Transcript
Speaker: And we just rearranged into like a little triangle. That was fancy. Mine's still like All three of us in a row. This is so fun. Mine is two at the top, one at the bottom. that yours? Yeah, that's what got. Upside down triangle?
Speaker: yeah Yeah. That's what I got. Hello, everyone. We have a guest today. Hi. We also have a fucked up throat on my part. I apologize. But we have Alyssa from Blissful Magic here with us. She has recorded with us once before. um was a fucking like year and a half ago now? Yeah, and the audio was shiitake mushrooms. So I'm glad to be back because upgraded we have upgraded for sure. So yeah, I'm very excited.
Speaker: Yeah, it's going to be so good. And we're here talking about Anahata's Purpose 2026. And we have Alyssa here with us because Christina didn't get to go this year. and I wanted to make sure that we had like multiple people that were present to be able to talk about the, you know, varied experiences. And also Christina needs to be a part of it because like she's like a huge integral part of like our like group as well oh my god no for real don't know was felt but it you were you were sorely missed for real it was like you i mean there were so many other people that weren't there but you destiny life like there were so many people that were so missed that couldn't be there And it just, you could feel the whole, where they were supposed to be. There was literally two beds in our cabin. And I'm like, imagine, imagine if Christina was here right now, laying there next to us. We would be cracking up even more than we already are You would have been dying at Kelly. Kelly had us laughing all weekend. Kelly was on one, like all goddamn weeks. That's so funny. was so funny.
Speaker: she's hilarious I missed you Kelly and everybody else that listens whoever else listens I missed all you guys I missed y'all I really did want to be there but I was really like I mean like I really was living vicariously through you guys like on the texts and stuff and like little videos I would get or like whatever so it helped me and like I just felt very happy for you all and I only had a couple of moments of feeling like I'm missing out. Like, especially with like Ginger's bus. I have been like wanting to see that thing so bad. but
Speaker: And let me tell you, can we give a moment for the bus? Because wait, not really even for the bus. Can we give a moment for Ginger? Because she did that.
Speaker: And i think there was a moment where all of us just kind of like looked at each other like, I can't believe that our friend is so badass and was just like admiring her.
Speaker: And we just felt like this I don't know. It felt like this collective feeling of just being like so inspired by her because she's she's our crone and she made that happen. And she really drove across the country to be here. And like it just it's really inspiring and it reminds you to really never give up.
Speaker: on your dreams and your goals because at any point in your life shit can just happen and it could change your whole life and she finally got something that you know she really never thought was possible that reminds me of like christina like with retirement like How good is that? How good does that feel? Like you've been looking forward to this for so long and now you're living it. like It's what they call a soft retirement or whatever because yeah I'm still working. but Yeah, you're still working. I was dying to be done with that job. and i mean The job was good. The job, you know, literally supported me for so many years. And even as a single person, like I bought my house at 23 because of that job. You know what I'm saying? Not that it's a big house at all or anything. It's like, it was a cheapie and it was in a not great neighborhood, but it's still mine. And like, and I still live here, unfortunately, but I mean, that job really did give me everything I needed. And I i have a lot of love and respect for, um,
Speaker: you know the students, the staff, and a lot of my coworkers, and a lot of the parents. um and like I just don't miss the hours. like Getting up super early, coming home late, never getting in a sleep. All of that stuff, I don't miss it. and Somebody asked me that today, earlier. like or Maybe it was yesterday. or whatever One of these last few hours of of my life. she At the new job, she was just like, do you miss it? and I'm like...
Speaker: Not really. like I'm not trying to be vogue or mean, but like, yeah, I don't really miss it because I just don't miss getting up at 4am and not getting home till six or whatever. And like, yeah you know, yeah, I don't blame you. Long days, man. And it took a toll on um me for sure. And I know that I feel like I am getting more rest and sleep. I'm less stressed out in general um I'm still getting my footing with the new job but I think everything's going to be cool there and I'm even getting my like physical function back more because I've sitting for so many years and like bouncing and having my spine being like tight you know like that all day long and like Yeah, my back is like, you know, everything, but like the first week and a half, maybe week, week and a half that I worked there, it was so hard to walk just a small distance outside of the school with the kids. Like my whole lower back was just like cramping up so bad. and now it's not doing that anymore. like I mean, i'm i'm not I'm definitely not at all 100% in shape at all, but like I feel so much better now than I did like you know three weeks or whatever ago. Yeah. and on I believe it.
Speaker: My body's recuperating and getting stronger, and so that helps me. like My mental health is better because of that, too. so Yeah. oh I just was worried that it wasn't happening. Hallelujah.
Speaker: but it it just it started happening i started feeling better every day that i was walking more and i'm just like okay i think this is gonna be okay but yeah good good the crones gotta to take care of themselves telling you it's true it's better to start taking care of yourselves and not get like me like seriously yeah and actually like not to like completely jump the gun necessarily but like i definitely got the feeling that like the lesson and like the messages of everything i got it on a hot is this year culminated in the overall message of like you have to start taking better care of yourself like just not only from like a you know
Speaker: actually Actually, especially not from a shame standpoint, but from a like you owe it to yourself. and like you you're gonna reopen all these doors of like capability and um you know possibility by just taking better care of yourself and you know so like that is a huge tie-in there i guess but uh yeah it's it but it also all it came together through like all the different workshops, all the experiences. Molly, are you saying that as a, that was the message that you got this year or do you think that was the message that came across to a lot of people or was like an overall It's the message i got specifically. And I think that a lot of people got a lot of different messages. Yeah. yeah um
Speaker: But there was, you know, from everything that I like received in both the classes and just, you know, interacting with people and also just reflecting by myself. um I had the same, you know, it sort of all came together in the same way of like, you have to take better care of yourself because like,
Speaker: you are cared about by others and well, not because, but like you have to remember you're kind of cared about by others and that like, they want to see you do well. They want to see you be happy. And like, you know, you should want to see yourself be happy too.
Speaker: So yeah. um And of course, like it's, it's so interesting the way that like, don't know how this defies, um, verbal explanation really because you know every time I try to think about like what specifically I might be able to say about it my mind just goes blank you know aside from just knowing like we had so much fun like there were a lot of giggles a lot of laughs a lot of um you know silliness and you know also just a lot of really heartfelt like sincere moments of you know
Speaker: genuine like caring for each other and that's you know to be expected in the group that we have created together um this community like like came out of a bigger community that is on ahadas but like our smaller group that like for the most part we were all grooming together and like we stuck together through like most of our days ah I don't know it's just this i don't know it defies it defies explanation but we're gonna try anyway I think it defies explanation because it's more of a it's more felt than it is like yeah and I know that that's like so corny cliche and like for people who've never experienced it I'm sure you're probably just like
Speaker: Yeah, okay, these culty bitches. Like, Anaheim Hottos is a cult. No, I'm kidding. No, but like, really really, on the outside, looking in, I can see yeah why people might feel a little bit jaded and like, what the hell. But once you find that community, and I promise you there's someone for everyone Anaheim Hottos.
Speaker: Once you find that, it's just like, the The feeling of safety arrives back. The feeling of, oh, I'm not alone in this. yeah The one thing that I received, I can't remember if it was the first or the second night, if it was Thursday night or Friday night. But from then on, after receiving this, just like download, for the rest of the weekend, um I didn't try to take myself too seriously. And then I wound up taking myself too seriously anyway. But... There goes. That's me. um Anyway, so...
Speaker: I heard in my head, you came here for connection, not correction. o And I was like, oh my God, chills. Holy shit.
