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Warning: May Out-Achieve Everyone - Enneagram Type 3
27 Plays9 months ago
In this episode of STILL YOU, we’re diving into the world of the Enneagram Type Three — aka The Achiever, aka the person who probably already finished their to-do list while you were still finding your coffee. We’ll explore the light side (magnetic leaders, motivational forces, Paris trip planners), the shadow side (workaholic tendencies, the obsession with looking successful, and the occasional “fake it while you make it”), and everything in between. With humor, relatable stories, and a sprinkle of sass, we’ll peel back the layers of the Three’s shiny exterior to find the human underneath — the one who longs to hear: “You’re loved for who you are, not just what you do.” If you’re a Three, love a Three, or just want to understand why someone in your life has a color-coded Google calendar for their weekend plans, this one’s for you.
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YouTube: @stillyoupod Resources for todays episode: The Wisdom of the Enneagram and Personality Types by Don Richard Riso
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Transcript
Introduction and Technical Apology
00:00:00
KateLynn Bundy
Hey everyone, before we begin today's episode, I want to apologize for any technical difficulties we have with the audio. This is about my fourth or fifth time recording this episode and it just keeps messing up. So I'm just gonna do it one last time and um we'll just get through this together. I apologize, but thanks for listening. Enjoy today's episode.
Exploration of Enneagram Type Threes
00:00:29
KateLynn Bundy
Hey, hey, hey, everyone. Welcome back to the podcast, Still You, where we peel back the layers of our personality like an emotional onion.
00:00:40
KateLynn Bundy
Sometimes it makes you cry. Sometimes it makes you laugh. And sometimes you wonder, why does my onion have a Wi-Fi signal and productivity app? Yeah, that's why we're here, because we're talking about somebody who would do that.
00:00:53
KateLynn Bundy
I am your host, Caitlin, your Enneagram hype woman, truth teller, tough love bestie, all the things. And today we're diving into a type that hustles so much harder than a Starbucks barista on a Monday morning at 7 a.m. Yes, we're talking about our Enneagram type.
00:01:12
KateLynn Bundy
threes, snappies, are our achievers, our chameleons of the Enneagram. And um as you heard at the beginning of the episode, this is like the eighth time I've done this recording, so which was earlier this morning. So if you are, and I say all that because if you're listening to this episode while relaxing with an adult beverage like...
00:01:33
KateLynn Bundy
I am. Today's drinking game is take a sip every time I say the word achievements or achieving because you got to pace yourself. It's going to be a lot. i I'll have to make up for it later because I got to be coherent for this whole episode. So I'm sorry, but let's take a sip.
00:01:52
KateLynn Bundy
Cheers. Happy Friday.
00:01:57
KateLynn Bundy
Yes, drink responsibly. I swear that was the first sip.
00:02:02
KateLynn Bundy
Anyway, um who are our beautiful, lovely type threes by the end of this recording? Because I've done it so many times. I'm going to be like, and know this from top to bottom, like word for word.
00:02:16
KateLynn Bundy
Anyway, our type threes are success oriented, image conscious, they're adaptable, ambitious, magnetic. They live also in that heart feeling triad.
00:02:28
KateLynn Bundy
If you're still unfamiliar with the triads, go back a couple episodes where we break that down and what it is so you can follow along a little bit better. yeah. But the heart triad is our twos, threes, and fours.
00:02:40
KateLynn Bundy
um And twos focus on relationships and fours focus on authenticity, while threes focus on achievement and presentation. And they're unspoken inner driver to be valued and accepted for what they achieve and how they appear. So for example, we're going to do a little valley girl right now is my valley girl impression.
00:03:01
KateLynn Bundy
Okay. um If you ask a three how they're doing, you might get something like, it oh, you know, just finished a half marathon this morning and crissed work presentation and a meal prep for the week.
00:03:18
KateLynn Bundy
What about you? ah was so bad. But you're just standing there thinking like, I brush my hair, shut the fuck up. ah But I really do love my three friends.
00:03:31
KateLynn Bundy
Not only three friends, my type three friends. They are hilarious to me. They'll just go on and brag about their 5 a.m. wake up call and doing the 10 mile run before everyone else opens their eyes. And I'm just thinking like, like it's a badge of honor. And I'm just like, yeah You got to be tired and thinking like how little they actually have to do all that. But you know what?
00:03:58
KateLynn Bundy
This is the curse of the Enneagram. It gives you this x-ray vision into motivations and it's more of a blessing, I would say. It's it's amazing. But... When threes are thriving, they can achieve extra extreme drink no i'll i'll wait on that but you you got that ah can um achieve extraordinary success in whatever they
Characteristics and Motivations of Threes
00:04:21
KateLynn Bundy
focus on. And people admire them because they really truly do shine.
