Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
The Kill Power Hour #073 - Tucker's 4th List
41 Plays11 months ago
Tucker's 4th and final list cements the fact that we are in the midst of a full-blown mid-life crisis. Old man topics include morning routines, why we wake up at 2:30AM to pee, relatable animals and plastic surgery. Oh, and don't forget to check out Fenton's Horse Ranch!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'The Kill Power Hour'
00:00:06
Speaker
The Kill Power Hour, podcast where three friends spend the better part of an hour arguing and explaining why ticks can't retire, but you can kill them with fire. Each week we go through a list. This week we'll be discussing Tucker's fourth list, which will take us from space to love, man.
Meet the Hosts
00:00:21
Speaker
I'm your host, Eric, and as always, I'm joined by my best friend, Tucker. We're going to space. And my best friend's little brother. I've been time traveling, but I'm here.
00:00:33
Speaker
ha ha ha!
00:00:35
Speaker
We were talking about what am I alive or dead?
Tech and Lifestyle Humor
00:00:38
Speaker
Tyler can time travel in the to the future, hour and a half increments when he's on this phone. Yeah. It's just a waste of time. Might as well just fucking, it's like boats fucking.
00:00:51
Speaker
Yeah. What do they call boats? ah Holes in the water. You throw money into just um and fucking what cell phones. They're just like holes in the water. You throw attention into money in your pocket.
00:01:05
Speaker
Wait, why is it a hole in the water?
Cartoon and Food Preferences
00:01:08
Speaker
Yeah, it's like something. have all Jesus fucking Christ, it's called a boat. um No boats, motorhomes. Fuck you guys.
00:01:16
Speaker
All right, Tucker, this is your, I guess your last list, right? Oh, because yeah, we're not continuing this anymore. Yeah, Tyler ran out of ideas. We have not decided what we're going to do I did make notes of our potentials. We need to review that at the end of the podcast.
00:01:32
Speaker
I've been thinking about cartoons. I've been thinking about cartoons too. A lot. like found i won't i won't spoil I won't have any spoilers in there. All right. Okay. Well, I was shocked like a cartoon when I read this list and it didn't even talk about pizza.
00:01:48
Speaker
Yeah. Well, yeah, i was feeling, I mean, it did talk about food, but ah I figured I would leave the number one food is food group out of here. But um the same thing that keeps coming up, number one, it's very important to me, and it keeps coming up a lot. And this is like a, oh, woe is me.
00:02:09
Speaker
Like, you have no real problems. problem But I want astronaut food. And let me just take to set that on the shelf for a second. jesus I love to cook. I love to grill.
00:02:21
Speaker
I love to go to restaurants. I love, I mean, I love food. yeah I'm so into it, but there is something about the last couple years of my life and where I'm well out of the like infant period of time, which is a whole other thing on its own.
00:02:35
Speaker
Tucker is no longer an infant. I'm no longer an infant where I'm just like time. i can't, there's no part of me that wants to spend time to make food.
00:02:47
Speaker
Like, I just can't. And that's like totally 180 degrees from the previous 18 years of my life prior to you. I don't think astronauts want to eat the astronaut food.
00:02:59
Speaker
and think No, they don't. But what I want is just new base nutrition use with him no thinking and no time. I want to put a fucking pill in my mouth and swallow some water. Dude, swim fast, motherfucker. You could survive on that.
00:03:11
Speaker
Dude, I just need, I work at a dieo grocery store or life and I walk around the aisles aimlessly. All my lunches now consist of like a yogurt cup and a piece of beef jerky.
00:03:23
Speaker
Cause I'm just like, so burnout. Dude, you're just lost in life. Just fucking gave up. ah you just so Could you imagine him just walking into a grocery store and just yeah looking around? Yeah, every People with shopping carts just passing him by.
00:03:38
Speaker
shit, you work there. That's even funnier. That's what I'm saying. Just keeps buying the same yogurt and beef jerky. Yeah. I mean, I'll eat the like pirate's booty, like fake popcorn and like mango strips.
Eating Habits and Nutrition
00:03:52
Speaker
And that's a meal because i cannot even bring myself to, I can't bring myself to eat another sandwich. You yourself. Okay.
00:03:59
Speaker
I burnt myself out on the sushi. On sandwiches? i Yeah. I'm like so burnt out on sandwiches at work. Oh, okay. And like- What about if you have leftovers?
00:04:11
Speaker
ah Yeah, for sure. Okay. But we are so stressed- you don't Yeah, and like I just want to put it out there. i'd like cooking. I just can't. Right now, this period of time...
00:04:23
Speaker
You just have no time for it. Yeah, I really just want to i want to put a pill in my mouth. I want to be full. want to be trisher. Oh, Zampik, dude. Tyler, stop telling him to fucking take Ozampik, Diet Coke, and what, Slim Fast Shakes? That's been your advice so far. Yeah, dude, Slim Fast Shakes is like a meal in a can, dude. He's just... Oh, insured. That's what I meant. not Well, thank you.
00:04:51
Speaker
You're in good shape. Thank you, EC. You might be emaciated like from your lack of nutrition. but ah Anyway. What about smoothies?
00:05:02
Speaker
What about smoothies? I'll fuck with the smoothie. I think that's a better version of astronaut food. I was looking online at astronaut food. it's gro Everything's freeze-dried. Like just powder, hyper-processed stuff. When they get like fresh fruit delivered, they have to eat it all within two days.
00:05:20
Speaker
Like it goes bad so fast in space. Because of there's no gravity or? Let's think about a smoothie. The apple's just constantly bumping around. If you make a smoothie. So bruised. You have to wash the fucking thing to make smoothies in.
