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LOVE IS BLIND S6 Ep 7-9: The “Crave,” Antagonistic Relationships, and Finding “Peace” in a Partner
109 Plays2 years ago
Unlock the drama, passion, and surprises of Love is Blind with our exclusive podcast recap of episodes 7-9! Join us as we discuss the downfall of Jimmy and Laura and the statuses of our other 4 couples. Don’t miss out on the ultimate companion to your favorite show – tune in now and let the love stories unfold in your ears! #LoveIsBlind #PodcastRecap #LoveStoryUnveiled
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Transcript
Introduction to Blind Love Skeptics
00:00:07
Speaker
Welcome to Blind Love Skeptics, where we dissect the highs, the lows, and the downright jaw-dropping moments of Love is Blind.
00:00:14
Speaker
I'm your host, Leah.
00:00:16
Speaker
I'm Dr. Greg.
00:00:17
Speaker
Buckle up, because we're about to dive deep into the roller coaster of emotions of Love is Blind Season 6.
Kenneth and Brittany: Relationship Dynamics
00:00:24
Speaker
Where do you want to start today, Dr. Greg?
00:00:26
Speaker
I mean, there are so many nuggets that we can learn about dysfunctional, but also healthy relationships.
00:00:32
Speaker
Lots of places to start.
00:00:33
Speaker
This week, or these episodes, these chunk episodes, we finally get to see these folks interacting with their family members.
00:00:42
Speaker
So I think there's a lot there, but let's, let's start with the shocker in my view, which is Kenneth and Brittany, because just last episode, Leah, we were talking about how, which ones were going to survive.
00:00:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:55
Speaker
And I had said, I thought that they were like maybe the second ones, the healthiest couple.
00:01:01
Speaker
And I, and I was wrong.
00:01:03
Speaker
I was wrong.
00:01:04
Speaker
I think on paper, like I said, I think they align on everything, right?
00:01:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:10
Speaker
But no, the thing that strikes me about them, and I know that you created some content on your Instagram about this, so folks should go check that out.
00:01:18
Speaker
But...
00:01:19
Speaker
You know, they went, there was no explanation.
00:01:22
Speaker
It was very shocking.
00:01:23
Speaker
We were, one moment we were watching them on a, on a boat talk about intimacy and- But also were they talking on the boat?
00:01:31
Speaker
There was no talking on the boat.
00:01:33
Speaker
There was, there was very little talking, but the talking that they captured,
00:01:36
Speaker
was about Kenneth saying that he thought he was like super, super in men, like overly touchy feely and whatever.
00:01:43
Speaker
And she was basically bidding for touch in that moment.
00:01:47
Speaker
And I think we started talking about this last time, but then it all comes to fruition.
00:01:50
Speaker
So if you just watch these episodes and you know, they're sitting in the kitchen, these two are sitting in the kitchen and she finally says to him, like, I don't have the crave.
00:02:01
Speaker
That's how she talked about the crave.
00:02:04
Speaker
And the crave, by the way, Dr. Gregg believes is essential in the first like three dates that you have a little bit, a little bit of the crave.
00:02:12
Speaker
And she was, I think that was the first time really she was disclosing to him that she was, she really wasn't kind of feeling it.
Production Influence on Relationships?
00:02:20
Speaker
And the shocking thing, and I didn't actually, I want to get your take on this because the shocking thing to me was the pivot for him was,
00:02:29
Speaker
I don't know if it was defensive or what it was, but he just pivoted so quickly.
00:02:33
Speaker
There was no conversation about, oh, wait, you're not feeling that with me?
00:02:39
Speaker
What can I be doing differently?
00:02:41
Speaker
It just went to, okay, peace out, pop the smoke, and he's out.
00:02:45
Speaker
This is where I do wonder, I'm like, is it production versus like, was there more that we don't, I'm sure there's a lot more because they're living together, right?
00:02:54
Speaker
They're cohabitating.
00:02:55
Speaker
And so they're spending and they kind of touch on it.
00:02:56
Speaker
Like they talk about the evening before, right?
00:03:00
Speaker
Was it the evening before where he came home late and he tried to wake her up and was trying to maybe be flirty or
00:03:05
Speaker
Touchy.
00:03:06
Speaker
I don't know.
00:03:06
Speaker
But she was saying I was asleep and I have to wake up at 530.
00:03:10
Speaker
And I thought that was fair.
00:03:12
Speaker
But there's a lot that I don't think we know about.
00:03:14
Speaker
But I will say, so since the DR, I noticed after the conversation with AD, there was a little bit of a switch with him.
00:03:25
Speaker
And maybe he started really thinking about what we've talked about with the long-term issues.
00:03:33
Speaker
Interracial.
00:03:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:35
Speaker
Interracial.
00:03:35
Speaker
Interracial.
00:03:36
Speaker
Yes.
00:03:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:37
Speaker
Issues or things that can come up that are going to be
Brittany's Communication Style
00:03:40
Speaker
difficult to navigate, that are not ideal, that are challenging.
00:03:43
Speaker
So I don't know, because remember we were talking about him pulling up this huge bench for her to sit, and then he just completely shuts down and becomes so kind of cold with her.
00:03:55
Speaker
And she's trying so hard.
00:03:56
Speaker
And what I love about her, and I was going to say, she's very secure.
00:03:59
Speaker
I think she has a secure attachment.
00:04:01
Speaker
I think generally she is secure in
Kenneth's Communication Challenges
00:04:03
Speaker
herself.
00:04:03
Speaker
She knows what she wants.
00:04:05
Speaker
She knows what she deserves.
00:04:06
Speaker
And so she was trying to communicate, you know, earlier on the boat, like she needs more touch and she likes to touch him and she wants him to touch her and she's being so communicative and he's just like...
00:04:18
Speaker
minimal response and there's just something that just like i think shifted and or it could be he doesn't feel a crave and he's just not into it and that's also fair but i wish he would fucking communicate that which that's the thing i wrote that or i was speaking to on social media i'm like he can have he has every right to not be into it but then he needs to communicate it because he puts it on he puts it back on her and this is where i hate i didn't use the term gaslighting because i think it's overused but it felt a little gaslighty
00:04:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:48
Speaker
Well, the bottom line is that the, and again, we might not have seen everything.
00:04:51
Speaker
This is our disclaimer is like professionals that we may not have all the data.
00:04:56
Speaker
Right.
00:04:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:57
Speaker
But no, I, I, I think he, I think he, I said this to you in our last episode that there really wasn't a spark there that I could see.
00:05:06
Speaker
And I don't think he actually had the crave.
00:05:09
Speaker
So what was, what's that about?
00:05:11
Speaker
It's like a, it's sort of like an, it's just like an easy,
00:05:14
Speaker
non-courageous way out is just to be like, oh, it's on, it's on you.
00:05:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:18
Speaker
You don't find me attractive.
Jeremy and Laura: Critical Dynamics
00:05:20
Speaker
Never do that.
00:05:20
Speaker
No, don't, don't find a way to blame your partner for the things that are not going well in the relationship.
00:05:26
Speaker
Look for what is it that we can be doing like to try to address this, whatever that is.
00:05:31
Speaker
Either build a crave or I, I'm honest and I share, Hey, I don't, I don't see this being long-term or I don't see myself having a crave for you.
00:05:40
Speaker
I don't think it's there.
00:05:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:41
Speaker
And it doesn't – the crave, you know, it is very much an organic thing in my view.
00:05:47
Speaker
But it's also – it doesn't occur in a vacuum.
00:05:49
Speaker
Like if you have a little bit of a crave and there's lots of touch and sensuality and passion, then that is going to grow, obviously.
00:05:57
Speaker
But there was none of that.
00:05:58
Speaker
So he –
00:06:00
Speaker
Bad on him.
00:06:01
Speaker
Bad on him.
00:06:02
Speaker
I was disappointed in him, especially because he was all talk.
00:06:05
Speaker
You know, when we first meet him in the pods, which was kind of late in the pods, he's like, I'm 25.
00:06:10
Speaker
And people say like, you're not ready for marriage.
00:06:12
Speaker
And I'm like, I know what I want.
00:06:14
Speaker
I'm ready for marriage.
00:06:15
Speaker
And just talking the talk and very little consistency.
00:06:22
Speaker
Like there are, yeah, his actions did not reflect everything he's been saying to everyone else.
