Transcript
Speaker: So he still doesn't know fully what he had been through, like the details. Details, no. He knew that it was, you know, abuse for sure, but he didn't know the details.
Speaker: And it was one of those things where it's like this happened to you and it's been suppressed for so long that you just don't bring it up.
Speaker: Hey everyone, welcome to the Trafficking Free America podcast where I'm your host, Ori Freeman. And today's special guest is Sabrina Lopez. And I am so excited you are here, girl, because i know the audience is definitely going to learn a lot. um I want to tell everyone that when I met Sabrina, we were we ended up doing work together. And we're still currently actually doing work together, mentoring girls. But this girl, this woman um does it all. She does it all.
Speaker: I'm inspired by her discipline, which was a really great word, because she's doing it all um in her consistency and all that she has going on. So I wanted you all to meet her. and just learn from her. um Because I know that we might have audiences that audience members that might not just be, you know, that have lived through um some traumatic things, but are mommies, you know, and wives. And so Sabrina, what you want to share with, with the people today about you, girl, who are you? Yeah. Well, thank you Ori for inviting me on. This is always exciting just so that um as Survivor Sisters, we come together to, to, make sure that our voices are heard. So I appreciate this so, so much.
Speaker: um So a little bit about me, where do I start? So let's see, I was so I was born and raised in Massachusetts. um In Massachusetts, I ended up um being exploited when I was 13.
Speaker: And at the age of 15, I found myself pregnant, confused, lost, um had so many questions, um just trying to navigate you know what happened to me, trying to make sense of it. But then also putting all of that trauma, everything that I went through in the back burner, because now my new focus was I'm now a teen mom. right i gave birth to my daughter at 15 um and in that stage in that in that season right where i found you know where i found out i was pregnant i remember my family trying also trying to make sense of it and if the only thing i can tell them was i knew that i was in a bad situation i couldn't really explain what happened to me right i knew i was being abused um
Speaker: And then they also, I found them like trying to judge me for it. You're never going to be, you're never going graduate high school. You're only going to be, you know, Hispanic teen on welfare. You're to be living off of welfare for the rest of your life. um And then it was just like the, how are you going to do this? How are you going to do that? So it was more shame on top of whatever else I was dealing with.
Speaker: And I remember in that, that stage of my life, like my mom and I were fighting all the time. We went periods without talking. um My mom literally had to go on a vacation that was only supposed to be three days and ended up leaving for two weeks without letting anybody know because she was so upset. So then that added on to the shame, like, wow, my mom can't even look at me um because, you know, I'm pregnant.
Speaker: And I remember all of that. Like I just used all of that as my motivation to make sure that I was going to be the last person that said, I told you so not them telling me what I was going to be right from my trafficker. Now that I know um I was in a trafficking situation, I was given all of the titles. You're, you know, you're a hoe, you're slut, you're this, and then the third.
Speaker: um And then now getting it from my family that I'm just going to be your typical welfare recipient that I wasnna wasn't going to graduate all of that. I use all that to fuel me. And I worked, but when I tell you I worked my butt off, I graduated early. So I graduated a year early.
Speaker: um My mom, after my daughter was born, she was still very supportive. Like she was supportive, but it was to an extent where I'm still disappointed, right? So when my daughter you know was born, I felt like my mom was trying to play that role. Like you're 15, that I'm the mom. So my mom was trying to play the mom for my daughter.
Speaker: And I was like, uh-uh, it's not happening. So then more issues develop, right? Now me and my mom are arguing about who's the mom as i'm trying right as I'm trying to navigate high school and all that. But Needless to say, um for the majority of the of you know that situation, my family was very supportive. So i was very grateful about that because they although they were disappointed, upset, and confused, um they never turned their back. And I think that was a huge part of where I'm at now.
Speaker: um But yes, I graduated early. um From there, I just started working. Like I just, it was like grind time for me. There was no time to sit and and think about the past. It was like me and my kid, me and my kid. And that was what I just focused on.
Speaker: And it was hard. Like it was very, very hard to avoid like to suppress all of that trauma because then now, you know, fast forward, I meet my husband, my husband and I start dating, you know, I think my daughter was about like one or two at the time where we started dating.
Speaker: And now my trauma is starting to, you know, surface and it's, it's messing in my relationships. So we're navigating. now how old are you at this point when you meet your husband?
