Gut Punch

Transcript

Trina Kay: Welcome to this side of someday. I am Trina. I'm Julie. This is episode one. Gut punch. We're gonna take you through a story of how we met.

Trina Kay: Fell in love. completely mess things up. 100%. The original love story. This is we're going to. Take you back. We decided. if We're going to talk about now. You have to know how we got to now.

Trina Kay: or none of it makes sense. So we started. back in 2002 As Trina told me. that was the That was when we were together first. Guys, I have a really bad memory. Listen up, kitties. There was no internet back then. So there's no Facebook memory to pull up. There's no camera roll. there's some old Polaroids and photos in a drawer somewhere but there is a lot of Guesswork.

Trina Kay: right there's not yes there's not a log so trina definitely has a better memory of the past than i do but we do our best here when we when we piece when we piece it together Here's what I do remember. I do remember that we met.

Trina Kay: at a bar Because we were in a dart league together played on separate teams, but we were in the dart league together I... remember.

Trina Kay: The first time meeting at one bar and Trina locking me in a bathroom to try to get me to kiss her. She said we met way before that. in a way like months like months before that.

Trina Kay: um And the first time she saw me, she said, I want that. Because she was a... Very confident underage girl in a bar. Right. let's keep that in mind too guys or the math is not gonna matter the math is not mathing Right.

Trina Kay: But yeah, so, you know. that was my first i'm like we met in this bar you tried to lock me in the bathroom so that i would kiss you I would not Apparently. I think that part's uncontested. You did not kiss me in that bathroom. I did not kiss you in the bathroom.

Trina Kay: Right. But apparently you said I did later outside. and at my car. Which, for the record, I had a really cool Trans Am. All black. Convertible.

Trina Kay: bucket seats bucket seats it was a good it was a good train detatchable stereo face yeah you guys don't even you kids don't even know about that stuff anymore That's when you were really cool. um we're gonna we'll We'll circle back to this Trans Am in a minute.

Trina Kay: Ugh. but I guess we got together. I guess. like That's, again, not contested. We did, in fact. date in 2002. We did for a while.

Trina Kay: Right. um At least a year. At least a year, yeah. Trina moved in with me. We lived together. We did She would go to work. She worked at a... She worked at a bar at that time.

Trina Kay: i went to school i went to school yeah so the one one night i was like babe just take my car it's fine I'm guessing that's what I said. because it Seems like i something I would do. Yeah. I go to work in the morning.

Trina Kay: Just take my car. It was fine. Thanks. she came home at two three four in the morning whatever time you get home from working at a bar She was freaking out.

Trina Kay: I think you were freaking out. Like, you need to come.

Trina Kay: Look at your car. I don't even remember what you said um I said you're going to kill me. Come downstairs right now. And you're like, no, I'm not going to say no for real. Like you have to come downstairs.

Trina Kay: And so I was convinced like this was the end of the end. And you were just so chill about the fact that I had wrecked the Trans Am into the garage while pulling it in. So I like smashed.

Trina Kay: the door. I just cut it too close. and whatever. It was late. I was tired and not the best at. Pulling in backwards. at night apparently into a small space so I did, in fact.

Trina Kay: crumple that door. And you were just like, okay, can we go to sleep now? What? Yeah. i mean in all fairness i was pretty chill but i am pretty still pretty chill about a lot of things pretty sure about a lot of things what not a lot of things uh not a lot of things get me too too far down especially car i'm like yeah it's a car you can We can fix that. Not a big deal.

Trina Kay: Um, So yeah, so we were living together. i Don't know there's there's rumors There's rumors of rings. oh my gosh in conversations of like us getting married. and Did we live together then? doing the whole thing i don't i think so i don't know Julie bought me her own guys. in 2000. two thousand two Right?

Trina Kay: And she does not remember. I don't. 2003. I think the ring was in 2003. See, you don't remember either. So she bought me a ring. We went to my best friend's wedding together.

Trina Kay: Right. Dance at the wedding. say it was It was a beautiful time. My best friend got married on November 1st. 2003. It is very important that you note this.

