmark of a healthy love is some kind of reciprocity, mutual influence, even in a conversation.
Speaker: Like how does the conversation flow?
Speaker: And if somebody asks you, you're listening to this right now and you're on a date with somebody and they, they say, no, I'm not answering that.
Speaker: Or like, no, I'm not answering questions or what I like.
Speaker: What like what is that clearly tells you that this is like a power, some kind of power thing going on here.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Power dynamic.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: That's exactly.
Speaker: Yeah, that's exactly what I thought, too.
Speaker: Okay, so those are my yellow flags.
Speaker: My red flags I put, well, this is kind of mansplaining things.
Speaker: Like I said, he was like, you know, you want this from the show.
Speaker: Like, this is what you want.
Speaker: This is how you thought it would turn out.
Speaker: And now it's not.
Speaker: And now you're upset, like kind of trying to tell her how she was feeling or explain what she was going through.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: It's like he's designing, he's trying to incept a reality for that to experience versus like what I'm feeling, what we're feeling together.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: I put, he said, this is what I put, I couldn't tell if it's a yellow flag or red flag.
Speaker: Because I do think some things in a couple, like in a coupleship or partnership, you have to keep between you or like it's private or it's, you know, an intimate moment that you don't share with everyone.
Speaker: But he says, he said this to AD after he told her, let's leave together.
Speaker: Are you going to tell anyone what I told you today?
Speaker: And that now that we're viewers and seeing, he didn't want anyone talking.
Speaker: And she's like, I don't know.
Speaker: I'm just going to keep it to myself and let it simmer.
Speaker: And I was like, oh, fucker, this guy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's the only way the manipulation works is if there are secrets and we're not talking and nobody knows what I'm doing right now.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I was like, did he ask Amber that?
Speaker: Because I wonder if he asked Amber and she's like, I'm going to tell everyone.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And he's like, okay, that chick's going to go.
Speaker: I can't control that one.
Speaker: Let's focus on AD.
Speaker: And that's what narcissistic abuse is, right?
Speaker: Like, it's like, if one person can't, can't, you know, perform these roles that you are requesting of them to perform, then you're going to look for someone else who can fulfill that need or give you resources or whatever.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Another, okay, rehearsal of lines.
Speaker: I think those are red flags that we said, like he used the same exact lines between AD and Amber.
Speaker: Again, he walks out on the woman, which is a red flag.
Speaker: I don't think it's a sign of autism spectrum.
Speaker: And then I think those are my red flags.
Speaker: And then again, like when he was gaslighting AD and also saying not no remorse, I put that as a red flag, like no, no empathy or being like, yeah, that probably doesn't feel good to know that I said the same things to you as I did this other person.
Speaker: Like none of that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it's so outside of like defensiveness, that's like a precursor to that just, you know, not even going there in the first place.
Speaker: There was this, so in high school, when I was like talking to someone, just reminding me of this moment, because it felt very high school.
Speaker: This guy was, I was like talking to, not like, it was also talking to someone else.
Speaker: And I remember like kind of just asking him about it.
Speaker: He's like, or he was like, Leah, you're a wifey.
Speaker: She's not.
Speaker: Like, that was the only explanation I needed.
Speaker: You're special in this way.
Speaker: So it doesn't matter that I'm talking.
Speaker: At 16, that can be kind of, like, not permissible, but you're like, all right, there's, like, a lack of maturity.
Speaker: I'm like, this guy is, like, 30-whatever.
Speaker: There's no excuse.
Speaker: No excuse.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'm sorry I did that.
Speaker: I messed up.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I'm really into you or something.
Speaker: Something.
Speaker: Some acknowledgement of his responsibility, some ownership, right?
Speaker: He's like, I'm not giving you an ultimatum, but if you're not willing to leave with me right now,
Speaker: We're done.
Speaker: Oh, gosh.
Speaker: Red flags all over the place on Matthew.
Speaker: Do you have anything you want to add to our Matthew?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I think I hit all the things I wanted to say about Matthew.
Speaker: I hope we never have to see him again, but you might not know more than I do right now.
Speaker: And I just hope this is my poker face.
Speaker: I'm not.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I'm not going to s ay a peep.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Our other couples and love triangles.
Speaker: I have Jimmy and Jess.
Speaker: Jimmy is a 27 year old.
Speaker: Jess is 28.
Speaker: Jess has the kid, the 10 year old.
Speaker: I don't know what either of them do.
