Transcript
Trina Kay: Welcome back. to this. side of someday. I'm Julie. I'm Trina. And this is episode two. Choose again.
Trina Kay: So we're picking right back up from episode one. This is like a three. part arc we will call it per se. just the opening introductions, backstory.
Trina Kay: philosophies that stuff It's actually and just like, we just feel like we have to like. get through this to establish so you you know what to look forward to i think right yeah Okay, so.
Trina Kay: Picking up where we left off Life is short. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. mm -hmm So we're all the way up to 2023 in this storyline, right? Julie has just had a cancer scare.
Trina Kay: Yes? Yes. You made a face. Because my brain went to... 2003. So I was like, no, no, nope. 2023 cancer scare. Yeah. um i if My marriage is officially over.
Trina Kay: And. I think we're both looking at two lives that we built that we no longer. wanted really. Correct. Yes.
Trina Kay: we do not
Trina Kay: We did not want to be living our lives the way that we had been living them. We built them a certain way. And we didn't like the building. No. There was a lot of.
Trina Kay: putting other people first and I'm not saying especially if you're a parent you know Kids come first. But what are you teaching them if you never come first? Because then you're setting them up to live the same kind of life. And I'm sure we'll have.
Trina Kay: an episode just on that right Bye. that was kind of it and so looking at our lives and what we were doing and what we were choosing. I think it's important to note that we had to choose ourselves.
Trina Kay: which I think a lot of that led up to 2023. of choosing ourselves. like in a couple of years. before that that led us back to each other. Yeah, I think mine started in like the end of 2019.
Trina Kay: And then. 2020 with that.
Trina Kay: with that with that we'll just leave it at that with that 2020 everybody knows 2020 was a shit show 2020 i started doing a lot of different things you know reading different books and following different people. and Yes.
Trina Kay: I would say. Yeah, probably about the same time I got into direct sales. This is like a pivot, but I entered the direct sales market whatever it is, industry.
Trina Kay: In 27. 18. Yes. Yes. Yeah. 2017. Remember, we because I needed to stay home with the kids. I did not have childcare at that point. So I was raising. the children but also still number one i'd always had a job so not having a job was not an option for me and needed to be financially contributing in order to keep us afloat so I will say as much as it gets.
Trina Kay: A bad rep. that Direct. sales really helped me. to develop a lot of that confidence and a lot of the skills. and be in rooms i wouldn't have necessarily put myself in with people i wouldn't have necessarily known.
Trina Kay: So. That was part of choosing myself and and finding a different way to do things. right and just looking at life differently what we were reading I mean I think I think that's how our Instagrams really intersected is that. probably we were Weird. Following the same people. Following a lot of the same.
Trina Kay: maybe not even people but the same ideals the same This is the life I want. And so we're following people that had the life we wanted. um and that lived the way that we wanted to live and that I think was a lot of the intersection. Yes.
Trina Kay: Agreed. Agreed.
Trina Kay: So I think what happens is once we start... following all these ideals right or people and whatever We realized that sometimes the life that we had wasn't the life that we wanted.
Trina Kay: But what is the life you wanted? Like who tells us? what life is supposed to look like Who tells us that we're supposed to have the... The house and the three kids and the white picket fence and you know You got to go to college and you have to do this, you know who says Like, why does why is that have to be?
Trina Kay: Truth. yeah why is it from point a to point b and and somehow you're supposed to be happy even though I don't think anybody, everybody tells you what your. you should be shooting for and striving for, but they don't tell you like what you're going to feel like. And they don't tell you to enjoy the process or that there should be joy.
Trina Kay: But. The process. But that process of, you know. What people think is. the definition of success. isn't necessarily someone else's definition of success.
Trina Kay: Right? because In theory, people are saying the definition of success is two. Be happy. be married have your house have your kids you got the idea there's people that don't want that So if there are people doing that and you're not happy right So I think that's one of those things that we have to realize. I think also there's a...
Trina Kay: I mean, I think we could dedicate a whole episode to him what does happy even mean, right? Like, and and how do you define happy and how do you know if you actually are happy? And I, and that's the the pivot to this. point I wanted to make, which is that Prior to 2023, I looked really happy.
Trina Kay: I... I had a whole social media presence that was defined around me being a happy person and smiling in all of my photos and all of those things. and posing the kids and taking the family photo photos and you know forcing the smiles getting the the pictures on the beach and so I did all of that and and there's two points i want to make about that one is that a snapshot on social media is not.
