Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
JR Martinez - Life Struggles, Triumph & Inspiration
210 Plays4 years ago
JR Martinez speaks on his life story and transformation. An Impeccable conversation!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction of J.R. Martinez and His Philosophy
00:00:03
Speaker
Back again, Bigger Talks, IG Live, another episode, and I can't wait for you guys to hear this discussion with J.R.
00:00:12
Speaker
Martinez.
00:00:14
Speaker
He's a motivational speaker, actor, author, and also the podcast host of Rebirth.
00:00:22
Speaker
We're going to talk about life, success, adversity, trials and tribulations, and everything that created this
00:00:31
Speaker
his name, his story, and his legacy.
00:00:34
Speaker
He has a great quote that I love.
00:00:37
Speaker
He says, scars are tattoos that tell a story.
00:00:41
Speaker
So we're gonna get him in here.
00:00:42
Speaker
You guys, if you have any questions, comment below.
00:00:47
Speaker
Brace yourself, this guy's incredible.
00:00:48
Speaker
He's amazing.
00:00:49
Speaker
And we're gonna get into it.
00:00:52
Speaker
Bigger Talks, back at it.
00:00:53
Speaker
Let's go.
Authenticity and Healing Through Truth
00:00:55
Speaker
Oh, there he is.
00:00:57
Speaker
Yo.
00:00:58
Speaker
What's up, brother?
00:01:00
Speaker
When you said 3.30, I was like, I got to be ready.
00:01:04
Speaker
Because the most awkward thing when you do IG lives is the host is like, all right, everyone.
00:01:13
Speaker
Hold on one second.
00:01:15
Speaker
Hold on one second, everyone.
00:01:17
Speaker
Okay.
00:01:17
Speaker
And then you see, and then you see, like, you go down to your phone and you're, like, looking, you're, like, texting a person or whatever.
00:01:25
Speaker
It's all love, man.
00:01:26
Speaker
We authentic here on Bigger Talks.
00:01:28
Speaker
We all about authenticity.
00:01:31
Speaker
Right on time.
00:01:32
Speaker
What's up, my guy?
00:01:34
Speaker
Man, living, man.
00:01:35
Speaker
Living the dream and creating a new reality, you know?
00:01:38
Speaker
Happy to be here.
00:01:39
Speaker
Yo, man, the one thing that still resonates from our conversation when you were on my podcast is you said we heal what we reveal.
00:01:48
Speaker
Yes.
00:01:49
Speaker
Dude, I'm telling you, like, I think about that all the time.
00:01:54
Speaker
Like, all the time, I just think about, all right, I'm healing what I'm revealing, baby.
00:01:58
Speaker
I'm healing what I'm revealing, baby.
00:02:00
Speaker
And I just think that there's so much more that I need to reveal, that there's so much more that needs to be healed.
00:02:05
Speaker
I was even talking to my wife earlier today.
00:02:08
Speaker
And we were talking about, you know, things that trigger us.
00:02:12
Speaker
And I said to her, I was like, you know, I know something that I got to work on is I got to work on.
00:02:18
Speaker
Oh, what's up, Texas?
00:02:20
Speaker
Texas is the hell out of here.
00:02:24
Speaker
And I was like, I need to work on the power of being able to say no.
00:02:29
Speaker
Right.
00:02:30
Speaker
And you and I, we went really deep about your history and Baltimore and everything.
00:02:35
Speaker
But for me,
00:02:37
Speaker
Man, like it's hard for me to say no to people because it goes back to my childhood.
00:02:42
Speaker
It goes back to like my mother.
00:02:44
Speaker
It goes back to, you know, like I never wanted to disappoint my mom.
00:02:48
Speaker
I never wanted to say no to my mom.
00:02:49
Speaker
And so now I live with this this pattern of behavior that I have to sort of break and put boundaries up with because I burn myself out, man.
00:02:59
Speaker
Yeah, you know, listen, I have a dose of that as well, and I've learned to kind of overcome that.
00:03:04
Speaker
And I'm still there a little bit, but I fixed it.
00:03:07
Speaker
But let's get right into it, man, because you have an amazing story.
00:03:11
Speaker
And last, before we get into, like, the real story, let's take it to the beginning, when you were
Personal Loss and Family Journey
00:03:17
Speaker
young.
00:03:17
Speaker
I was on your website, and you said you had a sister that passed away, and you didn't get to meet her.
00:03:24
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:03:25
Speaker
I don't know how old you were when you found that information.
00:03:28
Speaker
How did that shape your journey?
00:03:29
Speaker
How that was that a scar that became a tattoo that became your story?
00:03:34
Speaker
Can we talk about that?
00:03:35
Speaker
Let's let's let's unpack that, man.
00:03:37
Speaker
Listen, there is this gets pretty this is pretty heavy and deep.
00:03:42
Speaker
So I ask your followers to just kind of be patient.
00:03:47
Speaker
So my mother is from Central America, El Salvador.
00:03:50
Speaker
My mother migrated here, had two kids, left my sisters with my grandmother.
00:03:57
Speaker
And my mother's motivation to come to the United States was honestly to make enough money to buy a wheelchair for the sister that eventually passed away.
00:04:07
Speaker
That was it.
00:04:08
Speaker
A wheelchair and some medication.
00:04:09
Speaker
That was her motivation, right?
00:04:11
Speaker
So she comes to the US.
00:04:13
Speaker
She ends up meeting my father, ends up having me.
00:04:16
Speaker
I throw a wrench into the plans.
00:04:18
Speaker
And then my dad dips at nine months old.
00:04:22
Speaker
Nine months?
00:04:23
Speaker
Nine months.
00:04:24
Speaker
He's like, I'm out.
00:04:25
Speaker
Like, I look at my son.
00:04:26
Speaker
I have an eight-month-old son right now, right?
00:04:29
Speaker
And I have two kids.
00:04:30
Speaker
I have a nine-year-old daughter and an eight-month-old son.
00:04:32
Speaker
I look at my son at eight months old, and I'm like, how in one month, how could I ever leave you in one month?
00:04:38
Speaker
And so he dips, right?
00:04:41
Speaker
So it's just my mother and I, and I remember when I was three years old, walking into the room and seeing my mother on the edge of the bed with the phone up to her ear and she was crying.
00:04:52
Speaker
And my mother told me, you remember that sister I told you about that you have?
00:04:57
Speaker
And I was like, yeah.
00:04:58
Speaker
And I remember her telling me at like four years old, like a little bit older.
00:05:03
Speaker
And she's like, she passed away.
00:05:05
Speaker
And I'm not four years old,
Guardian Angels and Life's Signs
00:05:06
Speaker
three years old.
00:05:06
Speaker
And she told me she passed away.
00:05:08
Speaker
I vividly remember this man.
00:05:10
Speaker
And, um,
00:05:12
Speaker
You know, I'm three years old.
00:05:13
Speaker
I'm just kind of like, all right, just kept it moving, right?
00:05:17
Speaker
Like just, I mean, I remember being on the phone calling my sisters in El Salvador, my grandmother, my aunts, my uncles.
00:05:25
Speaker
And my mother would be like, that's your uncle.
00:05:27
Speaker
That's your sister.
00:05:28
Speaker
Say hi.
00:05:28
Speaker
You know, I'm a kid.
00:05:29
Speaker
And he's just like, all right, put the phone down and take off and run and go play.
00:05:35
Speaker
It made me feel like
00:05:40
Speaker
So when I went to El Salvador for the first time when I was six, at six years old, I went, it was a new culture.
00:05:47
Speaker
It was a new, you know, sort of experience for me.
00:05:50
Speaker
I went again when I was nine.
00:05:53
Speaker
This time when I went, when I was nine, my mother took me to my sister's grave site.
00:05:59
Speaker
I'm standing there, Eric, I'm standing there like looking down and crying, man.
00:06:07
Speaker
crying.
00:06:08
Speaker
I mean, emotional.
00:06:12
Speaker
It didn't make any sense to me.
00:06:13
Speaker
It didn't make any sense to my mother, to my family.
00:06:16
Speaker
Why are you crying so much?
00:06:17
Speaker
You've never met her.
00:06:19
Speaker
I left, came home, didn't even think about it, just moved on with life.
00:06:24
Speaker
Fast forward, my guy.
00:06:26
Speaker
I'm 19 years old.
00:06:28
Speaker
I'm in a Humvee, burning alive, fighting for my life.
00:06:34
Speaker
And literally in the midst of all this noise, I get an image of my sister, the one that passed away.
00:06:42
Speaker
She literally appeared to me and spoke to me and told me I was going to be okay.
00:06:49
Speaker
Wow.
00:06:51
Speaker
That's a bigger talks moment.
00:06:53
Speaker
Wow.
00:06:55
Speaker
So immediately after that went away, after sort of like, I don't even want to use, like I don't know how you explain this.
00:07:02
Speaker
Like as soon as her image went away, I was immediately pulled out of the Humvee and I started the medevac process.
00:07:08
Speaker
Now I was in a coma for three weeks.
00:07:10
Speaker
When I came out of my coma, I told my mom that experience.
00:07:14
Speaker
And of course, as you can imagine, you know, for, you know, to all the parents that have lost, you know, children, you know, sending you so much love, because I know that's one of the most difficult things to experience.
