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Episode 1 - Samu Baxter
19 Plays2 months ago
Join us as we celebrate Samu Baxter, a Johannesburg-based business consultant, dedicated mother, and wife. As she approaches her 50th birthday this October, Samu bravely shares her remarkable life journey with us. We're incredibly grateful for her openness and candor.
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Transcript
Introduction: Turning 50
00:00:01
Bertha Musoni
Hello everyone. Welcome to the very first session of the journey from 75 to 25. My name is Bertha Massoni and today I am introducing a podcast for anybody born in the year 1975.
00:00:22
Bertha Musoni
I know some of you are asking why 75? seventy five Well, first of all, it's the best year ever.
00:00:27
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:00:30
Bertha Musoni
I'm just saying. And those born in 75 out there will agree with me. But more than anything, everyone born in 1975 is turning 50 this year.
00:00:42
Bertha Musoni
For myself, I have been excited about this age for about a year and a half.
Reflections on Milestones and Friendships
00:00:49
Bertha Musoni
For that period of time, I have been planning how I'm going celebrate my 50th year.
00:00:58
Bertha Musoni
Well, earlier this year, I had a wedding in Zimbabwe. And with that, I had some friends who were also turning 50. And we started talking about this.
00:01:09
Bertha Musoni
And I started wondering if the feelings that we were sharing, which mostly were of excitement, were common feelings among people born 1975. So my one of my guests today,
00:01:24
Bertha Musoni
is Tamkele So, who is one of the people I was actually with in Zimbabwe, who was involved in this conversation. So as time went on from that conversation, i decided to create a platform where people born in 1975 can come and talk about this big age, 50, that we are entering into this year.
00:01:49
Bertha Musoni
How do you feel about it? Are you excited? Are you anxious? Are you scared? Or do you feel prop prepared?
00:02:01
Bertha Musoni
I want to welcome anyone who is born in 1975 who would love to share their feelings to get in touch with me so we can go ahead and have you as a guest on the show.
00:02:02
Samu Baxter
Mm-hmm.
00:02:15
Bertha Musoni
For those who don't want to be guests, join in and listen. If anything, you could find community. You could find somebody who validates your feelings.
00:02:30
Bertha Musoni
You could even find something that you didn't know you needed or you knew could be a possibility for you. So I invite everyone, even if you were not born in 1975, please listen, jump on.
00:02:46
Bertha Musoni
please listen jump on you might find something that resonates with you. So I invite you all on this journey to find out how people are feeling about this big age, 50.
Guest Introduction: Samkeli Sobacler
00:03:04
Bertha Musoni
So with that, I am going to introduce my first guest, um my very first guest on the show. And that is Mrs. Samkeli Sobacler,
00:03:16
Bertha Musoni
who lives Johannesburg, South Africa. She is a mom to two beautiful kids. And me have been friends since our four years.
00:03:29
Bertha Musoni
Our very first year in high school, we have been friends and over 30 years of friendship has all will come to ti today. So Samagelisa, how are you doing today?
00:03:42
Samu Baxter
I'm doing great. Thank you so much, Bea, for having me on your podcast. You know, it means so much to me. And, um you know, the wonderful
Samkeli's Gratitude and Life Decisions
00:03:53
Samu Baxter
world um of actually being 50 years this year, i mean, that is a great milestone.
00:04:01
Samu Baxter
um I really appreciate, you know, you taking the time out, you know, to have a chat with me in terms of, you know, what it means. And I'm just looking forward to sharing, you know, some insights and, you know,
00:04:13
Samu Baxter
you know, some emotions and, you know, reflections in, you know, the years and the decades that have led up to, you know, the 50th year. Thank you so much.
00:04:22
Bertha Musoni
Awesome. Thank you for agreeing to come and be a trailblazer in this space. So how are you feeling about 50? I know we've spoken about it, but Cher, how are you feeling?
00:04:40
Samu Baxter
You know, B, the most... The most profound feeling that I am feeling about turning 50 is that of gratitude, you know.
00:04:52
Samu Baxter
um Gratitude ah for me, you know, having left home at the age of 17, you know, we finished high school at 16 or something like that.
00:05:05
Samu Baxter
And by 17, I was already on the road, you know. I left mama's house, my mom's house. my mom and dad and um hit the road. um And through that journey, you know, it it wasn't easy, you know, um and I was doing my best not to go back to to my parents and say, Lord, it's hard out here.
00:05:21
Bertha Musoni
Right.
00:05:28
Samu Baxter
You know, I want to come back home. But, you know, um looking back, you know, I think I did a stint in Botswana. um you know, for a couple of years and then found myself in Johannesburg.
Navigating Tough Situations
00:05:45
Samu Baxter
You know, I was actually talking to a friend of mine, you know, to say by the age of 19, we had already apartments and, you know, we had jobs and things like that.
00:05:57
Bertha Musoni
All right. Mm-hmm.
00:05:57
Samu Baxter
So leading up to that, um there was a lot of, there was a lot of difficult situations that I found myself in um lots of nice times but difficult situations.
00:06:13
Samu Baxter
And all that I can say has shaped the person that I am today, you know, um in terms of how I made decisions around my life, you know, I'm still here, Antae, so I can say, you know, good decision making.
