Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to the Slut Next Door podcast, where we dive deep into desire, unravel kinks and fetishes, and explore the deliciously naughty side of self-discovery.
Speaker: I'm Beatrix Vale, an erotic audio creator, and your guide to all things kinky and curious. So let's begin.
Speaker: Okay, I want to describe a person to you, and I want you to tell me of this sounds familiar or it sounds like something you may have done before.
Speaker: So there's someone new and my messages. He's eager, like really eager, sending paragraphs within minutes of me replying. He's buying things he didn't plan to buy.
Speaker: Offering things i didn't ask for. He wants everything all at once right now. The color, the rules, the rituals, the titles.
Speaker: And if I slow him down, even gently, even for his own good, something in him panics. Like the slowing down itself is the threat.
Speaker: And you see, this person that I'm describing is not broken. they're They're not too much. They're just in something specific, something the community, BDSM, has a name for, and it's what we're talking about today.
Speaker: So this is where, if you've never heard my podcast before, where I like to unpack kinks and fetishes very honestly and usually always psychologically without the cheap shock value.
Speaker: And today's topic... was actually inspired by a fellow dom.
Speaker: We follow each other on social media and she posted about this. And I said, oh my gosh, that is a perfect podcast topic, sub frenzy.
Speaker: So we're going to cover it in this episode, what it actually is, how I spot it and this is the part most people skip, how I respond to it.
Speaker: Because what you do with a person in frenzy matters a lot. So before I really dig into the topic, I do like to start these episodes with what's currently making me feel like a goddess. I am in my highest goddess level that I've ever had in my and my adult life as a woman. So this little segment that I do is really important to me. It's me showing up for myself in a way um to remind myself of that divine feminine goddess fucking energy that I do have.
Speaker: um So currently what's making me feel like a goddess is HFOs. So i started something a couple months ago called the Inner Circle.
Speaker: And it is a way for my fans to become closer to me and vice versa. um For a certain price, Inner Circle member gets all these extra perks in terms of content that And they also get one-on-one time with me in DMs and also on the phone.
Speaker: Yes, I am doing phones again, but only with Inner Circle. um So anyway, i had two, we'll call them subjects, ah last month that were really wanting to work on having their first hands-free orgasm.
Speaker: And i had these two men have their first hands-free orgasm. Oh, my God. I mean, just saying it out loud truly hypes me up. I mean...
Speaker: I cannot explain to you how arousing it truly is and makes me feel almost magical to be able to rip an orgasm out of a man in such a way like where he's not manually, you know, pumping it out. I do it with my voice.
Speaker: ah So I'll give you a quick little rundown on how we did it because I think it's about time that I do another podcast episode about hands-free orgasms. I did one kind of a long time ago. And um I'm always learning new things. I'm always realizing new things. So with these two men, i took different approaches. And that's the thing about hands-free orgasms. I think that i think that how you approach it
Speaker: will depend your individuality. Like no one man is the same. like some So, you know, I could give you a suggestion and it may not work for you, but it works for this guy and vice versa. So anyway, one of them, we really focus on allowing my voice to do its job.
Speaker: So like... really encouraging him to give up the control to my voice. So I encouraged him also to map out in his body where he would feel the arousal.
Speaker: And so we really like boiled it down to that. I mean, it sounds so simple, but I think that was the key for him perhaps...
Speaker: perhaps Having him map it out allowed him to truly let go is what I'm wondering. um And yeah, it happened for him. I mean, it's just oh it's so incredible.
Speaker: And the other subject, we did a lot of orgasm control and chastity. and orgasm denial throughout the month. And i believe that is what led him to his first hands re-orgasm. So there's um some tips for you to try if you're trying for that HFO, but truly, and I'm sure other artists are the same way.
Speaker: It is so arousing, so arousing to um encourage others to have hands-free orgasms. I mean, it's just, it's magical. i can't help but call it that. it's matt It makes me feel magical and it absolutely makes me feel like a goddess. It and it empowers me.
