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Godly Women - Family Sermon Series
109 Plays2 years ago
Welcome back to another episode of the Grove Hill podcast, where we dive deep into themes of faith, family, and the love of Jesus Christ. In today's episode, titled "Godly Women," we explore the concept of submission and the role of women in the home. But don't worry, this isn't a conversation about oppression or control. Instead, we'll explore the true meaning behind submission and how it can bring about peace and equilibrium within our families. Drawing from biblical teachings and real-life examples, we'll uncover the spiritual objectives of marriage and the importance of putting others before ourselves. So, grab your favorite beverage, get comfortable, and let's embark on this enlightening journey together. Stay tuned for an episode that will challenge your perceptions and ignite your faith. Welcome to Grove Hill Church, where we seek to grow and inspire a community of believers.
Timestamps:
[00:01:39] New deacons nominated, vote in September.
[00:06:09] Challenge: live a sent life, take gospel to world. Partner with struggling churches, invest in them.
[00:06:52] Prayer for gospel preaching, worship, leadership, giving.
[00:12:49] Submit to God's design, not a negative connotation.
[00:16:04] Men need respect at home to avoid infidelity.
[00:17:26] "Wife leading = dangerous, like a bank."
[00:20:43] Don't nag, pray and be patient.
[00:25:57] Wife's belief in me is crucial.
[00:28:16] Home behavior affects children's attitudes and actions. Pray consistently for family's well-being.
[00:30:35] Wife prays for others, I pray anywhere.
[00:36:17] Rescue your kids less for their growth.
[00:39:52] Teach kids, accept differences, discourage participation trophies.
[00:42:00] Prioritize husband, kids benefit, research shows.
[00:45:38] "Father speaks, respond, submit, receive something better."
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Transcript
Welcome and Community Growth
00:00:00
Speaker
Good morning everybody. Thank you for worshiping with us today. If you're a guest today and I haven't had a chance to speak to you I hope I get to do that at the end of the service but I'm very especially excited you're here with us because you've just walked into the best church in America. I am a little biased but
00:00:19
Speaker
Now you really have walked into a very special place because one of the things I will tell you is that if you hang around for just a few seconds, you'll be loved. People will greet you, they'll make you feel a part of this. And that's one of the things we kind of focus on. It's one of our values. We want to connect you with other believers because as you're doing life, no matter what stage of life you're at, and even no matter what background you come out of, we believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ has the power to change your life. And so we want to engage you with that.
00:00:47
Speaker
Before we get into the sermon this morning, I woke up at 2.45 this morning, which is always dangerous for you. But the first thought that I had at 2.45 this morning was something I feel like I need to say to you. We have been blessed, if you've been around here for any length of time, you know we've been blessed with lots of growth over the last several months.
00:01:02
Speaker
And I started thinking about the fact that so many people in our congregation are coming from different backgrounds. We have Lutherans, Episcopalians, Catholics, Presbyterians, non-denominational, just Yankees. We have all kinds of people coming from all kinds of places. That's not a bad thing.
00:01:21
Speaker
But here's the reality, many of you don't know a lot about our church and some of the things we talk about and sometimes we talk about them up here and just assume you know what we're talking about. So I want to specifically engage you on three areas this morning and then invite you to just one more time join me in praying for those things.
Leadership Nominations and Voting
00:01:36
Speaker
First of all, leadership. We are at a season in our church, we're getting ready in the process of nominating new deacons for our congregation.
00:01:43
Speaker
and there will be a vote of affirmation for those guys at the end of September. Because of the growth in our church, we currently have about one-third of the number of deacons we actually need.
00:01:53
Speaker
And so I want to continue to invite you to nominate those guys, pray for them. And then also this afternoon at two o'clock, if you want to join us right back here in the worship center, Josh and Ashley Friend will be here. Josh has been nominated by the elders to fill out the position of Larry Purdle, who was an elder who just resigned a couple months ago. Josh will be here for conversation, dialogue, questions, whatever you want to know so that you can get to know him better.
00:02:17
Speaker
And then three weeks from today, once we get past Labor Day weekend, we'll have a vote of affirmation on Josh there. Here's where I want you to hear what I'm going to say to you. Never, ever, ever in the life of our church do we want these to be votes of popularity. Okay? Way too important for that.
00:02:34
Speaker
If you love Josh, but don't think he's the man to be the elder, then please don't vote for Josh. Same thing with our deacons. I don't want you voting for the guy because he sits next to you and he has a great voice on Sunday morning. I don't want you voting for him because he wears the coolest shirts to church and he looks really good. I mean, those are all bizarre reasons, or maybe it's the only name you recognize. That's not a reason to vote for a guy to lead our congregation. We are looking for men who are called of God, who are responding to that call,
00:03:03
Speaker
and definitely have the spiritual maturity it takes to lead this congregation well. Everybody clear on that?
Church Funds and Giving
00:03:09
Speaker
Second thing, the area of giving. We have three different specific offerings that we take at this church or areas of offering. One of them is our general fund. That's the operation fund. That's the one that keeps the lights on, keeps everything working, including your staff.
