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Tell Your Friends You Love Them: Cory Jacob on Comedy, Loss, and the Ripple Effect
2 Plays44 seconds ago
Cory Jacob moved to Los Angeles from a Wisconsin town of 3,000 people to honor his brother, who took his own life at 20. Two decades later you have seen him on NCIS, American Housewife, and Jimmy Kimmel Live, and in more national commercials than he can count. He is a standup comedian, a father of twins he raised on his own for ten years, and the owner of Yes Baby! Vintage, a Burbank shop he runs as a third space for artists and anyone who needs somewhere to belong.
We talk about the drive to theater rehearsal that changed the direction of his life, and the choice he made instead. From there: comedy as an art you live in real time, midlife at 45, taking inventory of your friendships, the ripple effect of making one person's day better, and why the more you are yourself, the stronger your signal is.
This conversation includes discussion of suicide loss and past drug use. If you are struggling, you are not alone. In the US, call or text 988.
Connect with Cory: Instagram @coryjacobcomedy | Yes Baby! Vintage, 3420 W Magnolia Blvd, Burbank, CA
If something in this conversation stirred, I offer a free 15 minute call: https://www.jamesoneillguide.com
Essays at Dark Night Alchemy: https://jamesoneilllcpc.substack.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Corey Jacob
00:00:05
Speaker
James O'Neill and these are conversations at the edge of psychology and soul.
00:00:13
Speaker
Today's guest is Corey Jacob, a comedian, actor, and director, a dad, vintage shop co-owner, and a man who moved to l LA from a town of 3,000 people in Wisconsin with nothing but a dream and the nerve to chase it. You've seen him on a number of TV shows, NCIS, American Housewife, Jimmy Kimmel Live, and in more national commercials than he can probably count.
00:00:39
Speaker
The list is large. But what I love about Corey is that behind the comedy is one of the most resilient stories that you're going to hear. And I'm honored and really glad
Corey's Inspirational Journey
00:00:50
Speaker
he's here today. So, Corey, thank you very much for being here.
00:00:53
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much, James. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it So what... Tell us about you kind of what, what made you make this big move and, and kind of dare to dream and chase your, your, your goal going to LA.
00:01:11
Speaker
Well, it kind of, it was all inspired by my brother who, uh, what we were 15 months apart growing up. And when he was 20 years old, he took his life.
00:01:25
Speaker
Um, he had, Falling into like a bad crowd, gangs and drugs and things like that for, for probably about four or five years. And then was trying to get his life back on track and felt that like for the past year, before he took his life and he felt like he couldn't do that apparently.
Life-Changing Realizations
00:01:44
Speaker
And, um, after me kind of getting into trouble and screwing around, screwing around a little bit with drugs and things like that. Um, I was 23 years old and I realized.
00:01:57
Speaker
hey, you got to figure out what you're going to do with your life. And i was into acting. um i was growing growing up. at I always wanted to be an actor entertainer.
00:02:08
Speaker
And i thought, what better way to honor my brother's life than to go after my dreams and try to do what I actually want to do with my life and um and have no regrets. And it's was totally inspired by him and in honor of him.
00:02:25
Speaker
yeah man how did you thank you for sharing that by the way um yeah how did you ah arrive at that i mean like was that there's a lot of reflection on your end did someone help you arrive at that or like what how did how did that come about for you like um i mean i was kind of hanging out like after he passed away i i was kind of hanging out with with his friends um I was working at a high-end golf course at the time called whistling straights. Uh, that's where the 2020 rider cup was. i was caddy, um, in the, uh, and like 1999, 2000. And, um, I was planning to go to Florida to, um, another high-end golf course, the caddy for the winter season.
00:03:18
Speaker
And, um, like, basically even before my brother passed away. And then after he passed, it was about six months after I decided to go to Florida and I ended up just going by myself um to caddy.
00:03:34
Speaker
And I actually had a nervous breakdown when I was there, like just processing the loss of my brother. And um i I kind of fell into having a girlfriend that had a drug problem. And I experimented with some drugs and I came back to Wisconsin and, um, kind of reconnected with some of my brother's old gang friends and things like that. And I was selling drugs and, um, yeah, when I was, and I was taking theater class in college, I'd went back to college and I was playing basketball and basically playing basketball, doing plays and selling drugs.
Pursuing Acting in LA
00:04:14
Speaker
And i remember, um I was the lead in a play called, mean, I can't remember the name of the play right now, but ah I was the lead in this play and I was i was driving to rehearsal and I had sold sold like $300 of cocaine on the way to rehearsal.
00:04:36
Speaker
And I just thought to myself like, man, if you'd get pulled over right now, you'd be busted, you'd be in jail, you'd be, you know, a disgrace to your family. And this this whole play, this whole production,
00:04:48
Speaker
would be shut down because I didn't have an understudy or anything. And I just said, you know, like you got a lot of responsibility and you know, you're not living up to it the way that you should like, yeah, this whole, this whole production would be shut down if you were caught selling drugs.
00:05:04
Speaker
And so at that point I decided to stop selling drugs and i figured i would do plays nonstop for two years. And I would start to work in fine dining restaurants because I heard that every actor in l LA was ah a waiter.
00:05:21
Speaker
And which turned out to be mostly true. yeah You start as a waiter and then after that you try to get your real estate license if you're a struggling actor. Okay, that's the pathway.
00:05:33
Speaker
Yeah, that's kind of the pathway. But yeah, so I started working in fine dining restaurants for the next two next two years and I did plays for two years nonstop and then I auditioned for this um American Academy of Dramatic Arts. I got accepted and I said, okay, I'm moving there in six months.