Speaker: Powerful, Yeah, it is. Bitch. I literally took out my phone and as Molly's writing down all the quotes from the weekend, I'm writing down this really profound. Just like, whew. So that really hit me and I like got underneath the covers and I took I think it was like a nap it had to you have been on Friday and I took like an hour nap and I just like cried for a little bit and I was like alone in the cabin for a little bit while everybody was at classes and I was like in between classes and i was just like.
Speaker: wow, I really need to hear that. And then when I tell you I woke up from this nap, feelings like the Energizer bunny, I was like, I'm ready to go. like But I think that I just needed my system to just like land in Anaheim. It took me at least two days to really be like, Oh my God, I'm here with all my friends. Like not be so up in the air and actually be grounded in the experience. yeah yeah so and then of course the moment i'm grounded i'm like let's dis descend deep into the depths within like a girl what the hell relax it's like because it really the whole environment is one of just like such safety and like yeah it um safety is the key word there to the point that it you know even though you want to you know you yourself are trying to remind yourself not to take yourself too seriously when you feel that really deep safety like Your impulse is, okay, let's start digging through the shit because we're safe to do that here. Exactly. like yeah We're here to catch... like The whole group is here to catch you through whatever that comes up. Because I know at any point, this this didn't really happen, at least like I didn't witness it, but like I knew that at any point, if any one of us were to have like a really serious, big like breakthrough or like emotional release... I'm surprised that didn't happen this year. Yeah. It usually happens like once. was surprised would like be there and just sort of like catch you yeah be like, all right, like let's, let's, you know, hold you. Let's talk about this. Let's like let whatever needs to come up, come up. And, you know, but then it didn't have to happen, you know, like this year.
Speaker: and This year was such a fun, playful year. I feel. really was. And feel like some Anahottas are just like super like serious and you're just like, diving deep and even though i feel like i did dive deep last weekend i also feel like there was like a really fun playful undertone to it all and i was just again kept reminding myself like do you not take yourself too seriously even though you're doing this deep aggressive work in some workshops it was just like whoo then i came home and i hung out with my friends and we danced you know what i mean so like yeah
Speaker: it was um It was a very balanced Anaharas in terms of, you know, diving deep within and then also just feeling like I'm here to be with my friends and hang out and just chill. Yeah. I had that exact same experience, too, because I like I I had a lot of moments within like classes themselves of like receiving intense information, you know, receiving like big things that I knew like, OK, there's a lot that I can do with this. But like now is not the time. Like I was like, I was making notes. I wrote so many notes, excuse me, in all of the classes. And like, I was just like, I'm going to be able to come back to this. I loved that so many facilitators have the option to like, use like the QR code and download the slides and stuff. Because I'm going to definitely go back through a lot of those as well. yeah um but like i was like this is the kind of thing where i'm going to take this information come back through it and like re-reflect as it were um because like you know right now again i want to be present with my friends and i want to like have fun and that's exactly what we did we there were so many titties out
Speaker: he can it was great we were just like i love that our group is like for the most part just like so not shy at all yeah no i'm like about to pump i'm whipping my titty out i'm in the middle of a conversation i'm like yeah let me just put my pump in real quick it's relatable i love it it's like i just i don't have to be anything other than what i am right again not lake that that um underlying theme of safety just like that everybody that you're with is a safe person to express yourself and and to just be yourself with yeah yeah yeah christina did you get a chance i know that you didn't go this year but did you look at like the class schedules or anything in like lieu of curiosity
Speaker: I looked at, I think Sunday, like when things were starting to wind down, like I think it was around two or two 30 in the afternoon. And I was like, I'm just curious what do they have going on today? You know? And, uh, there was so many that I was just like, I would love to do that one. And I would love to do that one. And I, and I didn't read any of the descriptions or the facilitator, you know, the bios or any of those, things. Um, and as a matter of fact, when Stephanie and I were talking about, um
Speaker: we were, we were having a text chat and I was like, did anybody show up to ground your titties? And she was just like, yeah. And then I was like, oh my God, wait, didn't you facilitate that? And she was like, yeah. I totally forgot it was her, yeah but I had a feeling she was going to be there. So that's why I asked it. I was like, wait a minute. That was you. but yeah. So that was one of the ones that i had on my list to go to and I didn't make it. oh that was me with freaking consciously connecting i was so upset about it yeah because i want to go to all my friends workshops i wanted to go to natalie's round table but then i was like i need to freaking eat and i was like oh my god wait that was that day where i went and took a nap because nobody was at the cabin and i was just like yeah great now i can cry like you know that virgo hermit shit where you're like oh thank goodness oh
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, no, this for you, for this year, consciously connecting was high on my priority list because I haven't been able to make it, you know I've wanted to go every year I've been, even before I really got to know like our group of friends. And then this year I was like, this is the year I finally am going to make it to consciously connecting. And like I did. And I'm so, so glad that I did. It was so good.
Speaker: awesome um i have a question about natalie's thing and she had two different workshops yes she did oh yeah i did she was working hard this weekend holy crap yeah yeah so she was scheduled to like teach about four different times or what yeah every day in one class each day yeah oh my goodness okay yeah so what was the round table thing about It was about activism. And that was one of the ones i did get to go to. I went to both of hers. I went to Master of Magic on Thursday. It was my first class with her. And then round the activism roundtable was on Friday. Nice. It was good. It was a lot. It was like um just tons and tons of information. She had a lot of handouts, which like
Speaker: ah I for anybody that's listening that went to Anahata's or as a part of our group and didn't get to go to her activism roundtable like you can message her and ask for her like handouts like in PDF form because like that was she didn't have enough paper copies but like yeah she There was just tons of information, especially about like safety in terms of protest safety, and as well as like online safety, like protecting your identity. Not just like protecting your identity. like in a financial way but in like a facial way like but you know making sure not to like let you know i don't know there's it's tough with like flock cameras and shit that like are constantly being put up now like that they just are tracking us everywhere but like also you know she re-emphasized over and over like the importance of voting and getting involved in your local um communities, like in local governments to be able to have the voice about like whether those flat cameras do get put up in your town and things like that, or whether they open new data centers in your County, like, like things like that. It's just, there was, it was a lot of information and a lot of it went in one ear and out the other, but I was like glad for the, um,
Speaker: the resources to be able to refer back to. But it was just, it was a great, um I don't know, it was, it was great to know that it was going to be focused on, especially on Friday, where it was like, that was the only class happening at that hour. and it was like, right around lunchtime also, which sort of made it, um you know, easier to get to, I guess. But like, yeah uh the fact that so many people did show up to it too was like really really motivating and like energizing to see so yeah that's important yeah the fact that people not only want to be educated but also i feel like a lot of what activism is at the heart of it is just
Speaker: care for others honestly um and i feel like that's anahata's as a whole just that connection piece like people go there because they want to connect yeah like people want to connect with other people people go because they want to feel not alone in where they are you know what i mean yeah so i think workshops like that that are equally as informative and also like it even if it's a lot of information, I love that it's accessible. Like, yes, please don't just throw the information at me.
Speaker: Let me take it home and let me digest it. Because yeah I think most facilitators who are going to Anahottis realize that we're all moving through deep stuff aside from the classes that we're at currently in the moment at their class, you know, we're also going to a lot of other workshops and classes that are very heavy. So I like that Natalie didn't just throw all this information at you and be like, hey, try to remember all of this. like yeah So, yeah. She's great.
Speaker: We love her. So, yeah, that was really good. and I don't know... i actually... I don't know for sure. I feel like I heard that even more people showed up to the second activism roundtable. Oh, really?