Trina Kay: Because. So. Because by 2004 we were broken up. 2002. into 2003 we were living together And then at some point.

Trina Kay: in 2003 you Moved out. And moved in with your. One of your best friends. Yeah. Right. So. I would always.

Trina Kay: go to Trina's house or stay there. um And she lived like five minutes from the local Starbucks. So we. would go there. Wait I'm going to interject again. This was 2000s, okay? So there was not a Starbucks on every corner. It was a big deal that I lived near a Starbucks. This was like...

Trina Kay: the first Starbucks in the area I feel like that's fair yeah like I think you have because otherwise it's like so she lived near Starbucks everybody does no nobody really did but the Starbucks was between Julie's house and my house And so she would stop there. where we would go together.

Trina Kay: And every Sunday... She would bring me Starbucks to my house. and we would go there but we it's very important that we did go there together too A lot. We went there together a lot.

Trina Kay: So... so Apparently. Sometime during during this I started talking to the barista hour about Not just about coffee.

Trina Kay: Our... um

Trina Kay: Barista. Barista, yeah. A barista. I did. Yeah. um And at one point I... just I broke up.

Trina Kay: with you. Yeah, she was already seeing the barista just in case we buried the lead there. cause She's trying to like dance around it. I mean, she was already seeing the barista. Listen, I was a jerk. Then we broke up. Listen, I was a jerk. right in my 20s. bike. I wasn't. and i can And I can admit that I was a jerk, but to make me sound a little bit less like a jerk.

Trina Kay: If that's possible, I did end up marrying the barista and having some kids so it wasn't like it wasn't It wasn't like a fling. that i just Right.

Trina Kay: ruined our relationship for. No. i don't I don't know if that's a good ah a better way or a worse way to think about that, but that's thats the that's the truth. That is the truth.

Trina Kay: So apparently... I broke up with her. And. Don't say apparently. She does remember breaking up with me. Yeah, I do remember breaking up with you. I don't remember what I said, but I remember.

Trina Kay: Leaving. your house. And being very upset. And also very worried about you that I called your best friend and said, I need you to check on your best friend.

Trina Kay: because I think I just... broke her heart. And that was that. I can laugh now, guys, but it was really, traumatic back then. And yes, she did break my heart. And yes, I did.

Trina Kay: end up moving to Georgia. to to heal said broken heart. In. the land of sunshine. That was it. That was that. That was effort. And then ah other than one drunken phone call text.

Trina Kay: on my birthday My 21st birthday. Again. so young Uh... That was it. we We talked then. I actually think that that phone call was when I decided.

Trina Kay: that I was moving to. just moving. I yeah hadn't even picked up any shit. So. Yes, that would have been April of 2020. Nope, 20. 2003 my lord we're old so it was april 2004.

Trina Kay: That would have been 21. 2004. I decided I was moving. And then Julie and I never talked again.

Trina Kay: Okay. That brings us to part two. 20. years later. ish right Somewhere around there. Yes. So actually... We'll have to start so Understand we've had no contact.

Trina Kay: I'm still friends with like her cousin on Facebook. that's it. Like there's no, and I say, still, there was no Facebook. We became friends on Facebook. There was no Facebook when we broke up. There was no Facebook. I mean, if there was, we weren't on it. So.

Trina Kay: We're now in 2021. I'm at a happy hour with. the same best friend that we went to the wedding to and that she sent to check on me and another friend and we're at happy hour and we're talking about I think we're just talking about how unhappy.

Trina Kay: i was at that time and maybe how unhappy one of my friends we were just you know discussing life and kids and marriage and and all the things and so however it comes up the topic of Julie comes up.

Trina Kay: And so after. however many margaritas. We are now internet stalking Julie. to find her. uh, And it's it's comical, really. So we're looking her up. And complicated because I was not a big social media person. She was not easy to find. I had found her by looking up the barista.

Trina Kay: The barista first and then backtracking. This is a true story. Like this makes me sound terrible. This is just how it happens. Okay. If anybody has an ex on the internet, I know you've looked them up at least once.