Speaker: I think Jimmy did some computer thing.
Speaker: I don't know what Jess is.
Speaker: Chelsea's a flight attendant.
Speaker: So I'm curious your thoughts on, and you've know now what happens, but as far as chemistry goes, I felt like Jimmy and Jess had this deeper connection.
Speaker: Like it's pretty clear, like both chemistry and
Speaker: I'm smirking over here.
Speaker: This is not a good poker face, Dr. Greg.
Speaker: I'm smirking over here, Leah, because I'm thinking about just, I'm just thinking about the entire cast, if I may.
Speaker: First of all, I don't want to let the cat out of the bag here on my bias.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But my bias is that like sexual attraction is core to the beginning of any
Speaker: long healthy love sexual attraction i know and and i you know people you know contest that and it can develop later and all this other shit but no i my position general is that so when i saw the two of them and i saw jess jess clearly was the most attractive woman to me of the entire cast oh oh yeah 100 but they can't see just about i i i understand that and she and you know
Speaker: They can't see Jess.
Speaker: I'm just telling you who I thought the hottest person.
Speaker: We should probably... This is Dr. Great's personal opinion.
Speaker: He's not speaking... No, no, no.
Speaker: This is his personal preference.
Speaker: Okay, go on.
Speaker: No, she's beautiful.
Speaker: She's beautiful.
Speaker: She's beautiful.
Speaker: And the chemistry between the two of them was obvious to that point that they were flirty and it was sort of juicy, the conversation.
Speaker: It was sort of... I don't know.
Speaker: It was very... There was a vibe.
Speaker: The connection was very clear.
Speaker: And then we have...
Speaker: Chelsea.
Speaker: She's part of this love triangle, right?
Speaker: She's the flight attendant, the 30-year-old flight attendant.
Speaker: From LA, but has a Southern accent.
Speaker: Did you notice that?
Speaker: What's that about?
Speaker: Is she just faking it?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I mean, when I first moved here, I tried a Southern accent and then it pulled up.
Speaker: I couldn't pull it off.
Speaker: But no, she, listen, talking about attraction and whatnot, which I think is going to be an important point on this couple.
Speaker: she described herself.
Speaker: I think this happened in the first couple episodes.
Speaker: She, when he asked her, did you, did you?
Speaker: So you're thinking, so Trevor asked her, she's, oh, no, you're right.
Speaker: No, no, no, you're right.
Speaker: Jimmy asked her and she said she looks like Megan Fox.
Speaker: Is that what you're saying?
Speaker: Yes, this is what I'm going to go for.
Speaker: Okay, sorry, okay.
Speaker: Yeah, so she's like, he was interested.
Speaker: How do you describe yourself?
Speaker: And by the way, this came up a few times in the episodes.
Speaker: Do you think he was fishing?
Speaker: He was fishing because he wanted to know.
Speaker: He was starting to feel something, but I'm guessing he didn't feel the same kind of sexual chemistry that he did with Jess.
Speaker: And so he asked about that because he never asked Jess what she looked like.
Speaker: You're right.
Speaker: He didn't.
Speaker: Because he felt something in his body that told him.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And he would have been accurate if he had.
Speaker: So bottom line is-
Speaker: She does not look like Megan Fox.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: That's not what she looks like.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: Also, then myself, I'm like, well, if I saw her in a plane, would I think she looks like Megan Fox?
Speaker: Like I was trying to figure out like, no, probably not.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So I don't like that she said that, to be honest with you, because I think I thought it was a little misleading.
Speaker: You know why?
Speaker: Because if you've ever fallen in love, if anybody has ever listened to this and like you're like have a pen pal or whatever it is.
Speaker: If you don't know the person looks like in your imagination goes to that place of like, and if Megan Fox is on your mind, oh yeah.
Speaker: Like that's a variable.
Speaker: Like that's an independent variable we need to measure.
Speaker: That's a good research mind.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: Well, and I was, so it's interesting to say the sexual chemistry.
Speaker: So there's clearly definitely more chemistry in general between Jimmy and Jess, but I was going to say that's, you know, it's all love is blind, but you're right.
Speaker: It was more sexual chemistry.
Speaker: Is that love or is that sexual chemistry?
Speaker: And that felt more.
Speaker: sexual.
Speaker: Well, I would say a fierce, healthy love is a very, unless you're asexual and that's, that's okay too.
Speaker: But a fierce, healthy love is, is a fierce love.