Speaker: I feel like I heard that. i could be wrong. but like Did a lot show up for the first one? um ah Quite a few did, but it was also in a sort of an awkward place because it ended up being yeah at, like, the poolside and it was at also the middle of the day, so it was really hot. so we tried to gather along, like, the, like,
Speaker: pool I don't even know what it is building like the supply building or whatever um where there was some shade but it was also the sun was slowly encroaching on us throughout the whole like class And so I remember because I, in particular, cannot sit in the sun. I will roast and I will get sick. um And so I was just like plastering myself up against the wall, trying to like stay away from the just ever encroaching.
Speaker: so excuse me uh ever encroaching sunset sunshine sunshine i literally feel like the weirdest old lady now and i don't care but like every time i went to one of my son's baseball events this summer i had my umbrella with me every single time and i held it up because of the sun i can't do this on so i totally hear you yeah and i will carry umbrella the one thing that i forgot to bring with me Yeah, that's a smart thing to bring, honestly. That I, like, ah never think to bring. But it is smart.
Speaker: yeah Like not even just for rain, dude. Seriously. It helps so much with the sun. Like insane amounts of help. I remember like when I was facing that reality of like, oh, I'm going to like, I wanted to be there because I wanted to support Natalie, but also like it was on my list to to show up to it anyway. um But I like couldn't change my mind last minute. I was like, I feel committed to this now, but it's in the sun. Oh God, I wish I had my umbrella. like I really forgot. But it still, it turned out okay. Like, you know, it obviously, like, eventually i i did, I didn't burn burn, but I did get a little like toasty on my legs because that my legs just could not avoid being in the sun. But like, at least I kept my face out of the, out of the sun.
Speaker: yeah Yeah. That was a really good one. And what was it after that? Like I did, i feel like I did a few, I feel like you weren't at the cabin all Friday. yeah Every single time I came back to the cabin, like in between like workshops to get a bite to eat or anything, Molly was gone all day. I didn't see Molly until later at night. And I was like, yo, this girl's having it herself the day. like so glad about it, dude, because I didn't get to do much last year. Yeah. had No energy.
Speaker: um and part of that was because I was teaching and it really just took it out of me but like I still i did a few classes like two two classes last year and they were really good really impactful classes I was glad I was able to make them but like I definitely there was more that I wished that I could have been at and so I was just like really glad to feel like I could actually make up for it this year um yeah and I remember on Friday that was the day that we took the so the single class that we both took together which was escaping perfection that's how I started out my day and it was that was a heavy hitter of a class dude like tell me what you took away from it because like I'm just oof
Speaker: So for me, it's so funny because this has been a theme for me for the past two years. It's ah specifically like after I had kids, I felt like I was falling into a lot of these like OCD, almost like symptoms where I was just feeling like everything had to be a certain way. Things had to be like perfect. And so Once I started to become aware of that, I was like, oh my God, I can't have this happen. Like I can't have this rule my life. So as difficult as it was, then decided I was going to start therapy back up with a new therapist. And so this therapist that I have now, I've gone through like three different therapists since then, but. therapist that I have now is really, really great. And she has pretty much all the same goals for me as I do for myself. But a lot of it relates back to releasing perfectionism and looking at it in a neutral aspect as opposed to shaming it.
Speaker: And a lot of that workshop was kind of examining your relationship with perfectionism, right? So like, where did it come from? Whose voice is it even? Why do I feel like I need to be perfect to be loved? Like, What parts of me don't feel worthy? Kind of that shadow work piece that I've been doing for a really long time.
Speaker: Sometimes you need to go further than that. And I appreciate that workshop specifically because i feel like it gave you real life tangible scenarios in which you could like truly put that perfectionism, like almost like relate it You know what I mean? And be like, okay, this is how I move through this in a day to day basis. This is what I shame about myself. These are the views that I have about myself and why I feel like I'm not worthy. And this is somebody else's voice actually. So it was really illuminating for me in that way too.
Speaker: i cause I already knew, like I said, from moving through therapy that this was somebody else's voice entirely. Like it wasn't even mine, but it's really illuminating to know and to feel that other people are experiencing this too and it's not just like i've i've started feeling crazy like postpartum like i was really feeling like these ocd symptoms were just like i don't know like i was really convincing myself that i had ocd and when i get to the bottom of it and what he specifically talked about in that workshop was like it's almost like a lack of control and that's why you want the control so much and that's another thing that i've been working through is like letting go of that control So it all kind of just like culminated at one point in that workshop. And I just had this like big aha moment. And then I started crying a little bit and I was like, okay, compose yourself. Nobody else is crying right now in this workshop. Like literally, are you good? So I stopped crying. And then that was the same day that I had to take a nap because I was like, oh my God, I just worked through all the shit that I didn't expect to work through. oh
Speaker: But as I was planning my schedule for Anahata's, I saw that and I was like, oh, I'm definitely not going to that. i don't need to go to that workshop. like And then Molly was like, I'm going to this workshop. And I was like, feeling the pull to like go. and I was like, all right, like I guess I'm meant to go to this workshop, even though I don't really want to. And I'm feeling like all these things about it. Obviously something here wants me to to go and to explore it. So um that was kind of what I took away from it is like,
Speaker: examining more of what I already kind of knew to be true. and And it's just like that extra validation that like, it's not necessarily my fault. This is not necessarily something that's wrong with me. It's not even necessarily bad thing. It's just, at what point do you stop self-abandoning?
Speaker: yeah and like, you know what I mean? Like you want to be perfect because you want to be loved. That's really what it is. And like, can you, can you decide that you, are loved without being perfect.
Speaker: God damn it, girl. Preach. Wow, dude. That's deep. Oh, yeah God. Yeah. And like it's so interesting how like everything that you described is also what i have been working and toiling and struggling so hard to like work through for myself as well. This like need for control and this like fear of letting go And this, ah honestly, it's like a pathological in like incapability of letting go. um which is so frustrating you know because it's like i know that this is what i want but i'm also terrified of the unknown and like everything that is unknown if i can't control it um but what i what i particularly took away from
Speaker: Like, in addition to, like, you again, agreeing, concurring with everything you said, like, in addition to that, like, the actionable steps when you catch yourself in those moments of, like, self-criticism over, you know, stupid shit. Or not even stupid shit, but just, like, self-criticism that, you know, is coming from a place of the need to control or the need for for achieving perfection um is, like, that...
Speaker: reminder when you're noticing these like thoughts and critical like critical feelings and thoughts come up of like this is not you yes this voice came from someone else and also like to separate like give like the you know an additional degree degree of separation where it was like you don't have the thought of I'm bad you have the thought that says I'm having the feeling that I'm bad yes yeah yes and that is why i took a screenshot of that QR code because yeah I need to go back through those documents and really like because I forgot that but you saying that reminded me like oh yeah that was something that really resonated with me from that workshop that I just totally forgot about but it's so true like how can we turn more of that like self-sacrifice in that just like
Speaker: want to be like perfect and contort and control everything into like getting curious about it instead and not shaming it you know because i think a lot of ah we they talked about what's it what was his name robert he talked about i think that was his name i don't really remember i'm so sorry i'm so sorry if i got your name wrong but um we talked about shame versus guilt and that was also helpful for me too because i started to realize that a lot of what I'm feeling is actually shame.