Speaker: It makes me feel larger than life. I love it. I need more of it. So keep doing those HFOs because it makes me feel amazing. um Anyway, so with that said, let's get into this topic of sub frenzy. Okay, we're going to define it first.
Speaker: So sub-frenzy is a state of intense, almost desperate hunger for submission. And it's a hunger that will outrun judgment.
Speaker: So the person isn't just wanting to submit, they're craving it with this sort of urgency that crowds out everything else. And so what's being pushed out in that moment is reason, pacing, self-protection, discernment. So all of that gets quieter, but the hunger is getting louder and louder and louder and louder. um there's still some good things happening in there. Like I said, it's not a bad thing.
Speaker: But it definitely isn't the the best situation because being submissive still requires strength, still requires some self-protection that pacing.
Speaker: And just overall reasons. So the overall BDSM community has talked about this for a very long time. And I can actually relate to it because I have shared on this podcast before that my kink journey years and years and years ago started as me considering myself submissive.
Speaker: I have done lifestyle BDSM play, and a lot of that was done as a submissive. And i can remember discovering BDSM for the first time and just the excitement. I just wanted it all, and I want more. And you know I definitely did have that sub-frenzy. And even certain scenes would call that out of me because it's just the excitement. It's the fire. um A really good metaphor for sub-frenzy imagine you are starving, like hungry for food, right? So it's like a starving, hungry person standing in front of a buffet of all your favorite foods and Because here's the thing about starving people.
Speaker: ah They don't make good decisions about food. I mean, when you're hungry, i know for me, it's just like shove all the food in my mouth. You eat like way too fast because you're starving.
Speaker: You may even overeat or eat until you're sick. And that is what frenzy looks like in a person's behavior.
Speaker: So the rushing, the over committing, accepting or seeking dynamics with anyone who will take them because that hunger doesn't have any judgment. It's just trying to feed itself. And the hunger just has volume and more, more, more, more. more more more And i want to be really, really clear about something because this is where a lot of shame can get weaponized, okay?
Speaker: So listen, listen, listen. Frenzy, sub-frenzy is not stupidity. It is not desperation.
Speaker: Sub-frenzy is usually what happens when a person has been starving for a long time. They've been starving for that structure, for permission, for someone to hold the weight of their submission they've been carrying alone for so long. So a lot of the submissives who do arrive at my messages in a frenzy, i i imagine they've been white-spoken. knuckling their desires for years, like sometimes even decades. And the frenzy isn't who they really are. And the frenzy
Speaker: is the pressure releasing towards me? And so now let's talk about how to identify it. So how do I actually spot it?
Speaker: Because here's the tricky part, okay? Eager submission looks good. Okay? You know, ah on paper, a frantic, hyper-devoted, hungry, submissive sounds like a dominant dream, right? It's like, why wouldn't you want that?
Speaker: But sub-frenzy can get exploited by bad actors. If someone doesn't truly care about your well-being and they see this enthusiasm, right, they're going to take advantage of that. And we don't want that.
Speaker: Um... You know, frenzy can just look like enthusiasm if if you're really not paying attention. But I do pay attention. And so here's what I'm looking for. Okay.
Speaker: So the first tell is speed that doesn't match the dynamic. So if I have no idea who you are and you show up in my DMs and you're asking me to own you completely,
Speaker: o you know, sure, you might have been listening to my content for a while and you feel like you know me, but the like that's just a red flag that ah you don't really – You don't really know me. You're just going off my content. Or another thing that is a red flag for me is if you're offering like passwords and your schedule and your identity, like I want to be whatever you want me to be. And I don't even know you
Speaker: like at all, that those are red flags because real submission, like I'm talking real, real, real submission deepens with time. It gets, it blooms like a flower.
Speaker: And so sub frenzy tries to skip time entirely because think about the starving person. Like you don't want to wait for food when you're starving. You want it now. You know, it wants the destination without the whole path there.