Speaker: Like it's a sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy.
Speaker: It's all the things we want.
Speaker: All the things we want.
Speaker: All the
Speaker: I also love her.
Speaker: I didn't- Which one?
Speaker: Which one?
Speaker: Jess.
Speaker: Jess.
Speaker: I loved her.
Speaker: I love her and her story and her daughter.
Speaker: Initially, it felt a little performative, but I think, again, it's producers, right?
Speaker: Because when Nick Lachey and Vanessa Lachey walk in, the hosts, also, there's a lot of controversy.
Speaker: Nobody likes them.
Speaker: But I didn't think they're less of a presence.
Speaker: It's funny each season now because nobody likes them.
Speaker: But-
Speaker: I thought I think it's definitely was producers because I'm sure they ask more people.
Speaker: Why are you here?
Speaker: You know, and then they went to her and she goes like, I have a daughter and she got tearful.
Speaker: And I was going to ask you this, actually.
Speaker: This is a question I wrote down is do you share to share or not to share that she's a mom?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So the first date I've ever gone, this is a personal story, but also my professional opinion.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: The first date I've ever gone on with a mom was this past year.
Speaker: And all the conversation up to the actual first day, nothing, there was lots of conversation, connection, no mention that she had a child until the first date.
Speaker: But it happened on the first date, like in the first 10 minutes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And so my opinion is-
Speaker: It has to come up on the first date.
Speaker: Like it absolutely has to come up on the first date.
Speaker: And I don't like that.
Speaker: She, I think she might've gone on at least two dates, if not three, if she was on the third date.
Speaker: Justin.
Speaker: Justin.
Speaker: Before, no, before.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Jess and Jimmy, before she disclosed that she was a mom to him.
Speaker: Would you, would you have, in your own personal situation, would you have liked to know before the first date?
Speaker: I, well, I, listen, particularly I'm a middle-aged man and,
Speaker: you know, who understands what he wants and all the other things, which we hope all of our listeners, you know, are as close to that as possible.
Speaker: So what do I mean by that?
Speaker: I mean, like, if you're connecting with someone, I would rather be with someone who is like so fucking excited about the fact that they're a mom, that they're like, oh yeah, like Tommy, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: And the first initial conversations that you have with somebody.
Speaker: That's a good point.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Enthusiastic about their parents.
Speaker: I don't want somebody like, because then I'm like, wait, hold on a second.
Speaker: Oh, she has the capacity or inclination to have something or some reality that she's not sharing.
Speaker: That's my take on it.
Speaker: And yours?
Speaker: I actually don't have a strong stance of if someone, well, previously when I was dating, when someone had a kid or not.
Speaker: But I was going to say, when they don't tell me, it feels like a secret.
Speaker: It does feel...
Speaker: a little manipulative.
Speaker: There was one person too actually back, like this was a few years ago where they were married in an open relationship.
Speaker: This was not included on their dating profile.
Speaker: I'm okay with someone being polyamorous or practicing ethical non-monogamy, not for me.
Speaker: But that wasn't included.
Speaker: Their kids were not included.
Speaker: We did a video time.
Speaker: And I remember them telling me all of this, which is good.
Speaker: This is why I used to do video chats because it helped me weed out, right?
Speaker: But I remember telling them and I was pretty honest.
Speaker: I told them, I was like, you know, you should include this on your profile.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Like both of these things are kind of important, especially if people are looking for like long term connection.
Speaker: If it's casual, I get it.
Speaker: I do get it.
Speaker: I also still think if it's casual, you still have every right to know what you're getting involved with.
Speaker: But I was and it's funny, he kind of and he was a therapist.
Speaker: How freaking wild is that?
Speaker: uh they don't create us all equal ladies and gentlemen they do not and there's some really yeah i mean that's true but it was funny because i just felt like if that had been probably not the poly thing but if he had kids and was upfront about it i would have been cool and open to getting to know him but the everything being left out felt really shady
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, absolutely.
Speaker: So if you're listening to this and you're not disclosing big pieces of information like that, update your profile today.
Speaker: Make sure it's on there because the data is clear that most people are seeking long-term relationships on the dating apps.
Speaker: So just go there.
Speaker: Just care.
Speaker: Be transparent.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: Do you include this in one of your posts recently?
Speaker: Yes, I wrote about it in Psychology Today recently that most people on the dating apps are interested in long-term relationships.
