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The Art of the Guest List (and Who Doesn’t Make It)
0 Playsin 3 hours
This week, we’re catching up on what we’re watching, sharing Mother’s Day plans, and diving into a surprisingly complicated topic: boundaries. From wedding guest list drama to navigating “tricky people,” we unpack when it’s okay to choose yourself—and what it might cost. Plus, an easy, go-to dinner everyone will actually eat.
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Transcript
Wedding Exclusion and Social Circles
00:00:00
Speaker
They didn't invite you. i mean, do they not know how fun you are? we weren't super tight, but we overlapped, like I said, in all these social areas. And almost everyone we know was invited to this wedding and we were not. So on one hand, I'm like, well, their guest list had to be tighter.
00:00:16
Speaker
Maybe I get it. But then the other side, I'm just like, well, it felt really hurtful and kind of my feelings really did get hurt because... You were just at my wedding a month ago or whatever. Yeah. So it feels, and everybody knew it was obvious that we were not included in this. I don't know. are you tricky person? I don't know it. Yeah, exactly.
00:00:36
Speaker
I don't know what it is. guess so.
Podcast Introduction
00:00:39
Speaker
Welcome to Three Little Fishes. We're three sisters who grew up in the Midwest together, but have since spread across the country. i live in Los Angeles. I'm in Nashville. And I live in Philadelphia. We are all married with children, have all had careers but now we stay at home with our families. Join us as we share secrets and stories about being women, wives, and mothers. We welcome you to laugh along, learn something new, reach out, and join our conversation.
High School Experience
00:01:10
Speaker
So let's jump in. What's up fishes? What's up fishes? Good to see you girls. Trying to sound perky and happy, even though my morning started a little tough. I know you guys know I have a junior in high school and we're coming to the end of the school year. And I tell you what, it is a grind and it is not fun.
00:01:32
Speaker
And he is feeling so much stress. It's not for me, but he just feels it from, you know, All the finals and end of the year projects. And it's like no joke.
00:01:44
Speaker
No joke. Junior year stinks. There's no way to make it cheery. is So if you're if you're in our boat, we're with you. We're with you. You're going to get through it.
00:01:55
Speaker
I mean, are yeah, it does. It feels tricky. And then you get to like coast through senior year. Like you're kind of done. Like you've got all your applications to college in and you're like, woohoo.
Family Life Updates
00:02:08
Speaker
And then you have to get the motivated, get to class on time.
00:02:11
Speaker
yeah I'm literally giving him no eye contact and just being like, what can I get you? What can, what do you need? Okay. Okay. you that You're good. Like very little eye contact. Yeah. Our seniors just had their lawn day yesterday, which is like their play day. And they they brought in inflatable water slide.
00:02:31
Speaker
And they just like, fun they play in the lawn and play. pickleball and do the water slide and any kind of like soccer and stuff like that. It's so fun to watch them. Your school is like party all the time. Seniors. You're like fancy. I feel like they, you know, at the end, they're like, finally, you guys can celebrate, you know, which is how it should be, right? Like,
00:02:55
Speaker
Yeah. Go out with the bang. Yeah. I love it. Congratulations. You're almost there. ah This afternoon, I'm driving up to go pick up one of our kids from school. They just finished their first year in college. So I got my new used car all ready to go on its first road trip. It's like inaugural trip.
00:03:17
Speaker
That's awesome. I know it's going to be good. It's exciting to have a car that actually goes right. And it doesn't jump and like grind and act crazy. ah Going to drop parts on the road. It's always a bonus.
00:03:33
Speaker
I know. My husband's doing the same thing. He's getting our middle son. He's done with school on Thursday.
Upcoming Segments Preview
00:03:39
Speaker
So he's in finals. I believe he has one more final tomorrow and then he's done.
00:03:45
Speaker
So freshman year out. unbelievable. Love it. That's good stuff. Well, congratulations, everybody. All right, you guys. On today's show, we're going to talk about what's the buzz, tricky people, and what's for dinner.
00:03:58
Speaker
But before we get into it, I just want to remind everybody to please rate, review, send us a note, and invite your favorite fishes to jump in and join the conversation.
TV Show Discussions
00:04:08
Speaker
What's the buzz?
