Transcript
Speaker: This is a Muck Stain Productions Podcast.
Speaker: Hello homies and trainers and welcome to Unknown Radio, your new Mugstain production Pokemon talk show where we take a peek at every Pokemon. I'm Claudia and I'm here with my co -host and longtime partner in crime, Catherine. Hello, I am Catherine and I like Pokemon, but not as much as Claudia likes Pokemon. So she's got the facts.
Speaker: You got the Riz. I've got the Pazazz. Claudia's got the Fax and I've got the Pazazz. And together we're a dynamic duo. Jesse and James. Jesse and James, yeah that's better. I was gonna go with Bulbasaur and Squirtle, but I don't really know how well they go together.
Speaker: I'm pretty sure they canonically hate each other a little bit. Wow, I was about to say hate themselves. That's our inventory in real life. Yeah, to be fair, we don't know their psych. Maybe we could get into, you know, Pokemon psychology at some point. That would be a very interesting little segment. How many Pokemon are chronically depressed? Maybe that could be one of the questions we answer at the end.
Speaker: How sad. On a scale of one to ready to yeet themselves off a bridge, are they? That's so sad. I mean, some of you - Like, as I reckon Mr Mime, he's... He's halfway there already. He's got a B and A.
Speaker: And Ditto, like Ditto's got nine person out, like, you know, who is Ditto? You know what, though? Ditto gets put in the daycare and he just gets to fuck. That is the only use of Ditto's in any of the games. People use them to fuck everything. So I think that life's pretty decent. I didn't even know Ditto's could fuck. I just assumed they were like big balls of jelly that just absorbed things.
Speaker: Yeah, they can turn into absolutely anything. So you just throw them in a daycare center with a blastoise and he just turns into another blastoise. He's like, right, let's go. Let's make an egg, bitch. And there's just like, there's no like crossbreeding going on. I don't understand. To be fair, I do not understand Pokemon breeding. That was a whole thing. And I was like, you know what? I'm not even going to touch on that because that is confusing and I don't care. That's what Ditto was for.
Speaker: All right, number one in the Pokedex Bulbasaur. Do you know what his little tagline is? I'm the worst starter, but I'm cute as fuck. That's so sad. I'm not wrong though. I also think he's the worst starter. I would never pick a Bulbasaur if I had any of the other options. But you have to fight the wrong gym first. So what? Get Butterfree. Like you literally got to go through Butterfree Central.
Speaker: It's like the first Pokemon you catch. Exactly. Or like any other Pokemon is fine for the rock gym. Literally any Pokemon is fine for the rock gym. Let's be real. Anyone apart from fucking Charmander. I always go Charmander, saying I've not lost a Brock yet. I also go with Charmander. Do you know there was a whole thing when these games first came out that there was like a hard and medium in an easy mode and Bulbasaur was easy mode. That checks out.
Speaker: I'll pull back. I never need to fuck chat you. Alright, well he is known as the seed Pokemon, and I learned something new right off the bat that he is a grass poison type. I thought he was just grass. So that was new. He's a dual starter type, so that's actually pretty sick. I mean, I'd say that he can probably learn a poison type move, but I'd say calling him poisons is a bit of a stretch.
Speaker: I'd love to see him do a poison sting. I don't think I've ever seen a Bulbasaur do a poison sting. Like a poison chomp. A poison chomp. That'd be cool. He doesn't sting anymore. He's just a chomp. Alright. What does this Pokémon look like? Would you like to describe him from the best in your memory? He's like a green toothless. He's like a cat that's growing a plant out of its back.
Speaker: It's actually pretty accurate, yeah. Yeah, I'm looking at a picture of Bulbasaur now, though, to be in my defense. He does it like a toothless cat with a bulb on his back, a little toothers. It says here that he resembles a small amphibian or a frog. I don't, he's a little bit froggish. The mouth is pretty froggish. Green. I mean, he's got like a Voldemort frog nose, I suppose.
Speaker: And it says he was actually based on a frog originally when they created him. And they noted that this is because in particular he has short legs, a stout appearance, and ear -like protrusions on its head to resemble a horned frog. So they're not ears, they're ear -like protrusions. See, I didn't know you could get horned frogs. So that's a fact for me. Just pull up a picture of them, they're pretty gross. Yeah, I'll say less.
