Transcript
Speaker: Ooh.
Speaker: Oh, fuck. Welcome to Castles and Cryptids, where the castles are haunted and the cryptids are cryptid as fuck. And the episode is 39, which is almost 40. Yeah, that's crazy. It's old as fuck as we just discovered. Yeah. And I'm Alanna. What? I said it's very old as fuck. It is. We're in our 40s now.
Speaker: I consider that an achievement. And this is actually the last episode of 2021, which I also consider an achievement because, you know, it's it's it's an effort to complete a project or get a project going for half a year or so, you know? Yeah, well, it's been nine months now.
Speaker: nine months that's crazy we're gonna have our like anniversary weirdly at like the end of march because that's when we started yeah but that's that's okay
Speaker: That's fine. I'm just glad we're still going because it kind of counts as something that started during pandemic times, but we like definitely intend for it to be a long lasting endeavor because we really enjoy it. Yeah. Hopefully you guys enjoy it too. Keep coming back for more.
Speaker: All 14 of you that downloaded it this first thing this morning. Boop, boop, boom. Yeah. Give me that new episode they said. Yeah. Quite crazy. Oh, and I went to our YouTube and it already had a couple of views, but anyway. The YouTube in total is like in the three hundreds, all the videos together. Okay. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah I don't know, you guys, do you like videos? Cause we've started incorporating them into our Patreon and I know podcasts that incorporate either small segments or just them recording them.
Speaker: recording the episode if people want to like see it visually on YouTube and stuff. So let us know. I know some of our fans watch us that way all the time. Looking at you, Josh. And that's fine. I love it. Watch, listen to us, watch us wherever, right? Yeah.
Speaker: I'm sure it all counts as good things. I know as soon as I told my brother about, um, did I say this already? Oh, I'm going to sound like an ad, but the good pod. I think we talked about it last week. It could be. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Different, you know, different platforms like good pods where you can listen to podcasts and read them and stuff. But yeah, it's, uh, it's all good. We love all the love.
Speaker: So what's this week's topic? I think it might be Florida man crimes, Florida man crimes. Florida person crimes, whatever. It's definitely Florida person crimes. You're right. We are not limiting this to dumb people with penises. Florida seems to affect everybody. Florida person crimes. It's the heat.
Speaker: Yeah, it's heat. I don't know. Florida seems like such a big place that so many really old people go to after they retire. It seems like that would be such a weird place for all this weird stuff to happen if it's so many old people there.
Speaker: Oh yeah, even though I will say most of my demographic is quite young, I noticed, of my Florida men and Florida persons. But there's definitely at least one person over 40 in there. So it doesn't exclude any older people from being dipshits. But you're right. It does seem like off kilter to have so many young dumb people there. Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know. They're definitely everywhere. We must say that. I have never been to Florida myself, unfortunately. I should like to go. We're working on it, you guys. We're working on it one state at a time. We don't travel much, but we may or may not have a trip coming up to the US in the new year. So stay tuned. Yeah.
Speaker: hmm bonus content yeah hopefully if you want to join our patreon maybe we'll upload for some stuff from where we are when we're on our little vacation exclusive behind the scenes definitely
Speaker: Yeah, no, as we talked about, we were supposed to go to Vegas in 2020. Yeah. And things like seeing the Zach Bagans Museum are still top of our list because we had to rebook our trip. Yeah. Yeah. So let us know what you want to see on Patreon for that matter. I was stumbling. No, I promised my parents we wouldn't drink a lot.
Speaker: Yeah. Right? No, we didn't promise we wouldn't investigate paranormal things, though. Or go to the Binion's Casino. Yes. And take a picture there. Because we've already covered a case. Yeah. I definitely want to see that casino. Yeah. If the million's still there, we'll take a picture with it. Yeah. And if you guys don't know what we're talking about, that was episode... I have no idea.
Speaker: You know what? Neither do I. It was one of our true crime ones. I thought it would be one of the most recent ones, but now I'm like... Which one was it, even? Oh, it was the killer couples. Kidnapping? No. No, killer couples.
Speaker: Oh yes, because it was a weird one that didn't really... Yeah, mine this week... That first glance fit the assignment. Yeah, mine this week also doesn't necessarily fit the... Let's just call it the meme that is Florida Man. It's crime that a man in Florida committed. Doesn't necessarily fit the stupidity of typical Florida Man crimes, but... Oh my god.
Speaker: Okay, you know you have to go first now because I'm very confused. And mine are just mostly a bunch of Florida Man headlines. I have a few to close out. A couple headlines. One that just made me giggle. Yes, I will say I stayed away from anything that was people inflicting any harm on others other than themselves, you know?
Speaker: no bestiality, no hurting other victims or children or yeah I just as long as you're just an idiot hurting yourself I was like you're fine for my list mostly yeah try to keep it light my my main case I mean it's it's a murder um but oh yeah I did not know is this sort of a
Speaker: a more of a deep dive than the rest of it? Yeah. Yeah. I have a, as deep of a dive as three pages of notes can be. Um, I, I told you mine was like one of the shortest segments I've ever done. Uh, it'll be slightly longer than the Australia ice cream truck. That was two and a half pages or something.
Speaker: That's true. I didn't remember that one because I think that was after my case, which was so emotional to me that I'm basically like, what? Oh, killed somebody with a sword? Okay. All right, buddy. Calm down.
Speaker: I know. Do you think someone's like the getaway driver or whatever is coming down on the scene with the little ice cream truck? No, I'm music playing. No. How does that go? I don't know. I can never like quite... I know it when I hear it but I can't mimic it.
