Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to Blind Love Skeptics, where we dissect the highs, the lows, and the downright jaw-dropping moments of Love is Blind.
Speaker: I'm your host, Leah.
Speaker: I'm Dr. Greg.
Speaker: Buckle up, because we're about to dive deep into the roller coaster of emotions of Love is Blind Season 6.
Speaker: Okay, where do you want to start?
Speaker: I mean, first of all, if you're listening to this right now, hopefully you've watched all the episodes up until the reunion.
Speaker: And you know who's gone to the altar and who hasn't and whatever.
Speaker: So how did we do with our predictions?
Speaker: Let's start there.
Speaker: I mean, I think we, it's like, I don't know, 50-50, basically, on my part, at least.
Speaker: I think...
Speaker: I can't even remember my prediction.
Speaker: I think it's 50-50 because I think I thought Kenneth and Brittany were in it to win it.
Speaker: They fell apart so quickly.
Speaker: So fast.
Speaker: Yeah, so quickly.
Speaker: But I was definitely right about Chelsea and Jimmy.
Speaker: No, you were right.
Speaker: Did I think they'd get married?
Speaker: I can't even remember.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Well, I think you texted me the other day saying you felt something about Jimmy.
Speaker: Oh, should we talk about that?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So I have my own, I feel like I have some counter transference with, would that be with Jimmy?
Speaker: I see myself in Jimmy from a recent relationship that was not good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I feel like my ex, that person was a Chelsea.
Speaker: Anxiously attached.
Speaker: Is that what you're saying?
Speaker: Anxious attached and also just looking for problems where there were none.
Speaker: Granted, I think you're going to argue there were problems.
Speaker: I am absolutely going to take her side on this one.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Which, so yes, I don't think Jimmy's perfect by any means.
Speaker: And I think it's funny when I post on social media, there's some people that are like,
Speaker: upset that I wasn't upset with Jimmy or disparaging him.
Speaker: And I'm like, I don't love him, but in other words, you know what it feels like to be with someone who's oppressively anxious about your bond or something.
Speaker: And then it comes out in a controlling, very accusatory manner.
Speaker: And that's where I really was like,
Speaker: And I talked to friends and my dog park friends and like therapist friends and everyone was just frustrated with this whole situation.
Speaker: But I think especially because I've been in that dynamic where there's like no winning.
Speaker: There's no winning.
Speaker: If someone goes into it with the lens of,
Speaker: Men fuck me over.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Women fuck me over, whatever.
Speaker: You know, I'm always cheated on.
Speaker: Yeah, whatever it is.
Speaker: There, it's like that self-fulfilling hypocrisy.
Speaker: There's an intentional bias there.
Speaker: There's intentional bias.
Speaker: They're looking for things that confirm how fucked up the world is and whatever.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So before our last, I think we hadn't seen this big fight, right?
Speaker: When you and I saw you.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: We spoke last.
Speaker: And
Speaker: That fight made me so uncomfortable and so angry with her for lots of reasons.
Speaker: A, she's drunk.
Speaker: And not, I'm not saying she is a drunk.
Speaker: They've had these conversations every time when she's been drinking.
Speaker: And he's been drinking, but she's noticeably drunk.
Speaker: So she's not thinking before she speaks.
Speaker: And she's just like flying by the seat of her pants.
Speaker: Yeah, she's running with whatever she's feeling in that moment.
Speaker: Yes, which a lot of us do when we're under the influence, right?
Speaker: Like I think we feel even more emotional and like nostalgic.
Speaker: Like it intensifies our emotions.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: But I feel like she just like she drinks and then she's like that moment that he didn't, you know, say I love you back.
Speaker: And then she just fixates on it.
Speaker: And then she just creates this narrative in her head that he doesn't love her and he's running around in the bars.
Speaker: Doing God knows what.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: We may find out that he was doing God knows what in the reunion.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Did you have that sneak peek?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I thought I saw something.
Speaker: Oh no.
Speaker: But, but yeah, you're talking about this narrative that she's built.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't, well, we should talk about that too.
Speaker: Cause okay.
Speaker: So this is, so that's my thing is I think I'm extra sensitive probably to this dynamic.
Speaker: And obviously a lot of this is produced.
Speaker: So we don't know what happens behind the scenes.
