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Ep. 0013 | Let Them Live. And You Be, Too.
17 Plays1 month ago
There’s a particular kind of grief that comes from being left behind not because you did something wrong—but because you were finally being real.
In this episode of The GR8TNESS Router, Zena C. holds space for the quiet ache of being cut off, edited out, or misunderstood for choosing authenticity. Anchored by Langston Hughes’ iconic poem Mother to Son, this reflection invites listeners to consider what it costs to shrink, and what it could mean to stop.
From middle school memories to grown-folks clarity, this episode is a reminder that not all disconnection is loss—and that sometimes, the most radical thing you can do is let people go… and stay true to yourself anyway.
If you’ve ever traded a piece of yourself to belong—or felt discarded for simply being—this one is for you.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'The Greatness Router' and its Purpose
00:00:08
Speaker
This is The Greatness Router, where we connect purpose to process one conversation at a time.
Exploring 'Laid Off Lemonade' for Life Transitions
00:00:24
Speaker
Before we get into today's episode, I want to take a moment to tell you about my book, Laid Off Lemonade. It's not just a book, it's also a tool, a tool for what happens after the shift, after letting go and after the relationships end, the roles disappears the mask finally comes off.
00:00:47
Speaker
It's about more than layoffs. It's about the moment when clarity arrives and ask you to reintroduce yourself to who you actually are. If you're in the middle of that moment or still learning how to breathe in your own space after being shut out of someone else's, this book might just hold something for you.
00:01:08
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Laid Off Lemonade is available now at laidofflemonade.com and wherever books are sold. Now, let's begin.
Analysis of 'Mother to Son' by Langston Hughes
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Well, son, I'll tell you, life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
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It's had tacks in it and splinters and boards torn up and places with no carpet on the floor. Bare. Bare. But all the time, I's been a climbing on and reaching landings and turning corners and sometimes going in the dark where there ain't been no light.
00:01:48
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So boy, don't you turn back. Don't you sit down on the steps cause you find it's kinda harder. Don't you fall now. For I still going honey.
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I still climbing. And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
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That poem isn't just history. It's inheritance. A reminder that the climb is part of the calling and that being worn down by the world doesn't mean you stop moving through it.
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Langston Hughes wrote mother to son nearly a century ago. And still, how many of us are navigating splinters, tacks, torn up boards every time we choose to show up as ourselves?
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This poem isn't just about a staircase. It's about survival. It's about self-definition in the face of rejection. And it's about passing down the courage to keep going, even when the people around you don't understand the steps you're taking.
Embracing Authenticity and Overcoming Rejection
00:03:07
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so I wanted to start here with a voice that gives us permission to be bruised and brave because today's episode is for the ones still climbing, not to prove anything, not to belong, but because turning back was never really an option.
00:03:37
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There's a kind of pain that doesn't always show up loudly. It's not quite heartbreak in the traditional sense. It's the ache of being shut out just as you started to fully show up as who you are.
00:03:57
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When people begin to distance themselves, not because you were harmful, but because you were honest or different or growing in a direction they couldn't recognize or even fathom.
00:04:15
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it tends to make you wonder, was I too much? Did i make them uncomfortable? Should i have softened the truth, smiled a little more, stayed smaller?
00:04:34
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But that's the challenge because the world has a way of rewarding us for pretending and punishing us for choosing authenticity.
00:04:48
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And that can get confusing, especially when the people walking away from you are the ones you thought would be holding space for you.
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This episode sits in that space. Not to offer easy answers, but to offer a presence to say, yes, that hurt.
00:05:14
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And yes, it hurts. And no, you're not broken because you're not. And maybe just maybe you didn't lose them.
Outgrowing the Familiar and Personal Growth
00:05:26
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Maybe you just found you
00:05:33
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So I like to provide three perspectives based on the literature that um that I provide during these podcasts. And these are really um touching and really set in me.
00:05:50
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So the first one is the discomfort of outgrowing the familiar. Sometimes we start to shift and the people around us don't know what to do with the version we're becoming.
00:06:07
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They miss the version they could manage or explain or expect things from. So they pull back. Not always out of malice, but out of discomfort.
00:06:23
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But the truth is... Outgrowing a space doesn't make you disloyal. It makes you ready.
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So when it comes to this first perspective, with the discomfort of outgrowing the familiar, I want you to remember this. Growth isn't a betrayal. It's an invitation and not everyone accepts it.
00:06:52
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So number two, the illusion of shrinking for safety. See, there's a lie that says if you make yourself smaller, you'll be easier to keep.
00:07:09
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That if you hold your tongue, dim your shine or soften your standards, you'll be accepted. But shrinking doesn't protect connection.
00:07:23
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it If anything, it just delays the disconnection. And you end up losing yourself in the name of keeping people who were already halfway out the door.
00:07:39
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So when it comes to perspective number two, I want you to remember this. Your light isn't the problem. Their comfort zone isn't your responsibility.
00:07:55
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And then we have number three, the power of being anyway. When people leave because you chose to stand in your truth, it stings.
00:08:08
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I totally agree. It stings. But what's left behind isn't just emptiness. It's space. Or as I like to say, space and opportunity.
00:08:20
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There's nothing but space and opportunity now. Space for peace, for alignment, for the kind of connection that doesn't ask you to audition first.