00:03:25
Speaker
It pays for ministry opportunities, it supports missionaries and food banks and all those different things. The second one relates to this tree on the wall over here that many of you probably look at and go, that's the most bizarre decoration. It's not a decoration, it's actually tracking our building fund.
00:03:40
Speaker
Most of you know that we have 16 acres just down the road where we hope to eventually be building a building, which will give us more space. Strangely enough, it won't give us the space we need because we are growing so fast. We're actually going to enter into that building probably having to go straight into two worship services, even at the size we're building it.
00:03:58
Speaker
Currently it's about a four and a half million dollar to five million dollar project. I had a conversation with my friend Alan Stout on Saturday night and then again this week with a guy who's been in church financing for the last 50 years and he told me this and this is where I want to kind of encourage you and challenge you just a little bit.
00:04:17
Speaker
Three weeks ago we finished up the book of Malachi. We were talking about giving and tithing and what that means and that tithing isn't for God, tithing's for us. It reminds us of our need for God and how He is the provider of all things. And Alan and this guy both challenged me with this thought. You'll remember I told you that we had a little over 200 giving units in our church.
00:04:38
Speaker
That may be a single parent family, a traditional family, divorced and blended family. It may be just a single teenager that gives. There's all kinds of different giving units.
Partnerships and Outreach Opportunities
00:04:48
Speaker
If every one of those giving units in our congregation were to give just a hundred dollars more a month, it would give us over 250,000 more dollars every year to do the work of the kingdom.
00:04:59
Speaker
Now the reason I want to tell you that is because some of you may not know that this year in the budget we specifically put a mortgage payment in there even though we have no mortgage payment because right now every time we go over in our needs for the month that 100% is going into our building fund. So if you were to commit $100 more just for the rest of this year that would be an extra $100,000 into our building fund.
00:05:22
Speaker
If you did it next year, it would be an extra $252,000 based on the actual number giving units we have just right now. It's a huge, huge difference. It's a little bit of sacrifice. I know for some of you, it's a bigger sacrifice than others, but for most of you, it's two nights out with your family to dinner.
00:05:39
Speaker
basically it's a challenge of that kind of that sort. So I encourage you to continue to pray about what that might look like because it's not only about the building, it also frees us up to give another $25,000 to the support of missionaries. It would give us an extra additional fund to support the works we do with fostering and adoption and food banks and all the other things that we do as a church.
00:06:01
Speaker
The third area I want to talk to you about is this, and that is just opportunities. There are some that I can't talk to you about this morning because I just don't have the luxury to do that. Others that many of you are aware. But as a church, what we challenge you to do is to come in to be fed, to be discipled, but then to live what we call a scent life. We want you to go out and find the way to take the gospel that you receive here and take it to the world.
00:06:23
Speaker
And that looks like a lot of different things. One of the things that may be is just talking to a coworker at work. But one of the other opportunities that's coming up more and more is that churches in the area have been reaching out to us saying, hey, how can we partner with you to strengthen what our church is doing? We've got a lot of churches in this area that are struggling, some unfortunately that are dying. And what they need is another church to come alongside of them and to invest in them, maybe give them leaders.
00:06:46
Speaker
to give them training, just whatever the case may be, and we are praying about those opportunities. So I encourage you to please be in prayer regarding what that looks like because this has never ever been about the kingdom of Growfield Church. It's always been about the kingdom of God.
00:07:03
Speaker
And so last night, as we gathered in this place to pray for you this morning, one of the things we prayed for were all of the churches in this area that are preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ, that their pulpits would be bold and that their people would be there and fill those pews so that they may hear the truth of God's word this morning. So I'm gonna invite you very quickly just to join me for a couple of seconds in another time of prayer, and I'll just break it into three areas for you, leadership, giving, and the opportunities for the gospel, okay? And then I will close that prayer time.
00:07:44
Speaker
Father worship looks like a lot of different things. For most of us, when we hear that word, we think about singing songs inside this room on Sunday morning, and that's part of it. But worship is really more about how we live our lives Monday through Saturday. It's declaring you not just as the God who we see as the one true God, but the God who we follow as the one true God. In fact, Jesus himself said, you want to know how people are followers of mine, how they love me? They love me by being obedient to what I ask.
00:08:14
Speaker
And so this is what our cry is for our hearts cry for our congregation, for the people who come in here week by week that we would learn how to surrender and submit our lives to the leadership of Jesus Christ. We want to be obedient in all things.
00:08:28
Speaker
So as a church, Lord, I pray that you would increase our influence in this community because this is our Jerusalem. And this is where we want to start by sharing the gospel as we take it to the ends of the earth. We pray for these specific areas, Lord, that you would grow up strong leaders for our congregation so that there would be men who would serve this congregation well and also protect the integrity of what's taught in these halls.
00:08:50
Speaker
I pray for our giving, Lord. We have been a faithful congregation. There have been so many people who have stepped up even in recent weeks with what they are giving. We ask, Lord, that you would increase that so that every dollar that comes in is multiplied as it goes out so that it has a greater impact for the kingdom of Jesus Christ.