Speaker: Oh, I know. All right, what's your case? Um, so I'll read you the headline that first got this because there's actually quite a few of them in Florida when you look at Florida man headlines. Um, so hell yeah. This was the one. But there's a number of these specific ones that are popping up in recent years. And it is the headline, a Florida man's job application led to his arrest in a 1998 cold case. Oh,
Speaker: Yeah. So there's a bunch of these headlines that are like popping up now of them solving like cold cases in Florida because Florida men be being stupid and they're applying for jobs. They're getting like DNA testing done from like genealogy websites and all these things. Yeah. Right. Oh my God. I didn't, I wasn't looking for it, but I didn't come across anything like that in my research.
Speaker: Yeah, there was a few of them that came up when I was looking up different lists. So on August 24th, 1998, hopefully I stick to, her name is Sondra. S -O -N -D -R -A. So if I ever say Sandra, I'm just, it's a mistake. It's Sondra. Oh yeah, for sure. No, no, no. Not saying it doesn't matter, but like, yeah, I understand. And her last name is Better.
Speaker: do better about it. Yeah, I'll try and do better about pronouncing her name, Sondra. So unfortunately, she was working one of her last shifts before she was set to retire from her job at a consignment store. And she was actually in the process of planning a trip with her husband to go to New York to renew their wedding vows and celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
Speaker: Aww. Yeah. Uh, it's sad. Uh oh. Poor Sandra. Don't rejoice just yet. I'm well aware. So two teenagers entered the consignment store after they noticed it was still open 30 minutes after the usual closing time. Oh. Yeah. And they found 68 year old Sandra on the floor and she had been stabbed and bludgeoned to death
Speaker: Oh no. And then her throat had been slit and she had actually kind of fought back so she had quite a few like wounds from fighting her attacker. Aw, Sondra. Yeah. So better or Sondra had been the only person working that day.
Speaker: um at the consignment store but she actually didn't need the money of working there so more than 10 years before that her husband had sold his electricity supply business and the pair had moved to Highland Beach in Florida and the one article I found described Highland Beach in Florida as a tiny community made up of streets such as Tranquility Drive
Speaker: yeah because if you're gonna retire you want to live on might as well be on tranquility yeah um exactly and it stated that almost every house at the time at least in the 90s had a like private boat slip and that there was almost every house also had a swimming pool so it's a fairly like even though it's a tiny community it's a fairly wealthy community i'm sorry they need a place to put their boat and then they need
Speaker: a pool because they can't swim in the lake? I guess. I'm not sure. Yeah. Uh, so... Picture of entitlement. Sandra had actually become kind of bored as her three children had already grown up and had moved out of the house. So a friend of hers is the one that had suggested she get a part -time job at Lou Che's consignment boutique.
Speaker: So that's where she had been working. So she was selling furniture or selling vintage furniture and kind of like trinkets for about eight years. And this consignment shop was on a strip of highway that was famous for like thrift shopping. So I'm sure there was other like stores nearby. Oh, sounds like a fun place to go actually. Yeah.
Speaker: shopping, you know, try and find some like, I don't know, I love a good secondhand find. Yeah, they're fun to look through even just browsing through all the vintage stuff is cool. So her husband Zeke says that she enjoyed getting up and having something to do and like something to look forward to each day when she was working.
Speaker: And yeah, the couple had met in Brooklyn in the 1940s on a blind date. Which is cute. So Zeke says, quote, she was just out of high school and I was fresh out of World War II. I saw her once and never stopped seeing her. Isn't that cute? Oh my gosh.
Speaker: They're like that couple that took the famous picture after World War II where the guy's just grabbing the random girl.
Speaker: I don't know, I guess. I don't remember. I think I read something one time that actually talked about who they actually were, but yeah. I'm not sure if it's actually his wife and he hasn't seen her or his girlfriend or whatever, but he's just kissing her and dipping her and her foot's up in the air and whatever. It's just so iconic. You're like, oh. From what I remember when I heard about it, it was just some random girl he grabbed.
Speaker: so not great but yes that sounds about right because like every famous picture people almost have like a preconceived notion of it and then you're like but actually like you would think that's his wife but no yeah she's like i never saw him again
Speaker: probably so please they kind of start piecing together what they described as a pretty messy crime scene they said that there was tons of evidence together so there was a trail of the killer's blood that led from Sondra's body to the cash register and then to the front door so Jesus yeah
Speaker: I'm sorry. I don't think this was gonna go here tonight. I know.
Speaker: I was going to tell people, this is an episode you want to try if you don't mind. If you don't like gore. Yeah, that's why I picked some uplifting headlines to close up. All right. Yeah, I'll be waiting. Yeah. So there was two like heavy decorative marble like balls. I don't know if they'd maybe be like the size of maybe like a baseball or something.
Speaker: And they were part of a set of three. So two of them were found next to Sandra's body and they were covered in her blood. And then police found fingerprints from the killer on a third ball from the same set that was still sitting on a table in the store. So probably where the person had grabbed them from. So police believed it was a robbery because the register had been cleaned out.
Speaker: but they were kind of confused because Sondra's Rolex and diamond ring were not taken. Oh my god. As if anybody desperate for cash doesn't know what, you know, a valuable Rolex and ring looks like. So instead only the money in the register was taken and police also noticed that there was a like decorative cake knife
Speaker: that went missing that same day from the store, and they assumed that this was their unknown weapon that had been used to slit Sandra's throat. What, a decorative cake knife? What does that even mean? Anyway, it's just - It's probably fancy. If it's in a Ken Simon store, I assume it's a pretty fancy cake knife. Not when you buy it at the dollar store. I mean.