00:06:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:28
Speaker
And the other thing I'm going to say, cause there was silence in this, I think silence came up in a couple of the, actually it came up with a clay and AD as well.
00:06:36
Speaker
I wanted to talk about, and I, cause I was just mentioning this to one of my clients recently.
00:06:40
Speaker
I think it's totally okay.
00:06:41
Speaker
And actually we should get comfortable with silences.
00:06:44
Speaker
If we're going to be in a long-term committed relationship, but like, we're going to be doing other things with each other in the same space.
00:06:49
Speaker
And like, that's all, but at the very beginning of a relationship, when there's like long periods of silence and we're on our phones and these kinds of things,
00:06:56
Speaker
We're just, it's like a breeding ground for disconnection.
00:06:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:59
Speaker
So don't do that.
00:07:00
Speaker
Don't do silence.
00:07:02
Speaker
Give it your best effort at the front end, like in at least the first, you know, two, three months of a relationship.
00:07:08
Speaker
Like you don't want to be like, oh no, we're so comfortable that we can just be silent or not really put the effort in.
00:07:14
Speaker
Don't do that.
Family Influence on Relationships
00:07:15
Speaker
I agree.
00:07:16
Speaker
One last thing I want to say too, just giving Brittany more credit, because I just adore her.
00:07:20
Speaker
She's like the most mature 24-year-old woman I've ever met.
00:07:23
Speaker
Like she asked him all these great questions, like prompting him to give her feedback so she could maybe change or do something.
00:07:31
Speaker
Like she said, I wrote this down, I don't know which episode, but what would good love look like?
00:07:36
Speaker
Like, what does that look?
00:07:37
Speaker
She was looking, she was trying to be like, what does this look like to you?
00:07:40
Speaker
What she's like, you know,
00:07:43
Speaker
do you like it when I touch you?
00:07:45
Speaker
She was very communicative and sometimes, and I talk to clients about this too.
00:07:50
Speaker
Again, I don't do couples work, but we talk about, oftentimes we make assumptions about what our partner's doing and we, or we think they can read our minds and know if we're being short that we're upset with them, or if we are not talking, they should know what's going on and they don't.
00:08:06
Speaker
And so
00:08:07
Speaker
I just think she's a perfect example of how to ask questions that are open-ended and get a sense of where your partner's at.
00:08:15
Speaker
And in dating too, in the beginning stages, these are great questions because you don't have to commit right away.
00:08:20
Speaker
I talk to my friends, my clients about this all the time is you can like use dating is dating for a reason.
00:08:26
Speaker
So these are the questions to ask.
00:08:28
Speaker
And if someone gets weirded out by you saying like, do you like it when I touch you?
00:08:32
Speaker
Or what is good?
00:08:32
Speaker
Like, you know, what does good love look like to you?
00:08:35
Speaker
you know, whatever I'm sensing distance and they get weird, that tells me they're not in a great space.
Criticism and Antagonism in Family Culture
00:08:40
Speaker
So I think people are afraid to ask these questions, but it's so important to sustain a relationship.
00:08:44
Speaker
So you know what's going on and you're not making assumptions because we can, in our own minds, create the worst case scenario or just like start then doing things we think they might like or be receptive to.
00:08:55
Speaker
And oftentimes we're off, especially in a new relationship because they essentially are new.
00:08:59
Speaker
Like this is a brand new relationship, even though they're engaged.
00:09:02
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:09:03
Speaker
100% new.
00:09:03
Speaker
And so, yeah.
00:09:04
Speaker
So we can create our own narratives, like you're saying.
00:09:06
Speaker
Let's not do that.
00:09:07
Speaker
The other thing I'll say about Brittany, just as we're giving her a lot of credit right now, apparently, she's gentle.
00:09:13
Speaker
She's gentle in everything that she's raising.
00:09:15
Speaker
There's nothing critical about what she does, which is the complete opposite of Jeremy and Laura, for instance.
00:09:23
Speaker
Oh, good.
00:09:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:24
Speaker
So where are we going to next?
00:09:25
Speaker
Let's do Jeremy and Laura.
00:09:27
Speaker
Let's do that.
00:09:28
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:09:29
Speaker
You want to kick us off?
00:09:31
Speaker
Ah.
00:09:32
Speaker
Okay.
00:09:34
Speaker
So I wrote down a few things because you know, you got to the end, right?
00:09:39
Speaker
We know that they're done.
00:09:40
Speaker
I think.
00:09:41
Speaker
Are they done?
00:09:42
Speaker
She says, I want out.
00:09:43
Speaker
You don't think they're done?
00:09:44
Speaker
Oh, that was the last thing I heard her say too.
00:09:46
Speaker
So we don't know, I guess.
00:09:47
Speaker
We don't know they're done.
00:09:49
Speaker
They're pretty, they're pretty toasty right now though.
00:09:51
Speaker
It seems to me it's pretty, but yeah.
00:09:53
Speaker
I don't think they like each other.
00:09:54
Speaker
Like, I think, I think we've said it from the beginning.
00:09:56
Speaker
There just seems like there's a disdain and just dislike, just like a,
00:10:03
Speaker
And not hate, but I'm like, it's inching there.
00:10:06
Speaker
Well, it's the thing that strikes me about their dynamic.
00:10:09
Speaker
She says this one line, and I'm going to, if we remember this scene, you'll remember her saying this.
00:10:17
Speaker
She says, if you come for me, I'm coming for you.
00:10:19
Speaker
It's like, that is the nature of their dynamic.
00:10:24
Speaker
It's really critical.
00:10:25
Speaker
Yes, a very kind of critical.
00:10:27
Speaker
And the mother, when the mother's there and they're all watching, the father's not surprised, by the way.
00:10:33
Speaker
The father's not surprised at all.
00:10:35
Speaker
And he's like, yo, if you give my daughter an end, she's going to take and she's just going to walk all over you.
00:10:41
Speaker
And so she so there's something about her personality.
00:10:44
Speaker
Right.
00:10:44
Speaker
Right.
00:10:45
Speaker
But but bottom line, they aren't.
00:10:48
Speaker
You're harsh.
00:10:49
Speaker
Like you're
Infidelity and Communication in Jeremy and Laura's Relationship
00:10:50
Speaker
harsh with one another.
00:10:51
Speaker
And that is the opposite of what we want.
00:10:53
Speaker
Like, we want to be gentle with one another, right?
00:10:55
Speaker
Their harshness, though, I wonder, and I have this question for you.
00:11:00
Speaker
I think there's like a lot of relationships out there and a lot of like home environments where criticalness and complaining and like antagonizing is the only way that people –
00:11:13
Speaker
know how to connect with one.
00:11:15
Speaker
Like it's a culture in the family.
00:11:18
Speaker
I agree.
00:11:18
Speaker
Yeah, I kind of grew up in, to be honest with you, I kind of grew up in an environment where like that was, and I still see it in like family relationships, where there's just like a lot, there's like antagonism.
00:11:31
Speaker
Like that's the go-to versus like, let's talk about what we're grateful for, like what's beautiful, what's awesome happening right now.
00:11:37
Speaker
What I love about you.
00:11:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:39
Speaker
And it's like, that's the thing to go to.
00:11:42
Speaker
It's like easier to do that.
00:11:43
Speaker
I don't know.
00:11:44
Speaker
Well, and it's funny.
00:11:45
Speaker
One of my friends in high school, I remember her family ragged on each other.
00:11:49
Speaker
That was like what they did all the time.
00:11:52
Speaker
And they ragged on me.
00:11:52
Speaker
And I remember I'm a sensitive person.
00:11:54
Speaker
And, you know, my family would poke fun at each other, kind of.
00:11:57
Speaker
Also, my family's...
00:12:00
Speaker
is the exception.
00:12:01
Speaker
They're social workers.
00:12:02
Speaker
So it's very lovey touchy.
00:12:03
Speaker
It's not perfect by any means, but it's very affirming and very validating.
00:12:07
Speaker
And I remember going to this friend's house and being like picked on by their family, but that's how they related.
00:12:12
Speaker
It was like the competitiveness in games, it got really heated, but sometimes not in a playful way.
00:12:19
Speaker
It became just very intense.
