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how I met your dad 💌
125 Plays2 months ago
This week, we’re sharing life updates—like finally attempting a real budget, realizing we might be aging out of Coachella, and asking the important question: do people actually watch their kids at the park?
Plus, we’re reading your write-ins inspired by the “this wasn’t supposed to be a love story” TikTok trend—aka the situationships, accidents, and “this is just for fun” moments that very much did not stay casual.
The vibes are a little chaotic, a little delusional, and somehow… kind of romantic.
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Transcript
Introduction to Park Bombs Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, welcome to the Park Bombs podcast where your host Haley and Becca. This is a place where we laugh and chat about the chaotic bliss of raising young kids. So whether you're about to take a hot mom walk or start a little laundry, let's get to yapping. Let's get to yapping. It has been a minute.
00:00:14
Speaker
It has been a We just, we're, something about us, we're tired. Yeah. We're really tired. And the hard thing is we've mentioned this on the podcast before, but we record at night.
00:00:25
Speaker
Yeah. So we're like, literally our husbands are both putting our kids down right now, trying to get them to bed. It's the end of the day. We've both worked a full day and taking care of kids all day. And then we have to come on the podcast and sometimes we're so brain dead. Yes. Like we've had like multiple times this has been scheduled and we just are like, oh, it's not going to work tonight. Or one of us is sick or I had to travel out of town for work. Like we've had a lot of
Balancing Podcasting with Family Life
00:00:48
Speaker
conflicts. And so we kind of were like, let's just at least try to do the podcast once a month, if not like every or twice a month. But every time we do it, we always like enjoy it. Yes. But also it's funny because every time one of us would be like, hey, how are you feeling? and the other one would be like, I can't do it and be like, good, because me neither. Like, I'm just, there was also a lot going on. Springtime as a mom yeah is crazy.
00:01:11
Speaker
The sports, the I swear there's more birthday parties. I feel like everyone is reemerging right now, which I think is really fun. But I'm also like, hold on. need to pace myself a little bit.
00:01:21
Speaker
the funny thing too is we're about to like get into even the crazier. Like I always feel like May is one of the craziest months. No, I know. And we're like almost there. we We're tiptoeing there right now. But yeah, I feel like we've been so busy. We're also like postpartum and pregnant, which, you know, adds to, adds to, adds to everything. But I do everything feel like this month for whatever reason has felt like crazy busy.
Managing Busy Schedules and Mental Load
00:01:44
Speaker
I know. How are you managing it? Like, how do you, I was to ask you this, how are you managing your schedules? Cause I know Colson's in a lot of sports and activities. Like, do you guys have a family calendar? Do you have, like, how are you dealing with the mental load of just like the scheduling, especially as a working mom?
00:01:58
Speaker
First thing, I'm not. Just kidding. Yes, you are. I think, like, okay, tactical tips. One thing I did, this is, like, such random thing, but it's really helped, is I've added my husband to all the group messages that I'm in that are, sports-related. literally going to say that tonight.
00:02:13
Speaker
Add dads to the group text. Yeah. I sent out, I'm coaching soccer again. Yep. And I was creating the text, and it's all the moms that are on the text. Do you know what I did? I added my husband because I was, like – He, I don't want to have to relay the information to him. He can be in the text. Yeah. Add dads to the group text. That is, I'm so glad you, I was literally to tactical, but it really works. Like Colson has a game in Hebrew this weekend. For lacrosse? For lacrosse, clear in Hebrew. So far. And I was like, um, telling Sam, i like, where's the game? I don't know why. In my mind, it was somewhere else. He's like, no, it's in Hebrew. I was in the text. and I'm like, oh, it's so nice to have like yeah two brains on it. it. Versus just like, or if practice gets canceled, one of us yeah sees it. So i would say that's one tactical. I love
Community Support in Parenting
00:02:55
Speaker
that though. Cause I think as moms, we think like, oh, we need to handle that.
00:02:58
Speaker
Or like, we don't want to put more on our husband's plate, which like, I don't know why we feel that way. think that's just like very much like a mom thing to do to be like, oh, I'll organize the kids sports. They can be in the group text. They like being looped in. Yes, yeah they do.
00:03:11
Speaker
So yeah. That's a tactical tip. Another thing is like, I'm not like the best at this, but I do think it does help. And I think we're good at this together is like lean on your community. Like when you like we're doing swim lessons together, for example, and like we're tag teaming drop off and pick up. i have another mom on his lacrosse team where we're like, she'll do pick up and I'll do drop off or whatever. And those type of things like.
00:03:33
Speaker
It's very small, but it makes a big difference when you're not doing every single pickup and every single drop off. But even the coordinating of like, oh, who's picking up and who's dropping off today? Like you are very good at that. And I probably wouldn't sign my kids up for anything if it wasn't for you because you are like, okay, I did the research. We're doing swim lessons here. And I'm like, great. I'm so grateful for you. I need to be better about that.
Managing Kids' Activities
00:03:53
Speaker
I don't know. It's hard to move into like the... we're We're really going into the whole world of sports and activities right now. Yeah. And it's kind of overwhelming. And it kind of makes me just want to be like, no, I want everyone to stay home. like Yes. just want us to be home. Do you know, um I can't remember what her Instagram handle is. Her name's Shannon Tripp, though. She's like the nurse who did a bunch of like. I've heard of her. Yeah. she um I was reading her Instagram today, and she did like a thing like rules for our family. Yeah. And one thing she did is she said, no sports before five. And then only one sport per season, which I'm like, that that is actually smart. And I've heard of other moms who'll just do even one sport per kid. Like you only get it. That's what we did. You had to choose one. And my parents like let us test a few things. But once you showed like passion and interest in one, it was kind of like that was your thing. Yeah. I've also heard moms do like one creative one and one or like one music one and then one sport one. Which I'm like, but if you have, okay, we're going to have, have four kids. You're going to
Fashion Trends and Body Changes
00:04:50
Speaker
four kids. You times that but four times two.
00:04:53
Speaker
Yeah. Don't make me do the math. kidding. Four times two. What that Four times two. It's like. See that TikTok it's like what my wife types. Like I don't have to check if my wife is cheating on me. I just have to laugh at her like. Four times two in our calculator. i think it says, um I don't care if my husband reads my text, but I'm terrified if he reads my my calculator. Yeah. My calculator app. Because it's like two plus 12.
00:05:18
Speaker
What's worse is I'll be like, chat, which what is two plus 12? We're so reliant now though. I... we've talked about chat a lot on the podcast but I feel like every day I'm using it more and more. Oh yeah. More and more.
00:05:30
Speaker
And I'm not mad about it. it's It's saving lives for sure. I have an assistant. Okay, I have to say first I have to dress the elephant in the room that I am dressed like a tablecloth. I like it. I like I am a full tablecloth though. like gingham. I was eating dinner tonight. That's gingham, right? Yeah, it's gingham. I was eating dinner tonight and my husband took his B-reel of me and i so I went and looked at his B-reel It's me sitting, wearing this outfit with a gingham tablecloth on my table and gingham pillows behind me. And I was like, damn, that's a lot. Note to self, I just slow my roll on the gingham. But tonight I'm cosplaying as a tablecloth for a picnic.
00:06:08
Speaker
it It really fits you though. Spring vibes. I feel like gingham is you. so i But I also heard someone say one time that gingham is the new Chevron. Oh no. Do you remember Chevron? Oh yeah. Oh, Chevron. When we were 2012, when I was graduating high school, My grad announcements were rainbow chevron on the back with a picture of me on the front, like a little blue sweater and a bubble necklace. Like that was the vibe. I found it the other day and i was like, oh, what is this?
00:06:40
Speaker
The style has definitely changed. It's always funny to see some of it come back around. style. Chevron can't come. No, Chevron can't come back. Another style I can't get behind right now. Capri's. I hate them.
