Transcript
Bertha Musoni: Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Journey from 1975 to 2025.
Bertha Musoni: Yes, this is a journey, 50 year journey, actually. It is about people who are turning 50 this year. Some of my guests have already turned 50 and some like myself are still on their way to turning 50.
Bertha Musoni: But this is really about hearing about that journey. What have they experienced? what What aha moments are they coming across as they turn this big age of 50?
Bertha Musoni: And today i have the honor of having Miss Selena as my guest. Selena is actually a co-worker of mine. We met, we used to work in the same building. We worked for the same company, but we met when we worked in the same building. i don't think we ever worked for the same department, did we, Selena?
Selena: no yeah apartment right yeah
Bertha Musoni: I think right now is the closest we've ever had for working on the same department kind of. Yeah. But thank you so much for coming on and joining me and being willing to share about your journey to 2025 in this big age.
Bertha Musoni: Now for you, you've already turned 50.
Selena: correct
Bertha Musoni: How was that? How has that been? And you got it at the beginning of the year. So your journey is throughout 2025.
Selena: Right. um I don't feel 50 because I don't look 50. I had someone, one a little kids today tell me, oh, I thought you were in your 20s.
Selena: So I am constantly forgetting that I am 50.
Bertha Musoni: I love it.
Bertha Musoni: I love that.
Selena: but So it is like really strange when I sit back and and think like, oh my gosh, I am 50. Like, it's really strange for me. So...
Bertha Musoni: Did you ever sit down and imagine, oh, I can't wait when I'm 50. I'm going to be this way. Like it's weird. It really is a weird sense.
Selena: Yeah, it is. I think like, I can remember my mom turning 50 because she had a big, we threw her a big 50th birthday party. And it to me then, I'm like, oh, wow, she's really old.
Selena: And I'm like, I don't feel old. I feel, you know, the same age. I mean, sometimes I i creak and crack. My knees creak and crack.
Selena: But I'm like, I don't really like
Bertha Musoni: But that's nothing. That's nothing.
Selena: like I should feel like at 50 and like the Golden Girls was one of my favorite shows. I still watch the reruns. And I'm like, all of those Golden Girls were in their 50s and they look so old.
Bertha Musoni: yeah Apparently so, right?
Selena: Yes. Their age was supposed to be in their 50s. And I'm like, they look so old. They like did old things.
Bertha Musoni: And that's not me.
Selena: And I'm like, no, I i don't feel like that. I don't look like that. So I'm like, oh, no, not 50. So, yeah, but I am 50. I keep have I have to tell myself all the time. 50. Yeah.
Selena: i'm fifty yeah
Bertha Musoni: But even now, though, when you think about your mom, when she turned 50, right, that at the time when you were in those in your your shoes at the time, you would look at her and you're like, she's so old. But then now when you're there yourself, do you still think she was old?
Selena: You know, um I guess, yeah, I still think she was old, and really, because i just I'm single, and I'm like, she was, to me, like, she was an old married woman.
Bertha Musoni: Okay. Mm hmm.
Selena: her great Her kids were but halfway grown.
Bertha Musoni: a
Bertha Musoni: Ah, grown. is.
Selena: Yeah, it's like, oh, she's just an old married woman. She stayed at home, you know? and that is not me. I'm, like, totally opposite of that. So it's it it's really weird, to be honest.
Selena: It's a ah weird feeling, yeah.
Bertha Musoni: it is It is. I was talking to somebody earlier and we were talking about how one of the differences, I think our 50 and our parents 50, I think our parents timeline was more for survival compared to us.
Selena: Oh, probably. Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: I think we're living.
Selena: Yeah. Cause I feel like that. Like I, um, I know you like to travel, but I, when I turned 50, I said, oh I'm going to travel from now on.
Bertha Musoni: evening
Selena: Cause I love the travel, but like I never, um I traveled a lot, but only in state, um, not in state in the United States, in the country.
Bertha Musoni: Right. In the, in the U S but now you're like, bring out my passport.
Selena: Right. And now I'm like, oh my goodness. um I did my first big trip without my family with a best friend.
Bertha Musoni: How was that?
Selena: Oh, it was wonderful. And now I'm like, I want to go. Every year I want to go.
Bertha Musoni: You're ready. It's like a bug.
Selena: i I'm ready. Like, I could go again in two weeks.
Bertha Musoni: You've been bitten.
Selena: If someone was to say, hey, do you want to go to this country? Sure, I'll be there. you know, it's just, I love it.
Bertha Musoni: Listen.
Selena: And I'm like, at first I was scared because I'm like, oh, this is my first time. I don't know what to expect. Now I'm like, anywhere, anywhere in the world, I'm going.
Bertha Musoni: Listen, Vietnam is available in October.
Selena: I'll be there.
Selena: In October. and yeah
Bertha Musoni: I'm headed, I'm headed to Vietnam for my 50th.
Selena: Oh, really?
Bertha Musoni: Come on, let's do it.
Selena: Have you never been there before?
Bertha Musoni: I have never been to Vietnam and
Selena: Because I'm like, you travel so much. I'm like, oh, wow. Where's Bertha at today? like
Bertha Musoni: You are not the only one. Most people, when they call me, they're like, where are you?
Selena: yes
Bertha Musoni: I'm at home. And like, really? Are you sure? i'm I'm just at home. But for me, I think being a, like yeah I think, I think just like you, cause our kids are about the same age, right?
Selena: Right, my son will be 22 in August, yes.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, he's younger. Oh, yeah. No, he is younger than my son. Yeah. So I became an empty nester a while ago. My son is 28 this year. He just turned 28 in June.
Selena: Oh, okay.
Bertha Musoni: So I was a young mother. um And that allowed me to then become an empty nester early. And that part of me becoming an empty nester, I think, redefined how i should i would live my life.
Selena: Yeah.
Selena: Oh.
Bertha Musoni: Without that, look and um you might be, yours might be coinciding, right? Him, well, but he's an adult.
Selena: kind Well, no, mine is back home now.
Bertha Musoni: It's different though.
Selena: But he's an adult.
Bertha Musoni: Yeah, it's different from when he was in high school and you had to worry about all those things, right?