00:05:53
Speaker
I mean, that's, ah so yeah, I guess the the main impetus for me moving out here was me driving to my theater rehearsal, selling drugs on the way and realizing like if I got caught, you know, not only would I be a disgrace to my family, but um the whole production would be shut down because of me. And I said, this isn't the way to live your life, you know, like, um, yeah, I would rather pursue my highest dreams and make something of out of myself rather than continue to go down the path of drugs and hanging out with bad influences. Yeah.
00:06:33
Speaker
So I teach, um, mindfulness meditation and, you know, it's an insight meditation, which probably know about in, you have these insights, they they happen, but not everyone takes action. Like you caught it, you saw that story and how that could play out. And then you chose to do something different, you know, like you you actually made it happen.
00:06:55
Speaker
That's really cool. Right. Well, thank you so much. So you get there, you you take the risk, you you head out to LA and what was that like for a young person kind of facing what, you know, that challenge for you?
00:07:13
Speaker
Yeah, um I was 24. um The acting school that I had signed up for had like a roommate finder program. So I was communicating online with a couple of prospective roommates and hit it off really well with one guy.
00:07:29
Speaker
And so I knew I had a good, I knew I had like a friend out here and we we quickly made friends with the other people at the school. But, you know, it was it was very intimidating, but it was, ah you know, heartfelt.
00:07:43
Speaker
heartful of dreams. Um, and just very exciting times of what the possibilities could be moving out to Hollywood. Yeah.
Entrepreneurial Spirit and Challenges
00:07:53
Speaker
Did you always, are you a connector? Like in the sense of, uh, um, what is that? i can't remember the name of the book at the moment, but like, i know on your Instagram talk about like a builder of community, but is that something that comes natural to you?
00:08:09
Speaker
Yeah, kind of, it kind of does come natural to me. um I think a lot of times I'll have ideas, like even, even just moving out here right away, it was like, I was in charge of the apartment and like finding the roommates and paying the bills and, you know, making sure that the house was running the way that it should, um you know, not too many parties and things like that.
00:08:33
Speaker
So, yeah, I've always been the one who kind of put stuff together. um i remember when I was, when I was 12 years old, my dad used to work part-time in this bowling alley And um they had this really cool basement downstairs with like these shag carpet walls and things like that.
00:08:52
Speaker
And I said, hey, dad, what is, you know, what is this used for? And he's like, well, sometimes people rent it for like banquets or things like that. And I said, can I have a sports card show down here? And he's like, yeah, sure. So I rented out the basement of the bowling alley, put an ad in the local newspaper. And I i had a couple of sports card shows as like a 12, 13 year old, like organized that.
00:09:14
Speaker
And um so it's just kind of like seeing ideas. And if they're not happening, and I think that something can happen like fairly, you know, with some effort and organization, i I kind of just make it happen myself.
00:09:29
Speaker
Yeah. You're not afraid to to give it a shot. Right. Is that, was that innate in you or is that something that you developed? Cause that's, like that's such a big skill.
00:09:40
Speaker
I think it was kind of innate. Cause I come like a, I'm like fifth fifth generation small business owner. in So it kind of runs in my blood, I guess, of just like starting a business, um being an entrepreneur, that kind of thing.
00:09:56
Speaker
Yeah. I feel like a lot of people are kind of being faced with that now, you know, with the way, i don't know, like, you know, these big tech, you know, job cuts and things like that, where people are kind of being tasked with the question now, like, what do I want to do?
00:10:13
Speaker
you know, cause i can't rely on maybe the things that used to be reliable. Um, but for someone like you, who with the entrepreneurial spirit, like you have to be okay with family.
00:10:26
Speaker
Like there's, yeah there's that risk. Like there's an edge of risk where it's like, this could work out, this could pay off wonderfully or, or it could go something else, but I still got to cultivate that belief.
00:10:37
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, i I, struggle with that, you know, to this day. Um, like you mentioned, I have a vintage store, Um, me and my, me and my, at the time, girlfriend, fiance, like opened up a vintage store. Then we opened up another, vintage mall and we opened up a, uh, multi-pole parking lot flea market. And then we split up.
00:11:01
Speaker
Um, and so now I run the store by myself, uh, with my general manager, but, um, which gives me the freedom to do what I want with the rest of my time, which is amazing.
00:11:12
Speaker
But, you know, it's it's tough in this economy. And, you know, you either got to make things happen or you got pivot. You got to be able to pivot if you if you have to. So.
00:11:25
Speaker
Well, you're absolutely right, man. And, ah you know, someone going through some challenges myself, like in the guy, I think I told you before, but I'm a single dad as well.
00:11:36
Speaker
There's no one behind you. There's no one like no partner to kind of rely on when you're you're going through something tough. So you you you do take a lot on and it can be very challenging.
00:11:48
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, my kids are with their mom now for the past two years. Both of them have been up there. They live on a hobby farm on top of a mountain in like this small town. And it's just really good for them to be out of the city of L.A.,
00:12:02
Speaker
and And they're really thriving up there. Yeah, I did have them by myself for like 10 years. And that was a crazy challenge to have twins for so long by myself and pursuing one of the hardest things in the world that you can do, entertainment and acting.
Reflections on Life and Career
00:12:20
Speaker
Yeah. um I had another comedian on her channel. i don't know if you're familiar. name is Georgia Jean. Okay. And she...
00:12:32
Speaker
she was just talking about too, like some of the challenges being a female too, and like the comedy scene in LA and just how, how she doesn't go into too much specifics, but just how tough it can be, you know, and how you really have to be mentally resilient to face all of that, you know?
