Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to Blind Love Skeptics, where we dissect the highs, the lows, and the downright jaw-dropping moments of Love is Blind.
Speaker: I'm your host, Leah.
Speaker: I'm Dr. Greg.
Speaker: Buckle up, because we're about to dive deep into the roller coaster of emotions of Love is Blind Season 6.
Speaker: Where do you want to start today, Dr. Greg?
Speaker: I mean, there are so many nuggets that we can learn about dysfunctional, but also healthy relationships.
Speaker: Lots of places to start.
Speaker: This week, or these episodes, these chunk episodes, we finally get to see these folks interacting with their family members.
Speaker: So I think there's a lot there, but let's, let's start with the shocker in my view, which is Kenneth and Brittany, because just last episode, Leah, we were talking about how, which ones were going to survive.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I had said, I thought that they were like maybe the second ones, the healthiest couple.
Speaker: And I, and I was wrong.
Speaker: I was wrong.
Speaker: I think on paper, like I said, I think they align on everything, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But no, the thing that strikes me about them, and I know that you created some content on your Instagram about this, so folks should go check that out.
Speaker: But...
Speaker: You know, they went, there was no explanation.
Speaker: It was very shocking.
Speaker: We were, one moment we were watching them on a, on a boat talk about intimacy and- But also were they talking on the boat?
Speaker: There was no talking on the boat.
Speaker: There was, there was very little talking, but the talking that they captured,
Speaker: was about Kenneth saying that he thought he was like super, super in men, like overly touchy feely and whatever.
Speaker: And she was basically bidding for touch in that moment.
Speaker: And I think we started talking about this last time, but then it all comes to fruition.
Speaker: So if you just watch these episodes and you know, they're sitting in the kitchen, these two are sitting in the kitchen and she finally says to him, like, I don't have the crave.
Speaker: That's how she talked about the crave.
Speaker: And the crave, by the way, Dr. Gregg believes is essential in the first like three dates that you have a little bit, a little bit of the crave.
Speaker: And she was, I think that was the first time really she was disclosing to him that she was, she really wasn't kind of feeling it.
Speaker: And the shocking thing, and I didn't actually, I want to get your take on this because the shocking thing to me was the pivot for him was,
Speaker: I don't know if it was defensive or what it was, but he just pivoted so quickly.
Speaker: There was no conversation about, oh, wait, you're not feeling that with me?
Speaker: What can I be doing differently?
Speaker: It just went to, okay, peace out, pop the smoke, and he's out.
Speaker: This is where I do wonder, I'm like, is it production versus like, was there more that we don't, I'm sure there's a lot more because they're living together, right?
Speaker: They're cohabitating.
Speaker: And so they're spending and they kind of touch on it.
Speaker: Like they talk about the evening before, right?
Speaker: Was it the evening before where he came home late and he tried to wake her up and was trying to maybe be flirty or
Speaker: Touchy.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But she was saying I was asleep and I have to wake up at 530.
Speaker: And I thought that was fair.
Speaker: But there's a lot that I don't think we know about.
Speaker: But I will say, so since the DR, I noticed after the conversation with AD, there was a little bit of a switch with him.
Speaker: And maybe he started really thinking about what we've talked about with the long-term issues.
Speaker: Interracial.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Interracial.
Speaker: Interracial.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Issues or things that can come up that are going to be difficult to navigate, that are not ideal, that are challenging.
Speaker: So I don't know, because remember we were talking about him pulling up this huge bench for her to sit, and then he just completely shuts down and becomes so kind of cold with her.
Speaker: And she's trying so hard.
Speaker: And what I love about her, and I was going to say, she's very secure.
Speaker: I think she has a secure attachment.
Speaker: I think generally she is secure in herself.
Speaker: She knows what she wants.
Speaker: She knows what she deserves.
Speaker: And so she was trying to communicate, you know, earlier on the boat, like she needs more touch and she likes to touch him and she wants him to touch her and she's being so communicative and he's just like...
Speaker: minimal response and there's just something that just like i think shifted and or it could be he doesn't feel a crave and he's just not into it and that's also fair but i wish he would fucking communicate that which that's the thing i wrote that or i was speaking to on social media i'm like he can have he has every right to not be into it but then he needs to communicate it because he puts it on he puts it back on her and this is where i hate i didn't use the term gaslighting because i think it's overused but it felt a little gaslighty
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, the bottom line is that the, and again, we might not have seen everything.
Speaker: This is our disclaimer is like professionals that we may not have all the data.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But no, I, I, I think he, I think he, I said this to you in our last episode that there really wasn't a spark there that I could see.
Speaker: And I don't think he actually had the crave.
Speaker: So what was, what's that about?
Speaker: It's like a, it's sort of like an, it's just like an easy,
Speaker: non-courageous way out is just to be like, oh, it's on, it's on you.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You don't find me attractive.
Speaker: Never do that.
Speaker: No, don't, don't find a way to blame your partner for the things that are not going well in the relationship.
Speaker: Look for what is it that we can be doing like to try to address this, whatever that is.
Speaker: Either build a crave or I, I'm honest and I share, Hey, I don't, I don't see this being long-term or I don't see myself having a crave for you.
Speaker: I don't think it's there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it doesn't – the crave, you know, it is very much an organic thing in my view.
Speaker: But it's also – it doesn't occur in a vacuum.
Speaker: Like if you have a little bit of a crave and there's lots of touch and sensuality and passion, then that is going to grow, obviously.
Speaker: But there was none of that.
Speaker: So he –
Speaker: Bad on him.
Speaker: Bad on him.
Speaker: I was disappointed in him, especially because he was all talk.
Speaker: You know, when we first meet him in the pods, which was kind of late in the pods, he's like, I'm 25.
Speaker: And people say like, you're not ready for marriage.
Speaker: And I'm like, I know what I want.
Speaker: I'm ready for marriage.
Speaker: And just talking the talk and very little consistency.
Speaker: Like there are, yeah, his actions did not reflect everything he's been saying to everyone else.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And the other thing I'm going to say, cause there was silence in this, I think silence came up in a couple of the, actually it came up with a clay and AD as well.
Speaker: I wanted to talk about, and I, cause I was just mentioning this to one of my clients recently.
Speaker: I think it's totally okay.