Selena: Yeah. Yes. Right. Yeah, he's always gone. Actually, I rarely see him. So it's still like I'm an empty nester.
Bertha Musoni: but yeah Your roommate.
Selena: Right. He's a roommate. Correct.
Bertha Musoni: Well, that is so awesome. so this this new 50 that we're being, like somebody said to me today that in our 50s now, we go to the gym. Did you ever hear about your parents talking about, I'm going to the gym?
Selena: No, I think they were just settled in their life.
Bertha Musoni: I'm going to work out, you know?
Selena: Like they're 50.
Bertha Musoni: They were.
Selena: ah Well, to me, it seemed like my mom was like, I'm married. I'm just settled in my life. You know, you guys are gone. I'm just enjoying time with my husband now.
Bertha Musoni: mm-hmm.
Selena: And I'm like, oh, that to me, it always seemed, oh, that might be a little boring. Let me go out here and live life.
Bertha Musoni: Did she have grandkids then?
Selena: So. No, she didn't have grandkids then. now um I'm trying to see how old was she? Well, she may have had, I think she may have had one.
Bertha Musoni: One, okay, okay.
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: So she was in that mode too of like, you know, i'm um my next step is this grandmotherly thing.
Selena: Right. Well, yeah.
Bertha Musoni: it's I'm in my next phase of life, so i'm I'm content.
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: Whereas, I don't know about you, but I'm terrified about becoming a grandmother.
Selena: Oh, you know, my sister has two. Yes, my sister has two.
Bertha Musoni: honey Yeah, right
Selena: And I'm like, oh, it seems so fun. And some of my friends are having grandkids now. And they they are loving being grandparents. I really, I'm not looking forward to be a grandparent right now because my son is too young.
Selena: But whenever he decides to have children, I'm for it. i That's one of the things that I've always looked forward to is to be a grandmother. i never really wanted to be a mother, but I always wanted to be a grandmother.
Bertha Musoni: But you wanted to be a part. Like, i'll i'll step I'll sidestep that part.
Selena: Yeah, if I could have sidestepped and just went straight to grandmother, i would have that would have been great.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, that is funny.
Selena: Because you can do all the stuff for the grandkids and give them back.
Bertha Musoni: And give them back.
Selena: You can do all the things that you wouldn't have did with your kids and give them back.
Bertha Musoni: Mm-hmm.
Selena: So, yeah, but i'm I don't think my son is nowhere near that.
Bertha Musoni: Close, yeah.
Selena: ready for grandchildren and, or for kids. So, and I'm hoping that he will have kids.
Bertha Musoni: For kids.
Selena: He may be like, no, I'm not going to have any children just because I want to be a grandmother.
Bertha Musoni: Just because you want to be a grandmother, right?
Selena: He may.
Bertha Musoni: It's like, I am not out here living for your goal.
Selena: Right.
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: Not going to do it.
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: Not going to do it. Well, that is, that is so fun. So for you, you know, this journey to 50, I know you you you raised your son on your own. How, how was that? Like, how old were you when you had him? And how did that, how, how was that experience for you?
Selena: Well, I, when I, ever I was, I was 29 when I had him. Cause I remember turning third, when I turned 30, I was like really, really sad because I had just had him.
Selena: He was born in August and I turned 30 in January. And I was like, I was just at home with him. Really sad. i don't know. it may have been postpartum, but, um,
Selena: i I was married, but then I got divorced. And I have raised him basically by myself.
Bertha Musoni: Great.
Selena: And it has been a journey. I didn't i've never thought that I would raise a kid by myself.
Bertha Musoni: right
Selena: But um i he stayed alive. And well-rounded human being. I'm like, can't... um a human being so i'm like
Bertha Musoni: Listen, give yourself a pat on the back.
Selena: i can
Bertha Musoni: If nobody else has told you that right there is ah is a whole level of of success all within itself.
Selena: Yeah, because I'm like, he's an actual good person and he works and I'm just like, okay, great.
Bertha Musoni: Mm-hmm.
Selena: He did. He didn't, I really, he went only one year to school because he didn't know, ah to college. He didn't, he didn't know what he wanted to do and he didn't want to waste my money.
Bertha Musoni: My son's the same way. Mm-hmm.
Selena: So he's just working. But I'm like, eventually it's like, okay, I had a hard time with that because I'm like, you have to go to college now. And he's like, mom, I don't have no clue what want to do. Why am I going to waste all of this money?
Selena: And it just came to like the real is I had to come to the realization.
Bertha Musoni: Right.
Selena: Yeah, that makes sense.
Bertha Musoni: Right.
Selena: Why am I throwing money into this? And you don't know what you're going to do. Just to say you have a college degree and you can go back at any time.
Bertha Musoni: right
Selena: So once you figure out what you want to do, but he's still in a stage of he has no clue what he wants to do, which I'm allowing him time for that. But I feel like I need to put a a time limit on it.
Selena: Like you have to, you know, start thinking. Cause I don't know, anything can happen. You know, you really need, I'm 50 now. You need to be thinking about what you want to do with your life.
Bertha Musoni: Right. And yesterday you were just 28. like you
Selena: I know.
Bertha Musoni: But you know what I've realized about these kids, especially this this generation that that we have of our kids? My son did the same thing. He went to college for a year and we had to have a conversation afterwards to see if he really, if that's what he wanted to do.
Bertha Musoni: Because kind of like your son's take on wasting money, I looked at it as possibly being you know, kind of digging a hole for them because student loans and everything else, and they're not doing something that they're passionate about, you're setting them, we're actually setting them up for failure because after doing all that, spending all that time,
Selena: Right.
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: they're still not going to love it. So we had the same thing, but my conditions were you have to be ah contributing adult. You know, you can't live with someone, because I just happened to move out of Ohio at that time and move to Virginia.
Bertha Musoni: So he we had to set some, you know, some some parameters because you you've then made a choice to adult and that's the choice you're making. And now he's 28. He steered himself back to school on his own.
Selena: See, that's what I'm hoping for.
Bertha Musoni: Yes.
Selena: So that's a good that's a good ah story. That's a good, yes.