00:06:51
Speaker
Especially like the legging capris. Really? it is just so much cuter to have like ankle length or a little shorter than ankle than like right below the knee. don't hate it. That looks good on nobody. Are you kidding i don't hate it, but I hate jorts. this is We're switching positions because I remember last spring we were talking about like trends and you loved jorts and i was like, you can't catch me in a jort. I actually think the capri can be pulled off by... ew who i'm gonna say who i'm avery woods she posted in a capri looked fire i'm gonna send it to you i'm not here for the capri i've seen
Budgeting and Financial Tips
00:07:25
Speaker
the kardashians been wearing them and i hate them especially you hate with like the kardashians or you hate capris the capris especially with a kitten hill or something i'm like what is life like that is horrendous do you like a kitten hill though
00:07:36
Speaker
Yeah. i ah own I don't own a single pair of heels. I don't want heels. one pair. I don't either. I don't mind it for other people though. No, like I appreciate on other people. Also like how how are you chasing kids in a kitten heel? True. You aren't. Are you? Okay. Actually, I'm sidetracking as kind of a fashion fashion sidetrack.
00:07:53
Speaker
Did you watch like any of like the Coachella stuff? Are you following that at all? Yes. And I'm dying because I'm looking at other girls my age right now in their Coachella outfits. And I almost want to do a video of like girls my age at Coachella. And then there's me in my kitchen, just like no bra and like a mom outfit with four kids running around. Like the juxtaposition is crazy. Well, I was telling Sam, I'm like, we are aging out of like Coachella. Like we are, we're about to pass the age where like we could go to Coachella and it'd be normal. You think? Yeah.
00:08:23
Speaker
Yes. What about stage... Have you been to Coachella? I haven't. No, but I feel like the people who are like early 30s. Next year, should we go? It's not even like... Yes, let's go. It's not even like our age exactly. It's our stage of life. like It doesn't make sense... That is true....for us to go to Coachella anymore. That is true. like We would be there checking our baby monitors at Coachella. like Yeah, I see what you're saying. Did you see the outfits though? What did you like or dislike? um I don't like...
00:08:50
Speaker
that low rise is getting lower and lower and that the shorts are getting smaller and smaller. And I know that makes me sound like a millennial, but I mostly don't like it because I've had four kids The micro shorts will never look good on me. I don't care how much weight I lose, what i do The micro shorts are never going to I just... I hate them. I hate the micro shorts. And I've seen a lot of micro shorts at Coachella.
00:09:13
Speaker
Yeah, micro shorts as well as the little pleather skirts. I think if I was going to go, I'd have to wear... I'd be pregnant. My belly out. And then... Which would be a vibe. Yeah, it'd be a vibe. I wear the pleather skirt and then a swimsuit top. I feel like that's all it is. It's just like swimsuit top. No, it is. But how are the skirts getting...
00:09:28
Speaker
Small, the skirts, I'm not kidding. sound like such a mom right now. They really are this thing. You do sound like a mom. myself like Their skirts are so short. No, and like, I love a short skirt. I love, like, I love when girls slutted up a little bit, you know? But like, to me, it's, I'm just wondering, how are they actually wearing that without their whole butt hanging out? Yeah, I think we were lucky.
00:09:51
Speaker
Most of the times we've been postpartum, the mom jean and mom short was like pretty in style. And now it's the micro short. Yeah, and the low rise. So I don't
Approaches to Gentle Parenting
00:10:00
Speaker
know how that's going to be. for Which I've actually kind of changed my tune on the low rise. Yeah. Because I think it used to be all about the high rise. But once you have a fupa...
00:10:08
Speaker
What's a fupa? Fat upper area. Exactly. I don't know what I was saying about it. Oh, okay. Once you have a fupa. When you have very high-waisted jeans, it kind of pushes down the fupa and like accentuates it. Yeah. Which I have found out is a mid, a mid-rise is actually the perfect postpartum jean. Okay. Because it does, it kind of like,
00:10:28
Speaker
cuts your fupa in half instead of like squishing it. Does that make sense? Yes. I also feel like a great alternative, you're not able to get into the jeans, is like just a looser pant. okay love a loose pant Nothing looks good. Like it's not good to squeeze into jeans. Like it's better to have it be loose. No, it's better to have it be loose.
00:10:47
Speaker
Which is in style. Like a loose pant is in style. Which let me shout out Gap Factory, not sponsored. like Gap Factory and Gap and Old Navy have some very good mid-rise baggy pants that can work for pregnancy, postpartum. Shout out. I should post some on our stories because honestly I have done extensive.
00:11:05
Speaker
i have done the Lord's work when it comes to finding postpartum pants. I need these because I just wear sweats. No, i I will send you some. It's all about a cotton linen blend so they're breathable. Okay. I'll send you some links. I'll pass some links and I'll post some links. Spring shopping, girls.
00:11:18
Speaker
I do have to say, too, another thing is if anyone has ever wondered, like, I wonder who's a better mom. Like, Becca or Haley. Like, if they're ever listening to the pod, like, I wonder who's a better mom. I just have to tell you, Becca is because her son told me because we were at Walmart.
00:11:35
Speaker
I think i already told you this. We're at Walmart and I have my baby,
Unexpected Love Stories
00:11:40
Speaker
my three other kids and Becca's oldest son, Colson. And I was at my wits end. I was at my wits end, not with Colson, with my kids. yeah I was so done with my kids. My oldest, Elsie, who's Colson's age, throws a fit.
00:11:54
Speaker
And so i' I had to get on her level and I had to get on her level to like snap her out of it. And I'm like, Elsie, you better stop right now. Kind of gritting my teeth. I wasn't yelling. But then five minutes later, we're walking through Walmart and Colson goes, Haley, that really scared me when you were getting mad at Elsie. And then he goes, he goes, my mom never gets mad like that.
00:12:14
Speaker
No, she never gets mad like that. And she's a way better mom, ah which is honestly the reality check I needed to probably take a deep breath and not be so mad at my kids. But I was dying. That is hilarious. Well, he definitely takes after me. out As a kid, I spoke my mind. I didn't care. He thinks very highly of you. I did not care if I would say something. And he he does speak his mind. So I can appreciate that. But I don't know if it's necessarily true. Because I definitely get mad him. And whenever I get mad, I always say, you scared me, mom. And like it is like a kind of a bad feeling. I'm like, sorry. like I didn't want to scare you. Also, my four-year-old Blair, she'll be like, I'll be like, Blair, get upstairs. Go put your pajamas on and get in bed. I'm not going to tell you again. And she'll be like, you hurt my feelings. And I'm like, y'all are too soft. Like you guys are too soft. Like I didn't hurt your feelings. I am telling you what to do. Yeah. So like my kids will do the same thing. Like that scared me. I'm like, no, you need to be a little scared of me. I'm still scared of my parents. My dad calls. I'm 31 years old. I am fully, i have my four kids of my own. My dad calls. My heart still drops just like a teensy bit because it goes back to when I'm in high school and my dad's calling me and I'm probably in trouble. trouble That is hilarious. Can we normalize our kids just being like a little bit scared of us?
00:13:26
Speaker
In a healthy way. In a healthy way. Exactly. i think the pendulum though of like extreme gentle parenting is swinging back. Like it's not... Yeah. Like I don't think gentle parenting is like the vibe anymore. Like I think it's like a good mix of like...
00:13:41
Speaker
Not disregarding their emotions, but still holding them accountable. Yes. Yes. And we've talked a lot about this, just like you and me, about how gentle parenting doesn't work for every kid. No. So. It doesn't. And I think like, yeah, it's going to be a tricky one. Like imagine when they start getting older and they really start dealing with like mental health issues. Yeah. Like we'll be the first generation to really be aware of that, which is just like...
00:14:04
Speaker
going to be so interesting to have the parent towards that. I have so many thoughts on this. We were going to do this on the next episode. We'll save this for the next episode. um So if you want to learn about mental health and our mental health and all of the mental health things.
00:14:18
Speaker
Okay. I'm trying to think what other things that I want to actually say. Look, I literally had on here, add ads to add dads to the group text. That was on my notes. I didn't even see that. Okay. What are your life updates? Okay.