Speaker: um The second thing is when I'm hearing yes to everything. And so sometimes I might test this like gently or um kind of slyly. um I might say no to something, something small, and then watch what happens. So a grounded submissive might be disappointed. Okay. They might even like push back a little bit and that's healthy. Okay. But a person in sub-frenzy will spiral. Okay.
Speaker: So that no lands like rejection of their entire self because in sub-frenzy, every interaction is so heavy, right? Every response from me is either like food or famine and there's no in between.
Speaker: Another sign is over offering. And this one's subtle, okay? So sub frenzy, volunteers things nobody asked for, like money, compliance,
Speaker: with with ah without limits. ah you know I've had submissives and in a frenzy offer me things i would never take and offer them so fast and so eagerly that it was clear this wasn't desire.
Speaker: This was a person trying to make themselves undeniable, right? And so that's not really a service. um You can kind of see that that's like fear wearing service as a costume.
Speaker: Okay. And now another red flag, ah a tell, if you will, on sub frenzy. And this one actually like breaks my heart a little bit.
Speaker: um The relief when someone takes a wheel. Okay. So when, when I slow a frenzied submissive down, like when I say,
Speaker: you know, no, we're going to X, y Z, right? Like they're offering all these things and them I kind of redirect. And there's two things that could happen here.
Speaker: So someone that really doesn't want to truly submit is going to disappear. ah They're going to get defensive.
Speaker: They're going to keep pushing, you know, they didn't get what they wanted. And so that's not true submission, right? i mean, like if you truly wanted to submit, you would do anything I said. now There have been times where I do do that redirection and it's almost like I can almost feel there their sigh of relief from however many miles away. Like it's almost like, thank goodness I don't have to like do all the things. Like, ah like I don't know. I just feel like there's this huge relief
Speaker: when, when I say, okay, no, honey, we're gonna, you know, and I, and I redirect that frenzy. I i give it a pipe, if you will, to, to pipe down. um and I, I've seen that I've watched it where it's just kind of like, oh, okay.
Speaker: Yes. Hopefully that makes sense. So Now, here is how i do respond, okay? so I want to frame this carefully because there are two failure modes here.
Speaker: All right. Because one is exploiting sub-frenzy. And we all know that happens in in any space, whether it be online beating BDSM or even in person and, you know, BDSM.
Speaker: People are going to exploit that in really gross ways. Okay. Now the other... is just feeding it.
Speaker: um Giving the hungry person everything they're begging for because it might feel good to be wanted that much. And trust me, I understand the temptation.
Speaker: It's flattering. I mean, when when a man or a woman is offering everything to you, mean, yeah, you want to be like, yeah, give it here. But feeding the sub-frenzy doesn't truly satisfy it.
Speaker: is just going to accelerate it, right? Because they then you're teaching, okay so giving you everything equals good, equals you're satisfied. Okay, so i'm going to do that more and more and more and more. um So here is how I suggest to handle sub-frenzy.
Speaker: First, I might even like gently name it. So like I might say something like, I see how fast you're moving and I want you to know I'm not going anywhere. So you don't have to, you know, you don't have to disappear. I'm not disappearing.
Speaker: Basically like acknowledging it. And so naming it, I think does two things. I think it signals that I see what's actually happening underneath the eagerness.
Speaker: And I think it does give permission to stop performing and and to feel and be steady.
Speaker: That's what we hope for. Sometimes that doesn't always work. um Secondly, something I'm going to do is introduce structure.
Speaker: So the answer to sub-frenzy is more structure, okay? But it's a specific kind, slow control, rules about pacing,
Speaker: Rituals that require patience. Like I'll give a frenzied submissive something small and repeatable.
Speaker: So like a morning check-in. a task that may take a week. Because sub-frenzy wants intensity.
Speaker: But I think what heals that frenzy is consistency. Because intensity is just explosive, right?
Speaker: Consistency is like a hearth. Yeah, I'm going to get a little witchy with it. And most most of these people have never had a warming hearth, you know?
Speaker: um because that hearth is going to stay warm and it's going to both feed and nurture and warm you.