Trina Kay: always the truth, right? It's that moment. and sometimes it's a curated moment. And. Afterwards, I remember just getting messages from women that I was. didn't even, you know, maybe know very well, but had followed me and them saying, wow, like I didn't realize how unhappy you were until now when I'm seeing you smile and there's just such a difference.
Trina Kay: in your smile and and how you look and It's just obvious now that we didn't see how unhappy you really were. And. To that end, you know, when we were separating, my daughter looked at our our family photos and was like, can we please take these down? Because they're such.
Trina Kay: they're just a lie she hated them because she felt like They were this fake portrayal of. who we were. and I think it's just important to note that.
Trina Kay: Something can look really good on paper and not feel good. You can have all the things that you set out to get. and still not be happy because you forgot why you wanted them or because they're no longer what you want.
Trina Kay: That life is no longer so. Yes, I think the big question that. I had to ask, and and this was actually from a book and a podcast and a person, but you can word it however you want, but if nobody had an opinion about your life.
Trina Kay: What would you do differently? Oh, I did everything differently.
Trina Kay: I did. I mean. Because think about it. I was doing. I've done so many different things. And I think I keep, because because it's the thing, like I went to school because I thought I was supposed to go to school and I did this. and i have a degree in this and i have a degree in that and i was doing those things and i realized i didn't i did those did not make me happy and those did not fulfill me so i I want to find something else to do, you know?
Trina Kay: But I think what happens is I think a lot of us get so. Caught up in the fact that oh my god We've spent. $40 ,000 going to school or we spent you know all this time. into this and we can't if we if we stop now it's failure But there's I think there's two parts to that. One, it's not a failure.
Trina Kay: Because if it's not making you happy. then you should change when you learn something but in fit but that's the second point like Failure is not failure, it's a, it's a, it's a learning, it's a life lesson or, you know, you fail forward, stepping stone, like you can't keep growing if you don't fail at things.
Trina Kay: So I personally think that failure is a good thing. As long as you are. realizing what the failure was in. changing to to be better, not. continually doing the same.
Trina Kay: i I agree. I think. what's the there's like a saying that if you never set any goals you'll never there's a saying it'll come to me But it's that thing of.
Trina Kay: if you're If you're not failing and you're not... failing at something, then you're not trying anything, right? If you're successful all the time, you probably have not. Put yourself.
Trina Kay: Out there. Out there. You've not tried something new. You've not taken a risk. Right. You have not. done the scary thing. If you're just like, oh, I win at everything. Well, then you're probably doing the same thing.
Trina Kay: every day. and not. pushing yourself to to do more or to even ask yourself. what it is that really lights you on fire, right? yeah but also when you're changing and you're growing like we outgrow things you grow up girl i mean just like just like your clothes right you grow up you get bigger you don't fit your clothes right same with people and places and like jobs, whatever, like you can, you definitely can outgrow things.
Trina Kay: you can't You can outgrow habits. Yeah. And that's even true even if the habit is a healthy habit. I think that's important to note. Even if you have a really... healthy habit you get up you go to the gym every day 5 a .m At some point...
Trina Kay: you have to ask yourself If that... habit is getting you to the next place. right I mean I think I can speak to this because I recently just switched gyms for that reason Because it wasn't pushing me.
Trina Kay: and wasn't challenging me in the way that I need to be challenged. to hit. my new goal. right So even if it's a healthy habit, sometimes maybe. there's a different way or a different thing because we all get complacent.
Trina Kay: Yeah. but we also are all of us. Well, not so much us. anymore on most things, but a lot of us. don't change because everybody's too afraid of what somebody else is going to think.
Trina Kay: Oh my gosh. what she would the online warrior Right. Those keyboard warriors, but like, who cares? right who cares what anybody has to say because that's not who they're you're living your life for.
Trina Kay: I think it's dumb. but it's just it's just dumb words of wisdom from joely friends exactly it's just dumb You have to live your life for you or else you will never be happy.
Trina Kay: Absolutely. I think and so we talk a lot about this dual feeling of being able to be grateful And still wanting more. Again, i forever tie that back to Ed Milet with the blissful dissatisfaction.
Trina Kay: Oh, is that what he says? That's what he says. Blissful dissatisfaction, where you can be happy for all of the things that you have. and all the things you've accomplished. But... not satisfied with where you're at and and want more.