Speaker: And actually we should get comfortable with silences.
Speaker: If we're going to be in a long-term committed relationship, but like, we're going to be doing other things with each other in the same space.
Speaker: And like, that's all, but at the very beginning of a relationship, when there's like long periods of silence and we're on our phones and these kinds of things,
Speaker: We're just, it's like a breeding ground for disconnection.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So don't do that.
Speaker: Don't do silence.
Speaker: Give it your best effort at the front end, like in at least the first, you know, two, three months of a relationship.
Speaker: Like you don't want to be like, oh no, we're so comfortable that we can just be silent or not really put the effort in.
Speaker: Don't do that.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: One last thing I want to say too, just giving Brittany more credit, because I just adore her.
Speaker: She's like the most mature 24-year-old woman I've ever met.
Speaker: Like she asked him all these great questions, like prompting him to give her feedback so she could maybe change or do something.
Speaker: Like she said, I wrote this down, I don't know which episode, but what would good love look like?
Speaker: Like, what does that look?
Speaker: She was looking, she was trying to be like, what does this look like to you?
Speaker: What she's like, you know,
Speaker: do you like it when I touch you?
Speaker: She was very communicative and sometimes, and I talk to clients about this too.
Speaker: Again, I don't do couples work, but we talk about, oftentimes we make assumptions about what our partner's doing and we, or we think they can read our minds and know if we're being short that we're upset with them, or if we are not talking, they should know what's going on and they don't.
Speaker: And so
Speaker: I just think she's a perfect example of how to ask questions that are open-ended and get a sense of where your partner's at.
Speaker: And in dating too, in the beginning stages, these are great questions because you don't have to commit right away.
Speaker: I talk to my friends, my clients about this all the time is you can like use dating is dating for a reason.
Speaker: So these are the questions to ask.
Speaker: And if someone gets weirded out by you saying like, do you like it when I touch you?
Speaker: Or what is good?
Speaker: Like, you know, what does good love look like to you?
Speaker: you know, whatever I'm sensing distance and they get weird, that tells me they're not in a great space.
Speaker: So I think people are afraid to ask these questions, but it's so important to sustain a relationship.
Speaker: So you know what's going on and you're not making assumptions because we can, in our own minds, create the worst case scenario or just like start then doing things we think they might like or be receptive to.
Speaker: And oftentimes we're off, especially in a new relationship because they essentially are new.
Speaker: Like this is a brand new relationship, even though they're engaged.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: 100% new.
Speaker: And so, yeah.
Speaker: So we can create our own narratives, like you're saying.
Speaker: Let's not do that.
Speaker: The other thing I'll say about Brittany, just as we're giving her a lot of credit right now, apparently, she's gentle.
Speaker: She's gentle in everything that she's raising.
Speaker: There's nothing critical about what she does, which is the complete opposite of Jeremy and Laura, for instance.
Speaker: Oh, good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So where are we going to next?
Speaker: Let's do Jeremy and Laura.
Speaker: Let's do that.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: You want to kick us off?
Speaker: Ah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So I wrote down a few things because you know, you got to the end, right?
Speaker: We know that they're done.
Speaker: I think.
Speaker: Are they done?
Speaker: She says, I want out.
Speaker: You don't think they're done?
Speaker: Oh, that was the last thing I heard her say too.
Speaker: So we don't know, I guess.
Speaker: We don't know they're done.
Speaker: They're pretty, they're pretty toasty right now though.
Speaker: It seems to me it's pretty, but yeah.
Speaker: I don't think they like each other.
Speaker: Like, I think, I think we've said it from the beginning.
Speaker: There just seems like there's a disdain and just dislike, just like a,
Speaker: And not hate, but I'm like, it's inching there.
Speaker: Well, it's the thing that strikes me about their dynamic.
Speaker: She says this one line, and I'm going to, if we remember this scene, you'll remember her saying this.
Speaker: She says, if you come for me, I'm coming for you.
Speaker: It's like, that is the nature of their dynamic.
Speaker: It's really critical.
Speaker: Yes, a very kind of critical.
Speaker: And the mother, when the mother's there and they're all watching, the father's not surprised, by the way.
Speaker: The father's not surprised at all.
Speaker: And he's like, yo, if you give my daughter an end, she's going to take and she's just going to walk all over you.
Speaker: And so she so there's something about her personality.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But but bottom line, they aren't.
Speaker: You're harsh.
Speaker: Like you're harsh with one another.
Speaker: And that is the opposite of what we want.
Speaker: Like, we want to be gentle with one another, right?
Speaker: Their harshness, though, I wonder, and I have this question for you.
Speaker: I think there's like a lot of relationships out there and a lot of like home environments where criticalness and complaining and like antagonizing is the only way that people –
Speaker: know how to connect with one.
Speaker: Like it's a culture in the family.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: Yeah, I kind of grew up in, to be honest with you, I kind of grew up in an environment where like that was, and I still see it in like family relationships, where there's just like a lot, there's like antagonism.
Speaker: Like that's the go-to versus like, let's talk about what we're grateful for, like what's beautiful, what's awesome happening right now.
Speaker: What I love about you.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it's like, that's the thing to go to.
Speaker: It's like easier to do that.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Well, and it's funny.
Speaker: One of my friends in high school, I remember her family ragged on each other.
Speaker: That was like what they did all the time.
Speaker: And they ragged on me.
Speaker: And I remember I'm a sensitive person.
Speaker: And, you know, my family would poke fun at each other, kind of.
Speaker: Also, my family's...
Speaker: is the exception.
Speaker: They're social workers.
Speaker: So it's very lovey touchy.
Speaker: It's not perfect by any means, but it's very affirming and very validating.
Speaker: And I remember going to this friend's house and being like picked on by their family, but that's how they related.
Speaker: It was like the competitiveness in games, it got really heated, but sometimes not in a playful way.
Speaker: It became just very intense.
Speaker: And I do think we seek
Speaker: that same those qualities in our partner that just because it's familiar to us so we we tend to see what's familiar because we know how to navigate it not because we think it's best for us we're like oh i know how to i know how to you know be an asshole so i can yes i can i can do this dance with jeremy where you know he is ragging on me i'm ragging on him i tell him you know he looks like he tells me what i don't know but it's just like he didn't say that but i mean i think i think you're right i think we tend to mimic our our family dynamics and our
Speaker: our parents' relationships in our own romantic relationships.