00:04:11
Speaker
Well, I've been watching Imperfect Women on Apple TV. And I am hooked on it. And I don't know why I'm hooked on it so much. I think I do like a mystery, but it's getting more to the mystery side.
00:04:27
Speaker
I'm like, oh, what's happening with these characters? They're getting more, they're not like cooker cookie cutter like I thought they were. yeah um Like it's interesting.
00:04:38
Speaker
I started watching because you told me to. um In the first episode, I was like, oh, So it's like, just as a quick frame of reference, it's like these three women that met in college, they live in the same town now. They're very, very tight knit group.
00:04:55
Speaker
And one of them gets murdered. And she's very well to do. i mean, yes. And so then you kind of find out like backstory and like how, you know, they have very different lives and different personalities stuff like that. And, you know, a lot of lying happens. And so the first couple of episodes, I was like,
00:05:17
Speaker
I do not, this is not my jam, but I stuck it out because Kathy said like, watch it And so I did, and it did get better. There's a lot of lying, a lot of underhanded behavior, which I don't love, but the mystery part of it and how the clues are coming out is pretty interesting. So check it out if you'd like a murder mystery. It's kind of like a psychological thriller, I would say.
00:05:41
Speaker
Well, lying builds tension, right? Lying builds like a story and intrigue, right? got have something there to like keep hooked. There's yeah so many stories out there. I feel like like little big lies. I mean, hello. And then i did watch Scarpetta, which is about um female medical examiner. And she has, you know, she's always investigating all these murders and stuff.
00:06:05
Speaker
And that has some lying and intrigue and psychological like thriller sort of line through it so if you'd like that kind of thing those two i think are definitely worth your time i clearly like it i'm watching i'm obsessed with friends and neighbors oh yeah all about lying and yeah and it's all about letting stealing like you know know i was like i mean but like come all in i'm like let's run with us and he's he's stealing from people that he knows it's like yeah
00:06:37
Speaker
Like his friends. never I would be so stressed out. Like I would see you in the street and I'd be like, oh my God, do they know I robbed them last night? they can't what I could never. I mean, listen, it is TV. So I'm not like saying do this, but like some of these people are not very nice, which you shouldn't be robbed. You shouldn't get robbed. But some of them are just...
00:07:01
Speaker
I mean, they're not the nicest people. Yeah, so I agree. with it yeah I'm not saying that it's okay, but like, I don't really feel terrible okay them. I'm hearing you think it's okay because they're But I, you know, like I'm not rooting for them either. Right. Like, so it's interesting. Yeah. And it's also interesting that, like, I'm not sure who I'm really rooting for in this show. Like, Jon Hamm is not that great of a person, but I'm kind of wanting him to get away from it, wait with it, but kind of like, wait, why? Like, the first season, I understood it a little bit more, and now this season, I'm like, uh, I don't know. So...
00:07:37
Speaker
I don't know. I don't know what to think about it, but I don't know who you're looking for, I can't just has like a dark side to us. Yeah, we must have something wrong with us. The other thing I did watch and I finished is the second season of Running Point. And I think it is such a funny, little story. I am loving this.
Mother's Day Celebration
00:07:56
Speaker
I love this series. Yes, it's funny. This family is hilarious to me. and I'm not through it. My favorite character, I think, is Allie. Like, she is like a little tiny mighty mouse. And she's just like, cool she's just getting everybody. She's getting them all in order and gets it done. And she's just like amazing. So I i think Kate Hudson is really good in this. I think she's excellent. She she is really good. She's very likable. Yeah, it's fun.
00:08:24
Speaker
I like that I also have something to watch with Tim. Like he yeah he's willing to watch this with me. So we're always looking for stuff to watch together. So all these shows that we mentioned, I think they're fun to watch with your spouse too. Yeah.
00:08:38
Speaker
They're good. You guys are looking for something. They look really good too. i mean, their clothes and stuff. I'm always like, she looks amazing. mean, if have a basketball game, she's in this like cute, like little dress.
00:08:51
Speaker
onesie thing I'm like I could never wear that like but if you had a bazillion dollars and somebody styled you you could too right like I mean that's the thing I mean could I access I think you could i think you could you you're a goddess you could wear whatever want get out there Right. You're a modern, you're like our, we always call you Doris Day, right? The modern Doris Day.