Bertha Musoni: Yes.
Selena: That's what I'm hoping for.
Bertha Musoni: they they They get there. They get there. But I think they've also, when they want to do it, it's more natural and passionate.
Selena: And then it's something that they'll actually take time to do.
Bertha Musoni: So, correct.
Selena: Because I can remember when I was in school, I... it I still, I'm like, it was some days I didn't go to class because I didn't really want to do it and I wasn't paying for it.
Selena: So it didn't really, didn't matter.
Bertha Musoni: It didn't matter. It didn't have value for you.
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: Mm-hmm.
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: Because you were doing at somebody else's bidding.
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: And yet if it's your own and at 20, you know, my son at 28, he now has to figure out his own finances and things like that and see how it fits in with him.
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: And that's reality. So to me, its like, hey, you you're living in this big real world. You're now having real life experiences, but it's OK. I'm still here to support however way I can.
Selena: Because that's. Right. And that's what you're supposed to do. always. My mom always told me. You know. Well. This is. She had. I have three. I have two sisters.
Selena: And she's like. This is probably. and probably is not a good. Saying. But she would always say. Girls usually stays home. Until they're married.
Selena: And boys. You need to get them out. They have to. You let them go to so they can be out. And I'm like, oh okay. I always remember that. and it's like, but now that I think about it, I'm like, you know, that really wasn't probably a good saying to say, but that's what she was raised with.
Bertha Musoni: right.
Selena: Because I can remember my mom, she never lived on her own. She went from her mom's house of my grandmother's house to my dad's.
Bertha Musoni: yeah right
Selena: And then once when my dad passed away, she really didn't know what to do because it was her first time living on her own.
Bertha Musoni: what to do. oh wow.
Selena: And it's like, oh no, I'm never going to be like that. So yeah.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, wow.
Selena: Okay.
Bertha Musoni: So how did she how did you guys support her with that?
Selena: She called us all the time. It was like she had turned into the child and we were the parents. And that was something, that was a whole totally different experience.
Selena: Like really, it was an experience. And i it's just something that I would have never thought I would have went through. Like you look at your parent at a different way during that time.
Bertha Musoni: Right.
Selena: So yeah.
Bertha Musoni: How old were you at that time?
Selena: Oh gosh. My dad passed away my junior year in college. So I was early 20s.
Bertha Musoni: twentys Yeah.
Selena: Yeah. Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: So you're taking on like adults, you had to rechange how you think at that point, because you would take on adult responsibilities to be to be with mom and stuff like that.
Selena: Right. Yes.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, wow. That's, that's, that's interesting.
Selena: Yeah. It was a very different dynamic for all, for me and my sisters.
Bertha Musoni: Yes.
Selena: It's like, we have a We have a child. Like, we really have a child and we didn't have children.
Bertha Musoni: who
Selena: Well, my one sister had a child or two children by then. But, yeah, it was a real different situation.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, wow. So now are you guys, are you and your sisters the next generation of the elders in the family?
Selena: um I guess so.
Bertha Musoni: What do you... Why does it sound like you just dawned on you?
Selena: goodness.
Bertha Musoni: Like, wait a minute.
Selena: I'm like... I guess. Well, um yes because we all live here. we're not the next generation because I have a big family, but I'm like here in Ohio.
Bertha Musoni: Okay.
Selena: Yes, because all of our kids are grown, but we don't consider ourselves like I'm telling you, we don't consider ourselves like elderly.
Selena: even though all of our kids are young adults.
Bertha Musoni: Uh-huh.
Selena: Because I'm like, my nephew niece, I think they're 30 and 31, and I still call them the kids.
Bertha Musoni: Oh.
Selena: So I'm like, it's like, ah yeah, we don't i don't think my sisters, we don't consider ourselves elderly, which is really strange.
Selena: So it is strange.
Bertha Musoni: Isn't it though? Well, but, but and and sometimes it's not until somebody points it out to you. Like we just have, cause you really did sound like you had a moment of, wait, oh my gosh, we are.
Selena: I am. I guess I am. Yeah. but I told you I have to remember that I'm 50. It doesn't cross my mind every day.
Bertha Musoni: that That's actually a good problem to have. I don't know how your son feels about it, but I know that's a good problem to have.
Selena: i'm sure my son doesn't even know how old I am.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, no, he does.
Selena: but the
Bertha Musoni: He does. He probably looks and and you know, and the and that's the thing when we look at a certain thing is because I have my my mom's siblings, they didn't and i it had hit me when I turned 49.
Bertha Musoni: My mom's three siblings who kind of come after her actually like in a row, they didn't make 30. I don't think any one of them made 40.
Selena: Oh, oh, wow.
Bertha Musoni: They all died before 40. So so but For some reason, last year when I turned 49, that's the thing that kept playing for me.
Selena: Oh, wow.
Bertha Musoni: And so my turning 50 has brought on a different, but not because I, for some reason I keep reflecting to them and they're my reason of, like I need to live. This 50 needs to be great because guess what?
Selena: Mm-hmm.
Bertha Musoni: There are people who didn't make it to this age.
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: And that reconciliation is, is kind of weird to even, you know, think about to say what, what, why me and not them.
Selena: That is so true.
Selena: Yeah, that is. Yeah,
Bertha Musoni: Yeah. Great.
Selena: that is so true. Because I um ah have a, and my best friend that went to Bollywood, she's a twin. It was the three of us. And her... um My other best friend, she didn't make 50.
Selena: She passed away from cancer prior to um like three years ago.
Bertha Musoni: anyone
Bertha Musoni: right
Selena: and that's the reason we went on this trip was because of, it's like, oh, she would have loved us.
Bertha Musoni: home
Selena: We had always planned on traveling together when we got older. And it's like, oh my gosh, we are older now.
Bertha Musoni: We are at that stage.
Selena: Yeah, that we but we need to start traveling.
Bertha Musoni: yeah
Selena: And um so that we did. We went on this trip and we had a great time. And now we're like, okay, we're going to do something every year.
Bertha Musoni: Travel bugs.
Selena: So, yeah.