00:05:33
Speaker
What do mean A blender? Yeah, dude. Fuck that. Might as well make a fucking turkey dinner, dude. Jesus Christ. i I can get into a smoothie zone.
00:05:46
Speaker
and ah Yeah, I like smoothies too. They're great. I'll hit a run, and then I usually burn out. on I'm like sick of eating this stuff. this, okay, what I'm about to say further supports my like, ugh, with meals.
00:06:01
Speaker
So i'm I'm branching out a little bit right now, but for the last...
00:06:07
Speaker
10 years of my life, there's two breakfasts during the week. Like weekends, whatever. Whatever happens, happens.
Morning Routines
00:06:14
Speaker
But during the week, Monday to Friday, there's two breakfasts. Let me guess.
00:06:18
Speaker
And from October into April, it's oatmeal. And then in April through September is smoothies. Oh, yeah. So there's two seasons.
00:06:30
Speaker
Yeah. And I eat the same oatmeal expression and the same smoothie. expression and split it Why are we calling it this? But what's your, what's your expression of oatmeal?
00:06:41
Speaker
Oh, well, brown sugar nuts on it or what? Uh, I'll eat them with nuts. I don't put the nuts on there. Um, mine is like, I'll cook some blueberries. Someone else puts nuts on my oatmeal. I'll eat them up.
00:06:55
Speaker
Yeah. So blueberries and brown sugar. And I actually, actually, when I cook, I cook it with the blueberries, but then I, put butter on it, like real good butter, like hope butter. let that melt. You're cooking breakfast in the middle week?
00:07:08
Speaker
Monday through Friday, yeah. You wake up in the morning and you start cooking breakfast. Yeah. What do you do? Do you even have breakfast? I wake up at Oh, my god I wake up at i take a shower As soon as I'm done with the shower, Nash's bus arrives within about two or three minutes. So we run to the bus stop.
00:07:32
Speaker
Then I get in my truck and go to work. Oh, That's crazy. i could i need like some I need to be like established in the morning. I can't rush out the door. My whole day will be totally fucked up if rush.
00:07:45
Speaker
I need two hours before. Two hours? Yeah, from the point where I wake up to the point I leave the door. like get me to that And so if I have to be somewhere, At 8, I'm waking up at 6, so I can still like do that.
00:07:58
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I got to be at work at 8.30, and I wake up at 6.30. I make coffee. Sometimes I will cook a breakfast. I do all of the New York Times games. Oh, wow. And I usually pet the cats for a little bit. So if i have if it's nice out and it's late enough in the morning, then I'll take a walk, too.
00:08:15
Speaker
Oh, shit. OK. I wish I had time for that. Yeah. Dude, that's such a good way to start the day. It's like a nice morning walk. For me, it's like when I get up and hopefully I did the whole coffee maker thing and it's just made itself.
00:08:29
Speaker
you know Hopefully I didn't get lazy and not clean it. Time to figure out this game. i hair I'll prepare some breakfast and I'll sit down and I have to check all my bank accounts.
00:08:42
Speaker
this No, dude, when I had my bank accounts levied when I lived in California, that set me on this thing that I've never been able to break. I need check them every morning. That's such a, that your that's also that your dad. Well, probably. Like channeling through.
00:08:57
Speaker
like, got to count all my gold bars under the mattress. It's like, you know, Scrooge McDuck takes a swim in his money bin. And then i ah go through my emails and just make sure there's nothing important and delete everything else pretty much unless it's like, oh, Vans is having a sale or something, whatever.
00:09:16
Speaker
Cool related. And then after that, I'll scroll Instagram and check just what's served to me, basically, like funny shit, you know, and peep friends. And then I'll take a shit and then a shower.
00:09:30
Speaker
Get dressed and then. I should also mention, I'm taking two shits in the morning. Okay, so I shit after lunch too. Jesus Christ, I don't do, everything you explained, I don't even do in a full fucking 24 hours, man Whoa.
00:09:44
Speaker
I've got 13,681 unread emails and they can go fuck themselves. Whoa. I don't give a shit about it. I would. Half of them are the invites to this podcast. Exactly. At least a thousand of them.
00:09:56
Speaker
ah I will do Tyler. What do you, what's your, like, I need to eat something. you just need calories. But you, and, I eat once a day and that's dinner.
00:10:08
Speaker
What's that? I mean, I know what dinner is, but are you buying something at a restaurant? Are you cooking at home? Do you get one of these food delivery things? I don't do the food delivery. And you don't cook, right? Or the fucking grocery store.
00:10:21
Speaker
I cook some foods, but. Okay. Pop-Tarts is cooking foods, right? It's hot. Pop-Tarts, 24 hours, dude. No. um Yeah, I don't know.
00:10:33
Speaker
So you don't eat the lunch at work at all? No, not at all. um don't eat breakfast. Dude, you guys in your fucking weird lives, man. Two hours. Oh, yeah. The guy who eats once a day never fucking sleeps. We're the weird guy. You're a fucking vampire. should not be alive.
00:10:56
Speaker
but Maybe he's dead with his eyes open right now. We get to Bernie style doing the whole podcast. Yeah, dude. Oh my God. All right. Uh, what's the mirror list next?
Ecology and Ticks
00:11:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:08
Speaker
Okay. Number two, abolish ticks. This is something that shouldn't be a hot take. I immediately thought of like light, like, like going fucking door to door, finding people with ticks and like sending them out of the country, man.