Speaker: Like it's not even guilt. yeah And like, what is that helpful? That's not, that's not helping anybody. It's definitely not helping me. It's definitely not helping my relationships. Like, That's just putting me in a position to pity myself. And I'm tired of that. so yeah Yeah. Oh my God. We all are. We're so tired. Which is why we're taking this freaking class. Yeah. Yeah. We're like, dude, we're tired of like acting like we're just perfect. Like, no, I'm tired of this mask that I feel like I I've had to put on for safety for it like feeling like but if I don't love that you deserve, like, yeah.
Speaker: anything at all if if I don't act a certain way if I am not perfect then I am not worthy And how strange is that? Like, I would never think that about my friends. Like, if you said that to me, i would be like, what the hell is wrong with... No, I'm kidding. But I would be like, girl, what? Like, I love you no matter what.
Speaker: Yeah. And I've had that thought so many times of, like, just for myself, like, even before, you know, that class and the weekend, like, I've had the thought, actually, I think I made this comment in one of our...
Speaker: episodes, I can't remember if it was bonus or a regular one, um where like, I've been so, so mean to myself, like my whole life. And like, if i heard like anybody speaking to any of my friends the way that i speak to myself i would absolutely like rip them physically rip them to shreds like and it's like you know i can't even begin to fathom why that became okay for me to like treat myself that way you know oh yeah yeah i am curious about one thing about that class um
Speaker: So if you have someone who's more like me where I've literally stopped trying to be perfect and say fuck it because I know I'm not and I'm not going to try. um do they have a thing where it's like you can't, I mean, did you talk about how do people that are already in that kind of headspace stop feeling like awkward or like they're being judged for that i don't i don't know how to even put i mean you know what i'm saying like i know people who are close to me know my so my major imperfections and i like i still feel i guess there is a you know there's an element of shame but it's like
Speaker: How do you get over feeling like you're being judged when you really, you really aren't trying to be perfect? Like you're not, I haven't been trying to be perfect. I'm trying to be better than what I am because I know I need improvement, you know, but like.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying? Does that make sense? Yeah. Is there any kind of like touch on touching on that like aspect at all? Because you're right. That is still like shame. It's just a lot more...
Speaker: I feel like that's a lot more internally, like you're you're projecting other people's, um you know, you're you're projecting your so your own internal judgments onto other people. Because like like, at the end of the day, even though you might feel like you might have, you know, stopped caring about trying to be perfect, like that kind of indicates to me that like you haven't fully let go of it.
Speaker: yeah Right. That's what I mean. There's still that layer of just leave that i I mean, I'm not trying to be perfect because I know that it's completely impossible to achieve that because perfection is not really a real thing anyway. but like, I know that I need to improve and be better. And I'm kind of hard on myself for not doing better a better job of that, you know?
Speaker: Well, that's that's in and of itself the issue. Yeah. i see How do you go about your life just feeling like it's okay and don't worry about how others are perceiving you you know what i mean well i think that that's probably also an inachievable thing you know that's something that that like everybody is always going to be working against you know even if it's like ah ah you know maybe it gets gradually easier over time but that like potential is always there to like uh you know end up having those feelings every so often um alissa what were you gonna say sorry
Speaker: No, it's okay. I was ah thinking the same thing that you were. And I was also going to kind of piggyback on that and say that I feel like life it is as a whole is just a, a lifetime of like exposure therapy. yeah Right. So like do the thing that makes you uncomfortable and just keep doing it.
Speaker: And then it's not going to be so uncomfortable. You know what I mean? Like ah if I, This is like just trying to put it in a relatable way. If i never started my business due to fear of what other people think, I would never have met you guys.
Speaker: Do you know what I mean? yeah if i didn't, if i like, I still get nervous before sessions because I have this like fraudulent thing within me that says you're a fraud.
Speaker: That's my own shit, right? And I'm aware of that. I know that that's my own inner voice. But if we expand past that, whose voice actually is that? Is it mine?
Speaker: No, actually it's not because I don't feel like deep down I'm a fraud. So I think not only exposure therapy, but also getting down to the nitty gritty, like asking yourself these deep questions that we want to avoid to help you realize where it's coming from and who it came from in the first place will help you kind of detach and away from it. And then I feel like once that detachment comes, it's like, oh, like that's when you start to realize I'm actually not perfect. Like that's when it really hits you. Like, it's like when you have that detachment from the feelings that you're feeling that aren't even yours. I hope that I'm making sense here. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: and yeah So that's just what I was what kind of was coming into my mind as you guys were talking. Yeah, that makes total sense. And I liked the analogy about exposure therapy. so yeah Life is yeah was this an ongoing series of exposure therapy, you know?
Speaker: Yeah, like i like I said, I still get nervous before sessions. And again, that's a deep down like me thing. It's not because I'm not good at what I do. It's because I'm questioning, like doubting and fearful. And that's the human side of me, right? Like that's my human, but deep down, Oh, we are all divinity, you know, just experiencing this human thing.
Speaker: So it's like, realistically the fraudulent, like, am I doing something right? Am I doing something wrong? Am I achieving perfection is really comes from a place of, you think it comes from a place of like wanting to care, and wanting to be the best at what you can do. But realistically, it's coming from a place of self abandonment. Like we are self abandoning by wanting to consistently be perfect. We are self sacrificing constantly by coming off as like this person who is caring and helpful and kind. And it's like, at what cost? At what cost are we self sacrificing? At what cost is it like caring or is it obligation? Like those are the deep questions that we have to start asking ourselves. And I think that that class itself really helped me to realize like, what are you doing out of obligation and out of like somebody else's ideals and expectations of you?
Speaker: Yeah. And I actually was thinking, you know, Christina, when you were talking about having the feeling that like you want to be doing better or like your goal is to be like working to improve on things and yet you like get down on yourself because you feel like you're not doing good enough at getting better. Like I think that like what probably needs to shift is like that mindset of like you know, getting hard on yourself about anything when it comes to, you know, whatever your goals might be.
Speaker: um Because ultimately, like, if you are trying, like, that is enough. And even if, like, you know, you're, it doesn't look consistent from the outside or from any perspective, like, if you think, oh, well, this is not consistent, I didn't try as hard today as I did yesterday or whatever, like you know Ultimately, like you're still giving what you can give on like at in each passing moment, each passing day. And like that's the lesson. and Another thing that I took away from this weekend was like the forgiveness of like no matter what
Speaker: like it may look like to anybody in my life like i have only ever done the best i can do and like i have to forgive myself for you know the feeling of that i failed myself or that i that i didn't try hard enough or i squandered opportunities or whatever because i wasn't Capable of doing better than i did in that moment.
Speaker: And like, when you can like, look at it that way, like, and have so much more patience and grace with yourself. I think that that becomes it becomes a lot easier to continue to try. Like the I can't remember the exact phrasing that he used in this class, but he did emphasize the importance of like positive reinforcement versus like negative or like punishment oriented reinforcement. And it's so much easier and better to like give yourself rewards for the behaviors that you do want to see more of. versus punishing yourself because you let yourself down in in any certain way like or that you view that you let yourself down you know like it's I mean I've heard of that strategy when it comes to parenting or raising animals like pets and like it for some reason it never occurred to me that I should also apply it to like helping and and improving my own self yeah Yeah. it's Like it's okay to be good enough. You don't have to strive for something that's not even achievable.
Speaker: Yeah. Because we all know logically that perfection is not achievable and yet we still try. It's just like we continuously put ourselves in suffering, in a state of suffering. And that's realistically all it is, right?