Speaker: You just need a big knife for that. That's all I'm saying. Fancy rich people in Florida, they got knives for cake. Or just like when companies try and sell you a product that you really don't need, like a bagel slicer or something where you're like, I think I can do it without cutting off my hands. I just need a bread knife. Yeah, I'll be all right. Our ancestors lived this far. I'm sure we could figure it out.
Speaker: So information came through about a suspect. So they believed that half an hour before Sondra was found dead there was a shopper that she was seen talking to. There was a tall slender white man and he was kind of trying to haggle her. A slender man? I know that's what I thought every time. I'm sorry.
Speaker: Every time I'm like, Slender Man, no, it's a Slender White man. Still, Slender White men can be very creepy. Yeah, and he's tall too. Yeah, exactly. So she was seen talking to this, or I guess it was reported that he was kind of trying to haggle over the price of this couch with her. So I don't know if he was getting kind of heated over it or what that conversation was like.
Speaker: um but the person that kind of let the police know that they had witnessed her talking with this customer they didn't recognize the man or have like a name for the police so the police from the fingerprints from the metal ball and then the DNA from the killer's blood that was all ran through like national like database uh but nothing came back as a match and unfortunately two years after Sandra's death the case went cold
Speaker: no yeah that sucks so in the year 2000 police were kind of being kicked about like not being able to solve this because it had already been two years um but they had said that they had interviewed about 37 different suspects so they were trying and i'm sure they were yeah i'm sure we like
Speaker: Much as you watch a documentary show, we still don't understand how hard it is to work a cold case. No. People die! You literally lose evidence, Mike. Yeah. But anyway.
Speaker: so out of their 37 suspects it included people who had just gone to the hospital with like minor cuts or even injuries that were consistent with a fight from that same night that the murder took place as well as a specific man who was a furniture mover mover and he had left town and moved immediately like the next day after Sandra's death
Speaker: so he was questioned oh my god and then the next day this guy moves yeah like packs up and immediately moves so he was kind of suspicious but he cleared out just a bit yeah and then there was a man who also repeatedly just showed up at the consignment store and was asking questions about santra's murder
Speaker: So police collected all of their DNA and ran it and nothing matched what had been found at the scene from that night. And jumping ahead to 2015, Zeke Bader, who was Sandra's husband, he died in 2015, unfortunately. Oh. Yeah.
Speaker: and he had funded a scholarship for criminal justice students at the Florida Atlantic University and had spent the 15 years or I guess 15 years out of 17 years since Sondra's death he had spent 15 years of that volunteering for the Delray Beach Police Department so oh wow yeah
Speaker: He got involved with the police force then. Yeah, like after his retirement, basically. And according to the Palm Beach Post in 2002, he was quoted saying it had been or it has been very, very hard. I will always miss her no matter where my life takes me and I will never stop missing her. Oh, sweet. So jumping ahead to our Florida man.
Speaker: In December of 2018, Todd Barkett had applied for a job as a certified nursing assistant. Uh oh. Oh Todd. Ugh. Why do you want to be a certified - I don't even know, I just know it's not gonna be good. I know, but it was like this dude murdered somebody and he's applying to be a nursing assistant. Like fuck you Todd. Okay, right. I'm like I don't like that.
Speaker: um yeah no no not at all not great so part of his application to become the certified nursing assistant he was or assistant he was required to submit a set of fingerprints as part of his background check good yeah and the police in delray beach were then notified that his prints actually came up as those matching the ones that were found on the ball from this cold case from
Speaker: like, what, 20 years before?
Speaker: So 51 year old Barkett was living in Brandon, Florida, about 200 miles away from the Delray Beach where the murder had taken place 20 years before. And detectives discovered that he had owned a mobile home near Lantana, which was 10 miles from Delray Beach at the time of the killing. So that's where they assumed he lived in this mobile home, about 10 miles away from the store.
Speaker: okay yeah doing his crimes yeah so they also matched him to the description of the man so tall slender man um there's a thing on why a crime where i think it's like a made for tv movie tall hot blonde or something like that does that sound familiar
Speaker: Yeah that's and that's what you're just making me think of and I'm not seeing it but does sound familiar exactly. Yeah so they matched his description as the guy that was seen in the shop with Sandra but he had never been previously like listed as a suspect so quote he has had no contact with law enforcement getting arrested or anything
Speaker: Uh, he had a criminal, or he had a minimal criminal history, mostly traffic citations. So he flew under the radar even for the 26 years before this occurred. It was quite surprising. So that was a quote from the Delray, Pete, Delray Beach police captain, John Crane Baker.
Speaker: So he looked like a baker. Yeah. Um, so Barkit had no like prior criminal history other than traffic violations, um, before or after the murder. So this is like a one -off kind of thing. Oh, really? Which kind of seems quite surprising for it to be a one -off. You can violently murder somebody like that.
Speaker: Yeah, that's just it. They usually say then, well, that's probably not their first time. Yeah. They do something so elaborate. Exactly. Or so TV would lead us to believe. Yeah. So police said when they showed up to Barkit's store, he didn't seem surprised when they said that they were there about a possible connection to the 1998 murder. And when they brought it up, he simply responded okay.
Speaker: Oh God. Okay. Not. Oh my God, are you guys arresting me? Oh my God, what's going on? Right. What are you talking about? Just, okay. Very stoic. Very, I don't know. That's not a word, but he didn't react at all. Yeah.
Speaker: So he did consent, or I guess they probably at this time because he was a suspect. They took a DNA sample and a few days later it was confirmed to be a match to the killer's blood that was found at the scene. And Barker was officially arrested and charged with first -degree murder and then the robbery as well.