00:07:24
Speaker
And my mother was emotional.
00:07:26
Speaker
And she said, she said, I think she's your guardian angel.
00:07:31
Speaker
And
00:07:32
Speaker
That was one of the first moments in my adult life where I started to understand that in certain phases of life, things don't make sense.
00:07:41
Speaker
But if you're patient enough, if you stick with it long enough, the answer eventually shows itself.
00:07:48
Speaker
And that is one of those experiences, man, that just till this day, her name is Annabelle.
00:07:55
Speaker
Wow.
00:07:55
Speaker
Annabelle.
00:07:56
Speaker
Yeah, our oldest.
00:07:57
Speaker
Annabelle, thank you.
00:07:59
Speaker
Yeah, and we sort of honored her by our daughter has her middle name is Annabelle and and she there have been so many monumental things that have happened over the course of the last 15 years that have happened huge milestones that have happened on or around like her birthday in September.
00:08:22
Speaker
And so to me, man, I pay attention to energy and there's no such things as coincidences in my opinion.
00:08:29
Speaker
I pay attention to all of these things that are happening in the universe.
00:08:32
Speaker
And I believe that there are signs and they're guiding me and they're allowing me to understand that I'm on the right path and that I'm not alone.
00:08:38
Speaker
And my sister, Annabelle, I truly believe is with me even till this day.
00:08:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:44
Speaker
Um, you know, this, this podcast, we decided to do it three 30, you know,
00:08:50
Speaker
was three times three.
00:08:52
Speaker
You said at the age of nine,
00:08:55
Speaker
you went to go see her grave site.
00:08:56
Speaker
You said at 19, that's another nine, right?
00:08:58
Speaker
So when you said, when you went to go see her grave site at nine, I channeled some images, some visuals.
00:09:06
Speaker
It was like a movie, JR. And it felt like in that moment when you was crying, it was like she was talking to you and it's like, I need you to go live out this mission.
00:09:15
Speaker
And it's like, she put the energy on you and it like, it compelled you.
00:09:19
Speaker
And that's why it was like, it was more like,
00:09:22
Speaker
Like, Annabelle, I got you.
00:09:23
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:09:25
Speaker
It's like that patience, right?
00:09:27
Speaker
I got you.
00:09:27
Speaker
And she knew in that moment when you was crying, she knew you had her.
00:09:32
Speaker
So when the thing happened in the Humvee at 19, when you were, she said, I got you too.
00:09:37
Speaker
And then from there,
00:09:39
Speaker
Y'all had each other and y'all just been holding hands on a way in your phenomenal journey.
00:09:44
Speaker
Before we get into that, like, so after that, so let's say nine years old, boom, you had that experience with your mother, you're crying, tears are pouring, you're feeling all these emotions that don't make sense in the moment.
00:09:56
Speaker
From that point on, that's a turning point to me, if I'm reading a book or a story of someone's life.
Childhood Adversities and Finding Belonging
00:10:01
Speaker
What was your life like?
00:10:02
Speaker
Was you into sports?
00:10:03
Speaker
Were you into acting?
00:10:04
Speaker
Were you a dancer?
00:10:05
Speaker
Comedian?
00:10:06
Speaker
Like, what kept your focus?
00:10:08
Speaker
What kept you busy?
00:10:10
Speaker
Like, what was your life from that point on?
00:10:12
Speaker
So I was born in Louisiana, and I lived there for the first nine years of my life.
00:10:16
Speaker
Now, the first nine years of my life were filled with a lot of adversity, a lot of challenges.
00:10:21
Speaker
Back of that nine again.
00:10:22
Speaker
Back of that nine.
00:10:25
Speaker
You can relate to this.
00:10:27
Speaker
Since my father dipped at nine months old, and then here I am now, my mother's getting into relationships and she becomes a victim of domestic abuse.
00:10:36
Speaker
And there's a lot of violence in the house.
00:10:37
Speaker
There's a lot of violence in the community.
00:10:39
Speaker
If it wasn't happening in my house, it was happening to my neighbor.
00:10:42
Speaker
And that's what I witnessed.
00:10:43
Speaker
And at the age of nine, my mom said to me, we're going to move.
00:10:47
Speaker
And we moved to Arkansas, to a town called Hope.
00:10:51
Speaker
And at that time, I think I was like, yeah.
00:10:54
Speaker
Wow.
00:10:55
Speaker
So there –
00:10:57
Speaker
Yeah, I know, dude, you got to pay attention to all these things.
00:11:00
Speaker
What was challenging was when I moved there, you know, any kid when they moved to a new area, you know, it's not always like peaches and cream, right?
00:11:08
Speaker
Like it was difficult for me.
00:11:10
Speaker
And I was one of the first Hispanic kids on site.
00:11:13
Speaker
There was predominantly white and black kids.
00:11:15
Speaker
I wasn't cool enough to kick it with the white kids.
00:11:17
Speaker
I wasn't cool enough to kick it with the black kids.
00:11:19
Speaker
You know, I just found myself as an outsider.
00:11:22
Speaker
And then there were more Hispanic kids that started to show up and I thought, okay, cool.
00:11:26
Speaker
That's, I guess that's my people, right?
00:11:28
Speaker
We, we stick together and that's my click.
00:11:30
Speaker
And no, I was never cool enough to kick it with them either because most of them spoke Spanish differently than I did.
00:11:37
Speaker
You know, maybe were born in a different part of the world than I was, um, had a different experience.
00:11:42
Speaker
And so I was never cool enough to kick it with either one of these groups.
00:11:46
Speaker
And it was challenging.
00:11:47
Speaker
I got into sports.
00:11:48
Speaker
I love football.
00:11:49
Speaker
I love playing basketball.
00:11:52
Speaker
And honestly, as far as like from a comedic standpoint, I never necessarily had this determination, this idea that I wanted to be a comedian.
00:12:01
Speaker
But I think life forced me to almost become that because that was my way of coping with a lot of the feelings and the frustrations that I was experiencing as a young kid.
00:12:12
Speaker
And I can tell you that at 16 years old, man,
00:12:17
Speaker
I told my mother one day, I said, sometimes I think about getting into a car accident just because I want to see how many people would actually show up at the hospital.
00:12:25
Speaker
I wanna find out how many people actually care about me.
00:12:27
Speaker
Now here's the crazy thing, man, and I know I can do this with you.
00:12:31
Speaker
I believe in the power of manifestation.
00:12:32
Speaker
I believe in what you put out into the world, what you tell yourself, it'll happen.
00:12:37
Speaker
So at 16, I'm sitting here saying these words, right?
00:12:40
Speaker
My mother, of course, didn't have the tools to help me.
00:12:43
Speaker
So she just, you know, give me a hug, show me some love, let's go eat something.
00:12:47
Speaker
And then that's supposed to deal with it, right?
00:12:48
Speaker
That was the extent of talking about it.
00:12:52
Speaker
And three years later, I'm in that Humvee, I get into a car accident.
00:12:55
Speaker
Three years later, I find out how many people actually care about me.
00:12:59
Speaker
So by the time I was a junior in high school, we moved to Georgia.
00:13:05
Speaker
Now that's a whole other story.
00:13:07
Speaker
I sort of orchestrated that move as a young 17 year old, but my mom trusted me and we moved to Georgia to a small town called Dalton.
00:13:15
Speaker
And dude, I can tell you that immediately once I got into this community,
00:13:20
Speaker
I was embraced.
00:13:21
Speaker
I was shown love like there were white, black, Asian kids, Hispanic kids.
00:13:26
Speaker
Everybody just showed me mad love and there was no division.
00:13:31
Speaker
And I just felt a sense of community.
00:13:33
Speaker
And that literally changed my whole demeanor and it allowed me to be
00:13:39
Speaker
What I think people know of me now, this big personality, Joe's here, fun energy.
00:13:44
Speaker
Accepted, validated, the guy.
00:13:46
Speaker
I'm him.
00:13:47
Speaker
What's up, George?
00:13:48
Speaker
Yeah, I'm telling you.
00:13:52
Speaker
And this is important for people to understand.
00:13:54
Speaker
At nine years old, when I moved to Arkansas and it was difficult to adapt to the environment, the biggest thing that I had to focus on is what I could control.
00:14:04
Speaker
I couldn't control the kids messing with me.
00:14:06
Speaker
I had a big target on my back.
00:14:07
Speaker
Some kids would literally jump me just for no reason because I was the lone wolf.
00:14:13
Speaker
You know, I couldn't focus on that.
00:14:14
Speaker
I could focus on how I showed up every single day, and that's what I did.
00:14:18
Speaker
By the time I moved to Georgia, I knew how to adapt.
00:14:22
Speaker
It was like just second nature.
00:14:24
Speaker
I didn't wait for other people to potentially create a target on my back.
00:14:28
Speaker
I immediately got into Georgia.
00:14:30
Speaker
I'm like, I'm here.
00:14:31
Speaker
I'm going to focus on what I can control.
00:14:32
Speaker
I'm going to be me.
00:14:34
Speaker
And that has been a lesson that I've carried with me over the course of the last 20 years of my life because I've realized that I can find myself in these uncomfortable positions, in these uncomfortable places.
00:14:48
Speaker
But it's all up to me how I show up and how I adapt to it.
00:14:51
Speaker
And that's essentially what I've been doing and I've been implementing my entire life, man.