00:09:06
Speaker
Right now, there are missionaries on the other side of the world who are counting on what we do in this place. Right now, there are people right down the street who need to know that same gospel. And I pray that we never pick one over the other, Lord, but we are reminded that we are to go from Jerusalem to the ends of the earth, taking this gospel with us, that wherever our feet go, that the Church of Jesus Christ is there and is present. Lastly, Lord, I pray for those opportunities. Whoever you put before us this week, Lord, I pray that we are okay having our lives interrupted long enough to have a conversation.
00:09:36
Speaker
that we see with open eyes the opportunities you put before us and that we are bold enough to speak the name of Jesus when those opportunities come. It's in Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Sermon: Family Roles and Submission
00:09:47
Speaker
So we are in second week of the family series. Today we are picking on the ladies just a little bit and there's a reason for that. Number one, the order that Paul takes in Ephesians 5 where we are taking our scripture this week. The second reason is because next week it's the men and so the men will be less inclined to poke their wives this morning knowing there are opportunities coming next week. See how I'm looking out for you ladies? So we're going to jump into this this morning in Ephesians chapter 5 beginning in verse 20.
00:10:15
Speaker
one actually let's go to verse 22 first thing this morning and I want to share some things with you some statements about what it means to be a godly woman we're going to talk a little bit about mothering but that's going to come later in a couple of weeks when we're going to be doing the sermon on parenting but we'll talk about a lot of things related to to these verses here this morning
00:10:34
Speaker
It says, wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Submit. Remember last week we talked about this. Submission is a critical part of every Christian relationship. Not just husbands and wives, but wives and their children, husbands and their children, husbands and workers. All of us relationship to one another as true believers when we live out our relationships day to day, our daily walk in the world.
00:11:01
Speaker
We live as Christians submitted to one another. We're not seeking our own desires. We're not looking out for our best interests. We are looking out for those around us in the world. So it's foundational for all relationships, but it's never more true than it is in marriage. Marriage is not about establishing your rights. It's not about seeking your own good. In fact, I would submit to you that good marriages, good Christian marriages are built around questions like this.
00:11:29
Speaker
How can I make you more holy? How can I love you like Jesus Christ has loved you? And how can I serve to make you a better person and help meet your needs? Now the question you can never ask because it's not your responsibility is how do I fulfill you? Because we know from the gospels that the fulfilling of our hearts, the filling of our hearts is responsibility that only Jesus Christ can do.
00:11:57
Speaker
But our role is to come alongside and free people up to experience all that Christ has for them. And so Paul starts out by saying, wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. What Paul's talking about there as a comparison is this, the church has an order to it. And that order is there for a reason.
00:12:19
Speaker
God is a God of order. Things follow in succession in the right direction. There are certain people who are in authority and others who submit to that authority. And so that is mirrored in the home relationship, in the family relationship.
00:12:31
Speaker
There is someone who is the head of the home, someone who has the authority. We believe that's the Christian father, the father that's living in righteousness. That is the one whose role is primary there. The wife comes alongside of him and submits herself to him. Now, before you start getting defensive and going, wait a minute, you're telling me that I have to submit myself into a world where we fought to have women with equality and all those kinds of things?
00:12:55
Speaker
I would encourage you to go read Philippians chapter 2, verse 3 and following, where it says, Jesus Christ did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but instead submitted himself to the authority of the Father.
00:13:11
Speaker
So if Jesus, as the equal to God, did not hold on to that and demand His way and instead submitted Himself to God, then what in the world will we have a problem, why in the world will we have a problem doing the same thing in the order of God's creation, the way He designed things to work? Verse 24, it says, now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands and everything.
00:13:37
Speaker
Now let me encourage you, when scripture speaks to women about submission, it is never ever a negative connotation. I remind you that when Paul wrote the book of Ephesus, women in that culture were objects, they were things to be owned by their husbands, they were given no rights, very few things that they could do. In fact, if a husband ever chose to dismiss his wife through divorce,
00:13:59
Speaker
or even the husband passed away, what was left was a woman who had two options. She could stay in poverty the rest of her life or be looked out by her family, or she could turn to prostitution. That was basically it.
00:14:11
Speaker
So what Paul, Jesus Christ and others in the New Testament did is they actually began the process of elevating women to a role that they had never seen before. And today, your freedoms, your rights, your equality before God is not questioned because of what the Church of Jesus Christ has done in our culture. And if you need further proof of that, look at the Muslim world.
00:14:34
Speaker
because the Muslim world has not done that for women and instead they have suppressed them and oppressed them and kept them from any rights whatsoever. Instead the Church of Jesus Christ offers this reality to you. Men and women both were created in the image of God which means you are equals before God.
00:14:51
Speaker
You are not inferior to him, your husband. You're not inferior to other men in your life. Instead, you are created with the same rights and privileges that you willingly submit to a husband who is righteous. Now, men, hold your breath because next week I'm going to explain to you what it looks like to be a righteous man. That's your responsibility.
00:15:12
Speaker
So, you're encouraged to be willingly in submission to your husband. Just like every other organization, there's structure to it. No family is different. It is God's design. Now, Ephesians chapter 5 verse 33 says this, to sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, speaking to the husbands. And then he turns his attention to the woman and he says, the wife is to respect her husband. I want to stop there for just a second and explain something very, very critical for you. If you've ever heard me teach on preach on marriage, you've heard this from me.
