Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to Prime Space, a Prime Coaching Academy podcast with your host, Elias Scultori. Coaches, let's talk about listening.
Speaker: Listening. Listening is usually one of the very first skills we address in coach training. Not at Prime Coaching Academy, I have to say. We only address listening in the third day of our intensive for Level 1.
Speaker: ah We first address a lot of mindset, coaching mindset, distinctions, distinctions of coaching and other professions. We address the framework of the coaching conversation and then...
Speaker: and We go into listening and we do this because we believe that skills, listening, questioning, language, all of these skills are a natural result of these foundational concepts.
Speaker: if we as coaches are grounded and if we truly understand what is a coaching mindset, what is what is coaching, what is different coaching and consulting, what is the sense of the framework, if we have that, then when we get to the skills, it's easier. It's much easier for us to understand the depth of these skills. But listening...
Speaker: is a key tool in coaching. Why? What makes listening so important for a coach? Well, we need to remember that coaching is a conversation.
Speaker: It's an interaction between coaching and client. Listening is a key component because it is through listening that we are going to be able to make that exchange a substantial exchange.
Speaker: But we know that not all conversations are truly relevant. I remember very clearly when I was growing up in Brazil. And my mother is one of 10. My father is one of 10. It's a large family. And we were gathered together for, i don't know, holidays or birthday parties. And everybody was talking.
Speaker: Almost everybody was talking at the same time. And I would stop and like... are we Are we truly listening or are we just talking here? Because just because people are responding and answering to each other does not necessarily mean that they are truly listening.
Speaker: There is this saying, am I truly listening or just waiting for my time to speak? Which is very true in many social interactions, sometimes even true in our coaching conversations.
Speaker: But for the professionally trained coach, listening, true listening, is an asset and a muscle for us to develop and to maintain.
Speaker: If we start asking people around, most people, I would think that they would say they are good listeners. But then when they start coach training, they begin to realize the subtleties and the intricacies of deep listening.
Speaker: So let's talk a little bit about this. What makes listening different for a coach?
Speaker: Usually when we think about listening, we focus on making sure we don't miss the information the speaker is saying. I'm a good listener because I'm capable to capture and retain the details, words, ideas, even emotions.
Speaker: emotions that the other person may be sharing, i'm able to understand. i'm ah I got the emotion. I got the idea. i understand what they are saying.
Speaker: Therefore, I'm a good listener. And that is important. These points give us the opportunity to start building a picture of the other person's context, their language, their priorities.
Speaker: What is at stake right now? It's valuable information that support us in getting the story.
Speaker: But we also say that in coaching, the client is the one responsible for the process. I am in a supporting role as a coach. I'm here just to facilitate the moment and provide just enough structure for the client to process and explore the particular situation they are focused on.
Speaker: So it is important for me to be aware of the details, but ultimately the client is responsible for managing them. This is their process, this is their situation, this is their story.
Speaker: But what is behind the story?
Speaker: What is bringing this individual to be in this story, to create this story? That is what a well-trained professional coach is paying attention to and curious about.
Speaker: What are the motivations behind this story? What is making this story so important right now? What are the connections between what the client is saying?
Speaker: What values are being activated in that particular person? What needs are not being fulfilled?
Speaker: I like to say that in coaching, we not only listen to what the client is saying, but we listen to who the client is.
Speaker: Let the client handle the details. Details are somewhat important, but they are simply details, data, the mechanics of it.
Speaker: They may be the conduit of things, but they are certainly not the bottom line. What is the bottom line? Am I getting too distracted by the surface of the conversation and missing what is at the core?
Speaker: I've probably already said this here at Prime Space. I'm sure I've said it One of the most difficult skills for a coach to develop is the ability to set aside our own beliefs and transport ourselves to the client's world.
Speaker: That moment when my stuff, my points of view, my knowledge, is no longer a priority, but my attention, my presence, and my profound listening are all focused on the client and the client's universe.
Speaker: That's depth of listening.
Speaker: However,
Speaker: What we've talked about so far around listening is perhaps, I would say, level one listening, ACC listening. Can we go further?
Speaker: i believe there are other dimensions of listening besides depth. And as professionally trained coaches, we need to pay attention to. coaching conversation is a system in itself.
Speaker: When we engage with our clients, we create a structure composed of several elements. There is there is the client, the client's story, what's behind the story, the context, who the client is, and oh, too.
Speaker: i'm there too I am part of the coaching system. i am partnering with the client. And I am a human being interacting within that system.
Speaker: Yes, I said earlier here today, we need to build the capacity to set our stuff aside so we can focus on the person in front of us. But it would be naive for us to pretend that we are completely neutral, a blank canvas with no filters, no biases.
Speaker: We are human beings, and regardless of our skill level, we come with all that we are. It's a given.
Speaker: I entered the room, and everything that I am comes with me. And that's perhaps one of the most sophisticated levels of listening.
Speaker: A well-trained professional coach knows who they are. We work on our level of self-awareness and our own needs, the awareness of of our values, our own buttons, our fears, our aspirations, our wants, our stories.
Speaker: All of this comes to coaching, inevitably. Coach training requires courage to look at ourselves in the mirror.
Speaker: Why in a coaching conversation was I able to listen to this but completely miss that? What made my mind focus on this word but not the other?
Speaker: Why am I so concerned about the question that I need to ask next? All of this comes from who we are and what we consider important.
Speaker: And we can't avoid it. As human beings, we will respond to the client inevitably.
Speaker: The point here is not to smother who we are, but to have the discernment to see whether what is coming up is because of my story?
Speaker: or if it is truly relevant to the client's universe. And we can only have that with lots of reflective practice. That's why good coach training is not just about mechanics, techniques, and skills.
Speaker: That's why we take two days to get into listening at Prime Coaching Academy. in In good coach training, we spend a good amount of time supporting coaches to continually work on self-awareness because whether we want it or not,
Speaker: We are part of the coaching system and our stuff will inevitably come into the room. How aware are we of that? How much is that interfering with the client's process? And also, how much of the stuff that is coming up to the surface inside of us can be an asset to the client's process?
Speaker: That is so intricate and nuanced. And that's why we say that coaching is simple, but not easy. That is more level two listening, PCC, MCC listening.
Speaker: And I could go on talking about the the nuance of listening. It takes years, perhaps a lifetime, for us to explore this level of listening.
Speaker: So what about you? Where is your listening? Are you still caught up in the details? Are still getting distracted by the story?
Speaker: What is your client saying about themselves that you're not noticing? How is your own heart, mind, soul, gut responding to this person in front of you?
Speaker: Lots to ponder, right? And I'm grateful for your reflection. Thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing this episode with your colleagues. Thank you for liking this video and clicking on the five stars.
Speaker: Thank you for writing a good review for us. Thank you for following us on YouTube. It all helps a lot. Have a good week, and I will talk with you next time.