Trina Kay: And you will go to some great depths to figure it out, right? Like, well, what are like where do they live? Who are they with? Like, whatever. But you'll be like, well, I think I remember. that they like to go to this and then you'll go check those tags like there We all have a way. so Give any girl some time in the internet and we can find anyone. so Found her.

Trina Kay: My friend sends her a message, which... So she didn't get. Because if you're not friends with somebody and they send you a direct message, it goes to. a different folder. So she didn't get the message.

Trina Kay: But that's like kind of where this story starts. So that's 2021.

Trina Kay: drinking and laughing and stocking jolies. social media. At some point between 2021 and 2023. I am online.

Trina Kay: and would periodically check out her page to see what she was up to and I accidentally like something that she had posted. And everybody knows that feeling when that happens. We've all done it where you go, no!

Trina Kay: You can't take it back. So I just end up hitting follow on Instagram. and think. Oh well. It's been 20 years. It's fine. It is what it is at this point. There's nothing I can do.

Trina Kay: So now I'm following her. And. You know, I would like things sometimes of hers, but we did not interact. At one point I had commented. on a story, I think of her with her kids.

Trina Kay: in Sedona riding razors. And so I ask about it and we're like chatting about that. and like how fun that looks. And, you know, she's telling me how much she loves Sedona and I'm saying, I don't know if my kids would love it. some you know Maybe.

Trina Kay: But the whole time I'm looking at my phone going, she has no idea who I am. Like how many Trinas has she known in her life that she is just casually chatting away. like we didn't have this like You know love story Torn apart. tragic past, right?

Trina Kay: but she's just like yeah you should totally go sometime and i was like yeah i totally should So that is 2023. i think it's important to note what's happening right now in this story of 2023 which is that My life is in shambles in in like every sort of way.

Trina Kay: everything that I thought I knew to be true about my life is is falling apart like in Alice in Wonderland. upside down world okay it's very just unpredictable for me and I'm trying desperately to curate this world online where I'm safe. That's that's the best way of putting it. So Instagram specifically.

Trina Kay: I was not friends with people. that I actually knew in real life on Instagram, I had curated my feed to be people I admired people I wanted to be. We'll talk a lot about this in this podcast, I'm sure, like in this.

Trina Kay: In future episodes. just about surrounding yourself with. you know, the life you want, not the life you have. And so that's very much what Instagram was for me. I followed.

Trina Kay: thought thinkers and inspirational motivational speakers and all of those things. and Julie. Like that's what you should know. Like that's what my Instagram was. And so I was spending more time online.

Trina Kay: Just trying to escape the realities of home Because it was just a lot. Julie was online more at that point, building a business because she was not a social media person, which is why I couldn't find her on social media. But I was also, I think it's important to note too, that at this point I i was divorced.

Trina Kay: julie was divorced i was not right i was i was divorced i got divorced in 2020 I finalized my divorce in 2020, so I was divorced and right. Coming out of coming out of another relationship And starting to build a business. I think we're going to pause and say, because we've just, we're like skipping over because we don't really want to involve our.

Trina Kay: our children in this this is ours and their stories are their own to tell but it is important to mention that we have them we do so julie julian and barista i hope she will not be offended that that's just how we're going to refer to her to help keep her anonymity because i think that's fair um They have twins.

Trina Kay: a boy and a girl I. um have three I have a daughter. and then a younger daughter and a a son.

Trina Kay: So to keep that into perspective, our oldest. her Her twins are the same age as my oldest. And then I have two more. um all with my ex -husband so important to note that we have children Right. Yeah. So I'm on Instagram, but I've already done bedtime. It's late for me. Right. I'm, I'm, I'm doing the thing.

Trina Kay: I think that. kind of what was going on for you at that point so I kind of said that like my life was Very upside down. I was i was divorced. i Got divorced in 2020.

Trina Kay: And... later 20, I don't even know. later on i you know got into another relationship free. a couple years and I was that relationship was on its way.

Trina Kay: To ending. On its way to ending. I picture like a path. like On its way to the end, yeah. Like we're just skipping down this path and right in the end here we see it. End of trail. It's coming.

Trina Kay: No, there were some issues and things, but yeah. it was It was coming to an end and I was... It was spring break. For my kids? and I took them to Sedona.