00:15:41
Speaker
The number one need of a man, every man is respect.
00:15:46
Speaker
Every man, okay? This is why men work so hard at their jobs to get the attention of other guys in the office. They want to be acknowledged by their peers that they're doing well. That's why they seek promotion at work because it's an acknowledgement of how hard they work and how hard they are putting in their time. It's the reason why a grown man will walk onto a field, play a kid's game, score a touchdown, and then beat his chest in front of 70,000 people like he's accomplished something.
00:16:13
Speaker
because he wants the world to acknowledge who he is. And so what happens in the home is when a woman does not respect her husband, when she does not offer that kind of encouragement in the right way,
00:16:27
Speaker
He begins to feel like that is challenged. One of several things will happen. He will busy himself at work and bury himself in work so he doesn't have to deal with that realization at home. He will disconnect from his family. He'll stop talking to his wife and shut down, or even worse, he will go in other places and look for that respect.
00:16:48
Speaker
And that's in many cases what leads to infidelity in marriages, because a man does not feel like he is getting at home what he needs. Typically you hear about a woman saying, I don't feel like I'm getting it, but men need this thing, this respect. The word that's used here, the Greek word for respect is actually the word phobias, which is where we get our word phobia, a fear. But it's not that kind of fear, it is a reverence for the thing that we have respect for.
00:17:14
Speaker
It's a respect for what your husband is and who he is and the role he plays in your marriage. Everybody with me? Okay, seven of you. All right. This is why it's so dangerous for a husband, I mean, for a wife to take the reins of leadership in the home. Because it's just like anything else. If you walked into a bank, you would expect the bank president to be in charge over that organization. You'd be alarmed if the new teller was the one that was running things, right?
00:17:42
Speaker
you'd be alarmed if it was the loan officer that was running the operation because that's not the way it's structured to be done. And so we take those same kinds of acknowledgments and we apply it to our homes and we recognize there is a structure that God has given man and when we follow it then we find the peace and equilibrium in our homes that we really have been looking for. So I want to start by making some statements about situations and then we're going to talk about what submission does not mean
00:18:10
Speaker
And then I'm going to tell you with the spiritual objectives that I think God is trying to accomplish through our marriages. So, number one, let's talk just broadly about some certain things. Number one, women have a natural desire to run their homes that turns into control issues. Okay? You ever heard the word control freak? That was a nervous laugh. Now, this does not mean that men can't be control freaks, okay? There are men who are likewise.
00:18:37
Speaker
But the overwhelming majority of control freaks in our culture, according to sociologists, are women. And the reason that's the case is because women who like order, by the way, the number one need of a woman is security. So because she wants order, she wants security if the man's not doing that.
00:18:56
Speaker
then she jumps in and takes charge in places that she wasn't created to do that. She begins to fulfill roles that she was never created to do, and that turns into what can become control issues, all right? Some of you right now are freaking out because I'm saying this to you, which means you have a control issue. You're scared to death that the pastor's about to ask you to relinquish control of things in the home that you've been trying to manage, right? This is gonna be a tough crowd this morning.
00:19:27
Speaker
Maybe we should stop bragging. Another reason why women have sometimes these problems with control is because of past issues with abuse.
00:19:39
Speaker
Pass issues with disappointments and relationships where they once again were not made to feel secure Are just a genuine concern that things aren't running to their standards if the if the man is just not doing things to what they Expected when they got married all of those are reasons why the woman needs a it's like that foam you spring cracks in the wall She fills and expands those areas because she feels like she needs that a few years ago. Okay, that was a bizarre example I get it. I didn't I did not call you women foam fillers. All right, I
00:20:11
Speaker
But my wife a few years ago, during COVID, did an online thing with a book called Control Girl. And it's an excellent study for women. I encourage you to read it, but it's also a good one for men to read. And as she went through that and she was teaching it, she would come and we would talk about some of these things and our relationship, our marriage relationship, how these roles played out in our home. And it was an interesting thing to look at that and understand that a little bit better. Let's move on. Prayer is the best strategy for changing your home and your environment.
00:20:38
Speaker
It's the best way to do it. You're not going to needle your husband into being a better man. You're not going to nag him into being a better person. Prayer is always the most effective tool, but you have to give prayer time to work.
00:20:52
Speaker
You're not going to pray for a husband you've been married to for 10 years and expect him to be totally different the next day or even the next week. What he did to live himself into that situation is going to have to be undone as he changes who he is and changes his behavior. So two things you've got to do while you're waiting for the prayer to work is, number one, you've got to acknowledge his attempts
00:21:16
Speaker
You've got to acknowledge when he's trying to make the good steps. You've got to affirm him in that. And number two, you've got to stay spiritually grounded yourself because as you're trying to take control, now you're trying to relinquish control. The enemy is going to tell you, don't give up, don't let go because something's going to go crazy. And so you just can't let go of those things. Got it? Oh, we've got more response that time. All right. Third thing, when a woman sounds more like his mother than his wife, men do not respond well.
00:21:45
Speaker
That one made you all a little bit comfortable. Now guys, listen to me guys, this is for you. Do not go home and look at your wife and go, you sound just like my mother. That is not the way to respond to this, okay? You deserve whatever you get that comes next after you say that. However, I think you do have permission to sit down and have good dialogues about this. What's the best way for you to encourage me? What's the best way for you to hold me accountable?