Speaker: Okay. Uh, during the week long trial, he pled not guilty. He said, er, yeah, he pled not guilty. And during the trial, it was revealed that the marble ball, that third one, um, that had had the killer's fingerprints on it at this point 20 years later had actually gone missing. So like you said in 20 years, a lot of stuff can happen. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. So... Yeah. Barkett's attorney, Joseph Welsh, told the jury, you'll never see the very ball Mr. Barkett is alleged to have touched in that store. There was a failure in... Yeah. There was a failure in how the processing of the crime scene was conducted. Oh, no. I mean, yeah, that happens a lot. Yeah.
Speaker: But damn. So prosecutors instead, I mean, they still have this huge blood trail that's leading from Sondra's body to the cash register and then out the front door. So they focus on that as their main evidence and the fact that his DNA matches the blood.
Speaker: and the Assistant State Attorney Richard Clousey said, quote, there is no other explanation for his blood being everywhere the killer's blood and robber's blood would be. He's the one that did it, end quote.
Speaker: Are you ready for Barkit's explanation about what all this evidence against him is from? Oh, I'm sure it's great. So yeah. It's so amazing. So Barkit said that his fingerprints were on the marble ball because him and his wife were shopping in the store two weeks before the murder and that he picked up the ball.
Speaker: and then he says that his trail of blood from exactly where the body was to the cash register and out the front door was either caused by one of two things either he got a cut on his hand at his job working construction and it was bleeding while he was in the store or he cut his hand really bad with his car keys
Speaker: I just can't. Can't you just relate to that? Yeah, I totally just always cut my hand really bad with car keys. Yeah, that's why they make them so razor sharp.
Speaker: enough to leave a huge like i don't know like 20 meter long trail oh my god um so he says that he went back to the store the day of the murder and was looking to buy a surprise gift for his wife and that's when he left the supposed blood trail um either from his job or car keys
Speaker: and he said that his blood was found on the cash register because he made an impulsive decision to take the money when he saw that there was no employees around and that he didn't see Sandra's body on the floor or he would have totally called the police.
Speaker: right because if it's an armed robbery it's a lot more years in jail but if you say you didn't harm anybody you probably get off a lot easier oh my god yeah i i buy none of that but i kind of as much as i buy none of the his excuses and the fact that his dna puts him at the scene i also kind of feel weird about this being his only crime ever
Speaker: that they found out about. Seems weird. Yeah.
Speaker: That's true of God. I don't know. Yeah, so in our closing argument, Assistant State Attorney Alicia Cox said that Barkett decided to rob the store, and this I think was from one of the articles. It just said he wound up using his six foot one, 175 pound frame to overpower the five foot two and 95 pound Sondra better. She was so small.
Speaker: and he overpowered her okay then yeah because she's five foot two and 95 pounds i mean it wouldn't take much no i think this was from his defense and oh yeah it's a i think this was from the trial it says quote the state needs you to believe with no actual proof that a man who's never been arrested before
Speaker: Married for 26 years, one day, for no reason, decides to come into a store, brutally beat a perfect stranger, for no motive other than to take $100 out of a cash register and not take anything else. And then - WHAT?! Yeah, $100 is all they got. That was also very specific, too, though.
Speaker: yeah like i don't know you just come in here and that you didn't take a hundred okay yeah like in a consignment store too that's got a bunch of vintage stuff you think they would have taken other stuff other than a cake knife what the hell and going on it just says and then in the past 21 years someone who is capable of doing this has never had an encounter with law enforcement that doesn't make sense and that doesn't add up
Speaker: prosecutor Cox told jurors to reject this testimony and they ended up doing it and said quote please believe me that there's no way that this defendant and the story that he told you today at all or yeah told you all today makes any sense or isn't or is truthful end quote and the jurors reached their decision in less than 90 minutes and they found him guilty of
Speaker: the first degree murder and robbery, I believe. For some reason that's not in my notes anymore. I don't even have, I think he was given life in prison. I don't know why that's not in here anymore. I don't know. That got a little heavy. Um, so John Shores, who is Sandra's son -in -law says,
Speaker: quote, it's a blessing. It's like God has looked down and brought us closure to the family. We prayed this day would come and it has. And, or sorry, we prayed this day would come and it has. Robin Shores, uh, said, who was Sandra's daughter, um, said that she felt sad that her dad hadn't lived to see it. So he had missed it by just three short years. Aw. Yeah.
Speaker: That is sad. So that's everything I have for my Florida man case, but I do have a few headlines that are much more uplifting. Lay it on us. So I decided to do uplifting ones that just kind of made me chuckle or I don't know, weren't negative in any way.
Speaker: Yeah, I feel yeah, I don't think we'll have too many repeating because yeah I took from like a couple different lists, but yeah, I think we'll be alright There's a lot out there. So my first one is The headline says September 5th 2019 Florida man protects car from Hurricane Dorian by parking it in kitchen and
Speaker: So the little blurb says Patrick Elridge of Jacksonville, Florida drove his smart car inside his home and into his kitchen to protect it from flooding and wind. Quote, my husband was afraid his car might blow away. His wife Jessica said on Facebook. It's so cute.
Speaker: Yes, not gonna lie, came across that and like, surprised he had a wife though. Park in his little smart car in the kitchen. Yeah, I was like, what? Okay. Oh, smart car. Yeah, it almost makes it a little better, but still kind of weird. The next one I had just says Florida man arrested after using wanted poster as Facebook photo.
Speaker: Oh my god. Really? Yeah, so the gentleman's name was Mac Yearwood and it was from the Citrus County Police and he was listed as Wanted of the Week.
Speaker: So it listed his name that he was wanted for felony warrant for VOP reference to two counts of battery. And it gave his age and height and then showed a picture of him. So he posted that as his Facebook picture. Oh, I have one question. Was he wanted dead or alive? Probably alive.
