Transcript
Jo: Hey everyone, Joe and Amelie here for another exciting adventure, extreme and demons. Today, today, today, it is March 7th. You won't see this until a couple weeks from now, but we're doing Bone Keeper.
Jo: Bone Keeper by Howard J. Ford, written and directed by Howard J. Ford. We just watched this about an hour and a half-ish, I'm looking for the official time, and IMDB's like, nope.
Jo: I'm going it off to you. read it off to you. Six young friends investigate... they were friends. We wondered about that.
AMELIE: Ah.
Jo: Who knew? Just got to read the long line.
AMELIE: Mm-hmm.
Jo: Six young friends investigate missing persons cases. Okay, i I'll read it, but I'm going disagree with IMDb. Six young friends investigate missing persons cases in a remote cave system, unaware they're being stalked by an ancient creature lurking in the depths.
Jo: ah but Have you seen this movie before? as Joe Bobbitt said, like, sure we have. Tons of fucking times. But have we seen this movie with John Rhys Davies? No. No, motherfucker, until today.
Jo: So we just finished watching. I have issues with the IMDB because i I watched the movie and I don't understand how they were friends. I guess I can understand how the friends, but I don't understand like how they're doing missing persons cases. It was like, well, one person's mom, right? It wasn't like 12,000 fucking people. It's just, guy you know, looking for my mom.
AMELIE: Yeah, it's really strange because we were watching the movie, we on understood it straight away, her mother was missing and she wanted to go to the cave.
Jo: Yeah.
AMELIE: So we meet the group in a car and we're like, okay, so there's two people who are scientists, there's two guys who may be the white or something like that, but they're like very friendly and not very professional.
Jo: Yeah.
AMELIE: And you see the two sisters, the two best friend sisters, I don't know, And we have no idea how they met, what's the connection.
AMELIE: Are university students? Are they old friends? Are they people they actually requested to work for them? We don't know.
Jo: Yeah, just like random. Like, if you've ever seen Cabin in the Woods, you get introduced to them as friends, and you can get introduced to each character first, and how they interact with each other.
Jo: And then we know like, oh, this is a mixed group of old friends and new friends going on a Cabin in the Woods trip, I guess.
AMELIE: you
Jo: This is kind of like, oh, there's just a bunch of people in the car who stopped for a hitchhiker. Because of course you do.
AMELIE: Yeah, like for example the hitchhiker, we know who she is. She's famous, she's a hitchhiker, she's young, yada yada yada.
Jo: Right. Yeah.
AMELIE: voa We know, we understand, but the group of people were like, wait, they're scientists, are they professional? There in a moment, I thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend.
AMELIE: Okay, so it's two scientists plus the girl who is looking for her mother, the best friend, and the boyfriend and the boyfriend.
Jo: right
AMELIE: And no, we realized they're two douchebags who really want to eat, of course. but i'm like has a professional has a what's the deal yeah uh-huh
Jo: No, it's kind of random for a long last time. And that was one of the things I had the the most reaction to at the beginning. I just want everyone there to die.
Jo: Except for no I want everyone except for the brunette scientist woman.
AMELIE: yes correct yes
Jo: Like, okay, she doesn't annoy me. Everyone else is kind of like, what the fuck are for? I wanted the the Instagram person to die automatically just because.
AMELIE: do
Jo: like No, I like this person and this person and this person. they like the mood duke And you started saying kumbaya. It was weird.
AMELIE: is I didn't say I like them all.
Jo: I like this person. I like this person.
AMELIE: i said i like the scientists, both of them.
Jo: I love this person.
Jo: Uh-huh.
AMELIE: And I liked the energy of the young girl.
Jo: Hitchhiker or the, yeah.
AMELIE: Yes, the hitchhiker. Because she she her name is Beach Hiker.
Jo: bitch Or the bitch hacker, as she says.
AMELIE: So she is very young and she's very different from the group. So we... are introduced to the group she's looking for her mom and everything they're going to scotland in a cave they're probably people who are not from scotland they drive and the guys decide to pick up the girl that's why thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend because the two guys who are in the front they're like oh it's beach hiker you don't know beachch i care oh she's cool she's this she's that yeah ah and i'm like if they were professional i would say
Jo: Right.