Speaker: And it's from other people's projections. You know what I mean? Like think of a relationship in your life and the way that it ended. And it like, you can think of all the reasons why you might've been the reason why this relationship ended. Maybe I didn't do x Y, and z Maybe I didn't show up enough, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I think that that's really where it comes from, which is why I feel like perfection really is so much about like wanting to care for people, wanting to care for ourselves, but When you really like get deeper and underneath the surface of it, it's actually just doing the complete opposite of what we want it to do.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll have to look back at the slides and like see exactly how he talked about the like punishment versus reward. Because that like really was impactful.
Speaker: I certainly wasn't trying to turn this around on myself at all. want know But I do want to say, because like it's discussions that we want to be able to have and that we, should be having because of like you know the the um classes and the lessons that we took away from this weekend and we want to be able to share the information but also like continue to process it for ourselves um but i will say like like i was just kind of thinking about how you were you were talking about
Speaker: having some OCD like characteristics or symptoms or whatever right oh um and I have been aware in the past about how some forms of OCD are like you if you are feeling like you're trying to be perfect and you know you can't be so you don't even try Like you don't, you don't even, you just quit before you even, you know what I'm saying? Don't even, don't even bother trying because you know, you're not going to get there. Sometimes I think that that's my problem. Like I might have a little case of OCD myself because I feel like.
Speaker: I completely give up and don't even want to try because I know that what I am like picturing in my head is never going to be achievable because of my ADHD and like whatever, you know, so I, so I quit before I even get started, if you will. So anyway, that's something I probably need to work through on my own, but I just thought about that. I know it's a very common thing for there to be comorbidities between OCD and ADHD and even autism.
Speaker: So I think that's an entirely likely scenario. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a bitch. And I also feel like a lot changes when you have children because it's like,
Speaker: It's something bigger than you. You know what I mean? Like there's something outside of yourself that you have to now protect. And it's like, they're eventually going to be on their own in the world and you won't always be able to protect them within your four walls, you know?
Speaker: but I don't know. That's just like the mother in me. But anyway, so getting back to Anahanas, Molly, what would you say was your favorite experience of this weekend? Or like,
Speaker: favorite memory don't know something like that i mean there's so many obviously um like any moment where we were all like hanging out together in the cabin being silly gooses yeah it was a blast so much fun i really enjoyed going up to where ginger had parked her bus and attempting fire her yo that's sad excuse for a fire chart our best but it was such like a nice you know even though it freezing cold like it was such a nice evening and like really cool to get to see Jinder's bus because she really decked it out it was really cool and then also having the like full moon rising above the trees as we were like hanging out all together yeah everybody flashing their boobies yeah everybody showed their titties to the moon um i've mooned the moon before told i wish she told that story we're all sitting around the fire and she's like did i ever tell you guys about how christina mooned the moon on a full moon and we were like no glad that story came up oh god that's hilarious When I say that you were missed. Yeah, you were missed. I have video of it, Alyssa, because have a security camera. I'll crack it up.
Speaker: I have a morning camera that faces my street and I was leaving for work in the morning at like five in the morning and the moon was directly out front of my house and I was like woo I'm crying that's so funny you know and I was like fuck it I'm gonna moon the moon and I just like pulled my pants down and as soon as I did a car started coming by and I was like you're trying to yank my pants back oh my god that was funny
Speaker: that's a great story love that oh my god oh man and i and i did receive a um a pick a titty pick of thanks i think it somebody somebody appreciated something that i did to help them from afar and i received a titty pick of thanks from that
Speaker: there were titties out this weekend oh yeah titties fucking out this weekend it was great i would have lost my mind it's probably better that i wasn't there oh my god yeah i really enjoyed that i really i also really enjoyed um prom night a lot of fun Yeah, that's probably my favorite memory. had a lot of fun. Love prom night. It was fun, like, getting ready with everybody and also just sort of, like, because I was so psyched about my outfit and was so excited to, like, reveal it to everybody. To reveal myself to everybody. Essentially. Because that's what felt like.
Speaker: I loved you It was a lot of fun. And then it was, I mean, it's just the Leo moon in me was like eating up everybody's like compliments. so Naturally. Love it. yeah lot Oh my God. It was just like a cool, um just a cool night overall. And particularly just how you know, i I kept hearing about like people, particularly online in the like Facebook group beforehand.
Speaker: being like i never even went to my proms like i am so glad that we're gonna get to do this like you know it's a lot of us were like the you know weirdo loners in high school who like didn't you know we weren't like in the center of like the social circles of high school that usually went to prom and stuff i only went to mormon prom when i was growing up so like wow i didn't know that and like i did yeah we didn't have a mormon prom where i was like grew up so i've never heard of that to be honest yeah we had mormon prom and that's the only prom i went to um and you know i just i feel like i missed out and so now i now i don't have to feel like i missed out why why exactly did you not go to your senior prom nobody ever asked me and i didn't want to go by myself yeah So, yeah, I didn't bother. But I will say, though, I have to remember that the very first night, Thursday night, opening circle, and we had, like, the entertainment afterward, that band that performed...
Speaker: Kozer yes they are incredible and i my mind was blown I was just I was so tired my ass was going numb because like those seats are like not very comfortable and I like would have left early i really would have but I was floored watching this performance by this band and so yeah they were really good that was like a big standout moment was like that very first night so sweet um they're a local philly philly local band uh k-o-s-e-r is how their band name is spelled and they are badass yeah they were great honestly everyone was great but they were amazing they were incredible
Speaker: Yeah, truly. i mean, i loved yeah I loved all the musical like performances that we heard. um i wasn't i didn't really show up to Hoedown because I was just beat after the day I had out on Friday. I was so tired. But we were close enough. The cabin that we were staying in was close enough that you could kind of hear everything still in the barn.
Speaker: So it was fun. yeah any other bands? It was a blast. uh ghost pipe was cool he was that was the first that was not the first time ghost pipe had been there um he was he was a cool um artist i don't really like it was more of like an electronic uh techno almost was it like a dj kind of a little yeah yeah um but i really liked him he played on prom night cool so yeah yeah that was a lot of fun yeah would have to say yeah i would have to say prom night was probably my favorite memory favorite night um not only did i get to dance a lot but yeah we all looked super hot yes we did and the bi panic that i felt in the barn was absolutely immense um but also the flash mob
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Dude, that was so fucking cool. i loved getting to experience that. I thought I was actually supposed to be in it. And then I never went to the practice because I had just, like I said, just gotten done a crazy freaking insane oh last couple days. And I was just like trying to integrate and land in the space. So I said, it's probably not best if i if I do all that right now. Yeah. Yeah. But they were great anyway. And I'm very glad to have seen them.
Speaker: They all looked amazing. Yeah. didn't even really, like, watch them because I was sitting down in like, that first bottom row. So everybody was just standing in front of me Oh, I see. But it was really funny how that one guy that was wearing the, like, rainbow tie-dye suit, like, i ja drew his jacket. And it landed right over over the crowd and landed right in my lap.
Speaker: And I like didn't, I wasn't watching, so I didn't know what was going on and wasn't expecting it. And suddenly I just had this jacket in my lap. i can imagine that would be a little like what the fuck he came over after throwing their clothes now oh my god he came over after and he said i'm i heard that i hit you in the face with my jacket i'm so sorry and i was like no it's fine i just didn't know it was coming
Speaker: So funny. It was really funny. you But yeah, everybody not only looked great, everybody was like, you could feel the vibes were high on prom night. Everybody was feeling like really just hyped to be there alive.