00:12:54
Speaker
Yeah, it's a lot. It's, it is for sure. And um I'm 45 now. So, I'm kind of like smack dab in the middle of like a midlife crisis. I'm right there with you, brother. Don't don't don't worry.
00:13:07
Speaker
yeah's just sort of what it's It's fun. um I was just at my at my therapist before this actually, and we were we were talking a little bit about it and yeah, just the challenges of being a small business owner and then being an actor comedian of like, am I far enough am i far enough along in my career path?
00:13:26
Speaker
Like what's the potential trajectory? Am I working hard enough? Am I working smart enough? And, you know, it's like if you're going to do this, you got to either got to do it or not do it.
00:13:36
Speaker
There's no there's no kind of in between. It's like commit to yourself and like promise yourself that you're going to do this or you got to do something else. Like there's really you can't just dabble around.
00:13:49
Speaker
Yeah. You know, and it so I know you're, you're kind of ah a mental health advocate, like as a therapist, i have a therapist. I just want people to be okay talking about it. Like we all go through challenges. No one has it figured out.
00:14:04
Speaker
It is absolutely that right. Like questioning, you know, when things maybe don't work out the way that you thought, like, do i keep going or do I pivot? How do I, what is being asked of me right now?
00:14:20
Speaker
You know, in this, this day and time and this, this collective consciousness with everything going on, like where, but where my best of, you know, service? Right. Yeah. and that's a good point. Um, and yeah, in my standup, I weave in like mental health messages and, um, like sometimes I'll close with, you know, I'll, I'll,
00:14:44
Speaker
I can do up to like 15 minutes on my brother's suicide. And if I'm doing like a really longer set, I'll i'll include that stuff. And I end with, you know, tell your friends you love them.
00:14:55
Speaker
um You know, i have ah I have a little joke where i you know I say, everyone loves you more when you're dead. You know, like you'll see it on Facebook all the time of like, oh, I miss my friend Brian so much. He passed away three years ago today from a heroin overdose. And it's like, I never saw you posting about him when he was alive.
00:15:14
Speaker
You know what i mean? Like, so yeah, celebrate. Yeah. celebrate yeah Celebrate your friends when they're alive and tell your friends you love them while they're here. And when, you know, when, when a friend is having a rough time and you know that reach out to them and just say, Hey man, I just want you know, I know you're going through a hard time. I'm here for you.
00:15:31
Speaker
Let me know if I can help you. let me know if you want to get lunch or, hang out or something like that. Cause that one little thing can be a, can have a ripple effect. Um, on their psychology and their mental mental health for sure.
00:15:48
Speaker
it
00:15:51
Speaker
I mean, I'll share this. It can save someone's life, literally. You know, reaching out to somebody because, you know, though you get to a dark place and all it takes is a moment where it's like, OK, you know, this is it.
00:16:05
Speaker
um But if someone, you know, it could be someone just saying, hey, how are you doing, man? Like it just um because I've heard stories, personal stories where it's like, you know, this was going to go somewhere different. But like you talked to me that day and I had a different experience.
00:16:20
Speaker
different outcome, you know, and it was just its connection, right? Like, okay, I'm not alone. Like, you know, and even in the world of social media too, like people portrayed something online, you don't know what's going on behind the scenes or behind the image, you know?
00:16:37
Speaker
ah One of the things I was going to say, like going through a hard place, especially, you know, being 45, we've, also is uh i'm not sure if you're familiar with a ah ah writer named mitch horowitz but he writes a lot about um kind of his you know kind of don't want to say dark time but like you know he was really maybe 43 i think is you know what he was like i i'm just not happy with life and i want to
00:17:09
Speaker
i mean, you could call it maybe manifest, but like he really poured his energy into like, what do I want to do with my life really? And like it, and I say that is like, you know, there's no timetable, right? Like whether you're 43 or you're 45 or you're 50 or older, like you haven't, the window hasn't passed you by maybe with some things, but like you're, you're still open. There's still possibilities to find meaning and joy in life.
00:17:37
Speaker
Right. Yeah, Mitch Horowitz, he does the um philosophical research center stuff, right? He does talks there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm familiar with them. Yeah.
00:17:50
Speaker
But yeah, that's right. im At any age, you can you can do what you want. you know I mean, it's so easy to get locked into you know your nine to five job. And I mean, it's a personal prison. It can be for sure. I think a lot of people are locked into a box where they feel like they're just stuck in their life and you can change at any time. It's just up to you to have the, have the courage to do it.
00:18:15
Speaker
Yeah. And it's not perfect example, man. Well, it's not easy. And, um and, you know, like, like I said, I'm still going through this right now. Like I actually kind of in a major way at being 45 and, and having a vintage store.
00:18:32
Speaker
And even that has been kind of like at, at certain times it's like, is this dragging me down? And it's like, no I'm having community events there. we have like ah We have a bunch of local artists in there at the store.
00:18:47
Speaker
um We're kind of considering it like a third space where it's like, you know if you're come hang out at Yes Baby Vintage. If you're feeling down about life, we have free video games, free record listening stations, art books you can draw in, things like that. But it's like it's an interactive space.
00:19:06
Speaker
And- and Yeah, like, so I've kind of doubled down on getting more artists in there because it's like, that's a place where they can feel like they're part of being at home, you know?
00:19:20
Speaker
um It's a home away from home. And um that gives me motivation to know that I'm helping artists and artists are helping the community and people in the community have somewhere to go to feel safe and like that. They can just hang out and don't have to shop all the time.