Speaker: So my husband and i we go way back. So I've known my husband, um From so, oh my gosh. So his cousin is my cousin, you know, they're, they have ah a child together. So I've known him for such a long time, but we started like, we reconnected and we started dating, um, right when I was about 16 and a half.
Speaker: Um, okay. And since then, like, we've just been strong. It's been, my husband has known me longer than literally half my life, honestly, because we've been together since then.
Speaker: um But yes, my trauma and everything else, like, just just navigating, like, his past and what he's been through. And then we're a blended family, so he also came in with two other children.
Speaker: um it was it was tough um to the point that... there was times where was like, yo, we, we are not going to make it. Like, there's no way that we're going to make it. I can't deal with your baby mama.
Speaker: I don't know how to communicate like what I'm feeling. One, I didn't know if I should even share what happened because I was scared of him judging me. Are you going to leave me because of what happened or what I've been through?
Speaker: So I think it was around the time we got married. So we got married when I was 21. Um, um And at that point we already had like two other kids. So now I have two stepdaughters and I have two kids of my own.
Speaker: um Or no, two stepdaughters and I have three kids of my my own. Yeah, you five. Yeah, five kids. Yeah, so we had five kids at that time. And they're all girls, okay?
Speaker: So... At 21. At 21, yes. At 21. And it was hard because we're dealing... Again, we're blended families, so we're dealing with pickups and drop-offs and just trying to figure all that out.
Speaker: um I remember that time we were also planning on moving down to Florida because... We're both living in Massachusetts, Massachusetts, which is so triggering for me, like I couldn't move in my healing or just make sense of anything because i would always pass by the places that where I was trafficked out of, which was, you know, one of the trap houses that was honestly like two streets over from his parents' house.
Speaker: um so it was hard anytime i we went up to visit his his parents i'm literally driving by the house so i was always on survival like in survival mode i was always had this like face on because i just couldn't i couldn't breathe like it was like it's too much it started to confide me so um fast forward now we are you know my husband is starting to go to church and he We're in the middle of planning, Ori, to move down to Florida, okay?
Speaker: I'm telling you, i'm um'm probably I'm pregnant at this time, again, and we have everything packed. We're probably leaving in a month. Plane tickets are packed. Our apartment is set down here. Deposits are paid. Like, everything, okay? Movers, everything.
Speaker: And he decides to come home one day from church. I wasn't going to church with him at the time because he was going to a Spanish speaking church. And yes, I'm Hispanic, but I'm probably, um i can't even count myself as Hispanic because they just talk so fast. so I couldn't really understand everything they were saying.
Speaker: So he went to church, he came back and he said that he received a message from the Lord, basically telling him that he can't go to Florida. So I was like, what you mean you can't come to Florida?
Speaker: Um, we're about to be due in a month. Okay. We are leaving to Florida in two. And like, like we, I think at that time we were, um, we were going to get married first, then go move, then have the baby, then move to Florida.
Speaker: So it was like, all of these things were, you know, happening. And he was like, no, I can't go or said, no, I can't go. I said, well, when are we like, when are you finding letter? Like, is he going to send you a letter? Like, is he going to let you know? Like, is Jesus Christ going to come down himself to let you know when we're ready? He said, all I know is that I can't do it right now.
Speaker: So now we're arguing, fighting, and, um, I decided one day I decided to go to church with him and I received a message from one of the missionaries. So this missionary was coming from like, I think it was either Puerto Rico or Cuba or some other place.
Speaker: So I knew that this wasn't like a setup. I knew that what was about to happen couldn't have been pre-planned, right? Because this person did not know any of us. didn't know my story, didn't know anything. And remember my whole point was,
Speaker: I didn't want to go to this church because I didn't understand Spanish. So I'm there pregnant and I'm just like, you know, in my own zone, like they're, they're preaching in Spanish and I had no idea what they were saying.
Speaker: And I remember the, the pastor or the missionary pointing directly at me, basically telling me, you know, he s started off speaking in Spanish and then he points at me. He says, God speaks English too. And when I tell you that I just like fell to my knees, cause I'm just like, what?
Speaker: in the world, like, where is this coming from? he's like, God speaks English too, and he's telling you to to walk, not run. Because this whole time, I'm like rushing Jose, my husband, to like, hurry up, we need to go, right?