00:11:24
Speaker
Like just like people with tics, like just like. Oh, God. You mean like a physical tic. Oh. Holy shit. That reminds me of this cab ride I took from the 8th Hotel in Midtown to JFK once.
00:11:38
Speaker
Humble brick. With this dude who had Tourette's. I almost got fucking stabbed like three to five times with a pen. my God. Because we're both sitting in the back of the seat and he's like. Oh, okay. Fuck.
00:11:54
Speaker
He just like, he's doing this wild stabby motion over shoulder. The driver? No, this passenger. are you, was it, you're in cab? You a cab with somebody. We were going, so we were both leaving the Ace, and this guy overheard me order a cab and was going to JFK. Okay.
00:12:11
Speaker
So total stranger just happened to staying at the same hotel. Yeah. And it's like, does that does that mean you get to share the cab fare? Yes. Yeah. So he's like, you know, he said, want to share your cab? Yeah. Which is not a lot of words.
00:12:26
Speaker
And I was like, sure. He didn't say, by the by the way, I have Tourette's. No. he's like it's yeah He's like, it's not like I have Tourette's or anything. He gets in the car. He's like, just kidding. Fuck. He's just, I'm going to fucking kill you on accident.
00:12:39
Speaker
No, man, it was like the gnarliest 40 minutes or whatever that ride was. Because he legit almost stabbed me three to five times. And he like. You didn't tell him put his pen down? Dude, I was so taken aback. I mean, I was like over in the side of the, you know. you hadn't had your fucking oatmeal in the morning yet? Hadn't been up for two hours. Hadn't warmed up.
00:13:01
Speaker
Taking two shits, three walks, and fucking two meals. and So if ticks were abolished and not just the people who had ticks, according to Tyler's dream, like many species of birds and bats would disappear.
00:13:19
Speaker
I don't know. Eat something else, dummies. Great responses, guys. i don't know, man. I mean, I know they're annoying, but I do think there is a purpose for annoying things in our lives.
00:13:36
Speaker
Like if you start realizing that, yes, they are annoying, but they somehow are fulfilling some other role, maybe you'll look at them a little kinder. don't know. It's God's way of telling you to not go into nature because it's just bad things happen. and I will say when when I find a tick on my body, I am feeling everything on my body until I can fall asleep somehow. Like a week later.
00:14:00
Speaker
Yeah. So my skin stops tingling. Everything. things So I don't like being on a like code red green yeah or sorry. code Yeah. Code red. Yeah, ticks are gross.
00:14:12
Speaker
um Weren't there some cool ticks now that give people the allergy to red meat? Is that like a real thing? Yeah, the Lone Star tick, and it's actually in Minnesota now.
00:14:23
Speaker
ah We should get more of those. We should ship them in. star tick. I love naming these things. That could save the world, man. If you eat it. i eat I eat meat all the time. So I would be really bummed out for me if I had. Well, fucking whatever, man.
00:14:36
Speaker
The world eats too much meat. That's true. True. So we should eat ticks. So what I'm saying is we should stop sending. But then all get Lyme's disease. envelopes of fucking fake... um I was going to say Ebola.
00:14:51
Speaker
What's that shit they send to politicians? We should just send politicians... There you go. We should feed some tics, politicians. Envelope full of tics, dude. Just... I did find a tick on my friend Tom's dog once, and it was— You just left it?
00:15:08
Speaker
No, it was like as big as a nickel, like its back. Oh, I'm sure. was so engrossed with blood. They look gray-purple corn kernels that have expanded. Yeah. They're so disgusting.
00:15:19
Speaker
It was like one of the most satisfying things smash that tick. Oh! Yeah. Oh! No. It reminds me, actually, of you talked about cooking blueberries in your oatmeal. It was probably similar to that, like a real soft, juicy blueberry with a little bit of oatmeal in there, too. because it's That is so fucked up.
00:15:41
Speaker
I'm trying to ruin one of Tucker's two breakfasts. Yeah, I'm going to be – I'm going to wither away. Okay. Well, I just feel like the birds – would And would find other bugs. There's so many bugs. Yeah, mosquitoes. I don't know, dude.
00:15:56
Speaker
Yeah. There are some species that solely, like bats and birds species that just solely eat ticks, actually. That's fucked up, man. Those poor animals. ah Some species, yeah. But we don't need all those species. I mean, fuck them. Oh, my God.
00:16:14
Speaker
I'm just saying. I'm so disgusted by all of this. But anyway, so we can even move on. They should be abolished. I'm going to stick to this. okay I don't even know what the next one is. I don't i didn't look it up.
00:16:28
Speaker
Okay, so Sounds dumb. It's like when kids think things are cool. They call it fire. Fire, man. This is so fire. Fire. No, so the FIRE movement is stands for Financial Independence Retire Early.
Understanding the FIRE Movement
00:16:41
Speaker
And basically there's these these things. there's There's variations of it. There's lean FIRE, there's coast FIRE, there's fat FIRE. And they're different iterations of the same concept.
00:16:53
Speaker
Wildfire. Wildfire. Which is ah basically extreme savings and independent ah savings and investment early on. And people like fully retiring in their 30s or 40 and living off of a fraction, like a percentage of the yeah money made on the investment. So like you make this big ass nest egg.
00:17:20
Speaker
You just fucking hustle your balls off, and you either get like a really great paying job or you live super minimally. like yeah it's It's not even that big of a nest egg. It's basically if you won the million dollar lottery when you were 30, and you just took that and just put it in a brokerage account following the index fund, you would be able to live a small to medium-sized life fully paid for for the rest With minimal maintenance.