00:14:31
Speaker
Life update number one. I've been trying to budget. It is hard. It is incredibly hard. It's getting easier, though. I did take some of your tips. Okay. What were they? What tips did I give you? A while ago, you told me delete the Amazon app. It is helpful. Yeah. And even if I end up needing to buy something, it literally takes so much effort to, like, redownload the app, log in, like...
00:14:52
Speaker
And I really have to think through it. I also. And when you don't have the app, what I'll do is I will text Camden what we need to get from Amazon, which like creates another like barrier barrier. Like, do we need this? Yes. Do we actually need this? And not me just buying stuff. Like he'll be like, wait, why are you getting this? And then I'll be like, I actually don't know. Yeah, exactly. Because so you do get a lot of like random purchase on Amazon that you don't need. Also made me realize, did you know Amazon is $149 a year?
00:15:17
Speaker
I had no idea. I'm like really watching our charges right now really are. And that's one thing. It's like, that's a subscription for it. But so that that's helped. and we The biggest shift we've made is just eating at home versus eating out. Like that's pretty much the main thing we're doing. And one thing that's helped with that, which I'm pretty sure you also told me, is previously we mostly shopped at Costco. Mm-hmm. So you didn't tell me this one specifically, but my goal is every time I go to Costco to never spend over... We go once a week still, but I don't ever spend over $250, which is hard to do at Costco. You go to Costco every single week?
00:15:49
Speaker
Our basics we get at Costco, like milk, we do eggs, and we go through milk, dog food. Diapers, wipes. Fruit. I have to get formula. i Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we do like meats, like we get bulk meat and everything there. So like every week we do need some stuff there. And like even just the milk we buy there, we go through in a week. Yeah, that's true. So, um.
00:16:08
Speaker
Do you go on Saturdays? We usually go Sundays. That's the best day. It's the best day. Um, and it's funny cause you see people in their church clothes. Yeah. I actually had a run to Smith on Sunday and it was so funny. It's literally because everyone in their church clothes. Yeah. I like needed something. I was baking a cake. i was being incredibly domestic. I saw that. Yeah. What was that for? I have it in the fridge. You can have some just for fun. You just made a cake for fun? know. Okay.
00:16:31
Speaker
Martha Stewart. at Home is making me like want to try more recipes and stuff. That's good. That's been positive. Anyways, I go into Smith's and it's like a bunch of dads in their church clothes looking frantically around the store. Like, what am I needing to get from my wife? yeahp That sounds right. It hilarious. Okay. um But the other tip you gave me, so I try to budget what we buy at Costco and then like one-off things like an onion or an avocado. Instead of like buying any of that stuff in bulk, even fruit, I've been doing less. Mm-hmm.
00:16:55
Speaker
I got Walmart delivery and I spend like $50 on that a week of just like little things that make it easier to cook at home. Like cilantro, broccoli, like, cause you don't have those things. Your meals kind of suck. Yeah. But you can't get all those things when you're only shopping at Costco yeah because then you don't even have the pantry space to do that. That's exactly what we do. We actually probably do go to Costco once a week, but I'll grab like one or two things.
00:17:19
Speaker
But then I end up. You have a good snacks at your house though. I did. Yeah. Yeah. Good to go bars, puff bars. I had just gone to Costco. Popcorn. I just you had just gone to Costco. had pirate booty My kids were stealing all her snacks.
00:17:31
Speaker
I love it. Sam's like, should we Venmo them? I'm like, honestly, yeah. No. yeah You feed my kids all the time. That is something too. It's so nice to have friends that like, you don't have stress about that stuff. Like, yeah you don't have to like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Like, they're doing this. It's just like, dude, I'll i'll get your kids on the next one. Exactly. It's so It's so nice. Kids love the snacks at other people's houses. But yeah, basically... Long story short, budgeting has been very annoying. Like, it's hard to do in this day and age. So if you're on a budget and you're trying to save, like, just no respect. Because I feel like it is way harder than I expected. And things are only getting more and more and more expensive. And just things, like, add up. Like, when it's like, oh, have to get my car registered. There's just so many random expenses well. I haven't thought about expenses. We are in the phase right now where every kid is having a freaking birthday party. Can we just all decide as moms to, like...
00:18:21
Speaker
Maybe go cheaper on the gifts for each other or not do gifts. Like, I know that's a tricky one. It's hard because the kids want gifts. It's like the whole reason of the party. It's whole reason of the party. But like we are spending, I feel like $30 every week on a gift. And they're not necessarily utilizing or utilizing. And i like using them.
00:18:41
Speaker
And like, thank you to all the moms that came if they're listening to my daughter's birthday party. But she got so much stuff. Yeah. That I was just like, I don't even know what to do with all of this. and You know me, I hate stuff. We should solution on we should solution on that because i do I do get the point of view, but I also think like ah Colson, he was telling Walker, you need to have a birthday party because everyone's going to bring you gift. But then I end up like not using them and throwing a lot of them away. I know. So it feels wasteful. So like what else? I don't know. If anyone has an idea of like what we can be getting each other's kids as gifts, that's not just crap.
00:19:12
Speaker
I do think clothes for girls can be a good alternative because they still like that. Like I've been getting that for my nieces for their birthdays. That's smart. How you know what size they are? Like I'm talking about like friends gifts. like or like Yeah, that's true. Friends would be kind of awkward with that. Yes. Like I don't really want people choosing at their size. School friends choosing their clothes. You know i mean? Yeah.
00:19:34
Speaker
Maybe, like, a craft or an activity you can do Yeah, that is something I always try to do is a craft that, like, the kids can do and throw away. I've been doing that. And Walmart has some great options that are a little bit cheaper. You should ask your friend, the Toy Testing Sisters. Yeah, like, see, like, what's actually something that, like... Is worth it. Is worth it. Or, like, you can buy it over and over again. Like, I actually don't mind getting, like, Play-Doh or stuff like that because I'm like, you need that. does have on her website, like, you can literally say, like...
00:19:59
Speaker
um what do I get for a gift for an 11-year-old boy or a 6-year-old girl? Like, they have gift guides for that. So if you – that actually – go to toytestingsisters.com or their Instagram and check it out because they do have good solutions. I'm just like – I feel like I'm doing a Walmart pickup for a gift and a gift bag every single week. Do you know what i think we need to do is bulk buy gifts. Like, figure out whatever a good gift is. Like, maybe it's a coloring book. Maybe it's – People have a lot of, a lot of people I know will do like a gift drawer where we'll just like kind of stock up so that if it's someone's birthday party, they like don't have to scramble. They just like, oh, take it from the gift drawer. Maybe their favorite drink or candy bar. Like kids love that just as much as they love toy. Okay. Let's, let's s think through that. That was a random side note.
00:20:41
Speaker
Okay, my second life update is that I'm in like the weirdest fate of pregnancy right now. One thing that's good is I actually am starting to feel better. Like this is the first week where I haven't thrown up all week. So that's good. um so that's good. But it's weird because I was literally chat GPT-ing this today. I'm like, why do i honestly feel like I'm feeling worse at night? Like more nauseous than I was. And I know maybe it's because I'm not as nauseous in the day. So I'm feeling it more intensely. Yeah. Or something, but I'm just like... How are you feeling right now?
00:21:15
Speaker
Nauseous? I'm distracted, so I feel like I'm actually okay. Okay. Don't think about it. Don't think about It actually gives me the tip. They're like, anxiety can really amplify in your second trimester. I a second trimester? Yeah, yeah.
00:21:27
Speaker
When does second trimester end? You're for sure. How many weeks are you? I'm almost 24 weeks. I think third trimester starts at like 27 or 28 weeks. Um, anyways. And so it's like the anxiety can also like make you feel worse. Yeah. Um, and then like if you're starting to feel better, like you also might not like eat as frequently, your drink as frequently. And so it's just like staying on top of that too. Yeah, that's true. And are you feeling dehydrated at all? Cause that can make you feel nauseous at night. So are you drinking your relight?