00:09:15
Speaker
Yeah. No, but I have like, pull it off I have like ah some problem areas that Doris don't have. Oh my God. Get out of here. Get out of here. You guys are too sweet, but whatever.
00:09:28
Speaker
Yeah, her clothes are cool, though. Yeah. So the other thing I just wanted to throw out there for people to start thinking about is Mother's Day is coming up. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So if you have your mom around, grandma, auntie, anybody that you...
Event Guest List Dilemmas
00:09:46
Speaker
Love and appreciate. Start getting the wheels turning. what are you going to get them? What are you going We are going to have our mother here. Yes. So Kathy I are going to be together Philly. I've always started thinking about this. So mom, don't listen.
00:10:03
Speaker
Earmuffs. Earmuffs. We might have a lawn day. I like idea. What do you think? what do you think I like it. I like that idea a lot. You're going to make her play croquet? We're playing croquet. Or something.
00:10:20
Speaker
Something. Not physical, but something. So, Linda, have you warmed up to Mother's Day? Because my recollection is you don't love Mother's Day. i don't know. I haven't changed my mind about it. um But I will say... it'll be better because it's being a shared event.
00:10:38
Speaker
So she'll be happy. This year, it'll be more fun just because I'm not... I'm not hosting. Sorry, Kath. And I will help you. But I'm not hosting. um Sadly, I'm not going to be with any my kids, which makes me a little sad.
00:10:53
Speaker
But um yeah, I mean, I just feel like it's another day. It's just another day. And nine times out of 10, I would like cook for it. Why can't Jack come in town? Isn't he done with school? He is, but he has to move Sabrina out.
00:11:08
Speaker
Well, this year, maybe you don't have to cook and clean up because you'll be at Kathy's and she'll do it for you. Yeah. sub like i was Or maybe Peter and her boys will do it because her boys should be home. Right. So maybe they'll, they'll wait on you all hand and foot. Well, they won't all be home, but we'll see. You know what? I always just say, like, give a little note, like give a little note or just like give a little hug. Like, it's just nice to show like a little love, a little appreciation. doesn't have to be anything so huge. Right. Just a little nod. mean- Just little, you know what? Thanks.
00:11:42
Speaker
Mother's Day is sweet. I mean, it is sweet that people come up and so they appreciate you. i mean, do you remember me telling this story when the kids were little? One Mother's Day, they made me breakfast in bed and they made me princess toast. Yeah.
00:11:58
Speaker
And yeah I was like, oh, my gosh, thank you so much. it was What is princess toast? So it was, that's what they called it. I don't think it's a real thing. But my middle child, who was really into princesses at the time, toasted some bread, put butter on it.
00:12:15
Speaker
put jam on it, and then sprinkled cinnamon sugar all over it. And it was princess toast. Yeah. ah And I joyfully ate my princess toast, but I was like, oh my gosh, how great. But it was one of like the most memorable Mother's Day gifts I ever got was breakfast in bed with princess toast.
00:12:37
Speaker
Yeah, that's sweet. But anyway, get thinking, in everybody. Celebrate your mama. It's coming up. Kathy, I think that maybe you should recreate a modern version of Princess Toast. Yeah, I'll get you some Princess Toast, Linda. Please don't.
00:12:52
Speaker
I love you so much. Please don't. So the other thing the other thing that we've been talking about a little bit is we are heading into like graduations, like family events, Mother's Day, like weddings, like part graduation parties and you know, kind of like brings up like guest list, like tricky people. Like, do you have to invite everybody? How does that work?
00:13:20
Speaker
So let's jump in. So what do you guys think? Like how I think somebody was telling me recently that they were invited to a wedding and and it's no way wedding.
00:13:35
Speaker
and one of their pods of friends was not invited. So they, so some people are traveling for this like mutual friends wedding and, and this, this one couple is not, they were not, they were excluded from it.
00:13:50
Speaker
I mean, what do we think about that? Is that hurtful? Not hurtful. Does everybody have to be invited? I mean, if you're asking my opinion, I think, you know,
00:14:03
Speaker
It's awkward because it's like, yeah you know, you naturally want to talk to your friend about, hey, like, what are you getting these this couple or what are you doing? are What hotel are you staying at? Whatever. And then yeah and they when they say, oh, we weren't invited to that wedding.