Speaker: Little Bon Jovi. Yeah. Oh my god. The next one is, I mean props to this woman. She is just getting shit done I guess. I don't know. A Florida woman is selling a chicken tender shaped like a manatee for $5 ,000.
Speaker: Oh, okay then. I have not heard about that. No, she... What? And looking at it, honestly, it does kind of look like a manatee. I mean, she's not wrong, but it's still just a chicken tender and you're asking for $5 ,000.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't people usually say things look like Jesus Christ so that they can yeah, I don't know I don't know if they're trying to make money off it, but like at least he's more recognizable Yeah Yeah, anyway, so these pictures will be posted on the website if you want to look at them because I did say I'm reading off the pictures and
Speaker: Oh hell yeah they will. My last one I thought just made me feel good about the world you know because sometimes Florida man things can make you feel like the world's a bad place. So this one just made me happy. No I like the said happy one. Florida man makes history as first person with Down syndrome to finish Iron Man triathlon.
Speaker: Oh, really? Yeah, so there's a Chris Nickick. He's a 21 year old Special Olympics Florida athlete from Maitland and he crossed the finish line in 16 hours, 46 minutes and nine seconds.
Speaker: Yeah, the Ironman Triathlon includes a 2 .4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, and a 26 .2 mile run, totaling overall 140 .6 miles, all to be completed within 17 hours. So you beat it by just under 15 minutes. Holy shit! I could not.
Speaker: No. Just saying. Just saying. Nick is the first person with Down syndrome to finish a full distance Ironman triathlon and he hopes to qualify for the 2022 Special Olympics USA Games in Orlando. Awesome! Holy shit! Good for him! Yeah that one just made me happy so it's like I'm gonna end it with that one.
Speaker: Sorry, what's his name again? Chris Nickick. N -I -C -I -C. Oh, amazing. Yeah, he's just 21 years old. Holy shit, Chris. Oh my god. Yeah. No, that made me really feel good. I was like, oh my god. Yeah, sometimes Florida things, you know, they aren't all bad, so there's something really happy.
Speaker: Oh, we would all like to judge. Florida, I'm sorry. We love you. You may be America's Wang according to the Simpsons. Florida, that's America's Wang.
Speaker: We all make in Canada, I should say. Can't talk. I feel like we all do that with the Newfoundland. People make fun of newbies in Canada. It's just a thing. I don't know. Before you all have that state or that province where we just kind of tease a little bit, but like...
Speaker: I don't know. That was a really good story. I didn't think I was gonna feel good and uplifted during Florida Man crimes. What the hell? Yeah, that's when I was like, I'm gonna bring it back up after my, after going to murder because we had talked about this episode being so funny. And then I just went straight to murder town. I mean, yeah, it has the potential to be a lighter episode. Yeah. So.
Speaker: But I enjoyed that story a lot. Thank you. That's my story. After that wonderful segment, let's take a quick break. Yeah, we'll be right back. We'll be right back. Florida man crimes. Just a few fun ones mostly. That's good.
Speaker: No, it's been another kind of frustrating year that hasn't been completely normal. And I'm happy to see it gone. Yeah, did you know that Netflix is doing another death to they're doing a death to 2021 like they did for death to 2020? Oh my god, no, but I would watch that. And they have that girl back the one that was really, really stupid. If you remember her.
Speaker: she's bad i don't know if i do she was talking i love this kind of shit though yeah she was talking about like dating or something i think the first time and this time she's like you know what i've got like dating down to a science this has made it so efficient you know zoom just makes my life easier and it just shows her on a zoom date and she's on a zoom day with three guys at the same time and she just goes yeah so gentleman number one this question's for you and it just like cuts to something else in the trailer and you're just like oh my god
Speaker: It's the dating game from the 1950s to 70s, yeah. Yeah, on your home computer. I was just like, oh my god.
Speaker: I love that kind of shit, honestly. I like Chelsea Handler and then she, I remember I was listening to something where she was joking. I think she was on a different podcast, honestly, because I really haven't listened much to her own podcast. But she was like, yeah, COVID has changed dating, but only I can use it as a nice excuse if I
Speaker: Have screened them all for Covid and during our dinner date at my house. I go. Oh you tested negative or positive you gotta go Nope You didn't make the cut All right, so Florida man crimes Oh Florida man
Speaker: I know. I love you. In my head. Florida man. I kept thinking of this episode as like Florida comma man. Being like Florida man. Florida. Man, just Florida. Dude, what's up with Florida? No. I am from the East Coast. Really, parts of it are all fucked up. I get it. Yeah.
Speaker: My first Florida man headline was, Naked North Florida Man Reportedly Stole Crashed Police Car. Is the headline. Officers were called to a highway with reports of a naked man running along Interstate 10 rather. Jeez. I mean.
Speaker: Florida is a pretty temperate climate. I must say that. But Joshua Schenker, I'm not sure if that's how you pronounce that, but 22 was found, quote, lying in the road when police arrived. He then ran across the road towards the officer. Okay. And then just stole his car somehow.
Speaker: No, see, this was after they found him near the crashed police vehicle. He basically was like, arrest me! No, I don't know, but he did ran through all reports I read, said he ran towards them. He was not evading arrest. He was not resisting. He was insisting. He got arrested. He was insisting.
Speaker: A crashed patrol car was nearby, matching one missing from Jacksonville. It had $10 ,000 worth of damage to it. That's not even that bad. True, it's a petty crime, really. Yeah, as a former insurance agent, that's not that much damage when you're talking about a crash.
Speaker: Oh my god. Yeah, I've recently learned it's very easy to do your minimum, right? What do they call it? Deductible. Yeah. It's easy to reach that just by like, scratching the front of your car. Most people don't realize even like one airbag in your car going off can be like $8 ,000 to reset. Let alone the ones that are in like your side doors or anything.