00:14:54
Speaker
But I just, listen, man, I love sports.
00:14:57
Speaker
I love, you know, clowning.
00:14:59
Speaker
I love having a good time.
00:15:00
Speaker
I love laughing.
00:15:02
Speaker
I was a little bit of a dancer because when you're raised by a single woman, you ain't got no choice but to be her dance partner.
00:15:08
Speaker
So I was her dance partner.
00:15:11
Speaker
And that was essentially me in a nutshell outside of the challenges and adversities that I experienced.
00:15:17
Speaker
Yeah, so you turned your fun side, you know, your comical side to deal with your pain.
00:15:22
Speaker
You have a quote that I love.
00:15:24
Speaker
You said a person path in life will be decided by their ability to adapt and overcome.
00:15:31
Speaker
And I know, you know, in life, it's not about the smartest.
00:15:34
Speaker
It's not about the strongest.
00:15:35
Speaker
It's about the person who's
00:15:36
Speaker
the most adaptable.
00:15:38
Speaker
Yeah, we all have to adapt to get where we want to go.
00:15:41
Speaker
Things are not always go our way.
00:15:42
Speaker
Things definitely didn't go your way.
00:15:44
Speaker
And you took that, you had to adapt, right?
00:15:47
Speaker
Sometimes when you're pushed in a corner and you have no way out, you find a way out.
00:15:52
Speaker
So sometimes that resistance, those challenges, right?
00:15:56
Speaker
That circumstance, adversity,
00:15:59
Speaker
It's how you create pressure for yourself to become more than what you know you can be because you don't have no choice.
00:16:05
Speaker
So go ahead.
00:16:07
Speaker
No, sorry.
00:16:07
Speaker
I don't mean to cut you off.
00:16:08
Speaker
But on that point, though, you're so right.
00:16:11
Speaker
Because when I moved away from Hope, Arkansas, and if there's somebody on this right now that is from Hope, Arkansas, some of my boys that I've connected with later in life, they're like, oh, you dog in Hope, Arkansas.
00:16:23
Speaker
And I'm like, yo, I love you guys.
00:16:24
Speaker
But this was my reality.
00:16:26
Speaker
This was my truth.
00:16:28
Speaker
When I left Arkansas, I didn't tell anybody that I was leaving.
00:16:32
Speaker
I was just, I just dipped.
00:16:33
Speaker
Like I didn't say, all of a sudden people were showing up and I didn't learn this till later when I reconnected with some of my friends.
00:16:41
Speaker
They were like, yo, we came back to school in the fall for senior year.
00:16:44
Speaker
We were like, back then they called me Jose.
00:16:47
Speaker
I didn't go by JR, I was Jose.
00:16:48
Speaker
And they were like, where's Jose?
00:16:50
Speaker
Where's Jose?
00:16:50
Speaker
Nobody knew where I went.
00:16:52
Speaker
I just dipped because my experience there for the time that I lived there, in my opinion at that time, was horrible.
00:16:59
Speaker
Now, here's the thing.
00:17:02
Speaker
I finally went back to Hope, Arkansas at the end of 2019.
00:17:04
Speaker
So that was like almost 19 years later, 18 years later.
00:17:09
Speaker
Sorry, 18 years later.
00:17:11
Speaker
And I went literally to every part of that town that I lived in, every house.
00:17:16
Speaker
And I can tell you that in the almost nine years that I lived there, I lived in six homes.
00:17:22
Speaker
Right.
00:17:23
Speaker
That range from like, like these small apartments to literally like living in the trailer park to finally the last home was like this little duplex house.
00:17:31
Speaker
And that was nice.
00:17:32
Speaker
Right.
00:17:33
Speaker
And I could tell you that when I went back, man, and I looked at every single one of those homes, when I looked at every single one of those areas where someone kicked my ass for no reason, when someone picked on me for no reason, I had a different appreciation.
00:17:50
Speaker
I was able to look at it and say, wait, you were preparing me for the life that I have today.
00:17:56
Speaker
That's what that nine year period of my life, it was all it was doing was preparing me because all those homes that I moved around in,
00:18:04
Speaker
It was literally preparing me for the life that I live today when people call me, they're like, yo, here's an opportunity, JR. We need you to move to New York.
00:18:10
Speaker
I'm out.
00:18:11
Speaker
JR, the show's moving to LA.
00:18:13
Speaker
You down?
00:18:14
Speaker
I'm out.
00:18:15
Speaker
Like, JR, we're gonna shoot this show in South Africa.
00:18:18
Speaker
You down?
00:18:18
Speaker
I'm out.
00:18:19
Speaker
Right?
00:18:19
Speaker
Like, I'm always like, let's go.
00:18:21
Speaker
Adaptability.
00:18:22
Speaker
Adaptability.
00:18:23
Speaker
But as a kid,
00:18:25
Speaker
I didn't realize that, right?
00:18:28
Speaker
And so I say that because I want people to understand whatever it is you're going through in this moment, I understand that it might not be comfortable, it might not feel good, but just hang in there, man, because I'm telling you, 5, 10, 15 years from this point, 18 years later, you're going to realize that this period shaped you and prepared you for what was waiting for you on the other side.
00:18:51
Speaker
Yeah, patience.
00:18:52
Speaker
That's it, man.
00:18:53
Speaker
You know, when you get that miracle in the back and you like, wow.
00:18:56
Speaker
And you had so many amazing experience and wisdom, right?
00:19:00
Speaker
Because you're able to adapt after that nine year span.
00:19:02
Speaker
You've been through some things.
00:19:04
Speaker
Oh, I got this.
00:19:05
Speaker
Oh, we on another show.
00:19:06
Speaker
Oh, I got to read this script.
00:19:07
Speaker
Oh, I need to be on Dancing with the Stars.
00:19:09
Speaker
Oh, I write a book.
00:19:10
Speaker
Yeah, you know, my armor is my tools are sharpened baby.
00:19:15
Speaker
We need to do right.
00:19:16
Speaker
I'm gonna have it brother.
00:19:19
Speaker
I can tell you.
00:19:21
Speaker
So that's beautiful because so then you have that experience.
00:19:25
Speaker
When did the army
00:19:27
Speaker
you know, the American army come into place in your mind, like what was the intentions behind that?
00:19:32
Speaker
How did that happen?
00:19:34
Speaker
Where did they get started?
Military Decision and Life's Pivotal Moments
00:19:35
Speaker
How did that happen?
00:19:35
Speaker
So I always had this, it was a very naive dream that I wanted to be a professional athlete, right?
00:19:41
Speaker
You see what you see on TV and you think that that's just everybody's reality.
00:19:45
Speaker
I was not a stellar athlete.
00:19:47
Speaker
I was sort of an average athlete, you know, a good role player for the football team, for a basketball team.
00:19:53
Speaker
I was not exceptional.
00:19:55
Speaker
Somebody should have sat me down and said, hey, man, listen, let's talk about this crazy dream that you have.
00:20:00
Speaker
But nobody did.
00:20:01
Speaker
People were just kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let them keep going through life.
00:20:03
Speaker
And there was something beautiful about the fact that they allowed me to just believe in that because it kept me away from all the craziness in the streets.
00:20:10
Speaker
that I had friends that were involved in drugs, that were involved in gangs, that were involved in violence.
00:20:14
Speaker
And I always had in the back of my mind, well, I can't get to the NFL one day if I get involved in that stuff, so I'm gonna stay away from it.
00:20:22
Speaker
Right?
00:20:22
Speaker
I mean, again, the idea of me really getting to the NFL was never going to happen, but it wasn't supposed to happen.
00:20:27
Speaker
It was just supposed to keep me out of that path.
00:20:30
Speaker
And so essentially, you know, I'm graduating from high school.
00:20:35
Speaker
I didn't get an opportunity to go to a big Division I school.
00:20:37
Speaker
My mom doesn't have the money.
00:20:39
Speaker
So I start rethinking what I'm going to do.
00:20:41
Speaker
So I think I'm going to go to a Division II school.
00:20:43
Speaker
Well, then I go take a tour of this one school, and they tell me, yeah, you can come into 10th school here.
00:20:47
Speaker
And I said, all right, I want to play football.
00:20:49
Speaker
And they said, well, let's go.
00:20:52
Speaker
Well, that football thing.
00:20:53
Speaker
So the thing is, you don't have the grades to play football at the college level.
00:20:58
Speaker
And the thing is, man, I heard something a few years ago.
00:21:02
Speaker
I did this event and there was a chef that was talking about his work with underprivileged kids, with youth and troubled youth.
00:21:09
Speaker
And he said that he heard a term, the reason he got involved and so passionate about it, because he had heard a term that somebody utilized and said that that kid that is causing trouble, that isn't applying themselves to school, no, that's a throwaway kid.
00:21:23
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:21:25
Speaker
And he said, when he heard that, he was like, wait, what?
00:21:27
Speaker
That's a, like, how can you use that terminology?
00:21:30
Speaker
And so he became very passionate and trying to mentor some of these kids.
00:21:34
Speaker
I would probably be one of those kids that you would look at and say, that's probably a throwaway kid.
00:21:38
Speaker
Why?
00:21:39
Speaker
Because I didn't apply myself in school.
00:21:41
Speaker
I didn't have the grades.
