Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Season Two/ Episode Five: Parents Guide for Keeping the Peace and Preserving Joy During the Holidays
17 Plays22 days ago
When the year winds down and familiar routines dissolve, families often struggle to maintain balance and emotional well-being.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Caroline Danda provides a compassionate roadmap for parents navigating the seasonal chaos. Drawing on her extensive expertise in cognitive behavioral therapy for children and adolescents, she offers practical strategies to help families stay grounded, connected, and emotionally present during the holiday season.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Guardians of Hope
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome to the Guardians of Hope podcast where we bring together parents, nonprofits, legal and medical experts dedicated to positively impacting children's lives. I'm your host, Cynthia Ramserin.
Purpose and Disclaimers
00:00:20
Speaker
The purpose of this podcast is to inform and unite. Please seek advice from your attorney or doctor to address your specific needs.
00:00:29
Speaker
The thoughts and opinions of my guests are not necessarily my own. So thank you all for joining and sharing. All right.
Managing Holiday Stress with Dr. Danda
00:00:38
Speaker
Welcome, everyone. As the year winds down and routines dissolve, many families struggle to maintain balance and joy. Today, I'm joined by da Dr. Caroline Danda, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy for children and adolescents.
00:00:57
Speaker
She's here to unpack how parents can navigate the seasonal chaos, manage children's shifting schedules, and helping us all stay emotionally present during the holidays.
Building Resilience in Families
00:01:10
Speaker
Dr. Danda, welcome back. Thank you. I'm glad to be back. Excellent. Now, before we get started, tell me about your work since we last had you on the podcast.
00:01:21
Speaker
While my private practice is still booming, I still have a pretty full private practice and I love working with kids, teens and their families to just help them get um unstuck and build resilience. That's really what my goal is and um I work pretty collaboratively with parents ah because kids don't live in a bubble. So we're always working together to help them all find resilience together.
00:01:46
Speaker
um And the other thing that I've kind of been doing outside of my private practice is sharing a lot of the insights I've gained over 20 years in practice as well as being a mom of three in workshops and trying to provide support for families who may not be able to make it to therapy. um Want to provide relatable tips and down to earth frameworks for being able to feel confident in how we're raising our kids.
00:02:14
Speaker
All right, thanks. You've got your plate full.
Family-Centric Holiday Preparations
00:02:17
Speaker
So you're a great expert for us to learn a lot about how we can stay grounded and present during the holidays. What are your strategies for parents to manage holiday stress while also also staying emotionally available for our kids? I would say the number one thing is do what's right for your family.
00:02:39
Speaker
I feel like there's a lot of information out there about all the different traditions and all the things you could be doing. And I think it's really important that you think about what do I really want for my family and what are the values and what are the activities that are most meaningful for us. I like to think about presence over presence. So really, memories aren't coming from all the gifts we're giving, and this time of year, they're really coming from the activities that we share together.
Encouraging Child Participation
00:03:11
Speaker
um I would also say breaking down all the different tasks because it's really easy to get overwhelmed and so one of the things I try to do is at night I try to look at my calendar really see like okay well what's on my day what do I have to do and really try to think about how do I prioritize the things that matter the most and what can I say no to and what can I delegate.
00:03:35
Speaker
and then let the rest of it go and try to involve kids as much as you can in some of the things so that they can experience some of the joy. I had a woman who was telling me about her kid was sick and they were like, I want to help. And even though this mom was used to doing everything together, she said, well, you can help wrap presents. It wasn't perfect.
00:03:56
Speaker
But the kids felt really great being able to jump in and help and the child's learning a skill. So I think that's really important that the more that we can involve the kids and sometimes go with the flow. ah This year, instead of of having a really awesome, you know, not perfectly decorated tree, but decorated with ornaments and other things,
00:04:14
Speaker
mine ended up being decorated with Hot Wheels cars. So we have a Hot Wheels tree, but the kids were excited about it and they loved it. And I actually, I kind of just sat back and got to enjoy watching them.
Breathing Techniques for Stress Relief
00:04:26
Speaker
So to some degree, like let those traditions and let those things go with the flow a little bit.
00:04:31
Speaker
um Lastly, I would say I don't think there's any way to escape the stress. So give yourself a little bit of a break. And one of my favorite things to do, whether it's the holidays or not, is breathe between activities. So what that looks like is you literally take a big breath.
00:04:49
Speaker
Let your shoulders drop and feel your mind clear. And when you do that, you're kind of giving a nod to, okay, what I just did is over. Now I'm ready for the next thing. And that helps us stay present in what we're doing instead of always being like, what's next? What's next? What's next? What's next?
