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00:00:01
How We Say Goodbye
1 Playsin 10 hours
This week on Three Little Fishes, we're talking about what we're watching, loving, and laughing about—from a behind-the-scenes Shrinking event and a Rod Stewart concert to new shows that have us hooked (or disappointed). Then we tackle a more meaningful topic after attending a friend's mother's funeral: how we say goodbye, process grief, and honor the people we love. We wrap things up with a surprisingly delicious dairy-free fettuccine Alfredo that's comfort food at its finest.
Head to threelilfishes.com/shownotes for all the details.
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Transcript
Introduction and Background of Hosts
00:00:00
Speaker
There is a part that is necessary to grieve and show there's been loss. I think if there wasn't, you would never maybe process it. or For me, there's just part of it that went a little bit over what I wanted, like personally.
00:00:16
Speaker
Made you think about it. You just want us to have boas. do you want us to have boas for you and Prosecco and play some Barry Manilow? and like Yeah, have some Barry play would be cool. Yeah.
00:00:29
Speaker
Welcome to Three Little Fishes. We're three sisters who grew up in the Midwest together, but have since spread across the country. i live in Los Angeles. I'm in Nashville. And I live in Philadelphia. We are all married with children, have all had careers but now we stay at home with our families. Join us as we share secrets and stories about being women, wives, and mothers. We welcome you to laugh along, learn something new, reach out, and join our conversation.
Family and Personal Updates
00:01:00
Speaker
So let's jump in. What's up, Vicious? What's up, Vicious? If you're watching, you'll see that I am not yet in my dining room where I normally record. I'm up on the lake with mom and dad and one of my children. You may hear a boat in passing, may hear a goose, a duck. We don't know.
00:01:21
Speaker
But anyway, it's good to see you guys. Yeah, it looks nice. The analogy is amazing. Kathy, what do you got going on? Well, I am home alone for a couple of days. I've had like... Can I say that that sounds delicious? Home alone? Dreamy.
00:01:37
Speaker
Sounds amazing. mean, that is like... Well, and i love it then no to the fam. I thought it would be dreamy, but it has turned out to not be dreamy. Like we had been gone for a few days and the house was kind of a wreck. So I've been nonstop cleaning. And then our dog this morning decided to leave me a present, like with shredded paper everywhere.
Entertainment Reviews
00:02:06
Speaker
this morning all over the kitchen and in my office. like meie and not I'm like, I couldn't figure out exactly what she shredded. So I hope it's yeah hopefully it's not something super important, like some bills you needed to pay or something.
00:02:21
Speaker
yeah, exactly. Poor Mill. Poor Millie. But we're gearing up for recital here. Johanna's in dance recital, and, you know, they have the big end-of-the-year recital where you have to do, like, fun you know, they have their costumes and stage makeup. And, y'all, I'm here to tell you I'm not a dance mom. I'm not good at the makeup part.
00:02:43
Speaker
Johanna is like, don't poke my eye out. ah like I will do my best to not poke your eye out because, you know, you have to wear mascara. Does she do the false eyelashes? That's what my girls always had to do. And you had to do the glue and there was like a special kind of glue that worked and they could take it off. And it was a whole thing. And finally, they just got to the point where they did it themselves. So I wouldn't have to be involved.
00:03:10
Speaker
I'm not doing false eyelashes. I feel like she's still too young. They do say if they're older, they should do them, but she has beautiful eyelashes and I don't want to wreck them. And that's just another layer I don't want to have to deal with.
00:03:23
Speaker
Honestly, I'm not good. I'm not a great stage mom, but that being said, I'm super excited to see her dance. She's really excited. Yeah. um Yeah. So, We're excited.
00:03:35
Speaker
Hopefully I'll get her dress with no, with minimal. Yeah. I'm sure she'll look great. No crying. There's no crying in recital. No crying. There's no crying. Okay. You guys on today's show, we're to have what's the buzz, how we say goodbye and what's for dinner. But before we get into it, just want to remind everybody to please rate review, drop us a note and invite your favorite fishes to jump in and join our conversation.