Speaker: And one thing I – again, I don't love either of them, and I'm not like a team Laura, team Jeremy.
Speaker: But something about her, which kind of reminded me of last season with that blonde girl I can't remember, Stacey.
Speaker: She –
Speaker: would fixate on things that are so insignificant.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I mean, she told it to her family.
Speaker: There was an awareness of it, but the Hawaiian shirts, I'm like, let him wear his Hawaiian shirts.
Speaker: If that's the only thing.
Speaker: Well, I don't think she has much to say about why she's in a relationship with him or why they're together.
Speaker: You and I talked about this.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So she like grabs onto these insignificant things and making a bigger deal out of it than, than it actually is.
Speaker: I think.
Speaker: Right, because if she was like head over heels or really like excited, she probably wouldn't care about his Hawaiian shirts.
Speaker: Or that it's a turn off or something like that.
Speaker: That's like, what?
Speaker: Like, come on.
Speaker: But I liked what her sister was saying, right?
Speaker: Like, similarly to her sister.
Speaker: Her sister kind of had this accepting, like, we're showing up as we are.
Speaker: Like, let's just let each other be.
Speaker: And Laura was not happy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: But also we can't, well, we're definitely not going to take Jeremy off the hook because we obviously see sort of kind of where this is going, that distance, that disconnection, that criticalness.
Speaker: And then on the other hand, what is it, Sarah?
Speaker: Is it Sarah?
Speaker: Sarah Ann.
Speaker: Sarah Ann, who seems very gentle and lovey-dovey and cute and whatever.
Speaker: But you're not allowed to do that.
Speaker: You're not allowed.
Speaker: And if you know what we're talking about, they're sitting in the living room and they're talking about the fact that Jeremy had stayed out until five o'clock in the morning, hanging out in the parking lot, quote unquote, I don't know, with Sarah Ann talking about how she was upset for not being with him.
Speaker: And then he and then she asked and then Laura asked, like, what?
Speaker: Like for clarity about where were you?
Speaker: Whatever.
Speaker: And he lies, apparently lies after showing his location with her.
Speaker: So, I mean, the guy's checked out.
Speaker: Yeah, that's kind of checked out.
Speaker: He's seen in episode eight or nine, whatever that last one was.
Speaker: I don't love him either.
Speaker: Again, like nothing he did was right.
Speaker: But I also feel like he's just been beaten down.
Speaker: He's like, well, like, and I'm, again, I don't not advocate for cheating.
Speaker: I've never done it myself.
Speaker: I don't think it's the answer.
Speaker: But I think sometimes, oftentimes cheating is just a symptom of something deeper, right?
Speaker: And if he's feeling beat down, he's like...
Speaker: She hates my guts.
Speaker: He's like, this person is like, is fiending for me.
Speaker: Like this person, Sarah Ann's like DMing me and like, is putting herself out there.
Speaker: She's meeting me at lost and found, whatever that is.
Speaker: She's like, she's, I don't know.
Speaker: I was, I was confused by everything he was saying.
Speaker: Nothing really made sense.
Speaker: And he was like,
Speaker: He was down in her neck of the woods, but like, he was like, I don't know.
Speaker: It doesn't matter.
Speaker: He lied and he did something shady and that wasn't cool.
Speaker: But I think it was a symptom of everything else.
Speaker: I think he wouldn't have done that.
Speaker: Well, I don't know.
Speaker: Maybe he would.
Speaker: I don't know him, obviously.
Speaker: But like, I think there was something there's just, it's obviously not working.
Speaker: They're not gelling him and Laura.
Speaker: There's nothing that will sustain these two.
Speaker: Even if she's, she said I'm out at the end of this episode.
Speaker: I don't know if she's really out.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: No, I think there's going to definitely be some more drama with those two.
Speaker: I mean, I think we'll have them for at least one more episode.
Speaker: I have a question for you, though, because I feel like lots of people have been in this situation and I've talked to clients about people DMing or getting a text from an ex.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Do we think he shouldn't have even double tapped it?
Speaker: The like thing.
Speaker: Well, I mean, I'm very careful with the emotional infidelity thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So I'm a little like hyper vigilant about that.
Speaker: And I know colleagues are a little more loosey goosey around that stuff, but I don't like, first of all, I'm not going to make a big deal out of a like, which is,
Speaker: comes out as a heart on Instagram, right?
Speaker: It's, but it's technically like, cause I've liked your messages and it's not like, it's really just that.
Speaker: I'll see you then.
Speaker: We're just acknowledging.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Reddit.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: So I think it can be totally platonic, but those two, I think for, for him, it was good that he like communicated right off the bat, like, yo, Sarah and reached out to me.
Speaker: Just want to let you know.
Speaker: But she has the ultimate point, which is like, you didn't shut it down.
Speaker: Like you could have, you could have shut it down.
Speaker: You could have, oh, Sarah Ann's going to be there.
Speaker: Ooh, let me limit my amount of time that I'm talking to her.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Let me tell my fiance, oh yeah, she was there and I shut it down.
Speaker: Like that's the path.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But the problem is I think he wants to shut it down with Laura.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's like, let's just nail.
Speaker: And he just has to do it.
Speaker: Put the nail on the coffin.
Speaker: Yeah, I know.
Speaker: It's like the coward's way out, I think.
Speaker: He's like, let her hate me.
Speaker: I'm just going to.
Speaker: Yes, you're right.
Speaker: Yeah, you're right.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Sabotaging their own situation.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They could just, neither of them have the capacity to communicate like adults and just be like, hey, this isn't, we're not vibing, this isn't working.
Speaker: Oh my God, wait, I gotta call you out on the adult thing real quick.
Speaker: Well, I actually wrote it down because I really didn't, and this is something that Laura said, so don't be a Laura.
Speaker: No, Laura says they were talking about deal breakers and Laura says something like leaving hair in the sink, the lights on in the house, blah, blah.
Speaker: And they're like, oh, we can do that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She's like, yeah, just act like an adult.
Speaker: OK.
Speaker: What I don't like about that is because is the idea of like there is one way to be an adult like that.
Speaker: Oh, I agree.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So.