00:21:43
Speaker
If you looked at my transcript from high school, you would probably, your description would be like, he's not smart.
00:21:48
Speaker
And it wasn't that I wasn't smart.
00:21:50
Speaker
It was the fact that I was going, dealing with so much at home.
00:21:54
Speaker
There was so much that I was, I was living with, dude, I would get suspended from school for three days, for five days, for a week.
00:22:01
Speaker
Sometimes my mom wouldn't even know I'm literally roaming around town.
00:22:05
Speaker
just like pretending I'm at school.
00:22:08
Speaker
And then by the time I come back to school, I've missed out on a week's worth of, you know, curriculum that I'm like, forget it.
00:22:14
Speaker
At this point, I don't care anymore.
00:22:15
Speaker
And I'm trying to play that tough attitude.
00:22:17
Speaker
Forget it.
00:22:17
Speaker
I don't care.
00:22:19
Speaker
And so I didn't have the grades.
00:22:22
Speaker
And so I just kind of thought to myself, well, that I'm not going to go to college.
00:22:25
Speaker
I'm just, you know, it's not happening the way I envisioned it.
00:22:28
Speaker
So I forget it.
00:22:28
Speaker
I throw it all against the wall.
00:22:31
Speaker
And one day, man, I just, I had a job and I was just kind of at home watching TV and you know, those commercials, that commercial, that commercial popped up, man.
00:22:44
Speaker
And I remember thinking to myself, well, wait a minute.
00:22:47
Speaker
I've had some people talk about this, about the army and the military.
00:22:51
Speaker
So let me go ask some questions.
00:22:53
Speaker
So I went and asked a question to the recruiter and the recruiter was like, he was like, yeah, man, he's like, here it is.
00:22:58
Speaker
He gave me everything in the binder.
00:23:00
Speaker
I rushed home, dude, I thought I figured it out.
00:23:02
Speaker
And I solved all the world's problems.
00:23:05
Speaker
Like in that conversation, I came home and I was like, mom, I'm going to join the army.
00:23:08
Speaker
And she was like, no, you are not.
00:23:11
Speaker
Immediately shut it down because in the early 80s in Central America, there was a war happening.
00:23:18
Speaker
So my mother knows what war does to people.
00:23:20
Speaker
It was a civil war happening in South Africa.
00:23:24
Speaker
We were at war.
00:23:26
Speaker
9-11 happened a year before I graduated.
00:23:29
Speaker
We were already in Afghanistan.
00:23:30
Speaker
My mother has lost a child.
00:23:32
Speaker
She knew that if I joined the military during this time, that I would go to war and that I could potentially get killed.
00:23:39
Speaker
So she was like, I'm not losing another child.
00:23:41
Speaker
You're not going to war.
00:23:42
Speaker
No.
00:23:43
Speaker
And one of the greatest gifts my mother gave me early on in my life and my youth was her willingness to sit down and listen to me.
00:23:51
Speaker
And that is a true gift to be able to give somebody the opportunity for them to just share and vent, even if you don't agree, even if you don't understand.
00:24:03
Speaker
Nonetheless, to sit down and say, we're going to share some space, but you talk.
00:24:06
Speaker
I'm going to try to really listen to understand.
00:24:09
Speaker
And at the end of this conversation, this really deep conversation with my mother, I said, Mo, I think this is the best thing for me to do right now.
00:24:15
Speaker
And she said, okay.
00:24:17
Speaker
And so I joined the Army, man, September 12, 2002.
00:24:20
Speaker
So, you know, here we are, April 6.
00:24:23
Speaker
Yesterday, yesterday was 19 years ago when I was injured.
00:24:29
Speaker
They go that nine.
00:24:31
Speaker
They go that nine.
00:24:34
Speaker
Let me tell you, it's going to get trippy in a second.
00:24:37
Speaker
You're looking at the patterns.
00:24:40
Speaker
So I joined the army.
00:24:41
Speaker
I decide I'm going to do three years.
00:24:43
Speaker
That's it.
00:24:44
Speaker
I go to basic training for three months.
00:24:47
Speaker
I get assigned in my unit, which was the 101st, right?
00:24:52
Speaker
Three months after I graduated from basic, I'm on a plane heading over to war at the age of 19 years old in March 3rd.
00:25:01
Speaker
I'm in Iraq for three weeks, then I get injured.
00:25:05
Speaker
I'm in a coma for three weeks.
00:25:08
Speaker
I recovered, I spent initially three months in the hospital.
00:25:12
Speaker
I spent almost three years in the hospital recovering.
00:25:16
Speaker
Three, three, three, three, it's crazy.
00:25:18
Speaker
Now here's where I'm gonna kind of reach a little bit.
00:25:20
Speaker
I'm gonna reach, I'm gonna reach.
00:25:22
Speaker
Reach, reach, reach.
00:25:24
Speaker
My wife's favorite number is three.
00:25:27
Speaker
And so there's a part of me that feels like, you
Unexpected Acting Career and Wisdom from Strangers
00:25:30
Speaker
know, that was kind of like universe's way of kind of saying, hey, but there's just always this pattern of threes, man.
00:25:36
Speaker
Like I was, when I joined all my children, I was only supposed to be off for three months.
00:25:41
Speaker
I ended up being off for three years.
00:25:43
Speaker
I joined dancing.
00:25:44
Speaker
They thought I was going to go home week three.
00:25:46
Speaker
I ended up staying on for three months and winning the whole competition.
00:25:50
Speaker
It's just, come on, man.
00:25:51
Speaker
We can just keep going with this pattern.
00:25:53
Speaker
I think, do you have something on your website about All of My Children?
00:25:57
Speaker
Like, you had a friend who found an open casting opportunity.
00:26:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:01
Speaker
He called you, and I think you're supposed to be on, like,
00:26:03
Speaker
three something.
00:26:05
Speaker
I forgot how it went, but you was longer than expected.
00:26:07
Speaker
Literally, my boy was like, yo, they're doing a casting call for a veteran.
00:26:11
Speaker
They're launching a storyline.
00:26:12
Speaker
This is you, man.
00:26:13
Speaker
You, you, you.
00:26:14
Speaker
And I was like, man, you're crazy.
00:26:15
Speaker
I don't want to be an actor.
00:26:17
Speaker
I don't have any acting experience.
00:26:18
Speaker
What are you talking about?
00:26:19
Speaker
And I used to watch all my children as a kid.
00:26:21
Speaker
I think all of us did, especially back in the day, man.
00:26:24
Speaker
You always been watching soaps.
00:26:25
Speaker
You're home from school in the summer.
00:26:26
Speaker
Pshh.
00:26:27
Speaker
Yeah, Young and Restless.
00:26:28
Speaker
Young and Restless.
00:26:29
Speaker
I was watching General Hospital.
00:26:31
Speaker
I watched all my children.
00:26:32
Speaker
I knew all these characters.
00:26:34
Speaker
And he was like, man, just try out for it.
00:26:36
Speaker
And I was like, all right, I guess.
00:26:37
Speaker
What do I have to lose?
00:26:39
Speaker
And I tried out for it.
00:26:40
Speaker
And they told me, they were like, you got the part.
00:26:42
Speaker
And I was like, well, how long am I going to be on the show?
00:26:44
Speaker
They said three months.
00:26:45
Speaker
That was it.
00:26:45
Speaker
I was like, all right, three months is cool to be on a soap opera.
00:26:48
Speaker
I'd be able to go back home and tell people I was on a soap opera.
00:26:52
Speaker
yeah and it turned into six months it turned nine months it turned into a year it turned into three years of me being on that show man until it literally went off of the air in 2011 or whatever it was three years three three three man and so you just you know man like i i i because of all of this
00:27:11
Speaker
I am now a position in my life where I pay attention to everything.
00:27:15
Speaker
I'm listening to my own curiosity.
00:27:17
Speaker
I'm listening to whatever voices and people that are put in front of me.
00:27:21
Speaker
I pay attention now.
00:27:23
Speaker
I open myself up to these conversations that are unexpected, but they give me so many beautiful blessings.
00:27:29
Speaker
For example,
00:27:31
Speaker
I'm the guy that gets asked to come and speak all over the world to all these companies.
00:27:37
Speaker
That's what I do.
00:27:37
Speaker
I'm a motivational speaker now.
00:27:39
Speaker
That's primarily what my business is, my bread and butter.
00:27:42
Speaker
I love it.
00:27:43
Speaker
I think I'm good at it.
00:27:45
Speaker
I've been doing it for a long time, right?
00:27:47
Speaker
Well,
00:27:49
Speaker
I, a couple of years ago, flew back from Atlanta.
00:27:52
Speaker
I did this event for Delta Airlines and I'm a Delta snob.
00:27:55
Speaker
So when Delta called me and said, we want you to come do it, I was like, right away, you know, and have the plane ready for me.
00:28:02
Speaker
I'll be there in Atlanta.
00:28:04
Speaker
And I remember flying home and I felt good.
00:28:06
Speaker
I was on this high and I was like, the event went amazing.
00:28:10
Speaker
On the flight, just something got in my head, man.
00:28:13
Speaker
Just something got in my head and I just got triggered.
00:28:15
Speaker
And all of a sudden I had this sour energy.
00:28:17
Speaker
I get off of the plane.
00:28:19
Speaker
I get to my car.