Speaker: You know what i mean? Like, I feel like that's when everybody started kind of really landing in the space, which is so unfortunate because then we had to leave the next day. Yeah. But that's usually how it works at Anahata. It's like, it takes you a few days to be there, you know? And especially if you dive right in on the first day, yeah I've learned to give myself like the first day of like, do nothing and take maybe one workshop, if that. And then on Friday is usually the day where will dip my toe in a little bit. But this year i was like, oh, I'm going to take my crazy classes on fridays Friday and Saturday. And then on Sunday, I went to one class and it was this, it was a lovely class to end with, but it was called the Soulmatic Gathering.
Speaker: The Soulmatic Gathering. and we were working, it seemed like I don't want to call them a shaman because I'm not sure if they are, but it seems like a lot of shamanistic practice. And, um, we're like calling on the elements and like kind of embodying the elements through our, like, uh, through like somatic experience. So through like dancing, through humming, singing, using our voice, um,
Speaker: At one point we were just like, I was, we were prompted to do like whatever felt kind of right. And I just laid there and I was just like receiving because this was the last day it was rainy. It was cold. The air, the wind was like going crazy. So I was just like, let me just receive this after I just like danced and sang.
Speaker: And a lot of people were like still moving and like in their bodies, you what mean? Like some people were like sitting down and like swaying and moving their hips. And for me, I was like, let me just lay here and receive this.
Speaker: And there was one part of this workshop where it was like, it was lovely to end on because again, it helped me kind of integrate all the experience from the weekend. It was like that space where I was just, I didn't need to do anything or be anything. I could just do whatever my body wanted to do. Um, so there was a part where we were like embodying the water element and we were like asked to call on our emotions. And for me, I didn't really feel much because I was still just like integrating the weekend and sad that I was leaving.
Speaker: But i got done that workshop and I started packing up. And then I guess because I didn't give myself enough time in between the workshop and then starting to pack up. As soon as I was done packing up, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Then I was like, oh my God, I'm leaving now. And I just started sobbing. And I think Molly was... No, I started crying when Natalie hugged me. And I was crying just like a tiny bit. And then i hugged Molly. And I started sobbing. And I was like...
Speaker: Oh, no. And then I, like, had pretty much already hugged everybody else. And Molly was one of the last people that I hugged. And I think that's why I started sobbing. Because it was like, oh, i have to go home now. Like, this is the end of my weekend.
Speaker: And then yesterday was really tough. I just cried off and on a lot yesterday. And just to put people, put this into perspective, this is Tuesday. So this is two days after I've left Anaharas. And I still feel like not really...
Speaker: Like, it's a better day than it was yesterday, but I'm still sad. You know, like, I'm still very... Yeah, we're kind crashing down little Yeah, my my heart still feels heavy. Like, I still feel like I have a brick on my chest. And I don't think that that's gonna go away for a few weeks. Because, like, when you find a space that is so comforting, and it's like, of course I feel comforted with my family, but, like, when you find that outside of my four walls...
Speaker: That is just... People... i I hate to say it, but it's the truth in this day and age. People don't find that often. So it's like when you find that, it makes it really hard to leave. And it makes it really hard to... Really hard to just, like, say goodbye.
Speaker: You know? And, like, how blessed are we that we have something that makes it so hard to say goodbye? Like, you know? Like, how... I don't know. It's... It was just a really hard year for me to say bye. And I think that that's because this was the first year where I met a lot of people for the first time.
Speaker: And so, like, getting to, like, hang out with Katie all weekend and Hope and Ginger and then, like, having to say bye after just meeting them. Fucking sucks. Like, yeah it sucks so bad. Yeah.
Speaker: I... I haven't shared them yet, but I do have the video and a few photos of um you and Ginger getting to hug for the first time.
Speaker: my God. It was the sweetest, most precious. I'm so excited to drop those photos. can't wait to see them. They're so, so special. um And I was going to say too, like you mentioned hugging Natalie and feeling it a little bit. Like Natalie just has this way about her of like,
Speaker: comfort she when you hug natalie you really feel it you really really fucking feel it and like i she was the first person i hugged too yeah and so i was like oh fuck like yeah dude literally and like she so she was the first class i went to and i was there i had showed up like just a couple of minutes late because i was trying to like eat really fast before her class and um So I snuck in the back and she saw me and she waved and she was excited. But I like sat through her class. And then when her class was over, i went up to like actually properly hug her. And she just gave this incredible, like perfect pressure. and it was it like it opened something up in me. And I just started to sob. And this was day one. was day one. was just like, oh, oh, oh, no. Here we go. go.
Speaker: oh no ready oh boy here i go but it was perfect it was exactly what i needed i didn't have that moment all weekend until i left i didn't really sit and cry and i think it's because i was like just with you guys all weekend yeah we were yeah all riding a high Yeah, for sure. i definitely remember day one, like as people were arriving, you included Alyssa, actually, you I think might have been the first one after I got there, that I got there and I was just so overheated. I just took my t shirt off. And so I was just in my bra, unpacking.
Speaker: And as everybody was like showing up, I was getting up and like sweaty hugging them in my bra. Yeah. yeah and it was a lot of fun oh goodness but yeah like but there's like something really impactful about like the people that we have connected to the closest with uh you know within this um event within this community and like how just like
Speaker: how emotionally intertwined we all are, um, that we do feel like family to each other. And, you know, it is like, you know, it's our Anahata's family and it's very, very, very real.
Speaker: just as real as like our biological or, or, you know, our like nuclear families. Yeah. Yeah. When i came home and like I had Sunday, I cried like,
Speaker: a couple times throughout Sunday and then yesterday I really cried a lot and Rob at one point was like these people really mean a lot to you like I know that they did but like seeing you and I'm like you don't even get it like yeah I and I wish that I could try to explain this to you but it's like soul fam is it different it's different it's just different I don't I can't put it into words I'm only human who
Speaker: yeah i I mean, I had like the very, very good fortune of being able to get dinner with people after we left the camp on Sunday.
Speaker: And, you know, because a lot of people were headed out in like the Baltimore direction to be able to go see Practical Magic, too. And then also... um They had all gotten a hotel near the Baltimore airport.
Speaker: um And so like they were just sort of headed that direction, which is unfortunately an hour the opposite way from where I was headed. So like I went and got dinner with them. That was a lot of fun. It was really good. And then I drove back toward Philly where I was staying for Sunday night. And it was raining like, you know, pretty heavily, actually, while I was driving, you know, that way. And I feel like I was my focus was held on, like, making sure i was driving safely and and, you know, that I was going to be OK. But also, i i feel like I was still sort of coming down from it.
Speaker: And it wasn't until yesterday morning, actually, before i even got on the road, where I started to feel, like, the real, like, sadness. And, like, I cried a little bit because it was, like, that was my actual leaving. Like,
Speaker: i I think that the so I I've have been over the last several years except for last year I've used my friend Tom's parents house as like the landing pad between like before and after Anahata's it's the house yeah And I feel like it's become a little bit of like an integral part of my Anahara's experience every year because of the kind of environment that they curate and create, yes you know, in in the physical, you know, house that they have. it's so comfortable and so safe and warm and they're such wonderful like safe people literally elissa never knew people like that existed swear it yeah they're wonderful wonderful people heard amazing things about them like they're they're just so emotionally healthy
Speaker: And I'm not used to people like that at all. Right. and i Yeah. What's that like? I appreciate that so much. Yeah. Yeah. Like I am was instantly in love with his mother. yeah She's, they're I'm going to take you home with me. And I feel like when I'm there and, you know, when they put all of their attention on me, I feel like I'm their third child, their only daughter. You know, they have two sons. It's a really nice way To start the trip and end the trip because you're starting your trip on such a high note and you're ending your trip on such a high note. Exactly. And you're like, how can I even be sad? Like leaving, you know, because then I get to see Tom's parents and how great is that? You know, like. Literally.