Bertha Musoni: Now when it bites you, it bites you real good. that that That was, yeah, that was such a, that's such, that sounds like such an honorable way to honor her memory.
Selena: Oh, yeah, I'm betting. Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: And then that's, that sounds beautiful.
Selena: Yeah, because she was like the real life of the party. And, you know, we were we were young. but Well, we were in our 40s, of course. and But it it was like something shocking and surprising to us because like it was the everyday talk to them every day.
Bertha Musoni: Yeah. Yeah.
Selena: hang out most every day, lisa every weekend. And then she got sick and it was like, oh my gosh, you're really, we're we're young for you to to be going through this.
Bertha Musoni: yeah
Selena: But yeah, so it's like, hey, after she passed away, it's like, hey, we need to start living. You know, time's over for mourning. We need to live. So yeah, it's great trip.
Bertha Musoni: If that's what you guys needed for you to say, you know what, this is life on the other side of things and then making up for her. So everywhere you go, just kind of keep her with you.
Selena: and Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: That sounds amazing. So what is the next trip that you guys are planning right now? Do you have a trip in mind already?
Selena: Well, actually, um my friend, she wants to go to um Ghana for New Year's.
Bertha Musoni: Okay.
Selena: And I'm like, I don't know if I want to go to Ghana for New Year's.
Bertha Musoni: but Dirty December. I've heard about dirty December.
Selena: Yes, In December. And I'm like, don't know if I can make that trip. I'm already going on a cruise in February.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, goodness.
Selena: ah I'm going on a cruise in May. and in September, I'm going over to England.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, nice.
Selena: So I'm like, don't know if I can do that kind of trip.
Bertha Musoni: That sounds amazing.
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: Now, i for me this year, at the beginning of the year, or maybe it was the end of last year, i had said to myself, you know what, I want to be able to do something different every month this year.
Selena: Yeah.
Selena: Ooh.
Bertha Musoni: um And it whether it depends on travel or just a new experience. And one of those things where you just put it out in the universe, some of the things I didn't even plan them, they kind of just fell into my lap.
Selena: Mm-hmm.
Bertha Musoni: um My girlfriend got turned 50 in January and got married for the first time in January in Zimbabwe.
Selena: Oh.
Bertha Musoni: So I got to go for her wedding.
Selena: Oh. Okay.
Bertha Musoni: And then February, don't even know where I went in February.
Selena: Okay.
Bertha Musoni: February, I think I went to Vegas. for another friend's 50th birthday.
Selena: and
Bertha Musoni: um And then March, I think I went to March or April, I went to Hawaii for somebody else's 50th birthday.
Selena: Oh, wow.
Bertha Musoni: So it's been like, it's just ended up happening that every month I've had something or somewhere to go.
Selena: Okay. Oh, that's something.
Bertha Musoni: Yeah,
Selena: i like that. I keep putting out in the universe. I said at 50, I was going to get fit. So since January, since turning 50, I've joined the gym and been working out and stuff.
Bertha Musoni: Yeah.
Selena: i'm
Bertha Musoni: What did
Selena: So I'm like, okay, maybe when I'm 51, I'll be fit. But I'm like, I started the journey and I'm continuing it. I should have put it out before because my friends that were turning 50 this year, they...
Selena: started getting fit at 49 so when they were when they turned 50 they're already fit and I'm like I feel like I'm behind like a year yeah
Bertha Musoni: twenty nine
Bertha Musoni: And you have a January birthday. Is that like you have time where I can be like, okay, when I'm 50 in October, so, you know, let me work in, it's still coming.
Selena: Leah be working another year yeah so like I'm like playing catch up because I'm like oh
Bertha Musoni: But yours was almost January. Yeah. Well, but you're not though. Don't never look at it as playing catch up. I think you, everything happens as it should and when it should.
Selena: True, that is true.
Bertha Musoni: And this is the time for you that you needed to say, okay, this is my year to get to whatever your goal is.
Selena: Yes.
Bertha Musoni: So just say by end of 2025, you want to be somewhere because you're still 50 until your next birthday.
Selena: Right, true.
Bertha Musoni: So, you know, you have all of 2025 to get there.
Selena: That's true.
Bertha Musoni: So kudos to you for even showing up at the gym. I have a gym membership somewhere. I'm donating money to the gym.
Selena: I'm at the... Oh, no. I'm there four days
Bertha Musoni: Oh, good for you.
Selena: So I'm like, okay, it had come off.
Bertha Musoni: Good for you.
Selena: I don't think I'm losing any, but I'm really more active. And I was saying, I was just telling someone today, am so glad I started working out in January because when I went to Bali, it was really physical.
Selena: You know, working at home, you don't, I'm...
Bertha Musoni: Yes. You don't do anything. Mm-mm.
Selena: I don't do any kind of physical activities whatsoever.
Bertha Musoni: Mm-mm.
Selena: And so I'm like, I started in January. i think if I had not started working out in January, I probably would not have made half or did half of the things that I did in Bali because i probably physically wouldn't have been able to do it.
Selena: So I'm like, oh, I'm so glad I started working out in January.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, see, it happened when it should have happened. So it's perfect.
Selena: Yes.
Bertha Musoni: It was perfect. It was so perfect.
Selena: Yes, it was.
Bertha Musoni: Well, let me ask you this. One of the things that women our age are going through, the change.
Selena: Oh, goodness.
Bertha Musoni: how has
Selena: Menopause. Perimenopause. oh
Bertha Musoni: How has that experience been for you?
Selena: Let me tell you, like I am in perimenopause. I didn't realize. like I go to this really big church. I love my church family.
Bertha Musoni: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Selena: And they do the... The nurses group there do like little classes on stuff. They did it on diabetes, high blood pressure, blah, blah, blah.
Bertha Musoni: ha
Selena: And I'm like, these older ladies in there, i'm like, no one ever talked about perimenopause. No one talks about menopause. And I'm like, can you guys do a class on perimenopause? Because I feel like something's wrong with me.
Bertha Musoni: evening
Selena: And I think this was like two years ago. I had to be like 48, 47, 48.
Bertha Musoni: ah Wow, that's when it started kicking in
Selena: Yeah, i like I was forgetting stuff. My mood swings were crazy.