00:14:20
Speaker
What? Yeah. That's that's awkward. Yeah. And yeah I just don't get it. don't know.
00:14:31
Speaker
I mean, what would you do Like you have, i mean, that is the thing. It's like, how do you, do you say something? Do you not say something? Do you process it? Everybody gets left out every once in a while to things, but like a big social event is hard. I had this happen to me once. So around the time that Tim and I got married, I, we were in the position where I just, I led from a place of being inclusive, So if you kind of were in our social network or if we overlap somehow, I included them because we, the you know, I didn't want anybody to feel left out.
00:15:10
Speaker
Right. So um this one particular couple couple did come to our wedding. I know that they had a great time. And then they were engaged as well. And they got married after us, like down the road, they got engaged and they got married after us. And we were not invited to their wedding, but all of our friends, like we overlapped.
00:15:32
Speaker
They didn't invite you. mean, do they not know how fun you are? We weren't super tight, but we overlapped, like I said, in all these social areas. And almost everyone we know was invited this wedding and we were not. So on one hand, I'm like, well, their guest list had to be tighter.
00:15:48
Speaker
Maybe I get it. But then be on the other side, I'm just like, well, it felt really hurtful. And kind of my feelings really did get hurt because. You were just at my wedding a month ago or whatever. Yes. so it feel And everybody knew it was obvious that we were not included in this.
00:16:06
Speaker
And even to this day, I'm just like, it was hurtful. And I remember not being included in this wedding. And I clearly didn't make the cut.
00:16:17
Speaker
And I was like, but why would I not? I don't know. you a tricky person? And I don't know. Yeah, exactly. I don't know what it is. I guess so. i guess so. you don't I don't You next picture her at your wedding? Like, she's like, oh, I'm out.
00:16:32
Speaker
I mean, I don't think so. But I mean, I think so. For me, I always try to lead in a place of being inclusive. And I never want anybody to feel badly. yeah But well that being said, i struggle with like even like some family members that are close that I don't have a really close relationship with and they stress me out.
00:16:52
Speaker
Do I invite them? I don't necessarily invite them to big events. right Because I'm trying to set some limits because it stresses me out. So right maybe I am a tricky, mean person. I don't know.
00:17:06
Speaker
How do you guys handle it? Tricky Nancy. I mean, is it okay to set those boundaries with people who make you uncomfortable, who make you and you don't want them at your party?
Managing Event Invitations and Boundaries
00:17:18
Speaker
I think so. it makes you really uncomfortable. Yeah. I mean, I think this scenario was like...
00:17:24
Speaker
Okay, what would you do? you you're invited to, like, people are having, good friends are having a wedding or big party, and like a good friend did not get invited. you know How do you handle that? like I think everybody can set whatever. To me though, like if you're not inviting me, then you're telling me I'm not important to you and so are we not friends anymore? i will see you in the grocery and I'll say hi, but I'm not going to stop and talk and I'm not inviting you to the things anymore.
00:17:57
Speaker
So I mean, it's like you're if you're excluding somebody, then to me, the message is you're not important to me. you know, we're I mean, is it the end of a friendship? Are we shifting gears and now we're just acquaintances? i mean, maybe maybe you're a tricky person and we just don't realize it.
00:18:19
Speaker
Or is it about money? Is it about we just really can't have one more couple? And so we have to draw a line somewhere. And this is a super hard line to draw. yeah I don't know.
00:18:31
Speaker
and we were actually just having this conversation. So at school, I'm in charge of the um high school graduation dinner. yeah And we only have a certain space allotted for this graduation. And there are so many families. So each family gets a table of 10. And...
00:18:53
Speaker
and there are families that will be like, hey, I need more tickets. And they're like, no, there's no more, you can't have any more tickets. Like only, yeah you only get 10. There's only so many spaces, yeah and One of the ladies I actually saw this morning, she goes, I told a family they could not bring someone and they brought them anyway last year.
00:19:16
Speaker
And she was like, I was giving them daggers like throughout the dinner. Like, what are you doing having this person here? You're blocking like the walkway.
00:19:27
Speaker
But like, I do think it is a numbers thing, but it at the same time, it hurts people's feelings. So I don't know. Like, I'm just.