00:21:58
Speaker
No, I need a beard. It's like, do you know those things where you're like, I know I need to do this, but I really don't want to. Yes. Yes. That's the vibe right now. That's how I feel my entire pregnancy. And it's almost hard when people like, have you tried this? You're like, just, it just sucks. Just shut up. Like, just shut up and like, let me not feel good. Okay, third trimester starts at 28 weeks. so I still have like four more months. So you still have time. Or sorry, four more months, four more weeks of that. Speaking of pregnancy, I went to date with my friends the other night and they were basically like, you're crazy, you need find out the gender. Like, I think you're going to major disappointment at the birth. Do you think that like... No, I don't think you will. don't think you will because I honestly think... Because to be honest, I've talked about this, but I wanted two boys and two girls because it just sounds ideal.
00:22:43
Speaker
But when I met Margo and she was a girl, I wasn't even an ounce teensy bit, little bit of sad. I had no gender disappointment because you're meeting your baby. yeah And you're like, you're my baby. you' yeah You're whatever gender you were supposed to be. Like you are supposed to be part of our family. no one change think you're going to feel that way.
00:23:01
Speaker
Yeah, I think so too. like And my default, it's a boy, but it's hard because my gut feeling is it's a girl, but my default is it's a boy because that's what I know. Yeah, and I think too, almost the idea of having a boy or a girl is different than actually having a boy or a girl. Does that make sense? Exactly. I think that right now, you probably would be sad right now if you found out it was a boy, right? Yeah, I think I've said this in the podcast, not because it was a boy, but more just because since it's my last, I know I want to have a girl. Yeah.
00:23:28
Speaker
I do think it would almost feel harder now than it would in the moment because again, like to meet baby. think you're doing the right thing. Really? and At first I was like, are you sure you're not going to find out? But the more, we've talked about this a lot. The more we've talked about it, I think that you're actually doing the right thing.
00:23:42
Speaker
Also, this is the rebel in me. Yeah, i' made it this far. The rebel in me is like, when people are like, you should not do that. I'm kind of like, I should do it. Watch me. I'm like almost proving to myself that I can do it. Yeah.
00:23:54
Speaker
No, Camden knows that about me. So if he wants me to do something, he'll be like I don't think you can do it. and i'm like, watch me, bitch. Yeah. ah That just fueled me. One of our listeners wrote in and she actually texted me as someone who knows me. And she goes,
00:24:06
Speaker
Okay, I need you to ask this on the podcast because it's driving me a little crazy. Like, I don't feel like moms watch their kids at the park. So you need to ask your like listeners, do they watch their kids at the park for one? And like, why or why not? And like, this is such a random question, but we actually got so many responses and a bunch of DMs too about it. So I think it is a subject that people are passionate about.
00:24:26
Speaker
Before you go into it, tell me your point of view. about watching my kids at the park yeah um okay i think it depends on who they're with what park we're at yeah and just kind of even the mood of my kids like yeah if i know my kids are being like really whiny then i'll probably watch them a little more because i know that they're just going to be like more sensitive or i don't know but and We like going to parks where it's more just like grass and field than actual like park.
00:24:54
Speaker
What's that called? Yeah. that thing Play places. Play places. Playgrounds. Then kids can just be more creative. And then I'm not watching them as much, especially if I can like see them around. I'm not like hyper focused on them.
00:25:06
Speaker
And then it depends on the ages. Like i'm probably going watch my two year old more, obviously than my six year old. But even then, i feel like the older kids kind of watch over your younger kids. Yeah. So I feel like it's fine.
00:25:17
Speaker
I feel like my default answer is no, I don't really watch my kids at the park and people will probably hate me that for that. But that's why we go. So we can actually chat. But I do try to choose an environment that's works for that. Like going to a park that's really safe. So then I'm not like worried about their safety. Not close to the road. Not close to the road. Not like crazy things to climb on. Um, and then actually we're not, it's not that busy. Cause I think it's stressful when you go to super busy park and like there can be like not sharing or being mean to other kids. And of course I'm like, have I told you about my app idea?
00:25:48
Speaker
no i think oh wait yeah yes should i share it on the pod share it i want to create an app that basically rates parks in your area for moms and they rate it on like safety visibility walking like if there's a good walking yes and then you can favorite your like favorite parks like you can put them in a folder like these are my favorite parks so like these are parks that are good for this. And then you can actually like create an event around that park and then send it out to like a group of people and be like, going to this park at this time, whoever wants to join and basically create park meetups what if they're based on your favorite parks. You have to be friends with someone. Like it's, you would text someone.
00:26:28
Speaker
Oh, see. So you would like, you would be like, create a park event. So you would click like create a park event at blah, blah, blah park. And then you would send it to like your group text of friends and be like meeting at this. Oh, I see. I see. So you're not like creating it within randoms. Yes. It's just like basically like sharing like almost like a Google meet. but like So it's almost like a Yelp for a park. Yeah. Yes. Or like ah all trails. Yeah. All trails. I love all trails because it like rates it on like.
00:26:53
Speaker
I don't know different things. Basically in all trails for parks. You could definitely easily make that, especially with AI now. Like you can just go and build an app. No one do it. We're doing it and we're calling it the park bombs. I bet if we look it up, someone's done it. Should we do the park bombs? Should we make this an app? Yeah. Okay.
00:27:06
Speaker
Can you get on that? Yeah. Let me just add that to my to-do list. Maybe I'll do this this year. Because both have zero time. Okay, when you're on maternity leave and you're starting to get a little bit better, let's create this app. Next spring. Okay. And if anyone has any ideas on how we could do this, we'll give you a dollar. Small percentage.
00:27:24
Speaker
A shout out. Okay, so this is what we got voted. um Do you watch your kids at the park? Only 3% said, no, it's me time. and I don't genuinely like, no, like completely 100% not. But I do think I'm like...
00:27:38
Speaker
I'm not like literally, this is probably just how parent though. Like I'm not like sitting there and watching their every move. Yeah. and I will hot take say we watch our kids too much. Millennials watch their kids too much. We are, I posted about this on Instagram today. We do not need to be cruise directors for our kids, making sure to entertain them every second of every day. Let your kids be bored. Let them get creative and let them have a little bit of distance where they feel independent enough to handle things on their own without you watching over every single thing that they do. Obviously within reason, like keep them safe, make sure they're out of danger and make sure that they're not
00:28:12
Speaker
um like disrupting other people's safety or peace. That's a big part. it's like That's a big part. That's why we go to places where like there's not ton of other Other than that, let them be kids. Like I'm so passionate about this actually. um Okay. And then yes, of course was 52%, kind of 26%. And yes, it annoys me when people don't 19%.
00:28:32
Speaker
I could see if you're really watching your kids and the other parents aren't how annoying that would be. Like I'll admit, like I bet it is annoying if like you're like watching every move, making sure they're okay, like treating the other kids nicely. And then there's another parent like me who's like, oh, it's okay. They can chat with them and be friends. But also if you know your kids, if you know your kids and you know that they're nice to other kids and that they're respectful of other kids, like if I had a kid that I felt like was kind of being a bully to other kids, I'd probably watch them more. Yeah.
00:28:59
Speaker
But like, and it just depends on the situation. Yeah. But i I have been in a situation where like I have a two year old and there's like a 12 year old who's like being destructive or like being mean to my two year old and that I'm like, okay, you little shit. Where's your mom? Like, well, and I do think it's all within reason, right? Because remember the story of the kid who came up to like stealing your snacks? Remember that? I didn't know where they came from. A few summers ago. Yeah. and like And she was young. And she ate all my snacks, which is totally fine. i will I am a snack share. You know. I'm like, take my snacks. But I had, she was like, do you have this? Do you have this? And then she was digging dirt and like flinging it by the babies. And I was like, can you go dig over there? And she's like, no.
00:29:38
Speaker
i was like, I think a rule of thumb is you can't like make other parents watch your kids. Like you yeah you need to watch them well enough that like other parents don't have to intervene. Exactly. Do you want to read? Should we read some of the responses? Yes. I think some people DM'd us, right? Yeah, they did. So let's read some DM. Or did you do a question box too?