Speaker: that's kind of i'll get a little i agree i guess no i agree with that and i think she's just they're fixated on the things that don't really matter to be honest like i think cleanliness and lifestyle like sharing that is important if like it's going to be really hard if one person's a slob and the other person is leaves their place immaculate like jeremy who it looks like it's a fucking staged it's
Speaker: It must have been staged.
Speaker: Like even the dishes remind me of like an Airbnb when you go and it's like, it just was so strange.
Speaker: But either way, no, I agree with you.
Speaker: I don't think, I think just maturity is what I should have said.
Speaker: Like they need to be, they don't, they lack maturity.
Speaker: They can't communicate like mature people.
Speaker: Yes, yes.
Speaker: And kind of similar again to-
Speaker: to kind of if he could just communicate where he's at and that it is not working for him, I would have been okay with that.
Speaker: Like he handled it poorly, but I would have been like, kudos, man.
Speaker: Like good.
Speaker: Like I think I always talk about this too in my practice is
Speaker: I think it's better to have difficult conversations and be direct than fade away or ghost or just like let... That's not cool because it just leaves things open for interpretation.
Speaker: You're dragging things out.
Speaker: It's just not.
Speaker: And so I just think if... I don't know.
Speaker: But I don't think Laura and Jeremy have the capacity.
Speaker: So there's that.
Speaker: We'll see how long they last.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Let's go to...
Speaker: Amy and Johnny, because I don't have a whole lot to say about them because it's the kind of- Amy and Johnny.
Speaker: I just still love them.
Speaker: I also really get, I feel very uncomfortable watching him dance, but that's beside the point.
Speaker: Shaken is, yeah, he doesn't have, what is it, bachata where they're trying to pull off some bachata?
Speaker: I don't think he has any rhythm.
Speaker: I don't think he can.
Speaker: Why do they, I mean- These white boys.
Speaker: I know, but I will say she adores him either way, which I thought was sweet.
Speaker: Because when you love someone, you don't care if they have zero rhythm, right?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I might.
Speaker: You might?
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I would love – I love to date people and I like people with rhythm.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: It pretends something about, you know, sex maybe.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But I also may be fixated on that.
Speaker: There's something about somebody who has rhythm.
Speaker: It was like connected to the musicality of life.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You know, I don't know.
Speaker: Rhythm is important.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't – I was – but I guess I just appreciated she was like – she has rhythm.
Speaker: She's like amazing and he's just like goofy and like –
Speaker: But she loves it.
Speaker: Like, they just adore each other.
Speaker: And I find... So, we have a couple things, though.
Speaker: So, I was going to say, though, they're just very affirming in, like, a way that's so, like, you know, like, I like your hair just so it's meant to look like this.
Speaker: And just, like, I love all of you.
Speaker: They're just so affirming with each other.
Speaker: The one thing I was going to say is he, but this is their age.
Speaker: He's like his chicken butt thing.
Speaker: Like just his little like.
Speaker: Chicken butt.
Speaker: He's like, guess what?
Speaker: Chicken butt.
Speaker: Like he just, like there's this part of him that's very like childlike, but she likes it and it works for them.
Speaker: So like while it would, that would drive me crazy.
Speaker: It works for them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, I, I, I'll just second the, I love all of you piece.
Speaker: I, and, but the, the thing I, I questioned about that is, and they've said this too, I don't know if it was the last three episodes or not, but they talked about the fact that they really haven't had conflict yet.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: I would love, you know, the, the, the statement, I love all of you after there's been some
Speaker: conflict, some challenges, something, means something else to me.
Speaker: Then everything's going well.
Speaker: But still, it's a beautiful, affirming thing for sure.
Speaker: I've got an issue with their choices about sex.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And I'm confused.
Speaker: That was my next.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Oh, I'm so confused.
Speaker: Can you explain to me, Leah, what the deal is?
Speaker: Like, why doesn't he want to wear a condom?
Speaker: Like, what is going on with him?
Speaker: I think he does.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: So she mentioned, this is a quick, I will, so I watched it
Speaker: these episodes once through and then I watched a second time through taking notes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He is wearing condoms, I think.
Speaker: I think he is hyper anxious about getting pregnant, not being prepared, not having the financial means, not being set up.
Speaker: I think there's...
Speaker: It sounds like his childhood there was poverty or – I don't know.
Speaker: There's something where he doesn't – there's an anxiety around money and providing for his family and wanting to be set up.
Speaker: I think he did – she mentioned we use protection, but he wants – so I think they are using condoms or did once or there's something about that, but he's worried about that.
Speaker: tiny chance that like there could be a hole in the condom.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I have a pro I have an issue with that.
Speaker: I think there's there's a challenge because I took it that they haven't had sex yet.
Speaker: And to me, I don't know.
Speaker: I mean, obviously, I'm okay with traditional, whatever, no premarital sex if you want to go that route, feel free to.
Speaker: But all this lovey-dovey stuff and that we're really not like experiencing each other fully like that.
Speaker: And really, I don't know.
Speaker: Well, they might be doing other things fully.
Speaker: I think they are.
Speaker: I think they're very much into each other.
Speaker: I think there is intimacy.
Speaker: I think he does.
Speaker: He's open to condoms, but he doesn't think that's enough.
Speaker: Either they've done it with the condom or he's like, yeah, but that's not enough.
Speaker: I want you to be like, I think he wants his bulletproof scenario where there's no chance of pregnancy.
Speaker: Because what I'm gathering from all these couples is sorry, I was gonna say, I think they're all
Speaker: I don't like saying pro-life.
Speaker: I think they're all very, very much like we were in this place where we need to, if we have, we have a child, we need to be, you know, if we get pregnant, we need to do the responsible thing.
Speaker: So I think there's some anxiety around that and like feeling not prepared.
Speaker: That's my take on him.
Speaker: I don't,
Speaker: I don't love that he – I agree with you.
Speaker: And I don't love that he requires her to be on birth control.
Speaker: Like that's a woman's choice too.
Speaker: And granted, she's not opposed entirely, but she's expressed like I like my body and it's – we're working.
Speaker: We're working well.
Speaker: Like things are flowing and moving the way they should and things are timely.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't think he's trying to control her.
Speaker: I just think he's like used to, I think he's, again, it's kind of like this little bit of immaturity.