Speaker: Like she even says, you told me about this, about your friend that, that you two slept together a while back.
Speaker: And he's like, I did that in confidence, which I think is fair that he did that off camera for his friend's sake, who's not signing up to be on love is blind.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: So there's more, obviously, like I and I think in every season, we're no we're learning that we learned that there was a domestic violence situation the last season that they didn't air at all.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Like they didn't air that at all.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So there's like a lot.
Speaker: So there's a lot clearly that's produced because it's entertainment.
Speaker: Also, too, in social media, people are commenting like.
Speaker: So angrily, like they're actors and I'm like, I'm not taking this like.
Speaker: Like, I'm taking this with a grain of salt, right?
Speaker: We're just consuming it like everyone else with a take from our therapeutic clinical lens.
Speaker: But anyways, so yeah, there's a lot going on behind the scenes, but I do think I'm extra...
Speaker: sensitive to Chelsea's behaviors because I've seen in my personal life.
Speaker: I've also seen it in a lot of the clients that I've worked with.
Speaker: And there's no talking out when you are set on this belief and this theory.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But let me ask you the question, which is which of the two, Chelsea or Jimmy had a more accurate perspective or view of their actual connection?
Speaker: Because Jimmy has this narrative, which in the last conversation they have in episode 12, where he like pins this breakup basically that's happening on this one thing that she was said, which was that, what is it?
Speaker: Johnny and Amy were the strongest couple.
Speaker: So he keeps going back to this because he had built this narrative.
Speaker: He brought this up several times that they were like the best couple, the strongest couple, whatever.
Speaker: That wasn't fucking true.
Speaker: Never was.
Speaker: So who had the more accurate perspective of their actual connection?
Speaker: I think Chelsea did.
Speaker: I think Chelsea was reading the room.
Speaker: I think she actually could see that this guy was saying something about their relationship that wasn't even true, I don't think.
Speaker: Wait, I'm confused.
Speaker: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker: Let's break this down.
Speaker: Wait, so you're saying his reasoning is because she said this one comment.
Speaker: Yeah, that was like the last straw.
Speaker: Well, one of the last straws, that and then she didn't know if he actually loved her.
Speaker: It was also something that he mentioned.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: At particular points in their conflict that really kind of... And I'm saying like,
Speaker: this guy was talking about the relationship in ways that wasn't even accurate to the conflict and the dynamic that actually was.
Speaker: You mean like that she was not like he wasn't, she's, she's both insecure and there's that turmoil there, but also that he was his affect and his showing up in the relationship was not consistent with being like this amazing connection that he was craving this person that he was expressing his love to him in a genuine hurt in genuine way.
Speaker: Never did I look at his eyes and see like a genuine expression of like him actually loving this person or being in love with her in his eyes.
Speaker: I hear you.
Speaker: So this is where I wanted to ask you where I had this.
Speaker: So I had my like psychoanalysis of myself and I was like, I'm clearly biased in a lot of ways because of the work I do and because of my own personal experiences.
Speaker: And then I was like, Dr. Greg, though, this is my take on you.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: You are a therapist.
Speaker: You're a male, but you're a therapist and you are in touch.
Speaker: You have emotional intelligence.
Speaker: You're in touch with your feelings.
Speaker: You know what you're looking for.
Speaker: You are very self-reflective.
Speaker: You're evolved.
Speaker: Thank you for that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'll take it.
Speaker: you are not the average Joe when it comes to these people on these TV shows.
Speaker: Leading and not being like, because I met great men that are in touch with their emotions that are evolved in this way.
Speaker: It's not common, but I have.
Speaker: It's like, no, I'm not saying you're the only one, but these men aren't showing up typically for these shows.
Speaker: And I was going to say, so I had a couple of thoughts.
Speaker: I was thinking,
Speaker: I think you, you could tell me if I'm right.
Speaker: I think you were right about the crave and the chemistry between him and Jess.
Speaker: And I think for you, that was like, there's, it's clearly, there's a clear difference.
Speaker: And I'm wondering, A, if you're like, that's kind of been your lens this entire time with them.
Speaker: And maybe you're overlooking some of the connection that they do have, which I don't know if there is much of a connection.