00:19:39
Speaker
Yeah, it's hard. I think it's easy. I think in like that, that example of graduation completely makes sense to me. of Every family gets this amount of tickets.
00:19:51
Speaker
You can sell your ticket to somebody else if you're not going to use it. But each family gets this so many tickets. That totally makes sense. I think and it I do think, though, it gets tricky when you're talking about weddings. And, yeah you know, if you but you should invite who you want and you should have the people there that you want.
00:20:10
Speaker
And I, but you have to own it. I think you do have to own those decisions of, of your guest list and yeah be mindful of, you know what, if I draw a hard line, be prepared that it could cause some hurt feelings. there's a kind deal Yeah. And be okay with it. And if you truly feel like that's okay, then that's your answer.
00:20:29
Speaker
You know, is it worth it? this is the other thing. So like friends are one thing, like you can kind of navigate and you hope if you have a you know, friend, You can have a conversation like, I love you, but this is like, I had to do blah, blah, blah for whatever reason.
00:20:47
Speaker
So friends are different because you You're choosing them in your life, yeah like which is almost easier to communicate with. What about family? like You're having a big event.
00:21:02
Speaker
Do you have to invite all your family? Because like I can think of a few people that maybe I would not. They haven't been nice to me. So like I don't want to be around them. like I don't want to welcome them into my party.
00:21:15
Speaker
Yeah. yeah But they're family. So it's like, you can't get away. Like, but they're tricky. Like they're not like they're tricky. So like, do you have to invite them?
00:21:27
Speaker
Well, I feel like if they're not really in your life, you know, they're probably not going to be missed because they're not, they're at not coming to events anyway.
00:21:38
Speaker
don't know. do like. She looks just like dad right there. What? What? You did a little facial expression as you were explaining that you look just like dad. So crazy.
00:21:50
Speaker
So I feel like I'm changing my tune about this little bit. I think that I am ready to set some harder boundaries. I don't feel like I want to. i I feel like I am very much a pleaser and I want everybody to be happy.
00:22:07
Speaker
And I do want people to be happy. But i i ah now that I'm getting older, i don't want it to come in my own my own happiness or my own feelings. So if I, i think so, if I am, I'm not willing to stuff down my feelings and just take whatever I'm going to get from this person, because I'm supposed to invite them because they're family and I'm using air quotes. Like if you're not going to be kind, if you're not wanting to be in my life, if every time i see you,
00:22:37
Speaker
You're not kind to me and mean. And I get my anxiety is revved up. I don't think that's good for my health. And I don't become my best self when I'm anxious. Like yeah I'm loud in general, but my loudness gets higher. I get more bitey.
00:22:54
Speaker
And I don't like that person that comes out in me. No way. As you guys know, like, I mean, I know you guys are making fun of me. It's not my best self. Like when I get really anxious, like I don't like I don't like what that does to me. And so I think for me, i think I'm going to start saying no, just because it's not worth it. Yeah. Yeah. i know Like you listen to Mel Robbins a lot and she just did that, like let them and her thing is like let people do whatever you set your boundary, but like, let them like, if they want to be an ass, let them be an ass. Don't let it affect you.
00:23:32
Speaker
Like you somehow like, set up some sort of emotional boundary, but it's harder to do than that. And I would argue if you know someone's tricky, why allow interaction?
00:23:48
Speaker
into your space and then you have to do something about it. Like you have to set up your boundary because I'm supposed to just let them do whatever they want to do. Yeah. I mean, I think what she, I think what she's trying to say and let them is you can't control other people's behavior, but you can control how you handle it and how you take on it But if you're inviting them into your party, correct you inviting that possible bad behavior. The answer is yes.
00:24:19
Speaker
So maybe you're right. And it's like, just don't invite them in the first place and deal with the fallout later. Yeah. And there um would be fallout. I mean, I think that there would be fallout. Like I think we have, I'm for me, I'm thinking we have, a tight knit family and I think our core family and I think it there would be a little fallout. But on the flip side of that, you know, sometimes you can't always play nice and it's not helpful to somebody's gonna get hurt.
Prioritizing Personal Well-being
00:24:49
Speaker
one way or the other. Right? So it is hard to think though, because we are very polite people. so it like hurts my soul to think i would exclude somebody. you know what I mean? Because that seems like mean and like not polite. And I am a polite person. So then I think, can I just like, who cares? It'll be fine.