Trina Kay: Yeah. And I was starting. Well. 2023. Yeah, I was doing some business stuff, starting a new business. Kapowna. So yeah.

Trina Kay: That's where we were. That's where we were. online. Doing the things doing the things Doing the things. so That brings us up to 2023. Now again, we've had like brief interactions online, but not like any not any like hey i remember you or you remember me like we didn't do any of that like reconnecting, I would say. We'd had very surface level interaction.

Trina Kay: In fact, I will go as far as to say that Julie never interacted with anything of mine online. Which was slightly infuriating for me because i was I was doing direct sales back then. So when I say that, i I mean, I still do, but I was like really like a leader in my field at that point and was always online. And I was like, how has she never commented on anything?

Trina Kay: of mine. I'm still a little offended, but. That brings us. to gut punch. gut punch yeah so I had.

Trina Kay: made a post of well i should i guess i'll start here first i had mammogram done. and they were like hmm something seems a little bit funny we think you should go for An ultrasound.

Trina Kay: Or so. i think i think it was like an ultrasound or a sonogram or whatever they do i don't know one of those things. And yeah. And. I was like, okay. So I remember like I took a picture of me and my little.

Trina Kay: you know, hospital gown thing that they. make you wear. And then I just put a post up. That said... Love fiercely, this all ends.

Trina Kay: because I was sitting there Because I was sitting there thinking like. I could have breast, they they could tell me I have breast cancer. And that's ah that's a wild thing to think about, right? Like if you've ever been in the situation where you go to the doctor and you're waiting.

Trina Kay: for them to give you a test result of Something like that. It's... it starts to put things in perspective very quickly. So. I made a post about loving fiercely because this all ends in talking about how it's...

Trina Kay: We're not guaranteed tomorrow. and we should change the way we do things and be more intentional about it. Yeah. Like that you get this one life that it is.

Trina Kay: fragile and Bye night. um Time is undefeated, guys. You know? Right. no matter Even if you get the most time, this is still the only time that you get. You don't get a redo. There's no...

Trina Kay: You know, you can't. reset or rewind. Nope, there's no pause. there's none of that you can't just decide to change the story. um after it's already unfolded you have to decide and then the story comes so i was again scrolling late night i guess i wasn't late i feel like it Maybe it was late.

Trina Kay: And... i commented on that post i you know i didn't even see if you know instagram you know it's a slide you slide to see the second picture i just seen the first picture And I remember feeling like somebody had knocked the wind out of me.

Trina Kay: because in that moment it was you know If you're lucky, I think you get a moment where like life just kind of makes sense or something happens or is said to you that like the light bulb goes off and like you can kind of see.

Trina Kay: The big picture. and so that was that moment for me i read that and i was just like oh my gosh like this is it like this is not what I want like I do not want this to be my life I this was I was very unhappy and just trying to be happy right like forcing the smile And to read that, I was like...

Trina Kay: Damn. gut punch, like. This is all I get. and And this is not what I want. so So of course, when someone comments on your post and says gut punch, what's your what's your first thought?

Trina Kay: Comment. Why gut punch? you know, but she didn't comment. She slid into my DMs. immediately with my gut punch. Because I figured it it wasn't a conversation to be had in.

Trina Kay: In the comment section. Totally fair. But again, I'm like looking around in my living room going, does anybody else see this? Like what's happening? It felt like a weird punked Ashton Kutcher was going to come out. Right. It felt very weird. And so we just started talking.

Trina Kay: and at some point in the conversation though i i said to her do you remember me because it you're like she again very cavalier very just free -flowing like No big deal. And I'm thinking you were like the greatest heartbreak of my life and you were just casually.

Trina Kay: talking to me like nothing ever happened like we've never met um So that was, I mean, it's funny now, but at the time, again, I was like, what is, what's wrong with you? Right. But also, you know. Again, in that time I had done a lot of work on myself.

Trina Kay: uh in in that from 2020 to when we started talking. um like that conversation. I had been doing a lot of work on myself. and You know.