Jo: Oh, we hit it on her. Blah, blah, blah.
AMELIE: continue on your fire you know what i mean but i was like oh maybe it's a brother maybe it's a boyfriend girlfriend and when they she enters she has this personal hi cool thank you so i'm already recording lana hey it's bitch like her how are you guys la and la la and when she starts to talk about the the monster Because the girl is like, yeah, we're going to a cave because there is a monster and stuff. She's like playing, playing, playing. Till one of the main characters say, well, I'm looking for my mom. She's missing. She went to the cave and I have no news.
AMELIE: And her whole demeanor changed. And I'm like, oh, she's not a bitch. Like she's she stopped and she's like, would you like me to erase the video?
Jo: Yeah.
AMELIE: Would you like me to back off? Like, a I'm sorry, I didn't know. Like for her, she's a group of young people who are early 30s, go to a cave to see a folklore monster. You know what I mean? Not a missing person. Like she's not an idiot. And she's really cool because she proposed to the other character, would you like some help?
AMELIE: Like I can give you money. I can get people to help, to give food, etc. Because she's got content and she's got people who can help on the internet.
Jo: Yeah, at the same time, I just wanted her to die.
AMELIE: Yes, I know.
Jo: like Whatever. you know, the whole thing was whatever for me. Until, until we see the meet the old Professor Harrison. and I'm like, holy fucking shit, that looks like John Rhys-Davies.
Jo: And I looked into it, i'm like, holy fucking shit, that is John Rhys-Davies.
AMELIE: That's easy, yeah.
Jo: I'm like, holy fucking shit, how did this movie it get John Rhys-Davies?
AMELIE: Yeah.
Jo: and that was then That became my assumption for that was my obsession for most of the fucking movie. He's not in the entire movie.
AMELIE: Yeah.
Jo: he He does better than Donald or yeah donald Glover.
AMELIE: easy
Jo: He does better than just like the setup and then like a cameo. He's more than a cameo, but he's not but he's not like in the caves with them exploring indie in fact like Indiana Jones.
AMELIE: Yeah. yeah
AMELIE: No, and and that kind of vector, let's be honest honest, because we watch so many movies, you and I, that kind of vector, you're like, okay, it's going to be there for five minutes top, you know?
AMELIE: Like, I was imagining having a scene with the main character saying, are you your father? He was my best friend and I give him the map and da da da da.
AMELIE: And yes, I told your mother to not go and up and of the story and you don't see the guy anymore. no no No, no, no, no, no. He is in the movie. He's got many lines, very interesting ah um scenes and stuff.
Jo: Yeah. Me too. Yeah.
AMELIE: And it's really strange because, okay They're doing an amazing job. It's a lovely movie. I was entertained. I really like it. That's the kind of movie I would watch on the cinema and the landscape is great.
AMELIE: However, the two blonde girls, the two actresses, they were not that top. Like the acting is... is I would say five out of ten.
AMELIE: So it's really strange to see that big actor, you know, who act, who is like full of feelings, emotion, he's really charismatic, you know, like the way he grabs the phone, the way he talks, etc., the way he moves in the scene, right?
Jo: Really?
AMELIE: And sees the two blonde actors.
Jo: moves like Draeger.
AMELIE: yeah You see what I mean? that That's really weird to see the contrast.
Jo: Yeah. Well, it's' it's ah for me, it's a bit unfair to... to compare the two you have the the master craftsman of John Rhys Davies I mean you know versus people who are either just starting out or they did some voice acting or they're doing smaller indie indie films not no pun Indiana Jones I found everyone's acting acceptable I found un acceptable if you can compare yeah obviously John Rhys Davies was the best one that's just no shit
AMELIE: Okay.
Jo: but But I didn't think the other ones distracted. I think they played their characters well. And I think their characters were just that.
AMELIE: is he
Jo: I think they're just that character.
AMELIE: Okay.
Jo: And I think they did relatively well playing that off.
AMELIE: isn
Jo: I will say the same thing. We kind of ended with this, but you skipped you skipped over a couple of minutes. Yes, I would watch this in the theater as well. This is a decent theater movie. It has...
Jo: great use of space, great use of claustrophobia, a bit certain in fucking tunnel system.