Speaker: And so, yeah, so we should just
Speaker: be inclined to communicate all those things upfront, ladies and gentlemen, especially because there's so many people out there we could be dating.
Speaker: Let's be intentional.
Speaker: And if you haven't, if you missed that episode of a better lab with Dr. Gregg and Leah, make sure you watch it.
Speaker: Season three, we'll link that to intentional dating.
Speaker: I was going to say this too.
Speaker: And I had talked to, I think you and I may have talked about this, but I talk about this with clients who are saying they're, you know, they're not really sure if they want something serious, but they're open to it.
Speaker: Or maybe like they're open to something progressing.
Speaker: I tell them you still have to be intentional and you still deserve respect.
Speaker: And I think there's something in our culture that's like, if it's casual, you don't need to be like a standup person.
Speaker: Like you can be shady and rude and ghost and,
Speaker: and flaky and just an asshole if you're and this goes for all genders i'm not saying just men but like there's this weird culture and like the casual dating scene and i'm like you still need to feel respected because that's how you're going to actually have the most pleasure too and feel the safest right um so i talked to a lot of clients about that too because i feel like we kind of like put long-term meaningful relationship in one box casual another but they both deserve to be mutually respectful
Speaker: They're all human relationships.
Speaker: So we should be gentle and kind with each other from the very beginning.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: I have a question for you.
Speaker: Now you probably already know where this couple ends up or not.
Speaker: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait
Speaker: I'm all on board with Clay.
Speaker: You're team Clay.
Speaker: I'm team Clay right now.
Speaker: He was in the first couple of episodes.
Speaker: Oh, so he makes it.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: It's okay.
Speaker: It's okay.
Speaker: I knew he would.
Speaker: It's okay.
Speaker: Spoiler.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It's okay.
Speaker: I knew, you know, it's going to go that way.
Speaker: You know, it's going to go that way.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But anyway, he did describe himself.
Speaker: So I don't like the fact that he described himself as a ladies man.
Speaker: I think that's like, why would you, first of all, why would you say that?
Speaker: Lead with that.
Speaker: Why would you lead with that image?
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: But also it, it suggests that he's not shady, right?
Speaker: Like Michael probably, if he thought he was a lady, you know, he might not say it because he didn't want to give off that he was a manipulator.
Speaker: Not that someone who's successful with women is necessarily manipulative.
Speaker: That's a good point.
Speaker: It's worth clarifying.
Speaker: But what are your thoughts on him?
Speaker: And I'll respond to that.
Speaker: Let's go there.
Speaker: I actually liked him initially.
Speaker: I think the part that worries me, because I know they'll probably end up together, like long-term, I don't know.
Speaker: I didn't love his reaction because they're in this experiment and they're in this process where they're dating multiple people.
Speaker: Emotions are high.
Speaker: Like, I don't think it's great to talk about like past relationships or if you're dating multiple people, you know, share one relationship with someone else that you're seeing.
Speaker: I don't think that's appropriate.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: However, in this scenario,
Speaker: I felt that it was very appropriate for AD to share what was going on.
Speaker: You don't agree.
Speaker: Interesting.
Speaker: Wait, no, no.
Speaker: Say it.
Speaker: No, no.
Speaker: I can't.
Speaker: Go, go, go, go there.
Speaker: So I was thinking...
Speaker: I liked that she was just saying, hey, I'm in like this emotional place right now.
Speaker: And like, this is where I'm coming from.
Speaker: And because if, because she couldn't be probably as present or as receptive or whatever, coming from fucking Matthew to.
Speaker: Not literally, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker: Not fucking Matthew.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But I, good to clarify, but I was going to say, I didn't love
Speaker: his Clayton's response, it felt very aggro.
Speaker: It felt very insecure.
Speaker: It felt, and he took accountability.
Speaker: He did take accountability after and was like, hey, I like reacted and that wasn't cool.
Speaker: And he did, I appreciated that.
Speaker: That's how I, I watched the beginning of episode three.
Speaker: That's how I know.
Speaker: So they, I know it was resolved, but I still, that to me gave me yellow flags.
Speaker: And I think it's probably cultural.
Speaker: It's probably like, again, like he was talking about his dad and his dad's masculinity, right?
Speaker: Like there are things,
Speaker: that he embossed, and he talks about being a ladies man.
Speaker: So there's probably this persona he's created within himself to cope probably with insecurities as lots of people do.
Speaker: We have these personas, but I really didn't like that response.