Speaker: Tell me if that looks like Bulbasaur. Has it got to be like a Japanese horned frog, or any horned frog, do you? Probably Japanese, I'm assuming. I've gone for an Argentinian one. Do you know what, actually? Yeah, I see it. If you squint a little bit, it looks like a Bulbasaur. Well, if you just pretend it's like... If you look at a solely green one, it looks like a very sad Bulbasaur. Just with its eyes too high up.
Speaker: Now we go back into depressed Pokémon, a sad -looking Baldy -Saw. I can't help it. I don't want to know what's inside their heads. All they do is fight all day. That's got to be quite hard for the soul. A horrible way to live, either fighting for your life in the wild or fighting for your life for human enjoyment. Yeah, exactly. It's like a dog fight, isn't it, really?
Speaker: We're gonna go that deep into it. That's a bit deep for me. And then interestingly enough, even though it's saying that it's a frog, its name is a combination of bulb and dinosaur. So I don't know why they went that route, but the name is cute. So that's fine. Maybe it's just like a really rubbish English translation. And like,
Speaker: In Japanese, it's actually called like Frog of the Jungle. And we were like, yeah, Bulbasaur day. Frog of the Jungle would be like a very sick legendary Pokemon name. Yeah, it would. So most notable about the Bulbasaur is that big bulb or seed on its back that according to the Pokedex, I'm going to read you the entry for that. And this is from the original Red and Blue games, which was the first appearance.
Speaker: of this little dude. And it says, a strange seed was planted on its back at birth. The plant sprouts and grows with this Pokemon.
Speaker: So they're put in plants. So like, does the seed just randomly appear? Or is there like some old lady living in like a Bulbasaur breeding room that just places the seed on the baby? Like just imagine a little fetus Bulbasaur, whoop, there's a seed. Right. And is there like a cavern? Is there like a cavern there to put it because it definitely says was planted and it's back at birth. So they come out of the eggs with holes.
Speaker: They're basically saying, hello, little guy, I'm going to plant this into your body. And you're going to have a symbiotic relationship with this thing for the rest of your life as it sucks half of the nutrients out of your body. So is bulbous or like constantly pregnant? I would assume because I have seeds in that it knows like bleat seed and that seed bullet move. And it does say that shoots seeds out of its bulb. It's like half plant, half animal.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, on paper, don't get me wrong, Bulbasaur sounds like he sounds great. But in reality, it's bullshit, isn't it? Yeah. And this no doubt adds to the fact that unless it evolves, it only lives one to three years because the bulb continuously grows and it will overtake its body. So that's kind of sad. That's super fucking sad.
Speaker: It's just getting swallowed up by its bulb. And also, I still don't understand that in the wild. If they're leveling up in the wild, does that mean they've got a battle for fun? How are they gaining this XP?
Speaker: Maybe they just die in the wild. I do have a little thing about them being in the wild. And it does say that they tend to be very rare, as they're shy creatures that prefer the company of their own kind. And they're very docile, tame, and loyal to people that they trust. And for that reason, that's why they're bred by breeders to be used to start a Pokemon for new trainers. So they don't level up in the wild because they don't fight. Damn. So they just die.
Speaker: Oh see, now I'm feeling a bit sad for the Bulbasaur, you know? It's got three good years in it. Not even that, if you think about it. It says between one and three years. That's like when you get given a hamster. Now hamsters don't live three years. They say they do. No they don't. Oh my god, the Bulbasaur's like a hamster. The Bulbasaur's the hamster of the Pokémon world. I hate it. Oh shit. Oh my god. Some revelation here. I love hamsters. I don't love Bulbasaur.
Speaker: And considering it because it's a starter Pokemon, they're like male and female ratios are like way off to like discourage breeding, I guess. 87 .5 % of them are males. So in terms of reproduction in the wild, how the hell do they replenish their population when they don't live that long, unless they have fucking litters? Maybe I would. This is the other thing. Do they lay eggs?