00:28:20
Speaker
I start exiting the parking garage.
00:28:22
Speaker
I go to the booth.
00:28:23
Speaker
I'm not even looking at the attendant.
00:28:25
Speaker
I just literally looking straight and I just hand the ticket out my mirror, my window.
00:28:31
Speaker
Well, the person grabs the ticket but doesn't take it.
00:28:33
Speaker
They're just holding it.
00:28:34
Speaker
So we're both holding this ticket like this.
00:28:36
Speaker
And so finally, this catches my attention.
00:28:38
Speaker
And I look up like, why don't you take the ticket?
00:28:41
Speaker
And I look up and I can see, you know, this lady's hand.
00:28:45
Speaker
And I start following the hand up.
00:28:47
Speaker
And it's an older woman.
00:28:48
Speaker
Like, I mean, I'm like, I don't want to be disrespectful, but she was like, like in her 70s.
00:28:53
Speaker
Like she was she was an older woman.
00:28:56
Speaker
And she looked at me and she said, what happened to you?
00:29:01
Speaker
And I said, oh, I just kept it simple.
00:29:03
Speaker
I was in a car accident.
00:29:05
Speaker
And she said, were you burned?
00:29:07
Speaker
And I said, yeah.
00:29:09
Speaker
And she said, is it all over your body?
00:29:10
Speaker
And I said, yeah, for the most part.
00:29:12
Speaker
And then she said, okay.
00:29:14
Speaker
She said, can I pray for you?
00:29:17
Speaker
And I was like, all right, sure.
00:29:19
Speaker
All right, cool.
00:29:21
Speaker
So, you know, she starts praying, but she's in silence, not out loud.
00:29:27
Speaker
And then all of a sudden she stops, she opens her eyes and she starts writing.
00:29:31
Speaker
I'm thinking, okay, cool, we're done.
00:29:32
Speaker
She's doing the transaction, pay, blah, blah, blah, peace out.
00:29:36
Speaker
Well, then she hands me a ticket back.
00:29:39
Speaker
And on this ticket, which you don't do, she hands me a ticket and on the ticket, I take the ticket and I read it and she writes Amitoba.
00:29:47
Speaker
She says, do you know what that means?
00:29:49
Speaker
And I said, no.
00:29:50
Speaker
She's like, are you familiar with Buddhism?
00:29:51
Speaker
And I said, nah, not really.
00:29:54
Speaker
She said, well, there is a Buddhist
00:29:57
Speaker
called Amitoba.
00:29:58
Speaker
And apparently he represents infinite light, infinite wisdom.
00:30:03
Speaker
When I see you, you are infinite light.
00:30:05
Speaker
You are infinite wisdom.
00:30:06
Speaker
And she goes on and on about this description, man.
00:30:09
Speaker
Listen, to the point by the time we were done, when that gate, when that arm went up and I was able to drive through, I was like, Amitoba, everybody.
00:30:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:19
Speaker
But the point of that story is, I'm the guy that got the opportunity to go speak at Delta.
00:30:25
Speaker
But I'm also the guy that needed a stranger to give me a gift.
00:30:30
Speaker
And I had multiple opportunities throughout that interaction to not open myself up.
00:30:35
Speaker
When she asked me what happened, I didn't have to engage.
00:30:37
Speaker
When she asked me how much of my body was burned, I didn't have to engage.
00:30:40
Speaker
When she said, can I pray for you?
00:30:42
Speaker
I could have said, nah, I'm good.
00:30:43
Speaker
When she said, here's that omitaba.
00:30:45
Speaker
Do you know what that is?
00:30:46
Speaker
I don't care.
00:30:46
Speaker
I don't want to know what it is.
00:30:48
Speaker
I could have closed myself off from this interaction so many times, but because I always pay attention to what the universe and God is putting in front of me, I'm like, there's a reason you're asking these questions.
00:30:59
Speaker
And there's a reason I should open up to you and I should feed into this curiosity that I feel right now because you're going to give me something that I need in this moment.
00:31:09
Speaker
And she gave me something that I still think of.
00:31:12
Speaker
A beautiful gift from the universe.
Life's Purpose and Power of Presence
00:31:14
Speaker
And you was open to receive.
00:31:16
Speaker
I tell people all the time, it's not what we get out of life, it's what we become.
00:31:20
Speaker
So it wasn't about you going to Delta and getting something from them, it's what you became on the route to Delta.
00:31:27
Speaker
Right?
00:31:27
Speaker
It gave you the gold charm before you got to your, you know, event.
00:31:32
Speaker
And it changed your whole life.
00:31:33
Speaker
It shifted your paradigm.
00:31:34
Speaker
It opened you up.
00:31:35
Speaker
You were screaming.
00:31:37
Speaker
You increased your frequency in like a second.
00:31:39
Speaker
Yeah!
00:31:41
Speaker
I got the ticket right here.
00:31:42
Speaker
I can find it in literally one minute, like right there.
00:31:45
Speaker
It's in my office.
00:31:46
Speaker
And it's just, that's the beauty for me about life, man, is that I am always paying attention to everything happening around me.
00:31:55
Speaker
I never close myself off from any channel, any channel of energy, any frequent, nothing.
00:32:01
Speaker
I open myself to all of it.
00:32:03
Speaker
Even if it makes me feel uncomfortable, I discovered this ability, Eric,
00:32:09
Speaker
Six months after I was injured, I was asked to visit a patient in the hospital.
00:32:14
Speaker
And I walked into his room.
00:32:16
Speaker
I didn't want to do it.
00:32:17
Speaker
And I opened his door.
00:32:18
Speaker
I walked into his room.
00:32:20
Speaker
And it was completely dark in the room, man.
00:32:23
Speaker
And I just thought, oh, man, like this dude is really not in a good place.
00:32:26
Speaker
And I felt like this pit in my stomach.
00:32:28
Speaker
I felt uncomfortable because it's just the energy in the room.
00:32:33
Speaker
But I was like, I can't run away.
00:32:35
Speaker
I can't leave.
00:32:35
Speaker
What would that do to his spirits if he saw somebody just stand in the doorway and then dip?
00:32:39
Speaker
So I was like, I got to walk up to his bed.
00:32:41
Speaker
So I walked up to his bed.
00:32:43
Speaker
And that was the first time in my life where the definition of a conversation was redefined for me.
00:32:49
Speaker
Prior to that interaction, rebirth, baby.
00:32:53
Speaker
So prior to that interaction, I always thought a conversation consisted of Eric's going to talk 50% of the time, and then I got to talk 50% of the time.
00:33:01
Speaker
I walked into this patient's bed, I asked him like three questions, where he was from, where he served, and what happened to him.
00:33:09
Speaker
It literally turned into a 45 minute conversation to the point when I left the room, I noticed that he had the light above his bed on and he was opening the curtain to that big window.
00:33:19
Speaker
And something so simple, man, said so much to me.
00:33:22
Speaker
I gave him hope.
00:33:23
Speaker
I shed some light on the dark road that he was on.
00:33:26
Speaker
And so for me, I always pay attention.
00:33:29
Speaker
If something makes me feel uncomfortable, if something gives me a pit in my stomach, that means I got to lean in a little bit more.
00:33:36
Speaker
Because from that, what that patient gave me, what he gave me was my identity back.
00:33:45
Speaker
He gave me my purpose back.
00:33:47
Speaker
Because in the military, my identity started to become being somebody of service.
00:33:52
Speaker
My purpose was to serve.
00:33:53
Speaker
My purpose was to be a part of this unit and this team.
00:33:57
Speaker
He...
00:33:58
Speaker
When I was injured, they told me you can't be in the army anymore.
00:34:00
Speaker
So I was like, what am I going to do with life now?
00:34:02
Speaker
I'm not going to be able to do anything.
00:34:04
Speaker
He gave me the gift to understand that I can still serve in a completely different way.
00:34:10
Speaker
I can still fulfill my purpose in a completely different way.
00:34:13
Speaker
The military was not intended to be something that I was supposed to be in for 20 years.
00:34:18
Speaker
It was supposed to be essentially the bridge to get me over here on this side.
00:34:22
Speaker
for me to make all the connections and pay attention to everything that has allowed me to create the life that I've created for myself for the last 19 years.
00:34:31
Speaker
And congratulations.
00:34:33
Speaker
Congratulations, brother.
00:34:35
Speaker
I mean, you know, there's some...
00:34:39
Speaker
there's some moral and some truth in going through pain and adversity and challenges to get to your ultimate change.
00:34:48
Speaker
To help someone else get through that pain, right?
00:34:51
Speaker
Like you went through all that to get the information, to get the experiences, to get the wisdom, to get the opportunity, to have a conversation, to get the downloads, right?
00:35:00
Speaker
To have the awareness.
00:35:01
Speaker
And you said something, you continuously say it, you said you pay attention.
00:35:05
Speaker
And I think people watching, people listening,
00:35:07
Speaker
Listen to what he's saying.
00:35:08
Speaker
Pay attention.
00:35:10
Speaker
Pay attention to what you're giving your attention to.
00:35:13
Speaker
Think about the thinking.
00:35:15
Speaker
How are you feeling when someone is giving you feedback?
00:35:17
Speaker
Are you really listening?
00:35:18
Speaker
Are you listening to respond?