00:12:23
Speaker
And I do think we seek
00:12:25
Speaker
that same those qualities in our partner that just because it's familiar to us so we we tend to see what's familiar because we know how to navigate it not because we think it's best for us we're like oh i know how to i know how to you know be an asshole so i can yes i can i can do this dance with jeremy where you know he is ragging on me i'm ragging on him i tell him you know he looks like he tells me what i don't know but it's just like he didn't say that but i mean i think i think you're right i think we tend to mimic our our family dynamics and our
00:12:54
Speaker
our parents' relationships in our own romantic relationships.
00:12:59
Speaker
And one thing I – again, I don't love either of them, and I'm not like a team Laura, team Jeremy.
00:13:06
Speaker
But something about her, which kind of reminded me of last season with that blonde girl I can't remember, Stacey.
00:13:10
Speaker
She –
00:13:14
Speaker
would fixate on things that are so insignificant.
00:13:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:18
Speaker
And I mean, she told it to her family.
00:13:19
Speaker
There was an awareness of it, but the Hawaiian shirts, I'm like, let him wear his Hawaiian shirts.
00:13:23
Speaker
If that's the only thing.
00:13:25
Speaker
Well, I don't think she has much to say about why she's in a relationship with him or why they're together.
00:13:31
Speaker
You and I talked about this.
00:13:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:33
Speaker
So she like grabs onto these insignificant things and making a bigger deal out of it than, than it actually is.
00:13:38
Speaker
I think.
00:13:39
Speaker
Right, because if she was like head over heels or really like excited, she probably wouldn't care about his Hawaiian shirts.
00:13:45
Speaker
Or that it's a turn off or something like that.
00:13:47
Speaker
That's like, what?
00:13:48
Speaker
Like, come on.
00:13:48
Speaker
But I liked what her sister was saying, right?
00:13:50
Speaker
Like, similarly to her sister.
00:13:52
Speaker
Her sister kind of had this accepting, like, we're showing up as we are.
00:13:55
Speaker
Like, let's just let each other be.
00:13:57
Speaker
And Laura was not happy.
00:14:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:01
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:14:01
Speaker
But also we can't, well, we're definitely not going to take Jeremy off the hook because we obviously see sort of kind of where this is going, that distance, that disconnection, that criticalness.
00:14:14
Speaker
And then on the other hand, what is it, Sarah?
00:14:16
Speaker
Is it Sarah?
00:14:17
Speaker
Sarah Ann.
00:14:18
Speaker
Sarah Ann, who seems very gentle and lovey-dovey and cute and whatever.
00:14:23
Speaker
But you're not allowed to do that.
00:14:27
Speaker
You're not allowed.
00:14:28
Speaker
And if you know what we're talking about, they're sitting in the living room and they're talking about the fact that Jeremy had stayed out until five o'clock in the morning, hanging out in the parking lot, quote unquote, I don't know, with Sarah Ann talking about how she was upset for not being with him.
00:14:47
Speaker
And then he and then she asked and then Laura asked, like, what?
00:14:51
Speaker
Like for clarity about where were you?
00:14:52
Speaker
Whatever.
00:14:54
Speaker
And he lies, apparently lies after showing his location with her.
00:14:59
Speaker
So, I mean, the guy's checked out.
00:15:02
Speaker
Yeah, that's kind of checked out.
00:15:03
Speaker
He's seen in episode eight or nine, whatever that last one was.
00:15:06
Speaker
I don't love him either.
00:15:07
Speaker
Again, like nothing he did was right.
00:15:09
Speaker
But I also feel like he's just been beaten down.
00:15:11
Speaker
He's like, well, like, and I'm, again, I don't not advocate for cheating.
00:15:16
Speaker
I've never done it myself.
00:15:17
Speaker
I don't think it's the answer.
00:15:18
Speaker
But I think sometimes, oftentimes cheating is just a symptom of something deeper, right?
00:15:23
Speaker
And if he's feeling beat down, he's like...
00:15:26
Speaker
She hates my guts.
00:15:27
Speaker
He's like, this person is like, is fiending for me.
00:15:30
Speaker
Like this person, Sarah Ann's like DMing me and like, is putting herself out there.
00:15:36
Speaker
She's meeting me at lost and found, whatever that is.
00:15:39
Speaker
She's like,
Amy and Johnny: Loving Interactions
00:15:40
Speaker
she's, I don't know.
00:15:41
Speaker
I was, I was confused by everything he was saying.
00:15:43
Speaker
Nothing really made sense.
00:15:44
Speaker
And he was like,
00:15:46
Speaker
He was down in her neck of the woods, but like, he was like, I don't know.
00:15:49
Speaker
It doesn't matter.
00:15:50
Speaker
He lied and he did something shady and that wasn't cool.
00:15:52
Speaker
But I think it was a symptom of everything else.
00:15:54
Speaker
I think he wouldn't have done that.
00:15:56
Speaker
Well, I don't know.
00:15:57
Speaker
Maybe he would.
00:15:57
Speaker
I don't know him, obviously.
00:15:58
Speaker
But like, I think there was something there's just, it's obviously not working.
00:16:01
Speaker
They're not gelling him and Laura.
00:16:03
Speaker
There's nothing that will sustain these two.
00:16:06
Speaker
Even if she's, she said I'm out at the end of this episode.
00:16:09
Speaker
I don't know if she's really out.
00:16:11
Speaker
I don't know.
00:16:12
Speaker
No, I think there's going to definitely be some more drama with those two.
00:16:17
Speaker
I mean, I think we'll have them for at least one more episode.
00:16:19
Speaker
I have a question for you, though, because I feel like lots of people have been in this situation and I've talked to clients about people DMing or getting a text from an ex.
00:16:28
Speaker
Yes.
00:16:30
Speaker
Do we think he shouldn't have even double tapped it?
00:16:33
Speaker
The like thing.
00:16:34
Speaker
Well, I mean, I'm very careful with the emotional infidelity thing.
00:16:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:39
Speaker
So I'm a little like hyper vigilant about that.
00:16:42
Speaker
And I know colleagues are a little more loosey goosey around
Financial Concerns and Relationship Decisions
00:16:45
Speaker
that stuff, but I don't like, first of all, I'm not going to make a big deal out of a like, which is,
00:16:51
Speaker
comes out as a heart on Instagram, right?
00:16:54
Speaker
It's, but it's technically like, cause I've liked your messages and it's not like, it's really just that.
00:16:59
Speaker
I'll see you then.
00:17:00
Speaker
We're just acknowledging.
00:17:01
Speaker
Yes.
00:17:02
Speaker
Reddit.
00:17:03
Speaker
Yes.
00:17:04
Speaker
So I think it can be totally platonic, but those two, I think for, for him, it was good that he like communicated right off the bat, like, yo, Sarah and reached out to me.
00:17:15
Speaker
Just want to let you know.
00:17:16
Speaker
But she has the ultimate point, which is like, you didn't shut it down.
00:17:20
Speaker
Like you could have, you could have shut it down.
00:17:21
Speaker
You could have, oh, Sarah Ann's going to be there.
00:17:23
Speaker
Ooh, let me limit my amount of time that I'm talking to her.
00:17:26
Speaker
Right.
00:17:27
Speaker
Let me tell my fiance, oh yeah, she was there and I shut it down.
00:17:31
Speaker
Like that's the path.
00:17:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:34
Speaker
But the problem is I think he wants to shut it down with Laura.
00:17:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:38
Speaker
He's like, let's just nail.
00:17:39
Speaker
And he just has to do it.
00:17:40
Speaker
Put the nail on the coffin.
00:17:42
Speaker
Yeah, I know.
00:17:44
Speaker
It's like the coward's way out, I think.
00:17:45
Speaker
He's like, let her hate me.
00:17:47
Speaker
I'm just going to.
00:17:47
Speaker
Yes, you're right.
00:17:48
Speaker
Yeah, you're right.
00:17:49
Speaker
I don't know.
00:17:50
Speaker
Sabotaging their own situation.
00:17:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:52
Speaker
They could just, neither of them have the capacity to communicate like adults and just be like, hey, this isn't, we're not vibing, this isn't working.
00:17:59
Speaker
Oh my God, wait, I gotta call you out on the adult thing real quick.
00:18:03
Speaker
Well, I actually wrote it down because I really didn't, and this is something that Laura said, so don't be a Laura.
