Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 6: The Stories That Shaped Us - A Conversation with Nicole
22 Plays10 days ago
What happens when you reunite with the friend who helped carry you through one of life's most transformative seasons?
In Episode 6 of Twists + Turns: Confessions of Lifelong BFFs, we're joined by our very first podcast guest—our dear friend Nicole. After reuniting in Italy, we sat down to reflect on the twists and turns that shaped our friendship and the life-changing chapter that connected all three of us.
Together, we talk about navigating difficult seasons, finding beauty in unexpected places, the power of authentic friendship, and how creativity can help us tell the stories that words sometimes can't. Nicole also shares insights into her artwork and the role it has played throughout her journey.
This conversation is full of laughter, vulnerability, unforgettable memories, and the kind of honest storytelling that reminds us we don't have to navigate life's hardest moments alone.
If you've ever experienced the healing power of friendship, walked through a major life transition, or believe that the best stories are the ones shared with people who truly know you, this episode is for you.
In this episode:
• Meeting our very first guest, Nicole
• A best-friend reunion in Italy
• Friendship through life's biggest challenges (including the restaurant jobs that trauma-bonded us 😂)
• Art, creativity, and finding meaning in difficult seasons
• Honest conversations about resilience, growth, and lasting connection
🎙️ Twists + Turns: Confessions of Lifelong BFFs is a podcast celebrating over 20 years of friendship through real conversations about life's unexpected detours, meaningful moments, and everything in between.
#TwistsAndTurnsPodcast #FriendshipPodcast #FemaleFriendship #BestFriends #PersonalGrowth #LifeStories #Healing #Italy #Creativity #Art #Resilience #Storytelling
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Reunion in Italy
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey friends, today's episode is a special one because we're introducing our very first podcast guest, our dear friend Nicole. We reunited with her this summer in Italy to talk about one of the most challenging and beautiful seasons of our lives. One tiny disclaimer, our video quality is giving early two thousand and ten s home movie.
00:00:20
Speaker
Apparently an iPad was our camera crew and we're pretty sure it's from the same generation as our friendship. Thanks for giving us a little grace. We promise the conversation is so worth it. So join us for our chat with Nicole.
00:00:32
Speaker
Welcome to Twist and Turns, confessions of lifelong BFFs. Two best friends who know where the bodies are buried, metaphorically. After more than 20 years of friendship, we've survived chaos, heartbreak, answered prayers, questionable choices, and plenty of twists.
00:00:48
Speaker
We're not experts, influencers, or internet debaters. Just two friends talking honestly about faith, friendship, and God's goodness through all of it.
Opening Prayer and Reflections
00:01:02
Speaker
Okay, let's pray.
00:01:07
Speaker
God, thank you for um this day. Thank you for every moment that has led up to this one. Thank you that we um get to be here together in a new place. and Thank you for our new friends that have helped us bring this to life. um Lord, this is your story.
00:01:25
Speaker
And so we just ask that you would speak through us and to us. um All of this is for your glory. And so take us where you want us to go today. We love you. We trust you. And we ask all this in Jesus name. Amen.
00:01:38
Speaker
Amen. Amen. Okay. Welcome friends to another episode of twists and turns, confessions of lifelong BFFs. And as promised, we are international. We're in the world. We are in the world.
00:01:49
Speaker
Where in the world are we?
Journey Through Italy
00:01:52
Speaker
Napoli. Italia. The biggest twist thus far. There have been many twists and turns on the journey to get here for sure. Yes. Running through the Newark airport to get here.
00:02:06
Speaker
ah Planes, trains and automobiles. The latest streets. Yeah. Really to get into the door. You're in your third country in a month, right? Yeah. Yeah. yeah And so we are here. Anne Marie.
00:02:19
Speaker
I'm Helena. And this is Nicole. Our first guest. Our first guest. Yes. Of the twists and turns. I'm so honored. Yes. I'm so honored. And this is a good one. This I think it'll be hard to top.
00:02:33
Speaker
It'll be hard to top our first guest. I'm sure we can do it. But so we've talked about in our last episode, we talked about. roommates. and We talked about my roommate, Nicole, was my roommate. ah But before she was my roommate, she was Helena's friend.
00:02:47
Speaker
Why are you here, Nicole? How did you end up? Why are we here? My family and I moved here about a year ago. My husband is in the military, so we have orders to live here and we have two more years left. I am so incredibly blessed because i have people in my life that want to travel across the world to come and visit and experience this with me. I'm very happy to have you guys here and that you guys asked me to be a part of this. Like, cause this is so fun that and I love your podcast. So thank you. Tell us more. just like Would you be a twisty one might say? Absolutely. We're not sure about that one yet, but it is trying it on for size. Can I get a shirt? Oh, 100%. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, it it wasn't a hard thing to fulfill to be like, oh, visit my friend in a beautiful country. yeah Let me see if I can make time for this. Yes. Absolutely. So we all decided we would meet up here. yeah I just think that for one, it's another chapter in our lives, just individually. but i don't even know how to put this into words. It's just like,
00:03:55
Speaker
Years of love and support and being there for each other and times where we needed it. You know, like
Cherishing Bonds and Apartment Friends
00:04:03
Speaker
when we were younger, we were just each other's family. I mean, that's what you were for me. Sisters. Yeah. To now be in a place where we all have our own families, but yet we're able to come together. Our families make memories together. and you kind of theoretically think would happen or hope for but then for it to actually come to fruition is just something really special. And then to do it,
00:04:26
Speaker
in this environment is just something i didn't i never thought would get to experience together. And that's really kind of the point of this. You know, we always talk about our why. why are we Why are we having this conversation? Why are we telling you this part of the story? And I loved this phrase that your husband coined, the apartment friends. And I think it's such a, you know, it's like we've come to the places that we've come in our lives. We've made all kind kinds of new friends. You know, we have all kinds of new relationships that are valuable. And there will always be these people, you know, our friends that have been around in the apartment days. You know, there's people in our lives that we don't have to explain ourselves to because they were there for all of it. And so... yeah You are that. Doesn't matter where in the world we go. It doesn't matter who we meet. There's these core people in our lives that are just so important. And I've noticed that as we are telling this story, as we're trying to tell our stories of our experiences, the tricky part of that is we didn't live that in a vacuum.
Delicacy of Personal Stories
00:05:24
Speaker
We lived it with other people. But trying to not tell somebody else's story for them while still telling our story is an interesting dance. When we have an opportunity for somebody else to go, oh, I'd like to weigh in on this, you know, like and and this was just such a beautiful opportunity for that, where we just happened to, you know, be able to travel to a beautiful country. And as you were talking, I feel like this is true for me. As we have continued to live our lives in different cities, in different countries, seeing my friends have these relationships where they are, to have that sense of family where they are and then hear about it, I never felt like threatened. It brought me comfort to know this person that I love and care for,
00:06:14
Speaker
has somebody there that is loving on them and there for them for that day-to-day stuff that I don't get to be there for. i have a friend back home who I'm thinking of that I would get nervous because she has a very big, very close family. So when her family would come to visit, I would be like, oh, like, let's give them space. They probably don't.
00:06:43
Speaker
want us around and they were like, what
Family and Friendship Expansion
00:06:45
Speaker
do you mean? Like you're, you're, yeah you are our family. And so it was, it was the beginning of me recognizing it's not just this us and them kind of thing. It's like, we're family's family. family yeah I know we've kind of touched upon it in the past where it's like, that's the church, that's the body.
00:07:05
Speaker
And getting to wrap my brain around that because I'm experiencing it. It wasn't it's always kind of been this foreign idea, but kind of understanding that in real time as I'm experiencing it. Yeah. I had thoughts on, as you're speaking, of like your past and what in what you have gone through. We were your people and we are still your people, but we we want we wanted to be there and to not be there and help you go through what you were going through. As much as I wanted to get in the car and drive up there and be with you, like that's not what you needed. And there was a sense of like, I want to take care of her. I want to be there through this and and be the helpful person. but And we couldn't. And that's not what you needed. And you did. you It brought me comfort to know you do have family there, those friends. As much as like I want to be that person to take care of you, it was very comforting to know like you're well taken care of. For anyone who's familiar with episode two, and we referred to our very nervous friend. Yeah.
00:08:13
Speaker
That's me. But we have two of them. so The other one is like very um medical. yeah And so she's coming from like like incredibly analytical. to Yes. yeah And not that it's it's just entertaining.
00:08:29
Speaker
when it's all said and done and we're not in the moment to look back and be like, look at how like you guys responded in how different it was. Nicole is spiraling. Nicole is going down all the insurance costs. Nicole sour candies.