Trina Kay: see and i tie it back to amanda francis because she also said yeah you know you can be grateful for what you have and still know it's not enough and still know that you want and deserve something different or something more yeah uh two things can be true so yes there's a lot of fear when it comes to starting over there's a lot of hesitation to say I changed my mind.
Trina Kay: And I think that's something I'm trying to instill in the kids is that it's okay. to change your mind and we should not be locking ourselves into labels and identities especially younger kids again a whole nother episode in the future about this. um That we don't have to like lock in just because you're like, I love.
Trina Kay: nachos nachos are my favorite food they're not going to be your favorite food forever it is okay to no longer like nachos that's a very minimal experience but these are the types of things that we get locked into this identity because like you know your favorite color was green you really liked teddy bears you're allowed to grow and change. we ah expect children to grow and change and yet we put this expectation on adults that
Trina Kay: you know you get to be 25 and how whoever you are at 25 is who you should be at 50 and that is just nonsense your brain isn't even fully formed but until you're 26 so Right. It's just fully nonsense that we put these expectations onto ourselves and onto each other. So.
Trina Kay: choosing yourself can disappoint other people, obviously. thank it It does, right? And that's okay. And that's why when you choose to do things your own way.
Trina Kay: You could lose a lot of people or outgrow a lot of people. yeah i mean not that is that the right not everyone gets to come with you no it's they shouldn't They won't. And that's okay. Like.
Trina Kay: because you need Because again, you you need to be who you are. you know we're gonna i'm gonna pivot oh again i like pivot pivoting my because my you know history and direct sales online and i you know would teach my team and coach them because they would get so discouraged, you know.
Trina Kay: starting something new sharing something they love and the people around them like don't want to hear it And I'd have to point out to them. your friends and family will probably be the last people you convince. strangers on the internet will rally for you 1000 % so much faster.
Trina Kay: i'm you know it's very you know we're starting this this podcast and and we've been doing some new things. and we can even tell you even now that Strangers on the Internet. rally our around us and...
Trina Kay: cheer us on faster than the people who are closest to us, I would say. And that's to no fault of theirs. like This is human nature. You see someone, you know someone, you put them in this little box in your brain, whether you mean to or not.
Trina Kay: And so when they venture outside of that box, they're like, whoa, right what's going on? and You just can't handle it. You're like, why are you doing that? Who do you think you are? Right. Who do you think you are? Right. Is this a new, are you changing? Are you somebody new? Are you, maybe you're a stranger.
Trina Kay: It's just human nature to feel that way. so Don't be discouraged by that and know that the only person you really have to answer to at the end of the day is yourself. and whether or not you are happy and the people that truly love you.
Trina Kay: are going to love you and support you in whatever it is that you are feeling the need to change. yeah
Trina Kay: So. Yeah, when you're moving forward. Changing direction. And I'll give a different example. When you change jobs.
Trina Kay: And I would love to hear from people on this one. Because when you're working with somebody for like 40 hours a week. that person's like your best friend, right? They know everything about you. You come in, they know if you've had a bad day, they know if your dog is sick, if your kid is messing up at school, they know everything.
Trina Kay: and you think that when you switch jobs, there's that of course that relationship is gonna maintain. And I see so many people shocked and hurt.
Trina Kay: and upset. that it doesn't. And it doesn't mean you're not friends with them anymore. It doesn't mean like you'd never speak to them again. I mean, in some cases it does. But. that same level of closeness and intimacy is just not there. You're not talking to them every day. Now somebody else has taken your spot.
Trina Kay: That person is now their new work wifey, work husband. And so. It's the same kind of thing. right proximity matters and when you're changing matters so much yeah when you're changing your mindset or changing your relationship status, changing your so hometown.
Trina Kay: Changing your career. It's going to change who is in your orbit. It's going to change who chooses to be in your orbit. and went Where'd you get that word? Where'd you pull that word from?
Trina Kay: Or bed. Well, it's true. It's whatever's there, right? The gravitational pull and the people when you start changing things, you're going to attract different people, different experiences.
Trina Kay: Different energy. That's just, and again. another episode, but that's just true. And so. Maybe there is a piece here when we're telling you you should choose again and you're allowed to change your mind about your own life that you need to be prepared for.
Trina Kay: Because what happens is people make a choice. And then they're not expecting and not prepared. for the consequences of that choice and consequences can be good, right?