Speaker: Like all the girls I've dated have been on birth control.
Speaker: Like it's not a big deal.
Speaker: And I think she's not every girl.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: And everybody gets to make that choice.
Speaker: So are you concerned they're not having sex?
Speaker: That's just before they get married.
Speaker: Well, I'm concerned.
Speaker: Yeah, I like premarital sex.
Speaker: I'm a big supporter.
Speaker: And number two, I think I just would have concerns because I know how key finances are in a long-term relationship.
Speaker: And I generally would want our listeners to be in a relationship with someone who is relatively non-anxious,
Speaker: around finances and these kinds of things, because it can manifest in so many ways, like neurotic ways down the line.
Speaker: Like he said, we're going to be frugal.
Speaker: Penny pinching or like super anxious about, oh my, we're spending this, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: And yeah, there are people like that.
Speaker: Maybe people who are listening to this are like that.
Speaker: Who knows?
Speaker: But the bottom line is like, I'd rather be with someone who is not neurotic.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The second.
Speaker: No, I agree.
Speaker: Go ahead.
Speaker: Go ahead.
Speaker: No, no, I was in agree.
Speaker: I think when he says like, I want to be retired by the time I'm 50, so we need to be like very frugal.
Speaker: And you could tell her face is like,
Speaker: Like she's like, I can kind of, she's, she's actually very open.
Speaker: And I like her.
Speaker: There's a balance where she's putting her foot down.
Speaker: She's like, I'm not going to go on birth control just because you're uncomfortable with condoms.
Speaker: And then also, but she's like willing to give and be like, oh, I can see myself making some changes financially.
Speaker: So there's, I don't know.
Speaker: I love them.
Speaker: Like there's no perfect couple.
Speaker: I do think he has a lot of anxiety that we're seeing.
Speaker: um and even just i loved i was they were talking about families i loved his his siblings like i just think there's such a sweetness and they're like you deserve love like to him they're just like they're so happy for him and you could tell they're like you deserve good things like bro you like they're just very i just love i love them i don't know why i think they're yeah they're cute they're cute the other couple the other conflict i wanted to bring up that could come up is the dad's blessing and i feel like it's production like are they building it up is
Speaker: Well, I wrote this for you, really.
Speaker: I wrote this question down for you because I thought to myself, if they're not building it up, if they're just not trying to find some angles, whatever, what do you think about
Speaker: her father having that much power.
Speaker: I mean, I... No, I don't like it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's traditional, but I think it's also very... I mean, this is me, the feminist me of... I feel like it's very patriarchal, kind of like I'm giving my daughter to you very traditional in that sense that I don't love and we don't know... I mean, the dad seems supportive and great of her.
Speaker: I'm not saying they have a bad relationship, but he shouldn't dictate who she spends her life with.
Speaker: He should be supportive and give her...
Speaker: words of encouragement and help her, I guess, just, or encourage happiness and her wellbeing and want someone who's, who's great, good for her.
Speaker: But I don't think he should be the, the barrier, like the, the, the, the hurdle or the thing that costs their relationship.
Speaker: Absolutely not.
Speaker: And I just feel like the whole give, you know, like the weddings of giving away, like, I know there's tradition and there's like sentiment in that, but I also feel like
Speaker: I don't, there's something icky about him needing to like give his blessing and approval.
Speaker: That's just in general.
Speaker: I don't love that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, I just, I think it's interesting that she's still, she holds that thought because I, there's also plenty of examples in reality TV because I watch a lot of it around relationships.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There's also plenty of examples like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and these kind of things where we see that they kind of hype up that angle about the father or the mother, you know.
Speaker: And then when it comes down to it, they're very much, you know, the parents, but like, hey, I just want you to be happy.
Speaker: So I'm thinking they're probably playing up a little bit.
Speaker: The other thing I wanted to mention to you and ask you about it, because this idea that the last thing that they said to others, they feel like they've known each other for years.
Speaker: And they were talking about this comfort level and getting to that comfort level so quick.
Speaker: And I'm just openly wondering about what is it
Speaker: that we sometimes feel with somebody in terms of a connection as though we've known them forever.
Speaker: Like, I don't know.
Speaker: I'm not sure what it is.
Speaker: I think it's like, I know, I know I agree where you, where we need to see conflict before he says, I accept all of you, like for that to have as have more meaning.
Speaker: I understand that, but I think it's just feeling accepted and comfortable.
Speaker: And I talked to a lot of people about this with dating because I
Speaker: again, like the anxiety that comes with the game and someone being not available emotionally, we think that's like fireworks or something, like the chemistry or something, like the banter.
Speaker: But I think-
Speaker: that familiarity isn't like boring.
Speaker: It's just feeling like you can just be yourself and you don't have to like explain yourself.
Speaker: You can feel a hundred percent comfortable.
Speaker: You can wake up next to them the next morning without worrying about like putting on makeup, brushing your teeth right away.
Speaker: Like there's this, I don't know.
Speaker: There's something about, I think just feeling accepted and affirmed.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because I've been in situations too where I haven't felt that way, right?
Speaker: And it's, you're just like, and that feels like you're just kind of like this uphill battle constantly and you're, I don't know.
Speaker: I think there's this kind of like just, what do you think?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Yeah, I think there's, well, there's an ease.
Speaker: I think I would agree with you.
Speaker: There's an ease to that.
Speaker: I'll say this, my mother, she's 80 years old now, and she said to me recently that one of the things that she would look for in a guy, because she's dating at this point,
Speaker: Love that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'm 80.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I love this.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And she said, well, to be with someone who brings her peace was like one of the most valued things.
Speaker: So I think there's something about that too, about like maybe also seeing a part of yourself in that person and being like just at peace and at ease with somebody.
Speaker: And I think that is like a really nice thing to look for.
Speaker: You should get your mom on the pod.
Speaker: I'd love to have that.
Speaker: I love her takes on all this.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And just if we're dating someone, to your point, to pay attention to what it feels like to be with a person.
Speaker: If you've been dating for two, three months, four months, and you're not at ease with that person, you're still kind of playing a game or strategizing or whatever, listen to that and what that's telling you for sure.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: Does your mom watch these reality television shows?
Speaker: My mother doesn't watch any reality television shows.
Speaker: Good for her.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: The BBC, like murder mystery things.