Speaker: And he laughed.
Speaker: He's like, fucking Matthew.
Speaker: Like, I get it.
Speaker: It would be one thing if he's like, hey,
Speaker: Matthew's a weird guy.
Speaker: Like I'm- From a caring place, yes.
Speaker: From a caring place.
Speaker: And he was just, his ego was so bruised.
Speaker: And I get it.
Speaker: Like that would, I don't think I'd like someone to share something like- I don't want to hear anything about if we're dating multiple, I don't want to hear about that person.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And you know, if it's me that you're going to choose, then you're going to choose me.
Speaker: And I think that probably that would be just a smart strategy in life.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: But I think this is not a normal dating.
Speaker: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker: But this is not a normal dating.
Speaker: I think I agree with you in the normal dating sense.
Speaker: That's not appropriate.
Speaker: But I think even if you're dating multiple people, that's normal, right?
Speaker: When you're single, you're trying to figure it out, but not you don't disclose what's going on in one day to another day.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: But I don't think this is a normal situation.
Speaker: I get worried about like.
Speaker: her.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Like if I don't know, he just there's something insecure about him and you've seen more now and I don't.
Speaker: And but you're still team Clayton.
Speaker: So that gives me a little bit of hope.
Speaker: Yeah, because in general, I would be worried it would be a yellow flag.
Speaker: Because you would imagine that at the very beginning of a relationship, even in the context of this show, that people are going to be putting their real, like bringing the most amount of patience, the most amount of understanding, the most leeway in these conversations and being the most sort of vulnerable and to have that kind of response, to be reactive in any way, to be honest with you.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So early on is a concern.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But bottom line,
Speaker: Also showing that you can come back, you can own things, you have insight and that.
Speaker: And then, you know, the time to show up consistently.
Speaker: So we'll see what happens.
Speaker: Did you believe his tears while he was having that conversation with his friend were real?
Speaker: Oh my God, did he cry?
Speaker: I don't remember that.
Speaker: Because he flew through those episodes.
Speaker: Yeah, he did.
Speaker: And I do – it's not that I think they were crocodile tears.
Speaker: I think – I don't know.
Speaker: I was like, was he now feeling – I felt more he was, like, realizing he was an asshole and, like, there was an embarrassment.
Speaker: Maybe he, like, he turned it – like, he turned it on.
Speaker: He was trying to, like, kind of, like, create this, like –
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I suck at crying on demand.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: I cry all the time, but it can't cry on demand.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: He doesn't strike me as someone that could pull that off, to be honest with you.
Speaker: I don't think so.
Speaker: But I think too, I don't know.
Speaker: So, well, I'm glad he starts to-
Speaker: to change it around.
Speaker: Because I did like that I took accountability.
Speaker: If he didn't, I would be – I still – I guess what I also wrote down in my notes is like the devil you know versus the devil you don't.
Speaker: And the thing about this show, and you're new to it, right?
Speaker: But like oftentimes in this show, they were rejected by one person or it didn't work out with one person.
Speaker: So then they go with their second option to be engaged in.
Speaker: And so that's what I worry about with her.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because I think like also Clayton probably seems like a like a gem after frickin Matthew.
Speaker: So part of me was like there's the show creates kind of this need to pursue and to make it happen.
Speaker: Yeah, which is not going to be in the outside world.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: We'll learn more about the outside world.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So the other couple, kind of couple, and now I feel like it doesn't matter, Trevor, the mullet guy, and Chelsea.
Speaker: Trevor and Chelsea.
Speaker: You're like, I don't.
Speaker: Where does, where does, where did it leave off for you?
Speaker: So Trevor left off with telling her he has a mullet and she was into it.
Speaker: I also have a hot take on Chelsea besides her saying she's Megan Fox.
Speaker: She laughs at everything.
Speaker: And I feel like she's one of those people that will laugh.
Speaker: She said this, I want to find a guy who doesn't just like watch the game while I'm there.
Speaker: And I feel like she's that girl that kind of thinks she has to perform, like has to laugh at the jokes, like be overly enthusiastic, kind of like put on this facade.
Speaker: And I really actually liked her in a lot of ways, but I was like, she has some work to do.
Speaker: She needs to chill out.
Speaker: She needs to take a breath.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because the mullet guy-
Speaker: Trevor.
Speaker: You said, I hear you.
Speaker: What's his name?
Speaker: Trevor.
Speaker: Trevor.