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So when it comes to number three, the power of being anyway, I want you to remember this. You're not too much. You're not alone.
00:08:44
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You're just in your becoming. So stay with it.
The Importance of Authenticity over Approval
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So I have a little story for you. I'm going to take you back back into time. When I was in middle school, there was this phrase that got thrown around way too much, like way too much.
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And it was loke. I'm not sure if you're familiar with that term, but it hurt my feelings dearly. And I'm going to get into why. But Loke, L-O-C. Nobody ever said what it actually meant out loud.
00:09:21
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um At least when I asked, they didn't give me an answer. there um But I always believed it to be an acronym that stood for lack of coolness.
00:09:33
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So LOC, lack of coolness. And according to a handful of my peers, I was definitely low. I wasn't cool enough, y'all.
00:09:46
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And that hurt. It hurt a lot. um Because in middle school, all you want to do is belong. You want the cool clothes, the cool backpack, the cool gadgets.
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Really, you just want to be claimed by something or someone that makes you feel like you're enough. Hmm. One day, one day one of the the cool kids, and I use air quotes because at the time they were, um one of the cool kids approached me.
00:10:18
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And me being the chameleon that I am, i tried to match the moment, right? They offered me a challenge. And that challenge was if I wanted to be in with them, i had to cut ties with another quote unquote cool kid.
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And this cool kid was someone I was already actually cool with, like I was already connected with. And the first set of cool kids wanted me to go to the set I was already cool with and cut ties.
00:10:51
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Whew. Y'all charge it to my head and not my heart, but I did it and I did it. Um, while I don't recall, while I don't recall the full conversation or the exact verbiage, I definitely said something to the extent of, so, so-and-so said we can't be friends if I want to be their friend.
00:11:16
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So you and i can't be cool anymore. Screech, what? Who does that? Okay, sorry, I'm back. And even as I said it, y'all, I knew how wrong it felt coming out of my mouth. I just knew it was wrong. It just fell out and it was so wrong and ugh.
00:11:35
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oh But here's the kicker. I got it out. But what I didn't expect was the stare I got in return. Not a look of sadness or betrayal to the person I was articulating this to, but something way, way, way worse.
00:11:56
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This person stared at me in complete disbelief and disgust. And honestly, I would probably look at myself in complete disbelief and disgust being my my nice seasoned age I am now.
00:12:09
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It was like they stared at me and they were saying, wow, you really just did that.
00:12:17
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And in that moment, I realized I wasn't being invited in. I was being tested and i had failed miserably.
00:12:30
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Not the test of loyalty, but the test of authenticity. Not only did I not gain the new crew, I lost the respect of someone who had already seen me.
00:12:44
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Someone who had already valued me. Someone who had already recognized me as a human being and a person. And that moment has never left me.
00:12:56
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Because it taught something middle school couldn't put into words. You never trade your authenticity for someone else's approval. Let me repeat that because i need to say it for the people way in the back. Not you.
00:13:11
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Slide over to that you back there. So all y'all between my voice and that person I'm talking to in the back, you never trade your authenticity for someone else's approval.
00:13:25
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There is no sustainable ah ROI that comes from that transaction. And to be completely candid and completely off script, I have used that experience as fuel since the day it occurred, since the day I fully processed it, because i never want to go back to that version of me that allows someone else beyond me to dictate my wellbeing or to dictate my happiness or to dictate who I communicate with.
00:14:01
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So that lone experience back in middle school truly guides how I communicate and articulate and converse and connect with other people even till this day.
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Okay. So yes, going to give it to you one more time. You never, ever, ever trade your authenticity, i.e. who you are for someone else's approval.
Finding Opportunity in Endings
00:14:31
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And one thing I realized is that you don't always get closure when people walk away. You don't always get a clean ending or a clear reason why your presence became too much for someone else to carry.
00:14:45
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But what you do get space. Space to stop editing yourself just to stay in the room. Space to honor your own reflection. Space to let them live and you too.
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b two Not everything that ends is a failure. And not every disconnection means you did something wrong. Sometimes it's just the universe making room for a version of you that doesn't have to shrink to be kept.
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So if you're grieving a goodbye that came after you stood in your truth, this is your reminder. You didn't lose. You aligned.
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Keep climbing. Keep becoming. Keep being. We need you whole, not half loved in someone else's comfort zone.
Purpose of the Book as a Companion for Clarity
00:15:42
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And if you're looking for a tool to help you through that shift, Check out my book, Laid Off Lemonade. It's more than just a book, y'all. It's a companion for moments just like this when clarity costs you something and you're still figuring out how to rebuild from it.
00:16:00
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You can find it at laidofflemonade.com or wherever books are sold.
Conclusion and Call to Action
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Thanks for riding with me on this episode of The Greatness Router. If this episode moves something in you, pass it along.
00:16:13
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Someone else might need the same reminder. Until next time, stay routed in what's real. Peace, love, light. It's me, Zena C. And I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day.
00:16:28
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And that's a wrap on this episode of The Greatness Router. If you found some value in today's conversation, be sure to subscribe, rate, and definitely share. It helps more people connect to the journey of greatness.
00:16:41
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Until next time, keep moving with purpose.