Transcript
trinaaykay: Welcome! to this side of someday. I'm Trina. I'm Julie. And I don't think we even have a name for this episode yet, but were this is episode five. The struggle is real. For anyone following along. Episode 5.
trinaaykay: I'm going to, Oh, the struggle is your struggle is real. Let's do it. Cause it's cause I mean. it's been a struggle it's been I mean, we are learning as we go. We are.
trinaaykay: You gotta watch because see the sound has been weird because julie does not like microphones i don't So we've been trying to find. Something. And so. We're going to see. She likes to just move around though. I do. I'm Italian. I can't help it. Is that it? Hand talking. Hand talking.
trinaaykay: So... Alright. We're on to our weekly episode. We are. And Julie said, well, what are we going to talk about? and I said, I think we should just talk about what we've been talking about because Julie.
trinaaykay: If you are new to our realm, our circle here. and Julie had cancer last year. And while... that is not her entire personality it is a very big part of life now so she is Technically.
trinaaykay: Cancer free. Yes. No, N -E -D. NED, no evidence of disease. Right. yeah But my brain is not there. Here's what I've learned.
trinaaykay: whereas This is going to be like a cancer episode. This is weird. It's not. It's not. It is. It's about life after cancer. Life after. So here's what I've learned from a lot of people that I've been talking to. or following online.
trinaaykay: Because there's like a whole PTSD to after cancer. like survivorship they call it. All right. That's a good. Yeah, survivorship. Because... When you...
trinaaykay: Get diagnosed with cancer. You may they start thinking okay. Well first you think I'm gonna die Like I'm dead And then it's like all the things, right? Then you have the doctors and the surgeries and the chemo and the treatments and the radiations and whatever it is that you have.
trinaaykay: And you're always, you're surrounded by doctors. twenty four Not 24 -7, but you're always got a doctor. You have a doctor's appointment, you're going into the hospital, you know, for infusions or surgeries or whatever.
trinaaykay: And then you get all done. And then they say, okay. Go live. See ya. You did it. You rang the bell. oh god everybody takes the pictures everybody's so excited for you Can we talk about the bell We're here.
trinaaykay: I feel like we should talk about the bell. Do you want to go there real quick? I do. Just real quick, because I think the bell is so significant. And if you're on social media, which assumably you are on at least some app. You see these videos and it's hard not to get emotional. don't know the people in them you still feel it like when they're ringing the bell when they finish their treatment. And is there's so much emotion behind that, right? and I just think that nobody.
trinaaykay: Nobody tells you. specifically nobody tells the cancer patient that ringing the bell does not mean that like you you're gonna ring that bell and like the time clock's gonna go back and you're gonna be who you were before they told you you had cancer like i think there's such They just.
trinaaykay: disconnect and what happens when you ring that bell because Julie rung that bell and was like so now I feel better Like I'm supposed to be better now. And that is just not, you're not better. You're done with treatment, but your body is in no way done healing. from what it's been through. I think that's like really. All right. That's it right, because you ring the bell.
trinaaykay: like i was saying you ring the bell everybody's taking the pictures everybody's oh you did it you're so strong you're so this and you're like i don't know Nope. I don't feel the same. My brain is like, what just happened? So I think that.
trinaaykay: After. there's no you know you have your doctor's appointments but they're only once every three months six months depending on you know what happened to you every year whatever And then.
trinaaykay: You don't know what to do and your brain and your thoughts and all the things start catching up you're like Oh my gosh. I had, so i had cancer um someone told me I had cancer, and then I had a surgery, and then I had treatment. and then i had this and then i had this and then i rang the bell and then they told me i'm good
trinaaykay: And then your body during that time, you don't even get to process all the emotions of what is actually happening. You don't. fully process the cancer and you don't fully process the surgery and the treatments and what the treatment's doing to your body and how you think about life and nobody prepares you for any of that.
trinaaykay: And then after, right? Now I rang the bell. Yay. It's been almost a year now Hmm. But I don't feel like myself. I'm still tired.
trinaaykay: My body still hurts. Mentally I'm a mess. Because... We keep we always tell you and you know part of this whole podcast like We always we know that we're not guaranteed tomorrow, but Someone tells you you're not guaranteed tomorrow. And then now with the whole, everything this past year and a half, two years.
trinaaykay: is now i'm like okay i know that i don't have that much time you Right. Not like I don't have that much time, but like. we are we don't have Time is fast. Right. Like.
trinaaykay: Time is finite. It is, you do not get, it's not refillable. Right. So it's like, oh, my gosh. You might not have to- tomorrow. Like, I want to do everything now. And so right now, guys, she wants to do it right.