Trina Kay: being better and

Trina Kay: Try them. make up for some things or apologize for things when I knew because you know we are all toxic story in somebody's life oh we are absolutely the villain in somebody's you know so own that right and i will own it too and if you actually have the chance to apologize for that I believe you should, so.

Trina Kay: i So then she did. i did i asked her if i could take her out for coffee which and i said no because you live three hours away so thanks but no thanks i was like well actually i'm 15 minutes away in my parents living room What are the odds, guys? It was Easter, so I'd come into Pittsburgh to see my family.

Trina Kay: yeah And there it is. um

Trina Kay: So when I asked you for coffee and you were that. Too soon. too soon too soon for the coffee no coffee but then also said i'm not drinking with you either Nothing felt safe. um but i But we did end up going out because...

Trina Kay: I couldn't drink coffee that late in the day. I was like I'm too old for coffee. it two o 'clock. That's just not going to happen. So. We go out. Again, tequila.

Trina Kay: And. The way I have described this from that moment on, I have said it was like sitting down. with My 20 year old self.

Trina Kay: And it was just very like a fever dream. It was just so weird. Imagine being able to go back in time. and having a conversation with your younger self. In.

Trina Kay: at the table. It was it was very interesting because I immediately felt like at ease, which was. unnerving, ironically, right? But also.

Trina Kay: Sitting with her like reminded me of. Who I was. And there was like this fear of like disappointing. her or myself, I think.

Trina Kay: and who I had become. Because I had become very complacent. And very. just keep the peace, don't speak the truth kind of version of myself, which is...

Trina Kay: Not who I am. And they're just. had seemed to be so much that I'd given up. And so in that. you know and this is all happening we're just sitting down to like reconnect after 20 years it was a very Very weird.

Trina Kay: I would say weird. And yet. I think we both just were like, oh yeah, this is easy for us. Like this is an easy. Very familiar. Very familiar. We can just sit.

Trina Kay: And talk and even talking about. the past that was you know I mean it was a traumatic breakup for me at least. right um even just talking about that like we were able to laugh about it like oh we laughed good we laughed a lot There are definitely some candidates for that. um And. and Literally had to phone a friend. Julie did not remember what year. I remember distinctly what year.

Trina Kay: uh and and phoned phoned that best friend to say what year was that because it was her wedding so obviously she would remember and i still thought she was wrong Julie's like, that's not what happened. I think I remember when I got married, Julie. like but That was the answer.

Trina Kay: so Yeah, it was. it's good times it was good times it was Interesting. that we I think we talked about... so much and yet nothing all at the same time in that.

Trina Kay: We were there for hours. Mhm. Yeah. For hours. And at one point I was sharing with Julie. after some margaritas. I was sharing with Julie.

Trina Kay: some of the things that were happening in my life and some of the drama makes it sound like it was just frivolous and it really wasn't. I was going through some very heavy things. with my family and my daughter and and things at that time. And it was a lot that I had been carrying. and just trying to keep together you know when you're when you're the one holding the burden and trying to keep the family together and and keep things.

Trina Kay: it was a lot for me and so i was kind of this tight ball of I don't even know emotion. And julie Julie had offered her hand. I say she took my hand. She says I took hers. Either way. But I remember us holding hands across the table.

Trina Kay: while I'm telling this story. And I remember... like this intense need to pull my hand back because it was just. it was too vulnerable It was two.

Trina Kay: comfortable I don't even know the word, but it felt dangerous. and so i remember pulling my hand back and being like well that's that you did and i was like oh Mm -hmm.

Trina Kay: I mean, I don't think I said it out loud. You did not. To my brain. I was like, huh. wow okay lost that one that's fair i feel like that was fair yeah

Trina Kay: What's next? well next we go to the car julie claims in her version of this story that She tried to kiss me. I maintain that did not happen. regardless i ended up kissing your cheek she did not kiss me that day I kiss your cheek. i also maintain that it makes her sound not good to be trying to get again so still married at that point still actively trying to make my marriage work, I think at that point, right?

Trina Kay: Uh, sure. that's That's your story to tell. That's my story to tell. Well, at that point I was still Right. I had no idea what I was doing going to dinner with you, but. Time would tell.