00:04:25
KateLynn Bundy
And they are what is known as the stars of human nature, the stars of the Enneagram. And wouldn't you love that? um So think of like your classic motivational speaker.
00:04:37
KateLynn Bundy
Yes, year you're thinking of him. Tony Robbins. He's definitely a type three. Even though I'm pretty sure we canceled him, it's still a good example. But they are excellent motivators and really love helping others achieve great things.
00:04:54
KateLynn Bundy
Sorry for that siren driving by We're going to be out of here in a couple of weeks. So the audio is going to get much better. And hopefully I can figure out this technical difficulty.
00:05:06
KateLynn Bundy
Wow, somebody is really in trouble. i don't know if you can hear that, but there's like eight of them right now. But um all right, moving on. So yes, they are excellent motivators and really do love helping people achieve amazing things.
00:05:21
KateLynn Bundy
And they embody a best in a culture. And um other people are able to see their hopes and their dreams mirrored in them, even if they can't see it for themselves.
00:05:33
KateLynn Bundy
And if you haven't gathered, threes make sure that their lives are a success. And that can be defined by um their families, their cultures, religions, or whatever social sphere that they're in.
00:05:46
KateLynn Bundy
And whatever that looks like, they're going to go after it. they're They're just not going to be a nobody in their communities. And to do this, they learn to be goal-oriented, much like, yes, me, our eights.
00:05:59
KateLynn Bundy
But eights are goal-oriented for a different motivation, which is control and control.
00:06:08
KateLynn Bundy
Control. That's not always a negative thing, I promise. But ah threes achieve and perform in ways that will get them the praise and positive attention that they're looking for. And yes, that means as children, they learned how to do this by what their parents valued and praised. And so threes put their time and energy into whatever that was.
00:06:32
KateLynn Bundy
And they've learned to develop ah whatever it is about themselves that's attractive or potentially impressive to the world around them. And of course, disclaimer, everyone likes, needs, loves, affirmation, and attention, and praise. But threes take this universal human need and make it their operating system. They want success because they... It's going to sound so like...
00:06:59
KateLynn Bundy
oh They fear fading into worthlessness without constant accomplishation accomplishments to validate them. They they just feel invisible.
00:07:10
KateLynn Bundy
And so they want success because they're afraid of disappearing into the chasm of emptiness and worthlessness. Like, what a black hole. But remember,
00:07:22
KateLynn Bundy
Our heart triads, our twos, threes, and fours, they all deal with worthlessness and self-worth in their own ways. ah But this is the threes version. So without increased attention and feelings of accomplishments that success brings, threes fear that they're nobody and that they have no value. So what do they do?
00:07:41
KateLynn Bundy
They achieve. I'll take a sip at that one. Hence why um they really do love to brag about their 3 a.m. morning routine. Like, ah, no one cares.
00:07:54
KateLynn Bundy
Sorry. little tough love for you. Anyway, the downside, yes, there's a downside. the in this relentless chase for that validation, they can lose themselves.
00:08:06
KateLynn Bundy
They they um become so focused on the image that they present that they figure ah forget their own real desires or their own real feelings. It's like... That stereotypical like story or that we've heard in certain communities and cultures that um the parents put so much focus on the child to become this master violinist by the age of six that when they start to become their own adult, they...
00:08:34
KateLynn Bundy
like admit that they hate playing and they never liked it, never wanted to do it. It was always because of mom and dad, but that was the way that they received praise and attention and their whole family's identity was built around it. And it comes like crashing down.
00:08:50
KateLynn Bundy
Like that's a pretty common story we've heard. So what threes do, they put their feelings into a box so they can act and perform and just get things done. So to them, emotions just slow down the hustle.
00:09:04
KateLynn Bundy
And instead, they substitute feelings with strategy and action. And the other example I can see with type threes, who knows if the people who do this are type three, but you know the story the age old story of the husband or the wife just completely ah overturning their life. Like just doing a complete 180, 360, whichever one it is.
00:09:27
KateLynn Bundy
I'm not good at math. But um they just do the whole thing and just blow up their life because they had this like come to Jesus moment or realize that they're only living their life for others and not themselves and that they've created this reality that they don't like. And because they were chasing that validation and the feelings of needing to be worthwhile,
00:09:50
KateLynn Bundy
um ah Yeah, I think that would be a very three thing to do, perhaps. Correct me if you think I'm wrong. But i'm not that every type three would do that, but I could see somebody getting to that point.