Speaker: Yeah, and not to be stereotypically Canadian, but we've had Reddit threads of people skating down Edmonton streets the last week because we've had so much freezing rain and cold weather that are friggin... The main roads are okay, but the residential roads are very icy still. They're like an ice rink. Oh my god.
Speaker: it's so I'm like oh god stop it you're just being you're just perpetuating this Canadian stereotype that we live in igloos and skate to work yeah do you know what was always my favorite commercial I don't know what it was for it was like a typical Canadian thing and it just showed a bunch of stuff and then one part was like a high speed Canadian police chase and it showed
Speaker: it showed the car of the people trying to like leave and they're stuck in like a snow bank and there was one person behind the car pushing it and then like it pans over like 20 feet behind them is the police car and there's a police officer behind the police car also trying to push the police car out of the snow
Speaker: and it said like typical Canadian car chase and it was like because there's a police officer and like the criminals each trying to push their own car and nobody is arresting each other they're just at their own cars yeah does it constitute a chase if everyone is crawling yeah it was pretty great man oh no that is good that is good i must admit i would i would also laugh at that yeah i don't remember that one it's an old commercial it ran all the time
Speaker: I saw it again like recently and I was just like, yeah, that one always gets me. I like it. Oh, they have some cheesy ones. Yeah. Um, all right. Well, I have some cheesy headlines. Second one, Tampa man set self on fire while committing arson. Oh my. Think about that for a second.
Speaker: Oh, it's so painful though. Oh, and this is one of our older perpetrators. Tampa, like not young, dumb, and stupid. I mean, not older, but Tampa police. This is a quote. Tampa police say Scott Anthony Massa, 51, was hospitalized with serious injuries after burning himself while trying to set a home on fire early Sunday morning.
Speaker: Police say ma - I'm sorry. I'm shaking my head. You can't see it, but I'm shaking my head. SMH shaking my head. Shaking my damn head. 51. Come on, buddy. Police say Massa broke a window at a home located in the 1600 block of West De Leon Street around 540 a .m.
Speaker: Then tried to throw a bucket full of accelerant into the home. My god, a bucket full? But it ignited, exploded, and set him on fire, according to the Tampa Police Department, end quote. Oh, he's probably one of the idiots that tries to, like, pour gasoline on a fire that's already lit. Something? Oh god.
Speaker: I do get a little confused by how, like, they're like, what, grease fire, how do you treat that? I mean, sometimes it's a little intimidating. Powder. All I know is what's some sort of powder.
Speaker: Or they say now you can, um, the safest thing to do I think is to cover it, but you don't, you don't like put the lid on it, like straight on it and leave it like that because if you lift it back up it like whooshes again, you're supposed to like slowly slide the lid like if it was a pot or a pan you'd slowly slide the lid across so that it
Speaker: while it does that it like uses up the oxygen like while it goes while it closes or something so then it won't whoosh it'll just like die out i'm sorry you got the hiccups oh yes the whooshing um the whooshing gave you the hiccups no it can't have
Speaker: oh my god um so he's throwing buckets of stuff yeah he tried to throw a bucket but thankfully the house did not ignite and no one was injured other than him this guy is super flammable yeah he managed to run away from the scene but police put out a description of the man and his injuries
Speaker: And he was soon found by an officer working extra duty at St. Joseph's Hospital. Yeah. It wasn't that hard, I don't think. No, just ask. Yeah, if anybody shows up with burns and smells like accelerant, give us a call. Yeah, like most people smell like normal campfire. Yeah. It's not going to fly.
Speaker: yeah yeah soaking wet smelling like gasoline and therefore he was immediately detained yeah oh god i'm sorry i still hate keeping and masa was brought to the tampa general hospital burn unit and his vehicle was impounded charges were being filed at the time of the article at least they caught him right away i'm sorry
Speaker: Yeah. A lot of these, like I said, I didn't pick ones that were like horrible crimes or anything. No offense. Oh, another fun one. Florida woman who once claimed she owned Google back in jail. Oh my God. Back in jail.
Speaker: I know this woman, she's a plague on police officers existence. She, excuse me, is a 42 year old Summerfield woman, which I guess is in Florida. Yeah. And she, oh God, excuse me. She went berserk and claimed to own Google after a woman ordered her to leave her property. What? Yes. And now she's back behind bars. Oh, excuse me.
Speaker: she's just like the worst neighbor you could ever have I imagine where you're like you're just gonna hate everything I do whether I have a dog and it barks like once you're gonna be like you have a yappy dog or whatever and I own Google like what even if you own gold doesn't mean you have the right to trespass oh exactly
Speaker: Oh my God. Weird flex, but okay. So stupid. Deputies in Marion County were called to a home in the 6200 block of southeast 140th Street in January 2021 to respond to a trespassing allegation.
Speaker: They found 42 year old Laura Beth Seymour walking across the backyard of the residents who called it in. So not across her own home. These are people just walking in the back alley, I guess. Or backyard maybe. Possibly. I picture a back alley because I have like our yard and then like a park ours backs on to. So some people could be backing onto like a walking trail. I don't, I'm not too sure.
Speaker: Um, once deputies realized he had been warned away from the property earlier in the day, they placed her under arrest. One deputy removed Laura's hat as she was placed inside the vehicle. The deputy noticed an aluminum foil piece. Sorry. Stuck in the lining filled with a crystalline. Oh god, substance. Mass? In her hat.
Speaker: What's that? Is it math? Correct. Oh god. It does seem to be math. Oh my god, I know. I was like not ready for that part. Agora. So she claimed she found it in the residence. And I put it in my hat.