Speaker: Trevor.
Speaker: But I put slash mullet guy, Jim Ratt.
Speaker: Not to generalize.
Speaker: No, no, not to at all, actually.
Speaker: But no, he said that he heard her laugh more than speak.
Speaker: And also for him, I think that should have been a concern.
Speaker: Just like, okay, I like that you're giggling at the things I say.
Speaker: Like, I like that.
Speaker: It feels connecting.
Speaker: But like, what are you thinking over there?
Speaker: Like, like me beyond my mullet?
Speaker: Like, what's going on?
Speaker: He's like, no.
Speaker: He's like, I've never had this problem where someone wants me for my bullet.
Speaker: He's like, it's always the opposite.
Speaker: I actually, he grew on me.
Speaker: You know, it's funny.
Speaker: Like I was like, oh, this bro.
Speaker: And then he just seemed like, I just liked him interacting with like the guys.
Speaker: And I'm like, oh, this guy's a nice guy.
Speaker: I hope he finds love.
Speaker: Gentle giant.
Speaker: Gentle giant.
Speaker: Gentle giant.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The last couple in, well, this episode one, I have, well, I think we have a couple more, but Johnny and Amy,
Speaker: So Johnny, a quick reminder, is the 27-year-old piece of strawberry blonde hair with the Latina woman who's very sweet and loves her brother, who is on the spectrum.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: See, I'm thinking about it, but not listening closely enough, apparently.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Listen, he seems like such a goofball to me.
Speaker: Oh, really?
Speaker: I love him.
Speaker: Like just a softie, kind of like a-
Speaker: Just a gentle dude who is going to be expressive and all the good things.
Speaker: So he seems very well adjusted from the very beginning.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: I mean, that's why I didn't write anything down about this.
Speaker: They just seem relatively high functioning.
Speaker: They do.
Speaker: They just seem very honest and themselves with each other.
Speaker: I wrote down my notes were love them and real depth.
Speaker: It was beyond the surface.
Speaker: Like I think a lot of these couples are just like you said, giggling and like laughing.
Speaker: And then they had these conversations.
Speaker: They also laughed, but like it was a lot of very like deep, meaningful conversations, which...
Speaker: I thought was like great.
Speaker: I think that's it for all of our couples.
Speaker: Oh, Kenneth and Brittany is the other one.
Speaker: The last one that.
Speaker: And Brittany, Kenneth is the principal.
Speaker: Tall principal.
Speaker: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker: And.
Speaker: Hmm.
Speaker: And then she's the principal or she's a teacher and she, they both are strong in their faith is what I wrote down.
Speaker: Both spiritual strong in their faith.
Speaker: They're both of their parents pastoring childhood.
Speaker: And I feel like they're very, like they're looking, they're very aligned in what they want.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: There's a wholesomeness about them.
Speaker: That's the word that comes to mind.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: They're very wholesome, almost like brother and sister.
Speaker: I mean, it's like, I don't see any sexual chemistry between those two people from the first two episodes.
Speaker: I'm not seeing that at all.
Speaker: You?
Speaker: No, but I was going to – no, I'm not.
Speaker: I think the thing is too though, we only see – they like highlight – it's a lot of production.
Speaker: So I'm curious.
Speaker: But now you've seen the other four.
Speaker: So maybe you know if there is or is not more chemistry.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I think I'm like on paper, they probably look really good to each other.
Speaker: Like they check all the boxes on paper.
Speaker: They share the same values.
Speaker: They are more in traditional gender roles.
Speaker: Because they tell clients too, I'm not anti-traditional gender roles if both people want that.
Speaker: That's fair.
Speaker: But they're both very aligned in that.
Speaker: And so I don't know.
Speaker: We'll see.
Speaker: I'm not blown away by either of them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: That's also why I didn't write any notes on something either, but I'll do better next time.
Speaker: Okay, this is the thing about Love is Blind is when we don't see much, it's because they're generally healthy and functional is what I'm gathering from production.
Speaker: Because we don't want to see their conversations of like,
Speaker: I don't know that aren't full of your favorite ice cream or right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So this was fun.
Speaker: I'm excited for episode three through six with you.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: We're going to, you're going to have to binge and catch up on it, which I'm sure will be no difficulty for anybody to do.
Speaker: If you haven't seen the show, you have to watch it.
Speaker: Thanks for joining.
Speaker: We'll see you next time.
Speaker: We'll see you next time.