Trina Kay: And so when that happens. they think, well, this is the wrong choice. i'm this i'm making the wrong decision and they go back on their own choice or they start to backslide.
Trina Kay: Because. It doesn't feel good when. People don't agree with you. It doesn't feel good. when it feels lonely. right And sometimes it's just hard. You make a choice. And you say, you know, I want to do something different.
Trina Kay: It doesn't mean it's going to be easy. Just because. you want it. Right. So. Yes, people are not going to necessarily. agree with your choice.
Trina Kay: Right. Yeah. When I told my... Former. best friend that I was getting. A divorce. It was not met with.
Trina Kay: with acceptance of that idea at all it was very much Not only... discomfort at the idea that i was getting divorced but already this foresight into that I would not be welcomed in our community.
Trina Kay: by people. based on this choice. It was, I mean, to think about it now, it's so ludicrous and and makes me laugh. But at the time I just remember feeling. very hurt that that was the first response like well you won't be able to go out to the bars it's like well I don't want to go out to the bars but You have to be prepared for that. You have to know that.
Trina Kay: You're making a choice based on what's best for you. and not other people and that they just might not come along with you. but And that's... true in any thing that you're doing.
Trina Kay: Right. If you are the type of person that goes out and you're drinking on the weekends, every weekend with your friends. and you decide that you want to Be sober. oh Right? Now your friends are, oh, you're better than us. Who do you think you, right. Oh yeah. Now you're just, and it's a thing.
Trina Kay: Even if it's something as simple as smoking, if all of your friends are smokers and you decide you're a non -smoker. That makes life very hard for you. mm -hmm It doesn't mean you're making the wrong choice. We can all agree with that, right? Health -wise, you're doing something for your own health.
Trina Kay: And I think that's the same for anything. You're doing something to feel better. and be a better version of yourself and the people around you. that accepted that prior version of you.
Trina Kay: They are not rooting for you to succeed. They were fine with what you were doing. They were fine with drinking with you on Friday night. Fine with giving you a cigarette. You know why? Because it just makes them feel bad about themselves.
Trina Kay: for most people for not i won't i will say that i won't lump everybody into that right but a lot of people Now they're like, oh, man. Like look at them getting their life together or, you know, whatever. whatever it is but Now they have the realization of.
Trina Kay: oh this doesn't have to be me but it is I think. Right. and And it is a lot of that insecurity that leads to the. oh, now you think you're better than us. And it's it's that whole. That whole mindset mentality. So there's a lot of that, but.
Trina Kay: I guess my my biggest piece of advice for the the choose again. theory is that You have to be okay. with doing it on your own.
Trina Kay: Yeah. yeah and just because you know when you start to change things just because you it doesn't like Choosing again doesn't mean something drastic.
Trina Kay: right like you don't have to go quit your job but you don't have to go get divorced Like it doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be anything like you're talking about. Like, I don't. I don't wanna drink anymore.
Trina Kay: Like neither one of us drink. And it wasn't because of anything in particular. We were just like, man. Maybe it's because we're getting older. But, you know.
Trina Kay: we would have a drink or two and then like the next day just be so tired and like Oh, I get anxious and stuff. And we were just like, well I don't want to do that anymore. So. That's, you know.
Trina Kay: That's why we didn't we didn't do that. but Like you can just choose. It's like choosing healthy habits, right? Oh. maybe I'm gonna eat more protein instead of candy or you know it doesn't have to be something drastic and I feel like a lot of people I think, oh my God, like I have to change everything.
Trina Kay: Right. It can simply be like I'm going to go for a walk in the evenings. Or yeah I'm not going to get McDonald's after work. right right listen I worked late last night and I really wanted to stop and get fast food and I did not and I came home and ate healthy instead but you know it can be a little choice um And even when it is a... big decision that you've made.
Trina Kay: The first part right is to choose like the first part in changing anything about your life is you have to make the choice And once the choice is made That's it. However, that's not it. You have to commit to it the next day yeah and the next day and the next day.
Trina Kay: But like there's no choices. Right. And there's no there's no part. There's no time where it's too late. it's It's never too late to make a change. It's never too late to go back to school. It's never too late to change careers. It's never too late to learn something new. it's I feel like. a you know.
Trina Kay: A lot of, again, a lot of people get into this habit and this routine and we're just cruising, cruising life on autopilot, right? We just hit cruise control. And we just go. And it's like, oh.