Speaker: No, she's the best. Just wait. Laura pretends to not understand her rights as they're read. Excuse me, to her. I mean, that's one way to do it. What? My rights? I have the right to what? No way! Laura Beth Seymour is a resident of Summerfield, and this incident was not her first incident with the police.
Speaker: Quote, Seymour also was arrested in April 2020 after a nasty, nasty altercation with a woman who told her to leave her property. Oh my god, why does she just walk and everybody stop? Right? Like, fuck. Stay home! Yeah, stay on your own property. A sheriff's deputy reported that Seymour was grabbing items at the property and throwing them out of a gate onto a roadway.
Speaker: The deputy reported that she appeared to be under the influence of an unknown substance meth co -figure Yeah But she probably found in that house too. I know a big surprise but so shitty The victim in that case said she was woken up when Seymour entered the back of her property and when she was told to leave she became irate Excuse me and threw a can of beans at the victim
Speaker: a can of beans. I like that. I mean cans are heavy. I mean yeah when I was looking up some of the Florida man things it was like sun slaps mom and face with like piece of pizza or like something stupid. Yes! Yeah. Or like a pan of beans. I feel like I have one or two coming up like that and I'm almost done. I know so silly. Yeah.
Speaker: The deputy responding to that incident said that she claimed to own Google and Quote several businesses and that she had used Methamphetamine the most likely thing she said so far so far Yeah, I'm sure the person that owns Google is not using that There was also drunk man steals floating tiki hut in Key West and
Speaker: which was found near Hawk's Channel in Key West, excuse me, by the U .S. Coast Guard and they found the intoxicated quote -unquote captain still aboard. A tiki hut? Right, so kind of like a little themed bar where like you have little people on tiki stools and maybe there's just some, yeah, some thatch things and some tiki torches
Speaker: whatever. Yeah, but they just like, basically took this thing that wasn't supposed to be floating independently. I was so confused. I was like, how is that floating? It's a bar. I know. I was also confused.
Speaker: There are at least one or two pictures. They wanted to make a swim up bar. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Except he makes it so you have to swim farther because he took away with it. And they found the intoxicated captain still on board. And the US Coast Guard would like to remind us not to drink and boat. Okay.
Speaker: I like that. I'm too poor to drink and boat. Yeah. I'd need a boat. Right? So a lot of what I got for the Florida man case was from a New York Post article, 20 crazy Florida man headlines that made it the meme, made the meme what it is today by Natalie O 'Neill. Okay.
Speaker: Just a little shout out to her. But, oh, they're just so good. You know, they all come with a date. The latest one, or the earliest one I have is June 11th, 2012. Florida man arrested for calling 911 after kitten denied entry into strip club. I saw that headline. Did you? Yes. I wondered if we come across some of the same ones.
Speaker: It says a man, Everett Laje, was arrested outside the Emerald City, which I thought was funny because... Well, yes, but also when you watch Oz, they call it Oz because they call part of the prison the Emerald City. It's a whole thing. But anyway.
Speaker: calling 911 emergency services to report the club owner who denied his pussy entry into the Rippers. June 27, 2012, Florida man chews off another man's face. Oh, I remember that one. Miami cannibal Rudy Eugene. My dad's name is Eugene. Yeah, but the bath salts guy.
Speaker: you know i'm not sure it did not specify it said he shot and killed he was shot and killed when discovered with the remains quote quote unquote of his dinner january 1st 2015 florida man trapped in unlocked closet for two days
Speaker: Yes, John Arwood, 31, and Amber Campbell, 25, were in a janitor's closet for two days before calling 911 for help. A Toronto Sun article expands on this a bit and learned that they were at Daytona State College and it wasn't until police arrived did anyone realize they could have just walked out at any time.
Speaker: There are two college people and there's two of them in the freaking room and nobody tried the door handle. I don't think they're enrolled in the college to be fair. I was like, wow. I don't know if that makes it better, but it might. No, that is so stupid. I feel like they're literally just in this room for two days and they're like,
Speaker: But we're not supposed to be in here, so we must be locked in. And you're like, but just try it. Yeah. I don't know. Knock on the door. Bang on it. Like, oh my god, two days. No, I do. Oh my god, it's so stupid. Just sitting there until you die? Like, fuck. Jesus.
Speaker: They told police they had been chased into the closet on Sunday, but didn't call for help until Tuesday when they were tracked down and discovered amidst feces and quote, copper scouring pad often used to smoke crack. Oh, that explains why the door wasn't dried. They were like, no, no, we were entertained.
Speaker: Yeah, I was like, why would two normal people just sit there for 48 hours and not try to handle drugs? I know, it still seems weird. And then we also had December 7, 2015, Florida man killed by alligator while hiding from cops. This was kind of sad, as you can tell.
Speaker: There was a 22 year old Matthew Riggins and his friend or accomplice That were in the Barefoot Bay area committing Burglary basically, you know good old beanie early on November 13th Yeah, sorry, this was 2015
Speaker: They were spotted by police, but then fled and K -9 helicopter search proved unsuccessful in finding them. And Riggins called his girlfriend to tell her he was being pursued by police. And then he was later reported missing later that day.
Speaker: And later that day, his body was also found, or sorry, probably like later that week, I should say. His, yeah, his body was found in a barefoot bay lake north of Ocean Avenue way on November 23rd. And while Sheriff's dive teams were retrieving the body, they came face to face with an alligator who was aggressively approaching them, quote unquote. Ooh, that's scary.