00:08:43
Speaker
I have one right here. Okay. Let's get into it. Let's talk about um how we came to be where we are. So we'd love to give you just kind of a flyover timeline and then we'll kind of fill in some of the gaps there. So let's start from the beginning. It's actually not the beginning because we found out later we were in the same circles in elementary school, but never were friends, yeah um which is crazy. that didn't come out until years later. um But then it was like, oh, I absolutely remember you from elementary school, but she was a little bit older than me. So anyway, you two met first. so And it's been so interesting to talk about what that was like from both of your perspectives. yeah I don't know that I've actually heard a lot. I mean, in the in the moment, obviously, I was hearing from you because I was living
00:09:32
Speaker
far away. And so Helena kept talking about my friend, Nicole, my friend, Nicole, my friend, Nicole, my friend, Nicole, my friend, Nicole. And I was like, I know this person now, but I've never met her. yeah And she's very clearly an important part. But what did that look like for y'all? I don't remember like the first moment and I saw you or we were introduced. I know I vividly remember the moment I was like, oh, who is this person? Who is this gorgeous? Why is so loud? Who I am?
00:09:58
Speaker
We, were This is during college days, so working at a restaurant and this place of work, we all ended up becoming very close very quickly. But you had worked there previously, you knew everybody they knew you. But I hadn't met you yet. I didn't know you. But everyone was like, Helena's coming back. Helena's coming back. So excited. And I'm like, who's Helena? Who is she? Yeah. And then I ended up with a really terrible stomach bug this weekend. I'm at home. Everyone's sending me videos. And we miss you. And I'm looking at the videos like, man, I'm having FOMO. Everyone's not having fun. And I'm home sick trying to keep down saltines. So I'm watching the videos. And there is this beautiful, beautiful, Long hair, dark, beautiful, long hair, perfect You always had a perfect tan. No, sometimes it was a little too much. It was a little much. It was a little tanorexic. Let's be real. So having so much fun. You were dancing and everyone is like just around you and so excited that you were back and your energy. was just like, who is this person? And I felt very threatened because, you know, were all like in the, you know, dating world and everything. And I was little like I was incredibly jealous. I was like, all right. It intimidated, I guess. And then I like to you said she's the complete opposite of me. Yes. I think every woman can relate to that. I'm like, what? That's.
00:11:31
Speaker
It's never gonna be me. yeah Like, ah you know. Yeah, so. complete um Even like personality, I'm a little bit more quiet and yeah shy um and you're not and you're and you're just
Blossoming Friendship Despite Differences
00:11:43
Speaker
this like sunshine and you can dance. like me like you can You can dance and I, and that was my first like, oh my gosh.
00:11:53
Speaker
She like I was jealous of you um because you even on the videos that were sent, like it was videos of you guys all dancing. And I was like, oh, all right. OK, I appreciate. OK, I'm going to flip the switch. OK, like so let me just thank you. But now I'm going to like kind of crawl out of my shell. and like I remember meeting you because I left my sunglasses at the hostess stand at the restaurant. And so I needed to come in and you were working. And so i was like, oh, hey. And I'm like...
00:12:26
Speaker
Oh my gosh, like this Nicole and you're gorgeous with your long blonde hair that I don't have. And her green eyes. And her green eyes. And I just remember like thinking, we're going to be friends. Like that was my thought was like, oh, you're so sweet. And like,
00:12:45
Speaker
not sure because I am not quiet and often come across my first impression is not meek and quiet. Like I didn't, I like the quiet people tend to like not want to be around me. please i you allow me Um, so like I, and especially in those days I was like, there was nobody there to reel me in So like the fact that you were like,
00:13:09
Speaker
embracing of my personality then I was like okay you're my people you're mine and it was immediate for me I was like yes I love likewise I was just like I hate that I love her i love her she she's it's awesome like well and I think like the fact that you were so accepting and like open to us just being instant friends I was like then yes, like yeah then we're doing everything together. it was just so easy. We were then, where are you are we going to the beach? what type like What's your schedule? What's your shift? And what are you doing afterwards? Right, and then it was like, then we would just always
00:13:48
Speaker
do stuff together and it felt so comfortable so quickly. So to be asked, like, how did it happen? It wasn't even like, a oh, well, we kind of had to you know, warm up to each other. It just kind of happened. Yeah. um I've never experienced that ever in my life. So I think that makes so much sense in hindsight.
00:14:10
Speaker
But it is, you know, in the moment, it's like, how how did that happen if you guys both were a little like, Whoa. Oh, yeah. and And I don't know if that's like telling of my personality or maybe the people who I'm encountering because I don't even think about it. I don't know if that's just my relationships in general, where it's like the people that I'm with are with me because.
00:14:36
Speaker
Yeah. You said it before. Like, you're, you're, don't know how to be anyone but myself. And so if someone sees me and is attracted to that, then they must like me. You know? Right. yeah yeah me Yeah. So it's like, and maybe people come around after the fact, but I'm oblivious to it because I'm just like, i was just doing the thing the whole time. and and yeah so I don't know. For better for worse. feel like I'm definitely a lot more like that now. But then back then i was going through so much and growing and mature, like ah maturing still at that time. But I was very insecure. Weren't we all? Weren't we all? Yeah, i had that's where when I first saw that video of you guys all out and I was at home sick, I was just so intimidated because I was insecure. But I think too, like some of that for me was a facade of, I am so insecure and I'm going to try to mask that with this confidence that was kind of like fake it till I make it. yeah Sometimes I kind of have to stop and and wonder,
00:15:42
Speaker
Because I try and maybe too much pride myself on being authentic. And then I'm like, I stop and I wonder, was I trying too hard to appear authentic while not being authentic?
00:15:57
Speaker
Yeah. And it's kind of you're fighting against the insecurity you were experiencing, but in a completely different way. yeah Nicole was and so in a completely different way than I was. Right. I was surprised to hear it when you said it the first time you were like, this is this is the way confident people portray themselves. And I want to be confident. And so I'm going to do these things. I was like, you can just make that decision because I was like, I
The Diverse Ensemble of Friends
00:16:22
Speaker
just would.
00:16:23
Speaker
Just be there with y'all. You know, it was so funny. Well, we'll get into that. We're so different. All us. Every single one of us in our friend group is like a totally different person. But it's this beautiful chorus when we all come together. You know, personalities and attributes and all of that. But then to people's reaction to this little school of...
00:16:46
Speaker
girls at that time they were like they didn't know what to do with us and it was just like you there was like this orb and i feel we've maybe even said that in the past where people were like it was like people would be like bouncing off the orb it's like we said we're all set and it's like you except for me i would find like the weird guy at the bar right well What a fascinating conversation this is. And you all would be like, can we save you? And I'm like, no, I think I'm okay. Or if it was like a girl that was like not trying to like be something. Authentic and friendly. Right. Like if you were a cool chick and you were just there to chat, yeah get in here. But if you're trying to like compete with us for some kind of result, we were like, you can keep it moving. You win. You went, like, take the prize, whatever that is. We're not here for that. um But, like, just, like, even the way that we would just be trying to have a good time and, like, we would watch each other and we were like, already you're not here. Like, nope. yeah
00:17:47
Speaker
We're doing our thing. Like, You're out. It was almost like you turn around and you realize, oh, they left because they probably felt not. yeah Oh, and we were like, good. They got the message. yes they were okay We weren't here for them. So y'all met each other. How long do you think it was? Was it maybe like, well, no, I'm trying to walk through my timeline of moving away and coming back because I was only gone. i was gone for two years, maybe.
00:18:14
Speaker
And so y'all would have known each other six months to a year. i think it was like a summer. Yeah. I think it was a summer. it like We became best friends like i was just summer life instantly. And then, yes, a summer left. Because I feel like I was hearing about you for a while. We talked almost daily, I feel like, when I was out, away. And every single time we talked, every single time i would talk to her, she'd be like, oh, my gosh, me and my friend Nicole did this thing. My friend Nicole is said the funniest thing. Oh, my gosh, me and my friend Nicole were doing this. And I was like, who is this girl? And then, of course, I would see pictures online and whatever. And I was like, aw. You know, great. Then I moved home. So pause, reverse.
00:18:56
Speaker
When you said Helena's coming back to work at this restaurant. So we lived in kind of a tiny town that has still to this day has such an impressive ability to take really good restaurant concepts and make them fantastically mediocre. And so there's just not there. There wasn't a lot there. And so this was a big deal that this restaurant came into town. And so when I was in high school, I was like, I have to work there because I had visited one. i had I had visited family somewhere um like maybe the year before and had eaten at this restaurant. Everybody would know which one it is. It was you know, it was very popular. It was a chain, but it was a big deal to come to our tiny little town because we didn't have a lot of like national good chains that would cut like we had, you know,
00:19:48
Speaker
In that time, though, like when we were at that age, like the city was starting to expand and build out. And then we were kind of riding that wave. Yes. This was I was already i already had a job, but this was this ended up being a second job. I went in there one night to eat and was like, can I talk to a manager?