00:06:28
Bertha Musoni
and Right.
00:06:30
Samu Baxter
Yeah. Oh,
00:06:32
Bertha Musoni
But it's it sounds like it really has been a journey.
00:06:34
Samu Baxter
yeah.
00:06:38
Bertha Musoni
You've put in miles.
00:06:38
Samu Baxter
oh yeah
00:06:41
Samu Baxter
yeah
00:06:41
Bertha Musoni
You've put in sweat, tears, lots of laughter.
00:06:46
Samu Baxter
and everything in between and everything in between you know um yeah so gratitude that i'm here be and um you know like i say the other thing that i would like to add there is you know appreciation you know appreciation for you know my friends you know um
00:06:48
Bertha Musoni
Yes.
00:07:02
Bertha Musoni
Mm-hmm.
00:07:06
Samu Baxter
And when I say friends, I'm talking about, you know, people that I came up with, you know, people like yourself, you know, um you know, my girls, you know, they know themselves, you know.
00:07:17
Samu Baxter
um I appreciate that, the fact that we're still here, you know, um we've lost some some of our our friends, you know, but I appreciate the fact that I still have this circle of friends um where I can pick up the phone at any point in time.
00:07:36
Samu Baxter
and my girls will show up. I'll show up for my girls too, you know?
00:07:41
Bertha Musoni
Man.
00:07:42
Samu Baxter
So it brings a whole lot of, you know, a flood of emotions, you know? Um, for me, when I talk about, you know, my girls, you know, we met and we're teenagers. Now we, we're half a century.
00:07:55
Samu Baxter
I mean, can you, can you imagine, you know, um, you know, the, the, what can I say? The loyalty, you know, um,
00:08:05
Bertha Musoni
man
00:08:06
Samu Baxter
that that surrounds all of us, you know, so that's just, ah you know, that's just the journey um that we're taking um when we talk about trustee.
00:08:15
Bertha Musoni
i really like I really like the focus that you put on friends, really your foundation, the community.
00:08:25
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:08:26
Bertha Musoni
For us to still be talking, 30 plus years since we met, for some people I've learned is more like, how are y'all still friends?
00:08:37
Bertha Musoni
What do you have in common? But I think that's one of the things that grounds us.
00:08:40
Samu Baxter
Oh, yeah.
00:08:44
Bertha Musoni
because we met and made connections, strong, true bonds at such a vulnerable age.
00:08:53
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:08:55
Bertha Musoni
And I think that has been the foundation of why we've been able to maintain friendships for 30 plus years.
00:08:55
Samu Baxter
And...
00:09:02
Bertha Musoni
And I appreciate you, friend.
00:09:02
Samu Baxter
Absolutely... I do. I appreciate you too, Bea. And when you say you know at that age when we're vulnerable, would say at the age of innocence. you know
00:09:14
Bertha Musoni
Yes.
00:09:14
Samu Baxter
ah
00:09:15
Samu Baxter
At the age of innocence.
00:09:15
Bertha Musoni
Mm-hmm.
00:09:19
Samu Baxter
I mean, we'd borrow each other's clothes, you know um so you know whatever. really you know have known each other at that level, you know, of
Single Parenting Insights
00:09:35
Samu Baxter
innocence.
00:09:37
Samu Baxter
We've slept in the same same dormitory, you know, sharing, ah sleeping and living space. um Man, you know, there's nothing that beats that, you know, and here we are from there. We've gone through every level from that age to where we started dating and where we become mothers. We are, you know,
00:10:01
Samu Baxter
Some of us are grandmothers wherever we are, you know. But um that that really shaped us.
00:10:05
Bertha Musoni
Right. Mm
00:10:08
Samu Baxter
and And when I look back and say, hmm, I am 50, you know. But um let me look at where I come from. Let me look at my life.
00:10:19
Samu Baxter
And um those are one of the things, you know, where I really just, you know, appreciate that, you know, I'm here and I've got a good ah got a good circle of friends, you know. That if it in any given time, I know we don't see each other every day.
00:10:34
Samu Baxter
We probably don't see each other for 10 years or whatever. But at some point in time, we still hold strong, you know.
00:10:38
Bertha Musoni
He still holds strong.
00:10:42
Samu Baxter
um i remember, Bea, when I showed up in the States and you didn't even know i was coming.
00:10:49
Samu Baxter
But that's just me, you know. I'm i'm very spontaneous like that. Yeah.
00:10:55
Bertha Musoni
The world wouldn't be right if you just went out to you.
00:10:59
Samu Baxter
You know what I'm saying, you know?
00:11:00
Bertha Musoni
You know?
00:11:01
Samu Baxter
So, yeah i'm I mean, that's just um who we are. And um um I really, really appreciate that. And, um you know, looking at also, you know, the fact that the i I had i hi my daughter at the age of 24.
00:11:20
Samu Baxter
Yeah, my first, my daughter at the age of 24.
00:11:20
Bertha Musoni
Mm-hmm.
00:11:23
Samu Baxter
She's done. She's graduated. You know, um i have my I had my son at 33. That's just a big gap. um You know, he's still in high school, but, you know, quite independent, you know.