00:05:09
Speaker
This is wonderful advice. Thank you. I've been doing the same thing with my son, actually. I've been helping him. like He's been helping me order groceries because we do our grocery orders online. So he's doing all the holiday shopping, like adding it to the cart, not allowed to purchase. But you know he's being a he's a part of the process for planning our holiday meals this year, which is really you know what you mentioned about the Hot Wheel Tree. It's really delightful to see them involved. And it helps take away some of the stress, I think.
00:05:39
Speaker
yeah um One of the things you mentioned in your in in your when you were talking just now, you said letting go and saying no. I find it hard to do that sometimes, and I'm sure a lot of parents listening do.
Saying No to Invitations Gracefully
00:05:53
Speaker
Do you have any advice for not feeling guilty when saying no to certain people, especially family members or friends, you know people you've known for a long time where you just feel like you got to cut back on some of the activities?
00:06:07
Speaker
Right. I think you can graciously say no, but just also not really apologize for saying no at the same time and just say, you know, this is just kind of where we're at right now. And this is what I need to do for my family or, you know, thank you for the invitation. But we, you know, we have so many other things that are happening right now that unfortunately, we're not going to be able to do that this year. I think so. Graciously saying no, but not necessarily apologizing. Just own like this is where we're at.
00:06:37
Speaker
And I think part of it is letting go of the judgment that we all get. And we think everybody's judging us for what we're doing or not doing. And we can't base our parenting on other people's judgment or even our own anxiety about failing our kids. And again, it goes back to you know the fact that you're even wondering or worrying about, you know how is my kids holiday?
00:07:03
Speaker
Like means you're a great parent and you're doing things and your kids will have a great holiday and they'd rather have a less stressed parent who's present than do more things. Exactly, exactly. Fair enough.
Signs of Stress and Self-Care
00:07:19
Speaker
So my next question is about managing our own stress and noticing when it is impacting our kids.
00:07:26
Speaker
How can we recognize that this is happening and um our our stress is actually impacting our interactions with our kids? I would say the number one way to tell that you're overextended is when your patience runs out. When you start having trouble responding to, or you're reacting rather than responding to even normal everyday things like getting the kids out the door,
00:07:54
Speaker
and making dinner and in doing all the things that you normally do throughout the day. And if you've lost your patience and you find yourself you've got a much shorter fuse than you normally do, then that's a sign that obviously you're overwhelmed and that it's time to kind of take a pause for yourself. And it doesn't even have to be a huge pause. It can just be like putting on headphones and listening to one song, or it could be, you know, asking for 10 minutes and just saying, we're having quiet time.
00:08:21
Speaker
And building in quiet time is another way that you can build in time that you have presence to settle, but then also kind of teaches the kids because they're going to need downtime too.
00:08:35
Speaker
I would say the other thing the other thing I find myself doing whenever I get overly stressed, especially if I'm going somewhere, is I end up trying to kind of find more ways to control things. So the more you try to control things, it's probably partially because you might be feeling overwhelmed or that you can't control as many things.
00:08:54
Speaker
And so you're trying to put control in there. And one of the ways I noticed that I do that is I might start paying extra care for my appearance. And I'm spending a lot of time making sure trying to see if my hair right, is my makeup right? Do I look okay? And so that's one of the ways that that I experience stress is I kind of like try to focus it on that because I feel like it's something I might be able to control, but it's really a false illusion of control.
00:09:24
Speaker
That makes a lot of sense, Dr. Danda. I do the same thing. So when it comes to rituals and connections, how can family create meaningful connection rituals that keeps everyone feeling supported during potentially stressful times?
Enhancing Family Connections
00:09:42
Speaker
um Again, I think the important part is really thinking about once you're in these activities, how can you be present? If you end up kind of rushing through it and just getting through things, then then you're missing the connection. And I would also say it's really important, even though these are really fun times, to put the phone down.
00:10:04
Speaker
Not everything has to be photo documented because I feel like every time, you know, your phone is available or you're always photo documenting, I think sometimes you're missing out on the joy of fully being immersed and present in something. um And so I think those are important. It's important to honor some traditions, whatever traditions work for your family. And the more that you can go back to some of those basics, what do they say? What's the reason for the season? um And get out of the commercialization of it.