Bertha Musoni: Yes.
Selena: Like, I'm like, I am going crazy. Something is happening to me.
Bertha Musoni: Off. Mm-hmm.
Selena: And I'm like, I was telling my doctor and he's like, no, you're not in perimenopause yet. You still have viable eggs. And I'm like, something is wrong.
Bertha Musoni: Yeah, like, for what? Viable eggs for up for what?
Selena: but ah That's, yeah. And I'm like, something is wrong with me. I know it is. And I asked these ladies, it's just, It was an old nurse. She was an old retired nurse. um she did She taught the class.
Selena: And her main thing was, it's what you eat. Because I'm like, I've never had hot flashes. I've never like experienced some of this stuff other ladies I just have really bad mood swings.
Bertha Musoni: of
Selena: Now I'm having like, I'll wake up at four o'clock in the middle of the night.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, the most annoying thing ever.
Selena: Cause I remember some of my friends, yeah, some of my friends was like, oh, I'm not sleeping. I'm like, oh, I don't have any problem sleeping. I'm not having night sweats like they were having. I'm not having hot flashes.
Selena: And I'm like, but my mood swings were like crazy.
Bertha Musoni: wow.
Selena: Like I could be crying a one minute, happy one minute, ah screaming at somebody the next.
Bertha Musoni: so
Selena: It was outrageous.
Bertha Musoni: So you on a pendulum. You are in either one extreme or the other.
Selena: Yes.
Bertha Musoni: There was no middle ground.
Selena: Yes. Yes, and I was forgetting stuff. I still forget stuff a lot.
Bertha Musoni: Yes.
Selena: I really forget things a lot. um So I started writing stuff down. make I had to start making lists for myself. it the It's just been crazy. But I found out like it's a really quiet, kept secret in African-American kid communities. I don't know about any other, but now I feel like everybody everywhere is talking about it.
Selena: I swear when my mom... was living and my grandmother was, I don't remember anybody saying anything.
Bertha Musoni: you It was just the change. It was just the change.
Selena: Yeah,
Bertha Musoni: They're going through the change. But again, i think that's a generational thing, right?
Selena: yeah you don't talk about it.
Bertha Musoni: We are, no, no, it was be private or it's it makes people uncomfortable to to talk about that.
Selena: Yeah.
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: But I think our generation has become way, way more vocal about it.
Selena: Right. Because I can remember one of the ladies in the class was like, oh, well, it usually comes on around the time where your mother. And I'm like, and somebody referred me, well, ask your mother.
Selena: like, well, my mother is deceased. I don't have anyone to ask. My older sister, she I've asked her and she said she didn't really go through anything. And I'm like, going through these crazy changes then.
Selena: So I'm like, it's just was talking with friends and finding out everybody was kind of in the same boat or experiencing the same things.
Bertha Musoni: Going through it, right?
Selena: And I'm like, okay, we need to do some research on this. We need to find out what we can take and what you should eat and not because I can't be crazy like this.
Bertha Musoni: and it And you really do feel like you're going crazy. Like, you know, you're looking at something and like, I know i don't feel angry, but why is everything um i'm I'm saying
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: sounding angry, like it's coming out with so much frustration, but I don't feel frustrated.
Selena: angry.
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: So it I definitely know what you're saying, the the the forgetfulness, the just the not no sleep, I was not getting any sleep. You couple that with not being able to just think straight. And you know, with the job that we do, you kind of have to be on top of things.
Selena: You got to be with it. Yes.
Bertha Musoni: You have to be with it. And I was getting so frustrated because I'll be in the middle of working on something and then I'll forget.
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: And I have to reset.
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: So how did you, cause I know you'd mentioned diet. What was the advice that was given to you regarding diet?
Selena: aye
Selena: Well, um I started looking at what was in my foods, which I've always kind of did it, but not really paid attention. And I was I'm a big I love wine.
Selena: I'm a big wine drinker. Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: I'm having a glass right now as we speak.
Selena: And I used to, like, red wine would be my thing. um But I found out, like, red wine causes me to sweat at night. And I'm like, so I don't drink well red wine anymore. And i when it's when it's cold out, I literally love a red wine. Love it.
Selena: um But I don't drink it at night anymore. And I really don't drink a lot of wines. If it's a wine that I drink now, it has to have it can't have nitrates in it.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, okay.
Selena: So I...
Bertha Musoni: I had never heard that. I need to probably start paying attention.
Selena: Yeah, and like nitrates are in lunch meat and stuff. So it's in a lot of stuff.
Bertha Musoni: Yeah.
Selena: And it was causing me to um sweat. And um like, I don't, now like take Asawanda.
Selena: Goalie.
Bertha Musoni: Ashwanda. Yep.
Selena: ah so one Yes, I take that.
Bertha Musoni: Yep. Yep.
Selena: And that really helped with my mood swings a lot.
Bertha Musoni: And clarity as well. Like for me, ashwagandha is ashwagandha.
Selena: Yes.
Bertha Musoni: Ashwagandha helped me with clarity.
Selena: Yes.
Bertha Musoni: it It lifted the the muddiness that was going in my mind.
Selena: That fog.
Bertha Musoni: The fog, yes, definitely lifted my fog.
Selena: Yes. Yes. So I take that and, um, that's it. I do have some friends that are like on hormone replacement therapy.
Bertha Musoni: That's what I'm on.
Selena: Oh, and I wish, but I have a high, I'm a high candidate for, ah breast cancer and my doctor will not um will not prescribe it for me.
Bertha Musoni: ah yeah who yeah right up no You to embrace that belly.
Selena: And so she tells me, you know, try, she's the one who told me to try Asawanda, um try other things, and more natural things. and And that's what I'm doing. And it has helped a lot, but it hasn't, like I have this belly that I can't get rid of. Whereas, right.
Bertha Musoni: That belly is with you for life, ma'am.
Selena: What?
Bertha Musoni: Just...
Selena: No, it's not. No.
Bertha Musoni: just Just embrace the belly because, you know, I know you're going to the gym and everything, but, you know.