00:20:05
Speaker
And I asked this manager who was ended up being one of our favorites. Oh, I forgot about him. Yeah. Well, he was at the other store that I worked at. Yes, in another city. Oh, that's right. I forgot. that was like a natural transition for me. My first two years working there, was in and out lot because got sick. Okay.
00:20:28
Speaker
like I would get really sick and have to go you know into the hospital and then I'd come back and there was a whole new management team. Oh. new employees. Yeah, that makes sense. But the core of us, like yeah we were there. like I think I worked there for almost four years. Yeah. And it was ah like it was us.
00:20:43
Speaker
Yeah. Gosh, we worked there for so long. We were like family. It really was like a, we were like the graduating class of that restaurant. Yeah. They still have reunions and stuff. Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:54
Speaker
So anyway, i I got this job when I was like 16. And then I think I was like, Helena, you need or maybe 17. Yeah, because I was i think i was our senior year. Yeah. Yes. Yes. High school. Yes. And so i was like, you come on, Helena. It was yeah the summer after we graduated is when I started. Yes. Yeah.
00:21:12
Speaker
Come on, do it. So then we were we were all working there and then I moved away and then you moved away. okay And then you came back and started working at that one um and you were there. So that's kind of how that all happened. we all collided at that point. So then I moved back um in my early 20s and needed some stability so it was like I when I first first moved home it was like you need to get a job and I was like what is a guaranteed I'm going to be able to walk in and start and start earning income and so that was this restaurant I started working there and then once I got you know big girl job a couple months later I just wanted to stay busy so I kept
00:21:57
Speaker
this other job so then i was just working whatever but so in that time when i moved home i moved back in with my parents for a brief period but i obviously didn't want to stay there and so i've got to meet you um and then at some point you made the connection that like nicole's looking for a roommate ann marie is looking for a roommate y'all should be roommates and we talked about obviously in the last episode that you know, when we when we thought about being roommates, when I thought about us being roommates, I was like, I don't think this is a good time for that. Like, I don't think that's and you were not looking for a roommate like you were not trying to move out. You were trying stay where you were. It just sounded so perfect. It was like, all right, she's safe. She's not going to like rob me blind and, you know,
00:22:41
Speaker
rip up my furniture that I didn't have. And I think that actually worked out too. Cause it was like, when we, when we talked together, it was like, you had this furniture and I had this furniture and we could just kind of combine all the things, but it was also what we needed. Yes. Between the two of us. Yes. It worked really beautifully. It was like, i I, I bought a dining room set from someone. So we had a dining room set and then you had the couches I think the only thing I purchased for our first apartment together was the television.
00:23:11
Speaker
Oh. That we never watched. That was my big splurge. We need a TV, and I want it to be a flat screen. Because that's what was new and happening at the time. It like this thick. I want a plasma. I need a plasma. I need a plasma TV.
00:23:29
Speaker
Yes. Other than that, between the both of us, we had everything. i was in a place in life where like i I had so much on my plate. I didn't need anybody else to be like holding me accountable. i felt like I had a lot of moms in my life like telling me what to do. and I was just... like i was just trying to get by. Like I had just left my husband and I got really really sick so I was in and out of the hospital a lot and I was just trying to finish
Nicole's Challenges and Balancing Act
00:24:01
Speaker
school. Like I just wanted to get that degree and i had changed my degree so many times. I ended up with an art history degree and a minor in sociology and at the in the end what am I going to do with that? So you were you were in school and you had mentioned like you know you you had been you'd had to start, stop, start, stop. So it was like you were ready to be done. Yes, was ready to done. You were ready to be done with that.
00:24:25
Speaker
And in the end I needed somewhere to live. And I needed somebody that didn't want like need to know where I was at, what I was doing, because I i had too much going on. yeah I had...
00:24:35
Speaker
I was taking six classes and I had two jobs. Wow. And I have a very demanding family. So they all needed my time. I love them I love them. But like that they need. You guys are very close. Yeah. You interact a lot. Yeah. Yeah, especially being all in the same city. yes And it's like, and as much as your mom loves to have her family together. Yes, her people. And it's like, if you've got a lot on your plate, and then there's a lot of family events going on, it can easily, you also have a big family. Yeah. So it's not, there's a lot of people involved. Yes. And it's like all love. There's so much love.
00:25:15
Speaker
Yes. Most of the time. Yeah. All the time. Conflict and love. That's okay. Yeah. That's family. Yeah. But yeah. So when I was looking for a roommate, I was like, I don't need to live. We don't need to be friends. Like, let's be, we can be friendly. And, but I, I,
00:25:32
Speaker
There's no obligation. Yeah, there's no obligation to each other. If you needed your space and you can you needed to go to your room, like there was no of offense. Or I didn't show up for like two weeks, you weren't like, where are like you know questioning me? it was yeah It was fine. Explain yourself. Yeah. yeah And it was it was perfect. um And then it ended up being...
00:25:55
Speaker
You ended up being my yes very best friend. Which, yeah. Yes. That was that the It was like, I'm trying to think now because as I was listening to you two, I'm like, what was my first impression of Nicole? Like, I just, I think i was like, she's...
00:26:10
Speaker
This is still true. Like, she's way classier than me, like, just in every way. And we talked about this a little bit. Like, we worked together first. And, and of course, like, we would go out together because that whole group of restaurant, you know, if you've ever restaurant culture, this was, like, on steroids. Like, it we did a lot. It was, like, a little family. Yes. And we would do a lot of stuff together. And we were all, like, college age, most of us. Yes. We were all in the same stage of life. So we saw each other socially, but a lot of our interaction and was at work. And a lot of it was so back to the this chain comes to our little town. The whole town showed up every Friday and Saturday night. So we would have these four hour wait times that people would yell at us for and and wait like they would. wait So they didn't believe us.
00:27:02
Speaker
Yeah. They're like, oh, four hours. Sure. But even like for me, if I get to hour two, yeah I'm so angry. i would just leave and never come back. These people would come back angry and sit down and eat after four hours. Like.
00:27:17
Speaker
It was shocking, yes. So it was like- Do you see all these pages of names? Okay, we had paper. Kids, you don't know how good you have it, children. You have no idea with your send a text message when your table is ready. We did math in house. The pagers.
00:27:32
Speaker
The pagers. forgot about the pagers. And then we ran out of the pagers. So it was just like, check back at an hour. tell you where are. There was no texting to get people to come back. And the pagers didn't have like- They had a range. Yes. So it was like, you can only go to this wine bar. You can go. you remember the technology, though?
00:27:50
Speaker
The technology was like it would tell you when you were out of range yeah and then you would have to walk back. Yes. High tech. But Nicole was the head hostess. So we were like I had a couple of different roles, but I started as hostess there. And so we would. You always put me on. Can you take names? Because I was the one that could deal with people yelling in my face. Like I didn't like it. There was I would I would be so emotionally exhausted by the end of the shift. Because it was like rinse and repeat with this. People would walk in and go, hi, how long's the wait? And I'd be like, it's going to be four hours. And they go, four hours?
00:28:27
Speaker
Four hours? Like in my face as if I just insulted their whole family. And I was like... If you'd like to wait, you know, so you're just repeating the same thing over and over over and over again as people are just berating you. And then, like, someone would come up from the side. Hey, how how how much longer? How much longer? Go ask her. I don't know. um i'm gonna um They came in before me yeah or after me. They came in after me. Yeah, but they had a reservation. They had a reservation or there's two and you have 75 people. But we say all of that to say it was a. It's trauma bonding. That's what we. Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:01
Speaker
But we would do, so like we would all be freaking out. And Nicole, for your part, I think you were also freaking out, but she would do this thing. She was a magician. So she's the one, so head hostess is looking at the walk-ins and the reservations. And then someone is walking up to her and constantly saying table 11's open, table 52's open. The planner, didn't we call it, who's the planner? Did we ever call it that or no? Planner, book. She's a book. The Uram book. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:29:31
Speaker
And so she was like, you know, you the person who's taking the names is facing the door. They've changed the the layout of it in the front, which was good wise. For good reason. Oh, my gosh. That was such a stupid layout. I said it.
00:29:43
Speaker
Yeah. Put me on record. Yeah. um Which is why they changed it and spent money to do it. But anyway, and so they would have to, like, come, like, once once their number was called and they would bring us their pager, I'm a winner.