trinaaykay: Right now. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm struggling with like. I want to do this now. We want to do this. We got to have this happen right now. It has to happen now. And then if it can't happen now, then I'm... Rest.
trinaaykay: out stressed out because i'm like oh my god but we need to do it now because we might not have tomorrow Right. And I'm struggling. Yeah. I i think it's. um you know they say happy wife happy life right and so I had to tell Julie I was like you are not happy right now and it's ironic because we've started our podcast based on this whole like this whole philosophy of this side of someday like do the things that bring you joy now because you know we know that And.
trinaaykay: I think in attempting to. I don't know do the things that bring joy. you managed to make it stressful because you were like, but there's these things I want to do that we can't do right now. And so I'm just going to put all of my energy into.
trinaaykay: how do I make it happen faster? Or how do we get there faster? And I was like, you're forgetting to enjoy Tuesday. Like I am. I was just. forgetting that like we're here right now and it's okay to be here.
trinaaykay: um In this moment and just like. be in it and just enjoy it. and Yeah, we had to. So I i thought. when she said what we're going to talk about today i was like well i think we should talk about But we've been talking about just.
trinaaykay: actually living in the moment and not being so caught up on. Right. Because we can talk about it because we know about it. Doesn't mean we're. doesn't mean we the two of us are perfect are perfect at it or have it mastered and you know you know and to be honest like you have a way better figured out than I do.
trinaaykay: Gosh, I think i think because... My. The best way I can explain it is I missed a lot of my kids being little. because I was so stressed out.
trinaaykay: And I missed a lot of. things and opportunities. And. Look, I will get teary. She talks about cancer so I didn't get teared up. I talk about. Other things I get teared up. um Yeah, I just missed a lot and I just know.
trinaaykay: That like, this is all we get. um We're currently planning a wedding. And my dad's not here for that. And that sucks. mm -hmm And so I'm just very mindful of that. I think also there's like this pressure.
trinaaykay: um My kids. father is not in the picture right now and that is his choice and that is sad for my kids. And so I think I put a lot of pressure on too. making sure that we are present for them. oh Hi kitty cat.
trinaaykay: Making sure, if you're not watching, then you don't see that there's a cat trying to hop on up, but there is. that we... are present for them and living in the moment with them.
trinaaykay: and getting to enjoy that because your kids are only little ones right like and we only get this you know you only get this season once right this month once this day once and so i just i think i Probably. I'm just...
trinaaykay: better able to do that at this moment. That doesn't mean I've always been good at it or that I always will be, but I'm more mindful of the time. And maybe because you had cancer last year, I'm more mindful of like.
trinaaykay: You know? Right. And I think the way we've gone about it is different, right? Like the way you're talking about it and here is I'm like, oh my gosh. I want to speed it all up. because somebody told me that. I might not have tomorrow. Right. One day. You know what I mean? And then I was like, oh my gosh.
trinaaykay: Can I cram everything I want to do in your next 24 hours? great Everything that we want to do and accomplish in our lives needs to happen right now. And I'm like, well. Yes, but no. I think it is that thing when people say to you.
trinaaykay: what would you do if today was the last day you had on earth then people always think about like well i'd rather rather be at the beach or i'd rather you know they think about yeah their favorite place that they want to get to.
trinaaykay: um and i'm not saying that i wouldn't rather be at the beach i'm just saying that the reality is that Right, or or Sedona, some red dirt. Some red dirt, that's where. there's Yeah, I think there's lots of happy places, but.
trinaaykay: I think there's... something. to be said for being. happy where you are and just being more mindful of like. who you're with and what what you can create in that moment.
trinaaykay: Again, not saying that we don't want to move because we do. It's just not It doesn't have to happen immediately. And it's not going to. Right. It's not going to. It's not going to. but There's realities that have to happen. We can all.
trinaaykay: Right. And I think that's the balance you have to find, which I was struggling with the the reality of. This is... This is what it is. and and right where I want to be well that goes to the I love duality right I love the You get to want more and be grateful for what you have. and yeah so I think sometimes we just get so focused on the the what comes next that we forget that.
trinaaykay: We worked. We figured that this is the moment that we worked really hard to get to. Right. right We don't. Yeah. Nobody gives themselves the credit. of I worked really hard so that. you know, I could be in this moment and then you're just focused on the next thing and you forget to stop and go.
trinaaykay: you know i actually just saw um something on instagram i think yesterday that said i'm not where i want to be but i am exactly i have everything that i wanted three years ago Right, yeah I was going to say, there's always like things like that, like.