00:18:11
Speaker
No, Laura says they were talking about deal breakers and Laura says something like leaving hair in the sink, the lights on in the house, blah, blah.
00:18:20
Speaker
And they're like, oh, we can do that.
00:18:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:21
Speaker
She's like, yeah, just act like an adult.
00:18:24
Speaker
OK.
00:18:25
Speaker
What I don't like about that is because is the idea of like there is one way to be an adult like that.
00:18:31
Speaker
Oh, I agree.
00:18:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:31
Speaker
So.
00:18:34
Speaker
that's kind of i'll get a little i agree i guess no i agree with that and i think she's just they're fixated on the things that don't really matter to be honest like i think cleanliness and lifestyle like sharing that is important if like it's going to be really hard if one person's a slob and the other person is leaves their place immaculate like jeremy who it looks like it's a fucking staged it's
00:18:56
Speaker
It must have been staged.
00:18:57
Speaker
Like even the dishes remind me of like an Airbnb when you go and it's like, it just was so strange.
00:19:03
Speaker
But either way, no, I agree with you.
00:19:04
Speaker
I don't think, I think just maturity is what I should have said.
00:19:07
Speaker
Like they need to be, they don't, they lack maturity.
00:19:10
Speaker
They can't communicate like mature people.
00:19:13
Speaker
Yes, yes.
00:19:13
Speaker
And kind of similar again to-
00:19:16
Speaker
to kind of if he could just communicate where he's at and that it is not working for him, I would have been okay with that.
00:19:22
Speaker
Like he handled it poorly, but I would have been like, kudos, man.
00:19:25
Speaker
Like good.
00:19:26
Speaker
Like I think I always talk about this too in my practice is
00:19:31
Speaker
I think it's better to have difficult conversations and be direct than fade away or ghost or just like let... That's not cool because it just leaves things open for interpretation.
00:19:41
Speaker
You're dragging things out.
00:19:43
Speaker
It's just not.
00:19:43
Speaker
And so I just think if... I don't know.
00:19:45
Speaker
But I don't think Laura and Jeremy have the capacity.
00:19:47
Speaker
So there's that.
00:19:49
Speaker
We'll see how long they last.
00:19:51
Speaker
Okay.
00:19:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:53
Speaker
All right.
00:19:54
Speaker
Let's go to...
00:19:56
Speaker
Amy and Johnny, because I don't have a whole lot to say about them because it's the kind of- Amy and Johnny.
00:20:01
Speaker
I just still love them.
00:20:02
Speaker
I also really get, I feel very uncomfortable watching him dance, but that's beside the point.
00:20:10
Speaker
Shaken is, yeah, he doesn't have, what is it, bachata where they're trying to pull off some bachata?
00:20:15
Speaker
I don't think he has any rhythm.
00:20:16
Speaker
I don't think he can.
00:20:17
Speaker
Why do they, I mean- These white boys.
00:20:19
Speaker
I know, but I will say she adores him either way, which I thought was sweet.
00:20:23
Speaker
Because when you love someone, you don't care if they have zero rhythm, right?
00:20:27
Speaker
I don't know.
00:20:28
Speaker
I might.
00:20:29
Speaker
You might?
00:20:29
Speaker
Really?
00:20:30
Speaker
I don't know.
00:20:31
Speaker
I would love – I love to date people and I like people with rhythm.
00:20:35
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:20:36
Speaker
It pretends something about, you know, sex maybe.
00:20:39
Speaker
I don't know.
00:20:39
Speaker
But I also may be fixated on that.
00:20:42
Speaker
There's something about somebody who has rhythm.
00:20:44
Speaker
It was like connected to the musicality of life.
00:20:46
Speaker
Okay.
00:20:47
Speaker
You know, I don't know.
00:20:47
Speaker
Rhythm is important.
00:20:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:49
Speaker
I don't – I was – but I guess I just appreciated she was like – she has rhythm.
00:20:54
Speaker
She's like amazing and he's just like goofy and like –
00:20:57
Speaker
But she loves it.
00:20:58
Speaker
Like, they just adore each other.
00:20:59
Speaker
And I find... So, we have a couple things, though.
00:21:02
Speaker
So, I was going to say, though, they're just very affirming in, like, a way that's so, like, you know, like, I like your hair just so it's meant to look like this.
00:21:11
Speaker
And just, like, I love all of you.
00:21:14
Speaker
They're just so affirming with each other.
00:21:18
Speaker
The one thing I was going to say is he, but this is their age.
00:21:23
Speaker
He's like his chicken butt thing.
00:21:24
Speaker
Like just his little like.
00:21:25
Speaker
Chicken butt.
00:21:26
Speaker
He's like, guess what?
00:21:27
Speaker
Chicken butt.
00:21:27
Speaker
Like he just, like there's this part of him that's very like childlike, but she likes it and it works for them.
00:21:34
Speaker
So like while it would, that would drive me crazy.
00:21:38
Speaker
It works for them.
Chelsea and Jimmy: Communication Challenges
00:21:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:41
Speaker
I mean, I, I, I'll just second the, I love all of you piece.
00:21:46
Speaker
I, and, but the, the thing I, I questioned about that is, and they've said this too, I don't know if it was the last three episodes or not, but they talked about the fact that they really haven't had conflict yet.
00:21:55
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:21:56
Speaker
I would love, you know, the, the, the statement, I love all of you after there's been some
00:22:01
Speaker
conflict, some challenges, something, means something else to me.
00:22:05
Speaker
Then everything's going well.
00:22:07
Speaker
But still, it's a beautiful, affirming thing for sure.
00:22:11
Speaker
I've got an issue with their choices about sex.
00:22:15
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:15
Speaker
And I'm confused.
00:22:16
Speaker
That was my next.
00:22:17
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:17
Speaker
Oh, I'm so confused.
00:22:19
Speaker
Can you explain to me, Leah, what the deal is?
00:22:22
Speaker
Like, why doesn't he want to wear a condom?
00:22:24
Speaker
Like, what is going on with him?
00:22:26
Speaker
I think he does.
00:22:26
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:22:26
Speaker
So she mentioned, this is a quick, I will, so I watched it
00:22:31
Speaker
these episodes once through and then I watched a second time through taking notes.
00:22:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:36
Speaker
He is wearing condoms, I think.
00:22:38
Speaker
I think he is hyper anxious about getting pregnant, not being prepared, not having the financial means, not being set up.
00:22:45
Speaker
I think there's...
00:22:48
Speaker
It sounds like his childhood there was poverty or – I don't know.
00:22:52
Speaker
There's something where he doesn't – there's an anxiety around money and providing for his family and wanting to be set up.
00:22:58
Speaker
I think he did – she mentioned we use protection, but he wants – so I think they are using condoms or did once or there's something about that, but he's worried about that.
00:23:10
Speaker
tiny chance that like there could be a hole in the condom.
00:23:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:16
Speaker
I have a pro I have an issue with that.
00:23:17
Speaker
I think there's there's a challenge because I took it that they haven't had sex yet.
00:23:23
Speaker
And to me, I don't know.
00:23:25
Speaker
I mean, obviously, I'm okay with traditional, whatever, no premarital sex if you want to go that route, feel free to.
00:23:32
Speaker
But all this lovey-dovey stuff and that we're really not like experiencing each other fully like that.
00:23:38
Speaker
And really, I don't know.
00:23:39
Speaker
Well, they might be doing other things fully.
00:23:42
Speaker
I think they are.
00:23:43
Speaker
I think they're very much into each other.
00:23:46
Speaker
I think there is intimacy.
00:23:48
Speaker
I think he does.
00:23:49
Speaker
He's open to condoms, but he doesn't think that's enough.
00:23:52
Speaker
Either they've done it with the condom or he's like, yeah, but that's not enough.
00:23:57
Speaker
I want you to be like, I think he wants his bulletproof scenario where there's no chance of pregnancy.
00:24:03
Speaker
Because what I'm gathering from all these couples is sorry, I was gonna say, I think they're all
00:24:08
Speaker
I don't like saying pro-life.
00:24:09
Speaker
I think they're all very, very much like we were in this place where we need to, if we have, we have a child, we need to be, you know, if we get pregnant, we need to do the responsible thing.
00:24:18
Speaker
So I think there's some anxiety around that and like feeling not prepared.