00:35:20
Speaker
Are you listening to understand?
00:35:21
Speaker
And I love your story so much because it was, I don't think nobody's story is planned.
00:35:29
Speaker
But you did everything you thought you should do to get where you wanted to go in life.
00:35:33
Speaker
And the universe said, listen, I'm gonna make a U-turn.
00:35:35
Speaker
We're gonna make a detour here.
00:35:36
Speaker
We're gonna go here.
00:35:37
Speaker
But I like you because you trust in what you believe, even if it's not the right path.
00:35:41
Speaker
Let me reroute you and I'm gonna take you down the right path.
00:35:43
Speaker
And now you're living your dreams.
00:35:45
Speaker
You'd have been on TV.
00:35:46
Speaker
You wrote books.
00:35:47
Speaker
You can travel all over the world.
00:35:49
Speaker
You'd have been through trauma and pain.
00:35:51
Speaker
And now you've got two beautiful kids and a family.
00:35:54
Speaker
I mean, that's the ultimate dream.
00:35:55
Speaker
You live in a dream.
00:35:56
Speaker
You created that for yourself through everything.
00:35:58
Speaker
And I'm not done, man.
00:36:00
Speaker
Because I've been exposed to so much change in my life,
00:36:06
Speaker
I'm so comfortable with it that I'm actually more uncomfortable when things are easy and smooth.
00:36:13
Speaker
If things are just easy and smooth, I'm like, wait, wait, wait, what's going on?
00:36:16
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:36:17
Speaker
I need to be learning something.
00:36:18
Speaker
Now there's a message in that too.
00:36:19
Speaker
I should probably learn how to, it's okay to sit back and just enjoy and just relax and just take it all in.
00:36:26
Speaker
Right?
00:36:27
Speaker
There was a message in that as well.
00:36:28
Speaker
And I do understand that.
00:36:29
Speaker
And that's something I'm working on.
00:36:31
Speaker
But a few years ago I was like, okay,
00:36:35
Speaker
When I got out of the military, I was called a disabled veteran.
00:36:39
Speaker
That was what people, the word that they used to put over my head in order for them to understand me.
00:36:47
Speaker
So I just started telling people I'm a disabled veteran.
00:36:50
Speaker
I just started repeating what people, what I kept hearing people refer to me as, like that was my identity.
00:36:55
Speaker
And then I started to get on, I got on all my children and then it was like, oh, he's an actor.
00:37:02
Speaker
So then my identity started to shift, right?
00:37:04
Speaker
And now I was like, I'm telling people I'm an actor.
00:37:06
Speaker
Then I get on dancing and it was like, oh, you're the dancing guy, right?
00:37:10
Speaker
Like he's a dancer, he's a champion, right?
00:37:12
Speaker
Oh, you wrote a book.
00:37:14
Speaker
Oh, he's blessed that it became a New York Times bestseller.
00:37:17
Speaker
He's a New York Times.
00:37:18
Speaker
But I was always sort of repeating what I heard from everybody else.
00:37:23
Speaker
And people were giving you labels.
00:37:25
Speaker
They were giving you labels and you was gravitating to and attaching yourself to it.
00:37:29
Speaker
There's a question.
00:37:30
Speaker
They say if you ask 90% of people who they are, they say I'm a doctor, I'm a lawyer, I'm a firefighter, I'm a disabled veteran.
00:37:37
Speaker
I'm an actor, I'm an athlete.
00:37:39
Speaker
You take that away from them, you say, who are you?
00:37:42
Speaker
90% of people don't know.
00:37:45
Speaker
And I think that's the beauty about your life is that you have to figure out who you were to get where you are.
00:37:51
Speaker
And I think people got, we got to get to in these times, who am I?
00:37:55
Speaker
What am I?
00:37:56
Speaker
What do I want?
00:37:57
Speaker
Why am I here?
00:37:58
Speaker
What am I supposed to be learning?
00:38:00
Speaker
Because if I define myself based on
00:38:03
Speaker
what TV show I've been on or what project I'm working on or what girl or what person I know, then I'm lost.
00:38:10
Speaker
So I think authenticity and understanding the rebirth of you, understanding who is that and how do you get to the root of knowing oneself without all these distractions.
Therapy and Coping with Darkness
00:38:20
Speaker
And that was the turning point for me.
00:38:22
Speaker
So in 2016, I decided, okay, I went to therapy.
00:38:28
Speaker
I had to go to therapy.
00:38:29
Speaker
There were some things that I realized that I needed to work through.
00:38:33
Speaker
I started to identify the reason I fell into some really unhealthy patterns in my early 20s and my mid 20s and to some degree in my late 20s.
00:38:43
Speaker
I was, you know, I was the guy that was always looking for love.
00:38:47
Speaker
You know, because I felt like I never necessarily had unconditional love.
00:38:51
Speaker
My mother, unfortunately, because of the trauma she experienced in her life, she loves me.
00:38:56
Speaker
But unfortunately, my mother put this pressure on me as a kid and into my adult life that that you show me your love when you do things for me.
00:39:04
Speaker
Don't leave me.
00:39:05
Speaker
That's how I know you love me because my mother's experienced a lot of abandonment.
00:39:09
Speaker
Don't leave me.
00:39:10
Speaker
That's how I know you love me.
00:39:12
Speaker
Always do something for me because that's how I know that you love me because no one never did anything for me.
00:39:18
Speaker
And it was a lot of pressure and I was just struggling with all of this weight that I had to carry and I finally went to therapy.
00:39:25
Speaker
And it was at that point when I started to understand that, oh, I've been falling into these reckless relationships looking for love, honestly, because I was looking for unconditional love.
00:39:35
Speaker
I was looking for pure acceptance.
00:39:37
Speaker
I was looking for validation.
00:39:39
Speaker
I was looking for those things.
00:39:41
Speaker
And unfortunately, any girl that I hung out with, I was like, are you the one?
00:39:46
Speaker
Are you the one?
00:39:47
Speaker
Are you the one?
00:39:48
Speaker
Are you the one?
00:39:48
Speaker
Right?
00:39:49
Speaker
Like, and I was just putting too much pressure on everything.
00:39:51
Speaker
And when I finally went to therapy and then I finally decided I'm going to go to school.
00:39:56
Speaker
I'm going to go to college.
00:39:57
Speaker
I don't need college.
00:39:58
Speaker
People on my team were like, why are you wasting your time going to college?
00:40:01
Speaker
You don't need to be in college.
00:40:02
Speaker
And I was like, I want to grow.
00:40:04
Speaker
I want to evolve.
00:40:05
Speaker
I want to learn.
00:40:06
Speaker
And I went to college, man, and I'm actually two months away, Eric, from graduating.
00:40:10
Speaker
I'm like two months away from being a college grader.
00:40:13
Speaker
Let's go, baby.
00:40:14
Speaker
And, you know, and it's like the reason I say that to people is because I want people to understand that just because I have reached whatever you may deem success, for me, there's always a next layer.
00:40:27
Speaker
And so now I'm just adding to the labels, but I'm starting to create them myself.
00:40:32
Speaker
I'm creating the label.
00:40:33
Speaker
I'm a husband.
00:40:35
Speaker
I'm creating the label, I'm a father.
00:40:37
Speaker
I'm creating the label, I'm a college graduate.
00:40:40
Speaker
And I'm proving to myself that I'm so much more than what everybody else perceives me to be.
00:40:45
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:40:46
Speaker
And I think that's the biggest thing because you have so the pinnacle to your success.
00:40:50
Speaker
You have so many winning moments.
00:40:52
Speaker
You have so many down moments.
00:40:54
Speaker
But I feel like you've discovered and found your sweet spot.
00:40:58
Speaker
Right.
00:40:59
Speaker
And you said learning.
00:41:01
Speaker
You said that several times.
00:41:02
Speaker
I'm like, he's big on growing.
00:41:04
Speaker
And I always say, the more we learn, the more we earn.
00:41:06
Speaker
And earners doesn't always have to be monetary.
00:41:08
Speaker
It can be wisdom.
00:41:09
Speaker
It can be experiences.
00:41:10
Speaker
It can be relationships.
00:41:12
Speaker
And I think people listening to know, like,
00:41:15
Speaker
you're going to have some pain in life.
00:41:16
Speaker
You got to be adaptable, right?
00:41:21
Speaker
You should one learn if you want to grow and don't get caught up in your identity of what you do because what you do is not what you are.
00:41:28
Speaker
Right.
00:41:28
Speaker
And I also I wanted to talk a bit on like because, you know, I didn't know you going back to college.
00:41:34
Speaker
We know about Dancing with the Stars.
00:41:35
Speaker
You won Dancing with the Stars.
00:41:36
Speaker
Let's talk about that.
00:41:38
Speaker
You also had 34 surgeries post injury, if I'm not mistaken.
00:41:42
Speaker
Correct.
00:41:43
Speaker
Correct.
00:41:44
Speaker
I think that number is higher now.
00:41:46
Speaker
Honestly, I don't even know what the number is anymore.
00:41:48
Speaker
I think once you get to a certain point, you're like, whatever.
00:41:50
Speaker
I've had a lot of surgeries, right?
00:41:52
Speaker
I don't even know what the number is anymore.
00:41:54
Speaker
So how did you deal with that mentally?