00:29:54
Speaker
No, I think people just DM'd us. They're passionate. Yes. Sometimes the bigger the park, the more stressed I am. Oh, they said, I think it depends on the age and who you're with, which is kind of what I said. And the size of the park. I think i agree with that. um I watch them, but not 100% of the time and don't follow them around, but mine are older. So like, yeah, the age, that makes sense.
00:30:14
Speaker
um Someone said 100% depends on the age. I watch my two-year-old with my seven and 10-year-old Rome Free. um i think there's a few other ones, but basically, yeah, it's kind of the same like Depends on their age. Depends on who you're with. Yeah. Depends where you are. It's all circumstantial, really.
00:30:36
Speaker
Yeah. And I do think, like, if you have younger kids as well and the other older kids are kind of being annoying, like, other people's kids, I could see why that's annoying to you as a parent, too. Yeah. It's like, I don't know. It's tricky. It's a balance because I see both sides. But I think, um yeah, I think it's good to make sure they're not disrupting others, you know, and playing nicely. Like, that's thing.
00:30:57
Speaker
Yeah. And like sometimes I'm like, oh crap, I need to go make sure everything's good. But also it's good for kids to learn conflict resolution within reason. with each other. Depending on the age, That was something that um the book, The Anxious Generation, talked about was basically like the best thing that kids need to learn how to have their own resolution. That reminds me. where Were going to read that? Yeah, we were going to talk about The Anxious Generation, and then I think you got pregnant, and I was moving, and then we never talked about it. But it is a great book, and I really think it's changed my whole um like ideology on parenting. It's literally the reason we moved. Do you think...
00:31:34
Speaker
parenting books are one size fits all or do you think like different parents need different philosophies I think you need to read a lot of different parenting books and take what works for you from different ones because I've read somewhere I'm like I do not resonate with this but I resonate with like this small part of it yeah you know what i mean yeah and I do think in general, like I feel like you and I parent pretty similarly, but I do know that like everyone has a different point of view of how they want to parent. And like, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. So like some things may resonate with you that don't resonate with other people. And I think that's completely fine as well. And on the flip side too, if you're reading a book and you're like, this doesn't resonate with me, but it may help you understand how your friend is parenting and why they're parenting that way. So it's just like good to have that knowledge. I feel like. Yeah.
00:32:17
Speaker
But i don't do I have time to I've read like two. I need one day. But i really, I liked The Anxious Generation because it basically talked about how we need to bring our kids back to a 90s childhood, which if you follow me on social media, that's like been my obsession lately. Because I'm like, how can I give my kids a 90s childhood?
00:32:34
Speaker
And I get away you love that. I mean, that's how we grew up. Well, it it and it's the reason we moved. Like we chose a smaller house, in a neighborhood with lots of kids in a big backyard because I wanted my kids to have a 90s childhood and not just like be inside yeah all the time I love that so yeah it is a great read if you want to go read it we actually came up with this idea a few weeks ago when we were gonna record but there was like this trend going around and I feel like it's still kind of popular but the song audio over is like it wasn't supposed to be a love song but I guess it is now. And it's kind of like telling the story of how people met their partners or their spouse or whatever. And like you didn't like know that was going happen, but obviously it did. yeah And so we wanted people to write in like their love story and then we'll share like a little bit about how we met our partners too. Okay, perfect. We'll make these fast. um The first one, Haley Chaperoned our first date when we were 14. Really? Do you know who that is? It's one of my best, best friends. And she married one of, she married my, um,
00:33:33
Speaker
Parents best friend's son. So like basically like a brother to me. Oh, cute. So it's so fun and I did chaperone their first date because they were 14 and I was a senior in high school and I was grounded and so I had to drive them and my brother and who he was on a date with on their first date and now they're married and like we're best friends all best still friends. Yes.
00:33:51
Speaker
All the time. Like hang out all the time and our kids love each other so that's great. Yeah. Good job. Matchmaker. Mutual. Oh, Mutual, the app. o After forgiving him for trying to ditch me after the first date, quickly felt like home. Everything was easy peasy and was giving green flag after green flag while we dated.
00:34:10
Speaker
i feel like if there's not a little bit of like go have something turmoil or like something when he's like, like oh, ditching me at the first day i'm like, there has to be like a little hiccup in the story. Something. yeah Camden, actually, our first date, we were going skiing and then we werere gonna go like hot tubbing afterwards. And we agreed to it. We planned it. And then he like texted me a couple days before and he was like, oh, I actually have, like, I can only go skiing because I have something else afterwards.
00:34:34
Speaker
Come to find out it was another date with another girl. And i always tease him about this. And I was like so sad because our date went so well. And then I was at dinner with my parents and I like was like, oh, like I wish he... I found out he was on... it And when he was on the date with the other girl, it was at a concert. He ran into my brother and his girlfriend that we were skiing with that day. You're kidding. it was... and He's like, hey, dude. He was like...
00:35:00
Speaker
Hey, but I think my brother was, and now it's funny because him and my husband and my brother, this brother, they're like business partners, best friends. So it's funny, but, um, no, that was crazy. So I, I what that's like being ditched on first date. I also think of it really is the one you're almost like a little nerve. Like you, the fact of it being like, oh this could be the one makes you a little nervous. So you're kind of like freak out. if i think Oh yeah. Wait. Yeah.
00:35:22
Speaker
No, for sure. um The gym, he was working there and I was working out. He stopped me by asking if I wanted goggles for the tanning bed to protect my beautiful eyes. it was actually the sweetest interaction and I knew he was the one really fast. Okay, that is so sweet, but I am so unserious that I think if a man came up to me and he was like, you have beautiful eyes, I think I would just start laughing.
00:35:43
Speaker
That's only if it's a weird guy though, dude. If it's someone that's like you are attracted to you and you think it's cute, you think it's a cute thing ever. That's the thing is like when someone you like does something, it's not cringe. It's like the best. I mean, but I'm obsessed with Camden. I love my husband so much, but when he gives me a compliment like that, I'm like, oh. If you adjust my M though, and he's like, you have the most beautiful eyes. Do not tell me you would not like that. would say you're lying because no one's ever that.
00:36:06
Speaker
it Just kidding. You have the most beautiful teeth. I need Invisalign so bad. Really? Your teeth seem straight. Your teeth move when you're pregnant. Did you know that?
00:36:17
Speaker
I feel like also a crooked smile is cute. I don't think a perfect... I don't like veneer. It's like a perfect smile. You don't? No. Oh, I actually i kind of love the veneer. like It's like a toxic trait of mine, but I love just like a what' what do they call Chicklet teeth. Like just like perfect. Really? Ew. Yeah. That is not my vibe.
00:36:34
Speaker
to the UK. You'll like that. um Met in Jerusalem on study abroad, both dating other people, but broke up with the other before we kissed. No cheating here. ha. ha oh I've actually heard of a lot of people meeting on the Jerusalem study abroad. Yeah. It was like a hot... Because a lot of I feel like the London study abroad was like mostly girls went... Yeah. This is the school we went to. But like the the Jerusalem one, it was like the hot, cool study abroad to go on. Did you do a study abroad? I did um Oxford. Oh, wow. Look how smart I am. I didn't do one.
00:37:10
Speaker
I'm so glad I did. good i had to save i had to save my own money to do it though. And I got like a scholarship. and Of course you did. You're amazing. It was worth it. Okay. Was friends with benefits with his best friend when I met him on a trip. With his best friend? Wait. Was friends with benefits with his best friend when I met him on a trip to Driggs, Idaho in college at 18 years old. We hit it off instantly on the trip and I told my friends i was really happy that he went to a school an hour and a half away because I'd probably fall in love with him and marry him, LOL. Started dating a month later, wrote off my missionary and got married as a child bride a year and a half later. oh so at 19.
00:37:44
Speaker
Oh wow, well when you know you know. When you know you know. This person said how I met my husband, my best friend lined us up and how I knew he was the one on our first date we drove to Hewer to do goat yoga.
00:37:54
Speaker
Goat yoga. Okay. On the way, he quoted holes. The duck may swim on the lake, but my daddy owns the lake in his best trout walker voice, and I was fully in. You know, the movie Holes that she's talking about? that movie. Wait, did you know when I was in fifth grade, I had a Holes-themed birthday party oh with CDs of the whole soundtrack?