00:19:40
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it's part of the, I guess, the community building that you're doing. Yeah, for sure. What is the the, I would say the common thread in all that, and then also, you know, another part to that, like, how do you, how do you maintain your sense of humor? Because I was talking with, I'm mutual connection, Dr. Dory, and like just talking about how, how important laughter is in bringing people together and sort of raising, i don't know, consciousness or frequency, like being able to, to look at the absurdity of life and all the things that are happening and still put a smile on someone's face and and being able to enjoy life.
00:20:28
Speaker
Yeah. She actually had a really great quote when we talked, she said, laughter is the closest or the fastest way to God. which I thought was really kind of clever, um you know, because I think whatever whatever people's background beliefs are as far as like what God is, et cetera. But I think, you know, ultimately God is love.
00:20:51
Speaker
You know, there's love and fear and you can choose love or fear. And what better way to express love than by laughing with a fellow human being, you know? It's just, ah good yeah, it's a great way to instantly connect.
00:21:04
Speaker
And, um, yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, you know, we're just, we're just playing a complicated game.
Imagination and Presence in Comedy
00:21:14
Speaker
We're playing a really complicated game. Um, and we're deciding what we get to do, you know? And so it's like, it's not, it's, it's serious, but it's also not that serious. It's like, you can do whatever you want at any second. Um, you know,
00:21:31
Speaker
Like, yeah, yeah we got to stay in touch with our inner child and and realize that we're just this is just a big, a big playground, really. Yeah. is that i So I do inner child work, and I've written about it even recently, where the woman that, she's in California too. I feel like all my mentors are in California.
00:21:56
Speaker
But she made me go through inner child regression, and I was i like kind of fought it. And then then i i agreed to it because I wanted to learn how to do hypnosis in that way.
00:22:10
Speaker
And it was great. Like, it was like, okay, like you can have fun. You can love your child. You can, might sound to some people like, oh, what what's the point of that? But it's like, it frees you to, you know, all these just paying attention to all the programming that we've gotten in our lifetime and how it can really, you know, use the word prison, put a prison around your mind and what you are willing to try or not. And, uh, but laughter or something like that, like opens you up to, okay, freedom. Like, let me give it a shot and see what happens.
00:22:45
Speaker
Cause it might be great.
00:22:48
Speaker
Right. Yeah. It's important to realize not everything is so serious. Like it, like, Yeah, connecting with your inner child. Like, remember when we were kids and we would just, you know, we could play with but could play with a brick, and it could be a brick, it could be a truck, it could be the moon, it could be, you know, it it it could be your new house, it could be anything you want, or, you know, just the sense of play of a of a child to imagine anything and just have fun in the moment. Like, being in the moment is, you know, a gift. That's why they call it the present.
00:23:21
Speaker
Um... And yeah, like sometimes we just got to be present and not let everything worry us so much. I think it's it's helpful to shift and put yourself into that perspective, right? Because otherwise you get locked into this narrow bandwidth of potentially negativity. Yeah.
00:23:47
Speaker
Thinking about the future, thinking about the past, it's like you know you're you're kind of the only place you can live is the present yeah it you know and and as someone who teaches that i catch myself all the time you know drifting here drifting there like it really is a practice um and then you you brought up mindfulness yeah like
00:24:18
Speaker
Sorry, i mean our little bit of a delay, but it's, um you brought up the imagination too, right? Being, if you can be, and maybe you can speak to this in more detail, but when you are present with yourself and you allow your imagination to run wild and really pay attention to that is really where, I don't know, just birth creativity,
00:24:48
Speaker
Yeah, and it's like that comes up all the time in stand-up comedy of like, you know, you have your written jokes, you're set your set list, but you also want to talk about what's happening in the moment in the room, which everyone inside that room is experiencing the same thing for that for that show.
00:25:04
Speaker
And so to have the courage to go off script and live in the moment and just talk about like, hey, we all saw that chair fall over. Like, maybe you guys got to replace the chair here.
00:25:15
Speaker
You know, like, just acknowledging what's going on in the moment because um we're all living in the present. And if you can, if you can acknowledge what's happening in the moment and everyone feels connected to that, then, then you're bringing people into the present with, you know, what you're doing, which is, which is a amazing.
00:25:35
Speaker
And that's, that's one of the cool things about standup comedy is you're living through an art in real time.
00:25:45
Speaker
Yeah. The one of the places that I did my mindfulness training at um was in UC San Diego. And in the curriculum of this performance training, they changed it after I went through it. And they added a section of ah they called it mindful improv, but it's you have to do like a stand-up bit and it's terrifying for people and but which is meant to evoke that right like okay what happens when you're you're stressed out and you're like in it and like how do you work with that and uh so you're right I mean like comedy is one of the best places to to be in the moment because you i mean you're you're putting yourself out there and you're you're in a room with everybody and it's
00:26:34
Speaker
you know, I'm curious your thoughts on like working with that and then getting into like a flow because flow states are, you know, sort of the thing that everyone wants to get into.
00:26:46
Speaker
Yeah, it's, it's, it's kind of getting out of your head and getting into, your that's kind of what I was talking about, getting into the environment, talking about what's going on in the moment will get you out of your head.
00:26:58
Speaker
um And then, you know if If I say, oh, the chair fell down, then I might think about a joke that I have written that's about a chair. And then I can be like, yeah, that reminds me of the time that my grandpa built this chair or whatever. you know like If I talk about what's happening in the moment and I know my material well enough, I can loop my material into anything that I'm talking about, um if that makes sense.