00:17:49
Speaker
Exactly. Yeah, you'd have to rebalance. And if something huge in your life came up, I mean, it takes a shitload of planning and like, gaming out what your future costs of living are going to be. And like, no one knows that stuff. I think also sacrifices. Every person that I see that does this, they talk about living with their parents while they're 35 to 40, you know, like.
00:18:11
Speaker
Well, I mean, like if I made 200 grand a year or even 150 grand a year, wouldn't need to live with my parents. I could just stash. I could even account for like a fuckload of lifestyle creep and I'd still be able to stash so much money.
00:18:25
Speaker
that's That's not fire, though. The fire philosophy is basically sacrifice everything that is costing you money and save it and then invest it And I think, yeah, that's where you're talking about lean fire, where people start making compromises being like, yeah, I want to retire early, but I also am married and don't want to be living at home my parents.
00:18:46
Speaker
Yeah. because that So the 20s and wouldn't want where i i wouldn't want in in no situation would I want those years to be my, put my head down and not do anything. and Exactly. and yeah You know, that's not it to me. Like that doesn't make any sense to me. And all of these things don't, they basically mean you don't have kids.
00:19:11
Speaker
So. i think, yeah. and Again, unless you make a bunch and you just invest. Sell them. Yeah. You make a bunch of kids and then sell them on the black market. have kids and take those profits. And live with your parents while you,
00:19:24
Speaker
Fuck this. Have kids, sell them to your parents, and then go live with your kids' grandparents. Yes.
00:19:34
Speaker
There you go That's a new blueprint. That's wildfire. That's wildfire. i mean, this could make total sense for someone. um yeah Shit. I almost feel like...
00:19:48
Speaker
ah Like my mortgage person. um Oh, yeah. I forget his name. He actually did something super similar. he ah um he ah he told me he's like, I I saved up. I did nothing in my like 20s and 30s.
00:20:02
Speaker
I saved up and bought a townhome, lived in one side, rented out the other. it was paid off in just a couple of years. And, you know, I just set myself up for the rest of my life. And has he replicated that?
00:20:15
Speaker
Yeah, and if if ah mean if you did that really early on, then you'd have... and you didn't have kids i mean fuck right you could rent both those properties out and go stay with one of your friends for a few hundred bucks a month or something or well so so where obviously i'm 44 and i don't make a shitload of money and i'm not going to well ah yeah for see if this was a video podcast they would know that i look 44 we're never doing a video podcast okay so but where where i'm going with this is that like
00:20:46
Speaker
like the future has been on my mind a lot. And when I think of that from a fiscal perspective, like really boring adult shit, the realization I had in the last year. So last year I had a part-time job as a freelance marketing leader for this brewery, for those who are maybe listening to this someday.
Valuing Time Over Money
00:21:07
Speaker
And it was even, let's just say like 20 to 30 hours a month. but That a little bit of time that I have in a day and how I put that into this other thing for an entire calendar year, where I'm going with this is like I made a bunch of money, but I don't think it was worth it because I would much rather have that time back.
00:21:32
Speaker
And it was a pretty good chunk of change. Yeah. Um, and it's 10 99 and well, yeah, I only got to keep two thirds of it, but I'm, The idea, the old school way of thinking, all of what we were growing up, like what we grew up on is like if you go to work, you get paid for something. You do a good job and you get promoted and or you stay with the company and whatever these things.
00:21:58
Speaker
But all of these versions are like trading time, your time, which is finite for money, which is infinite, really. And I don't know what the next move is for me.
00:22:12
Speaker
but I can tell you that it does not include me giving a place 40 plus hours of my time for an ex in exchange for a pre agreed upon wage. Like I can't, because what I want to do, i I can't do with the wage I have right now, like the plans I've got. And it's not about buying mansions and boats and stuff, but like just setting myself up. So I'm not like our dad, Tyler, like,
00:22:41
Speaker
broke like totally broke and like alone and like ah just trading his time again. ah feel like there was a story that came out in the New York times, like within the last two days where over, right. It's, it's either over half or exactly half of people, uh, 65 or older do not have any savings to retire on.
00:23:03
Speaker
Oh, that's terrifying. Like, our and something's going to happen. I think this is why Tyler's ready to die in a couple of years. It's because like we have no way of paying. No, it hasn't. No, the idea that you you like work this job and you can keep making more money until you're happy. no does Nobody's ever achieved that shit.
00:23:26
Speaker
It wasn't happiness. It was, i mean, my parents grew up in a country where you would work for a company that took care of you, both in a livable wage, but also in providing a pension.
00:23:38
Speaker
So when you retire, you also are getting that in whatever you pay towards your social security. That was the norm this country for a pretty good time. 1980. 1980. nineteen eighty I would say up until then. And then you start seeing, yeah, capitalism. If you work for a major corporation.
00:23:57
Speaker
Well, I think even schools and stuff have pensions. Certain. well Those are government. Well, government. It's all led by the government. But yeah, even the railroad phased out there. Well, even, you know, take the pension idea out of it too. Like, which is cool and awesome and.
00:24:16
Speaker
That is tied to that same. Yeah, it's just like the idea that I'm going to keep leveling up and that I should be driven to be constantly striving for more of the same, essentially.
00:24:29
Speaker
That I'm going to be gunning all day on LinkedIn or hobnobbing at whatever social thing and really continuing to sell myself as 44-year-old as 48-year-old or as 52.
00:24:43
Speaker
that I'm going to continue to put that much energy and time and focus into making myself a more viable product in this market, in this market of bullshit capitalism. I'm just like, I can't see that, that that is a,
00:25:00
Speaker
a well-sustaining thing. Like this is something that is made up by like people, by social media stuff where people are like, Oh, look at this person. They're fucking, you know, everything's going so great, but you don't fucking know how much time it takes to be on top of your game.