Speaker: Wear an explosion, sure, that could be really great, but it goes away. It's quick. And something that i learned with submissives that were coming to me that I saw a lot of promise in their submission. Like I, and I can like recognize that even in this online space, I can see I can see actions. I can read between their words. And I'm like, there is a lot of, there's some substance there. And so when I see that, I like to nurture it. And I like to create containers. And I've done a podcast on this before. So look it up. um I should look up the the name of it.
Speaker: but I'm sure you could figure it out. I call it architecture. I call it containers. And so, you know, that takes a little work from me and building that container. But once you build the container, the submissive knows how to fill that container. And I just call it it.
Speaker: um They know how to How to exist. I mean, it takes away questions. It takes away guessing. Because if you if you truly build the architecture around a submissive and you give those walls and you give them the definition of of the dynamic, they're going to know how to exist in and that container. They're going to know how to fill that container.
Speaker: I always love to give the metaphor of this too because this really, i latched onto it years ago. So like when you're entering a submissive dominant power exchange, the way I see it is the submissive is setting up the playground.
Speaker: So like imagine a playground And it's a fenced-in playground, right? And it's got all these um equipment, playground equipment inside of it.
Speaker: and And the submissive place them there. These are the things I like, you know, and here's the fences. And, you know, and so then i can come inside that playground and play with them. And anything that happens in there...
Speaker: um i don't like I don't say, hey, we're going to go outside these playground fences and and play because that's not within their limits or their preferences. And I think flip flip that around, i think the same thing happens on the dominant side as well. So it's like, okay, well, here's playground, right? Right.
Speaker: playground right And here's the things that you're not going to go outside this playground. You're going to stay inside here. And, you know, they know exactly what ah playground equipment to go on They know how many times to go on that playground equipment. Or they know they can go down the slide all day long if they wanted to.
Speaker: So anyway, going back to the red flag, the structure is so important. And ah I think it's important not to feed a frenzied submissive with too much structure.
Speaker: Like I mentioned, slow, slow pace, letting them show up. and And this, you know, as a dominant, this will weed out the ones that truly want it because if you have them slowed down,
Speaker: and they don't continue down that path, then you don't want that. some They weren't serious about you anyway. But the third the third way that I attack sub-frenzy is to protect the frenzy from itself.
Speaker: Okay. Because a person in frenzy is not in a state to consent to big things. Okay. Just like a starving person in front of a buffet is not going to go to the healthiest side to eat. They're going to go to what is really, really good and looks you know delicious and the things that they like. They're not gonna make healthy choices. Same thing with a frenzied submissive.
Speaker: So like permanent arrangements, financial commitments that they can't really make, um dynamics that isolate them in the worst way,
Speaker: I don't accept those kinds of offers from people in this state. And I just can't, you know, i still have a heart, even though if you know me, I, i love, um corrupting a submissive. I love getting dark and evil.
Speaker: However, i have to feel safe. I have to feel like that person can handle that. Um, and i And it's just because I still have that heart. And so like, sure, if someone comes in saying like, yeah, I have my whole life savings, I'm ready to give it to you Okay, yeah, that's super hot. I'd love to have all of that, but...
Speaker: That's not the right thing. That'll never be the right thing, especially from someone you don't even know. Like, you they just showed up to you. And honestly, like, shame on any dominant who takes a frenzied sub and takes...
Speaker: you know, and ah too much because they're taking advantage. And and that's, it it's shameful. It truly is because it gives us doms a bad name.
Speaker: The most dominant thing i can do with a starving person is refuse to let them hurt themselves on my account.
Speaker: Okay, because restraint is also dominance and power. And sometimes that's the deepest kind. So finally, with a frenzied sub, I'm going to wait for the person on the other side of it.
Speaker: Because here's what I've learned. And this is from watching this pattern repeat over and over. Sub-frenzy always burns out. It does. It has to.
Speaker: And what's left after it burns is the actual person. The real submissive underneath all that panicky behavior. And sometimes that person and i build something real.
Speaker: Sometimes they found their their person elsewhere. Either way, they deserve to be met as themselves, not that hungry, frenzied side of themselves.