00:11:37
Samu Baxter
So when I talk about, you know, turning 50, for me, and now have my freedom, you know. um Not that I was tied down to anything, but I have my freedom to be able to say, you know what, I can do what I have been meaning to do because,
00:11:53
Samu Baxter
I've been a single parent. you know i mean That's not a secret to anybody.
00:11:56
Bertha Musoni
Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:11:58
Samu Baxter
I've been a single parent from the time my my daughter was four months. so I've literally raised my kids on my own. and That goes with a lot of sacrifices. you know um In the way I behave, you know leading by example, where I allocate my resources, you know the single resource that I have, which was my which is my income.
00:12:24
Samu Baxter
how exactly i look I locate that, you know, so that my kids have the the good life, you know, um that I believe they deserve. um So at this point in time, being 50 and looking, you know, at this um decade of my 50s, that is my freedom to be able to spread my wings and say,
00:12:48
Samu Baxter
ah If I want to do whatever, i travel, you know, i don't need to, you know, stress, you know, anymore, you know, about, oh, I've got babies that, you know, I need to take. Of course, you know, there's still some level of responsibility, but that is the freedom for me to choose me, you know, finally, um to choose myself, you know, um to create, you know, ah beautiful memories you know, um with whatever the Lord has, you know, allocated for me, you know.
00:13:22
Samu Baxter
So, yeah, that's that's that's it, you know, B.
00:13:22
Bertha Musoni
And I like that.
00:13:26
Bertha Musoni
I like that. So when we talk about parenting, how did you find parenting as a single parent based when you compare it to how your parents parented?
00:13:42
Bertha Musoni
Because our generation grew up very differently compared to what our kids are.
00:13:45
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:13:48
Bertha Musoni
And I found parenting
00:13:48
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:13:50
Bertha Musoni
I mean, I applied a lot of what my parents did, but because we were raising our kids in a different environment, you know, like you being a single, ah both of us really being single parents compared to growing up in a two-parent home.
00:13:55
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:14:01
Samu Baxter
ah
00:14:05
Samu Baxter
yeah
00:14:11
Bertha Musoni
How did you find that?
00:14:14
Samu Baxter
Well, you know, to be quite honest, you know, i
00:14:19
Samu Baxter
I had to, you know, adjust and adapt, you know, um because, you know, finding yourself, that's not that's not what anybody wants to be, a single parent.
00:14:31
Samu Baxter
But when the situation faces you, you've got to either choose, am I going to be depressed in this relationship that I'm in, or am I going to choose me and, you know, my child?
00:14:31
Bertha Musoni
Right.
00:14:42
Samu Baxter
So... I can say that, you know, just like you have said, you know, I did really have to apply what, how my parents raised me, you know, to my kids. But, you know, um obviously, you know, we live in a very contemporary world where we can't, you know, yeah they say spare the road. What's that saying?
00:15:04
Samu Baxter
Spare the road and whatever, spoil a child or something like that, you know.
00:15:06
Bertha Musoni
but Yeah, something like that.
00:15:10
Samu Baxter
Yeah, but, you know, I came to terms with the fact that, you know, okay, it's not going to really up apply, you know, in this day and age where you're smacking a kid and whatever.
00:15:22
Samu Baxter
But I really just had a relationship, you know, with my children, especially with my daughter. fact that she was the only child for 10 years, you know, there's a 10-year gap between my daughter and my son.
00:15:35
Samu Baxter
You know, so the relationship that we have is based on trust. You know, I remember when I ah got my daughter a phone at the age of 10. got a cell phone at the age of 10. You know, and I had a bit of, you know, a backlash.
00:15:49
Samu Baxter
And why are you buying a child, you know, a phone at this age and blah, blah, blah. So I said, well, I trust her.
00:15:54
Bertha Musoni
of
00:15:56
Samu Baxter
And I also trust, and she she also needs to trust me. You know, I wasn't the kind of parent, you know, that, goes into my children's phones and snips and snoops and checks.
00:16:08
Samu Baxter
Okay, you know, because i built that relationship of trust, you know. Also, I had the relationship where my children could talk to me, you know.
00:16:13
Bertha Musoni
Right.
00:16:16
Samu Baxter
became a friend, but it's also a bit difficult, you know. b You have to manage it properly, you know, because being a mother, yeah, yeah balance it, you know.
00:16:22
Bertha Musoni
Balance it.
00:16:26
Samu Baxter
Being a mother, this side, you are soft, but
00:16:27
Bertha Musoni
Great.
00:16:29
Samu Baxter
Also, so you have to draw the line, you know, because these little things can really pull it, you know, sometimes, you know.
00:16:36
Bertha Musoni
great
00:16:36
Samu Baxter
So I had to be tough, but also gentle at the same time. So there's that respect, you know, with my children. um And, you know, as my son came up as well, you know, um yeah, you know, it was it became a bit tricky when he got into teenage, you know, the teenage years, but you know, we quickly sorted that out. You know, I had to obviously put on my dad hat.
00:17:02
Bertha Musoni
oh
00:17:02
Samu Baxter
so Put on my dad.
00:17:04
Bertha Musoni
the balancing of her, her mommy and daddy.
00:17:04
Samu Baxter
I said, dude, I'm going to F you up.
00:17:09
Bertha Musoni
What are we going to do here? Who do you think you are?
00:17:12
Samu Baxter
ah Exactly. mother that' My kids are kind of like, I'm telling you, you know, so yeah.