00:25:18
Speaker
I don't want to be on top. Yeah. yeah For a certain period of time. Like. I look at so many people that I know and like, I thought I knew really well and like really respect or were i impressed by on LinkedIn, like in the middle of the day, I'll end up there because my business is on it.
00:25:38
Speaker
So I'm like, yeah like a lot of social media, like I'm on there to see what's happening with our peers and our business. And I'll end up on LinkedIn in the middle of the day. And I'll be like, Whoa, bro, you just wrote a fucking synopsis for a whole reason why you took a career path. what I'm just like,
00:25:56
Speaker
why why it did why is this LinkedIn is like such a jerk off fest for fest for like professionals. Yeah. I'm like, put that energy into doing something else. Like, or why are you selling into your fucking job? Do something.
00:26:11
Speaker
I don't know. I'm like totally ranting right now because I have a lot of tension around this whole subject, but I am trying, i don't have, I'm not fiscally independent and I'm not retiring early.
Rethinking Work and Fulfillment
00:26:23
Speaker
But i'm I'm working on my exit. From water to the fire. For like a Monday me through Friday, 9 to 5. I just, I don't, that's not working for me anymore. Yeah.
00:26:34
Speaker
Yeah, but that was, ah so I mean, if you think about it, if you want to go back to the idea of these corporations like taking care of, only the biggest corporations had this shit. And those biggest corporations, years into it, 50 years into the pension thing,
00:26:51
Speaker
figured out that there was a fucking huge drain on the company. Yeah, they shouldn't have been paying their CEO so much money and everybody and went to outsourcing things, which fucked everybody up. But, um, they decided that that was a huge drain on the company. There are so many other things that they could have picked as a drain on the company.
00:27:08
Speaker
You know, like what do Like the executive pay. That's a drain on the fucking company. Yeah. Like that kind of stuff, you know, all the other shitty benefits that they might have as being part of that.
00:27:20
Speaker
But, um, it And it didn't always used to be that. It's just the large corporations were the only ones offering pensions. Like it was kind of any really public utility or sort of, ah I guess a lot of it was in the government.
00:27:35
Speaker
Well, the government's our biggest employer in the country. And prior to the even the couple first years of the 90s, America still made a lot of stuff. yeah Yeah. In 1992, the figures like 85% of our clothing that we wore was made on North America, at least.
00:27:53
Speaker
And Canada had a lot of really great factories then too. That shit's like 5% now. Yeah. In 1980, America made two great men who were on this podcast. And in 1984, they made the biggest mistake ever.
00:28:07
Speaker
Things really went downhill mid Reagan. Oh, my God. All right. This is too much. I will say within like three years, I was able to save about 40 grand.
00:28:20
Speaker
To save? To move down to Asheville. Yep. Like just had it because I knew I was going to quit my job. And I needed to buy my, I wanted to buy myself a year off. And so I saved up 40 grand.
00:28:30
Speaker
and That's dope. Yeah. Like it was, it sucked during that time. I wasn't really going out a lot or doing fun things or buying clothes or anything. That's late. That's why you were late. Okay. was able to save pretty aggressively.
00:28:43
Speaker
And yeah. And you just did it that in your savings account? Yep. Just put it in my savings account. We were at true stone. So it had a very good money market account. Okay. And they would have, it was like something like fucking 4%. Oh wow. Up to 20 grand on a marketing or on a money market account. Can you still do withdrawals or is it like a CD where it has to stay in there for a while? It had a minimum balance.
00:29:07
Speaker
I needed to have at least 10 in there. Otherwise I would get fees. You guys ever use a financial advisor? yeah Well, Allie's stepdad's brother is one. That's like grandma's former brother's former roommate.
00:29:23
Speaker
it's a Yeah. Okay, this one can be quick. I think it has something to do with the liver. But why the fuck did I wake up between two and three every night? Because that's when you're supposed to be going to bed, dummy. Oh, my God.
00:29:37
Speaker
That's literally when I go to sleep. I'm like, it's three o'clock. I need to go to bed. Or maybe I'll watch Cleopatra. Dude, I do not want to be your children's dad when you die at 40 fucking three, dude. You're killing me.
00:29:54
Speaker
What? Dude, you're killing your older brother. Like their new dad? Yeah, Tucker's going to be your kid's dad. I'm just like, uncle is now our dad? Are you saying that they're going to be like... ah Like really disappointed that the new guy doesn't work as much as me?
00:30:10
Speaker
Yeah. What the fuck is going on? Yeah, you lazy piece of shit. He's been spending three hours making oatmeal. And he won't even put the nuts on the oatmeal. He cut off his real nuts and he's cutting off his oatmeal nuts. What's going worry about you.
00:30:24
Speaker
not even at that. like Do you wake up to go to the bathroom or you just wake up? I am awake and then will decide that I need to pee. How is that different from when you're asleep? Because we established that you sleep with your eyes open in full coffin pose.
00:30:42
Speaker
So what do you do? what How do you distinguish between asleep and awake from that? No, I'm with it. I'm like tracking what's happening in the house. He hears music and starts dancing. Yeah.
00:30:54
Speaker
I just raise out of the bed like Zool. Zool, yeah. Goosebusters in the Goosebusters. ah i I sometimes wake up around then too, but it's it's usually i got to pee at that time. And you're able to go back to sleep.
00:31:11
Speaker
Yeah, totally. Exhausted. I mean, I expressed this maybe it was last week. I don't know if we were recording or not, but like I can fall asleep like that with my eyes open in a car, in a concert. Doesn't matter. You don't know if I'm sleeping or not.