Speaker: Like when I was, you know, first coming down and I got there and I hadn't had dinner yet. Like his mom made me breakfast for dinner and it was the most beautiful, delicious like breakfast that she just like threw together.
Speaker: it was so amazing. And like just had wonderful conversations with her like six hours straight of us just talking. And we didn't, I didn't even go up to bed until like 1.15 in the morning. And then like when I came back, you know, when I got there um after leaving Anahara's, Like I had my leftovers from dinner that I was, you know, sort of picking out and we were sitting and talking and I ended up having just like a really lovely time chatting with his dad about like music.
Speaker: And, you know, like he wanted to find out ah more about my music tastes. And he is asking me like, you know, have you listened to this song by Ella Langley, Choose in Texas? And I was like, I wasn't expecting that out of you. That's so funny. Oh my God. and Like launched into like a really extensive conversation and like sharing songs with each other of like you know folk you know both like folk country and folk rock music and just having just such a lovely time and also having hot chocolate throughout all of that too like homemade hot chocolate it was so good and yeah that's like the icing on the cake yeah it was like oh this is how i get to end my anahara's weekend amazing and then you know in the morning like his mom like always has made had made coffee for me, like iced coffee in the fridge. And so i you know, sat and like drank that. And that's where it really started to hit me. And I was also having like, you know moments of like making connections and putting things together about like this is what this weekend was for me like this is how um these are the lessons that i needed to take away with these this is how um
Speaker: needs like are being like met and also like my my needs in terms of um growth are being met effectively um and just sort of trying to journal and make notes about that but also just like really having that feeling of i don't want to leave because i was still in the area you know like still like in the vicinity close to you a lot of because a lot of our friends do live like in that vicinity you included and you know so it's like when i leave here
Speaker: that's when it's like really real that i'm that i'm leaving and the weekend is over and like that was really really hard um and that drive is always tough like because it's just like i don't want to leave my friends and also i'm so tired and i just want to be home and so that in between space is really tough yeah um and getting home was like you know made i made it safely and it was all good like It was fine, but I was just like so physically drained that I was just like, i can't move. I'm going to lay down on the couch and I just like can't move for a long time.
Speaker: yeah And, you know, then I just sort of it's pulled into today where everybody's still like. Talking and like, you know, remembering things, like having memories, sharing photos, like, you know, talking about everything that we all like, you know, learned and took away from the weekend.
Speaker: um it i mean, it really is like it's it's a come down. And, you know, also, I'm so grateful for the reminders from our friends to like be so like gentle with ourselves and like take it easy.
Speaker: Because i notoriously am never easy on myself. excuse me straight up homie straight up and so like just knowing like okay i need to give myself permission to just rest and spend the day in my pajamas and like relax and play some animal crossing and like comfy cozy things yeah it'll help me reintegrate this experience and feel because i feel like a lot of times when you come back from anahotas it's like
Speaker: You're jumping right back into work. And you're just like the normal human mundane things. yeah And it's just like, bro, I don't wanna.
Speaker: I don't wanna. How do I go from very forest gremlin, which to corporate nine to five. bety god Literally. And I'm so grateful that I still have a couple of weeks on my leave.
Speaker: um like yeah that's super helpful so grateful like I always you know i had it scheduled before I was taking leave and I was still planning to be at Anahata's I had it scheduled to have a couple of days after the weekend to be able to reintegrate and I always make sure I have that buffer but like these two weeks are like going to be exactly exactly what I need a blessing a blessing in disguise for real it's true u I'm glad that you have that too you doing okay girl I'm good oh Alyssa I just like keep freaking I have to like clear my throat like eight freaking times dude this weekend whooped me I just have sinus problems I don't have any ah any I don't know how to after whatever after effects it's like ah we gotta talk about that too like it's like the fest not only the fest drop but you're musician so yeah it's just like what the f like because we were like going going going so much of the weekend and also like i mean not getting the best sleep honestly i did not get great no of course not because you're not in your own bed and it's also like you're getting woken up by people talking you know what i mean like yeah
Speaker: Which is like, I'm not pissed off about it. I expect that when you go to a festival. But... yeah Some people have unrealistic expectations. I definitely... ah I really enjoyed, even though I was like...
Speaker: i don't know last year i definitely got up a lot earlier like each day um this year i was waking up but also just sort of like continuing to drowse and like sleeping like well past when people were like getting ready and leaving for the day that is how i was last year That's okay. Everybody has their own timeline. That's what's perfect about Anahotis is like yeah you curate your own experience for real. Like there's some years where I'll be going to like I'll be hitting every fucking workshop that I can. And then there's other years like this year where I'm like
Speaker: I'm just going to go with the flow and see where life takes me. And if I go to this workshop, cool. If I don't, cool. You know, like the, I think it was on Friday when I did the escaping perfection with you. i was supposed to do the somatic gathering that day, but something in me was like, no, like, don't do that this day. go to this class. And then, cause it would have overlapped with one another. And then I would have had to leave escaping perfection early to get to that class. And I was like, nah, And then look, I wound up having it on Sunday, which was arguably when I needed it the most. Right.
Speaker: So like, that's why you got to just go with the flow. ah And I've learned that this is what my fifth year at Anahata's. And I learned that after five years, finally, like to like, just go with the flow and to just trust that your path is going to take you where it's meant to go.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. And I just really loved, like, being able to, like, I mean, I absolutely embrace that, like, going with the flow. But, like, also, like, really, really loved the ability to wake up the way that I did where, like, I was being woken up by the coffee maker starting and people starting to, like, slowly get up yeah and, like, talk, you know, relatively quietly. What better way to wake Yeah. yeah there's just like this is again the theme of safety like i feel safe with these people i feel like comfortable and like even if i am still tired and i want to keep sleeping i'm nowhere near annoyed at anybody for getting up because like they're all like my friends they're all like my soul people i was laughing because i just thought about how virtually every morning we would wake up to kelly say it
Speaker: what ho bag like what kelly every time somebody would wake up she would just be like good morning ho bagg or po bag or some shit like that all weekend we were kids we were uh talked about as the ho bags
Speaker: which like was cracking me up she's so funny she's just ridiculously hilarious and she doesn't even mean to be in herself are you sure she doesn't mean to be i'm sorry no she's funny as hell no she is very she's so funny on like sunday when we were like slowly packing up and everything elissa i don't know how much of this you caught but like she started she was just like singing silly songs and like shut yeah like those earworms and just like repeating them over and over again and there was one that was this silly song that's been like viral on TikTok or something that's like a dumb little song like don't put bananas in my butt
Speaker: um
Speaker: singing that over and over again wait the one song that she was singing she was like what it is what's up and she thought the lyrics were every white girl needs a little love every white girl like I was like yeah that's the lyrics Cal go ahead girl live your live your truth but yeah yeah And then there was something about, um like i' again, I cannot tell you where these things came from. But she was talking about how like the there's a bra called the over-the-shoulder boulder holder. And then how like a guy's boxers should be called an under-the-butt nut hut.
Speaker: And then she was like, that's what our cabin should be called, is the nut hut. yeah I can't. No longer Conti Cabin. We went from Conti Cabin to Nut Hut.
Speaker: I say we're both. I think that we should be both. Combined. Conti Cabin, Nut Hut. Yeah. Oh my I am such a fan.