Selena: Listen, no. Because I've seen
Selena: my one friend who's on hormone replacements, I see she had a belly, her belly is gone. And I'm like, oh God, it is that hormone replacement.
Bertha Musoni: but she's But she's also working out, right? So with the...
Selena: No, she is not working out.
Bertha Musoni: She's not? What?
Selena: She's like, she's lost, she lost like 30 pounds just from being on the hormone replacement therapy.
Bertha Musoni: What?
Bertha Musoni: Really?
Selena: Yes. Yes.
Bertha Musoni: not I'm not getting that. That is crazy.
Selena: Yeah, I don't know what hormone replacement she's on, what she's doing. Well, I think she gets injections or something, but I'm like,
Bertha Musoni: Okay, so she must be on something else then that's also helping with the weight.
Selena: maybe. i but Yeah, because I'm like, she's about 30 pounds.
Bertha Musoni: but but it also helps you appreciate yeah But it also helps you appreciate the fact that everybody's body chemistry is different, right?
Selena: That's true.
Bertha Musoni: And the way that we react to things, because we we we like having the discussions and sharing the information, but it's always with the understanding that it's not going to work the same for everyone because we're so different in so many different ways.
Selena: everybody For everyone. on Right.
Bertha Musoni: But I'm i'm happy you're you're finding relief.
Selena: Yes, I am. I am finding release with the what I'm working on so far. Yes.
Bertha Musoni: Well, that's awesome.
Selena: Working with.
Bertha Musoni: I just need to get back into the gym. If I get back into the gym, I think my combination of things will work out very, very well for me. and i just can't go to the gym.
Selena: Yeah. That's why I'm like... I feel like if I was on something else, I would have a better success, some more pounds.
Bertha Musoni: Hmm.
Selena: Because I swear I've only lost like seven pounds since January. But I'm like, it seven pounds, going to keep it. I'm going to, you know, I'll put it on slow. Well, I probably didn't put it on slowly.
Selena: But I'm like, if it stays, if it comes off slowly, it'll last longer, maybe.
Bertha Musoni: And last night.
Bertha Musoni: Putting it on is real easy.
Selena: We'll
Bertha Musoni: You don't you you didn't even think about what you were doing when you were putting it on, right? like you it almost feels like you woke up one day and you're like, okay, okay.
Selena: Right.
Selena: Oh, got 40 extra piles on me. Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: where did that come from? Right.
Selena: Mm-hmm.
Bertha Musoni: But taking it off is just such a journey because for me, I've lost, but I've had, I'm, I'm cause I'm diabetic. So I've had other medication that I'm taking that's helping with my weight loss.
Selena: Okay.
Bertha Musoni: And again, with the, with you know, with the hormone replacement, that's also helping. And when I look at my pictures of myself, probably when you see me now, you'd be like, okay, Bertha, we see some difference there from when we were in the same building.
Bertha Musoni: You'd be like, yeah, we see some difference. I am feeling, better.
Selena: Oh, good.
Bertha Musoni: And when when it did hit me with the whole with the the the menopause symptoms, my biggest thing was no sleep.
Selena: Oh, okay.
Bertha Musoni: The week two weeks after I got my hormone replacement patch, and I started doing that. Oh my gosh, it was night and day for me. I felt so different because I was feeling rested.
Selena: Oh.
Bertha Musoni: totally rested, but now I am feeling overly tired quickly. It's weird.
Selena: Oh.
Bertha Musoni: And when I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted. Like I'm ready to crawl into bed and go to sleep regardless of what time it is. I'm not a nap person. I've been taking naps.
Selena: Really? Oh, wow.
Bertha Musoni: So now I don't know what's countering that that's causing it. So it's just, you know,
Selena: Are you doing too much?
Bertha Musoni: I'm not that I'm doing much.
Selena: Because I'm like, your body, when your body needs to rest, it rests. It'll let you know.
Bertha Musoni: True, true.
Selena: It'll rest one way or the other. So maybe you need the rest.
Bertha Musoni: But I don't think I'm doing much though. Like it could literally just be with me. Like today, i um i had something this morning, I did that, but I really haven't been doing anything. And then I got up and I went to Verizon and on my way back, I was feeling drowsy.
Selena: Oh.
Bertha Musoni: Why am I tired?
Selena: Were you up all night last night?
Bertha Musoni: Absolutely not.
Selena: Oh, yeah. I don't...
Bertha Musoni: Ma'am, 10.30 is like, ah it's time. It's time to go to bed.
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: So, yeah, it's it's just, you know, again, it's maybe that's the part that we have to accept of the growing older.
Selena: I'm at 10 o'clock. Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: Not old, the the're getting older, that, you know, your body is going through some changes and you're getting to know these new creaks in your body and stuff like that, so...
Selena: Yeah. Yes.
Selena: Yes.
Selena: Yeah, that's true.
Bertha Musoni: We're just getting used to the new part of new parts, I guess.
Selena: Yes, our new parts. Like, yeah. ah Sometimes I wake up shocked. Like, I swear I didn't used to be... I didn't used to have cellulite. I've always been, like, a little chunky, but I swear one day I'm like, oh, my gosh, where did all this cellulite come from on the back of my legs?
Selena: So, like, oh, my gosh. Like, I just... It shocked and surprised me. I'm like, well, will that ever go away?
Bertha Musoni: oh
Selena: So we'll see.
Bertha Musoni: Well, we're taking the steps, I think, and and you know, the things that our parents never
Selena: Yes.
Selena: to Well, I don't know.
Bertha Musoni: one
Selena: My mom didn't tell me.
Bertha Musoni: Well, I don't even think it's so much as telling us, but I don't think they experienced it or it wasn't anything that they put to the forefront in the way that we do.
Selena: Right, that's true.
Bertha Musoni: So our problems are different.
Selena: Because I always said, like, if I had a daughter there, I would tell her all about this. Like, I would just, everything, all you'll go crazy sometimes, this, I would say everything.
Bertha Musoni: But her concerns at this age are going to be different. Just like how our concerns are different from what our parents were.
Selena: True, yes, that is so true.
Bertha Musoni: And, and I ah go ahead.