00:24:22
Speaker
That's my take on him.
00:24:23
Speaker
I don't,
00:24:26
Speaker
I don't love that he – I agree with you.
00:24:27
Speaker
And I don't love that he requires her to be on birth control.
00:24:31
Speaker
Like that's a woman's choice too.
00:24:32
Speaker
And granted, she's not opposed entirely, but she's expressed like I like my body and it's – we're working.
00:24:41
Speaker
We're working well.
00:24:42
Speaker
Like things are flowing and moving the way they should and things are timely.
00:24:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:47
Speaker
I don't think he's trying to control her.
00:24:48
Speaker
I just think he's like used to, I think he's, again, it's kind of like this little bit of immaturity.
00:24:52
Speaker
Like all the girls I've dated have been on birth control.
00:24:55
Speaker
Like it's not a big deal.
00:24:56
Speaker
And I think she's not every girl.
00:25:00
Speaker
I don't know.
00:25:00
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:25:01
Speaker
And everybody gets to make that choice.
00:25:03
Speaker
So are you concerned they're not having sex?
00:25:04
Speaker
That's just before they get married.
00:25:05
Speaker
Well, I'm concerned.
00:25:06
Speaker
Yeah, I like premarital sex.
00:25:08
Speaker
I'm a big supporter.
00:25:09
Speaker
And number two, I think I just would have concerns because I know how key finances are in a long-term relationship.
00:25:18
Speaker
And I generally would want our listeners to be in a relationship with someone who is relatively non-anxious,
00:25:25
Speaker
around finances and these kinds of things, because it can manifest in so many ways, like neurotic ways down the line.
00:25:33
Speaker
Like he said, we're going to be frugal.
00:25:34
Speaker
Penny pinching or like super anxious about, oh my, we're spending this, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:25:39
Speaker
And yeah, there are people like that.
00:25:40
Speaker
Maybe people who are listening to this are like that.
00:25:42
Speaker
Who knows?
00:25:43
Speaker
But the bottom line is like, I'd rather be with someone who is not neurotic.
00:25:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:48
Speaker
The second.
00:25:48
Speaker
No, I agree.
00:25:49
Speaker
Go ahead.
00:25:49
Speaker
Go ahead.
00:25:49
Speaker
No, no, I was in agree.
00:25:50
Speaker
I think when he says like, I want to be retired by the time I'm 50, so we need to be like very frugal.
00:25:56
Speaker
And you could tell her face is like,
00:25:58
Speaker
Like she's like, I can kind of, she's, she's actually very open.
00:26:04
Speaker
And I like her.
00:26:05
Speaker
There's a balance where she's putting her foot down.
00:26:06
Speaker
She's like, I'm not going to go on birth control just because you're uncomfortable with condoms.
00:26:10
Speaker
And then also, but she's like willing to give and be like, oh, I can see myself making some changes financially.
00:26:15
Speaker
So there's, I don't know.
00:26:17
Speaker
I love them.
00:26:17
Speaker
Like there's no perfect couple.
00:26:19
Speaker
I do think he has a lot of anxiety that we're seeing.
00:26:22
Speaker
um and even just i loved i was they were talking about families i loved his his siblings like i just think there's such a sweetness and they're like you deserve love like to him they're just like they're so happy for him and you could tell they're like you deserve good things like bro you like they're just very i just love i love them i don't know why i think they're yeah they're cute they're cute the other couple the other conflict i wanted to bring up that could come up is the dad's blessing and i feel like it's production like are they building it up is
00:26:48
Speaker
Well, I wrote this for you, really.
00:26:50
Speaker
I wrote this question down for you because I thought to myself, if they're not building it up, if they're just not trying to find some angles, whatever, what do you think about
AD and Clay: Openness to Change
00:27:00
Speaker
her father having that much power.
00:27:02
Speaker
I mean, I... No, I don't like it.
00:27:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:04
Speaker
It's traditional, but I think it's also very... I mean, this is me, the feminist me of... I feel like it's very patriarchal, kind of like I'm giving my daughter to you very traditional in that sense that I don't love and we don't know... I mean, the dad seems supportive and great of her.
00:27:23
Speaker
I'm not saying they have a bad relationship, but he shouldn't dictate who she spends her life with.
00:27:26
Speaker
He should be supportive and give her...
00:27:29
Speaker
words of encouragement and help her, I guess, just, or encourage happiness and her wellbeing and want someone who's, who's great, good for her.
00:27:38
Speaker
But I don't think he should be the, the barrier, like the, the, the, the hurdle or the thing that costs their relationship.
00:27:45
Speaker
Absolutely not.
00:27:45
Speaker
And I just feel like the whole give, you know, like the weddings of giving away, like, I know there's tradition and there's like sentiment in that, but I also feel like
00:27:53
Speaker
I don't, there's something icky about him needing to like give his blessing and approval.
00:27:58
Speaker
That's just in general.
00:27:59
Speaker
I don't love that.
00:28:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:00
Speaker
I mean, I just, I think it's interesting that she's still, she holds that thought because I, there's also plenty of examples in reality TV because I watch a lot of it around relationships.
00:28:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:10
Speaker
There's also plenty of examples like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and these kind of things where we see that they kind of hype up that angle about the father or the mother, you know.
00:28:19
Speaker
And then when it comes down to it, they're very much, you know, the parents, but like, hey, I just want you to be happy.
00:28:25
Speaker
So I'm thinking they're probably playing up a little bit.
00:28:27
Speaker
The other thing I wanted to mention to you and ask you about it, because this idea that the last thing that they said to others, they feel like they've known each other for years.
00:28:37
Speaker
And they were talking about this comfort level and getting to that comfort level so quick.
00:28:43
Speaker
And I'm just openly wondering about what is it
00:28:47
Speaker
that we sometimes feel with somebody in terms of a connection as though we've known them forever.
00:28:53
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:28:54
Speaker
I'm not sure what it is.
00:28:57
Speaker
I think it's like, I know, I know I agree where you, where we need to see conflict before he says, I accept all of you, like for that to have as have more meaning.
00:29:05
Speaker
I understand that, but I think it's just feeling accepted and comfortable.
00:29:09
Speaker
And I talked to a lot of people about this with dating because I
00:29:14
Speaker
again, like the anxiety that comes with the game and someone being not available emotionally, we think that's like fireworks or something, like the chemistry or something, like the banter.
00:29:25
Speaker
But I think-
00:29:27
Speaker
that familiarity isn't like boring.
00:29:29
Speaker
It's just feeling like you can just be yourself and you don't have to like explain yourself.
00:29:33
Speaker
You can feel a hundred percent comfortable.
00:29:35
Speaker
You can wake up next to them the next morning without worrying about like putting on makeup, brushing your teeth right away.
00:29:42
Speaker
Like there's this, I don't know.
00:29:43
Speaker
There's something about, I think just feeling accepted and affirmed.
00:29:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:48
Speaker
Because I've been in situations too where I haven't felt that way, right?
00:29:53
Speaker
And it's, you're just like, and that feels like you're just kind of like this uphill battle constantly and you're, I don't know.
00:30:00
Speaker
I think there's this kind of like just, what do you think?
00:30:02
Speaker
I don't know.
00:30:03
Speaker
Yeah, I think there's, well, there's an ease.
00:30:05
Speaker
I think I would agree with you.
00:30:06
Speaker
There's an ease to that.
00:30:10
Speaker
I'll say this, my mother, she's 80 years old now, and she said to me recently that one of the things that she would look for in a guy, because she's dating at this point,
00:30:22
Speaker
Love that.
00:30:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:24
Speaker
I'm 80.
00:30:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:26
Speaker
I love this.
00:30:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:28
Speaker
And she said, well, to be with someone who brings her peace was like one of the most valued things.
00:30:33
Speaker
So I think there's something about that too, about like maybe also seeing a part of yourself in that person and being like just at peace and at ease with somebody.
00:30:41
Speaker
And I think that is like a really nice thing to look for.
00:30:44
Speaker
You should get your mom on the pod.
00:30:45
Speaker
I'd love to have that.
00:30:47
Speaker
I love her takes on all this.
00:30:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:50
Speaker
And just if we're dating someone, to your point, to pay attention to what it feels like to be with a person.