00:17:15
Bertha Musoni
These boys can try you.
00:17:20
Samu Baxter
You know, so we, we, we've got a good relationship, you know, with the kids and, um, They pretty much know, you know, where everything is at in terms of, you know, my capacity, ah especially with the schooling and things like that.
00:17:32
Bertha Musoni
right. Mm-hmm.
00:17:34
Samu Baxter
You know, I've often told them, listen, you only got one shot. um um'm I'm sacrificing here, by the way. You know, there's a lot of stuff I've given up, <unk> not getting because am' um' I'm putting you through good schools, for example, you know.
00:17:49
Bertha Musoni
you
00:17:51
Samu Baxter
um so at the end of the day, you just got one shot, and they understand that, and we got a good relationship, you know, and same thing that my parents did for me, you know, put me in a good school, you know, made sure whatever mess that I did, you know, i made sure that I corrected it, and you know, I learned, exactly, I learned lessons, you know, I mean, I really gave my parents a lot of headaches, but, you know,
00:18:09
Bertha Musoni
You learned from your lessons, right?
00:18:20
Bertha Musoni
Don't say that too loud. so The kids might hear it.
00:18:23
Samu Baxter
Exactly. So, but, you know, here I am, you know, today. So, yeah, you know, the parenting part, you know, can get a little tricky. And that the other thing, you know, um was the way I live my life.
00:18:36
Samu Baxter
You know, I couldn't be too reckless, you know. um i Even though I lived in, you know, whatever, but nothing I did was exposed to to my kids, you know.
00:18:52
Bertha Musoni
Right.
00:18:53
Samu Baxter
um So it's just the way i had to live my life, you know. um The thing is, as as as as a single mother, you know, per se, you are living with your children and um they see, you know, and you are dating Sam and then after three months, you Sam comes home and Sam becomes, you know, uh-ba-ba-day.
00:19:03
Bertha Musoni
Yes.
00:19:06
Bertha Musoni
They see.
00:19:12
Bertha Musoni
Yeah.
00:19:17
Bertha Musoni
Daddy for a minute.
00:19:18
Samu Baxter
Eh?
00:19:20
Bertha Musoni
Or uncle.
00:19:20
Samu Baxter
Eh?
00:19:21
Bertha Musoni
or uncle for for a few months and then he disappears.
00:19:22
Samu Baxter
Yeah, uncle, exactly. And then Sam decides exactly to say, so i my kids never had, you know, that that was never an issue with my with my children, you know.
00:19:32
Bertha Musoni
You know, one of the things I always say is people don't realize that children grow up and they have memories.
00:19:42
Samu Baxter
Exactly. Exactly.
00:19:43
Bertha Musoni
Even though a lot of people will make excuses of they're still young, children still grow up and they mimic what they see.
00:19:51
Samu Baxter
ah Exactly.
00:19:51
Bertha Musoni
So a lot of times when we make these decisions, especially as young parents, because I think we're not looking at the future. So I definitely commend you and really myself too, because I was the same way.
00:20:03
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:20:06
Samu Baxter
yeah Because when you.
00:20:07
Bertha Musoni
Commend us for for being sensible enough to recognize the future of what our actions now can have on the kids.
00:20:08
Samu Baxter
Yes.
00:20:12
Samu Baxter
Hey.
00:20:18
Samu Baxter
Exactly, because the next time you tell your child, your daughter, i listen, you can't be doing this like mommy, but you are doing it, and I saw you doing it. I learned it from you.
00:20:26
Bertha Musoni
Right.
00:20:27
Samu Baxter
You understand? So it's very important to lead by example. Even as a leader, i mean, look at it in the workplace, you know. You have to lead by example and and and make sure that you set an example for your children.
00:20:42
Samu Baxter
That daughter is going to be somebody's other half. That sign is going to be ahead of a household at some point.
00:20:48
Bertha Musoni
Mm-hmm.
00:20:51
Samu Baxter
And what is it that it is that we are teaching our children? So being 50 and looking back, you know, I say to myself, ah, I think some of you have done pretty well. You know, your kids, very disciplined, you know, kids.
00:21:09
Samu Baxter
um You can stand back and say, you know what, yes, I've done well. You know, and just having that openness, that you know, open dialogue with your children. um I remember, you know,
00:21:21
Bertha Musoni
So can we say you've raised good adults?
00:21:25
Samu Baxter
years of, I can say that I've raised good adults, you know, I can really give myself a pet on my back and say, you know what, these ones, though they're my friends, you know, but they know where to draw their line.
00:21:28
Bertha Musoni
Yeah.
00:21:36
Samu Baxter
It's
00:21:38
Bertha Musoni
They're friends who know how far they can go.
00:21:40
Samu Baxter
Hashem, they know that, you know what, you know this one and this line, I don't have to cross this line. you know
00:21:47
Bertha Musoni
So moving from the kids, how are you with the relationships that you have developed?
00:21:47
Samu Baxter
And yeah, go ahead. o
00:21:55
Bertha Musoni
Because I know you recently got married, so
Balancing Relationships and New Beginnings
00:21:58
Samu Baxter
oh yeah. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:21:58
Bertha Musoni
congratulations.
