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169. Be Patient: Every Athlete Develops on a Different Timeline
55 Plays12 days ago
In this week's Especially for Athletes podcast, Shad Martin and Dustin Smith tackle one of the greatest challenges facing youth sports today: patience. Too often athletes are labeled too early as stars or failures before their bodies, confidence, and abilities have fully developed. Through powerful insights about development, confidence, work ethic, and a moving story from Cameron Stewart about his son Tyson, Shad and Dustin remind parents, coaches, and athletes that development is not linear and that some of the greatest athletes are simply late bloomers. This episode is a must-listen for anyone tempted to judge potential too quickly.
Key Takeaways
1. Don't Label Athletes Too Early
Children develop physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially at different rates. Success—or struggle—at age 10 does not predict success at age 18.
2. Puberty Changes Everything
Many athletes who appear average before puberty become exceptional later as their bodies and confidence develop.
3. Focus on Growth, Not Playing Time
Instead of demanding opportunities, ask: "What do I need to do to improve?" Growth should always come before entitlement.
4. Let Kids Explore
Young athletes should be allowed to try different sports and activities until they discover where their talents and passions align.
5. Love of the Game Matters
If a child still loves a sport, don't pull them away simply because they aren't currently the best player.
6. Struggle Builds Valuable Skills
Athletes who must work for opportunities often develop resilience, work ethic, and perseverance that become major advantages later.
7. There Are Lessons on the Bench
Athletes learn just as much from fighting for playing time as they do from standing on the podium.
00:32:17 - Introduction: Why Youth Sports Needs More Patience
00:33:37 - The Danger of Labeling Kids Too Early
00:36:27 - Why Puberty Changes Everything
00:37:52 - Cameron Stewart's Story About His Son Tyson
00:38:57 - How Parents Should Approach Playing Time Conversations
00:41:42 - Why Late Bloomers Matter
00:42:37 - When Should Kids Quit a Sport?
00:45:02 - Family Rules About Commitment and Finishing Seasons
00:46:02 - James Clear's "Explore vs. Exploit" Principle
00:47:27 - Finding Your Lane Through Exploration
00:48:17 - Final Advice for Parents and Coaches
00:49:37 - Lessons Learned from Cameron Stewart's Example
00:50:07 - Eyes Up, Do the Work
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Credits: Hosted by Dustin Smith
Produced by E4A and IMAGINATE STUDIO
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Transcript
Introduction to Especially for Athletes
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to the Especially for Athletes podcast, where we explore essential principles that empower athletes to learn life's most valuable lessons through sports.
00:00:15
Speaker
Welcome back to the Especially for Athletes podcast. I'm here with Dustin. How's it going, Dustin? Great, Chad. How are you, man? I'm doing good. Doing great.
The Importance of Patience in Youth Sports
00:00:25
Speaker
Good. So today we want to talk to athletes, coaches, and especially parents about something we think we desperately need youth sports right now.
00:00:34
Speaker
And Dustin, that's patience. Patients with development, patients with growth, patients with confidence, patients with kids becoming who they're capable of becoming. Because sometimes in sports, we decide way too early who a kid is. At like 10, 12, 14 years old, we start labeling, you know, this kid's gifted. This kid's not very athletic. This kid's elite. This kid probably won't make it But the truth is human development doesn't happen on the same timeline for all kids. And one of the dangers of modern youth sports is that we're evaluating children as though they're finished products and they're not finished products. they're
00:01:13
Speaker
They're becoming and they become at such different different paces, I guess you could
The Risks of Early Labeling in Sports
00:01:20
Speaker
say. Dustin, this is something you've talked a lot about as you train quarterbacks. I'm just wondering initially, what are your thoughts on the dangers of labeling quarterbacks?
00:01:31
Speaker
a kid too quickly, either positively or negatively. Do you have any thoughts on that? I think that there's a ah there is a line there that we got to be careful of because we do want to build confidence and and and um you know into our kids. And so telling them that they're doing well, telling them that they're great even, right? And that they're one of the best and that That does create some positive yeah you know self-image ah that the kid might have for themselves and some confidence in saying that, hey, my coach or my parents, man, they're telling me that I'm really, really good. There's some benefits to that. um
00:02:08
Speaker
However, where you have to be careful, especially when a kid is young, is that if you tell them that they're so good so early in their life, they may run into the that rut of, okay, I'm doing enough because clearly I'm the best and everyone tells me how good I am.