Speaker: And that was it. That was the day that I literally, I gave my life to Christ. And that was the day that I actually realized that we couldn't have moved to Florida unless we were equally yoked.
Speaker: So... That was like super important. And that was the beginning of like everything that we were, you know, we're starting to build because as soon as that happened, Aria, I want to say a week later, not even, I want to say a couple of days, we get a call from the apartments down in Florida where we were supposed to move, telling us that the apartment that we were supposed to move in, they can't,
Speaker: give it to us because it was infested with roaches, but there's going to be a brand new model like across the street that would be ready in like two weeks.
Speaker: So I'm like, okay, so we have a new apartment. never seen it. It's just brand new. They just built it. um So we're trusting that that's the case. are We didn't have to play pay for our flights, like no extra out of pocket because everything got postponed now.
Speaker: Um, so our, our flights, didn't have to pay anything additional, everything that we had planned. It was just as simple as a phone call and changing a date. And I was worried that it was going to cost X amount of money that, you know, we were going to out on the deposits and our house.
Speaker: And none of that was affected. If anything, it was better, bigger and better. Right. So we moved down to Florida and everything is, is,
Speaker: ah Great, right? Like we had no issues, but I felt like that was the, that was the biggest thing that we needed to do was we need to be equally yoked and married before coming down instead of just doing things, doing things our own way.
Speaker: Um, So we're in Florida and now again, you know, it's your typical stuff, you you typical issues within a marriage, trying to figure things out. And now I'm feeling a little bit more comfortable. And that's sad because we've been together for six years at that point, six, seven years. um Comfortable in enough. It takes time. It does. It does. Comfortable enough telling him,
Speaker: about like more in-depth and details about what happened to me. um So he still doesn't know fully what he knew been through, like the details.
Speaker: Details. No, he knew that it was, you know, abuse for sure, but he didn't know the details. And it was one of those things where it's like, this happened to you and it's been suppressed for so long that,
Speaker: you just don't bring it up, right? It's like, okay, if it's it's out of sight, out of mind, like why am i so why am I talking about it? But there were things in our relationship that started to come up that were triggering for me, especially like intimacy-wise, very, very triggering for me. And he couldn't understand.
Speaker: He kept bringing it back to, well, you used to be this girl. Like this girl used to do X, Y, and z And it's like, okay, I'm not that girl anymore. You don't know who that girl was and you don't know what that girl been through.
Speaker: So that's where the conversations of everything that happened to me started to surface so that he can understand because we were just getting to a point where we were bumping heads. um And I was just emotionally, like physically just shut down.
Speaker: And honestly, i i think it was probably like eight years At some point in in our marriage, I can't remember when, but I got to a place where he's not understanding. There were things that he was doing that was very triggering for me.
Speaker: um I was still holding on to like insecurities because you know when we first started, there was infidelity and all that. So I was very, very insecure.
Speaker: He couldn't understand me. I couldn't communicate. like Our communication was just bad that I went and I filed for divorce. um because I was just done. i was like, this isn't, this isn't, it's not working. This is, we can't communicate. You're not seeing eye to eye. You're not respecting me. But I still wasn't digging deep enough to tell him what was going on or what had happened.
Speaker: ah no We ended up going to the courthouse and I remember sitting in front of, I don't know what to call it. I'm gonna call it a judge. It wasn't a judge.
Speaker: um But we ended up sitting in front of the, the the you know, the masquerade, I think it's called. um And I remember looking at him like, oh my gosh, I can't do this. Like, I can't sign these papers.
Speaker: And we ended up walking out together. And that was a day that we kind of rededicated our lives where it's like, we're rededicating our lives, and but we're rededicating to each other as well.
Speaker: So it was like the heaviest of heaviest conversations that I had with him about like, what he's done, what I've been through. And it was a promise to each other that we're not going to bring it up.
Speaker: Like, we're not going to keep fighting about this stuff. We're not going to keep hurting each other with this. And the information that I had to tell him, you're not going, not that he would ever, but, you know, I hope it helped him understand. And this is with me telling him, helps you understand where I'm coming from.
Speaker: and since then, it has. Since then, we it was just made a stronger than ever. We just celebrated, or actually in April, we're about to celebrate 14 years of marriage. And we've been together for daughter now 20 years old um And we you know we had our second, like we did our big, big wedding, our 10 year anniversary. So we did the wedding of my dreams. He made that happen for me.