00:29:53
Speaker
Then we would send them around to Nicole, who was in the back, and she would greet them and say, good evening. And then she would say, please take this table to, you know, whatever. And, you know, but what would happen, especially on a Friday or Saturday night when it got super chaotic, is like,
00:30:10
Speaker
just chaos, like just herding cats. yeah But there were ah like a million cats and they're all hungry and they hate you. And Nicole would do this thing. And ah and then I would walk up or someone, you know, like one of the 12 year old hostesses would walk, not 12, their labor laws. would walk up and be like, I sat the wrong table. Sorry. Or this person just sat at this other table. Or they were like, no, I don't want that table. I'm sitting here. yes And they would just do it. Or like someone's passed out in this booth. Like, you know, so we can't, whatever it was, or someone threw up over here, whatever it was. So then Nicole is responsible for somehow like re reorganizing that, you know, and and adjusting. And she would do this thing. We would like, it was always a joke that it was like,
00:30:56
Speaker
We would make a mistake. Let's just call it what it was. Whoever it was. We, the collective hostesses, would make a mistake. Or I made a mistake. Or you made a mistake sometimes. Your mind is thinking about 10 things. yeah So it was not difficult to just be like, I forgot and then made this mistake.
00:31:14
Speaker
So then it was like she it was like she had paged for a table that she already gave away or something. So then now we have these people coming up and they're thinking that they're about to sit down. And she would be like, hi, I'm so happy you're here.
00:31:27
Speaker
We have an incredible opportunity for you where if you would like to stand over here for just a second, we have these delicious appetizers for you. Please enjoy these. And in just a minute, we're going to get you a table. The thing is that um these paratroopers drilled a hole in the ceiling and parachuted down and actually confiscated your table. So we have um someone in the back who is whittling another table out of wood right now. And as soon as they're finished with that cobbling and whittling and you know upholstery of the chairs, we are going to sit you in a brand new table that no one's ever sat at. And it's going to be your table and we're going to put a plaque on it and it's going to be fantastic. And that everyone would go.
00:32:12
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much. She's lovely. That's so great. And we would all be like, did on the floor. Like they would just not look at you and like, yeah, like we all got yelled at. For the most part, for the most part, I got really good being quick on how to fix it. Yes. I definitely, and it didn't stop the whole night. I'm like, and then also the smile on my face. I was like, I just keep a smile and stay calm.
00:32:45
Speaker
And it's going to be okay. i've I've got you. I'm going to take care of you. Don't you worry. I'll have your table in just a second. um And somehow I pulled it off. Every Most of the time. There were some nights I was like, oh no, but that was, I messed that up. That's my bad.
00:33:03
Speaker
um but yeah i um yeah, I would get off work, and I'd be like, hold on a second. I got to go unscrew this smile because I'm stuck like this. Like, I'm so angry and stressed out right now, but I'm still smiling and trying to act like I'm okay. I'm angry. I'm not okay right now. Like, I am so wound up and, like, overstimulated, just drained from the evening. And I'm just like, I still have this smile on my face, though. I got to go figure out how to.
00:33:33
Speaker
That's why we would decompress. Oh, yes. But that was my I was like Nicole's way classier than me because I would be like, I'm so direct. I'd be like, hi, welcome.
00:33:43
Speaker
We gave your table away and we're working to fix it. And we're really sorry, you know, and then I would just take whatever. You're a moron. Like, yes, I am. Yes, that's true. And and I apologize. I will call my parents after this. And let them know that they should have done a better job. The failure yeah of which I have become. They probably also know that I'm a moron. It's fine. Yes. I'd be curious to know now, because we've never talked about this.
00:34:08
Speaker
Do you remember meeting me? Like, do you remember what that was like? I do remember, again, it was, um is everyone was very excited. Anne-Marie's back. Anne-Marie's back. And I'm like, and, but you, and also had already told me, Anne-Marie, this is my best friend. She's coming back.
00:34:26
Speaker
And you were also going through a very similar time that I had yeah had been going through. um So i was definitely aware, like I knew of you and i knew some of your situation, not all of it, but I knew, and but I immediately was like,
00:34:41
Speaker
oh, we'll understand each other. Like, she'll understand me because we were, like, the only ones going through certain things. Surely, yeah. We were were young. Yes. um It was very uncommon her for the situation that we were both in.
Anne Marie's Career Focus and Support
00:34:56
Speaker
You were not very, like, you were not bubbly, like, and not, like, woohoo, what's next? Like, the life of the party, Helena over here. You were very much, like,
00:35:09
Speaker
I'm Anne Marie and this, you know, and do you were, yeah, you had laser focused, um, and yes, very laser focused and also already a career. oh yeah. And, yeah um, so i yeah it it took you a minute to, for me to like really get to know your personality. You had, you had walls up. Well, not only that, but like, I think you were the first in our friend group to have a nine to five. Yes. so for us, we were just kind of flying by the seat of our pants every day, whereas you had more structure.
00:35:44
Speaker
So I think it was that didn't lend to like just the availability to just kind of do whatever you felt like doing. yeah Like, whereas we were like,
00:35:57
Speaker
I have Tuesday, Thursday off and we're just going to go do whatever we want. yeah And that was not the world you were living in at that time. Right. And yeah that is correct. But also witnessing and living with you. Shocking how you could wake up and get to that job. where In the morning. I was just going to say that. I was like, oh that was I am a machine. That's what she was saying all the time. And I remember thinking, I'm not a machine. I'm not a machine. I need to go back. I'm not going to class today. Legitimate zero sleep. And I was like, I'm not capable.
00:36:33
Speaker
Well, there was a lot of Red Bull. Yes. So that was a yeah in our fridge, Folgers coffee, sugar-free Red Bull, smart water, hummus. So it was the two of you. But the connection was, like if you move it all the way back, it was like,
00:36:49
Speaker
because I went on this trip and dined at this restaurant and thought, well, this is the best place in the world ever. And because I like to work and then, you know, I get this job and then Helena gets this job and then we move away and then we come back and then we end up together. And so did you get the job?
00:37:04
Speaker
Did you just go in there? I did. I needed a job and i one of my best friends, she worked at another chain restaurant right near right down the way. and i was like i want And she was the hostess. And I was like, oh, I can do this. I would go in and visit her. I was like, oh okay.
00:37:21
Speaker
um But she didn't want me to work there with her. So, understandable. So, i yeah, I walked down to this restaurant, and I was very nervous because it had this, and I was told, because i also I had friends that worked at the other restaurant that she had worked at, like, there was this reputation, like,
00:37:39
Speaker
You had to be pretty. But there was... but' the one that I went to across the country, it was the same thing. That was one of the first things I walked in and was like, these are all really beautiful people. like Very itch-hide. Yeah. And so I was really nervous, like, filling out that application. I was like...
00:37:55
Speaker
What if they don't think I'm pretty? oh I pretty enough to work here? There was a certain someone who we i think still we do care about very much. And he's he's doing, he's very successful, but he was behind the bar. I had come in, i guess, to the restaurant and with my mom, um like a couple days before I came in and applied.
00:38:17
Speaker
And he remembered, serving like, serving my mom and I a glass of wine and an appetizer. And so when I came in and applied, he then later told me, like I remembered you and your mom. And, like, I put a good word in for you. Like, we need to hire this girl. And I was like, that makes sense. Because he was kind of.
00:38:38
Speaker
He's like Deets in Lonesome Dove. like He was doing stuff in the background you know like ah to make to keep the train on the tracks. So I'm sure he was like, that was wisdom on his part. like She's beautiful and she's competent and she's lovely. like People are going to enjoy talking to her. I like that and that does not surprise me. I remember the last time I got sick and then i came back, whole new management and I had to re-interview.
00:39:06
Speaker
oh Oh, he made me re-interview like oh the other managers that were there and remembered me. They were like, what? Why are you doing this to her? And I was so stressed out. I mean, he's like, but he was like, no, I want to meet her before i just say, yeah, come back. And I was like, oh, my gosh. I got the phone call. and she's like, hey, don't don't worry. You've got your job back. But he won he wants to meet you. You need to come in for an interview. And I was like, what?
00:39:33
Speaker
And I was like, oh okay, so I'm sweating. i'm nervous. he was That was a totally different vibe. You're right. yes And I ended up being becoming great friends with him. i was very nervous. Like, oh, my gosh, I got to do this again. like You know what, though, as you're talking, like, do you see the benefit of that? Like, because you said, but you know, they only hire pretty people. And, like, oh, they only hired me because I was pretty. Kind of a gift in disguise that it's like you got the job because of who you are, not because you're pretty.