00:38:14
Speaker
And I can't remember like what else we did at the Holes-themed birthday party, but that's how much I loved it. It was my birthday party theme. No, actually, though, I love the movie Holes. And we showed our kids it last year, and it's actually so cute. They weren't quite ready for it It's kind of scary.
00:38:27
Speaker
Really? The rattlesnake scene when like the rattlesnake bites her like she. Yeah, I guess that's a little scary. There's some scary scenes I feel like. We should like make a list of iconic 90s movies for our kids to watch. say Number one Sandlot. But that's not a 90s movie, but we watched in the 90s. Yeah, what like ah age is that movie? 2000s? Sandlot is like way older.
00:38:49
Speaker
No way. It's not that old. what What year was Sandlot made the movie?
00:38:58
Speaker
1993. Okay. We did do a poll of were you friends first with your husband? 50% said no. 46% said yes. And 4% said um friends with benefits.
00:39:10
Speaker
Only 50? That's actually surprising. Yeah. Like a lot of people were friends first. I feel like that's one of the most natural ways actually. Because I actually think when you're... Friends first, you see how they act when they're not trying to impress you. You just see how they act normally. Yeah.
00:39:26
Speaker
And then it's kind of cute when they try to start to impress you instead of the other way around where you're going on dates and you're like, okay, I just seeing the best side of you? True. Love bombing. Yes. Yeah. point. And then we said, when did you know they were the one? 32% said love at first sight.
00:39:42
Speaker
14% said within a week. After months, 41%. So you can grow to love someone. Yeah. And after years, 14%. After years. They're like, after I was married for five years, i knew they were the one.
00:39:55
Speaker
I do think that like a story of like years could be like, oh, you met in high school. That's true. i' nice they Then like years later, you rekindled. You're right. That could be a situation. um i do feel like I don't know, I kind of believe in love at first sight though. I do too.
00:40:12
Speaker
I feel like I'm little bit of like... Do you believe in soulmates? I weirdly do. I do too. And I know it's like the thing for people to be like, there's no soulmates. Think about it. There's 10 billion people on the earth. There's not just one person for you.
00:40:24
Speaker
I truly think Camden's my soulmate. And I'm not telling you that. no one else would put up with my shit as much as Camden. I do think like you can obviously make a soulmate. you have to marry this one exact person, but I think it is like the cheesy side of me that I'm like, I do think like when I met Sam, I like knew I was gonna marry him like right away.
00:40:42
Speaker
My mom always says, choose who you love and love who you choose too. Like create your own soulmate in a way. Like, yeah like love who you
00:40:51
Speaker
Right. Choose who you love. Yeah. And then like choose to love them. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Like always. And not just like thinking about like what's better or what else is out there. Yes. Of course. Yeah. I think you definitely.
00:41:05
Speaker
But I do feel like the idea of soulmates, which is like kind of against like probably what I believe philosophy wise, but I do actually believe it. I don't know. It just seems real. We're so cheesy. We're like obsessed with our husbands. like, yeah, soulmates are real. We're so annoying. Absolutely real. Yeah. You're my friend's soulmate. Yeah, exactly. And I feel like there's those people in your life where you really are meant to connect with. Yes, I do think that we're supposed to meet and be friends with the people and be with the people that you're supposed to be with. Like, I think that everyone comes into your life for a reason. Yes, I completely agree. Which is kind of like soulmates. Yeah, same idea.
00:41:40
Speaker
You made me think of something. Oh, if I were to, like, give advice to someone, like, I know I'm so far from this, so maybe my advice is, like, not applicable, um like looking to like meet their spouse or partner, I do truly think it comes when you're not looking, which is the most annoying advice ever because it's like, well, that's annoying because I want to be looking. yeah But when you like focus on yourself and like making yourself the best version of yourself and you don't care so much, that's when it happens. Well, when I tell you how I met my husband, you'll know how ah how true that was for me. Okay, so let's go into that. Yeah, you share first.
00:42:17
Speaker
Um, so we met 2014. So it's been like a hot minute. Oh, wow. Yeah. You guys have known each other for more than... is that 12 years?
00:42:27
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So, and then we dated for three years, which is like very uncommon for like, um, Utah, I feel like. Yeah. Uh, but I do feel like I knew like pretty quickly. it was like love for a second. one of those things that's like an instant connection. Actually though, I have to admit it's kind of embarrassing, but Sam had a girlfriend when I met him. Yep.
00:42:46
Speaker
So we were friends first, but um it was like one of those and she was like a long distance girlfriend. And so like they were kind of already on the out. They were on the rocks, right? i think they were on the out. you You didn't wreck the home. No, no, no, no, no. um And it was like a high school girlfriend there. They had been on and off, whatever. um So I'd like hang around with his friends. So I'd get to like see him because I was really close friends with his friends. Yeah. And then like as soon as they broke up, then like we immediately went on our first date and then we pretty much were together since then. Didn't you guys, like, go on a trip?
00:43:16
Speaker
Yeah, we literally went on a trip for our first date. So fun. But, like, even before that, like, i I think there was just, like, this vibe between us. But I do – you'll have to ask him about this, but I do think I kind of scared him a little bit at first with how, like, deep and intellectual I was compared to other girls. And, like, maybe even confident and, like – being ah I don't know if odd is the right word. Like I can't remember. You were just sure of yourself. Yeah. would We'd go on, um, we'd ski together. So that's how we were friends. And like, we'd always go with a group too. It wasn't just like us two alone. But one time I asked him- If his ex-girlfriend's listening.
00:43:51
Speaker
Honestly, I do feel a little guilty of so long I think everyone's healed. think everyone's healed at this point, but like, you never know. There's always those one- Yeah. Like, yeah, I think everyone's fine.
00:44:03
Speaker
But I will say it's pretty savage because one of the friends, I will go back to me being crazy, but one of the friends on the trip and they had literally just broke up, posted a bunch of pictures of us on Facebook, like immediately after when Facebook was so cool. I'm like, I'd be pissed. Like if it's a long term, like that would be sad. That'd be hard. would be sad.
00:44:21
Speaker
But I also feel like you and Sam were meant to be together. So we also were pretty young. Like, I think we're like early twenties, like, you know, whatever. Um, but like, I remember I would ask him these deep questions. Like if you can have anything in your life, what would it be to, and like, I was like such a like deep person. Like yeah had to connect with people on a deep level, like immediately. And at first I think that kind of scared him. And then he, he just told me, he's like, yeah. Is Sam that way though? Like, does he like to have like deep intellectual conversations? He definitely does. Yeah. He's definitely that way, but I don't think he'd be the type person to like ask a girl that of like, yeah. Yeah. So I think he was surprised that like I was as like, that was my personality, I guess, yeah a little bit. But then you guys started dating and then you were kind of off on again, off again for a little bit, right?
00:45:01
Speaker
No, we we did break up once, but it was like two years after dating. So we started like immediately dating after that. And then we did break up like right before we got married. We actually took a break and then and it was like kind of a long time, like three months.
00:45:16
Speaker
And then- one time. Who caved first? Okay, this is actually kind of cute. We ran into each other um a gas station in Moab. Like, it was so random, which is not by us. Like, it was, like, five hours away. After you had been dating for two years.
00:45:29
Speaker
We had been dating for two years, but we, like, broke up. We, like, broke up, broke up. Like, it wasn't like, oh, we're kind of still talking. Like, no. It was like, we're both moving on with our lives. Like, you know, whatever. didn't know it was that big of a deal. I thought it was, like, kind of just like, let's take a break before we get married because, like, we need to make sure this is right.