AMELIE: present
Jo: There are things that you have to suspend your disbelief. Like you were picking apart. They don't have walkie talkies. was picking apart or, were or rope, you know, really, I was going through a cave and they're doing the dumbest fucking thing.
Jo: Like leaving one person behind, like really, really person behind.
AMELIE: Yeah!
Jo: What the fuck?
AMELIE: la la la la.
Jo: Monster or no monster. It's just fucking bad move.
AMELIE: Like, for example...
Jo: Let's split up. What the fuck?
AMELIE: yeah like before they go to the cave the guy check if they've got lamp tent everything which is good and they look at the girl and it's like a ah ha-ha joke they're like oh here a blanket a safety bucket just in case wink wink and i'm like yeah you need a safety blanket you need ah safety the kit if somebody fell into the cave break a bone or whatsoever there to help them you need that and once in the cave yeah you're right
Jo: Let's go on twos.
Jo: Yeah.
Jo: You need to wrap him up.
AMELIE: walkie-talkie and everything rope etc but the stupid decision of hey you're staying there you're not coming it's super dark like you need to have a group you always need guard in the front and a person from the group who close everything because people can be ah taking their time or reported shoes etc etc like no no
Jo: Yeah
AMELIE: like no no
Jo: Yeah, and they relied on the cell phone. I'm like, I don't have cell phone servers going 12 miles from my house. How the fuck did you guys happen in a cave? Like, what the fuck was that about? Or they're talking, or like they they do the alien bullshit thing.
AMELIE: Yeah.
Jo: Like, oh, something horrifically alien to this planet, slimy and dripping. Let's see if it happens when I touch it with my hands.
AMELIE: Yeah, we've all gloves. i'm not.
Jo: but i've got i have a microphone microphone I have a microscope right here.
AMELIE: Come on. Uh-huh.
Jo: Apparently works without fucking light. but um Sorry, like this technicality. of like How does your microscope work without light more?
AMELIE: Ah la la la la. And there is something who really bothered me in the plot.
Jo: I'm going to do it screws up.
AMELIE: So they talked to this old man who's like, yeah, everyone who went into the cave died. And the first thing I thought was like, if it was in real life, I would say gas.
AMELIE: Gas.
Jo: Oh, gas. I was just a guys.
AMELIE: hammet
Jo: I was like waiting for gas.
AMELIE: Gas, gas. So there is so many times in North of France when people were into all and everything and they got asphyxated because of the gas in the ground.
Jo: Gas, gas, yes, yes.
Jo: Yeah.
AMELIE: And i'm like, yeah, if I go to a cave and it's not like people go and never come back. Gas, like the silent thing.
Jo: Yeah. and they
AMELIE: And they were silent, so they're like, oh, no, we're going without masks, without everything.
Jo: Yeah. Without even instruments.
AMELIE: La, la, la, la, la.
Jo: Yeah, without really instruments at all and stuff like that. So, and this is going to be without spoiling, etc, etc. I would say the creature work looked CG as fuck.
Jo: Yeah.
AMELIE: Yep. Yep.
Jo: Yeah, I didn't... They could have done practical on this one. and when Much stronger movie, they did practical. But as a CG... It's slightly above Sharknado, but Sharknado also came out like 30 fucking years ago, so it should not be slightly above Sharknado.
Jo: You know, just saying. Like, do some fucking practicals and shit, man. Have some balls. There are some things, like, I um i was was making fun of some of their injuries because I'm like, oh, well, six months, huh? ah that that That's that still got a butterfly in it? Who's your doctor?
Jo: Like, what the fuck are you doing here? Overall, Plot kind of works. The action... I mean, I was into it. I wasn't bored.
AMELIE: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Jo: i And I do... I did not know that John Rhys-Davies was in this. And I'll say he is one of my fonder memories in Canada.
Jo: I won't say what it was, but just the nicest fucking guy with a lot of...
Jo: He balances kindness with tenderness, with with comedy. It was just real nice, though. So to see him do this was kind of a special treat for me. And the rest of the movie, you just kind of like hope the movie doesn't suck because you don't want him to be in a sucky movie.