00:41:57
Speaker
Also, what's the remedy to getting over pain?
00:41:59
Speaker
Even for, like you said earlier, as a young child, you was rebellious.
00:42:02
Speaker
You didn't want to apply yourself.
00:42:04
Speaker
You didn't want to do no work.
00:42:06
Speaker
How did you get out of that?
00:42:07
Speaker
What was the remedy for you and for the people listening to
00:42:10
Speaker
you know, combat these struggles and these challenges on top of even winning in life because that's a challenge.
00:42:15
Speaker
People don't understand when you win, that's still a challenge.
00:42:18
Speaker
You got to keep winning.
00:42:19
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:42:20
Speaker
Yeah, man.
00:42:20
Speaker
You know, I think the biggest thing, listen, it was as much as physically impacted as I was because of this injury.
00:42:28
Speaker
I was just as mentally and emotionally impacted.
00:42:33
Speaker
I struggled.
00:42:35
Speaker
There were many times where I felt myself triggered
00:42:38
Speaker
I'd be in my room crying.
00:42:40
Speaker
I'd, you know, I, I, I, it was not pretty for, for, for, um, I'd say for about four or five years after I was injured, um, I was just reckless, man.
00:42:53
Speaker
And I was just searching to trying to figure out who I was and where I fit in and who was going to be a part of that world with me.
00:43:00
Speaker
Um, so to tell you that it was, you know, it was, it was a, it was a beautiful thing.
00:43:05
Speaker
It wasn't, it had, it had its days.
00:43:07
Speaker
But the biggest thing I always reminded myself was it's a moment.
00:43:12
Speaker
It's a moment.
00:43:13
Speaker
And what I would do when I felt something, when I felt that heaviness, I wouldn't run away from it.
00:43:20
Speaker
I would actually like sit into it.
00:43:22
Speaker
I would allow myself to cry.
00:43:23
Speaker
I learned, I had to learn as an adult and partially because of my best friend as a man, it's okay to cry.
00:43:31
Speaker
It's okay to be vulnerable.
00:43:33
Speaker
That wasn't something I, you know, like many young, young, young men in the world, you know, we weren't introduced to that concept until maybe later in life.
00:43:42
Speaker
And, um,
00:43:43
Speaker
For me, I just always kept going back to the five minutes that I was trapped inside of that home beat, literally burning alive.
00:43:50
Speaker
And I would always say to myself, it only happened for five minutes.
00:43:54
Speaker
Right.
00:43:55
Speaker
It could have happened for six, 10.
00:43:57
Speaker
It could have been the rest of my life.
00:43:58
Speaker
It only happened.
00:43:59
Speaker
Everything is a moment.
00:44:00
Speaker
Everything's a phase, a period.
00:44:03
Speaker
And so when I would have these moments that would just kind of these negative energy that would come over me, I would just say it's a moment.
00:44:08
Speaker
And I would allow myself to be vulnerable, allow myself to tap into it.
00:44:12
Speaker
I allow myself to cry.
00:44:13
Speaker
But then I would pull myself out of it.
00:44:15
Speaker
I would say the answer to get me out of this phase is not in this space.
00:44:20
Speaker
It's out there in the world.
00:44:22
Speaker
And I would literally essentially grant the world permission to give me what I needed.
00:44:27
Speaker
And so what I would do is I would literally just open the front door, I'd walk outside, and I would just be open to anything that the world was going to throw at me.
00:44:36
Speaker
And it would just get me out of that funk.
00:44:38
Speaker
There would be one friend that I'd run into.
00:44:39
Speaker
He's like, yo, what's up, man?
00:44:41
Speaker
You want to go to a bite to eat?
00:44:41
Speaker
I'm like, yeah, let's go.
00:44:43
Speaker
And all of a sudden, like my energy shifted, right?
00:44:45
Speaker
And for me, I just want people to understand that as much as you may have seen me smile in the hospital, joke when I was in the hospital, you know, just having this positive energy, there were a lot of dark days.
00:44:58
Speaker
But for me, it was, and it's still a mindset that I apply today, that if there's something that's a little uncomfortable, I allow myself to feel it.
00:45:06
Speaker
Feel it.
00:45:06
Speaker
I want to feel it.
00:45:07
Speaker
Like, I want to feel every aspect of it.
00:45:09
Speaker
Like, come on.
00:45:10
Speaker
Like, let me feel that pain because
00:45:13
Speaker
I never want to feel that again.
00:45:15
Speaker
So I'm going to do everything with my power to change, you know, the future.
00:45:18
Speaker
But at the same time, like I just want to continue to grow and evolve as a person.
00:45:24
Speaker
And honestly, I, my wife and I, we try to instill that with our kids.
00:45:28
Speaker
My daughter's nine years old.
00:45:30
Speaker
I'm coaching her softball team, you know, like, you know, I got, I had to learn about softball last season.
00:45:37
Speaker
I said something to my daughter in the game.
00:45:39
Speaker
You know, she's a pitcher and she's a pretty good pitcher.
00:45:42
Speaker
And I said, I was like, come on, girl.
00:45:43
Speaker
I said, come on.
00:45:46
Speaker
I said, you're hurting the team.
00:45:47
Speaker
Get us out of this inning, you know.
00:45:50
Speaker
And after the game, you know, we won or whatever and everyone's happy.
00:45:54
Speaker
My daughter comes and taps me.
00:45:56
Speaker
She's like, Daddy, I want to talk to you.
00:45:59
Speaker
What you said really bothered me.
00:46:01
Speaker
It really hurt me.
00:46:03
Speaker
And in that moment, I could have got very defensive.
00:46:05
Speaker
I'm like, oh, I didn't mean it that way.
00:46:06
Speaker
You interpreted it differently.
00:46:08
Speaker
And as much as I may have thought, like, I don't think I said it that way.
00:46:12
Speaker
It doesn't matter.
00:46:13
Speaker
She felt a certain way.
00:46:16
Speaker
And she came to me and spoke and said that.
00:46:19
Speaker
And then I was like, you're right.
00:46:21
Speaker
And, dude, the power that we're giving our child at the time, yeah, she was nine years old.
00:46:28
Speaker
that for her to feel that she had this freedom to come up and communicate her emotions or feelings, that's everything to me.
00:46:36
Speaker
That's our whole goal as parents is to instill that in our kids and allow them to be able to feel that kind of comfort.
00:46:41
Speaker
And so I'm trying to pass that lesson on to my kids.
00:46:46
Speaker
My wife, I share with anybody I come in contact with.
00:46:49
Speaker
I'm like, it's going to get uncomfortable.
00:46:51
Speaker
I get it.
00:46:52
Speaker
But you're all right.
00:46:53
Speaker
It's a moment.
00:46:54
Speaker
It's a moment.
00:46:55
Speaker
I always make this reference, man.
00:46:57
Speaker
And it's hard to see it on IG.
00:46:58
Speaker
So I got a tattoo of a watch.
Symbolism of Time and Balancing Life's Aspects
00:47:00
Speaker
Yeah, I see it.
00:47:01
Speaker
So when I joined the military, I couldn't figure out military time.
00:47:05
Speaker
So they would always make me do push-ups.
00:47:07
Speaker
So what I did is I bought an inexpensive watch and I set it at 24-hour time.
00:47:11
Speaker
So I would be done with doing push-ups.
00:47:13
Speaker
Fast forward, the day I'm injured, I'm wearing the watch.
00:47:17
Speaker
You can see my hand, this is skin graft.
00:47:20
Speaker
My arm, this is skin graft.
00:47:21
Speaker
My wrist isn't burned because of that watch.
00:47:25
Speaker
All the way around, look at that.
00:47:28
Speaker
So what I decided to do when I was 24 years old, I decided to get a tattoo of the watch.
00:47:35
Speaker
It has zigzags, which signify the face of the watch is broken from the explosion.
00:47:40
Speaker
It has the time, which is 2.30, which is the time that I was injured.
00:47:44
Speaker
And it has the date and Roman numerals in the band.
00:47:46
Speaker
So 4, 5, 1000, 2000, 1, 2, 3, April 5, 2003.
00:47:51
Speaker
So when you look at this, right, and it's hard to kind of do the angle right here, but if you look at a clock, not a digital clock, right?
00:47:57
Speaker
But if you look at a clock, I always say, I always want to be at 12.
00:48:00
Speaker
12 is at the top.
00:48:02
Speaker
Everything is groovy in life.
00:48:03
Speaker
Six is at the top.
00:48:05
Speaker
We know what six is.
00:48:06
Speaker
We don't want to be down there.
00:48:08
Speaker
But what does a clock do?
00:48:09
Speaker
The hand constantly just goes around, right?
00:48:11
Speaker
The only way it keeps moving is there's batteries in the clock.
00:48:15
Speaker
So the point is, you don't want to be at six.
00:48:17
Speaker
You don't want to be in that vicinity.
00:48:18
Speaker
So you got to keep finding ways to put fresh batteries into it.
00:48:21
Speaker
You got to find a way to power that thing.
00:48:23
Speaker
And also understand that a clock is intended to go around.
00:48:28
Speaker
So you will find yourself close to six.
00:48:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:31
Speaker
But know and trust that.
00:48:33
Speaker
It's going to keep going up to 12.
00:48:35
Speaker
And when you're at 12, appreciate it.