00:10:33
Speaker
and think about what are we doing to really celebrate what it means to spread holiday cheer and and really be ah helpful and kind people and celebrate each other and Continue to involve the kids in some of that preparation Like what you were saying is, you know preparing the holiday meal lighting the candles adopting a family Thinking about that having kids maybe even you know Older kids might even be able to find out where to go see the great awesome lights have them do some research ah Do things that really kind of help you stay connected and also off-technology
00:11:12
Speaker
Absolutely. Off technology and not taking pictures of everything is so important to stay focused and really present in the moment. So that's really helpful. Now we covered the holidays, Dr. Danda. We have a lot of time that kids are out of school in between ah the holidays. So this equates to unstructured time and that can be stressful alone. So what about
Balancing Routine and Flexibility
00:11:39
Speaker
that time? Do you have any techniques for maintaining consistent boundaries um and expectations even when these routines are disrupted?
00:11:50
Speaker
My favorite phrase to think about is, You want to be structured, yet flexible, right? So even though that sounds like it's an oxymoron, but it's actually not. So I think having a little bit of a way of understanding day to day and letting kids know what's happening day to day so that they're not surprised or they're prepared. A lot of times it's really helpful to have a whiteboard where even you go through the day and they can visualize it is more effective than just telling them what's going to happen. And this includes building in
00:12:20
Speaker
you know break time, right? Or especially if you are working from home and your kids are home, that can be really stressful because then there are a lot of times needing your attention or they're needing extra support and you have to be on a call or you have to get work done. I think it's important that you can put that structure in there of knowing like, okay, this is work time, and this is your time to be on your own. um You might also kind of create, um if you're really into creative things, you can create a theme for the day. Like, here's what we're working on today.
00:12:58
Speaker
or you can always have like I know like a lot of times like we would have like one outing of the day just to kind of get the kids going and get them active and get them moving but then they would also be able to come back home and maybe settle in for a while um particularly for some of the younger kids. So I think keeping regular routines is really helpful as much as you can so keeping meal times and things and bed times more consistent but also again you know Life is not really that rigid, and it's often very changeable. And so you want to remember to be adaptable and flexible with that structure, though, too. So one word that I hear all the time in my household is bored. I'm bored. Yes. I've had my share of that as well. Yes, I'm sure. How can we healthily respond to this?
Boredom Busters for Children
00:13:52
Speaker
um Well, A, it's normal that they're bored and they do have a lot more free time on their hands. So I think actually having a little bit of that structure is also one of the ways that can help with the boredom. So they know like the time periods where they're where they need to entertain themselves.
00:14:10
Speaker
um And the other thing to think about is boredom is a feeling. And so sometimes when kids are actually really bored, I don't know if it happens to you, but whenever they're bored, they like refuse every single suggestion that they might possibly throw out.
00:14:26
Speaker
ah So one of the things I like to think about is boredom is a feeling. And just like if you're hungry, have you ever gone to the refrigerator and you're so hungry, but like nothing sounds good. And I think that's what happens to kids is they're bored, but nothing sounds good. So one of the things I like to do is maybe sometimes come up with a list of things that they can kind of refer back to like boredom busters. And that could be things like Legos or building or crafts or anything that could even be chores.
00:14:56
Speaker
anything that they can have a go to. And you might even set a time limit. Hey, I need you to kind of do this for about 30 minutes, find something to do off the list, and then I'm going to check back in. And that's the other thing parents can do is almost have like,
00:15:12
Speaker
ah regularly scheduled check ins or attention because I think one of the reasons kids might be bored is not just because they can't find anything to do, but they're also wanting your attention. So I think if we work with that and build those specific times in where you get some of, give them some of that attention, then they might come to you less often with being bored.
00:15:34
Speaker
These are great tips. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me and other parents out when we're managing so much during the holidays. Dr. Danda, thank you. You're welcome. It's my pleasure. And really the goal is to to really have a full plate, but still be able to enjoy everything on it.
00:15:54
Speaker
yeah That's such a good analogy.
Resources and Holiday Wishes
00:15:57
Speaker
Tell us where we can find out more about you and your services um online so we can learn more about you. So my website is carolinedanda.com. So you can find out all about my practice and also workshops and speaking that I have available. My book From Surviving to Vibing is on Amazon and you can pretty much reach out to my website. That's pretty much got all the things on there. I'm also on social. So I'm at Dr. Caroline Danda on Instagram and Facebook and on LinkedIn. So if you want to reach out to me, I do try to post some helpful tips and interesting information through there.
00:16:38
Speaker
yep I follow you and I read a lot of your tips, so thank you. And I will be sure to post on all of that info um in the description of the podcast. All right, thank you so much. Dr. Danda, thank you. Happy holidays to you and your family. Yes, you too. Enjoy.