Trina Kay: Wait. Like I'm 47. Guess what? i'm gonna go learn how to do something you know i'm gonna do this I'm starting a new company, a kind I've never done before, right? I've always been in this. Now I'm going to try this. ah Like it's never too late.
Trina Kay: to try. and a change. to do something different. No. most famous people that you know didn't get famous until they were in their 40s. Like, let's just be honest. like Let's just...
Trina Kay: That's just the truth um yeah it's never too late to try something new until it's too late which is kind of the whole point Like. If you knew.
Trina Kay: That. You had one year. Like, what are you going to do with that one year? Like how are you gonna do it different? Trust me, you're gonna do it different. when you find If you find out. like right there's no There's no perfect time. like you just If you have something that's pulling at you, you should just do it right now.
Trina Kay: Right? Yeah. Because you don't want to wake up someday and have someone tell you. Life's about to change and you might not get the chance to do the things that you said you were gonna do or the trips you were gonna take or whatever it is that you wanted.
Trina Kay: You might not get that chance. Yeah, i don't I don't think we have to use tragedy as the only... No. as the only no no i'm saying like we don't have to wait don't you don't have to wait for that i mean in you know In the case of...
Trina Kay: Here's the funny thing. Here's here's what I'll say. and we can touch on all these and in different and you know different episodes but like At this point in my life, I think I've had. three or four different moments.
Trina Kay: of Life telling me, hey. stop waiting, stop putting things off, right? so i had My kids in the NICU. I had.
Trina Kay: My first cancer scare.
Trina Kay: I had cancer and then. Like I sat and watched my grandma die. right like being with someone when they take their last breath like so those are like four yeah Pretty potent.
Trina Kay: put I want to point out that. that julie's gg was a hundred and one and a half and a half don't forget the half don't forget the half but yeah so like cast so That was. but i say But I say that to say that like... we can have, we can get these reminders or you can know somebody that died and you're like, oh my gosh, like, man.
Trina Kay: manne life Everybody knows somebody that just... Something happens, but it's very easy. to slip right back into Just cruise control again You know what I mean? Because i' I've done it.
Trina Kay: Yes, I think That's the the big piece is that it's very easy to get stuck in this. you know you're driving to work and you don't remember the drive kind of thing and not really being Awake. for life, right? Right.
Trina Kay: Yeah. yeah So that's that's kind of what we're going to cover here. what we're going to cover in our next episode. entitled Wake Up for Something.
Trina Kay: So once you've decided to change your life, how do you build one you enjoy? instead of another you spend all week escaping i think that's a big A big thing, especially in America, that's where I point that out. Like there's difference in different cultures and the American culture is you work a five day work week. Everybody's working for the weekend. ah Exactly that. And then you, you cram as much as you possibly can into those 48 hours.
Trina Kay: And then you're right back to dreading Monday. and you do it all over again. And even if you don't work on Monday through Friday, it's the same idea, right? you're cramming as much as you can into your days off you're planning maybe one or two weeks of vacation a year. And that's when you're really doing the thing that you want to do.
Trina Kay: Yeah. Or you know we get stuck into this habit of. or this mindset of, you know, do those things, work 40 years. right And then. Do all these things that you want to do when you retire.
Trina Kay: But by the time you retire. You're old. some people can't you know like some people just can't afford to retire can't afford to retire or retire physically you're unable to do the things that you wanted to do you've gotten sick working yourself to death for 40 years right 50 60 years because let's be honest nobody's retiring at was that 58 if you started working at your 18 62 i thought it was but you're saying work oh yeah
Trina Kay: Nobody's really right. I see your point 22, right? Get out of college, work four years, but nobody's, that's not life right now. So. How do you create a life?
Trina Kay: that you're actually living. and enjoying.
Trina Kay: While still having to. afford that life. Right. Because not... everybody does not have disposable income. And we're not sitting here saying we have disposable income or quit your Right. Most families are living paycheck to paycheck. And so how do you find a way?
Trina Kay: In all of that. to still be True to yourself. And finding joy and finding the moments. And being awake for your life. And being awake and and really doing.
Trina Kay: really doing life. not just. surviving it. So. that I think we'll dive into. Yeah. We'll get into that. to the next one.
Trina Kay: a little bit Yeah. So. On that note. Thanks for tuning in. We will see you next time. What are you doing? on this side of someday.