00:04:04
Speaker
do it. What's easy? Well, since I've been home alone, i have been watching some TV at night to keep me occupied. And I started, well, I first started watching Office Romance. It's the new, on Netflix with JLo. And I think his name is, is it Brett?
00:04:23
Speaker
ah brett go Brett Goldstein? Um, I actually kind of liked it. It's like a cheesy rom-com. It really is kind of cheesy. I mean, you love a cheesy rom-com more than anyone I know. Like yeah anyone.
00:04:40
Speaker
Yeah. You lost me with JLo. I think Brett's funny, but like I'm off JLo. I cannot handle her. I love her either. No thanks. I liked him from Ted Lasso. And so that's what kind of drew me to watch it. And then I don't know what got into me, but I was like, oh,
00:04:57
Speaker
It was getting later at night and I was like, I think I might just need to watch a little more TV before I fall asleep. So I started watching Cape Fear, which is the new like Apple tv ah Amy Adams. Actually, this is shocking to me that you would watch this because you don't like scary things. I don't. And actually, I started watching it and that night we had a horrible thunderstorm out and I was like...
00:05:26
Speaker
Oh my God. It literally had dreams. I couldn't hardly go to sleep. I actually came upstairs to like check the doors. Cause I was like, is everything okay down here? Yeah.
00:05:39
Speaker
yeah Oh yeah my goodness. I can't believe that looks super scary. The original was scary. There's no way I'm watching that. I'm not a horror person. There are a few scenes in it so far that have made me, my stomach like turn. And I'm like, this is like intense. Yeah.
00:05:55
Speaker
So have you shut it off? watch Are you done? Are you done with it again? I can't. Like, i like i don't know what my problem is. All right, well. Well, you're back.
00:06:08
Speaker
The good thing was they only showed several episodes and then they cut it off till next week. So I guess they shut it off for me. But I was like, I should not be watching this. No, you should not. But yet you're going to. But yet you're going to. I love this for you. Yeah.
00:06:24
Speaker
I started watching something that was not scary. Um, and I'm trying to figure, oh yeah. So you guys, you know, I love that writer, Carly fortune, and she writes a lot of stories about like Lake, you know, they're set on Lake, like on a Lake in Canada. And I love her stories. Her books are really, they're really well written. So they put, so she had a book called, um,
00:06:52
Speaker
every summer after, and they did an adaptation of it for every year after, and it's on Amazon. And I was excited. I'm like, oh, the book is so good. wanna just watch the series and see what it's like. And I was super, super disappointed that they messed around with the characters too much.
00:07:11
Speaker
and try to change it too much that i don't love any of the characters or just not true to who they really were written how they were written and it's like i'm super disappointed so i don't know if you guys are like no carly fortune fan but i was super bummed never read anything of hers but maybe i'll do you guys watch do you guys watch shrinking ah you guys watching that with me that's on apple i love it Kathy, so i got invited. Listen to this, you guys. So, you know, Tim is an editor and he is an ace and he's a member of the guild. And so he was invited to the director's guild to show a screen. up They did a table read. The whole cast did a table read of Shrinking.
00:08:01
Speaker
down at the Director's Guild, and we were able to go. And they did the last reading of the last episode of the season. That is so cool. Harrison Ford, everybody was there. It was so awesome. And then afterwards, they had like a meet and greet, like drinks and...
00:08:19
Speaker
appetizers like out in the lobby so you could hobnob with with people.
Live Events Experiences
00:08:25
Speaker
And I got to meet Jessica Williams, the woman who plays she's funny, Michael Urie, who plays Brian, who I feel like he is just like that in real life. And Luke Tenney, who plays Sean, they were super, super nice. But I will tell you, they were a hot commodity. And people were, like, pushing like they were the Beatles to try to meet these people.
00:08:46
Speaker
So I was talking to Michael Urie, and I had a glass of red wine in my hand. And some lady came up, super excited, hit my hand. And Michael Urie was wearing all white. And honestly, red wine almost spilled all over him. My eyes got super big. And he was like...