00:02:25
Speaker
They see that they're doing well in their games. But pre-puberty, a lot is, ah I mean, everything, everything changes after puberty. And the obvious ones are the physical signs, right? Like the kid that was small and didn't run well or whatever isn't anymore. And now he's, he's, but the mental part of it too, after puberty, there's some maturity and some changing in thoughts and, and the way you address or or work with older people. And, and, and you're, you see kids not just physically change, but socially mentally they change, right? And they're, they're,
00:02:59
Speaker
You know, their ah maturity can change. So a kid that was super coachable and super confident and fun and charismatic and good now goes through puberty and might be dealing with his own self-belief or her own self-belief being at schools, but you know, like junior high age, they may have some doubts. And, and then if they're not as successful now, because if people are catching them, that can lead to more doubts and it it can potentially, you know, spiral out
The Impact of Puberty on Athletic Development
00:03:25
Speaker
of control. So I think the key is everybody has a shot.
00:03:29
Speaker
Yeah. You can, I mean, you can tell certain kids really have it and, and certain kids maybe really don't have it, but really until they've gone through puberty, You don't quite know what somebody has. And that it happens all the time where that athlete that was okay at 10, 11, 12, 13 becomes great at 15, 16, 17. So, you know, it's don't, we can't be too quick to label them really good or really bad because it can have a ah negative impact. if if you If you tell the kid he isn't anything,
00:04:01
Speaker
Well, then he might just move on and and or not enjoy the practice, not enjoy games, not enjoy the workouts. And then when he does mature, say, no, I'm done with that. He has his memories of youth baseball was so negative that now that he's actually mature and could be a decent baseball player, he just has scars from baseball. He wants nothing to do with it anymore. So, you know, we got to be careful with that for sure.
00:04:25
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. In fact, Major League Baseball player Jeff Francoeur, he's on that podcast, Pure pure Athlete. I forget. Is that the name it? Yeah, I think so. He said, you don't really know what your kids have until they go through puberty.
00:04:40
Speaker
I think a lot of parents need to realize that just because your kid is 10, And can't throw the ball as hard as little Johnny. It's okay. He might get there. Right? Echoing something you've been saying for years, I know. But it's such an important reminder because some kids mature early. Some mature late. Some kids are physically dominant at 11 years old because they matured a lot quicker.
00:05:03
Speaker
But then that's not a guarantee that that 11 year old is going to be the best, most dominant 18 year old. And there's two, two sides to that coin. Sometimes they stop working, they get satisfied and, and struggling at 11 years old doesn't mean the child won't someday be extraordinary.
00:05:19
Speaker
So, yeah so confidence develops at different speeds. Bodies develop at different speeds. Coordination develops at different speeds. Leadership, as you said, develops at different speeds. And, and honestly,
00:05:31
Speaker
sometimes even resilience and those other things, it develops at different
Cameron Stewart's Son: A Journey of Persistence
00:05:37
Speaker
speeds. And so we actually have one of our buddies that came on our podcast and I wanted to revisit this with you, ah Dustin, because a Cameron Stewart came on our podcast and he he shared something, a story about his son. and And as we talk about this concept of not labeling our kids too early and then freaking out if they aren't the best and pulling them out of every sport and putting them in another sport. And he shared a story of his own son and not to to ruin the story, but this is a kid who became a starter on one of the best
00:06:16
Speaker
teams in the state at a very important position. And he shared this story. And just as people listen, imagine if Cameron would have done what we're warning about here and decided, my son can't play football.
00:06:30
Speaker
Right. So we're going to we're going to find something else. So so here's here's Cameron telling that story. Yeah, if you're humor me for a minute. um And I had to get his permission to tell this story because he's a little embarrassed about it.
00:06:42
Speaker
um I was I thought it was pretty neat. And so I think a lot of kids can benefit from. So I've got a son who's a just getting ready to graduate high school. And he started playing football because his dad thought it was a good idea for him in about fifth grade.
00:06:56
Speaker
And he he was not the best athlete in the world at the time and really nervous, timid, kind nice kid. and And naturally he was put on the B team as he should have been. And he was just kind of excited to play tackle football and kind of scared and nervous and About four games into the the season, we were playing the best team in the league.
00:07:15
Speaker
And he ah we were getting hammered, just hammered. And he was running out there once some while for kickoff or kickoff return. and And some of you may not know here, at least within the state of Utah, there's a rule that – um you know Every kid, though, has to at least play 10 plays.
00:07:31
Speaker
you know Every kid at least is playing something, somewhat. and ah so They got hammered by 30 points. it was They were bigger, stronger, faster. and We get in the car and and ah my son starts to cry.