00:30:56
Speaker
If you've been dating for two, three months, four months, and you're not at ease with that person, you're still kind of playing a game or strategizing or whatever, listen to that and what that's telling you for sure.
00:31:11
Speaker
I agree.
00:31:12
Speaker
Does your mom watch these reality television shows?
00:31:16
Speaker
My mother doesn't watch any reality television shows.
00:31:21
Speaker
Good for her.
00:31:22
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:31:22
Speaker
The BBC, like murder mystery things.
00:31:25
Speaker
And she is a connoisseur of romantic novels.
00:31:28
Speaker
She'll read like three romantic novels a day, basically.
00:31:32
Speaker
But reality TV, no.
00:31:35
Speaker
Okay, so we need to make moves because we have things to do.
00:31:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:39
Speaker
Chelsea and Jimmy.
00:31:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:41
Speaker
Chelsea and Jimmy.
00:31:43
Speaker
We didn't see a lot of them in the last three episodes.
00:31:45
Speaker
Did we?
00:31:47
Speaker
We saw some of them.
00:31:48
Speaker
Either that or I just didn't write a lot of things.
00:31:51
Speaker
Wait, okay.
00:31:52
Speaker
So she has her friends over.
00:31:54
Speaker
Do you remember that?
00:31:55
Speaker
Her friends over.
00:31:56
Speaker
Her friends.
00:31:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:57
Speaker
So some of the main points is, well, she has her friends over and she's freaking out because all day he has not kissed her once.
00:32:07
Speaker
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
00:32:12
Speaker
I want to like her and I feel like there's so much anxious attachment and I'm just, I think he doesn't help the cause.
00:32:20
Speaker
No, I, I, he's not off the hook for me.
00:32:22
Speaker
I mean, he's still on the hook for me.
00:32:23
Speaker
So yeah.
00:32:24
Speaker
I don't, it's not that I like him.
00:32:26
Speaker
Like I don't love him.
00:32:27
Speaker
I think he's fine.
00:32:28
Speaker
Like, I think he's like, whatever.
00:32:32
Speaker
I don't know why I don't hate him.
00:32:33
Speaker
Like you, you would hope I would be more resentful of him and I'm not, I, I don't love him.
00:32:38
Speaker
I think what's hard with him is
00:32:42
Speaker
Okay, so in a previous season, we had... I don't know if you watched it.
00:32:46
Speaker
I don't think you watched this one.
00:32:47
Speaker
Chelsea and Kwame.
00:32:50
Speaker
And production made it seem like he was one foot out the door this whole time.
00:32:55
Speaker
Okay.
00:32:57
Speaker
And when you see them post at the reunion and then just everything, and they did the year that they spent together that was essentially a secret.
00:33:05
Speaker
You see their lives that they built together, and there's a lot of connection.
00:33:09
Speaker
I guess part of me is thinking he is into her.
00:33:13
Speaker
He's not really sure about marriage.
00:33:16
Speaker
He's still thinking about Jess because now we know he's seen Jess's picture and knows she looks like a Kardashian.
00:33:23
Speaker
But I don't think he's not attracted to her.
00:33:25
Speaker
Do you think he's not like this guy?
00:33:27
Speaker
Like he seems like he likes her.
00:33:30
Speaker
You don't do you not see that?
00:33:31
Speaker
Yeah, that's very I don't know.
00:33:32
Speaker
Like I don't want one out of 10, 10 being like just crushing hard.
00:33:37
Speaker
I would put him at like a three.
00:33:39
Speaker
of attraction to her.
00:33:40
Speaker
I don't think- Well, why do I say that?
00:33:44
Speaker
Because if you're engaged to a gorgeous woman who you just like Matt and you're like enthralled by and whatever, you're going to do your work because we find them, they're starting to live with each other.
00:33:58
Speaker
I mean, this is basically what's going on.
00:33:59
Speaker
People are going back to their day-to-day routines and trying to figure it out.
00:34:02
Speaker
which by the way is challenging for a lot of couples to do.
00:34:05
Speaker
But if you're not like actively kissing your fiance and like loving on her, then, and then you're saying that they're clingy because they mentioned that that's not happening.
00:34:17
Speaker
No, I hated that.
00:34:18
Speaker
I hated that.
00:34:19
Speaker
I think that is a problem.
00:34:22
Speaker
That is a huge problem.
00:34:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:24
Speaker
And the bigger problem to me, the bigger problem is that every time he goes to apologize, like I'm hard on men in heterosexual relationships because, you know, generationally we've got a lot of work to do.
00:34:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:37
Speaker
We've got a lot of work to do.
00:34:38
Speaker
But bottom line is like, he goes and he apologizes.
00:34:41
Speaker
He's the worst apologizer.
00:34:43
Speaker
Like, don't be like him if you're trying to apologize.
00:34:44
Speaker
Well, he goes and he talks about, oh, like, oh yeah, like, I'm validating her, but never actually like takes responsibility for what he did.
00:34:55
Speaker
and never really talks about like why he's like why he's validating or why she would feel that way.
00:35:02
Speaker
Like they're not kissing thing.
00:35:04
Speaker
Like they're laying in bed talking about this again because they still haven't resolved it.
00:35:09
Speaker
They still haven't repaired it.
00:35:11
Speaker
And he still doesn't.
00:35:12
Speaker
And then he goes to say like, oh, you said some things and I said some things.
00:35:16
Speaker
We both heard each other.
00:35:18
Speaker
Never fucking do that.
00:35:19
Speaker
Never do that.
00:35:20
Speaker
If you're apologizing to say this is what I'm sorry for.
00:35:24
Speaker
And do you accept my apology?
00:35:26
Speaker
Do you forgive me?
00:35:26
Speaker
We need you to write an article on anatomy of an apology because I do agree.
00:35:30
Speaker
I agree with you.
00:35:31
Speaker
But I think what's hard is, so I also wrote these down.
00:35:33
Speaker
Like there were, before they left the DR, they're making out in the water.
00:35:36
Speaker
Like you don't think there's any attraction?
00:35:38
Speaker
Like you feel like he's just- No, I said three.
00:35:40
Speaker
I said three out of 10.
00:35:41
Speaker
Because I think when we see him with Jess, because I think that's coming up now.
00:35:44
Speaker
I think I saw a preview of that.
00:35:46
Speaker
I think we're going to see what it looks like for someone to be very attracted to another human being.
00:35:52
Speaker
And I also recognize Leah that I said she was the most attractive person.
00:35:56
Speaker
And I put a poll on Instagram and I asked for people's opinion about this.
00:36:00
Speaker
Who else thinks that Jess is the most attractive cast member?
00:36:04
Speaker
And by the way, all women, you know, basically I only have women followers and all of them are like, fuck her.
00:36:10
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:36:10
Speaker
Because because they don't like her attitude and that she basically.
00:36:14
Speaker
Do they say that or this is your interpretation based on the poll?
00:36:18
Speaker
No, no, someone someone.
00:36:19
Speaker
People were DMing me on Insta.
00:36:21
Speaker
You're like, no, no, no humility.
00:36:24
Speaker
I don't like I'm not.
00:36:25
Speaker
You know, so that's the thing.
00:36:27
Speaker
But I think Jess is still the most attractive.
00:36:30
Speaker
I don't know.
00:36:31
Speaker
I think A.D.
00:36:31
Speaker
's up there.
00:36:32
Speaker
And I actually think Brittany is quite beautiful.
00:36:36
Speaker
Okay.
00:36:36
Speaker
All right.
00:36:37
Speaker
That's fair.
00:36:37
Speaker
That's fair.
00:36:38
Speaker
But yeah.
00:36:39
Speaker
But we were saying that's your type, like not your type, but that's you.
00:36:42
Speaker
That was your personal.
00:36:43
Speaker
I mean, I agree she's beautiful, but she's also that Instagram beautiful that feels like everything's fake.
00:36:50
Speaker
It doesn't feel, I mean, yeah, I have a lot of thoughts on it.
00:36:54
Speaker
There's a look and she's that look.
00:36:55
Speaker
And I feel like I have a hard time with that in general with like the young women of the world and everyone feeling shitty about themselves because you have these
00:37:04
Speaker
people that I think I haven't honestly looked at per account, but it sounds like she's probably an, I haven't either.
00:37:09
Speaker
Just for the record.
00:37:10
Speaker
I haven't either.