00:22:00
Bertha Musoni
And I know that's something that it was there were choices that you made before you got to this point, right? Relating the family, the kids, what you wanted to expose them to.
00:22:09
Samu Baxter
Oh, yeah.
00:22:13
Bertha Musoni
So how have your relationships been
00:22:14
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:22:17
Bertha Musoni
outside of you taking care of your kids.
00:22:20
Samu Baxter
Okay. So look, you know, um let me just say that, you know, i everybody makes, you know, some kind of wild decisions, you know, around their lives, you know, but careful wild decisions, you know, um that don't really, you know, have, you know, that impact that is expected, you know, around those, you know, decisions.
00:22:44
Samu Baxter
um But when it comes to, you know, when I and i met my husband, you know, I met my husband, you know, that whole online thing and everything. And obviously the kids, you know, could tell that mommy has, you know, there's somebody there, you know.
00:23:03
Samu Baxter
And um things became, you know, serious, you know, when I decided, you know, when I'm catching a flight, you know, I'm going to meet my my my boyfriend, and it sounds crazy, boyfriend, yeah but you he was in Jamaica, you know, and,
00:23:16
Bertha Musoni
And where was he again?
00:23:22
Bertha Musoni
but just for context, everyone, she left Johannesburg, South Africa to fly to Jamaica
00:23:34
Samu Baxter
and B, I know you had, I know you you you you you had me saying like,
00:23:34
Bertha Musoni
to meet this man.
00:23:40
Samu Baxter
Samu, you know, before you do, check with me first. But, you know, the thing is, you know, it felt right, you know. um
00:23:48
Bertha Musoni
Yeah.
00:23:48
Samu Baxter
That's another, you know, podcast for another day, you know. but you know
00:23:53
Bertha Musoni
That's another journey.
00:23:53
Samu Baxter
but But, you know, i it's another it's another journey. But I set my kids down, you know, when I came back. here Because, you know, he proposed. I set my kids down. I said, you know, guys, I have respected you.
00:24:09
Samu Baxter
All these years, you've never seen anything untoward, you know, with me. I've respected you, but I have found someone that I believe i can spend the rest of my life with.
00:24:23
Samu Baxter
Not only the kids, but I had to talk to my family as well. I have a brother, you know, that I spoke to my brother, that spoke to my older sister. I've got an older sister. I spoke to my younger sister. I introduced you know, my husband to all of them, you know, it was that whole whole online thing. Everything was done online because, you know, it was during COVID and all that kind of stuff.
00:24:44
Samu Baxter
His family, also he introduced me to his family and, you know, vice versa and things like that. But when it came to the children, one thing, okay, my daughter, because she's so attached to me, you know, she she she has this thing that she just doesn't really want to share me with anyone, you know?
00:25:05
Samu Baxter
So it was a bit difficult you know with with her. um But I said, you look, I also deserve to find happiness, you know have a partner. You guys are going to all shove off one day, and I'm left here alone, and I've got nobody.
00:25:21
Samu Baxter
and um But one thing that my son said to me was, mommy, as long as he doesn't hurt you, I am OK. As long as he does not hurt you, I am fine.
00:25:32
Bertha Musoni
I like that.
00:25:34
Samu Baxter
That's what my my son said. You know. So from then on, you know, it was a bit... And one thing my kids said to me was, Mommy, please don't rush us.
00:25:46
Samu Baxter
Right? gave you the green light that, yes, we've embraced a man living in the house with us.
00:25:47
Bertha Musoni
hmm.
00:25:55
Samu Baxter
Right? Because obviously my my my my husband now had to join me from you know, Jamaica to South Africa. and It just was a sensible thing to do because I have children and, you know, he can work anyway in the world with whatever he does.
00:26:08
Bertha Musoni
I love
00:26:13
Samu Baxter
and So it was a bit of a journey, you know, the first few months. But, you know, right now we're just one big happy family. You know, they've gelled.
00:26:23
Bertha Musoni
and love it.
00:26:24
Samu Baxter
We all get along. But I had to do it right. I had to get... my children to say yes, it's okay. I couldn't just impose, you know, my husband and my children. Yeah.
00:26:35
Bertha Musoni
Well, but that's born out of the relationship that you've fostered with your children.
00:26:35
Samu Baxter
So.
00:26:41
Samu Baxter
Oh,
00:26:42
Bertha Musoni
And I think coming from where we come from and our backgrounds, like personal relationship with parents wasn't something common.
00:26:53
Samu Baxter
um of course.
00:26:53
Bertha Musoni
Our parental figures were there to be feared more than anything else.
00:26:57
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:26:59
Bertha Musoni
So I think that's one thing our generation has changed. At least I know from my friends who are turning 50 who were born in 75, that's definitely something I've noticed, a change in how we relate to our kids or allow our kids to relate to us.
00:27:19
Samu Baxter
absolutely and you know for me you know i grew up being scared of my mom because i would say that my mom was the dominant figure in my life and my dad was cool you know my dad you know he was just cool you know but my mom was the dominant figure in my life and
00:27:26
Bertha Musoni
Mm-hmm.
00:27:38
Samu Baxter
During school days, you know, even going for a movie was, you can't even go for a movie, you know, and things like that. But I know that when I, after I left high school, you know, she started being, you know, more receptive to, okay, I have a boyfriend and, you know, and things like that. We started having, you know, that relationship, you know.