Speaker: My other thought was, do we think
Speaker: that maybe he's just not an expressive guy, which is kind of what I was thinking.
Speaker: Like, like I do, like, I know like friends, partners that are not as,
Speaker: they don't show their affect, their emotions.
Speaker: They don't wear their heart on their sleeve.
Speaker: And it's not because they're like, I don't know if it's cultural sometimes or if it's just like, they're just not expressive.
Speaker: They're more left brainers.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But what do you think about that?
Speaker: Like, do you think that's a possibility?
Speaker: Well, I absolutely, the second piece to this, what you were saying about the expressiveness in terms of like facial expressiveness is,
Speaker: I keep referencing.
Speaker: I keep referencing this.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: His eyes.
Speaker: You're like in his eyes.
Speaker: His eyes.
Speaker: I mean, I don't know.
Speaker: Some of our listeners would probably agree with me that we can tell us something about our emotional connection in our eye contact.
Speaker: But anyway, I agree with you.
Speaker: If you're growing up in some particularly Anglo, non-effective, expressive
Speaker: family environment and not seeing someone like making like, and if you're watching this video right now, you know, you can see my face.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You're very expressive.
Speaker: Like you know how to do that.
Speaker: You have the skills.
Speaker: So it's a skill.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Then thank you very much for saying that because I think it's a skills thing.
Speaker: I think everybody ought to know how to express emotions, not only verbally, but through their face, through the tone of their voice and practice that.
Speaker: Got a lot of practice with that.
Speaker: So yeah, so Jimmy maybe just has skills deficits and they could actually have connections beyond, to your first point, beyond like a mmm yum kind of sexual connection.
Speaker: My other question for you, that was, I was at Asus, and this is, I think, just more generally in your couple, you do a couple's work.
Speaker: I don't.
Speaker: So do you feel like there it's possible for couples to have deep love for each other without, without the crate, not within without the crate that there's no attraction, but it's not like fiery.
Speaker: Like, I do think there are couples that are completely happy with one another.
Speaker: Maybe they're not as sexually driven.
Speaker: They're attracted to each other, but they don't want to like rip each other's clothes off.
Speaker: And I think they're fine.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Would you agree with that?
Speaker: The people who are fine, I would agree with that.
Speaker: I think the people who are fine, because this is on a continuum, a spectrum of our sexuality.
Speaker: So we have on one side, asexuality and the other side, I don't know, hypersexuality, you know, but bottom line is that there's a spectrum.
Speaker: So I would say for people,
Speaker: who are less driven sexually, like, and there are people, I work with clients like this all the time, where their level of desire is not particularly high.
Speaker: If they match well, if there's good compatibility between them and their partner, then maybe the frequency and the quality of the sexual experience and connection is gonna be fine for them.
Speaker: But if, particularly in couples where there's a mismatch, you're gonna see that being an issue.
Speaker: And that's where maybe there's a mismatch.
Speaker: Chelsea's like really.
Speaker: She is.
Speaker: I think she's very, she probably has a healthy sexual drive.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And actually he could, I guess is what we're saying too.
Speaker: And it's just not with her.
Speaker: So we don't, so it's hard to, and I guess it is hard to obviously say when we get these snapshots of this six week period, we don't really know.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: that you're really, you're thinking there's a lack in the eyes.
Speaker: We know it.
Speaker: Yeah, we know it ends.
Speaker: We understand it ends.
Speaker: He says to her, I'm not going to the altar.
Speaker: I don't know if he was trying to keep open the idea of being in a relationship.
Speaker: We all know in this show that once you pass a certain point,
Speaker: it's hard to go back if there's in a sense that you're moving forward.
Speaker: It's like not gonna happen.
Speaker: It's not gonna happen.
Speaker: Here's my question to you, and this applies to both Chelsea and Jimmy, but also Aidy and Clay.
Speaker: How certain, Leah, do you think you have to be
Speaker: To make a lifelong commitment.
Speaker: Pretty certain.
Speaker: Like marriage.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Pretty certain.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think, and I've talked to this with clients too about their own.
Speaker: I think there's always just humans have doubt.
Speaker: They have curiosity.
Speaker: They have thoughts of what if, like they have fantasies, right?
Speaker: Not like fantasies where it's like they're obsessing about someone else in that sense.