00:07:44
Speaker
and and I'm like, okay, I get it. you know It was a physical game and probably scary. and I said, hey, you guys did great. you know They were a good team. They were big and strong. and you know That's okay. you know Sometimes you just lose. and And he looked at me. He's like, dad, you don't get it. And I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, I'm a template kid. I'm what do you mean? He's like, I'm a 10 play kid.
00:08:08
Speaker
i played 10 plays. I am officially 10 play kid. I'm the worst kid on the worst team. And that was his, he hit rock bottom.
00:08:19
Speaker
He had been tracking in his head and realized that the coaches didn't play him a single play more than absolutely necessary. And he's just crying. So I just say, hey Hey, let's, let's, let's go get something eat. I don't know. Well, that's what good dads do, right? When their sons are crying, let's go get ice cream or something to eat. And so we, we went and sat down and went, got, got some food and,
00:08:37
Speaker
And we're sitting there talking and he's still trying to wipe his tears away. And, and I just said, well, let's tell you what, like tonight, let's email the coach and we're not going to ask him that you tell him you should play more.
00:08:49
Speaker
We're going to just ask him what you can work on. And we're going to set some goals. We're going to work really hard to do whatever your coach tells you to do. And then you're going to have to earn that playing time.
00:09:00
Speaker
And let's, let's try to be, you know, work our way out of being a template kid, but you're going to have to just earn it during practice and Okay, let's let's pause there before we do part two.
00:09:11
Speaker
What did Cameron do right as a parent there, first of all, before we see the outcome and hear the end of the story? But I would love to know what you think of that. He did a lot right. um And I know you know both those two really well. fact, Tyson, the kid he's talking about, was an assistant coach of mine on a really good team a couple years ago. And so and I've known him since he was born, that kid. And and so...
00:09:33
Speaker
You know, ah my favorite part of it, honestly, was when he said, when he reached out to the coach, it was the way that he reached out to the coach. Because we say it all the time. I i preached it forever when I was coaching that don't contact the coaches, right? I mean, it's it's usually not something that they're excited to hear. But if you are going to contact the coach and it's going to be about something related to playing time, you better be very careful in the way you do it. And the way he did it was...
00:10:03
Speaker
he didn't say he should be playing more. He's, this isn't fair. He's being robbed. He's better than the other kid or whatever it was. What does he need to do to get better? He wants to earn more playing time. And my guess is that if we dug deeper with that story to Cameron,
00:10:19
Speaker
um that he would have told his son, look, this this you can control is how hard you work. Whether or not you get more playing time or not, it's still not promised. You can go and do everything your coach now told you to do. That gives you a better chance of getting on the field, but it doesn't guarantee that you're going to. But it it I can't tell you how many times, Chad, I've had athletes ask me,
00:10:42
Speaker
kids I've coached at the high so you know high school level, but also kids I've trained all the way up through you know really good college players. They'll say, what do I need to do to get better? And when you give them things, you follow up with them a week or two later and you find out they didn't really do it or they kind of did it. And so if you really want to know what the thing is you need to do to get better, you then have to really make a commitment to do it.
00:11:06
Speaker
and understand that it doesn't really promise anything. And Cameron's approach was, look, I just love watching you play. He got the gravity of the moment for his son. He realized he was a 10-play kid. Cameron knew that before, that he wasn't playing a lot.
00:11:20
Speaker
And his answer wasn't, yes, you're being... taken advantage of. This isn't fair, poor you, son. It's, okay, well, what are you going to do about it? Your only option is you got to get better.
00:11:33
Speaker
Well, let's not just go aimlessly train. What is the specific things you need to get better at? Let's find that out from the guy who makes the decision on whether or not you play or not. Not what I think, but what the decision maker thinks.
00:11:45
Speaker
And then you go try your best to get better at those things and see if you ever get more time. And that's what he did. Yeah. And I think of the tragedy it would have been if right then his son who loves football, loves playing, if he would have been like, you know what, son, football's not for everybody.
00:12:02
Speaker
Right. it's Instead of let's get better at it. We're signed up this year. Let's try to get better at it. And so so I love that. I would assume that his son seeing, you know, pictures that people who are watching this are going to see here and in part two, that his son was probably one of these kids that could be labeled a late bloomer, right? That by the time he's a senior in high school, he's not the,
00:12:28
Speaker
the smallest kid on the field type of a thing. And so Cameron leaves them in works on the things that they could work on. And here's the second part of that story because I i love it.