trinaaykay: You got what you prayed for. yeah like Right now. Yeah. Like, i yeah. So that's it. So Julie was struggling because I um have always said that i did not want to live where it is cold. I want to live where it is warm. And I don't want to live where it's cold. Right. i like I'm over the cold.
trinaaykay: I want to move south again or or whatever. And so Julie. uh just was like on this set on this idea that we had to like Be ready to go. and Yeah. And I think and I'm going to say something.
trinaaykay: ready ready Ready for this admit admittance? Admittance. Admittance. I was dead set. I've been in Ohio for 11 years. almost 11 years. No, 11 years. Oh my God, it's gonna be 12 years. Anyway. I've been in Ohio 11 years and I was like as soon.
trinaaykay: As the kids graduate, I am out of here. Like, I don't want to be in Ohio. You know, we're from Pittsburgh, so of course we don't want to be in Ohio. I'm like, I do not want to. Go Steelers. Right? I don't want to be in Ohio. Like, I hate Ohio. This whole thing.
trinaaykay: But Ohio's not bad. you know And I like was thinking about that after our little come to Jesus talk the other day. I was like. You know what? I've been sitting here for 11 years telling myself.
trinaaykay: I'm leaving. when the kids graduate and I don't want to be here. Like. I don't like it here or whatever it is. And I'm like... Just because I've said that.
trinaaykay: All this time doesn't mean that that's. that it has to stay true. Hmm. Right? Like it doesn't.
trinaaykay: See? And dogs like the neighbors. um But like... right we were you were saying it's so pretty here and like it is there's so much around you around here it's so pretty and there's all these things and then when we go back when I do go back to Pittsburgh I'm like gosh guys oh my god just like I have some pictures Julie's just driving around my hometown with like this scowl on her face that's my hometown too specifically at that moment that picture was my hometown you were your face was yeah
trinaaykay: like it was just ew and that's not to say anything other than There are parts of every town, right, that are just. You know, not. What's the word we're going for here?
trinaaykay: I don't know. i'm just
trinaaykay: Oh, as we get silent. Yeah, I don't even know. It's just, I don't haven't have the words. I just know that like, yeah, when I go back to Pittsburgh, I'm like. i No, i I don't want to be here either. in Columbus.
trinaaykay: And our area is. is so much nicer, you know? it It's a newer city, you know? Yeah, it's new. right steel city is steel city for a reason yeah like columbus is our city and it's growing like crazy and there's so many opportunities and it is very pretty here yeah And, you know, i had I was... Like I was thinking about it the other day and I'm like, you know what?
trinaaykay: I do, ah you know, I do like it here and I don't like I can change. Right? but like i Like I said for, like I said for 11 years, like. Anytime someone would say something about Ohio State, I would like. live rare But then I'm like. i kind of Like I said last year, like I like Ohio State because.
trinaaykay: Ohio State, at the James, they saved my life. Right. It's kind of hard to be hateful then. yeah I do think there's like a part of you that's just so ingrained to hate Ohio being from Pittsburgh that you just can't help. Like even being an Ohioan, you're like, no, I'm not. Like I am still.
trinaaykay: a pittsburgh at heart and we are definitely still pittsburghers but also We're not. We live in Ohio and it's... Fine. Yeah, I mean, it it is it is really pretty. Like, you can drive down the street and it's pretty. And there's a lot of things to do. And our little neighborhoods and communities are really awesome. And there are awesome a lot of people from Pittsburgh living in Columbus. There are. Like, I mean, you and every time you go in there before that. No.
trinaaykay: any know like I sincerely, every time we're at like an event. a kid's sporting event or a school event or just out like so It's like six degrees of. separation, Pittsburgh version. like everybody is like oh my uncle is there or i used to live there or my like whatever it's always Like, yeah but you know, I might love.
trinaaykay: you know, living in Ohio. right now but i still don't love the browns Okay, that will never happen. Steelers all the way. As I look at, what is that? The Heinz Field picture next to year, I think. Yeah.
trinaaykay: So. Yes. I think. There was a lot of that. And I think you were very stuck in this idea of. You know, it's time to go.
trinaaykay: and like who knows down the road but like there could seriously be like a whole episode on what happens to people and what happens to people during cancer and after cancer, mainly after and the things that don't get offered.
trinaaykay: You know what I mean? Like the whole survivorship thing, like there's so many things that they don't even tell you about. And they don't tell you that like you're. go I don't know why you make that face. I am making a face friends because.
trinaaykay: Julie is very anti -accept the help that is offered. And I do want to point out. Especially if somebody. from the James happens to hear this, that they have many, many resources available.