00:27:25
Speaker
It makes a lot of sense. It's like jumping out of a... It's like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute is really what it is. And trying to build a parachute on the way down.
00:27:38
Speaker
What attracts you to that? Like, what a what is your kind of joy in doing that?
00:27:45
Speaker
I don't know, man. ah um I mean, I love making people laugh. um I've done a lot of I've done a lot of comedy training, like improv sketch characters, character standup, and I've organized teams and, you know, things like yeah I've organized a bunch of teams. I've produced a bunch of shows and I found, I found that like, if I was on a sketch comedy team, I was the one doing like all the organizing, maybe putting together the slide shows.
00:28:18
Speaker
And it was kind of taken away from my performance. And, um, I realized like, why am I putting all this work into other people who don't care as much as I do?
00:28:29
Speaker
Like i need to care more about myself. um You know, and I can use all all the improv and the characters and stuff in my standup. um But I just, I realized,
00:28:45
Speaker
yeah, no one's going to do this stuff for you. You just got to do it yourself. And there's no one to blame, but myself. you know There's no one to blame but myself if I'm not doing as well as I want. and there's um On the flip side, like when things are going well, it's like, hey, I put a lot of work in to get to this this point.
00:29:05
Speaker
yeah so It's kind of like being an independent contractor. It's up to you, man.
00:29:13
Speaker
yeah but it's It's a sickness. it's to answer your question, it's it's a sickness. um Yeah, I don't know. you know there's There's a decent amount of days where i'm just like, what am I doing with this stand-up comedy? like Gotta get your butt in gear, man, because it's super competitive out there. and If you're doing this, you're doing it. Yeah.
00:29:36
Speaker
yeah Well, when you put the work in, right like you get the payoff at some point. I have to believe that. Yeah, you have to you have to believe that or or you'll go crazy.
00:29:53
Speaker
not Well, and then, I mean, making people laugh is such a gift. And, you know, to quote Dr. Dory, if she said, you know, bringing that closer to God or bringing that to people, you know, whatever their specific beliefs are, you know, that's such a ah joy to be able to do that. And and I would say uplift people because in any comedy show that I've ever seen, like, when you...
00:30:25
Speaker
it's just, you feel good when you you're laughing, right? Like, it's like you forget about all the the troubles that, you know, everyone's going through and whatever else. And it's just like, all right, we're okay.
00:30:36
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And that I'm a big believer in this ripple effect, which is, you know, like, like we were talking earlier about, you know, telling your friends you love them and just reaching out when people are going through a hard time.
00:30:50
Speaker
And it's like, if you can touch one person's, however many people's lives you touch like during a show, if you can put them in a better mood, then they're going to be in a better mood with the next person they interact with.
00:31:01
Speaker
And that higher energy is going to transfer over to them and then they're going to transfer it to their friend. And it just has a big ripple effect, you know, which. Is basically spreading love in this in this day and age, in this world that we're living in, where there's so many major things going on that are out of our control and some that are, you know, really, really scary.
00:31:22
Speaker
like AI and you know and in geopolitics and international politics and all that stuff, it's so scary. It's so scary. So it's like if you if you can make somebody feel better by laughing, they're going to keep that going a little bit.
00:31:41
Speaker
yeah Yeah, no, for sure. And you, I believe that too, right? And that's a big part of this this show and what I'm trying to bring is like, you know, how do we face everything that's going on now? Like
00:31:57
Speaker
people talk about bringing love in the world, but like we actually have to do it. No one's gonna just do it. No one's gonna, like we have to actually have these conversations and talk about uncomfortable things and we can do it in ah and a comedic way you know, bring light to things and connect people.
00:32:14
Speaker
um i think I read somewhere in one of your interviews that you, you know, you really, you don't shy away from things. You try to to bring in multiple perspectives on things, you know, it's less about like, I'm right, you're wrong. Let's clash.
00:32:26
Speaker
Like, let's hold all of it and maybe grow our bandwidth collectively to to be able to to make real change. Yeah. And I think it's important to be able to see things from other people's point of view,
00:32:40
Speaker
um You know, if you if you want to call that, you know, that's empathy. And whether you're a Republican or Democrat or independent, it's like, OK, you don't like what that person is saying about the issue. But think just stop a second. And before judging them, just think about, like, what's going through their mind that they believe this is true.
00:33:01
Speaker
And, you know, like maybe you can find a little angle of like, hey, isn't that a little crazy that, ah you know, this thing happened or you know, oh, I see you right there. Like um on that issue of, you know, maybe we shouldn't, what whatever, if if the issue is, you know, giving money to the poor, it's like, is there something wrong with giving money to the poor? Like, you know, like maybe we should give a little, can we give a little bit to the poor? Like, would that be okay with you guys? um
00:33:34
Speaker
You know, but just compromising, being able to compromise, I think is really important as well. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Like, you know, one of the big practices in mindfulness too, right? Like it's, it's being nonjudgmental and it's so, people are so quick to judge and criticize and this and that, you know, let alone like what we do to ourselves, right? Like, you know, I'm my own biggest inner critic, you know, like I don't need everyone else judging me too, but that's how it is in some ways. But like learning how to, to be nonjudgmental with,
00:34:09
Speaker
A yourself and then also with other people that we encounter. Yeah. And then that once again, that goes back to like not taking everything so serious, you know, like I think judging people as a part of being serious. It's like, you know, like who cares how somebody dresses? Like if you don't, if you don't like it, like that doesn't matter. Like dress how you want, express yourself, how you want to express yourself.