Jo: And the good news is it doesn't suck, so it's just nice. The bad news is the movie is... It's a bit flawed. It is a bit flawed. And I'm not sure if it's flawed under the character development because, you know...
Jo: I want everyone to die, like besides him and besides the brunette scientist, whom I think, and this is going to be just saying, think is this one. Is it Sophie? Is it Nadia? Was it was Nadia the the brunette scientist? Was that her name?
Jo: Or is Ashley the fucking, the hitchhiker bitch?
AMELIE: I don't know, don't know, I don't know.
Jo: And that's my point. There are so many characters that were like, i don't know. Sure. or you if they die who fucking cares like there's extras at this point they're they're red shirts they might as have two people and the rest of them fucking red shirts and just walking around like Star Trek and like bumping off one by one
AMELIE: Like, I really like the scene in the pub. I remember Linda, the owner of the pub. Why?
Jo: yeah no you're like I grew up Pat Garrett yeah
AMELIE: Because the way they introduce Linda, the way Linda speak, the way everybody looked at them, etc. You remember Linda. You remember Linda is from the pub, blah, blah, blah, right?
AMELIE: And it's really funny because it's a really good film. Like, I really like it. It's well written and it's entertaining, etc. But it's just like it's a little bit messy. that Something is missing.
AMELIE: we We should have had an additional scene, very short, to introduce the character.
Jo: The shit given. Yeah, the shit given.
AMELIE: Simple as that.
Jo: Yeah. Here's the thing. and And Linda, played by Pat Garrett, not that one. She starts off, according to IMDb, starts off as a puppeteer for Jim Henson. And she wins Best Actress for Beth in the horror of Wyvern Hill and stuff like that. So, no, she's fantastic. She's absolutely fantastic. ah You know, I agree. She has this this state.
Jo: And that's another thing. It's not that the other actresses and actors were poor. It's just when you have people like Pat Garrett, again, not that one, and John Ray's diabetes, it's like their level is so much higher It doesn't mean the other ones are poor. It just like it just becomes obvious if you have other actors. like You could have had, like oh when and we also have like Brando in this movie. like Well, fuck, of course everyone looks like shit next to Brando.
Jo: like What the fuck do you want? Damn, man. So I agree. one of the things kind of missing, and I think they... They try to hook it as everyone's going to care about her mom. No.
Jo: I was making fun of the mom. I actually made fun of the mom when he was talking about the mom was there. does she come like I made sex jokes for like five minutes straight about this poor woman woman's dead mother.
AMELIE: trip.
Jo: Yeah. I was like, and then the whole thing, i like and they showed the film. I'm like, oh my God, it really is a mom. Whatever it is. Because I didn't care about the mom. It's kind of like Superman and Superman versus Batman.
Jo: Oh, but my mom's name was like Ruth or Martha or whatever fuck it was. I don't even care. I don't fucking care. Because no one cared about Superman's mom or fucking Batman's mom. We didn't give a shit.
Jo: We don't get to see him. Who cares? We care about Superman's human mom. Let's see. You see that one. It's as the human mom. I don't know. Who cares? But here it's like, there's no, there's nothing at stake because it's just like so here six assholes investigate a missing person's case in a remote, uh, remote cave system.
Jo: Real. I just summed it up for you. Not six young friends. Didn't have, didn't feel that. Just six assholes.
Jo: Yeah.
AMELIE: Sounds way better.
Jo: so yeah am i Am I being too persnickety? Am I just being too grumpy? Because I've been up since like you know fucking forever in the last...
AMELIE: no No, no, no, no. See, that's one of the plot holes.
Jo: Yeah.
AMELIE: It's just like, it's little bit messy for the group. We guess they're scientists. We guess they're not from UK or they're all international and stuff.
Jo: Yeah.
AMELIE: I thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend and they're not. They're professional of some kind, you know, and they want to impress the girl and voila. Because they don't take it seriously.
AMELIE: And we're talking about somebody who's missing in a cave. Why the police police didn't go, you know what I mean? Like, it's plot hole, you know.
Jo: ah it gets patchy it gets kind of patchy after a while and uh this does remind me where was i i was out by pompeii and there's some cave systems or some shit and someone did go missing someone really did go missing sincerely sincerely someone went missing and it was like huh that's interesting
AMELIE: Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.