trinaaykay: for cancer patients and their families. And Julie is just not one to. Take those so be have there is an entire community that they have for People going through cancer, coming out of cancer. if they go I know that when you when you had like when you first get diagnosed with cancer, they give you this whole binder about.
trinaaykay: what to do and write Where your loved ones can go. I feel like it's the after part. I feel like there's a whole place for mental health. for I just feel that you have not. There might be. Utilize the tools. that There might be. You know what it might be?
trinaaykay: Your stubbornness. No, what? well yeah i am stubborn you know what it might be it might be the fact that I personally don't want to think of myself as a survivor. Oh, right. Because. Nothing, right? You're very much nothing. You get to me, right?
trinaaykay: right because i don't want the like the victim idea yeah or like the label with the label Maybe. I don't know. I don't know you know because you Because you perceive that as weak.
trinaaykay: is that it I have no idea I don't have an answer Right. i Therapy. I think therapy. you ah yeah But yeah. See? um as big Big advocates on mental health over here. I feel feel as though therapy could possibly help with that part of it. yeah To just work through.
trinaaykay: yeah how you can be a victim and not like i was literally talking to a to a friend of mine um ran into like crossing. during homecoming pictures the other night And she had breast cancer and, you know, went through her whole thing. and then um she was like yeah that's the after part it's like ptsd and i'm like yes She's like, they tell you just go live. And you're like, well, how do I do that now?
trinaaykay: Yeah. Yeah. And that's kind of, that's kind of where it was. Good luck. rewire your brain. hmm and Yep. And be okay with. It never being exactly the same as it as it was. It's rude.
trinaaykay: It's totally rude. Got it. keep on keep on living so that's yeah that's what we've been doing over here having a lot of reflection On.
trinaaykay: where we are versus where we want to be. And just being okay with. Where we are. So we bought some new plants. you can't see them all but that's that's what is that a string of frogs though it's called something like that string of frogs guys it's so cute if you're just listening you can google it coffee big cappuccino cup thing yeah super cute so Yeah, just finding ways to.
trinaaykay: Enjoy the moments. And. yeah Again, duality. yeah You can be grateful. And still want more. Right. But not even that. It's okay to change your mind. Like I've been fighting how much I hate.
trinaaykay: i don't like ohio because i've been telling everybody that for 11 years right I'm leaving. Right. I'm leaving two years. I'm leaving. Five years, I'm leaving. but not I'm leaving. But it's okay to be late.
trinaaykay: It's actually okay here. Like I remember saying something the other day to Hunter, like. you know You guys are gonna graduate and we're gonna move. Where do you think we should went to? He's like, why? He's like...
trinaaykay: It's not bad here. i feel like I kind of like Columbus. I was like, oh shit. yeah right she yes To be, I think you also gave me crap because. you know,
trinaaykay: She kept saying leaving when the the high schoolers are done. And I was like, well, what if they go to like OSU or OU? there's a good chance they're going to go to an in -state college. And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, well, I don't, do you want to be that far away from them when they first are starting out as adults? Like there's airplanes. Right. I'm like, well, I don't want to have to catch an airplane because my kid is sad on a curb somewhere at a party. Like, I just want to be able to go pick them up. like i don't want to be that far away from my kids when they're you know just
trinaaykay: fledgling out. You know? Did you say fledgling? like You know, like babies, baby birds, fledglings. They're just little fledglings. like They can't quite... You can't really fly yet, but they're starting, right?
trinaaykay: Yeah. They're just, they're like babies. They're just, they're still baby adults. They'll be like baby adults that aren't quite ready to be adulty as we, they prove every day. every day every day they prove they're They're baby adults, guys. They're not.
trinaaykay: right like they look like adulty kind of try real hard right like they they can drive cars and they can have jobs and They can. I don't take themselves places and and do things and make plans on their own. However, they also cannot do things on their own. Right. They're not.
trinaaykay: not capable of the adulting. so I think that's... That's just true. So I don't want to be far from them. I'm ah i'm okay with. If now, if they choose to go to school in the South or in the Southwest, I don't think we would fault them for that and we would embrace it. But yeah.
trinaaykay: Yeah. that's it That's all I got. That's all you got? That's all I have. okay guys so Thanks for joining. Thanks for listening in. We'll be back next week.
trinaaykay: With some more this side Someday. Please go follow us on Instagram. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Send us to your friends. Do all of those things. We appreciate it more than you know.
trinaaykay: And we're only going to get better. So we will. Yeah. I mean, we totally will. You got to start somewhere. That's the thing. Just start. Just start. Figure it out as you go. I hope we can inspire you to just start. be grateful today for where you are and for where you want to go. That's right. that's it See ya.
trinaaykay: but