The Healthy and Unhealthy Traits of Threes
00:10:02
KateLynn Bundy
But anyway, type threes are in the middle of that feeling triad, which... Those middle numbers are tricky, ah tricky spot to be in because as we remember these middle numbers, they have to deal with the inside and outside forces that they're trying to defend themselves against.
00:10:21
KateLynn Bundy
But being in this heart triad, they're, just not known as big feelers. Rather, they're people of action and achievement. So because of those inside and outside forces, it makes sense that they can become numb or um asleep to their emotions and their feelings, which we'll talk about here in a second. It makes perfect sense. So Yeah, they've just come to believe that emotions just get in the way of their achievements, but let's dive into it a little bit more.
00:10:49
KateLynn Bundy
So it sounds like I'm going really fast, it's because I've done this a couple of times already, and i apologize. I'll slow it But anyway, moving on The core blueprint of our threes.
00:11:03
KateLynn Bundy
What is their core desire? If you haven't gathered that already, it is to feel valuable, admired, and worthwhile. Their core fear? Yep, that's the opposite.
00:11:15
KateLynn Bundy
Being worthless, invisible, or just seen as a failure. And their core weakness is vanity. So they're presenting the only most polished, admirable versions of themselves. Yet at the same time, what they're longing for is for someone to just love them for just being them.
00:11:34
KateLynn Bundy
So their super eagle message is you are good or okay as long as you are successful and others think well of you. And there's a paradox there, which is threes achieve so much, but deep down they wonder, do you love me or just my highlight reel?
00:11:52
KateLynn Bundy
And speaking of highlight reels, it's my very tacky segue into the light side of the three, who they are in their truest essence.
00:12:03
KateLynn Bundy
So when threes are on in a healthy space, they're like that TED talk that truly, that actually inspires you to take action and to do something versus the ones that just make you feel guilty about yourself and not doing more or being more.
00:12:18
KateLynn Bundy
So here are the type threes superpowers. They are inspiring leaders. They don't just dream big. They execute, which just scratches that itch of my soul because I'm the same way. I really relate to threes in this workaholic kind of way.
00:12:37
KateLynn Bundy
Maybe not a workaholic way, but definitely like the hustle way and execution way. um They're also adaptable. I said early on, I think... Who knows what I've said at this point?
00:12:49
KateLynn Bundy
But the threes are the chameleons of the Enneagram. I'll just say it again. Who cares? So they're adaptable. They can walk into any situation and thrive. If you know you're a type three, or this is sounding like you might be, get into sales.
00:13:04
KateLynn Bundy
Seriously. Or PR. We'll talk a little bit about it, but that's like... the direction you really need to go into. um Their next superpower is motivational forces. They see potentials in others and they just pull it out like this motivational just magician. It's beautiful.
00:13:22
KateLynn Bundy
And the last one is kind of a two-parter. They have vision in action. They turn someday into, it's on my calendar for next Thursday. Like, oh babe I'm taking to dinner first um these are just my people one of the bigger reasons why I love threes because like they just do that follow through they are people of their word like ah Love it.
00:13:48
KateLynn Bundy
Anyway, so the example of that would be your type three friend says to you like, we should go to Paris someday. Oh my God. And then you're like, you check your email and you see flight confirmations in your inbox. Like also, um can we normalize having type three friends that are rich?
00:14:06
KateLynn Bundy
Yes.
00:14:08
KateLynn Bundy
So healthy threes, they feel grounded. They're confident and balanced. They invest in themselves without tipping into self-obsession. And they encourage others to do the same. And they encourage others to reach us reach their highest potential, not for personal gain, but but because they actually believe in people.
00:14:28
KateLynn Bundy
who Sorry, my voice. I've been talking nonstop. So on our Enneagram diagram, our little cult symbol, our type threes, when in health, they move toward the healthy sexes. They commit to something that is beyond themselves.
00:14:46
KateLynn Bundy
And of course, this is terrifying because it means showing up without that chameleon mask. and letting people see the real them. But that's where true growth happens, seriously.
00:14:58
KateLynn Bundy
And they have a realistic and deeply felt appreciation for themselves and their lives, which gives them this quiet confidence. And they have that healthy space of self-love, which enables them to love others freely without agenda.
00:15:13
KateLynn Bundy
And threes get that investing in themselves isn't selfish. It's actually essential. Just like what we talked about last week with the type twos, a healthy type two. um They understand that taking care of their own well-being makes them better for everyone around them.
00:15:29
KateLynn Bundy
Healthy threes are ambitious, confident, and intentional about their physical health, and they know how to pour time and money and energy into it without, again, tripping into self-absorption or, yeah, narcissism. That's going enter the picture a bit later.