Speaker: And she is a connoisseur of romantic novels.
Speaker: She'll read like three romantic novels a day, basically.
Speaker: But reality TV, no.
Speaker: Okay, so we need to make moves because we have things to do.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Chelsea and Jimmy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Chelsea and Jimmy.
Speaker: We didn't see a lot of them in the last three episodes.
Speaker: Did we?
Speaker: We saw some of them.
Speaker: Either that or I just didn't write a lot of things.
Speaker: Wait, okay.
Speaker: So she has her friends over.
Speaker: Do you remember that?
Speaker: Her friends over.
Speaker: Her friends.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So some of the main points is, well, she has her friends over and she's freaking out because all day he has not kissed her once.
Speaker: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Speaker: I want to like her and I feel like there's so much anxious attachment and I'm just, I think he doesn't help the cause.
Speaker: No, I, I, he's not off the hook for me.
Speaker: I mean, he's still on the hook for me.
Speaker: So yeah.
Speaker: I don't, it's not that I like him.
Speaker: Like I don't love him.
Speaker: I think he's fine.
Speaker: Like, I think he's like, whatever.
Speaker: I don't know why I don't hate him.
Speaker: Like you, you would hope I would be more resentful of him and I'm not, I, I don't love him.
Speaker: I think what's hard with him is
Speaker: Okay, so in a previous season, we had... I don't know if you watched it.
Speaker: I don't think you watched this one.
Speaker: Chelsea and Kwame.
Speaker: And production made it seem like he was one foot out the door this whole time.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And when you see them post at the reunion and then just everything, and they did the year that they spent together that was essentially a secret.
Speaker: You see their lives that they built together, and there's a lot of connection.
Speaker: I guess part of me is thinking he is into her.
Speaker: He's not really sure about marriage.
Speaker: He's still thinking about Jess because now we know he's seen Jess's picture and knows she looks like a Kardashian.
Speaker: But I don't think he's not attracted to her.
Speaker: Do you think he's not like this guy?
Speaker: Like he seems like he likes her.
Speaker: You don't do you not see that?
Speaker: Yeah, that's very I don't know.
Speaker: Like I don't want one out of 10, 10 being like just crushing hard.
Speaker: I would put him at like a three.
Speaker: of attraction to her.
Speaker: I don't think- Well, why do I say that?
Speaker: Because if you're engaged to a gorgeous woman who you just like Matt and you're like enthralled by and whatever, you're going to do your work because we find them, they're starting to live with each other.
Speaker: I mean, this is basically what's going on.
Speaker: People are going back to their day-to-day routines and trying to figure it out.
Speaker: which by the way is challenging for a lot of couples to do.
Speaker: But if you're not like actively kissing your fiance and like loving on her, then, and then you're saying that they're clingy because they mentioned that that's not happening.
Speaker: No, I hated that.
Speaker: I hated that.
Speaker: I think that is a problem.
Speaker: That is a huge problem.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And the bigger problem to me, the bigger problem is that every time he goes to apologize, like I'm hard on men in heterosexual relationships because, you know, generationally we've got a lot of work to do.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We've got a lot of work to do.
Speaker: But bottom line is like, he goes and he apologizes.
Speaker: He's the worst apologizer.
Speaker: Like, don't be like him if you're trying to apologize.
Speaker: Well, he goes and he talks about, oh, like, oh yeah, like, I'm validating her, but never actually like takes responsibility for what he did.
Speaker: and never really talks about like why he's like why he's validating or why she would feel that way.
Speaker: Like they're not kissing thing.
Speaker: Like they're laying in bed talking about this again because they still haven't resolved it.
Speaker: They still haven't repaired it.
Speaker: And he still doesn't.
Speaker: And then he goes to say like, oh, you said some things and I said some things.
Speaker: We both heard each other.
Speaker: Never fucking do that.
Speaker: Never do that.
Speaker: If you're apologizing to say this is what I'm sorry for.
Speaker: And do you accept my apology?
Speaker: Do you forgive me?
Speaker: We need you to write an article on anatomy of an apology because I do agree.
Speaker: I agree with you.
Speaker: But I think what's hard is, so I also wrote these down.
Speaker: Like there were, before they left the DR, they're making out in the water.
Speaker: Like you don't think there's any attraction?
Speaker: Like you feel like he's just- No, I said three.
Speaker: I said three out of 10.
Speaker: Because I think when we see him with Jess, because I think that's coming up now.
Speaker: I think I saw a preview of that.
Speaker: I think we're going to see what it looks like for someone to be very attracted to another human being.
Speaker: And I also recognize Leah that I said she was the most attractive person.
Speaker: And I put a poll on Instagram and I asked for people's opinion about this.
Speaker: Who else thinks that Jess is the most attractive cast member?
Speaker: And by the way, all women, you know, basically I only have women followers and all of them are like, fuck her.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: Because because they don't like her attitude and that she basically.
Speaker: Do they say that or this is your interpretation based on the poll?
Speaker: No, no, someone someone.
Speaker: People were DMing me on Insta.
Speaker: You're like, no, no, no humility.
Speaker: I don't like I'm not.
Speaker: You know, so that's the thing.
Speaker: But I think Jess is still the most attractive.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I think A.D.
Speaker: 's up there.
Speaker: And I actually think Brittany is quite beautiful.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: That's fair.
Speaker: That's fair.
Speaker: But yeah.
Speaker: But we were saying that's your type, like not your type, but that's you.
Speaker: That was your personal.
Speaker: I mean, I agree she's beautiful, but she's also that Instagram beautiful that feels like everything's fake.
Speaker: It doesn't feel, I mean, yeah, I have a lot of thoughts on it.
Speaker: There's a look and she's that look.
Speaker: And I feel like I have a hard time with that in general with like the young women of the world and everyone feeling shitty about themselves because you have these
Speaker: people that I think I haven't honestly looked at per account, but it sounds like she's probably an, I haven't either.
Speaker: Just for the record.
Speaker: I haven't either.
Speaker: I don't need to see it.
Speaker: I don't need to see it.
Speaker: Um, but I was going to say, so it's okay.
Speaker: So you're saying it's a three, even though they're making out right.
Speaker: And I'm there are times.