Communication and Misconceptions in Marriage
00:22:10
Speaker
Sometimes men take direct conversation much, much better.
00:22:14
Speaker
You know, your wife stands in your face, looks at you and says, I think you need to work on this baby. Others, it might be better for you to write a note and walk away really fast and see what happens. I don't know. But part of the marriage relationship is having this ongoing conversation about how do you work these things out and what does his personality receive versus how I proceed in this situation. OK, so when a woman sounds more like his mother, typically he's going to shut down or walk away.
00:22:42
Speaker
He's already lived through her once. He doesn't need to live through her again. That was not a mom if you're watching. No, I'm just kidding. All right, so what does submission not mean? There's a lot of misconceptions about what submission really means in our culture. Feminist try to tell you it's the way that the patriarchal church tries to keep women beaten down.
00:23:04
Speaker
Again, go back and look at the reality of where the women have come from and where they are. Women's suffrage, the right to vote here in America, Christian Church was behind the biggest part of that movement. The equality of women in our culture, Christian Church, huge in that movement. It wasn't the progressive left that did it. It was conservative Christians that got you here. Give them a raspberry next time they say that.
00:23:30
Speaker
What does submission not mean? It does not mean a woman should be passive or feel inferior. Again, you are equal with the man. You are equal with the man. You should not feel like you cannot express your opinions. You should not feel like you don't have a right to be a part of conversations that are going on.
00:23:47
Speaker
It does not mean that you should not be able to ask things of your husband. By the way, this is an area where guys, if you have any kind of social media, any kind of phone, any kind of device, your wife deserves the password. She shouldn't have to ask for it. You should not keep things from your spouse, either one of you. But guys, don't look at your wife and try to make her feel inferior or crazy for asking for those things. You should willingly give up that transparency to her, okay?
00:24:15
Speaker
Second thing, submission does not mean submitting only when you agree with him. That's just agreeing, okay? That's just agreeing. If you're just agreeing, don't pat yourself on the back for agreeing. That's good, that's wonderful, but that's not submission. Number three, submission does not mean violating the Bible, violating reasonable thinking, or violating morality to support your husband.
00:24:41
Speaker
If your husband asked you to do anything outside of the Word of God, your answer should be resoundingly, confidently, no. You are never ever asked or expected to be, in response to a husband's ask, anywhere outside of God's will. Do not do anything immoral. Do not do any things that are beyond common sense. If your husband gets on the top of the roof and says, hey baby, let's jump off the trampoline, look at him and go, you're an idiot. No, we're not doing this, okay?
00:25:10
Speaker
But here's the thing. Caution women, be very careful when you say to your husband, I don't think God is telling me to do this. Because you will stand before God one day and have to give an answer for why you blamed him for your disobedience. And if you have good reason, then God's going to support you in that.
00:25:34
Speaker
But if you're just doing that because your preference wasn't to be a part of that, or just because you like the idea of submitting to him in that moment, then you are being disobedient in a way that you have not been given permission to do so. Does that make sense? All right. Next, submission is not to be used as a tool for manipulation.
00:25:55
Speaker
It's not to be used as a tool for manipulation. I told you all last week that one of my favorite things is when my wife, every Sunday morning, prays over my shoulder at each service, and then right before I come up here, she says to me, I believe in you. When she says that to me, I feel that respect. And because I feel that respect, I'm willing to go take on whatever challenges come towards me, okay? However, if this is a hypothetical situation, my wife doesn't do this, do not be calling her this week to get onto her.
00:26:22
Speaker
But if my wife were to say, I believe in you, and then Monday through Saturday, never tell me anything positive, never tell me anything encouraging, always correcting me, always being like my mother to me, would that really tell me that she believed in me or that she was using Sunday morning as a tool to manipulate my feelings? Last week, we used this phrase to describe it. I said it was like a virus in the home, transactional love.
00:26:48
Speaker
transactional love. So if you're looking at your husband and you're saying, I will love you better if, that's not Christian love. I will love you if you'll stop snoring. I'll love you if you'll put the dishes away.
00:27:02
Speaker
I'll love you if you'll get your underwear off the floor. Those kinds of comments are not an indication of real love. They are indications of manipulation in the relationship taking place. And that's never what submission is about. You don't say, I'd submit to you if you were to do such and such. Your submission is because of your obedience to God, not because of how your husband acts.
00:27:27
Speaker
So let's talk about these objectives that God has given us in these things. And this is where I want to sit and settle in for a little bit. And I'm just going to warn you. I'm very passionate about these. OK, number one, model your dependency on Christ for your husband and your kids. Model your dependency on Christ for your husband and your kids. Your children don't grow up doing what you've told them. They grow up doing what you've shown them.
Modeling Faith for Children
00:27:53
Speaker
You can preach to them all day long, but if you don't live it during the week, they know the difference between what you speak and what you believe. And it's real easy to speak it sometimes. It's real easy to drag them to church on Sunday morning. It's real easy to do those things. What comes and makes a difference is when you are literally living this out day by day, moment by moment in front of them. Your kids see these kinds of things. So what am I talking about?