Selena: i don't know. I said, I don't know. i have a niece. my Well, i have a couple of nieces, but my sister that hang out with all the time, we both have only one child and her my niece hangs out.
Bertha Musoni: Uh-huh.
Selena: And I'm going to ask I'm like, hey, did your mom ever say anything to you about menopause? I'm going to ask her and find out.
Bertha Musoni: Probably not because nobody thinks about that that conversation.
Selena: Yeah, but I feel like now everybody, like with the Oprah thing, i feel like everybody is like talking.
Bertha Musoni: it's supposed me
Selena: I can always see a commercial about menopause or, you know, I'm like, I swear, i don't remember seeing any of those when I was younger.
Bertha Musoni: Well, but still, even with us seeing the commercials, until it actually happened to you, You really didn't know.
Selena: you don't really pay attention to it.
Bertha Musoni: Right. Right.
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: It's like it's like saying, you know what, that that happens to those people. It's like people who hear probably men who hear commercials about, you know, erectile dysfunction, ED.
Bertha Musoni: They never think about it until they probably get that age and it happens to them.
Selena: Yeah, until that happens to them.
Bertha Musoni: So I think it's it's similarly the same thing.
Selena: Oh.
Bertha Musoni: Similarly, the same thing where it's it's happening for those older people. So we're stepping into those older people's shoes now is our reality.
Selena: Yeah. but i And it's like, oh, it's our reality, but it's like, no, I can't be stepping into those shoes. No, i'm it's not time for me yet.
Bertha Musoni: So other than looking forward to grand babies, more travel, um do you think you're financially prepared for retirement?
Selena: um You know what? I do not think I'm financially prepared for retirement.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, good. Right.
Selena: At one point, I thought I i did. i was. Well, I'm on the right track.
Bertha Musoni: oh
Selena: But like if ah someone was to say, oh, you got to retire today, i probably don't know what I'll do. Like I'm. I'm on the track because I've like talked with a financial planner and stuff to tell me what I need to do to survive when I get to retirement age.
Bertha Musoni: right
Selena: But I feel like when I get to retirement age, I'm still not going to retire. Like I cannot see myself not working. I would get so bored so easily, so quickly.
Bertha Musoni: and
Selena: I have to have something to do. yeah, It is, I, and right now at this age, I don't see like I would ever retire.
Bertha Musoni: It's not even in anything, any thought process that you're having, because again, we're feeling young at such a, at such at this age of 50.
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: Yep.
Selena: At 50, I still feel like I'm really young.
Bertha Musoni: yep
Selena: But I remember like my friend's dad, who he passed away last year. But he was a retired police officer. he had retired, moved to Florida.
Selena: He literally would do nothing. He would he have to. He worked on a car in his garage. He just fixed on it every day.
Selena: and it was he would fix it. take another part, oh, this needs to be done, just to have something to do.
Bertha Musoni: Just had something to do, yeah.
Selena: and I'm like, no, I don't want to get up and just find stuff to do. Like, I really still want to...
Bertha Musoni: Well...
Selena: but and And it was helpful because I'm like, he still was using his brain and and doing stuff.
Bertha Musoni: His brain, yes.
Selena: But I'm like, oh no, I can i cannot see myself doing that. Eating at, you know, having dinner, getting going to bed, watching TV, the TV show.
Bertha Musoni: like thirty
Selena: I can't see. i can't see it. Like, I'm literally not a homebody.
Bertha Musoni: Yes.
Selena: I'm usually only home on Sundays. Well, and I work from home. But like, i Once work is over, I'm gone. And it's like Sunday.
Bertha Musoni: Mm-hmm. Find something to do out there.
Selena: yeah Sunday after church is like the only time I'm literally at home.
Bertha Musoni: Wow.
Selena: So I could not imagine being at home all day, waking up every day. what am I going to do today? Right.
Bertha Musoni: Well, but I think this is our time to redefine what that retirement looks like, right?
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: Both of us were in the corporate, when in corporate America, we work for a big you know company.
Selena: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Bertha Musoni: I look at it as moving away from that. So retirement for me is being able to control my time more. And my so being able to do something that's independent where I'm not chained to somebody else telling me where I need to be, what time I need to be, what I need to do, what my productivity looks like.
Bertha Musoni: But being able to be in my own space and still be able to use my faculties and earn money, even within, with them act and I wanted to be active, a combination of active and passive income, right?
Selena: Yes.
Bertha Musoni: But I wanted to be where I i control my time. So if I decide I want to do two weeks in Bali, i can do that without having to worry about PTO because life is, my business is still going.
Selena: I feel that. i can see that. i can look. I think that's something I could look forward to also.
Bertha Musoni: I think we need to read that.
Selena: Like getting up and just going and not worrying about, oh, I got to come back to all these emails.
Bertha Musoni: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: Mm-hmm.
Selena: Um, and just going and spending as much time as I want away. Yeah, I can see that.
Bertha Musoni: So you're still active within the work realm, but you just have more control.
Selena: Yes.
Bertha Musoni: I think for me, ah an ideal situation would be moving away from the corporate world.
Bertha Musoni: So let's rethink what retirement looks like for our new you know our new retirement age and what that looks like.
Selena: I know.
Bertha Musoni: It's no longer about going to Florida and fixing cars or waking up and finding a hobby. and make it a hobby that's still sustaining your lifestyle.
Selena: Right.
Selena: Yeah. I guess that's something I'll be thinking about now.
Bertha Musoni: Well, this is what these conversations are for, right? Let's exchange ideas for us to be able to have a different outlook on what we do and how we're doing it and our experiences, really.
Selena: Right.
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: But yeah, I give you something to think about there.
Selena: That is something to think about.
Bertha Musoni: I love the way you, and you really sound like right now your, your, your your brain is thinking like your, your mind is turning like, wait, what can I do to pivot?
Selena: It is going like, what will I do?
Bertha Musoni: Like, what can I do?
Selena: Right.
Bertha Musoni: But okay. Really just to wrap up. I knew I warned you. i was going to ask you this question. If you had the opportunity to talk to your 21 year old self, what message would you give your 21 year old self?
Selena: ah Do what you want to do.
Bertha Musoni: Hmm.