AMELIE: Mm-hmm.
AMELIE: no
Jo: How about what? And like okay and we had to make we had to make written statements.
AMELIE: yeah isn yeah uh-huh and
Jo: We did everything we could. The motherfucker did not listen. They went on their own. like um They're not going to tackle on some motherfucker in a cave. And we're missing.
Jo: I actually started to write a short story about it. like you I kind of ditched it years ago. How the
AMELIE: Ah, c'est génial, c'est great. indeed And did they find the dude?
Jo: fuck do I know?
AMELIE: i You don't know?
Jo: put it this way.
AMELIE: c'est génial.
Jo: My knowledge extends up to the point of everyone just leaving. Except for the fucking person. It was an... It's okay. It was an older woman.
Jo: She'll be fine. Or dead. She'll be fine.
AMELIE: We were talking about it you and I, during the movie. The influencer is talking to two people because she has a very good internet with her telephone, a magical telephone in a cave in the darkest really deep in Scotland, mind you.
Jo: Yes.
Jo: Yes. Yes.
AMELIE: And the scientist guy turned to her and is like, hey, you're coming? Yeah, yeah, I'm coming i'm um' in five minutes. No, girl. Either the dude in blue stay with you the time you finish your feed, you pack up your bag and you go to close the walk or you die alone like an idiot. And there's a a few seconds when everything is dark and she hears some noise and everything and she panicked a bit and I panicked for her. and like, no, no, no, you don't say stay alone in a pitch black
AMELIE: uh cave it's impossible but we were talking about that dude i went to malaysia i went to cave and jungles and stuff the number of people who get lost the number of people who get hurt stupidly
Jo: Yeah.
AMELIE: like you repeat to them be careful there is leash in the river be careful do not touch the trees because there is venomous spider be careful on this and that stay with the group if you need to wait five minutes you're going to stay with stephen stephen is going to be the end of the march okay we can stay five minutes drink etc etc How many people go in the front and they walk, walk, walk, walk like that?
Jo: Like, who the fuck's behind us?
AMELIE: They don't wait for the group because they're like, no, but I'm very quick, etc.
Jo: Yeah.
AMELIE: And I don't wait for the group. I'm going to tell you a story. I went to Malaysia to see a very rare flower who opened just once a year.
AMELIE: and it's a stinky flower that's a man magnificent flower and i explained to the receptionist at the hotel where i went i'm like i want to go but i want no one to be with me i want to go with a group a group of people who know how to walk because i want to find the flower because i want to take pictures and i don't want to have uh yoga pants with me because there's a lot of people who are vegetarian who do yoga and stuff like that i want people who walk okay great
Jo: What's wrong with being a vegetarian doing yoga? the fuck was that about?
AMELIE: Oh no, no, no, no oh la la la la la la la la la la la no and dude dude dude i'm talking about people who fold themselves you can see their balls and say ask and you go to the
Jo: Hello! Talking to one of them. Jesus Christ.
AMELIE: main room of zi hotel and they have their feet beyonce head and say they two hand like this you know and say vegetarian and a capunka and i'm like nomit
Jo: Sure.
AMELIE: and say ma you know what they do say it meets for like no
Jo: okay so you're going to see the flower.
AMELIE: But it's... Anyway, so I book a guide certified with Jeep and I write my name, wake up 5 a.m. in the morning and everything.
Jo: OK, right, right, right, right. So you were going out to the flower.
AMELIE: There is just a few people who goes. I know there is five people who goes, all English native speaker, really well trained, you know, people with good shoes, etc. who do sport like athletic.
AMELIE: No people with asthma problem or fat or whatsoever, like.
Jo: Again? Dude, what the fuck? Like, no people with asthma. Like, he keeps slamming me, man. Shit. Welcome to today's Streaming Demons, where Omelie tells a story about slamming Joe for next five fucking minutes.
AMELIE: I'm sorry.
Jo: Go on.
AMELIE: and ladies and learn I'm going to say your word about people who have asthma or heart issue, etc etc. when you visit friends or when you visit in the foreign country a tour guide no no no it's important me and it's na na no no but your artie shoes joseph me no no no i'm not talking about the art issue i'm talking about a law in france who said when you have heart issue
Jo: Oh, thanks for my heart issue. No, no, no, no. Skip. ski e Skip. Skip. No, no, no, no, no. Hold hold on. Kid, kid, kid, you don't get to talk about my heart issue on this fucking show.