Speaker: But like, I do know people who have not dated.
Speaker: They've married someone in their early twenties and there's like the what ifs and they're very content, but there's this curiosity and that's okay.
Speaker: That's healthy.
Speaker: And, or this doubt of like,
Speaker: What if I would have married this other person or pursued something with this person?
Speaker: But I think you have to be fucking certain.
Speaker: I think you have to be really certain.
Speaker: And so I know I'm not team Jimmy, which now it seems like I am.
Speaker: But I appreciate that he didn't go to the altar.
Speaker: Oh, absolutely.
Speaker: No, he did a good job with that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well done, Jimmy.
Speaker: Like that would have that's humiliating.
Speaker: But did he do it on time?
Speaker: Could he have done it earlier?
Speaker: Because we want to do that, right?
Speaker: Would you agree with that?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We want to communicate.
Speaker: It was only six weeks.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Could he have done it two days earlier?
Speaker: I mean, I think he probably could have.
Speaker: I think I really do think he wants marriage.
Speaker: I think he I and I don't know, maybe he's like in it for the clout and to get Instagram followers as most of these people are.
Speaker: But I I do think he wanted it.
Speaker: And I think he was like maybe hoping for something to change, maybe within him even.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But yeah, I mean, he could have probably done it earlier, but I'm glad they didn't walk down the aisle.
Speaker: I mean, I get where she'd be upset.
Speaker: She's like, we picked out our song.
Speaker: We did all these, like, you know, we were fine tuning these details for our wedding ceremony.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think too, it's hard with, again, with the producing, he's saying like, this is my person.
Speaker: I found my person.
Speaker: I love her, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: He's saying all these things.
Speaker: And what he's saying to her is, I don't want to go to the aisle with you, which I think is fair because he doesn't want to have to say, I don't want to marry you in this moment.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: But I think it is, I can see where she would be upset.
Speaker: And she's the last person you want to do that to.
Speaker: She's the last person you want to bail on the altars to.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, I guess that's true.
Speaker: I mean, I guess that's true, too.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So good job, Jimmy.
Speaker: Good decisions.
Speaker: Good decisions.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I feel she's something and I just wish her well.
Speaker: I really do hope she's I'm sure I hope she's connected to some therapist in the last year and has done some serious work.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She might need some more after this.
Speaker: Let's go back to this question because I think there's a life lesson, I think, in this about what does it feel like to be ready to get married?
Speaker: And I say this because I've worked with many couples who are at this point where they're like, we've been together for five years and we're still not engaged.
Speaker: What's going on?
Speaker: I want to be married to you.
Speaker: Where are you?
Speaker: And that's a question that I've tackled with clients.
Speaker: And where I come down on this is there's like a realistic view.
Speaker: It's a very realistic view.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And this could even be with your soulmate even, right?
Speaker: If you believe in that sort of thing, that one person will always initiate the conversation.
Speaker: There's always, how does a conversation begin?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: One person is going to be a little bit more sure than the other person.
Speaker: That person is going to raise the
Speaker: like the idea of being and making that kind of commitment.
Speaker: And then that will fluctuate.
Speaker: You don't have to be exactly at the same level of confidence.
Speaker: However, as we could tell with Adie and Clay,
Speaker: It was, there was, I don't know.
Speaker: There was maybe some, she says, AD says, there's going to be times when you have to lean on me for confidence around something.
Speaker: Sometimes I'm going to lean on you.
Speaker: That's fair, by the way.
Speaker: It's like a very reasonable view.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: On this one, there was like too much leaning on.
Speaker: There was too much of, she had a image of them.
Speaker: She had imagined and dreamed something that was too far from where they actually were.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Your thoughts on that?
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: Well, and she even said at the end of this last episode for the reunion, I would have said yes again and kind of this I'm ride or die.
Speaker: I gave it my all.
Speaker: I think
Speaker: And she kept saying, I'm not enough.
Speaker: So I think there's a part of her who thinks like, if I wanted enough, if I show up for him enough, if I put in the work, it can work.
Speaker: And I don't buy that.
Speaker: Two people have to want it and have to put in the effort.
Speaker: And I agree that there's usually one person who's more sure, who's more like even secure, right?
Speaker: Just like-
Speaker: Whatever it is.