00:28:18
Speaker
If you are at home as a wife are not living under submission to your husband's authority, then don't be surprised if your kid doesn't know how to live under the authority of a teacher at school. You see, they're learning from what they see.
00:28:35
Speaker
If if you and your husband can't have disagreements at home without getting into fights and even threatening each other with I'm leaving or I'm gonna hit you or whatever Necessary phrases there are out there hateful things if you can't do those kinds of conversations at home Then don't be surprised if your kid goes to the playground and is picking on somebody and says if you don't agree with me I'll hit you I'll hurt you I will hate you because they've seen it acted out in homes and
00:29:03
Speaker
So if you want your kid to act a certain way, you better make sure you got your own heart in check and that you're doing the right thing. Number two, pray for your husband and your children consistently. This does not have to be a fancy thing. It doesn't have to be a lengthy thing. In fact, 1 Thessalonians 5, 17 is the best advice here. Pray without ceasing. Now, here's the word of caution here. Do not ever compare your prayer life to your spouse's prayer life. Okay? Do not do it.
00:29:33
Speaker
This may disappoint some of you, but you need to know this. My wife is a much stronger prayer than I am. Okay, much stronger prayer. In fact, here's an interesting thing. Most mornings when we're having our quiet time, she's in there and she's couple hours in there and this may disappoint you as well. I'm sitting over there going, babe, you gonna finish up some time today? We got things to do. There's things going on. You know, you don't wrap this up. Sure. Jesus will hear you later on. You know, that kind of, that's my mentality, right?
00:30:02
Speaker
And here's why that is. Because think about it, and again these are general terms, but most women speak in greater detail with greater eloquence, much more flowery language about the things they're talking about. Just ask a woman how to get to Brooke's grocery store and see what she says. A guy thinks and acts in bullet points. Right guys? We want it quick, we want it short, we want to get to the point. Okay?
00:30:28
Speaker
Now, here's the truth. Here's the truth. This is how we pray. Most of the time, this is how we pray. So when my wife prays, she's in there praying for a friend, and she's praying about their situation, their finances, the relationships that are being impacted. She's praying all this stuff. I'm like, dude, will you be with so and so? And I'm out. Okay.
00:30:50
Speaker
But my mentality, my prayer, my prayer practice is much more the pray without ceasing where I'm riding down the road and I ride by my friend Will's house and I notice his barn because the flag is flying in the wind and I look and I go, God, will you be with Will and his family today? And then I get to Grindstone Cowboy to have lunch with somebody and a church member walks in, I haven't seen him in a week and I stop and I go, hey, God, will you be with them? Because I haven't seen them in a week. I don't know what's going on, but could you just be in their situation?
00:31:18
Speaker
or I come in and I'm sitting down, I'm reading a book and right in the middle of the book, right in the middle of the paragraph, it's like God flashes a sign and he says, pray for so and so. And so my prayers are much more like bullet points. They're boom, hear God, this is what I need. Boom, hear God, this is what I need. For her, it's much more of a conversation, a very long conversation, but it's a great conversation. By the way, you guys, is it okay for me to say this? You guys are blessed with this woman because she prays for y'all like crazy.
00:31:47
Speaker
She prays for y'all like crazy. I hope you know that. Hope you feel that. Because it makes my breakfast late some mornings. So continue to pray and pray effectively. Again, don't judge the legitimacy too of your prayer life by how accurately you pray or how quickly God responds. It's always on God's timing, okay?
00:32:16
Speaker
And sometimes she'll pray for something one night and I've been praying for like six weeks and answered the next day. I'm like, oh, come on, really God? Well, two things going on there. Number one, God knows I don't have a real strong prayer life, so he's making me pray a little harder so I can work and practice on my prayers. Okay. But number two, who's to say that my six weeks of praying didn't line it up so that when she prayed, God responded. I set the ball on the tee. She just hit it home. There you go.
00:32:44
Speaker
Now, don't compare your prayer life to your spouse, okay? We pray in different ways. We have different personalities. We think differently. We respond differently to situations. Some of us pray panicked prayers. That's okay. God takes those prayers. And if you don't think God cares about the little things in your life, go back and read the Lord's Prayer, the model prayer that Jesus prayed for his disciples. Right in the middle of that prayer, it says, give us this day our daily bread. Jesus says you have permission to pray to God for what's for lunch, right?
00:33:14
Speaker
He cared about everything in your life. All right, number three, make family life a priority. Schedule it, protect it, make it quality. Mothers, are you listening? Quit giving your children devices during family time. I'm gonna say that again, because there weren't enough amens on that. Quit giving your children devices during family time. That's not family time.
00:33:44
Speaker
You're entertaining your children to death. You go into amigos to have dinner, let them sit at the table and have a conversation. That's how they learn to become adults. Don't worry if they make nacho chips all over the floor. That's why they make brooms.
00:34:01
Speaker
and it gives somebody to me and he goes, job security, cleaning up after your children, okay? Don't worry about that kind of stuff. Worry about whether or not your children are engaged with you at the table because they're not gonna grow up and learn how to have straight on conversations with adult if they're constantly being entertained by something in front of them. And here's where it comes a bigger problem. When you do that, you literally are abdicating your responsibility as a parent and saying, I'm gonna hand over that duty to the person who created this program.