Speaker: And I actually have a great example. Personally, um i can think back on one of my most loyal submissives right now.
Speaker: And he came to me for the first time, like really showed himself in a bit of a frenzied state. I could sense there was a bit of rushing. um Like I saw some amazing things up front, but I could see a little impatience. um There was a lot of self-doubting.
Speaker: um Yeah, it was a is ah it was a frenzy that was almost quiet in a way, but um I recognized it.
Speaker: And i just I just didn't feed it. I tried to guide it. And so every step of the way, every little bit of guidance that I made,
Speaker: He adjusted. He, you know, he turned, and he he put it somewhere else. And then, now, today, one of my most stable and loyal, strong submissives,
Speaker: just, I mean, such a pillar. And i have to, i have to pat myself on the back a little bit. I mean, obviously he showed up and, and did all the things, but I've thought about him through this whole podcast because If I wouldn't have redirected, created the structure, created the container, he'd probably, he would have moved on somewhere else.
Speaker: And i would i would guess he'd still be searching for that woman to worship. He'd still be seeking those submissive desires that he had.
Speaker: But both of us showed up. you know I showed up in the way where I created that container. I was patient. um He showed up in reacting to me, um shaping himself to the things that I was, you know, the container that I was presenting. And now we get to explore so many facets of his submission. And the submission has reached a point of just trophy submission, if you will. um
Speaker: so you know If you're listening to this episode and you might be wincing a little bit, um if the person I described in the opening was uncomfortably accurate, I'm i I definitely want you to hear this clearly, okay?
Speaker: That hunger that you have is not shameful. That sub-frenzy, the frenzy to be a good boy or good girl, isn't who you are.
Speaker: I think it's what happens to someone who's been starving and a house full of food they were told they weren't allowed to touch. And, you know, the answer was never to keep starving and it was never to eat everything in sight. The answer is someone who says, sit down.
Speaker: Slowly. Okay. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to feed you properly. Okay. So there, you know, if, if all of this had to hit home,
Speaker: I just want you to know there's nothing wrong with you. You know, sub-frenzy is absolutely normal. It's just knowing how to channel it. It's finding the right person to nurture it and to reshape it in a more healthy way, okay? So if this episode saw you, tell me about it.
Speaker: Comment on this podcast. Come join my Discord server and let's talk about it. I do read everything. i promise. I may not comment on it. I may not react to it, but I do read everything.
Speaker: And I want to end this episode on the note that here within my um own little world of Beatrix Vale, I'm going to start making it very ah clear that my Discord server is the best place to be. If you want to keep in touch with my work, if you want to interact with me because I am kind of ah moving into a new threshold, if you will, where I'm trying to be very intentional with my time and interacting with my fan base um and the things that I'm able to do and healthy ways that puts boundaries around my own sanity. um
Speaker: So my plan, and i'm still I'm still trying to wrap my fingers around certain things, but My Discord server is the place to go if you want to be, you know, if you want to have your finger on the pulse of Beatrix Vale. I show up there every day. I keep Discord open all day, every day. And that's not to say that my DM is open there. It's not. But my server is definitely something my eyes are on.
Speaker: And i I show up there every day. i read what people are saying. i make announcements in there. So um definitely go into my link page that I always put to this podcast. Or you can go directly. i believe it's discord.gg slash Beatrix Vale.
Speaker: is the ah link to my server. Like I said, if not, go to my web website, missbeatrix.com, and there should be a link there. um Otherwise, please take care of yourself, or better yet,
Speaker: Keep looking and let someone feed you properly. And that's a wrap for this episode of The Slut Next Door, where we dive deep into the raw, unapologetic truths of human desire.
Speaker: If you loved what you heard today, make sure to subscribe and turn on notifications so you never miss a juicy moment. Want to connect with me outside the podcast?
Speaker: Click the link in my bio where you can find lots of juicy content and options. Until next time, I'm Beatrix Vail, your Slut Next Door, and I'll see you in the next episode.