00:09:05
Speaker
girl, don't worry. This is, you know, this is rented or this is, you know, that was, they get closed for, you know, he's not going to block out the red wine if it spills on him. This isn't even mine.
00:09:18
Speaker
But luckily red wine did not drop on him at all. But he agrees if you do have a stain, either vinegar or Dawn soap does the trick. So,
00:09:29
Speaker
So he's funny in real life. I think he's hilarious. Yeah. He's hilarious. And I really appreciated them all taking their time to talk and be really personal. So wait minute. When you table read, talk me through that. Because like in my mind, everybody has the script in front of them. They're around a big table and they just like...
00:09:52
Speaker
read it off and they acted maybe there's a note from the director or whatever, like try that again or what do you think or whatever? Yeah. The producer can give little anecdotes and explain, like they set the scene. um You can add things in. They just, yeah. Are they ab-libbing? Yeah. Ab-libbing. Not ab. Ab-libbing. Ab-libbing.
00:10:15
Speaker
Not abs. Ab-libbing. Not abs. Yeah. yeah yeah I know, you guys. Honestly, I worry about myself.
00:10:26
Speaker
You're fine. You're fine. And this particular table read, they were just having a lot of fun. And then they would give you like little snippets of what happened when they actually shot it, what was different, how it it was originally written. it was just really fun to see. And again, the the Television Academy is the one that puts this on. And it's a big push for the Emmys because...
00:10:48
Speaker
the nominations are coming out and they want people to vote. And shrinking really wants Harrison Ford to get an Emmy. Yeah. because he's so great and he doesn't have an Emmy. So they're really pushing for him to get an Emmy. So that's fun peek behind the curtain.
00:11:05
Speaker
Yeah. Super fun. And it's good promotion for the show. I get It's fun. It was like kind of a cool, cool l LA thing to do. Like I don't go, I don't get to do a lot of cool LA stuff that much, but this was pretty cool. My cool husband just leaves you behind. guys does all the cool things all by himself. is that Is that what I'm hearing? That's right. Producer yeah Tim needs to step up his game is what I'm hearing.
00:11:28
Speaker
he Although I will say he takes me to a lot of things, but it's really it's we had a really good time.
Reflections on Grief and Cultural Practices
00:11:34
Speaker
um And then the other thing, you guys, I just want to mention really quickly is Tim and I went to go see Rod Stewart at the Hollywood Bowl with Richard Marks.
00:11:45
Speaker
And I have to tell you, do you think I'm sexy? Yeah, he sang that song. The man is 80. He's 81 years old.
00:11:55
Speaker
He's 81. And sang that song. Did he like yeah gyrate too? Yeah. Well, a little bit. i I will tell you, he had like 10 other musicians that were all blonde, tall women.
00:12:11
Speaker
yeah That's his jam. He loves the tall blonde. Yeah. And so they would they could sing, they could dance, they played you know um the harp, um violins. I mean, they were really musically talented yeah and they were gorgeous. And I think a distractor that he's 81-ish. you know, doing his last tour. But what made me laugh is, is that he just canceled a show in San Diego because the world cup is going on and he wanted to go ski see Scotland play in the world cup. He said he has laryngitis and I'm using bunny ears. Maybe he did like he is on tour He might have laryngitis, but i don he he looked pretty healthy. that didn't
00:12:53
Speaker
That didn't look good in the news for him. like But honestly, he doesn't care. like He's 81. He doesn't need the money. He doesn't need it. and he's Everybody step off. Who cares? I'm Rod Stewart. I can do whatever I want.
00:13:07
Speaker
And it's the World Cup, and I haven't gone, so and I'm going. The World Cup has been kind of fun to watch. In in fact, some of the games are being played here in Philadelphia, and I've been just loving like the positive vibe it's given off, like all these Scots.