00:34:35
Speaker
But don't judge other people, allow other people to do what they want. And that, that kind of goes back to love as well. And empathy of just like, and the more accepting we are of people, the more people are expressing themselves, which is a form of love.
00:34:52
Speaker
And, um, you know, if you can love yourself, you can't love anyone else until you can love yourself. So, um, as that's I still work on that, man. Well, yeah, I mean, it's a constant work. It's a constant never ending process. But um yeah, not judging people, like you said, mindfulness, that's ah it's so important to be open minded and just and when we're open minded, we can have more honest interactions with strangers and have more laughter together because we're not judging. We're just like, oh, hey, what?
00:35:26
Speaker
you know, I like your, ah I like your witch shirt, you know, like, hey, yeah, I like your Jesus shirt. That's funny how he's on the cross or whatever it is. um You know, people from different backgrounds can connect and in many ways.
00:35:40
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, for sure. um Corey, if we could shift gears a little bit, i would love to hear more about kind of what your connection to the conscious life expo, what brought you there? Are you a regular there? Like what, um what is your interest in that world?
Spreading Positivity and Manifestation
00:36:01
Speaker
Cause that's something i'm very much interested in as well. And, uh, trying to bring out also as a, as a psychotherapist.
00:36:11
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I'm just all about like, you know, frequency, everything I think is frequency, you know, like going back to Tesla and things like that. And, um, you talk about like success in the arts or success in, in any field that you're in. It's like, if you can reach the frequency of say like, if I, Bill Burr is operating on a certain frequency, you know what i mean? Like his thoughts, his behaviors, it's a frequency.
00:36:40
Speaker
And so i am working on raising my frequency as a human being so that it's inevitable. Um, So I believe a lot in frequencies, manifestation, um self-awareness, um consciousness, how your actions affect the whole.
00:37:01
Speaker
I'm real big into the ripple effect. And um you know for me, I think comedy is the way I can touch people and create the ripples. ah But yeah, I'm just all about raising frequency and myself, which in turn will affect others that I communicate with and you know raising the frequency of the world.
00:37:22
Speaker
yeah no i'm with you and i don't i don't when you say something like that it doesn't um doesn't sound crazy no it doesn't sound crazy at all because it's going back to like um you know the whole i can't remember the saying or who would said it but like if we all like sweep our front porch like the world would change overnight right like we all are responsible for doing our own work on that. Like, and if you are doing it and I'm doing it and we're not afraid to talk about it, you know, and, and, and someone hears this, right. The ripple and like, they start, you know, maybe being, you know, less judgmental and more open-minded and and loving with someone else. Like that does have an impact. Like I truly believe that.
00:38:09
Speaker
Yeah. The, um, the number one rule for my vintage store for my employees and myself is make people's day better. And that can be complimenting them.
00:38:22
Speaker
it just goes back to listening of like, what does this person need? Do they, do they need a compliment? Do they want to talk about anything personal? um Do they want to just smile? You know, like for me, the easiest thing to do is just give someone a compliment. Like, Hey, I really like your hairstyle or cool shoes. And you know you can kind of take it from there, but um just making people's day better like is such a great way to affect people in a positive way. And like I said, that goes back to the ripple effect of they're going to continue that. It's going to change the trajectory of their day.
00:38:58
Speaker
Yeah. it's A friend of mine got me into the habit of anytime I'm at the like a grocery store checking out, Like reading the name of the person and saying hello and then saying their name, like that recognition, like human to human. And just yeah when you say that to someone like, Corey, how are you doing, man? Like, it's just it shifts the energy.
00:39:25
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. It makes it immediate and personal and you feel seen and recognized and everyone wants to be able be seen and recognized like as a human being. Absolutely, absolutely. But we just, you know, and I'm guilty of it, get locked into our own stuff. And then, you know, we start kind of turning inward and and disconnecting. And that's kind of how I know, like, okay, I need to open back up. Like, you know, how am I doing my in my own moment, if you will?
00:39:58
Speaker
Yeah,
00:40:01
Speaker
Yeah, my um one of my big catchphrases for a while was um one of my mission statements was to break the reality of people's programmed existence.
00:40:12
Speaker
Which just means like shake it up, you know, like like you were saying about at the grocery store, like you say hello to somebody, you say their name, that might be a little bit out of the ordinary and that it's going to change their shift their thinking for the day of like, hey, ah you know, i'm I'm having a good time here at at the grocery store, checking people out, you know, people see me and see what I'm doing. And yeah.
00:40:37
Speaker
Yeah. We've become creatures of habit, you know, so, so much. It's like when, when we, when things get shaken up, it's like, Oh my God.
00:40:49
Speaker
Right. And that's what, that's what has to happen. Like right now in this day and age is people are so, so so zoned out, you know, so addicted to technology and their phones and,
00:41:01
Speaker
just the lack of human connection that's been happening over the past, you know, 10, 20, 30 years, it's gotten worse and worse. And yeah, like you were saying, just that a simple, hello, hello, James, you know, is like that, that could really help someone's day out a lot, you know?
00:41:22
Speaker
Yeah. And,
00:41:26
Speaker
i think I think it's a big a big part of kind of how we can get through all this stuff now is just continuing to foster connection with with people, you know, like not being afraid to to, you know, reach out and, I don't know, connect, but like forgive someone or be less critical and like just be open to, all right, we might have differences, but we're more similar than than not.