00:34:29
Speaker
And now suddenly somebody else is training your children. It's very scary. Very scary. If you need to hear more about that, go sit down and talk with Kyle, Lori or myself this week. Set up appointment. We'll show you exactly what the culture is doing. It's on purpose. It's on target. The enemy has a plan. He desires to devour your children and we are handing them the tools to get it done. Do not use rides in the car for earbud time.
00:34:59
Speaker
Use it a time to teach. If you're riding down the road, explain to your children how clouds work. Explain to them why they're building an extra road down some road, I don't know, have a conversation with them. See, we don't even know what to converse with them about. Just have a conversation with them, teach them, train them, schedule family meals several times a week.
00:35:23
Speaker
Schedule family meals. I know this is hard in our culture because it's ball practice one night, dance practice the next night, ballet the next night, church the next night, school homework the next night, all these things competing for our time. And can I just tell you, we're playing right into the enemy's hands. He's got us scattering one direction and another direction, splitting the families in all different directions. God help you that it's got four and five and six children. Got a lot of those in our church. I don't know how you do it.
00:35:51
Speaker
But when we do that, we play right into the enemy's hands because suddenly we no longer are the instructor of our kids. It's a culture that's teaching them. It's a culture that's teaching them. In fact, they used to use the statistic, and I can't remember the numbers, but kids spend 35 hours a week in school, is that about right, Crystal? About 35 hours a week in school under the instruction of the government, basically, whatever they want them to teach. You have all the rest of the time, but that's no longer the case.
00:36:19
Speaker
Because now we get them and we take them to this practice and we drop them off of this after-school program and we're sending them to this, suddenly we are relinquishing the authority we have in their lives because we keep giving it up, giving it over, turning it into somebody else. So make family life a priority. Number four. I hope you love me. Teach your child how to become an independent adult and not an immature one. Can I just tell you that helicopter parenting is straight from hell itself?
00:36:51
Speaker
You probably haven't been told that, but you need to hear it. What do I mean by that? Parents, you gotta quit rescuing your kid from everything that challenges them in their life. You've got to quit. Your kids will never, ever learn to face challenges if you don't let them face challenges. You can't swoop in and rescue them every time something goes wrong in their life. In fact, I'm gonna give you some scripture to prove that.
00:37:18
Speaker
Psalm 119 71 write these down go read them later. I'm gonna read one to you here in just a second Second Timothy chapter 3 verse 12 Luke 14 verse 27 and then this one that many of you are familiar with I want you to hear it very clearly I'm gonna wait till everybody's looking at me. If you're asleep somebody slapped the person next to you. I want you to hear this. Okay, I
00:37:43
Speaker
James chapter 1 verse 2, consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. You want to know why there's a 60% divorce rate in our country? Because our kids are being taught when things get tough, walk away. When things aren't going the way you plan, take your ball and go home.
00:38:09
Speaker
In fact, secular psychologists just two weeks ago released a study that I was reading. It's an alarming thing that they're showing us. They're saying the reason why kids are doing the things that they're doing, and I'm saying kids but young adults, are doing what they're doing in our country, they are disconnecting and disengaging from all the things that matter because they've basically been taught if somebody doesn't agree with you, you go away. You walk away and you ghost them. You write them off. You even threaten to kill them.
00:38:37
Speaker
That's what we're being taught in our culture. We don't teach kids it's okay to disagree and still love each other. We don't teach kids that trials are a normal part of life. We don't teach kids that being an athlete means you're going to lose sometimes and that's okay. In fact, the best athletes are the ones who have learned to lose and get back up and go start again. The great leaders in our country, most of them came from situations that were like poverty
00:39:05
Speaker
our struggles, our trials. Now what we have is a bunch of elitist aristocratic people who are leading our country today and that's why they don't have a clue what they're doing. Because they have not been taught character. Character comes through trials. Characters developed by all the things going on. And you're going, but my child's been bullied at school. I love you, but bullying is overrated. Now I got a little personal, didn't I?
00:39:34
Speaker
I am so tired of people saying, well, my child was bullied because they didn't like his t-shirt at school. That's not bullying. Okay. My child, somebody made fun of my child because his glasses look goofy. That's not bullying. Okay. That's kids being kids. Kids are stupid. Did you know that? Kids are stupid. And until you teach them, they won't stop being stupid.
00:39:58
Speaker
And so sometimes you need to say, you know what? If he doesn't like your glasses, it's okay. That's his opinion. Because I bet you didn't like his tennis shoes. Or you didn't like something he did. It's okay for us to disagree and not let that become World War III. But we got to quit making excuses for our children and say, you know what? I don't care if you're sitting on the bench. Learn some character while you sit there.
00:40:23
Speaker
Now here's another part where it got real personal. That same study said that one of the worst things we've done to our kids in America is creative participation trophies. The idea that everybody always wins. No. You don't always get the job you apply for. You don't always get the raise that you thought you deserved. You don't always get your way in the game that you're playing. You don't always get what you want at home. We have to be able to disagree. Watch what's going on right now. Little League World Series.