00:31:24
Speaker
but And I'll be like, ow. But then this this hour, every night, doesn't matter where I sleep, I'll wake up. And it is a roll of the dice. It is a game of chance. Flip a coin, whether or not I'm going to get to bed, let's say, in approximately 20, 30 minutes or like two fucking hours.
00:31:46
Speaker
Like fall asleep? You start thinking about shit. Yeah, I can't fall back asleep. That's the thing. That i you used to meditate so much, you can't even rely on those like tricks.
00:31:58
Speaker
i don't I don't think so, maybe. You should try. I'd have to get out of bed. thats That's the first step actually. Yeah, maybe. Like just out of a folding chair. You should really try this. I think that's actually a smart idea because you know how to do it. yeah It'll get you out of bed. You'll do this thing.
00:32:15
Speaker
that That happens to me. when i If I hit that and it's really bad, I will just get up, go into the like kitchen, turn on the lamp, and just jerk off on the spoons.
00:32:27
Speaker
a No, I'll read a book. And usually within four pages, i'm hi I'm dozing off again. So then I go back to bed. That's why it takes you so long to read books, dude.
00:32:38
Speaker
Maybe I need to be more aggressive about just getting out of bed when I can't sleep. Yes. But I'm so desperate and also delusionally hopeful about trying to fall back in asleep. I just need to get over it.
Struggles with Morning Routines
00:32:52
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. If I wake up, I mean, it's pretty similar to me. If I wake up at like four or five and the birds are chirping. oh yeah. But it's still dark out. I know that fucking impending hell is happening, which is the morning. And like, I don't want to look at the clock and it just gets so pissed. And like,
00:33:09
Speaker
I get so pissed off. I can't fall asleep. And then next thing I know, I'm asleep at night. You're in a spiral. Yeah. don't have any clocks in the bedroom, but I have my phone plugged in, like in the bathroom. And that's where my alarm is.
00:33:23
Speaker
Oh. and so I'll wake up and I'll get into this panic state of it's my alarm didn't go off and I overslept. Or how much time do i have before goes I do the reverse math on how much time do I left. Always.
00:33:39
Speaker
Ugh. Brutal. funny How do you guys feel about, have you ever done one of those like health metrics, like a smartwatch where it tells you whether or not you had good sleep? No. Oh, Ali has one of these. And I was i i was like, i that would drive me even more nuts if I knew that sleep was being measured. but It's not even that. It's just like knowing this device telling me that I had bad sleep. I'm just like, what if you woke up in the morning just fine and it said, yeah what happened last night? my God.
00:34:09
Speaker
um he i was concerned. i get Dude, I'm with that. That's a great question, Tyler. That's a really great question. i mean, we're like i mean i I get it. like they're supposed to I think there's even apps for your phone that can pick up your like breathing patterns and and like noises of hearing you. so crazy. yeah um If you had a specific problem, maybe that would be some road to go down, but like what's the... Stop measuring this small, finite amount of your life that
00:34:40
Speaker
is one of the last things.
The Dangers of Over-Optimization
00:34:43
Speaker
We learned everything this time. parallel this with why I never learned music. I like playing music, but if I fucking learn it, I'm gonna just get into it too much and then it's just not gonna be fun anymore. Oh. Like sleep.
00:34:54
Speaker
I don't wanna be fucking told. What do you mean by learn music? You play the drums, so you're talking about like. like, yeah, like. Like reading sheet music? Yeah, read yeah, and like really, I've always kept it like,
00:35:07
Speaker
Just fucking leave it alone, Tyler. Just enjoy it for what it is and just leave it alone. like I do feel like we started keeping track of steps within the last five to 10 years. That was just like became a thing.
00:35:21
Speaker
I walked 25,000 steps on Saturday. Whoa. Yeah. That's pretty good. It's like 12 miles, I think. Yeah. What were you doing? at work? Yeah, at my block party.
00:35:33
Speaker
okay Oh, I My other job, was 17,000 every day. Damn. That's pretty good. About 20 flights of stairs. That's an hourly. A double stair in the back of the shop.
00:35:46
Speaker
So I'd have to run up and down the stairs. Nice. That's crazy. Now i do 4,000 steps every day. Oh, Jesus. That's not good.
00:35:57
Speaker
That's a change. Yeah. I haven't gained your weight yet. I like it when your phone like kind of passively and aggressively shames you and be like, you're walking way less than you normally doesn't shame me. I hope you didn't eat that much today, Dave.
00:36:11
Speaker
That much today. Mine doesn't shame. Really? Maybe it should. I think you need to make sure your health metrics are turned on I can send you. It just gives you more Ozampic ads and more weight watchers. Maybe you should try slim fast Fat. yeah Fatty Fat Fat. I had today. oh All right.
00:36:33
Speaker
you step count and can guys fascinating content. This is where we're at. 9,858. Damn, I beat the dude. No, I didn't.
00:36:44
Speaker
That was less. Sorry, I was looking at a different number. All right, next. Okay, this one's super fun. I think we already did this one before. No, what animal do you relate to the most?
00:36:57
Speaker
And this can be like, I know you can't say spirit animal, but like it can, whatever the right term is for that. Did you take this from your kid's homework? No. No. But I would. Also, what's three times four?
00:37:13
Speaker
Dude, he did 60 times 60 today. I'm like, you're in first grade, motherfucker. That's amazing. Oh, yeah. School is. 1200. Shit, you need to go back to first grade.