Speaker: i love it. my god I'm about to go change our group chats to the Nut Hut. The Conti Cabin, Nut Hut. I can't. Oh, it's perfection. I love it so much. And there were some great fucking quotes. Like, Alyssa, you mentioned that I was like over here making like making sure that I wrote down. the silly quotes that people were saying. Yeah. is I mean, that's my MO every year. That's like always what I want to make sure I do because like we're fucking hilarious. All of us. There were some really good ones. So funny. We are so funny. um I don't know if you heard this one. It was on Sunday, the last day. I'm just going to read this one because it was very funny.
Speaker: very well two of these one from kelly one from katie kelly he it's like like looking at this like stack of um disposable coffee cup coffee cups that we had thought i was there for this one she was like how the fuck do we have more coffee cups now than when we had no coffee cup yeah that was so funny all looked at each other like Did we just see a her right? like What are you trying to say? What she meant was like, earlier, Katie with a boy brought fucking coffee cups, and there was, like, five of them.
Speaker: And we all took them and then there was like 10 of them all of a sudden on Sunday and Kelly was like, how do we have more? Wait, how do we have more? We only had five to begin with. Like, so it was so funny just the way that she worded it. How do we have more coffee cups than when we had no coffee cups?
Speaker: it's so funny what's the one from katie though i don't think i heard that one the one from katie she was uh taking the trash out she was like trying to empty things the pussy juice she's like can someone help me i'm gonna rip the pussy bag and it's gonna go everywhere it was one of those trash bags that looks like i mean it's just it gathers all together like at one point and the bottom of it and it's like the very fragile ones that will rip if you pull it the wrong way and it unfortunately kind of has a pussy look at the bottom but that's why my god
Speaker: Wait, hold on. This whole time I was wondering why she was calling it a pussy bag. but Thank you for explaining that because I was like lamping. Why is she
Speaker: is she referring to this as a pussy bag? I thought she meant because it smelled bad. I'm sitting here thinking it's the the like a bag from a stall that had menstrual products in it. See...
Speaker: That's what even comes to mind, but that would make sense. And I think I was like the only one on my period that weekend, which is like, how the fuck was I the only one and on a full moon weekend the period of witches? Because we all had before. True, true. But I was like,
Speaker: what the fuck? Anyway, that was that was funny. Yeah, and then the one from day one with Alyssa and me where she was hanging out on my bed and she's like, do you want me to get off your bed? And I said, no, in fact, get more on.
Speaker: was like, okay. Yeah, girl. like sounds good. yeah So much fun, you guys. We had so much fun.
Speaker: ah yeah And we get to do it all again next year. I'm definitely going to be there. AP 2027 recap. dates yet for next year? No, not yet.
Speaker: But I know that they're in the early stages of working it out. We will be reserving Cabins 1 and 2.
Speaker: no not yet okay but i know that they're you know in the early stages of working it out so we will be <unk>erving cabinets one and two is it If it is available, preferably two.
Speaker: The Cunty Cool Cabin and the Nut Hut. and we're pretty much going to have all the same peeps, except maybe a couple more, including Christina.
Speaker: Yeah. And whoever the hell else wants to join our cabin. Oh my god. So, yeah. put out the vibes that it doesn't end up being any like a weekend, any earlier in September or else I will not be able to go unless I get a different job because the job I have now, I can't take off. I'm not allowed to take off the work in the first two weeks. So as long as it's like the third weekend or later that I'm, you know, happy, happy. Oh, then we're praying and vibing because i think,
Speaker: If I'm remembering correctly, last year it was like November that Ray released. Was it October? Oh, it was November when she released the tickets. Yeah, because then I remember Rob bought me it like an early Christmas gift and he was like, listen, you're not going to get much from me for Christmas because I'm paying for your whole Anna Hottest trip. And I was like, that's fine. Anna Hottest is the most important gift you can get me. Even though he still wound up probably getting me at least $300 worth of gifts anyway. Oh my goodness. You know, Rob, he's crazy.
Speaker: Yeah. So you about I hope that this year. Yes, true. I hope that this year it's the same way because then I'll just be like, Hey, get me my Anaharas gift. need to go. And you can reserve the seat, right? So I can be like, oh I can't really reserve seats. But you know what I mean? like I'll put my energy and intention in there and I'll be like, I already bought this so all my friends are going to buy with me in the same cabin. True, true. Good, good.
Speaker: Yes. h Well, is there any other things that we want to talk about from the weekend or any last words to recap?
Speaker: I feel complete, but I do want to say if you are hesitating and you are local, and even if you're not, I... It's worth traveling....truly recommend just going on the website, going on anahottospurpose.com. Instagram, even. Yeah. Anahottospurpose.com, checking out the images, checking out past facilitators. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: making yourself feel a little bit more safe with the vibe. And if you're feeling the pull, I really just ask you to just promise and to yourself to trust that pull and to just promise to let your curiosity lead you. Cause I, I promise you it will take you to places that you really would have never expected or anticipated otherwise. So Yes, it's so true. You should dive deep and take it Yeah. So many of our group and so many people in general who have now been coming for years, um you know, their first time showing up, they showed up by themselves and it was like a crazy brave thing to do. You know, it takes a lot of courage to show up at an event that's like completely, you know, unfamiliar to you. for sure. New people all around in a new environment. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, that was me. But it's like so worth it. Yeah, I showed up all alone and it is, i will say, 100% worth it, as Molly's saying. Like, Molly's saying it's it's worth it and it's worth the drive, it's worth the expenses, it's worth it all. Because in the end, you find community that is everlasting.
Speaker: yep it's so true and if you're by yourself there's bound to be somebody who's gonna like pick up on that and like immediately go to you and try to make you feel comfortable and help you or whatever yeah and like the staff the people who like are working and volunteering there are also just like wonderful people to at least like help like like introduce you into like the world of anaharas I remember it like the first day I showed up on the first year I came, like it was the, I don't remember who it was specifically. i just remember they had fairy wings on and they came and they wrote the little like, you know, chalk pen um but D part, like parking pass for the day pass in my windshield. And they were just so kind and lovely and like excited to see me that like, I was just like, Oh, like,
Speaker: I'm where I'm supposed to be. This is where I'm supposed to be. And like yeah that could not have ended up being a truer thing. like I like literally had no way I could even fathom how true that was going to turn out to be. yeah so yeah let' Take the leap.
Speaker: trust Trust your instinct. And just go. yeah absolutely You will not regret it. we'll see you there. Yes, we will. Hell yeah. Oh my god.
Speaker: ah Well, thank you so much for joining us, Alyssa. Thank you. I love you guys. experience Because like, God, it was such a great weekend. And like, I love, I think I told you beforehand, like, this is my favorite, like podcasting tradition is like recapping this weekend, like these, you know, this event every year. And like, I am just so glad that we got to do it with you this year. Me too. I am honored to be on your podcast again. Thank you. Yay. I love it. think we should try to do it a little bit more frequently.
Speaker: i Yeah, I would love to. We can talk about more than just Hannah. Well, we have before. There is so much to talk about. you know Yeah, we'll have you back. Don't worry. I'm down. Always down. You guys know that.
Speaker: I love it. All right, y'all. Well, I love you guys. Thank you for having me on Absolutely. And thank everybody who's listening. Thank y'all for listening and for supporting us and, yeah you know, for being along for this journey. And, yeah.
Speaker: And with that, we shall say goodnight because it is, it's not late, late, but we are fading. We're fading away. But we'll be back again next week. And in the meantime, in between time, have a beautiful week, everybody. And be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself.
Speaker: Love you. Love you, honey. Bye.