00:12:38
Speaker
I love this. Here it is. So we wrote down some goals on the napkin and things like that. And anyway, fast forward to the rest of the season, season he started to get a little bit more time and more confidence. The next year he was on a B team again. And, but he was, he was kind of a solid contributor. And then in seventh grade, he was,
00:12:54
Speaker
one of the One of the better players on the B team. And then in eighth grade, he made the A team. And he was still shell-shocked and a little nervous. And everyone was big, strong, and fast. But he just kept grinding and grinding and grinding. and And ah ended up on the ninth grade team being one of the key players on a championship team. And and then his sophomore year, he just kept grinding and grinding. And he had some friends that were starting to get pulled up. You know, and he wasn't yet.
00:13:17
Speaker
He just kept working and working. And, and, uh, but he was just the MVP on the sophomore team, you know, on the defense and then a GIV team. Some guys were playing varsity all the time and he was only playing a little, but he just kept grinding and grinding and working. And, and I just said, look, this is a marathon, not a sprint.
00:13:33
Speaker
And ah all of a sudden, fast forward to his senior year, and and he was the starting outside linebacker for one of the top teams in the state of Utah. and And it was after one of the games, we were sitting there talking you know by the fence, and I looked down, he's got mom on written on his wrist, and he's got all these numbers. And I said, and I recognized some of the numbers, right? And I was like, what's that number?
00:13:57
Speaker
what's Why do you have 10 on your wrist? And he kind of got a little embarrassed, and he said, oh, that one's for me. And I said, what do you mean? And he said, that's a reminder that I was a 10 play kid.
00:14:10
Speaker
And I write that on every game on my wrist to remind me of that moment that I realized I was a 10 play kid and that I decided I would never be a 10 play kid again. And that I was gonna start varsity one day, you know, and i write that as a reminder of what hard work can do.
00:14:27
Speaker
And um as a dad, you're just like, wow. Like I was blown away, right? Just trying not to cry and not cool and tough. But I just sat there realizing this kid yeah yeah gets it. Like he's been grinding for seven years and accomplished one of the goals he wanted more than anything. anything That's great, Shad.
00:14:48
Speaker
That 10 play reminder is you know it fits exactly with what you started this podcast off talking about and in pre-labeling or pre-determining whether somebody is going to make it or not at at such
The Value of Exploring Multiple Sports
00:15:00
Speaker
a young age.
00:15:01
Speaker
And so I would ask this, I'll answer my question first and then have you ah expand on it. But you know there is a time when it may not be the sport for some kid. And maybe you can figure that out before puberty, but you know, so ah keeping him in, in football because he wasn't playing because his dad thought, well, he's someday going to get bigger and be better. And I want him to stay with it.
00:15:24
Speaker
may not be always the right approach if the kid hates it. But if he likes still doing it, he still has fire to do it. I think we need to be careful to not douse that fire by telling them they they're so far behind free puberty. because you And even after puberty, if they still want to play it, and they're okay with the maybe not playing a lot, but they want to be part of a team, great. Parents, we need to let our egos go. And if they're enjoying being part of the team,
00:15:51
Speaker
maybe they're not as good as as we wanted them to be, or they're not getting the accolades or whatever that we wanted them to get. But that's selfish on us. if If we want them to play only if they're going to be really good at it and be complimented and awarded for it. If they just want to be part of a team and work and and let them go and tell them to be a great teammate and keep working to play. And so many lessons can be, you know, can be learned in that. And they may,
00:16:15
Speaker
If they love it when they're young, hang in there with them, be patient because after puberty, that love for the game, when all of a sudden they realize it's a little bit easier now because they are stronger and they are a little faster. And if they learned how to work when it was hard,
00:16:31
Speaker
that's a huge ah ah weapon for them when it's not as hard because they're now physically bigger, faster, and stronger. They learn the work ethic. The opposite of that is some kids never learn that work ethic when they're young because they're so good at it.
00:16:44
Speaker
They never really have to learn how to work. And then when everybody catches them, they're not used to having to work hard. It was just always came easy for them. So, you know, the question is at what When do we tell them, hey, this probably isn't for you?
00:16:57
Speaker
Do we even do that at all and we let them tell us that? Or do we just, you know, ah do we tell them no matter what, you're not quitting? that was I guess that was my question. Do you you have any thoughts on that?
00:17:08
Speaker
I love what you said already, Dustin, because I feel like what as long as a kid is loving it, this isn't a message of don't let your kid quit.