Jo: No, no, no, you don't get to talk about my heart issue on this show. You understand that?
Jo: I fucking brought it up.
Jo: Sure.
AMELIE: problem cardiac, asthma, or you are overweight, right?
Jo: Sure. Sure.
AMELIE: Some guide can refuse to do a visit, especially when you go to castle or very, very old monument, like for example, Belfry. Belfry, it's a big tower in France. We have a lot in North of France.
AMELIE: And I used to be a guide and we reserve the right to say, I'm sorry, I'm not going to... and who i would advise you to not go because you can have voila
Jo: Absolutely. Now, how the bonekeeper fits in though.
AMELIE: so yeah for the visit of that flowers five pieces maximum all athletic really good rikers yeah that get it up i'm super happy and everything i say to my partner i'm very happy i book this etc etc
Jo: Right. For sure.
AMELIE: He goes out, he met a fellow Australians, they talk and the guy is a photographer and he's like, oh, my partner is going tomorrow for a visit of a flower and stuff. If you want to take picture, go and sign.
AMELIE: He bring 20 people with him.
Jo: Okay.
AMELIE: Ah, dude.
AMELIE: I wanted to murder and like, I'm like, no fucking way. So we just, I wear more cheap and there is somebody was sick and there is somebody who was too slow. And there's somebody who was not happy because there were a dish everywhere. And then, and then, and then, and now and I'm like, come on. Then i flow I found my flower. I'm very happy.
Jo: Oh, good. So you found a flower. And then just like the bonekeeper, they found their flower, but their flower eats everyone. So either way, flowers were found. Now, we both would see this in the theater.
Jo: I believe i like the acting. And I think you were comparing John Rhys-Davis' performance to everyone else. Of course, it's going to be kind of lopsided and Pat Curran. Not that one.
Jo: But overall, yeah, this is a good movie. It goes by quickly. There's... ah Good old fashioned horror. It's like you're trapped in a house, but the house happens to be a cave system.
Jo: And I really liked the pacing. I think the, except for the setup of the, they're they're supposed to be friends. I needed to see that a little bit more. So I didn't really care that all much when people were starting dying or not.
Jo: But other than that, it was decent, man. i' would say, check it out. Bonekeeper, bonekeeper coming to wherever you stream near you or in a theater. Who the fuck knows at this point? all alright So that's almost it for us. There's two things that we'll talk about right now.
Jo: One, the last drive-in is now no more on Shudder. They're going to have four specials this year or something like that. But the series is officially done if we did our last bit of PR yesterday night or this morning, I should say.
Jo: And I like to just just adjust this in saying, think it's a bad move. I think Shudder fucked up. I do. And I think they'll pay for it financially.
Jo: think they will. I think they've been kind of doing it for a while. But the other thing I want announce is you can always find the Lost Drive-In on Patreon and, you know, check out what Darcy the Mail Girl is doing there along with Joe Bob Riggs.
Jo: I think that's a much, much better use of your money than paying Shudder for a subscription. Plus, it goes directly to them. know Now, one last announcement for Realty's. I will be at Bazalicon March 27th, 29th in Las Vegas. Fabulous Las Vegas. Check it out.
Jo: Also, I do believe the Bazalicon Awards. I can announce this, officially announce this. I will be the co-host for the Bazalicon Awards along with my other co-host. That's a co-host, go plus one plus one.
Jo: It's going to be Christy Bish. I'm trying to say the name correctly as the scroller goes on by. So if you are in Vegas, 27th, 29th of March, check us out. Amelia G. and Forrest Black from Blue Bloods are going to be there. and It's going be amazing. Myself, yours truly. Ooh, look, I even have a little, wow, I have a bio that kicks some ass.
Jo: That bio kicks some ass up here, up here, up here. And my co-host, Christy Bish is going to be there. Check us all out.
Jo: Have some fun. Hit us up in the green room. Not the green room. Hit us up in a red red carpet. Fuck off in the green room. And have fun. See you guys soon.
Jo: Bye, everyone.