Speaker: um And I was able to like fully like talk to him about it and share my story. And not only with him, but with my family, right? um Together we created a nonprofit.
Speaker: um called girl speak up that was birthed in coven like through covid because you're only forced to kind of think about everything that's happened so he was my biggest supporter and encourager to you know make it happen um so we have girl speak up it is you know and under works right now because a lot has transpired but um Yeah, I think everything that I've gone through and I've been through and where I'm at now has been because I have that supportive person. I have God has blessed me with my person that I'm able to walk alongside.
Speaker: That is there praying over me. That is there supporting me. That is um understanding and not using what I've been through as a weapon to get what he wants or if his needs aren't met. It's truly just trying to understand.
Speaker: So serving me, um, and being very careful, right. His, ah ah Jose's main, main thing is making sure that my mental health is okay. Like that is his job in addition to all of our girls. Right.
Speaker: So now today, i'm Jose and I, we have seven daughters. So we've added a little bit more to the Brady Bunch. So we have seven daughters. We have seven kids. Seven kids, girl.
Speaker: Yes. We have seven daughters. We are working on revamping our nonprofit. I am... Finishing up my last two years to receive my PhD in trauma crisis counseling, which has been something that I've been saying literally my whole life. I want to be called Dr. Sabrina Lopez because everyone else gave me titles.
Speaker: And this is a title that I'm goingnna give myself. So um finishing that up and we have, I mean, our family is just great. It's such a beautiful home. We have two, you know, my fur babies, my dogs, and some my emotional support animals.
Speaker: But again, I couldn't have done everything that I do without holding, like that is my personal, without finding my identity in Christ and then literally following biblically what it says in the Bible about how a man should treat his home, how he should lead.
Speaker: And then me having to put my guard down, my pride down on how to be you know a Proverbs 31 wife and how to submit and how to serve. on So it's chaotic.
Speaker: It vari in is. But again, that discipline is is what helps me get through the day to day. like we are very, very on point with Monday mid through Friday. We have specific tasks that need to get done.
Speaker: um I take self-care very seriously um so that on the weekends, I'm just you know i'm just chilling. I don't clean on my lead on the weekends. We do that during the week. So i'm not it's not constantly going, right?
Speaker: there's lot. Girl, how do you that? How do you keep your house clean with seven kids? We were literally just having this conversation about, one, I want to ask you, okay, what does self-care look like for you?
Speaker: and What does it look like? Because I'm struggling in that area right now. I'm just... what is it like now? I just be wanting to rest, girl. I don't even want to go get my feet or nothing done. I just be wanting to rest on the couch and watch a documentary or like be, take a walk. That's it. What does it look like for you?
Speaker: Self-care for me, I've noticed that I've internalized it where before, you know, when you, when as survivors, they talk about that a lot, self-care, self-care, self-care. Okay.
Speaker: The pedicures and the manicures and the facials, the massages, those are all great, but those are short term, right? it It kind of fixes that, that, that itch. It's a dopamine hit, isn't it?
Speaker: Yeah. It's short term. And it feels good for that first hour. And then it's just like, okay, you leave the salon or you leave, And then you're back at home to reality. And it's like, now what? Right? So self-care for me is my weekly therapy sessions, my, you know, my Pilates to the point where my husband bought me the whole Pilates reformer so I can do it at home. So in the mornings, that's how I'm um in the mornings, the evenings, whatever I have time, I go down, I can just go to my garage and do my Pilates.
Speaker: It's Spending, it's it's that. It's, you know, making sure that on Monday through Friday, I'm doing a little bit every day to attend to my house. So now that my girls, I only have two younger ones.
Speaker: Now that my girls are older and we have such a beautiful relationship, every, like we're all on track, we're all on schedule. So they know on Thursdays, we're doing the first floor of our house.
Speaker: You know, cleaning the downstairs bathroom, cleaning the living room. We're touching up on the dishes. We're doing all of that. Right. And we'll do a little bit every day. But as far as like the deep cleaning Fridays, we're doing a top floor and we're doing laundry.
Speaker: And um I also will do my grocery shopping on Fridays, too, so that by the weekend, I literally if I want to just lay in my bed all day, that's what I'm going to do. Because we have it scheduled out where this, like, it's a work week. We're going to treat it as a work week.