Speaker: i know i don't like alligators or crocodiles apparently that was scary as shit and it was later trapped by the fish and wildlife conservation commission and euthanized and matthew had like drowned and was missing his lower extremities part of an arm alligators in florida though so cliche oh my god yeah no you're not wrong
Speaker: And then, oh yeah, I had one from June 8th, 2017. Florida man desperate for a ride to Hooters calls 911. Oh, I think I ran across that one too. I know, it seems like if wine and crime did it, they would talk about it. But he told dispatchers he needed a ride to help his grandma who had had had a stroke in the parking lot.
Speaker: But after officers spent several hours looking for the grandma. Several hours? Wow. Oh, yes. OK. That's what I read. Jesus. At least two or three. Oh my god. I'm pretty sure you could solve that case in five minutes. There's no grandma at Hooters. You would think. But honestly, I don't even know how they have to track down the leads of who to look at. So I don't know.
Speaker: um but yeah he told them if you just had taken me to grandma's i would have paid for the ride but he was arrested on charges of misusing 911 yeah like call the freaking cab company you idiot get over it
Speaker: And just after that, January 9th, 2018, a Florida man tried to steal a rack of ribs by stashing it in his pants. Mealy Alvarez Aquilar was caught in Indian town where he at once revealed a full rack of ribs that had been hidden under his waistcoat.
Speaker: So like or I think I met under his waistband actually rather people don't wear waistcoats anymore But yeah, just just tucked under there and I mean You know, you wouldn't want to distribute that meat packaging all over the world, would you? Is it with or without barbecue sauce? At this point
Speaker: They're not sanitized yet, I'm sure. It says, the man 26 was also packing more meat. I also wrote that because I was like, you can't say they're not packing more meat because it's a great play on packing more heat. But definitely like fried chicken. This guy was also carrying two packs of hamburger buns.
Speaker: and mashed potatoes. Oh, he's making some like...
Speaker: He's having a get -together. Sounds like in his pants. He's having a full barbecue in his pants, isn't he? Yeah. He just needs some burgers. He needs some burgers in his pants. Yeah, the things don't match up because he gets like a rack of ribs and then he gets like hamburger buns. Yeah, when are you getting the rack of ribs? When are you getting the hamburgers? What is happening?
Speaker: and then oh okay next thing i have is january 8 2019 pre -pandemic i remember things making sense then sort of um florida man insists syringes pulled from his rectum are not his i thought this was fun how just like my guy i must have cut my hand on my car keys
Speaker: a rectum. What are you talking about? I'm holding these for a friend. Like Wesley Dash for Scott had been pulled over and during a strip search claimed that the medical implements uh I'll remind you found in his rectum were not his. He claimed they belonged to a friend. Sure. Or what have you. Exactly. How does that make sense?
Speaker: Because you are my best friend and I love you. I need you to put these syringes up your butt. Please take these syringes off of me. I only trust you. I mean, if anyone was going to go for it, it would be me. But still, this is insane. Yeah. Alright.
Speaker: uh there was also a Florida man arrested on May 9th 2019 for this sticker license plate sticker called the I heat ass sticker and I do recall I talked a bit around this on our Instagram because I thought it was hilarious
Speaker: So Dylan Shane Webb, 23, was arrested for declining to remove a bumper sticker proclaiming his love for ass eating. However, he was ultimately let off due to protection of his First Amendment right to free speech. Yeah, it's not a threat to anybody. It's not. It's not. No, you're right. You can put swear words on your car.
Speaker: yeah and this recalled to me a memory where somebody from another podcast or whatever i had like all this dirty stuff on there bumper stickers i eat ass blah blah blah and you're like oh my god i don't have to i don't need to know that much for your life but okay no
Speaker: There was one on October 22nd, 2019, where a Florida man on a Segway was charged with a DUI. Oh, yes! This was one where he was actually over the 20s. He was 48, Andy Seegers. He rode his Segway while very smashed in front of a cop shop. No. Not so very smart. Why?
Speaker: I don't know. I really don't. I'm just trying to picture somebody like that would be the equivalent of walking and like stumbling down the street and them trying to maneuver a segue. Yeah. In that same state of like just leaning too far and being like well
Speaker: Okay, I will be remiss if I don't mention this one. July 20th, 2020, Florida man tries to evade arrest by cartwheeling away from cops. So a video caught Gian Franco Fernandez, 40, wrenching himself out of an officer's grasp, then launching into a cartwheel outside of a shop in Orlando.
Speaker: Uh, you know what? I think that's the most I could find on it, but I thought it was hilarious Yeah, that's pretty good I'm trying to picture it in my head that because it reminds me of like something but I can't place what like from some movie or like some character from like something that would do something like that and I just can't place it though This is all I have left for this episode is
Speaker: Looks up a couple that were from our birth dates. What I have for a headline looked up for your birthday was Florida man tries to order burrito at bank drive -through window thinks it's a Taco Bell. That's pretty good. I like that.
Speaker: I'm like oh my god can I get a number two with beans and guacamole and they're like sir this is this is a bank right they're like uh we're good yeah that's no that's really weird I like that do you have one on your birthday not really I started to look it up and then I kind of didn't I'll have to do it some other time
Speaker: Last one of 2021. We're not going to have some new ones the new year, January 7th. I think that's our latest episode. We'll be back. I don't even think we've decided a topic yet. Oh, I mean, as long as we get something cool for your birthday into January, I think we'll be all right.
Speaker: but yeah i know what you mean yeah we got time we'll figure it out but maybe maybe it'll be a surprise and since we don't know as of this recording yeah but if you guys miss us you can join our patreon and we have eight or nine bonus episodes and we will have one for december too so you can listen to all that while we take our little two week or so break it's very true
Speaker: yes but thanks for listening and we'll catch you next time happy holidays and see you next year or hear you next year i don't know yeah you're right hear you next time bye bye
Speaker: you
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