00:40:03
Speaker
Not just because you're pretty. Not just because. Yes. Thank you. and So that's kind of where it takes a twist, though, right? Like we ah another twist, we twist it into one and then we're twisting out of another and then we move in together and we are both walking through a divorce. You know, we're married really young. um And and and the end of those stories, totally different ah situation because.
00:40:28
Speaker
You've now been married twice. Yes. To the same to the same man. i remarried my ex-husband. Yes. I married my ex-husband. So but at that time ah you were so you were separated and you were about to go through a divorce. I was separated and I was about to go through a divorce. And like it is like just just to generally say breakups are hard.
00:40:51
Speaker
They're just hard, you know, and particularly when when you have made ah what you hope to be a lifelong commitment. you know, it's awful if anyone's ever been through it. And so it doesn't it doesn't matter how amicable it is like it's still traumatic, like it's still a really difficult situation. And so it happened to be that as we move in together, i mean, I felt instantly like this going to be great, you know, but then there were some in that breakup period. It was like I was kind of going through things first. So you were kind of walking alongside me with that. And it was so wonderful because I didn't feel alone, you know, and I didn't and nobody else was going through that. Like, Kalina, you were not there just there were there were things that we couldn't connect on. Yeah.
00:41:34
Speaker
And like you had lived it with me. You obviously, you know, do all the things but that there was moral support. But it was just like. But sometimes it's like, you don't know what to say. Like, what am I going to say? You know, where it was like, Nicole was like tracking, know, and she was in my immediate proximity. So she was seeing, you know, things unfold. She was seeing what that experience was like for me and had the benefit of that context. And so my marriage ended and I, and then it was not long after that, that like you were,
00:42:06
Speaker
going through with your divorce and like it was so interesting because you were like you made it sound like you were just going to go run an errand that day. And I was like, this ain't that girlfriend. Like, you know, and so was like, yeah, my husband, we were separated for quite a while and and it was, am and we we were, we were okay. We were on talking terms at that time. It was like, no, we're going and we're definitely going in separate directions.
00:42:31
Speaker
And our, our lawyer kind of he messed up. He gave us the wrong date. Yes. um Or my lawyer. Yeah. it It was the wrong date. So we both show up to get divorced and, And the lawyer, our lawyer comes out and he's like, well, um it's actually tomorrow. And it's dead. I was like, you're fired. on earth I like, oh, all right. And he was like, well, and, you know, we both got dressed up to get divorced. Yeah. Like to go to court to go to court. And yeah, so we're just like, OK. He's like, well, I can't come tomorrow.
00:43:05
Speaker
I'm going out to see you. Like, he's in the Navy. And that's why he wasn't there. That's why he wasn't there. So I get home and I tell you and you're like, so? And I was like, didn't happen.
00:43:17
Speaker
Didn't happen yet. It's tomorrow. So I'm going to go get divorced by myself. And it's fine. And you were like, no, it's not. And you, like, I didn't, like, you knew what I needed both like, better than what I could understand at all at that point. And you were like, I'm calling in work. I'm not going in. I'm going with you.
00:43:40
Speaker
And I was like, no, no, you don't have to that. Like, I felt bad. I was like, you don't have to do that. It's okay. And you're like, no, Nicole, I'm coming with you. I don't think you understand this is going to. don't know that made it that clear. I think I was just like, I'm going to be there. Yeah. Like, we'll go get lunch after. It'll be fine.
00:43:56
Speaker
And so, yeah. We'll have the day of it. Yeah. We go in. Exactly. Yeah, we did. we I was very surprised because you go in and, you know, they state our names. They state, like, however the legal terms are. And then the judge just, yep, stamp, done.
00:44:18
Speaker
Move on. Yeah. And then you're like out the door. Yeah. Well, can I like, okay, so I was with Anne Marie and this is probably why she was like, 100%. I needed somebody. And like, I don't remember if you asked, you probably did. i don't know. You probably just, I might, maybe I just came. i don't remember how that came to be, but I just remember being there with you. The car that I was driving at that time was really little and I took so much pride in being able to parallel park it. Do you remember this? you got a parking ticket so ah we come out and we're like, you know, just like obviously just trying to like process process what just happened. And I'm upset because she's upset. And then we get to my car there's a parking ticket. Why?
00:45:05
Speaker
Because what I saw was an opportunity prove my skills, which did, which I did.
00:45:14
Speaker
with perfection to parallel park in what was a teeny tiny little spot. And I was like, I could do that. It wasn't a spot. But it was not a parking spot. i but It happened to just be a space. Was it like a motorcycle? No, it was just a space in between two other parking spots. Like a fire lane or something. You Austin powered that thing and got it in there. It was so good. And so we come out and I was just like,
00:45:39
Speaker
Yeah, it was insult to injury for sure. Like, yeah, oh we would get a parking ticket. ah Yeah. So yeah, that was that was kind of the end of. No, but that's you were as you were saying it, I was that's where I was going to go next is like I knew what I needed because of what I got.
00:45:52
Speaker
You know, like it wasn't just it wasn't just Anne Marie's wisdom. It was like, I needed i needed a friend that day. And I thought the same thing, honestly. Like I thought we're just going to go do this thing like it's already over. You know, it's just this is now we're just making it official that it's over. And it's just not that it just wasn't. And I was so thankful to not be alone
Marriage Challenges and Emotional Support
00:46:12
Speaker
in that moment um and to to have someone that I could just feel my feelings. And so i was just passing along what had already been given to me.
00:46:21
Speaker
Like well I was very thankful because After it was done, i was like, that's it. I'm like, okay, and I'm like standing up, and I already feel the rush of like, emotion and then walking out. And so my lawyer was, he's a very good friend of the family and I love him so much. it's why and he and i think yeah And I think too, was, I think he felt my energy also and wanted to like protect me. So we just kept talking yeah and he was talking and talking and talking and I was like trying so hard, like we'd leave the courtroom, we get out and I'm trying so hard to hold it in.
00:46:57
Speaker
And I had to just put my hand up to him because at that point I couldn't stop the tears and they just started flowing and I was like, i gotta go. you knew.
00:47:09
Speaker
and you knew And you knew. So, and I, there was, I couldn't even wait for the elevator and I ran through the staircase and then broke down in the stairs and you just held me. And I just didn't, like, I was so thankful you were there because i that would have been, that was hard, but it would have been so much harder to sit there and cry alone.
00:47:30
Speaker
Um, and I didn't have to because you were there and you knew I needed that. So, But isn't it such a blessing? It was such a crazy thing. Like you just there's you there's nothing that would suggest that that's what's going to happen.
00:47:46
Speaker
Like you've made this decision. and of course, it's not what you want. But like, it's it's what is going to happen for reasons, like for valid reasons. You just think, you know, I've already cried those tears. I've already grieved this thing, you know. And so now but it's.
00:48:04
Speaker
There is something in that moment that is a death. Something died. And that is worth grieving. and It demands yeah that attention. And so, but it is, I mean, i when I saw you, I was like, oh, it's not just me. Like, because I was very surprised at my, you know, because i we were hamming it up. You know, we were joking while we were like waiting and stuff because we were uncomfortable. Right. It was definite like like uncomfortable, but like, you know.
00:48:33
Speaker
Well, that's that's something about the both of you. What you both do, your characteristics, when it is nervous or awkward, you guys, you both make it funny. We are funny. Like, yeah you are funny people, and then you just start cracking jokes, and then it, like, makes it feel better. But I'm the one sitting i'm sitting there, i'm laugh I'm then now laughing at you guys in situations. But I'm the one who's just freaking out inside. And, but no, you guys, like, find the humor in it all. Well, it's like I don't realize that that's what's happening. And it's like I've made the connection like my best friend is that way. And my husband is also that way. Oh, yeah. But like in my in pre-op for one of my surgeries, one of the pre-op nurses like had to come in and was like, are you guys OK? Because we were ah laughing so hard.
00:49:20
Speaker
And he's like writing on the marker board just to try to be funny, like your husband support for this surgery. you know, shift is like, you know, just to try to make, I don't know. Yeah. Well, it is a little like, do we really need to sit in this or can we, can we make this interesting? Yeah. You know, it's a choice like yeah it's the way that, and I think that's the way that we, you know, we need those people in our lives that are going to allow us to have the permission, i guess, for lack of better word, to like just not sit in it. Yeah.
00:49:51
Speaker
What was interesting is like it became more than just like friend from work, roommate. It was like then we kind of got adopted into your family. Like that was ah such an interesting. So it was like the first time you were like, do you want to come to my parents house for dinner? And I was like, I i guess so. Yeah.