00:37:24
Speaker
Okay, what animal do you relate to the most? And this can be an aspirational thing. Yeah. Human. Is human an animal? I mean, if you're super boring. yeah Tyler just says beer.
00:37:35
Speaker
beer an animal? If you're beer or piss babies, then kind of.
00:37:41
Speaker
I'm curious to hear what Tyler says. This episode brought to you by beer-flavored piss babies. And LinkedIn. They're both animals. ah so
00:37:55
Speaker
ah Tyler, you're dog. I mean, A dog? That's a goddamn worst name. hot dog. It's just a specific part of the pig.
00:38:08
Speaker
Oh, God. um but He just keeps drinking beer. He's not answering the question. I know. I know. I'm trying to come up with a good... ah you Just look inside. What's the honest truth here, man?
00:38:24
Speaker
It's okay if it's sloth, dude. A horse. Sloth? You said sloth. A horse. What about you, EC? ah isn't Was that like a, I feel like there was a sketch recently that might have been on Saturday Night Live where it was ah special horse like ranch. You would go riding horses. Okay. But there was specially kind of like bred horse that just had tiny dicks.
00:38:48
Speaker
And men would bring their wives to this ranch and be like, well, that wow, you really are hung like a horse. Yes. I don't think that was recently. I think that was a while ago, but I remember this now. That's fucking genius. Tyler's that kind of horse. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. I'll be a small dicked horse.
00:39:11
Speaker
I wonder if you could Google that and see happens. But anyway, you guys going to tell me? I would be a dolphin, I feel like. like They're like fucking. They're slippery. They're slippery. They prank people all the time. They like theyre to make jokes, you know? I don't know.
00:39:26
Speaker
a dolphin and got the ability to swim and like jump. Just glide. Just glide through life. that's That's all I want to be able to do. Just think about what would dolphins say about us.
00:39:38
Speaker
Like, I just want to be a human. They get to walk around everywhere. Oh, no, I guarantee you. All the dolphins are just like, it's full mystery science theater 3000 on the humans. They're just commenting on like thinking we're the dumbest fucking apes.
00:39:53
Speaker
Just walking around. Sure. So yeah. What about you, Tucker? I think, I think it's a wolf. Yeah. and new example Well, but it's, okay, so here's the thing. and hunger Yeah, well, because of fang. Stop trying to make this a video podcast.
00:40:11
Speaker
Tucker apparently has snaggletooth. want to be one of those zombie moose. Oh, tell me more. Zeus. Oh, you haven't heard about these? Oh, the ones with the like chronic wasting disease, and they just fucking just wander until they die. Oh, that's so sad. dude They get the chronic wasting disease too. I don't fucking know. They got some fucking brain worms.
00:40:34
Speaker
Zombie. They should turn around for president. Yeah. yeah come Maybe he'll just walk into the woods. Jesus fucking Christ. If I ever got a brain worm and I wouldn't fucking talk about it. I wouldn't be like, oh, hey guys.
00:40:49
Speaker
I once got a brain worm. And also first thing people would say would be like, I bet you did. Fuck you. Tyler, remember that these podcasts are going to be coming out a year and a half after the point that we're talking about right now.
00:41:03
Speaker
I hope that doesn't happen. Robert Kennedy, perhaps our president. Who the fuck knows? But apparently, yeah, that's a brain worm. All right. So we got, Tyler, what was your answer again?
00:41:16
Speaker
Fucking salmon. Salmon. ah salmon oh you're going against the grain huh that's a bad religion thing that would be a ear horn technically according to the cover swimming upstream i maintain against the grain okay all right dolphin and a wolf all right yeah cool Yeah, we're good. We're cool. We're cool animals. OK, here's one. This is another fun one.
Cosmetic Changes and Humor
00:41:42
Speaker
If you could do any one cosmetic or otherwise body altering thing without stigma or costs or like risk at all, nothing negative, what would it be?
00:41:53
Speaker
Ooh, can I answer mine with a song? Sure.
00:42:07
Speaker
He had the change done at the shop, earlobes for cocks, April fools.
00:42:23
Speaker
He had his balls thrown over the top like a mop of hair.
00:42:35
Speaker
April Fools
00:42:43
Speaker
He had his buttocks transferred to his cheeks on his face April Fools April Doom Because then where would the poop come out of his mouth?
00:43:04
Speaker
Well, he decided he wanted a vagina down south, April Fools.
00:43:13
Speaker
Where his belly button once stood, now stood a cock with a mouth at the end that ate the food.
00:43:22
Speaker
Well, what a peculiar guest he was at a summer swimming party, what with the nipples protruding from his eyelids of course, beneath his chin, the penis.
00:43:37
Speaker
And on his knees, the sacks he had to put there. April 4th.
00:43:52
Speaker
Just a Wally Jewel boy, a Naval-eyed Jack Wiglet Bill. You've had your fill of transplants, please.
00:44:05
Speaker
You wish you could change back at will, but...
00:44:11
Speaker
Tits coming off the backside.
00:44:17
Speaker
Sixty-nine, to be exact. I thought it was pretty many, but you be the judge, April Dick.
00:44:34
Speaker
Well, he became a woman, a man,
00:44:41
Speaker
then a dog, then a sheep, then a man, god.
00:44:52
Speaker
He had them all put on his body. Give me 75 tits. Give me 1400 balls. Give me cocks coming out of every living pore.
00:45:05
Speaker
vaginas everywhere. A walking sex machine.
00:45:11
Speaker
Oh, wonderful at bathing parties.
00:45:15
Speaker
April Fools. But this was no, no April Fools. This was for real. This was goddamn scary when he walked through the village.