00:13:23
Speaker
in their kilter like we love america we love the dancers like like awesome i'm loving the buzz of the world cup i think it's so fun we are watching it like crazy here because you know riley's a big soccer player where now he they wanted to go down the world cup and we just could not get tickets they were just so expensive that we just could not justify it, but um it would have been cool to be able to go. Yeah. Who knows? um Maybe we'll find a super deal later, later in the cup.
00:13:58
Speaker
Probably not, but... The only other thing I'm going to just mention, if you have a chance to see Richard Marks, you guys are going to laugh at me, but he actually was really, really good. And he actually looks really talented. like And Tim was like, he was the better performer. He has more hits. He's like a really good songwriter. So that would be a bill that we'd do. worse I think he lives outside Chicagoland. Like he lives in the Chicagoland area. He has for like 30 years and everybody says like really nice things about him. And he's incredibly talented. I haven't ever seen him in concert, but he is supposed to be really good.
00:14:35
Speaker
So that's fun that got to see a couple of really spectacular artists. Well, you're just living the dream there, girl. I love it. Oh, you guys, I forgot to mention one thing about the shrinking event. So Kathy, do you know how the character Liz always gives rocks? Yes.
00:14:51
Speaker
um To people that she thinks is special. Everybody got a rock when they went into this reading, this table reading. So we have a we have a rock from Liz.
00:15:02
Speaker
That's awesome. I know I love it so much. I'm such a nerd, but I love it. Yes. Well, good for you. All right, you guys. um Let's move on. So the three of us had to go to a funeral recently.
00:15:16
Speaker
A good friend of ours parent died. And we wanted to go support them. And it just got us thinking about how do we say goodbye and how do we prepare for funerals and letting go So let's jump in.
00:15:31
Speaker
How we say goodbye. Yeah, this is a hard topic. I mean, grief is just like it's such a big part of the human experience and um you know I think it is just a heavy, hard topic, you know and it is really in the forefront of our minds right now since we were all together you know helping a friend through this whole grieving process that happens to all of us at one point or another. But honestly, ah also what I was starting to think about is like grief is all about, like we always think about it in terms of death,
00:16:09
Speaker
But there's grief kind of happens in other ways too. Like you lose a dream, you move, you lose your friends, you grieve like the different stages of life, like losing kids and they go away to school and you have to re kind of invent yourself all the time. And then of course the big catastrophic like death grief that, you know, strikes everybody at some point. So yeah.
00:16:37
Speaker
You know what caught my attention that recently, though, at this latest one, is it's a business. That death is also a business. and It is.
00:16:50
Speaker
I didn't really think about that before. And maybe now that I'm getting older than we're having to arrange some of these things ourselves because we're adults now, gulp. like It really is a business about...
00:17:03
Speaker
It's expensive. Dying is expensive. And I never even thought about that before. It's not just burying your loved ones and and saying goodbye. It's a financial, there's a financial price tag attached to it.
00:17:16
Speaker
Well, it's everything. It's not only like the funeral home and the casket and the liner and the flowers. It's the church and the minister and the programs and donations. And i mean, it is a lot of...
00:17:34
Speaker
And it is expensive. I was shocked. I think we looked up like an inexpensive casket can be like $1,500, $1,600, but they can go up to like $20,000. Yeah. And I guess it depends on in the ground for a person, right? In the ground. Have you guys thought about what you want for your funeral? Because I know my thoughts have changed and even five years ago.
00:18:02
Speaker
I mean, people do change their mind and evolve and think of other things. Like, I really thought I wanted like the whole traditional burial, like you're talking about with like the casket and the whole thing. But I don't know if I want that anymore. I think I'd rather, i feel like it's a lot of expense and nonsense i don Not nonsense, but I just don't know if I want it. I think I'd rather be cremated and spread somewhere and have a nice like little ceremony and be done.
00:18:37
Speaker
like I don't need all the pomp and circumstance. and Yeah. So at this funeral, there was a moment that we were standing at the gravesite and the castle what was being lowered into the ground. And I had never experienced that before. i mean, I've been to several funerals and yeah it really like hit me. And I was like, yeah.