00:41:56
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. um Yeah, I mean, that's an interesting point you brought too about forgiving people. um You know, what ah what a great way to affect the world is, you know, call up some people that maybe you upset in the past or, you know, that's a big Alcoholics Anonymous thing and an addict thing. But, um you know, if you go through your phone list and you're somebody you haven't talked to in like a year because maybe there was a misunderstanding at the barbecue or whatever it is,
00:42:24
Speaker
just reach out and just be like, Hey man, I'm sorry. Like that was my fault that I, uh, you know, criticized your hamburger or whatever whatever, whatever it is, but make amends with people. um yeah. Making amends with people and restarting those old connections. Like it's important. Like everyone harbors regrets and, um, things like that.
00:42:50
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. You know, it's, uh, I've been trying to be more mindful of that. Like, you know, I haven't talked to Rick in a while or Pat, you know, like, let me, let me give them a call and just kind of see what's going on, you know? And maybe we would connect and maybe we don't, but I see a lot of people, you know, in my practice too, Corey, where it's like, they're like, well, they stopped talking to me.
00:43:13
Speaker
I'm like, so now you're not going to call them. Like, you're just holding a grudge. Like you can call them too. Like, yeah. So are you better than them?
00:43:24
Speaker
Yeah, it's a two way street. I did something interesting recently. Um, where I went through all of my contacts in my phone and I categorize people as like good friend, um, like acquaintance friend or don't know very well, would like to know better.
00:43:41
Speaker
i' stay yeah. And i I went through my Facebook and, um, and I started like reconnecting with people I haven't talked to in a while. Um, And it's been and interesting, you know, some of the some some relationships move forward on a higher level and some it's just like, hey, what's up? Good to talk to you And that's fine.
00:44:00
Speaker
But, you know, once again, I think people appreciate the connection um of just like, yeah, it's good to be seen by somebody. Yeah, that's a really cool thing. I might try to my wife steal that from you, man.
00:44:17
Speaker
Yeah, steal that. um And then, you know, another point to kind of bring it into mindfulness too, is not having an ah an attachment to the outcome of that.
00:44:28
Speaker
You know, whatever happens, happens. Yeah. Just being being creative with your intention behind it. Like, you know, i'm just going to try to connect, you know, whatever. And if it works out great, if not, that's okay too.
00:44:43
Speaker
Yeah. And that, to be honest, that that kind of started because I'm living alone for the first time in 15 years. Um, now that my kids aren't here and I had a breakup with my girlfriend.
00:44:54
Speaker
So I'm alone for the first time in 15 years. And i started realizing like, man, where's all my friends? Like, you know, like who, who am I hanging out with? Like, who am I texting and who am I hanging out with? Uh, who am I not talking to at all that I would like to talk to?
00:45:11
Speaker
so yeah, I just took inventory of all my friends and, and I'm starting to, um, be more social again.
00:45:20
Speaker
Well, again, i guess that's kind of your character, but now, you know, not being idle about it, like taking action and really connecting and and starting to ah form, you know, whatever your community is going to look like again, like your social life, which I know what that's like.
00:45:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:41
Speaker
Yeah. Being alone is something a lot of people struggle with. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's been interesting, but, um,
00:45:50
Speaker
Bukowski said, waking up every day um you know with no one to tell you what to do and no responsibilities to other person, would you call that would you call that loneliness or freedom?
00:46:06
Speaker
That's what Bukowski said, which I think is interesting. But it's a good way to look at it is like For now, it's freedom. you know like I can do whatever I want all the time, and it's up to me to foster my connections with people again.
00:46:19
Speaker
um that I wanted my life in a bigger way. And it's, yeah, we all have our own time to do whatever we want with. One of those things too, you know, like sometimes they can both be true the same time.
00:46:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:38
Speaker
What, Corey, what are you kind of working on now or what kind of are you passionate about most at the moment?
Future Plans and Passions
00:46:49
Speaker
Um, well, right now I'm just adding a bunch of new artists into my vintage store. Uh, we did a call for artists. We probably got over a hundred submissions and we're looking at bringing in like probably 20 or 30 and just kind of refreshing the whole vibe of the store to be more and more community oriented and more artist oriented.
00:47:12
Speaker
Um, it's kind of like be the thing you want to attract Uh, so we're getting like more cool, weird artists in the store.
00:47:22
Speaker
And I think that energy is just going to really, um send frequencies and, um, you know, outwards of just like, it'll become a magnet for weirdos and cool people and people, um who want a bigger sense of community.
00:47:37
Speaker
So yeah, I'm working on getting a lot more artists in the store. And other than that, I've been doing a lot of standup, um,
00:47:46
Speaker
And i'm I'm trying to get together longer sets, like ah getting more familiar with my material. Because a lot of times in LA, you'll do like a 10-minute set.
00:47:59
Speaker
And it's like, if you can do an hour and you're only doing 10 minutes, well, you got to make sure you're keeping that other material fresh so that you can perform it at a moment's notice. And you know it's hard to not get rusty with like some jokes you don't do.
00:48:14
Speaker
So, yeah, i'm i'm I'm trying to hold myself accountable to continue to grow my stand-up. Okay. yeah And the artists that you're bringing in, are they just multidisciplinary, like all kinds, or is there anything in particular? Yeah, all kinds. Yeah, we got people that make jewelry. We got people that make sculptures, people that make, um you know, planters that are doll heads and um bracelets, stickers, all kinds of stuff.
00:48:43
Speaker
Very cool. Well, I will ah yeah send me the links to all that and I will definitely put all of that into the show notes and things like that. um Cool.
00:48:56
Speaker
Any, I was going to ask you, being at the Conscious Life Expo, is there anything that caught your attention or anything otherworldly with stuff being in the news now?