00:45:45
Speaker
No. Like, we broke up. And um and we had like not talked, we didn't text or anything. It was like a clean breakup. And we ran into each other at gas station in Moab. He had been on a bike trip and I was hiking or something sisters. And it was like probably three months after we broke up. And then he texted me after, like we ran into each other and it was like kind of like,
00:46:08
Speaker
awkward but also kind of exciting was like oh my gosh we're seeing each other again and he texted me afterwards and he's like hey it was good to see you kind of thing like it was like back to square one but then we literally got back together and got engaged ah we were engaged for six weeks and got married so like we had already obviously had a long relationship prior to that and so once we got back together like okay we know we're getting married it was good for us to completely not be in each other's lives for a little bit and like live on our own and like that kind of example of like becoming our best self separately yeah And then back And then when you come back together, you guys knew, like, okay, this is it. Yeah, yeah. This how it's supposed to be. I think we got back together, and then we got engaged a couple months after, and we got engaged and married within six weeks. How do you plan a wedding so fast?
00:46:51
Speaker
Oh, you know me. I'm type A. No, that's what was going to say. was just like, let's go. Never mind. She's like, okay. I already had a wedding dress. I had gotten a wedding dress when we were dating prior, which is, like, kind of embarrassing. I bought my wedding dress when Camden and I were dating for six weeks, and I said...
00:47:05
Speaker
well, if I'm not marrying, I said, this is my wedding dress. Whether I marry you or someone else, this is the dress I'm wearing. Because was on Poshmark for 150 bucks. Mine was also a deal. and We love a deal. We went to like a, I don't even know what it was called, a street cell or something. Okay, wait.
00:47:22
Speaker
So that's pretty much the whole the whole love story. And now you're happily married, fourth kid on a way the way, and the rest is history. I will say was nice we dated for quite a long time because when we first got married, like I've heard a lot of people say, oh, their first year is really crazy. But like I feel like we had known each other so well. and you had been through things. When we did through things. I think a lot of people, especially where we live in Utah, get married so quickly that they don't have enough time to go through hard stuff. Yeah. So then their first year marriage, when they're actually going through hard things for the first time, it's like, oh my gosh, like we haven't actually dealt with these things together and now you have to face it. the I can't talk. Now you're facing it for the first time and it really is important to see how someone deals with conflict. Yeah. Did you, did you and Camden were fight before getting married? Um, not really, but I guess we'll go into my story. So when you said that it really happens, you'll meet the right person when you aren't looking. It's very true because i met Camden when I had been divorced for one week.
00:48:20
Speaker
Oh my gosh. It only one week. That's one week. So I was married before. If you're staying till the end of the episode, you're getting the real tea. So if you are a real park moms listener and my previous, my first marriage lasted nine months and it's something that I do not talk a lot about, not because I'm embarrassed or I'm ashamed or like, yeah I think there's anything wrong with it. Um, it was a very complicated situation and I i don't, I'm going to be weary to give too many details because I do have a respect for his family and like a little bit of a respect for him even though i probably shouldn't honestly but it was just um but like maybe giving him the space to move on with his life exactly so like i don't want to drag his name through the mud um but it was just a toxic relationship we were not good for each other and he did a few things that crossed a line and that i was like i'm not going deal with this my whole life and truly
00:49:13
Speaker
I hope he's happy. I hope he's healed. But I had been married for nine months, was going through a divorce at 21 years old. So I got engaged when i was 19. So young. Married at 20, divorced at 21. And i when I was getting divorced, I was like, I am not going get married again. Like, I'm not going to get married again. I don't want to do that again. Like, I kind of just want to focus...
00:49:34
Speaker
on like making a lot of money and which is funny because I was like 21 years old and I was like I'm gonna move to New York I'm gonna work at an advertising agency like that was my plan I was like I'm just gonna go full businesswoman and focus on my career and then um Canada and I both did the advertising program at BYU and so we had actually been which is crazy We had been in the same class all semester. I had never noticed him. It was a small class, probably like 20 people. Yeah. It was a small class. Really? Yes. When you're married- That's good. You're blind. You were good. Well, when I was married, I was married. Right. I wasn't looking at other people. I wasn't looking around me. I was fully invested on my marriage and actually trying to fix my marriage and trying to get through and going through a really hard time. So looking at other boys around me was the last thing on my mind. Yeah. So I had never noticed him before, but a week after I'd gotten divorced, he came and like sat next to me and then we just like started talking and then we went skiing on our first date. How did he know you were divorced? It's so funny because before we went on our first date, we actually just like hung out we were going to do homework together. Like we kind of met, exchanged each other's numbers because we started talking about skiing, which was another common thing we had. And were talking about skiing. They were like, we should skiing sometime. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, here's my number.
00:50:45
Speaker
And then we like talked and like texted and Snapchatted a little bit. snap And I literally called my mom after he got my number. And I was like... a boy just got my number, like, this feels so wrong, like, I shouldn't be doing this to my mom, was like, it just feels weird, like, I know it's gonna, it's, I was so awkward. Yeah. Cause like, even though i wasn't married for very long, like, I was devoted. Committed to that relationship, yeah.
00:51:06
Speaker
And so, I met, yeah, so when I met Camden, I was just, so awkward and honestly probably wasn't an ideal time to be jumping into a relationship yeah like i was very like no this is not a good time like we shouldn't be doing this anyways we hung out and i was like i'm not gonna tell him i'm going through a divorce or i'm getting divorced i like technically the divorce hadn't like gone through, but because of the situation and different things, which I won't get into too much, um it was getting subsidized by the court.
00:51:37
Speaker
Not subsidized, expedited. So, if like you're someone that wants to talk to me personally about this, I'll talk to you about it. I just like, I'm just trying to be a little bit careful. Anyways, my divorce went through really fast, but when I met Camden, I think it was like so paperwork was still getting submitted. Yeah. like Or it had been submitted, but it was still going through the process.
00:51:55
Speaker
So like officially on paper, I wasn't divorced, but we had both signed the divorce papers and was going through in like two weeks. So when I hung out with Camden, I was like, I'm not going to say, I'm not going to tell him going through a divorce unless I feel like this is more, could be more than a friendship. Yeah. Cause I was like, this could a friendship. Cause you were kind friends at first. Yes. It was just kind of like, okay, we're both like in the advertising program. We were in the same class. Like, we're meeting up to do like a project together. And I just like,
00:52:20
Speaker
I felt like he was the one. Like I was like, this is crazy. And I'm not like that. Like i don't fall very hard very fast. And he was like, we were vibing. Like, I just felt really good around him. And then at the end, I was like, shoot, I should probably tell him I'm going through a divorce so that he doesn't find out from someone else. Yeah. It's like, not to be weird, but we were in Provo and people were talking. Like, people were talking yeah about me getting divorced. Like, he could have already known.
00:52:47
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I was in the library once and I heard, like, people talking about my situation, like, behind me. People loved to gossip. People loved to gossip. And, like, I get it. There was a lot of, it was, like, kind of a dramatic thing that happened. and Anyways, I didn't want him to find out from someone else. So I was like, hey, like I have to tell you something.
00:53:02
Speaker
Homeboy thought I was going to tell him I loved him. That's what he said was going through his mind. Camden was like, I thought you were going profess your love to me. And I was like, so he thought it was crazy. And so he was so nervous. He was like, okay. And I was like...
00:53:14
Speaker
So I'm going through a divorce. He's like, that shocked me. was shocked. He literally, like, blessed his heart. He left and I was like, I'm never seeing that guy again. Like, he didn't not handle it well, but he was kind of he just said, like, thanks for telling me.
00:53:27
Speaker
And kind of like, and then that night, i remember I texted him and I was like, hey, like, I'm so sorry if that was a lot. um I just didn't like... You want to be honest. I just wanted to be honest. And he basically like friendzoned me. Like he was just kind of like, which I get.
00:53:41
Speaker
Like he was scared. He a 22 year old guy. Like he didn't know how to deal with this big kind of scary thing. And so he kind of friendzoned me, but then we kept talking. And he, I think he was more scared of what other people would think. Yeah.
00:53:57
Speaker
Like, he was scared, I think, of what his family would think. And his family is so amazing. And, like, he was going on a trip with his mom and brothers that weekend. and So he was, he talked to his mom, like not that weekend.