00:15:46
KateLynn Bundy
It's basically growth with purpose. So not only do they invest in themselves, they can do it for others too, which is really beautiful. They push others to be their ultimate best and their easy motivators and helping others see how much they truly can achieve. And I also relate to this a lot because I love a good underdog and like seeing the potential in someone and And it's just dumbfounding to me because it's like, don't you see how amazing you are or the potential that you have? And they're just like, I don't know what you're talking about. Like, look in the mirror. Like, God, just trust me.
00:16:22
KateLynn Bundy
It's like this, like like, healthy frustration with, like, just see how amazing you are. Like, anyway. Okay. So threes and you're truly type eights dominate the workforce.
00:16:38
KateLynn Bundy
But that's not to say no other type can climb the corporate ladder or have a successful business. Calm down. But for type threes and eights, they do have it ah climb those ladders and do dominate the workforce for different motivations.
00:16:56
KateLynn Bundy
Okay. That's what the Enneagram is all about. Don't you forget. um For AIDS, as we will later find out, um it's more about ah control and control. and um ah control Yeah, that's about it.
00:17:14
KateLynn Bundy
There's other ones, but we'll we'll learn more about it later. But for threes, they climb the corporate ladder and they use their people skills to advance for either worthy causes or be employed for or by companies to positively represent them. like It's a good PR space for type threes. It's a good idea for anyone looking.
00:17:34
KateLynn Bundy
And they're excellent communicators and promoters because they know how to present something in a way that is attractive and appealing or inspiring. And they can be highly effective at building morale and community spirit.
00:17:49
KateLynn Bundy
And all of this, I'm sorry, I got to bring this up one more time, is um ah really bad. But I think hilarious example of a type 3 in this episode.
00:18:01
KateLynn Bundy
It's not the best example of a healthy type three, but it's also a fictional character, but promise I'm gonna stop bringing up Parks and Rec because this just reminds me of Tom Haverford.
00:18:13
KateLynn Bundy
If you've seen it, and you know what I'm talking about. He is like the hype man. He's also always trying to be someone, always hustling, always talking about that he's hustling. Again, I don't think he's a healthy, healthy example, but um it also reminds me of that scene where he goes to Ann Perkins' hall Halloween party that was like a total dud, and he walks in and he's like, did you always all come back from the morgue or something like that? And he just completely turns it around and it turns it into like a total rave, like
00:18:45
KateLynn Bundy
That's just the best example of what I'm talking about for a type three that's a total hype man. Anyway, I'll move on. Let's keep talking about our little inspiring healthy threes and what happens when they move toward um healthy sixes.
00:19:01
KateLynn Bundy
So. Like healthy sixes, they become more grounded and fulfilled by committing to people that and goals that reach beyond their um personal successes. So their focus shifts from maintaining that perfect image to genuinely supporting something bigger and better than themselves. And it's not just about work here. When a three...
00:19:26
KateLynn Bundy
truly commits to another person, yeah they can be a little bit of a, what do you call it? Relationship avoidant. So um it's like taking off that chameleon mask. Suddenly there's this terrifying possibility of being fully seen. Flaws, quirks, all of it.
00:19:44
KateLynn Bundy
And that's scary for any type, but for threes, It's especially nerve-wracking because it means revealing the self that they've kept hidden behind all of those um polished accomplishments.
00:19:57
KateLynn Bundy
But genuine intimacy for threes is especially threatening because they have come to believe that their image and achievements are only valuable, are valuable and only what others want. And they feel that their authentic self is too underdeveloped and too vulnerable to be worthwhile.
00:20:16
KateLynn Bundy
So to liberate themselves, threes must let go of their belief that their value is dependent on the positive regards of others. Only then can they become ah more interdirected and authentic.
Stress Responses and Challenges for Threes
00:20:29
KateLynn Bundy
And they have to have to understand that the mask needs to come off.
00:20:34
KateLynn Bundy
And those untouched feelings that they buried way down deep into that emptiness that resides there, it all must be acknowledged um if there's to be growth.
00:20:46
KateLynn Bundy
any in any capacity if growth is to take place but remember ah we all walk through the mud and all those perceived scary things before we can get to this place so that's also another awful segue into our shadow sides of the three so it's the other side of the coin okay Let's take deep breath. um This is the place where the drive for success can morph into something heavier.
00:21:16
KateLynn Bundy
So my little disclaimer, if you're a three or if this is hitting home for you when you feel like you're a three, then great. We're getting somewhere with discovering what your Enneagram type is. So yay.
00:21:29
KateLynn Bundy
Snaps for you. But as we move um on to this next segment, I encourage you to listen with grace um and understanding for yourself. It's not a time to be in denial, okay?