Speaker: Healthy relationships, yes.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And I think that's typical.
Speaker: But I think she would have preferred even to go through with the vows, getting married, and work through the hardship after, where he was like, not for me.
Speaker: Yeah, I agree with you.
Speaker: And again, this isn't my scope in my practice, marriage and like, how do you know with couples?
Speaker: But I do think it's normal and human to have some smidge of doubt or like just like a thought, right?
Speaker: Totally normal.
Speaker: But he was beyond the thought.
Speaker: And he, I think what I was saying from the beginning, I don't think he's a bad person either, but he just like fixated on one person.
Speaker: Like, can I do this with one person?
Speaker: Can I commit to this one person?
Speaker: And this fixation of-
Speaker: not being able to break the cycle of cheating and infidelity.
Speaker: And she can't talk him out of that.
Speaker: That's all his own shit.
Speaker: And his mom even said, like, if you're not sure, you're not sure.
Speaker: Like, this is on you.
Speaker: And you see a lot with his dad and why he is the way he is.
Speaker: Like, just in those minimal interactions, I was going to ask you about this because
Speaker: one thing i thought was so interesting i thought it he said i love you when he was turned around the dad because clearly he's not good with his emotions yeah yeah and at first i didn't think he said it and then i was like okay he's just like very close like there's this very like this is what this is what a man is and i'm going to say it as i'm leaving and you're not going to see my affect and you're not going to see this moment on camera between me and my son but i know he it's clear he loves him it's also clear
Speaker: that he's still stuck in his ways and his perception of like what it means to be a man and all that.
Speaker: And it's all about appearances.
Speaker: He said that thing about, you know, Clay's like, should I go talk to her?
Speaker: And he goes, you don't want to appear as indifferent.
Speaker: And it was so this performance.
Speaker: Performative, yes.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: And that was, that was hard for me to watch because I wanted, and again, like this comes from probably like generational,
Speaker: family generational things of what they've been taught, what's in their lineage of family, like what they've learned it means to be a man.
Speaker: And we know where it comes from, but it was just so hard to watch because- Yeah.
Speaker: Well, it's hard to watch because he goes in there and then-
Speaker: To me, it seems like he's trying to convince her that she's still his person, but he's filmed as saying, this was someone that I wasn't in love with.
Speaker: I wasn't in love with this woman.
Speaker: He's like, it was a matter of finances.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Finances, and I'm not madly in love with her.
Speaker: I'm not madly in love with her.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I want to say really quick, so that was upsetting that that was the case.
Speaker: Obviously there's intergenerational stuff in all of our families.
Speaker: And we're all trying to do it a little bit better than the folks who, you know, if we can, if we can pull that off.
Speaker: And there's definitely change there.
Speaker: And if we have insight, right?
Speaker: Like that's the key too, is knowing.
Speaker: If you have insight and taking action, insight and then action.
Speaker: But the thing I want to come back to, because this religious whatever thing was highlighted earlier in the series, everybody's talking about God and whatever else.
Speaker: And when he proposed to her, he had read something from the Bible, trust in the Lord your God, blah, blah, blah, and it goes on.
Speaker: And I just want to say very quickly something about faith.
Speaker: So I believe in a fierce, healthy love, there is faith.
Speaker: Faith is a belief and trust in each other and in the relationship, to my mind.
Speaker: You can also believe and trust in God and that's ordained, whatever else, that's fine.
Speaker: You can have those beliefs too.
Speaker: But to believe in each other,
Speaker: So there's an amount of faith that's required.
Speaker: And that faith, I hope for everybody who's listening to this right now, and you and I, Leah, that faith is built on evidence.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So we, there is a leap, right?
Speaker: There is, I don't think you have to be a hundred percent confident to get married.
Speaker: I think you have to be very close to that.
Speaker: And then there's a part of faith there, a belief and trust in each other that you're going to continue to grow together and that you're going to, you know, love life together as best as you can.
Speaker: So I hope that we don't, if we have any uncertainty, as we were, you were mentioning earlier, that we don't see that as like a, a no or a reason to walk away.
Speaker: Do you think, it sounds like you think she, or not, I'm not, it sounds like based on your, I like this, like this idea of faith in a relationship, it sounds like she had faith and he did not.