00:40:53
Speaker
Love watching it every year. Some of the best little kids in the world. There's two groups of kids you'll watch out there. You'll watch the ones who've been taught that trial is okay and that losing is not the end of your life. Because they strike out, they turn around, they walk to the dugout with pride and they go sit down and get ready for the next inning. The other ones, they start crying the minute they strike out. Like their whole life depending on that at bat.
00:41:15
Speaker
Now I get it a little bit, there's some point of that where it's just kids being immature, but if your kid is 17 and still crying about that, there's a sign you haven't done a real good job of raising a mature child. And if you're 25, follow me on this, and if you're 25 and you leave your church because the vote didn't go your way at church, you see what I'm saying? See how it plays out? We're not raising mature adults, we're raising immature brats that want their way.
00:41:45
Speaker
and you can't always have your way. In fact, I would argue that Jesus is, it's never your way, it's mine. All right, number five. Make time for your husband, make time for your husband. Ladies, never ever apologize to your kids that Jesus comes first and your husband comes second.
00:42:10
Speaker
Years ago, years ago, research from both the Family Research Council with Tony Perkins and Focus on the Family James Dobson proved this to be a reality. Kids who had the strongest and best self-esteem recognized their identity was found in Christ Jesus and had parents at home who regularly dated each other, had private conversations without the kids around,
00:42:33
Speaker
told their kids to go to their rooms so they could be alone sometimes, and snuggled on the couch in front of their kids, even though they were going, ew, that's gross. And because of that, because of that, the kids felt secure. Think about this, think about what our kids face now, okay? I'm not picking on our kids, because I get our kids have challenges, right? Real severe challenges today. A kid goes to school, and half of his friends come from divorced families.
00:43:04
Speaker
Okay? This isn't to say the rightness or the wrongness of the divorce. I'm just saying it's a reality, right? And so he goes back home and mom and dad are fighting when he walks in the door. What's his first thought? My parents are next. Okay? My parents are next. So you know what we used to do when our kids were young? I'm going to get hit for this when I get home. When our kids are young, we'd have a disagreement. We'd have a fight. And while they're sitting there watching, and when it was all over with, I would push her into the pantry and shut the door.
00:43:34
Speaker
What are y'all doing in there? Oh, we're just making up. Not with the food. That's gross. Oh, what are y'all doing? And all it was was to say, you know what, she and I can disagree, but she's still my best friend and my partner. Now you need to hear this and I'll be done. When you got married, unless you just had some weird wackadoodle marriage, when you got married, you stood before God and made vows about a commitment that you promised to keep.
00:44:04
Speaker
to have and to hold from this day forward, rich or poor, sicker in health, till death do us part. So can I just tell you that if your marriage is struggling today, your first option shouldn't be to walk out. It should be to walk closer to God. It should be to find out what his plan and his order for your family is. Don't drag your husband kicking and screaming.
00:44:33
Speaker
Don't kick him in the knees. Instead, go get on your knees and say, I'm recommitting myself to do what Christ has compelled me to do. And I'm going to pray that he joins me in this. Next week, guys, it's your turn. I went easy on the ladies today. You don't get the same treatment because I am one of you. So here's how I want you to respond. Get the band to come forward.
00:45:00
Speaker
This altar, stage, whatever you want to call it down here is an opportunity for you just to put some physical expressions to personal impressions, maybe some things that God has said to you, shown you this morning. It's a place for you to come and ask for prayer or just kneel in prayer. It could be a place for you to come and just ask some questions and somebody on our staff will have staff members and elders and people who are available down here. Whatever God is speaking to your heart, obey.
00:45:29
Speaker
That's the simple command of scripture all the time, whatever it is. You love me, then obey me. You say the same thing to your kids. You love me, then obey me. Well, that's what the father says to you and I. If I've said something to you today, not me, but him, if he said something to you today that kind of sticks in your heart, then it's probably an indication there's something you need to do in response to that.
00:45:52
Speaker
Maybe it's a change in your own heart or maybe it's just deeper, more consistent prayers for your family. But you respond this morning as God leads you as we stand and sing.
00:46:01
Speaker
Let me pray for us. Father, God, I thank you for this day. I thank you for this word. I thank you for this truth that somehow can change everything about our families, this dynamic that you have created, this interpersonal relationships that you've given us directions for. I thank you that you taught us one word that means so much in every part of our lives. And that's that word submission to suppress the things that we desire in our own hearts to to receive what is from you something much better.
00:46:29
Speaker
something you desire for us to have with all your heart. So I pray that today for families that are hurting that today would be a time at this altar making things right. Beginning that journey to come back to where you had started them in the first place. Maybe recommitting to their love, recommitting to their vows, maybe recommitting to one another that they are on the same team. That your spouse is not your enemy, the enemy is the enemy. Your spouse is the one you're working with against the enemy. So I pray that we'd recognize that and we would be
00:46:59
Speaker
We use that as our motivation to get on our knees more frequently, to get in the Word more frequently, and just compare our lives to where God wants us to be. Thank you again for the Word as it's been spoken and talked and prayed and preached and sung this morning. It's in Jesus' name I pray, amen.