00:37:12
Speaker
I don't need to see it.
00:37:13
Speaker
I don't need to see it.
00:37:14
Speaker
Um, but I was going to say, so it's okay.
00:37:16
Speaker
So you're saying it's a three, even though they're making out right.
00:37:18
Speaker
And I'm there are times.
00:37:19
Speaker
So when he, so as I say, so he meets her friends and see, I guess I, I don't like him, but I think there's something about his, my, my dog's drinking water.
00:37:29
Speaker
We can all probably hear that.
00:37:31
Speaker
Um,
00:37:32
Speaker
He was sleeping.
00:37:33
Speaker
But I was going to say, I think there's something about her and her insecurity and anxious attachment and just lack of confidence, even though she says she's confident.
00:37:41
Speaker
Like she said that a couple of times where she feels secure in herself.
00:37:43
Speaker
And I'm like, girlfriend, you are not.
00:37:45
Speaker
And I want to shake her because-
00:37:48
Speaker
I think there's this disconnect where she feels like she's like really like so fully aware of herself and her.
00:37:58
Speaker
I don't know.
00:37:58
Speaker
And I know he's playing into her insecurities, but there's something about her that I like.
00:38:02
Speaker
She keeps asking for reassurance and I want her to be like, fuck you.
00:38:06
Speaker
Jimmy, I don't like, you know what I mean?
00:38:08
Speaker
I shouldn't have to be asking you this.
00:38:09
Speaker
Like I want her to be like, I don't feel secure because things don't come naturally.
00:38:14
Speaker
You're not saying these things, these things, unless they're prompted, you're just going through the motions.
00:38:18
Speaker
She's not, she's like, she's just like, it's pining after him and it's so uncomfortable.
00:38:24
Speaker
And I think I probably don't like it because I see lots of people do that.
00:38:27
Speaker
And like, I feel like in my twenties, I did that.
00:38:28
Speaker
And you want to, I just want, I just want so much more for her.
00:38:33
Speaker
Also, something annoyed me.
00:38:34
Speaker
I just wrote this down, too, was like him like making his biting his lip.
00:38:37
Speaker
Like the reason for him not being as affectionate and available to her emotionally.
00:38:44
Speaker
Oh, yes.
00:38:45
Speaker
Now I remember that.
00:38:47
Speaker
The most ridiculous thing ever.
00:38:48
Speaker
I mean, like, come on.
00:38:50
Speaker
You can give a little pecs.
00:38:52
Speaker
You can do a million things to show affection.
00:38:54
Speaker
So stupid.
00:38:54
Speaker
He would have been making out with Jess without his lip.
00:38:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:59
Speaker
Another thing, too, I had a question for you and your take.
00:39:01
Speaker
And then we had to move on to A.D.
00:39:02
Speaker
and Clay.
00:39:02
Speaker
But I was going to say, do you what do you feel?
00:39:04
Speaker
I mean.
00:39:05
Speaker
What do you feel about him having two, his only friends were two female friends that he met and only knew for a couple years?
00:39:12
Speaker
Like, do you think it's because his male friends or other friends weren't wanting to be on camera?
00:39:16
Speaker
Like, why does he only have these two female friends that his close or best friends
00:39:22
Speaker
What do you think about that?
00:39:23
Speaker
Well, I mean, I'm not going to make any assumptions about that because I was just actually talking to someone about this recently, someone dating.
00:39:31
Speaker
And the idea that, you know, men, it's difficult for men to make friendships.
00:39:35
Speaker
We have a tough time with that.
00:39:36
Speaker
And if it's the case that we have been successful,
00:39:40
Speaker
in connecting with women and it's like, we can be more vulnerable and all these other things.
00:39:43
Speaker
There are elements to that.
00:39:45
Speaker
So it could be that.
00:39:46
Speaker
It could be that.
00:39:47
Speaker
It could be that they didn't want to be on camera.
00:39:49
Speaker
But they asked the question, as you mentioned, they asked the question to her, the friends, like, what do you think about him having, you know, women friends?
00:39:57
Speaker
And I think she was like, I'm cool with that in general.
00:40:01
Speaker
But also she was a little freaked out because of unfaithfulness in her past.
00:40:08
Speaker
I certainly think it's fine.
00:40:09
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:40:10
Speaker
I think there is, you know, don't be friends with someone you've been sexually active or, or romantically attached to or anything like that.
00:40:17
Speaker
That's, that's a no, no, but in general, it's okay.
00:40:21
Speaker
Was that metals of water?
00:40:22
Speaker
Right.
00:40:23
Speaker
Like it just, it, it doesn't, there's, yeah, it's not, it's not a recipe for, or it's a recipe for a disaster.
00:40:28
Speaker
It doesn't make my dog is just causing a nuisance right now.
00:40:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:32
Speaker
I can't hear anything.
00:40:33
Speaker
Okay, good.
00:40:33
Speaker
So,
00:40:36
Speaker
My other thought I was asking you just when we wrap up Chelsea and Jimmy is do you feel like, well, so you're, so when we see the clips of them being on, like, do you think he's just saying this?
00:40:45
Speaker
Like, I guess I just hate the idea of someone saying this for this, for the sake of saying it, like saying all these things, like she's the one I found an incredible partner through Chelsea.
00:40:56
Speaker
I am going to, I'm just like disgusted by that.
00:40:58
Speaker
I know it's reality television.
00:41:00
Speaker
Like I have to take everything for with a grain of salt, but I think that's disturbing.
00:41:04
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:41:05
Speaker
No, I do too.
00:41:06
Speaker
And I think the point is like when you have someone who is socially skillful, they know how to maintain connection, which he does.
00:41:17
Speaker
It's as if he is kind of just kind of speaking from a script.
00:41:22
Speaker
Again, because again, there's like some kind of disconnect for me at least between the intensity and the depth of his feeling for her.
00:41:30
Speaker
Like it doesn't really come through.
00:41:32
Speaker
It does kind of seem a little scripted to me still.
00:41:34
Speaker
I don't think, I still am going to say I'm not seeing them get married at the end of this episode.
00:41:41
Speaker
And by the way, I think we're doing pretty good.
00:41:42
Speaker
Our predictions are doing pretty good so far because they have previewed who actually gets to the wedding, walks down the aisle.
00:41:51
Speaker
I know.
00:41:51
Speaker
Well, I actually think that,
00:41:53
Speaker
I think Chelsea's in a gown, but I don't think she's at the aisle.
00:41:55
Speaker
I think that's in the shop because they do the whole shop scene.
00:41:59
Speaker
I don't think she's walking.
00:41:59
Speaker
I don't think she's- Yeah, no, I haven't seen- Yeah, I haven't seen that either.
00:42:02
Speaker
Oh, because they do show her in a veil, like getting ready and emotional.
00:42:04
Speaker
Oh, okay, okay.
00:42:05
Speaker
I think that's a scene from the- Like when they all go to the bridal shop.
00:42:08
Speaker
I don't think- Because I was like, that's bullshit.
00:42:10
Speaker
I'm sorry.
00:42:11
Speaker
Like if she-
00:42:13
Speaker
I mean, anyways, okay.
00:42:15
Speaker
I need to talk to you about this couple.
00:42:18
Speaker
Last but not least.
00:42:19
Speaker
AD and Clay, are you still Team Clay?
00:42:21
Speaker
Are you still Team Clay?
00:42:24
Speaker
I'm going to be a diehard.
00:42:27
Speaker
I'm going to stick with him because I think he's someone who listens to his mother.
00:42:31
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:42:32
Speaker
He takes his mother's advice and his mother had amazing advice for him.
00:42:38
Speaker
Yeah, so we're talking about the scene where they're at the restaurant and they're 80s meeting Clay's mom and sister.
00:42:46
Speaker
Right.
00:42:47
Speaker
And who are lovely.
00:42:49
Speaker
And it seems like mom was married for at least 23 or 24 years or something like that before getting a divorce with Clay's dad.
00:42:56
Speaker
I and mom just basically says, like, listen, when it comes to relationships, you just got to make the time you've got to prioritize a relationship.
00:43:06
Speaker
You got to invest in each other.
00:43:08
Speaker
And I think he like was listening to that.
00:43:12
Speaker
Again, I think he is receptive.
00:43:15
Speaker
to correction.