Speaker: No, no.
Speaker: And on top of that, he had what you had said already, which is his own stuff, which was his own self-doubt.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: About his ability to do it.
Speaker: And by the way, for those of us who were in families where our parents were married for decades, I,
Speaker: that is not a measure of success.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: So what is the measure is the quality of the relationship.
Speaker: And obviously we know in his example, there was a lot of infidelity and he was present during that infidelity and all that stuff.
Speaker: But, you know, the last thing I'm going to say about this is 80, you deserve the kind of love that you, you believe in and clay, yo, you let me down.
Speaker: I thought, I thought you were going to get there, man.
Speaker: I thought you were going to get there.
Speaker: And you know what?
Speaker: I still don't.
Speaker: I still like him.
Speaker: It's funny.
Speaker: But I think I see all the layers.
Speaker: And I'm really glad actually we saw a lot of the family dynamics throughout this.
Speaker: That was really helpful because you see the influences and why he is...
Speaker: here in this place mentally like you can see it it's very clear to me oh yeah and um i think it just i think ad put it all on her to make it work and i also don't think that that's going to sustain so
Speaker: I don't know if I won't share the spoiler, but I think they're still together or they were together back in Thanksgiving.
Speaker: So I'm curious what's going to happen too after they view it.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And they viewed all this and they've seen even the ceremony, what's going to happen.
Speaker: I mean, that Thanksgiving was a few months ago, but I am curious and I would hope that
Speaker: I would hope that if they are together, that he really is going to therapy and that she's not making it her job to keep him faithful and to carry the relationship.
Speaker: That's all I can hope for with her because I adore her and I just hope.
Speaker: And maybe she goes to therapy too and does some more work because I want her to fully believe in herself and
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, the fact that they're back together again, I don't know, is necessarily a good sign.
Speaker: I started seeing maybe like five years ago in my clinical practice that people started, there were more and more breaks in relationships, people getting back together multiple times.
Speaker: That more and more, that's a trend in my own clinical practice.
Speaker: So I don't like any of that.
Speaker: No breaks.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: You can go nice and slow and steady, slow and steady versus get to a place, break up, try to get back.
Speaker: Don't do that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We should talk more about that in a future conversation if I have questions.
Speaker: Our next podcast series.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I guess just Amy and Johnny are our next couple.
Speaker: Amy and Johnny.
Speaker: I love them and I really have no notes.
Speaker: I think they're both quirky and sweet and
Speaker: like well-matched and well-adjusted for the most part.
Speaker: I was going to ask, I have a feeling, I'm curious what you think about their sex life.
Speaker: Yeah, I have something about this.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, share.
Speaker: Please share.
Speaker: Well, first of all, let me say that I was, I don't know what was your emotional experience of their wedding, but I was crying.
Speaker: That's sweet.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: That might be my own.
Speaker: So, you know, obviously I was married before.
Speaker: So I've had the experience of like standing up there and watching the person who I had married walk down the aisle.
Speaker: So maybe that there was a little bit of that going on for me, but.
Speaker: Nostalgia.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, you know, it's a powerful, it's a powerful moment, you know, for anybody who's going through that.
Speaker: Between the two of them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: do have a faith in each other so i was definitely crying it was i'm happy for them and you know what's funny as i say sorry i mean i was gonna say something i noticed about them and in other like shows previous seasons of the love is blind they walk down very peacefully like content but peaceful they weren't like you know how some couples like wait wait
Speaker: And it's like this like feet.
Speaker: They just seem so peaceful and content with each other.
Speaker: Like there was, it wasn't like they were not happy, but they were just like chill.
Speaker: And I thought that just kind of embodied everything we talked about of this piece.
Speaker: And they just have that with each other.
Speaker: Like they were clearly happy.
Speaker: They did these, you know, they had these moments on camera where they're like, I think there was like a swing or they're sitting next to each other and like, I don't know.
Speaker: They're very sweet.
Speaker: But like right after when they're walking back,
Speaker: or walking down the aisle together, they just seemed very content and very secure.
Speaker: I just thought that was very sweet.
Speaker: I think that actually, for me, was the most interesting.
Speaker: It wasn't a big show of it.
Speaker: It was just like, this is it.
Speaker: And we're off.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I would agree with you.