00:49:10
Speaker
um Well, I would say i would say that the level of self-expression was that was that was very clear there, like people dressing um dressing up and expressing themselves through their through their clothing, through their attitudes.
00:49:28
Speaker
People seem to be more in tune with themselves and how they're presenting themselves in the world and also like how they would be perceived like.
00:49:40
Speaker
a little more secure in their identities, I guess. And just more, a lot of people with a lot stronger presence than you see on a daily basis. You know, a lot of people, very strong presence, which comes in, you know, being secure with yourself and knowing who you are.
00:49:59
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I think, um
00:50:04
Speaker
I don't know if you're, ah are you familiar with psycho cybernetics at all?
00:50:12
Speaker
That concept? um I mean, you yeah you tell me about it. it's um It was a there was a guy at Maxwell Maltz who was big into, he was a plastic surgeon. and What he noticed is that when he would fix, say, someone's face or whatever augmentation they had or anything, there was a percentage of people that no matter if it could be flawless, they could look flawless.
00:50:35
Speaker
beautiful, you know, their their imperfections could be gone. um And then but they would still see like a distortion of, you know, themselves. And so they they didn't always move into this new identity. And that struck him as like, how do you become who you want to be, right? Like, you can take away all the imperfect imperfections, but it's an internal state, like frequency wise, can talk about manifestation, like becoming who you are from the inside out, right? Like as you do that as self-expression or you become...
00:51:12
Speaker
not anyone else, you're not trying to be anyone else, more of who you are. Like, what what is it that gives you joy and, you know, you becoming you and the more that you express yourself in a way like creativity, like you know you allow more of your consciousness in, know,
00:51:27
Speaker
then you start to find more flow, more synchronicity, more success because you're not trying to be something you're not. You're trying to be you. And that's how you find success in that way. So it's interesting to hear you say that more important people like kind of expressing themselves. That's cool. I think that's going to be one of the ways we get through all this is is by more people just not being afraid to be weird and whatever. You know, i think weird is cool, but be themselves, whatever that is.
00:51:54
Speaker
Don't be afraid to do that.
00:51:57
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. And like then then the more you are yourself, the stronger your signal is, you know?
00:52:04
Speaker
Absolutely. So um I would say, you know, and then to expand on that is, you know, these people are seekers.
00:52:16
Speaker
Seekers of wisdom, seek seekers of of knowledge, seekers seekers of energy. And so I think... would definitely tend to be less judgmental
00:52:31
Speaker
because they're trying to find the answers. Like, you know, like they don't think they know all the answers. A lot of people at this conscious life expo are conscious, you know, are aware, more aware moment to moment. And, you know, trying to make the world a better place, like a hundred percent.
00:52:50
Speaker
Yeah. And when you're on that path to you, you, you know, enough to know that you don't know everything. Yeah. Right. most Yeah. Most people. Yeah. You know, so it it makes it makes it fun, you know, trying to, you know, learn what you don't know and and then kind of experience things. and And then you also have your own experience, right? Like um no one can can tell you about certain things, right? Like you you really do have to experience it for yourself, which is part of the fun.
00:53:24
Speaker
Yeah, it's part of the fun of the game. um Well, hey, man, what ah anything else you got going on or would like to share just in terms of one last positive message for the audience?
00:53:40
Speaker
um I would just say, yeah like especially when you know somebody's going through a rough time, reach out and just um give them a text. Try to give them a call and just say, hey, man, love you. I know you're going through some tough stuff right now. Just wanted you to know I'm here for you.
00:53:56
Speaker
And then um like one of my friends was going through a really rough time and this older, older black guy and his dog was sick and he's lonely and he's an old gay man who's experienced racism his whole life.
00:54:10
Speaker
And I was like, why don't you just unload on me? Just, just unload like everything you're upset about right now. And he, he was going back 50, 60 years and I, and he's like, I'm sorry to take this out on you. i was like, no man, get it out.
00:54:24
Speaker
Get out that negative energy. you know, so you can move forward in a more, in a more positive way. But um so, yeah, I would say just be there for your friends and also associates, people that you're not maybe as good of friends with.
00:54:38
Speaker
If you know they're going through a hard time, just reach out. Like you can be, you can be that change in their life that they didn't know they could have. You can change people's lives, like just by being there for them.
00:54:51
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
00:54:54
Speaker
Corey, you you have really good energy, man. Oh, thanks, dude. Thanks, and it's been a pleasure talking to you, you too. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. Yeah, I wish you great success, my friend, in you know with what you got going on at the store, building community, bringing in artists.
00:55:13
Speaker
I hope you attract all the good weirdness, man. I love it. I just got this yesterday, this little David Bowie poster. I'm pretty excited about that. All right, Ian, the Iggy Pop shirt.
00:55:26
Speaker
Yeah, that's right, yeah. Very cool, man. Yeah, yeah would next time I'm out there, man, I'll hit you up and check out the store. Hit me up, sounds good. All right, brother. Well, listen, man, I appreciate you very much for coming on, sharing your story and your wisdom. Hey, appreciate you, man. Thank you so much. And um I look forward to looking at more of your mindfulness clips and seeing you raising people's vibrations as well.
00:55:54
Speaker
Likewise, my friend. All right. Sounds good. Appreciate you.
00:55:59
Speaker
We don't run from the dark night. We walk through it together all the way to the morning. That's Dark Knight Alchemy every week on Substack. And when you're ready to make your own world for real, I'm right here at James O'Neill Guide dot com.
00:56:15
Speaker
Thank you.