Speaker: Yeah, all Pokemon lay eggs, which is that some other thing. So you don't normally lay multiple eggs though, do you? Does she have like a whole clutch? But the Pokemon eggs are huge. Yeah, like they're like bigger than Bulbasaur. So surely there's got to be like some Ivosaur somewhere, just popping them out. Just the Bulbasaur breed with the Ivosaur? But how do you get the Ivosaur if the Bulbasaur dies? Yeah, but my, surely like the
Speaker: biggest evolution gives birth to like, lays an egg. It's not going to be like instantly boom, got yourself an Ivosaur, are you? You got to start from the bottom. So like there's a whole bunch of Bulbasaur and then let's say half of them says they get energy from napping in the sunlight and absorbing the nutrients.
Speaker: And it does say it is assumed that when a Bulbasaur collects enough energy and sunlight in its bulb, it will evolve. So let's say like maybe half of those Bulbasaur evolve into Ivosaur and then like half of those can evolve into Venusaur and like live for the 30 some odd years. And then that Venusaur matriarch just has a whole clutch of little eggs.
Speaker: Can we assume that's how? I mean, that's how I assumed it works, because, like, babies don't have babies. Right. I, you know, that's what I assumed. And also, Bulbasaurs are too small to lay an egg that size. Yeah, they're teeny tiny boys. So we assume that some of them manage to evolve and some of them just die. And I guess they become food.
Speaker: I mean, it is fucked up, but how are the others going to survive? Like, I'm not being funny, but you get these loads of wild ratatas. They've got for eat or something, haven't they? And I guess if they can't absorb enough sunlight, they don't deserve to move on. Maybe they hope a trainer catches them. Battle of the fittest. Only the best Bulbasaur can win. They won't do very good in England, though. Imagine. You need sunlight to live, boy.
Speaker: Well, I'm fucked. Go lay outside in the sun and it's just cloudy. Literally it's August. It's just been raining all day. And they just start to wither. I wonder, that's interesting. I wonder if a Bulbasaur, obviously this Kanto is based on like Japan, where it can be quite sunny. If they would have different regional varieties of Bulbasaur depending on where you go. So maybe.
Speaker: in like England where it's so wet, it's more like moss. Oh, that would be sick. I would go for a little mossy Bulbasaur. Like that would be cute. And like if it's beachy, it'll be like palm leaves and doesn't need a lot of sunlight, less water. Like a cactus. Oh, I'd love a cactus Bulbasaur. That's adorable. That's so cute. It's a spiky man. Oh man, a little aloe plant and then it can heal you.
Speaker: I suppose that because you get like a lowland rip variety, so yeah. So I mean, if they were real, you'd have to have like a... They're gonna have to adapt, aren't they? Right. Because not every place in the world has the same, you know, ecosystem and animals. So you would assume like New York rats are massive, but like other rats aren't so big. So they would change depending on where you take it.
Speaker: Would that be an invasive species? What, Rattata? I mean, that's a whole different episode in my thing than some Rattata. Well, if someone just drummed like a whole case full of Bulbasaur in a random country, like what would happen? I guess they would have to adapt, wouldn't they? Like, somehow. There'd be no way that a normal Bulbasaur could survive with the amount of sunlight it apparently needs in a place like England or like Norway or whatever.
Speaker: gonna have to adapt that's so sad and then surely yeah and then you throw it into what like Nigeria it's not gonna be too much son start withering yeah then like be like a shriveled up prune it's like a pruner saw what happened to my bulbasaur I'm sorry son he's a prune now no he's seen some shit we'd have to get like giant terrariums for them
Speaker: Still like water around in. They're only like two foot and like 15 pounds. So you could do that, get like a little fish tank. It's gonna have to be a big fish tank though. A big fish tank, just a little bit of water in one of them heat lamps. So like basically, what's it called when you have a snake? Vavarium? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god, can you imagine, you know, like the butterfly farms we've got.
Speaker: Yeah. Can you imagine a butterfly farm but full of Bulbasaurs? I would cry. I would love that so much. See, like, they're cute. They're worthless in terms of fighting. But to look at, you know. Absolutely adorable. Yeah. I would definitely go to a Bulbasaur farm. And that can take us to our little question section.