Selena: i I've always, if I always think if I could go back to the time where i was real I was raised where you do what your parents say to do
Bertha Musoni: Right.
Selena: um And did that. And it wasn't I wasn't happy doing it, but I did it because I respected my parents and stuff.
Selena: But i would I would do what I want to do. that and i would tell that 21-year-old to... two Have fun. Do what you want to do Life is short. Do what you want to do.
Bertha Musoni: right
Selena: and and just enjoy life. And I think I look back like, i i always say, like, I never went to my very first concert because my my parents were really religious.
Bertha Musoni: wow. Yeah.
Selena: um I didn't go to my first concert until I was married. And ah we went to Sade concert.
Bertha Musoni: oh wow
Selena: That was my very first concert. And I had to be, i think I was 25, 20. I think it was 25, 26. That was my very, very first concert. I'm like, I wish would have more.
Selena: and i'm like i wish i wouldve did more
Bertha Musoni: yeah
Selena: As younger age and like then when I had kids, I yeah had my child, it was just dedicated to it, to his life.
Bertha Musoni: It was about him.
Selena: And now at 50, that's how I feel like i don't feel 50. I feel like I'm 21. twenty one doing the stuff that I've always wanted to do, but I i didn't do.
Bertha Musoni: Wanted to do. Yeah.
Selena: So, and now like I tell my son all the time, you're young, do whatever you want to do. Like he's in New York right now for the weekend.
Bertha Musoni: That is awesome.
Selena: And it's like, go and have fun. Like I didn't travel by myself. I didn't do any traveling and stuff. And I'm like, I'm doing whatever I want now. I'm 50.
Bertha Musoni: and and you know what And there's a certain, I think, knowing yourself as well, right? Even though our parents' method of us listening to them to do everything, there was a certain safeguard to that.
Bertha Musoni: we i definitely agree with you that there should have been some some latitude in order to be like, you know what, you balance it out. These are my rules. But as long as you accept the consequences that come when you do what you want to do, because that also teaches consequences, being able to accept those consequences.
Selena: True, but...
Selena: Yeah. Well, I did have a sister who did whatever she wanted to do.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, you had an example of what not to do. Okay.
Selena: Right. And it was drilled in me. Don't do that. Don't be like that. Don't do that. But she did.
Bertha Musoni: Okay.
Selena: But and it always should. But she doesn't. She has five children, but she was always happy, though. She always she's and she's happy now. She has she always lived for herself.
Selena: She didn't care about what anybody else thought.
Bertha Musoni: Right.
Selena: But me and my other sister, we, you had to be very respectful of your parents.
Bertha Musoni: Yes.
Selena: You're out here representing everybody, you know? So it's like, yeah, it's like, oh no, I can't do that.
Bertha Musoni: Oh yeah. That pressure. Yeah.
Selena: i can't do this. i can't do that. But yeah.
Bertha Musoni: I've never thought about that. Order of birth, I guess, is very important when having these conversations because if you, because I'm a firstborn, so my, you know, probably my, my, my leash was a lot looser.
Selena: Oh.
Bertha Musoni: than anybody being a firstborn somewhat because, you know, they they really don't know.
Selena: Oh, being a firstborn?
Bertha Musoni: They're trying things out.
Selena: oh Oh, yeah.
Bertha Musoni: So they don't want to be too strict. they they If they are too, big they can go one way or the other, one extreme or the other.
Selena: Well.
Bertha Musoni: But by the second, third, fourth, like they now know what they don't want you to do.
Selena: Yeah, I'm the youngest.
Bertha Musoni: Oh, yeah.
Selena: And um I was in my so middle, the sister that did whatever she wanted was the middle child.
Bertha Musoni: Usually as someone who's the most defiant.
Selena: Yeah, and it's, yes, and it was like, no, you're not doing this. No, you're doing this. No, and it's like, oh, okay, I don't want to cause any friction.
Selena: I'll just do it. It's like, because I saw her getting in trouble all the time, so I'm like, nope, I'm just going to be pleasant.
Bertha Musoni: I'm just going to be right here in my lane and stay with it.
Selena: Yeah, yeah.
Bertha Musoni: Well, thank you so much, Selena, for joining me today. this was It was a nice way for me to get to know you a little bit more.
Selena: Oh, yes.
Bertha Musoni: um i know we've never, you know, but ah most of our conversations have been, hey, girl, and we talked about the kids at some point when we're the same building. So I really do appreciate you coming on and opening up.
Selena: Oh, well thanks.
Bertha Musoni: Yeah.
Selena: I'm like, I wish you all the best with this. Maybe this is your retirement, your second plan.
Bertha Musoni: and Well, you know what? I'll do this again in 10 years when we turn 60. So do this.
Selena: Oh, and see what, what change. See if we'll have more aches and see if I still feel 21 then.
Bertha Musoni: Yes. It'll... Listen, 21 for life. My sister's been 23 for the longest, except this year. I think her son is turning 23 soon, so she has to find a new age.
Selena: I used to always say 25 was my forever age.
Bertha Musoni: So...
Selena: And I'm like, and I can't believe some kid was like today said that. Oh, I thought you were 29.
Bertha Musoni: Girl, that's the biggest compliment ever.
Selena: I'm like, oh, aren't you so nice.
Bertha Musoni: Take it.
Selena: Thank you
Bertha Musoni: Take it.
Selena: Yeah.
Bertha Musoni: Well, but thank you so, so much. I really, really do appreciate you coming on. And I'd love to have you on again.
Selena: Oh,
Bertha Musoni: i think I'm going to have a panel at some point in the future. um
Selena: okay.
Bertha Musoni: Somebody asked me how I'm going to do it for my birthday. And they suggested, why not have all your previous guests come on and they ask you questions. I said, okay.
Selena: Oh, that be be good.
Bertha Musoni: You know what? We might do that. So we'll see if I can, if if I can, you know, sit in the hot seat and have everybody fire questions at me.
Selena: Yeah. All right.
Selena: Yes, that would be really good.
Bertha Musoni: So, yeah, but thank you so, so much. You have a wonderful week ahead.
Selena: oh you're welcome. Oh, you too. You you too