00:17:18
Speaker
There's some kids that like will play a sport and then love it and they'll play another sport and not like it at all. I have a rule in my family that if you start a season, you finish a season and then you can make decisions after that.
00:17:33
Speaker
Right. But if you've made a commitment To a team, you're going to be on that team and you're going to play hard until the end of the season. And then you can make decisions about whether that's something that you want to continue to do or not.
00:17:45
Speaker
And that's when that's something I help govern quitting. But it's interesting. I thought of ah James Clear, and we've talked about this before in Atomic Habits. He tells the story of Michael Phelps and an Olympic runner. And I'm going to destroy this name, but it's Hitchum El-Gero.
00:18:04
Speaker
But ah Phelps had this perfect body for swimming. Long torso, huge wingspan, short legs. And El-Gero had...
00:18:15
Speaker
The perfect body for running, lean frame, long legs, efficient stride. And James Clear makes this point. He said, when kids are young, they should explore lots of things while they're young.
00:18:29
Speaker
Try different sports, try different hobbies, different activities, because sometimes a child simply hasn't found their lane yet. They might not be built for baseball, but they're perfect for volleyball, or they're not physically ready yet. Maybe confidence hasn't clicked, or they just haven't bloomed like other kids, and they're shorter or or smaller.
00:18:51
Speaker
But he talks about this phrase, Dustin. He says, you need to explore versus exploit when you're young. Try things, learn things, experiment, find out what you love, find out what your strengths and passions are, find out what seems to come natural to you.
00:19:12
Speaker
And as we let kids like love things and explore things and try new things and experiment, most often, They kind of find a lane where then they can really stick to it and bloom.
00:19:26
Speaker
But if that love isn't there and we're trying to say, no, we're baseball players in this family, like we're football players in this family, then I think that's when it's dangerous to tell a kid, no, you're going to stick with this. This is what we do.
00:19:41
Speaker
yeah but But I think that it's important to not pull them out of something because we feel like they aren't progressing quickly enough at that thing.
00:19:53
Speaker
And if they love it, let them keep doing it and they might blossom. And like you said, I love the point you made that that work
Final Thoughts on Patience and Enjoyment
00:20:00
Speaker
ethic that they're developing before they have blossomed, after they they blossom and fully develop,
00:20:08
Speaker
that could become a great strength to them, the fact that they blossomed late. So yeah I just think it's a really important reminder to parents not to be plucking their kids from everything that they feel like they aren't the best at and trying to find the thing that they're the best at. They might just need to be patient. So yeah any closing thoughts on that?
00:20:28
Speaker
No, I think you nailed it. It's... ah It's something that our our kids are they're trying to figure it out at a young age. And I think being real with them and honest with them and saying, look, this isn't something that you're the very best at right now, but you could be. do you enjoy it?
00:20:43
Speaker
And if the answer to that is yes, then well, let's keep let's keep at it then and see, maybe you can become you know really good at this someday. but And then be honest with them about the puberty and how the bodies change and how just, it but if they love it, keep so keep stoking the fire. And if they don't,
00:20:58
Speaker
you know, then yeah, explore, try something else, give it, just keep them busy and, and then check in on them and make sure their confidence and things are good and that they can talk to you and open up about things and never, ever blame it on somebody else, especially a coach.
00:21:14
Speaker
Um, and then, you know, a referee or an umpire, but especially a coach, because that will then make that, that experience for your son or daughter, um you know, 10 times worse if,
00:21:26
Speaker
The coach can't motivate or help inspire whatever because you put a wedge between your your child and the coach in an effort to try to protect them from feeling pain and realizing they are just not great at it. You blame the coach instead. That's that's ah that's problem problematic. Yeah. I love the things that have been shared here. i I love that story from Cameron.
00:21:46
Speaker
I just, I feel like if we could sum up what we've been trying to teach, like just be Cameron Stewart in that situation. Right. And I would just add this, you and I have said this before.
00:21:59
Speaker
There's as many lessons to be learned on the end of the bench as there is. at the top of the podium in sports. That resilience and stuff, trying to fight to even get on the field, they're still, they're getting all the benefit of sport from that. And so, awesome.
00:22:15
Speaker
Well, thanks everyone for joining the Especially for Athletes podcast. Keep your eyes up, do the work. Thank you for joining the Especially for Athletes podcast. To learn more about Especially for Athletes organization, get a copy of our book, The Sport Light, or to bring our program to your team, school, business, or organization, visit us at especiallyforathletes.org.