Navigating Love After Divorce
00:54:10
Speaker
we So then we were friends for a couple weeks. Yeah. And then he was just like, you could tell he was getting feelings for me, but he was kind of like just nervous, which I would be nervous too. Like I get why he was apprehensive, but I guess he talked to his mom and he was like, I like this girl. But like one thing about her is like, she's going through a divorce right now. And his mom was basically like, so what?
00:54:29
Speaker
Like, who cares? Yes. Which was so sweet. Like now as a mom, i'm like, that's so great that she was like that because even though I was the other girl, I think if I had my son come to me and be like, I'm dating a girl, she's going through a divorce. I, my first thought would be like, well, why? Yeah. But she was just like, so what? Who cares?
00:54:44
Speaker
Like, it doesn't matter. And a lot of things had happened in his life. Like he had found out that like one of his good family friends had been married before, like that kind of, I feel like made it so it didn't feel like such a big deal when he found out.
00:54:56
Speaker
Anyways, but then as soon as he decided to date me, he felt like he was like, let's do this. He literally, like three weeks in to us dating, he was like, I love you. And I was like, no, you don't. You need to calm down. Like, you're just like, you're infatuated right now. But then things just like happened really fast.
00:55:13
Speaker
And then probably like... three or four months into the relationship, he like wanted to get married like fast. And I want it. I thought I wanted to marry him too, but then I panicked. Yeah. I broke up with him because I was like, what am I doing? Like, I think I was just scared of marriage. I was just scared of the same thing happening. It's big commitment too. It's a big commitment. man i was like, I literally just got divorced. I'm 21 years old. Like, what am I doing? So I broke up with him.
00:55:36
Speaker
My dad calls him. Right. My dad calls him. and He goes, so this is what we're going to do. Oh gosh. And this is ah he had a phone. How'd they have each other's phone numbers? Oh yeah. And they're still to this day, best friends. But he, my dad called Camden and said, so she's just freaking out a little bit. So to do is you're going to ignore her.
00:55:51
Speaker
You're going to ignore her for a couple of days. She's going to text you. She's going to text you. She's going to miss you. Don't, don't give her anything. You just can't give her anything. They literally game planned how to get me to like. Smart though. I know.
00:56:03
Speaker
And then my dad called. Distance makes the heart grow father. And then my dad called me and he's like, you're making the biggest mistake of your life. He's like, where are you right now? I'm driving to you. He lives an hour away. He's like, I'm driving to you right now. What are you doing? I'm like, dad, I'm an adult. Like I can break up with him if I want to. But I think my parents, which by the way, my parents met him on our first official date. We went skiing. My parents showed up to our official date. Have i ever told you that? No. We were skiing at Deer Valley.
00:56:26
Speaker
And my parents just said, we're here. Like, we're here. Like, where are you guys? And I was like, no, no, no, no. And they found us. I'm dying. And they literally, our first date was with me, Camden. That's kind of sweet, though. And my parents. And I think it's because they were so productive. Obviously, like, they had just seen what I had gone through. And they just, but they said instantly when they met Camden, they were like,
00:56:47
Speaker
Yeah. the one Yeah. Like and I can't talk about it too much and because I'll get emotional because I think I'm like, why did I have to go through that really crappy thing of like having such a hard marriage for nine months?
00:56:58
Speaker
I don't think I would appreciate Camden the way that I do. Like he is truly like everything I've ever wanted. And I think I was the girl before that kind of dated the toxic guys. Like i kind of liked it, liked the talks. And that was probably cause I was young. Yeah. I was 19. But I think like, I remember even telling, my grandpa one time, like oh Camden's just like so obsessed with me. It's kind of annoying. He was like, Haley, that's what you want. Yeah. Which like now that I'm four kids in,
00:57:28
Speaker
I do know that's what I want. But when i was young, I was like, oh, he's like, likes me too much, which is so annoying. Yeah. But I don't think if I went through what I went through, i would appreciate and love him. I mean, hez i don't know.
00:57:39
Speaker
But i I think that's kind of how I justify it is like, I know now like what a real yeah marriage and love looks like. And I kind of had to take the scenic route to get there.
00:57:50
Speaker
and really, it's not that big of a deal. And I do think that like there's a time and a place for divorce. And I'm so happy that I did it. Yeah. So, so happy. Genuinely hope homeboy over here is happy and that he is like living his best life. Don't know anything about him.
00:58:06
Speaker
But anyways, my story is little complicated. but Yeah. i And I'll talk about it with anyone. If you have questions, like you can DM me and ask. Yeah. um Yeah, that's our story. And now it really doesn't even feel like a part of my life. It feels like something I went through and it doesn't feel like it's something that defines me. Like I will go.
00:58:25
Speaker
And I actually saw Maddie Murphy on the Bad Podcast talk about this. She said that her and her friends were talking about like, what's the worst breakup you've ever had? And she was talking about breakups. And then someone was like, what about your divorce? And she was like, I genuinely forgot. Yeah. Like, I forgot. And like, literally a year will go by and I'll be like, oh yeah. Remember that one time It's like blip in your life. And it was like meant to happen to get to where you are now. It's like, we were married.
00:58:48
Speaker
But it almost felt like it was more like a boyfriend or relationship than an actual marriage because we were just so young and so naive and it was so toxic. Well, it's true
Maintaining a Healthy Marriage
00:58:58
Speaker
for you then. It wasn't supposed to be a love song, but it is now with Camden in the advertising program. No, it is honestly so fun to hear people's love stories. And like, obviously your relationship changes a lot when you have kids, you've been married a long time, but it's like so special to like kind of remember those initial moments and also just like bring that through your whole marriage. And like, it's so sweet to hear like you just appreciate him so much. And I think like sometimes as moms, you like need that reminder of like,
00:59:24
Speaker
okay, we're in this together. We're like each other's people. And like, we're so lucky to have that. Have you seen the reel where it's like right now it's us, but again, it will be like you and me or something. And it's basically saying like, this is hard. Like what we're going through right now, like maintaining a marriage with little kids is so hard. Cause it's so much just like, even just logistical, like, Hey, can you get the kids from this? yeah Can you make breakfast? Did you do this? Did you take out the trash? Keeping score. Yeah. Keeping score. There's so many things.
00:59:52
Speaker
Like at the end of the day, the kids are going grow up and it's going to be you and them. Yeah. And like, it will be us again. And I just like, I say that to Camden all the time. I'm like, it will be us again. like Yeah. We will get there again. but like, yeah, I think we should do a whole episode actually on like maintaining and like tips yeah on having a healthy marriage when you are in the quote unquote thick of it with little kids. Yes, we should. I almost thought about asking that as a question box and I didn't, but I think like little tips that make a big difference because you don't have a ton of time, yeah but if you can do little things to invest, you And we are not experts. No, no. Like we're not saying we're experts on that. you can do those little things invest, I think the time when it's just you again, like will be even better because you would maintain that relationship. And I truly believe that like one of the best things you can do for your kids is like have a good relationship for them. Like I actually think that raises kids.
01:00:38
Speaker
better than like anything else is like the respect that you have for each other and the way you like treat each other. It was so funny. And the last thing I'll say the other day, Elsie, our oldest, she's six. My husband Camden was like, I love your mom like more than anyone. And she was like more than me. She's bawling. She's like more than me. Like you love mom more than me. And he's like,
01:00:56
Speaker
I love you so much, but like mom is my person. I love her more than everyone. and it was making her so emotional, but I hope that that's something that she actually remembers as being like, I mean, she's just an emotional little girl, but like, I hope that's something that she remembers when she gets older is like mom was dad's like number one love. Like, yeah and at first when he was saying that, I was like, don't say that. Like, don't, you're going make her sad. But then I was like, no, I think it's good yeah for kids to see that their parents love each other. I completely agree.
01:01:25
Speaker
Okay. Well, thanks for listening tonight, guys. We went all over today. We got deep real quick. No, we went deep. We went we talked about a lot of things. but yeah It just shows we haven't recorded in a while. Yeah. So anyways, thanks for listening. Have a great night.
01:01:39
Speaker
And we'll talk to you guys later. Bye.