Speaker: I think for some couples, weddings can be performative.
Speaker: You cannot even be there in your own experience.
Speaker: You could be like...
Speaker: So we hope that not that you have those kind of experiences, but the two that they had that experience maybe as evidence of the fact that they realize that nothing changes when we get married.
Speaker: Like we are the couple that we are when we enter marriage.
Speaker: There's nothing magical that happens.
Speaker: And so, you know,
Speaker: If through that transition of becoming a couple, they are just as happy and relaxed and peaceful and whatever, right?
Speaker: Then they probably have something figured out there.
Speaker: I like, and I think that's, I think you need to like, I think we should be, what is it?
Speaker: Like, you know, in sports where commentators, I think we should come.
Speaker: Let's do this.
Speaker: I wonder if they'll have us, but I was, because I would love you to like,
Speaker: Like, I would love you to really hone in on the eyes in these moments.
Speaker: Like, what are the eyes doing?
Speaker: And like, just like the body language.
Speaker: But because I think after our conversations, the piece is what I really focused in on and was like, it wasn't the super, it wasn't anticlimactic, but it wasn't this big performance, like you said, and it just felt right.
Speaker: And it wasn't like anything for anyone else other than themselves, I guess.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I really appreciated that.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: So I don't think their success in this experience or experiment has anything to do with that love is blind.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Can I just be very clear here?
Speaker: I am still a skeptic here.
Speaker: At the end of- I am too.
Speaker: Well, one couple of the five couples of the 30 people.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So- Go ahead.
Speaker: No, no, go ahead.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But I think what we found is like, this is what we've actually observed.
Speaker: This is my opinion here.
Speaker: What we actually observed was that you can fall in love with someone and connect with someone and have a sexual connection to someone who you might not imagine you would be attracted to.
Speaker: But when you actually meet them, you are sexually attracted to them and you are connected to them.
Speaker: And we also find out, I think, although you may disagree with me, that you can still not have premarital sex and get married and go through the whole thing.
Speaker: Because I don't know.
Speaker: I sort of believe that they didn't have sex.
Speaker: I believe that too.
Speaker: I don't think she's lying.
Speaker: I think she's like, we did other stuff.
Speaker: And I think they, I think there may have been no penetration in the right.
Speaker: And I think that's what they're talking about.
Speaker: There was no penetrative intercourse.
Speaker: It was maybe oral sex or whatever else.
Speaker: So they're, you know, enjoying each other in some way, shape or form.
Speaker: But yeah.
Speaker: So is that too risky?
Speaker: Leah?
Speaker: Is that a, is that a big risk in your mind?
Speaker: To go in love is blind.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I would think that would have made you to marry someone, to marry someone who you've never had intercourse with.
Speaker: I think they did other stuff.
Speaker: I really, I think there was a chemistry and intercourse is a different thing.
Speaker: It is and it isn't though.
Speaker: Like how you, like we were talking about dancing, right?
Speaker: I mean, he is not a great dancer, but like we were talking about like movement and rhythm.
Speaker: And I think like even making out, you can kind of get a sense of what it's going to be like to be even more intimate.
Speaker: So I don't think, I mean, I can't, I'm not, that's not where I'm at in life where I'm going to take a leap and not have sex with my partner.
Speaker: But yeah.
Speaker: I think other forms of intimacy can help you kind of assess.
Speaker: And I think what Brittany was saying, if we're going back to Brittany, of like she wants to still make out and she wants to crave and like have this spark in chemistry that's physical with her partner, even if they don't have penetrative sex.
Speaker: So I think it's possible.
Speaker: Do I think it's great?
Speaker: Like, I mean, I personally don't think so, but everyone has their own take on it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Who am I to judge?
Speaker: One thing I was going to say, because you're saying you're still skeptic and as am I, because I even talked to clients about this, about the dating apps.
Speaker: And they're like, I used to think about this too, when I was in my twenties and I'm like on the apps and going on so many dates and feeling like this should be a numbers game.
Speaker: I should be able to go on like X amount of dates in my, and have a success rate.
Speaker: Meaning like I have a lot, like a, I should meet my person.
Speaker: If I go on like a handful of dates, like
Speaker: numbers wise, this should pan out, but it's not that way.
Speaker: What's happening?