Speaker: Because how much sense does that make? I'm going to work 40 plus hours Monday through Friday. And then Saturday and Sunday, I'm going to work painting my house. Absolutely not. So if I just do a little bit every day, then I can enjoy the fruits of my labor. I can enjoy going out to a theme park with my kids or, you know, treating myself to You know, whether that's a restaurant or just laying in bed all day or the whatever the case may be, it's that family time.
Speaker: And that's where we're rebuilding and strengthening our relationships during the weekend. So, um again, it's it's a lot about discipline and structure, but that's what my self-care looks like. I built those in where it's not just.
Speaker: the good things, like don't get me wrong, homegirl does not miss an appointment for her nails every month, but long-term self-care is more beneficial to me than the short-term things that they say to do, right?
Speaker: so yeah I love that you brought it up because um i literally the other day, like i I had a hard, hard week and my girl had a like a birthday party. And these are the things that people like, OK, they're talking about this. no these are she's lived. You're literally giving someone a blueprint of how to have discipline, how to maximize their time, how to do, cause you're not gonna get any more time. So how do you maximize what has been given? It's actually helping me because I'm like, even in this is making me think about how I do things sometimes because I'll wait to the last minute for, cause I used to be a clean, like, like I mean every day to where I get distracted as part of my ADHD.
Speaker: But then I'll be like, well, I'm just clean on this day. I mean, like the dishes and all that stuff gets done every day. But what happens is I be wanting to do a massive deep clean, but then it's exhausting.
Speaker: So it really doesn't maximize anything. It takes away my time during that Saturday. Cause I mean, I will strip this house down as old. It is not like a chemical bomb in here but when really it could be throughout the day. And I had to learn that now having the bonus kids,
Speaker: Now I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no. no no Y'all old enough to ah get the cleaning. And so you're already giving somebody like practical things on how to help them.
Speaker: You know, what does discipline look like? But I was going to ask you, you know, even when you mentioned the oh, that's what i was to when you mentioned the short term care. those are like a part of sometimes like back in the day, our old patterns.
Speaker: Like for me, it was, it was drugs and it wasn't like a drug usage. Like me, I was using drugs, but I wanted to party. Yeah. And I was because whatever I needed to feel. And so more recently I was going to go have adult time, right? Like just with, with my coworker for her birthday. But I was like, Oh, I'm get to be around the adults. No kids.
Speaker: You know, I'll have, maybe I'll have me a nice wine. And God was like, the Holy Spirit was like, And what's that going to do? Because as soon as you leave there, guess what? You're going to feel exactly what you feel ye versus coming to me, getting filled up by me, doing something that you know you probably want to do around your home that's going to make your mind feel better, clearing off that counter because you know it's going make your mind feel better. yeah And I did, and it's so funny you brought that up because I literally was like, it's like a dopamine hit. Even when I got my – Beyonce wanted to get my feet done because he knew I was super stressed. like He was just like, honey, I want to get your feet I don't want my feet done.
Speaker: How about you help me clean my dishes? I don't want my feet done right now. That ain't going make, I don't care about no feet right now. My feet about to be in boots for the winter. But, but I had to learn how to communicate that right because that hurt his feelings because he was like, he wanted to just take care of me. Exactly what you said for Jose. It's like, let me take care of my fiance. Let me make sure her mental is right. And all I see is,
Speaker: You can use that money for a cleaning service. Keep it. Like, and it's, it's that, and it's learning how to communicate. oh honey, that was such a thing, but you know what really would help if I had a cleaning service. Right. Do one good organize or an organizing service, one good sweep and I'll be good. Right. But it's learning that those quick fixes is not, so they're not sustainable because I have done that my entire life, that quick fix, that quick fix,
Speaker: that quick comfort. And for, you know, women that have been, that are survivors, that have lived through it, it's sometimes that quick fix of that relationship. You know, I need somebody to to rub my back and put that lotion on for me and don't know longevity-wise, it's actually detrimental, you know, or it's a pattern. It's why that I used to keep being in relationships over and over. So I just wanted to acknowledge, like, girl, you it's like you got a key to to really...
Speaker: What helps you raise a family of seven, maintain a marriage for ah what, almost 14 years now? ye That concludes our part one episode with Sabrina. Be on the lookout for our next episode drop, which will be part two.
Speaker: All right, everyone. Look forward to seeing you.