Speaker: So I have a list of little questions that I thought would be interesting to ask and discuss after we talk about every single Pokemon. And the first one is if, for example, if you were to walk into a forest and you just saw a Bulbasaur, what would you do? I'll take it.
Speaker: Just Bulbasaur snatch the thing? I don't care lie to you, even if I've got no Pokeballs, I'd pick him up, he'd be under my arm, I'd be sending you a selfie, right? And then he's coming home with me. And they're pretty dark style, they'll probably just let you do it. Exactly. I'd probably do the same thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's cute and it's not gonna hurt me probably. Yeah, that'll take you home with me. I'd be the best mum ever. I think my son would cry, brought you Bulbasaur.
Speaker: Here's our new pet. Make sure the water is in every tank. He's surviving my flat. I'd make sure of it. Just needs his daily walks for his sunbathing. Yeah, exactly. We've got a communal garden. I'll build a green house. Absolutely stunning. Stunning. Alright, that was an easy one. Alright, question number two. If this Pokémon existed, what would its function be? Or what could it be used job -wise?
Speaker: other than battling. I must be very disgust. He has no use. Unless we could change the seeds that he like spits out for like seeds we need. And then he'd be a great pharmacist. He would be a good pharmacist because they have like sun spores and I'm sure vine whip could come in useful to like pick stuff up.
Speaker: Would he just be a nice farm friend for an old lady somewhere? Oh yeah, he'd be a great company. I feel like we could give him to an old people site just for the day. Like, we have a therapy dog at my school. Imagine a therapy Bulbasaur. Like an emotional support Bulbasaur for old people. Yeah. That's a brilliant job. You're doing a well job for the guy. Thank you, Bulbasaur. You've made my day.
Speaker: You have a use, finally. Good job. It's funny you existed in the real world. Alright, next question. What do you think it eats? Grass. It just goes with most of the grass. Maybe some like berries and that. But you know. Like berries and then obviously it does photosynthesise somehow. So maybe between...
Speaker: What about little bugs? Do you think you can eat bugs? Maybe. Do you think it's got like a frog tongue? I was literally just in my brain. I was just imagining where like frogs sit there and then they just like shoot out a little tongue and eat like a cockroach. And that would make him an even better pet if he could do that. Like certainly back to the last question. Like pest control, hard work, lawnmower.
Speaker: Like you bring him into my house, you can eat this moth that's been flying around for the last three days. And he'd get it too. He'd use them vines and snatch the thing up. So yeah, no, I think you got a point there. I think he might eat little bugs. Like a frog. That's adorable. I just wanted to see him chase a butterfly. Oh my god, can you imagine? Didn't tell that to be a butterfly and then he like absolutely gets destroyed.
Speaker: Oh no, just a ginormous buttercream. He tries to eat it and dies. Maybe this is why they only live one to three years, because they're not smart. I can't imagine he would be smart, you know? Alright, next question. Could we eat a Bulbasaur? I reckon we could, but I don't know how well it would taste. Now, if we're sticking with the whole based off a frog,
Speaker: Apparently frog legs taste like chicken. Huh. Would you want to eat a Bulbasaur? No. I think out of all the Pokémon, I would have wanted to eat him. I'm not sure I could bring myself to eat many of them, but I think you're right. I reckon it would be worth it. I don't know, you might change your mind about that when you see some of them.
Speaker: Yes. Beef. Nice fish. I was gonna say, is it like two different kinds of food in him? Because they obviously have the meat of his body, but that he has this bulb that looks very much like an onion. Could you eat that? Or would you have to kill him to eat that? Well, I guess you would, because it's part of him, right? Yeah. That's the point, though. If he loses his bulb, does he die? I don't know.
Speaker: I would assume because they're in like this symbiotic relationship so like one can't survive without the other. Which is weird because why is it got to be planted on it? I guess that's how he gets his food. Yeah, it's the whole thing. Yeah, very interesting. But no, wouldn't eat a Bulbasaur. I don't think I would either. I think we could. If we had to, but I'd rather not. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm with you. He's just a happy little guy. Yeah, like why are you gonna eat him? So final question. We walk into a bar and there's Bulbasaur. Who would win in a fight? Me, hands down. I could take I reckon I could take what'd you say was two foot and or 18 pounds? Yeah, 15 .2. Right. So that's the size of like a toddler. I reckon I could take four of them.