00:43:16
Speaker
It's like a child or a dog.
00:43:19
Speaker
Honestly, when you talk about, like, we're like, he responds well to the feedback and to the behavior adjustment, right?
00:43:24
Speaker
Like, I feel like there's- Yeah, openness.
00:43:26
Speaker
But openness is like key.
00:43:28
Speaker
Openness to change is like one of the most major things you want to look for in a future partner.
00:43:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:33
Speaker
But he's, and again, I don't, I wish I felt, I guess,
00:43:39
Speaker
I guess the difference between him, he's not faking the funk maybe like Jimmy is.
00:43:43
Speaker
I guess he's just not feeding war just for the sake of trying to appease her.
00:43:47
Speaker
He's actually being truthful about his conflicting feelings.
00:43:51
Speaker
But he just continues to be hot and cold.
00:43:54
Speaker
And that...
00:43:56
Speaker
Well, let me ask you about this.
00:43:57
Speaker
Let me ask you about this cold thing, because maybe this is how you interpret it.
00:44:01
Speaker
When they're sitting at the beach across from each other at that table, the beautiful oceans in front of them, and there's just all of this silence that we were mentioning this early.
00:44:11
Speaker
I was interpreting that as like disinterest.
00:44:14
Speaker
that he was just super quiet and maybe disinterested.
00:44:17
Speaker
But is that what, when you say cold, what is it that you're referring to?
00:44:20
Speaker
Oh, I meant hot and cold, just like, I feel like he's excited and he like, is like really thrilled to be with this beautiful woman.
00:44:26
Speaker
And like, he's like kind of like overcome with just like all the possibilities.
00:44:30
Speaker
And then cold meaning just, he gets, I don't think it's like cold, like he's cold towards her.
00:44:33
Speaker
I think it's just this hot and cold constantly.
00:44:35
Speaker
I don't think he's consistent.
00:44:37
Speaker
I think he's, I think he likes, he, I wrote this down too.
00:44:42
Speaker
he says, we're going to be a great couple, iconic.
00:44:45
Speaker
I feel like he's stuck on this fantasy version of what they could be.
00:44:50
Speaker
He's attracted to her.
00:44:52
Speaker
He likes a lot of her qualities.
00:44:54
Speaker
There is compatibility.
00:44:55
Speaker
I think he's like, we're good looking together.
00:44:58
Speaker
There's this fantasy of what they could be.
00:45:04
Speaker
And I think there's just something that's just not adding up where he's just like,
00:45:11
Speaker
So excited and like, but also like fixated on what they, being the best of the couple.
00:45:16
Speaker
What I don't love about two is like throughout this season, they're like, who's, I think we're the strongest couple.
00:45:20
Speaker
They all say this.
00:45:21
Speaker
They're like, I think we have the best connection.
00:45:23
Speaker
Frickin' Jimmy is like telling everyone we're perfect.
00:45:26
Speaker
There's nothing.
00:45:27
Speaker
Do you remember?
00:45:28
Speaker
I think that's maybe why.
00:45:28
Speaker
I do remember that.
00:45:29
Speaker
I think maybe Jimmy's like, I'm getting played by Jimmy because I feel like he keeps saying these things and I'm like, maybe we're just not seeing it.
00:45:35
Speaker
Maybe he really does like fight or so.
00:45:37
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:45:38
Speaker
I don't know.
00:45:38
Speaker
But I think with Clay, it's just constantly there's a back and forth where, and again, I think it's anxiety.
00:45:44
Speaker
I think he's maybe not ready to settle down.
00:45:45
Speaker
Like he wants to, like, I think he sees the beauty in a committed relationship.
00:45:49
Speaker
I also think he's
00:45:51
Speaker
maybe not ready.
00:45:52
Speaker
Like he's like, he keeps talking about maybe like cheating.
00:45:55
Speaker
Like we see in previews where he's like worried about cheating.
00:45:58
Speaker
And I don't know, there's just kind of this restlessness in him that makes me feel like he's not ready.
00:46:04
Speaker
And I don't love, I love AD.
00:46:06
Speaker
And I just, again, I've just loved her this whole time.
00:46:08
Speaker
And I feel like there's this like, I don't think he's intentionally jerking her around.
00:46:11
Speaker
I just don't want her to be jerked around.
00:46:13
Speaker
I'm protective of her.
00:46:14
Speaker
I don't know why.
00:46:15
Speaker
I just love her.
00:46:15
Speaker
And I think, I guess my question is, does he really want it?
00:46:20
Speaker
Like, does he really want this?
00:46:22
Speaker
I don't know.
00:46:22
Speaker
And I, I didn't like how he spoke to her in front of his mom.
00:46:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:27
Speaker
I mean, this is, this is one of the things I want to say is like, what is it?
00:46:31
Speaker
And we can think about this to anybody who's in a relationship or has been like, what is it that we show or like, how do we show up around the people that love us most?
00:46:39
Speaker
And I would suggest that if like, we're on our best behavior, we're typically on our best behavior when we're in front of other people with our partner.
00:46:46
Speaker
And if
00:46:48
Speaker
Shit is unraveling in that scenario.
00:46:50
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:46:51
Speaker
What is your problem then?
00:46:53
Speaker
Or what is the problem?
00:46:54
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:46:54
Speaker
Whoa, whoa.
00:46:56
Speaker
But I want to go back to this question about the silence because, again, they're going back.
00:47:02
Speaker
I was perturbed by it.
00:47:03
Speaker
No, this is good.
00:47:03
Speaker
This is good.
00:47:04
Speaker
I was perturbed by it because I think –
00:47:07
Speaker
It was interesting.
00:47:08
Speaker
I was in the jacuzzi the other night with a friend here in Venice Beach.
00:47:12
Speaker
And she said to me, what is it that you still want to come to know about the person you're dating?
00:47:19
Speaker
And I said, I don't know, like 99% of her existence.
00:47:23
Speaker
Like, you know, we've just been dating for a few months.
00:47:25
Speaker
So there's like so much to get to know about that person and her.
00:47:29
Speaker
And in the same vein, like there's the fact that there was not, it seems a genuine curiosity or like a consistent curiosity and like open questions and whatever from him to her or vice versa, that does make me a little bit worried, even though generally speaking, uh,
00:47:49
Speaker
Men, I think historically and generally just like, I don't know, we just don't have a lot of practice asking clarifying questions and like deepening questions.
00:47:59
Speaker
I agree.
00:47:59
Speaker
And we just don't know how to do that.
00:48:01
Speaker
Yes.
00:48:01
Speaker
And I think what he's shared multiple times, his dad was a cheater.
00:48:05
Speaker
His dad like has this like this.
00:48:08
Speaker
it sounds like is like kind of this traditional male, this masculine, right?
00:48:11
Speaker
Like, so there's a lot of like, it's nature versus nurture.
00:48:14
Speaker
And I think a lot of it's nurture, especially for like, I agree.
00:48:18
Speaker
Do you believe a lot of this comes from not having the practice or like this, not having the role modeling.
00:48:25
Speaker
And I do think that we need to give people the benefit of the doubt and allow them time and space to grow.
00:48:32
Speaker
But you have to want it.
00:48:33
Speaker
And this is where I don't know if Clay is really ready to,
00:48:38
Speaker
make lasting changes.
00:48:40
Speaker
I hope he is.
00:48:42
Speaker
I hope he is because I think I remember seeing them up on the altar.
00:48:45
Speaker
So yeah, I, I, I can, I can picture it.
00:48:49
Speaker
It's going to be a lot of work.
00:48:51
Speaker
They're going to, they're going to take, it's going to take a lot of work.
00:48:54
Speaker
They should see you.
00:48:55
Speaker
They should, they should come in.
00:48:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:58
Speaker
Well, this is fun.
00:48:59
Speaker
I'm excited for our next
00:49:01
Speaker
I know it's going to get really spicy.
00:49:03
Speaker
I know we have Jessica coming back into the picture.
00:49:05
Speaker
We have Trevor coming back into the picture.
00:49:07
Speaker
I'm most curious.
00:49:08
Speaker
I think we're all most curious about that.
00:49:09
Speaker
I want to see how Jeremy and Laura like, do are they done when she says I'm out or are they going to try to like, I don't know, who knows, but I'm excited.
00:49:18
Speaker
Till next time.