00:28:02
Samu Baxter
Unfortunately, she left too early, you know. My mom left too early. My mom left when i was 24. when we're really starting to gel, where I would tell her, you know, and say, oh, mom, I'm dating this guy and this, this, this and that and, you know, things like that, you know.
00:28:18
Samu Baxter
And I would forever treasure those few years that we had, you know. And that's one thing that I didn't want for my children, you know. And as I'm getting older, you know, I see my firstborn, you know, she's she's more a deputy parent, you know.
00:28:38
Samu Baxter
so to speak, whether I like it or not, you know, she she she she she she has that thing that, you know, I will always be able to, you know what I'm saying?
00:28:45
Bertha Musoni
Sometimes she tells you what to do. and
00:28:48
Samu Baxter
She's she's like, and I was like, ah you know, and this one, I really appreciate her, you know, but, you know, she can actually get on my nerves sometimes, but, you know, for the most part, i appreciate her, you know, because she saves me from myself sometimes.
00:29:05
Bertha Musoni
Yes. Yes.
00:29:07
Samu Baxter
yeah Yeah, so look, um we have to adapt, you know, um the way our children... Remember, we're a product of our environment, you know?
00:29:17
Bertha Musoni
Yes, we are.
00:29:19
Samu Baxter
So when you have children that are being raised now in what is actually this environment, you also need to adapt, but you also need to make sure that, you know, they are respectful, you know?
00:29:33
Samu Baxter
so i often say to my son, you know, my son is 16, going for 17 this year, and I say to him, listen, I'm too, my work alone, Ninja, I'm busy, you know, I'm busy.
00:29:48
Samu Baxter
So you have a responsibility. This is your schoolwork. You are accountable. I can't come after you every five minutes. If you've done this, if you've done that, you know what you're supposed to do.
00:30:01
Samu Baxter
So you have to hold yourself accountable, you know, um in terms of, you know, all the the deliverables that you need to do for school and things like that. And it just worked at pretty much, you know.
00:30:12
Samu Baxter
um And he's he he's self-managed.
00:30:15
Bertha Musoni
important lessons, very important lessons, because when you go into the workforce, the real world,
00:30:18
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:30:23
Bertha Musoni
You are held accountable for your own actions.
00:30:23
Samu Baxter
a
00:30:25
Bertha Musoni
And if we don't teach that at home, the kids will never get it when they do go out in the world.
00:30:30
Samu Baxter
ah Exactly.
00:30:32
Bertha Musoni
So good kudos to you for that.
00:30:35
Samu Baxter
Thank you. You know, you get, ah you you raise kids that become adults that are wusses, you know? Yeah.
00:30:46
Bertha Musoni
That goes back to raising children into adults. In that case, those are people who are raising children to remain children.
00:30:57
Bertha Musoni
And I think that's the difference of being able to acknowledge and understand that.
00:30:58
Samu Baxter
Exactly.
00:31:04
Samu Baxter
exactly
00:31:04
Bertha Musoni
But you know what?
00:31:05
Bertha Musoni
This podcast is not about the kids. because we're about to, we're now making it about the kids.
00:31:08
Samu Baxter
It's about me.
00:31:10
Bertha Musoni
It's about you. So tell me about you.
00:31:13
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:31:14
Bertha Musoni
What are you looking forward to the most in this second? I don't want to call it the second stage, but 50 is such a definitive number.
00:31:18
Samu Baxter
Well...
00:31:24
Bertha Musoni
It's half of a hundred. And when we think of life, we always think about living to a hundred, right? People never think about living to 150. They always talk about living to a hundred.
00:31:36
Bertha Musoni
So for me, this age 50 seems like such a defined time where I feel like I've gone halfway through life.
Seeking Peace and Community Empowerment
00:31:48
Bertha Musoni
So what does this second half of your, this predefined second half of your life mean for you?
00:31:49
Samu Baxter
yeah
00:31:56
Bertha Musoni
What are you looking forward to?
00:31:56
Samu Baxter
yeah so um you know uh b i've never looked forward to peace like i'm looking forward to you know now when i'm turning 50 you know and the peace that i'm i'm talking about i'm not talking about you know peace because you know there's people in my life that are bothering me or whatever you know
00:32:05
Bertha Musoni
That's a good one.
00:32:17
Samu Baxter
Everybody that is in my life is carefully selected. You know you see, I think you know me. I'm that just kind of that kind of person that, look, if if you if if we don't gel, then we don't we don't we don't have to.
00:32:30
Samu Baxter
You understand? So for me, yeah so for me, it's the piece that I'm looking forward to, the way I say have done everything that I, you know, I i went to school, you know, ah I listened to my mom.
00:32:31
Bertha Musoni
You don't force it.
00:32:47
Samu Baxter
You know, when I finished my O's, I went back to school, you know. I studied, I studied, I did everything that I needed to do to be able to put me in a position where I could be able to make decisions where I say, you know what, right, I am going to have a passive income, you know.
00:33:07
Samu Baxter
Passive income really where I have whatever it is that is running that is paying me, you know, and I don't need to work so hard. Right. I love traveling.