Trina Kay: Time will tell. So... Yeah. that post really led to the Right, the love fiercely, this all ends.

Trina Kay: Really? was the moment that led to... all the rest of the moments right it's kind of scary to think that if you hadn't posted that or if i hadn't seen it that we wouldn't be here but that was yeah so we felt very much like there was like this higher power working in our favor right like I like to say like the universe is always conspiring for us And this was very much one of those moments because again, we didn't live in the same city.

Trina Kay: hadn't seen each other in 20 years, had zero friends in common, which is the other like really weird part for you to, I mean, think about this. Like we live in the the life of seven degrees of separation, especially with the internet.

Trina Kay: Everybody knows somebody who knows somebody and you have mutual friends. We had none. We had no connection. You knew my cousins, right? Yeah, but we had none. We had no reason to for our lives to ever overlap again. No.

Trina Kay: and Never. And yet there we were. having margaritas. After. 20 some years. mm -hmm So it was just a friendship. I maintain that. We were just reconnecting and talking. We didn't have phone numbers or anything. We were just talking on Instagram.

Trina Kay: Message, how was your day, whatever. But not really, like just. normal things and talking about like Julie's business that she was building talking about my business and and what I was up to. and was very just i hate to use the word innocent because whatever but they were it was very just conversational yeah Yes. Yeah.

Trina Kay: For a week. but for about a week. We move fast guys. Right. And then.

Trina Kay: And then I turned 40.

Trina Kay: I feel like that's, I don't know how much of. That backstory needs to be included. It doesn't, but I think. I think.

Trina Kay: All it is, is the the night before you turn 40, you realize that. nothing. That was being said was going to change was actually going to change Yes. And I think that's why you were having such a hard time on your actual birthday.

Trina Kay: That is true. So the night before I turned 40 My ex -husband and I had gone out to celebrate my last night in my 30s. My idea. We had just gone out to a local place.

Trina Kay: for a beer or whatever. and We had been discussing. for quite a while at that point that we were we were moving and so this is april And.

Trina Kay: we had discussed and agreed, I thought. that we would not be living in our town. by the following school year. Which... You said you were looking at houses. We were looking at houses. We were applying to jobs, sending resumes to Florida. like doing all of these things and the night before I turned 40

Trina Kay: It just, it was so so silly, but we're talking and he's discussing the upcoming like softball season and then fall bowling. And I just remember looking at him and being like.

Trina Kay: Oh. And I wasn't mad and I wasn't sad. It was just like this, like. just the light bulb went off and i was like oh we're not we're really not moving. And he says, well, my job is here, Trina. Like, what are you thinking? Of course we're not moving.

Trina Kay: And that was it. Like that was it. and You know, I was on the phone with my friend the next day who had called to wish me a happy birthday. And she's like, well, did you punch him? No, I didn't. It was fine. And it was fine because I knew that.

Trina Kay: I was still going to make a change. just he was not going to be a part of that change because again. Anyway, it's been married knows there's a lot of nuances and a lot of. you know the onions and the layers but everybody has their moment and the moment has it always seems so insignificant but that was that was mine like that was the moment where i knew that every conversation we'd had up until then.

Trina Kay: every promise that had been made. They were all. empty empty words. And so that was it. So on my 40th birthday. I was sitting in a parking lot crying. just literally just crying just had finally like the walls had opened up and I was like I cannot do this anymore like this is not the life I want when Julie of course had some sort of I don't know, ESP.

Trina Kay: and messaged me to wish me a happy birthday. and we ended up on the phone and You know why? You know what happened? I remember. Why?

Trina Kay: i tried to do the I tried to do the Instagram like video call. Hello. to wish you a happy birthday and you. You gave me the. No. You gave me the silence. The F you button. The F you button. but then said Give me your number so I can call you. And I was like, ah you just want my phone number.

Trina Kay: Right. but That sounds true. But then I did give you my phone number and you called me. And I wonder if it was because I was crying. I probably didn't want to be on the phone. It's exactly what it was. um And so. I remember, and and this is the truth is that Julie had said, you know, could just obviously knew something was wrong.