00:50:09
Speaker
And I walked in and immediately was just like, there's something about that home with your mom and stepdad that like I and and I don't I don't think that this is any this is how God made them like this is who they are at their core yeah and so yes they are intentional decisions sort of but some of it is just like they don't have a choice this is just who they are yes and it's like you just walk in and it's not It's so disarming.
00:50:38
Speaker
Yes. Because it is so natural. And I'm sure part of it is because it's been practiced for so many years. Yeah. But it's very evident that that was part of who they are. Yes. So it was like we would, you know, my first dinner experience... The first day experience is a roller coaster, which is, you know, part of part of the charm. But it was like I walked into their house.
00:51:03
Speaker
First of all, they live in the part of town that we ended up being roommates in that you ended up, you know, moving to this neighborhood. Nicole is the one who was living somewhere else in town that I ended up, you know, if you heard the last episode, like living nearby because it's a beautiful part of town. So they live in that part of town in this the best house that's ever been built. Yeah.
00:51:24
Speaker
in my opinion, but I'm right. And I was like ah struck by, there's a lot of artwork on the walls, you know, that was like striking. I didn't know why at that moment, but it was also just like the smell. There's ah a thousand dogs there all the time yelling at you. yeah and But they're like, it's somehow like, it's not there. It's just, I don't know. Like it's there. It would be so weird if it were quiet in there. know what I mean? Oh, it is. It is weird now that we're here. Like it's a lot more quiet over there and it's disturbing for my mother. But yeah, it is funny when you said the smell. It is like my my mom, I think it's my mom. My mom has like this natural, her natural mask is lovely. yes And everybody, everybody is like, oh, you smell so good and your house smells so good. And at every time I've ever like lived afar, my mom would send me packages and I opened the box and I'm like,
00:52:23
Speaker
My mom, I miss her. And, um, and yeah, and it's funny because like I'll wear something of my mom's or, or, um, or sometimes yeah recently my daughter will come up to me and say, you smell like Gamma. Cause my kids call her Gamma. And I'm like, oh, I do. Like, it's a compliment. So, yeah, the way you used yourself, like, the smell. And um I've had all my friends, even from the past in elementary school, they're like, oh, no yeah your mom has a very distinct smell in her, in their house. It's a pleasant smell. Yeah. But even with all the animals. Yes. Because they're around her. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Well, I mean, i think that's the thing is like, I never understood because I'm not an animal person, like how I'm like the house always felt so comfortable yes and welcoming and clean while she was also this very um big animal lover. And it wasn't like she, I mean, and she loved on them and they loved on her. But I was like, how do you do that? Because it's like nothing seems like, Other houses where there's animals. And I'm like, how no, thank you, please. Housekeepers. Housekeepers multiple times a week. That's how my mom did it. Oh. Ain't no shame in that game. So somebody else was scrubbing the baseboards. Bless Bless them. Co-laboring is a blessing. Yes. It takes a village. It was like, yeah. So there's like...
00:53:52
Speaker
It's the perfect picture of the way your parents are. Like you go into their dining room and it is like the longest dining room. And there's been multiple dining room tables. But the point of them is they're massive, but they're not. They're narrow, long and narrow. The point is everybody bring them all. And we want to be close together. And like that is so much the vibe of that house that it's just like.
00:54:15
Speaker
Everybody's welcome. Bring them. I want them to be here. I'm going to feed them well. Yes. You know, your mom's always sending your stepdad to the store and he's always like, OK. And I'm always like, if I had to go to the grocery store, if I had already been there the same day, i would be infuriated. And he's like, yeah, OK. No, this is because this is what's needed, because this is what's happening. yeah And I feel like for me, like I've it it helped kind of awake. It's some of that to some extent has kind of been in there from like inside of me. But it's like seeing it lived out the way that your parents do it yeah has been like, oh, I want to replicate that in my own way. But like it was such a.
00:54:54
Speaker
I want to make somebody else feel the way that I was made to feel yes in that environment. And I think that is a huge gift that I've felt
Nicole's Comforting Family Home and Artistry
00:55:06
Speaker
from our friendship. The benefit of our friendship is like how I've kind of been on the receiving end of like being a part of your family. It's grown and grown. Yeah. yeah That's, and I think about that home in particular, like,
00:55:20
Speaker
Those, you know, when my dad died, that was the first it was the only place I wanted to go. Like it was the only place I wanted to be. It was like it was home. You know, like I i want to be with my people in a safe place. And it was like even in everyone's grief, because it was like everybody just showed up and met at your mom and stepdad's house. It was just like, yeah, let's come, you know, here. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? I was like, I want to be here. I want to go there. i remember you looked at me and said, I don't know what to say. And I was like, You don't have to, see you know, and we all just wept. Like, it was just like, I wasn't like giving my space. It was like, I want to be here.
00:55:56
Speaker
But there's been so many things, you know, baby showers and um um all these different things that have just there that space. is so part of the landscape of so many of my core memories, including like we talked about it last night. Like, so Nicole mentioned she's an art history major, but she's also an incredibly gifted artist. And you're a gifted artist because you feel things so deeply and you're able to express that in media of various kinds. And so like, I didn't understand art at all.
00:56:31
Speaker
And this first night we go over to dinner, her mom and stepdad have all this beautifully like matted and framed artwork all over the walls. And I'm looking at all of it and I'm like, at some point it comes up, this is Nicole's art. Like Nicole made these for different like class assignments or whatever. But it was, I was like, oh. And so we're looking at some of it and Nicole starts explaining it to me. You start to like say, well, ah either this was an assignment that I had to do. but i was like,
00:57:01
Speaker
If I had to do an assignment, I don't know that like it would turn out that way. Like there's still something in you that it's like you that can't be taught. Like it can be refined and it can, you know, whatever. But that can't be taught. And so she's taking me to some and explaining, here's what I was doing here. You know, here's what I was doing here. There's a piece of you in each one of these pieces of art, whether it was photography or a painting or whatever. And she takes me to this one. It's these three figures that are kind of abstract with sort of exaggerated features. And it's a it's a black and white. And it just looks like Scribble has made them.
00:57:37
Speaker
And she says, these were these are my journal entries. and And each figure represents something that is personal to me, a fear that I have or ah an awareness that I have about something.
00:57:50
Speaker
um And so, you know, you get closer to it and you can read some of these words, not all of them, you know, but it was like, I just I don't know if you remember that reaction in that moment, but I just stood there and wept because it was like,
00:58:05
Speaker
Like that you're able to express yourself in a way that like other people can understand um and and relate to. Like that's such a human thing. That's not you. it is you, but it's also other people. That was the first time that I ever appreciated art. It was shortly after that, that i lived in New York. So then I got to see a lot of art when I was living there. And I'm so thankful for that because I, you know, if I had ever gone to a museum or a gallery or something before that, I was like, It's a boat.
00:58:33
Speaker
so like It's a tree. And it's also beautiful, right? It's like you can appreciate it for the depth and like especially the gift of getting to hear from the artist like yeah why. Well, they explain that to be like they do that in the galleries. So it's like it helped me to lean in and appreciate that. That's a human being. It's like this is somebody expressing like and exposing a part of their vulnerability. yeah And then on top of that, you're capable of making it beautiful to look at. Yes. To the untrained eye. Like, oh, there's and then you kind of get to see like.
00:59:10
Speaker
Yeah. Like just the tip of the iceberg is gorgeous. But then you get to see what's underneath. Yeah. Underneath it is really cool. It means so much to me to hear your opinion of my art because when I look at it, I'm like, I did that wrong and that's wrong and that that i should have done this. like And then, yeah, and then I'm like, i had I did this same piece and I did it better, but it's not here. it's this so Do you have like a portfolio kept of all your stuff?
00:59:38
Speaker
I used to. a lot of it got ah destroyed, um but my mom has most of it. like The stuff that ive that I was more so like, okay, this this means something to me. i want but I took a lot of art classes. a ah Photography, fine art. yeah I took a lot of art. Yes, and now you're in the... Okay, full circle moment.
01:00:00
Speaker
So you're finishing your art history degree as... we were living together. So side tangent, Nicole would just just like disappear for like a week at a time. And I was like, I think she's alive. So it would just be really quiet in the apartment and like I would just i would you know do my nine to five and whatever else and like Nicole's gone.
01:00:25
Speaker
um But I think I had like I could hear through the grapevine like I saw Nicole or whatever. else I was like, she's cool, you know, joe or she'd be at your mom's house or whatever, you know, like. And then she would just like one day we'll just be sitting in the living room and she would open the door with like 18 bags on each arm, like an outfit that didn't make any sense, always including Uggs.
01:00:46
Speaker
um Hair doing stuff. In a warm state. Yeah, very warm state. yeah in In probably a warm month. you know Well, the library is freezing at the university, and that's why I was so bundled up. Because I was, yeah.