Speaker: Just kick, kick for a Bulbasaur in the head. Straight up. Like, you could just lift him up and just beat him down. Like a rugby ball, just pick him up and just slam dunk him into the pavement. Yeah, exactly like that. Like, hands down, could easily take a Bulbasaur. I agree. Like bombs. Yeah, you could definitely take on a Bulbasaur, especially if you've got enough drinks in you.
Speaker: I reckon you could take one. Ah, yeah, probably. I just sit on him. Yeah. I know you haven't got the same amount of anger burning in your soul as I .D. I reckon you've still got something in there. I could make it work. You'd make it work, yeah. Yeah, I wrestled many a dog for my day job, so I could wrestle Bulbasaur. And you would win? Oh, probably.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly, see? You could do it. Could get a whole little hoard of Bulbasaur and kick them all. I wouldn't want to, but I could if I had to. Oh, I'm not sure, me like, nah, I'm taking them. Thank God. Send four my way, I've got this. Far fighting situation. I'm in. Don't you worry, sunshine.
Speaker: So that's everything we know about Bulbasaur. Do you like it more or less than when we started? I think more actually. I think so too. I think I've learned a lot and also I have discovered that although in the Pokemon battling, useless. If he was real, he'd have a lot of uses and he's also kind of cute.
Speaker: He's a practical little guy and he's adorable, he's a little companion. And I mean, if I'm given one in a game, like, hey, this is a next gen game and you can get all three of the Kanto starters, great. I love having him on my team, but I would never pick him. And I feel bad about that now. But also, you know, he's just not the best starter. I mean, even Venusaur.
Speaker: Good, sure. But is it the best? Compared to the other two, it's non -comparate. Who would pick that over a Charizard? Yeah, exactly. No one in their right mind, surely. I mean, technically it has better stats, but I don't care about that. I pick my parties as to what I think is the cutest and looks coolest. Interesting. And one -hit KO. Yeah, I'm a one -hit KO kind of gal myself, to be fair.
Speaker: never kept a tail whip, never kept a tail, doesn't do damage, I don't want it. Yeah, get out, what are you even here for? The only one I think I use, but then it still does cause damage is the leech seed, you know? Because that has benefits, because then it can heal you. Yeah. But no, if I um, as soon as it says you can learn dragon moves, I'm like, you're coming home with me, like. Right, and solar beams cool, but then you have to wait a whole round.
Speaker: Yeah. That's not a one -hit KO. It does good damage, but it takes two rounds. You could have attacked twice. Yeah. Rather than just once. It's not got the bam. It's not got the power that I require when I'm battling. The pizazz, the vavavoom. Oh, you know me. I love the pizazz. Oh, oh. I can't remember what it's called, but it's like a flame tornado. Oh, um.
Speaker: Fire Blast? Something like that. You know the one though. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God, I love Fire Pokemon. Sorry, Bulbasaur, but you're just good. But you're not good enough. And you're cute, but you're not the cutest.
Speaker: Alright, we'll leave Bulbasaur right here where he belongs. I think quite aptly the first Pokemon, the number one Pokemon. I definitely like him a lot better now. And I'm glad he was first, because then you'll start with, oh, that's cute. And then you get to Squirtle, you're like, that's cuter. I feel like if you will go to like, Charizard to Bulbasaur, that's just disappointing. It is, it is disappointing.
Speaker: So well placed Bulbasaur. And next time we're going to be evolving him and we're going to be covering Ivasaur, so that's fun. Hopefully Ivasaur is slightly better than the original Bulbasaur. I think he's going to have more pizzazz. Just a little bit more pizzazz, a little bit more Riz. We'll see.
Speaker: Still not as good as Charmeleon, but that's fine. We are very biased, and that sums up us. Alright, catch you on the flip side, trainers and homies. Yeah, I'm not American enough to say things like that. I'm too British. Cheerio. Cheerio, governor. See you next week.