Trina Kay: and was asking me and i was like i just i can't tell you what's going on And. she of course and julie fashion is like of course you can tell me because it's me and you're you and like we can talk about anything like just tell me what's going on yeah and i remember this thought and I think I said the words which was if I tell you anything I'm going to tell you everything And once I've done that.

Trina Kay: I can't take it back Once I have. Pop the bubble. broken the facade that I have been portraying to the world and myself once I have allowed that truth to be spoken. And it's out there in the air.

Trina Kay: right i can't bring it back So. That was... What happened on on that morning, which was her just coaxing it out of me and getting me to tell her the. the truth and how I was feeling and what was really happening in my life. And, but I also think that was just me too, at that point, like.

Trina Kay: Just... you have you have to let it out like you have to but yeah Like maybe that's what you need to do. if so She is still like that. i weigh as a human She's like, I need to know what you think. So.

Trina Kay: That was it. And i I felt. and my reasoning and not wanting to say anything is it felt like betraying. my marriage it did feel very Like I was trying to maintain this.

Trina Kay: loyalty. to the vow I had taken and to this person that I had promised forever with. who you know, everybody. always talks about vowels. I think it's really important to note that There are so many vowels that we say.

Trina Kay: you know, I promise to do these things. And none of them weigh. more importantly than the other. They're all equally important and I think there are ways that you can betray your marriage without actually betraying your marriage. So I'll just say that about my marriage, which is that there were many vows that were taken in vain and not lived up to.

Trina Kay: And so at that point, even stating out loud that I was unhappy felt like me betraying my marriage, but it was. what I needed to do. In order to finally like see it.

Trina Kay: like i see i knew it in my heart of hearts but once you've said it and once you can see it you have to do something at that point, right? yeah It was, I knew if I said it.

Trina Kay: out loud that that would be yeah it's like the same way as it's the same way as like if something is bothering you You say it out loud or you write it down because it lets it out. And it's kind of the same thing. you Same thing. yeah But it's also, once you've said it, you can't take it back. You cannot. So that was.

Trina Kay: Yeah, and then Two weeks later I asked for a divorce. So. That was pretty much that was it that was it it sounds so i mean there's a lot more to that but obvious but That was it. Like it was very. Once I knew, I knew and I couldn't unknow anymore. Yeah, I could not ignore it. so that is The story, right? the

Trina Kay: the revelation I feel like there was an inevitability of it all we left out the part where where Julie had broken up with her girlfriend which was like right before we met up. I think.

Trina Kay: Yeah. Because I did do remember teasing her and saying, is that why you're messaging me? Because now you're single and on the prowl. but No, yeah, no. Me and my girlfriend are broken up in February.

Trina Kay: Yes. So again, the the inevitability of it all. and just the way things came together and Julie just happening to be in Pittsburgh. Not once, but twice that month.

Trina Kay: mm -hmm yeah Just kind of.

Trina Kay: one thing Is that the thing? One thing leads to another. I don't know. I guess. Could be it. could be it i was very grateful for the the friendship at that point because again sitting with her felt like sitting with somebody from 20 years ago and so she didn't know this new version of me that I didn't like very much. And so she was not going to hold me.

Trina Kay: to that. Nope. Yeah. hmm

Trina Kay: So yeah, so this is the story. of how we met fell in love and completely messed it up but I think it's really important to note that. we had to mess it up we did have to mess it up Because there's no way if we would have stayed together.

Trina Kay: that we would be sitting here right now having this conversation. Not a chance. We would have messed it up. differently we would mess up differently yeah so and not gotten those experiences and yeah grown and had these kids that I think we're extremely grateful for. yeah our big messy family Yeah. yeah yeah Yeah, so Love fiercely.

Trina Kay: It all ends. It is. so On that note... think we've wrapped up Episode 1. Officially. Officially. Who we are. and That was the backstory.

Trina Kay: we'll talk more about what happens next what happens next and moving forward yes And we hope that you're along for the journey. and

Trina Kay: figuring out what you're doing on this side of Sunday. This side of Someday.