00:21:41
KateLynn Bundy
But a time to sit back and listen with curiosity about the parts of yourself that you either don't know or have yet to acknowledge. I know that when I was reading about the awful unhealthy sides of the type 8,
00:21:55
KateLynn Bundy
it was like, how do I say it? was It was like I was not necessarily in denial, but I was just like, I'm not like that. I would never do that. I've never done that.
00:22:07
KateLynn Bundy
This is not me. But yet when I stepped back and like looked at it with more curiosity, it's like, oh, okay. If I was born to a different family, if I had awful parents, a different religion, different culture, like if I just had a different set of cards dealt to me when I was born,
00:22:24
KateLynn Bundy
then yeah, I could easily see myself having these but unhealthy behaviors, you know? So it's not just because it doesn't, just because it's something you've never done doesn't mean it's not a part of your core.
00:22:38
KateLynn Bundy
You've just evolved so much past all of that. So that's great. You've never tripped into like the depths of your awful unhealthy parts and that's great.
00:22:51
KateLynn Bundy
Or, Maybe um you can look back into your teenage or early 20s and be like, I was so bad then. I definitely was like that when I was 22 or something like that, right? So that's kind of what we need how we need to approach all really all of this. But yeah, so what are our were um what do you call Anti-powers, anti-superpowers of the type three. I still need to find a good name for that.
00:23:20
KateLynn Bundy
But first off, workaholism. Yep. They're going to be burning out while smiling through it. And then they're also over-identifying with success. So they're feeling like they are their achievements rather than separate from them.
00:23:36
KateLynn Bundy
And they have image over authenticity. So choosing what looks good over what feels right. And the other one is emotional avoidance.
00:23:47
KateLynn Bundy
They're skipping vulnerability because it just slows the hustle. And lastly, deception, even to themselves. So they're presenting a success story while ignoring the mess behind the curtain.
00:24:01
KateLynn Bundy
So a good example of this, which again, i really relate to because I've definitely done this type of thing before, but if a type 3 gets sick, instead of resting and recovering, they're still on the Zoom meeting or hosting that webinar in bed, but wearing like business attire up top while clutching their hot tea and um their heating pad off the camera. Like, that's Threes just, they're not faking it till they make it. They're faking it while they're making it. And also probably posting about a productivity tip on it on Instagram or something like that. like
00:24:38
KateLynn Bundy
um So let's talk about this adaptability mask for the type threes again. They are chameleons. They can adapt to meet the expectations of any group, which is both their secret weapon and their kryptonite.
00:24:54
KateLynn Bundy
So you have to ask yourself, am I going to use this for good or use this for evil? Okay, it's your choice. But the danger in that, they can wake up one day and realize that they've been so busy becoming who everyone needs them to be that they've lost track of who they actually are, which is so sad.
00:25:15
KateLynn Bundy
So it's like realizing your closet is full of all these great, fantastic clothes that are designer and blah, blah, blah. But you can't remember buying any of them. And it's actually not your style at all. So what happened?
00:25:29
KateLynn Bundy
So in stress, ah they slide into the unhealthy nine. Okay. where they start slowing down, they're zoning out, and just filling their days with busy work and avoiding reality, really, at all.
00:25:44
KateLynn Bundy
They may look burnout or discouraged but or even disengaged, but instead, they're still daydreaming of that next big win or that next big sale, whatever it is for them.
00:25:56
KateLynn Bundy
But the danger is when setbacks push them to double down on appearances or here we go again, leaning into narcissistic patterns.
00:26:06
KateLynn Bundy
We'll get into that a tiny bit more in a second. um All of this just to keep proving that there's somebody still chasing worth through accomplishments, even at the cost of authenticity. So digging a little bit deeper into that terms ah When they're under increased stress, their coping mechanisms are going to start breaking down, just like with anybody, really. So threes are highly driven and focused on their achievements, right?
00:26:35
KateLynn Bundy
Drink. think No, I'll wait. So the move to nine serves as a shutdown from their relentless pursuits. They tend to blend in more, but not too much because they still got to stand out.
00:26:48
KateLynn Bundy
Yes. But they still lower their profiles and move at a slower pace. And for type nines that we'll soon learn in a future episode, they're they're called the sloths of the Enneagram when they're in their dis disintegration levels or their unhealthy levels. So this really tracks.
00:27:05
KateLynn Bundy
So type threes are in jobs, relationships, or just lives that they do not want. And they don't know their true desires because they've um become increasingly disassociated from their lives.
00:27:19
KateLynn Bundy
And they fill it with meaningless busy work or routines, just doing anything and everything at their best to not be affected by their life, which Again, it's another clue ah because ah that you're in your in and a stressful period of your life because a type nines are asleep and numb to their ah anger and emotions, as again, we'll learn.