00:33:18
Samu Baxter
I love traveling. I'm looking forward to just, you know, me and my bae. a
00:33:25
Bertha Musoni
oh
00:33:25
Samu Baxter
You know, sometimes I think this man is just a Mr.
00:33:26
Bertha Musoni
Hey, Mr. Braxton Bay.
00:33:30
Samu Baxter
Baxter. Hey, honey. yeah
00:33:32
Bertha Musoni
Braxton, why am I calling you Braxton today?
00:33:33
Samu Baxter
Bertha says, hey, Baxter. Yeah.
00:33:37
Bertha Musoni
yeah
00:33:38
Samu Baxter
yeah yeah Yeah, so well we can just say, you know what, we love it. I mean, even last night, you know, we decided, you know what, we're going to a club slash restaurant, you know, we we had fun. So it's about me, you know, um just living the last of my years, you know, like you say, you know, nobody wants to, I don't want to live up to 150, you know, I don't want to be a burden to nobody, but most certainly whatever years that I have left, you know, they're really going to count. And I am wiser.
00:34:07
Samu Baxter
You know, if you if if you understand that, you know, I'm wiser. um I'm never going to change my personality and my character. i mean, that's just me. You know, that's just who I am. I've always been true to myself, you know.
00:34:19
Samu Baxter
um So I'm looking forward to just, ah you know, enjoying this, just the peace, you know, um no drama. You know, like ah Mary J. Blit, right? Says no more pain in the...
00:34:35
Bertha Musoni
Oh, you're taking it back.
00:34:37
Samu Baxter
You know what I'm saying?
00:34:38
Bertha Musoni
And it's funny how listening to those words back then, I think they resonate more now because of where we are in our lives.
00:34:38
Samu Baxter
You know?
00:34:43
Samu Baxter
Mm-hmm.
00:34:48
Samu Baxter
Oh, yeah.
00:34:50
Bertha Musoni
You've gone through the drama. You've gone through all that.
00:34:53
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:34:54
Bertha Musoni
And now you're making choices to say, I'm safeguarding my peace because that's what's important to me.
00:35:00
Samu Baxter
Exactly. Over and above. Over and above everything else
00:35:04
Bertha Musoni
I love that.
00:35:06
Samu Baxter
And the confidence, you know, the confidence to be able to make decisions, you know. um Right now, there's no room for hemming and harming when it comes to, you know, my life.
00:35:21
Samu Baxter
So, you see me as Samu, Samu Baxter, you know. I'm no longer Samu, Samu Baxter. Right.
00:35:32
Bertha Musoni
Say that one more time for the people in the back.
00:35:34
Samu Baxter
I am no longer Samuel Mnube, I'm Samuel Baxter. ah Yeah. I left my father's house. Yeah, you know, the way I left my father's house in a legal way.
00:35:49
Samu Baxter
But i do not have regrets, B. You know?
00:35:53
Bertha Musoni
Good.
00:35:54
Samu Baxter
ah Everything I've engaged in, I can't even say, you know what, I have regret. yeah Okay, if it was a regret, then I'll say it was a beautiful mistake. You know, but
00:36:04
Bertha Musoni
It was a lesson.
00:36:04
Samu Baxter
I've lived my life. Yeah, know, a lesson, you know.
00:36:07
Bertha Musoni
it was a lesson. You drew learning from that.
00:36:08
Samu Baxter
Exactly.
00:36:11
Bertha Musoni
and that And that's the experience that allows you to have that that peace.
00:36:11
Samu Baxter
ah Exactly. Yes. yes Exactly. So i always, even I was telling my husband yesterday, i was like, you see now, we have no room to say every day that we live must be a beautiful day. It must be a day to remember.
00:36:32
Samu Baxter
You understand? You can't waste time because we know that we're going to go anyway. Everybody's going to go. But you know what? Every day of my life must be a fun day.
00:36:45
Samu Baxter
Must be a day of productivity. Must be something where when I am gone, you know, when people talk about Samu, they talk about somebody who actually made a difference in their lives.
00:36:47
Bertha Musoni
Okay.
00:36:59
Samu Baxter
You understand? So when I go... looking forward to 50 now i want to i've given back to communities you understand i've given back to communities but i want to do more you know to empower others so that they can empower themselves there's a lot that we need to do you know my job as a business coach as a skills development practitioner as an entrepreneur and all those kind of things you know i want to make sure that we have a society
00:37:30
Samu Baxter
that will be able to take care of themselves. You understand? There's a saying that says something like fishing or whatever. Teach a man to fish or something.
00:37:38
Bertha Musoni
you can You can teach a man how to fish and they have food for life.
00:37:41
Samu Baxter
Yes. ah give fish Give fish or whatever. Sorry, you know. Sorry, sorry. But yeah, yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Fish. Give a man to fish. you'll eat give ah Give a man fish you'll eat for a day.
00:37:54
Samu Baxter
Teach him how to fish you'll eat for a lifetime.
00:37:56
Bertha Musoni
And he'll eat for life. So self-sustainment is really what you're trying to teach.
00:37:58
Samu Baxter
Exactly. Yes, you know, so, yes, so for me, it's too, and this this is something I learned from my mom, you know, my mom was a community development, a builder, you understand, and I saw how much that brought her joy, and I saw how much life, how many lives she touched, you know, um so I want to continue doing that, but at my own pace, you know, at my own pace, so,
00:38:27
Bertha Musoni
So you're charting your own way, but but in doing that, you're paving ways for others.