01:01:03
Speaker
Well, but you were also, you were like a bag lady. Like, you were carrying all of your earthly possessions with you. yeah And then she would just walk in clearly hadn't slept in 18 days or whatever. And i she would just go,
01:01:16
Speaker
Do you need to sit down? Like, what's going on? Yes. but But so you'd finish your art history degree. It was like she would always come home talking about art or, you know, whatever. Like it was or we would see something and you would be able to point something out.
01:01:30
Speaker
um And so now you're living in Italy. yes And so that's been so cool. Like I remember when I went in 2018, I thought of you. My husband and I visited several places in Italy.
01:01:42
Speaker
And the whole time I was like, Nicole needs to see this. I would want to see this. was so jealous when you came and saw it all. And you're like sending me photos. And I was like, I studied this. I taught you these things. dare I know. I haven't seen it yet in person. And yeah. So I was so jealous, but now, yeah. But look what God did. Like and we talked about this cause it was, we kind of worked together for your, when you went to Rome and like to see the Sistine chapel and stuff. And I got so emotional, like kind of organizing that for you of, okay, you wanted to come and do all of those things. Yeah.
01:02:20
Speaker
But like, look what God wanted. He wanted your he wanted the next generation to be there. He wanted your greatest masterpieces to be with you as you're looking at, you know, like he wanted your family to experience that with you. What a full circle moment, yeah you know, yeah and how much better it what ah probably chaotic, but how much better it was.
01:02:41
Speaker
to be able to experience that with them as opposed to just like on your own. Yes. You know? Yes. yeah It was, it was, I cried. i definitely cried. Um, and, but then there were a lot of, prep prep talks with my kids. Even my husband knew how important this was to me. So there were some, there were some talks with the kids cause my kids are young and they're not mature enough to like appreciate and understand art or history at all. It's usually European art. Yes. Nudity? No. Yes. Oh, yeah. Lots of giggles. Yeah. That was one thing I was, i didn't forewarn them of because I don't see, just see art. Sure. And then I didn't think about, and so I think my kids, it pleasantly surprised me when somebody else brought that up. They didn't have like a, they were very mature about it, too. They saw it as art. They didn't like say anything until later. Then they were joking about it later. But, um no, there were a lot of talks like, this means something to mommy. like please, please.
01:03:36
Speaker
Be respectful. respectful. Like, you know, you're supposed to be quiet in museums and basilicas and chapels. Like, they were not their very loud, normal selves. They were very, they were so great that day. And I was so proud of them. um But they also now, and we live here and we've gone on many tours and seen many castles and all of that. They're like, are we going on another tour again? Are we going to see another castle, Yeah.
01:04:02
Speaker
That's not a normal sentence. Are we going to see another castle? Like one day you are going to thank me for this. Oh, they will. right now you're hating me for it. sure. I know. It's all the things, right? Yeah.
01:04:16
Speaker
But yeah, and full circle too. Yeah, I'm back with... The same man I grew up with. Like, we were high school sweethearts, married too young, and needed to grow up, both of us. And then we made our way back to each other, because we're definitely, he's my soulmate. Yeah, he's your person. He's my person. Yeah.
01:04:35
Speaker
We talked about that a little bit of like, That was an interesting place to be as you know, like I'm going through a hard breakup. You're going through a hard breakup in a different way, because for me, it was like we're also just very different people. So if I'm mad at you, you're not going to hear from me anymore.
01:04:52
Speaker
ever. Whereas like you're a little more like I want you I'm going to talk to you about this, you know, and and I think that like ah it was just there.
01:05:04
Speaker
He's your person, yeah you know, so as it it was just a totally different outcome. But for us as friends, I loved what you said last night when you were like, I mean, I was on the team. I had a T-shirt, but I was like, are we mad? What's what's going on? What's our position today? Because I am I will take it. Yeah. yeah He, i loved him from, you know, he was yes my best friend growing up.
01:05:28
Speaker
And could, we, we, neither one of us could let that go. we continued to talk here and there, um, throughout the years that we were not together. And, but yeah, yeah. found their way Here and there. Yeah. and He would just like pop up and I'd be like,
01:05:44
Speaker
Nicole, what's happening? Like, I don't. Oh. And then at some point it became very obvious, like, oh, they love each other. Like, they they love each other. They're, you know. But also, we forgot to mention this before.
01:05:56
Speaker
All four of us, the three of us and your husband, went to high school. Yes. We went to the same high school. Yes. So we had a class together, you, me, and your husband. yes It was my junior year, your senior year. We had cooking. they were dating. They were they were together. Y'all sat at the same table. I sat at a different table, but we had cooking together. Yeah.
01:06:17
Speaker
And I vividly remember you had very short hair. I did. I chopped all my hair It was very short. My senior year, like the week of senior pictures. I had really long blonde hair all through high school, and then I cut it all the It was like at your chin. Yeah. It was short. week of senior pictures. so that was, looking back at the yearbook, I'm like,
01:06:40
Speaker
Oh, I forgot I
Changing Appearances and Recognition
01:06:41
Speaker
did that. like Like, that's not what I looked like for the whole time. Yeah. But and this is new person. But yeah. And you looked very different in high school because you like once we became friends and we like you said we were in a class together. I was like, I don't remember. I don't remember. i just didn't work. Like recall. She also never talked.
01:06:59
Speaker
I was a lot quieter in high school. But you had blonde hair. I did have blonde hair. had big blonde highlights. I had the Kelly Clarkson era. Yeah.
01:07:10
Speaker
My sisters would call it my skunk hair affectionately. But it was, You had very blonde hair. very big blonde, chunky highlights. When I was at your house one day, like after a shift, we went back to your place to get ready. And then I saw a picture of you from high school. And I was like, you!
01:07:28
Speaker
remember you that was that was you and i was like you look so different from them and that's i was like that's why i didn't recognize or put that together and then like you said before like she brought a yeah tree at some point she was talking about like when we were you know we would talk about like just the different eras of your growing up you and your brothers and stuff and you're like we used to live in this part of town i'm like oh me too and then you're like and we went you know blah blah at this school and i was like And I just, so you're two grades, two grades or one grade? One grade. Oh, one grade, yeah one grade, younger, older than me, us. So in elementary school, like we obviously wouldn't have had any overlap, but like I obviously remembered like, cause you're tall and you have just a very distinct,
01:08:13
Speaker
appearance and it's it hasn't changed since sixth grade and probably earlier than that. Like you're you look the same. Well, i ah I also have a very distinct... Yes. But i I am deformed on the left side of my body yeah a little bit. Yeah. And so it like... A lot, but but... But it was like, I remember seeing you probably not daily, but often like...
01:08:35
Speaker
passing in the hallways and stuff. So it was like you said, i went to the school and I was like, I immediately like the picture of that hallway or not hallway because they're outside. But like I was like, yeah, I know who you Like we went to elementary school together. Like I remember you it was so crazy to think like, you know, we were just passing each other this whole time. And then didn't that is yeah I just you just reminded me of something. And don't know if you remember this. It was when we were both working together at the restaurant. Something happened and i think it had to do with some of the other girls that were working there. And they were like just being like petty or rude and something. And I think it you assumed or something happened where you were like feeling like they were making comments about you physically. Mm-hmm.
01:09:26
Speaker
And like, it was a moment where you were kind of maybe explaining a little bit more about how that feels or like how you've had to deal with that.
01:09:37
Speaker
And like, I stopped and I know I said it to you, but I was like, Nicole, I don't even see that. Yeah. You know, and I was like, it's it's something like when I think of you, it's it's like I have to be – I'm like, oh, yeah. And it's like I hope it's not in like a negligent way where I'm like, oh, if there's ever something I'm saying or doing that's like not being thoughtful,
Living with Scleroderma and Social Perceptions
01:10:01
Speaker
I don't want it to be like – insensitive in that way but in terms of like how I view you and like what I first think about it's like that was the first thing that came out of my mouth was like what oh i don't even see that because I see you and I love you and so I just remember like us having a conversation like that I remember at one point and just feeling like
01:10:25
Speaker
hope she knows. Like, I love you and I would never, i will i will cut you. I just remember that moment just being like, oh, forgot to even consider that. That's genuine person. And you you don't, like, there's some people that just can't get that.
01:10:46
Speaker
um like something different, a different, like as we're talking, i and this is probably not obvious to people who are listening, I have a disease called scleroderma and it has left deformities on the left side of my body, more so on my left hand. So it looks different and some people just can't get past that. and and but But most of my journey, I've had this since I was five years old, I was not born with it.