00:27:43
KateLynn Bundy
But it's like a good clue for a type three moving into these unhealthy levels or just, again, in a stressful period. So um they start to become complacent. And as we know, threes are excellent communicators. But in stress, they become weirdly unresponsive.
00:28:01
KateLynn Bundy
um So because threes are so driven to achieve, failures and setbacks really do hit them hard. um So when that happens, they tend to retreat further into disassociation, appearing burnout, apathetic, or just disengaged. Right?
00:28:19
KateLynn Bundy
Okay. Instead of facing their problems head on, they'd rather escape into their daydreams about that next big win or sale or whatnot. This just fuels their relentless pursuit to become that somebody.
00:28:32
KateLynn Bundy
Again, reinforcing the core desire. Do you remember what that was? Yes. To be worthy, loved, and valued. But this move into the unhealthy nine space, the stress really starts to pile on.
00:28:47
KateLynn Bundy
um Workaholism ramps up and the disassociation deepens until something eventually breaks. And as they slide even further down the levels of health, they may go to extreme lengths to maintain appearances, clinging to that illusion of being accomplished.
00:29:06
KateLynn Bundy
And in um trying to protect their self-esteem, the N-word, narcissistic tendencies can start to really creep in at this point, working tirelessly, but not out of joy, but to prove their worth.
00:29:21
KateLynn Bundy
Okay. I know it's hard to think about the narcissist in your life that, um, caused a lot of pain. um But if you look um underneath the armor, you'll see that same longing that every human has, which is to be valued.
00:29:37
KateLynn Bundy
That doesn't excuse or justify their actions. They're still responsible for how they've treated you. But it does offer a roadmap as to why ah three does what they do. And I don't know.
00:29:49
KateLynn Bundy
That's something to chew on for a while and maybe that can offer some consolation. But before we do move on to the next part, I really do. i have another great example of ah unha this is a great example of an unhealthy type 3 that I thought of the other night while I was trying to fall asleep.
00:30:07
KateLynn Bundy
But i am have you guys seen the new Penguin on HBO? Colin Farrell played him Right? Farrell first. think I think Firth was Mr. Darcy, wasn't he?
00:30:20
KateLynn Bundy
don't know. the The Irish one, the cute one. But it was an amazing depiction of a seriously unhealthy type three. And I know the character is similar through the years of the depictions of his background and behaviors. Yeah.
00:30:35
KateLynn Bundy
Not that I've seen them, but i want to highlight this new one as like an example because it really showcased the relationship he had with his mother, how he went to unimaginable lengths to gain her attention, approval, and validation.
00:30:51
KateLynn Bundy
And there's this scene that he was presented with the truth. It's not really a spoiler, um but just go watch it. It's so good. But in this scene, his mom, just she just breaks and she tells him off on how much she resented him, hated him, how exhausting he was, and hated him for specific reasons, which are the spoilers.
00:31:14
KateLynn Bundy
But he's just... um really not listening. Like he's hearing it, but you can really see him wrestling with this truth. And the next thing that he says her after all of that, like it's as if he didn't even hear a word.
00:31:30
KateLynn Bundy
was crazy. He was defending her. telling her how he will make the city his, that he's going to be on top and give her everything that she deserves. He just cannot face it.
00:31:43
KateLynn Bundy
He's still believing that if he accomplishes all these things, that he'll be worthy of her love. So even after that scene, he still does these horrific things to make it happen, to prove to her that he's worthy of her love and affection.
00:31:57
KateLynn Bundy
But But that relationship he had with his mother is a giant clue for the type three, which... We'll talk more about in a future episode with childhood patterns.
00:32:09
KateLynn Bundy
um But this is a quick sneak peek that the type three is particularly closer to their mothers and more after the approval of their mother versus their father. um It's not exact. Like it's not an exact science. Obviously it's not black and white, um but it's just a really common pattern that the research have seen with um type threes and the relationship that they had but they with their, with their parents. So Stay tuned for that. Like, that's going to be really nerdy or whatever. The other thing that I think we're going to talk about in the future, too, is um there is research done with each type and their mental health pathologies.
00:32:50
KateLynn Bundy
which I'm debating on talking about because I'm not like an actual healthcare care professional, but there is research out there that I do want to talk about and just start a conversation on. And I don't know, it's just like a cool little window into people's brains and all of that.
Growth and Self-Reflection for Threes
00:33:05
KateLynn Bundy
ah So if I can put together a good episode on those, I'll do it, but um still but still debating. Okay. Anyway, for the type three, what's the work here?