00:45:29
Speaker
When he took his place next to the other boys in
00:45:40
Speaker
kind of rude way people stare.
00:45:44
Speaker
He said I'd like all, all
00:45:52
Speaker
the things i had put on me covered up with billions of pieces of hair. oh Jesus Christ. Sorry, that was my answer to that question.
00:46:02
Speaker
All right, well, that's a non-answer. I don't know. You want 75 tits on your back, according to that song. So I looked up during that awesome podcast,
00:46:14
Speaker
Rendition of whatever the fuck that was. um most kind of Most popular um cosmetic procedures for eyelid rejuvenation, neck lift, nose job, chin augmentation. For dudes?
00:46:29
Speaker
Yeah. but And then ah male breast reduction. No way. Yeah way. You haven't seen dudes with tits? It's sponsored. see them all the time, man. I worked in a brewery. Holy shit.
00:46:41
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I'd have my tits taken in a little bit. would do that. I think ah what's surprising, the very first thing that I thought of would be something to do with hair, like hair plugs. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.
00:46:56
Speaker
I bet that's not included in that. ah Okay, interesting. That is probably the most conscious thing I feel like is as I'm going old, just like the thinning and potential balding. You would want, you and you're saying you would want the hair? I would do that, yeah.
00:47:11
Speaker
That's what I would do that. Tyler, what about you? Fucking butt lift, dude. just Really? no fuck no. No, I don't know. i don't give a shit. this is Maybe more tattoos, I don't know. Not even a gold-fashioned cock shortening.
00:47:26
Speaker
Jesus Christ. Bring that thing down to a solid one. The tattoos don't count, man. That's like... can do that now and no one's going to give a fuck. what No, what if it was like a... What if he like just tattooed his entire nose black?
00:47:42
Speaker
That'd be cool. that That would be a pretty... Just my eyebrows. It'd be like Rudolph when they're trying to fake them. Or just ethnic eyebrows. Permanent makeup. Yeah. What about you, Tyler?
00:47:53
Speaker
Or Tucker? I would add...
00:47:57
Speaker
No, I would add an inch to my legs from the waist to the knee, that section my thighs. They do that in China and stuff. Well, they do that the movie Gattico. Maybe that's why I like that movie somewhere. yeah, yeah.
00:48:11
Speaker
You just want to be like... They break your legs, yeah. I would wish I had another one. Do you want to be taller? Who gives a shit about that? I just want my pants to fit better. Like, I'm not...
00:48:22
Speaker
So in other words, you just need to you just need a tailor.
00:48:27
Speaker
No, it makes sense to break the legs. I think having an extra inch would be pretty dope.
00:48:34
Speaker
I'd have to relearn skateboard tricks because my center of gravity would be different. But yeah, I would do that. Otherwise, I'm pretty cool with my bod. Yeah. Like it's the one I got. So I'm like good with it.
00:48:47
Speaker
Got to worship this temple. Yeah, I'm going to church. Got to look at myself. Okay, last one. If I'm going sacrifice virgins, I'm going to treat this body like a temple.
00:49:00
Speaker
That makes me think of the movie Dragnet. Why? Because they sacrifice a virgin. Okay. Or they're about to. They sacrifice some goats. Pretty And a virgin? i don't remember.
00:49:13
Speaker
a goat virgin. a goat virgin. Okay. very Last one on my list is I really love you guys.
Expressions of Friendship
00:49:21
Speaker
Oh. I'm so glad that we do this. Okay. I got to read these closer because I thought it said I love guys and I was like, oh.
00:49:31
Speaker
That's why I put it last. Tucker's just coming out at the end of this podcast. Season three episode whatever this is. ah And what's funny is you only come out on this podcast. You don't tell anyone else in your life. And it comes out two years from now.
00:49:48
Speaker
And you keep telling people like your way of coming out is be like, no, listen to my podcast. yeah And they have to wait through three fucking seasons of this bullshit to get to that point. That would be incredible. No, I told everyone. It's just it hasn't been published yet.
00:50:09
Speaker
This last episode was good. Season one, by the way. Yeah. No, I'm outing people. I just, and ah it'ss it's insane to me that it matters. It's just. Oh.
00:50:21
Speaker
Oh. Yeah. The world is super simple. yeah
00:50:27
Speaker
Yeah. I want to go more on this point, Tyler. Do you love us? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, okay. Well, I said it. All love you guys, too. so I think. Oh, shit. I think. if it's a If it has to be a package deal, then yeah, I guess. But um if I could just pick one, would totally.
00:50:44
Speaker
Tucker's trying to make this a video of the podcast. you see just rolled his eyes. Oh, yeah. Well, I just want to make you guys blush. Yeah. Blush. So wait, do we have one more episode left? Is that EC's next list? Yes, I will do the last list of the season before we embark on our next season.
00:51:05
Speaker
ah I already started adding to it. i've been Shit's been coming up lately. so Putting it down. angry. Just wake up in the morning. God damn I don't have my two hours.
00:51:16
Speaker
Someone already who did my crossword. Ah, New York Times. Why can't you make more games?
00:51:24
Speaker
Why do I wake up and my games are all done for me? just you just Tyler, you're just mad that I get to actually wake up instead of just being permanently awake, which is what you Oh, God.
00:51:38
Speaker
Fucking creepy ass sleep with one of the eyes open. All right. Well, join us next week as we go through the fourth and final list of this season.
00:51:50
Speaker
I guess my list. My fourth list. Our season. So until then, be well. Toodaloo. had burning girl out there. Oh, yeah, me too.
00:52:02
Speaker
That's gross.