Speaker: What's going on?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: It's not about numbers.
Speaker: And I talked to clients about this too, because I'm like, it's the same, like there's going to be bad apples on the dating apps, just like at a bar.
Speaker: Like if you're out with friends,
Speaker: like the chances of me meeting a nice guy are the same thing as if you're on the dating apps.
Speaker: It's like, it's not about the setting.
Speaker: I don't think so.
Speaker: I think it's about timing.
Speaker: I think it's about how evolved you are, how evolved this other person is you're seeing.
Speaker: I think it's about-
Speaker: readiness, your attachment style.
Speaker: I don't think it's about being on the app, how many dates you go on.
Speaker: I don't think five dates a week is going to give you better results.
Speaker: I don't think going on, you know, like just waiting for real life and waiting for someone to approach you is going to give you better results.
Speaker: I think it's just about where you're at.
Speaker: And I think it's kind of similar to the pods.
Speaker: I don't think it's going to, it makes a huge difference at all.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think we're in agreement about the pod situation.
Speaker: What I would say about the numbers game is that I think there is a little bit of the numbers game.
Speaker: Why do I say that?
Speaker: Because folks will say to me, I really want to meet somebody in a traditional way.
Speaker: I just want to, which is great.
Speaker: Meet somebody at a yoga studio or whatever.
Speaker: You're doing something you enjoy doing, right?
Speaker: We got it.
Speaker: That would be fun.
Speaker: That'd be nice.
Speaker: But what I tell these people is like, okay, if the majority of people, which is the case, we get data to support this.
Speaker: If the majority of people are matching online with online dating in the apps, then you are intentionally, if you're intentionally dating, you're intentionally foreclosing on some set of opportunities.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: So I would have my clients keep all their doors open, increase the number of opportunities.
Speaker: I guess it's quality is what I'm saying.
Speaker: Like you have to do it intentionally.
Speaker: So if you're like, I really want to just do in real life, then you have to actively go to these places.
Speaker: Like you said, like yoga studio, the gym, you have to actively put yourself out there.
Speaker: Same thing on the apps.
Speaker: You can't just like be on an app and swipe and message once and assume that things are going to work out.
Speaker: But I think the quality is what people are.
Speaker: Because again, like in the pods,
Speaker: people can say whatever they want to say behind this wall.
Speaker: We had Matthew who was an asshole and like has no empathy, right?
Speaker: And could say these things.
Speaker: And at the end of the day, we're going to get bad apples and we're going to get people that are not
Speaker: empathetic and not kind or not going into it with the best intentions in all these settings.
Speaker: I guess that's kind of what I mean.
Speaker: It's really like we can't avoid that.
Speaker: It's just being intentional and being aware of the red flags or yellow flags and then doing our best to do things with discernment, I guess is what I'm saying.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I support that.
Speaker: But you're right.
Speaker: Everyone's on the apps.
Speaker: I mean, like not everyone's in a pod.
Speaker: I want, particularly for men out there, if there's any men who are listening to this podcast right now,
Speaker: It is a numbers game for you.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You represent 60% of the people on the dating apps right now.
Speaker: And most people on dating apps are heterosexual.
Speaker: So there are a large number of men who are competing for a smaller set of women who are actually would be compatible for these men.
Speaker: So I would suggest you to be on the apps at least 10, 15 minutes a day and swiping.
Speaker: That's not that much.
Speaker: But right.
Speaker: But so that's different though than like an hour.
Speaker: And people are spending like their whole lives on apps, I guess.
Speaker: And you have to, yes, you have to do that.
Speaker: But like, are you doing that intentionally?
Speaker: Are you just swiping?
Speaker: Are you saying, how's your day going?
Speaker: Or are you actually engaging in a conversation in a meaningful way?
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: I think we should just coach everyone on these shows.
Speaker: Let's do it.
Speaker: Let's do all the shows.
Speaker: Well, this has been an absolute, absolute pleasure to do this series with you.
Speaker: Just in case we don't do another, but I hope we do.
Speaker: Let's just do it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Love on the spectrum.
Speaker: I could get behind.
Speaker: Love on the spectrum.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: I need to do that for sure.
Speaker: We'll have to talk about it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's been fun.
Speaker: Cheers to you later.