00:38:30
Samu Baxter
exactly i'm checking my own way
00:38:37
Bertha Musoni
is really what you're doing.
00:38:38
Samu Baxter
exactly ah exactly yeah
00:38:39
Bertha Musoni
you're you're You're doing it your own way, but you're also creating a space for others. I really like that. um I think one of the things I admire the most about you and something you said earlier, the fact that you've always been you.
00:38:55
Bertha Musoni
You've always known who you are and you've always been your genuine self.
00:38:55
Samu Baxter
her
00:39:02
Bertha Musoni
And I can i can definitely foster that when it comes to you. because you have been consistent in the 30 plus years I've known you.
00:39:09
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:39:12
Bertha Musoni
um You always look at things from a positive spin.
00:39:12
Samu Baxter
Of course. And I'm that.
00:39:15
Samu Baxter
Yeah. Yeah.
00:39:17
Bertha Musoni
And no matter what's going on, go ahead, sorry.
00:39:18
Samu Baxter
And. No,
00:39:22
Samu Baxter
no, no. Thank you so much for that. But I was just about to say, I'm that friend. You also don't put on loudspeaker. When I call, tell me I'm on speaker.
00:39:29
Bertha Musoni
That is so true. We need to vet the conversation before it's open to the public. Because this girl can be saying some wild and crazy stuff, but it wouldn't be you if that wasn't the case.
00:39:43
Samu Baxter
I'm telling you. a Of course, you know, but, you know, yeah, um um I've been true to myself and also just, I'm just loyal.
00:39:48
Bertha Musoni
Because you've always been true to yourself.
00:39:56
Samu Baxter
You know, I love my, if I say I'm with you, I'm with you, you know.
00:40:01
Bertha Musoni
Yes.
00:40:02
Samu Baxter
um If I say I'm with you, I'm with you. We can, oh my goodness, we can go to war.
00:40:08
Bertha Musoni
She's the kind of friend who would ask, I'm in trouble. And she says, do I need to bring a shovel? That's the kind of friend Samu is. Like, what do we need to do bury this body?
00:40:22
Samu Baxter
I'm saying? Do I have shit to bury or not?
00:40:25
Bertha Musoni
Listen, and what do we need to do?
00:40:25
Samu Baxter
I'm telling you.
00:40:30
Bertha Musoni
already have a place pre ah where, So that's the kind of loyalty this woman portrays.
00:40:39
Samu Baxter
i
00:40:40
Bertha Musoni
But listen, we're i mean we're coming up to the end.
00:40:40
Samu Baxter
i'm telling you
00:40:43
Bertha Musoni
And just to wrap up,
Advice to Younger Self
00:40:46
Bertha Musoni
what advice would you give your 20-year-old self based on all the lessons that you've learned on this journey to where you are today?
00:40:46
Samu Baxter
Yeah.
00:41:00
Samu Baxter
Yeah. So if I look back, you know, am my 20 year old self, you know, I'd say, you know, Samu, focus, focus, focus, you know. Look.
00:41:13
Samu Baxter
look this this is Like I said, I don't live my life on regrets, you know. But there's stuff I could have done better. ah
00:41:21
Bertha Musoni
Always.
00:41:22
Samu Baxter
um When I look back, you know, I could have done some things differently.
00:41:23
Bertha Musoni
always
00:41:27
Samu Baxter
i could have done things better. But um my 20-year-old self, um have fun but focus, you know.
00:41:40
Samu Baxter
um it's easier to focus than, you know, to try and, you know, run against time, you know, so to speak, you know, but there's pretty much nothing I will change, you know, about my 20s.
00:41:54
Samu Baxter
um Everything was done, you know, based on you know, um you know, resolute decision making. um
00:42:02
Bertha Musoni
Yes.
00:42:04
Samu Baxter
And I would always say stand on business, you know.
00:42:07
Bertha Musoni
Oh, that's a big one.
00:42:08
Samu Baxter
So that's just, Yeah, that's just, uh,
00:42:12
Bertha Musoni
Well, thank you so, so much for gracing us today and being the very first guest on this journey to 50. You might hear from Samu again in the future because I know she has a lot to impart just from knowing her personally.
00:42:29
Bertha Musoni
but I really do appreciate who you are. And as I said, you are that friend and I am thankful for having you in my life.
00:42:40
Samu Baxter
Thank you so much, B. Did I tell you I love you? Have told you lately that I love you? ah
00:42:48
Bertha Musoni
She even sings to me. But with that, everybody, thank you so much for joining us today. ah This is something that we definitely want to be international and we want very various backgrounds wherever you are on this journey to 50 and you were born in 1975.
00:43:10
Bertha Musoni
We welcome you to be part of this conversation. You can contact me BRTD b r t d msn at gmail.com and this will be available on different platforms and there's a Facebook page that's going to be created specifically for this and you can find these recordings and you can contact me there as well so until next time everyone have a great 2025 bye
00:43:42
Bertha Musoni
twenty twenty five
00:43:43
Samu Baxter
Ciao. Thank you, B.
00:43:47
Bertha Musoni
bye