Speaker: So when he, so as I say, so he meets her friends and see, I guess I, I don't like him, but I think there's something about his, my, my dog's drinking water.
Speaker: We can all probably hear that.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: He was sleeping.
Speaker: But I was going to say, I think there's something about her and her insecurity and anxious attachment and just lack of confidence, even though she says she's confident.
Speaker: Like she said that a couple of times where she feels secure in herself.
Speaker: And I'm like, girlfriend, you are not.
Speaker: And I want to shake her because-
Speaker: I think there's this disconnect where she feels like she's like really like so fully aware of herself and her.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: And I know he's playing into her insecurities, but there's something about her that I like.
Speaker: She keeps asking for reassurance and I want her to be like, fuck you.
Speaker: Jimmy, I don't like, you know what I mean?
Speaker: I shouldn't have to be asking you this.
Speaker: Like I want her to be like, I don't feel secure because things don't come naturally.
Speaker: You're not saying these things, these things, unless they're prompted, you're just going through the motions.
Speaker: She's not, she's like, she's just like, it's pining after him and it's so uncomfortable.
Speaker: And I think I probably don't like it because I see lots of people do that.
Speaker: And like, I feel like in my twenties, I did that.
Speaker: And you want to, I just want, I just want so much more for her.
Speaker: Also, something annoyed me.
Speaker: I just wrote this down, too, was like him like making his biting his lip.
Speaker: Like the reason for him not being as affectionate and available to her emotionally.
Speaker: Oh, yes.
Speaker: Now I remember that.
Speaker: The most ridiculous thing ever.
Speaker: I mean, like, come on.
Speaker: You can give a little pecs.
Speaker: You can do a million things to show affection.
Speaker: So stupid.
Speaker: He would have been making out with Jess without his lip.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Another thing, too, I had a question for you and your take.
Speaker: And then we had to move on to A.D.
Speaker: and Clay.
Speaker: But I was going to say, do you what do you feel?
Speaker: I mean.
Speaker: What do you feel about him having two, his only friends were two female friends that he met and only knew for a couple years?
Speaker: Like, do you think it's because his male friends or other friends weren't wanting to be on camera?
Speaker: Like, why does he only have these two female friends that his close or best friends
Speaker: What do you think about that?
Speaker: Well, I mean, I'm not going to make any assumptions about that because I was just actually talking to someone about this recently, someone dating.
Speaker: And the idea that, you know, men, it's difficult for men to make friendships.
Speaker: We have a tough time with that.
Speaker: And if it's the case that we have been successful,
Speaker: in connecting with women and it's like, we can be more vulnerable and all these other things.
Speaker: There are elements to that.
Speaker: So it could be that.
Speaker: It could be that.
Speaker: It could be that they didn't want to be on camera.
Speaker: But they asked the question, as you mentioned, they asked the question to her, the friends, like, what do you think about him having, you know, women friends?
Speaker: And I think she was like, I'm cool with that in general.
Speaker: But also she was a little freaked out because of unfaithfulness in her past.
Speaker: I certainly think it's fine.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: I think there is, you know, don't be friends with someone you've been sexually active or, or romantically attached to or anything like that.
Speaker: That's, that's a no, no, but in general, it's okay.
Speaker: Was that metals of water?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Like it just, it, it doesn't, there's, yeah, it's not, it's not a recipe for, or it's a recipe for a disaster.
Speaker: It doesn't make my dog is just causing a nuisance right now.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I can't hear anything.
Speaker: Okay, good.
Speaker: So,
Speaker: My other thought I was asking you just when we wrap up Chelsea and Jimmy is do you feel like, well, so you're, so when we see the clips of them being on, like, do you think he's just saying this?
Speaker: Like, I guess I just hate the idea of someone saying this for this, for the sake of saying it, like saying all these things, like she's the one I found an incredible partner through Chelsea.
Speaker: I am going to, I'm just like disgusted by that.
Speaker: I know it's reality television.
Speaker: Like I have to take everything for with a grain of salt, but I think that's disturbing.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: No, I do too.
Speaker: And I think the point is like when you have someone who is socially skillful, they know how to maintain connection, which he does.
Speaker: It's as if he is kind of just kind of speaking from a script.
Speaker: Again, because again, there's like some kind of disconnect for me at least between the intensity and the depth of his feeling for her.
Speaker: Like it doesn't really come through.
Speaker: It does kind of seem a little scripted to me still.
Speaker: I don't think, I still am going to say I'm not seeing them get married at the end of this episode.
Speaker: And by the way, I think we're doing pretty good.
Speaker: Our predictions are doing pretty good so far because they have previewed who actually gets to the wedding, walks down the aisle.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: Well, I actually think that,
Speaker: I think Chelsea's in a gown, but I don't think she's at the aisle.
Speaker: I think that's in the shop because they do the whole shop scene.
Speaker: I don't think she's walking.
Speaker: I don't think she's- Yeah, no, I haven't seen- Yeah, I haven't seen that either.
Speaker: Oh, because they do show her in a veil, like getting ready and emotional.
Speaker: Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker: I think that's a scene from the- Like when they all go to the bridal shop.
Speaker: I don't think- Because I was like, that's bullshit.
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: Like if she-
Speaker: I mean, anyways, okay.
Speaker: I need to talk to you about this couple.
Speaker: Last but not least.
Speaker: AD and Clay, are you still Team Clay?
Speaker: Are you still Team Clay?
Speaker: I'm going to be a diehard.
Speaker: I'm going to stick with him because I think he's someone who listens to his mother.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: He takes his mother's advice and his mother had amazing advice for him.
Speaker: Yeah, so we're talking about the scene where they're at the restaurant and they're 80s meeting Clay's mom and sister.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And who are lovely.
Speaker: And it seems like mom was married for at least 23 or 24 years or something like that before getting a divorce with Clay's dad.
Speaker: I and mom just basically says, like, listen, when it comes to relationships, you just got to make the time you've got to prioritize a relationship.
Speaker: You got to invest in each other.
Speaker: And I think he like was listening to that.
Speaker: Again, I think he is receptive.
Speaker: to correction.
Speaker: It's like a child or a dog.
Speaker: Honestly, when you talk about, like, we're like, he responds well to the feedback and to the behavior adjustment, right?
Speaker: Like, I feel like there's- Yeah, openness.