00:33:17
KateLynn Bundy
Let the mask drop. Face the feelings that you've buried and realize that you're valuable for who you are, not just what you do. yeah And of course, the journey is muddy, uncomfortable,
00:33:31
KateLynn Bundy
terrifying, but it's also where real freedom lives. So in summary, with all of that, it was a lot. In the healthy levels, they're authentic, humble, and aspiring and cheap achievers. I think that's worthy of a drink. Hold on.
00:33:49
KateLynn Bundy
In their average range, they're image conscious, competitive, and just a workaholic. And then they're unhealthy levels, deceptive, desperate to maintain appearances, and terrified ah failure.
00:34:03
KateLynn Bundy
So that was a lot. My voice is starting cracky crack. um Yeah, no, that was a lot. So like take a deep breath and really, if you need to rewind totally, I need all the listens I can get.
00:34:13
KateLynn Bundy
But um yeah, really let that sink in and absorb and just kind of start connecting the dots of um where it applies to your life, how it applied in the divorce that you went through you're something or the healing that you've gone through because of your awful childhood or something like that. So this is a really great roadmap that we can start to build for you for like a better future.
00:34:39
KateLynn Bundy
I'm so happy to be here with you. Anyway, our next segment, we're going to talk about the wings. Yes. Fly away, sweet chariot.
00:34:51
KateLynn Bundy
um So yeah, your personality accessories. These are your wings. Think of them as like your flavor profiles for your main dish. They don't change your core type. They just give it ah a little bit of a twist.
00:35:05
KateLynn Bundy
So yeah, The three with the two wing is known as the charmer. If you're a three with a two wing, you sprinkle in this warmth, generosity, and people-pleasing tendencies that the type two qualities are.
00:35:21
KateLynn Bundy
You're the ultimate host. The kind who will just close a business deal and also remember that client's dog's birthday. So you blend the achiever's drive with the helper's heart. So cute, which makes you so magnetic in relationships and ridiculously persuasive. Yes, queen.
00:35:41
KateLynn Bundy
But the flip side, sorry, you might overextend yourself, chasing validation by being the most um accomplished and the most liked person in the room. That does sound exhausting, honestly.
00:35:54
KateLynn Bundy
But the three with the four wing is the professional romantic. oh spicy. What? No, I'm not going there with that. But hey, girl, get yours.
00:36:08
KateLynn Bundy
So if you are a three with a four wing, you bring in the introspection, creativity, and depth of the type four. You're not just achieving for the sake of achievement.
00:36:18
KateLynn Bundy
Now, that was a double take. Chot, chat. But you want your success to be meaningful and uniquely yours. So you'll turn the marketing pitch into a performance or big fancy art design or just anything that's an extension of your soul. But the challenge for you here as you might wrestle with moodiness, self-doubt, or the belief that you'll never quite measure up even when everyone else is clapping for you.
00:36:45
KateLynn Bundy
I've been around people like this and it just, I want to stop clapping and just give you a solid punch in the face so that you can like snap out of it. Like, do you hear us? We're proud of you. We love you.
00:36:58
KateLynn Bundy
yeah You don't believe us. Like anyway, So if you, ah whether your wing leans toward the connection of the two or the self-expression of the four, the key is balance, okay? Your wings are here to support your growth, not run the show. And remember, your worth isn't in well how you perform the wing role. It's in who you are when you drop the act entirely, right?
00:37:24
KateLynn Bundy
right. All right. Next, let's talk about how we can move forward. We've heard, we've listened, we've absorbed. Now what? We aren't here just to listen and walk away.
00:37:37
KateLynn Bundy
We're here to take action, which if you're a three, girl proud of you already. um But yeah, if ah we're here to like... Have some actionable steps. So here's some journal prompts or just like some stuff to to munch on if you're driving or something like that.
00:37:54
KateLynn Bundy
First off, pause before performing, okay? Are you doing this for you or the applause? That will be a tough one to really hone in, but start practicing.
00:38:05
KateLynn Bundy
Also, let people see the process. Let them see the messy drafts, not just that final cut. I relate to that. I want it to look good. but also rest without guilt you are not that was a burp excuse me you're not a productivity machine okay integrate also your nine growth arrow slow down girl be present enjoy the vacation like you don't need to go on the eight mile run before everybody wakes up and then oh sorry i hate running is why i'm dogging on it a lot
00:38:42
KateLynn Bundy
but just enjoy it. Okay, please. And then notice your sick stress arrow. Like we just talked about, those are some really good cues if you are entering into a stressful period of your life or if you're currently in one. um And you can use those cues, those little clues, the personal red flags, if you will, to really help dig yourself out. All right.
00:39:08
KateLynn Bundy
So, according to my main resource for today's episode, The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso, here are some practices you threes can use to help you develop even further.