00:25:11
Speaker
i can't not be polite. struggle with that. I don't know what I would do. I don't know. like But you if you're bringing in somebody who's not polite to you, it just it's just this whole thing of why are their feelings more... I've been to things with extended family and they have... like There's one person in particular I'm thinking about she is so bitey to me and goes around the party and talks about me.
00:25:42
Speaker
And i'm I do nothing but... like I'm so nice. Like, why are you mad at me? I haven't done anything to you. Apparently she doesn't think you're nice. I don't know. And now you better like, you better work that. And have a bad corner a party and be like, all the tricky people are in that corner. Stay over there.
00:26:04
Speaker
yeah so You can have your own roped off area in this party. We'll even set up a little bar for you. I mean, ever like, I know, like, everybody should just be nice. And if you can't, it's okay. Not everybody has to like you. That's totally fine. You just can't treat me badly. Right? So just you be in your corner, I'll be in mine, and it's gonna, you know, it's all gonna be fine. like I think the answer is we don't have an answer. So i think any of our listeners that have some like good solutions for how you manage all of these feelings, like throw them at us. I think that I have an answer. I think it's okay to choose yourself. I really think it's okay to say i choose myself and I don't have to always be polite or shut my feelings down. So you can choose yourself, I think is the answer.
Listener Interaction
00:26:57
Speaker
Okay. Maybe I'm going to get some hate mail, but that's okay. I think you should choose you. Okay. Nancy says, you're important.
00:27:10
Speaker
Although Kathy probably feels differently. She probably would just be like, someone's mean to her at a party or says something she doesn't like. She puts something in her mouth or she's like, she'll drain her drink and she'll be like, oh, shoot, I need a refill. And she'll like leave and she won't ever come back. know. That is master at that.
00:27:27
Speaker
I escaped them. Yes. You are good. You are so good. and you do it You do it with such a sweet face. I think that I look like I've been like slapped in the face and I just like stand there and I'm like, wait, what is happening? What is happening?
00:27:41
Speaker
you know, I'm not quick-witted enough to deal with it in the moment and then I stew about it. Something will happen and I'll be like, wait, what? What? Me? What? like I must be, I don't know.
00:27:53
Speaker
I must be socially dumb. I can't. I don't know. Anyway, put link out there. Let us know if you have any other tips other than choose you.
Family Recipe Sharing
00:28:03
Speaker
your yes um all right, y'all. What's for dinner?
00:28:11
Speaker
We are obsessed right now with salmon at our house. It's a fish that I can get everybody to eat. It's quick to cook. It's healthy for you.
00:28:22
Speaker
And it's got a ton of protein and it just, it's been an easy- And it has omega-3s. Yep, yes. Which I think also stimulate your- serotonin and you it reduces anxiety. So like if you're having a rough week. So maybe I need that more salmon please. Salmon is a good choice. So I like it. yeah Yeah.
00:28:45
Speaker
I make mine with um a like third cup of honey and a third cup of soy sauce, a little garlic and I mix it and then I marinate half of the, I get four pieces of salmon fillets I marinate them for like 15 minutes with half of the sauce.
00:29:07
Speaker
And then I bake them for 15 minutes. And while they're baking, i use the rest of the half of the sauce and I cook it down on the stove to make like a little glaze. And when the fish comes out, I put the glaze on top of the fish and I serve it. That sounds so kind of good.
00:29:26
Speaker
It's super good. It's really fast. It's really easy. Everybody loves it. And I just serve it with like some broccoli or roast potatoes. And or you could even just get some frozen peas yeah or rice.
00:29:40
Speaker
Yeah. Just something quick and easy. But nobody complains. Everybody like eats their plate. Um, and it's relatively, it's not super expensive yeah and it's, it's yummy.
00:29:53
Speaker
yes So try
Closing Remarks
00:29:53
Speaker
it. Sounds good. That's a great idea. Well, we want to thank you for listening to our podcast and letting us sisters jump into your day. Please continue to follow us at three little fishes.com slash show notes to make sure you're up on all of our exclusive content and recipes, and also make sure to follow us at three LF pod on social media to be part of the daily conversation.
00:30:16
Speaker
Have a wonderful weekend. Fishes out.