00:19:00
Speaker
I can't handle this almost. I gotta take a walk. The grave side is really emotional. But you know i I kind of agree with you, Kathy. and i My husband always said he wanted a big like ceremony. He wanted to be buried, blah, blah, blah. And he has also changed his mind. And he says he wants to be cremated. And we talked to our mom and dad about it a little bit because...
00:19:26
Speaker
you always kind of naturally think of your own mortality. And I still don't think we got an answer from them. We know they want to be cremated and they want their ashes at the cabin. But I was like, that's fine. But where do you want your marker? Like, I feel like you need a stone that says you walk the earth.
00:19:45
Speaker
And they both came up with different answers. And I was like, wait, wait, wait, we where did we land? We landed nowhere. But why why is a marker so important to you? That's what I want to know. Like, we know that you were here. Like, why? You've said that before. It's it's a slippery slope. But like, when you have a funeral, it's not for the person who's dead. It's for who? It's for everybody who's left behind.
00:20:11
Speaker
right Yeah, it's how you can process. Yeah. So we went to this funeral for our friend, this mom, parent, and she had written down like what she wanted and she got what she wanted.
00:20:26
Speaker
i don't know if her kids would have done that that way if she hadn't like itemized it for them. But I mean, maybe it helped them have a little bit of like resolution on it because they did respect her last wishes. I don't know. I mean, is that part of the grieving process? Yeah, i mean, I think it is.
00:20:47
Speaker
I don't know. I feel like it is necessary. There is a part that is necessary to grieve and show there's been loss. I think if there wasn't, you would never maybe process it or For me, there's just part of it that went a little bit over what I wanted, like personally.
00:21:08
Speaker
Made you
Culinary Delight: Vegan Fettuccine Alfredo
00:21:09
Speaker
think about it. You just want us to have boas? do you want us to have boas for you and Prosecco and play some Barry Manilow and like... Yeah, have have it some Barry play would be cool. Yeah.
00:21:19
Speaker
So Kathy, you're basically talking about how we as Americans, we use the funeral as closure, as a way to say goodbye and kind of come full circle. But in other cultures, they do it differently. And i i don't know why I assumed that we would all kind of do it the same, but I was curious of how other how other cultures represent saying goodbye. and like in Mexico, death is a continuing relationship. Like they have pictures out all the time. They do one day a year, they do day of the dead, like kind of like that movie, Coco and Tibet and Asia, the body is not the person.
00:22:01
Speaker
And so they do a sky burial and basically they take their bodies to a special burial place in mountains.
00:22:13
Speaker
That's spiritual and they give the body back to the land to like the vultures and the birds. And then the Madagascar, they do a thing that's literally called turning of the bones where they, you know, take the bones and turn them up, dig them up.
00:22:33
Speaker
So it's, I find that interesting. Like for the Mexican culture, i don't mind having, i don't mind the pictures once a year and kind of reflecting and thinking about their memory, but I'm not sure I wanna leave my body or somebody else's body on a spiritual burial ground. And I don't know if I wanna like dig a bone.
00:22:55
Speaker
yeah i'm not I don't if want to dig up bones and turn them. Like, so it, I don't know. you know, it's funny, you guys. I actually watched Leanne Morgan's show the other day. And it's like perfect. Cause we're talking about grief and loss, but she was talking about her, like how her mom thinks she's going to die.
00:23:16
Speaker
and her mom wants to be like turned into mulch and back to the land. she's like, wouldn't this be cool if mama turned into an apple and then we got, we got yeah either, or maybe turned into a fritter like Oh, my God. I was just thinking, like, maybe Leanne's mom is on to something. I mean, i don't know.
00:23:43
Speaker
I just want to eat mom or dad or you guys in an apple her apple fritter. But I mean, I do like the idea of like being useful went after you're gone. You know, I think. Maybe she's ah maybe she's a Tibetan at heart. That's what they do Well, you know, when you lose a pet or something, and I think they do it for people too sometimes, you can have the ashes turned into something like a stone. It can be like superheated or something.