01:11:14
Speaker
In my experience, most people do see past it. Most people do say, oh I didn't even notice. yeah um And so that means a lot to me that, okay, you know, people see me, not yeah this. Well, you you have the the benefit of it is that you get to weed out people pretty quickly. You know, like there's a, you can, you you don't have to waste a whole lot of time wondering, right you know, yeah like, is this, yeah. And we've talked about that, like in in other spaces of like, you know, we all have things that we are insecure about, but they're not necessarily as obvious. It's sometimes harder, you know, to like wonder, like, as someone like, do they, you know, do they actually care about me or not when it's not such an obvious thing? Your scleroderma you've talked about is so rare, like the way it affected you. And so you've carried it for a lot longer than most people do.
01:12:14
Speaker
Right. Because it's like usually people are diagnosed in their 40s. Right. And it's either internal or external. You know, it's not it's usually not both. Like you've said, I'm in textbooks like it's, ah you know, like it's.
01:12:26
Speaker
But to have carried that for a long time, I imagine. you've had to weed a lot of people. like Because i as a kid, like children are going to, especially when you get into that like free pre-teen age, probably be awful. Oh, yeah. you know I've never wanted to go back to that part of life and go through that again. When there's just no filter and then that they just see the surface. It wasn't until... it's funny, there there was a like a a switch that happened because...
01:12:59
Speaker
When you're young that and there's no filter, it was constant. What's wrong with you? what What's wrong with your hands? Why does your hand look like that? Were you in a fire? Like ah like all like every day I had to explain it. And then there was a part, or like a point in life where it just stopped.
01:13:19
Speaker
No one ever asked me ever, what's wrong with your hand? Or what happened? Then they everyone started, and like you start becoming aware, like, oh, this is uncomfortable, or I don't want to make someone uncomfortable. And I feel I've done it as well. like I would avoid asking questions you know in situations. So i there's...
01:13:40
Speaker
To me, it's just so natural, but it it it hit me one day. I was like, oh, no one's asking me anymore, but they're asking the people around me yeah that know me. Hey, what happened to Nicole's hand? And then the people they asked,
01:13:53
Speaker
they asked I would then tell you. And who love and care me for me, were very protective of me, um and and would explain for me, and then I would never even know. like And then it just, life, i like oh i'm just I'm normal, like and then it wouldn't hit me until later. like Oh, they you know, they asked this person, they explained it. And it's funny now too, even now this next phase of life and my children are getting older and they're aware and they know i have a different looking hand. And um then their friends are now asking them too, like, what's wrong with your mom? And then, but then I'll also have kids, like, there's a couple of kids, like,
01:14:40
Speaker
Oh, I feel so bad for you. Like, so the, I'm going back to that blunt, like those, that kid phase, that kid, like there, there's no filter. I feel so bad for you. Your hand, it's so tiny. And I'm like, yes, I know it's okay. It's how God made me I'm thinking of two things from that era. Like first one was,
01:15:03
Speaker
first one was i came home one day and opened the door and there was this massive mirror that was hung perfectly on the wall, like level and everything.
01:15:16
Speaker
it was a heavy mirror, like big And I was like, Nicole, did you hang that? And you were like, yeah, don't look behind it though.
01:15:28
Speaker
Hey, I do the same thing. And I'm like, I had to putty up that wall. Like i was Picasso or something. I was like, mary's good for you. Oh my gosh. Like it's, you know, it's like, i so I think there was a point where you were like, I'm, this is not going to affect me. And I'm never going to, it's like, we all need help hanging that mirror. Like the grit. Nothing to do with your, you know, But then there was this gentleman that I worked with who we would also see out a lot, who I'm sure you would remember. And he was very appearance forward, we'll say.
01:15:59
Speaker
ah his own appearance. he But he was kind. He was a kind soul. And I remember one time we saw him out and then the next day I saw him in the break room at work. He just went on and on about like how beautiful you were. and I was, it actually made me like, oh, you have a soul. Good for
Inner Beauty and Overcoming Insecurities
01:16:16
Speaker
you. But it was just that like, even the ones who are so hyper,
01:16:23
Speaker
ah concerned about their own appearance and like gave like it it gave me some hope in humanity because I was like, oh, OK, great. Like I like I know she's beautiful, but it's like you don't owe me that. And you're clearly very critical of people. So, you know, it's like, yes, you're just strikingly beautiful. yeah So it's like you just, you know, people can just see past it. I feel like so easily because of that.
01:16:47
Speaker
Thank you. i I am. I don't feel that way, but thank you. none of us it. So much. Yeah, thank you i am Artists are their own worst critic. Yeah. Anyway. I appreciate that so much. You guys are making me sweat now.
01:17:05
Speaker
I feel like you would I think you even came home and like told me that. And I was so like, no. No. He didn't pay me. no way. No. Like guys like that don't like me. but He did. He was he he said he said not he said lovely things about you like he was. Yeah. So anyway, we're running out of time, which is sad because we have so many more things that we could talk about. But I want to just like I want if we could wrap this all up, the things that I'm hearing as we're talking like.
01:17:36
Speaker
Lots of twists and turns in this story, more that even we didn't have time to explore today. But like I just the point of this is one, as we were planning and kind of talking about this, both of these two were intimidated by each other in different ways, you know, um and it and in fairness, I was I was intimidated by you, but I had also been totally like endeared toward you because of Helena, just like my friend Nicole. Oh, my gosh, she's awesome. I've been a call. I've heard. And so I already was like, well, I think I'm in.
01:18:11
Speaker
right you know Or I at least have a foot in the door. um you know It's mine to screw up, I guess. But it was like, if we, i I think for particularly women, but people in general who are hearing this, if there is a moral of the story, none of this would have happened if we had given in to our own insecurities. Yeah. None of this would have happened. And it didn't just benefit us. Yeah. Like this, if you look at the roots and how wide and deep they are, like, it's beautiful. Like it's your your stepdad walked me down the aisle, you know, as I'm sitting in. your parents' house grieving the loss of my dad and thinking, this man is so generous and there's nothing I could give him. And then I was like, but I can give him this. you know i can't I want him to know how much I love him. And this is something I can do and and that I want to do.
01:19:08
Speaker
Like there's so many things that we have benefited from in this relationship. Your kids like that was the sweetest thing, like when they all saw each other and they're like, oh, my gosh. And they just played together. And it was like, you know, there's just this this ripple effect that wouldn't have happened if you would have been if you would have been like,
01:19:29
Speaker
Nah, feel threatened by that. So I'm going to keep her. and You know, she might be my enemy. She might be my competition. You know, or if you had, you know, same thing, like just been like, she's really beautiful and she's so much quieter, you know, whatever. She must hate me because I'm not. Yeah, because I'm so loud. Yeah. Yeah.
01:19:47
Speaker
You know, there these things wouldn't have happened. So maybe the moral is... Feel your feelings. yeah It's okay to be afraid, but know that like God is way more clever than you and he can do beautiful things. He intends to give us good gifts like that's, you know, if you believe what the Bible says and we do every good and perfect gift comes from above, comes down from the father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. He's the same. And so He consistently gives good gifts. And this is a good gift. like it
Conclusion: Gratitude and Embracing Differences
01:20:21
Speaker
And it just keeps going. And we're super thankful for it. so
01:20:24
Speaker
And just like recognizing image bearers that we all are. It's like the differences are also reflective of our creator. yeah So why not...
01:20:38
Speaker
Use that as a way to say thank you God like look what you created and this beautiful person that I love and like rather than and this can go obviously on and on for different relationships different you know.
01:20:53
Speaker
viewpoints of or situations that you're trying to kind of cope with but I just think it's important to say like whether it's with a ah friendship that you're a new friendship an old friendship somebody who thinks differently or looks differently like em image bear yes full stop yeah like what can you see in that person that's beautiful and and and and lean in um Even if you don't see it at first, it's there. It is there. there Yeah. And give it time and the time and love and respect that it needs.
01:21:32
Speaker
Any final thoughts? I'm just so honored that you guys asked me to do this with you. So thank you for having me. I get to be the first. Yes. Forever. You are immortalized as the first one and appropriately so. Yes.
01:21:46
Speaker
This was, i mean, Emory made all this happen here in a place where we couldn't even walk the streets if we wanted to. Or drive. Right. Or drive. So this was, yeah, this was amazing and so fun.
01:22:02
Speaker
Yeah. Thanks for joining us, friends. um As we always say, this podcast is our love letter to God. it will always be that. If it benefits you, wonderful. And we believe that it will because he's good. And so all we're doing is telling him his faithfulness. But um we give all glory to him always. We're so thankful and that you've come along this journey with us. And we look forward to you joining us in our next Twister turn.
01:22:28
Speaker
So stay tuned. Ciao. Ciao.