00:39:23
KateLynn Bundy
Put into action, okay? If there's anything that you take away from this episode, gosh darn it, it better be this. Start to recognize when you are turning it on for someone and you and when you're becoming your image and um instead of speaking or acting authentically. So you may even notice that you're doing this regularly.
00:39:48
KateLynn Bundy
or falling into this image when no one's around. Like, I don't blame you. But ah while there might not be anything wrong with the persona you've constructed, um and it met you may even want to use it from time to time, and that's okay. Like in that sales meeting, girl, i' get it.
00:40:04
KateLynn Bundy
But awareness alone will give you the ability ah to choose when to employ it. So without awareness, you serve your image. So like us eights, woohoo, and fellow ones, you really could benefit from giving yourself a break, okay?
00:40:23
KateLynn Bundy
Once in a while. Okay, man, I know that sounds like it's against one of your personal 10 commandments, but please trust me. as a three, you are not the quickest, all right, at noticing that you're getting too stressed.
00:40:37
KateLynn Bundy
And sometimes it takes a major health crisis or relationship blow up to get you to notice that you're overextending yourself. So what you got to do is stop and take deep breaths throughout the day and just check in with yourself. I promised you it'll get easier over time. Just start practicing. Are you asking yourself like,
00:40:57
KateLynn Bundy
If you're anxious, lonely, angry, overwhelmed, whatever it is, these breaks, again, will feel like they're just slowing you down. But in the long run they will help you do so much to maintain your emotional and physical well-being and actually help you accomplish your tasks or goals with greater ease.
00:41:18
KateLynn Bundy
about to say that louder. That sounds nice, right? When are you to start listening to me? Anyway, lastly, threes can greatly benefit ah from creativity, especially when it's just for you and no one else is watching or don't need to post it on Instagram.
00:41:35
KateLynn Bundy
So you can do anything like painting, pottery, drawing, whatever. Pick one and find out and have fun finding out what you like. These creative outlets can help you get into greater touch with your feelings and bring you into greater alignment. And along these same lines, threes would really benefit from ah being a part of something ah where you're so of service or a part of a team, not the head of it, though, all right? You're a team, but learning to cooperate and work with others for a larger cause like volunteering or whatever.
00:42:11
KateLynn Bundy
at a hospital or animal shelter, you you will see how, what doing this will do for how you feel about yourself and the tremendous self-worth that you can create for yourself.
00:42:23
KateLynn Bundy
All right. So, Last closing arguments, if you don't believe me already. Threes are just not the go-getters, man. They are the dreamers who bring their visions to life. They show us that ambition can be a beautiful thing, even when it's or especially when it's rooted in truth.
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:42:46
KateLynn Bundy
So my dear friends, my dear threes,
00:42:52
KateLynn Bundy
Remember this, your worth isn't tied to your to-do list. your value You're valuable even when the hustle stops. And I really believe that pop culture has cranked up this idea of value, telling us that if you don't own that designer bag or jet off to Mallorca or have that trophy wife or Just some wildly successful career, you're somehow less than. And it sells this this bull belief that our self-worth comes from those trophies or accomplishments. But when you step back and see the bigger picture, you can just see how those are just sign shiny substitutes for what value actually is.
00:43:36
KateLynn Bundy
And your real worth... you ask. It was there before you achieved anything, man, before you checked that single box. It's there when you're resting, when you're laughing with yourself, and when you're doing something no one else will ever applaud.
00:43:52
KateLynn Bundy
And modern life makes it easy to forget that, to trade our birthright for the illusion of applause. But remember this, you cannot be without value.
00:44:03
KateLynn Bundy
You can only forget that it's there. So my beautiful type threes, you're more than your titles, more than your metrics, more than that highlight reel. You're a walking reminder of the greatness of spirit, the richness of being human, and the wonder of a life truly fully lived. We don't love you for what you do. we love you for who you are. And that is more than enough.
00:44:30
KateLynn Bundy
Amen. Oh my God. Amen. So that's today's episode. Beautiful babes. Thanks for being here. Seriously, if you are a type three, you know, you're just hustling a little bit to make this my full-time gig. So share it with a friend, rate, review, you know, the whole deal. And as a reminder,
00:44:51
KateLynn Bundy
Today's resources are in the show notes and there you can find a link that you'll have to copy and paste into the browser. But it's my Calendly link if you want to do a one-on-one session with me, whether it's to find out what your type is or dig deeper into your type.
00:45:06
KateLynn Bundy
um And it's going to be recorded for um future episodes and it can be anonymous if you choose to, but... Anyway, I love you all. Until next time, stay grounded, stay super weird, and don't stop being you. This is the Still You Podcast. Peace out.