00:24:15
Speaker
can wear it or have it around. i mean, i don't know. If it makes you feel better, I think maybe you should... I mean, you do you. I don't know. I don't want to. All of it is tricky. So that's been on our minds a lot lately. And just a few thoughts that we've had of, you know, saying goodbye. It's hard. Like the the two things. What's the saying in life? The two things that are certain are death and taxes. Right. Right. I mean, I think, you know, there are good things that come out of times of loss. you know, you get to see people that you haven't seen for a long time. You get to hear stories about people, even if it's, you know, yeah whatever. And then um it does encourage you to sort of like face your own mortality with your family and sort of have those hard conversations. It's sort of a natural transition. What else did I think about? And sometimes I do think...
00:25:11
Speaker
I need to remember this for myself because I want to solve problems. But when someone is grieving, whatever it is they're grieving, like it's okay to be silent. Like I have a tendency to talk too much. So I've been really trying to be okay with the silence and just being present, maybe sending a text or calling and just talking about nothing relating to any sadness.
00:25:39
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's the most important. Just being there for your friends or family, whoever it is, to know that they're there for you.
00:25:49
Speaker
so And I think, too, like for me and my personality is sometimes grief sort of washes up on you in unexpected ways and unexpected times. Yeah.
00:26:02
Speaker
I think that's okay too. You know, there's no, they always have those stages of grief, but to me, it's not linear. It's very spatial and you are on your own journey and whatever your journey is, that's okay.
00:26:15
Speaker
Yeah. So everybody, we can do it. It's just part of the human experience. All right, you guys, what's for dinner? Vegan fettuccine afredo is what's for dinner.
00:26:28
Speaker
So do not be afraid that it's vegan because my husband cannot have dairy. So I have be creative sometimes. And I found this recipe and it's honestly, you guys, so good. And even my kids ate it and they loved it. I served it with broccoli.
00:26:44
Speaker
It just takes a tiny bit tiny bit of thoughtfulness of to make it perfect. So I want to hear the steps here because fettuccine Alfredo is a cream-based yeah sauce with...
00:27:02
Speaker
cheese. Yeah, it's a comfort food. It's super yummy. How you it, vegan? so you need dairy-free milk or whatever you're choosing.
00:27:15
Speaker
You need raw cashews. You need nutritional yeast, a little soy sauce, some butter, tahini, lemon juice, some Dijon mustard. So, and you're gonna blend all these things together. But before you do any blending, this is the trick to make it really creamy and smooth and delicious.
00:27:39
Speaker
You have to soak your cashews, your raw cashews overnight. Okay. They need to plan ahead. You got plan ahead. Let them get really soft and it makes it really. So when you blend it together, it gets really creamy and delicious and you hit it with the hot noodles.
00:28:00
Speaker
And honestly, you guys, it's so good. You're not even, you're not even going to be able to tell that it's vegan. It's so delicious. So, okay. I'm going to try it. Yeah. So give it a try. and try it i have somebody who's horribly allergic to cashews, but it sounds good for you. Oh, yeah. I guess if you have an allergy, not this does not work. But yeah if you do not, um give it a try. Serve it with some broccoli, some bread.
00:28:27
Speaker
that sounds really good. You could even put another protein on it, like chicken or shrimp. It's just kind of a nice way to kind of feel like you're having some indulgence and some comfort food and maybe little bit more healthy because it's not so...
Closing Remarks and Farewell
00:28:43
Speaker
um heavy dairy based, but it's delish. I like it. It's a good, a little something different. Well, we want to thank you for listening to our podcast and letting us sisters jump into your day. Please continue to follow us at 3littlefishes.com slash show notes.
00:29:00
Speaker
So to make sure you're up for all of our exclusive content and recipes. Also make sure to follow us at 3LFpod on social media to be part of the daily conversations.
00:29:11
Speaker
Have a wonderful summer weekend. Fishes out. Put the keg on my coffin and think of me every so often. Have a loser's day parade for all my friends.
00:29:26
Speaker
Drink up life like a river till the pizza man delivers. Smile and know I loved you till the end.