Speaker: But openness is like key.
Speaker: Openness to change is like one of the most major things you want to look for in a future partner.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But he's, and again, I don't, I wish I felt, I guess,
Speaker: I guess the difference between him, he's not faking the funk maybe like Jimmy is.
Speaker: I guess he's just not feeding war just for the sake of trying to appease her.
Speaker: He's actually being truthful about his conflicting feelings.
Speaker: But he just continues to be hot and cold.
Speaker: And that...
Speaker: Well, let me ask you about this.
Speaker: Let me ask you about this cold thing, because maybe this is how you interpret it.
Speaker: When they're sitting at the beach across from each other at that table, the beautiful oceans in front of them, and there's just all of this silence that we were mentioning this early.
Speaker: I was interpreting that as like disinterest.
Speaker: that he was just super quiet and maybe disinterested.
Speaker: But is that what, when you say cold, what is it that you're referring to?
Speaker: Oh, I meant hot and cold, just like, I feel like he's excited and he like, is like really thrilled to be with this beautiful woman.
Speaker: And like, he's like kind of like overcome with just like all the possibilities.
Speaker: And then cold meaning just, he gets, I don't think it's like cold, like he's cold towards her.
Speaker: I think it's just this hot and cold constantly.
Speaker: I don't think he's consistent.
Speaker: I think he's, I think he likes, he, I wrote this down too.
Speaker: he says, we're going to be a great couple, iconic.
Speaker: I feel like he's stuck on this fantasy version of what they could be.
Speaker: He's attracted to her.
Speaker: He likes a lot of her qualities.
Speaker: There is compatibility.
Speaker: I think he's like, we're good looking together.
Speaker: There's this fantasy of what they could be.
Speaker: And I think there's just something that's just not adding up where he's just like,
Speaker: So excited and like, but also like fixated on what they, being the best of the couple.
Speaker: What I don't love about two is like throughout this season, they're like, who's, I think we're the strongest couple.
Speaker: They all say this.
Speaker: They're like, I think we have the best connection.
Speaker: Frickin' Jimmy is like telling everyone we're perfect.
Speaker: There's nothing.
Speaker: Do you remember?
Speaker: I think that's maybe why.
Speaker: I do remember that.
Speaker: I think maybe Jimmy's like, I'm getting played by Jimmy because I feel like he keeps saying these things and I'm like, maybe we're just not seeing it.
Speaker: Maybe he really does like fight or so.
Speaker: Like, I don't know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But I think with Clay, it's just constantly there's a back and forth where, and again, I think it's anxiety.
Speaker: I think he's maybe not ready to settle down.
Speaker: Like he wants to, like, I think he sees the beauty in a committed relationship.
Speaker: I also think he's
Speaker: maybe not ready.
Speaker: Like he's like, he keeps talking about maybe like cheating.
Speaker: Like we see in previews where he's like worried about cheating.
Speaker: And I don't know, there's just kind of this restlessness in him that makes me feel like he's not ready.
Speaker: And I don't love, I love AD.
Speaker: And I just, again, I've just loved her this whole time.
Speaker: And I feel like there's this like, I don't think he's intentionally jerking her around.
Speaker: I just don't want her to be jerked around.
Speaker: I'm protective of her.
Speaker: I don't know why.
Speaker: I just love her.
Speaker: And I think, I guess my question is, does he really want it?
Speaker: Like, does he really want this?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: And I, I didn't like how he spoke to her in front of his mom.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, this is, this is one of the things I want to say is like, what is it?
Speaker: And we can think about this to anybody who's in a relationship or has been like, what is it that we show or like, how do we show up around the people that love us most?
Speaker: And I would suggest that if like, we're on our best behavior, we're typically on our best behavior when we're in front of other people with our partner.
Speaker: And if
Speaker: Shit is unraveling in that scenario.
Speaker: Like, I don't know.
Speaker: What is your problem then?
Speaker: Or what is the problem?
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Whoa, whoa.
Speaker: But I want to go back to this question about the silence because, again, they're going back.
Speaker: I was perturbed by it.
Speaker: No, this is good.
Speaker: This is good.
Speaker: I was perturbed by it because I think –
Speaker: It was interesting.
Speaker: I was in the jacuzzi the other night with a friend here in Venice Beach.
Speaker: And she said to me, what is it that you still want to come to know about the person you're dating?
Speaker: And I said, I don't know, like 99% of her existence.
Speaker: Like, you know, we've just been dating for a few months.
Speaker: So there's like so much to get to know about that person and her.
Speaker: And in the same vein, like there's the fact that there was not, it seems a genuine curiosity or like a consistent curiosity and like open questions and whatever from him to her or vice versa, that does make me a little bit worried, even though generally speaking, uh,
Speaker: Men, I think historically and generally just like, I don't know, we just don't have a lot of practice asking clarifying questions and like deepening questions.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: And we just don't know how to do that.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And I think what he's shared multiple times, his dad was a cheater.
Speaker: His dad like has this like this.
Speaker: it sounds like is like kind of this traditional male, this masculine, right?
Speaker: Like, so there's a lot of like, it's nature versus nurture.
Speaker: And I think a lot of it's nurture, especially for like, I agree.
Speaker: Do you believe a lot of this comes from not having the practice or like this, not having the role modeling.
Speaker: And I do think that we need to give people the benefit of the doubt and allow them time and space to grow.
Speaker: But you have to want it.
Speaker: And this is where I don't know if Clay is really ready to,
Speaker: make lasting changes.
Speaker: I hope he is.
Speaker: I hope he is because I think I remember seeing them up on the altar.
Speaker: So yeah, I, I, I can, I can picture it.
Speaker: It's going to be a lot of work.
Speaker: They're going to, they're going to take, it's going to take a lot of work.
Speaker: They should see you.
Speaker: They should, they should come in.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, this is fun.
Speaker: I'm excited for our next
Speaker: I know it's going to get really spicy.
Speaker: I know we have Jessica coming back into the picture.
Speaker: We have Trevor coming back into the picture.
Speaker: I'm most curious.
Speaker: I think we're all most curious about that.
Speaker: I want to see how Jeremy and Laura like, do are they done when she says I'm out or are they going to try to like, I don't know, who knows, but I'm excited.
Speaker: Till next time.