00:48:38
Speaker
Enjoy it.
00:48:39
Speaker
Be grateful.
00:48:40
Speaker
Give gratitude.
00:48:41
Speaker
All that stuff.
00:48:42
Speaker
Know, know that that hand is going to come back around.
00:48:47
Speaker
It's going to come to six.
00:48:48
Speaker
It's going to challenge you again.
00:48:49
Speaker
So stay humble.
00:48:50
Speaker
Stay humble.
00:48:51
Speaker
So for me, that's the biggest thing I always try to focus on is like, hey, I know we all want to be at 12 all day, every day.
00:48:59
Speaker
I get that.
00:49:00
Speaker
That's just not the way life works.
00:49:02
Speaker
You're going to find yourself at three.
00:49:03
Speaker
You're going to find yourself at nine.
00:49:05
Speaker
You're going to find yourself at seven, four, 11, one.
00:49:09
Speaker
You can move all around that clock because that's the purpose of a clock.
00:49:13
Speaker
But the point is, is that the one consistent thing that should always be there is us putting fresh power and batteries into it and showing up.
00:49:20
Speaker
If we can do that, we'll get ourselves out of that slump and learn the lesson and get back to that point in 12, which is so powerful.
00:49:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:28
Speaker
And that's symbolism for you, because the fact that your wrist was still fresh and didn't get to burn, time was always on your side.
00:49:36
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:49:37
Speaker
Time was always on your side, my friend.
00:49:39
Speaker
You can't lose.
00:49:40
Speaker
Time is always on your side.
00:49:42
Speaker
So then you're talking about pain, right?
00:49:44
Speaker
I tell my friends and people in general, pain is great when you embrace it because it's perspective in it.
00:49:51
Speaker
And you need the perspective of the pain to get on the other side so you can have the wisdom
00:49:56
Speaker
to appreciate it right that's what you created and time's always on your side because you just like a clock we still getting at 12 every day we showing up we show up that's it baby you know what i mean man that's it so get a people like so what's next i mean are you acting still i know you got the podcast rebirth i know you got a few books out uh you got the family you're traveling doing your speaking engagements like what's next what you working on like
00:50:21
Speaker
What can we see you on someone?
00:50:23
Speaker
I was like, can you ask him?
00:50:24
Speaker
Does he miss being on All My Children?
00:50:25
Speaker
Like, you know, as an actor?
00:50:27
Speaker
Yeah, I love All My Children, man.
00:50:29
Speaker
It was a great it was where I met my wife.
00:50:31
Speaker
We worked on the show together.
00:50:33
Speaker
And so I say that that show not only gave me my career, but it also gave me my family.
00:50:40
Speaker
And
00:50:42
Speaker
But for me right now, I'm just my focus has been the last few years speaking in school and my family.
00:50:47
Speaker
Now that I'm starting to wind down with school, now I got a little bit more time on my hands.
00:50:51
Speaker
So the biggest thing that I want to start kind of tapping people on the shoulder and be like, hey, I'm still interested in this acting thing.
00:50:57
Speaker
I'm still interested in the entertainment space from a hosting perspective.
00:51:00
Speaker
I love the podcast and I want to continue that and grow that because I love learning and conversation.
00:51:07
Speaker
But I got to tell you, I'm really in this fascinating place in life that I think a lot of people would avoid and I embrace.
00:51:13
Speaker
And what that is is that I'm just in this place in life where I'm figuring it out.
00:51:17
Speaker
I'm figuring it out and I'm okay with that.
00:51:19
Speaker
I don't have to have all the answers.
00:51:20
Speaker
And I'm still in this place where I'm just like figuring out where I'm going with life and I'm cool with that.
00:51:25
Speaker
And so I'm just starting to kind of knock on some doors and just kind of see what's out there for me, what feels right at this period in my life, what fulfills the things that are important to me because as much as I love traveling and being on the road, I also love even more being home with my family and my kids.
00:51:42
Speaker
Right?
00:51:42
Speaker
Like, I sent you that DM and I was like, hey, I'm gonna have to log off because I got something going on with my kids.
00:51:49
Speaker
So I'm about to log off.
00:51:51
Speaker
Why?
00:51:51
Speaker
Because that's where I'm at in life right now.
00:51:53
Speaker
That's what matters to me.
00:51:55
Speaker
So as much as I'm opening myself up to everything in the world, I'm also now in this place where I know what matters to me.
00:52:02
Speaker
I know what I want.
00:52:03
Speaker
And I'm only going to take on things that essentially fit into what is important to me in my life right now.
00:52:10
Speaker
So
00:52:12
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know, man.
00:52:13
Speaker
Like, it's an exciting, it really is an exciting time in life for me.
00:52:17
Speaker
And I'm just looking forward to the next chapter.
00:52:20
Speaker
And I keep paying attention.
00:52:21
Speaker
And my wife keeps introducing me to this concept.
00:52:24
Speaker
Like, we see, every time I look at a clock lately, I see ones.
00:52:28
Speaker
I see just 1111, 1111.
00:52:30
Speaker
I just see ones a lot.
00:52:31
Speaker
And I said to my wife, I said, I see these ones a lot.
00:52:35
Speaker
And she looked it up and she said something about like, it's apparently like our spirit guides.
00:52:40
Speaker
Yeah, it is.
00:52:40
Speaker
That are telling us we're on the right path.
00:52:43
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:52:43
Speaker
And I can just keep going.
00:52:45
Speaker
And then, you know, she's like, every time you see it, just kind of just ask, what am I supposed to be doing?
00:52:49
Speaker
What am I supposed to be doing?
00:52:50
Speaker
What am I supposed to be paying attention to?
00:52:52
Speaker
I keep seeing it.
00:52:54
Speaker
So all I'm doing right now, Eric, is I'm just doing the work that I need to do to prepare myself for the next thing that's coming.
00:53:00
Speaker
I don't know what it is.
00:53:02
Speaker
I know it's on its way.
00:53:03
Speaker
And I'm just getting myself ready for when that moment presents itself.
00:53:07
Speaker
I'm like, let's go.
00:53:08
Speaker
Let's go.
00:53:09
Speaker
And it's beautiful because I always say alignment is the assignment.
00:53:13
Speaker
And 1111 is showing you and telling you on 111 that you're in alignment.
00:53:18
Speaker
And it's just beautiful because I've been living my life like that for the last five and a half years.
00:53:22
Speaker
It's like,
00:53:23
Speaker
I'm learning every day.
00:53:24
Speaker
I'm setting my intentions.
00:53:25
Speaker
I don't know what's next, but I know what's in front of me this moment.
00:53:29
Speaker
And I'm going to take full opportunity and full advantage.
00:53:32
Speaker
And then you just let the universe guide you, you let go and you trust.
00:53:35
Speaker
And then you have another rebirth.
00:53:37
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:53:38
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:53:39
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:53:40
Speaker
Yeah, man, I appreciate your time, your energy, your authenticity, sending you love and light.
00:53:46
Speaker
Thank you for this beautiful conversation.
00:53:47
Speaker
And thank you for opening up.
00:53:49
Speaker
a rebirth to your life for people to look in and to look into their own life and pay attention my guy i appreciate you sharing the platform and showing love and and for your followers i would just tell them to go listen to the episode that you or on my podcast right interview so for them to get to know more about you and the depth of your story because there's so much more
00:54:12
Speaker
that they can learn about you.
00:54:13
Speaker
And just thank you, man, for the opportunity.
00:54:15
Speaker
And I think when we spoke for my podcast, man, you and I just clicked and there was like good energy.
00:54:21
Speaker
And I was like, this is a dude I'm going to rap with for a very long time.
00:54:25
Speaker
Absolutely, man.
00:54:26
Speaker
And I just appreciate your energy, my man.
00:54:28
Speaker
So thank you again.
00:54:29
Speaker
And sorry, I'm about to abruptly like bop.
00:54:32
Speaker
No, do your thing.
00:54:33
Speaker
It's time, man.
00:54:34
Speaker
Perfect timing.
00:54:35
Speaker
The time is on.
00:54:36
Speaker
The little ones like at the door like this, like standing out there looking at the door like this.
00:54:40
Speaker
when you finish it, daddy.
00:54:41
Speaker
So I got a daddy duty right now, but man, I just appreciate you, bro.
00:54:45
Speaker
And I can't wait for us to connect again, man.
00:54:48
Speaker
Have a good one.
00:54:48
Speaker
Be great.
00:54:49
Speaker
Peace and love.
00:54:50
Speaker
You too, brother.
00:54:51
Speaker
All right.
00:54:51
Speaker
Take care, man.
00:54:52
Speaker
There we go.
00:54:53
Speaker
Another bigger talks discussion.
00:54:56
Speaker
J.R.
00:54:57
Speaker
Martinez, please go follow him at I am I am J.R.
00:55:01
Speaker
Martinez.
00:55:02
Speaker
And he's a phenomenal guy.
00:55:04
Speaker
You just heard beautiful story.
00:55:07
Speaker
I know you guys can take some gems from this episode.
00:55:09
Speaker
Thank you for joining us.
00:55:10
Speaker
Thank you for listening.
00:55:11
Speaker
It's Miracle Season.
00:55:13
Speaker
Big talks.
00:55:13
Speaker
We out.
00:55:14
Speaker
Peace.